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Volume 4 Lanthorn, 1968-2001

6-1-1972 Lanthorn, vol. 4, no. 15, June 1, 1972 Grand Valley State University

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Recommended Citation Grand Valley State University, "Lanthorn, vol. 4, no. 15, June 1, 1972" (1972). Volume 4. 15. http://scholarworks.gvsu.edu/lanthorn_vol4/15

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vol.4 no IS t h e g r a n d v a l l o y state collages lu n o 1.1972 CRS LOSES RttREOmniOn by Barbara Cutinane Some one recently shock to the administration, Someone suggested that it The first person that this about his opinions on the announced that the College o f who had very little to My at the was a result o f a failure to person contacted after hearing situation he reddened and Mid, Arts and Sciences has time. Vice Frerident Dean Hills, dismiu the M. A .’s and hire Ph. o f the tragic event, w a , “ Well, I’m in a rather unexpectedly lo s t its however managed to take action D’s. "A fte r all, these things naturally GVSC President Arend embarrasaing situation. You see, accreditation. Because o f the and called a meeting but he sneak up rather quickly before Lubbers. He was at a lots for my wife just phoned to tell me action passed against the college didn’t know when it would be you even know it," he Mid. words when asked to comment about It.” Since there was no the state has ruled that it must yet. No one reelly knows why Another one said that Allendale on the ruling. "W ell, I really point in causing him any further immediately fold up. Since no the ruling has been taken against doesn’t need to be educated. don't know what to My, except discomposure, the discussion one had anticipated the sudden the college but a few excuses And continuing, he added, "It’s that my swimming pool will ended here. turn down, it all came as quite a were given. not our fault, it's theirs.” probably have to go along with Since Vice President Kenneth my job .” What action does he Venderbush seems to think he plan on taking? " I ’m afraid that knows som ething about it’s out o f my hands by now. everything, he was also a further There’s just too much red tape potential source of to deal with and i can’t do it.” enlightenment. This, After this comment, the unfortunately, was an logical thing to do was to talk to overaaumption, since upon Vice President Arthur Hills. being uked to think o f reasons "Plana; Well o f course we have for the loss of accreditation he plans, some o f have plans, that could only say, "Oh my, that’s is. " He said. Some o f us have too bad. When did it happen?” thought of opening a new school Thus far there is no with a totally different format, information as to what will one that would hopefully attract happen with students who will a different sort o f populus. We be turned away from Grand even have a name for it: Rolling Valley State College. Admissions Hills School for Rompers. It has office said, “ They might be a nice ring to it," he added. notified by mail.” A further W0C HUSTLES ASSISTANT DEAN Furthermore, “ We’re holding a suggestion was that some one board meeting to discuss the should try a merger between "There were tw o main energy needed to do this work and as a professor. He received new school, but we don't want GVSC and Grand Rapids Junior considerations that led me to day in and day out, a good pot his HSD from PS23, Kansas the wrong people to know about College. Another suggested that it, so if you wouldn’t mention faithful faculty and students appoint Charles Atlas assistant o f coffee really helps. Having a City, Missouri. His hobbies it.. . . ” But what about the two hold classes in the Crew House dean o f WJC," says Dr. Adrian cup o f coffee there when I need include water skiing, bottle top other colleges on campus, how and the accompanying bam to Tinsley, Dean o f WJC. "First it will be another of Chuck’s collecting, and muscle flexing. will they fit in with your plans? start from scratch. Someone was his challenging, inquisitive responsibilities.” When asked He is also a fan o f the stage, and, "W ell. ! hate to say it but they from the plant department manner c f thinking and second about Mr. Atlas’ qualification as according to sources close to don't. imfottuMtoly. Ma fhgf tJut atudMita ggt £ was, well, uh, you know.” Dr. a typist. Dr. Tinsley replied, "I him, he is glad to be coming to they are dispensible, goddam job. Tinsley's voice trailed o ff at that don't know. I forgot to ask. But the Grand Rapids area because fortunately,” he concluded. No plans were made for the point, although there was a faint he must be able to type. Can’t of the outstanding work being Dean Niemeyers, being the fate of the faculty. In the words smile on her lips and a twinkle in all men type?” done with the stage by the Dean o f CAS was also a logical of someone, “Nobody really her eye. The Lanthorn asked Dr. rarkwsy T*epics. person to contact. When asked cares about them.” Tinsley how Mr. Atlas came to When asked what the specific be appointed to the position. duties o f the new assistant dean "Soon after I was appointed would be, Ms. Tinsley responded dean,” .she answered, “ I solicited that it wasn’t all worked out yet, applications from various men but he would probably "just that L thought were well suited JEFF JURKH WINS LANTHORN help out around the office." She for the post o f assistant desn. O f continued, "A lot of a dean’s all those who responded, I felt work is just busy work, typing that Mr. Atlas had the best ANNUAL COLORING CONTEST memos, letters, official policy attributes. Joe Namath ran a —a — —. a. >am. j i t , statements and such. Also, there UOSC SCtUHU , UlUU^Ai. is a lot of filing and organizing Mr. Atlas is currently to be done with a young college associated with the School o f like this. These are the types o f Dynamic Tension, which he things I expect Mr. Atlas to be founded. At this school he has The Lanthorn, in keeping doing. Also, with the amount of functioned both as administrator with its policy of following up atones, is happy to announce the winner of the Second Annual WOODT CRACKS DOWN Lanthorn Coloring Contest. The winner, Jeff Jurich, was selected from a wide field of entries, six ON DEFEATIST BEHAVIOR in number. Shirley Doebet, New* Bureau Editor, selected Jeff's The college’s Rehabilitation problem behavior; he should be coloring entry after much - — ^ J 1a ma! a ■» ■ lakakiA Sh ■ m t Review Board, which was part of niUUVBLCU IU W im m ntv tatam m m “!» close,” Pres. Lubbers crackdown against defeating behavior; and the Doebel stated, "but I like the drug violators, took action last student should not present a life use of colon and the way Jeff Thursday against 228 Grand style to the college community blended them together.” Valley students. Acting with the that would lead to adverse Jeff has won a case of coke authority granted them by the modeling effects. The students and the other entries mcaivnd ruling in the handbook against we acted against did not meet honorable mentions for their students who display "Evidence any of the above criteria. They participation. Honorable of prior behavior involving grave all still advocated the drinking o f mentions go out to Bobi moral turpitude,” the Rehab beer or wine, none o f them were Tipsword, Jim NorkUi, Ken Board announced that 228 making any effort to end their Schepera, Barbara Beaton, Bruce students were being dismissed own use, and they let it openly Ladewski, Candy Elmer, and R. from college because they were be known to others that they Heldmann. found to have violated laws were beer or wine users. The Jeffs entry will be on display minors in possession of action that was brought against in the lanthorn office until hie them is their own fault. They takes it home or until it is Dr. Robert Woody, Grand defeated themselves.” thrown out. Students, who whh Valley’s behavior modifier, Just by way of coincidence, to see (he winning entry in M (poke with the Lanthorn about the Lanthorn was able to learn color, are invited to stop in at the recent ruling. "According later in the week that all of the the Lanthorn office to see it. to our policy," he stated, “any ttudents who were dismissed The Lanthorn would also hka found with a previous hi the to extend a special thank you to the 4,000 students who forgot to stay in school, be a IMS or were friends of to enter. They made the i o f the a lot easier to j Student Commaiidaf wir^liiHwnlaww

Dear Editor: people running for the Traffic Judiciary, Newspaper thirty-seven positions available Board, Radio Station Board, and I would like to use this in the student government. I All College Senate. Since opportunity to congratulate the decided to run for President o f everything that the college students at Grand Valley for EXCO because I couldn't let the government does goes to the their turnout in the recent Creager, Carter, Curey ticket run administration before its official college government elections. unopposed. I persuaded many t he elected positions are The EXCO committee also others to run for office assuring considered a joke by a vast deserves a hand for their most o f them that all they had majority o f the students at handling o f the election. By not to do to win was get their name Grand V alley. The letting the seniors vote, they on the ballot. Nancy Gaffield Administration uses the council saved time, energy, and money deserves some credit for getting and EXCO as a feedback of which can be used to try and get more votes than anyone for any student feelings. When about enough council members to a position with a total o f 27S. five percent o f the students are meeting to have a quorum. I Johnathan B. Schotte represented, this feedback ia visited the EXCO office a few successfully ran unopposed for destroyed. Student fees are weeks ago to learn about the the position o f Community tacked on to tuition which gives student government for this is Council representative fro*r EXCO officials salaries and pays my Tint term at Grand Valley. I William James and in addition for much o f the nonsense that was surprised to find only a few secured write in position for goes on next year Grand Valley will have 5000 students all paying $9.00 a year in fees. TMa comes to about $45,000.1 move An Educated Opinion that the 95% o f the students who are not represented refuse Why does this college allow excessive flatulence in to pay their student fees. David William McArthur classrooms and auditoriums when it is clearly a violation o f state law? And in iighi o f this violation, why doesn’t the college make the offenders sit near the windows or in the back o f the room. GVSC Pays Last It is understandable why administration has assumed a safe position on the flatulence issue. After all, there are onComputi? more students who indulge in flatulence than there are those who don 7. But what about the rights o f others? Dear Editor: to Senio rs Something is going on on Those who don 7 are fust as affected as those who do. The by Ken Schepen Without the people who were campus that I think you ought loud bank and pervasive odor which accompany flatulence willing to put up with 4 years o f to know about. Today I was EDITOR’S NOTE: This is a persistent academic drudgery in can be very annoying and even unhealthy to those standing next to the lilac bushes prepared speech from the Grand Valley's College of Arts unfortunate enough to be close at hand. near the library when one o f College Administration to be and Sciences, mankind would them whispered to me “We delivered at the 1972 G.V.S.C. Flatulence is particularly a problem during exam time. not have a sturdy foundation to bloom tomorrow at three graduation exercises. I f a student is wrestling with tough essay questions and the work from. As one graduating o’clock. Pass It on.” htm lets one rip, it can really ruin a train Friends and Neighbors: senior, who’s soul now rests What do you make o f this? o f thought. Those things are hard to ignore, and there is somewhere between limbo and nothing a student can do in the middle o f an exurn. He We are gathered together here the Michigan Employment Yours truly, in solemn respect to pay final Security Commission, one said can’t reprimand the offender, move across the room, open Bob Romkema tribute to a group o f individuals of the College of Arts and Plant Manager a window, or leave. He can only plug nis nose and keep on that have passed on from this Science, “ It beats working in a working. life which we have all come to factory.” The time has come to ban flatulence in the classrooms. love and cherish, the life known as undergraduate school. These I f you leave too many classrooms with a queasy stomach Editor % First Before I forget, let me add a people were good people. They token word for the black alumni or the feeling that you *ve been sitting downwind from a were Christians, they had all and Chiceno alumnus that were burning tire, do not suffer in silence. Make it known to gone to Sunday School and once amongst us. Surely you your instructor ( who may be the worst offender) that you catechism at one time or To Thi Editor: remember them, they were the do not enjoy having to breathe another persons hard another, or at least most o f them came from God-fearing homes. ones that always stayed by boiled eggs or baked beans. M y life is like a banana These once active and originally themselves, except when the without you - yes, a banana The administration must realize the situation and untainted souls were a physical males were dealing our white without it’s peel: bruised and require that all instructors comply to the law against extension of our bodies, their women folk. They had their rotten. So please reconsider! Let spirit still lives in our minds and good ones. excessive flatulence by instructing their students that there us part from here secretly, so in our culture. will be allowed no more than two bombs per student per that no one knows o f our I speak for the college class period, and if they cannot keep within that limit, whereabouts even. Do not Let us pause a few moments community at Bland Valley they must supply their own airwick. abandon me in my time o f need. while the band, under the sedate when I say that, we will miss Without you, my eyes reflect the guidance o f Daniel Kovats, plays these knowledgeable and greyest o f skies, the most a stanza or tw o o f the Battle cultured beings. The faculty will torrential rains, and the most Hymn o f the Republic. now be forced to find other hazardous traveler's warnings. Thank you G.VdS.C. band students to turn them on to the 11 D i l l and thank you Dan, for your latest happenings on this planet Love me good and love me true, contribution to the memories of (take note o f that relevant cliche She bop, shebop, my baby ooo. a breed o f human beings that I just implemented.) have left their own impression Your secret admirer, The LANTHORN is the student newspaper of Grand on our innocent campus. \Valley State College. The opinions expressed in the Harriet Wallbanger Although some of us more Without the earnest and sophisticated intellectuals do are solely those of the staff or of signed inspiring innovation from our belong to the same esoteric itributors. Att correspondence or inquiry should be alumni, M ien and brothers who c o u n try c lu b as the ted to LANTHORN. 17LSH, GVSC. founded Thomas Jefferson philosopher-king-lord, we do not College, we would not have our know what tomorrow brings. So EDITOR: Paul Johnston own faction of that liberated please, let us joing hands (but I ASSISTANT EDITOR: Barbara Cullinane Dear Editor: and progressive atmosphere that watch out for those commie BUSINESS MANAGER: John Strothers I think your paper is pent. 1 has enabled man/woman to pinko faggots if they start PRODUCTION MANAGER: Bruce Ladewski don’t understand why people discover hit world and create robbing your leg) and sing OFFICE STAFF: Vonnie Miedema say your grammar isn’t no pood. such everyday commodities as: together from page 347 of the And I also think the pages in the musical instruments, mndiral Salvation Am y HymaaL The PHOTOGRAPHER: Ken Schepen paper ia laid out pood too. A nd I technology, and the education song is (surely you remember ARTIST: Rick Brunson know whet I am t a li* about. I institution which we are a part that oM favorite song we used to I SPORTS: Rich Neil, Bfll Mills were an Enghrii Major for two o f today. rin g!)...... CAMPUS ACTIVITIES: C. J. Czamik yean before I switched to brain I REPORTERS: P»ul Mitchell, Frank BodenmiUer, Barbara surgery. I have aew many other CONTRIBUTORS: Jeff r, Kenny battsT dUtheaa ML Men,* go Done * « w ,t. c””L. The M ister’s Bag

by Paul L. MitchaU going well for the Slava. The even want to do it) to I have to doctor, who told her that she Dervishes ware reportedly find soma other method of birth has mono. This has made her It e ra announced lest week met lees and dissension was control. I have been told that extremely upeet, because she has Satan Wrap works pretty good. that the Slavic (Mention league rampant in ths Slavic High not had sexual contact for five What’s your opinion? w m diabanding after having Command. months now since her boyfriend tenortaed the carapua for almoet Finally, the news broke. The ANSWER: Saran Wrap is usually went in the Marines. Is it tw o terms. The announcement Dervishes wars In full retreat. In affective, but it has problems. poerible that she caught mono came shortly after a report was a statement issued by Dennis Sometimes, upon withdraws!, it from some other source, such as received in the Lanthom office Mankovttak, Slavic general and pts left behind, which is a a toilet seat or a sauna bath? that a masaivs invasion o f the minister o f the Arts, it was problem. A bo, because o f the campus by thousands of discovered that the Dervich condition under which It’s being scream ing Dervishes was payroll money had turned up used, it sometimes tears. T o ANSWER: I don’t know who’s imminent. According to sources missing and that Pavel solve both these problems, I trying to fool who here, but I'm dose to Panel Wisniewski, the Wisniewski, the Slavic leader, would recommend using certainly not fooled, and when leader of the Slavic Diberation had fled to Virginia. 'T w o snd oventempered Reynolds Wrap, the boyfriend Marine comes league, the Dervishes were tw o have been put together,” securely fastened with a rubber back, you’d better have a better mercenaries hired by the league reed the statement, “ and we band. A double layer, o f course, story cooked up. to bolster their flagging bones have come to the conclusion provides extra protection. The superstition that mono and effect a takeover o f the that our leader is now e very rich tty Mr. Werner B a te* can be caught from sources like entire community. Terror and man. As a result, we have toilet seats or sauna baths seems panic followed close or the heels to persist no matter how many decided to disband the league.” DEAR MR. BATES: What do o f this first announcement. times doctors refute it. Realizing Life returned to normal on DEAR MR. BATES: My you do when you swallow a bee? The Fieid House, which had that something like this cannot campus shortly after this girlfriend snd I have been going Please answer quickly, as this is suffered a stinging defeat at the announcement. However, if be said too many times. ! will together for about a year now an emergency. hands o f the Slavic Forces earlier anyone sees an atomic powered snd I’ve decided that it’s about repeat it once more. in the year chose evacuation as submarine bearing the emblem time we did it. You know, had ANSWER: I never swallow bees. Mononucleosis cannot be caught the only course possible. of Grand Valley State College relations. But I don't want to Why do you ask? from toilet seats or floating through the air or dirty dixie Athletic supporters went flying will you please notify the have a kid or nothing. I can’t get DEAR MR. BATES: A friend of as the Jocks took to the river. campus police. her to go on the pill (sho doesn't cups. Mononucleosis can only be Other groups on campus were ■T1 hfMftffi contracted through sexual simularity affected. Dovtit Hall contact, or, to use the vulgar was preparing itself for the siege street term, kissing. when one chemistry student The reason for this fact can accidently opened a canister of be found in the nature o f the lonthorn Party Jokes mono virus. This virus depends d. Eric Grienke Memorial Nerve Gas and the building went silent. on the warmth o f the inside o f the human body to survive, The dormitories too were a First Boy: Got a match ? Dolly: Whet did the telephone pole say to the fire scene of mass confusion. Many when t is exposed to the air Second Boy: Not since Superman died. truck? outside o f the human body, it Freshmen were seen calling their Molly: / don’t know, what? parents for help while others dies within an eighth o f a Joe: What did the mayonnaise say when mother Dolly: It said, “What rime is it?" second. could be seen loading their high The best way to make certain school graduation gifts into their opened the refrigerator? - that you don’t get mono is, high school graduation cars and Moe: ldon’t know. What? So: What did the jeiio say when mother opened quite frankly, very simple. Don’t leaving in greet haste. One Joe: Shut the door, I'm dressing. the refrigerator? dormitory group however, was Zoe: I don’t know, what? kiss. This is quite severe, unaffected by the news. Gloria Harley: When is a car not a car? Bo: Shut the door. I'm a hamburger. however, and p ossib ly C iftite m d her band o f Farley: When it turns into a driveway? Iunnecessary. If you confine your kissing to your husband, or the «x-viigina held fast. Harley: No. when it’s a banana! “ We’ll take them all on.” The Joker: Got a match? •re safe (as long as he is faithful vowed Gloria with a wink. Ralph: What grows in the ground, has green leaves, Luther: No. too). If you feel you must be T.J.C. staged a rally to and is taller than you are? promiscuous, keep the nature o f the virus in mind and kiss protest the escalation and agreed Norton: A tree! Question: Why doesn ’r the moron eat pickes? to hold seminars to discuss the accordingly. 95% of all mono is Answer: otcause n r can 7 get his head in ihe jar. impucaiioRS. “ Far out,” said a „ the result o f dirty kissing. So, Fred: S W got a dog who our. talk. student. “ W ow,” said another. ® just cross your fingers and keep After two hours of meaningless Tea: / don i believe you. Show me Harry: What’s orange and blue and brown and red it clean. discussions T.J.C. slowly came Fhed: What is on top o f a house. Rover? all over? to the realization that the van Rover: Bow-wow. Terry: An embarrassed orangutang! was, indeed, in their own Harley: No, a banana! DEAR MR. BATES: I am a backyard. A resolution was Bill: If two's company and three’s a crowd, what’s | junior in college and I have never pawed calling for the college to four and five? gone out alone with a girl.! have charter a BOEING 747 and fly Bob: Eight. Teacher: If I had nine apples and I gave you four. never even asked a girl to go out to British Columbia. I Hurley: No. a banana. msny would you have? with me. I have tried a number The Fine Aits Center was, on Pupil Three. ■ o f times but each time my the other hand, hardly affected Moe: What did the hamburger say when mother ([mouth goes dry and my heart by the news. When asked to opened the refrigerator? iunds and I chicken out. comment on the crisis the three Bo: I don’t know, what? Batman: Had any lately? N ow there is a girl in my department heads mumbled c!w that I really like, Moe: Shut the door, I ’m a hamburger. Batgirl: N o t since Superman died. something about “ artists” and is very nice and ! would like “non-combatants." “The show go uui will itvi. What do you must go on,” gushed one theater Martian Boy: Eint ppppi O f eg noiyoiyoi7 Question: Which bums longer, a bate candle or a ido? student. “ We have a duty to our Martian Mother: Fzzww nuimbit gntnk n oiyoiyoi! red candle? public.” And with a long sweep Answer: I don Y know which one? (ANSWER: I suggest you dtop o f his beautiful lace petticoat he First Boy: Got a light? Question: The blue candle. yards and punt. Any guy aa swished away. Second Boy: N ot since Superman died. as you who hasn't gone out The Administration was, First Hippie: Turn on the radio. got to be a nerd and she ftfrhapt, the most affected by Alice: D id you hear the one about the one armed Second Hippie: (Click) ibly won't go out with you the news of the invasion. In a gH , the pickle, and the tuba player? moving ceremony held behind FaBce: Yes. There was a young fellow named Cain, DEAR MR. BATES: My the library President Lubbers Who was wicked, perverse, and profm e: snd his crew of Vice-Presidents Inins and m y feet smell. Am I stood at rigid attention while Father: Why did you tiptoe past the medicine With the leg o fa took, | built upaide down? chest? He stoned brother Abel. Vice President Arthur Kitts [ANSWER: It could very well be. Hmiev: I didn’t want to wnka up the bmmma And shouted, "Remember the Alamo. ’’ The President and Does your eye ball? Ms

to the depths o f Zumberg Pond.

) LANTHORN W ins Journalism Prize

English Department, Dennis Kennedy, had this to u y o f the first place award, “ I knew the newspaper had potential. 1 have always used the Lanthom as an example in my sfriting classes. It has always proved an invaluable resource.” Asked if he thought that any single quality o f the Lanthom most attributed to its success, Mr. Kennedy said, “Most certainly it wu the pleasing layout and fine topography.” In ceremonies next week the English Department will bestow upon the Lanthom, an everlasting plaq commemorating *t« achievement. Bill Siepman, Chairman o f the Pres. Lubbers, being told of his being let go for lack of a Ph.D. Board of Control, will be officiating the ceremonies. Ed Hogterp will be the person to receive the award on behalf of Pres. Lubbers the newspaper staff. Other honors include a poem Gets the Axe written by L. Eric Grienke, first rate college, we just can’t which will be dedicated in the Glenn Neimeyer just said that have a second rate president. Let Paul Johnston, editor, being iniofwed ®* prise. next issue of the Amranthus. hi3 decision regarding the firing me make this perfectly clear, Grienke, a former Lanthom of GVSC president Arend Shirley Doe be 1, chairwoman These papers took second and however, that I’m not critisizing reporter himself, thought the Lubbers is final. He’ s going to do of the newspaper board, third place respectively. The Arend’s intelligence or his factual news reporting that the it. The reasoning behind Mr. announced last week that the Lanthom was rated best in news personality, I’m talking about newspaper is famous for won Neimeyer’s bold act is by no Lanthom was awarded first prize rreporting, layout, grammer, and them the award. “ Articles, such means petty. On the contrary, it the amount of education he’s for overall excellence in a college editorials. u the one that I wrote on the is consistent with the recent rash had, and maybe the quality of newspaper. The citation awarded Lavish praise from the college Loutit Hal! Nerve gas scandal, of firing. Shockingly enough, it ... ” by the Michigan Collegiate Press faculty was the Lanthora’s with their factual reporting were Mr. Lubbers h u no Ph.D. The To say the least, Mr. Lubbers Association affords the honor this p u t week. Professor undoubtedly the decisive factor action w u not at all pleasant, in was heartbroken: “ I just don’t Lanthom the opportunity to Zumberge, an vdent and in honoring the Lanthom with the words of the Chief, "I really know what to do now, they may compete for national recognition faithful supporter of the 1st place.’ * Mr. Grienke also hated to do it.” take me back at the this summer. newspaper for many yean, wu reports that he is now Mr. Neimeyer considers the factory. . . ” H u he no The editor of the Lanthom, convinced that the Lan thorn's considering a National firing of Mr. Lubbers just as intention of fighting Mr. Paul Johnston was contacted at respect for impecable grammer Newspaper Festival. Hopefully reasonable as the firing of Ken Neim eyer’s decision? A t this he «»«lH n e wm tba reason for Morgan and Judy Niles: could only gup. “It’s alt a response to tl\p award was the fint place citation. the festival would attract the “ They’re inferior people, matter of politics, if you don’t jubilant laughter. He was sure According to Zumberge, “The famed “New York” school of journalism as well as local goddamit!” win then you lose,” w u the that our college newspaper could Lanthom w u always a fin t class journalists ioi next summer On the ether hand, he insists president’s final comment. win st least second pU c« in ui« Di-weekly. Its stimulating fuel activities. that his action bears neither Ken Morgan, another victim national competition sponsored for good taste was the English Dean Niemeyer agreed with personal nor political cf Mr. Neimeyer’s autocratic by the New York Timet and Department’s keen Grienke that the Lanthom’s foundations: “ I don’t mind that faculty clean-up job , had this to Associated Press International- undentanding of the Lanthom's factual, indepth reporting wu he makes $5,000 more a year uy: “ It happens to the worst of In the Michigan competition few problems.’* He went on to than I do, after all, he’s the head them. On the other hand, Glenn the Lanthom captured first say, "My collcgues and 1 have the determining factor in the collegiate press competition. executive here." Concerning just might make a better place over such papers as the also given the newspaper our However, he was of the opinion politics, Mr. Neimeyer said: “ I president, he’s probably got the nationally acclaimed Michigan undying love and devotion.” have no political interest here, right qualifications and he’s Daily and Ann Arbor News. Another member of the that it w u Ken Morgan’s article and nr> Grienke’s that won the whatsoever. It’s not like I probably got more of an air of award. Niemeyer explains, “ Mr. impeached the guy. I just had to professionalism, that’s important ■ A H Morgan’s unabashed, informative do it. Unfortunately,! may have in the field o f education.” L Jo y o u K n o w W h a t incite Lite the methodologies of to be considered for the job-I Who would Mr. Neimeyer like survival in CAS w u the type o f do have m y Ph.D.” to see in Mr. Lubbers’ piacc? reporting that our community Mr. Neimeyer says that his “ Golly that’s hard to say maybe organ excelled in.” He added, action wu only in the better a woman with political interests Coast Cities Is? ” ... and to think they did it interest o f Grand Valley State would add some excitement to without a Ph.D.” College. “ After all, if we want a the campus, we need stuff tike that around here.” C o u t cities is u follow s: 131 pavement is wet; about 35 miles Other comments and praise south from Grand Rapids to across the state border you may came from Jim Kipp and Roy Kalamazoo: exit at no. 74 and want to exit at 10 and head east; Yumsden of college relations, GRAND VALLEY TO HOLD head east of 94 to Battle Creek; this route is the shortest to the “The Lanthom hu always helped us in the public relations exit at no. 98, head south on 27 Florida Atlantic Cout north of department.” Paul Royce said, to Indianapolis (this freeway Fort Lauderdale. But if you are PHOTOGRAPHY CONTEST “It wu the community turns into 69 new the gayly costumed. They wore wide As part of the Grand Valley mem ben o f Grand Valley, Michigan-! ndiaaa border and leg pants and wide sleeved tops governments constant cooperation with the Lanthom Environmental Week, a Aquinas, Calvin, Davenport and changes again in Indianapolis to that allowed freedom of that helped win the first place photography contest is being Grand Rapids Junior College. All 6S); stay on 65 through movement. The outfits were prize.” held sed er n »» theme of “ A prints must be 5x7 or larger and Louisville, Kentucky and into usually two-toned; white and M iu Niles o f French said that Photographic Commentary on must be matted, mounted, or Nashville, Tennessee ; when blue, white and pink, yellow and she w u so cxdted that even she the Environment.” Pictures framed. Any available technical through Nashville, you white. Matching colored slippers could hardly control herself. Her submitted diould follow this information must accompany exit at no. 59 and head were worn. Their makeup was it w u, “1 wonder what theme either in reference to the the entry along the upper right south on 24 to Chattanooga; at also two-toned with one side ygH/Wr Ar h lljn nr snjenjr aswl tkn beauty that is left, or the hand corner on the back of the •7 r«w»i pollution that we now print with the person’* same, freeways other side'whlte. The children w ilf 'b e joining the Lanthom experience, or both. A first prize school, and school status 75; were delighted with the colorful staff next of $100 is being offered. • If this truly is the takes a The contest is open to all AH entries must be submitted it is np to the administration to 100 staff by yesterday. Winners of the rectify this contest will be notified by mail. CAS to Offer Relevant classifieds Courses Someday byC. J.I. CzaraikCzarnfls m Do you curse everytime you FOR SALE: 1970 Suzuki 50 the authentic replicas of famous language specialist, ‘Reva Wanted: ***** to snhlnt an have to enroll in inert - up to 60 miles per gallon. restrooms to create the proper Durchee. apartment Cram Jane 15 to foundation courses? Do you feel Impress girls, form a motorcycle atmosphere needed for artistic Science 460. The Wonderful September IS. It ie that they are irrelevant in their gang. A ll this for $100 or best fullfillm ent. Individuality World o f Earwax. Deals with air-coaditioocd end includes use quest to provide you with a offer. For further information or stressed. advance earwax research nd of a swimming pooL One broader education? Well if you further ideas, call Bruce at Music 661. Composition and roommate. $170 for the three do, something is being done. development. Lectures to be Lyrics. How the big hits are months. Call 895-6645 for more 895-4235. Several C.A.S. students have given by Professor Durwood produced. Students will get the Kirby. raiornumon. formed a new group, Free Room and board plus chance to record a real song with History 333. Television. A Foundations Are Ridiculously allowance to students who will Composer Bargin Benny who has basic course in the development Tough, to fight for reform. Faculty or students. Vacation been rumored to have been the o f television. Emphasis on reruns babysit in my home from 11 These students have drawn up a in Jamaica this summer. Rental “ driving force" in the of "My Little Marge,” "Pete and p.m. - 8 a.m. I work the third list of new courses to be offered o f Lillside Villa includes 3 Lennon-Mcartney compositions. Gladys" and “ I Love Lucy." shift. For more information, call winter term next year. bedrooms (6 occupants), maid Foreign Language 696. A Students interested in any o f 895-6683. A press conference will be and cook service, pool, private class that takes the most the above classes should contact held next Tuesday at 2:30 pm beach. Located 10 minutes from important parts o f world Judy Monduso at extension 545. Wanted: male calico cat. Must on the football field to Jamaican Playboy Club-Hotel languages and brings them to When asked o f the new courses, be six months or less. Call announce the new offerings. and other noted resorts. S300.00 you. Learn important phrases 4th vice president or Academic 895-6645 if you have one. Advance press releases reveal per 7 days undersells anything like, Ooo La La, No Parley Quality, Brewster Van that many o f the classes are o f on the island. For reservations, Francais, Oots-Fray, Oops-Lay, Hockerlann stated "W e’ll fight Lost: blue notebook. Left on the 200 course level and higher. contact Richard Walters, 3549 - and Whero el Toileto? Classes them back to the stone age if we the fourth floor of Library. If In it our quest to provide Grand 28th S.W., GrandviUe, Mich. hosted by world famous have to.” found, please call ext. 120. Vwltey StlldfSt? urith afj fh f facts, the L A N T H O R N now publishes several examples o f the tentative classes: Sociology 321, Fraternities. A course dealing with all the aspects of college life. Students will be able to master the art of Goldfish Swallowing. Finals will HAVEN'T YA HEARD... be held in the dryers in the Copeland Laundry room. Students enrolling in this class will be offered membership in “ Stigma Alfalfa Bata” Fraternity. Enrollment limited to 25 because classes are held in a phone booth. Psychology 196, Suicide. Did you know that over 60% o f all suicides are unsuccessful? Why be one of them? Don’t further your humiliation in life by botching up as Peggy Lee would m v "that final disappointment." Must provide own sleeping pills and/or razor blades. Endorsed by the A .R .A . Phys. Ed 069. Sexual Perversion. Learn in the classroom what others had to learn elsewhere. Lecturers included Kitty Litter, who has been happily married to a California Redwood for six years. History 301 - America’s Navel History. Ten o f the most famous bellybuttons in American History, and their part in shaping our heritage. Sociology 710 - Ethnic Jokes. A must for students planning on owning a home in the suburbs. This class turns the nationalities of the world into inferior groups o f Dego’s, Spies, Pollocks, etc. Why did the Romanian only_shine the back o f his shoes? Enroii now and And out! Math 67421 - The overuse of Numbers. Did you know if you add together your Social Security number, zip code, student I.D. no., License plate no., and multiply it by your draft number and divide by the CA$H on the spot- square root of a calculus book, you get sack? Learn how to fight the "number rackets in life." English 014, Graffetti. Many No nood to stop back farter people are potential Heramingways only to hide their work in the 4th floor John in the for your monoy. library. Clames will be held in

Commencement imuwMMuait and Name Cards are on sale in the sai your book, to tuCam pus Bookstore, Bookstore. They wflt he available m long m the supply cards. 2/Sc; 25c each or 5/SI.20. Thursday & Friday ~ June 8A 9 Council mokes Tissue number Turn Issue bathrooms have to be self 1 1 second that!”, said had “received complaints if he could read his supporting by Ed Hoofterp regarding the poor quality o f the Romkema told the Council to the Council. “ Y ou already d id ." said bathroom tissue in the student that the college had been able to Fred, not now,' said washrooms.” Bager then Royce. Bager took the floor again avoid dunging a “potty fee” Royce. introduced a resolution asking The Community Council and reported that his committee only by cutting corners on Creager sat down, and the that the Administration met in a special session last had done extensive research on things like toilet paper, and by Council moved on to the next "recognize the importance of Tuesday to certify the results o f the issue and had determined “snitching money from other item. defecation in College life . . . and the May IS Community that the tissues used at Grand accounts.” He added that within Dave Bager, Chairman of the take anpropriate measures to Elections, and to discuss what Valley are o f a generally inferior a few years a fee will probably Committee on Campus Life, told provide' for both the comfort Council President Paul Royce quality. “I*ve defecated at become necessary. the Council that and the cleanliness o f those who called “ an issue o f vital Colleges all over the state,” he Josh Austin asked if it might feel a need to defecate on importance to our College.” said, "and our bathroom tissue is not be possible to pay for the campus.” First item on the agenda was the worst. It just doesn't feel bathrooms by selling some of Fred Creager seconded the the certification o f the elections the excrement to the A.R.A. motion, and the floor was like . .. toilet paper. (see Lenthorn. May 18) in which Fred Creager asked what A spokesmen for the food opened for discussion. Fred Greater won the position “ defecation'' means. Josh Austin service said that this had been of Community Council President said it means number 2. R oyce tried before, but that “ A.R.A. is Fred Creager asked what all for next year. The elections were very concerned with nutritional the big words meant. Ken said that if Austin couldn’t unanimously approved without quality, and purchases only the Venderbush said that the refrain from such obscenity he any discussion. finest fecal material.” resolution wasi “in essence, a would have to leave. “ After all,” President-elect Creager asked Romkema said that an student initiated reform Royce said, “ there are girls attempt had been made to hire proposal, created with the design present." The G. y.S.C. undent work-study employees to “ sort o f fabricating a reversal o f what Royce then asked to hear out the good stuff,” but that the who complained some perceived as a distinctly from Bob Romkema, who was operation had proven to be discriminatory, and present to speak fo r the plant to the Community Council that non-egalitatian policy.” Creager department. Romkema said that economically unfeasable, and asked what that meant. it was basically a question of the food service had signed a "The toilet paper feeis iike mere John Benser said it meant money. ‘The State doesn't give contract with a rubbish hauler in Grosse Pointe that they wanted softer toilet us funds for bathroom are still chunks o f wood in it. " Royce asked Vice-President paper in the bathrooms. operation,” he said, “ so Dean Hills to give the 1 0 1 administration’s view of the issue. Hills said that he had ■ American hippies — drwg-croxod Mane one or g e n tle flavor children? personally investigated the #------i . — 4*9 4eet*j

■ Teeny-bopper drug-puehere always open to any member of * Drum so "sscrssssjfls" the community.” el prostitution in Ken Fridsma asked Bager .DRUGS Vtflape A W O R D hew rrtssr r g g pfc o F C A U T tO M ... your child for Uric? complained about the “ tissue ■ The lour kinds oI hippies issue.” Bager said about SO. SIMMS of growlMolty. ■ The i Fridsma said that 50 complaints might not accurately reflect the situation. ‘There might be £f* rs thousands of people out there PRfflBSCOITY 5 2 ?5 who are happy with the situation just the way it ia,” he said. Ken Schepers, representing o f Rm the SDS, suggested that the students should boycott the M«WI I brute bathrooms as a protest and i livVwStgllC BtytR TweRBQ i la “ take to the streets.” i you on a tour o< the Nppla loltoolfcna —t Vice President Venderbush : your child may ba In treuMa M ho suggested that the dHcusaon had S Seen i In hlpplo reached an impasse, and offered ■ Tha madia - why they a compromise resolution: ----- U a i------— e----e e-«« ■ t mRrb ^ tlg m ■URRiwrUrtU1 ^ w lf Rrgy Vgael i v h , ■ , 1#. J m m Him |« e ia 1. ^ »aei> nl r ^ , -ar - - ■ »■ »-«-—«-----J a The high pftoei of LSO - »»W iW iri )«•« wiwh h iv « v wm uwwv m n y jr iiH u n iyvip ’Yamh Whereas, the Community to bacowip hlpploa. Asa w» tome tor too tragic arm ■ tWry drug uaa Council of the Grand Valley tot wreckage o t' g itlr chM««fk In "A Kaloldoacopa oI Drugs." la a State Coiieges ia appaiied by 9i edton udMt*a wt^m ^p orobaMv tortfor aito wtIn dmw^g totortoilocal ^mrttortmg^Utmachordvard. the presently existing conditions in the campus lavatories, especially the inhumane scraping and itching caused by the use o f inferior grades o f toilet tissue, and; Whereas, the Community Council is aware that, because of our representative nature, we cannot speak, for all segments o f the college; Be it resolved that the Community Council respectfully recommends to President Lubbers that he appoint a special task force to a uUNGTON s HOUSE study the problem, and after receiving the report of the task force, that he do •I whatever he feels like doing to solve the problem.

Fridsma seconded the motion, saying that Venderbush “ sure has a an y with words.” The resoautRw

l i t t i \

lias Greinke Writes Hgain by Ed Hoogterp with the ever present awareness ’ hat nature will win inthe end. Speech Happenings end In the opinion o f this Fertiliser. By Robert Vas reviewer, the finest poem in this Greinke, 7 pages, Vas Greinke volume b the last one. In a Press. $39.95 footnote, Vas Greinke explains that this poem is really an After a long awaited dry adaptation o f a popular spell, Robert Vas Greinke Poet mklweatem folk ballad. He says in Residence at GVSC’s College that he adapted the piece to of Organic Gardening, has express his feelings o f recently published hb disappointment at the failure o f twenty-ninth book of poetry. t• tl * 1 Q A S A ra •••mnnra w

f h a New Strategy Saves The Day

the park. Valley pitcher, not knowing It looked extremely rocky for Twenty minutes later, Grand what to do, struck him out. It the Grand Valley nine in an Valley had gone through five was the first out of the game. afternoon game I eat Friday, as pitchers and had given up twelve Coach Command went out to they seemed to be no match for more runs without getting an the mound to have a talk with • strong Oakland team. Luckily out. With only two pitchers left his pitcher. He left, and when the game was called after one and little hope of ever catching the next batter swung at a ball third o f an inning on account o f up, Coach Jim Command hit that was outside by twenty darkness. Oakland was leading upon a brilliant scheme. Noting yards, the pitcher hit him with 84 to 0 at that time. that it was only three and a half his next pitch, forcing the batter Grand Valley's troubles began hours to nightfall and the field to go to first. when Oakland came to bat in had no lights, the Grand Valley The next eight batters were the top of the first. The pitcher team went into a rather unusual all either hit by pitched balls or walked the first three batters stall. walked, as it was difficult to and then, determined not to The pitcher just sort of swing and duck at the same walk in a run, put the first pitch lobbed the next pitch In, and the time. The Oakland coach then to the clean up man right over Oakland batter knocked it out refused to let the next batter the plate, which resulted in a o f sight. This pattern continued step into the batter’s box. The home tun. for the next five batters, until umpire quickly pointed out that Grand Valley’s next pitcher the Oakland Coach began to such an action would constitute had a little better luck, getting smell a rat. He instructed the a forfeit by Oakland and Grand the next batter to hit a foul ball next batter not to swing. He and Valley would automatically win. for a strike before he bounced the next nineteen batters were The Oakland Coach saw he one off the fence for a ground awaits the starter's gun. then walked on pitchouts. couldn’ t win then and resigned rule double. The next batter The Oakland coach, mowing mmseif to his fate. T w o hours singled him in, and the tired o f this and noting the and sixty three runs later, all on OVSC ACQUIRES NEW subsequent batter cleaned up by ■inlftn; gun. told the next batier walks, the game was called on Nasties the second pitch out of T R A C K S T A R to swing at anything. The Grand account of dertriw—

Grand Valley’s track team schools, Mamo told the received a shot in the arm last Lanthorn “no comment.” week with the acquisition o f Athletic Director Donald Dufek ▼ All-American sprinter Yano quickly interjected, explaining Mamo. Mamo, a native o f Grosse to the Lanthorn that “ it's none Point, Mich., came to Grand o f your damn business.’ ’ Coach Valley from Muskegon William Clinger told the Community College, where he Lanthorn that “ we are real glad was a physical education major, to get Yano and we were just with a minor in anthropology. lucky that he decided to come He is also expected to try out here.” for football, as he received a full While at Muskegon ride from the football Community College, Marne set scholarship fund. four 6ther school records. He Mamo holds the N .A .I.A . ran the one hundred yard high Small College record for the one hurdles in 11.7 seconds; he ran hundred yard dash, running it in the three thousand meters 12.1 seconds, iust three seconds steeplechase in 8:22.0; he slower than Bob Hayes’ world cleared the high jump at 4 ft. S3 record. M« «Jao hold* time record tncbw; and he we're a basket In in the hundred meter dash, with one term. He also played on the a time o f 11.8 seconds. basketball, baseball, and golf When asked about why he teams. chose Grand Valley over other At tht prmcc conferfncm where Mamo’s signing was announced, Director Dufek was PIN O PO N G also asked by the Press if anyone had been recruited for the CHAMP football team with the S I5,000 available for scholarships. Dufek answered that no football BRKAKS recruiting would be done this year because “ the money has CAMPUS VIEW Lie already been all used up.” No more details on that were Grand Valley ping pong available. champion Seymour Hirsch broke his leg in an unfortunate accident last Tuesday, after LAKERS gaining a major upset over Rusty Manson o f Davenport College. down Hirsch, displaying a powerful FERRIS backhand and a tricky serve, Grand Valley’s battle on the bested Manson in three straight diamond against Ferris went matches 21*19, 22*20, and right down to the wire last = TAKE OUT A 21*18. Manson didn't seem to be s u m m e r r a t e s ! in top form, and Hirsch was only Sunday, but Grand Valley ■ in trouble once the entire managed to pull it out in the last =0NE YEAR LEASE PAYABLE IN ADVANCE g afternoon. The second match inning 2-1. Grand Valley, playing very went right down to the end, 1 AND 5 weeks $95 - tight defence behind solid when Hirsch suddenly won by pitching, managed to give up blasting two overhand smashes 10 veeks $18C 5 only one ran, and that in the 2 GET 3 MONTHS past Manson. first inning. By the bottom of SHIM IN OUR ENCLOSED POOL " the ninth, however, they had not b AT PRACTICALLY After the third match, Hirsch succeeded in getting a run everyday at no extra 8 jumped over the net to across. The ninth inning, ~ c h a r g e . Y congratulate ius defeated however, proved to be decisive. 5 N O COST opponent on such a fine set. After out the first Live and study In ■ Manson, however, thought he Grand Valley better, the Ferris ! RENT NOW was the one who waa supposed team apparently became AIR-CONDITIONED. « to jump the net, being the confined. The next two Grand c o s fo r t . 8 visiting player. The two collided Valley batters were waited, in in mid air and fell on the table, order to p t to the pitcher, who i FOR NEXT FALL $100 DEPOSIT rsfimdsd Z which Trashed to the floor, struck out. Then, appmestty after tenant has vacated — breaking into htik pieces. Hirsch dunking that the: was the third a a ad lease is fnfflllsd 8 waa pulled unhurt from the out, the Feme team left. wreckage. The mm was cleaned Three plays later, the first iCALL 895-6678 Isss say danags and Z up and everyone handed fo r the Grand VaBey base inner stale clsanlnn casts ■ home, to tie np the game. He wee foBonel two plays later by foul on the oah in the pecking finiBiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiBiaiBiaiaiaiaia'rii lot and banks has tag. Grand VaBey the victory.