Identifying the Mistaken Goals of Children S Behaviour

IDENTIFYING THE MISTAKEN GOALS OF CHILDREN’S BEHAVIOUR

Adult Observed What the child does Mistaken What Parents The Change Encourage Response Behaviour when corrected Goal Can Do Process positive behavior by:

No attention/ignore child 1. Notice when child contributes.  Say thank you for Irritated Pest Stops for a short period... Attention Don’t wait on child 2. Change the situation. help Annoyed Nuisance even a few minutes. Give attention for good 3. Pre-empt the behaviour.  Notice when the child Frustrated Lazy Seeking behaviours 4. Do the unexpected. contributes 5. Avoid undue attention. 6. Take time for training.

Angry Rebel Refuse to fight or give in 1. It takes two to fight - don’t engage.  Give choice Challenged Stubborn Keeps going. Power Struggle Withdraw from power 2. Sidestep all power struggles.  Let child make Defeated Argues May intensify behaviour. struggle 3. Act, don’t talk. decisions Fights Leave room, if possible 4. Set limits & stick to them.  Help with cooperation

Refuse to feel hurt or angry 1. Focus on relationship, not the problem.  Be fair Hurt Violent Behaviour intensifies or Revenge Don’t hurt child back 2. Return friendship for hurt.  Say thank you for Vicious becomes mean. Work to build trust 3. Be fair. help Vandal Help child feel loved 4. Say thank you for help.  Notice when the child contributes  Focus on the child Do not pity 1. Encourage any positive behaviour or strengths, talents Despair Acts hopeless Limited or no interaction. Discouraged Stop criticizing movement.  Notice when they Helpless Gives up Notice all efforts, no matter 2. Focus on strengths and talents. make smart choices how small. 3. Notice when they make smart choices.  Give encouragement 4. Give encouragement.

Based on the work of Rudolph Dreikurs