“Keep the Cat Free” ISSUE 1488 FELIX 13.05.11 The student voice of Imperial College London since 1949

THE END OF AN ERA The Space Shuttle retires: Page 6 Further details Rob Bishop ARTS emerge on Mech Eng Musical Theatre refurbishment Society in epic 24- College tight-lipped on specifi cs hour show: Page 14

Kadhim Shubber School-esque façade facing onto Exhi- bition Road. The project, which it was New information about the delayed said would ‘make a statement about En- GAMES refurbishment of the Mechanical Engi- gineering at Imperial’, was eventually neering department has come to light in shelved at the beginning of 2010 when the past week; showing the effect of the Westminster Council rejected the Col- disruption on PhD students and imply- lege’s planning application, demanding ing that the College was unhappy with changes to the design, and the College the way the project was being managed decided that the funds required to com- and that the error with the £3 million plete the project would be diffi cult to exhaust system is just one area where raise after the recession. the refurbishment has not proceeded However, Phase One of the proj- smoothly. ect, involving the refurbishment of In an extreme case, Felix has been the Skempton Building as well as the told that due to the disruption from the ongoing Mech Eng refurbishment had Are computer games refurbishment one PhD student is yet to already received planning permission start his experiment, three years after and funding from the College and both a waste of time? beginning his PhD. The student was not were well underway. Reports from Im- willing to speak to Felix about his situ- perial’s former Chief Operating Offi cer Page 21 ation as he is currently applying for an Dr Martin Knight seemed to indicate Bye, bye NatWest extension to his PhD. Several research that the refurbishment was continuing groups have been hamstrung by the de- smoothly until May 2010, when he re- lays, mostly from the uncertainty over ported to College Council that the Mech Sherfi eld branch closes: Page 2 the completion date and from diffi cul- Eng refurbishment was “now under the ties in providing temporary facilities for management of a different Arup project FOOD research. Currently around 12 PhD stu- manager [...] and is under tight con- dents in the thermal fl uids division have trol”. The minutes record that he also to share a lab where only one student at said “An interim agreement has been Imperial NHS Trust worst a time can carry out their combustion drawn up to settle all current claims experiments, due to insuffi cient ventila- and variations”. The statements suggest tion. that problems with the refurbishment in country for cancer patient The refurbishment of the Mechani- were encountered as far back as spring cal Engineering building began as part last year and that the College were experience says cancer charity of a wider £277m South-East Quadrant unhappy with Arup’s performance as (SEQ) project that envisaged a new project manager. The College declined modern building that would bring Me- to answer questions about the nature Catherine Lu The fi ndings come from a Macmillan chanical, Aeronautical, and Civil Engi- or scale of the problems referred to by Cancer Support league table, based on Meat fruit at neering together under one roof where Dr Martin Knight. Arup also declined The Imperial College NHS Healthcare research carried out by the Department the Mechanical Engineering building to comment on this matter, suggest- Trust has been ranked as the worst in of Health between January and March Heston’s new currently sits. It was fi rst mooted in ing that Felix ask the College. Neither the country in cancer patients’ experi- in 2010, and follows news that the 2007 and included plans for a Business ...Continued on Page 3 ences. ...Continued on Page 4 restaurant: Page 22 2 Friday 13 may 2011 FELIX HIGHLIGHTS On campus Volunteering with Notice Resisting Earthquakes special needs children Union Awards Designing buildings to resist earthquakes, fires, and Nominations open now explosions is the focus of this lecture by Professor Ahmed Elghazouli. These situations, known as loading conditions, present complex engineering Do you know someone who has been such a bad-ass, I challenges and require structural engineers to mean, selfl ess contributor to the student experience at come up with unconventional design philosophies. Imperial, that they surely deserve some recognition? If Registration in advance. Contact Kathleen Weeks so, here’s your chance to make sure they get some love, – [email protected] – to register. in the Union Awards sense, not in that other sense you fi lthy reprobate! The Union Awards are given to students Clore Lecture Theatre, Huxley who have made signifi cant and repeated contributions to the student experience at Imperial. The standard award is 17 May 17:30–18:30 a Union Colour, going up to an Imperial College Union Fel- lowship with Distinction, which is given to students who have made “an innovative development to the work of the Union such as to leave a positive legacy that will make a lasting impression for future members”. Head over to Avoiding climate change www.imperialcollegeunion.org for more information and remember that nominations close on the 24th of May. ‘Carbon Capture & Storage: our only hope to avoid dangerous climate change?’ Correction marks the launch of the Grantham Institute’s In the article entitled “£40 million shortfall in Briefing Papers. Imperial NHS budget” (Issue 1487 – 06/05/11), Professor Martin Blunt Stephen Smith was incorrectly named the CEO of and Dr Nicholas Florin the Trust. He has left the position. Editor will speak. Contact Gosia Gayer – g.gayer@ imperial.ac.uk – to Are you interested in volunteering with children register (required). with special needs? Do you want to give back to Lecture Theatre 1, Acex Building your community? Would you like to meet students 19 May 18:00–20:00 and staff at Imperial with similar interests? If so, a new project, Activities for Children with Disabilities (ACD), has recently been set up to help How butterflies stay dry you volunteer. ACD is linked to a charity called KEEN London which runs playgroups for children Professor Serafim Kalliadasis cross the divide between engineering and natural sciences to show with special needs. It gives disadvantaged children ‘how raindrops form patterns on glass and why butterfly wings don’t get wet’. The lecture will show access to fun recreational opportunities in a safe why chemical engineering is more than simply the environment, giving their parents much deserved use of chemical processes in large-scale industry. Registration in advance. Contact Kathleen Weeks respite. Their fi rst event is an autism awareness and – [email protected] – to register. information evening on Monday 16th of May from Clore Lecture Theatre, Huxley 19:00-20:00 at R3 at the Reynolds building. 20 May 17:30–18:30 For more information email Kaush at kkt07@ imperial.ac.uk

Felix, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB. Email: [email protected]. Tel: 020 7594 8072. Fax: 020 7594 8065. Printed by The Harmsworth Printing Ltd, Northcliffe House, Meadow Road, Derby. Registered newspaper ISSN 1040-0711. FELIX Copyright © Felix 2011.

Editor-in-Chief Kadhim Shubber Deputy Editor Gilead Amit Copy Chief Lizzy Griffiths Assistant Editor Dan Wan News Editors Alex Karapetian Matt Colvin Reporters Katherine Bettany Charles Betts Sophia David Maciej Matuszewski Deepka Rana Aemun Reza Ian Wei Umair Aasem Genevieve Pugh Haralambos Dayantis Madhura Ghosh Victoria Druce Catherine Lu Design Editor Veronika McQuadeova Features Editor Lizzie Crouch Sports Editors Jovan Nedic David Wilson Science Editors Kelly Oakes Charlie Harvey Thea Cunningham Business Editors Sina Ataherian Afonso Campos Politics Editors Rory Fenton Rajat Jain Joseph Letts Technology Editor Samuel Gibbs Feroz Salam Comment Editors Anna Perman Jan Piotrowski Arts Editor Rox Middleton Music Editors Greg Power Christopher Walmsley Luke Turner Stephen Smith Film Editors Jade Hoffman Ed Knock TV Editors Matt Allinson Veronika McQuadeova Food Editors Dana Li Vicky Jeyaprakash Fashion Editor Saskia Verhagen Games Editor Simon Worthington Online Editors Niharika Midha Dakshaa Rai Chris Birkett Jonathan Kim International Editor Kenneth Lee Puzzles Captains Polly Bennett James Hook Aman Nahar Books Editor Guo Heng Chin Photo Editors Miles Robertson Thomas Welch Travel Editor Chris Richardson Copy Editors Alex Nowbar Hannah Thomas Sharanya Subbu Ritika Gupta Zainab Ali Shruti Mishra Sophia Man Tim Arbabzadah Jamie Fraser Veli Akiner Illustrators Luca de Benedetti Hamish Muir Benjamin Kennedy Amanda Diez Joshua Yerrell FELIX Friday 13 may 2011 3 NEWS NatWest shuts its doors for last time Extra uni places for rich students? Maciej Matuszewski Limited has been contracted to deliver be held responsible for any such agree- money to and from this room. Renova- ments. The Imperial College branch of Nat- tion work was carried out to ensure that Dr Sharon Bolton, Head of Interna- Genevieve Pugh telling the BBC “There is no question of West in the Sherfi eld building closed the room is secure enough to hold sig- tional Student Support, says that the people being able to buy their way into its doors for the fi nal time last Thurs- nifi cant amounts of money. College will provide international stu- The government is considering propos- university”. day. The reason for the closure, which One of the major concerns raised at dents with more information about oth- als to allow universities to offer extra This latest development in the student was fi rst reported in Felix in February, the time the closure was announced was er banks in the existing area, including places on their courses at market prices, fees saga comes as the government tries is unknown as NatWest has repeatedly the effect that it would have on inter- “details of accounts that can be opened outside the government loans system. to balance its books after three quarters declined to comment. national students. Sorting out bank ac- before travelling to the UK”. Many of Students entering university in this way of universities have decided to introduce Since being notifi ed of the closure in counts is a major concern for interna- these banks will also be invited to the could pay fees similar to that of over- the maximum £9000 fees. This means February, Imperial has been working on tional students and they benefi ted from International Students Welcome event seas students without any public fund- the government is now faced with pay- mitigating the impact of the closure of having a bank on campus with experi- at the start of the new academic year. ing and they would also have to meet ing out considerably more money in the branch, which is used by many stu- ence in dealing with international stu- Dr Bolton believes it is unlikely that the entry requirements of the course. loans than they had budgeted for, with no dents, staff and College services. dent issues. another bank will take up the vacated The development came on Radio 4’s return for a signifi cant number of years. In a memo sent out to senior staff on The College is planning to allow pay- space. Nicholas Roalfe, Director of Fa- Today programme when universities Les Ebdon, chair of the university think- the 6th of May, Malcolm Aldridge, the ments to newly-arrived international cilities Management, said that he antici- minister David Willetts suggested that tank Million+, said: “There is one very College Financial Controller, set out the students who don’t have UK accounts pated that a decision on how to use the charities or businesses may wish to spon- obvious pro, and that is, it’s a source of plans that have been put in place to deal (previously made by College cheques area would be reached by the end of the sor places for students. For example, the additional money at a time when the sec- with the situation. Cash from College which could be cashed at the branch) month by the Space Executive Commit- accountancy fi rm KPMG has unveiled a tor is being squeezed very hard.” NUS shops and services will now be pro- to be made to foreign accounts by wire tee. He said that the decision would be plan to pay fees for students at univer- president Aaron Porter said the govern- cessed through a dedicated secure room transfer, or a UK-resident’s account, al- made “as part of the overall strategy for sities including Durham, in a training ment was trying to “disguise the chaos it in the Sherfi eld building. Loomis (UK) though the College say that they cannot [the] Sherfi eld [building]”. program leading to an honours degree in has created in university funding”. accounting. He also suggested that rich The policy will now be modifi ed and parents might be able to pay too. it will be interesting to see what version The suggestion quickly drew con- of the idea appears in the white paper on demnation as many accused him of al- higher education, due to be published lowing rich students to pay their way next month, setting out further details of Mech Eng refurbishment into university. Willetts insists that the the governments proposals. government will only consider “allow- In the mean time the government is ing off-quota places where it contributes launching an advertising campaign to ...Continued from Front Page to the coalition commitment to improve convince students that even with higher of the architects involved in the SEQ social mobility and increase fair access” fees they can still go to university. The project, Foster and Partners and Shep- and stressed that “There is no question aim is to “Make it clear to young stu- pard Robson, responded to requests for of wealthy students being able to buy a dents that no one pays upfront”. This comment. Several efforts to contact Dr place at university”. campaign will be run through radio, Martin Knight were unsuccessful at the However, his reassurances were not press and social media. time of writing. enough and the Prime Minister was Angry Geek: The government’s plans In addition to last week’s news that a forced to wade into the furore and repeat are “the political equivalent of a £3 million exhaust system for test en- the universities minister’s statement, cockslap” – Page 12 gines was built with galvanised steel instead of stainless steel – an error that Sponsored Editorial meant the exhaust wouldn’t “stand up to long-term use”, as the College described it – a number of other errors have de- layed the renovation process. The most embarrassing is the news that sensitive More student cuts measuring devices in a materials test- ing lab are disrupted by vibrations from researchers walking in the lab because the fl oor is too thin. Additionally the lab Discount haircuts for Imperial in which the test engines are situated A section of one of the labs currently being refurbished. Each ‘cell’ will has not been adequately sound-proofed, contain one or more test engines when the work is fi nished students at Fresh Hairdressers with questions raised about whether sound-proofi ng was in the original recommendations, and the ventilation to meet some of the extra costs. The contractors ISG Plc did not return More student cuts for Imperial 0207 823 8968. Ask for a space below the fl oor has been blocked A College spokesperson issued this requests for comment. A spokesperson students at South Kensington’s student discount and bring your off, meaning that researchers will be un- statement: “The College is taking seri- for Arup said: “The programme man- FRESH Hairdressers. Imperial ID. able clean up fuel spillages or retrieve ously the remaining issues involved in agement work we have been involved Men’s cuts £22 Cash only. equipment if they drop it through grilles the completion of the Mechanical Engi- in to date is unrelated to the choice of Women’s shampoo and cut and in the fl oor. neering refurbishment, and is working materials for the exhaust [...] Our work shake dry £28 The College are currently involved with the Department and the contrac- was completed in accordance with the Women’s shampoo, cut and in an investigation on the cause of the tors to address them. The priority is to original programme and we aren’t party blow-dry £38 blunder with the £3 million exhaust sys- minimise further disruption to the work to any dispute with the client on this.” All of our cuts are done by highly tem as well negotiations about the fi nal of students and staff as these issues are experienced stylists. cost of the refurbishment and did not resolved. The majority of the contract Tuesday to Fridays 9.30 to wish to comment specifi cally on the is- works should be completed in June and 4.30 (sorry no discounts on sues raised in this article. Steve Howe, users will then move in over the follow- If you have information about the Saturdays). Director of Capital Projects and Plan- ing months. On completion staff and ongoing refurbishment then please We are only 70 metres from ning at Imperial, previously stressed students will receive the full benefi t of contact the Editor at felix@imperial. South Kensington tube station that the liability for the exhaust mistake the refurbishment work, which will de- ac.uk. We will never disclose To book an appointment, call was still unknown and didn’t rule out liver world-class teaching and research your details if you wish to remain the possibility that Imperial would have facilities.” anonymous. 4 Friday 13 MAY 2011 FELIX News Editors: Alex Karapetian Matthew Colvin NEWS [email protected] Imperial NHS Healthcare Trust criticised for poor cancer care by Macmillan Trust says that they have learnt lessons since cancer care survey

...Continued from Front Page The Chief Executive of Macmillan 150 posts to go this persons’ cancer unit. The latest report by the Care Qual- Trust faces a budget shortfall of £40m Cancer Support, Ciarán Devane, issued It has further emerged in the past ity Commission, the government’s in- next year. a statement saying, “Cancer patients year as Trust makes week the Trust plans to cut ‘pay ex- dependent healthcare watchdog, found Patients who were surveyed rated the are being let down by many Trusts that penditure by £44m, or 8%, and cut their patient experience quality to be Trust poorly in particular for the sup- are failing to give adequate levels of £44m saving 150 posts this year’. The investigation ‘slightly less than the national aver- port they received while being treated, care. The experiences you have whilst by the Nursing Times shows the pres- age’. However, The Trust were rated how much information they were given in hospital can have a massive impact sure of government cuts on hospital highly in meeting cancer waiting time on their disease as well as the number on your health and wellbeing and how budgets. A Trust spokeperson said: targets and preventing and controlling of medics on duty and said they had well you cope once you leave hospital. of their cancer care at the time of the “We intend to achieve these savings hospital acquired infections, as well as little confi dence in staff. We hope that the Trusts given a red survey “was below the standard we by fi rst reducing our substantial bank being well above the national average The league table assessed criteria card will work with community ser- strive to deliver”. However, they said and agency numbers and by natural in ensuring that no cancer patients wait such as the number of nurses on duty, vices and take urgent action to improve the Trust had listened to patient feed- turnover and redeployment of staff into longer than one month from diagnosis the amount of support given to patients the care they offer cancer patients.” back and a number of improvement areas of growth. of cancer to the beginning of treatment. after leaving hospital and fi nancial in- The Trust have said that improve- programmes have been implemented, “As outlined in our annual plan, we Macmillan have said that they will formation given. It does not cover the ments have been made since the pe- including improving the provision of expect to selectively reduce substan- work with hospitals that performed medical treatments received, such as riod when the survey was taken. A information for patients and investing tive staff numbers by around 150 over poorly in their league to help them im- standards of chemotherapy or surgery. spokesperson acknowledged that some in a new chemotherapy suite and young the year.” prove patient experience.

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6 Friday 13 May 2011 FELIX Features Editor: Lizzie Crouch

FEATURE [email protected] SPACE AGEING National Archives, United States of America – Space Shuttle Challenger, June 22 1983 ANDREW PURCELL WAVES GOODBYE TO THE SPACE SHUTTLE AND SAYS HELLO TO THE PRIVATE SECTOR

fter being delayed for While Obama’s recent budget request over two weeks, on the A history of the for 2012 does include a small amount 16th May the Space Shut- of funding for developing vehicles for tle Endeavour is set to space shuttle long-distance manned spacefl ight, its blast off into space for the real focus is on developing the commer- Afi nal time. Following this mission, NASA 1977 NASA begins test fl ights cial space sector. The belief in the US plans to send only one more shuttle into of prototype shuttle ‘Enter- seems to be that ferrying astronauts to orbit. It will then retire its ageing shuttle prise’ (yes, it was given this the International Space Station, as well fl eet after a total of 135 spacefl ights. name because of Star Trek). as other low-orbit activities, should be For many, this decision is long over- 1981 Columbia is the fi rst left to private companies, thus leaving due. Running a space agency is a very shuttle to go into space. NASA to concentrate its resources on expensive business and hardly sits well 1986 The space shuttle Chal- research in other areas. with the libertarian zeitgeist which cur- lenger, with teacher Christa Obama has recently said that the U.S. rently pervades the US. According to McAuliffe on board, breaks hopes to send astronauts to Mars by the Obama administration, we can all apart in the sky over Florida the fourth decade of this century. So, look forward to a future where competi- just 73 seconds after taking perhaps NASA’s decision to farm out tion between private companies drives off. some of its activities to private com- the exploration of space relentlessly 1990 Discovery launches the panies wouldn’t actually be such bad onward. However, for others this vision Hubble Space Telescope into news , if tangible progress were in fact Instead of the isn’t so rosy. Some fear that the private orbit. However, when Hubble being made towards achieving this goal. shuttle fl eet’s companies simply aren’t yet ready to fi ll returns its fi rst images to However, since the scrapping of the the huge void left behind by NASA’s Earth, it is apparent that the Constellation programme, the global fi - retirement spelling shuttle programme, while others are main mirror has been ground nancial crisis has really taken hold and ideologically opposed and see the shut- incorrectly. there are currently huge question marks the end of an era, tle fl eet’s retirement as an abandonment 1993 In the most audacious surrounding the future of manned space “ of our enlightenment principles. mission of the entire shuttle exploration, despite the Washington perhaps it can The Space Shuttle Endeavour’s fi nal programme, Endeavour car- rhetoric. fl ight will see the shuttle crew complete ries a seven-strong crew into Also, as far as low-orbit manned mis- be used to signal four space walks and deliver a micro- orbit to carry out repairs on sions are concerned, not everyone is meteoroid debris shield to the Interna- the Hubble telescope. convinced that private companies are the start of a new tional Space Station. The Endeavour 1994 Discovery is the fi rst ready to fi ll the gap left by the shuttle mission will also deliver a new particle shuttle to carry a Russian cos- fl eet’s retirement. There is concern that beginning physics module, the brainchild of No- monaut into space, marking it is a few years too early to be handing bel laureate Samuel Ting, which is set a new era of cooperation be- over responsibility to private companies to measure cosmic rays and search for tween the two superpowers. while other more outspoken critics, in- evidence of both dark matter and anti- 1998 Endeavour fl ies the fi rst cluding a number of former NASA as- matter. The International Space Station US mission to the Internation- tronauts, fundamentally disagree with is planned to remain in orbit until at al Space Station. the idea of handing over responsibility least 2020, with astronauts being ferried 2003 Columbia disintegrates to private companies at all. to and from the station exclusively by during re-entry into the Earth’s Earlier this month, NASA celebrated Russian Soyuz spacecraft. atmosphere, killing all seven the 50th anniversary of its launching The decision to retire the shuttle crew members onboard. 2011 of the fi rst American into space. On fl eet was made back in 2004, in the Later this summer, Atlantis 5th May, 1961, Alan Shepard became wake of the Columbia Shuttle disaster. will fl y NASA’s last ever shuttle the second man in space, just less than At the time this decision was made, it mission, marking the end of an a month after Yuri Gagarin’s inaugural was accompanied by an announcement era in space- fl ight. spacefl ight. Upon Shepard’s return to from President George W. Bush, out- Earth, he was asked by a journalist what lining plans to send astronauts back to had been going through his mind as he the Moon potentially as early as 2015. sat atop the Redstone-Mercury rocket However, these plans have since fallen which was to propel him into space. by the wayside. Shepard reportedly replied: “I was Under Bush, NASA’s Constellation thinking about the fact that every part programme had started development of of this ship was built by the low bidder”. a series of rockets, with the potential to In many ways, Shepard’s laconic re- take astronauts much further into space sponse sums up the fundamental prob- than the shuttles are currently capable lems with relying on private companies of doing. This development culminated for low-orbit manned space missions. in the successful test fl ight of the Ares-I Making a market out of low-orbit space- prototype in late 2009. However, only fl ight may result in reduced costs, but three months later, President Barack this should not be sole the factor taken Obama decided to cancel the Constella- into consideration. There is also the as- tion programme entirely. tronauts’ safety, as well as the safety of FELIX Friday 13 MAY 2011 7 FEATURE

Who will win the new space race?

Last month, NASA announced it not be capable of launching into By contrast, Richard Bran- was awarding a total of $270m to space. Instead, it will simply serve son’s Virgin Galactic is planning private companies currently devel- as a crew capsule, which can be a whole new way of getting into oping the next generation of low mounted on top of current rocket space. Unlike the four companies Earth-orbit spacecraft. Eventually, designs, such as those frequently which NASA has awarded money these companies will sell seats in used to put commercial satellites to, Virgin Galactic is not about their vehicles to NASA and other into space. putting astronauts into space. space agencies seeking to put as- Instead, it’s all about putting or- tronauts into orbit. dinary people (albeit ‘ordinary The $270m award was split people’ with a spare £100,000) between four US companies: into space. Last week, success- SpaceX, Blue Origin, Boeing and ful tests of this spacecraft, Sierra Nevada Corporation. The named ‘SpaceShipTwo’, brought largest individual award went to the dream of space tourism yet Boeing, who hope to have their another step closer to reality. Vir- CST-100 capsule ready to trans- gin Galactic hopes to start taking port astronauts by 2015. This, like passengers into space within the the other companies’ vehicles, will next two years.

the highly expensive payloads, which space race, which ultimately ended retirement spelling the end of an era, must come into play. Of course, one with US triumph in 1969, as proof of perhaps it can be used to signal the start could argue that paying private com- the necessity of competition. In many of a new beginning, when national in- panies to take astronauts into space is ways, Americans see this triumph as a terests are cast aside in favour of greater simply the natural, logical extension of victory for US capitalism over Soviet humanitarian goals. these companies’ work sending various communism; as proof that the big state Of course, there are those who would satellites into orbit. However, if NASA’s cannot drive innovation in the way that argue that the entire concept of manned shuttle programme is ultimately being private enterprise can. However, what spacefl ight is a waste of time and mon- scrapped on account of concerns sur- advocates of this argument seem quick ey, particularly when there are large rounding its safety, it is only fair to ap- to forget is that, at the height of the numbers of people living without basic ply these same stringent standards when Apollo programme, the US was spend- resources here on Earth. Yet, in light assessing the shuttle’s likely successors. ing a staggering 4.5% of its total fed- of the mounting list of threats which In March, a Taurus XL rocket, built by eral budget on the space programme. endanger us all, regardless of nation- the Orbital Sciences Corporation, plum- With federal funding levels as high ality or political persuasion, there has meted to Earth after its fi nal stage failed as this, one can hardly claim US suc- perhaps never been a time when it has to separate properly. And it wasn’t the cess in the space race as proof of the been more pressing for us to push for- fi rst time the Taurus XL rockets have superior driving power of liberal free ward with the exploration of our solar failed to launch successfully. Back in markets. system. On this subject, Stephen Hawk- 2009, the same problem occurred dur- Of course, it is understandable that ing has had this to say: “Life on Earth ing separation of the rocket’s fi nal stage, NASA no longer receives federal fund- is at the ever-increasing risk of being resulting in the loss of the new orbiting ing as high as 4.5%, particularly in light wiped out by a disaster such as sudden carbon observatory, which for the fi rst of the global fi nancial crisis. Today, global warming, nuclear war, a geneti- time would have shown scientists the NASA receives around 0.5% of the fed- cally engineered virus or other dangers geographical distribution of carbon di- eral budget, and from this they carry out [...] I think the human race has no future oxide sources and sinks on a regional a whole host of research activities in ad- if it doesn’t go into space.” scale. In total, Taurus rockets have been dition to spacefl ight. Yet, this 0.5% still In many ways, despite the Challenger launched nine times since their debut in amounts to $18.7bn per year. So, with and Columbia tragedies, the shuttle pro- 1994. Only six of these nine missions spacefl ight as expensive as this, perhaps gramme can be seen as a victim of its have successfully made it into orbit. it’s time to abandon the idea of interna- own success. For the US, the shuttle So, with private companies having suc- tional competition as a driver for future was a way of showing that it had well cess rates as low as these, the amount of exploration of space, whether that’s and truly won the space race. It was money lost due to payload destruction competition between competing com- supposed to show that spacefl ight had also quickly becomes a factor. panies or between competing nations. become easy, that it was a routine part However, as well as issues of safety It is no-longer fair for nations like ours of everyday American life. This idea and fi nance, there are also political mo- to expect the US to bear the brunt of the was even refl ected in the name:‘the tives to consider. The decision to trans- burden in pushing the boundaries of shuttle’, as well as the frequency with fer a large portion of NASA’s space space exploration forward. Perhaps we which launches took place. However, as operation into the hands of private com- should see the shuttle fl eet’s retirement spacefl ight has become routine, it has panies seems to be part of a wider vogue this year as an opportunity to increase also lost its glamour. So, perhaps the for decreasing federal expenditure. Of international collaboration for the fu- future of manned spacefl ight is not only course, there is the necessity to reduce ture of spacefl ight. The US and Russian dependent on getting the technology the US budget defi cit, but, in accusa- Space agencies are already working right, but also the PR. Perhaps space tions similar to those being made on this together on a range of projects, and the exploration once more needs the great side of the Atlantic, there are those who European Space Agency is increasingly idealistic goals which drove it in the would argue that the Republican-con- becoming a key player. But perhaps sixties, if we are to expand humanity’s trolled House of Representatives is keen the future of manned spacefl ight, par- horizons in space. Personally, I could to make cuts for ideological reasons. ticularly in terms of going back to the think of no greater motivation for this Stalwart economic liberals argue Moon and on to Mars, will rely on col- than the prospect of all nations working that it is only through competition that laborations between the superpowers of together to explore deeper into our solar one can hope to drive the innovation old and the new rising big players in the system. If we are capable of doing this, required for developing the future of space industry, such as China, India and then perhaps our horizons will have spacefl ight. They often point to the even Brazil. Instead of the shuttle fl eet’s been expanded before we even take off. 8 Friday 13 may 2011 FELIX Science Editors: Charlie Harvey Kelly Oakes Thea Cunningham SCIENCE [email protected] You won’t believe it.. Device reaches the fi nal heat

Residents of Rome flee earthquake Scientists create generator to make use of waste heat predicted in 1915... James Pope

Ever looked at the squandered energy shim- mering off hundreds of idling, traffi c-jammed cars and wondered, “couldn’t we do something with that?” The waste heat problem has puzzled scien- tists for decades. Some researchers predict that waste heat from wind turbines could have a small global warming effect, leaving us with an ever greater need for a solution. However, scientists from China and America may have the answer – thermoelectric generators. The generators – which convert heat into electricity – have been around for a while. But The Romans earthquake-proofed this, right? the materials they are based on are ineffi cient and have only found use in niche applications Urban myth or not, rumours of a possible earthquake like powering space probes. The team has un- predicted over 90 years ago sparked mass panic in covered a talented alloy of lead and tellurium Rome this week, with residents vacating the Eternal that could change all that. City for fear of a large tremor. The prediction was When electricity fl ows between conductors, made in 1915 by Italian-born seismologist Raffaele the moving electrons carry heat with them, Bendandi, who forecast Rome would be devastated causing one conductor to heat up and the other by a quake on 11 May 2011. Despite officials stress- to cool down. The reverse is also true – if you ing the unpredictable nature of quakes, hundreds heat a circuit containing two different conduc- of workers requested leave and families chose to tors, electricity will start to fl ow. This is known keep their children away from school amid fears that as the Seebeck effect, after physicist Thomas Bendandi’s forecast may become true. Johann Seebeck who discovered it in 1821. With scenes of devastation left by the recent The thermoelectric problem lies in fi nding earthquake in Japan and memories of the 2009 materials with a high zT value. A material’s zT quake in the Italian city of L’Aquila, the concerns value is the relationship between its Seebeck As the temperature soared, the heat was on to make use of it circulating amongst Italians this week were un- value, its conductivity, and the temperature. derstandable. A prediction made by Bendandi has To make a useful thermoelectric generator, zT become true in the past. In 1923, he forecast an should be at least 1.5 – for this it needs a high at the nano scale, the researchers were able to the team has labelled “extraordinary”. The earthquake would strike on January 2 the following Seebeck value, high electric conductivity, and create a material with ‘valleys’ that conducted research, published in Nature, could soon be year. On 4 January 1924, the Italian province of Le low thermal conductivity. electricity more readily, while keeping thermal transforming thermoelectric generators from Marche was struck by a quake. By carefully adding sodium and selenium to conductivity low. When heated to 577°C, the niche nobodies into heroes – delivering extra Despite his apparent knack for forecasting, scep- their alloy, and by manipulating its structure material has a zT value of 1.8, an achievement power whilst effortlessly cooling our world. tics this week downplayed Bendandi’s prediction of an earthquake in Rome, saying they had no record of a specific date and place. The potential for pre- dicting earthquakes has been the focus of much controversy. Bernandi based his quake predictions on the movement of the moon, sun and planets, Managing malaria with modifi ed mozzies yet some scientists argue it is impossible for us to predict such an event, namely because they often tend to strike in a random fashion, without warning. Chloe McIvor places it with a copy of itself. As this occurs in malaria parasite. To date, there are no examples of forecasts that the mosquito’s sperm cells, the I-Scel sequence It is hoped that this will result in a low cost, have successfully predicted the exact date, place Scientists at Imperial and the University of is inherited by nearly all its offspring. In this highly effective malaria control strategy, and size of an earthquake. Felix was still waiting for Washington have taken an important new step study the gene targeted for inactivation by I- though much further research is required. Pro- news of a quake at the time of print... towards controlling malaria by genetically Scel was simply a green fl uorescent marker for fessor Andrea Crisanti, a senior author of the Thea Cunningham modifying mosquitoes. ease of observation, but further research will study said: “We expect to conduct many more Malaria affects 300 million people every year now aim to target genes needed by the mos- experiments to determine its safety and reli- and, as it is one of the infamous ‘Big Three’ in- quito for reproduction or transmission of the ability.” Time Travel – fectious diseases, eradication is a global goal. Scientists have already succeeded in creating Shamanism to the Space Age ‘malaria-resistant mosquitoes’, which are modi- fi ed in ways that target the mosquito’s ability 20 May 2011 6.30pm to transmit the disease. But until now the main Architectural Association School of Architecture, 36 sticking point has been trying to fi nd a way to Bedford Sq, London ensure that this trait is maintained in wild popu- lations. As they do not offer the mosquito an As part of a new collaborative energy exhibition ‘Feel advantage, the modifi ed traits tend to disappear the force’, Imperial cosmologist Professor Andrew shortly after the mosquitoes are released. Jaffe, architect Shin Egashira and photographer Go- These most recent developments tackle this swin Schwedinger explore the human desire to alter problem by inserting a gene called I-Scel, our past and future, and question whether science which is a homing endonuclease, into the fi ction is any closer to becoming science fact. mosquito genome. This sequence produces an enzyme which deactivates a target gene and re- It’s been so hot lately even the mosquitoes have been dropping like fl ies FELIX Friday 13 may 2011 9 SCIENCE Gut reaction kills worms Sci-fi Column Research could aid global fi ght against parasitic infections

Camilla Ruz

Researchers have found a component of gut mu- cus that is toxic to parasitic worms. The discovery could help one billion people worldwide. The research, published in the Journal of Experi- mental Medicine, found that just one component of the mucus, a mucin known as Muc5ac, is needed Maciej Matuszewski for the effi cient expulsion of worms from the body. Parasitic worms living in the gut are a major This week I’d like to talk about ‘Source Code’, a cause of disease. The gut is protected by a thick science fi ction fi lm released over the Easter break layer of mucus that is a mixture of salts, water and directed by Duncan Jones, who had previously large proteins called mucins. Muc5ac mucin is worked on the fi lm ‘Moon’. Though I gave ‘Moon’ rarely found in the gut, but when it is it physically a scathing review my main problem was with the changes the properties of the mucus barrier. screenplay. That fi lm had a brilliant atmosphere for Scientists from the University of Manchester which Jones was in a large part responsible, so I studied whipworm infections in the guts of mice. had great hopes ‘Source Code’. They discovered that mice that could not produce The fi lm focuses on Captain Colter Stephens the mucin Muc5ac were unable to expel the worms who, after the helicopter he was piloting crashes from their guts and suffered long term parasitic during a mission in Afghanistan, fi nds himself infections. Professor Richard Grencis, one of the forced to participate in a secret military program lead authors on the study, explained that Muc5ac called Source Code. He is made to repeatedly re- is so important because “it is ‘toxic’ for the worms lieve the last eight minutes in the life of a train pas- and damages their health.” senger so he can discover the identity of the man The researchers went on to fi nd that Muc5ac is who planted the bomb that destroyed the train and harmful to several worms including human para- who is now threatening to attack Chicago. At the sites such as hookworm and spiral threadworm. same time Stephens, who has no memories of what Together these two worms affect up to one billion happened after his crash, tries to fi gure out why he people worldwide. The research may help identify was recruited for Source Code. people who are more vulnerable to infection. This is certainly an interesting premise and ini- Dr Sumaira Hasnain, the lead experimentalist tially it is handled very well. Unfortunately it is not on the project, added: “For the fi rst time, we have long before problems with the fi lm’s pacing appear. discovered that a single component of the mucus The secret of the Source Code becomes quite obvi- barrier, the Muc5ac mucin, is essential for worm ous early on and indeed is explicitly revealed about expulsion. Our research may help to identify who halfway through, removing one of the main driving is and who isn’t susceptible to parasitic worms, and forces of story. The identity of the bomber itself is it may eventually lead to new treatments for people revealed some ten minutes before the end of the with chronic worm infections.” These parasitic worms didn’t have the backbone to stand up to the toxic Muc5ac mucin fi lm, after which we get an unnecessary and some- what tedious coda. Some critics have compared ‘Source Code’ favourably to ‘Inception’. While there are obvious similarities between the two, ‘In- ception’ is clearly the superior fi lm. It keeps raising the stakes and never loses the feel of an epic. In Rusty fungi genome gets a polish off ‘Source Code’ though the stakes initially appear to be much higher, the whole of Chicago is threatened with destruction, the fi lm’s atmosphere doesn’t Another step towards food security succeed in conveying the appropriate feeling of importance and we seem to lose some tension al- most every other scene. ‘Source Code’ also doesn’t Alex Jenkin Wheat stem rust has long been a threat to food the fungi enter the cells. Others are transport pro- explore its premise to the same depth as ‘Inception’ security. The fungus can reproduce asexually in teins which enable the fungi to steal nutrients from did: even with its poor pacing it feels terribly short. In a pioneering step towards achieving food secu- the wheat plant during the whole summer, produc- their hosts. There are, however, some missing pro- I also wasn’t very happy about some of the char- rity a team of American and French scientists, in- ing spores that can spread over vast distances in a teins which suggest the reasons that the fungi rely acterisation. Captain Stephens shows a strange re- cluding members from Harvard and the University single year. Infected plants suffer from a reduced on their hosts is related to them being unable to take luctance to participate in the Source Code program, of Minnesota, have unveiled the fi rst sequenced yield and, if severe, can result in an early death. up some nutrients in the forms found outside the even when told of the lives in danger. His confu- rust fungi genomes. The effect on the food production of a country plants. This also partly explains why the rust fungi sion at suddenly being thrust into the program is Rust fungi infect the cells of their host plants, tak- can be devastating. So much so, that in the 1950s could not be grown in vitro in the lab, a challenge understandable but I would have thought that a ing nutrients from the plant and causing losses in the US developed a biological bomb designed to that the team had to overcome during the project. highly professional soldier would put aside any yield that are often devastating to a harvest. Selec- spread wheat stem rust and cause havoc in the in- One of the great successes of the Green Revolu- personal concerns until the mission was over. It’s tive breeding and genetic engineering have created fected country. tion was the development of rust resistant wheat also strange that the director of the Source Code many rust resistant varieties of the crops we use to- Poplar leaf rust threatens the use of fast grow- varieties. Currently, a new, highly virulent strain, program, Dr. Rutledge, is set up as somewhat of day but the rust evolves quickly and there are strains ing poplar trees as biofuel as well their value in the Ug99, threatens global wheat production, particu- an antagonist because Stephens’ welfare isn’t his we have not been able to control. The scientists hope wood industry. The rust fungus affects the general larly in many African countries. The identifi cation fi rst concern. Again, however, with so many lives that unravelling the genomes of the poplar leaf rust health of the trees, limiting their growth and result- of proteins resulting from the genome sequencing at stake those who oppose him later on in the fi lm fungus (Melampsora larici-populina) and wheat ing in a reduced profi t for the plantation. will aid understanding of the way in which the rust seem a bit shortsighted. stem rust fungus (Puccinia graminis) will lead to The team of scientists have predicted several pro- fungi infect their hosts, obtain nutrients from them, This certainly wasn’t a bad movie and there were more successful attempts to control these strains teins similar to known proteins in other pathogens. and overcome plant defences. This will in turn help several good scenes. It just could have been a lot which are damaging both economically and in terms Some of these are expected to be involved in the to develop new resistant strains of wheat and pop- better and it seems to have been overrated in the of biofuel production and food security. actual infection of the plant and the way in which lar plants and restore yield levels. press. 10 FRIDAY 13 May 2011 FELIX Politics Editors: Rory Fenton Joseph Letts Rajat Jain POLITICS [email protected] The world beyond College walls Massacre in Kenya 40 unarmed people killed as tribal violence escalates

Japan

Japan has announced that it will reconsider its en- ergy policy following the accident at Fukushima plant. The plant has been leaking radiation since the March 11 earthquake and subsequent tsunami damaged cooling systems to the reactors. The ac- cident is expected to cost TEPCO up to £62 billion in compensation claims. Nuclear power currently provides about 1/3 of Japan’s energy needs and will continue playing a significant role in the future according to Japan’s Prime Minister. How- ever, Japan will in- vest more in renew- ables following the accident and expects 20% of its energy needs to come from renewables by 2030. A Turkana herdsman watches his fl ock

Rory Fenton school had just been built to teach Turkana and to Todonyang, fi ve unarmed Merille traders Merille children together. For Akiru, the oppor- were killed in cold blood. Uganda She didn’t stand a chance. Carrying underarm tunity to trade with her former enemies present- There is a terrible inevitability about the the small goat she was hoping to trade, Akiru ed a real chance to break out of poverty. As the confl ict. Desperate poverty is entrenched by could only join the other traders as they were wife of a fi sherman, Akiru and her family of 6 corrupt government. The failure to provide Uganda’s lawmakers have begun debate on the rounded up in a small village along Ethiopia’s would have earned around £300 per year; even decent schools and law enforcement is lead- controversial Anti-Homosexuality Bill and could border with Kenya. The following morning she the smallest amount of extra income would ing to murder over mere grazing land. Poverty vote on it as early as this week. The bill is cur- was one of twenty Kenyans carried away in bin make a substantial difference to this young and the threat of violence devalue life for both rently in its second Parliamentary reading. One bags by Catholic missionaries in a tractor. She family’s meagre earnings. Turkana and Merille. As Yeats said, “too long of the bill’s main backers, Pastor Martin Ssempa was shot at close range. But the Turkana and Merille were still a des- a sacrifi ce makes a stone of the heart”. Akiru urged the Government to pass the bill but says that Her twenty companions joined a total of 40 perately poor people living from day to day, reached the Merille village just minutes before he no longer supports the death penalty for homo- killed on a day of unforeseen and unprecedent- and endemic poverty can lead to panicked, the news of the murder in Todonyang reached sexual acts. Critics of the bill which includes foreign ed violence between the northern Kenyan Tur- short term decision making. Last Tuesday there too. Not knowing the Merille language, government and some local pastors have said that kana people and the southern Ethiopian Mer- morning, while Akiru set out for the Merille she probably didn’t know what was happening it would not stop homosexuality and will adversely ille. What started with the unprovoked murder village, a group of young Merille men left that when she was taken away from the village with impact the nation’s fight against HIV. Uganda is con- of two Turkana fi shermen exploded through a same village for the shores of Lake Turkana. the other Turkana. sidered to be a conservative nation. spiral of revenge into the massacre of these un- It is not certain what motivated them, but the But even had she spoken their language, the armed traders just hours later. prospect of returning as war heroes, as young wheel had been long set in turn, leading to an Like the rest of the Turkana dead, Akiru was men everywhere fantasise, was likely one of unarmed mother, goat in hand, dying for tradi- from Todonyang, a small village turned refu- them. They ambushed a group of Turkana fi sh- tion and a patch of grass. She didn’t stand a gee camp just a few kilometres from the bor- ermen, killing two of them. When word spread chance. Syria der. The people of Todonyang are no strangers to suffering since confl ict fl ared up with the Merille during a severe drought in 2009. Both Syria has started communities rely heavily on keeping goats and moving columns when grass became scarce, confl ict arose over of tanks to the the remaining patches, which happened to be restive city on Turkana land. Merille attacks, taking ani- of Hama after mals and land, would kill several Turkana each weeks of anti- month. On top of this, HIV prevalence is 25% Government pro- among the 500 or so herdsmen and fi shermen tests. Reports in Todonyang and police, stationed nearby to from Syria have protect against confl ict with the Merille, had said that water, brought the problems of drugs, alcohol and electricity and telephone lines have been cut off to prostitution to the village. A proud nomadic the city of Baniyas and troops are busy rounding up people, the Turkana had been forced by the and interrogating youths as part of the crackdown trouble with the Merille to seek safety in num- against the protests. The European Union has an- bers, gathering at Todonyang. nounced an arms and personnel embargo on Syria In recent months, however, real hope had in response to the crackdown. However, President been building. Efforts at peace talks sponsored Assad is not on the sanction list following objections by Steven Ochieng, a Catholic priest, seemed from Germany and Spain. to be paying off as Turkana and Merille started tentatively to visit each others villages to trade. There hadn’t been violence for months. A new The Turkana people of northern Kenya FELIX FRIDAY 13 MAY 2011 11 POLITICS Breaking a two-party system Canada’s NDP has done what the Lib Dems couldn’t says Tagore Nakornchai

’m looking at the Canadian elec- pletely wrecking unpopular parties – the “The NDP has pulled in mind that despite the NDP’s suc- where a centre-right party is in power tion results and can’t help but present Canadian Conservative party cess, Stephen Harper won the elec- for much of the time because of the split feel slightly jealous. This time rose from the ashes of the Progressive off what the Lib tion. Harper has proved himself to be in the vote of the centre-left between two last year, after the debates, the Conservatives in the 1990s, which was willing to use “dirty” constitutional large, credible parties resulting in many Lib Dems were looking at a surge ignominiously thrown out of power in Dems have dreamed tricks. He avoided an earlier vote of wasted votes under FPTP. In many seats Isimilar to the New Democratic Party’s 1993, winning only 2 seats in the Lower no-confi dence by asking the Governor- (such as Etobicoke-Lakeshore, the seat (NDP) surge, and Labour looked like House, and the Progressive Conserva- of for almost a cen- General to suspend parliament. The of defeated Liberal leader Michael Igna- it was heading towards electoral obliv- tives had in turn arisen from the ashes of Conservatives have shown scant regard tieff), the combined Liberal-NDP vote ion. The NDP has pulled off what the the old Conservative Party in the 1940s. tury – destroying the for the environment, opting to continue would have been more than enough for Lib Dems, and before that, the (British) Finally, the NDP had easy, low hang- producing oil from Albertan tar sands a candidate to secure a comfortable ma- Liberals, have dreamed of for almost a ing fruit – Quebec, Canada’s 2nd most two-party system” – an environmental catastrophe, both jority, but the Tories snuck in because of century – of destroying the comfortable populous state, which had been poison- in terms of the waste from the extrac- the ideological unity of the right. two-party system (which, granted, was ous ground for the Liberals, and too tion process and the dirtiness of the fuel So Bravo, Jack Layton, because he always weaker in Canada because of social democratic for the Tories, and Lib Dems. The Liberals faced a squeeze itself. Harper has also pushed forward has achieved the dream of every third the Bloc Quebecois), and throwing the therefore usually elected representa- from both sides of the spectrum – the a conservative domestic agenda – get- party leader in many fi rst past the post country’s electoral system wide open. tives from the Bloc Quebecois – a broad right was buoyed by Harper’s compe- ting “tough on crime”, and promising to countries for many a year, for destroy- There were, of course, many subtle coalition united only by support for tent economic management – Canada build more prisons despite crime rates in ing the old comfortable consensus be- differences that meant that what the Québécois sovereignty. When a cred- escaped the worst of the fi nancial crisis, Canada being the lowest in many years. tween the Tories and the Liberals, and NDP managed in Canada could never ible, 3rd (well, 4th) party alternative mostly due to the tighter regulations This is also the fi rst election in almost for almost tripling the number of seats have been replicated in the UK last emerged, one that actually had views of banks that were brought in during a decade that has produced a majority held by his party in a single election. spring. For a start, the (Canadian) Lib- which resonated with the population, the last Liberal government, and the government – since 2003, every Cana- This is a tectonic shift in the shape of erals were sick – infi ghting and uncer- the voters deserted the separatist bloc resource boom that is fuelling China’s dian election (all under FPTP, I might Canadian politics, not only had the Lib- tainty had churned through four party and plumped for the NDP – more than growth. The rise of the NDP in Quebec add) has resulted in a hung parliament. erals been crushed on home ground, but leaders since 2006, and the Liberals had half of the NDP’s gains this election caused many left-leaning Liberals to re- Harper can now rule without cross-party the destruction of the Bloc is a blow been tarred by scandals from their last came at the Bloc’s expense. consider their votes and plump for the support for its policies – in his previous for Quebecois independence – not that time in offi ce. The once “Natural Party The NDP is not the equivalent of the NDP instead. two terms, Harper has had to act in a it was a realistic possibility in the fi rst of Government” has been left with a rut Lib Dems – it is the Canadian equiva- And yet, despite the hope and opti- more restrained manner in order to se- place. For all that, the NDP still has of 30 or so seats, mostly in the maritime lent of Old Labour and still fi rmly mism of NDP supporters today, there cure cross party support to get his bills some way to go before it fi nds itself in provinces, from their previous 120. rooted in social democratic traditions. are several potential problems on the passed in the Commons. government, and I wouldn’t discount Canada has also been a country where It is the defeated Liberals who occupy horizon. Most prominent is the gov- And in the end, Canada might just the Liberals just yet. The third party voters have long had a tradition of com- the political ground most similar to the ernment itself – it important to keep have turned into the UK – a country dream might prove all too fl eeting. Blasta from the pasta? Berlusconi’s disregard for democracy is reminiscent of another Italian strongman

Marcello Colombino numerous lovers. judicial problems. He decriminalised of media outlets), a populist media cam- girls, some of whom were underage, as […] He uses those he despises and he fraud making it impossible to convict paign made of resounding declarations, ‘charity gifts’. “[…] Naturally the majority did notice despises (and sometimes fears) those entrepreneurs who falsify company’s video messages to the nation speaking The sex scandal did, fi nally, crack his his criminal activity […] unfortunately, who are honest, sincere, intelligent, be- budgets, he tried in many ways to obtain of prosperity and effi ciency that ig- immense popularity. Nevertheless he Italian People, if they have to choose cause he does not need them. He laughs immunity from prosecution and now he nored reality, and with an alliance with has not resigned and many still defend between their duty and personal ad- at them, he withdraws them. He sur- has paralysed the parliament in order to the ‘Northern League’ who give a voice him, especially the old Catholic block: vantage, always chose the latter. He, a rounds himself of dishonest people and pass a retroactive law to decrease dra- to the discontent of the rural population those that were so easily disgusted by mediocre, rough man with vulgar but when these make him fall into ruin, they matically the statue of limitation if the of the north, he managed to broaden his greater rights for unmarried couples effective eloquence was and is a perfect betray him (as their nature dictates), he defendant is a fi rst offender and save appeal to the lower classes. and homosexuals are now the toughest specimen of his coevals. In an honest whimpers to be innocent and cheated himself from a corruption trial. At fi rst his family newspapers and defenders of ‘Bunga Bunga’ (evidently country he would have been at most the […]. ” With his able use of the media (he televisions started limiting the voice of Catholics are used to delegating to oth- leader of a modest party, the not-too- The passage above describes owns an exten- sive network the opposition, now they openly peddle ers the use of their brains). brilliant author of verbose articles in his Berlusconi impeccably. When propaganda and the trend is moving to I did vote for him, it was for interest party newspaper, he would have been in 1994 he was fi rst elected ,he state television too: the direc- and because the alternative was weak considered a ridiculous character for his represented the change from tor of the fi rst national news is but now I have realised my mistake: manners, his megalomania, his offense 40 years of ‘politicians by pro- so lined up with the govern- while Berlusconi is stepping over the to common sense due to his emphatic fession’ to ‘professionals ment that when the latest in values of the Republic, transforming and shameless style. into politics’: he intro- Berlusconi string of sex scan- the parliament into a goat market, Ital- […] In Italy he became head of the duced economists, law- dals arose, there was no men- ians have to open their eyes and fi nd government. It is hard to fi nd a better yers and entrepreneurs tion on state news: no a credible alternative. The situation is example of an Italian. into his cabinet and he reference to the phone becoming dangerously similar to some- He is weak but he admires the use of prioritised the interests of interceptions, the cars, thing that in this country we all fear, force, he tries to appear strong against the middle-high bourgeoi- apartments hundreds something that we all studied in history his nature. He is venal, corruptible, adu- sie with his low-tax liberal of thousands of Euros, books and heard from the tales of our lator, catholic without believing in God, politics. He used his popular public placements that grand parents. By the way, the passage corruptor, presumptuous, conceited, support and political power to Berlusconi gave to tens was written in 1945 by Elsa Morante, it jovial, […], good family man but with save himself from his many of soubrettes and show- talks about Mussolini… 12 Friday 13 may 2011 FELIX Comment Editors: Anna Perman Jan Piotrowski COM M ENT [email protected] FELIX Money matters What is the website for? If the rich get to pay their way into uni, I’m emigrating

A common declaration amongst many peo- Ben Kennedy ple in publishing is that ‘print is dead’. By which they mean the idea that the public will continue to read content on paper in the future is laughably ignorant. While the print edition of this cat probably has quite a few years in it yet, we would be foolish to try and resist the inexorable push and pull towards web-based content. So you may have noticed that Felix’s website has been recently redesigned, increasing our potential to finally get se- Angry Geek rious about online journalism. The design is much more user-friendly and there are many more additional features. But now “It’s the political that we’ve reached this point, let’s take a look back at where we started and where equivalent of a we might hope to get to. When many of Felix’s senior staff began cockslap” at this university, it was impossible to read Felix online. This situation continued for two years – which is not to deride the editors try not to get too interested in at the time, quite simply the infrastructure politics. It leads to disappoint- didn’t exist to deliver the content online. A ment and raised blood pressure, useable website was constructed last year, and I get enough of that during along with a complete online archive of (al- exam season as it is. I raised an most) every issue of Felix. What we have Ieyebrow at the NHS reform debate, but seen since then is that our online reader- even that managed to cool down after a ship has grown week-on-week as students week of whining from pressure groups, and staff become more accustomed to and my eyebrow repositioned itself on reading the newspaper online. my face in its classic, slanted, hateful Poor guy, doesn’t even have enough money for a cockslapcockslap... So where do we go from here? Let’s be place, knotted between my eyes. bold. The online edition far surpasses the But this week, news reached my eye- print edition in every measure except senti- brows and other body parts that made another way in. If you’re willing to payy While the rest of the student mentality and profitability. Felix can access me sit up and pay marginally more at- even higher fees – more than double thee a far wider audience online and it allows tention that I do normally. The gov- £9000 barrier for engineering or medi-- body competes, those with us to better understand what topics are ernment has a new plan for university cal degrees – then the government may interesting to our readers. We are able to places. It’s the political equivalent of a be able to create extra, magical univer- money will simply have to walk provide multi-layered content: video, audio, cockslap. sity places for you. The claim is that this and links to relevant or interesting informa- It’s almost as if the Tories woke up on is to enable charities and businesses to in with the bare minimum tion on other sites. The reader is able to the Saturday after the AV referendum sponsor students, and will thereby im- directly query the author, and reader discus- and realised that the feckless electorate prove social mobility. The reality is that“ sions can sometimes be as informative as and the breathtaking incapability of the they’ve always been able to do this by perwork and luck. Allowing those with the article that sparks the debate. Liberal Democrats has rendered them offering grants and other support, and money to skip the queue so they can fill Which does not mean that there is no ar- all but bulletproof until the next elec- that this is really a way to bypass the ap- up lecture halls with their soul-sapping gument for the print edition. Profitability is tion, and that they can now do basically plications process. sense of entitlement” while talented stu- no trifling factor; the advertising prices that whatever they want. First on the list: if You see, although the government dents are told to ‘fuck off and try again a small website like Felix would command you’re rich, you can now purchase a proposals insist that students will have next year’ is the absolute epitome of pale in comparison to the print edition. The university place for yourself. Hooray! to pass the admission standards, it does disgusting, indecent politics. It is im- reason for this, indirectly, is sentimentality, Now let’s see what we can do about this not make any claims about interviews, possible to justify this; it goes beyond again not a factor to be waved aside. The ‘women having the vote’ problem… or whether they will be measured petty left and right ideologies – we are print edition of Felix is an institution. The In fairness, I should really expand against similar applicants. In essence, if fucking with a nation’s education, when weekly ritual of thousands of Imperial stu- on the policy before I melt down com- you enter university via this route, your it should be sacrosanct. dents and staff leafing through the pages of pletely into an incomprehensible stream only competitors will be the other kids It looks like Scotland will have a ref- this newspaper is something that connects of swear words. Currently, university sufficiently rich to bargain their way erendum in a few years to decide wheth- us all. For as long as Felix is financially able tuition fees are going to triple. For some in. While the rest of the student body er or not to leave the Union. My advice, to do a print version, for this powerful senti- reason, the government thought that competes for dwindling places and tries if any Imperial College students have a mental reason, we would urge future Editors most universities wouldn’t increase their hardest to differentiate themselves vote in that referendum, is to implore to continue to do so. their fees to the full amount when given from the thousands of other hopefuls, everyone you know to get out while you But facts are facts. It is not possible to the opportunity, thereby repeating the those with money will simply have to still can. I don’t understand patriotism at maintain the print version at its current classic mistake of the Sunnyfields Day- walk in with the bare minimum of exam the best of times, but lately the news has standard and run a Guardian-esque news care Centre’s Paedophile Rehabilitation results and take their place. been giving me every reason to actively website – there are simply not enough Program of 1998. But never mind that. It takes a lot to wake me up from my avoid it. hours in the day. One day, we hope in the In principle, I believe that education dazed state of margarita-sipping and distant future, the students of this univer- should cost, and the support of loans sunbathing around this time of year, but Have your say on If you’ve got a safehouse near the sity will have to decide which they prefer. and grants mean that most of people this is beyond unacceptable. The admis- English border and can help me to will be able to make it through. sions process is already a horrendous this article at flee the country, get in touch at However, now it seems that there’ll be mess of poor interviewers, muddled pa- felixonline.co.uk [email protected].

14 Friday 13 MAY 2011 FELIX Arts Editor: Rox Middleton

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Photos by Simon Worthington 9:25 The triumvirate at the The Review head of this incredible under- taking have just announced 1the name of the show. David When a cast is given the name of the musical they Swain nonchalantly goes over will perform 24 hours before curtain-up, no-one to his laptop to press play on what he should expect anything particularly special. When calls: “One of the most famous numbers that cast is from the glorious Musical Theatre Soci- of the show, and indeed of all time”. Si- WE WILL ety, the tables are turned. This rendition of ‘We Will lence falls among the cast as the open- Rock You’ was absolutely phenomenal. With a cast ing notes of Queen’s ‘Bohemian Rhap- of 22, plus technical crew, choreographer, director, sody’ fi ll the hall. Cheers are heard from musical director, and a band, they kept the Union some, silence from others, as they re- Concert Hall enthralled for nearly three hours. alise this means they will be performing ‘We Will Rock You’ is a strange musical, and not Ben Elton’s musical of Queen songs: ROCK YOU one that I really believed everyone could appreciate. ‘We Will Rock You’. It’s a showcase of the music of Queen, held together 21:10 Seb Junemann, a society veter- by a storyline which was created to do just that. Un- an and director of this summer’s produc- fortunately, even seen amongst the plots of its fel- tion of Guys and Dolls, pointed out to low musicals, this one for me is pretty tenuous, it’s me earlier that ‘We Will Rock You’was all part of the fun but I’ve never thought there was a surprising but great choice for a something that could make you forget its artifi ciality. project like this. Not only would most It turns out there is something that can make you people know the music, he claimed, but forget though. I don’t know if it’s because they hadn’t the naturally chaotic, Bohemian show slept, but the raw energy of the cast kept the show could only benefi t from the exuberant moving like a bullet-train. A huge number of Queen’s disorganisation this 24-hour musical songs are showstoppers, think ‘Killer Queen’, ‘An- was certain to display. Those optimistic other One Bites the Dust’, ‘Don’t Stop Me Now’, ‘We words came at 19:40 – before the fi rst Will Rock You’, ‘We are the Champions’… etc. etc. musical sing-through and well before etc.) but this show didn’t stop. With each song more the fi rst dance rehearsal. visceral than the last, the audience’s Sunday-night 22:05 Slices of Red Leicester on lethargy was blasted out of them by the lungs and Cream Crackers are an ideal substitute muscles of people who should have been recovering for dinner. Hey-ho: off to look for a from inhuman exhaustion. copy of Ben Elton’s script. Being pushed to their physical limits didn’t stop 00:15 So, we’re a sixth of the way the cast from keeping control of their highly choreo- through this ordeal, and I think the onset graphed movement and singing. There were some of the late-night-high can be felt. Mo- lines which hadn’t been learnt and it is to their credit rale is high and appetites are low after that they managed not to break the illusion whilst a midnight gorging on Domino’s Pizza prompting themselves with notes written on just and Lucy Harrold’s jelly. about every prop they had. Some cast carried off The cast are now attempting their fi rst these manoeuvres with musical hall aplomb while a run of ‘Radio GaGa’ on the Concert couple were self-consciously happy to point out their Hall stage, and the amount of wiggling failings. Although apparently at odds with the gusto going on in the cast’s hips is causing the of the genre, it worked to keep everyone laughing. jelly to turn green with envy. Or maybe On a weekend when most of us were lamely push- that’s the food colouring. Director Da- ing ahead with the revision schedule, these students vid Swain has returned to his hiding created something spectacular. From a society that place upstairs, consoling himself with has proven time and again just what dedication and visions of a 4am power nap. And his 15:15 I’m realising that I haven’t rehearsal can do for a performance came a show- half of a meat feast pizza. “Sure, it’s a little loose around given enough credit to the amount of case of the part that pure talent and energy play as 00:36 I still haven’t seen a copy of preparatory work this operation must well. It was genuinely brilliant regardless of the time this blasted script. There are about the edges, but not signifi cantly have involved. The choice of show was taken to put on. If this exercise is repeated, I advise three copies of same making the rounds made less than three weeks ago, and the you not to miss out. Rox Middleton among 24 cast members, so I rank pretty more than most other dress secrecy surrounding it must have made low on the guest list. any planning well-nigh impossible. Sitting next to the window, looking rehearsals I’ve been involved And yet, at 19:30 last night, copies of out at the stars above the Royal Albert the score and script (though admittedly Cast List Hall (too late for stars in the Royal Al- with. Awesome. Just awesome” not enough!) were printed and ready for bert Hall, I’m afraid), this seems like distribution, a detailed rehearsal sched- Galileo Robert Felstead an opportune time to mention Queen’s ule was taped to the wall, and James Scaramouche Katie Clemence specifi c relevance to the Imperial com- in what I’ve heard so far. Music of a Perry arrived with enough energy cours- Killer Queen Shamini Bundell munity. The guitarist Brian May, almost breathtakingly epic quality which ex- ing through him to electrocute a mead- Pop Sebastian Junemann universally considered to be among the plicitly names objects, fears and desires ow full of Duracell bunnies. Khashoggi Al Norman best living exponents of that instrument, that ordinary human beings would en- So far, at least, this preparation has Meat Rebecca Jones is an Imperial alumnus. Since graduat- counter. I don’t know if I’m making paid off in an astonishing way. Brit Phil Raymond ing in 2007, Brian May CBE has re- myself as clear on this point as I would 17:01 One aspect of this performance ceived a disproportionate amount of like – let me get back to you once my which is brought into sharp focus by the Ensemble: Charlotte Ivison, Sanee Patel, Owain coverage from Imperial’s Communica- philosophy of rock has some more time short rehearsal period allotted it is the Jones, Christine Simpson, Oluwatosin Ajayi, Sophie tions Centre as one of the university’s to develop. raw vocal power possessed by so many Campen, Lucy Harrold, Michael Willmott, Barry White- few presentable graduates. Call me bit- 12:00 The technical crew have now of its cast. When Katie Clemence sings side, Felix Millne, Holly Russell-Allison, John Wheatley, ter, but I hardly think that David Irving arrived, in the persons of James Galla- ‘Somebody to Love’ over the hall’s Philip Jackson, Tony Bannister, Yun William Yu. would make as good a poster child. And gher and the suicidally competent Fran- speakers, the walls seem to bend under the plot of his rock musical is, quite cis Clegg. Lights are going up, keys the force of her voice. The awkward- Director: David Swain frankly, just plain silly. are being rattled and ladders are being ness which the cast must feel they are Musical Director: Zoe Humphries 11:36 Having listened to more Queen moved around at frightening velocities. displaying comes across as beautifully Choreographer: James Perry in the past 14 hours than in the rest of Read the full Having been involved with a number of edgy realism. Which, I need scarcely my life combined, it strikes me that liveblog at technical set-ups over the past few years point out, suits the music of Queen to there is something powerfully earthy felixonline.co.uk at Imperial, these are all good signs. a T. FELIX Friday 13 MAY 2011 15 ARTS

Musical Theatre Society rehearse and perform Ben Elton’s smash hit in only 24 hours Read highlights from Gilead Amit’s liveblog

“I think we’re fi nally alone. Except for the band. And the audience... Dammit!”

17:43 As Rebecca Jones prepares to dance, but after watching these guys for lead the ensemble through: ‘Only the so long I’d feel inadequate. That and Good Die Young’, I have to keep re- my left thigh has gone to sleep for the Why he won’t just throw that sock away, I’ll never know... minding myself that these guys and eighth time today. dolls have only been doing this for 22 19:32 One fi nal song bites the dust as hours. Sure, it’s rough, ready, and a little the cast sings ‘We are the Champions loose around the edges, but not signifi - of the World’. Which, to my mind, they cantly more than most other dress re- most defi nitely are. hearsals I’ve been involved with. Awe- 19:38 All right. It’s been 24 hours of some. Just awesome. constant rehearsals, and not-so-constant 18:24 Act II of the dress rehearsal is liveblogging. I’ve expended nearly well underway here, and everyone must 6,000 words in an attempt to convey the be keenly aware of how little time there awesomeness of this cast, and I don’t is before the audience is scheduled to ar- think 60,000 could do them justice. I Why the clipboard, Al? rive. Hopefully, however, they are also don’t have much more to say, or indeed keenly aware of how massively impres- much more time in which to say it, as I sive their work has been, and, according need to help the exhausted David Swain to the liveblog stats, how much interest clear the hall. I’ve been struggling with this project is garnering from the wider the right words to describe this adven- Imperial community. ture all day, and I think I’ve fi nally The wonderful truth is that by far come up with a description which sat- the most important audience for each isfi es me, if not anybody else For all of these performers will be each other. the talk of tonight’s audience, the real This is a project for them. They entered performance is just fi nishing. These past into it together, and what will get them 24 hours haven’t been a rehearsal period through these fi nal hours is the knowl- – they’ve been a constant, frenetic, eu- edge that they are all still together. phoric, emotional, exhausting, intense 18:35 Whoop! This is now offi cially and unbelievable performance. the most popular article on the Felix They don’t need you half as much as website. I would do a little celebratory you need them. They will rock you. “Before I met you, I had a girlfriend who was this big!” I hope Brian May doesn’t see this Imperial Medics Boat Club No

Do you want to do a centrefold? Email [email protected] ovices

Photo by Kadhim Shubber 18 Friday 13 may 2011 FELIX Music Editors: Greg Power Luke Turner Stephen Smith MUSIC [email protected] Album of The Week Tyler, The Creator A night at the Garage Goblin XL Give a warm welcome to our new Editor Stephen Smith, as he kicks off his 2011 career with a review of HMV’s Next Big Thing at the Relentless Garage

bove The Relentless Garage in Islington lies a small hall signposted from the outside as By now Odd Future are pretty much the biggest new “Upstairs”. The quirky mystery thing in music, having just fi nished their fi rst full- of this sign gives every hint of fl edged European tour. They incited a bit of a riot at Awhat lies beyond, namely a small 150-capacity the Camden Crawl, where they outshined every other hall with all the trimmings of the perfect hipster band present, and have an established and dedicat- hideout. The music was an oddly mismatched ed fanbase that just keeps on growing. Goblin marks combination of folk, electronica, and pop. Per- a clear musical progression for the leader of the Wolf haps it would be best described as a folktronica Gang, as he pushes his Neptunes-infl uenced mini- gig but some of the acts certainly didn’t fi t this malistic indie hip-hop to brave weird worlds. Tracks description. This night was part of HMV’s Next like ‘Yonkers’ and ‘Troncat’ retain the same visceral Big Thing series of concerts, and all of these anger and insanity that fans know and love, but it is artists have a great deal of promise, though I on the heavily R&B-tinged ‘She’, the manic and funky hesitate to patronise the main act, James Yuill, ‘Transylvania’ (produced by Left Brain), and in the in such a way, since he has already settled into strange beauty of ‘Analog’, that Tyler really outdoes a fi ne niche in the folktronica scene (if such a James Yuill: the epitomy of pure musical geekery. An inspiration to many himself. On this album more than ever before Tyler scene could be said to exist at all). separates the different sides of his musical persona The fi rst act was boy/girl combo Visions of (Wolf Haley, Ace Creator and Troncat) onto distinct Trees. Amongst the slew of Bat For Lashes quartet of musicians stood around an island of Club 7, whereas ‘One Eye Closed’ could easily tracks, resulting in what could be considered a con- copycats, few have managed to match Natasha wires, keyboards and guitars while each one be Britney’s next single. On the other hand, the cept album: Tyler discovers the pitfalls of becoming Khan in any way. Only Florence Welch comes danced vigorously and still managed to play superb eponymous track Cocknbullkid is per- an instant celebrity, questions his abilities, falls prey to mind as a possibility, but in Visions of Trees his part effortlessly well. One of the most strik- haps best described as experimental 80s dance- to his weaknesses and ends up shooting every mem- there is perhaps a new band to eventually take ing aspects of Trophy Wife’s setup was their rock, a welcome break from the trashy 90s pop ber of the Golf Wang (metaphorically?) before fi nally the title of creepy, fairy-like, female, electron- home-made drum kit: a wooden frame housed that made up the rest of her set discovering himself. Bring on Wolf. Greg Power ic-folk artist of the moment. Their songs follow a mixing desk and a large number of regularly Adequately disheartened, I very eagerly a well trodden path of ghostly whispered vocals and violently beaten polystyrene pads. As with awaited James Yuill who came on stage dressed over a sparse yet heavy harmony of strings/pi- Holy Fuck, Trophy Wife’s appeal lies in their like the defi nition of a music geek in a Lyle & 1. Radiohead ano/noise, a path that was fi rst walked by Kate very humble take on dance music; it is very re- Scott shirt and thickly rimmed nerd glasses, Most 2. Muse Bush in the 80s, and a style that has apparently freshing, and interesting, to fi nd a band making his Macbook on prominent display. I had seen 3. Daft Punk not been bettered since then. In that sense, Vi- dance music with traditional, non-computer- James Yuill once before at XOYO on Old Street listened to 4. The Strokes sions of Trees are completely mediocre, but ised instruments. and his lovely mixture of folktronica and rave this week by 5. Gorillaz they have some catchy songs and they play one Third on stage, and after a painfully long gap, music was entrancing. This night was very 6. Arcade Fire of the most enjoyable genres around so they are was the one pop act of the evening, Cockn- similar, the undisputed highlight being the folky Felix Music defi nitely worth a listen. BullKid. She is an indecisive songwriter who ‘This Sweet Love’, beautifully accompanied by 7. The Killers The second band were Trophy Wife, a band performs a variety of styles, but whereas other an animated video of balloons, boats and mous- members 8. Arctic Monkeys that I had seen before and liked a lot – mostly genre-spanning artists (Animal Collective taches. The occasional rave moments dimmed 9. Red Hot Chili Peppers due to their simultaneously disturbing and en- immediately comes to mind) give off an air the lights into a club atmosphere, but these were on last.fm 10. LCD Soundsystem thralling cover of Joanna Newsom’s ‘Book of of well-rounded musical knowledge drawing intelligent songs with a rare combination of Right-On’ (Look for it on Myspace, Newsom links between otherwise distant genres, Cock- complexity and danceability. Yuill is a fantas- fans will be amazed at how well it works). This nBullKid simply seems confused and unsure of tic musician who deftly and intelligently stole Join in at: http://www.last.fm/group/Felix+Music time, they were even better, perhaps the musi- her position in the very wide and complex spec- the show with simple, assured maturity, but the cal highlight of the evening. They are a band trum of modern music. New single ‘Hold on younger Trophy Wife impressed everyone with Make sure not to miss very similar in musical style to Holy Fuck – a to Your Misery’ is extremely reminiscient of S an effortless and supremely enjoyable set. Stag and Dagger

Several venues in Shoreditch All songs were written by bandleader Phil drummer Aaron Berk shows skillful restraint. Thursday, 19th May 2011 The Tin Can 44s Overton, who possesses a God-given grace on Berk then tips the song into more rocky territo- www.staganddagger.com The Speak Easy EP the guitar, recalling the technical, Jazz-infl u- ry, leading into a crescendo of wild harmonica Stag and Dagger is an annual festival of new music Unsigned enced guitar work of acts such as The Yard- tomfoolery by the brilliant Box Car Joe. ★★★★★ which takes place in and around Old Street in East birds. Whereas in concert their goal is clearly ‘Picket Song’ feels like the intro to a good London. It promises to be an amazing night with Gregory Power to make you dance till your feet fall off, on old-fashioned Cowboy-bar brawl. ‘After The act such as D/R/U/G/S, James Yuill, New Young record the intricate level of their musicianship Show’ will make all the ladies want a piece Pony Club, Star Slinger, Toro Y Moi, Wire and many Imperial’s own blues maestros, The Tin Can and the tightness of their act really becomes ap- of the action (“Get Laid Easy” tip number 34: more. Buy your ticket online, then head to XOYO af- 44s, have released their fi rst studio recording: a parent: they chug through these fi ve tracks like learn to play this on the guitar). ter 6pm to exchange it for a wristband which grants fi ve-track gem called The Speak Easy EP. Ev- a well-oiled machine, fueled on whiskey. All in all, an extremely solid debut, and a you access to all participating venues for the entire eryone who attended the fi rst Felix Music Night Don’t get me wrong, tracks like ‘Bad Crazi- pleasure on the ears of anyone with a taste for night. The principal venues are CAMP Basement, on the 19th of February will remember The Tin ness’ and ‘Three Coats’ will make you boogie bluesy folk. The Macbeth, Hoxton Bar & Kitchen and 93 Feet Cans as “that wild bunch of whiskey-swiggers” like a wookie, but it is in the softer moments of East, amongst others. The nearest tube stations that kept us grooving during the totality of ‘Now They Know’ the band really shows how Get the free EP on the band’s bandcamp: are Aldgate East and Old Street. Take the night bus their tight, raw set. Pretty damn classy, indeed. interesting their compositions and teamwork http://thetincan44s.bandcamp.com back home if you stay after 1am. Their EP was recorded over two day sessions are. Overton’s Knopfl er-esque riffi ng comple- The Tin Can 44s perform at an “acoustic Veronika McQuade at Alchemea Studios in Angel, Islington, and is ments his end-of-the-line vocals – reminding circus” every Sunday in Whitechapel. Fol- available for free up on their Bandcamp. this humble reviewer of early Dylan – whilst low them on Facebook for more details. FELIX Friday 13 may 2011 19 Film Editors: Jade Hoffman Ed Knock fi [email protected] FILM Superhero overload Ed Knock laments the rise and rise of the comic book genre

’ll be honest, I’m not the biggest comic book fan. Sure, I used to watch X-Men and Spiderman cartoons in my pajamas during the now distant nineties but as Ifar as turning the pages of actual com- ics, my only memories are of the occa- sional Beano – if I had enough change Classic Cinema from my pocket money. Many people take the DC and Marvel canons very se- On The Waterfront riously and the zeal of fans has changed the nature of blockbusters over the past The Italians dominated social commen- decade. The once action movie staple tary cinema in the fifties and with the of the Hollywood summer schedule has British kitchen sink dramas and French very quickly been replaced by the now New Wave in their infancies, this gritty familiar parade of lycra-cladded super- genre of cinema was their playground heroes. If you browse through the major until the Americans caught up a couple film websites and magazines , you very of decades later. However, amongst the quickly start to get a sense of déjà vu at gaudy visuals of Technicolor musicals the bombardment of comic book adap- and melodramatic epics of the Golden tions that dominate the features and Hollywood era, On the Waterfront eventually the cinema screens. Are stu- bucked against the trend with a classic dios scraping the barrel to find obscure tale of corruption and working class re- characters to spin money from? Will bellion against oppression. Elia Kazan’s audiences eventually become bored? highly regarded classic was based upon And how many more flops will it take a series of exposé articles about mafia for the comic book phenomenon to im- controlled extortion and racketeering plode and make filmmakers realize that on the docks of New York. After being maybe the market is oversaturated. reluctantly involved in the murder of To make myself clear I have no preju- dockworker who is preparing to testify dice against comic book films in them- against the Mob, Terry Malloy (Marlon selves. It’s easy to come across as a Brando) finds himself questioning his pretentious snob who only deems that conscience about his actions (or lack of) high brow art-house cinema is worthy as he becomes romantically involved of our attention and acclaim when hav- with the dead man’s beautiful sister ing a rant against comic book films. I, (Eva Marie Saint) who is determined like every other person on this planet, to discover the truth about her brother’s loved both Christopher Nolan’s Bat- untimely death. man films. However, in rebooting the Terry is a gentle man, a failed boxer Batman franchise, Nolan removed any who took a dive for the Mob and lives supernatural elements and silliness and This summer we can ‘look forward’ to Ryan Reynolds as The Green Lantern (seriously), Anthony Hopkins undoing a a complacent but unfulfilling life un- another in its place dolloped a heavy dose of career of great acting, X-Men fi lm, and the chant “USA! USA! USA!” in fi lm form, I mean, Captain America der the protection of his brother, the existentialism. In a similar vein to Cop- gangsters’ lawyer. Spurred on to ques- pola’s serious interpretation of the pulp tion his morals by a crusading priest novel The Godfather, Batman Begins torious over his demented father who refreshing change from armoured au- (Karl Malden), Terry decides to break was constructed in a realistic manner In the pipeline ,guess what, is a bigger better green tomatons but a hero decked in the Stars the unspoken code of silence and fight as opposed to the ridiculous Joel Schu- Hulk. and Stripes looks a little bit ridiculous. for better treatment of his fellow down- macher versions which ruined the fran- The four big films this summer are I guarantee the script will contain some trodden longshoremen. Marlon Brando chise (two words: bat nipples). Such is X-Men: Deadpool Thor, X-Men: First Class, Captain deep mumbo jumbo about the responsi- steals the film in his Oscar-winning the operatic scope of the recent Batman America, and The Green Lantern. Now bility of power or something similar but performance; every twitch and stare films, you look over the fact that Bruce X-Men: The Wolverine I can’t pass judgment over Thor as I it’s inevitable that Captain America will along with his trademark chin scratch Wayne dresses up as a bat to fight crime. haven’t seen it but the general vibe I result in a manic face off between Hero masterfully convey all the emotions of My problem with comic book films Iron Man 3 got off reviewers was although it was and Villain. man reflecting on his own exploitation is that they all follow the same for- entertaining, they had seen all it before. The trend for comic book adaptions by his Mafioso brother. The scenes be- mula. We have our hero, who is typi- The Avengers X-Men: First Class has a disappointing does not look like slowing at all, in fact tween Brando and Marie Saint are es- cally shown performing an appropriate trailer; it appears to be a feast of CGI it’s accelerating at a scary pace. But al- pecially touching as the specter of her heroic act until an evil villain appears Another Superman reboot wizardry against a thinly constructed though the supply of superhero movies brother’s death hangs over their blos- to perform some evil deeds. Our hero political background. The Green Lan- will continue as long as there is a de- soming relationship. The script is vivid eventually defeats the villain but only A Spiderman reboot tern looks truly awful and I can’t see au- mand for it, there are plenty of people and passionate including the immor- after nearly being defeated in an epic diences flocking to see Ryan Reynolds in the movie business with big original tal ‘I wish I coulda’ bin a contender!’ fight. It’s simple, it’s popular, it’s bor- The Dark Knight Rises play a galactic policeman who wears a ideas and I think it’s time that the major speech. ing. Look at the first two Iron Man magic ring to fight aliens resembling studios stop patronising their audiences Most importantly On the Waterfront films for example. In both films Tony In case you missed it, that’s Star Trek rejects. and give them something new to watch. was a turning point in American cinema; Stark has to fight a villain with a big- another two X-Men films. Who Captain America has a more interest- The success of Inception proves that the afterwards the classic dramatic style of ger better version of an Iron Man suit in Magento’s name watching ing premise as it’s set during WW2 but tried and tested formula of Superhero acting began to wane and the natural and he only wins by sheer luck. In Ang these things? a comic equivalent of The Red Line is verses Supervillain is not the only rec- Method acting of Brando and Malden Lee’s Hulk, Bruce Banner emerges vic- unlikely. Cyberpunk Nazis may be a ipe for a blockbuster. gradually became the norm. Ed Knock 20 Friday 13 MAy 2011 FELIX Games Editor: Simon Worthington

GAMES [email protected] Web Games Who knew climate change Each week we’re going to bring you a selection of fresh, free and fun web games that you can play right away in your browser. Unless otherwise specified, you’re going to need the Adobe Flash Player plug-in could be so much fun? which can be installed from http://get.adobe.com/ flashplayer/. Chris Bowers becomes a global dictator while reviewing Fate of the World

Nyan Cat Fly! he year is 2020 and climate nyancatfl y.com change has reached critical levels. The global temperature is rising, the Maldives are being evacuated, and countries have realised that Ttheir individual efforts are no longer enough. 2018 brought what scientists called the world’s fi rst ever “hypercane”, and the serious possibil- ity of dangerously high temperatures by 2100, along with growing economic uncertainty, is leading to growing civil unrest. Something must be done, and so the Global Environment Organisation (GEO) is formed – an independent, but slightly controversial organisation with the goal of countering the increasing effects of climate change. And with them they bring a newly elected President – you. Your fi rst order of business is to decide There are two groups of people in the world: those how you would like to be addressed (ranging All you need to be a world leader is to be able to use Google Earth that know what Nyan Cat is, and those that do not. from Darling and Dude, to Learned One and For the former, this game is a dream come true: Your Excellency), then it’s straight into saving guide the titular kitty on it’s journey through space, the world. bonus ones for extra points), and your funds world is yours to look after (or control, if you nomming treats as you go. For the latter, it’s the The way you go about it is to hire repre- are generally very limited, so there’s real pres- prefer, Your Excellency) with a tight budget start of a hellish nightmare of Japanese music and sentatives in major regions around the world sure to play the right cards in the right places. and only a handful of cards in play. animated GIFs from which there is no real escape. (Europe, Russia, Middle East etc.) to carry out The system is conceptually rather simple – It’s a steep learning curve, and with so many Treats get you bonus points, whereas slurping your bidding. Once hired, you can play one play cards and click next – but developer Red different strategy paths to try out, it’ll probably down vegetables loses you a life. Really, it’s no ‘card’ per representative from a set currently Redemption have added a great deal of com- take a few attempts to get it right. But once wonder kids are getting obese these days. Apart available in that region. Each of these cards plexity really quite well. In addition to the you get going, it’s quite satisfying to see your from the inexcuseable soundtrack, Nyan Cat FLY! represents a project that the representative will sleuth of statistics available for each individual plans unfolding before your eyes. The whole is actually very good at what it does and there’s a carry out over the next fi ve years, leading to region – and on a global scale – every ‘turn’ of system makes sense – there is clear logic to good amount of fun to be had as the game speeds long-term positive and/or negative effects in fi ve years you get major news stories from that the cards mechanism, requiring you to set up up and dodging rogue leeks gets more and more that region, such as a change in GDP or carbon region. These headlines provide you with even each region’s infrastructure fi rst. From here, challenging. emissions, or even global mega-death. more insight into public opinion, and the gen- you can begin shaping that region’s future – be It does all sound a bit like a dictatorship, and eral state of things, and it’s from here that you it an unpopular, highly-taxed one to get funds, to that end the GEO and its representatives will probably be harvesting most of the infor- or a fl ourishing technologically advanced one. can be kicked out and banned from a region mation that you need to plan your next move. With all these decisions to make and imple- if its population doesn’t think you’re acting It’s easy to see that this game requires a lot ment, it’s important that the interface is helpful Reimagine :The Game: in their best interests. This is one of the ways of thought. You are guided in with only two and unobtrusive, and Fate of the World does this tinyurl.com/67bvapx Fate of the World manages win and loss condi- regions, and a large number of cards to play well. It’s quite clean and navigating through the tions – lose control of too many regions and with, but you should enjoy the simplicity while game is simple, with no more than a few clicks you fail the level. Most win conditions must it lasts. Once you’ve fi nished the fi rst level, to get to any of your resources. There are little, be achieved by a specifi c year (and there are you get chucked in at the deep end – the whole fi nishing touches – like playing region-themed background music when you’re making deci- sion in that area – that let you know the front- end has had attention too. There’s even a heat map of the entire Earth so you can keep track of which countries are contributing the most to global warming, but the emphasis here is defi - nitely on the detailed underlying mechanics. With so much of the premise relying on the core gameplay, it’s so important that it feels strong and offers a good experience, and Fate If my gran ever comes out of her irreversible coma, of the World certainly delivers on that front. I won’t show her the BBC News website, or give her Not only that, but it manages to deliver a game a copy of today’s paper, I’ll just sit her down in front based on a really interesting concept – one that of this old-style platformer. The past few years of links well to our own, current conditions, and popular culture, from Lady Gaga to Julian Assange, is possibly even trying to make a point about a have been compressed down into bitsize gaming future that our actions could take us. nuggets, each with their unique fl air. I really would recommend FotW, even if this For example, pictured above is a level about the genre isn’t your usual tipple. Having to think BP oil spill, where pelicans must be used to sponge about your various strategies and the solid up oil and are then burnt in furnaces to allow the gameplay makes this game one to look out for. player to jump higher. Lots of good humour and sat- ire here, and plenty of fun levels to keep you going. Fate Of The World is available now from Hypercane? More like hyper-LAME! For those drowning guys, I mean www.fateoftheworld.net, for about £10. FELIX Friday 13 may 2011 21 GAMES

Simon Worthington With games now enjoying their official status as art, whilst worming their way onto every device we own, Felix asks:

ARE VIDEO GAMES A WASTE OF TIME?

“[But] last time I checked, earned-cotching. On streaming endless movies, watching 24 box-sets in real time or playing COD movie-goers didn’t quite until we are the leanest, meanest button-presser-to- ever-press-a-button-to-pretend-to-kill-a-complete- get the same fl ak for ly-digital-person-on-screen. Let’s instead pretend that we are balanced in- seeing fi lms as gamers do dividuals who work, play sport, contribute to the community and help old ladies and the occasional playing video games” chicken across the road. Individuals who have satisfi ed their Good Human quota and have a few hours a week to spend on a hobby. Even in that to spout it out. (improbable) case, would games be a good use of I guess – Laurence Pope However corny it may sound, many modern Never! – Omar Hafeez-Bore time, when we could watch a fi lm, or read a book, games have storylines and plots comparable to or tinker with model trains or something? that of a movie, the difference being you don’t The smart readers will have already spotted the his was always going to be a diffi cult normally sit through a movie with a mouse/con- e’d need a whole year of Fe- fundamental fl aw in the previous sentence: that it piece to write, since the answer to the troller in your hand. Hell, only recently the US lix to crack this issue. At least. was retarded. You know that feeling you get when above question could be summed up National Endowment for the Arts declared video Even then, after discussing the you really fancy watching a horror fi lm, but then succinctly in a single syllable – yes. games, among other associated media, ‘offi cially- importance of play and wheth- decide that you’ll just read Bridget Jones instead? Unfortunately, my editor isn’t particu- sanctioned art forms’. To proclaim video games a er we actually deserve to have No, nor me. Tlarly happy with one word articles, so I suppose waste of time is to do the same to fi lms and every Wso much entertainment at our fi ngertips, we’d still Games are great because they are as different to I’d better make something out of this question. other form of traditional art, and also brings into come up short. This is Big Philosophy; a discus- fi lm as books are. As playing guitar is to collecting Apparently I’m going head-to-head with Omar on question why one activity should be better than sion of how Man Should Spend His Time, no less. stamps. They are games, and only they can satisfy this issue, but because I’m a good sport I’m going another. Yes, this is imperfect logic, shut up. I’m Yes, time. The very currency of our lives and that itch for a headshot or a pixel-perfect jump. No, to avoid digging up dirt to discredit his argument, a video gamer, not a logician with a PhD in being we choose to spend it playing games? And then they are not some geek’s substitute for real life. No irreversibly wreck his reputation, and shame his smart. have the nerve to celebrate how much of this pre- one sticks on FIFA when they fancy a game of footy family for generations to come. Look folks, let’s face the facts here. You can cut cious currency games cost us? ‘It’s very addictive!’ in the park. They play FIFA when they fancy press- The fi rst thing I’d have to ask is what people con- up the argument however you want, but at the end That’s it! The jackpot. The bullseye. The highest ing some buttons and waggling a couple of sticks sider a ‘non-waste’ of time. If it is something that of the day, games do suck up time – anyone who’s accolade a game can get. But why? until a screen pronounces them better at doing it is considered fun, then one can hardly label video played World of Warcraft can testify to this (just If people reviewed sweets – and if they did, I’d than their mate. They stick FIFA on when they fancy games as wastes of such time – unless you’re the ask down at Blackett Labs). They are specifi cally give the mega-sour balls from Mr Simm’s sweet a game of FIFA. And if I fancy exploring a hazy, kind of weirdo who plays them to increase their designed to draw you in and a game that does, one shop 5/5 – ‘addictive’ would be the last thing people sun-dappled world of surrealist melancholy I’ll play sense of crushing boredom, o’course. After all, in that is capable of sapping away hours from your would praise about them. The Daily Mail headlines Ico and not just admire a De Chirico painting. the words of Bertrand Russell: “The time you enjoy life, is considered successful. But that’s no reason would write themselves: ‘Kids go crazy for crack Should people try to balance their life so they wasting is not wasted time.” If something is enjoy- to feel guilty about playing them, and I’m not just candy’, ‘Lollipop lady lamped by lolly-loving Lo- don’t spend massive chunks of it in front of a able, it can hardly be said to be wasteful (whether saying that so you’ll continue to read the Games lita’, ‘Immigrants stole my sherbert!’ et cetera. screen? Should they ensure they don’t sacrifi ce it is moral or not is another question entirely, and page. Because too much of anything is bad for you. social contact, going out, keeping healthy, work- not entirely relevant to the matter at hand). If old Having fun in life is important, and if you draw Think of the best thing for you in the world. Water, ing hard and all that in the name of raising digital Berty agrees with me on this issue, who are you to pleasure from video gaming then more power to right? Well, even that is bad for you if you drink digits in a digital world? Yes, probably. dare argue back? you. Yes, I consider them wastes of time at the end too much! No joke. I checked. And unless you’re But can people really dismiss a whole medium If something has to be productive to be a non- of the day, but you should feel no guiltier indulg- really crap at, you know, basic actions of human as a waste of time any more than another? I agree time waster, then one has to ask themselves what ing in them than a person who watches fi lms, reads instinct, drinking water takes up way less time to with Laurence on one point: maybe people should ISN’T a pointless time sink. Films come instantly fi ction or listens Justin Bieber. drink than games do to play. feel guilty about spending too much time on pure to mind – last time I checked, movie-goers didn’t Actually, scratch that last one. So let’s make one big fat assumption right now. sedentary entertainment, on the pursuit of its own quite get the same fl ak for seeing fi lms as gamers Let’s assume we are not good-for-nothing students pleasure. But not specifi cally games. They’ve do playing video games. There is a line of thought who feel that spending a few hours each day in lec- taught me as much as other, ‘worthier’ art forms, that says fi lms can educate and games cannot, and I Have your say on this article tures listening (puff, pant) is strenuous enough an and given me plenty of things the others never hate it every bloody time someone opens their gob on felixonline.co.uk activity to justify frittering our free time on hard- could. 22 Friday 13 may 2011 FELIX Food Editors: Dana Li Vicky Jeyaprakash FOOD [email protected] Gastronomical Musings Dinner at Heston’s Vicky says: Laura Huckins visits the fabled new restaurant sensation

Summer is here and the skirts and sunglasses are flickr/laissez faire out. Well for us girls at least, sorry boys – unless that’s your kind of thing, no judgement here). It also heralds the return of Pimms, ice lollies and the all important Frappuccino. Life is good. If pesky exams do have to take over your life then let it be now, when large icy glasses of Fruli in the pub and Twister Lollies in the park are acceptable revision breaks. Well, sort of. I think that’s how other people feel. I won’t lie and pretend all this sun is my thing. Everything in moderation and all that. The excuse to eat enormous amounts of gelato is appreciated and a sneaky trip to Oddono’s in South Kensington is a must for me. Two-for-one on waffl es with ice cream and sauce, all for the same price as one scoop; bar- gain! I’m all for making the most out of what there is on offer even while mourning the loss of my scarf and the need for hot cups of tea. If gelato is the only way, then so be it. Summer food lacks the utter comfort that winter grub intrinsically has but the abundance of colour and variety makes the whole thing a far cheerier ex- perience. Salads, quiche, and the odd Eton mess certainly ease the pain of the passing of parsnip chips until the end of the year. As does Pimms – oh wonderful ruby red Pimms, with your perfect timing and leaves of mint. Of course the ultimate in summer cuisine is the The mighty meat fruit. A strange beast it is true but tasty and succulent and orange. We welcome it to our table. Hello meal that is an event in its self: the barbecue. BBQ and all it’s accompaniments make the next couple of months exciting what with all the worry and dra- eston Blumenthal: the molecu- could we go wrong?. And then. Giles Coren hunting dogs; the history of English food is in ma over the potential for rain and the possibility of lar gastronomist, the chef or had the meat fruit. There are photos. Chicken every aspect of this restaurant, so is its present, meat being set on fi re due to the drunken chef at perhaps the genius? Having liver parfaits, wrapped in mandarin fl avoured and undoubtedly its future. the grill, while hosting a lot of hungry people. burst onto our screens only a jelly. It even has a leaf... we are not, I realise, Our mains arrive. I have the Roast Turbot, It’s the only meal that never really starts when you few years ago, he has fasci- sticking to the set menu. We are going to have a revelation, and the boyfriend has the Spiced get there but never seems to end; with lunch turning Hnated us with his original recipe ideas which the meat fruit, and the spit-roasted pineapple. Pigeon: both amply exceed our expectations. into supper and the neighbour’s angry yelling end- come complete with their own crazy experi- There are photos, snippets, read and re-read: We eat in contented half-sentences, punctu- ing the night. I have yet to attend one this year that ences; birds fl ying out of a pie being one mem- the meat fruit becomes, for the next few days, ated with morsels on forks proffered across has been successfully held outside but as someone orable highlight. A self-taught chef, Heston’s our Bettie Page, our Gyspy Rose Lee, our pin- the table and with whole explosions, every fl a- who is allergic to everything outdoors I can’t say I’ve original restaurant ‘The Fat Duck’ boasts up. vour in one bite, consumed slowly. The Roast been unhappy at this state of affairs. Don’t even get three Michelin stars, is consistently ranked I have however never peeled the soft outer Turbot is served with cockle ketchup and leaf me started on picnics. Ants and grass and often a one of the world’s best places to dine, and is layer of a pin-up before, or bit in to fi nd her chicory and makes me think of holidays, the frisbee aimed at your head. Joy. afforded the luxury of unregulated prices. His sharp, soft, fi rm. We removed the leaf fi rst and sea, the English countryside. It is fi rm but Before all of you label me the summer curmudgeon most recent addition to the family, ‘Dinner’ in spread, gently almost, the sweet pate: every embraces the tongue. As for the chicory and (a sort of ice queen scrooge-like fi gure if you will) I the Mandarin Oriental Hotel, ignited a frenzy bite superb, a revelation. The boyfriend, I re- cockle ketchup, it hardly seems fair to describe remind you that it is my duty as a British person to amongst food critics months before its open- alise, is in love, and is not sharing. Good job these as “accompanying” the roast turbot, or to complain about the weather and all the annoyances ing in January this year, taking 6,000 bookings then that as well as this, we order the Salama- demote them to “served with”. On his menu, it throws up. Can you imagine what I’d have to say within its fi rst day of opening the phone lines. gundy. Described as ‘Chicken Oysters, Bone Blumenthal avoids these words: initially this if I hadn’t caught any sun today? Welcome summer. Laura Huckins was lucky enough to visit. Marrow and Horseradish Cream’, it strikes me seems to be for minimalist, aesthetic reasons, as fuller, less coquettish, than meat dressed but it seems clear that in fact, these are not flickr/darcie Long before I enter Dinner, I have done my as a mandarin. It arrives, tiny melting slivers sides, or fl avours: the dish is composed of all research. After four years at Imperial I am of meat with strong, fruity marrow and the three and may not miss a note. an engineer worth my salt: alongside my Lit perfectly complementing oh-so-fashionable Dessert is Tipsy Cake, a sort of souffl é-bread Review I have menus and quotes, and the puree/cream. We are, in short, enchanted, so pudding concoction, served with the infamous date pencilled into Outlook three months in much so that we barely notice Heston himself roast pineapple, which is caramelised and adds advance. Less than two weeks before we are to our left, chatting to two men we recognise a boozy edge to the fl uffy cake, as well as Taf- due to go, Dinner opens and the reviews come but cannot name. He has new glasses, tortoise- fety Tart, served with rose, fennel, lemon and streaming in: Giles calls it “the best restaurant shell, rather Victorian-deep-sea-diver-esque, blackcurrant sorbet, with a crispy caramelised in the world”. AA Gill is in raptures. Suddenly, and makes me wish that I had worn my own top. Again, it is perfectly balanced, perfectly with two days to go, our reservations are worth labcoat to match. complemented, perfectly Dinner. more than that week’s rent: a few hours later, a At this point we pause, take in the scenery. When we leave, it is with the certainty that pair of reservations are selling for £300. Luck- We recline, smile; starters over, we believe the this is the best place we have ever eaten. As ily, it does not occur to us to sell them despite hype, and begin appreciating the surroundings. Heston himself says, “If nothing else, I hope the fact that we may not make rent this month, To the left, the kitchen, with its glass walls and it’s easy to remember”. He was talking about or that we only have two aubergines and some gently spit-roasting pineapples: it puts one in the name, but he couldn’t have been more rice left. I cannot say I will ever regret it. mind of a more benign, charismatic Henry right. We told ourselves, to begin with, that we VIII settingw. Cog-like mobiles hang from would stick to the set menu: three courses, the ceiling and avoid any accidental forays Dinner by Heston Blumenthal, Mandarin cooked by Heston (who had chief residency into the twee: the decor is sleek and reserved, Oriental Hyde Park, 66 Knightsbridge, Lon- for the fi rst two weeks after opening): how no mock-tudor lamps or plush rugs depicting don, SW1X 7LA FELIX Friday 13 may 2011 23 Television Editors: Matt Allinson Veronika McQuadeova [email protected] TELEVISION Mildred Pierce John Park reviews the latest adaptation of James A. Cain’s novel, this time by HBO

dapted once again from James A. Cain’s celebrat- ed novel, this time as a 5-part HBO mini-series, Mildred Pierce must Ahave been a tricky one to map out. Its If you’re going to buy the rights to The Big C, then damn well advertise it! fi rst adaptation in 1945 won Joan Craw- more Omg, I just argued for advertising... Kill me, kill me now ford her much-deserved Oscar and was furthermore nominated for Best Picture. So naturally the pressure is on, both for the director and cast, especially Kate My plea to Channel 4: Winslet who takes on the title role, but the fi lm’s restrained, patient approach is stop ruining good TV more than satisfying to warrant a seal of approval on this remake. Todd Haynes (director) follows the book more closely Scott Heath periences, doing the things she always as it portrays almost every single aspect wanted to do. Never before has a show of the book in sequence, and can afford All terrestrial TV networks have their managed to make me laugh so much to take its time. After all, Haynes has unique strengths: the BBC makes stun- about so serious an issue. The icing on over fi ve hours to spread around. ning period-dramas and unique shows the cake came from the fi nal episode Mildred Pierce (Winslet) is the tra- like Dr Who. When it airs other net- of the where the show crossed that fa- ditional 30s middle-class housewife works’ productions they are often mously diffi cult boundary of any com- whose sole job is to please her family, Nothing like a summer road trip with a man who, if you squint hard stolen by Rupert Murdoch e.g. Sky 1 edy: seriousness. I suspect no person in this case, her husband and two young enough, looks like Johnny Depp acquiring 24 after its second season. who watched it had a dry eye when the daughters. When her cheating husband When we look at ITV the word “soaps” credits rolled; even I struggled! takes it a step too far though, she feels must be used whilst Channel 5 is the What C4 did with this show instead enough is enough. After kicking him “Veda instantly didate. But the Depression is affecting land of CIS, NICS and any-other-let- was their standard ‘this could be a re- out of the house, she feels the fi nan- his business, and soon Mildred fi nds ters-IS. But when we get to Channel 4 ally good show’ strategy: Air it for a cial restraint The Great Depression has becomes someone that his material needs are also being it’s a fun mix of originals, adaptations bit of C4 at a weird time (11pm); use brought about. Struggling to balance covered by her. Pearce is an effectively and great American shows that they minimal advertising; then shove it onto her desire for a job and her pride that whose head you want boozy, aimless boyfriend whose pride seem intent on killing. More4 when the ratings are low. Now doesn’t let her work in what she consid- is severely hurt by how Mildred starts It seems that when C4 adapts an More4 is still easily accessible, so you ers a demeaning profession, she fi nally to put through a treating him as a dependant. Being a American show, they do well. Sure with may question why I actually care. But lands a job as a waitress. Under the man, his ego is a sizable and it becomes Deal or No Deal they took off the 26 fi rstly this strategy has been an annoy- tough guidance of Ida (Mare Winning- wall.” more and more diffi cult for him to ac- leggy models holding suitcases in small ing part of C4 for years and secondly ham), the head waitress, Mildred fi nds cept that he is not the millionaire he dresses and replaced them with the gen- the Americans have a habit of switching her life’s calling and decides to prop- used to be. eral public and boxes (sorry guys) but it off amazing shows, we don’t need the erly enter the restaurant business. And and older (Morgan Turner and Evan Ra- The technical accomplishments are still worked. Brits doing it too. I am sure with enough so “Mildred’s Chicken and Waffl es” chel Wood respectively) are terrifyingly also worth mentioning – the set, cos- They can even come up with good UK pressure we wouldn’t have lost Ar- opens, to overwhelmingly good recep- monstrous in every scene. Watching the tumes and music all perfectly evoke the ideas like The Million Pound Drop, rested Development. tion. Soon she expands all over Los An- young Turner slap her own mother so 30s grim but hopeful mood of a strug- a game show where people bet £1mil- So who else has suffered from Chan- geles and it appears things are starting proudly and naturally is one of the fi lm’s gling but slowly recovering America. lion cash on what they feel is the right nel 4s touch of death? The list is most to look up. But this is until her eldest biggest shockers. She seems sweet and Like its core plot development, the mu- answer. It makes good TV, although defi nitely long: Aaron Sorkin has dou- daughter Veda starts causing trouble. A obedient at times, but this is all a part sic is never overdone nor does it ever the contestants’ choices do make bly felt it with both The West Wing materialist sociopath, Veda’s evil nature of her act. Filled with greed and hatred, feel manipulative. Careful attention is you scream at the TV – someone put and Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip; surfaces even when she’s a small child. their performances are disturbingly real, also given to the wardrobe, as Mildred’s £375,000 on Karaoke not being a Japa- ABC’s Brothers and Sisters may Her angelic looks are devilishly decep- and the character of Veda instantly be- fi nancial status constantly changes nese word when I last saw it. have won 10 awards but it apparently tive, as her own ambitions for an extrav- comes someone whose head you want from episode to episode. The extrava- But the issue I have the C4 is its long- doesn’t deserve any prime time slots; agant lifestyle take over. to put through a wall. gance of its various supporting charac- standing habit of buying some of the HBOs Curb your Enthusiasm is a So why should we pay attention for Mildred doesn’t have many friends, as ters gives Haynes the chance to splash fi nest TV shows from the US and giv- solid More4 fi xture and I think its fair fi ve hours? The presence of Winslet is she is so distracted by focusing on be- some bright colours and shiny dresses ing them a thoroughly undeserved UK to say the magic of Friends has gone a good enough reason. From the mo- coming the perfect mother, as well as a on screen, providing a clear, noticeable TV death. after non-stop showings on E4. ment she appears, she commands your successful businesswoman. But the two contrast from its usual restricted use of The best example of this is The Big So what do I think Channel 4 should attention and her intense performance reliable women she can always count darker tones. C, a comedy with the tag line ‘Grab life do? Clearly its strength is not in show- is diffi cult to ignore. That she can so on her Ida and Lucy (Melissa Leo), Has HBO’s gamble paid off? It cer- by the balls’ that wanted to make cancer ing good American shows and the au- effortlessly slip into the role of a strug- her neighbour. Ida is the more straight- tainly wasn’t a ratings grabber, but will funny. Now I know what your thinking, dience doesn’t expect them to provide gling housewife is impressive enough, talking, professional working woman, the quality behind this masterful work comedy and cancer sounds like the fi eld them. Maybe they should allow ITV, but throughout the fi ve separate parts whereas Lucky provides a warm voice be recognised come September when of South Park and Family Guy, but which needs as much help as it can her character is forced to evolve, and and a shoulder for Mildred to cry on. the Emmys announce their winners? this non-animated piece of televisual possibly get, to take a few or at least is hit with unthinkable challenges. All Both supporting stars, mature and pol- Granted, fi ve hours is not easy to sit gold worked staggeringly well. rebrand More4 to 4USA (US4 would these changes are captured brilliantly by ished in their craft, deliver fi nely tuned through in one go, but Mildred Pierce It follows a run-of-the-middle sub- work too). Either way they need to Winslet, whose relentless energy shines performances that fi t in convincingly is a quietly absorbing drama with many urban wife and mother who discovers stop preventing people from seeing through with dialogue and is just as ef- with the period mood. effective touching moments that care- she has terminal cancer and decides to shows like The Big C otherwise the fective in the many silent close-ups. Love does seem to fi nd Mildred again, fully treats its fi ery emotional scenes live life to the max. She withdraws her world of TV lovers, myself included, In the equally challenging role of with Monty Beragon (Guy Pearce), a so as to not make them overly melodra- pension and goes on wild and fun ex- will never forgive them. Veda, the two actresses, both younger rich, lazy burn-out being the main can- matic. 24 FRIDAY 13 MAY 2011 FELIX Travel Editor: Chris Richardson

TRAVEL [email protected] Wishing you were here Some Santiagan satisfaction Ricardo Baeza-Yates Priya Garg

After fi nally recovering from my bout of food poisoning, we ventured out of the suburbs of Santiago and up through the drastically arid bush to the national park. Here we were able to see the Santiagans relaxing and socialising in typical South American fashion – as always, every day and night is a party. Avoiding two wild horses careering through the park we went to relax beside the stream. There were numerous Chilean families parked up beside it with barbeques and cooler boxes, blasting English rock music. Apparently this afternoon piss-up was an after-party of a wed- ding the night before. As is customary, every person we met greeted us with an affectionate kiss on the cheek and a handshake. We also wandered through the quiet streets of Bellavista, home of the late Chilean poet Neruda. Despite not appearing on any Chillian banknotes on account of his radical communist views, he is on posters and pictures all over “As always, every day and night is a party”

‘Fireworks over Mount Herzl’ by Menahem Kahana Santiago. He often wrote of love and despera- See, there’s always a party. Umm, if you squint really hard and look really closely... Want to see your travel photograph featured here? tion, highly appealing to his audience – Chil- Send it to [email protected] eans love ‘love’, and everywhere you walk you will see couples intertwined. tional fi gurehead Arturo Prat. He was a naval nis competition for elderly men). The next day we were taken to Valparaiso, a offi cer who died rather than let his Chilean You are constantly surrounded by noise and place young Chileans love, a city of huge French ship surrender to its enemies and now is lauded people, whether it be nut sellers, dried wheat inspired chateaus, grand naval buildings, big everywhere as the inspiration for such phrases and peach juice vendors, or protestors being statues and the centre of the Chilean judicial as “never give up”. His statue stands proud in scrambled into police vans. The men in our Travel on your doorstep system. Bohemian heaven is just a stone’s throw Valparaiso’s grandest plaza. group yearned to be taken to the infamous ‘cof- through some windy passageways. An unstable Our last day was spent in the sprawling met- fee with legs’ cafés, where customers are treat- flickr/pedrokid wooden elevator took us up to a cobbled street ropolitan city centre of Santiago. As you move ed to coffee served by beautiful women bearing with brightly painted tin houses and carved bal- out from the skyscrapers and rows of little endlessly long legs. In some Santiagan versions conies overlooking the beach and the sea. We houses, you eventually reach hills with the of this shop, the managers pick a ‘happy min- wandered down the streets, lost in the broken most incredible views. The heart of the city is ute’ where music blasts, shutters roll down, and myriad of rainbow colours. in the Plaza D´Armis, modern glass buildings waitresses climb onto tables and strip for the From our Chilean friends we found out about refl ecting the archaic imposing monuments patrons. Then the minute ends, the shutters roll the strong Chilean admiration for fi ghting for and luscious old buildings (even if one does up and business continues as usual. what you believe in, through tales of their na- just house a rather peculiar event of a table ten- Rather than joining the crowd at the ‘café with legs,’ we joined the crowds outside the CaughtOffside.com grand palace of the President, where school- Camden Lock, chock-a-block, electric shock, cockblock? children running amok were singing and chanting “Chi Chi Chi-le!”, as TV cameras Get there: Northern line, to Camden Town tried to capture the image. In the centre of all See: The markets (and the lock!) this was a large white capsule with the Chilean Eat: Street food fl ag upon it. The red stands for the blood of the Cost: £2-5 for a meal people, blue for the clear (ish – Santiago has a lot of smog) skies, white for the snow-peaked A true mecca of cheap T-shirts and genuine Roy mountains of the Andes, and the star for the Bons, Camden is well worth a day trip. Grab a frosty hearts of the Chilean people. drink in a rooftop garden overlooking the lock, then At that moment, the hearts of the Chilean head to one of the countless clubs for some eve- people were singing with joy for the release ning entertainment. The drunken Boris bike home is of the miners and the crowds were baying for optional but certainly advised. (Except for the drunk sight of these heroes. The white capsule out- bit). side the presidential palace was the very one which had released the miners from the dark- Planning a trip? Want some quick advice from ex- ness down below the earth to the light of the perienced travellers? Have a travelling tale to share Santiagan sun, and we were honoured to be with Imperial? able to see it. The main lesson learnt here was to ‘do it the Drop us an email at [email protected], or Chilean way’. Do what you believe in with all send us a tweet using #FelixTravel of your might and all of your heart, just like Ah! There’s the party! I knew we’d fi nd it! Arturo Prat. Do it like a prat.

26 Friday 13 MAY 2011 FELIX CLUBS & SOCIETIES

Matt Grum Finally, some fun! Students from all over London come together to bring Fusion, York University’s hugely successful music, fashion, and dance show, to the capital

Matt Grum Charles Betts

What kind of city do we live in? The London social calendar is full of aw- fully pretentious events charging lu- dicrous amounts of dosh for a very ordinary experience whilst managing to be incredibly vile and unwelcoming about it at the same time. Events where the lighting has that weird, trendy glow that occasionally reveals the semen-ink words ‘reclusive wanker’ on the trou- sers of the dismally self-important cli- entele. Events where the barman claims to make the best Bellini cocktail in the world outside of Venice, with all the pomp and disillusionment Nick Griffi n that uses to claim he’s the best guy to deal with immigration. Events that are Take Me Out has become quite fancy of late “Get off! I don’t date men from the 19th century...” cynical, tacky, dunderheaded, and deca- dent. Equally, at the other end of the life- Help make Fusion a style spectrum, you can blub your eyes out watching – for the price of a TV li- success A call for recipes cence – a Frenchman make it through to the next round of Britain’s Got Talent. The following Fusion commit- Which is really, really tragic. I could tee positions are still avail- pontifi cate on what is the biggest con- able. tradiction in terms since Britney Spears released her Greatest Hits album, but Secretary frankly life’s too short. It’s basically a Treasurer show that pays no more attention to real Creative Directors (x2) aptitude than the Pakistani intelligence Music director/coordinator services do to detail. Head Choreographers (x2) So that’s the problem, the Bin Laden Fashion and Beauty (Clothes, gulf in al-Qaeda, if you will. London Hair & Makeup) needs an affordable variety show that Charities, Events & Fundrais- is fun and laid-back. A show that buoys ing Coordinators (x2) everybody’s mood, that embraces the Sponsorship & Advertising love of friends, and the eternal, undying (x2) passion for brilliantly honest entertain- Press & Publicity (x2) ment. Enter stage left, Fusion. A music, Technical Directors (x2) Did you know that 30% of all food in fashion, and dance show that originates Stage Manager the UK is wasted? from York University, where it attracts 3... 2... 1... cramp! Five Imperial College students are an audience of over 4000 people every Contact Angela Udemba on trying to help prevent this by devel- year and high-profi le sponsors such [email protected] oping a Smartphone Application as KPMG and Hugo Boss. Fusion is for more information on du- primary aim is to raise as much money Reclusive geniuses coming out of their and they need YOUR help. The App, to now be launched in London for the ties involved and a simple ap- as possible for charity. shells perhaps, reclusive wankers defi - called Morph My Food, will allow fi rst time, offering the advantages of a plication form. The application It’s an old French cliché that youth is nitely not. users to enter leftover ingredients big city and the collaborative involve- deadline is the 30th of May wasted on the young – this show goes to For those watching, the show offers from their fridge /cupboards and will ment of students from Imperial College, 2011. prove otherwise. For the passionate and a perfectly decent night out and the then generate a selection of reci- Queen Mary University, Kings College, driven individuals who want to make a chance to say on a Monday morning, in pes. A simple idea that could help and UCL. difference and contribute to this unique answer to the question “What did you reduce food waste globally!! Fusion is a totally authentic way of event, this is their chance to join the do on your Saturday night?” something You can help by submitting any hosting a variety performance. It’s a ically takes a year to organise, involv- committee. For those involved, being a other than “I stayed in and watched simple, creative and fun recipes creative amalgamation of artistic skills ing a cast of at least 100 students and committee member of an such an event ITV” or “I went to a bar that was trying that can be created from typical left- ranging from choreography, to music a committee of 16-18 students. A show in its fi rst year would be hard work but a contemporary, nouveau-rustique ter- over ingredients in your own fridge compilation, to graphics and web de- that has managed to become renowned would also prove a great way of mak- rorist bunker-come-brothel theme, but it at on Facebook (search ‘Morph My sign. It is a show entirely organised and for being an outstanding event with a ing new friends, having fun, trying only just about managed to muster the Food’). Or submit via email at mor- performed by students. A show that typ- high professional standard and whose something new and gaining confi dence. fi nesse of a cluster bomb.” [email protected] FELIX Friday 13 may 2011 27 the turnip Horoscopes Hangman’s Finest College News Source Aries Taurus Blunder in Maths department This week, there is no Twatter. Literally This week, you’re pretending to pay tens of students across Imperial feel attention to NHS reforms in cabinet slightly disappointed. A national while secretly fingering Nick Clegg. Wrong colour paint used emergency is declared and David Chris Huhne notices and says loudly, Cameron tells news reporters, “this “what are you doing!” “Nothing” you is worse than that time I was caught quickly say. Sniffing your finger gives n investigation is currently un- fingering Clegg in cabinet...” you away. Damn lack of self-control. derway to determine how and Awhy the walls of the Huxley building were recently repainted with green paint when the colour scheme ex- Gemini Cancer plicitly called for lilac, or lavender at a push. The project is estimated to have This week, you’re running. Running This week, you finish your exams. Joy! cost the College about £500 given cur- away from a pack of rabid dogs. You The sun is shining, the summer stretch- rent market prices for aesthetic opinions don’t know how you arrived at this point es into the distance ahead of you, and and Dulux, but the exact figure is not in time. All you know is that wall ahead hey, that girl is totally checking you out. yet certain, since mass spectrometry looks awful high. Will you make it over? Nothing could ruin this moment. You of wall scrapings suggests that B&Q’s You’ll never know, you trip and fall... and check the news on your phone. Aliens own brand may have been used. yes some things are worse than exams... have invaded. DAMMIT! Renovations of the department were carried out over the Easter break, af- ter a group of hoodlums sprayed bogus proofs to the ‘P versus NP’ all over the Leo Virgo walls on level three; redecoration was scheduled for completion by mid-April An ‘artists’ impression of how the mixup could have occured This week, you’re distracted in exams This week, you fall asleep on the but was delayed until boffins in the de- by the hot guy next to you. His soft Queens Lawn. The heat is too much and partment could examine and ultimately hair. His stern expression. The way his you can’t keep you’re eyes open. When disprove the the proofs. grey carpets because they totally clash”. cians say.” arm tenses when he does calculus. With you wake up ten minutes later, you’re at The interior designer leading the He added: “One of my guys has trouble Whether or not Imperial College will five minutes to go, you realise you’ve a conference, wearing a suit with a lan- project commissioned the use of green working out what flavour his skittles foot part of the bill to re-redecorate answered every question with “You can yard around your neck. Damn they’ve paint, but had “no idea where the purple are before eating them. Whoever did remains to be seen; until plans are re- bash on my calculator any day”. got good at putting the marquee up. stuff came from, nor why anyone would this could’ve been colour-blind. Quid drawn, wallpapering is being consid- think purple goes well with the drab pro quo, or whatever those mathemati- ered to prevent a re-occurrence. Libra Scorpio This week, you’re walking through a This week, you’re all up in some chav’s market in India, complaining loudly ‘grill’ ‘chatting shit’ and all dat ‘bruv’. about those exams you did a few weeks He doesn’t appreciate the inverted ago. A young Indian boy stops you and commas and bitchslaps you. You cower says “Sir I would gladly take a thousand on the pavement when suddenly the exams!” You offer him 100 rupees to do ‘po po’ turn up and ‘save your bacon’. a handstand. Oh wealth... Chavs say that right? Sagittarius Capricorn This week, you walk into a bar with This week, you’re sitting on your someone from Haiti, Japan, Spain, balcony (yeah bitches) late at night, Alabama, Libya, and Osama bin looking up at the stars when they start Laden’s compound... moving. Holy shit. They slowly arrange themselves into some sort of shape... I’ll be honest, I got nothing that can live oh it’s a penis. You win this time, God up to that set up... *shakes fist. Aquarius Pisces This week, you oversleep for your This week, you lay your hands on the DRUNKEN MATE exams. Luckily it was just a dream. questions to tomorrow morning’s exam. Unfortunately that realisation was also Shit fucking yeah bitches! 100%. BOO- OF THE WEEK a dream. A dream within a dream. You YAH! This is going to be the easiest wakeup. 7am, thank god! You begin exam of your life. You sit down and try OMG! They have one of those bunk-beds with the desk beneath it!!! I always wanted one of those when I was a to suspect you’re still dreaming when to figure out the answers in preparation. kid, but my room was too big and I had to be content with a desk beside my massive king-sized bed... Leonardo diCaprio serves you breakfast. You can’t. The notes don’t help. FAIL. 28 Friday 13 MAY 2011 FELIX Puzzles Editors: Polly Bennett James Hook Aman Nahar PUZZLES [email protected] Last Week’s Solutions Crossword 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 39. A natural talent, aptitude or Across 8 9 10 10 ability (5) 1. Common phrase meaning 40. An avocado based dip (9) Slitherlink something is an “axiomatic truth” 11 12 (5,3,7) Down 8. A metal (3) 1113 12 14 15 15 16 9. A species of the hymenoptera 1. " e queen of the fairies in A 2321 1 Midsummer Night’s Dream (7) order (3) 17 2. A sovereign state (7) 3 1 3 10. A grammatical term (7) 3. Action: to make something so 11. A serious infection of the 181316 19 1417 20 18 191521 22 2016 23 24 2 3 1 1 brain or spinal cords (3) much less complicated that its meaning is distorted (15) 3 3 3 1 1 12. Verb: to free from (3) P 21 4. Action: to assign a mark to 2 13. To lower and raise one’s head 221 2 exam papers (7) in assent (3) 252217 26 2327 182428 29 19 25 132 1 12 14. One whose occupation is to 5. A ‘weapon’ of the Acme Corpo- ration (5) 1 121 2 3 set piece of wood, metal, etc. (7) 30 17. --- Of Fire, ! lm about dragons 6. To delay (5) 2 221 2 7. " e part of the grinder that (5) 263120 21 32 33 3422 23 holds the co# ee (5) 212 2 1 2 3 1 18. To have directed a weapon towards an intended target (5) 9. Facial hair (5) 3 2 2 3 1 21. " e set of structural rules 15. A limb (3) 16. A period of time (3) that de! nes the composition of 24 35 25 36 37 38 clauses (7) 19. Family, class or kind(3) 25. Urban dictionary: wads of 20. A $ owing backward (3) Nonogram tobacco inserted into the bottom 22. --- blue, a bright and dark shade of azure blue (5) lip to extract the juices (5) 2639 40 28. Of, or relating to, the voice 23. Urban dictionary: one who box (9) ‘reinvents’ but does not legally change their given name to get 1 1 30. A West End musical (4) 1 1 5 1 1 or crustaceans (7) 37. --- Lat, a city of Terry Practhett’s Discworld 31. Another name for God as attention (5) 1 1 1 1 1 4 1 1 4 3 24. Another spelling of renege (5) 29. A metric unit of measure equal to 100 (3) 2 5 2 2 2 2 1 1 1 1 1 1 2 1 spoken in Arabic (3) 2 8 1 1 1 1 1 3 1 3 9 5 sqaure metres (3) 38. A material from which a metal or valuable 5 3 1 32. " e act of giving someone a 25. A member of an Arab 33. A band of cartilage lying along the under- mineral can be pro! tably extracted (3) 3 3 4 1 blow job (9) princely family (7) 26. A prefecture of Japan (7) side of the tongue of dogs (5) 1 1 1 1 1 1 35. A small Haiwaiian tree (5) 34. An acronym used to describe certain topics 36. A brand of hot sauce (7) 27. A worker who removes the 1 1 1 1 1 1 protective outer cases of molluscs in meetings (1,1,1) 1 1 1 4

3 3 1

2 3 1 Nonogram - Superinjunction Slitherlink 1 1 3 1 1 2 1 1 2 1 1 1 1 2 2 5 3 1 1 3 3 2 2 2 3 1 3 3 1 2 1 2 23 5 5 2 2 3 1 2 1 3 1 1 332 3 2 3 2 1 3 1 1 1 2 4 3 1 1 1 1 5 1 2 1 4 1 2 1 2 1 2 3 4 5 1 3 2 7 2 2 1 3 2 1 3 9 6 1 1 1 5 2 3 23 1 2 3 1 2 3 1 2 Crossword 1 2 1 1 5 1 1 2 3 QUICK 1 8 2 3 2 3 2 1 Across 1. Spark Off 5. Lizard 9. Ballpark 10. 1 5 Apathy 12. English Setter 15. Shrug 16. Food- 1 2 2 2 32 stuff 17. Overshoot 19. Congo 20. Short-Tem- pered 22. Snappy 23. Reabsorb 25. Oregon 2 7 2 131 2 2 26. Steerage 3 1 1 1

1 2 3 3 2 2 1 3 Down 1. Submersion 2. Ail 3. Kipling 4. Firth of Forth 6. Impetus 7. Afterburner 8. Days 11. 4 1 3 1 Below The Belt 13. Garden State 14. Afford- 1 1 1 6 able 18. Scorpio 19. Capable 21. Oslo 22. Going Underground Ova 1 5 5 1 0 ______CRYPTIC Across. 1. Squash 4. Asteroid 9. Neighs 10. Dominion 12. Eros 13. Cowls 14. Here 17. Nymphomaniac 20. Bounty Hunter 23. Opus = 148 24. Peers 25. Firm 28. Disraeli 29. Pastel 30. Red Light 31. Stayed Scribble Box Down. 1. Singeing 2. Uniforms 3. Soho 5. Scotland Yard 6. Emit 7. Olives 8. Donkey 11. Commonwealth 15. Chaos 16. Value 18. Strictly 19. Trampled 21. Condor 22. Pursed 26. Mali 27. Vast CLASSIFIEDSFELIX Friday 13 May 2011 29

To place a free advert, please Felix accepts no responsibility for items/services bought/sold email [email protected] Deadline for adverts is Tuesday midnight ACCOMMODATION MISC LOVE

Send us your adverts. It’s a Double Room One bedroom flat Violin lessons great way to reach a large num- ber of readers and hopefully Large, light double room in One bedroom flat in South Royal College of Music student find what you’re looking for. Hammersmith. Kensington. offering one-to-one violin tutoring, For now, enjoy these (fictional) Available 1st July – 31st Available 1st August – 30th including theory. lonely hearts entries. August. September. Any skill level, beginners Sharing with 5 other Imperial 2 minutes to South Kensington welcome. students and right by the bus Station. Email francinamollsalord@ Women Seeking stop to get to university. Fully furnished. hotmail.com £120pw. £999 pcm. Men Email Laura via [email protected] Email Chng via chngjootin@ gmail.com Routers for sale 3rd year Physics obsessive look- ing for online form creator ex- Double rooms One Virgin Media router (£10) traordinaire to fix the 4th year Single room and one Netgear Wireless G options form and start a family. Two large double rooms near router (£15) for sale. Discount If interested, choose the Biophys- Albert Bridge, on the Battersea Single room in Harrington available if both are purchased ics module... side of the river. Gardens. together. Available July onwards (sum- Available 4th June – 24th Email vishnucharan99@gmail. mer let or one year contract September. com. Women seeking acceptable). 2 minutes from Gloucestor £150pw for the smaller room, Road tube station. 10–15 minute Women £170pw for the other. walk to university. In a building with secure access, Furnished (bed, study table, Avid Pitchfork reader looking for video link and bicycle sheds. wardrobe). similarly minded music enthusi- Email [email protected]. £130pw (negotiable). ast to spend late nights discuss- Email Hui at [email protected] ing the merits of Jamie XX’s col- laboration with Gil Scott-Heron. Double room If interested, meet at Rough Double room Trade East with your ten favour- Double room near Hammer- ite vinyls. smith and Shepherds Bush. Flatmate wanted for furnished Available 13th May – end of double bedroom in two bed- September. room flat near Shepherds Bush Men Seeking Men £563.33pcm. station. Sharing with four £140pw inclus. of heating. Self-loathing exam failure look- postgraduates. Sharing with 2nd year male ing for Jean Claude Van Damme Email kevin via kevconroy@ engineering student. lookalike to make me feel better gmail.com Email [email protected] about all that pot I smoked. If interested, roundhouse kick the Single room Queens Tower to the ground. Single room near Earls Court Men seeking station. Fully furnished. Available 1st June – 6th August. Women £550pcm including water and council tax. PS3 gamer and electronics nerd Large flat, sharing with three Post online! seeking ‘Girl with Dragon Tattoo’- Imperial students and one You can also place free adverts on- style hacker femme fatale. Must professional. line! Simply head to iconnectimpe- be into short men and strong Call Jess on 07531774112 rial.ac.uk, create an account and odours. If interested, you already post on their online marketplace! have my email and password. 30 Friday 13 MAY 2011 FELIX Sports Editors: Jovan Nedic David Wilson SPORT [email protected] Felix Sports League sponsored by ICU Riding and Polo heads to the Arena Polo Nationals Ed Phillips Images Team P W D L F A Diff Index ... Continued from back page 1 Fencing W1 9 9 0 0 1210 607 603 5.00 were all hoping that Henry and the team could 2 Fencing M1 10 10 0 0 1229 919 310 5.00 really build on this fi rst result and start work- 3 Table Tennis M2 11 11 0 0 156 31 125 5.00 ing together as a three. However, although the 4 Water Polo W1 8 7 1 0 102 24 78 4.63 team did manage to play better in the second 5 Volleyball M1 11 10 0 1 22 4 18 4.18 chukka, Exeter were an extremely strong team 6 Volleyball W1 11 10 0 1 21 4 17 4.18 (actually they narrowly missed out in the fi nal) 7 Basketball M1 12 10 0 2 917 735 182 3.50 and were just too much for the lads. Still, all in 8 ICSM Netball W1 12 10 0 2 493 312 181 3.50 all a 50% record wasn’t a bad fi rst day for the 9 Lacrosse M1 11 9 0 2 154 85 69 3.36 novices and after a long wait while the nov- 10 Tennis M1 12 9 1 2 84 60 24 3.25 ices got a headstart on the beer the Lower In- 11 Table Tennis M1 12 9 1 2 84 60 14 3.25 termediate team had their fi rst match, sending 12 Basketball W1 9 7 0 2 464 348 116 3.00 Nottingham packing with a sound 5-1 thrash- 13 Netball W1 13 10 0 3 546 367 179 2.92 ing; Thijs putting away one lovely shot under 14 Squash W1 11 8 0 3 31 12 19 2.55 his ponies neck and two text book taps along 15 Hockey M1 12 8 1 3 46 25 21 2.50 the wall while Alex got two lucky shots from 16 Rugby M1 14 10 0 4 344 191 153 2.43 range, one from around the halfway line. Jon 17 Hockey W1 13 9 0 4 67 24 43 2.23 came out with a duck but had been playing a 18 Lacrosse W1 9 6 0 3 110 64 46 2.00 great game linking up with both other players 19 Table Tennis W1 6 4 0 2 20 10 10 2.00 and interfering with the opposition’s offensive. 20 ICSM Football M1 9 5 1 3 28 18 10 1.67 Pretty happy with ourselves those of us that 21 ICSM Hockey W1 20 10 3 7 54 48 6 1.40 weren’t getting our shouting fi x or (in Huey 22 ICSM Rugby M3 10 6 0 4 252 266 -14 1.40 the Hedgehog’s case) hibernating headed to 23 Football M1 13 7 1 5 34 20 14 1.31 the pub for another night of socialising. Again, 24 Badminton W1 13 7 1 5 44 60 -16 1.31 a huge crowd managed to congregate at a local 25 Hockey M2 12 5 3 4 22 26 -4 1.25 pub (with proper West Country cider) for a few 26 Football W1 7 4 0 3 19 19 0 1.14 pints and it wasn’t long until we’d blagged our- 27 Tennis W1 7 4 0 3 42 42 0 1.14 selves an invite down to have dinner with the 28 ICSM Hockey M3 7 4 0 3 11 27 -16 1.14 Exeter lot who turned out to be quite an ami- 29 Netball W3 9 5 0 4 291 217 74 1.00 able bunch after beating us. I’m not sure any 30 Hockey M3 11 4 3 4 17 13 4 0.91 of us realised that we would be heading basi- “Henry [...] was fi nally again played the most physical game I’ve ever 31 Badminton M1 11 4 3 4 44 44 0 0.91 cally all the way to Exeter for the meal but free seen from the normally quiet player and Sverré 32 Fencing M2 10 5 0 4 1122 1128 -6 0.90 sausage and mash is free sausage and mash so able to stop worrying managed to overcome his nausea to cover the 33 ICSM Hockey M1 10 5 0 5 25 20 5 0.50 none of us were complaining. Well, not until gaps between the two players both in attack 34 Netball W2 12 6 0 6 445 483 -38 0.50 Henry got sucked into a game of fi ves and end- about the beast between and defence. Overall they dominated the girls 35 Badminton M2 10 4 1 5 43 37 6 0.20 ed up having to down two glasses of wine in a from Harper Adams and came away with a 36 ICSM Hockey M2 11 3 3 5 19 29 -10 0.09 row. The usually quite sensible Henry earned his legs” good victory to top off their weekend. 37 ICSM Netball W2 11 5 0 6 341 360 -19 0.09 the title of ‘English Drunkard’ that evening, Then it was down to the Lower Intermediate 38 Squash M4 6 2 1 3 8 7 1 0.00 which was further reinforced by his unsuccess- team. Could we pull of the biggest victory ICU 39 Ice Hockey M1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0.00 ful attempt to jump into bed upon our eventual ning. All of us gathered in one hotel room for Riding and Polo have seen to date or would 40 ICSM Football M3 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0.00 return to the hotel. Unfortunately his double drinks and dinner before heading away, with Exeter continue to storm ahead to victory as 41 Lacrosse W2 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0.00 vision meant he jumped at the wrong bed and Huey (presumably stocking up for winter) they had done in the previous rounds. Things 42 ICSM Football M2 5 2 0 3 14 16 -2 -0.40 got some pretty impressive carpet burn the fol- managing to have dinner once before leaving didn’t look good in the fi rst few minutes as Ex- 43 Fencing W2 10 4 0 6 1142 1170 -28 -0.40 lowing morning. As it turns out, polo is a dan- the polo ground and then a huge lamb shank in eter got off to an early lead while we took a 44 Fencing M3 10 4 0 6 1146 1201 -55 -0.40 gerous sport. our room as well! The party is always amus- while to really get motoring. Their best player, 45 Football M3 11 3 2 6 22 30 -8 -0.45 With another early start and rumours of a ing and with several hundred students there the Francois, really seemed to have us pegged at 46 ICSM Badminton W1 9 2 2 5 32 46 -14 -0.67 tactical chunder by one of the Novices that bouncy castle generally doesn’t manage to last the beginning but we managed to claw our way 47 ICSM Badminton M1 10 3 1 6 24 56 -32 -0.70 morning I don’t think anyone was in quite the that long, however the infl atable assault course back into things toward the end of the fi rst half. 48 Squash M3 9 3 0 6 17 26 -9 -1.00 right frame of mind for their chukka against and bungee run provided much amusement With only a short break before the second we 49 Tennis M2 10 2 2 6 40 79 -39 -1.00 Nottingham and the girls in green took full and the beat-boxing, acoustic trio on stage stayed on or close to our horses and chatted 50 Hockey W2 12 3 1 8 13 41 -28 -1.25 advantage of our slight greenness around the were surprisingly good for an event organised about how to try to counter their play realis- 51 ICSM Rugby M1 11 2 1 8 144 427 -283 -1.82 gills hitting home a bit of revenge after their by a club. ing that we needed to be better at maintaining 52 Water Polo M1 3 0 1 2 23 30 -7 -2.00 lower intermediate teams trouncing. Our Low- Sunday saw the Novices fi rst up once again possession and being quicker on the turn both 53 ICSM Rugby M2 12 2 1 9 200 438 -238 -2.00 er Intermediate team, with somewhat longer with a battle to regain some pride on their hands in support of each other and to get the defen- 54 Rugby M2 14 3 0 11 194 356 -162 -2.07 to recover, were well up for our traditional and to win their last chukka. A fi nal change of sive plays working better. In the second half 55 ICSM Hockey W3 5 1 0 4 4 17 -13 -2.20 grudge match against ULU that afternoon and horse left Henry with one last chance to fi nd we really hung in there, never really manag- 56 ICSM Hockey W2 10 2 0 8 21 42 -21 -2.20 the relatively amicable relationship we’d had his perfect steed, though with Sverré claim- ing to get ahead but not falling further behind 57 Rugby M3 10 2 0 8 71 357 -286 -2.20 with them on Thursday night was put on hold ing he thought he was going to vom off the either. A few fouls not spotted by the umpire 58 Hockey M4 11 2 0 9 15 32 -17 -2.36 until the end of our chukka. This was one of the side of his mount I have to say I wasn’t con- might have helped us close the gap but when 59 ICSM Badminton M2 6 1 0 5 16 32 -16 -2.50 closest matches I’ve played and we were per- fi dent the guys would play at their best. Still, the buzzer went we couldn’t be disappointed 60 Squash M2 12 2 0 10 16 44 -28 -2.50 haps a little lucky to squeeze out a 2-1 lead af- I was very glad to be proved wrong and the at losing to such a strong team and, despite be- 61 Rugby M4 8 1 0 7 59 325 -266 -2.88 ter a couple of fouls were committed against us team played the best polo I’ve ever seen from ing about ready to collapse we were the fi rst to 62 Football M2 12 1 0 11 14 36 -22 -3.25 and then hold it under a lot of pressure until the them. Henry fi nally found his confi dence and, congratulate Exeter on a tournament well won 63 Squash M1 7 0 0 7 5 30 -25 -4.00 buzzer went leaving us progressing to the two without speeding up a great deal, was fi nally with a loud call for three cheers. 64 ICSM Netball W3 9 0 0 9 186 352 -166 -4.00 chukka fi nal against our new friends Exeter. able to stop worrying about the beast between All in all this February was the best tourna- 65 ICSM Netball W3 7 0 0 7 134 257 -123 -4.00 With an old friend arriving that day to play his legs (*snigger*) and start concentrating on ment I’ve been to yet and we were all happy 5 points for a win | 2 points for a draw | -4 points for a loss in the alumni tournament we had a pretty de- the playing the ball (*snigger more*), getting to bring home a little glassware for Riding and cent crowd when it came to the party that eve- several impressive runs down the wall. Huey Polo. Even if it did say ‘Runners Up’ on it. FELIX Friday 13 MAY 2011 31 SPORT Cryptic Crossword 1,488 Lacrosse BUCS success for 1 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 bested by 9 Imperial Judo yet 8 9 10 Leeds in again 11 fi nal 1110 12 11 15 12 Adam Elwood the men’s team along with Ed, Matt 14 ... Continued from back page and Tom. The team fought well in the 1316 1417 14 18 1915 15 2016 16 to capitalise on their early man-up plays On Friday the 18th of March Imperial pool, comfortably beating Manchester, but took the lead as Imperial were slow College judo sent their elite squad of Nottingham and Strathclyde and only 21 to start. The reply was quick in com- Judoka to fi ght in the British University losing to the gold medal winning An- ing however and the inevitable nerves Championships. On the journey up to glia Ruskin. Unluckily, we were draw 1722 2318 18 1824 19 19 25 seemed to settle afterwards. The fi rst Sheffi eld there were many hungry and against Plymouth, eventual bronze med- quarter was fairly even and the teams thirsty players in the minibus, hoping allists, in the fi rst knockout round and reached the end of the fi rst quarter level. to make their weight for the upcoming lost a close set of fi ghts. Imperial were The start of the second quarter saw a weekend. Thankfully, everyone made it boosted later, however, with the success 2620 21 21 22 22 23 23 multitude of penalties from both sides and could relax after a long slog up the of the women’s team. Alice, Bronwyn but unfortunately more from Imperial. country and a rather large meal. and Marie convincingly beat Cambridge 21 This resulted in Leeds dominating pos- The tournament kicked on Saturday and Glasgow to secure a Bronze medal. session for the remainder of the quarter with the Individual’s Event, Imperial This was an excellent performance con- 24 25 25 26 and they scored a number of goals in entered 4 Dan grades (black and brown sidering Bronwyn’s shoulder injury and quick succession. Imperial were strug- belts) and six Kyu grades (green and the other teams mainly consisting of gling to regain the ball and went into blue belts). Despite the stiff competi- Dan grades. They were unfortunately 2625 27 half time signifi cantly behind. tion, Tomasz Zamacinski (Kyu -81kg) beaten at the semi fi nal by some big la- Following the ten minute break Im- fought incredibly well to bring home dies from Bath. perial came back out fi ghting, forcing a gold medal winning a total of six Throughout the weekend we had great Across Down Leeds into making mistakes and this fi ghts. Alice Mitchell (Kyu -57kg) and support and guidance from the club 1. Everywhere you look, it’s not ok. A 1. After adjustment, gonna reveal fruit quarter it was to be them who spent Jake Woods (Kyu -66kg) also did well coach Smudge and a big Irish fellow, direct current took head off grandma within a fruit (5,6) more time in the penalty box. Impe- in their categories both earning Bronze Derek. With their guidance from the (4,3,6) 2. Ancient civilisation to patrol Mecca, not rial managed to get some goals back medals. In the Kyu grades, missing out sidelines the great performances were 8. Cell initially overly vicious, under entirely (5) through Captain Jeremy Webb and the on the medals, were Adam Elwood, made possible. A special congratula- maintained (4) 3. Judge carelessly arrests, captures, formidable crease man Tomas Bym James Gutsell (both -81kg) and Phillip tion is in order to Jake for winning his 9. I make animals on Irish street do one bisexual (9) who would eventually fi nish top scorer. Rudden (-66kg). The Dan grades had an bet, forcing Smudge to wear the Sport round, two rounds! (10) 4. Pass down by inheritance from the Leeds were not helping themselves by even tougher day but Marie de Parseval Imperial Lion costume throughout Sun- 10. Bravo! Go naked, perhaps, on road Spanish church recess (7) arguing with each other and the refer- (-63kg) pulled out all the stops and beat day. The weekend was topped off with a surface (8) 5. Spaces for kangaroo with multiple ees, and even though Imperial’s defence off some of the country’s best female relaxed regional competition, where we 11. Employees on a Scottish island (6) sclerosis (5) was down to just four men at one point fi ghters to achieve a bronze medal. Mat- banded together with Judoka from ULU 13. Fell on spawn of one being poached 6. Peerless, not average, ‘e’s on 49! (9) they held strong and went into the last thew Scales (-66kg), Bronwyn Dawson and Middlesex as the London Team. We (7,3) 7. See with them, but not at first? Indeed! quarter just one goal behind. (-57kg) and Eduoard Desclaux (-73kg) beat the North and South West, only los- 16. White last, move to front of black (4) (3) After the restart both teams were all fought courageously but missed out ing out to Scotland to achieve a silver 17. Unique person on hospital (4) 12. Start from the beginning after F-drive clearly tiring resulting in sloppy mis- on medals in the huge Dan grade pools. medal. 18. Blues, approaching depression, any damage (4,7) takes and the play became end-to-end. Testaments to the quality of university After much revelry and eating the time of year (10) 14. Leave chick beside temple (9) The teams were alternating scoring until judo were several international compet- Judo squad headed back to London bat- 20. Lustful people not getting English 15. George I/II may go clubbing here, Imperial’s Ian Hunt scored three beau- itors in the Dan grade categories. Ed lost tered and bruised but with pride intact. suckers (6) decorated with odd shapes (9) tiful goals; one brushing the post and out on the Bronze medal to a Latvian in- A great effort was made by everyone 22. Instrumental composition shown 19. Ban and muscle out professional, one bar on its way into the top corner. This ternational after winning fi ve of his six who fought and some great results, de- openly, you’re hearing (8) from Warsaw (7) gave Imperial the lead going into the fi - previous fi ghts. spite the team being plagued with in- 24. Logger cutting down head of sequoia? 21. Cloth covering cut on female (5) nal fi ve minutes but when they should The following day the team com- jury. Imperial Judo is looking strong as Strangely, he’s pro ninja! (4,6) 23. Part time work for nothing at pace (5) have held possession they pushed for petitions ensued. Karl Brune (-90kg) ever, training starts now for BUCS next 26. Friend in inescapable trap (4) 25. Oh my! Endless resistance (3) the killer goal which resulted in a turn- and Silvère Lucquin (-73kg) joined year! 27. Holy tailor? (3,2,3,5) over of possession to Leeds who lev- elled the game again. Imperial pushed for the winner in the dying minutes but a number of dropped passes let Leeds score their 11th and 12th goals and time eventually ran out for Imperial with the New Energia Gym match fi nishing 12-10 to Leeds. It was Imperial’s best performance against the strongest opposition they opens at St Mary’s had faced in the three short years the Men’s team has existed, but it was Leeds’ ability to hold the ball when a The offi cial unveiling of the refurbished members of the gym will now be eligi- man down and their effi ciency in con- Energia Gym run by Sport Imperial, lo- ble to use the swimming pool in the Im- verting when a man up that was the dif- cated St Mary’s hospital took place on perial Medical School, located opposite ference between the sides in the end. Wednesday 6th April. the gym. Although disappointed in letting the The gym, which had been run by St The gym is located in the basement game slip away at the end, Imperial Mary’s hospital, was closed for a short of the Cambridge Building at St Mary’s should look back and be proud at what period of time during which it under- hospital. For information regarding they have achieved in such a short time, went redecoration and refurbishment membership why not go down there or and think about how far they have come together with the introduction of new call on 020 3312 1288 alternatively you since the 20-0 defeat to Birmingham in equipment. can email Hayley.osborn@imperial. their fi rst season. Guess who’s already been nailing bicep curls with the big weights? As well as improved gym equipment ac.uk. ISSUE 1488 13.05.11

SPORT Felix Sport sponsored by Sticks, balls, and deepest darkest Bristol

Alex Savell growing number of people planning on coming to Riding and Polo dinner with us. Arena Polo Nationals As play continued into the night (not set to fi n- ish till about 10pm!) we eventually managed to The problem with starting a tournament on a bundle everyone in the car and high tail it back to Thursday during reading week is that we don’t get the hotel for dinner. There, I suspect, the hotel staff a reading week. As such it was a somewhat slap- weren’t best pleased to see a group of close to fi fty dash crew that converged on Clevedon for the Uni- hungry students swarm shortly before shifts were versity Polo Nationals. Despite what might charita- supposed to end and the kitchen was supposed to bly be described as an exuberant driving style from close. It’s not often you get that many students one of our players we all made it to the rural side of from half a dozen different universities congregat- Bristol more or less intact, though one of our two ing and socialising round a table and we were all train goers got a bit of a dent to his wallet when he pretty impressed that Thijs had managed to get so realised that booking his tickets in advance would many people there. Actually he was developing have been four times cheaper. something of a rep by then though dubbing him With, as it turned out, neither of our teams set to ‘the Dutch Sleaze’ was probably a bit harsh, still play until Friday morning all of us set about mak- it was defi nitely not the worst nickname coined for Men’s Lacrosse ing the most of our free time. All, that is, except the fi rst time that weekend. Jon ‘there’s a snake in ma boots’ Matthews who Everyone, well everyone from Imperial, was had managed to get himself a job doing what he pretty sedate that night, probably due to the Nov- loves best… shouting at people. The rest of us ices having their fi rst two matches at 9 and 10 the narrowly miss out were more interested in booze, polo and the rapidly following morning against Reading and then Ex- eter. The Reading game came and went in a bit of Ed Phillips Images a blur, horses the guys were meeting for the fi rst time were something of a worry and we were pretty on fi rst silverware lucky that two out of three really got on well with their allotted mounts. In any equestrian sport the horse beneath you is just as important as the rider David Thompson previously, Imperial knew that this would be the on top and the lack of a good partnership unfortu- BUCS Lacrosse Trophy Final most diffi cult match of the season. However, in the nately made for a frustrating game for Henry un- Imperial 10 - 12 Leeds Met two years since that crushing defeat the team has able to quite make his presence felt on the pitch. improved vastly and confi dence was high on the However, a lot of positives came out of that match, Following a hard fought victory over Swansea long trip up North. not least the fact that the guys managed to get a in the semis, Imperial Men’s Lacrosse faced up The pre-match talk was focused on avoiding pen- victory and Sverré and Huey really showed how against Leeds Met Carnegie in the BUCS Trophy alties as there were to be four offi cials rather than you can step up your game when the pressure is on. fi nal in Sheffi eld on the 17th March. Leeds had the usual one but this did not stop Imperial giving With a change of horse for his second chukka we narrowly beaten Birmingham in their semi and, away a number of soft early penalties. Leeds failed ...Continued on Page 30 having lost against Birmingham 20-0 two years ...Continued on Page 31 POLITICS COMMENT FILM TELEVISION TRAVEL

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