An Exploration Into the Psychotherapeutic Needs of Males Who Have Been

An Exploration into The Psychotherapeutic Needs of Males Who Have Been Sexually Abused by Their Biological Mother in Australia: A Qualitative Description Study Lucetta Eva Thomas A thesis submitted for the degree of Doctor of Philosophy Faculty of Health The University of Canberra 2019 iii Abstract This thesis explores the experiences of males who have sought psychotherapeutic support for sexual abuse perpetrated by their biological mother in Australia, using a qualitative description research design. The research’s findings fill a gap in the existing body of sexual abuse knowledge, specifically regarding the requirements and needs of males who have been sexually abused by their mothers. The information in this thesis establishes recommendations for practitioners—whether sexual assault support workers, mental health nurses, relationship psychologists, medical doctors or psychiatrists—to use in an environment of limited resources for providing effective and appropriate support for maternally sexually abused males accessing their services. The sexual abuse experienced by these men when they were boys was often highly traumatic and, at times, extremely violent. The maternal sexual abuse has not only adversely affected their childhood, but their lives as adults. The research shines a light on gender stereotypes and myths of mothers as only gentle and caring nurturers and protectors of their children, and of males as only perpetrators of child sexual abuse. Important research outcomes include acknowledging the sexual abuse of boys by their biological mother and the therapeutic inclusion and comprehensive integration of this type of abuse into child abuse prevention—to protect boys from maternal sexual abuse in the future. vii Acknowledgements First, I acknowledge Greg, whose heartbreaking experience of abuse by his biological mother compelled me to undertake this necessary research. My heartfelt thanks to the men who were part of this important research—your voices are heard here. Undertaking a PhD is a serious endeavour. It is a test that does not occur in a vacuum—major life events continue to occur, and mine was the tragic death of my husband. My grief was overwhelming for some considerable time, but his final written message to me was to continue this important research. And here it is. The complex and traumatic form of sexual abuse of children is an important research topic. I have shed many tears over the research participants’ experiences of abuse and of seeking help. Staying grounded has thus been important for this researcher; my marvellous horse Mocha provided me with a crucial emotional break from the secondary trauma of undertaking this much-needed—if heartbreaking—research, as did the calmness and companionship of my wonderful rescue dogs Tash, Sophie, Dougal and Dobbs. I extend my very grateful thanks to journalists Tegan Osborne at ABC News and Ginger Gorman for placing this issue in the public domain, both nationally and internationally. Their integrity, dignity and professionalism were invaluable. Finally, I am most fortunate to have had the unflagging and exceptional advice, guidance and encouragement of my Primary Supervisor, Professor Catherine Hungerford, and the expert advice and sterling support of Panel Members Associate Professor Andrew Crowther and Dr Brett Scholz. Thanks also for the advice and guidance in the early stages to Dr Ione Lewis, Dr Barbara Pamphillon, Professor Douglas Boer and Dr James Neill. ix Dedication This is for Greg. 14 November 1956 – 3 September 2012. A truly decent man, defeated by indecent acts perpetrated upon him by his mother. xi To the male victims of maternal sexual abuse It is not your fault. xiii Foreword This foreword comprises two essays sent to the researcher by the research participants regarding maternal sexual abuse: one participant has provided an account of his life and abuse and the other has written on sexual abuse by a biological mother. Here are their statements, in their own unedited words. Interviewee Essay—My Story “In my case religion provided ample excuses for my mother to not even understand that her actions constituted sexual abuse. In the guise of ‘protecting me from the evils of masturbation’ as taught by her religion, she would check my penis after I went to bed to make sure I had not stimulated myself. She expected to find an erection if I had, but I didn't know what she was doing and anyway 5-year-old boys don’t get erections. It left me confused and with the vague feeling that my penis was not my own, others had more right to it than me. Somehow some parts of my body were not actually mine? The dissonance this caused spread into my sexuality and after some years of marriage, difficulties with my wife. She recognized my disconnect and discomfort in our intimacy, but I didn’t want to acknowledge it as I seemed normal to me. She confronted me with an inadequacy I couldn’t see. I was very resistant to what seemed to me as an attack on my integrity as a person, and my ability as a man and a lover. Off course I said it was her problem and she should get help, which to her credit she did; then challenged me to join a counselling group. It was the beginning my self-awareness and consciousness. In my mid 30’s I happened to read about mothers who had sexual contact with their sons. My initial reaction was incredulity, until I slowly realized I had been subject to this xiv as well. I began to put the pieces together and gave my experience a name: sexual interference. It was all I needed. There had been no pleasure in the interaction, my mother feeling my penis nightly and asking if I had been doing naughty touching. In fact the opposite; the experience was clinical and judgmental. That is why it had not registered as a sexual act. With it was an assumption that without positive interference I would be bad. A conviction that a child in their natural state would be unavoidable sinful. This matches the fundamentalist belief that states we are all soaked in 6,000 years of original sin and all our actions are therefore inherently sinful. In my late teens I rejected all religion, quite possibly as a starting point to reclaim sovereignty over my own life. And possibly to break my mother’s control over me which extended into every aspect of my life. In our family we keep very poor boundaries and there is little distinction between love and control. In the sense that love is seen to be correctly expressed in the control of children’s lives. My mother would tell me she loved me and it was for my own good as she beat me with a belt. Years later I was watching “Gone with the Wind’ in a scene where a southern slave owner is whipping a slave. “It’s for your own good” snarls the slaver. The slave drops to his knees, clasps his hands together and pleads, “yes massa, I just wish you weren’t so good to us”. The penny dropped for me. All things were predetermined and controlled, not just my sexuality. I could not choose my belief: I was expected, on pain of excommunication, to become a fundamentalist Seventh Day Adventist. My choice of career was narrowed to fields that would contribute to bring Jesus back sooner. My wife had to be virginal, preferably of plain appearance, a dedicated supporter of my mission, with no interfering ideas of her own. Good luck to that. The pathway to healing led through many counsellors, psychotherapists, psychiatrists, encounter groups, sex therapists, men’s support groups and xv weekend retreats. All had gold hidden somewhere, none were hopeless. It drove me, from what I thought to be a balanced bloke, to being suicidal in a very short period. This passed with support from family and friends, but I was left with panic attacks that were only triggered by my wife through our sex life. I couldn’t believe who I had become. I went on anti-depressants, I accepted I had sleep apnoea and started treatment. My chronic tiredness eventually left, my mood lifted, maturity, age and awareness helped me deal with the triggers that caused panic attacks. Fifteen years later, this opportunity to add my experience to the public record of this dissertation, has allowed me to feel some sense of closure. It is an issue that deserves public awareness. This process informs the religious perpetrators that irrespective of their strongly held and erstwhile God-given rationalizations, their actions are wrong. And it tells the survivors that they are not at fault, they are not damaged goods and they can be whole once more. My work, I realized, was not to just heal, but to ensure that my children had a safe home. The abuse had to stop with me. We had a familial history, the total control exercised by parents over their children, we found, went back at least 5 generations on my mother’s side. It wasn’t just me, it was multi-generational family pattern. Thankfully I managed to make sure it stopped with me. In my parenting there were no beltings, no physical punishment, no emotional abuse and no sexual interference. I learnt my job was to provide love, support, food, shelter and safety. The rest they could do themselves. In my theology children come into the world perfect and are ours to not damage. My parents were refugees, immigrants and strangers in a strange land. In the absence of an extended family or native culture, they relied on their church to instruct them on how they dealt with children, Australian society, the nature and purpose of their xvi relationships with friends, what they wore, how they looked, what they ate, how they spent their money, what jobs they took, where they went on holidays, in which suburbs they lived, where they would be buried, what schools they sent their children, what political parties they voted for, what music they listen too, what movies they watched and which songs they sung.

Load more