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Home , Barry Horowitz, Billy Gunn, Bob Backlund, Bret Hart, Brutus Beefcake, Dave Sullivan (wrestler)

WORLDTM The Fine Line Between ... and Comedy

Vol.1 Issue 6 November 1994 WWF Exclusive Interview with Biff and Chic Waple! A Warm Welcome Important Notice! Hi There From the Editor Right now I'll bet you're sitting back, scratching So thanks Bonnie Because our readership is your chin and saying to yourself, "MECHA and Joe. growing at a tremendous rate, this WAPLEworld? Why MECHA?" Good question. One more thing notice will almost always be here. It's because this is the very first edition of you should know. If you've already read this, just WAPLEworld to be big enough to require staples! We worship the ignore it, otherwise... Big + Staples = MECHA. Yeah, and in one quick no-name prelim First, the name. The 'a' in Waple push, we grew from four pages to sixteen! Any wrestlers, is NOT 'a' as in apple, or 'a' as in more and we'll have to sell this thing in hardcover. because, being waffle, but IS 'a' as in maple. Just Man, this is getting cool. involved with the sayWay-Pull . Got it? Well, okay We are now in the process of expanding from a Wonderful Waple then. local newsletter to a worldwide powerhouse. That's Brothers as Just so you know, everything in a pretty big place. The world, that is. "What will strongly as we this newsletter is either fictional we be covering?", you ask. We here in are, we just have or true. There are no right or receive these wrestling promotions: WCW, WWF, to. wrong answers to anything said North Georgia Wrestling, Smokey Mountain, You get all of herein and we are exempt from all NWA, and a little Memphis. No ECW, (WE this stuff and lots litigations brought against us by WANT IT!) but still, that's five good shows, so of other various way of this disclaimer. If we we'll be covering all that. Plus, we will tell you crap! Wow Wee! ever accidentally hurt the feelings everything you would want to know about the And hey! Just of anyone in this publication, we Wonderful Waple Brothers. So much, perhaps, that remember, its not are regretfully sorry and don't it could make you sick. only good, its want any trouble, so let me just A darn good percentage of our input is due to good for you. apologize now... greatly. Joe Pedicino and Bonnie Blackstone on The And you don't Now that that's over with... let Wrestling Machineon WTLK , and their Wrestling even have to the festivities begin. Yee ha. Hotline on the 511 info-thing (Dial 511, then 4056.) brush afterwards.

WORLDTM Where Things Are Larz Land The Painful Truth p. 3 p. 11 Match Ratings Hot Spot: The Head Guy: Bob p. 4 Waple Movie The Not-So-Head Guy: Chris <> Rankings p. 12 Helpful Little Creative Guy: "B" p.4 Wally's Trivial Matters Other Writing Guys: J.C. Edwards, Bills, Bills... Ooh! WAPLE Mail! p. 12 Chic Waple, Larz Wapleton, and p. 5 What's Up With the Waples Wally "Walla" Waplestaph Waple. The Name. The Legend. p. 12 Photographer: Bob p. 6 Wrap-Up: Foreign Correspondent: Jon Ode to Special Thanks to: The Wonderful a poem by Chic Waple p. 13 Waple Family, Every Wrestler p. 6 es Mucho Neato Anywhere. Interview: p. 13 Biff and Chic Waple Prediction Sheet: WAPLEworld is a monthly publication focusing on local wrestling events, and is not affiliated with any p. 7 Survivor Series particular wrestling organization. All written material, Centerfold: p. 14-15 illustrations and theWAPLEworld name are property of Biff and Chic Waple The 4th Count: the WonderfulWAPLEworld Brothers and the Center Quote of the Month, Dirxque's Letters WonderfulWAPLE Brothers are property of the publisher. No part of this publication may be News From Around Home, Classifieds and assorted junk reproduced in any way without written consent of p. 10 p. 16 the publisher. WWF and its names are trademarks of TitanSports, Inc. WCW and its names are trademarks of Turner Entertainment. Use of trademarked names in fictitious works are used Go to www.wapleworld.com for information on how to order WAPLEworld! for satire purposes and not meant to cause harm or humiliation. Views from the Bodyguard by Larz Wapleton

So, Ric Flair is out of wrestling now. If any much air time of you folks out there in Waple World believe lately? I think it's all a ploy to brainwash the that, I've got some property in you fans into thinking Backlund is a force to be might be interested in. The Hogan/Flair reckoned with and therefore a dangerous match wasn't a complete waste, however. We opponent. When destroys him at did get to see Sheri Martel's considerable Survivor Series, everyone will applaud Bret assets. (Those of you who saw Halloween and go home thinking that Bret actually Havoc know exactly what I mean!).... How accomplished something important. Please, about the masked man being none other than Vince, give us SOME credit....Power and Big Brother Brutae? I kept waiting for the Precision has broken into North Georgia Hulkster to utter the same quote that made wrestling, and they may go all the way to the Julius Ceasar famous: "Et tu, top....Here's my dream pay-per-view match: Brutae?"....Maybe I'm just biased towards and Kong Bundy against all great wrestling, but and the vertically challenged people that have Diesel are the best in the business.... overrun the WWF. Yokozuna could take out Has anyone other than me had enough of the several of the little guys with a Banzai Drop, Vader/ Guardian Angel feud yet? I like them and Bundy could just kill and devour the rest both, but isn't there anyone else out there who of them. (Ed. WAPLEworld is not politically will wrestle them? Maybe that's what correct. From now on, Dink, Wink, , Avalanche (Earthquake) is here to do.... Sleazy, Queazy, and Cheesy will be referred is a washed-up wrestler and a to as "midgets").... Did anyone else see Lucha terrible actor. BOTTOM LINE!....Abdullah Libre: When Worlds Collide on pay-per-view the Butcher is scheduled to wrestle Bob earlier this month? This is easily one of the Armstrong at Smokey Mountan's upcoming best PPV events this year. Mexican wrestling Thanksgiving Thunder at the Cobb County is non-stop action and excitement, and I Civic Center. I, along with every other TRUE recommend any future Luche Libre events. It fan in simply has to be seen to be believed.... attenda Around the office, this issue is being referred nce, to as the "Jason Valentine issue." You see, we want to at Waple World have been following Valentine see since he was a preliminary wrestler for the buckets WCF in Calhoun, GA. I even predicted his and future success in a past edition of Larz Land. buckets His name appears no less thansix times in this of issue because of his recent victory in NGWA. BLOO Larz Land will continue to provide full D!... coverage of this"legend in the making".... The Why recent match between Sid Vicious and The in USWA was simply awesome. I heck hope that the WWF signs this match for has the Wrestlemania XI. It might even be better than WWF the between Shawn and Razor been earlier this year. On second thought, it giving probably won't.... Well, that's all for this Bob edition of Larz Land. I hope that everyone Backlu enjoys the new format of WAPLEworld. nd so See you in December! Match Ratings A scale from Bob Chic Chris one to ten

This match was a lot more exciting than I thought it would be. I've always been a It was a disaster! It's not like I was Hulkamaniac and I'm glad he won. I I didn't like this match as much as I liked vs. was expecting Flair to bleed a lot during pulling against Hogan, it's just I was pulling for Ric, and now he's gone. I've their match at Bash. The steel cage the match, but he didn't... what's up with didn't excite me very much, but I liked that? How 'bout that butt? Where's never cried so hard in my life... other Ric Flair than in the squared circle. the surprise ending. (Halloween Havoc) Sherri been hiding that thing? I liked it.

2 I couldn't believe this match was even I've been watching8 Jason for a long time 7 Jason Valentine now, and I can honestly say that, he is shown. The announcers weren't even pound for pound, one of the best paying attention when Valentine vs. wrestlers out there. I'm glad I was able cheated to get the pin. And the post to witness his victory. Boy, can you Whatever Bob said, I fell asleep. match interview was a complete imagine actually losing to Valentine? Of tragedy. I rated it a one because that's Kenny Dee course, he's beaten the Waples. how many career victories Valentine is (NGWA) 10! going to end up1 with. 10! I gave this match such a low rating Shawn Michaels/ Shawn Michaels and Diesel kick ass! Then again, so does Razor Ramon. I because it wasn't on pay-per-view. (I Diesel vs. would have liked it if those three had would've given it a 10!) I didn't like What else can I say?! As long as wrestled the 1-2-3 Kid, cause the Kid having a commercial interruption in the Razor Ramon/ Shawn and Diesel win, I'm happy. does not kick ass. But Diesel kicks middle of it. Otherwise, the wrestling enough ass to make up for the ass that was top-notch, and Shawn and Diesel 1-2-3 Kid 1-2-3 Kid can not kick. By the way, who are my favorite guys in the world. (RAW) 9 won?9? 8 <> Rankings Top 3 Tag Teams 1. The Wonderful Waple The Best Public Brothers The Most Speakers 2. The Heavenly Bodies Mathematical 3. Power and Precision 1. Jason Valentine 1-2-3 Kid 2. Boo Bradley 3. Yokozuna The Oddest The Most Likely to , Marry Luna 'nuff said. That Blackheart/ Ultimate Vampire guy Bills, Bills... Ooh! WAPLE Mail!

Dear WAPLEworld, Hey, be mailed approximately one week You guys are weird! You always keep up with before the upcoming WWF or WCW some team called Power & Pay Per View. Each issue, we will Paul Thims Precision. Almost too much, in try to announce the expected date fact. What's the angle? Do you for the next issue. Thanks Paul. You know, its fans like know them? We look forward to you that really make us feel proud; Shane M. hearing from you, again. like we're really accomplishing Marietta, Ga. something for the side of good and decency. Without your kind of Actually Shane, there is a Dear Chic, Bill, and Biff, support, we would have never made reason. We do know them. They I've been an avid fan of the it this far. have been bullying the Wonderful Wonderful Waple Brothers for a Waple Brothers for some time now. long time now. I love you guys! They told us that if we My wife and I just had our first Who do you think will be the one [WAPLEworld] would say lots of child, but due to complications, that wins the WCW World Cham- things about them, they would we can't have another. We wanted pionship from Hulk Hogan since leave the brothers alone. to name a child after each one of Ric Flair is gone? you, but that will never Thomas E. happen. One of you gets the Warner Robins, Ga. If you have any questions, comments, insults, original artwork, photos, or any honor, but I don't know other nifty stuff you would like which. Can you help me, That's a very good answered, printed, or thrown away, please? question, Tom. May I call you please go to: Tom? If the guys at WCW are Good luck, and God smart, they will get rid of Hulk, bless you, like they did Flair. When the www.wapleworld.com Luther Von Dipple Hulkster left WWF, what happened... they went to crap Bill: I'm kinda partial to the for a while. No one could fill name ''Bill'. the huge void he left, and Dear Bob, Chic: 'Chic' is a good, ratings went down. Now, since he's I've bought WAPLEworld at wholesome, Christian name. in WCW, their ratings have gone Biff: I like 'Herb'. way up. Whoever takes the belt from local shows in the past, but I was Hogan sure better be able to step wondering if I could get a sub- into his 24-inch pythons, or WCW scription or something. Thanks for the letters! will be in the same spot as WWF Mike S. was. Keep 'em comming!! As for who it will be, I can't say, Tommy. May I call you Tommy? Well thanks a lot, Mike. I'm WAPLEworld has the right to publish all submitted glad to know you've been looking material(s), and the names of the sender(s). If you do not Probably someone like or wish your submission or name printed, please indicate. for us. It makes me all warm and All materials become property ofWAPLEworld . Vader, but someone new would Photos and artwork will be scanned and returned really be nice. Don't let it suprise gooshy inside. We now have a upon request if submitted with self-addressed, subscription offer. At the bottom of stamped envelope. Please include a short you if it is Flair. description of photo or artwork. page 2 is a detailed block on how Submissions may be edited for length to subscribe. It is $10 for six or language as deemed necessary. issues. Each issue will Waple. The Name. The Legend. A History. Part Five. Part four of Waple. The Name. schemes was in a match where during the match. Chic tripped The Legend. left us with Oliver P. Chic and Chet were pitted against out onto Biff and the Hulkster Wapledink guiding the brothers the Mega Powers. Normally, a brought him into the back where Chet, Chic and Biff into a career preliminary tag team would Oliver knocked him out. Biff then of three-on-one handicap matches obviously lose to a duo such as ran back to the ring to help finish and the start of one of the greatest Hulk Hogan and , off Savage... but it was too late. forces ever unleashed into the but Oliver drilled this kooky idea The damage had already been depths of ; into the brother's heads that they done. Chet and Chic had been Waplemania. could win. double-pinned and Savage had The Wonderful Waple Brothers This was the plan: Before the already gone to look for were not necessarily good, (a 3 on match was to begin, Biff would Elizabeth. Hogan then ran into 1 loss to Dwane Gill will prove dress himself as the lovely the ring, ripped off another shirt that), but they could be crafty Elizabeth and then come to (except for that part at the bottom upon occasion. On any given day, ringside with the Mega Powers. he never manages to get), threw anyone could bear witness to At one point in the match, Chic Biff into the ropes and finished history in the making, for the would hurl himself over the him off with his boot to the face Waple brothers, being regular second rope and onto Liz (Biff). (which, by the way, knocked Biff guys, would plot and plan in a Hogan would then pick her (him) goofy) and the ol' . So very special gathering place. This up into his pythons and carry her went the plan. place... this magical and most (him) to the locker room where The brothers were not wondrous place was, and still is, Oliver would chloroform Hogan discouraged. They knew that Rio Bravo at Town Center Mall, into a deep sleep. During his there would be other matches, and Kennesaw, Georgia... second absence, Chic and Chet would they knew there would be other home to the Wonderful Waple proceed to pummel Macho Man plans. But, there was one thing Brothers. into ignominious defeat. they did not know: Where did One of the brother's best All went according to plan they hide Elizabeth?

Ode to Ric Flair by Chic Waple Wrestlers come and wresters go, When it came to feuds, he had some of the best, a few are great and some just blow. from , and The Dragon, to the Von Erichs out west. But on October 23rd I witnessed something tragic, The best of all may have been Flair against Race, the greatest of all was lost at Halloween Havoc. when Harley stepped into the ring, Ric put it in his face.

I've seen many classic matches in my day, I'm sending this poem out as a token, from Steamboat vs. Savage to Hulk and Andre. to a man that holds records that will never be broken. But the one match I've watched that I just couldn't bear, He held the belt an amazing twelve times, was that fateful night on which Hogan pinned Flair. that's more titles held than has commited crimes.

Hogan is gifted and can always rely on, When you speak of the classics Flair is the best, his millions of Hulksters and his 24 inch pythons. of all the great wrestlers he was truly most blessed. Flair didn't have that kind of support, The man had the moves and he grappled with style, he was just a crafty veteran with a deadly figure four. he struck fear in opponents as he walked down that aisle.

Now he is gone, and I must sigh, I'll remember him as the best till the day I die. I think he's the best as you can see...oh, look at the time I must be heading to Rio's. An Extra Nifty Interview With: The Wonderful Waple Brothers

WW: I always get you father, Chic Donnovan is the one who taught me guys confused. all the veteran moves that I can't use today. biFf Who's who? Biff: I don't think anyone ever wanted to team up Biff: I'm Chic. with Gunther. Chic: I guess I'm Biff. Chic: He was a singles man. WW: Oh, I'm sorry, Biff: Not by choice, necessarily. I'm facing the wrong WW: What does your diet consist of? way. Why did you guys get into wrestling? Biff: Our father was the great Gunther "When it comes to the VonWaple. We figured, If he did it, dark, I'm a fraidy-cat" we should do it. Chic: He did a lot of grappling. Biff: I know this one! I only eat one food: Chili con WW: What was your greatest victory? Queso. Oh, and pizza... and buffalo wings... and Chic: Well, I guess a victory for me is, every time I peanut butter. walk into that squared circle... we haven't won any Chic: For me, it a steady diet of grease and fat, matches physically, but mentally, every time we whether its hamburgers, french fries or Chili con step into the ring, I feel like we've won a match. Queso. Biff: I don't think we've ever been in the ring for WW" Do you guys work out? more than 28 seconds. Chic: What do you mean? Chic: I think it was actually 29 seconds. WW: Which are your favorite pepper grains, black or Biff: Well, there you go. That's why he's the brains. gray? Chic: It was against a tough team of Louie Spicolli Chic: I hate the black ones because they remind me and . We gave them a run for their of night. When it comes to the dark, I'm a fraidy- money. cat. Biff: It was a match they'll never remember. Biff: But Chic, I only wear black. WW: What would your dream match be? Chic: I'm scared of you. Biff: I guess I like gray. No, I like black because Chic likes black. Chic: I like gray.

"I don't think we've ever Biff: So do I. < been in the ring for more WW: What do you thinkChic

of your manager's > [Wally 'Walla' than 28 seconds" Waplestaph] wardrobe? 11/3/94 Chic: I think it represents Chic: I don't want to say anything to offend my the way we wrestle; it brothers, 'cause I love wrestling with my brother, may be ugly, but its... but I would love it if, just once, I could wrestle well, ugly. with my mentor, Chic Donnovan, and we would Biff: I like it. If I were win the match together. rich, I'd wear Biff: You mean without the rest of us? Hawaiian shirts, too. Chic: You guys could come, too. Ooh, you could be (Continued on page 11) the guest referee. Even though Gunther was our Biff and Chicof The WonderfulWaple Brothers

Little Brother Bill Waple Not Available at Photo Time Biff and Chicof The WonderfulWaple Brothers

Little Brother Bill Waple Not Available at Photo Time WWF: The WWF has been televising some great Scorpion Death Lock on The Enforcer, Ming matches recently. On the first episode of the new show, clobbered him from behind. Everyone is glad to see WWF Action Zone,Bret and faced each Sting in the squared circle again. other for what the WWF claims to be the final time. The ***Current Champions (11/6/94): World World title belt was on the line, and the Hitman was Heavyweight: Hulk Hogan / U.S.Heavyweight: victorious....Razor Ramon defended his "Hacksaw" / Television:Johnny B. Intercontinental belt the very next night on Monday Badd / TagTeam: Night RAW against none other than Yokozuna. Yokozuna was actually getting the best of the Bad Guy Smokey Mountain: Thanksgiving Thunder is all throughout the match, but he ran into the locker room set to go at the Cobb County Civic Center on and was counted out whenPaul Bearer rolled a casket November 29. will be there out to ringside....And the Tag Team belts were on the line (onJim Cornette's side, of course) to face "Bullet" the following weekend whenRazor Ramon and the 1- BobArmstrong in a match with unique consequences. 2-3 Kidchallenged Shawn Michaels and Diesel . The If Abdullah wins, the eldest Armstrong has to leave Heartbreak Kid rolled up the 1-2-3 Kid for the victory.... Smokey Mountain Wrestling. If Bullet Bob wins, then Bret Hart may need to start worrying about Bob has to crawl across the Backlund's "Cross-Face Chicken Wing" hold. ring on his hands and knees and Everyone knows that Bret is the "Excellence of kiss Bob's feet.... Cornette Execution," but Backlund has gotten several victims will also be involved in into that hold, including superstarsAdam Bomb and Lex a match with himself Luger. It should be a fantastic match at Survivor Series. and Bruiser Bedlam Current Champions (11/7/94): / World: Bret Hart / against Sammy Kent Intercontinental: Razor Ramon / Tag Team: Shawn and Drity White Boy.... Michaels and Diesel Bryant Anderson (son of Ole) will be facing Tracey WCW: It looks as ifRic Flair is really out of by Chris ThomasSmothers at the same event in a professional wrestling. This is not only a great loss to no time limit match. Bryant the sport, but it is an even greater loss to World recently defeatedScott Stud for the Championship Wrestling....Another Clash of the Beat the Champ championship.... Champions is coming up on November 16, and Things are heating up between the Rock- it looks like it will be an excellent (and free) N-Roll Expressand the Gangstas . They event. It features Halloween Havoc will be in a Street Fight match at Thanksgiving rematches between "Hacksaw" Jim Thunder, and this match will be competing with Dugganand "Stunning" Steve Austin the Abdullah/Armstrong match for the most blood for the U.S. Heavyweight title, and spilled. betweenJohnny B. Badd and ***Current Champions (11/5/94): Heavyweight: Honky Tonk Man for the Dirty White Boy / Beat the Champ: Bryant Anderson / Television title. A huge Six- Tag Team:The Gangstas Man Tag Team match will be held, with Hulk Hogan, North Georgia: The fans of North Georgia got to Sting, and News Fromsee their Around Dream Match a few weeks ago when TV against : News FromChamp AroundMike Golden and GA Heavyweight Champ The Butcher (), News"Sunset" From Around Sam McGraw faced one another in the Avalanche (Earthquake), and Kevin squared circle in a non-title match. It ended in a double Sullivan. and Harlem count-out....Jason Valentine is a new force to be Heat will supply the evening's ultraviolent tag team reckoned with on the North Georgia scene. He's already match, andDustin Rhodes will have his first non- won one match, and there's no telling when he will strike Bunkhouse Buck related match in quite some time when again!.... TheNasty Critters and the Jailhouse Rocker he facesVader . According to , this is successfully defended their Six-Man Tag Team Title actually a revenge match for Vader's manager, Harley againstJohnny Paradise and Power & Precision . Race, who lost his Heavyweight to Even though they lost the match, Power & Precision Dustin's father, Dusty, back in 1979.... Speaking of looks like they could give The Nasty Critters a run for the , he and Sting were in a tag team Tag Team Championship. Stay tuned.... match againstArn Anderson and Bunkhouse ***Current Champions (11/5/94): Heavyweight: Bunk recently. The peroxide pair were Sunset Sam McGraw / Television: Mike Golden / Tag victorious. Sting had faced Anderson Team: The Nasty Critters / Six-Man Tag Team: The the week before, and while he had the Nasty Critters and Jail House Rocker THE TRUTH with

The views and opinions of J.C. Edwards do not Well readers, today is your lucky day. My name is necessarily reflect those of the rest of us here in J.C. Edwards and each month I will be critiquing at WAPLEworld. Parental discretion is advised. No least one and possibly two superstars. First, let me one under 18 admitted without an adult. Kids, introduce myself. I was born in a small coal.. Hey, before calling, ask your parents for permission. wait a minute!... Who wrote this? This sucks! Forget And please, have your pets spayed or neutered all that pansy bulls$$$. You're in my world now, so open up those inbred eyes of yours and pay attention; you might learn something. Now back to me. Being (interview, cont.) of very loud mouth and zero humility, it should be WW What are your finishing moves? easy to tell this isn't like the rest of the crap you've Biff I've wanted to do one of those for a really long been reading. Unlike the social misfits that write for time, but I don't think we've ever gotten that far. this rag of a paper, I have something to say. Chic I used to practice the DDT on our little brother, The first of many victims to experience the Painful Bill. The first few times, I didn't know what to do. Truth is none other than Hulk "I wouldn't know what a I would just fall and he would still be standing wrestling hold was if it came up and bit me on my old, there. Once I got the hang of it, he would be out for flabby, bleached-blonde, bloated, steroid-guzzling five or six minutes. Now, I don't know if I could do ass" Hogan. It is of this writer's opinion that, first of all, the network should cancel his pathetic TV that to anyone else, but it was very easy to do to program; the bank should take away his cars and his Bill. house; and the mothers of his children should take him Biff Poor little Bill. for all he's worth. Then, he would be forced to live in a WW For you, what is the worst thing about being vat of self-pity and doubt, wondering if he should've professional wrestlers. gotten into the sport to begin with. Although some Chic The people we have to wrestle. They're all may think my views are without reason, I will explain. bigger and stronger than us. I'd like to say that we He has absolutely zero wrestling ability and even less could counter that by outthinking them, but we endurance, so I guess that means that just because can't. you're injecting race horse hormones, that don't make Biff For me it is the pain. I just get so sore and you no race horse. black and blue. I'm a bleeder. I will give Hogan one thing: he is oozing with ring WW What do you think about having a movie made presence, or at least he thinks he is because every snot- about your lives? nosed, dirty-faced brat in America knows who he is. Biff I didn't know there was a movie about out lives. That's all well and good; so let him spend the rest of his What's it about? life making B class movies and stay out of the sport Chic Do we have to watch it? that I love so dearly. WW Finally, where do you plan on going from And on one final note: , do us all a here? favor and get out before your competitor runs the Chic I want us to jump up to the next level. It may world of pro wrestling. Anyone who would support not be a victory, those are hard to come by, but if Hogan over the immortal Ric Flair is in the wrong we could stay in the ring with the likes of Barry business. So, until next time, if I have offended Horowitz, Chic Donnovan, and Dusty Wolf, I think anyone in any way let me say... Blow Me!!! that would really help us. See yaa... WW And, Biff? Where do you plan on going? Biff Rio's. Wally's What's Up Trivial Matters With the Waples Oct 28: Chic is whipped, still. Mrs. Chic is undefeated. Oct 29: In a match scheduled against , the ECW fans scared Chic and Biff into submission: they passed out. When they woke, they found they had been wrapped in barbed wire and covered in BBQ sauce. Halloween Night: The ghost of Chet Waple came to the Casa de Waple. Biff thought that Larz farted and turned on a fan. Chet was pulled through the blades and Julianned. Same Night: Wally heard the voice of Gunther VonWaple. Biff thought Larz farted again. The sound of the fan drowned out the voice as he relayed the heavenly secrets on how to win a match. Nov 3: Chic was beat up by a couple of rabble-rousers in a bar fight. The two elderly women were mad that he had stolen Bingo's B-2 from them. Nov 5: Dirxque Starbuck Waplepotomus' body was found in a coma. He apparently O.D.ed on cole slaw. Nov 6: Four words- Apple Sauce, Apple Shmauce. Nov 9: Harvey Wapleman went to a WWF match, with a date! 1. When Bret "Hitman" Hart and Jim "the Anvil" Nov 10: Harvey was brought up on charges of Neidhart were a tag team, what were they called, kidnapping by the boy's parents. and who was their manager? Nov 13: The entire Waple family showed up for Sunday 2. Who were the last five WWF World Champions dinner, except Gunther, Chet, Dirxque, Biff, Chic, Larz, from the most recent? Each person only counts Bill, Wally, Lou and Harvey. It was very touching. Nov 15, 2pm: Dirxque faxes the idea for MECHA once. (hint: Bret Hart is the current one.) WAPLEworld to Bob. 3. What manager brought Hulk Hogan into the Nov 15, 2:03pm: Bob steals the idea for MECHA WWF? WAPLEworld.

Hot Spot Waple Documentary in Pre-Production That's right. Only in 1995 release," said Thomas. He STUDIOS is to focus on the WAPLEworld will you read the went on to say that a contract has common man. There are too many scoop on what is quite possibly the been signed by Biff and Chic Waple (darn) films out right now that focus biggest movie news of the year. At to appear in the film, and that others on hitmen ("Pulp Fiction"), a press conference last week, Chris in the Waple entourage are expected vampires ("Interview with a Thomas announced the formation of to participate as well. Thomas went Vampire"), bomb technicians ("The EMPTY PRODUCTION STUDIOS, on to say that "the film is actually in Specialist"), pregnant men a partnership between Thomas and preproduction right now; Bob and I ("Junior"), and spacemen ("Star his associate, Bob Moffa. The first are currently preparing the Trek: Generations"). Bob and I presentation, according to Thomas, presentation format." want to turn the camera on the will be a documentary on your When WAPLEworld asked average Joe...someone like you and favorite bunch of preliminary the question, "Why the Waples? me. Let the other studios make wrestlers, the Wonderful Why not do a feature on someone documentaries on Hulk Hogan, Bret Waple Brothers! who has actually won a match Hart, and Ric Flair. We want to "We are before?", Thomas replied, "The make a documentary about the expecting a Spring purpose of EMPTY PRODUCTION Waple Brothers." Wrap-Up: Halloween Havoc This event seemed like it vs. Brother match. Unlike the gratuitous violence, no broken might be pretty cool when I Hart matches, it was short and bones, and worst of all, no blood. looked at the scheduled matches, sloppy. Kevin got counted out. The only mildly amusing part but my feelings soon changed Dustin Rhodes won his first was when Jerry Saggs piledrived while I sat through this below- real match in a while when he Terry Funk on a pumpkin, and average pay-per-view event. It pinned . Arn the pumpkin exploded. seemed that everything I've seen decided to beat him up The one match I wasn't so far this year was redone in this afterwards. Been there. Seen particularly excited about was the event, and there were no original that. Bought the T-shirt. third Hogan/ Flair match in four ideas to hold my interest. "Stunning" Steve Austin was months. This match, however, The tone for the evening was (SURPRISE!) disqualified when made up for the rest of the set with the Television Title on he threw "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan evening's mediocrity. I don't feel the line in a match between the out of the ring while trying to it was as good as their match at champion, Johnny B. Badd, and recapture the U.S. Heavyweight Bash, but it was great to see two another WWF Johnny-come- Belt. experienced veterans get in the lately, the Honkey Tonk Man. It Vader and the Guardian Angel ring together. (Ed. Check out the ended up in a draw (Yawn) when were at it again. Even though Waple Brothers Ratings of this the time limit expired. Little did he's not "The Boss" anymore, the match elsewhere in this issue.) I know that this was to Guardian Angel did the Overall, I was very foreshadow the rest of the "Bossman Slam" on Vader, and disappointed in this event. The evening. instead of pinning Vader, he went WCW events in 1994 have blown The Tag Team Title Belts were after... . Needless to away the WWF events (except next up for grabs, as Pretty say, Vader came up behind the for this year's ), Wonderful grabbed them from Angel and got an easy pin. and there have been more of Stars and Stripes in an unexciting The one bright spot of the them. I hope WCW comes up match. evening looked like it might be with some different matchups In an attempt to copy the Hart the tag team match between The and new ideas for Starcade `94, Brothers feud in the WWF, the Nasty Boys and Bunkhouse because I'm sick of seeing the Sullivans had their own Brother Buck/ Terry Funk. There was no same stuff over and over.

Lucha Libre es Mucho Neato Long ago (Prior to this November 6th, 8pm) or five feet onto his opponent's head, giving him was the day when I thought midget wrestling was some sort of leg scissor/ Frankensteiner thing (big nothing more than unpainted versions of a Dink vs breath... and out). That was just neato. Pink match. Boy, I hate those, the running through There was this other thing where one of the the ref's legs; the butt biting; et cetera and so on. If heels (and they were heels) was standing outside you saw Lucha Libre, you were probably planning the ring, and out of nowhere, this little pocket your potty break around the Midget (Mini) Match, rocket of humanity shot through the ropes and much like us WAPLEworlders were. knocked the bad guy (rudito) onto his butt with a Not was the case. This battle between four flying head-butt. No hands, no body, no anything... tiny men was, for me, one of the most enjoyable just head. matches of the year. These guys were moving Of course, all of this praise of mini around as if someone had shoved bottle rockets up matches will be short-lived, as the Doink/ their butts. Some of the moves performed were un- Lawler match is coming up with all their be-friggin-lievable! One guy would chase the other little pals, and you know what that and the first would jump onto the bottom rope, means... potty break. spring himself up to the top rope and then fly four The World Wrestling Federation™ Presents

SerieS™ 1994

Scoring: In the two singles matches, choose the When predicting a Survivor winning team and receive 5 points. If match, Rank the wrestlers from 1 you pick the correct way that the match to 10 (8 in the Doink / Lawler is decided, you get an additional 3 match) in the order you think points. You can only get the 3 they will be eliminated. 1 bonus points if you being the first person out. predicted the winner. You will be awarded 1 Otherwise... you are point every time you shafted. When the matched a wrestler to battles have all been the order in which he won, and the smoke was eliminated. Under has lifted, the one of each grappler's name, us with the most select how you think points can be declared he will be elliminated the supreme wrestling and you will recieve predictor and has to throw another point. You can get away all the pizza boxes. And this point even if you pick the you can bet it won't be me, wrong order. If you pick the because I never win these winning team, you are damned things. Please, drive awarded 5 points. safely, and if you haven't... call mom. "Throw in the Towel" Submission Match Bret Hart Mr. with theBritish Bulldog with Owen Hart Submission Submission Submission Submission by Towel by No Towel by Towel by No Towel DQ Other DQ Other ______

"Undertaker Won't Lose Twice" Casket Match Undertaker Yokozuna Will Win Will Win The The Teamsters Bad Guys __Diesel __RAzor Ramon O-Pin O-DQ O-Pin O-DQ O-Submit O-Countout O-Submit O-Countout __Shawn Michaels __1-2-3 Kid O-Pin O-DQ O-Pin O-DQ O-Submit O-Countout O-Submit O-Countout __Jeff Jarrett __British Bulldog O-Pin O-DQ O-Pin O-DQ O-Submit O-Countout O-Submit O-Countout __Jim Niedhart __Headshrinker #1 O-Pin O-DQ O-Pin O-DQ O-Submit O-Countout O-Submit O-Countout __Owen Hart __Headshrinker #2 O-Pin O-DQ O-Pin O-DQ O-Submit O-Countout O-Submit O-Countout

The Million Guts and Dollar Team Glory __Tatanka __Lex Luger O-Pin O-DQ O-Pin O-DQ O-Submit O-Countout O-Submit O-Countout __Bam Bam Begelow __Atom Bomb O-Pin O-DQ O-Pin O-DQ O-Submit O-Countout O-Submit O-Countout __King Kong Bundt Cake __Mabel O-Pin O-DQ O-Pin O-DQ O-Submit O-Countout O-Submit O-Countout __Tom Pritchard __Billy Gunn O-Pin O-DQ O-Pin O-DQ O-Submit O-Countout O-Submit O-Countout __Jimmy Del Ray __Bart Gunn O-Pin O-DQ O-Pin O-DQ O-Submit O-Countout O-Submit O-Countout

Clowns the Royal Family RUs __Doink __Jerry Lawler O-Pin O-DQ O-Pin O-DQ O-Submit O-Countout O-Submit O-Countout __Dink __Queazy O-Pin O-DQ O-Pin O-DQ O-Submit O-Countout O-Submit O-Countout __Wink __Sleazy O-Pin O-DQ O-Pin O-DQ O-Submit O-Countout O-Submit O-Countout __Pink __Cheesy O-Pin O-DQ O-Pin O-DQ O-Submit O-Countout O-Submit O-Countout

The World Wrestling Federation is a trademark of Titan Sports, Inc. All names may be the property of their owners. The 4th Count Quote of the Month Kisses: "I don't eat marijuana!" - Mr. Bob Backlund Letters Home dear guys, well, I've been gone for a while and still I have no news to report on the whereabouts of my mother. Quote of the Month when I left our wonderful Waple home, I knew I had Runner-Up to search for mom, and let nothing distract me from "In professional wrestling, they don't call you great; my mission. so first I went to Rios. I had the queso. I they call you Jason Valentine." recommend it to anyone who has never tried it. it's - Jason Valentine this cheese, ya see. they melt the cheese and some spices and stuff. well the spices don't actually melt; they just sorta flavor the stuff. then they get it even hotter than the melting point, and they pour it into a Contest! bowl. you can order it by the cup, but that is such a waste of time. by the time you finish the cup, the next Somewhere hidden in the pages of this issue of one isn't ready yet. now that's not to say the service WAPLEworld is the secret of human existance: the is poor. nooooo. on the contrary, the service is mystic logo of the Wonderful Waple Brothers. If excellent. Lisa is quite the waitress. she always knows you can find this magical icon, go to: what I want to drink. on this particular visit, there were no tables ready when I waddled in. Lisa actually put an entire family into that weird hold that www.wapleworld.com Bull Nakano puts on people and cleared the table for me. she's so sweet. kinda like the fried ice-cream you can get at Rios. it's this really neat vanilla ice-cream for further instructions. with cinnamon and honey, all of which comes in a crispity, crunchity, tortilla-like shell. I told them it was A FREE issue of WAPLEworld is on the line. A my hatchday so that I could get it free, but they random drawing of all correct responses recieved didn't believe me. this really depressed me, so I had before the deadline will determine the winner. another queso. the second batch was the spinach queso. in this, they add a little spinach, and I believe a couple other spices. it tastes quite different from the Deadline: Postmarked by December 11th, 1994 standard queso, yet it is just as satisfying. I do hope that there are Rio Bravo Cantinas all over the world. otherwise, I may actually starve to death. Classifieds but I digress. after that wonderful meal of 37 Eric, SWM, 22. Okay people; I know bowls of assorted queso, I walked to Peoria Illinois. I you're reading this. Please, I'm dyin' thought my mom would be here, but after I got here, over here. If you're female, and have a I was so hungry I forgot why I left home. then I saw a pulse, then contact the editor. I need guy in a tuxedo and it reminded me that mom is love. supposed to be a nun. I asked the local churches, synagogues, temples, strip clubs, and wrestling arenii, Attention WAPLEworld shoppers; there is a but no trace. I have decided to move on to Jackson black-light special in the baby clothes Hole, Wyoming. I heard they have a wonderful bison dept. Right now, babies 2 for 1. sammich at some slow-food joint. so I leave you with this, still no news on my For sale by owner, toilet seats. 1000 in mother, but my feet hurt. stock! All shapes! All sizes! All colors! Hurry! Act now! Kisses, dirxque starbuck waplepotomus Wanted: Someone to mop the sweat off the turnbuckles after Biff leans against p.s. I'll write again when I get to Wyoming. them. No experience necessary. Must have Don't move or anything while I'm gone. own radiation suit. Apply within.