Pregnant Teens in a Shelter: Mediating the Scapegoat Group Interaction

Pregnant Teens in a Shelter: Mediating the Scapegoat – Group

Interaction

In the following illustration, a group worker in a home for unmarried pregnant teens deals with the group’s attack on a fellow member. In the previous chapter, we saw an example of the same worker in the same house working with a different group whose members had the strength to deal directly with their own feelings about giving up their unborn children. With the worker’s help, they were able to move past their early, glib acceptance of the need to relinquish the child and face their real feelings of guilt, depression, and loss. In the following illustration, the members were more immature and needy and were less able to face their feelings. The group was not as sophisticated in its ability to offer mutual aid, and the sessions and the living situation were marked by incidents of anger and attack. Individual members expressed their own feelings of hurt by directing anger at each other and through the scapegoating process. The pain of the expected loss was the same; only the means of communicating it was different.

In this group, Susan was one of the youngest (14 years old) and least prepared members in terms of her readiness to keep her baby. She was dealing with more extreme versions of the problems facing all of the group members. However, she insisted she would keep the baby. The group members began a concerted campaign, attacking her ability to keep the child and expressing a great deal of anger at her position. When discussing this recording with the worker, I asked how she had felt during the first part of the discussion. She admitted to feeling overwhelmed by Susan’s wanting to keep the child, and yet she felt for Susan as she was being put on the spot. She remained passive in the beginning, essentially because she agreed with the position of the group members and hoped they would convince Susan. She had explained to the group her responsibility to evaluate Susan’s plan and that the agency could decide it was not appropriate. The style of the recording reflects the fact that it was written by an observer.

Susan stated that she intended to finish school and would keep her baby.

Janice stated that such an idea was not feasible. June gave examples of some

friends who kept baby and it didn’t work out. There was some suspicion of child

beating. The husband beat wife and child. Shawn asked how Susan could possibly

study when she had a baby to care for. Susan replied that the child would be in a

foster home until she completed Grade 10. Debbie said she felt this would not be

fair to the child. Shawn said she visited her mother weekly as a youngster but

never got close to her mother.

Janice expressed her feelings about the importance of a child’s first year of

development, which Susan would miss if the child were placed in a foster home.

Susan said that perhaps she should drop out and get a job. Janice felt that Grade

10 was not much and wondered what type of work she could do. Said she is

giving up her baby and returning to college to complete her education. Susan

plans to marry her boyfriend when she is 16 (she is 14 now). Debbie felt that

Susan would really be shortchanging herself by keeping the baby and not getting

more education.

Janice stressed how much they all cared for her and that’s why they were

trying to make her look at things more reasonably. Shannon suggested that if

Susan wanted to get married at 16, that would be fine; in the meantime the child

should not suffer but be given a chance at a good life. Susan insisted that they weren’t going to change her mind. She had thought things through and wants the

baby and will do all she can to have a good relationship with the child, something

she herself never had because her own mother was in and out of hospital due to

nervous breakdowns. She doesn’t think that having a child in a foster home for its

first year would be harmful.

The more Susan defended her position, the harder the group members pushed her.

Susan dug in and refused to listen to their arguments. This often happens when a client is feeling insecure about a position. The more unsure Susan felt, the more difficult it was for her to accept the challenges. The worker sensed Susan’s discomfort and reached for her feelings in the interaction.

I asked Susan how she herself felt about the girls’ pouncing on her like

this. Susan said she is used to it, as they are always trying to get her to change her

mind. She is stubborn about wanting the baby and intends to give it a good home.

She had a very bad upbringing, and her mother used to get violent with her.

Debbie expressed the feeling that it was risky with the added responsibility of an

infant at such an early age. Her brother was having problems in his marriage.

Shannon pointed out that perhaps staying at home with the baby will make a wife

dull, as interests are limited when a wife is preoccupied with child rearing. Susan

stated she had a good relationship with boyfriend. Janice made the suggestion that

boy-girl relationship can be very different when it becomes husband-wife

relationship. Debbie said that since Susan’s boyfriend was in the army, he would

be away a lot and the whole responsibility would be hers. Janice stressed that keeping baby would be a very limiting thing for Susan;

she may not be able to get the beautician course she wants. There are so many

opportunities opened to young people, it would really be too bad to limit one self.

It’s selfish to want to keep a baby, as she would not be able to offer the child very

much while adopting parents had so very much to offer. Susan became angry and

insisted she could keep her baby. I interpreted the other girls’ pouncing on Susan

as being an indication of how much they care and are concerned what will happen

to Susan and the baby. I tried to protect Susan from the anger of the group while

at the same time supporting the group’s position. This is an example of “being

with” the feelings of the scapegoat but not those of the group. The group pressure

continued. Janice felt very strongly that it was crazy to consider keeping a baby at

fourteen. Shannon said that Susan’s decision was an indication of her immaturity.

Susan defended herself by saying she was not immature but stubborn.

In the next excerpt, the worker regained her sense of function and began to help

Susan deal with the group. She tried to assist her in communicating her feelings to the group members. She then pointed out the connection between Susan’s feelings and those of the others. The worker did not blame the group members for their angry reactions, but instead expressed her understanding of how hard it would be to hear one’s own feelings expressed by someone else. This is an example of being with both clients at the same time.

I expressed concern that Susan may be feeling that girls were attacking her

decision. Perhaps Susan could share feelings as to why she wants to keep the

baby. Susan said that she would feel very badly giving baby up, she would always think of it, and feel guilty. She feels so strongly because she has to fight for two,

as her boyfriend isn’t here to express his feelings. I stressed that the feeling Susan

has is one that is common to all the girls. She said that they all initially wanted to

keep their child and wondered if it was hard to hear Susan express those same

feelings.

Debbie said she still wants to keep baby but feels adoptive parents can

give it more. Shannon feels that the best thing for her child is to be placed in an

adoption home, but she still can’t bring herself to sign the papers and won’t until

after the birth.

The worker’s comment allowed the members to begin to express their own deep feelings of hurt that persisted in spite of their expressions of certainty about the decision.

In addition, the worker had the task of asking Susan to consider why she was having such a hard time listening to the group members. This is a demand for work on the scapegoat which may be more effective after other group members have acknowledged similar feelings. Susan was unable to share her own doubts at this point, but I believe she heard the worker.

Susan said she had never thought of giving the child up and was upset that

girls (Pam and Terry) tried to give her all the negatives. I asked why Susan didn’t

consider the possibility of some of those problems happening to her. She can

appreciate Susan’s feeling for her boyfriend. Her life was without much love, so

her boyfriend’s offer to love her is naturally important. She asked if Susan wanted

this so badly it made it hard to face the problems. Janice stated that she was telling her how she felt because she thinks of

Susan as a kid sister, and she sure would be upset if the kid sister made a decision to keep. There was some talk about the fears and anxieties of pregnancy, labor, delivery, the pain involved, fear of needles, etc. Janice said that she planned to keep her baby but her family (particularly a sister who is a social worker) made her realize how selfish that would be.

I had observed the scapegoating pattern and strategized to pick it up at the next meeting by asking the group members to explore their reactions to the previous session. I planned to ask the group members why they were “so angry” and forced them to examine their own feelings. I asked how the group felt about the session last week. I said that they discussed some pretty heavy stuff and she wondered how they were feeling about it. The girls didn’t really pick up on the feeling level.

Janice said that there was a good article in Redbook on the importance of the child’s first three years of life, and she passed it on to Susan to read. She wondered if Susan bothered to read it. I glanced at article and asked Janice to summarize it for the others. Janice felt it was too long and had too much in it but stated that it was important for a child to identify with parents at an early age, and moves should be eliminated, as it confuses a child.

I again wondered why the girls were so angry last week and pointed out that their voices were really angry and they sounded a lot like “parents” might.

Debbie stated that she had a brother that age and feels that she would be very upset and angry if he were in the same situation. She thus identifies Susan with her own brother. Janice has a sister that age. Knows she would have similar feelings and feel the anger. Debbie feels that the girls should ease off and lessen the pressure on Susan to change her mind about keeping the baby.

The members responded by talking about their siblings, which still evaded the question of their own feelings. They were, however, beginning to see how counterproductive it was to pressure Susan. The worker then made a demand for work as she once again reached for their feelings. (Continued references still seemed to be directed at Susan and her unrealistic plan to place the baby in a foster home for one year.)

I interjected that perhaps there were other ways to approach the subject with Susan. She asked the girls to put themselves in her place and realize that

Susan was being very emotional about keeping her baby and the guilt she would feel at giving it up. Janice said that they all felt that way. I picked up on this, saying that perhaps it was because they all shared Susan’s feeling that they were so angry. They would all like to plan to keep their babies. In addition, Susan wasn’t really listening to or answering the girls.

Janice wondered how boyfriend will feel at being trapped so young. I suggested that the girls try to recall how they felt when they first learned of pregnancy, besides the feeling of panic. Debbie said she felt like Susan, determined to keep her baby. Janice mentioned feeling scared at first. Carol said she had considered keeping but knew she couldn’t. Worker stated that they all had the feeling in common. They all initially wanted to keep the baby but realized it wasn’t feasible. She continued that all the arguments girls were proposing were valid, but they all came on so strong that perhaps a person would hold to an idea

just to prove her point, and in Susan’s case, an easing off may be more beneficial,

as the ultimate decision will have to be made by Susan.

With the pressure off Susan, the members explored their own feelings. Susan was able to listen and for the first time began to share the doubts she felt.

Pam felt pregnancy had made her feel old because others in the family

have children at a much later age. She feels that panic is the first reaction,

followed by grief at the fact that you are stuck and don’t know what to do, how to

get out of the predicament. The feeling of wanting the child is normal. She

considered very closely whether she wanted her child to have a father, as he

offered to live with her. However, in view of his drinking and running around, she

doesn’t want him back. I stressed that it was an indication that they were moving

from the feeling of wanting to keep the baby to considering what was the best

plan for the baby.

Susan agreed that they all shared similar emotional and physical stages.

She admitted that her boyfriend was away a lot and he himself brought up the idea

that perhaps he can give up the army and go into the police corps. He still has four

years to go in the army. I suggested that as Susan was raised in an army family,

she could share the feelings of what it was like. Susan said that it didn’t bother her

until two years ago when her mother had a nervous breakdown. I asked Susan to

consider the stresses she will have in looking after the child. She emphasized that

the girls were all working out their own ideas and were interested in helping

Susan sort out her feelings, as this was helping them in their decisions. When the common feelings were pointed out between Susan and the other girls, the scapegoating diminished considerably. The challenge to Susan’s plan continued off and on, but without the earlier anger. At the end of the sixth session, Susan announced that she had decided to give up her baby. She said the group had “helped” her reach the decision, but she shared with them the feeling that it would not be easy.