THE TEESDALF MERCURY. a vedit•sday, ( /ettdn't • October 3rd, 1934.

DEV1NETTES ET ENIGMES. " Have you decided, Miss Ethel. where you lie said gently, WIT AND HUMOUR are going for the summer?" " It's between 'h FOR THE CHILDREN "What are these?" . you' will ask. d—you two marrying, ow . two places, Mrs. Johnson." "Which two?" I" They are riddles as the little French child- " You say you're poor, yet you sport a ineaa ! "Ma says it's to Switzerland, and pa says it's , king no at By AUNT EI)ITII, ren know them:. : gold cigarette-cate." "Economy, dear boy. healands still tempt to ,nove b Now read them first as they do, and then With a handsome case one can smoke the to the workhouse." er story. to rest in higas TILE FROG PRINCE. translate into English afterwards. You will cheapest cigarettes." 111.11 a:htt find them all interesting and easy. " Have taxpayers no rights?" demanded came to the sc OLD FAIRY TALE RE-TOLD. " Ile read poetry t hool," h DEVINETTES. She : "I don't believe bachelors have any the impassioned orator. " Certainly," replied o u6 8 e I tur. a time there was a very beauti- a man in the back row ; " they have the right, . He had a magical ice, and t , the youngest daughter of a 1. Mon premier est un metal precieux, hearts." He : " Why, we're just the men was wonderful. v Mon second est un habitant des cieux, to pay taxes." We we,' alked. flee home was a huge castle, who do have them." "How is that?" him." and hie _ Mon tout est un fruit- &Helens. "Because we haven't lost them." „ lig ‘ e- all ht n urrounded by a vast and gloomy ht her breath, as Leis wood was a deep pool, and (line orange.) The committee of a philanthropic society if 2. Plus on en Ote, plus c'est grand. hoot days was now pain tmemo ,ither was hot the princess loved was making arrangements for the annual did not take much o fifieryery of (Un trou.) Parson : "Always speak well of your neigh, I play near its brink. She was hour." Mrs. Next Door : " I do. And yet I general meeting. " I suppose," said one Iris," she continued no tice o f' 3. Dans quel mois est-ce qu'on mange le it one summer morning, and sud- assure you she is one of the most detestable member, " we shall have to have some big alwaysto vsli at ast, : moins? gun down to speak—a canon, say." " Oh, do ery nice to me, aod it.he hall slipped out of her hand and creatures on earth." d ntnt pool. It was a very special ball (En fevrier) you think it necessary," said another. "Don't in the garden, at nighthts t p outa nd s o Till': oue—and so, of course, the prin- • ENIGSIES. you generally find that the bigger the gun the suggested we should go awaftere...... o alk 4. Vert comme pre, " Are you still bothered by those relatives • :iv annoyed at losing it. bigger the bore?" "Yes," interrupted a inert. aw ay 444 Blanc comme neige, of yours who come down from town to eat a third ; " and the longer the spoke the bigger , to cry, and would probably have startled me at first, b000wse Amer comme fiel, big Sunday dinner and never invite you• in the tyre." , so_ never • :Eying for a long time if she had nett return?" asked Mrs. Smith. "No," said the thought," continued y,_ .„,:e saying, "Why dost thou mourn, Doux comae niiel. dismally, " I was old enour,1 41,‘ e (La noix.) unfortunate victim, "they finally took the Daughter? " " If you think there's something wrong it—itof— emed rath 1 to "1/2 it 5. Petite robe blanche, hint." "What did you say to them?" asked sort er a joke., but: first could find no one Mrs. Smith eagerly. "Nothing was said, but with your heart, why don't you consult a se a nd— it was St ..a Sans couture ni manche —o ephen the voice could 'possibly belong. every time they came we provided sponge- specialist?" "I'm afraid he would say it was h, it's so—hard to tell you ai y om --aw a frog sitting on a log of wood (Un ceuf) something fatal." "Nonsense ! He wouldn't ; broke out, ready to break m 6. Six pieds, quatre oreilles, cake." do Deux he's an awfully good sort." wn more," said the frog. "I will bouches, deux fronts, however, she was bravely coin If thou wilt give me something." Quelle bete est-ce done ? Small Boy : "Give me threepennyworth of was at the end of the tern1-. g oa.. (Le cheval et le cavalier) nuts, please." Grocer: "What kind of nuts?" " What do you usually take for a bad 'earl- ■-n) the princess promised to give she continued, " and it had last .. t ,e, The last is the French children's version of ache, Mrs. Johnson?" " A couple of aspir- •.:11),iier he wanted if only he would find "Any kind, but 'I should like a couple of d that I should go and star with the ancient Norse riddle of the horse and his coconuts with , them:" ates, dearie." nurse till Daddy cntne home from incur ball• So it was agreed that the should treat the frog as her com- rider with six legs between them. He is there now. lf not, I He called his wife an angel so often that she eat off her plate, sit beside Small Boy (to lady visitor) : " I shall be have gone home. We have a h let became suspicious and asked why he used that o ester, and I'm always there for t drink from her cup, and sleep in THE DONKEY. sorry when you leave us," Old Lady : "Shall the frog should restore to you, indeed, Freddy?" "Yes—I shall cry, I particular term of endearment. "Well," said •• when Daddy is at home. If not, d that he, " you seem never to have any clothes, you ldLived A rude little boy met an old woman leading shall"Dear !' bOy ! I had no idea you Nanny. My mother's dead, goli ogba are always up in the air, and you keep on yo z into the pool and a donkey, and shouted to her : "Good morn- cared so much for me:" "Yes ; when you are ing, donkey's mothe•." not here we have no dessert—always end with harping !" sty never suspected anything •• lip the ball, which he gave to the r "Good morning, my son," was the quick pudding." Sylvia tearfully, " though', pa reply. ow we never told her." I she seized it, and, not waiting to Wold-be Musician: "Do you think there , my dear child, did e hag, she ran home, forgetting all A man "wanted" in Aberdeen was spotted is any music in me ?" Professor: "There thout your you plan tier promise to him. father or anybody kn ow • THE SQUIRREL. by a new policeman on duty at, the railway ought to be. I have heard none come out." nything?" exclaimed John; At day when she was having dinner station. The policeman telephoned to the just - king and his courtiers in the ban- Have you ever seen a squirrel? Although police station saying : " The man you want is "I admired that last piece you played, a reddened. .:11 a voice was heard crying, there are lots of squirrels about, they are on the ten o'clock express for London. Shall daughter, youngest and fairest, very difficult to see. They live high up in Professor, immensely," said Mrs. G-aswell. phen could not wait. He seemed all I enter the train and shadow him, or wait for "It had a sort of wild freedom about it, you fire, and I wanted to be with hira trees, and skip about from branch to branch ; the excursion to-morrow?" and they do not come down to the ground know—a sort of get up and go that just just wrote to Nanny and made the frog! The princess was terri- that the term was endin her ,:le did not like frogs, and now she much to show us their pretty coats. suited me. Was it a composition of your g a little Mother "Allow me to introduce you. hen Stephen and I were to ee back lall she did not want to keep her The squirrel has a lovely coat of reddish own ?" " Madam," frigidly responded the .lain the frog knocked and called brown, sharp ears, and a long bushy tail, but Mabel, my daughter—Herr Schnautz, the eminent musician who had been hired for the tell her all about it, am!—and famous animal painter." Mabel : was to write to Daddy." :,r, and the king wanted to know the grey Australian squirrel is now much "Oh, so occasion. " I was nutting a new E string glad to meet you. I adore animals." ne paused. John withdrew his hands matter was; so the princess had to commoner in this country than his prettier sear ....v••• ked frowningly in front of hie all about her last ball and her pro- reddish-brown cousin. He eats nuts, berries, and even little buds off the trees, and some- fl heavens, my dear kid, ,chat a ,: king was rather annoyed with his Irate German (to stranger who had stepped " You probably don't remember me," I mix up," he exclaimed. And . and told her that as site had made times, if he is a naughty squirrel, he eats the on his toe) : " Mine frent, I know mine feet began the self-made man proudly, " but an be done now ? May I ask le Mr, - she must keep it. Fearfully the eggs some poor little bird has laid. As he vas ment to pe valked on, but dot briviledge twenty years ago, when I was a poor ives any address?" iiened the door to let the frog in. jumps about to get food he performs some pelongs to me." humble boy, you gave me a message to girl shook her head. " N,:, • she d on to a chair beside her, and marvellous gymnastic feats, running swiftly carry—" " Yes, yes," cried the busy along the branches and skipping and jumping. . " He says he is going away to I her that she had promised to allow "Waiter, these are very small oysters." man. " Where's the answer? " a play. He has talked of it often. at off her plate and drink out of her The mother squirrel makes a very neat nest "Yes, sir." "And they don't appear to be S great ambition, and now le: must she hated the frog ! But her in the fork of a tree, as far out of reach of very fresh either." " Then it's lucky they're She (at the theatre) : " I don't understand ne to do it—to go somewhei, xhere ,Leto glance warned her she must cats as she can. She starts to build from the small, ain't it, sir?" think and plan." . word. inside, using not only her clever little paws, what the detective is supposed to be doing ink forsooth," sneered Inner the frog was tired, and he but her teeth as well. The nest is made of in this piece." He: " I fancy be is looking man ought to have enough t , think twigs and fibre, and there is a little bed "Isn't that merely idle gossip?" "Gossip, for the plot." could like to rest on her little but. my dear," answered Miss Cayenne, act him a lifetime:, if he has .. gra: ::ress cried and begged her father to inside, ready for the babies, made of moss "is never cience, which I very much do • and dry leaves. The nest has a roof and two idle. It is the most industrious thing on to break her promise. earth." • You mean to tell me that he said the king. "The frog helped entrances, so that if an enemy comes, the little Insurance Agent: "Would you mind telling you to understand that lie is thou must keep thy word." squirrels can run out the other side. me if there is any insanity in your family, back to you at all?" -y reluctantly she picked the frog up When the baby squirrels are born they are Basil: "Do you know who that sweet little madam?" Wife (a policy seeker) : "Well, not at—is—what—what he says." .agers, carried him to her bedroom, blind and naked, but they soon turn into girl is that I've been dancing with all the exactly. Only my husband thinks he's boss u were married in England?" I en • him on the silken bed-spread. She pretty little balls of fluff, and very soon they evening?" Gwendoline: Yes, that's at home." going out of the room when she are jumping about from branch to branch, mother !" , in London, a fortnight ago. - helping their parents. Some people keep John sound, and, turning, she saw the frog Hubby : "Everything I say goes." Wifey : complete farce !" cried hat a , squirrels in cages, but it is a very cruel thing in his rpeared, and in his place was a hand- Violinist (proudly) : " The instrument I "Is that so?" "Yes, it goes all over the almost forgetting her presence 1:4 prince. Then the princess felt to do, because they are used to a wild life, perhaps it will be belt ,r now shall use at your house to-morrow evening, neighbourhood." Wen, M her behaviour towards the frog, running about in the forest, and hate to be your father deal with Stephen Hale," shut in a cage. my dear -sir, is over 200 years old." Parvenu: - prince did not seem to mind. The "Oh, never mind that. It's good enough ; no ust in scornfully. " So we will leave .,rang Sometimes squirrels become very tame. In Doctor : "Ah, Mrs. Higgins, how is your r the present. What would y, like up, bowed low before the prize one will know the difference." • . taking her by the hand, led her to the country they will approach houses for husband to-day?" Mrs. Higgins: " Gettin' yourself, little girl? You c"'' ' ter. He told the king that he had been food, and if you are very kind to them they along grand, doctor. Why, 'e tried to 'it me lone, of course, can you?" will sometimes let you go near them. Each child in a village school was to this mornin'." looked helplessly across at b.! Into a: frog by a witch, and that no undergo spring medical examination. The she said wearily. " And Pa sprinters would have been able to following note was sent by a parent to the -111n3'. spell. The prince asked that the Employer to office boy, who had arrived alp me, I think I will go to - :night MloNgliet child's teacher : " I object to my boy being late : " What's your excuse for being late this stay with her until Daddy cruet be his bride, and as he was overhauled. I clears his blood vessels out andsome, Over 330,000 people, including 23,000 from time?" Boy : " Stop me if you've heard this you see." and the heir to great pos- with brimstone and treacle, and he don't do," the king willingly gave his consent, England, have seen the Oberammergau one." at does seem the beet thing - princess Passion Play this year. want no more doctrine." ohn, relieved that there lc ,- some did not object. which to work. " I am ,01t° • weeks later the prince and princess Funds of friendly societies increased He: "Would it n yen part ■ '‘iy in Doctor : " Well, Thomas, how are you?" be wrong for me to kiss your can go with a golden coach drawn by eight from £1,058,174.494 in 1931 to £1,152,204,978 in hand?" She: "Well, it would be d myself, so 1 Thomas : " I be better than I was, sir, but I eat of way." :rses to the prince's country, where 1932. Building societies' funds increased place." bent forwanl and -• happily ever after. bain't as well as I was before I was as bad as paused, then from 2412,208,164 to £464,061,455. I be now." her hand. Said elltloY.._ A parcel. delivered at Southport, Lancs., " Don't let me miss my train," said the urage, little girl," he r departing guest. THF, meteorological observatory was found to " Now, what could be worse than a man "I'll see to that," said the e will be better things in stew STONE-HEAP PUZZLE. chauffeur. "The guv'nor has threatened to t, mark my words." contain a telescope lens stolen from there without a country?" said :the lecturer: " A Jumble puzzle" for you to solve. 20 years ago. give me the sack if I do." discover country Without a man," said an attractive (TO be continued.) a dozen different pre- young maiden. e .- this "heap" Attempting to save her pet dog from being t: run over, Mrs H. Tait, aged 70, was knocked 1.011a. down and killed by a motor car at Holford, A commercial traveller, who occupied a . train seat with a minister, wished to take him OUR LIVELIHOOD livell. Somerset. w hole r.tmsTAy . down a peg or two, so said.: " Have you never an may pay too dearly for I .- To advertise the • 1935 British Industries The WILLIAM BOOKS y giving, in Thoreau's terms. the. heard that each time a minister is hanged in Fair, more than 8,000 posters printed in Paris an ass is hanged at the same time?" it, or. in mine, bartering I - nine langptigeS have been sent to 45 different are as Popular of his available liberty and 1 ,g The clergyman blandly replied : " Well, let us y ," - I t4; countries. both be thankful that we are not in Paris." ill death. There are two q po ;011,- as ever sidered—the quality of what 'khoD:c . Mr and Mrs Fred Williams, of Peterhead, or it. • price we have to pay two :- n d All I T (ARA. Aberdeenshire, Scotland, celebrated their A lady engaged a new maid and found her a t tie There are now 1 thousand a year, And. golden wedding in the house in which they asleep for the third time in one afternoon in r _a ten thousand a year livelily 1 IS - have lived all their married life. the kitchen rocking-chai•. "What, asleep Fourteen of u afford the one you want? lea, i d •` to solve this puzzle is to Most talkative member of the House of again, Hattie !" said the lady. "When I them— of taste ; it is not in the il' .: all the precious stones you can Commons in recent months, Mr Aneurin engaged you you told me you were never ion of duty, though conimonly that "I take a jumbled word- and cut Bevan, spoke 252 columns of Hansard tired."- "No, ma'am, an' I ain't," replied tit there is no authority for es of paper Hattie, "but I should be if I didn't sleep." re. It is nowhere in then Bible.of It as there are letters between November, 1933, and July, 1934. outo print one letter on each square, do a vast .t we might •.i r"111 your list pick out the name of During the contest for America's Cup, the Little Len : '" Dad, what's a family tie?" wealthy, but it is also highly:,r,e ror .4i 4 ere lt- has the same number of letters, tape machines in the Savoy Hotel, London, Dad : " That one of mine with blue spots is. Not many do; and the " t were the nightly meeting place of numbers he loose letters can be arranged to You had it yesterday, an Tom's wearing it rich is not only quite distiect,.1l t . of the \Vest End's American visitors eager Just William it the practicepia , , t nlu this morning." More William doing good, but man for quickly solve it, and soon to follow the minute-by-minute repOrts William Again s not at all train a -tones the race. er.—Robert Louis Stevenson- :— Cockney Tourist (who has heard Mactavish William the Fourth and Macpherson conversing in Gaelic) : -"What Still William fr LOSS AND GAIN. ain so lo a horrible jargon that ii !" Mactavish : William the Conqueror William in Trouble everything you miss you g r.t:rmr*.mtwm.ratatmtnttemmawss " Indeed, it is not that, sir. Let me tell you Ise.—Ralph Waldo Emerson. Gaelic was the tongue they spoke in the William the Outlaw Garden of Eden." "Then I understand why William the Good AHEAD ! Maudella" Patterns I Adam and Eve were put out." William LOOK Specially Designed William the Bad Arise, why look behin all before,Asth:ttier- " Will you pass the butter, please," said William's Happy Days Greenleaf William's Crowded Hours ---J. for Successful Home Dressmaking the new arrival at Mrs. Skinflint's boarding. house. " Every time," said the old hand. William the Pirate ds.366.3 3d., 4d., and 6d. each, " I haven't intercepted it for months. You'll fl pass it, too, .when you get acquainted with At 216 they are CHEAP. sPecilnen of the very !ire 1::1Jour 1... Zol. the last were very easy to —at — it." e oth Was found by Alt H. 1 to tackle the harder ones. Do garden• a spin] is? It is a "blood The Teesdale Fancy Repository, All are in Stock at— to IIIS the 0 I Mr. Henpeck: " I've spoken a cross word 111011 II, numbers crow het ''ui shall leave you to '6 geography books from what Barnard Castle. to my wife only once -in our thirteen years of ng metal Wage oY:4 married life." Friend: " Very remarkable, teali to sse%)a if het - globe we get each stone of the Teesdale Mercury Bookshop, ses in order that, very." " Not so very remarkable. See three Hornchurch (E rattratrae.". that scar?" 24, Market Place, Barnard Castle. laced on probation. I