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Seven of the NFL’s most opinionated then, that “I need to go to the office.” veterans on concussions and the new “No, you don’t, Fred.” rules of play he was sick. “Can we stop by the office?” She had no “Just come downstairs.” Another former football player Larry Fitzgerald cut inside, snatched the Five minutes go by. More honking. More gone mad. This has been the story of the football out of the air, and braced himself for idea he was losing his mind. the punishment he knew was coming: a hit Something neurological, idiots. No Fred. Her next call goes to voice NFL, an $8 billion industry, over the past mail: “You’ve reached the law offices of few years: players going crazy from con- by Seattle Seahawks safety Lawyer Milloy, the doctors are now saying, Frederick Arnold McNeill. Please leave a cussions and head trauma sustained dur- an enforcer who’d made his name on bone- some kind of sludge blocking brief message.” She hangs up the phone. ing their playing days. Crazy enough to jarring brutality. As Milloy closed in for the kill shot, Fitzgerald hit the Qwest Field turf and pathways in his brain. Would She reaches into a bag of trail mix, pops a kill themselves. One swallowed antifreeze, handful, and chews. She stares forward another shot himself, still another fled in a assumed the position. To his utter amazement, it have made a difference if and shakes her head slowly in that way that paranoid frenzy from police and crashed his the next thing Fitzgerald saw was Milloy she knew? Of course it would speaks of tragedy, of comedy, and the insidi- car into an oncoming tanker. The tales have standing over him with a twisted smile on his face. have. But you can’t think like ous fine line. been tragic and dramatic, and the science, There was a time when Fred was brilliant. finally, has become undeniable. “Fitz, you’re lucky I can’t hit you the way that. And you can’t give a He started law school during his last year Forensic pathologist Bennet Omalu was I want to hit you,” Milloy said. “You know if shit about people whispering with the Vikings, studying on the plane to the first to figure it all out, to find micro- they weren’t handing out these fines, I’d have Fred McNeill spent eleven seasons with and from games while the other guys slept. the suitcase. scopic changes in brain tissues of deceased clocked you.” behind your back. You hear the Vikings, retiring to become a lawyer in Fitzgerald had been spared by the league’s about Fred McNeill? Star He graduated from William Mitchell Col- “You need a haircut, Fred,” Tia says. “You players. The bodies were all found to have lege of Law in St. Paul, top of his class. After look like Bozo the Clown!” 1985. His memory started failing in 1994. the same unusual formations of proteins, hastily revised guidelines prohibiting helmet- linebacker for the Minnesota he retired from the Vikings in 1985, at age “I don’t want a haircut.” called tau, in the same regions of their to-helmet hits. These guidelines threaten Vikings back in the ’70s and 33, he got recruited by a huge firm and then “All right, let’s just go.” She pulls out and rallied the troops. He called Freddie home brains, believed to be the result of repeated even first-time offenders with fines of up to $50,000 and possible suspensions, and ’80s. Ended up going crazy another one, where he quickly made part- still, even now, listens as if there is going to from college. “There is something seriously head trauma. Omalu first found the tau ner. Then one day in 1996 a certified letter be substance. wrong with Dad,” he said to Tia. “threads” in the brain of former Steeler Mike they warn players that they may be held and his wife, Tia, couldn’t came while Fred and Tia were on vacation “I have to make some calls,” Fred says, This was about a year ago, when all the Webster in 2002 and published his findings responsible for the consequences of their handle it so she walked out. with the kids. He had been voted out, it said. looking at the notepad. “One of the things lights went on. Tia met Fred outside his “of- in 2005, in the journal Neurosurgery. The collisions, regardless of intent. In locker rooms and film sessions, on practice fields and It’s not like that, not even Fred was 44. It was devastating. How Tia you have to do is, people call you, you have fice” and confronted him in the driveway of new disease was named chronic traumatic hated those people. Fred was calm, though. to respond to them.” He speaks softly, almost the little green house. She hadn’t seen him in encephalopathy, and the NFL fervently and during league-mandated screenings, players close, but whatever. People He went into private practice, started doing a purr. “You would do the same thing, Tia. nearly a year. repeatedly denied that CTE had anything to are debating the merits of the sea change, can think what they think. workers’-comp cases for athletes, including Somebody called you, what would you do? “Fred!” she said. “What is going on?” do with the league or its players. balancing concepts like brotherhood and some injured Vikings—work that would Call them back. I take this, I put the number “Going on?” he asked. He was standing But then, in September 2009, research- player safety with fears that the game they later prove to be tragically ironic. But after on a big sheet of paper, and I’m cool. I have by his car, a silver Altima with fresh dents. ers at the University of Michigan’s Institute love is being neutered.—MIKE SILVER She’s double-parked outside his apart- two years, no money was coming in. “What to start now calling back, not just writing it It was filled with clothes and also dozens for Social Research—in a telephone survey ment in the mid-Wilshire section of L.A., is going on?” Tia asked. It’s not like he wasn’t down. That’s next. And then when I call the and dozens of Starbucks napkins and paper of retired players—found that Alzheimer’s matt birk idiots honking as they veer. Oh, forgodsakes. trying. He worked all the time, gave it his person back, I have to respond to whatever it cups, which Tia instinctively began gather- disease, or something very similar, was be- BALTIMORE RAVENS CENTER I’m in this world, too, people. all; you couldn’t find a more honest, dili- is they say. That’s how it goes. You would do ing. ing diagnosed in former NFL players nine- When you’re 21 years old, “Fred?” she says, calling him on her cell. gent man. Weird things started happening. the same thing.” “What are you doing!” he said. teen times more often than in the national single, and full of piss and “Are you coming down?” She has a sleepy, Fred jumping out of bed in the middle of the “Yup,” she says. “Throwing shit out,” she said. population among men ages 30 through 49. vinegar, you think, “Nothing’s husky voice that announces her stance on night, panicked and ready to fight. “They’re “I need to go to the office,” he says. “I need my cups!” he said angrily. Even worse for the NFL, the league had com- going to happen to me.” My just about everything these days: I’m done. here!” he would shout, face hot with terror. “Please, Fred.” She let it go. “Gavin’s taking you to a doc- missioned that survey, which was designed view at the time was, if playing for ten years in the Her face is round, still alive with curiosity, “Fred, it’s just me!” Tia would say. She would There really is an office. He’s not making tor, and I don’t want you giving him any simply to gather data about retired players. league meant I had to walk around with a limp, that’d sturdy and pretty and framed by tight dark shake him until he snapped out of it. At the it up. He’s not delusional. One of the things trouble,” she told Fred. She felt like a one- It was like Big Tobacco ordering a study that be a good trade-off. Now I’m 34 and I have five kids, curls. time you think he’s just having a nightmare. that happens to people when they begin los- woman ambulance with a big siren on top of ended up showing that smokers got cancer. and my perspective’s changed. A limp is one thing, “Am I what?” Fred says. You get used to things. You don’t put it all ing their minds is they fall prey to vultures. her head. “Now, would you mind telling me Last summer, before preseason games but if you’re talking about brain trauma, that’s a “Are you coming down? I’m outside wait- together. One such vulture swooped in on Fred about what you are doing with this asshole parale- even started, the league began placing whole lot scarier. ing.” They have two sons, Gavin, now 23, and three years ago. An old-man paralegal of- gal?” she asked. “He’s using your license and posters in locker rooms. “CONCUSSION. A “You’re waiting?” “Little Freddie,” 26. Gavin shares the two- fered Fred the dusty back room of his little pimping you for rent!” Must Read for NFL Players. Report it. Get scott fujita “Fred, I’m out here waiting!” bedroom apartment with Fred, looks after green house over on Arlington. The man Fred stood in the driveway, taking in the Checked Out. Take Care of Your Brain.” The C L E V E L A N D B R O W N S “Oh, okay, I’ll come down.” him, cooks him pancakes in the morning. had use for a befuddled lawyer with a valid sun and thinking about asshole and pimp- poster quoted the CDC: “Traumatic brain in- LINEBACKER “Don’t forget the suitcase,” she says. Freddie lives with Tia, about fifteen minutes license whom he could manipulate, get him ing rent for some time. There was still a vast jury can cause a wide range of short- or long- When an episode of Real “Suitcase?” away, both of them piled into her mother’s to sign legal documents, do his bidding. Fred intelligence beneath the fog. “That would be term changes affecting thinking, sensation, Sports shows one of our “Remember I need my suitcase back?” she house, a blessing, since it’s paid for. The would show up each day, suit and tie, me- a hustler, not an asshole,” he said to Tia. language, or emotions.” It spoke explicitly predecessors lying in bed, says. boys are good boys, trying to run a creative ticulous, a look befitting a partner in a firm, “Oh, my God. Where did you meet this of personality changes, depression, and de- speaking to his incredible wife through his eyelids He does not remember anything about a agency together, and they go to counseling and he would do what he was told to do. guy?” she asked. “He’s crazy. Stay away from mentia. “Concussions and conditions result- and a computer, it rips our hearts out. suitcase. to help deal with their dad, to help untangle Tia knew nothing about any of this. She’d crazy people!” ing from repeated brain injury can change “Fred, I just told you ten minutes ago that all the craziness that was never understood. left Fred in 2007. “I’m moving out with the “Okay,” he said, and agreed to move out your life and your family’s life forever.” lawyer milloy I am outside waiting for you and to bring me Here now is Fred. Thank God. He knocks boys, and you’re not coming,” she had said. of the office. The poster was heralded as a seismic shift SEATTLE SEAHAWKS SAFETY the suitcase,” she says. on the passenger window, flashes a wide, She couldn’t take it anymore. She thought He hasn’t yet. He will. He has to pack it up in the NFL’s handling of head trauma, and I was part of the head-trauma “It’s too early for karaoke,” he says. beautiful smile, does a little ta-dah! dance he was severely depressed and refusing to first. There are materials in file folders. He yet, at the same time, it was a…poster. group that went down to Florida “Coffee,” she says. “I am taking you out for move. He’s 58 years old, and he has a long, get help. She kept up his car and phone pay- has to open the file folders and read the ma- On October 17 of this season, after a week- the week before the Super coffee. Now, come on.” gentle face, a blocky brow, wire-rimmed ments but otherwise stepped out of his life. terials and decide which box the file folder end in which four players were knocked out Bowl last year [for a gathering “Coffee. That sounds good.” glasses, and sprouts of gray hair shooting Gavin stayed in better touch, heard about with those materials should go in. For ex- with concussions, the league announced it that brought together NFL players and researchers]. “Please hurry, Fred.” this way and that. He’s wearing a wind- the paralegal, which didn’t sound quite ample, he will open one file folder and read would start handing out fines and suspend- It was definitely alarming. But in a sense football is “So what I’m going to do is, I’m going to breaker, baggy jeans, sneakers. She thinks right. He learned about a “girlfriend” who the materials and make a decision to put ing any player judged to be guilty of “devas- kind of like the military—you know what you signed put my shoes on, and I’m going to get my he looks terrible. He’s carrying a white note- lived in a rented room Fred would some- that file folder with those materials in this tating hits” and/or “head shots.” up for. Our sport was built around big hits. Now you briefcase, and I am going to get you the suit- pad, stained and smudged, and covered top times share. He slept on people’s couches or box, or that box, or some other box. That’s Discussion boards lit up: can get fined $50,000 for a play you’ve been taught

case, and I am going to come downstairs, to bottom with phone numbers. He forgot sometimes in his car. It was Gavin who first OPPOSITE PAGE: COURTESYhow OF MINNESOTA itVIKINGS; works. THIS PAGE: NFL PHOTOS/AP That’sPHOTO. how you would do it, to make your whole career? Come on!

4 GQ . COM MARCH 2011 MARCH 2011 GQ . C O M 5 This is not good. Freaking women organs run- them, one by one, after her. fujita He demanded that Tia and Gavin hand over you can’t take it out of it. ning this league. “Jazz,” she says. One thing that was classic—and ridiculous—was the test results, saying he didn’t want them young: A defenseless player, you’re gonna “Jazz,” he says, enunciating. when the NFL sent out that video of proper and getting into the wrong hands. Someone, he have to take it easy on him. The NFL is turning into a touch football “Nancy “Bus,” she says. improper hits. We watched it, and as soon as we left believed, was after him, and this might be millen: You can’t! Boy” League. Steer your kids that have talent “Bus,” he repeats, with a loud b and a loud the room, players and coaches were blurting out, the data they needed. Tia handed over the young: You’re going to have to! Or you’re go- into baseball, basketball or any other sport that ssss. It goes on like this: lid, critic, dark, “Now I’m really confused!” It’s so easy for someone papers to Fred, called Amen for copies, said, ing to sit out for a couple weeks. will still have dignity left in 2 years.… owner, guest, weather, peace, bass, ten words sitting in New York to look at a hit in superslow “What the hell?” and made a follow-up ap- scott: That’s not football! in all. She then asks Fred to recall as many motion and rewind it one hundred times and say, pointment. Then she opened her laptop The pussyification of the NFL continues. Every words as he can. “He should have ducked in here.” It’s not that simple. and searched “football” and “brain injury,” single goddam year the rules get more and more “Bass, peace, bus,” he says. He sits there, and in the space of one hour, twenty-five VAGINIZED. biting his lip. In the long silence you can hear hines ward years’ worth of history came crashing into Fred remembers the old the lights buzz. “Bass, peace, bus, weather,” PITTSBURGH STEELERS RECEIVER place. days a lot better than anything you can he says. He sits a while longer, thumping his Man, nobody paid attention to that video. We don’t throw at him in the new ones. Growing up, thumbs. “Interesting,” he says. “Very, very in- know what they want. They’re so hypocritical he figured he’d probably become a doctor What Fred would do was sit in teresting.” The nurse repeats the test several sometimes. They came out someday, because that’s what everybody the apartment alone, and he would hold the times, and Fred never gets past remember- with these new helmets Right about the time the NFL said smart kids ended up being. Football was blade to his wrist and look at it. That’s when ing four of the ten words. that are supposed to stop started fining and suspending players for not even on his radar and might never have he would start thinking. The thinking ru- Let it flow is about as effective as emo- concussions. If they care so violent hits, it also quietly removed from its been, had some kids on his block in Durham, ined everything. It wasn’t “Oh, everyone will tional attachment was; the difference is that much about our safety, why Web site the popular DVD Moment of Im- North Carolina, not invited him to the park be upset if I do this” or “I hate my life.” Noth- now he’s beginning to grasp the hopeless- don’t they mandate that we pact, which it sold for $14.95. The copy on to play when he was maybe 9 years old. It ing like that. Instead, he would feel the cool ness. wear the new ones? If they’re so worried about the box puts you on the scrimmage line: was fun. Tackling was easy—wrap your arms blade on his skin, and he would consider “Oh, you did fine, Fred,” the nurse says, what concussions will do to us after our careers, around a kid and ride him down. No one how thin and baby soft that skin was, and he and she ushers him to another office, where then guarantee our insurance for life. And if you’re First you hear the breathing, then you feel could get past Fred. would think, This is going to hurt like hell. It a beautiful, tall blonde doctor in a miniskirt going to fine me for a hit, let the money go to veteran the wind coming through your helmet’s ear He kept getting better at it, played in high might actually have been quite simple if not puts a tight white bonnet on Fred’s head, an guys to help with their medical issues. To say the hole. Suddenly you’re down, and you’re looking school where the coaches pulled him aside. for the pain part. elastic cap dotted with sensors. She squirts league really cares? They don’t give a fuck about through your helmet’s ear hole. Pain? That’s for “Gifted!” they said. The pills the doctor gave him must be do- gel in the little holes and hooks wires into it concussions. tomorrow morning.… Moment of Impact takes UCLA recruited him, gave him a foot- ing some good, because it’s been two weeks and connects the wires to a computer, and you through the rugged world of the NFL like ball scholarship, and when he got there, he Fred’s wife, Tia, knows she’ll be taking care since he sat there like that with the scissors then she tells Fred to stare at either the or- fujita never before. You’ll go into the huddle, up to the signed up for pre-med. Then he went down or the knife. He plans to tell the doctor thank chid or the bear, his choice. Fred chooses the Everybody doubts the league’s sincerity. Quit line, and under the pile with some of the game’s to the field house to get his football stuff. The of her husband for the rest of her life. you for those pills. He wants to be positive, bear, and for about ten minutes the com- pretending to be the flag-bearers for our health roughest customers. coaches said, “Pre-med? No, no, no. That’s wants the doctors and nurses to feel positive puter reads his brain waves to determine, care and safety when you’re telling us in the next not the way it works. You’re here to play foot- guys, defensive backs, they come up like a about all their hard work. according to the doctor, the degree to which sentence that we need to start playing eighteen You don’t have to be a brain surgeon to ball.” bullet…head down…just boom! Zhz zhz zhz. Tia and Fred are sitting in the waiting his “daydreaming” waves have hijacked games. Obviously you don’t give a shit about recognize the massive contradiction at the So he postponed the doctor idea, switched More and more it was like that, trying to be room, and Fred is focused on positive think- his brain. Fred leans back in the chair and our health and safety. Remember that photo of center of the NFL’s existence right now. Even to economics, figuring this was just a delay. so aggressive with the intent to hurt. I didn’t ing and how it’s going to affect the memory smiles slightly, fighting sleep. [Steelers linebacker James] Harrison making a hit sportscasters struggle to reconcile what He was, after all, getting college for free. He want to hurt anybody. But then I realized if test. He has a new line of attack. The last “Fan-tas-tic, Fred!” the doctor says. She on [Browns receiver Mohamed] Massaquoi? They football is versus what it’s doing to its play- got his first concussion during freshman they got a great running back and you hurt time he took the test, he thought he’d nailed brings him to the office, where Dr. Daniel fined him $75,000 for that—and at the same time ers. year. “I got hit. I felt it—zhz zhz zhz zhz.” him, you might win the game, you know? So it. He had it all worked out even before the Amen, a short, athletic, happy fellow, sits they were selling the photo on nfl.com for $24.99. The postgame commentary following He holds his hands up to his head, rocks actually I started seeing that as a thing to do. test started. He had heard somewhere that waiting. She summons Tia into the room. Monday Night Football in mid-October got back and forth. “I felt dizziness and just… I To hurt them so they have to leave the game.” a woman’s memory is superior to a man’s. Amen shuts the door. terence at the heart of the dilemma: couldn’t stand up, and I was like that for a He pauses, stares for a moment at the TV, Now, why would that be? Emotion, he rea- “How’s your mood?” Amen asks. newman week.” says nothing about the game, has no interest soned. Women are more emotional than “My mood?” Fred asks. It takes him min- D A L L A S C O W B O Y S steve young: If you do something that’s dev- He’s sitting alone in the apartment, a in the score or who anyone is. men, so they must attach emotion to their utes of explanation to get out the point that CORNERBACK astating—a big hit—you’re going to probably be stripped-down bachelor pad if ever there “One time there was this guy, like a memories. Therefore, all he had to do was he isn’t suicidal, while Tia checks her phone, You hear about dementia, but exposed to being suspended. was one, couch, chair, TV, giant shoes strewn 280-pound guy, coming to block me, coming attach emotion to every answer on the mem- the time, her phone again, trying to keep you also hear about guys like stuart scott: But isn’t that football? I mean, this way and that in the small foyer. The out, and I just turned and hit him with my ory test and he would significantly boost his herself calm. Earl Campbell. His head is fine, but he can’t walk. seriously. A devastating hit—isn’t that, hasn’t lights are out, and he’s got Monday Night head. I came up under his chin, knocked him performance. Gavin was the one who first heard of That’s no good, either. And I think the way they’re that been football? Football playing quietly on the TV, flicker- up into the sky.” He uses his fist to simulate He tried. Oh, how he tried. The nurse Amen and the former football players who calling it now and asking players to lower their matt millen: Listen, this bothers me, what ing the room bright and dim. Fred says he his head, punches the air. “The guy flipped, would say a string of numbers and ask Fred went to him for help with depression and targets, you’re going to see more brutal leg injuries. we’re talking about right here. It’s wrong. You doesn’t remember the play that resulted in and he was hurt! He wasn’t totally out, but to repeat them back. Fred tried caring, deep strange symptoms. When he brought Fred can’t take the competition and the toughness that first big concussion, just the feeling, he was laying on the ground. And after I did in his gut, caring about 4 and 16, 12 and 22. here the first time, in 2009, Amen ran a stan- ward and all the stuff that goes into making the game the zhz zhz zhz, a sharp, stinging static that that to him, I made the tackle. If I ever saw He opened his heart to the numbers and af- dard battery of tests on him and afterward I’d rather have a concussion than have my knee great—you can’t take it out of the game. would soon become as familiar as the smell that on TV, I would go, Man… I would be very terward he felt great. told Gavin that Fred had flunked spectacu- blown out and not be that fast guy I used to be. young: What they’re worried about is that Da- of coffee announcing morning. Some things proud that I did that.” “You did terrible,” the doctor said. “Ter- larly. Fred scored in just the first percentile ryl Stingley hit. They’re going to legislate it out. just go together. The brain static went with Fred had been with the Vikings nine years rible.” That put Fred into a whole new kind on mental proficiency and less than 1 on lofa tatupu millen: That is stupid. pounding your body into other bodies that when he married Tia and started talking of funk. information-processing speed. SEAHAWKS LINEBACKER trent dilfer: This game was built—and peo- came at you like stampeding elephants. about returning to school—not for medicine Let it flow, that’s his new memory strat- “I’m not going to sugarcoat it,” Amen told You can only hope the helmet ple love it—because of the gladiatorial nature In 1974 the Minnesota Vikings recruited but for law. Tia encouraged him. She wasn’t egy. It brings him a sense of calm. This is Gavin. “It’s bad.” That’s when Amen told him technology will get better. of it. Those are guys out there, and they’re sac- him in the first round, seventeenth pick, so big on the football thing, wasn’t part of what he’s explaining to the nurse who calls about football and brain injury and early- But in the end, isn’t the big rificing their bodies and laying it all on the line, with a $100,000 signing bonus. He helped that world. The day Fred graduated law up the new memory test on the computer. onset dementia and how Fred was not the hitting what fans love? The and that’s what people enjoy. And the league take his team to two Super Bowls, including school in 1987 was the happiest day of his “The way to improve memory is to not ques- only one. gladiatorial nature, the huge hits. You wonder, if that is going to rob us all of that.… It’s an absolute XI, when, scoreless and ten minutes into the life. He was an emerging star attorney. He tion but just go ahead and have the confi- Amen prescribed Wellbutrin for the de- goes away, will we lose viewers? joke. First of all, every week we’re talking about game, he broke in clean on Oakland’s Ray worked on huge cases, Dow breast implants, dence to remember,” he tells her. “I just have pression and Numenda to help slow the thousands of hits. Eventually the head is going Guy and blocked a punt, recovered it at the tobacco litigation. They built a five-bedroom to allow myself to flow with it, knowing that dementia, and he gave Fred many bottles of to get hit. This is part of football. Oakland three. That felt damn good. There house in Minnetonka, contemporary, slick, if I just let go, that it’s going to work.” his own special brain supplements to help millen: It’s the game. It’s the way the game were plenty of good. And plenty of brain beautiful. Fred was popular. A former Vi- “That’s good, Fred,” the nurse says, “That’s him maybe get some of his brain back, and is played. static. king right there in the neighborhood! Fred good.” She tells him she’s going to read him then Gavin went home to his mom and told dilfer: It’s just gonna happen! These guys are “My thing was tackle. Bring him down. coached youth football, taking Gavin’s team

a list of words and she wants him to repeat her what he had learned. Fred was upset. TOP RIGHTJIM BRYANT/UPI/LANDOV. AND OPENING PHOTOGRAPH: gonna PROP STYLIST: SARAget KUGELMASS blown AT FRANK REPS. HEE up. SOO KWON AT It’sTHE REX AGENCY. a OPPOSITEphysical PAGE, FROM TOP: JASON game COHN/REUTERS/LANDOV; and BOB LEVEY/GETTY IMAGES;Stop him right here. Then a couple of smaller through a season (continued on page 000)

6 GQ . COM MARCH 2011 MARCH 2011 GQ . C O M 7 RUNOVER/OVERSET?? RUNOVER/OVERSET?? with zero—zero!—scores against it, which Freddie, and Gavin traveled to the Indepen- action attorneys spoke, and a worker’s-comp youth leagues. on Thursdays, when it is. She takes a bus to “You watch too many movies. You think Gavin still thinks ought to be in the record dent Retired Players Summit & Conference attorney, and an NFL historian. his apartment, and then he drives, which your ghost is going to be, ‘What the hell, they books somewhere. at the South Point hotel just off the Vegas Tia drank up the information with the he most certainly shouldn’t (Amen has sug- took my brain?’ ” His memory started failing as early as the strip. thirst of an exhausted mule. Could not get Gavin can hardly watch gested that Tia alert the DMV), while she “No one gets to tell what happens. You mid-’90s. He never told Tia; he didn’t under- It was a full-on immersion into the world enough. So much to understand. Law. De- anymore, and Freddie, who played tight tells him where to turn, and they get lost, don’t get to say to the guy that buries you, ‘Do stand it himself. Even when he got voted out of football and dementia—a vast, confusing, mentia. Brain injury. Class action. Forms to end through college, is even worse. “To me deeply lost, in the hills of L.A., even though you know what really happens down here?’ of Zimmerman Reed, and then the next fir- seemingly infinite parallel universe. All this fill out. Brain scans and vitamin cocktails it’s almost like modern-day slavery,” he says. they go to the same place each week. Even- You’ve lost all communication at that point, ing, and the next. Everything was just taking time Fred had been suffering, there were and don’t forget fish oil. Who’s who in neuro- “They say it’s America’s sport, but like 95 tually they get there, and they clap for the Tia.” so long. Something that should take an hour hundreds, maybe thousands, of other guys surgery, who’s fake, whom to trust. percent of the players are African-American, other singers, because that is polite karaoke “Okay, Fred. Okay.” She understands. She was taking him four. Reading a brief. The suffering, and scientists and lawyers and At one point, Tia went over to Omalu and and they’re all out there beating themselves behavior, but really the whole point is wait- understands that for most people there’s liv- simplest tasks. He blamed his deteriorating doctors and opportunists and all kinds of thanked him for his work. She introduced up.” He’s home in the kitchen, making a tuna ing for Fred’s turn, waiting for him to get ing and then there’s dying, but for Fred the eyesight. He went to an eye doctor—the only people getting into the brain-trauma act for him to Fred, to Gavin and Freddie, and Om- sandwich. He moves deliberately, like Fred, up there and belt out some James Brown whole gig has become more like being slowly medical help he ever sought. He got glasses, all kinds of reasons. alu smiled politely and called over Garrett and has his father’s smooth voice and gentle with his smooth, electric voice while the buried alive. then stronger ones, and stronger ones still. Bennet Omalu stood up to explain the Webster, the son of the great Mike Webster, demeanor. “I mean, they’re getting paid, but girlfriend dances, prances like a bopping “You can try, but there’s no one who can He kept forgetting things. He was sup- science behind his discovery, and showed whose brain was the first. for a man who sacrifices his life, there’s no reindeer around him. He tells her singing hear you down there,” he says. posed to pick up Freddie at school. Forgot. slides of tau threads, and told of dazzling “Talk to Garret,” Omalu told Gavin and number to put to that. I try to be there for my relieves some of the stress that comes with She has nothing left on this one, jabs at So many thoughts just—poof! He learned to advances, including the ability—soon, he be- Freddie. “You have much in common.” The dad, get lunch with him. I do try. Having a being an attorney; it really helps. the radio. compensate. He learned to say “Nice to see lieved—to diagnose CTE in a living person. three sons sat for a long time, straddling conversation with him is probably the most Tia has met the girlfriend and knows she “Hello, it’s me down here, ow, ow, ouch—” you” instead of “Nice to meet you.” The lat- Therein lay the key to finding a cure, he said, folding chairs. Garret talked about what difficult thing to do. You can tell he’s still a is not a vulture; she’s a companion. For Tia, ter was simply too risky. Apparently some of and he spoke of his devotion to finding it. it was like trying to care for his dad when brilliant dude. He’ll break the information it’s someone else looking out for Fred. those people he had been saying that to were Chris Nowinski spoke, representing a things got bad. His dad pissing in the oven, down for you, and then break it down again, “Well, do you want to marry her?” Tia asks jeanne marie laskas is a gq friends. But he had no memory of them. team of researchers from Boston. He was a his dad supergluing his teeth, his dad shoot- and then break it down ten more times, and Fred. correspondent. Blank. So it was “Nice to see you,” always, former WWE wrestler who’d gotten into the ing himself with a Taser gun, his dad living then start over.” He looks at her, squints. “Why would I just in case. work because of his own bruised brain. He out of his truck, and Gavin and Freddie nod- As for Fred, he doesn’t blame the NFL for want to marry her?” The boys were so young they thought passed out paperwork. Sign up to donate ded and nodded some more. making him sick. She laughs. “Good Lord, Fred.” their dad was just acting dumb when he your brain to our group when you die. Sign Other than obeying Tia and avoiding the “I mean, did anybody know?” he says, “She doesn’t want me to be married to would forget things. They thought he was up now! dude who wanted to take his brain, Fred slouched on the couch. “Did the owners someone else, so it’s causing problems.” being funny, and when he did that, they Fred sat next to Tia, listening to the speak- had fun at the conference. He likes people. know? Did the players know? I don’t think “You can say I’m the bitch that won’t di- would punch him in the gut. ers. Well, Fred always looks like he’s listen- He likes learning. Sometimes, seemingly you can get angry if no one could have an- vorce you,” she says. “Blame it on me.” That was important information, the ing and following, but the truth is, he’s able out of nowhere, he would have moments ticipated that this was going to happen. The “I see. And then I don’t marry her because gut punch. That meant: You just messed to zoom in to only a few key points, and of sparkling clarity and offer sharply de- only thing is, okay, there is a problem now.” I am already married to you,” Fred says. up, Fred. You messed up bad. Come on, get Tia hoped that brain donation wasn’t one fined opinions about workers’-comp cases. He sits forward, brings his hands up paral- “Correct,” she says. it together. Act like you know what the hell of them. Wasn’t that sort of jumping the Then he would get distracted wondering if lel, like a trial lawyer moving blocks of logic “Cool,” he says, and he repeats the strategy is going on. gun? She thought the brain-donation guy the South Point hotel had karaoke. Surely a into sequence. “And you got NFL football, until he thinks he has it memorized. As for Tia, she would scream. She didn’t sounded like a late-night-infomercial barker place like that had karaoke. He checked his and you’ve got quarterbacks, talented peo- “I need to go to the office,” he says. “I am have a lot of settings, just on or off. and wanted no part of him. BlackBerry a lot, worried about getting back ple, making millions of dollars. You’ve got not making progress on the files.” “You think I’m stupid!” he would say to Eleanor Perfetto got up to speak. She is to the office; he was thinking maybe he had a tough economy, and in a tough economy, “Do you have your keys with you?” her. the wife of retired Steelers and Chargers to be in court or file a continuance or some- sports are still popular. And still generat- “Keys to what?” “I don’t think you’re stupid!” she would lineman Ralph Wenzel. Wenzel’s dementia thing, and it disturbed him that he could not ing money. And so the owners are still mak- “The office.” say. She didn’t. She thought he was de- was the reason he had been institutional- remember. He understood he was unable to ing… You can imagine! You’re paying your “For what?” pressed. She thought she understood. All ized in 2007, no longer able to coordinate his keep up with the rigors of a law practice. He employees millions and millions of dollars. “You said you want to go to the office. Do that excitement being in the NFL, all that body, to feed himself. Perfetto explained the understood he was sick and needed a hiatus. What kind of money are you making? And you have your keys?” glory—the transition was hard for those NFL’s “88 Plan,” a bright spot of humanity. “I’ll take a period of time,” he said to Tia. so how do you then look at something that “No. You say we’re going to the office?” guys. She urged him to get medicine for his The 88 Plan was the result of a letter written “Ninety days, and then I can start all over wasn’t anticipated? Your employees and “You just said you wanted to.” depression. She would make the appoint- to the league by Sylvia Mackey, wife of Hall as an attorney. That’s if my brain is healed. your former employees are having difficulty “To do what now?” ment herself, but the day would come and of Famer John Mackey, who wore number 88 I take a ninety-day break, and then I can living a normal life because of your business. “Fred! Stop! You’re making me nuts!” he would bail. “I have to work on my cases.” for the Colts. His existence, she wrote, had choose to start being a lawyer again.” So it’s not looking at the owners and saying “I’m making you nuts. I’m sorry.” They left Minnesota on Tia’s urging and become a “deteriorating, ugly, caregiver-kill- you’re bad people. It’s saying: ‘Here’s the sit- He sits quietly awhile, watches the cars headed home to her family in L.A. Fred man- ing, degenerative, brain-destroying, tragic uation—now take care of it. You can’t say you whiz along the 405. aged to pass the California bar—remarkably horror,” and his monthly $2,450 pension So far, the youngest player to can’t afford it.’ ” “Tia, now, about my brain,” he says, fi- he still had his intellect—and got a job with didn’t come close to covering the cost of the be diagnosed with CTE has been 21-year-old The boys know that the dad who can nally. “I don’t want to give it away.” a general-practice firm but was fired after a care he needed. The 88 Plan was created to University of Pennsylvania defensive end come out with coherent, reasoned thoughts “Your brain? Is that what you’re sitting year. He got a job with another firm and was help foot the bill for caregiving. Owen Thomas, who, in April 2010, hanged like that may not be around much longer. here thinking about?” fired again. He was hired to do legal work for Since the plan’s inception in 2007, 149 re- himself in his apartment. They know his condition is deteriorating. “Well,I don’t want to give it away to anybody.” Farmers Insurance, but they fired him, too. tired players suffering from dementia have His mother told reporters that her son Tia knows she will be taking care of Fred “That’s for after you die, Fred,” she says. Within a year after moving to California, the been approved to receive benefits. One hun- had started playing football at age 10, had for the rest of her life. He has told her that “Like I’m an organ donor on my driver’s li- family filed for bankruptcy. dred forty-nine players sick enough in the never been diagnosed with a concussion, the people chasing him in the middle of the cense. It’s to help other people.” It was all those years of urging Fred to go head, by the NFL’s own count. And those are had never shown any side effects normally night have largely been replaced by armies “The truth may be different from what to a doctor, literally years of him promising the players who have come forward. There associated with brain trauma. of insects. Thousands of fat bugs crawling people think,” he says. “You don’t know. A and then not going, before she said, “I’m are about 16,000 retired players living here Thomas’s diagnosis shed light on a crucial all over him, and the sheets, and the walls, person still exists when the body stops work- done,” and walked out of the marriage. She and living there, some—like Hall of Famer fact that keeps getting lost in all the hoopla. and Tia doesn’t know if that qualifies as an ing.” didn’t know that Fred’s refusal to get help Rayfield Wright, a Cowboys tackle—too He never had a recorded concussion. CTE improvement or deterioration. “Their spirit—” wasn’t really a refusal. It was more about liv- proud to admit dementia. There are players’ is not about the big hit, or not only. It’s the One day, in the car on the way to a doctor’s “How long does that spirit sit there feeling ing in a fog and all the energy of trying not to wives waiting to apply for the plan, unwill- thousands of little hits, the sort that linemen appointment, Fred asks Tia for a divorce. the body, thinking ‘What’s going on around show it. It was clutching for dignity and los- ing to do so while their husbands are still constantly take and give; science shows that “Why the hell do you want a divorce?” here?’ ” he says. ing it, constantly losing it, feeling it dissolve. coherent enough to understand. it’s the subconcussive collisions, the small “It’s causing some tension,” he says. “Spirits don’t have feelings, Fred.” A representative from Congresswoman repetitive blows, that cause permanent, cu- He means with his girlfriend, an elderly “I don’t want to be surprised. Like, ‘Oh, Linda Sanchez’s office got up to speak about mulative brain damage. woman who goes to karaoke with him on God, I wasn’t supposed to feel this! Oooh, In spring of 2010, Tia, Fred, congressional oversight. A couple of class- It could, for all anyone knows, begin in Wednesdays, when it’s not crowded, but also owwww!’ ”