Albanian Australian Islamic Society Information Session Conducted By: Hafiz Imam Rexhep Idrizi 30 November 2007

Principles of Marriage in the View of Islam Like other contracts, marriage in Islam is a sort of contract that does not require the presence of ‘clergy’, nor does it require a religious ceremonial as in other religions. Islam considers marriage a covenant settled on mutual agreement and understanding between a man and a woman. The basic condition is the acceptance of both parties and the presence of two witnesses. When a man and women declare their acceptance of getting wedded in front of two legally qualified witnesses, without there being a cause of prevention, marriage is said to be settled between the two, whether this be performed in the presence of a Ma’azoun (a delegated Sheikh who settles marriage contracts) or a Muslim judge, or even a government official commissioned to write down such a marriage contract; as such, marriage is considered valid in the view of Islam (1).

Therefore, marriage in Islam differs from positive law; the latter robs the marriage contract of its religious significance, while the Shariiah considers marriage a basic question of religion in that it derives its rules from the core of religion and that religion urges on it. To this effect, the Prophet says: “O ye young people! Those of you who can afford marriage, let them marry, for it limits the eyes to modesty and protects the wombs (of women) from evil intentions. Those of you who can not do it, let them fast because fasting breaks off their lusts.”

Marriage combines a number of regulations, like the invalidity of marriage between a Muslim women and non-Muslim man, and the invalidity of marriage between a Muslim man and a polytheist women who abides by no holy book, as well as the question of suckling which is a cause of prohibiting marriage, unlike positive law that permits marriage in conditions like these.

(1) Imam Abu Haniifa, depending on the confirmed Sunna, considers what when a women chooses her mate for marriage, her guardian has no right to interfere in her decision. The European women achieved this only recently; before, the French law, for instance, deprived the man of this choice before he was twenty-five of age, and the women before twenty-one, unless they had the consent of their guardians. A. The Betrothal Before marriage, there is the step of betrothal in which the man asks for a certain woman’s hand, presents himself to her and her family, gives them enough information about himself, and negotiates with them over the marriage and over his and their requests in this regard. It is desired that the man and women see each other to get into intimate terms, and not feel regret for what they have planned after it is too late.

Mughiirah Ibn Sha’abah once asked for a woman’s hand, and the Prophet said to him: Look at her because this keeps you both in agreement and harmony.

Both the man and his betrothed, however, have the right to break off the engagement. When this step is made, the women returns all the presents she has received from the man, like jewelry and such, if they are still in her possession. If, however, they have been consumed, like food and cosmetics, they are not compensated.

During the engagement period, the man has no right to retire with his betrothed women in privacy. The betrothal is only a promise for marriage, not a state of marriage.

B. Fitness Man has to fit the woman he wants to marry, and linguistically ‘fitness’ may also mean equality. Fitness might rest on one’s lineage and property, but more consideration should be given to knowledge and education that to lineage. Financially, the man should be able to meet the expenses of the woman’s dower and the costs of living. Being rich is not a condition of fitness; it is only the mere ability of one to meet the costs of living.

C. The Dower On marriage, Islam requests the man to give dower to his wife: “Give the women (on marriage) their dower as a free gift, but if they, of their own good pleasure, remit any part of it to you, take it and enjoy it with right good cheer” (IV: 4). Arabs in the past did not respect the wife’s right to keep her dower for herself. When a married-woman’s guardian received her dower, he never gave it to her; and when he did, it was her husband who disposed of it without her permission. Islam put an end to this practice and commanded that the wife be given her dower. The verse stipulates that the dower should be offered ‘as a free gift,’ that is, out of good will and a conviction that it is her own; it is not the right of the woman’s guardian or husband to benefit of it, unless she accepts this by herself. This is the case of every person who has the right to possess and use his own property. In this way The Koran establishes the woman’s right of true property-ownership which is free of control or dominance on the part of the husband.

Regarding the dower, some enemies of Islam choose to describe the Muslim woman as a parcel, an item of purchase – without really understanding the purpose of the dower as being the man’s share in starting a family.

Islam does not specify the value of the dower the man should offer; this depends on the man’s financial ability or on mutual agreement between him and the woman he wishes to wed. A poor man was once said to have complained to the Prophet, saying that he could not afford paying the value of the dower which the custom requested. The Prophet said: Look for anything, even an iron ring.

There is bad habit, however, among some Muslims, of demanding huge dowers for their daughters, which makes young men refrain from marriage because they cannot really afford meeting such huge expenses as in the case of those with limited income; it is against the spirit of The Koran, where one reads: “If they are in poverty, God will give them means out of His grace” (XXIV: 32). The Prophet also says: “If one comes to you in good faith and honour let him marry, for if you do not, there will be discord and corruption in the earth!” The Prophet mentions ‘good faith and honour’ not money.

Equality between Husband and Wife The family is the nucleus of the human community, and family stability leads to social stability and progress.

Since the family consists basically of husband and wife, the family stability and well-being depend largely on how well each one of the two knows where he stands, and how firm his relation with his partner is.

It took humanity a long time before people came to know the proper status of the woman. In many periods, marriage was considered as men’s enslavement of women. The Koran, however, puts both on equal terms in obligations and rights, but gives the man the leadership of the household: “Women shall have rights similar to the rights (of men) against them, according to what is equitable. But men have a degree (of advantage) over them” (II: 228). In his Address to the Fine Sex, Sheikh Rashid Rida comments on this verse saying, “This graceful verse combines in its conciseness that which needs a large volume to be clarified. It offers a general principle which says that women are equal to men in all rights. It provides the husband with a sort of scale to balance his treatment of his wife in all cases and situations, so that before he asks her to do something, he remembers he has to do the same himself in return for her. It is not fair to have one treat the other arbitrarily; marriage life can function well only through mutual respect, as well as the respect of the partner’s rights.”

After establishing equality between husband and wife, the verse however exempts one thing by saying that men have a degree (of advantage) over women. This is further explained in another verse where God says: “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because God hath given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they spend of their property (for the support of women)” (IV: 34).

In his book The Koranic Philosophy, Abbas Mahmoud Al-Akkad comments on this, saying, “Men’s duty to support their women derives from the man’s natural superiority and his ability to carry out life’s obligations and meet the expenses of the family. Men are more capable than women in meeting life’s burdens, though the latter might be equal to men mentally and physically. During pregnancy and suckling period, a woman is, out of necessity, compelled to keep away from carrying out such general burdens of life; and it is man who is responsible to support her and give her time to raise their children and secure the means of rest and peace at home.”

Marital life, Shiekh Rashid Rida explains, is a sort of social life, and every group has to have a head or leader. Man is generally worthier of leadership than the women; he is better equipped to carry things out with his effort and property.