Divorce/Changing Families Small Group Lessons

Divorce/Changing Families Small Group Lessons Shonda Gunn, School Counselor Ratcliffe Elementary January 2011

Purpose: To help students to cope with the grief and stress of divorce and/or separation.

Logistics: Eight, 30-minute sessions for 4-6 students in grades K-5, that recently experienced divorce and/or separation of their parents.

Session 1: Introduction and Overview

Materials: Writing board, art supplies and a Feelings poster.

Procedures:

Introduce yourself and the purpose of the group. Explain the logistics of the group. Ask group members to think of a name for the group, write it on a piece of paper and take a vote. Have each group member share a rule for the group, write them on the board and decide which are appropriate to adopt as rules for this group.

Give examples of changing families such as divorce, separation, stepparent or sibling changes. Ask students to share what they think the word “family” means. Say, “Sometimes it’s hard when you have more than one place you call home. It’s important to understand that even though family members may live in different homes, they are still family.”

Ask the students what kind of changes are happening in their family and to give a thumbs up if you are feeling happy and thumbs to the middle if you are felling so-so and a thumbs down if you are felling sad or mad.

Hand out art supplies and allow them to make pictures that show their families and the many different homes they may have. Ask students to share their pictures with the group.

Display the Feelings poster and ask each group member to share one thing that they learned in the group and how it felt to be in the group talking and sharing with others. Have each student point to a feeling and explain their choice. Close with thanking them for coming, remind them of the next meeting and the plan for the next meeting.

Session 2: Family Album

Materials: 5 pieces of paper for each student and drawing materials. Procedures:

Welcome everyone back to the group. Have the students do a go around and say their names and if they are having sunny (happy) feelings or if they are having cloudy (sad, mad) feelings today.

Say, “I just want to remind everyone why we are here in this group together. It is because we all have had some family changes. One important thing that they would like to learn by being in the group is why these changes happen and more about their feelings about the situations.”

Ask, “How many of you really understand why there has been a divorce/separation in your family? Many times children think they are the reason or really don’t know the reason at all why their family has changed. Today we will look at some of the reasons why people divorce.”

Explain that the group will make their own mini albums to understand what brought their parents together and some of the reasons that they had to separate. Pass out five blank pieces of paper to each student. Have them label each piece of paper, or have them pre- labled with the following headings: 1) why my parents got married 2) why my parents got divorced 3) what does the future hold 4) best time with my family and 5) worst time with my family.

Have the students work on each sheet as a group. When all students have completed the first sheet, allow share time to go over what they drew and why. Then continue with each sheet until finished. While working, have the group brainstorm reasons why parents divorce or families have to change, such as fighting, job situations, don’t love each other anymore, etc. Make it clear that children are not the blame for divorce.

End with a go-around and ask the students to share one thing that they learned about their family situation today. Remind them of the next meeting and the plan for the next meeting.

Session 3: Dealing With Feelings

Materials: Chart paper and The Hurt by T. Poleski

Procedures:

Welcome everyone back to the group. Review last week’s session. Ask the students to do the thumbs up check-in (up, middle, down) and then share something really fun that they have done since the last time the group met. Say, “Children often have many different feelings when their families go through changes such as separation or divorce. It is important to understand and discuss these feelings, especially with others who are experiencing the same thing.

Ask the children to think about some of the feelings they remember having when they found out that their family was about to go through some changes (divorce, separation). Write down their responses and note similarities (common feelings may include relief, shame, sadness, anger and guilt).

Talk about how the students deal or don’t deal with their feelings. Read and discuss the book, The Hurt. This book tells the story of a boy who held in a bad feeling and how that affected him. Then it continues to explain how he felt after he talked to someone about his feelings.

Discuss things that children can do to release the bad feelings they may experience such as call a friend, read a book, play a game, write a letter and then throw it away. Then have the students create a Loyal Listener List. This is a list of people they trust to talk to.

Do a go around and have the students identify one thing they will try in the coming week to express a bad feeling they may get about the divorce or separation.

Remind the children to be on time for the next meeting and the plan for the next meeting.

Session 4: Stages of Dealing With Divorce

Materials: Chart showing the Stages of Divorce

Procedures:

Welcome students back to the group. Review last week’s session. Ask the kids to rate how they are feeling on a scale of 1-10.

Say, “In the last session we discussed feelings about divorce and how important it is to express them instead of keeping them inside. Today we are going to further discuss feelings and get a better understanding of the stages that most people go through when experiencing a divorce or changing family.”

Display a chart that shows the stages of dealing with divorce based on Bienfeld (1987). 1) Disbelief 2) Anxiety 3) Anger 4) Sadness 5) Acceptance

Explain what the idea of going through the stages means, such as the stages that you might go through when learning to ride a bike or the progression of how you feel when getting angry with someone.

Go through the chart and explain the meanings of words in terms the children can understand. Have them identify different times when they may have experienced these different stages. Have them identify what stage they may currently be in. Explain that people do not always go through these stages in a set order, or in a certain time frame. Some people stay in stages for much longer than others, some may go back and forth between them.

Do a go around and ask each student to share what stage he may be in six months from now and why they feel that way. Then ask the students to say one thing that they think may help them move on to the next stage. Thank each student for participating.

Remind the children to be on time for the next meeting and then plan for the next meeting.

Session 5: Strategies in Dealing With Divorce

Materials: My Life Turned Upside Down, but I Turned It Right Side Up by Mary Blitzer and Hennie Shore, paper and pencils.

Procedures:

Welcome the students back to the group. Review last week’s session. Ask if there are any questions regarding the stages that were discussed. Ask the students to rate how they are felling on a scale of 1-10.

Say, “Sometimes it’s a lot easier to get advice from other people who are going through situations similar to yours. Today we are going to read a story and write letters to ask children just like you, what they would do if they were in your situation.”

Read the story My Life Turned Upside Down, but I Turned It Right Side Up. Discuss some of the strategies the girl in the story uses to deal with the divorce of her parents. Ask, “Which ones have you tried? Were they successful? Why or why not?”

Have the students write anonymous letters to the group. In these letters they will discuss a current problem they are experiencing related to the divorce and ask for advice. Keep the letters to discuss the following week.

Have the students complete the statements. “Today I learned ….” “It feels ______knowing I am not the only one going through a divorce/separation.

Remind the children to be on time for the next meeting and the plan for the final meeting.

Session 6: Warm Fuzzy Collages / Final Session

Materials: Collage materials (magazines, scissors, paper and glue sticks)

Procedures: Welcome kids to group. Remind them that this is the last meeting. Review last week’s session and attempt to answer any unanswered questions. Do a go around and have the students give a thumbs up check-in. Have the students also say one fun time they have had since the last group meeting.

Explain to the students that they will get the chance to say goodbye to each other. Since good-bye is often difficult and for children of divorce especially, sometimes a negative experience, we want to have a saying good-bye experience that is positive.

Explain to the group members that they are going to create warm fuzzy collages. Explain that warm fuzzys are positive, nice things that people can say to one another or show one another through pictures. Explain that because they shared so much during the last several weeks, they will now have an opportunity to create warm fuzzy collage for someone in the group (have them draw random names) to wish them a warm good bye.

Provide materials being sensitive to race, socioeconomic levels, gender etc. Explain to the students that they are to find any pictures in the magazines or create any kind of colorful designs that would make the person they picked feel good. It could be a picture of friends, a warm sunshine, a picture of flowers or a game that they like. Provide construction paper and glue so that they can paste on their pictures. Have the children present and share their collages individually when they are complete.

Ask, “How did it feel to be presented with this warm fuzzy collage?” Tell the students that you thank them for participating and that there might be rough times ahead. Point out that now they have a support team and let them know that you will be available after the group to help them individually.