Domestic Violence in Child Welfare

Participant Workbook 2

COMPETENCIES COVERED IN THIS COURSE

 SW216-01 Ability to identify domestic violence in families, understand the dynamics of domestic violence, and implement safety plans for survivors and their children

 SW216-02 Ability to screen, assess, plan and coordinate services to children and family members who have been maltreated as a result of domestic violence

 SW216-03 Ability to collaborate with community partners to remove safety concerns and increase safety for children and non- offending parents

 SW216-04 Ability to engage, plan, and coordinate services and accountability processes for DV perpetrators

 SW216-05 Ability to use DSHS tools and resources on behalf of children and adult victims

Child Welfare work with Families Impacted by Domestic Violence Training Guide for Participants 3

DAY 1 – DV SCREENING AND THE SPECIALIZED DV ASSESSMENT

Purpose: The purpose of today’s training is to help you improve your skills at safely identifying DV, gather further information about the dynamics of the DV using the specialized domestic violence assessment protocol, identify factors associated with lethality in domestic violence, help you build skills to support adult DV victims in planning for their own and their children’s safety and to use online resources to identify past and current court orders related to domestic violence.

By the end of this session, you will be able to:

1. Describe critical components of safe screening for domestic violence.

2. Complete a specialized DV assessment interview with an adult victim.

3. Identify multiple factors that might indicate heightened lethality risk for DV victims and their children.

4. Describe how to help an adult victim create a safety plan, and where and how to document this.

5. Access information about current and past court orders related to domestic violence. DAY 2 – DV SCREENING AND THE SPECIALIZED DV ASSESSMENT

Purpose: The purpose of today’s training is to build knowledge and skills about how to safely and effectively engage with DV perpetrators, assess safety of children when domestic violence is occurring, and create appropriate case plans that support child and adult victim safety, and place accountability on the DV perpetrator to change the behavior that endangers other family members. We will also gain information about the service providers available in this community who address domestic violence, and consider the possible impacts of decisions about visitation, family meetings, and placement when DV is occurring.

By the end of this session, you will be able to:

1. Describe how interactions with DV perpetrators can both hold them accountable for the impact of their choices and can support their continued engagement with child welfare.

2. Differentiate between requirements that support adult victim safety and reduce the perpetrator’s ability to exert power and control over the adult victim, and those that do not.

3. Describe what services are appropriate for perpetrators of domestic violence.

4. Know some resources in your community that support DV victims and DV perpetrators, and who can consult and collaborate with you on cases where DV is or might be occurring.

Safety Strategies for Screening for Domestic Violence

1. Strategy:

2. Strategy:

3. Strategy:

4. Strategy:

5. Strategy:

6. Strategy:

7. Strategy:

Any other ideas or concerns related to safety when discussing domestic violence

Determining who is the victim and who is the abuser

What are the 4 guiding questions that support a good assessment of who the victim is, and who the perpetrator is:

Screening for Domestic violence

What are two questions you might use to screen for domestic violence with an adult?

What are two follow up questions you might use if the person gave information that may indicate domestic violence is occurring?

Screening Role Play – Case Information

Mother: Genat Bikilla, 22 years (pronounced gunn-et)

Father: Chris Collier, 26 years

Boyfriend: Mark Hayes, 25 years

Child: Amira Collier – age 3 - girl

This is a CFWS case

Amira is currently placed with her maternal aunt in relative care. She was removed two months ago, after a passer-by identified her strapped into a carseat in an empty car outside a nightclub at 11pm. Police broke the car window and removed her. Genat and a few other women arrived back to the car about 11:45 pm. Genat appeared intoxicated. She was arrested, and ultimately plead guilty to a misdemeanor charge. It’s since been identified that Genat has ongoing struggles with alcohol and drug use. The assigned worker has also developed concerns about the volatility of her moods, though no mental health assessment or support has yet been sought regarding any possible mental health needs.

The mother and her boyfriend reside in the same household. The father has not been located. No DV has ever been identified as a part of the case.

The social worker has scheduled some time to speak to Genat alone to work on developing her case plan and to do some routine screening. The social worker will then meet with Mark, as he lives in the household and would interact with Amira were she to return to this household.

Screening Role Play: Person #1 You will be the social worker who is screening Genat. Here is some basic information about her:

Genat is an Ethiopian American. Her parents immigrated to the US when she was 3. She speaks fluent English. Like many Ethiopian immigrants, her family identifies as Christian.

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In the second role play, you will be playing Genat’s boyfriend Mark. Here is the information you will use:

You feel that all couples argue and fight and you and Genat are no different. And honestly she can be kind of difficult. She drinks and smokes pot and sometimes takes prescription pills and can be kind of a mess. She hasn’t really ever worked and you support her and her daughter even though it’s not your child. You feel like you’ve put up with a lot that other men wouldn’t stand for.

If asked about whether you’ve used physical force in an argument, you will acknowledge that you and Genat have “gotten into it” and that at times things have gotten a little out of hand. You want to point out that she has slapped and hit you once or twice, and you’ve stopped her from doing this by holding her hands or wrists. You are not afraid of her but sometimes you feel like you have to keep her from acting like a fool or like a crazy person. You wonder if it’s better for Amira to be with her aunt right now since Genat’s really not focused on just being a mom, but more on drinking and partying.

If asked – you will acknowledge that you’ve held her down. You feel that this is reasonable given that she was out of control and trying to fight with you.

You don’t feel that you’ve threatened or intimidated her. You have had a hard time with her sometimes – she can be kind of crazy and can party too much. You do think it’s important that she understands that she can’t disrespect you. You shouldn’t have to put up with some of the ways she acts and you’ve gotten in fights about that and yelled to make yourself clear.

If asked – you will acknowledge that you’ve told her what to wear before. You are defensive about this – you feel that you were just looking out for her and keeping her out of trouble. If she’s going to go out to some club and “get crazy and be dressed like a slut” then something bad could happen to her.

Amira is there sometimes when you guys argue. It’s true that sometimes she’s gotten kind of upset during your fights. You don’t really have any ideas about whether that’s good for her or what to do about that. Genat is the mom so you guess she should worry about that if it’s an issue. It’s certainly not your issue since you aren’t her dad.

If asked - You have two convictions for assault but one is a juvenile conviction so you don’t believe that “counts.” The other was when you were 19 and you served a few months for fighting with a guy who was trying to “move in on my woman.” You don’t feel like this is relevant as “it was in the past.” You

Child Welfare work with Families Impacted by Domestic Violence Training Guide for Participants 10 are not a suspect for anything right now. You work. You are not a criminal and won’t be treated like one.

Screening Role Play: Person #2 You will be playing Genat in this role play. Here is some information you will use to play her:

(You are willing to be reasonably up front with all this information. You haven’t been asked direct questions about your relationship by a professional, so haven’t ever had the opportunity to talk about these issues.)

You have known Mark since high school but didn’t begin a relationship until about 2 years ago. Amira’s dad left you for someone else when Amira was about 4 months old. You were still living with your mother but had hoped that Chris would marry you, and you were devastated.

Mark always had a reputation as being “trouble.” You heard that he served time a few years ago for beating a guy who had been talking to his girlfriend. In some ways that appealed to you after having felt so unnoticed by Amira’s dad. Now you wonder if you made the wrong choice letting him into your life. But at the time you just needed someone to be there for you and for Amira. He helped out with money and wanted you to move in with him. He didn’t think you needed to look for a job, which had been a requirement when you were receiving TANF. You stopped looking because he was able to take care of you.

Mark keeps an eye on you and can get sort of jealous. He thinks everyone must be trying to “get with you.” In a way it’s sweet. But it can also feel sort of scary. Once, when your brother and his friend came over for a while, he got so upset that there was a man there with you that he questioned you about it for several hours. When you got really sick of it and asked him to go - he wouldn’t leave. Then you started packing up Amira’s things to go to your mom’s house and he wouldn’t let you leave. He pushed you into the wall and said he would tell you if and when you can leave his house. He threw you into the bedroom and blocked the door. He wouldn’t let you out until you calmed down and promised not to leave. Amira was just a toddler and you could hear her crying on the other side of the door.

One time he got upset that you had gone out late with friends. He pushed and slapped you and called you names – a drunk junkie whore, etc. You got upset and hit him. He grabbed your face and held you down. He told you that you didn’t want to see what he was capable of so you better not make him angry or you would regret it. He laughed at you and called you pathetic while he was holding you down. He said it was no wonder Amira’s dad left, and you were lucky he hadn’t left you too.

When Amira turned 3 you all were supposed to go to your mom’s house to celebrate and he just never showed up. When he finally came home that night you were furious and yelled at him. He got angry that you were “disrespecting” him and told you that it wasn’t your business where he goes or what he does – that he pays the bills and he is the man of the house. He punched and kicked you several times. That was the most violent incident that has happened.

Your parents and siblings have looked after Amira often at their homes, so you don’t feel like she’s been there for too many of the incidents where Mark yells, hits, or makes threats. You think she’s not afraid of him and that she hasn’t been impacted.

Mark hasn’t ever really destroyed your stuff. One time he told you to put on a different shirt – that you looked like a slut. He made you throw that shirt in the trash. You felt insulted and angry but you did it because you didn’t want to make him angry. You feel really resentful when things like that happen.

You don’t feel afraid of Mark on an ongoing basis, but sometimes you feel trapped by him and by your circumstances. Now that Amira has been removed, you don’t feel like you have any options.

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You will play the social worker screening Mark in the second roleplay. You asked Genat if she had any concerns about you talking with Mark about any of this, reminding her that you wouldn’t be disclosing anything she said because of confidentiality. She wanted to know when you were going to talk to him. You brainstormed some ideas to stay safe and she decided that she would feel safer if she would hang out with Mark’s sister that day and evening.

You meet with Mark after making several attempts. He is puzzled at your interest in meeting with him as he’s not Amira’s father and wasn’t there during the incident.

Role Play Feedback Form

How well did your partner?

1. Present the screening questions as routine?

1 2 3 4 5

Notes on how this went:

2. Ask questions that encouraged behavioral descriptions rather than personal evaluations of what happened?

1 2 3 4 5

3. Ask questions that help to identify the perpetrator from the victim?

1 2 3 4 5

Additional Feedback:

Specialized DV Assessment

The specialized DV assessment is ______, it is not a form that is filled out in FamLink or a formalized assessment tool.

When gathering the information needed for the specialized DV assessment, interview people ______.

The specialized DV assessment includes information in the following 5 categories:

The specialized DV assessment should be ______in FamLink.

Other thoughts or ideas about the Specialized DV Assessment:

Adult Victim Specialized Assessment Interview Observations

How was the purpose of the interview described?

What was said about confidentiality?*

What was said about victim safety?

What was said about other interviews?

*When documenting information related to DV, you may want to tag this information as confidential.

Example: Based upon information obtained during the domestic violence assessment, if the following information is released it is likely to cause severe physical harm to the [adult victim] (name) and child (name). The perpetrator (name) has a history of assaultive behavior toward both the [adult victim] and child and has made threats to hurt both parties if they contact LE or report information to CPS.

RCW 13.50.100

Give an example of how information was gathered about the DV perpetrator’s pattern of behaviors regarding:

Physical attacks

Psychological attacks

Economic coercion

Use of the children

List two questions aimed at gathering information about protective factors that were used in the demonstration:

DV Safety Planning Covered on p. 65 in the Guide Planning for immediate safety (during an assault)

Planning for escape

Planning for long-term safety

Planning for emotional support

Planning for/with Children

Planning for safety at Work

My personal action plan …

to screen for domestic violence with each family, and to follow up with a specialized DV assessment

What I know I can do, starting now:

What I need more comfort with, guidance on, or practice with:

My plan to seek support to improve my practice so that I can screen for DV in every family:

Engagement and Accountability with DV Perpetrators WHY do perpetrators disappear from child welfare case notes and case planning activities?

What are some tips for engaging with the DV perpetrator in a way that’s safe for all parties? (see p. 72/73 of the Guide)

Engagement and Accountability with DV Perpetrators

You have 4 main goals when you engage with a DV perpetrator.

Why/how:

The purpose of the Specialized DV Assessment

The purpose of the Specialized DV Assessment is:

to understand the safety threats posed to children

including threats that stem from the only protective parent being too physically incapacitated, traumatized, or terrorized to be able to protect or care for the children; AND to understand safety threats posed to the adult victim Since this is the person most likely to act to protect the children from the impacts of the ongoing domestic violence.

Review of Safety Framework Key Concepts

Safe Child: Vulnerable children are safe when there are no threats of danger within the family OR when the parent’s poses sufficient protective capacities to manage any threats

Unsafe Child: Children are unsafe when threats of danger exist within the family AND children are vulnerable to such threats AND parents have insufficient protective capacities to manage or control threats

Present Danger: immediate, significant and clearly observable severe harm or threat of severe harm occurring in the present.

Impending Danger: Parenting behavior that is harmful and destructive to a child’s cognitive, social, emotional or physical development that is likely to occur in the immediate or near future that could result in one or more of the following outcomes: Serious or severe harm, Injury requiring medical attention, Life endangering illness , Death

Safety threats often seen in families experiencing DV

#3 Caregiver(s) are acting (behaving) violently or dangerously and the behaviors affect child safety. #4 There has been an incident of domestic violence that affects child safety. # 16 A child is extremely fearful of the home/facility situation or people within the home/facility.

Safety Threshold: In order to determine a safety threat exists ALL of the 5 criteria must be met:

1. Severe consequences to a child

2. Immediate or will occur in the near future

3. Vulnerable child in relation to the safety threat

4. Out of control

5. Behaviors, conditions, etc., are specific, observable and clearly understood

Vulnerable child criteria in relation to threats from DV:

Consider the conditions generally in the home and the specific dynamics of the violence. Consider the actions of both the adult victim and the child when violence occurs (are these protective/safe or do they leave the child vulnerable or escalate the situation?). Does the perpetrator undermine the parent/child relationship so that the adult victim is less able to effectively protect?

Obvious criteria for vulnerability – child age (under 6), developmental, physical or health conditions, inability or unwillingness to seek help regarding the danger Child Welfare work with Families Impacted by Domestic Violence Training Guide for Participants 24

Less obvious criteria for vulnerability – isolation of child, inability of child to judge degree of danger, child behavior provokes either parent, child particularly vulnerable to trauma due to mental health or past trauma

Out of control criteria in relation to threats from the DV:

The situation is out of control if the perpetrator of DV can’t or won’t behave differently (safely) AND the adult victim can’t or won’t effectively protect/care for the child

A Safety Plan (CA safety plan) controls impending danger threats and substitutes for insufficient caregiver and protective capacities. Safety plans don’t rely on caregiver promises alone.

What has the adult victim done in the past to keep the child(ren) safe? How well did it work?

What have others done?

What does the adult victim think would work to keep the child(ren) safe?

What would the adult victim, others, and the perpetrator of DV be willing to do in the short term to ensure safety?

If the context of the DV was changed (perpetrator’s behavior was managed) would the adult victim be able and willing to protect? Can child welfare promote or cause such a change?

“If an in home safety plan would be sufficient, and the agency fails to consider or implement one, then the agency has failed to provide reasonable efforts to prevent removal or to achieve return home.” – National Resource Center on Child Protective Services

Threat of Danger + Vulnerable child + Safety Plan substituting for compromised protective capacity = SAFE child

Assessing Child Safety when Domestic Violence is Occurring Information must be gathered about the dynamics of the domestic violence to support a solid conclusion about child safety. This information must include much more than just a description of the incident that prompted our involvement.

The Social Worker’s Practice Guide to Domestic Violence outlines how information about DV should be gathered and assessed, via the Specialized DV Assessment. The following chart shows where this information would appear within the gathering questions.

Describe the Nature and Extent of the Describe the Circumstances that Accompany Maltreatment the Maltreatment  Frequency and severity of the  Pattern of behavior by the DV violence and of other behaviors perpetrator (tactics frequently related to the DV that impact child employed) maltreatment  Degree of Isolation of adult victim  Describe efforts typically made by the and/or child adult victim to protect the child, if  Help seeking by the adult victim – and any, and their success its impact  System involvement/responsiveness – and impact  Available support or resources – and impact if currently utilized Describe how the child or children function Describe how the parent/caregiver on a daily basis disciplines the child  Impacts on development  Differentiate strategies used by the  Signs of trauma DV perpetrator and the adult victim  Resiliency  Does the context of DV impact how  Actions to stay safe the adult victim is able to discipline  Opportunities for healing Describe overall parenting/childcare Describe how the parent/caregiver manages practices his or her own life on a daily basis  Parent/Caregiver bond with child for  Describe each adult separately both the adult victim and the DV  Describe impacts of the DV on adult perpetrator victim’s ability to manage themselves  Parent/Caregiver responsiveness to and their life child for both adult victim and DV  Describe protective factors of the perpetrator adult victim that help the adult victim  Family routines – and impact of DV cope positively on them  Describe protective factors of the DV  Overall predictability of home perpetrator environment

Child Safety Framework Gathering Questions

Describe the Nature and Extent of the Maltreatment

Describe the Circumstances that Accompany the Maltreatment

Describe how the child or children function on a daily basis

Describe how the parent/caregiver disciplines the child

Describe overall parenting/childcare practices

Describe how the parent/caregiver manages his or her own life on a daily basis

Case plan objectives for cases impacted by Domestic Violence

Primary FLO: Always focused on Safety from Physical Harm/Coercive Control

Example:

Family will use their “live together peacefully” plan so that all family members are safe from harm and able to make appropriate choices about their own lives.

Primary ILO for batterer: Always focuses on the personal need to control others in the family.

Example:

Mr. Smithson will use his “I can do better” plan to manage his need to control and intimidate other family members, so that all family members feel safe.

Primary ILO for adult victim: Address primary behavior related to safety threat to kids (this will not be DV as the victim isn’t responsible for the DV)

Example:

Mrs. Smithson will use her “manage my medication” plan to ensure that her use of prescription medication doesn’t interfere with her ability to parent safely.

Primary ILO’s that focus on adult victim behavior relative to protecting the children from the impact of the DV: There should only be an ILO for victim protective behavior if it appears the adult victim is ABLE to protect from the violence but is making the choice not to. This is different from a situation where the adult victim wants to or tries to protect the children but is overwhelmed by the perpetrator’s abuse and control. There should be evidence to support this conclusion in the Specialized DV assessment. Social Worker efforts should continue to support the adult victim’s safety and autonomy from the DV, and hold the perpetrator responsible for the DV, while also addressing the concerns that are preventing the adult victim from acting to protect the children.

Example:

Mrs. Smithson will use her “ ___” plan to overcome personal hurdles to protecting her children.

Case Plan for Caldwell family: FLO:

Mr. Caldwell ILO:

Mrs. Caldwell ILO:

Considerations for Visitation Note some important considerations for visitation here:

Resources: For Visitation supervisors – 1. Beyond Observation: Considerations for Advancing Domestic Violence Practice in Supervised Visitation, available at http://www.futureswithoutviolence.org/userfiles/file/Children_and_Families/Beyond %20Observation.pdf 2. Fathering After Violence: Working with Abusive Fathers in Supervised Visitation, available at http://www.futureswithoutviolence.org/userfiles/file/Children_and_Families/FAV- final.pdf

For Adult DV Victims – 1. Supervised Visitation Programs: Information for Mothers Who Have Experienced Abuse, available at https://www.futureswithoutviolence.org/userfiles/file/Children_and_Families/superv ised_visitation_handbook.pdf

These resources are also noted in the Social Worker’s Practice Guide to Domestic Violence, on p. 80, but the links have changed since the publication of the Guide.

My personal action plan …

to engage with DV batterers and hold them accountable, and create case plans and case decisions that support victim and child safety and decrease the ability of the perpetrator to control and endanger the rest of the family:

What I know I can do, starting now:

What I need more comfort with, guidance on, or practice with:

My plan to seek support to improve my practice:

Appendix: Caldwell Intake

Mother: April Caldwell, 30 years

Father of Taylor: Jessie Caldwell, 34 years

Elizabeth – age 7 - girl

Rayanne – age 5 - girl

Taylor – age 2 – boy

Intake:

Social worker from the Urgent care center called intake after Ms. Caldwell and Rayanne were seen there. Ms. Caldwell had multiple abrasions and bruises on her face/head, back, and shoulders. Rayanne had a bruise on her forehead and two smaller bruises on her legs. There was no ongoing medical treatment required for the injuries to either mom or daughter.

She reported that the family had been on a vacation last week when Mr. Caldwell assaulted her – punching and hitting her, and throwing her into a wall. Mrs. Caldwell said that Rayanne began screaming and trying to intervene, and this is when he started yelling at Rayanne and slapped her, knocking her to the ground and causing the bruise on her head. He took off his belt and hit her in the legs a few times. Ms. Caldwell said that this is when she called the front desk to ask for security, and then she intervened to stop Mr. Caldwell from further hurting Rayanne. She reported that security had Mr. Caldwell removed from the property and she drove home with the children the next day, and then sought medical attention at the urgent care center.

The social worker reported that Ms. Caldwell said this was not the first time there had been violence between she and her husband, and that she was sick of it and was going to get a divorce. She reported that the kids have witnessed only occasional violence but hadn’t been harmed before.

The reporting social worker didn’t have further information about the family or children but did offer domestic violence related referrals to the mother who said that she did not need shelter. She stated that she would not be allowing her husband back into the home.

Report screened in for FAR.

The social worker called the mother the next day after receiving the intake (two days after they were seen at Urgent Care). She arranged to meet with the mother that afternoon in her home. She ensured that Mr. Caldwell would not be there.

After arriving, introductions, and discussion of what brought the family to the attention of the department, the social worker starts with basic screening questions for domestic violence. DV Screening Demonstration – Caldwell Family

SW: I want to ask you some questions that I have for every family, but it sounds like they might be really important for your family.

Mom: Ok.

SW: All families have arguments, but it sounds like recently your husband physically hurt you during an argument. Can you describe what happened?

Mom: Well that’s why I had to end up putting him out, because I can’t have him acting like this any more. Its not right for my kids and I will not hang around to take it from him anymore. We’ve had our issues but I am done with his mind games and his crazy temper.

SW: OK, maybe you can start by just explaining what happened that gave you and Rayanne the injuries that you went to urgent care about. Walk me through what happened and who did what to whom.

Mom: Well we had been on vacation at Ocean Shores earlier in the week he had this issue with the fact that I had been talking to one of the guys from the hotel and got all upset accusing me of flirting with him. And then the night of the fight he came back from the pool with Taylor and I was in the room with the girls and this same guy had come by to make sure our issue was taken care of with our room’s broken refrigerator – and Jessie freaked out and started yelling and cussing and ended up threatening the guy. And of course he left and then Jessie came after me saying that I was having an affair. And then he grabbed me and threw me against the wall and was yelling and hitting me. And then Rayanne came back in and was yelling at Jessie, and that’s when he shoved her down and he grabbed his belt and started hitting her. And I was just freaking out that he was going to hurt her and I called the hotel people and then grabbed him to get him to stop and that’s pretty much when the security people came and they took him away and brought the hotel doctor out to help take care of me. And after everything calmed down I just got the kids all packed up and drove back here that next morning ‘cause I just wanted to get back here and just start getting him out of our lives.

SW: Wow. That sounds really scary and awful. I’m sorry that happened to you.

Mom: Yeah it is awful when he loses his mind. And honestly I just can’t have it any more. My girls are just so sick of him and his crap and I just can’t have them around it.

SW: And it sounds like from what you are saying that there have been other times when he has hurt you, is that correct?

Mom: Yeah. I mean, it’s not like it’s every day. But he does have a temper and he can get out of control and there have been other times when he’s laid his hands on me.

SW: Have you ever been harmed, or afraid, one of these other times?

Mom: I’ve been to the hospital. I’ve had bruises and bumps and fat split lips. I’ve had to just sit around the house because I don’t want to go out in public and look like some punching bag. It’s embarrassing – honestly it’s humiliating.

SW: Has he ever destroyed things during an argument, or to get back at you?

Mom: A couple times he threw things, like a picture of me and the girls we had on the wall and one time he threw this decoration thing my mom gave me and it shattered into a million pieces.

SW: When he threw those things and broke them who cleaned them up?

Mom: (laughs) oh, yeah – he’s not going to be cleaning that up. After he gets so worked up he has to go leave and do whatever he does and then he comes back later and I have had to deal with everything. Clean up his mess, calm the kids down – whatever I have to do. He’s a child – just throws a temper tantrum and runs away.

SW: Speaking of the kids, have they seen these kinds of things? How has this impacted them?

Mom: I mean – yes and no. It’s not like Jessie is screaming and hitting all the time. A lot of the time things are just normal or whatever, and he can be a real asshole without hitting me. But when he’s going to lose it I try to make sure I keep things together until after the kids are in bed or at school, so they aren’t here and don’t see it.

It makes me crazy because I know they shouldn’t have to be afraid for me. Kids shouldn’t feel like they need to protect their mom. And I have told Elizabeth that if Jessie gets crazy to just take Taylor and Rayanne to the basement or outside or wherever is more calm, but you know they can sometimes still hear it. Elizabeth and Rayanne have said that they don’t like Jessie and they want to go back to us living with my mom, which is where we were for a while after their dad and I split. But you know it’s just been hard with Taylor and everything because that’s his dad. And actually Jessie really is a good dad to Taylor in some ways. He loves to help Taylor do little projects with him and teach him how to use tools and stuff and it is really sad to think that Taylor has to miss out on that.

SW: So you’ve actually told Elizabeth to take the younger kids when Jessie might hurt you? Is that right?

Mom: Yeah because I know it’s not good for them to see that. I know it’s got to be scary for them.

SW: Has Jessie ever actually hurt one of the kids – either during a fight with you or when he was angry at them?

Mom: No. He has never hurt them, and when Rayanne came back into the room I knew I had to get her out of there. But he’d never tried to hurt them before. Usually if things get heated between Jessie and the kids I step in and make sure they know I’m really serious with them about the discipline or whatever

Child Welfare work with Families Impacted by Domestic Violence Training Guide for Participants 34 is happening - because I don’t want him in that position with them. I don’t think a step-dad should be doing the discipline stuff anyway. My step-dad was awful that way. I would never let him hurt them.

SW: And have there been times that you have hurt or tried to hurt him? I’m asking because often, when I talk to the other family member, I hear about these times - and I’d like to hear about your choices from you first.

Mom: Yeah. Yeah I’ve tried to hurt him when he’s taken his hands to me. But I am not the one that brought violence into our home. Have I fought back and tried to make him see how it feels? Yes. I am sure he will tell you all about that and try to make me look like a crazy psycho but he is the one that brought violence into our home.

SW: And what about threats? Have you ever made threats to him and has he ever made threats to you?

Mom: I have absolutely told him that if he pulled this stuff again I would take his kid and leave him. I have told him that many times.

SW: And have you ever made threats to harm him or hurt him?

Mom: He knows I’m not going to try to hurt him just to hurt him. I don’t want that kind of stuff in my house and in my life. But he keeps bringing it here.

SW: And has he ever made threats to you? To hurt you or threats about what would happen if you left him?

Mom: He will sometimes say that I better not be doing whatever – or I’ll be sorry. Like no one is going to want me and he is the best I’m going to do. He’s always getting crazy that I must be cheating or that I was lying about where I was or something and he’ll say “If I ever catch you with someone else you will wish you hadn’t.” Like I have time to be going out behind his back!

SW: What has he said when you say that you will take Taylor and leave him?

Mom: He mostly just laughs and says I’ll be back on welfare living with my mom and that he’s the one with the good job so good luck with 3 kids and no money. And it’s so frustrating because I was happy working. It was not perfect but where I was working when I met him, they really liked me. But after I got pregnant with Taylor it just didn’t seem like I could take care of a baby and work too, and Jessie was doing good enough that we decided I could just be at home to take care of the kids. But now I feel like I’m back to welfare.

SW: It sounds like a really tough situation, where things have been unsafe for you and for the kids at times. I’m really sorry that this has happened to you. I hope that we can work together on a plan that keeps you and the kid’s safe and gives you the support you need to get through this.

Note: At this point there is enough information to make a good assertion about the fact that

Child Welfare work with Families Impacted by Domestic Violence Training Guide for Participants 35 domestic violence is occurring and about who the perpetrator is and who the victim is. However, screening with other parties (children, other partner, and collaterals) is still required.

Specialized DV Assessment Demonstration – Adult Victim Interview

SW: So Mrs. Caldwell before we talk further I just want to review a few things with you about what happens to the information you share with me.

Mom: Ok.

SW: I have to keep all conversations confidential, which means I can’t and won’t talk to anyone, including your husband, and say “Mrs. Caldwell said X, Y and Z.” But I do have to make notes about all my conversations, and those notes become part of your family’s file. That file would be available to your husband if he requested it. Also, if there ended up being a reason that we went to court because we were concerned about your children’s safety, or if possible child abuse was reported, then those are times when information you share with me might have to be given to the court and could be heard by other parties like your husband.

Mom: I’ll tell you all about Jessie if you can help make sure that he stays away from us and doesn’t end up with full custody of Taylor.

SW: Well, my role is primarily to ensure that your children are safe. I know it’s very hard to keep your kids safe while you are in danger yourself, so I’m also very interested in your safety. If it turns out that part of keeping your kids safe involves some work with family court, that’s something we can talk about down the road.

Mom: My kids are absolutely safe and I can keep them safe as long as they are with me.

SW: I appreciate that you are very committed to your children’s safety. That’s probably been challenging and I want to hear more about what you’ve done to protect your children today. I also want to encourage you to talk with an advocate from our local program. Maybe after we talk today I could get someone on the phone for you to talk with?

Mom: Honestly I don’t think I need to talk with anyone except a divorce lawyer. If you have somebody like that I’d be happy to talk with them.

SW: Many victim’s advocacy programs provide legal assistance. Let’s talk more about that before I leave – fair enough? I think I told you last time that I will also need to speak with your husband, just as I’ve spoken to your mom and some other people. I’d like to hear from you about how I can do that safely. Maybe we can talk about that before I leave today?

Mom: That’s fine.

SW: Great. Thanks. So I’d like to ask about a bunch of different things that help me put together the big picture of what’s happened in your family since you and your husband met. They are a lot of personal questions but they help me see the patterns in the ways your husband has behaved. That’s really important when you want to help people stay safe.

Could you start off with telling me about the very first time your husband physically harmed you? Try to be as detailed as possible so I really understand what happened.

Mom: It was right after Thanksgiving dinner. We had been dating only a few months and he got all fixated on this particular dish that he’d wanted and I made it for him the way he explained it because it sounded like it was a special thing he used to have with his family before his mom died. And then he was all quiet during most of dinner and afterwards as I was cleaning up he started saying that I’d ruined his thanksgiving because I didn’t make his special casserole, and that he thought I loved him and wanted to make a nice night for him. And I was really hurt because I really had tried. But he didn’t even care that I had tried, just that I got it wrong. And then he started saying all this other stuff about how I didn’t really care about him and I was just like all the other women. I was saying yes – I do care about you and I tried. Then he said that I should make it again – like right then. Make the whole casserole thing again. And I was pissed because it was late and I was tired and I started yelling at him that I wasn’t going to and he was making this so big out of nothing. And that’s when he walked over to the fridge and started throwing things out of it – like all our leftovers. And I had worked really hard on the dinner and I went and tried to stop him from throwing it all on the floor and he shoved me onto the floor and kicked me several times. And then he threw a bunch more of the food out on top of me and just left me there and told me to clean up the food, and that was the one nice thing I could do for him on Thanksgiving since I ruined the rest of the day.

SW: Wow. That sounds really awful. You must have been really hurt – both physically and emotionally. Can you tell me about any physical injuries you sustained?

Mom: I didn’t go to the hospital or anything. It just mostly knocked the wind out of me and made me want to throw up.

SW: Were your children present while this was happening?

Mom: The girls were watching tv and I remember at some point they came in to find out what was going on and I just told them we were arguing and don’t worry about it to go watch tv. They didn’t see the rest of the fight. Elizabeth came up later though when I was cleaning up and I was crying and she was so sweet to give me a big hug and just help me pick up. She is such a good kid.

SW: Your kids sound like amazing kids. I want to get to know more about them too before I leave today. I want to know some more about the way you and your husband interact, though. Can you tell me about the worst episode? The time that was the most frightening or that had the most impact on you?

Mom: The only time I’ve ever been to the hospital besides the other day was when Taylor was like 6 months old. We’d gotten into a fight after a friend’s party and he beat me so bad. He was upset because he felt like I spent too much time talking to my friends and he wanted to go home. I was supposed to be paying attention to him and know he wanted to leave. He stopped on the way home and made me get out of the car and walk. I walked for probably an hour when he drove back by and picked me up. He seemed ok then – like maybe he had cooled down a bit. We got home and I thought everything was going to blow over but then he grabbed a baseball bat out of our trunk. I still don’t know where he got it. I think he actually went to buy it while I was walking. Anyway he hit me so many times- I got knocked out and woke up on the garage floor. I crawled to our neighbor’s house and they called 911. I told the hospital I got beaten up walking home. I remember that the hospital social worker gave me a lecture about walking after dark when I had been drinking. He never came to the hospital because I’m sure he was afraid I’d told them the truth. I had two cracked ribs. Thankfully my mom kept the kids for a few weeks while I healed and I stayed with her a lot during that next few weeks. We never even really talked about it, me and Jessie. I just sort of decided that I was done and he just let me have some space and then he had called a few times asking to see Taylor and one thing just led to another and I ended up back with him. My mom was so angry at me and I didn’t want to keep staying with her. I never told her the truth but I know she knew. She dealt with this stuff with my dad. She threatened to keep the kids if I went back to Jessie and she did keep the girls for a while. But I was just not in a good head space either. It was good that she had them. I should never have gone back. I could have been done then. Could have gone back to my job probably. It would have been so much easier.

SW: I’m interested in hearing more specifically about how he reacted after that, because it sounds like you actually left him for a while. What he did during those times might offer some clues about how he’ll act now. Was he sorry? Angry? Did he stay away or contact you a lot?

Mom: Well I think at first he was just scared that I’d told the police what he did to me. I’m sure he was just waiting for them to show up at his door. And he really just left me alone – I don’t think we spoke for a week or so. Then a bunch of flowers showed up for me with a note about the fact that he missed me and wanted us to be a family. He said he wanted to be a better father and husband and wanted me home. I threw them away, and the first few times he called I just cussed him out and hung up. But one of our friends called me and offered to come get Taylor to take him to see Jessie and I said yes. And when he came back he said that he didn’t know what happened with us but Jessie is a good person and loves me and his son, and that I should really think about if I really want our marriage to be over. And it did make me think…. I’m not exactly excited to be twice divorced. It’s not what I wanted. And things with my mom weren’t exactly fantastic. But I was still pretty mad. I did start taking his calls though and he just roped me back in from there.

SW: Were there any threats during that time – or did he mostly make promises to change?

Mom: Oh no, he was sweet and good. He was the guy I fell in love with. And actually things were a lot better for a while. Even after I went back they were better. I thought maybe he was so scared that he would lose us that he would just be good forever.

SW: I’d also be interested in some of the things that he has done during your relationship that weren’t violent but that maybe contributed to you feeling “stuck”. It’s sometimes helpful to look at the sections within this wheel on this chart. Do you see anything on this wheel that sounds like anything that you’ve experienced?

Mom: Wow. Yea – the stuff in the Emotional Abuse part is pretty much all true. He does lots of that stuff. Ug. Mind games! Sometimes he’ll make stuff up that isn’t true and when I deny it he says he has proof. Like he’ll say he saw a text about something on my phone, or he ran into a friend who told him they saw me out, or something like that - but it isn’t true. And then he just grills me about it and then sometimes he’ll even say that it’s ok – he forgives me but I should know that I won’t be as lucky next time. Like I’m supposed to thank him for not flipping out about something that he just made up!

SW: That sounds exhausting. Does he do anything to isolate you from others, similar to what is shown in the Isolation section? Have you been able to maintain relationships with your friends and family?

Mom: Not really much in this one. He does get jealous and I know the things that might set him off. He doesn’t really ever tell me what to do, but I guess it’s more that I don’t do certain things like go somewhere with men there without him or something. Because I know I’ll hear about it. I do still see my mom. My sister and I stopped talking a while ago because she doesn’t like Jessie and thought I was stupid for staying with him. I couldn’t deal with her criticism. Honestly it was easier when she finally just said she wouldn’t speak to me again while we were together.

SW: What about using coercion and threats, and using intimidation. Has he ever done things that make you feel afraid or intimidate you? Like threats about what would happen if you left him?

Mom: He’s never threatened me not to leave – but he always talks about how dumb it would be for me to go. Like sometimes if we have a fight and I tell him “I’m gone,” or you know, “I’m taking your son and I’m gone.” And he’ll just be so calm and just be like “And where are you going? You’re just a stupid bitch who can’t even keep a job. Have fun with your crazy mom in her 2 bedroom shithole. Send me a post card!” Or “Don’t think you’re going to do better than me. Nobody wants your ugly fat ass! I’m a saint compared to what you’re going to find out there. Don’t waste your time, and don’t think you’re taking my son to some other man’s home.”

SW: Has he ever hurt someone or something else to try to get back at you?

Mom: What do you mean?

SW: Sometimes, a person who is harming their partner also threatens to hurt a pet or a child or destroy something important as a way of punishing them. Sometimes they actually do it. Has anything like that ever happened?

Mom: I don’t know – I guess not. He has destroyed the girls’ stuff sometimes, but not really to get to me. It still sucks though. Actually one time after Elizabeth had done this project in school about pets that she was really proud of and I had it up on the table and she was having some issue where she

Child Welfare work with Families Impacted by Domestic Violence Training Guide for Participants 39 wouldn’t follow directions to go to bed, he told her that she was being a baby so he was going to be a baby too, and he tore it up and said he was having a tantrum. I was so angry at him. But I kept it together because I didn’t want a big fight between us to make everything even worse. But that night I was so angry.

SW: Talking about the kids – does he ever use the kids to try to control or manipulate you? For example does he ever harm the children as payback to you? Does he require them to spy on you and report to him?

Mom: No, not really. I guess not.

SW: Does he participate in parenting? Morning routine, teaching the kids skills, discipline – anything like that?

Mom: Well, It’s really different between what he does with Taylor and with the girls. The girls he pretty much leaves alone. He makes a point that they aren’t his kids and I actually agree with that in a lot of ways because I was disciplined by my crazy step dad and that’s just not something that would be a good thing to have him do. He is actually pretty good with Taylor like if we go to a park or something, or just around the house he likes to play with him and he got him this little Seahawks jersey and he tries to get him to watch the games and stuff. I think Taylor is like his little man.

SW: What does he tell you about your parenting?

Mom: Nothing really. I mean, he doesn’t really have anything to say about it. If the girls are acting up he expects me to deal with it and he does tell me that I let them get away with too much, which is sometimes true. And he definitely wants Taylor clean. When he comes home I try to make sure Taylor looks good and is dressed all cute like a little man because he will give me a hard time if he feels like I have let Taylor just be messy or didn’t get him ready.

SW: How have you guys handled money? Do you have access to the money you need? Has your husband ever kept you from being able to get money out of the bank?

Mom: I use our credit card. He has the job and everything but I have whatever money I need - I just use our credit card. That’s actually going to be the worst part of being back on my own. It’s not easy to make it on what the government gives you and I don’t know where I’m going to find work. I mean I did it before and I’ll do it again but it’s not easy to tell your kids all the things they can’t have.

SW: Sometimes after people separate, issues like money or housing - or even concerns about ongoing safety – can ends up being reasons why someone decides to go back to an unsafe relationship. You deserve to make your own decisions about what you want to do, and I want to help you and your kids be safe wherever you are.

Do you have a plan of where you will live? I get the sense that you don’t think you will be able to stay here without your husband.

Mom: It’s his house, and I sure can’t pay the mortgage with no money coming in. I’ll probably have to go back to my mom’s. At least for now. God I hate it there. I mean its fine really, but we don’t always get a long and it’s just small for both of us and the kids.

SW: Can you talk about the impact of all of this on your kids?

Mom: I told you he hasn’t ever hurt them. I still sort of can’t believe that happened. I always could kind of handle him so that it didn’t ever happen. I make sure they don’t see us fight. They are ok.

SW: Have you seen any impacts on their behavior or in school or anything?

Mom: No, they’re fine.

SW: OK. Does your husband use any drugs or alcohol?

Mom: Jessie is pretty straight. He drinks some – probably more on the weekend. He might smoke some weed or take some pills at times but mostly he just drinks with friends or here at home or whatever.

SW: Do you ever feel more afraid when he’s using drugs or alcohol – or feel like that’s related to more fights or worse fights?

Mom: Probably more fights. Yeah.

SW: Does he have issues with depression or any other mental health concerns? Has he ever talked about or attempted suicide?

Mom: No he isn’t depressed or anything. I can’t see him doing anything like that.

SW: Has he ever tried to kill you?

Mom: No! I mean, I think there have been times that he didn’t care how much I got hurt but I don’t think he would try to kill me.

SW: Has he ever strangled or suffocated you?

Mom: God no – I would kill him before I let him kill me. You can write that down, too. I’m not going to lay down and let this man destroy my life and my kids’ lives and just stay around and take it forever.

SW: And you haven’t mentioned any guns. Does he have access to weapons? Is there a gun in your home?

Mom: No. I used to have a gun when I was with the girls’ dad. He got it for me because he was gone a lot and didn’t want me to have to worry if I was alone with the girls. I gave it to my mom when we moved in with Jessie and I think she still has it. But Jessie doesn’t have any guns or anything. His sister’s husband is a cop but they’ve kind of done their own thing always and I don’t see him being able to get anything from Steve.

SW: Well I’m glad – because in situations like this having guns around can make things much more dangerous for everyone. And actually with you and the kids headed to your mom’s I’d be interested to know if your mom still has the gun, and where it’s kept.

Mom: I’ll ask her about it, but I’m sure it’s up in a closet or something.

SW: ok, well I’ll stay tuned to hear more about that. The last thing I’d like to know about is what you have done to stay safe during all this.

Mom: I mean I just do the best I can. I know Jessie and when things are going badly I just keep it together so that the kids’ don’t see and so that things don’t get too out of control.

SW: And have you given your kids instructions about what to do in particular situations, or maybe just Elizabeth?

Mom: Just her. The others are too little anyway. But I have told her to take her brother and sister outside or into her bedroom before, when Jessie was about to lose it.

SW: Have you ever called the police or thought about calling the police?

Mom: The police don’t make anything better. I saw my mom do that with my dad and it just made everything worse. I’ve been to jail before and I don’t want to have them deciding I’m going to jail if I call them out. It’s better just to keep them out of it.

SW: Have you ever told anyone about what was going on with your husband? Has anyone ever told him he needed to stop behaving this way?

Mom: My sister knows, which is why she doesn’t speak to me anymore. She called him and cussed him out after one time. I don’t think our friends have a clue. Jessie could talk his way out of anything and even if I had talked about it he would just turn it around on me. Half our friends already think I’m crazy because they think I’m the one who starts stuff with him.

SW: Have you ever thought about a protection order? Is that something you think would help?

Mom: That is something I was thinking about the last few days. I actually went to court the other day after the girls got to school but I couldn’t really figure it out and I needed to get some other stuff taken care of.

SW: Well, that’s something the DV advocate can talk with you about too. I’m thinking now might be a good time to give her a call, unless you’ve got questions for me first.

Mom: So can you help me get custody of Taylor so that Jessie doesn’t get him all the time if we get a divorce? If he wants to see him on the weekends, that’s ok but I don’t want to have to see him and I don’t want him to get full custody.

SW: Well, I don’t work for family court, which is where custody decisions are made. But I do think the court should have information about the unsafe choices your husband has made. I’ve written letters with that information before, when it seemed like that might be helpful. I will say that during the time I’m working with you – which could be a few weeks or more – I want to hear what I can do to support you and your kids to be safe. I want to help in whatever way I can.

Can I get you on the phone with someone from our local advocacy organization now? I’d like for you to talk with her about how you can stay safe in the next few weeks. I don’t need to be part of that conversation, but I would also like to plan with you and her together about what the safest way is to talk with your husband. Where and when and where you should be.

Mom: I’ll tell you right now that he’ll put this all back on me but you can go ahead and hear his lies if you want.

SW: I hear you - you worry that he’ll turn all this around and make you look bad, but it’s important to give him the opportunity to talk about his choices and whether he wants to make some changes. If he or anyone else gives me any reason to be concerned about your children’s safety with you, I talk to you about the concerns directly. I’d like to stay in good touch over the next week or two to make sure that you still have what you need as things change.

If you’re up for it, can I make that call to the advocate now?

Mom: Sure, that’s fine.

General Assessment Interview with Specialized DV Assessment questions – DV Perpetrator

SW: Thanks for agreeing to meet with me. I hope we can talk about what is going well with you and your kids today, as well as the concerns about your children’s safety.

Dad: I’m glad I could meet with you to clear this all up. I’ve never abused any child and I don’t pose any kind of danger to anyone. I’d like to take care of this so you can do whatever you need to do to clear me.

SW: My role at this point is really to try to understand what your life has been like as a family, so I can figure out whether your children are safe and how to help you and your wife do the best you can for your kids. Maybe you can start by telling me what things have been like raising a toddler and two school aged kids. You guys probably have been really busy.

Dad: yeah, I mean it’s no different than anyone else’s life with kids. There’s a lot going on, but we take care of them just as well as the next family. The kids are obviously safe. Anyone who knows our family could tell you that.

SW: Can you tell me what it’s like to be a dad to Elizabeth, Rayanne and Taylor?

Dad: I’m not sure what you mean. I provide for them and for April, and I make sure they have a roof over their heads. Is there a specific concern about something I’m not doing?

SW: I meant just generally what do you like and not like about being Taylor’s dad and Elizabeth and Rayanne’s step-dad? I’m interested in what your kids are like, and what it’s like to parent them.

Dad: I love being a dad. And I want to be around for Taylor, but April has decided to take them from me. And now there is a CPS worker here wanting to ask me questions and saying my kids might not be safe. What is the concern here?

SW: As we talked about on the phone, our agency got a report about an incident where you pushed and hit your wife and Rayanne – with your hand and with a belt. It left physical marks on both of them. I’m concerned about that, and about how your behavior may have an impact on them. But I also am interested in the positive things you do as a father. It’s usually easier to start off talking about those things.

Dad: I knew it! I knew she would make this into a huge mess! I didn’t beat anyone up. April was making a fool of herself and I was trying to contain her – again - and then Rayanne was smarting off like she always does and she ended up getting knocked down because she was getting into something that she doesn’t belong in. Look April has so many issues that it’s a full time job of its own just to keep up with her drama and try to keep our marriage together, but I take our vows seriously. I didn’t walk out on her but apparently she thinks it’s ok to walk out on me. Have you even looked at the stuff she’s into? I don’t want to turn this ugly, but you should be asking about her. I’m sure you could find a lot of stuff about her issues. You should really think about whether you want to take her word for things…

SW: Well I was really hoping to get your take on things, and hear about what you think about the impact of all this on the kids.

Dad: My son is doing great. He needs his dad and he needs for his family to be a family – not to be torn apart like this. And the girls need a strong male role model. Their dad is a deadbeat who took off to be with some girl who was barely out of high school. And April can’t handle all 3 kids by herself. She can barely manage her own self most of the time.

SW: I agree that your son does need you. A father has a huge impact on his kids. You are an important person to Taylor – the only dad he’ll ever have. Can you tell me a little about him and about what you like to do together?

Dad: He loves to just follow me around and do what I do. I don’t know, we just hang around the house or play in the yard or whatever. He just likes to wrestle with me and play with me. Did she say I’m not spending enough time with him or something? I have a full time job so I can’t just spend all my time playing with the kids. Someone has to provide for the family.

SW: No one has expressed any concern to me about your relationship with Tyler. In fact, I’ve heard how much you seem to love him and enjoy him. What can you tell me about the girls?

Dad: They are April’s kids, but I have provided for them since April and I met. April has a tough time with them sometimes. They had a rough start in life and I think April wants to make up for their dad not being around by just spoiling them and not having any rules. Rayanne thinks she’s the boss of everyone and her mother hasn’t been able to deal with that. And she’s always into everyone’s stuff and everyone’s business. Her mom is always having to go over to the school when they are at the end of their rope with her. I have made sure they get what they need, but I do expect them to behave. But you know kids need that, and they respect me for it.

SW: And how does discipline happen in your family? Is it different with each child?

Dad: Well yeah – Taylor is 2. He’s not going to get grounded or anything.

SW: So what are some discipline strategies you use for each child?

Dad: April has this thing about me not punishing the girls. I’ve told her she better handle them then, because if they cause an issue in my house then you bet I’m going to have something to say about it. But at the end of the day their not my kids, and it’s not my responsibility to make sure they are raised right.

SW: So your wife is the person who does discipline with the girls. And how do you address it when Taylor needs some redirection?

Dad: Taylor is 2. He sometimes throws a tantrum or something but you know he’s a good kid. I can always handle him. I know April sometimes tries to put him in a time out if she can’t get him to behave, but he’s a good boy when he’s with me. We don’t have any problems together.

SW: And what about your relationship with your wife. What usually happens when you guys fight?

Dad: I mean, we yell and stuff just like most people when they’re mad. And it’s true that she can push my buttons. I can get too upset sometimes; I know that. But it’s not like I’m starting things. If a man comes home and his wife has been partying all day and the house looks like shit, excuse my language, but the house is destroyed, even though she’s supposed to be taking care of the kids and the house… I mean that would set anyone off. And she has done stuff too. Lost her temper. Hit me. She loves to exaggerate and paint herself as the victim. But the reality is that it’s very hard to live with April. And she is certainly not the angel she wants everyone to believe she is.

SW: I want to understand more about exactly what happens when you get too upset. For instance, can you tell me about a time when you used physical force against your wife during an argument?

Dad: It’s not just me! She’s done things too. And I’m a little bit reluctant to go into the private details of our family life. Look, I’m sure you are a professional and will be able to see the reasons that April might not be as honest as she should be with you. I don’t want to end up being in a situation where I lose my marriage and my son. I know I’m not perfect, but it’s not child abuse to have issues in your marriage.

SW: You’re right – but it can have a big impact on kids to see their mother be hurt. And sometimes it makes the kids unsafe living with someone who resolves their problems that way. How do you think the situation that happened recently impacted the kids?

Dad: Look I don’t know. I’m sure the kids are fine. I’m sorry if Rayanne got knocked down. It was not my intention and I certainly didn’t abuse her. What’s really hurting these kids is having their family be torn apart like this.

SW: I’m sure it has been hard for them to go through everything the last week or so. I also think that you having a healthy and safe relationship with their mom is an important part of being a good father. Do you agree?

Dad: Sure. And I still want to work things out with her because she is the mother of my son. Taylor shouldn’t see me lose my temper, but he also shouldn’t see April getting all messed up.

SW: I think we agree that Taylor deserves two parents who are safe and healthy.

Dad: Yes. And April has a whole lot of work to do before she could be considered safe and healthy. Has she told you she likes to pop pills? I bet that hasn’t come up since everyone seems to want to talk about how I’m the bad guy.

SW: It sounds like you’re very concerned with your wife’s choices and parenting. I take that seriously, but I want to make sure you have the chance to talk about yourself as a father and husband. If we make today all about your wife, you won’t be able to tell me the good things you do as a dad and the things you might do to create a safe, healthy family, so you can be a better model for Taylor.

Dad: It seems like you are intent on putting this all on me. I admit that I lost control after being pushed to the brink by her. She had a part in this. I did some things I’m not proud of but I am not the kind of person who wants to dwell on the past. I just want to get beyond this.

SW: Having someone from CPS asking about this has to be hard. The good thing is that this could mean the opportunity for you to get some help, and make some changes that could have a lasting impact on your kids. Are you interested in making some changes?

Dad: April has taken this way too far and made some serious accusations about me to the courts. I understand you have a job to do. I’ve talked to you a lot today about the kind of parent I am and the kind of parent April is. She has some pretty significant issues that need to be ironed out. I still would like to work on our marriage. I would agree to work on some things if she would. She is my wife and I want us to be together. I am willing to do my part, but trudging back through all our past issues just isn’t something I’m interested in.

SW: I do have some additional screening questions – things that I ask everyone. Would you be willing to give me just a few more minutes of your time?

Dad: Like what.

SW: Can you tell me about your use of alcohol or other drugs?

Dad: Wow. This is outrageous. Ok, yes. Yes I drink from time to time. I very occasionally have used marijuana. None of that is illegal. I’m not some homeless alcoholic. I work full time. I’ve never been arrested or had any issues with alcohol or drugs. I’m not drunk or high when I’m driving or in any way a danger to my child.

SW: You mentioned that your wife “pops pills” – do you use prescription or other drugs?

Dad: No. She’s the one who’s into that. I am out providing for my family so I can’t be out of my mind all the time like she can.

SW: And what about any mental health struggles? Many people manage mental health issues and still parent well. Have you ever been diagnosed with any mental health concerns?

Dad: no

SW: Have you ever felt like you might be struggling with depression or anxiety, or something like that?

Dad: No, but having your wife leave you and get a restraining order isn’t exactly uplifting.

SW: I’m sure it’s been a really hard week. Who do you turn to for support?

Dad: I’m fine! I’m sorry are we done?

SW: I think so. I do want to check in about one last thing. It probably goes without saying - but I want you to know that our agency expects that everyone we are working with follow the law and abide by any court orders. That means that I expect you to not try to contact with your wife as long as this order is in place, and not to engage with her even if she tries to contact you.

Dad: That seems like a double standard.

SW: That’s how the order is written. You are the subject of the order and so you have to comply with it. She is not the subject of the order so it doesn’t restrain her behavior at all. I just don’t want to see this situation get worse and you end up in jail. That wouldn’t be good for anyone.

Also, I hope that I can share some resources with you that you might find helpful – to make some of the changes it sounds like you might be interested in making. There are agencies that help people who want to have more peaceful relationships. They can help you gain skills to be the role model you want to be for Taylor, who I know looks up to you so much.

And like I said, I’ll definitely want to hear from you as things play out. I hope you know that I value your participation in your family’s life. Whatever you can do to be a positive, safe, healthy parent will really benefit him.

Caldwell Family Gathering Questions for Safety Assessment

Describe the Nature and extent of the Maltreatment:

On Tuesday the 3rd of this month Mr. Caldwell assaulted 5 year old Rayanne, his step-daughter, by slapping her, knocking her to the ground, and hitting her in the legs with his belt. This was precipitated by Rayanne attempting to intervene while Mr. Caldwell was assaulting Mrs. Caldwell. Rayanne sustained bruising to her head and legs. Mrs. Caldwell also had physical injuries (abrasions and bruises on her face/head, back and shoulders).

By all accounts this is the first time that any of the children have been physically injured by Mr. Caldwell. It’s also clear that Mr. Caldwell has used a pattern of coercive and controlling behaviors towards Mrs. Caldwell, including physical assaults. This creates an environment that is potentially unsafe to the children, should one of them intervene during a fight as Rayanne did during this incident.

To the extent that she can, it appears Ms. Caldwell takes actions to avoid the children being present during fights or intervening if they are present. She reports she uses strategies to pacify Mr. Caldwell during times when the children are present or awake. She also has specifically instructed Elizabeth, who is 7, on how to keep herself and, to the extent that she can, her sister and brother safe, when Mr. Caldwell becomes angry or assaults Ms. Caldwell.

Describe the Circumstances that Accompany the Maltreatment:

Rayanne was hurt the context of ongoing violence and control that Mr. Caldwell uses against Ms. Caldwell. Ms. Caldwell employs strategies to avoid Mr. Caldwell’s abusive behavior and to shield the children from exposure to physical violence between them.

Mr. Caldwell uses several behaviors in his relationship with Ms. Caldwell that are threatening, intimidating, degrading and unsafe. The net result of these behaviors is that Ms. Caldwell’s ability to make her own choices, including to raise her children in an environment free of violence, and to be physically safe in her own home, is restricted. Mr. Caldwell insults and berates his wife. He creates a home life where his needs come before everyone else’s and where failure to meet his needs may result in physical attack. Mr. Caldwell once beat Mrs. Caldwell with a bat after she did not leave a party when he wanted to go. She had to receive medical treatment for injuries that included two cracked ribs. In this same incident, he forced her out of the car several miles away from home and left her walking after dark and while intoxicated for more than an hour. Because Mr. Caldwell earns the money used to support the family and owns the house that the couple lives in, Ms. Caldwell is at a significant disadvantage in being able to support herself and her three children without Mr. Caldwell’s income. This is a fact that Mr. Caldwell has brought up previously when Ms. Caldwell has discussed leaving due to the violence and other abusive behaviors.

Ms. Caldwell has lost contact with important people in her life such as her sister as a result of her relationship with Mr. Caldwell and Mr. Caldwell’s abusive treatment of her, which means she has less support than she would like to parent and otherwise provide for the children.

Ms. Caldwell was granted a Domestic Violence Order for Protection on the 11th and a court hearing on the 17th will evaluate whether to extend this order for up to one year. It’s not clear if Mr. Caldwell will abide by this order over the long term but it appears he has done so in the 4 days since the temporary order was granted. During a previous separation Mr. Caldwell was not abusive e to Ms. Caldwell and was contrite for some time even after the couple reunited.

Ms. Caldwell has recently accessed services at a local Domestic Violence victims’ advocacy program and is now aware of the ongoing support, services and resources she might access as she identifies the need for these in the future.

Describe how the child or children function on a daily basis:

Elizabeth is described as quiet and bright. She is a first grader and there are no identified academic or other concerns reported by her teacher or anyone else this worker spoke with. She is reported to have a close relationship to her maternal grandmother and has spent a good portion of her life living with and receiving care from her. Elizabeth was hesitant to engage with this worker and spoke in an animated way only when discussing her interest in a recent children’s movie. It’s reported that Elizabeth is quite responsible. She has demonstrated an ability to remain safely away from the arguments and assaults that happen in her home and to some degree to keep her sister and brother away by complying with instructions from her mother to help increase her safety, such as going to another room, or leaving the home. There were conflicting reports offered about whether Elizabeth has a good relationship with Mr. Caldwell or is afraid of him. Elizabeth would not discuss this with this worker. Given the other information provided, I think it’s reasonable to presume that reports that she does not like or is afraid of Mr. Caldwell are more accurate than other descriptions provided.

Rayanne is a kindergartener who has been identified to have some behavioral difficulties at school. She is consistently described as energetic and “intense” and seems to have difficulty with attention and with general impulse control at school. This impacts her peer relationships and she’s described as having difficulty making and keeping friends. At home she is the child most likely to be defiant or to be difficult to manage per all the adults spoken to. Rayanne was clear and up front about what happened with this worker, describing the incident in which she and her mother was assaulted. She stated that she doesn’t like Mr. Caldwell and doesn’t want to see him anymore. She says that he is “mean” and “rude” and that he makes her mother cry. Given her age (5) and her general temperament, it would appear that she would be at greater risk for physical abuse in the home if Mr. Caldwell continues his unsafe behavior, as she’s the most likely to become involved and be accidentally or purposefully injured as a result.

Taylor appears to be a fairly typical two-year old. He is described by most as being doted on in the family and frequently being “spoiled” or being given what he wants. His verbal development appears typical, with some ability to describe the world around him but a limited ability to describe the past or

Child Welfare work with Families Impacted by Domestic Violence Training Guide for Participants 50 future and to report about his life. He is reported to be well bonded to both parents though this worker hasn’t had the opportunity to observe him with his father. He appears happy and at ease when observed with his mother.

Describe how the parent/caregiver disciplines the child:

Ms. Caldwell reports that she mainly sends the children to their rooms for up to 20 minutes, or takes toys away, when she needs to discipline them. She states that Taylor goes to his “time out chair” for “a minute or two” rather than to his room. Ms. Caldwell reports that the children are disciplined for fighting with each other, not completing their chores after repeated reminders, and being inconsiderate. She reports that she does not want Mr. Caldwell to be involved in any discipline of the girls and that sometimes she is quite strict with them to ensure that Mr. Caldwell does not become involved.

Mr. Caldwell states that the girls are often spoiled by their mother, and that he doesn’t become involved because they are her “mess to deal with.” He has demonstrated concerning choices in regards to discipline, such as when he destroyed an important possession of Elizabeth’s as punishment to her, because she was “throwing a tantrum” and not following directions to go to bed. When asked about his participation in regards to Taylor’s discipline, he stated that Taylor is a good boy and he doesn’t do much wrong.

Describe overall parenting/childcare practices:

Ms. Caldwell performs most duties associated with parenting, including discipline and otherwise caring for and meeting the needs of the children. No collaterals identified any direct parenting concerns related to Ms. Caldwell’s parenting, with the exception of Mr. Caldwell who stated that Ms. Caldwell sometimes “neglects” Taylor because the girls require a lot of her time and attention, and that she doesn’t provide enough discipline for the girls – who he feels she spoils. The school did express that they haven’t found interactions with the Caldwells to be particularly helpful in regards to creating a plan to better manage Rayanne’s classroom behavior. They stated that they’d had difficulty connecting with them to even discuss the concerns about her behavior and then, when they were ultimately able to meet with Ms. Caldwell that she seemed unconcerned about the problems and had no ideas about how to better manage Rayanne. Ms. Caldwell was actually the only person who didn’t report that she had particular concerns about Rayanne’s behavior, though she did acknowledge that she’s “the trouble kid” of the group. All children appear to receive adequate physical care and to be appropriately bonded to Ms. Caldwell. Ms. Caldwell was able to describe things that make each child unique and special to her.

There is a history of substance use concerns related to Ms. Caldwell (discussed in the next section). It’s difficult to assess whether these are ongoing and whether they impact parenting. More on this concern is described in the subsequent section.

Mr. Caldwell appears to participate in parenting mostly as it relates to providing financial support for the family. He also seems to enjoy spending time with Taylor and showing Taylor about his interests, such as football, fixing things around the home, etc. Mr. Caldwell noted that he makes it a point to spend

Child Welfare work with Families Impacted by Domestic Violence Training Guide for Participants 51 quality time with Taylor, especially because they are the only men in the house. Mr. Caldwell shared a view of the older girls that seems excessively negative and not developmentally sensitive, describing them as difficult to handle, attention seeking, spoiled, and self-centered. He also expressed concerns about Ms. Caldwell’s parenting due to the mental health and substance abuse issues that he states she experiences. He was unable to describe specific concerns but rather described that she’s “so out of it she can’t function” and that she “sometimes isn’t in contact with reality”. He questioned whether it would be safe to leave Taylor with her given these concerns.

Mr. Caldwell was granted supervised visitation in the emergency DVNCO that was granted six days ago. He has not requested visits with Taylor as of this writing, to the knowledge of this worker.

Overall it appears that family life plays out in a fairly routine way in the home with periodic interruptions due to angry, jealous, bizarre, and/or violent behavior on the part of Mr. Caldwell. It is difficult to assess how much of this Ms. Caldwell is able to shield the children from, though it’s clear that the responsibility for these concerns lies with Mr. Caldwell. It’s possible that alcohol and/or drug use by both adults in the home contributes both to the escalation of these episodes and to a decrease in Ms. Caldwell’s ability to manage Mr. Caldwell’s behavior and keep it from impacting the children.

Describe how the parent/caregiver manages his or her own life on a daily basis:

Ms. Caldwell has been involved with CA before as a youth in an FRS case and again as a mother when two intakes were received related to her use of alcohol and her care of then infant/toddler children. Her family was extremely involved in providing care and parenting to the girls during their early years when Ms. Caldwell was reportedly “partying” frequently. Ms. Caldwell has a criminal history related to possession of marijuana and possession of opiates – both arrests occurring before she turned 21.

To some degree substance use, particularly alcohol, appears to have remained a concern. It was identified by several people as an issue they feel contributes to “problems within the family” though no one reported specific ways in which they feel this impacts her parenting. Ms. Caldwell wasn’t willing to talk much about her use of drugs and alcohol other than to say that she’s not a drug addict or an alcoholic and that she takes care of her kids and they don’t get abused or neglected. She states that she’s not the same person she was when she was 19 and shouldn’t be judged by her actions then. She was not willing to provide a UA, saying that the concern had nothing to do with her, but stated that she’s not currently using drugs.

Ms. Caldwell has some social/family connections outside her role as a parent. She maintains a relationship with her mother that is contentious per both their descriptions but appears to also offer her an important safety net in terms of support and resources. She reports that she and her husband have a friend group and that she does enjoy some of these friends, though others make her feel “judged.”

The ongoing domestic violence has impacted Ms. Caldwell’s health on at least one occasion when she needed medical treatment for two cracked ribs. On other occasions she reports staying home as she didn’t want to appear in public with bruises or other marks. It’s impacted her relationship with her

Child Welfare work with Families Impacted by Domestic Violence Training Guide for Participants 52 mother, sister, and some friends. It has created a context in which she can’t make the parenting decisions she might otherwise because she has to consider how Mr. Caldwell will react. Finally, it’s possible that it has an impact on any ongoing use of alcohol or drugs as a means to cope and/or escape, though it’s difficult to know as there is not a lot of solid information about this.

Mr. Caldwell works full time and seems to manage his life well outside the domestic violence that he chooses to perpetrate on his wife. He does not have any reported mental health history or criminal history. He denies using substances beyond alcohol and marijuana which he states he uses occasionally at parties. There are reports that he additionally uses opiates recreationally at times, but he denies this. He has a very different perspective on the relationship between he and his wife that that captured in this assessment, and describes that she has significant substance abuse and mental health issues and frequently “makes things up” to make him look bad and try to “get people to feel sorry for her.” He acknowledges that he assaulted Rayanne and that “things got physical between my wife and I” during the trip a few weeks ago. He does not take responsibility for this saying that it “was mutual” and asserting that he “has been the victim here.” He acknowledges that this incident wasn’t the first time there was a physical altercation but again denies that he has been a primary aggressor. To his credit, he agreed that the ongoing climate in the home was not healthy or good for the children, and that he would want to raise Taylor in an environment that was both safe and healthy. He also agreed that it might benefit both himself and his family to learn new skills to manage his relationship with his wife, but again wanted to know that Ms. Caldwell would also need to participate in services to address her “issues.”

Mr. Caldwell agreed to provide one UA which was negative for all substances. He urged this worker to get a UA from his wife and has stated that he will bring his concerns about her substance use and mental health issues to family court if she really does seek a divorce, as these are not healthy for the children either.

Mr. Caldwell appears to have social support in the form of connections with friends and with his family.

Case Plan for Caldwell family: FLO:

Family will use their “everyone deserves to feel safe” plan to ensure that all family members are physically safe from harm and are able to emotionally support the children.

1. The family will develop a specific Action plan with the social worker to ensure the safety and wellbeing of family members related to physical and emotional abuse perpetrated by Mr. Caldwell.

2. When Mr. Caldwell is consistently safe and appropriate in his interactions with all family members he will be included in the development or implementation of the plan.

3. The social worker will monitor and celebrate the success of the family’s specific action plan.

Mr. Caldwell ILO:

Mr. Caldwell will use his “Be a safe and strong role model” plan to manage his need to control Ms. Caldwell, so that all family members are able to be safe.

1. Mr. Caldwell will develop a specific Action Plan to change his violent and controlling behavior with Ms. Caldwell and the children, with the assistance of the local Domestic Violence Perpetrator Treatment program.

2. Mr. Caldwell will share the Action Plan with the social worker, who will share it with Ms. Caldwell and others involved with she and the children, to ensure others are informed and notice the changes that occur.

3. Mr. Caldwell will document and celebrate the success of the Action Plan with the help of the social worker and others.

4. Mr. Caldwell will take other immediate safety steps, such as following any court orders, refraining from demeaning or threatening Ms. Caldwell, not physically injuring Ms. Caldwell or the children, and providing adequate financial support to Ms. Caldwell.

5. Mr. Caldwell will ensure that Mrs. Caldwell is supported in her ongoing reconnection of relationships by not monitoring her use of the telephone, and allowing her to leave at least once a week to visit with friends or relatives of her choosing. Mr. Caldwell will not ask about where she went or why, and there will be no consequences for this time away from the home.

Ms. Caldwell ILO:

Mrs. Caldwell will use her “Becoming the best Me” plan to manage the impact of drugs and alcohol on her ability to parent and to protect her children.

1. Mrs. Caldwell will develop a specific Action Plan to minimize her use of drugs or alcohol, and to prevent this from impacting her ability to parent.

2. Mrs. Caldwell will share the Action Plan with the social worker, and others of her choosing who may notice changes as they occur.

3. Mrs. Caldwell will document and celebrate the success of the Action Plan with the help of the social worker and others.

4. Mrs. Caldwell will provide 2 UA’s over the next 4 weeks at dates of the social worker’s choosing.

Child Welfare work with Families Impacted by Domestic Violence Training Guide for Participants