“The Downtowner” KIWANIS CLUB OF ROCHESTER ROCHESTER, MN. www.kiwanisroch.org July 17, 2017 Coming Programs July 20 Randy Schmidt (Lt. Gov. Elect) talking on ‘Cardle to Career’ July 27 TBA August 3 Michael Wojcik, RST councilman speaking on council activity. August 10 Dr. Tyler Oesterie, Mayo Med. Dir. To speak about Fountain Centers August 17 Brian Crabtree, Olmsted Co. Water Lab Coordinator. August 24 Jessica Markley from Cambria

Sheriff Kevin Torgerson

The Circle of Service The sheriff presented an update on the for July is Bonnie activities since he took over the office a year + Schultz and Dan Moore. ago. He gave a brief talk on the derivation of the August Circle of word ‘sheriff’ back in jolly old England. The first Service is Charley Graham and Bill Kalmes. (Circles should send Clare their programs as soon as possible so they can to sheriff in the U.S. was in Virginia in 1654. Duties have them included in the of a sheriff varies somewhat from state to Downtowner.) state, but the main responsibilities in Rochester Stay alert for signup are: opportunities online at  Maintain a Jail. It is for Olmsted www.kiwanisroch.org County but is used by other counties on a contract basis. This varies all over the place.  Oversee District Court activities. Expense Report:  Police bodies of water in the area. $125 to Zumbro River Catering for box lunch meeting at RST Foundation. The Sheriff had a slide of the ‘Tree of Responsibility’ for his department. I don’t recall $213.00 to DoubleTree for balance of the number of officers he has, but it seems it June. Included 5 scholarship meals. was in the neighborhood of 50. (Rochester City Police have about 3 times the number of staff)

We are back at the DoubleTree for Most of the sheriff’s staff are paid. Divers awhile. are volunteers when needed. Olmsted County - 1 - contracts to some of the area small towns for ****Senior & Long Term Perfect Attendance policing. They also have some school resource *****Life Member people. They are required to have an emergency The preceding list reflects the official roster of active members according to Kiwanis International. If a name is missing or one is management office that is responsible in any present that should not be, please let C. Warren know. serious situation like flooding and tornadoes. PRIVILEGED & HONORARY MEMBERS They blow the sirens in the areas needed. ***Jim Bouquet 651-560-4292 ***Bob Fiss 288-7480 The Kiwanis Club of Rochester meets every Thursday ACTIVE MEMBERS Home Office (Starting January, 2013) at 12 noon at the DoubleTree Hotel

Anderson, Margaret (Peggy) 288-3985 - Meetings last about one hour. Lunch is a buffet including [email protected] an entree, fruit, salad, and drink for $12.75 Austinson, Paul 288-8735 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [email protected] Borcherding, Don 282-1783 288-6464 Newsletter Changes [email protected] Remember to call Clare Warren at 254-2087 if you have anything Carlson, Dan 285-1098 you feel is newsworthy. We are trying to get the newsletter out [email protected] every other week. It can be effective if you feed in the right Graham, Charlie***** 288-8525 information. Feel free to contribute something for publication! [email protected] Be sure to read the roster once in awhile and report Hull, Linda Immed. Past Co-President 282-8399 any errors to C. Warren [email protected] Why not! If you have a computer, why not try to receive the Ilvedson, Ronald 529-0551 Kiwanis Newsletter via e-mail. It is a quick and easy way for us to [email protected] get the letter to you on time. We now have 24 ACTIVE members Jorgenson, Austin Secretary 413-2134 253-5631 receiving it regularly. They enjoy the ability to get it in COLOR. [email protected] Kalmes, Bill 289-4056 288-3277 at www.kiwanisroch.org 2016 [email protected] Dan Carlson President Kersten, Richard ***** 289-1790 Linda Hull & Del Lawson Immed. Past Presidents [email protected] David Nelsen Vice President Krsnak, Roger 282-2872 358-5020 Clare Warren Treasurer [email protected] Austin Jorgenson Secretary Lawson, Del Immed. Past Co-President 287-0862 288- Committees 2842 Club Rep to District Dan Carlson [email protected] Membership, Growth & Education Lun, Al Webmaster 289-3937 507-269-3853 Roger Krsnak, Charlie Graham, Del Lawson, Paul Austinson [email protected] Public Relations Mary Tompkins, Colleen Maddox, Ron Ilvedson, Maddox, Colleen 287-0318 280-7911 (cell) Al Lun [email protected] Community Services McClocklin, Bob 288-7772 Dan Moore, Austin Jorgenson, Bonnie Schultz, Bill Kalmes, [email protected] (Webmaster Assoc.) Bob McClocklin Moore, Dan** Club Jester 282-6382 Youth Service & YCPO [email protected] Peg Anderson, Chair, Dick Weltzin, Nehring, Irv 775-6857 Mary Tompkins, Don Borcherding, [email protected] Programs Nelsen, David 533-0225 Circles of Service [email protected] Human and Spiritual Values Oesterle, Scott Colleen Maddox [email protected] Finance Irv Nehring, Chair., , Clare Warren, Bill Kalmes, Schultz, Bonnie 280-6078 529-4830 Linda Hull [email protected] Donations/Charities Dave Nelsen, Chair, Scott Oesterle Tompkins, Mary 252-9746

[email protected] Warren, Clare, editor, Treas. 254-2087 District & International web sites: [email protected] www.kiwanis.org Weltzin, Dick 288-2390 [email protected] WWW.MNDAK.ORG

22 Active members as of November 1, 2016 Kiwanis is a global organization of *Senior Member **Privileged Member ***Honorary Member volunteers dedicated to improving - 2 - the world one child and one community at a time.

You may remember the old Jewish Catskill comics of days: Shecky Greene, Red Buttons, Totie Fields, ,

Milton Berle, Jan Murray,

Former Sheriff Steve Borchardt Danny Kaye, Henny Youngman, Buddy Hackett, Sid Caesar, Groucho Marx, Jackie Mason, Steve currently leads Olmsted County Woody Allen, Lenny Bruce, Workforce Housing Initiative. We are constantly bombarded on the need for affordable housing during this period of DMC growth. There is a huge amount of construction George Burns, Allan going on in this city, but not in the defined Sherman, ‘affordable’ range. It sounded to me that his , Carl Reiner, definition is $800-1500 per month. The Shelley Berman, Gene Wilder, availability of small homes in the $150K range in George Jessel, Alan King, this whole area is almost non-existent. Steve presented a complex discussion of the finances needed to construct and fill this type of housing. I never understood this before, and still don’t. Someone has established that the area , Phil Silvers, median income is $68,000 , Rodney Dangerfield, In Rochester 1/3 of households are making Don Rickles, Jack Benny less than $50,000 Mansel Rubenstein If you want or need further background, and so many others. call the Housing Initiative. They can guide you There was not one single swear word in through the maze. their comedy. This was a very good presentation, but very Here are a few examples: complex if you are not a part of society working in it. * I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

Temporarily we are being told that our * I've been in love with the same woman for new meeting place will be at Saints on 49 years! If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me! Second sometime near the start of the school year. More info will be coming. * What are three words a woman never Remember! Free Parking wants to hear when she's making love? "Honey, I'm home!"

- 3 - There is a big controversy on the Jewish * Someone stole all my credit cards but I view of when life begins. won't be reporting it. In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not The thief spends less than my wife did. considered viable until it graduates from medical school. * We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. Q: Why don't Jewish mothers drink? A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering. * My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night; only this Q: Why do Jewish mothers make great parole time I stayed in the bathroom and cried. officers? A: They never let anyone finish a sentence! * My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. A man called his mother in Florida , My wife called it the Dead Sea . "Mom, how are you?" "Not too good," said the mother. "I've been * She was at the beauty shop for two hours. very weak." That was only for the estimate. The son said, "Why are you so weak?" She got a mudpack and looked great for She said, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 two days. days." Then the mud fell off. The son said, "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?" * The Doctor gave a man six months to live. The mother answered, "Because I didn't want The man couldn't pay his bill so the doctor my mouth to be filled with food if you should gave him call." another six months. A Jewish boy comes home from school and * The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, tells his mother he has a part in the play. "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. " She asks, "What part is it?" Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my The boy says, "I play the part of the Jewish arthritis!" husband." The mother scowls and says, "Go back and tell * Doctor: "You'll live to be 60!" the teacher you want a speaking part." Patient: "I am 60!" Doctor: "See! What did I tell you?" Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb? * Patient: "I have a ringing in my ears." A: (Sigh) "Don't bother. I'll sit in the dark. I Doctor: "Don't answer!" don't want to be a nuisance to anybody."

* A drunk was in front of a judge. Short summary of every Jewish holiday: The judge says, "You've been brought here They tried to kill us. We won. Let's eat. for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started." Did you hear about the bum who walked up to a Jewish mother on the street and said, "Lady, * Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? I haven't eaten in three days." They're worth it. "Force yourself," she replied.

Q: What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish mother? A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.

- 4 - A-a-h! Memories of the good ole days!

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