page 10 March 23, 2018 the university register page 11 variety variety The Darkest Timeline: John Scientology and the Pursuit of the Ericksens Desmond Homann Variety Editor

hat do Tom Cruise, science fiction, close enough that it raises some questions guesses, but I think it is important that we the UMM English department, and concerning a possible overlap. I doubt many of consider the existence of this darker timeline Wthe voice of Bart Simpson have in you know this, but there was a period of time parallel to our own. common? All sit under the watchful gaze of the shortly before Viacom bought out the popular It is no secret that David and Janet Ericksen church of Scientology. Now, I am no expert on online game “Neopets” where it was, in fact, are intelligent and charismatic, so had they this group, but I’ve done my research, especially owned by Scientology (theoutline.com). The joined the church of Scientology in this other recently, as new connections have sprouted whole deal was kept pretty quiet by Hubbard’s timeline, I don’t doubt they would move from this subject. I was recently chatting about business board to the extent that even the co- quickly up the ranks, possibly even gaining nonsense with English professor and general creators were somewhat surprised by what leadership roles. One thing that I learned in supporter of silliness, David Ericksen, and they had gotten themselves into. The creators my research is that, in a moment of conflict was shocked to learn from a total tangent that were still shareholders and still had some say with the Scientologists, the “Neopets” co- he was once approached by Scientology in an in the management of the game, but certainly creators developed three NPCs (non-player attempt to recruit him. (Yes, I understand that seem to have been outnumbered. While they characters) based on some of those in “Scientology” is not one single person, no John fought to keep any of the religious teachings of leadership from the church. They kept the Scientology, but it is much more fun to refer Scientology out of the game, the creators were inspiration for the characters secret, as those to them as such! It can be a harmless game to unable to prevent those in power from running characters were supposed to be villains, but picture who that person would be. Perhaps he the business much like the church. Maybe I’m revealed this information in an interview post- is even friends with Tom Cruise himself.) getting myself into dangerous territory here, Viacom. Knowing this, could there possibly To clarify, the church did not approach the but I think it is common enough knowledge for be a timeline in which our beloved David and Ericksens in person; I suspect that would make me to say that surveillance has always been a Janet became villains within the universe of a much more interesting story, and I am sorry large part of the church of scientology. This is this children’s game? I think that this timeline that I cannot report on such an interaction. true for celebrities who try to leave the group is hidden out there somewhere, and I fear it. I Instead, Scientology mailed a box to campus, and have spoken out about the religion as have taken upon myself the task of determining to David Ericksen’s faculty mailbox in the well as for the “Neopets” employees who were what these characters may have been so I may humanities building. The contents of this box at risk of being fired if their personal views provide insight into the darkest timeline. included pamphlets and information along conflicted with the mission of the church. (A slight tangent, but in looking up current and Unfortunately, this is where I hit a roadblock with sci-fi books and DVDs from Scientology in my investigation. The creatures from this mastermind L. Ron Hubbard. (This is true, previous members of the church, I did audibly gasp to see William Burroughs, Neil Gaiman, game are little fantasy animals, and as fun I’ve seen the box and its contents with my as they are, I couldn’t bring myself to assign own eyes. I was tempted to borrow one of the and Jason Lee and Ethan Suplee— both of “My Name is Earl.” Upon mentioning this to my them to people I know in real life. I tried to DVDs, but I don’t have the time or energy right learn about each creature in order to make an now to giggle at another group... I am currently mother, she informed me that I am “the only one who keeps track of that shit” and she’s not informed decision, but even someone as goofy ghosting some Mormon missionaries on as me has limits. For the sake of research, I Facebook messenger because if they found out wrong, which is why I am sharing this news now.) ventured further, but it nearly killed me to do that I’m gay and that my family was originally so. As a bit of a crutch, I let a Buzzfeed quiz Irish Catholic they’ll get Bonus Jesus Points if You’ll have to excuse me as I get sucked made by a total stranger do the choosing for they can convert me. I’m not trying to be mean, into these slight tangents. For those who have me. I did try to give answers that David and but I’m all good, thanks!) watched “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia,” Janet would, but nobody really wants to assign I suppose that, if I think from John you will recognize this as my Pepe Silvia a fictional animal to someone else, and the Scientology’s point of view, I can understand results gave me much to think about. David’s why they would target David Ericksen animal was one known for a heart of gold and specifically. First, Morris is a small town. While Janet’s for solid leadership and loyalty. These I can always find plenty of things to do in my characteristics are true to life, but it truly is a free time, there is a common misconception tragedy that I was then forced to make these that there is nothing to do in small towns, two people into funky cartoon dogs, but I so why not join a cult, right? Second, David cannot bring myself to include the pictures in Ericksen is someone who, in his courses, this article, so you will simply have to wonder covers topics such as science fiction, religion, what these characters may have been. and films, so I could (sort of) see why of all At the end of the day, I can say with the English professors he would be the one confidence that exploring this darkest timeline to receive L. Ron Hubbard books. While that has drained me of my energy and my creative man may have invented and run one of the abilities. I have allowed my tangents to carry most intense religions I can think of, he was Photo from www.youtube.com us this far, but we can never return here again. also known for his writing. I am not trying to It is best for everyone if we simply pretend that justify the attempted recruitment of my Morris moment. I was fully ready to bust out the red none of this ever happened—no evil Ericksens, family, however, and instead would like to take no anthropomorphic dogs, no cults running this discussion down a different path. yarn tonight and start connecting the dots, but unlike Sunny’s Charlie Kelly, I don’t smoke games, and no jokes about Tom Cruise. I can To the best of my knowledge and according and I don’t drink coffee, so instead I put on only hope that John Scientology does not find to his memory, David Ericksen was the only some music and got to my research. Back to this article and hunt me down for my crimes professor contacted by Scientology. This the matter at hand: here we have the Ericksens against the church and humanity. interaction happened a little over ten years and we have “Neopets,” both desired by Mr. ago, and while I was not a Morris student back Hubbard himself, and around the same time, then, I can tell you where I was when this all To David and Janet, I apologize for making too. Because time has passed, we know what you read this. You have always supported me went down. Strangely enough, Scientology was happens next in the story: David does not call there too. in my nonsense, but I hope this isn’t the last the church and Viacom eventually buys the straw! Okay, I will be the first to admit that the game. But what about the timeline in which timing doesn’t line up perfectly here, but it is David said yes? I can only make educated

Screenshot from www.neopets.com