Parenting Is Hard. Sometimes We Don't Know If How We Are Addressing Our Kids' Negative

Tuesday's With Tanya

Parenting is hard. Sometimes we don't know if how we are addressing our kids' negative behavior is the best approach because we seem to be stuck in days, or weeks (um, years? ha) of the same recurring lesson, the same discussion, the same battle without seeing any improvement. And then some days, God blesses us with little glimpses that we are heading in the right direction.

Recently, Brody has shown interest in being helpful when others are hurt or sick. A couple weeks ago, Ethan crashed hard on his bike and was stuck on the couch for a few days. Brody was right there, keeping him company and trying his best to help Ethan cheer up and asking me how he could help. We've been working on instilling compassion in our kids, for a couple of them, it comes more naturally, for Brody, not so much, but lately, he seems to be getting it. And while it didn't come easy for him, compassion and serving/helping others is proving to be something he is really gifted with and I am excited to see how that plays out in his life as he grows up.

The flu took down my family one by one last week, until Brody and I were the last ones standing. Again, Brody was right there, ready and willing to help. When he wasn't helping me bring medicine or 7 Up to our "patients", he was playing in a big box that had been delivered. If you have kids, you know that boxes will trump toys most days. Boxes provide all sort of entertainment and can fuel kids' imaginations in ways that toys just can't. This box took Brody to the moon, fought Darth Vader and his evil storm troopers, he ate a popsicle in it while watching a movie, he took it with him all through the house. At one point, I found that he had made a stockpile for himself---Airborne, a couple of his blankies, a Lego batman figurine and a string cheese. When I asked him what he was doing, he just said that the box and these things were all he needed for survival for the day. The kid never lacks for an imagination, and I thought he had the right idea.

Sadly, not even his survival box could save Brody as he woke up with the flu a couple days later. His first thought was filled with sadness as he realized he would miss his first baseball game of the season that day. With rain in the forecast, I made a comment that we could pray for a rain out so he wouldn't have to miss it. Brody said he didn't want his team to miss out on the game and he wanted his team to win. Such a sweet, thoughtful kid. As sick as he was, he wanted what was best for his team, even if that meant he had to miss out. Another glimpse into his heart, and another way God showed me that we were heading in the right direction. We've really been focusing on correcting Brody's tendency to be self centered (I guess we all are, huh?), and I hadn't been sure if our approach was working until the past couple weeks of injuries and illness. It warmed my heart to see my little boy give up his free time to help me with whatever needed to be done. I even found him reading over my to do list, doing chores and checking them off so I wouldn't have to. He's making progress...

As we try to raise our kids to be loving, well-rounded adults, it's a constant struggle to balance grace and discipline. If we are trying to shape our kids into humans who reflect God's image, then it is no surprise that we should parent them as our Heavenly Father parents us. Parenting on our knees, staying in His Word and seeking His will for our lives and the lives of our kids is the best defense we have. Even on the hard days, in the unclear moments, we need to persevere and follow God's direction when it comes to parenting our kids. After all, He was the one who assigned each of them to us because He knew that we were best suited to raise them according to His will.