Dordt totally owns Northwestern at the whole engagement thing. Page 2 East Campus: opinions and solutions Page 4

Versus: Thomas Jefferson vs Thomas Jefferson (just kidding) Page 8 Dordt College Z i 18rcon November 2010 Issue 5 55th water believed to be fermented life of me understand why comment.” this would happen to a guy Water will not be served at like me; granted, I couldn’t 55th Street until the company understand much of anything that manufactures the water at the time.” comes out to investigate their Soon after the incident oc- product. curred, both Dordt security “We don’t want to risk and the administration were something like this happen- contacted. Daniels and six- ing again,” said Artema. “We ty-five other students were are just happy that there were breathalyzed. only minor injuries that oc- The administration began curred and no one was seri- investigation immediately fol- ously harmed during the inci- lowing the event and quickly dent. As far as we know, there concluded that the water had were only seven fermented naturally fermented. glasses of water, six of which Att Artema, the sponsor of were consumed by Daniels.” AC/DC, explained the pro- Daniels maintained minor cess of fermentation for any bruises from falling off the skeptics that might be out chair several times and was there. admitted to a detox rehabilita- “Well you see, when the tion center, but he is now out water has been sitting long and doing well. enough, it becomes old and “I’m so glad Dordt fig- Water at 55th Street Grille was discovered fermented last week. Photo by Luna Goodfellow. might be exposed to air,” ured out that the water was said Artema. “This then can fermented and not spiked,” in return cause the water jug said Daniels. “Even though Lady BonBons slurring his words and kept believe that alcohol is of the Staff Writer falling off his chair. devil. We Puritans don’t prac- to take on a swollen state and I do not understand how that “We jokingly asked him tice devilish ways.” voilà!...you’ve got your fer- is possible, I’m just delighted what was in his drink that was When Daniels realized mented water.” that no one at Dordt is horri- Fermented water was dis- making him like this,” said what was going on, he imme- Bethany Schuttinga, asso- ble enough to spike the water. covered at the 55th Street Jenny Kradert. “I then tried diately got down on his knees ciate provost, expressed her I’d hate to start calling it the Grille on Thursday, Nov. 11. some of his water and real- and began to pray for forgive- position on the issue. 55th Street Bar and Grille.” Jack Daniels was enjoying ized that there was alcohol ness. “This is a most unfortunate his sixth glass of water when in it. We immediately took it “I was horrified,” said event that has occurred,” said his friends noticed that he was away from him because we Daniels. “I could not for the Schuttinga. “But I have no

Security catches security: consequences for campus Administration considers bringing in new ‘street rules’ as a result of recent security activity

Cosmo Kramer ring behind one of the bushes “It was my twin brother, dy hidden under the concrete, have some type of jurisdiction Staff Writer by East Campus. Kyle Roos,” said Roos. “He and sharks with laser beams on campus,” said Taylor. “But “I noticed it because we was hiding in my spot. I called attached to their heads for ex- I don’t think we should. The A recent incident between have codes for all the bushes dibs but he never listens to tra protection. Now everyone other day I brought an apple members of security may on campus,” said Roos. “My me. I was forced to write him knows about it.” into work for lunch. I was have an impact on all Dordt personal favorite is the one a level two.” When asked why he know- about to eat it when Aaron students. between East Campus and the According to the Dordt ingly stole his brother’s stake- Bart walked by and called “We have had an issue with Rec Center, code named: ‘The College handbook, when one out spot, Kyle Roos said, “I double dibs on it. I no longer the rumors about security hid- Roos Roost’.” security student chooses a called double dibs.” owned my apple.” ing behind bushes,” said Di- While Roos was driving in stake out spot, no other stu- According to Wikipedia, if Other street rules under rector of Residence Life Rob- the squad car, he noticed ac- dent may come within 25 one person calls double dibs, consideration are “Eenie ert Taylor. “I want to put these tivity behind the bush. yards of the spot, unless given it cancels out the first dibs and Meenie Miney Moe,” “Black rumors to rest and say they “I knew that was my spot, permission by the owner. If passes ownership to the dou- Black no trades back” and are completely accurate.” but I never told anyone about these rules are not followed, ble dibs caller. Dordt faculty “Triple Dog Dare.” Student Taylor was responding to it. It made me suspicious so I security is forced to issue stu- and staff are now considering Symposium will be voting an event that occured over the decided to check it out,” said dents level twos. the notion of adopting “Dibs on whether or not to pass this weekend. Roos. “I spent so much time cus- Calling” as legitimate means motion in their next meeting. Student security employee Roos sneaked around the tomizing my spot,” said Kody of problem solving. Kody Roos was patrolling the back of the spot so he could Roos. “I have a recliner with a “We are thinking about al- campus when he noticed stir- get a look at the perpetrator. built in fridge, stashes of can- lowing certain street rules to Page 2 News 18 November 2010 Hoekstra contributes to on-campus CATastrophe “I don’t know how it got like might need a new cat.” this,” said Hoekstra in tears. Some students, however, “After rescuing my first cat, aren’t so fond of the cats. “One Mr. Darcy, from the cold, I just of them attacked me vhen I could not say no to any cats that was on my vay to class,” said showed up on my doorstep. Be- Annemieke Vanderdamdervelt. fore I knew it, I had over forty “It just came out of novhere cats in my house.” and tried to lick me to death! For the past several months, Barb Hoekstra really needs to Hoekstra has been bringing take care of these cats. If she some of her cats to work be- doesn’t, I vill and it von’t be cause she just couldn’t handle pretty.” the separation. “Their love is Hoekstra is well aware of the my drug,” said Hoekstra. “Be- changes that need to be made. ing away from them all day is “I would just be horrified unbearable. Once I even had if I found little Heathcliff or to take them into class to keep Meow Tse Tongue dead in one me sane. Word soon got out of Dordt’s non-existent parking to Bethany Scuttinga, though, lots after being hit by a car,” and she made me put them out- said Hoekstra. “I realize how One of Hoekstra’s cats came to Gen 300. It now knows how to solve many U.S. poverty issues. side.” much of a risk it is to have my Most students do not mind cats roaming around campus. I Lady BonBons Well, we have the answer to the infestation of these furry fe- the cats around campus. They need to get help…for the well- Staff Writer that question. And for those of line friends is none other than find them to be entertaining and being of my cats.” you that have been wondering, Barb Hoekstra, associate pro- great stress-relievers. Hoekstra has been seeking If you are a Dordt student Professor Mahaffy is NOT rais- fessor of education. “My friends and I like to help from CLA (Cat Ladies and happen to go outside on ing cats for experimentation… At first glance, Hoekstra does perform experiments on them,” Anonymous). She hopes that occasion, you have most likely if that was the case, it would be not strike one as a hopeless cat said Don Falseblood. “Like, she will soon be able to control encountered a cat… or six. You cougars, not cats. Then we’d lady. For years she hid her cat have you ever put a cat in the the population of cats, not only probably have even uttered have a much bigger problem addiction, but her problem has microwave? I wouldn’t exactly in her home, but on campus as these very words: “Where are on our hands. become so bad that it is now fol- sug¬gest it. We kind of need a well. all these cats coming from?” The culprit responsible for lowing her to work – literally. new microwave. Oh and Barb It’s ‘ring by spring,’ Dordt students ‘sick of this crap’ Spring Grastorf not ‘sing by spring’ Staff Writer I’m sure you’ve heard it-- NC/DC finals cancelled in favor of it’s nearly inevitable. marriage seminars With all of your out-of-town visitors -- friends, family, or Rolf Maccutcheon Northwestern has asked for someone the Admissions Of- Staff Writer Dordt’s advice so its students fice sends to your dorm room know how to attract soul mates -- someone is bound to say it: No one will be singing at the and can have the same luck in Sioux Center smells. NC/DC finals; Dordt has al- getting engaged prior to gradu- Sure it does. But Dordt stu- ready won the most important ation. dents are sick of hearing it. competition. Dordt will invite all North- “Every single visitor I’ve As proved by round two of western students (and Dordt ever had seems compelled to the competition, Dordt Col- students) who are single to remark, ‘Ewwww! It smells lege is home to more engaged come and listen while all the here!’ freshman Katie Jelsma couples than any other college, engaged couples from Dordt of Sioux Center said. “It’s the Bessie here is the one producing the smell, but Dordt students so there is no need to prove that share their tips and tricks on smell of money, honey...get have to suffer--not from the smell itself, but from constantly Dordt can win a singing con- how to be in a good relation- over it.” hearing about it. Photo by Megan Judith Dodson. test. Instead, Dordt will give ship. Northwestern students advice Students from Northwestern on how to find a mate at col- think this is a great idea because lege. many of them are not sure how Any Medium or Large’s Students at Dordt know that to begin a serious relationship, couples commonly become like Northwestern sophomore, engaged and even marry be- Hart Throb. Pizza Just $10 fore they graduate. Students “I’ve already got my eye on Stuffed Crust $ 2.00 Extra at Northwestern College in Or- someone special, but I’m not ange City have admitted to be- really sure where to start,” said ing jealous of Dordt students’ Throb. abilities at finding that special “We are anticipating that someone. many Northwestern students Dordt has been rated as the will come to listen to our wise top college on the list of high- students and that this will be a Free Family Order of Breadstix est number of engaged couples great time,” Robert Taylor, di- by U.S. News & World Report, rector of residence life, said. with any Medium or Large Pizza along with being rated third in Dordt will also be hosting its list of best colleges. workshops on Dating 101 and 722-3000 Free Delivery to Dordt Dorms “I came to Dordt to get my How to Pick the Perfect Ring. MRS. degree,” Minnie Star, Students interested in these Order Online www.pizzahut.com freshman at Dordt said. “I was seminars can e-mail notsingle- Offer Ends 10/15/10 Coupon told it was the best place to find [email protected] for more Required for Offer a man!” information. 18 November 2010 News Page 3 Roy G. Biv needs a Diamond, too Student Symposium Update Symposium creates flyer, celebrates doing something

Ramrod Stevens Staff Writer

Members of Dordt Student Symposium are still reeling after creating a colorful flyer to be hung around Dordt’s campus.

“It feels great,” says Symposium representative Cindy Winkelsma. “There’s nothing better than the feeling Soon, the Diamond will be available in a kinds of different colors. Photo by Allyson Brightman. of a job well done.”

Cosmo Cramer “It’s going to be so color- Among the suggestions The flyer’s creation marks the first time in 15 years that Staff Writer ful,” said freshman Emilie that have alreday begun pro- the student government has produced anything tangible. Weinert. “It’s going to be like duction are Blood Diamonds Inspired by the creation of a double rainbow all the way for the budding warlords, the “It’s hard to downplay the significance of this moment,” the underground Black Dia- like all the way across the sky. “Where’s Waldo” Diamond said President Carl Zylstra. “This is the biggest thing to mond, many different color People will be asking ‘What for the inner child and the En- hit Dordt since the mumps outbreak of 2010.” Diamonds will be the new does this mean’?” gagement Diamond for cou- trend at Dordt College. There will also be a new ples. The celebration began Tuesday evening after nearly one- “I think it is a fantastic option at 55th Avenue where Other possible ideas in- and-a-half painstaking hours of graphic design yielded idea,” said Resident Life Di- students can order their food, clude flavored Diamonds, 3D the 18 x 10 inch masterpiece. rector Robert Taylor. “Why drink and personalized Dia- Diamonds, and invisible Dia- shouldn’t students be able to mond. monds. Campus security has been double-staffed all week to customize their newspapers? “Smoothies and Diamonds When asked about his fa- keep the inevitable partying under control. We customize everything else go together like Sonny and vorite Diamond, Robert Taylor in America.” Cher,” said Taylor. was unable to be contacted. “Doing something feels great, but we don’t want our stu- The colors available will be If the popularity of the as- “He has been in his office dents losing control of themselves,” said Associate Pro- Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, sortments of colors takes off, reading the ‘Where’s Waldo’ vost Bethany Schuttinga. “And I should know better than Blue, Indigo, Violet, Fuchsia, students are even thinking Diamond all week,” said Tay- anyone how exciting it is. I did something good once Teal, Onyx, and Pink. about other types of Diamonds. lor’s secretary. too.”

Dean of Chapel, Aaron Baart, sees a whole new future for Symposium. “Maybe now members of Symposium MRS Program Expanded will do more than sit around and talk or whine about how little respect they get,” said Baart.

‘No Senior Left Behind’ According to Zylstra, change may not come swiftly. “The Tyesha Glenny “They need the extra confi- and plan the many details of the club may need a few years to recover before we attempt Staff Writer dence that the new courses will wedding. to do something again,” said Zylstra. offer them.” 300 level courses look in Afraid that marriage percent- Mary Meplease chose Dordt depth at food preparation, di- Student Symposium members don’t mind. They say it ages might drop, and in order hoping to find a husband, but vision of responsibilities, and will give adequate time for the college to admire their ac- to stay ahead of Northwester, with Thanksgiving coming finding a place with the in-laws. complishment. After all, it’s more than a piece of paper. Dordt announced its intention quickly, having only been on In addition to the new pro- It’s a landmark. of expanding the MRS program two Dordt walks, and still not gram, the CORE program will earlier this week. having met any possibilities, expand to require every incom- Dordt plans to incorporate she was feeling discouraged ing freshman to take CORE *Note: the Symposium writer who usually contributes a “No Senior Left Behind” until Dordt made the announce- #1 – a class teaching students these articles is out celebrating with the rest of the group. program. This program will ment. to ask, “Want to do homework work to make sure every se- “I was overjoyed at the and then get married?” nior eventually graduates with news about the new classes Marie Dah, a married stu- a spouse. next semester. All I want is a dent planning on graduating For years Dordt has been husband, so hopefully these this Christmas, says, “I wish known for its success at the classes will help me find some- Dordt had thought of this soon- percentage of students who one,” Meplease said. “Plus er. It would have been so much graduate holding an MRS de- with the new program I don’t easier to plan my wedding if I gree, but many, faculty and have to pretend to be an educa- had majored in MRS with an students alike, have expressed tion major: I can take all MRS emphasis in reception plan- concern at how many people preparation classes.” ning. My husband also wishes will be entering their last se- Starting this spring, Dordt I could have taken the class mester without a ring. hopes to offer classes to help on not burning the first year’s James Mahaffy always ded- students find Mr./Mrs. Right, food.” $5.00 icates time to promote dating, plan the wedding and adjust to The program expansion is engagement and marriage, so the married life. expected to raise student en- he is thrilled that Dordt is fi- 100 level courses will fo- rollment starting as early as College Buffet nally taking away some of his cus on initiating conversation, this coming spring semester. (with college I.D.) responsibility: Dordt walks, and the dos and By 2020, Dordt hopes to fully “A lot of brethren are too don’ts of dating. achieve “No Senior Left Be- one time use only coupon valid scared to take a girl out for 200 level courses look at hind.” not valid with other offers decapods,” Mahaffy said. how to decorate, coordinate valid only at Sioux Center Pizza Ranch 9/30/2010 - 10/21/2010 Page 4 Features 18 November 2010 How do you solve a problem like East Campus? Residents suggest many options for renovations of the apartments

Bert Van Marwijk While many suggestions over so well.” Staff Writer focused on making East Cam- Based on the premise Sentient mold speaks up pus more aesthetically pleas- that all of East Campus was ing, some ideas were certainly doomed for demolition, some Zircon: Thanks for taking the Zircon: That seems very hard Broken appliances, leaky more creative than others. students gave suggestions on time to talk to us, sentient to believe. After all, isn’t ceilings, and those pesky “Look, we can basically what to do as East’s grand fi- mold. mold asexual? parking spots located just out- all agree that East Campus is nale. side their doors; one certainly like the ‘ghetto’ of Dordt Col- “We need to be prepared Mold: Please, “mold” will do. Mold: Only some types. must have an unbreakable lege,” said art major Rafael for the 21st century,” said will to reside in the apartment Van Der Vaart. “Let’s take Criminal Justice major Mark Zircon: How long have you Zircon: Awkward. So what buildings of East Campus. that analogy and run with it: van Bommel, “and that means been a resident of East Cam- made you decide on Dordt The heroic forces of readying Dordt for a terror- pus? anyway? Dordt’s administration have ist attack, however extremely certainly not turned a blind “Why not stack unlikely it might seem. I say: Mold: I started sporing in Mold: Its Reformed perspec- eye to the Easterlings plight, all the East Cam- hold counter-terrorism prac- 1995, became sentient in tive on higher education. but their plans have not been pus buildings on tice with paintball guns. We 2008. met with the greatest enthusi- need to be prepared, and safe, Zircon: Really? asm. To help inform our dear top of each other, and -- okay fine, it would just Zircon: What’s your opinion leaders’ decisions, the Zircon create a giant clock be incredibly fun.” on the East Campus debate? Mold: Nah, I’m joking. I got has given a voice to several The most controversial an athletic scholarship. students with unique ideas on tower, and still make suggestion, however, came Mold: Honestly, it’s slightly how to solve the problem. enough room for all from , an insulting. Everybody keeps Zircon: Nice. With Thanks- “Why not make the entire undeclared senior. complaining about the liv- giving coming up, I have to block one giant green space?” the green space you “We East Campus residents ing conditions and having ask, where is home for you? said junior . want?” have had to put up with bad mold in their rooms, but I’m There are currently plans living situations without any a great roommate! Mold: Canada. to eliminate the two rows of - compensation whatsoever,” parking nearest East Campus said Van Persie, “what better Zircon: How so? Zircon: Makes sense. Well, and extend the green space reward than making East the thanks for giving us your per- from the Rec Center all the hold a graffiti contest in the “wet” part of campus?” Mold: I do the dishes twice spective. Got any final words way to Covenant, but Heiten- East Campus canyon.” Allowing alcohol on school a week, cook a meal every for Dordt students? ga still doesn’t think that’s Giovanni Van Bronckhorst, grounds, even if only for a Wednesday, I’m not obsessed enough. a senior currently enrolled in specific section of housing, with Glee, and besides-I’m a Mold: Leave your bread out. “The Kuyper (apartment) Dordt’s Pre-Architecture pro- is an unprecedented move. total chick magnet. I’m lonely. residents have it so nice,” gram, came up with an idea to Students, however, are rap- he claims, “they get to walk kill two birds with one stone. idly signing onto the idea; a through at least 10 feet of “Dordt’s administration recent campus survey showed beautiful, clean, Iowan grass wants more green space, but almost unanimous agreement The other side before reaching their cars. I keep hearing that a clock that Van Persie’s suggestion Not everyone thinks that East Campus living conditions Since East’s housing is so low tower would be much cooler,” was the best of those present- are a problem. quality, we should get at least said Van Bronckhorst. “Why ed. “When I lived there, we had the same problems -- and 50 feet of nothing but green not stack all the East Campus “East Campus is always six residents!” said Joel Adams, senior. “They need to stop grass.” buildings on top of each other, going to have problems,” said complaining.” When asked how so much create a giant clock tower, and Van Persie, “but at least with Others agree. green space would benefit still make enough room for all alcohol we can forget about “When I lived there, we had the same problems -- and the Easterlings’ plight during the green space you want? I’d those problems.” sixteen residents!” said Emma Kramer, senior citizen. “Kids the cold months of winter, suggest calling it the Tower of these days have it so easy.” Heitenga refused to comment. Babel but that might not go

Diamond editors decided that the features page needed more green space. They made the executive decision to leave the above space uncluttered by words and such. 18 November 2010 Opinion Page 5 Forming Too much, too little: Defenders: In the bubble Why the United States is a dying superpower (and why Gillette needs to downsize) The good wife’s Dr. B.A. Beardface got nothin’.” burns. Legend has it that after Guest Columnist I’ve got somethin’, Lisa Ma- his loss at the Battle of Freder- guide from 1955 rie. icksburg, Burnside single-hand- There is an ominous, lurking It’s simple. American pre- edly rejuvenated the Union war (revised) suspicion that the United States eminence originated in the effort and prodded them on to may no longer be the super- nineteenth-century, when the victory with “a quick trim and Skye Reid power it once was. U.S. economy exploded and fluff o’ the ole’ whiskers.” Columnist industry grew at a revolution- ary rate. Another feature of nineteenth-century America: The following is excerpt- fantastic facial hair. ed from an alleged article In that era, a clean-shaven published in Housekeeping Olga VanDerVanVoorst face was for success what Monthly on May 13, 1955 Columnist Fonzie jumping the shark was (along with the proper re- for Happy Days–a death sen- sponse of any self-respecting I wonder what it is like for tence. The most successful woman.) the outsiders: for those who entrepreneurs in American his- Have dinner ready. Plan didn’t grow up eating snert tory—Carnegie, Rockefeller, ahead, even the night before. and sneaking Wilhelmina’s out Abraham Lincoln: Was he Vanderbilt, et al.—all had facial (Call the pizzeria up the street. of their grandmother’s candy genuinely honest? Or just ir- hair. Warren Buffet? Bill Gates? Ambrose Burnside: I’m in Then, before hubby gets home, ritable from the itchy neard?” jar? What is it like to be much, “Toupée” Trump? For all their absolute awe of those things. make sure the box is disposed Nuff’ said. much, less than Dutch? Many have argued that the wealth, them clean-shaven Nan- of and the pizza is on a pan, All over the US you recent Republican takeover of cies aint doing the trick for the The arts would benefit as looking like you just pulled it can find different Dutch bub- congress was partially caused American economy. well. America’s greatest novel out of the oven.) bles. But as the members of by the fear that Democrats’ Good facial hair wouldn’t was written in this era, writ- Prepare yourself. Take 15 these bubbles reproduce, they stimulus spending was weak- just boost the economy. It would ten not by some baby-faced minutes to rest so you’ll be send their children back to the ening our economic power. Fitzgerald but by the boldly- refreshed when he arrives. place where they most likely People are afraid that this pro- bearded Herman Melville. Touch up your make-up, put met their other Dutch counter- longed recession is a sign of Moby Dick, Melville said, was a ribbon in your hair and be part—Dordt College. a much bigger problem: the not drawn forth from the depths fresh-looking. (After all, the Ah yes, so here we atrophy of America’s global of his artistic soul, “but from grunge look is so last season.) are: back at our parent’s stomp- muscle. Dad says “them China- the tangled, sullen depths of Clear away the clutter. ing grounds, forced to meet mans is gonna own us in thirty my leviathan beard.” (Start with any items of cloth- other Dutch decenders of the years, boy.” Our country needs a kick- ing your husband carelessly opposite sex (maybe even a Obama has frantically con- start. If we want to regain our left behind and throw them out son/daughter of your dad’s col- sulted the elite minds of our spot as “Numero Uno City on the window. Then see if it ever lege roommate). Although, one country—economists, sociolo- Hill,” Obama had better take a happens again.) must be careful. It is important gists, scientologists, historians, Herman Melville: The brood- lesson from the pages of histo- Be happy to see him. (Just ing beard of America’s literary to make sure if you DO meet political scientists, and more— ry. Abraham Lincoln couldn’t think of all the Jimmy Choos Renaissance. someone to consider the fol- to discover the root of this na- have preserved the Union and he paid for and doesn’t know it lowing criteria: tional decline. All have come to boost the war effort. As a Union abolish slavery without his yet. That’ll always put a smile 1) They attend a CRC the same unsettling conclusion. general during the Civil War, wicked neard. on your face and shoes on your that doesn’t have a drum set. “I dunno,” said well-known what Ambrose Burnside lacked Just imagine: Obama sprout- feet.) 2) They can recite the Scientologist sage Lisa Marie in tactical prowess, he made up ing Burnside side-burns. Infi- Listen to him . . . Let him Heidelberg Catechism. Presley in a C.N.N. interview for in stellar sideburns. Enor- nite power. talk first – remember, his top- 3) They are an active last Thursday, “I just don’t…I mous, glorious, inspiring side- Go facial hair, go ‘merica. ics of conversation are more member of the Republican important than yours. (Turn Party. your attention to something 4) They don’t watch TV shiny while he’s talking. When on Sundays. you get your turn, talk about 5) They have their own Zircon columnist disappears into your plan to end world hunger personal Grey Psalter Hymnal. and ensure world peace.) 6) They refuse to use any large, Diamond-shaped black hole Don’t greet him with com- translation of the Bible other plaints and problems. (That’s than the NIV. what and Facebook are 7) Marriage is their prior- for.) ity before finding a job. Don’t complain if he’s 8) They hold to a Dordt home late for dinner or even if Worldview he stays out all night. (Change If you stay in these proper the locks and see what he says breeding grounds, you will find in the morning.) someone who thinks exactly Don’t ask him questions like you, was raised exactly about his actions or question like you, and will agree to live his judgment or integrity. (Lat- exactly like you for the rest er, when you’re washing his of your life. What else could socks and underwear, “acci- you ask for? When we step dentally” throw in a red sweat- outside the bubble we are just er and turn on the hot water. looking for problems and will Everything white will come be confronted with questions out pink. Maybe your husband Dordt has not prepared us for. and his unquestionable judg- This may bring our Reformed ment will take over laundry minds to places it hasn’t been, duty next time.) and that is just dangerous. A good wife always knows So be safe my friends; don’t her place. (I believe it’s called think outside the bubble. the mall.) Page 6 Sports 18 November 2010 Hibma quits volleyball team, plans to be solo in 2011

Hrittany Baan kills. I’m good enough to be taken the news well. Staff Writer my own team.” “First they were first upset, In fact, Hibma’s plan is the but now anytime I walk past Dorinda Hibma, the libero main reason coach Van Den they avoid eye contact and run of Dordt College’s volleyball Bosch decided to leave his away. They’re intimidated by team, has decided to split and coaching career with the vol- their rivals,” said Hibma. start her own solo team in the leyball team after this season. The Zircon staff tried to fall of 2012. “I will be her coach,” said contact the team for comment, “I’m too good, and I can’t Van Den Bosch. “We’ll win but no one wanted to talk play with these amateurs any the conference next year no about the situation. longer,” Hibma said. problem.” The NAIA board of direc- Hibma has received many Van Den Bosch is also look- tors has had meetings to dis- honors throughout her career, ing at the benefits of a one- cuss and develop the team, but including the NAIA Region woman team. nothing is finalized. III Player of the Week in 2007 “We’ll only have to take “We have a few things to and GPAC Player of the Week a car to a match,” Van Den change in our regulations, but four times in 2010. According Bosch said. “Plus, she’s get- we’re willing to make excep- to NAIA stats as of November ting married, which means tions for Dorinda,” said Kami 9, Hibma ranks no. 2 in Divi- she won’t eat a lot so she can Tribeck, member of the NAIA sion I in total digs (951), and fit into her dress. That will be board. “A player with her tal- no. 3 in Division I digs per good for the budget.” ent needs to be recognized, so game (6.510). She also leads Both Hibma and Van Den I hope this works out for her.” her team with a high 97 per- Bosch think a one-woman A voting amongst the NAIA cent in serve reception. team will be great. board will take place on De- “I don’t even sweat in prac- “Of course I’ll be able to cember 14, 2010. If allowed tice or games. All of these girls play by myself; I’ve done it to become a team, Hibma are taking up my playing time, the past four years! I am the will take the place of recently and I know that if it weren’t team, I am Dordt College vol- closed Dana College in the for Kendra Potgeter stealing leyball. Those other girls just GPAC. the front row I would defi- get in my way.” After such a successful season, Hibma has decided to play vol- nitely be no. 1 in blocks and Hibma’s teammates haven’t leyball solo next year, coached by Tom Van Den Bosch. New sport fun for the whole family Ask an Athlete Brian Wulfric is captain of the Dordt ping pong team, leading them to victory in over half their games this season. As Wulfric nears the end of his college sports career of ping pong, he hopes to move on to national tournaments in the future.

Luna Goodfellow Why everyone should play Staff Writer ping pong: It’s a distraction from home- Name: Brian Wulfric work.

Year: Junior Favorite place to play at? In the game room in the campus Sport: Ping Pong center. It has a great atmosphere because everyone is having a Favorite Pre-game song: “Eye great time playing games of all Sarah Van den Hoekstra has been ready for Dutch Bingo since she learned her family tree. Van of the Tiger” sorts. den Hoekstra is still undefeated in the Dordt practice rounds (pictured) and is ready to take on rival school Northwestern in the big kick-off. Photo by Luna Goodfellow Pre-game tradition: How long have you been play- I do a couple jumping jacks to ing ping pong?: Tyesha Glenny Practice often includes vis- ing, team excitement is high. get warmed up, listen to my Since I came to Dordt two years Staff Writer iting with elderly women after Jacoba Zylsmitinga says, “I iPod, but that’s about it. ago. Some guys were playing it church, extensive interviews am really nervous for the com- and I ended up getting hooked. Dordt’s newest sport, Dutch with the largest Dutch families petition. Northwestern has a Best and worst things about Bingo, kicks off next week. on campus and a lot of family couple people who grew up Where did you grow up? practices: The Defender’s first battle tree research. in families where kids played Word got around that I’m pretty I was born in a small city of will be against Northwest- The scoring is slightly Dutch Bingo before they much a celebrity, so no one re- 500,000 in China. Some people more complex than most oth- ally wants to practice with me say that this is why I play ping ern, competing for the title of learned their ABCs, but our because they know they’re go- pong so well, but I believe it’s Northwest Iowa’s truest Dutch er sports on campus, but it is team is strong.” ing to lose. just in my blood... and the table people. not impossible to figure out. As the team continues pre- tennis lessons twice a week for The team began practices Scores are based on how many paring for what might be the Favorite memory: fourteen years probably helped the first week of school and connections people can make: biggest sporting event of the When we drove all the way to a bit. has made incredible progress. for every related connection, year, students on campus are Minneapolis for our tournament Practices can be draining and the points are doubled. awaiting the arrival eagerly: and ended up getting slaugh- Favorite food: take a great deal of time, but Dordt’s team is comprised hanging posters, designing Ramen noodles. They’re cheap. tered. Lots of team bonding the team believes they have a of a wide collection of stu- shirts and making cheers to happens when you lose so ter- chance against the competi- dents. support their team. ribly. At least we got to go to the Favorite pizza topping: Pep- VanVanderVeen said, “When Mall of America. peroni, of course. tion. “It should be a lot of fun, and Abraham VanVanderVeen, we started putting the team to- we hope a lot of people show What made you get into ping Favorite movie: the team captain, said, “The gether, we looked at people who up to support us and cheer us pong? Forrest Gump team has a wide range of peo- knew everyone on campus and on. The event promises ex- My dad was a ping pong cham- ple who have put in a lot of began narrowing it down by citement and fierce competi- pion in his youth, so when I hours studying not only their how well they could explain tion for all who come,” Van- started playing I always had own family history, but also their relationship to anyone else VanderVeen says. ideas that I would become the the history of people on cam- on campus.” The whole community is great player that he is. pus.” With the competition near- encouraged to attend. 18 November 2010 Fine Arts Page 7 Review: Avatar: three hours you’ll never get back Abraham Kuyper –ride needed him to kick out Guest Writer the aliens, or Na’vi, so the hu- mans could get some minerals. It was Saturday in down- Since Mr. Sully failed at ac- town , and between complishing this mission, the picking up some Jan Hagel humans are forced to get all and Heineken at the local su- up in the sphere sovereignty permarket, I spied the recently of the Na’vi; leaving our hero released collector’s edition of more stuck than a little Dutch James Cameron’s “Avatar” boy with his finger in a dike. wedged in between a couple Later on there’s some copies of “Anchorman: The fighting and dying, a couple Legend of Ron Burgundy” on preachy moments that make the video rental shelves. Al Gore look like a tree-hater, I figured that, having been and then of course the attrac- forced to listen to almost a tive female alien rocks Jake’s year and a half of hype, it worldview, if you know what Initially, the Gift was supposed to be replaced by the “red statue,” but Van Wyk decided the was high time I sat down and I’m saying. other statue was a better option. The art professor is ready for the controversy that the statue actually took a look at this In terms of quality, the will bring because he knows that it is all for the sake of art. Photos by Luna Goodfellow so-called “cinematic mas- movie plot has more holes terpiece”; besides, I had al- than…a Dutch dike? I’m run- ready seen “Anchorman” like ning out of references here. 20 times. So I grabbed a bag For one, why would anyone ‘The Gift’ to be replaced of oliebollen before heading go after a mineral named Un- through the checkout, biking obtainium? Not exactly setting Statue outside classroom building will home, and plopping down on yourself up for success, are the couch next to my trusty we? now be called ‘The Package’ beagle, Zwingli. Secondly, we’re never told Three-hours-of-my-life- why this mineral is so im- Cosmo Kramer already stirred up controversy have these ‘packaged deliver- that-I’ll-never-get-back later, portant; for all we know it Staff Writer with students, parents and ies’ anyway. When a woman I watched the credits roll with cures cancer. Not so big of a members of the community. is exposed as a statue, it’s a quizzical expression per- hero now, are we Mr. Sully? Perhaps you’ve wondered “We can’t have ‘packaged’ considered art. When a man is manently etched on my face. Then there’s the whole “you where the naked statue that deliveries out in the open for exposed as a statue, it’s a con- “What was that?” I asked betrayed our entire race, but used to reside in the art depart- everyone to see. These ‘pack- troversy.” Zwingli, who lay curled at my we’re going to forgive you ment has disappeared to. Well, ages’ are a blatant disregard The decision to replace the feet. He yawned loudly and because you’re riding a giant Zircon reporters have gotten to to things wholesome and de- statue was certainly not an cocked a bewildered eyebrow. bird” deal. the bottom of it: the statue will cent,” said Ashley Ventignson, easy one to make. My thoughts exactly. My final word: Again, three soon be replacing the Gift. citizen of Sioux Center. “If “We weren’t sure at first,” Let’s recap, shall we? hours of my life that I will nev- Faculty says the reasoning Dordt decides to put that out in Van Wyk said. “But then we Jake Sully, a handicapped er get back. And no amount of behind this is to balance out the open, then I will no longer remembered what professor ex-marine, gets a chance to “I See You’s” will ever make the recent widespread feminist take walks through the campus Charles Veenstra always says: live a bizarre sort of fantasy up for that fact. I give Avatar ideals across campus with the with my children.” ‘If people are stepping on your life as a giant blue alien run- three out of five reformations. clear viewpoints of men. Ventignson’s decision to toes, it’s probably because ning around in an exotic forest It would have gotten only “We decided it was time boycott Dordt is becoming a your toes are too long.’” with other giant, blue, exotic, two, but I managed to make for a change,” said art profes- common theme in the Sioux The vote to permanently re- semi-naked things. Unfortu- it through this entire review sor Jake Van Wyk. “The Gift Center community. However, place the Gift hasn’t happened nately for Jake and his freakish without mentioning every has been there for a while. It’s there are some who think that yet. The art department has de- friends, the military-industrial square in—aww screw it. time to pass the mantel to an- by censoring the phallic statue cided to replace it only for the complex funding his little joy other artist. Plus, we need a Dordt creates a less-than-accu- month of February to see how man’s point-of-view on cam- rate depiction of reality. the community receives it. pus for once.” “Why not?” said sopho- Scheduled to be replaced in more Joe Venhuizen. “Fifty February, the new statue has percent of people on the planet Undead donor funds animation program special focus majors for either Construction on the new Elizabeth Lamon animation wing should begin Staff Writer Art or Digital Media Produc- tion students. Of course, they this summer, and be complet- Animating legend Walt can also be taken as special ed in time for classes in spring Disney has returned from his electives by students of other of 2012, but students are re- cryogenic slumber to finance a majors. minded not to get their hopes new series of animation cours- “I’m very excited about it,” up too high. es for Dordt students. These says Dustin VanNederman, After several complaints courses will specialize in the a junior at Dordt. “If I actu- during the remodeling of the traditional, 2-D, hand-drawn ally had some open credits to Ribbens Acedemic Complex animation style. take an extra course or two, it two years ago, Student Servic- “It’s about time we returned would be from one of those.” es would like to assure the stu- to the heart of animation,” Not only is Disney donating dents that maps will be provid- says Disney, “back when the various supplies needed ed for them via their campus things were drawn by hand; for the courses, including 20 mailboxes to help guide them not this newfangled computer new drawing and light tables, through the necessary detours business.” but he is also financing the during construction. After much debate between construction of the new wing Students will still be ex- Disney and Registration, the that is to be added onto the Art pected to be in class on time. courses will be offered as a Department. Page 8 Amusements 18 November 2010

Comic Mishaps by Meghan Aardsma

Versus Dave De Wit Columnist

Rather than writing something silly for the Zircon, I decided that since zircons are just cheaper, lower-quality versions of diamonds, then I should write a cheaper, lower-quality version of my column. Enjoy.

Hollywood VS. History Round 5 TAYLOR SWIFT vs. ROSA PARKS Fame SWIFT: She’s so famous, she could write terrible songs and millions of people would buy them. Don’t believe she could? Just listen to “Teardrops on My Guitar.” Featured Photo PARKS: Watch her every Thursday night on Rosa Parks & Recreation. Campus golf overtakes real Advantage: SWIFT golf in popularity Brains SWIFT: Incredibly creative mind. Proved by her ability to Because of the lack of in- imagine that she’s in love with every guy she sees. terest in golf, Dordt decided to PARKS: Only smart enough to change an entire country’s view replace it with campus golf in of an entire race. the hopes that more students will participate. Advantage: PARKS Senior Peter Goodfel- low practices for the upcom- Strengths ing campus golf tournament SWIFT: Her swiftness, of course. against Northwestern this PARKS: Her racially inclusive booty, of course. weekend. Dordt hopes to add a wom- Advantage: PARKS en’s campus golf team within the next few years. Weaknesses SWIFT: Kanye West. He’s like her kryptonite. Compiled by Luna Goodfellow PARKS: Leg strength, obviously.

Advantage: SWIFT Zircon Staff 2010-2011 Sex Appeal Head Editor: Columnists: Photographers: SWIFT: To get half of John Mayer’s heart, you have to be very Ashlee Stallinga Dave De Wit Jordan Edens good looking. Kenny Gradert Rachel Mulder PARKS: While sitting down she looks amazing, but standing Layout Editor: Ally Karsyn up she’s ugly. That’s the real reason why she didn’t give up her Emily Sherman Chelsey Munneke Copy Editing Staff: seat. Anneke Beukelman Photography Editor: Staff Writers: Jake Clark Advantage: SWIFT Kelly Cooke Meghan Aardsma Adam McDonald Kelly Cooke Rachel Mulder TAYLOR SWIFT WINS 3-2 Web Editor: Adrian Hielema Ally Karsyn Kaitlyn Horvat Cartoonist: Lance Kooiman Meghan Aardsma Copy Editor: Adam McDonald Luke Schut Rachel Mulder Ad Manager: erfect Danielle Richards Ryan Lapadula P the love Adviser: Alex Updike the ring Jim Schaap Kelly Zatlin the diamond --Opinions expressed are not necessarily the view of the Diamond or of Dordt College, but represent the views of individual writers. --The Diamond reserves the right to edit or refuse publication of any contribution. --The Diamond is published by students of Dordt College to present and discuss events on campus and beyond. --Any letters, comments, or opinions are welcome. Contributions must be received within a week of publication to be printed in the following issue. Send contributions to diamond@ dordt.edu. 736 North Main Avenue, Sioux Center, IA • 712-722-1601