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THE VOICE OF AREA 26

CARRYING THE AA MESSAGE

12TH STEP CALLS TABLE OF Reflections of Step Twelve the door of the car. Before the CONTENTS Friday November 7, 2008 was door closed completely, I was just another work day. It was moved by curiosity to look at the JANUARY 2018 another gray overcast caller ID on the phone. To my fall day. My schedule was light, surprise it was an out of area WINTER ISSUE and I recall thinking about having number and I decided to take a

Saturday off this week as I work moment to answer it. After I said hello this is what I recall hearing every other FRONT PAGE Saturday. I coming from ARE THE LEAVES THE didn’t have this CARRYING THE any real plans ONLY THINGS CHANGING... unknown number, “Is AA MESSAGE set up for my CARRYING THE AA weekend. My this Brian?” I REFLECTIONS OF wife Angie MESSAGE replied that works it is. Next, I STEP TWELVE remember nightshift at a local hospital and she was scheduled to work this hearing “My name is Jim J, I’m an weekend. alcoholic from Minneapolis. I got Step 11 pg. 5 your phone number from Chris R At approximately 10:30 in the in Ingram, Texas. My son Joshua is morning I pulled up to a sales holed up in a hotel room in Stump the Chump appointment on my schedule. I Louisville and he’s drinking turned off my vehicle and himself to death.” I was amazed page 6 gathered my things for my by what I was hearing. He added appointment. At the time I was to the story, “I’ve called the AA carrying two cell phones; one Central Office in Louisville and the Games pg. 8 personal and one for business. I local police department. Both grabbed my work phone and set have sent people over to his hotel my personal phone on the console room, but he refuses to answer.” Events pg.10 of my vehicle. Upon exiting my As I listened I remember thanking vehicle my personal phone began God for this phone call and the to ring. My first thought was that realization that it wasn’t curiosity I’d return the call after my that moved me to answer the appointment and began to close [Pick the date] [Edition 1, Volume 1]

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phone that morning. My mind “what hotel Joshua is in?” I replied slender, sick man had taken a seat raced to the chapter “Working that he’s at the Holiday Inn at 2nd on one of the two double beds in with Others” in the Big Book. I and Broadway. What I heard next I the room next to the nightstand asked questions about his age, don’t think I’ll ever forget. Robert which he was able to find a bottle employment, and relationship then said, “Well, I’m with my that still had something for him to status. Jim and I discussed his sponsee right now and we’re at 5th drink. Joshua was shaking with possible travel plans to Louisville and Broadway.” Coincidence? I nervousness. I must admit that I and I assured him that I would be didn’t think so. I immediately was nervous too. I explained, at the airport awaiting his arrival. understood the next indicated “your father has contacted me Jim then ended the call because action for myself. I told Robert and stated that you are drinking his home group meeting was that I was on my way and we’ll yourself to death.” Joshua getting ready to start at 10 am meet in the parking lot. Upon remained quiet. central time. hanging up the call I looked to the In the silence I began to share my sky and prayed “Okay God. I My adrenaline was flowing, and drinking experience with Joshua. understand. Please give me what I my imagination was fired by Jim’s As I remember it didn’t take long need to do this work.” phone call; I was hardly effective for Joshua to start interacting with in my sales appointment. Upon Upon arrival at the hotel, I shared us. He was to pour out his story of return to my vehicle I immediately with Robert and his sponsee (who mistakes and failures; how his grabbed my personal phone to see was only a few months sober) the now former company had if I had missed a call from Jim. I notes that I had taken about repossessed his company vehicle had not but I felt that I could not Joshua during my phone call with right from the parking lot of the keep this experience to myself. I Jim. (yes, I wrote notes about this hotel; how his wife is disgusted opened my flip phone and began prospect) Entering the elevator I with his behavior; how he started to scroll through my contacts made a silent prayer. We his drive home to Jacksonville looking for someone who may be approached the hotel room door Florida from northern but able to take a call during business with the full knowledge that began to drink by ; hours. My contacts are sorted by Central Office and Louisville Police how by Louisville he felt like first name rather than last and I had both been unsuccessful. “what’s the use anyway.” As I finally stopped on the name Anxiously we knocked on the continued to share my story, Robert. I wasn’t sure why I had door. A few moments later, the Joshua began to shake more. scrolled that far in my contact list door opened just slightly. It was What we were to find out was not nor why I stopped on Robert’s dark in the room and I could only was Joshua drinking himself name. Several years before, barely see the long, stringy blonde to death, he had decided to go Robert and I had the same hair of the pale skinned man “cold turkey” with the psychiatric sponsor, Stuart P, who had moved peering out the cracked door. I medication that he’d been on for to Phoenix Arizona. Over the years said, “Joshua?” I don’t remember some time. since Stuart left, I kept up with if he replied or not. I then said, Earlier that morning I had Robert sparingly, maybe once or “We’re from Alcoholics questioned why I stopped on twice a year. I pushed the call Anonymous, may we come in?” I Robert’s name in my contact list button on my phone and it began did not wait for a reply and and I thought that question had to ring. I was very excited to be pushed the door open and the already been answered. However, able to share this experience with three of us walked in. We walked as Joshua began to talk about his someone, and thankfully Robert from the light into the dark, both psychiatric issues, the answer to answered his phone. I began to literally and figuratively. Opening why I called Robert became even explain the phone call with great the drapes, we were to see many more clear. Robert not only has enthusiasm. Then Robert asked, days’ worth of bottles and cans. A alcoholism, Robert has also 2

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suffered with psychiatric front desk. I was aware that later looked to be a downtown number medications and drinking. Both that night KCYPAA was to have with the last digits being 504. I Robert and I are in AA’s class of their annual convention in this knew the call was coming from 95’. I had seen Robert struggle hotel. I asked the attendant at the Joshua’s room and that didn’t with sobriety and medications. But front desk where the convention make sense since has was Robert has remained sober was to be held in the hotel. With hospitalized. I stepped out of the despite the difficulties in his early that information I re-entered the meeting to answer the phone. It years of sobriety. He had taken elevator to the convention level. was Joshua. It turns out that he the twelve steps; he has had a As I entered the empty ballroom I was not admitted, he was only spiritual awakening. That doesn’t saw three young men across the taken back for triage purposes. mean he is not engaged with his room setting up some chairs. They Joshua further explained that he psychiatrist as well. As I continued saw me, and we met in the center left the hospital against medical to speak about my alcoholism with of the empty ballroom. I quickly advice and wandered downtown Joshua, he would interrupt with a told what had transpired over the Louisville until he found his hotel. I question about psychiatry or last couple of hours and how I was gathered a couple of men from medications. Without delay uneasy about leaving Joshua the convention and hurried to his Robert would begin to share his alone. Without hesitation, the room. He was in poor shape; experiences with these things; three young men said, “take us to trembling and cold. The men experience which I do not have. him.” We returned to room 504 stayed, and I left to the airport to God’s tapestry was beginning to and I introduced the men to pick up Jim and his AA friend take shape yet only one stitch at a Joshua. The three young men told Grant. time was being revealed to us. me that they would rotate turns Returning from the airport From a hotel door slightly cracked, and each sit with Joshua until my Joshua’s condition was the same we were able to share our return. or worse than when I left. After a experience, strength, and hope Later that evening I returned to few moments of hugs and tears with Joshua for more than two the hotel. When I found the young between father and son, I loaded hours. men, who had been caring for Joshua, Jim, and Grant into my car By the end of my time with Joshua, they told me that his and we went back to the hospital. Joshua he had agreed to not drink condition had worsened after I Quickly we were taken into triage. to excess and to taper off. I had a left. Joshua’s shaking had become Understanding why Joshua left few more work commitments to trembling and they feared for his earlier, I asked the nurse if Jeff B attend to and I promised to return health because Joshua was was working tonight. Jeff was a to see him that evening. Walking detoxing not only from alcohol, longtime friend and fellow home down the hall from his room I but from prescription medications group member of mine. In almost felt as if I was floating. The including Xanax. A decision was sobriety Jeff had returned to experience I just had seemed so made to take Joshua to the school and became a trauma uncommon in this day and age of hospital and they told me that he nurse. It was a shot in the dark treatment centers. Pushing the had been admitted. I stayed at the that Jeff was working but the lobby button in the elevator, I hotel for the evening meeting nurse paged Jeff to triage. As Jeff began to feel some fear about assuming Joshua was safe and was approaching he saw me there leaving Joshua. As the elevator hospitalized. I figured that I’d be in the ER and he sped up his walk descended, I looked up into the picking Jim up from the airport to me. We didn’t say a word; we fluorescent lighting and said to shortly then we’d both go to the didn’t have to. Jeff saw Joshua and God, “there must be more that hospital. Midway through the told the nurse, “I got this.” Just as can be done for this man.” As I Friday night speaker meeting my earlier in the evening when Joshua crossed the lobby I stopped at the phone began to ring. The caller ID left AMA, the waiting room was

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packed full. There were people in was beginning to get some color situation and asking if they knew beds just sitting in the hallways. back in his complexion, and his anyone in AA in Louisville The ER department was over hair was cleaned and brushed. He Kentucky. Apparently, none of my capacity. After Jeff finished taking already looked like a different friends knew anyone here, so they Joshua’s vital signs he said, “I just man. After dinner we decided to in turn forwarded my request to discharged a patient.” Jeff took us take in the Saturday night speaker all their AA contacts. Eventually it all to the far back corner of the meeting at the KCYPAA reached the desk of Chris R and he emergency department, passing convention in the hotel. Joshua replied to me with your all the people on gurneys, to a was familiar with AA as he had information.” Yet another stitch in private room the discharged attended most of his father’s AA God’s tapestry that I never could patient just vacated. By this time, birthday meetings, but he had have dreamed. Both Jim and Grant it was somewhere between 11pm never been to a convention. returned to Louisville the and midnight. Jeff had told Jim the Joshua sat with me on his right following February to meet Chris R room was theirs until Jeff’s shift and his dad on his left. As the and to tell him all that became ended at 7am. He told us that it Saturday night meeting opened, from a simple email. Had I not would be a restless night for we began the customary sobriety been in some form of service in Joshua, but he was there to countdown. The feeble man to my Alcoholics Anonymous, there’s a provide as much comfort as left, and to the right of his father, scant chance that I would have possible. Tearfully I thanked my was the lone person to stand for 1 involved in this tapestry. God God for the tapestry that is being day. With the cheer of hundreds would have found someone, but it woven before my very eyes. The of young people in Alcoholics may not have been me. later it got I remembered that I Anonymous, Joshua received a Big After this experience, I had an had driven everyone to the Book signed by all those attending idea that Joshua and I would have hospital. They are staying until the convention. Joshua’s sobriety such a strong bond of friendship 7am. I can’t stay here all night. date is 11/8/2008. I told you, you and we’d always stay in touch. I What can I do? So, I called my wife can’t make this stuff! dreamed of traveling to Angie, who is working nightshift at Joshua, Jim, and Grant remained Jacksonville to speak at his first AA a local hospital, this hospital! She in Louisville for a few days longer. birthday. Neither of these have comes down from an upper floor I was to have regular contact with happened. I do know that Joshua to meet Joshua, Jim, and Grant. them and act as Joshua’s is now nine years sober but we Angie works until 7am as well. temporary sponsor. We rarely communicate. What I didn’t Angie becomes their ride to the reminisced about the magical expect is that Jim and I have a hotel in the morning. God’s tapestry we were all part of. We strong bond of friendship and we tapestry; you can’t make this stuff shared with each other from our always stay in touch. A funny thing up! own perspectives. During this time is that the clothes that I brought The next day, Saturday in my sobriety I was serving as Co- to Joshua on his sobriety date November 8, the men slept all day Chair and Program Coordinator of were clean but not his style. So, he in Joshua’s hotel room. Before the 2009 Kentucky State left my clothes with his father. they went to bed, Jim called me to Convention. I had asked Chris R What is funny about this is that say that Joshua hadn’t bathed for from Ingram Texas to be one of from time to time I’ll receive a text days and has no clean clothes. I the speakers. This is how Chris had from Jim saying only “I’m wearing put together a care package of my my information to give to Jim. your jeans.” It’s a corny text but I clothing for Joshua and returned When I asked Jim how he knew smile. The text is not about the later Saturday evening to have Chris, he said, “I don’t.” Jim jeans at all. It is about not dinner with the three of them. continued, “I emailed all the AA forgetting the warm and bright Joshua had stopped shaking. He contacts that I have explaining the tapestry woven by a loving God on

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a cold and dreary November for others, he could not survive Brian S. DCM DISTRICT 12 weekend in 2008. the certain trials and low spots

ahead.” “For if an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual (pages 14-15 Alcoholics life through work and self-sacrifice Anonymous)

STEP 11

My Experience with Step 11

"Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with god as we understood him, praying only for This experience I have many times during knowledge of his will and the power to carry the day. Today I am not in charge of my life. that out." Step 11 helps me stay right sized and able to do my higher power's biding. First things first-I needed a working relationship with Steps 1 through 10. I Peggy S., Archives Chair discovered my higher power, gave my life to its care and direction, dug into my inner being and confessed my difficulties with another human, gave all of me to my higher power, made amends and daily practice these life-giving ways to live.

It was suggested to me early on if I wanted a relationship with my higher power I needed to spend time with her through prayer and meditation. I was taught as a child to pray certain words to get what I wanted. The Steps have shown me a new way. I have conversations with my higher power-asking for guidance on what she needs me to do. Then I try to listen for an answer. I thought the only way to meditate was to clear my mind and be open for the next thought. Well, clearing my mind is pointless-thoughts (great ones) are always running through. So, I have learned to let them run through and not dissect them. When ideas come I thank my higher power, check with someone human that it is towards the light side of life and pray for willingness and courage to carry on.

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STUMP THE CHUMP 2. WHAT SHOULD I DO WHEN I’M ASKED TO DO A 12 STEP CALL? 1. HOW DO I WORK STEP 11? It is always a good idea to have the conversation with a sponsor or On page 86 of the Big Book it person who has done a real 12th states the “When we retire at step call before. Sometimes a 12 night, we constructively review our step is just answering the phone day. Were we resentful, selfish, when a fellow alcoholic needs to dishonest or afraid? Do we owe talk. Other times its picking an apology? Have we kept someone up and taking them to something to ourselves which detox or their first meeting. We should be discussed with another should never say no whenever person at once? Were we kind possible to do service in AA. We and loving toward all? What do not go on 12 step calls by could we have done better? ourselves. It’s usually best for this Were we thinking of ourselves to be men with men and women most of the time? Or were we with women whenever possible, thinking of what we could do for just for safety. others, of what we could pack into the stream of life? But we 3. HOW MUCH SOBRIETY DO I NEED must be careful not to drift into TO SPONSOR SOMEONE? worry, remorse, or morbid reflection, for that would diminish There is nothing in AA literature our usefulness to others. After that gives a certain time, but it is making our review we ask God’s best if you have worked the steps forgiveness and inquire what first or at least a couple of steps corrective measures should be before trying to sponsor someone. taken”. I have found that it brings a On awakening let us think about sponsor and sponsee closer when the twenty-four hours ahead. We everyone is sponsoring because consider our plans for the day. conversations about the steps and Before we begin, we ask God to the literature are being talked direct our thinking, especially about. asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonesty or self-seeking motives. Under these conditions we can employ our mental faculties with assurance, for after all God gave us brains to use. Our thought-life will be placed on a much higher plane when our thinking is cleared of wrong motives”. (BBpage86) 6

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SELFSEEKING SITUATIONS SLIPAWAY USELESSNESS WEWILLKNOW

“You were sick, but now you're well again, and there's work to do.” ― Kurt Vonnegut, Timequake

The first three steps taught me how to give up. Four, Five and Six taught me how to open up. Seven, Eight and Nine taught me how to ESCAPE DISASTER makeup. Ten, Eleven and Twelve taught me how to grow up.

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