Queens FREE Family Where Every Child Matters

October 2016 Queens FREE Family Where Every Child Matters

Talking about teens ➾ Hooked on their screens ➾ Separating from your teen ➾ Beating college application stress ➾ Art for teens at city museums ➾ Politics as an education tool

Find us online at www.NYParenting.com Don’t you want the best education for your child?

Fall 2016 Open House Schedule LOWER SCHOOL (Early Childhood - Grade 5) Saturday, October 15 • 10am - 12pm Saturday, November 12 • 11am - 1pm MIDDLE/UPPER SCHOOL (Grades 6 - 12) Thursday, September 29 • 5pm - 7pm Thursday, October 13 • 5pm - 7pm Thursday, November 17 • 5pm - 7pm To RSVP please visit www.kewforest.org

Established in 1918, The Kew-Forest School is an independent, co-ed, college preparatory school in Queens for students in early childhood through 12th grade in the New York City area. With more than 250 students hailing from 65 countries around the globe, Kew-Forest produces citizens of our school and the world.

Today the School maintains a rich tradition of fostering “high standards of excellence, discipline and a sincere spirit of service.” Our graduates develop the skills necessary for pursuing higher education at top colleges and universities.

We invite you to come see what we’re all about.

For more information, please contact: Henry C. Horne | Director of Admission and Enrollment Management e: [email protected] | t: (718) 268-4667 ext. 125

119-17 union turnpike, forest hills, ny 11375-6143 | 718.268.4667 | www.kewforest.org Queens Family October 2016

Features columns 8 What politics can teach 6 Tips for Feeding Kids our kids By Joanna DeVita By Christa Melnyk Hines 29 Divorce & Separation 10 Painting a brighter By Lee Chabin, Esq. future In a city of cultural riches, calendar opportunities for teens 22 By Shnieka L. Johnson 24 October Events 12 Hooked on the screen Is there life without electronics? Part special sections one of a series 16 High School Choices By Myrna Beth Haskell Directory 14 Apply pressure 30 Party Planners Helping stressed-out teens find a cure for ‘college application blues’ By Tammy Scileppi 22 Separation anxiety Getting your teen ready for adulthood 12 starts in high school By Christina Katz

October 2016 • queens Family 3 letter from the publisher Teens, screens, and prepping for the future

his is our annual Teen are throughout October and as a parent to feel them pulling away from Issue, and although even beyond. us, and they do, but not only do they need T they say that parent Our writer Allison Plitt has preparation for that, but so do we. magazines are geared more to reviewed a new book on in- Separating from our kids should not be the issues of the very young ternet safety that should help a startling reality when we become “empty children in our families, hav- parents long before the teen nesters” but be a process the whole family ing been through it myself, years kick in. How important is in training for years before it actually I would have to say that the is that for all of us! Certainly occurs. In getting our kids ready for adult- real challenges begin when every parent should be doing hood, we will also be getting ourselves kids enter puberty. That’s as much as possible to get ready for their eventual independence. when they stop listening to “hip” to the realities of social I know from personal experience how what we say, rely mostly on their friends media and what their kids are up to online, shocking it can be even though you know and peers for advice and guidance, and which changes from day to day. it’s coming, and sometimes, even though start pulling away from our lead. Myrna Beth Haskell has contributed you’ve been waiting for it with your breath Some families find it more frustrating Part 1 of a series on “Hooked on Screens,” held. than others, and of course, no two kids a subject I addressed in my column in last are alike, and so, even within families, kids month’s issue. It relieved me to know I’m Thanks for reading! will develop and behave differently. Get- not the only one who is concerned about ting your youngsters ready for high school the dependence factor in our connection is not only about them getting the grades to electronic media. to matriculate, but it’s also about picking There’s so much to discuss when it the right school for their needs. There is a comes to our preteens and teens. Concerns special advertising section in this issue of- about body image, approval and influence Susan Weiss-Voskidis, fering many of the finer choices your fam- of friends, and the pressures of school and Publisher/Excutive Editor ily might want to explore. Open Houses grades are only some of them. It’s not easy [email protected]

Community News Group Contact information ceo: Les Goodstein advertising: Web or Print address President & Publisher: (718) 260-4554 New York Parenting Media/CNG Jennifer Goodstein [email protected] 1 Metrotech Center North 10th Floor circulation Brooklyn, NY 11201 New York parenting (718) 260-8336 [email protected] Publisher / executive editor: Susan Weiss editorial www.NYParenting.com Publisher / business Manager: (718) 260-4554 Clifford Luster [email protected] oPerations associate: calendar Tina Felicetti (718) 260-2523 sales rePs: Alexis Benson, Erin Brof, Jay Pelc, Stephanie Stellacio art director: Leah Mitch The acceptance of advertising by New York Join the conversation on Facebook. Web designer: Sylvan Migdal Parenting does not constitute an endorse- New York Parenting has been recognized for ment of the products, services or informa- editorial and design excellence by PMA. graPhic designers: Arthur tion being advertised. We do not knowingly New York Parenting is published monthly by Arutyunov, Daria Avvento, Gardy Charles, present any products or services that are fraudu lent or misleading in nature. New York Parenting Media/CNG. Subscrip- Yvonne Farley, Earl Ferrer, John Napoli tion rate is $35 annually. Reproduction of Editorial inquiries, calendar information, New York Parenting Media in whole or advertising rates and schedules and subscrip- part without written permission from the tion requests may be addressed to New York publisher is prohibited. All rights reserved. Managing editor: Vince DiMiceli th Parenting, One Metro tech Center North, 10 Copyright©2016 Readership: 185,000. 2015 assistant editor: Courtney Donahue Floor, Brooklyn, N.Y. 11201. circulation audits by CVC. coPy editors: Lisa J. Curtis, New York Parenting can also be reached by calling (718) 260-4554, emailing Family@ Shavana Abruzzo NYParenting.com or by visiting our website, calendar editor: Joanna Del Buono NYParenting.com.

4 queens Family • October 2016 letter from a reader %STABLISHED 42 Years The right amount of screen time Hello Ms. Weiss-Voskidis, I wanted to express my appreciation for your letter in this month’s issue. I have three children: 20, 8, and 2 years of age with varying degrees of exposure to screens. It has definitely been a struggle to limit letter from the publisher screen time for all of Screen time, families, and children F!,, get in the elevator time consuming elec- plans to update its guidelines on It’s something for us all to con- them, especially the in my office build- tronic media than they media use later this year. Current sider. Are we reading books any- I ing and I’m the only do in school, accord- recommendations are to avoid all more? Are we engaging in enough istration one not looking down at ing to Common Sense screens for children under 2, and to physical activity or are we sitting in g my smart phone. I drive Media. Anya Kamenetz allow a maximum of two hours per front of some kind of screen? Are our Re youngest two. While the streets of our city did a wonderful piece day of high-quality material for older kids getting enough exercise or are and narrowly avoid pe- on this topic for NPR children. I would like to repeat that they also sitting on their backsides destrians looking down that caught my ear the line about avoiding all screens for too much? If those hours logged are Ballet s Taps Jazz sHip Hop at their screens instead other day and prompted children under 2. How often I’ve seen correct, then they certainly are not. of looking where they’re me to download it. tablet devices propped up in front of We need to address that quickly, my 20-year-old uses going. I’ve seen moms Some of the facts she babies in restaurants, apparently to especially as school begins and new crossing streets with strollers and si- pointed out are that tweens log 4 1/2 pacify them into silence so the par- patterns emerge after the summer multaneously looking down at their hours of screen time a day, seven ents can enjoy their dinner. vacation. device. No matter how often the days a week, 52 weeks a year. For Parents have to set the example Modern s!Ll Boys Hip Hop s DrAMAs6ocal her screen time mainly dangers of driving and texting are teens, it’s even higher; nearly seven and, personally, one sees far too Thanks for reading. pointed out, we still have people hours a day. And that doesn’t include many parents concentrating on their ignoring the warnings and inviting time spent using devices for school own screens rather than on their accidents and possible death. We are or in school. children. It used to be they were screen people without a doubt. Digital devices are more integral merely talking on the phone, now to access work- and I’ve been asking the question every year, with research available they are also scrolling and texting. Creative Movement s Mommy & -Es#ONtemporary about how all of this is affecting our to support both the benefits as well This kind of distraction takes away Susan Weiss-Voskidis, children. It seems that most Ameri- as the dangers. Anya writes that precious time for focus on the chil- Publisher/Excutive Editor school-related things, can children actually spend more the American Academy of Pediatrics dren and supervision/guidance. [email protected] !Crobaticss Musical Theatre s Ballroom she also spends a great Community News Group Contact information ceo: Les Goodstein advertising: Web or Print address President & Publisher: Jennifer Goodstein (718) 260-4554 New York Parenting Media/CNG [email protected] 1 Metrotech Center North Newly deal of time on social media, which has concerned10th Floor me. For all New York parenting circulation Brooklyn, NY 11201 (718) 260-8336 Publisher / executive editor: [email protected] Susan Weiss www.NYParenting.com %XPANDED !$5,4 #,!33%3 three of them though, we Publisher encourage / business Manager: spendingeditorial time together (718) 260-4554 Clifford Luster [email protected] oPerations associate: Tina Felicetti calendar 7,000 sq. ft. doing different things such sales as rePs: Alexis playing Benson, Erin Brof, games,(718) 260-2523 doing arts and :UMBAs"ALLETs4AP Jay Pelc, Stephanie Stellacio art director: Leah Mitch 3TUDIOS Web designer: Sylvan Migdal The acceptance of advertising by New York Parent- New York Parenting has been recognized for crafts, and even reading books to each other.ing does not constitute an endorsement of the editorial and design excellence by PMA. graPhic designers: Arthur Arutyunov, products, services or information being advertised. New York Parenting is published monthly by New Daria Avvento, Gardy Charles, Yvonne Farley, We do not knowingly present any products or ser- Ballroom s ,ATIN York Parenting Media/CNG. Subscription rate is Earl Ferrer, John Napoli vices that are fraudu lent or misleading in nature. $35 annually. Reproduction of New York Parent- Editorial inquiries, calendar information, advertising ing Media in whole or part without written per- We see this as a work in progress, for notrates and schedules only and subscription requests them, may be mission from the butpublisher is prohibited. also All rights Managing editor: Vince DiMiceli addressed to New York Parenting, One Metro tech reserved. Copyright©2016 Readership: 185,000. Center North, 10 Floor, Brooklyn, N.Y. 11201. 2015 circulation audits by CVC. assistant editor: Courtney Donahue New York Parenting can also be reached by calling coPy editors: Lisa J. Curtis, (718) 260-4554, emailing [email protected] or for us parents. Shavana Abruzzo by visiting our website, NYParenting.com. calendar editor: Joanna Del Buono Join the conversation on Facebook. Thank you again for addressing this growing issue. Best regards, &ALL2EGISTRATION$ATESRATION$ATES Josefina S. 7EDS !UGUSTST PM Queens 4HURS 3EPTST PM 7EDS 3EPTTH PM 4HURS 3EPTTH PM &RI 3EPTTH PM Kimmy Ma CLASSES BEGIN ARTStudio Sept. 10th! “Launch Creative Minds” 5NION4PKE &RESH-EADOWS\ Small group for serious beginners -ETROPOLITAN!VE T/W/Th 3:30-5:30 (ages 9 & up) -IDDLE6ILLAGE /NLINE2EGISTRATIONAT Skill assertive learners (MS/HS): www.americandanceanddrama.net Fri 4-6:30 & Sat 9:15-11:45 & Sat 12:15-2:45 Art for Beginners: #!,,./7TOASKABOUTOUR (K-3rd) Mon. 4-5:30; Sun. 9:15-10:45; 3-4:30 • (3rd-MS) Sun.11-12:40 &2%%42)!,#,!33%3 (Age 7 & up) Illustrations & Comics: Sun. 1-2:30

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October 2016 • queens Family 5 HEALTHY EATING Fall’s freshest flavors

all is officially here. It is time to em- vegetarian bean chili. Put the braise on in brace the chill in the air with earthy the morning and enjoy as a late lunch or F fall veggies; long, home-cooked dinner. Enjoy leftovers all week, worked stews; and juicy, crisp fall fruits. Running into different dinners and lunches. around to different fall activities can over- whelm us. A few days of cooking can yield Pizza time a full week’s worth of soul-satisfying meals Utilize leftover cooked squash, braised to share as a family. meats, local cheeses and charcuterie, and fresh herbs for a pita bread pizza-bar. Go for pears while Make little bowls of all of your family’s they are sweet! favorite pizza toppings, and let everyone Pears tend to be hard and flavorless for build their own pizza by topping whole- much of the year. Fresh, ripe pears in Oc- wheat pita bread with whatever they like. tober are a whole other story. When I have Bake on a sheet tray and dinner is ready TIPS FOR more pears than my family and I could in minutes! Serve with a crisp green salad possibly eat out of hand, I poach them. and some cut-up, freshly picked apples to FEEDING KIDS Make a poaching liquid using white or round it out. CHEF JOANNA DEVITA red wine, water, sugar, honey, agave or maple syrup, and warm spices such as Pick up some pomegranates cinnamon stick, star anise, cloves, vanilla These delicious fruits are finally coming bean, and nutmeg. (If you don’t want to back into season. Extract the seeds and use wine, just leave it out.) eat them just like that! Or use the seeds in Boil the poaching liquid until the sugar a green salad with toasted pumpkin seeds dissolves and the alcohol in the wine (if and feta cheese. Sprinkle pomegranate on using) cooks off, about 15 minutes on a guacamole for a sweet, juicy punch low simmer. at your next get together. (See the Peel the pears and cut in half. With guacamole with pomegranate a teaspoon, scoop out the seeds on the recipe.) inside. Place the pears into the poaching Joanna DeVita is executive chef liquid and allow to cook very gently until at Léman Manhattan Preparatory pears are tender but not mushy or falling School. DeVita is the mother of two apart. Take the pears off the heat and let children and loves nothing more them cool in the poaching liquid. than spending time with them out- You can use the poached pears to top a doors and sharing with them her love fancy tart or just eat as is. Either way, they and respect for nature, good ingredients, make an elegant dessert. Strain the poach- and the joy of cooking. ing liquid and save for other uses, such as mixing with prosecco for a fall-themed brunch cocktail. Guacamole with tro in a mixing bowl. pomegranate Fold in the diced tomatoes, chiles, onions, Squash and pumpkins and pomegranate seeds, reserving a sprin- everywhere! INGREDIENTS: kle of pomegranate for garnish. Try some creative uses for squash. Cut 4 ripe avocados Continue to fold together the ingredients, squash in the shape of french fries and ½ serrano chile pepper, seeds removed tasting for seasoning. Add more salt and cook on high in the oven with olive oil, salt, 1 small plum tomato, diced lime juice as desired. and pepper. Serve these “butternut squash Transfer to a bowl for serving, and garnish fries” on your next burger night. Or steam, ¼ red onion, diced small with remaining pomegranate seeds. Enjoy peel, and puree any orange squash and Juice of one lime with chips, fresh tortillas, or cut-up carrots use this as a substitute for canned pump- 2 tablespoons chopped cilantro and bell peppers. kin. Your recipe will taste super fresh! 3 tablespoons pomegranate seeds Salt and pepper to taste Slow cook it DIRECTIONS: Split avocados in half and Take some time to do a slow-cooked remove the pit. Scoop out the avocados braise when you have the chance. and place into a bowl. Cold days mean more time inside. Make Using a potato masher, mash the avocado your home smell great with a batch of pork with salt and pepper, lime juice, and cilan- carnitas, soy and mirin-braised beef, or

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• Award Winning October 2016 QUEENS FREE Staff & Students • Professional Family Instructors Where Every Child Matters • Beginners to Talking about Professional Level • Ages 2 - Adult teens • Competition & ➾ Hooked on Performance Teams their screens ➾ Separating www.Jorday.com from your teen ➾ Beating college 102-19 Metropolitan Ave. application stress ➾ Art for teens at Forest Hills, NY 11375 city museums (718) 275-4386 ➾ Politics as an education tool • Salsa Find us online at www.NYParenting.com • Modern, Lyrical and Pointe If you like the magazine, you’ll love the site. • Breakdancing • Belly Dancing Check us out! • Ballroom • Hip Hop NYParenting.com • Ballet FREE • Tango REGISTRATION • Jazz WITH 2 OR MORE Where every family matters CHILDREN and where New York parents find help, • Tap • And More! info and support.

October 2016 • queens Family 7 What Politics can teach our kids

By Christa Melnyk hines

rom yelling newsroom pundits and vigorous dinner party debates to di- F visive Facebook exchanges, ’tis the season when there’s virtually no escape from politics. Your kids may come home with questions about opinions overheard at school or elsewhere. From a parenting perspective, the democratic process — and political shenanigans — provides plenty of fodder for teaching kids lessons in independent thinking, respectful dis- course, values, and civics.

Nurture independent thinkers Take advantage of the political process to help your children learn to think for themselves. Ask your children open-ended questions to hear their point of views. “Find out what they’re thinking. What you want to do is stimulate their analytic, natural human curiosity,” says Dr. Fran Walfish, a child and family psychothera- pist and author of “The Self Aware Parent: Resolving Conflict and Building a Better Bond with Your Child.” Watch the speeches and debates together. Ask your child who he thinks is telling the truth based on body language or who seems more respectful during a debate. Whether you agree or not, ask her: “Why do you feel that way? How would you solve the problem?” Share your opinions with the Mom’s Choice award-winning book each other’s point of views. I would also your children by prefacing your comments “Boomer and Halley: Election Day.” hope that they will respect their children’s with “I feel” or “I think” and ask questions Through humor and embedded life les- point of view,” Walfish says. “Be able to tol- like: “I wonder how he’ll make that hap- sons, McKittrick’s books tell stories of erate differences. We still love each other, pen? What do you think? How would you families and communities resolving diffi- and I can tolerate you having powerfully make it fair if you were president?” cult challenges by working together. different feelings than mine.” If you find yourself getting drawn into Avoid anger Model respectful dialogue a heated argument around the table with As hard as it may be, try to refrain from Not all parents agree on politics, but loved ones, keep your cool and suggest you making judgmental comments or calling what matters is how they discuss the is- pick up the conversation at another time. candidates with whom you disagree color- sues in front of their children without rais- ful names. ing a child’s anxiety. Make ground rules Play nice — in politics?! “Shouting at the TV, or at one an- with your spouse before engaging in the Political rhetoric may be difficult for other, presents a very negative example discussion: No interrupting; take turns your child to comprehend, but behavior of responding to conflicting opinions,” listening; and no put-downs, insults, or in politics can often parallel real-life situ- says Mary Jane McKittrick, author of blaming. And, if you come to an impasse, ations your child can relate to about how the “Boomer and Halley” children’s se- agree to disagree. we should treat each other and who we ries (written for ages 4 to 8), including “I would love for parents to respect can trust.

8 queens Family • October 2016 “Here we are: two political figures. They’re going to say their beliefs right out Looking for more? Political movies front, but wouldn’t it be nice if that was all Check out these books, movies, and • “17 76 ” (ages 8 and up) they were doing,” Walfish says. “Instead, websites for kids interested in learning • “ Yo u n g Mr. Lincoln” (ages 10 and what they’re doing is using put-downs, about politics and government: up) criticisms, (and) willing to go forward at • “ G a n d h i” (ages 12 and up) all costs to win.” Children’s books • “ D av e” (ages 12 and up) Perhaps the vindictive nature of poli- • “ D u c k for President” by Doreen • “A l l the President’s Men” (ages 13 tics will never change, but parents can Cronin and up) use examples of how politicians conduct • “ T h i s Little President: A Presidential Source: CommonSenseMedia.org themselves to teach values about what it Primer” by Joan Holub (board book) means to win honorably, treat others with • “That’s Not Fair!: Getting to Know Websites respect, and be a trustworthy friend. For Your Rights and Freedoms” (Citizen- •KidPresident.com featuring 12-year- example, on the playground, a child might Kid) by Danielle McLaughlin (release old Robby Novak, a YouTube sensation, promise your child that he can have the date April 1, 2016) television star, and co-author of “Kid ball next, but then passes the ball to an • “ D o o d l e s U.S. Government Color- President’s Guide to Being Awesome.” ally or continues to hog the ball. Even a ing Fun” by Setria James (release date • Kids.gov: https://kids.usa.gov young child understands that the other April 1, 2016) • B e n’s Guide to the U.S. Govern- child’s actions are unfair. • “One Vote, Two Votes, I Vote, You ment: http://bensguide.gpo.gov “A good friend is someone who treats Vote” by Bonnie Worth (release date • CongressforKids.net: www.con- you right all of the time. And that’s what Aug. 2, 2016) gressforkids.net we’re looking for in politics,” Walfish says. “And a lot of times people will say anything to get what they want, which is to win. Our process in action and the connection be- says. “After all, politics exist in our fami- job is to try to figure out who’s telling the tween your vote and why it matters. lies, communities, schools and workplaces truth, who’s going to deliver on the goods.” Explain that politicians are public ser- — not just at the ballot box.” vants, and they usually enter the political Freelance journalist Christa Melnyk Hines Civics 101 process in an attempt to make a difference resides with her opinionated family — which Talk to your kids about the democratic in the lives of citizens. includes her husband, two rambunctious boys, process. Take your child to the voting “Parents can offer examples from their and a pair of playful dogs. She is the author of booth and follow the results on election lives to illustrate giving to others as a posi- “Happy, Healthy & Hyperconnected: Raise a night together to help her see the election tive way to explain politics,” McKittrick Thoughtful Communicator in a Digital World.”

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October 2016 • queens Family 9 Painting a brighter future In a city of cultural riches, opportunities for teens

By Shnieka L. JohnSon For young artists Museum of Modern art (11 W. 53rd s your teen an aspiring artist? If so, Here’s a list of area museums that St. in Midtown, www.moma.org/learn/ then area museums want to tap into offer programming for teens: teens) I his potential and offer a learning Brooklyn Museum (200 Eastern new york historical Society (170 space for his talent to flourish. Students Pkwy. in Crown Heights, www.brook- Central Park West on the Upper West can drop in and sketch in the galleries lynmuseum.org/education/teens) Side, www.nyhistory.org/education/ of many of the city’s highly regarded art Bronx Museum (1040 Grand Con- teen-programs) institutions. Many offer art courses with course in Grand Concourse, www.bronx- Queens Museum (New York City the guidance of a highly trained instruc- museum.org/education/teen-programs) Building, Meridan Road in Flushing tor, who is usually a practicing artist. Cooper hewitt national Design Meadows Corona Park, www.queens- This is a great way to expand a young Museum (2 E. 91st St. on the Upper museum.org/queens-teens) artist’s practice, approach, and tech- East Side, www.cooperhewitt.org/edu- Staten island Museum (1000 Rich- nique. Several large institutions have ro- cation/teen-programs) mond Terrace – Snug Harbor Campus, bust offerings for teens, such as the Met- Jewish Museum (1109 Fifth Ave. on Building H in Randall Manor, www. ropolitan Museum of Art, the Museum of the Upper East Side, http://thejewish- statenislandmuseum.org/about/volun- Modern Art and the Whitney Museum. museum.org/programs/teens) teer) Each institution offers scheduled and Metropolitan Museum (1000 Fifth Whitney Museum (99 Gansevoort drop-in classes as well as special perks Ave. on the Upper East Side, http://met- St. in the Meatpacking District, http:// for teens only. museum.com/events/programs/teens) whitney.org/Education/Teens) The Metropolitan Museum of Art offers young people a chance to find inspiration and make friends in its teen programs. The Whitney Museum’s teen program- your teen is not ready to commit to a full From gallery talks to art-making work- ming, “Youth Insights” (open to high semester, there are also free drop-in art- shops, students are exposed to centu- schoolers), aims to have students, mu- making sessions on Friday afternoons, ries of art history. Teens can also receive seum staff, and artists work collabora- from 4 to 6 pm. Teens can create works unlimited free admission by obtaining a tively. There are a range of offerings or bring in their works-in-progress. Each “Teen Pass” (valid with a middle or high- and an opportunity for teens to expand offering provides materials for the stu- school identification card). their circle of friends and their perspec- dents to use. The Museum of Modern Art offers free tive on art. Students that participate in It is also the perfect way to build studio art classes to high-school students, the program are later eligible to apply a portfolio for middle schoolers that and during the course, they create con- for internships to work aside museum are considering a specialized arts high temporary art and create their own ex- professionals, teaching others about the school or high schoolers looking to enter hibit. They will learn technique and put works exhibited. The internship requires an arts program in college. Looking it into practice when creating their own a commitment of at least three hours ahead to the college application process pieces. Teens also have the opportunity to per week. Other opportunities include and exploring careers, teens that par- view and discuss artwork with peers while serving on planning committees to host ticipate in courses can also utilize this being guided by a museum professional. more teen events and also writing for the time to explore careers in the arts by The course meets multiple times a week. teen blog, known as the “Whit Blog.” If interacting with museum staff and teach-

10 queens Family • October 2016 The programming is the perfect way to build a portfolio for high schoolers looking to enter an arts program in college. ing artists. Select programs offer teens the opportunity to develop professional skills through docent programs and internships. So, aside from providing a fun and safe space, participation in these programs could lead to resume-building experience. This is huge for college applications. A number of museums throughout the (Above and right) The Jewish Museum offers art programs for teens. five boroughs offer classes, workshops, and events specifically for teens. These hours that require an application and should take a look at the offerings of offerings are typically grant-funded and can be a competitive admission process. each museum. free for the students with perks like By participating in a series of classes Shnieka Johnson is an education consul- snacks, activities, and even a MetroCard. or workshops, the teens develop their tant and freelance writer. She is based in Man- Many classes are drop-ins (typically on art-making skills. These programs are hattan where she resides with her husband Saturdays), but there are other classes not just offered by the large institutions, and son. Contact her via her website: www. with a set schedule in the after-school so aspiring artists (and their parents) shniekajohnson.com.

October 2016 • queens Family 11 Hooked on the screen Is there life without electronics? Part one of a series

12 queens Family • October 2016 Hooked on the screen Is there life without electronics? Part one of a series

By Myrna Beth haskell console, or watch marathon re-runs of tech use. Strohman shares that her family “SpongeBob SquarePants.” practices “tech-free Tuesdays,” and she recently had a discussion with my Parents should encourage their kids to uses positive reinforcement for alternative husband about “the good ole days.” So ditch the electronics on a regular basis activities. I many kids today have their heads bur- and enjoy life the old-fashioned way. This “I reward them when I witness them ied in something with a screen. We used may be easier said than done, due to the doing other things, such as going out on to immerse ourselves in creative play. I fact that life in general this millennium is a their bikes.” remember creating haunted houses and technological one; but it is doable — not to Strohman points out that it’s critical charging neighborhood kids 10 cents to mention healthier — for your children no that kids get used to stepping away from enter. Sometimes we’d build tree forts with matter what their age. Here’s how: technology early on and that they also twigs and rope — not the sturdiest things learn the importance of finding alternative in the world, but a lesson in the fine art of Encouraging pastimes. construction just as well. We’d decorate non-tech activities Sue Scheff, a nationally recognized par- the road with chalk art and hold major Dr. Lisa Strohman, a clinical psycholo- enting advocate, author, and founder and league jump rope contests. gist, co-author of “Unplug: Raising Kids president of Parents’ Universal Resource For kids today, free time often presents in a Technology Addicted World” and Experts Inc., agrees that parents need in the book. Then we discuss how the anced with plenty of healthy, screen-free child’s classroom teachers. a different scenario. Instead of taking ad- founder of Technology Wellness Center to be cognizant of their own behavior in book is different from the movie,” Stro- ones, there’s no need to worry.” “Teachers can easily assess your child’s vantage of the warm weather or creating (www.technologywellnesscenter.com) re- order to be positive role models for their hman offers. She also encourages parents social skills in relation to their peers,” she an indoor carnival, many kids obsessively minds us that parents have to practice kids. to suggest do-it-yourself activities that Unique issues with says. engage their cellphone, iPad, laptop, game what they preach by monitoring their own “Mom and Dad, it’s about leading by ex- inspire team work, such as writing short special-needs children ample. If your kids watch you check your plays and then filming it together. According to Autism Speaks (a world- General signs of addiction devices at mealtime or rudely in front of wide autism and advocacy organization), for all children Positive tech time that includes guests, that’s a green light for them to Obsession and red flags “Parents and autism therapists have long • L o s s of interest in hobbies physical and social activity mimic this behavior,” she states. Common Sense Media reports, “More noticed that many children and teens with • Lying about or hiding use Scheff also advises parents to encour- research needs to be done to help us un- autism become deeply engaged with video • L o s s of interest in social interactions We are surrounded by technology, tries — their cultures, language and age activities that provide for intellectual derstand when, how, and why people use games and other forms of screen-based • Inability to self-monitor time spent on and it’s not going away. Families need lifestyles — via social media. and social growth, such as summer intern- the internet and other devices in harmful media.” cellphone, video game, etc. to strike a balance. Here are some posi- • Pl ay electronic games and watch ships and community service. ways. The American Psychiatric Associa- Special-needs kids might also react • Keeping devices accessible at all tive ways to incorporate technology movies that have an educational focus. “Offer suggestions such as volunteer- tion has identified only one internet-re- more outrageously (i.e. tantrums) if tech- times into family life: (See Common Sense Media for ratings ing at a nursing home or animal shelter. lated condition, internet gaming disorder. nology is taken away. However, the orga- • • • • F i n d a new recipe online and watch and reviews of products.) Exercising is another great activity to get Sometimes, what looks like addiction is nization reports that video games can be In next month’s issue, part two of “Is videos together for how to prepare it. • U s e technology to create gifts for disconnected.” She advocates going on simply problematic behavior. A balanced useful for teaching social skills and other There Life Without Electronics?” will focus (For example, foodnetwork.com has special people in your lives (photo cal- regular power walks with your children. approach to using media can correct prob- behaviors. Therefore, finding a balance is on setting guidelines, monitoring usage, kid-friendly videos.) endars, digital art, etc.). “It’s about unplugging.” lematic behavior.” pertinent. and parental controls. • Pl a n your vacation using the inter- • B u i l d a family tree and find out Technology isn’t all bad. When it is Common Sense Media suggests that Parents should work together with their Myrna Beth Haskell is an award-winning net: study various destinations with more about your family history (i.e. used in conjunction with other creative parents pay attention to how children child’s therapist and other professionals author, columnist, and feature writer. Her work your kids. ancestry.com). activities, it can definitely be positive, but act during and after watching TV, playing to assess whether or not their child’s elec- has appeared in national and regional pub- • Exercise with your kids using video • U s e texting for convenience and parents need to make an effort to join in video games, or hanging out online. tronics use is stymieing his social skills lications across the U.S. as well as interna- games such as Wii Dance, etc. safety as opposed to a substitution for on the fun. “If they’re using high-quality, age-appro- development. tionally (www.myrnahaskell.com). She is also • K e e p track of friends in other coun- in-person connection. “We’ll read a book, then watch the priate media, their behavior is positive, Strohman suggests that parents have cofounder and managing editor of Sanctuary movie up until the section we’ve reached and their screen-time activities are bal- consistent communication with their (www.sanctuary-magazine.com).

October 2016 • queens Family 13 Another, often less discussed issue, is the changing relationship between parents and their college-aged kids. While teaching the class I co-developed at NYU, aptly named “twentysomething¸” I have Apply pressure discussed this topic with many college students and have heard that students increasing stress without resolution (wor- sometimes feel that their parents can be a Helping stressed-out teens find a rying vs. avoiding, doing nothing vs. more significant source of stress for them. to do, time running out, stress increasing There are many reasons for this, rang- and intensified worrying, and so on). ing from the parent’s own anxiety about cure for ‘college application blues’ Unfortunately, when they finally get to what their kids are doing at college it, they either don’t do nearly as good a job to understandable conflicts about By Tammy Scileppi the teen to explore, process, and prob- as they could have done, or they decide real issues (e.g., misuse of money, lem-solve the source of their stress, and not to do it at all (e.g., taking some of the failing grades). It can also be be- t’s senior year and emotions are run- instead, [it] works to brush it aside or colleges they wanted to apply to off their cause there is a bit of a gray area ning high. Extreme stress and excite- minimize it before effectively coping or list, because they’re short on time). as teens progress into what is now I ment intermingle with raging hor- problem-solving. If you do this enough TS: What are some steps students can called emerging adulthood (not quite mones, 24-seven texting, and endless so- times throughout their lives, the learned take to get through this difficult process? adults, but no longer adolescents). cial media posts. coping mechanism is to avoid thinking too yD: Get organized! This is the perhaps This means they may pull for inde- Before you know it, you and your high much about it and just set it aside. That’s the single best way to both manage the pendence in some ways, but rely schooler will find yourselves smack in the not coping — it’s avoiding. There needs to process and prepare for the transition to heavily on their parents in middle of the mind-boggling process of be a healthy balance. college. One of the reasons many students other ways and, as a re- college applications: considering schools, Thinking too much and actually wor- have such a hard time transitioning is that sult, both sides may have going on tours, filling out endless applica- rying or ruminating is unhealthy … not once they start college, they are suddenly trouble knowing how best tions, and drafting well-written essays. giving it any thought and failing to prob- left to their own devices to manage their to navigate the changing relation- Most high schoolers who grapple with lem-solve or learn to cope with stressors time and tasks independently. Thus, they ship, which can lead to conflicts and the challenging, multi-faceted, and time- is also unhealthy. Parents and teachers are suddenly managing almost every as- stress. sensitive college application ordeal find can best help by finding ways to allow the pect of their daily lives for the first time, I recommend having calm and open dis- it extremely stressful and overwhelming. teen to effectively think about and process with significant consequences hanging in cussions about expectations and realistic Staying up late can backfire during the their sources of stress and avoid providing the balance if they fail to manage it effec- ways for teens to meet those expectations, school day, and re-writing essays is re- excessive reassurance. tively. Instead, they should: perfectionist. There is including how often to “call your mom!” (a ally hard when they’re trying to make an TS: What are other ways parents and • Start developing a realistic timeline to a big difference between source of disappointment for many a col- impression and stand out from the crowd teachers can help alleviate college applica- help you manage the multiple aspects of the two, with very signifi- relatively small details (e.g., each lege student parent). — on top of making time for all of their tion-related fear and anxiety? the applications with plenty of time to get cant implications. sentence of a big paper being exactly right) TS: In your opinion, does pre-college high school homework and after-school yD: Being careful about the “messag- them done. Perfectionist standards are hard to meet. while ADHD makes it hard to focus and stress and its impact on teens carry more commitments. ing” related to college and avoiding a mes- • D o n’ t procrastinate. Learn to tackle (After all, there’s no such thing as perfect complete tasks. Using this example, can you weight today than it did say, 20 or 30 years And, as a caring parent, you may feel sage that feels too intense. For example, things that make you anxious first vs. last. all the time.) And they require levels of imagine how long it would take to write a ago? compelled to push, prod, nag, encourage, saying things like, “You HAVE to get into a Everything after the hardest thing feels effort that just can’t be sustained as work good paper when you’re striving to make it YD: Absolutely! We have the highest and make suggestions. But then you get good college. If you don’t get into the best easy, and once you have momentum, it’ll and demands get harder. As a result, it may “perfect” but having a hard time concentrat- rate of college attendance in history, which stressed out as well. college, X will happen, etc.” can really set be easier to get things done. lead them to burn out and buckle under the ing? Either way, very little to nothing gets means we have a highly educated mil- In the end, the hard work will pay off. But the stage for the pressure to build. Instead, • Ta l k to parents, teachers, and other pressure and begin avoiding or disengaging done. And this is just one paper for one lennial generation. In the context of cur- in the meantime, how can teens and par- discuss college expectations in realistic college students to get advice on how to from things, because they feel too stress- class among the many other things they rent economic conditions, this means we ents keep their health and sanity in check? and hopeful terms: manage the process. ful. Thus, teens may begin to underachieve need to manage. And, again, that cycle of have a highly educated generation but not There are ways to alleviate all of that • Validate their feelings of stress and be • Learn to recognize signs of chronic instead. This is one of the ways that oth- avoidance may ensue, leading to under- enough jobs. stress, according to Dr. Yamalis Diaz, clini- open to discussing their stressors. stress, anxiety, depression, or other men- erwise smart and talented young students achievement and mounting pressure. This sets the stage for a very competi- cal associate professor of the Department • H e l p them identify effective coping tal health concerns and get help. Many may end up failing courses or even drop- In addition, they should be sure to visit tive environment, both in college and in of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry at NYU strategies that work for them — exercise, people don’t realize how susceptible col- ping out in their early college years. their college’s disability support services the workplace, and that sense of extreme Langone’s Child Study Center. She offers time with friends, engaging in hobbies, lege students are to mental health prob- TS: What about teens with attention center as soon as possible to get appropri- competition is trickling down to teens (and valuable tips on how you and your family etc. lems. In fact, this is the period of devel- deficit hyperactivity disorder? ate academic accommodations (e.g., extra kids). As a result of this dynamic, there are can help your teen beat the college applica- • Help them develop a system for get- opment with the highest level of mental YD: For teens with attention deficit hy- time to complete assignments) and other both subtle and very overt messages at tion blues. ting organized and manage multiple de- health problems, most notably anxiety, de- peractivity disorder, the process is slightly support services such as study skills work- school, at home, in the media, etc. that you Tammy Scileppi: So, how can parents mands effectively. pression, and substance use disorders. It’s different. What first gets overwhelmed for shops. Parents can help with this by help- have to get into a good college and then help? • Provide assistance to help get things important for parents and teens to know them are their executive functions (or- ing to identify the appropriate center and compete for a good job. Dr. yamalis Diaz: First, let me say that done, without doing it for them. and understand important signs in order ganization, time management, planning, help the teen schedule an appointment in This is a simple summary of how the one way parents and teachers often at- TS: Discuss your own experience work- to get help before the concerns spiral. decision-making, problem-solving, etc.) as advance. pressure to go to college has ratcheted up tempt to provide “support” may actually ing with high schoolers in your practice. TS: Why can academic achievement these are deficits related to the disorder in TS: After the application process is significantly, and the pressure is beginning be counterproductive to the teen’s ability yD: One of the biggest issues we see is lead to under-achievement? the first place. Once they lose their foot- completed, what are some tips for high to mount among younger and younger to develop effective coping mechanisms — teens experiencing significant stress and yD: Unfortunately, teens who have been ing, or fail to establish it at all, the cycle of schoolers and parents, as they head off children. Just ask some of the kids who they provide excessive reassurance. (“It’ll anxiety that leads to avoidance. Unfortu- “over achievers” (or simply highly focused anxiety may begin and proceed similarly to college? have gone through the middle school ap- be fine … you’ll do great … don’t worry nately, it is a natural tendency to avoid on achievement) can sometimes develop to what I just described. YD: The number one tip is to develop plication process, and you’ll quickly get about it… you’ll figure it out,” etc.) This things that make us feel anxious. Setting it perfectionist tendencies or really unrea- What is particularly difficult for teens a system for getting organized early on. a sense of the intensity of that stress and is a natural thing to do when a teen tells aside or distracting yourself for a bit is not a sonable expectations for achievement. with ADHD is the unfortunate combination Habits are hard to develop if you don’t pressure. you they are stressed or worried about bad thing, but avoidance means you’re sim- When I talk with parents about this issue, of anxiety/perfectionism plus the disorder. already have them, so find small organi- Tammy Scileppi is a Queens-based free- something. ply not doing anything to address the stres- I highlight the difference between having This is a tough combination in the brain be- zation strategies that work for you and lance writer and journalist, parent, and regular The problem is that this does not allow sor, which creates a circular process of a conscientious work ethic vs. being a cause anxiety can make you too focused on practice them. contributor to New York Parenting.

14 queens Family • October 2016 Another, often less discussed issue, is the changing relationship between parents and their college-aged kids. While teaching the class I co-developed at NYU, aptly named “twentysomething¸” I have discussed this topic with many college students and have heard that students sometimes feel that their parents can be a significant source of stress for them. There are many reasons for this, rang- ing from the parent’s own anxiety about what their kids are doing at college to understandable conflicts about real issues (e.g., misuse of money, failing grades). It can also be because there is a bit of a gray area as teens progress into what is now called emerging adulthood (not quite adults, but no longer adolescents). This means they may pull for independence in some ways, but rely heavily on their parents in other ways and, as a result, both sides may have trouble knowing how best to navigate the changing relationship, which can lead to conflicts and stress. I recommend having calm and open discussions about expectations and realistic ways for teens to meet those expectations, perfectionist. There is including how often to “call your mom!” (a a big difference between source of disappointment for many a col- the two, with very signifi- relatively small details (e.g., each lege student parent). cant implications. sentence of a big paper being exactly right) TS: In your opinion, does pre-college Perfectionist standards are hard to meet. while ADHD makes it hard to focus and stress and its impact on teens carry more (After all, there’s no such thing as perfect complete tasks. Using this example, can you weight today than it did say, 20 or 30 years all the time.) And they require levels of imagine how long it would take to write a ago? effort that just can’t be sustained as work good paper when you’re striving to make it YD: Absolutely! We have the highest and demands get harder. As a result, it may “perfect” but having a hard time concentrat- rate of college attendance in history, which lead them to burn out and buckle under the ing? Either way, very little to nothing gets means we have a highly educated mil- pressure and begin avoiding or disengaging done. And this is just one paper for one lennial generation. In the context of cur- from things, because they feel too stress- class among the many other things they rent economic conditions, this means we ful. Thus, teens may begin to underachieve need to manage. And, again, that cycle of have a highly educated generation but not instead. This is one of the ways that oth- avoidance may ensue, leading to under- enough jobs. erwise smart and talented young students achievement and mounting pressure. This sets the stage for a very competi- may end up failing courses or even drop- In addition, they should be sure to visit tive environment, both in college and in ping out in their early college years. their college’s disability support services the workplace, and that sense of extreme TS: What about teens with attention center as soon as possible to get appropri- competition is trickling down to teens (and deficit hyperactivity disorder? ate academic accommodations (e.g., extra kids). As a result of this dynamic, there are YD: For teens with attention deficit hy- time to complete assignments) and other both subtle and very overt messages at peractivity disorder, the process is slightly support services such as study skills work- school, at home, in the media, etc. that you different. What first gets overwhelmed for shops. Parents can help with this by help- have to get into a good college and then them are their executive functions (or- ing to identify the appropriate center and compete for a good job. ganization, time management, planning, help the teen schedule an appointment in This is a simple summary of how the decision-making, problem-solving, etc.) as advance. pressure to go to college has ratcheted up these are deficits related to the disorder in TS: After the application process is significantly, and the pressure is beginning the first place. Once they lose their foot- completed, what are some tips for high to mount among younger and younger ing, or fail to establish it at all, the cycle of schoolers and parents, as they head off children. Just ask some of the kids who anxiety may begin and proceed similarly to college? have gone through the middle school ap- to what I just described. YD: The number one tip is to develop plication process, and you’ll quickly get What is particularly difficult for teens a system for getting organized early on. a sense of the intensity of that stress and with ADHD is the unfortunate combination Habits are hard to develop if you don’t pressure. of anxiety/perfectionism plus the disorder. already have them, so find small organi- Tammy Scileppi is a Queens-based free- This is a tough combination in the brain be- zation strategies that work for you and lance writer and journalist, parent, and regular cause anxiety can make you too focused on practice them. contributor to New York Parenting.

October 2016 • queens Family 15 Msgr. McClancy High School Choices High School Directory Archbishop Molloy ing an excellent and affordable “The School That Makes A Diﬀ erence” High School education for nursery through 12th-grade students within a for young men and women 83-53 Manton Street, Briarwood supportive, welcoming com- Conducted in the Educational Tradition of the 718-441-2100 munity. Small classes allow Brothers of the Sacred Heart www.molloyhs.org talented faculty to partner A Catholic Marist college prepa- with families, developing each ratory school that nurtures intel- student’s academic potential and promoting confidence, lectual curiosity, creativity, per- OPEN HOUSE character and success in college sonal growth and faith. Students and beyond. Upper Division Saturday, October 8, 2016 are eager to meet the school’s academics, athletics, and extra- tradition of high standards in 1pm to 4pm curricular activities are enhanced academics, athletics and service st with college counseling, and 71-06 31 Avenue, East Elmhurst, NY 11370 to others. They are challenged to AP and honors courses. Secure excel by a top-tier faculty, dedi- facilities include a playground, Contact: cated coaching staff and com- blacktop field, library, gymna- petitive curriculum. Students sium, art and music studios, O f ﬁ c e feel like they are part of a family, computer and science labs, and with many after school and a swimming pool. Lunch, of activities and programs, there extended care and private bus truly is something for every Admissions transportation available. student. The school continually Mr. Nicholas Melito benchmarks its current academic Holy Cross High offerings and use of technology 718-898-3800 School with other higher learning insti- 26-20 Francis Lewis Blvd. Ext. 2 tutions in order to keep evolving Flushing 11358 as a dynamic place of learning 718-886-7250 Serving young people in the United States since 1847 in a rapidly changing world. or www.holycrosshs.org Non scholae, sed vitae (Not for This school teaches boys and school, but for life). understands how they think, Cathedral High what motivates them, what concerns them, and what they School need to succeed in academics 350 E. 56th Street, and in life. Sponsored by the OPEN HOUSE Manhattan Congregation of Holy Cross, the 212-688-1545 ex. 224 SAT., OCT. 15, 2016 school welcomes students of all or www.cathedralhs.org faiths, from every background. 10:00 AM - 1:00 PM The school has been syn- Students are free to discover onymous with academic success and develop their own intellec- since its founding in 1905. As a tual, religious, ethical, athletic, college preparatory school, gen- creative and leadership abilities, erations of young women have in smaller classes, under the been educated to meet their guidance of teachers and men- scholastic potential. A number tors who specialize in educating of Honors and AP courses are adolescent boys. The personal- offered as well as Medical, Law, ized approach ensures that no and Business programs. Students one falls through the cracks. All in these programs are places courses are college preparatory as interns in institutions such and all students graduate with as Lenox Hill Hospital, Mount a Regents Diploma. Boys are Sinai Medical Center and at placed in classes which seek to prestigious New York law firms. challenge them at a level of dif- Very competitive tuition with ficulty commensurate with their the graduates earning millions abilities, keeping a keen eye on of dollars in college scholar- their potential. A wide range of ships and grants, and going on innovative electives and extra- to colleges such as Colombia, curricular activities are offered, Fordham, NYU, Yale and many many implemented based on more. feedback from students themselves. At this school boys enjoy Garden School the journey while realizing their 33-16 79th St. dreams and achieving their Jackson Heights goals. It is about family, brother- 718-335-6363 or hood, and making bonds that www.gardenschool.org last a lifetime. 13-20 124th Street • College Point, NY 11356 • 718.353.6276 [email protected] www.stagneshs.org A coed, fully-accredited independent school in Queens offer- Continued on page 18

16 queens Family • October 2016 Special Advertising Section 2016 FALL OPEN HOUSE Sunday, October 16 ATTEND HOLY1 p.m. CROSS - 4 p.m. HIGH SCHOOL’S Presentations at 1 p.m. and 2:30 p.m. RSVP online at www.holycrosshs.org FALLFor more information, please call Join us for our OPEN HOUSE! Sunday, October 16, 2016 11am-4pm Mr. Robert Botero (718) 886-7250, Ext. 558 OPENor send a text to 718-309-0589HOUSE To apply to Molloy take the TACHS or CHSEE Exam: TACHS: CHSEE: Register at: www.tachsinfo.com www.chsee.org Exam Date: Nov. 5, 2016 Oct. 29, 2016 Molloy Code: 012 012

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Special Advertising Section October 2016 • queens Family 17 High School Choices Directory Like us on Continued from page 16 focuses on acceptance to top The Kew-Forest level colleges and universities. School The graduating classes received scholarships totaling more than 119-17 Union Turnpike, $20 million. Student talents are Forest Hills developed and interests culti- 718-268-4667 ext. 125 www.kewforest.org vated through participation in Henry C. Horne - Dir/ more than 50 extracurricular Admission and Enrollment clubs and activities. Mgmt Monsignor McClancy or follow us on [email protected] An independent, co-ed college Memorial High preparatory school for students School in early childhood through 12th 71-06 31st Avenue, grade. Established in 1918 to Queens serve the Kew-Gardens/Forest 718-898-3800, ext 11 Hills community and surrounding or www.msgrmcclancy.org area of Queens, it is one of the One of the outstanding co– oldest continuously operating educational college preparatory schools in New York City. With high schools in Queens. Guided more than 250 students hail- by the traditions of the Brothers ing from 65 countries around of the Sacred Heart, students the globe and over 40 different are offered a comprehensive languages spoken in the homes academic program that exceeds of its families, it is committed the New York State curriculum to establishing and maintain- requirements. Opportunities ing an ethnic, socio-economic are provided for college credit courses, AP classes as well as Facebook Search: NYParenting and racially diverse community within its student population. a challenging Honors Program. Today, it maintains a rich tradi- The School’s co-curricular pro- tion of “high standards of excel- gram of clubs and activities lence, discipline and a sincere offers students the opportunity spirit of service.” Its graduates for social, cultural and creative develop the skills necessary for experiences. The athletic teams pursuing higher education at top are highly competitive and colleges and universities while have their share of city titles. acquiring the essential compe- Celebrating over 50 years of Catholic education in Queens, tencies of a responsible citizen. the school is permanently Mary Louis Academy chartered by the State of New Jamaica Estates York and fully accredited by the 176021 Wexford Terrace Middle States Association of 718-297-2120 Secondary Schools and Colleges. www.tmla.org [TACHS CODE:#017] A Catholic college prepara- St. Agnes Academic tory school for young women founded in 1936. The academic High School Online Activity Guide philosophy emphasizes intellec- 13-20 124 Street, tual, social, and spiritual growth. College Point NY 11356 Dedicated teachers, academic 718-353-6276 on quality, outstanding facilities, or www.stagneshs.org and committed students create A small, college preparatory an unparalleled school spirit. Catholic school for young www.NYParenting.com Students are offered an array women, where each girl is of intellectually challenging known by name and respected courses that provide academic for her individual gifts and tal- foundation. Each student ents, develops her program incor- This school has it all: moderate porating honors and advanced class size, an outstanding and placement courses focusing on dedicated faculty of religious her strengths and interests and and lay teachers, and compre- leading to a Regents Diploma hensive academic and extracur- with Advanced Designation. ricular programs. The school Guidance Counselors offer offers a full athletic program, personal and academic coun- dance classes for all students seling beginning in freshman in our new dance studio, a fit- year. TMLA has a unique and ness center, and the very latest extensive college program which Continued on page 20

18 queens Family • October 2016 Special Advertising Section V E R I A A N X

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Educating Tomorrow’s Leaders The marks of true leadership—knowledge, faith, virtue, service to others, a passion for learning, innovation, and creativity—are embedded in our OPEN HOUSE school’s culture. St. John’s Prep is a foundation for 6DWXUGD\2FWREHUŋDPWRSP success and fulfillment, in college and life. For details, please call our Admissions Office ��.��.�� ext �� • Hi gh standards of learning including AP, Honors, and or visit us at st�o�nsprepsc�ool.or�. College Extension courses • Faculty dedicated to the needs of each student • Close-knit, vibrant community of Catholic faith “ The bar was set high at St. John’s • Active engagement outside the class in athletics, science, technology, the arts, service, campus ministry, Prep. We were challenged to be and more • Experiential learning through apprenticeships, global our best, to make a difference, travel and service, STEAM, and partnership programs and to be lifelong learners.” with St. John’s University 7��.7��.7�� st�ohnsprepschool.org -St. John’s Prep Graduate ��-�� Crescent Street � Astoria, �� Attending Harvard University

Special Advertising Section October 2016 • queens Family 19 High School Choices Are you a mom Directory who wants to Continued from page 18 foundation for life. Advanced technology, including iPads. Placement courses are offered in Through school liturgies, volun- all subject areas. St. John’s Prep make money? teer work and retreats, students has a unique academic affilia- are encouraged to become tion with St. John’s University. young women of faith and The Baccalaureate Program is service. a special program that allows College credit and AP courses qualified students at the Prep are offered in Math, Science, to complete their senior year of Art, History, English, Spanish high school at the University. Currently located in the resi- and Psychology. Students have dential community of Astoria, the opportunity to graduate Queens, the school building from high school with up to 37 features large and well equipped college credits. science laboratories, state-of- St. Francis the-art computer labs, wireless Preparatory School capability, smart boards, a well stocked library, a band room, art 6100 Francis Lewis Boulevard, room, a magnificent auditorium, Fresh Meadows 718-423-8810 beautiful chapel, spacious guid- sfponline.org ance center, a large gymnasium, a fully-equipped weight room, Choosing a high school can be an outdoor track, and its own difficult; for four years you will retreat center. learn new things, meet new friends and have new experi- Xaverian High School ences. At St. Francis Prep, new Bay Ridge students have the opportunity 7100 Shore Road to receive a rich, well-rounded 718-836-7100 x127 education. The school is known www.xaverian.org We want you to join for its excellence in learning, A private, co-educational, but it offers so much more. It Catholic, college prepara- is a Catholic college preparatory school for grades 6 – 12, our team. tory school in the Franciscan established in 1957, it is one tradition. Its mission is to enable of thirteen schools nationwide We are looking for a all students to develop and sponsored by the Xaverian broaden their spiritual, intellec- Brothers. Students are given the motivated candidate. tual, creative, emotional, social opportunity to grow in their and physical abilities. Please call faith, intellect, leadership skills, or visit our website. musical passions, and athletic No sales experience necessary, talents. St. John’s Preparatory Many unique academic pro- but a car and liking people School grams prepare students for 21-21 Crescent St success in top colleges and uni- is a must! 718-721-7200 versities. An Internship Program www.stjohnsprepschool.org allows students to take part in Paving the way for Leaders of real-world experiences in pro- Full benefits, salary and Tomorrow for nearly 150 years, fessional fields of their choice. the school is dedicated to pro- One of the first schools in the commission moting academic excellence and United States to embrace a one- to instilling the principles and to-one computing environment, values of the Catholic Faith in a Xaverian provides each student positive, nurturing environment. with an iPad, and also boasts A vigorous academic curriculum, a renowned music program an engaging spiritual program, (MAX), and the school’s Pipe Email resumes to meaningful service experiences, and Drum Corps has established and extensive extracurricular itself as one of the best in the [email protected] opportunities establish a strong city. or call Tina at 718-260-8336 To place an ad in our line of Family publications, please call 718.260.4554

20 queens Family • October 2016 Special Advertising Section TheThe MaryThe Mary Louis Mary Louis Academy Louis Academy Academy TMTM LATM LA LA TheThe MaryThe Mary Louis Mary Louis Academy Louis Academy Academy TMTM LATM L+A L+A+ TheThe MaryThe TheTheMary Louis MaryMaryMary Louis LouisLouisAcademy Louis Academy AcademyAcademy Academy TMTMTMTM L L LAAATM++ L+A L+A+ At TheAt Mary The LouisAtMaryTheThe The Academy,Louis Mary MaryMary Academy, Louis Louis LouisAcademy, AcademyAcademy TMTM L LAA++ At TheAt Mary The LouisAtMaryTheTheThe The Academy,Louis Mary MaryMaryMary Academy, Louis LouisLouis LouisAcademy, AcademyAcademyAcademy TMTM L LAA++ At TheAt Mary The LouisAtMaryThe The Academy,Louis Mary Mary Academy, Louis Louis Academy, Academy TMTM LA+ Atyou The willAtyou Mary find The will yourLouisAtyouMary AtAtfindThe The TheThe willown yourAcademy,Louis MaryMary findMary own LouisLouisAcademy, yourLouis Academy,Academy, ownLouis Academy, Academy TM LA+ you willyou find will youryou 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greatest oneinoneinyour life. life.life. ofof of greatest youryour voiceyour greatestgreatest thatgreatest assetsassets in life. assetsinempowered—awillassetsassets life. be one inin life. life. life.of your voice greatest that assetsassets in life. assetsinwillassetsassets life. be one inin life. life. life.of your greatest assetsassets in life. assetsinassetswillassets life. be onein in life. life. life.of your greatest assetswill be onein life. of your greatest assets in life. assets in life.OPEN HOUSE SHADOW VISIT OUR OPENOPEN HOUSEHOUSE SHADOWSHADOW VISITVISIT OUROUR OPEN HOUSE SHADOWSHADOWASHADOW STUDENT SHADOW VISITVISITWEBSITEVISIT OUROUROURVISIT OURVISIT OUR OPEN HOUSEOPEN OPENOctoberHOUSEOPEN HOUSE 16th, HOUSE 2016 ASHADOWA STUDENTSTUDENT WEBSITEVISITWEBSITE OUR OPEN HOUSEOPEN 10am-3pmOPENOctoberHOUSEOPENOctoberOPEN HOUSEHOUSE 16th, 16th,HOUSE 20162016 ASHADOW [email protected] STUDENTSTUDENT ASHADOW STUDENT WEBSITEVISITWEBSITEwww.tmla.orgVISITWEBSITE OUROURWEBSITEVISIT OURWEBSITEVISIT OUR OPENOctober10am-3pmOPENOctober HOUSE HOUSE 16th,16th, 20162016 [email protected]@tmla.orgSHADOW STUDENTSTUDENT WEBSITEwww.tmla.orgVISITWEBSITEwww.tmla.org OUR OPENOctober HOUSEOPENOctober 16th, October10am-3pmHOUSEOctober2016OPENOctober 16th, 16th, 16th,2016HOUSE 16th, 20162016 2016 ASHADOW [email protected] STUDENT ASHADOW STUDENT WEBSITEVISITwww.tmla.org OURWEBSITEVISIT OURWEBSITEVISIT OUR OPENOctober HOUSEOPENOctober 16th, OPEN 10am-3pmHOUSEOctober10am-3pm2016OPENOctober 16th, HOUSE 16th,2016HOUSE 16th, 2016 2016 [email protected]@tmla.orgSHADOWA STUDENTSTUDENT [email protected] www.tmla.orgVISITwww.tmla.orgWEBSITEVISIT OUROURwww.tmla.orgVISIT OURwww.tmla.orgVISIT OUR October10am-3pmOctober10am-3pm 16th,OPENOctober 10am-3pm10am-3pm2016October10am-3pm 16th, HOUSE 16th, 2016 16th, 2016 2016 A [email protected]@tmla.org STUDENTSTUDENT A STUDENT WEBSITEwww.tmla.orgWEBSITEVISITwww.tmla.org OURWEBSITE WEBSITE 10am-3pm10am-3pm10am-3pmOPENOctober10am-3pm10am-3pm HOUSE 16th, 2016 [email protected] [email protected]@[email protected] STUDENTSTUDENT [email protected] STUDENT WEBSITEwww.tmla.orgWEBSITEwww.tmla.orgVISIT OURWEBSITEwww.tmla.org WEBSITEwww.tmla.org 10am-3pmOctober10am-3pmOctober 16th,10am-3pmOctober 201610am-3pmOctober 16th, 16th, 2016 16th, 2016 2016 [email protected]@[email protected] [email protected] www.tmla.orgWEBSITEwww.tmla.orgwww.tmla.orgwww.tmla.org 10am-3pm10am-3pm10am-3pmOctober10am-3pm 16th, 2016 [email protected]@[email protected]@tmla.org www.tmla.orgwww.tmla.orgwww.tmla.orgwww.tmla.org [email protected] The Mary Louis Academywww.tmla.org is sponsored by the 10am-3pm SistersTheThe MaryMary of Louis St.Louis Joseph Academy Academy of Brentwood, is is sponsored sponsored New by by York. the the 176-21 Wexford Terrace, Jamaica Estates, NY 11432 | Phone: 718-297-2120 The Mary Louis Academy is sponsored by the 176-21176-21 WexfordWexford Terrace,Terrace, JamaicaJamaica Estates,Estates, NYNY 1143211432 || Phone:Phone: 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LouisSt. Josephbyand and MaryJoseph Academythe AcademySchoolsofSchools Middle LouisSt. of ofSistersThe JosephBrentwood, and and States isAcademyMary sponsoredsponsoredChartered Chartered of Association ofLouisSt. NewBrentwood, Joseph Newis by by AcademyYork.sponsored bythe the York. the of Brentwood, New is bysponsored York. the New by York. the 176-21 Wexford176-21 Wexford Terrace,176-21176-21Fax: 718-739-0037 Wexford WexfordTerrace, Jamaica Terrace, Terrace,Jamaica |Estates, @WEARETMLA Jamaica JamaicaEstates, NY Estates, 11432 | #HILLTOPPERNATIONEstates,NY NY | 11432 Phone:11432 NY || 718-297-212011432Phone: |718-297-2120 |TACHS 718-297-2120 Phone: #016 718-297-2120 Accredited of CollegesAccredited by andthe SchoolsMiddle byAccredited the andStates MiddleChartered Association by Statesthe by theMiddle Association States Association Fax: 718-739-0037 | @WEARETMLA | #HILLTOPPERNATION | TACHS #016 The StateofAccreditedSistersTheMaryState Colleges Mary of of Louisof TheNY. NY. LouisSt. byand MaryJoseph Academythe AcademySchools Middle Louis ofThe Brentwood, and States isAcademyMary sponsored sponsoredChartered Association Louis New is byby AcademyYork.sponsored by thethe the is bysponsored the by the 176-21Fax: 718-739-0037 Wexford176-21Fax: 718-739-0037 Wexford Terrace,176-21176-21Fax: | @WEARETMLA718-739-0037 Wexford WexfordTerrace, Jamaica | @WEARETMLA Terrace, Terrace,Jamaica Estates, | Jamaica|@WEARETMLA #HILLTOPPERNATION JamaicaEstates, NY Estates,| 11432#HILLTOPPERNATION Estates,NY NY | 11432| Phone:#HILLTOPPERNATION11432 NY ||| 718-297-212011432 Phone:TACHS 718-297-2120 | | 718-297-2120 #016TACHSPhone: | #016718-297-2120 TACHS ofAccreditedSisters Colleges State#016 of of St.ofAccreditedSisters byNY.and CollegesJoseph the Schools ofMiddle St. of byofAccreditedSistersand JosephBrentwood, Collegesandthe States Schools Middle Charteredof of St.Association by andBrentwood, and Joseph NewStatesthe Schools Chartered byMiddle York. theAssociationof Brentwood, New and States by CharteredYork. the Association New by York. the 176-21Fax: 718-739-0037 Wexford Terrace, | @WEARETMLA Jamaica Estates, | #HILLTOPPERNATION NY 11432 | Phone: | 718-297-2120 TACHS #016 SistersStateofAccreditedSisters Colleges of of St.ofSisters NY. St. Joseph byand Joseph the Schoolsof Middle St. of ofSisters JosephBrentwood, and States Chartered of Association ofSt. NewBrentwood, JosephNew by York. the York. of Brentwood, New York. New York. 176-21Fax: 718-739-0037 Wexford176-21Fax: 718-739-0037 Wexford Terrace,176-21Fax: | @WEARETMLA718-739-0037 WexfordTerrace, Jamaica | @WEARETMLA Terrace,Jamaica Estates, | |@WEARETMLA #HILLTOPPERNATION JamaicaEstates, NY | 11432#HILLTOPPERNATION Estates,NY | 11432| Phone:#HILLTOPPERNATION NY | | 718-297-212011432 Phone:TACHS | | 718-297-2120 #016TACHSPhone: | #016718-297-2120 TACHS StateofAccredited Colleges Accredited#016 of NY.StateofAccredited byand Collegesby the theSchoolsof Middle NY.Middle byStateofAccreditedand Collegesandthe States Schools of MiddleChartered NY. Association Association byand and Statesthe Schools Chartered byMiddle theAssociation and States by Chartered the Association by the Fax: 718-739-0037 | @WEARETMLA | #HILLTOPPERNATION | TACHS #016 AccreditedStateof Colleges ofAccredited NY.by andthe SchoolsMiddle byAccredited theand States CharteredMiddle Association by Statesthe by theMiddle Association States Association Fax: 718-739-0037Fax: 718-739-0037Fax:Fax: | 718-739-0037@WEARETMLA718-739-0037 | @WEARETMLA | @WEARETMLA | |@WEARETMLA #HILLTOPPERNATION | #HILLTOPPERNATION | #HILLTOPPERNATION | #HILLTOPPERNATION | TACHS | |TACHS #016TACHS #016 | #016 TACHSStateof Colleges Stateof#016 ofColleges NY. ofStateof NY. and Colleges and Schoolsof Schools NY. Stateofand Collegesand Schools of Chartered Chartered NY. and and by Schools Charteredbythe the and by Chartered the by the Fax: 718-739-0037Fax: 718-739-0037Fax: | @WEARETMLA718-739-0037 | @WEARETMLA | |@WEARETMLA #HILLTOPPERNATION | #HILLTOPPERNATION | #HILLTOPPERNATION | TACHS | #016TACHS | #016 TACHSStateof Colleges State#016 of NY. ofStateof NY. and Colleges Schoolsof NY. Stateofand Collegesand Schools of Chartered NY. and and Schools Charteredby the and by Chartered the by the State of NY.State of NY.State of NY. OPEN HOUSE October 15th, Saturday 12:00 Noon - 4:00 PM

“High school is four years; the Prep is forever”

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Special Advertising Section October 2016 • queens Family 21 Separation anxiety

Ten movies to discuss Getting your teen ready for with your teen • “Parenthood” adulthood starts in high school • “ S ay Anything” • “Anywhere But Here” • “ Fa t h e r Of The Bride” By Christina Katz transition from the safe haven of home • “ Te r m s Of Endearment” into self-reliance. Besides, there are ways • “Juno” on’t hold onto your teens too to keep teens close to your heart while • “ T h e Family Stone” tightly, parents. The high-school gently encouraging the independence that • “Dead Poets Society” D years are meant to be a prepara- will help them grow the wings they will • “Pitch Perfect” tion to launch them from home out into the need to soar out into a world full of happy • “ 2 8 Days” world. Bear in mind that entire books have life choices. been written to help adults recover from the behavior of their misguided parents, Illuminate paths to earning discussed openly with your teen before who unconsciously clipped their wings Most teens like money. Money means, she leaves home. One way to broach these because they couldn’t cope with the un- among other things, freedom to a teenager. topics might be to watch and discuss topi- comfortable feelings that come with letting Modern money skills include exploring the cal films together that you wouldn’t neces- go. Your goal is to stay alert as you bravely possible ways to earn as well as the savvy sarily share with younger children. (See prepare for a separation that is inevitable. ways to save, spend, and invest. If you find the “Ten movies to discuss with your teen” If you feel weepy and clingy about the you spend a lot of time discussing man- sidebar.) physical distance that will arise between aging money, maybe it’s time to educate The key here is to establish an open you and your future young adult, you will yourself on current paths to earning. Try door of communication through which set her up for feelings of guilt and obliga- to keep your fearful assumptions about no topics are off-limits. If this makes you tion that won’t serve her as she forges her possible career paths in check. squeamish, it’s time to deal with uncom- own path in the world. If your teen is an artist, explore the fortable topics whether you like them or Teens need incremental independence plethora of online earning opportunities not. Enlist your spouse’s ear to get your and appreciate your assistance getting used that exist today. If your teen enjoys physi- concerns off your chest first, and share to the consequences of their choices. If you cal movement, research the jobs that allow the responsibility of holding challenging coddle your teen, do all her thinking for her to be on her feet rather than sitting be- discussions. Everyone in the family will her, intercede in the face of every life chal- hind a desk. And try not to obsess about likely become more accepting, mature, and lenge, swiftly grant every whim, and then future job security. Get a career counselor open-minded thanks to your willingness to abruptly withdraw your assistance after involved to help your teen explore jobs open up. college, your child is bound to struggle. that maximize her natural talents and cu- Don’t set your child up for a big fall, riosities. Discuss especially if you have a well-behaved or relationship wisdom reticent teen, skilled at avoiding parent Create a Intimacy with another person requires disappointment. A rebellious or strong- “Say Anything” space a strong sense of individuality. Encour- minded teen will be less concerned about Don’t shy away from serious topics with age your teen to see all relationships as hurting her parents’ feelings and can make your teen. Drugs, alcohol, date rape, sex- learning opportunities. Use high-school choices that please herself more easily. ual assault, gender identity, sexual pref- social situations as opportunities to dis- But teens of any disposition need support erence, and birth control are just a few cuss what she needs and wants in various and encouragement to make a smooth topics that need to be faced squarely and types of relationships, to consider what at-

22 queens Family • October 2016 starts affecting the decision-making process. Focusing constantly on the problems at hand blocks spontaneous solutions from bubbling up. So when your teen is strug- gling with what feels like a big decision, teach her how to move away from stress, let go of anxious thinking, and shift focus until clear thinking returns. Sometimes the easiest way to have a breakthrough is by getting into a calmer, more receptive state of mind.

Reconsider ultimatums Separation Let your teen decide where she stands on family traditions and rituals. “As long as you are living in this house, you will go to church every Sunday along with the entire family,” is one possible approach. But another way is to establish a cut-off date for family obligations. anxiety Perhaps after the age of 16 your children could decide whether or not they will attend a family commitment like religious Getting your teen ready for Ten movies to discuss services or not. If your teen does not wish with your teen to join in, let her experience what it’s like • “Parenthood” to abstain. Then, if she decides to come adulthood starts in high school • “ S ay Anything” back around, you will know it’s because • “Anywhere But Here” she wants to rather than because she • “ Fa t h e r Of The Bride” must. And if she does not wish to partici- By Christina Katz transition from the safe haven of home • “ Te r m s Of Endearment” pate right now, it’s your job to get used to into self-reliance. Besides, there are ways • “Juno” the idea. Your teen will grow up and make on’t hold onto your teens too to keep teens close to your heart while • “ T h e Family Stone” her own choices in the future, anyway. tightly, parents. The high-school gently encouraging the independence that • “Dead Poets Society” If this is a hard truth for you to swallow, D years are meant to be a prepara- will help them grow the wings they will • “Pitch Perfect” perhaps you need to start practicing relin- tion to launch them from home out into the need to soar out into a world full of happy • “ 2 8 Days” quishing pressure now. world. Bear in mind that entire books have life choices. been written to help adults recover from Emphasize ways the behavior of their misguided parents, Illuminate paths to earning discussed openly with your teen before to decompress who unconsciously clipped their wings Most teens like money. Money means, she leaves home. One way to broach these Anticipate alone-time shortages, es- because they couldn’t cope with the un- among other things, freedom to a teenager. topics might be to watch and discuss topi- pecially during the emotionally intense comfortable feelings that come with letting Modern money skills include exploring the cal films together that you wouldn’t neces- graduation year. Then strive to instill self- go. Your goal is to stay alert as you bravely possible ways to earn as well as the savvy sarily share with younger children. (See reflection, self-care, and self-expression, prepare for a separation that is inevitable. ways to save, spend, and invest. If you find the “Ten movies to discuss with your teen” so these habits will be there to comfort If you feel weepy and clingy about the you spend a lot of time discussing man- sidebar.) your teen in the future. Writing, drawing, physical distance that will arise between aging money, maybe it’s time to educate The key here is to establish an open biking, and knitting all induce a state of you and your future young adult, you will yourself on current paths to earning. Try door of communication through which creative flow. set her up for feelings of guilt and obliga- to keep your fearful assumptions about no topics are off-limits. If this makes you As the departure date to leave home tion that won’t serve her as she forges her possible career paths in check. squeamish, it’s time to deal with uncom- approaches, you may notice teens are own path in the world. If your teen is an artist, explore the fortable topics whether you like them or more absorbed with friends and social Teens need incremental independence plethora of online earning opportunities not. Enlist your spouse’s ear to get your activities than interested in spending time and appreciate your assistance getting used that exist today. If your teen enjoys physi- concerns off your chest first, and share alone. But moments of quality down time to the consequences of their choices. If you cal movement, research the jobs that allow the responsibility of holding challenging tracts and repels her, and to explore which Interrupt anxiety are when people connect with inner guid- coddle your teen, do all her thinking for her to be on her feet rather than sitting be- discussions. Everyone in the family will groups feel the most comfortable. Peer with spontaneity ance and are crucial to leading a healthy, her, intercede in the face of every life chal- hind a desk. And try not to obsess about likely become more accepting, mature, and pressure is strong in high school, so if you Making the leap from home into the well-rounded life. And remember, if you lenge, swiftly grant every whim, and then future job security. Get a career counselor open-minded thanks to your willingness to don’t ask these questions, your teen’s self- big, wide world is a major life transition want your teen to discover and follow her abruptly withdraw your assistance after involved to help your teen explore jobs open up. awareness may not increase. that can trigger worry. A helpful technique bliss, you are going to have to set a good college, your child is bound to struggle. that maximize her natural talents and cu- Conversations about the role of relation- for any parent to learn to help break the example. Don’t set your child up for a big fall, riosities. Discuss ships encourage self-knowledge, which can cycle of negative thinking is anxiety inter- Your hobbies will come in handy, as you especially if you have a well-behaved or relationship wisdom lead to happier connections in the long run. ruption. both cope with the natural feelings of grief reticent teen, skilled at avoiding parent Create a Intimacy with another person requires When it comes to creating lasting relation- When you notice the tight shoulders or that are sure to arise as you and your teen disappointment. A rebellious or strong- “Say Anything” space a strong sense of individuality. Encour- ships with others, self-awareness is para- the snappy disposition, why not suggest prepare to part on happy terms. minded teen will be less concerned about Don’t shy away from serious topics with age your teen to see all relationships as mount. Therefore, don’t place too much em- a little walk or drive — or maybe even a Author, journalist, and writing coach Chris- hurting her parents’ feelings and can make your teen. Drugs, alcohol, date rape, sex- learning opportunities. Use high-school phasis on finding “the one” or being part of spontaneous shopping trip. tina Katz is readying herself for the inevitable choices that please herself more easily. ual assault, gender identity, sexual pref- social situations as opportunities to dis- the popular crowd. Your acceptance of the This may seem like a strange parenting day she has to say “goodbye” to her teen. But, But teens of any disposition need support erence, and birth control are just a few cuss what she needs and wants in various needs and wants of your teen will go a long habit, but what you are helping your teen like many parents, she can’t say she’s looking and encouragement to make a smooth topics that need to be faced squarely and types of relationships, to consider what at- way towards her future happiness. do is break the cycle of stress before it forward to it.

October 2016 • queens Family 23 Calendaroctober Liz Linder

Oh, no, not the underpants! vie gives chase, an entire world emerges The silly, family-friendly puppet show from her laundry basket. Will our lonely Watch out “Squirrel Stole My Underpants” is com- heroine rescue her underpants? Join us ing to Flushing Town Hall on Oct. 9. for this adventure to find out! for that “Squirrel Stole My Underpants,” is an “Squirrel Stole My Underpants” on all-ages family show by Bonnie Duncan. Oct. 9 at 11 am and 2 pm. Tickets are $13 The performance combines puppetry, adults, $8 children; $10 for adult mem- squirrel! mime, dance, and original music. Sylvie bers, $6 child members. is sent to the backyard to hang up the Flushing Town Hall [137-35 Northern Blvd. laundry. The moment her back is turned, between Farrington and Leavitt streets in a mischievous squirrel steals her favorite Flushing, (718) 463–7700; www.flushingt piece of clothing and runs off. When Syl- ownhall.org].

24 queens Family • October 2016 Never miss a great event! Sign up for our FREE newsletter and get twice-a-week ideas for you and your family right in your mailbox. NYParenting.com Calendar

Submit a listing This calendar is dedicated to bring- ing our readers the most comprehensive list of events in your area. But to do so, we need your help! Send your listing request to queens [email protected] — and we’ll take care of the rest. Please e-mail requests more than three weeks prior to the event to ensure we have enough time to get it in. And best of all, it’s FREE!

Sat, Oct. 1 In Queens Fall bird walk: Alley Pond Environmental Center, 228-06 Northern Blvd.; (718) 229– 4000; 9:30 am to 11:30 am; Free. Children 8 years and older (accompanied by an adult), can visit the park and explore the birds that live there. Listen to their songs and learn to use binoculars. Wear appropriate clothing. The group is limited to 20 participants. Registration required. World Maker Faire: New York Hall of Sci- ence, 47-01 111th St.; (718) 699–0005 X 353; www.nyscience.org; 11 am to 4 pm; $25 to $80. Getting lost in the Maize A family fun festival to make, create, learn, The Amazing Maize Maze is back at can really get into the harvest season invent, craft, recycle, build, think, play, and be the Queens County Farm Museum in by strolling through the pumpkin patch inspired by celebrating arts, crafts, engineering, Floral Park. and picking out a gourd of your own. It’s food, music, science and technology. Museum Every Saturday and Sunday now a family tradition that never gets old. admission on Oct. 1 and 2 requires purchase of through Oct. 30, at 11 am, your family Amazing Maize Maze now through a World Maker Faire ticket. can have fun getting lost in the muse- Oct. 30, 11 am to 4 pm. Tickets are Capoeira for Beginners: Socrates Sculp- um’s three-acre interactive corn maze. $10 for adults, $5 for children 4 to 11, ture Park, 32-01 Vernon Blvd.; (718) 956–1819; The fun begins with a “stalk talk” to and free for children 3 years old and www.socratessculpturepark.org; Noon to 1 help prepare you and your family for younger. pm; Free. the challenge of finding clues and solv- Queens County Farm Museum [73-50 Led by certified instructors from Capoeira ing puzzles as you make your way from Little Neck Pkwy. near 74th Avenue in Nago Queen, this six-part series will introduce participants to the basic fundamentals of the the beginning of the maze to the end. Floral Park, (718) 347–3276, www.queens- Brazilian martial art of capoeira. This introduc- After wandering through the maze, you farm.org]. tion will offer guidance with balance, flexibility, and agility while also providing a brief history of capoeira traditions. All ages welcome. Sat, Oct. 8 using paint and clay! For ages 5 and up. “The Jungle Book”: Paul Raimonda Play- In Queens ground, 47th Street and 20th Avenue; (718) Sun, Oct. 9 Capoeira for Beginners: Noon to 1 pm. 393–7370; www.nycgovparks.org; 7 pm to 9 Socrates Sculpture Park. See Saturday, Oct. 1. In Queens pm; Free. “Squirrel Stole My Underpants”: Flush- This animated version of the classic collec- Further Afield ing Town Hall, 137-35 Northern Blvd.; (718) tion of stories by Rudyard Kipling is the story Ger-azy for Yurts: Long Island Children’s 463–7700; www.flushingtownhall.org; 11 am of Mowgli, a human boy adopted by a pack Museum, 11 Davis Ave. at West Road, Long and 2 pm; $13 ($10 for members; $8 children; of wolves. Movie begins at dusk. You should Island; (516) 224–5800; www.licm.org; 2 pm $6 for member children). come early to get a spot and bring a chair or and 4 pm; Free with museum admission. This all-ages family show by Bonnie Duncan blanket. All ages welcome! Come learn about a special type of house combines puppetry, mime, dance, and original built by a group of people who travel from music. In this poignantly silly puppet/human Sun, Oct. 2 place to place. Mongolian gers, also known as adventure tale for families, Sylvie is sent to the yurts, are a type of round tent house covered backyard to hang up the laundry. The mo- In Queens with felt. Step inside the ger in our newest ex- ment her back is turned, a mischievous squirrel World Maker Faire: 11 am to 4 pm. New hibit, Your House My House, and then join us steals her favorite piece of clothing and runs York Hall of Science. See Saturday, Oct. 1. upstairs as we make our own miniature gers off. When Sylvie gives chase, an entire world

October 2016 • queens Family 25 Calendar Our online calendar is updated daily at www.NYParenting.com/calendar

emerges from her laundry basket. Will our seum.org; Noon to 3 pm; Free with museum den for a relaxing afternoon featuring nature- lonely heroine rescue her underpants? Join us admission. inspired stories, followed by a botanically for this adventure to find out! Queens Teens invites local youth from themed craft activity. Generously sponsored by Celebration for children of all abili- Queens to use the museum space to nurture the World Flower Children’s Foundation. their creative tendencies, learn about career ties!: Playground for All Children, Flush- Further Afield ing Meadow Corona Park 111th Street; (718) opportunities in the arts and use the power of Book day: Long Island Museum, 1200 Route 592–9700; www.queensmuseum.org; Noon to art to create a more just world. Youth become 25A, Long Island; (631) 751–0066; longisland- 4 pm; Free. a group of interdependent young artists who museum.org; 3 pm to 5 pm; Free with mu- Come and enjoy this series of fun family lead tours at the museum, assist in art work- seum admission. events that demonstrate that there is nothing shops, and design experiences for other local more creative than a playground full of activi- youth! Join 12-year-old Franny Chapman in Wash- ington D.C. during the days surrounding the ties that recognize that there is something spe- Fall Festival: Victory Field in Forest Park, Cuban Missile Crisis. Amidst the pervasive cial in all children. Learn about sensory play Myrtle Avenue and Freedom Drive; (718) threat of nuclear war, Franny must face the and about the history of this playground as the 235–4100; www.nycgovparks.org; Noon to 3 tension between herself and her younger first in America to integrate activities for differ- pm; Free. brother, figure out where she fits in with her ently abled and normatively abled children. Celebrate with music, games, crafts, pump- family, and look beyond outward appearances. kins, and more. Further Afield For Franny, as for all Americans, it’s going to Musical Romp with Steve Weeks: Long Fall Festival: King Manor Museum, Jamaica be a formative year. Includes tour of the muse- Island Children’s Museum, 11 Davis Ave. at Avenue and 150th Street; (718) 206–0545; um’s Long Island in the ’60s exhibition. West Road, Long Island; (516) 224–5800; http:www.kingmanor.org; 1 pm to 4 pm; Free. www.licm.org; 11:30 am and 2 pm; $7 with Ready to experience a slice of country life? Fri, Oct. 21 museum admission ($5 for members) and $10 Stop by King Manor and make corn husk dolls, for show only. churn butter the old-fashioned way, press In Queens Join Steve Weeks for an interactive fam- apple cider, play historic games, and learn to Digital Media Lab: Museum of the Mov- ily romp filled with music, humor, and games. square dance. ing Image, 36-01 35th Ave.; (718) 777–6888; He’ll be performing such favorites as “Kiki Exploring the night sky: Alley Pond En- www.movingimage.us; 4 pm to 6 pm. Kangaroo,” “Someday” and “Don’t Nothing vironmental Center, 228-06 Northern Blvd.; Teens dive into the world of Snapchat and Work Around Here No More.” Come prepared (718) 229–4000; 7:30 pm; $16 ($10 members). explore its use as a storytelling tool. For teens to laugh. Come prepared to sing — and bring The full moon will be rising this night, show- 14 years and older. those dancing shoes! ing its thousands of craters, mountains, and seas. The October skies will host the two Sat, Oct. 22 Mon, Oct. 10 planets: Mars, the red planet, and Saturn, the ringed planet. Seasoned professor and as- In Queens Further Afield tronomer Mark Freilich will lead each of these Dead or Alive – Special Effects: New Musical Romp with Steve Weeks: 11:30 interactive astronomy programs. Each program York Hall of Science, 47-01 111th St.; (718) am and 2 pm. Long Island Children’s Museum. features an indoor question and answer ses- 699–0005 X 353; www.nyscience.org; Noon See Sunday, Oct. 9. sion on basic astronomy, fun and games, fol- to 4 pm; Free with admission to the museum lowed by exciting outdoor viewing using a pro- I spy with my little eye: Long Island Chil- (materials fees on some activities). fessional telescope. Limited to 20 participants. Meet special-effects artists and technolo- dren’s Museum, 11 Davis Ave. at West Road, (although this is an adult workshop, children Long Island; (516) 224–5800; www.licm.org; 2 gists, while participating in hands-on activities ages 9 and up are welcome to register as long and exploring the science of creepy. pm and 4 pm; Free with museum admission. as they are accompanied by a participating A spyglass is a type of telescope used by adult). Registration required. Pumpkin Chucking: 1 pm to 1:30 pm. New sailors to help them spot approaching land York Hall of Science. See Sunday, Oct. 16. and other ships. Learn about the history of the spyglass, and create your own toy telescope in- Sun, Oct. 16 Sun, Oct. 23 spired by this maritime invention! For children In Queens 3 years and older. Harvest Fest and Pumpkin Patch: In Queens Queens Botanical Garden, 43-50 Main St.; Behind-the-scenes tour: King Manor Sat, Oct. 15 (718) 539–5296; www.queensbotanical.org; Museum, Jamaica Avenue and 150th Street; In Queens 11 am to 5 pm; $12 ($10 children; free for (718) 206–0545; www.kingmanor.org; Call for members) $10 parking rate. times; $20-$25. Healthy living: Socrates Sculpture Park, 32- Live music, games, nature walks, farm tours, Want to see all of King Manor? From the 01 Vernon Blvd.; 718–956–1819; www.socra- bouncy houses, craft & food vendors, petting basement to the attic? From servants’ quarters tessculpturepark.org; 11 am to3 pm; Free. zoo, beer tent, pumpkin patch (additional fee) to the King family’s parlor? Then join us for this In honor of World Food Day, Socrates Sculp- and more! special behind-the-scenes tour! Reservations ture Park, GrowNYC Greenmarket, and City are required. For families with children 10 years Pumpkin Chucking: New York Hall of Sci- Harvest are hosting a fun and educational day and older. of learning, cooking, eating, and wellness. Ex- ence, 47-01 111th St.; (718) 699–0005 X 353; plore the landscape of food justice in North- www.nyscience.org; 1 pm to 1:30 pm; Free Further Afield with admission to the museum. west Queens with a variety of community or- Diwali festival: Long Island Children’s Mu- ganizations sharing knowledge and resources Watch Chuck the catapult toss those pump- seum, 11 Davis Ave. at West Road, Long Island; on nutrition education, food affordability and kins into the air. (516) 224–5800; www.licm.org; 11 am and 4 accessibility, urban farming, planting and gar- Story Time and Craft: Queens Botani- pm; Free with museum admission. dening, and healthy living. cal Garden, 43-50 Main St.; (718) 539–5296; Come celebrate Diwali, the ancient festival Teen Open House: Queens Museum of Art, [email protected]; www.queensbo- of lights and India’s biggest and most impor- New York City Building, Flushing Meadows Co- tanical.org; 2 to 3 pm; Free with admission. tant holiday of the year! Learn about traditions rona Park; (718) 592–9700; www.queensmu- Bring your little nature lovers to the gar- practiced by families in different parts of the

26 queens Family • October 2016 Our online calendar is updated daily at www.NYParenting.com/calendar Calendar

with Free Style Arts Association, enjoy tricks and treats from local vendors, transformative face-painting with Agostino Arts, and more! Urban shaman Mama Donna will be offering harvest animal blessings for your pets, and if your pooch is in costume you can participate in a Socrates tradition — the annual Canine Cos- tume Contest. Boo at the Zoo: Queens Zoo, 53-51 111th St.; (718) 271–1500; queenszoo.com; 11 am to 4pm; Free with admission to the zoo. It’s time to take out those costumes, come to the zoo, give Halloween treats to the ani- mals, and have a ghoulishly good time with crafts, face painting, and more. Halloween Festival: Fort Totten Visitor’s Center, Ordinance Road at Shore Road; (718) 352–1769; www.nycgovparks.org; Noon to 3 pm; Free. Park Administrator Matt Symons, Council- man Paul Vallone, and the Friends of Fort Tot- ten Parks welcome you to a spooky, fun-filled afternoon, featuring crafts, games, rides, music, and more in the Parade Grounds. Haunted Lantern Tour: 6:30 pm to 9:30 pm. Fort Totten Visitor’s Center. See Friday, Enchanted Halloween Oct. 28. Further Afield Come to an Enchanted Halloween Volunteers for Wildlife, listen to stories, celebration at the Nassau County Mu- and build tiny fairy homes. Ghostly gala: Long Island Children’s Mu- seum of Art on Oct. 30. Enchanted Halloween, Oct. 30 from seum, 11 Davis Ave. at West Road, Long Island; (516) 224–5800; www.licm.org; 6–9 pm; The fun-filled forest adventure allows 1 to 4 pm. Materials fee $10 per family, $10 gala admission ($8 for members); For bat children of all ages to explore the En- plus museum admission. meet-and-greet show, $4 extra; $3 for mem- chanted Forest as it becomes a whimsi- Nassau County Museum of Art [1 Mu- bers. Show times are 6:15, 7, 7:45 and 8:30 cal world of imagination. As part of this seum Dr. off Northern Boulevard in Roslyn, pm. Halloween adventure, you will encoun- (516) 484–9338; http://nassaumuseum. Join us for a special night at the museum as ter real live creatures from our friends at org]. we welcome action heroes, ballerinas, clowns, soldiers, and more costume-clad visitors to celebrate Halloween in a fun, safe, and spooky (but not scary) way! Special guests from the world during this five-day celebration. Engage Fri, Oct. 28 Organization for Bat Conservation are swoop- in traditional story-dancing, sample foods, and In Queens ing in to dispel the myths surrounding bats. take part in activities designed to explore inter- Rob Mies, one of the world’s leading experts, pretations of Diwali throughout India. For chil- Haunted Lantern Tour: Fort Totten Visi- will introduce you to the benefits bats provide dren 3 years and older. tor’s Center, Ordinance Road at Shore Road; as you meet live bats from around the world. (718) 352–1769; www.nycgovparks.org; 6:30 to 9:30 pm; Free. Wed, Oct. 26 Join the NYC Parks Urban Park Rangers as Sun, Oct. 30 In Queens they mix history with Halloween fun on an out- In Queens door, walking lantern tour of the haunted and Halloween Dog Costume Celebration: Halloween & folklore: Voelker Orth Mu- historic Water Battery at Fort Totten. You must Fort Totten Visitor’s Center, Ordinance Road at seum, 149-19 38th Ave.; (718) 359–6227; be in line at the Water Battery Gate at Shore Shore Road; (917) 353–3813; www.nycgov- www.vomuseum.org; 5 pm to 7 pm; $3 (In- Road no later than 8:15 pm to be guaranteed parks.org; 10 am to noon; Free. fants free). admittance. Sorry, no strollers allowed on the Friends of Fort Totten invite you to bring tour, but there will be stroller parking available. Many of our memorable Halloween tradi- your dog dressed in his best costume for this tions took shape in the Victorian era. Did you fun event. There will be prizes! know that jack-o-lanterns, costumes, and Sat, Oct. 29 Chemistry Day: New York Hall of Science, trick-or-treating were all brought to the United In Queens 47-01 111th St.; (718) 699–0005 X 353; www. States by Irish immigrants in the 19th century? Halloween Harvest Festival: Socrates nyscience.org; 11 am to 4 pm; Free with admis- Don’t miss a night of spooky storytelling, art Sculpture Park, 32-01 Vernon Blvd.; (718) sion to the museum. making, treats and games, all celebrating the 956–1819; www.socratessculpturepark.org; 11 Celebrate chemistry with the museum and immigrant traditions and folklore that made am to 3 pm; Free. the New York Section of the American Chemi- Halloween the holiday we know and love. Come one, come all to this year’s circus- cal Society with demonstrations by local col- Come in costume, bring your friends, and join themed Halloween Harvest Festival! Join us lege students and local industries. the fun! Child-sized ghouls must be accompa- for art and costume-making with Socrates art- Boo at the Zoo: 11 am to 4 pm. Queens nied by an adult. ists, build a large-scale collaborative sculpture Zoo. See Saturday, Oct. 29.

October 2016 • queens Family 27 Calendar Our online calendar is updated daily at www.NYParenting.com/calendar

It’s murder most foul Help solve a murder mystery at adults and families with children the Mount Vernon Hotel Museum 8 and older. and Garden on Oct. 21, 22, and 28. Halloween Murder Mystery, This fictional mystery game is Oct. 21, 22, and 28 at 6:15 pm and loosely based on an historic news- 7:30 pm. Tickets are $25 ($15 for paper account of an unidentified children under 12). Must purchase skeleton discovered at the Mount tickets for access. Vernon Hotel. Explore the mu- Mount Vernon Hotel Museum and seum by candlelight and collect Garden [421 E. 61st St. between First clues to unravel the mystery and and York avenues, (212) 838–6878; solve the case. Appropriate for www.myhm.org].

Halloween in the Garden: Queens Botan- Long-running included with the purchase of a Total Experi- ical Garden, 43-50 Main St.; (718) 539–5296; ence Ticket ($33.95 for adults, $23.95 for chil- www.queensbotanical.org; Noon to 4 pm; In Queens dren 3 to 12 years old, and $28.95 for seniors Free with garden admission. Rocket Park Mini Golf: New York Hall 65 and older, and free for children under 2 Make a seasonal botanical craft, see a magic of Science, 47-01 111th St.; (718) 699–0005 years old). show, and meet and take pictures with Flora, X 353; www.nyscience.org; Mondays and The zoo is hosting five weekends in October the garden’s friendly mascot! Show off your Wednesdays – Fridays, 9:30 am to 5 pm, Tues- celebrating nature with loads of kid-friendly ac- Halloween costume and bring your trick-or- days, 9:30 am to 5 pm, Saturdays and Sun- tivities including pumpkin carving, a costume treat bags! Add Caribbean flair to your Hallow- days, 10 am to 6 pm, Now – Sun, Oct. 30; $6 parade, live music, a Hay Maze, and more. een costume by making your own carnavale ($5 children) plus admission to the Hall. Mario Batali’s Kitchen Gardens: New mask with guest artist Manuel Macarrulla. The game reveals that the same laws of mo- York Botanical Garden, 2900 Southern Blvd. Pumpkin Chucking: 1 pm to 1:30 pm. New tion and gravity that guide the path of a space- at Fordham Road, The Bronx; (718) 817–8700; York Hall of Science. See Sunday, Oct. 16. ship control the motion of golf balls here on www.nybg.org; Tuesdays – Sundays, 1:30 pm Earth. In this nine-hole miniature golf course, to 6 pm, Now – Sun, Nov. 20; Included in All Story Time and Craft: 2 pm to 3 pm. players will explore key science concepts such Garden Pass Admission. Queens Botanical Garden. See Sunday, Oct. 16. as propulsion, gravity, escape velocity, launch Garden beds are filled with plants featured window, gravitational assist, and more. Recom- Further Afield in the favorite recipes of the chefs from Mario mended for ages 6 and older. Batali’s restaurants. Kids can explore the gar- Enchanted Halloween: Nassau County dens to solve Mario’s Menu Mystery. Museum of Art, One Museum Drive, Long The Amazing Maize Maze: Queens Island; (516) 484–9338; nassaumuseum.org; County Farm Museum, 73-50 Little Neck Neiman Marcus Family Sundays: Nas- 1 pm to 4 pm; $10 materials fee plus museum Pkwy.; (718) 347–3276; www.queensfarm.org; sau County Museum of Art, One Museum Dr., admission. Saturdays and Sundays, 11 am to 4 pm, Now – Long Island; (516) 484–9338; nassaumuseum. Sun, Oct. 30; $10 per day ($5 per day for chil- The family-friendly forest adventure is a org; Sunday, Oct. 2, 1 pm; Sunday, Oct. 9, 1 dren 4 to 11; Free children under 3. Halloween celebration, where you can stroll pm; Sunday, Oct. 16, 1 pm; Sunday, Oct. 23, 1 through and explore the Enchanted Forest as Ready to be amaaazed? Kids and adults alike pm; Sunday, Nov. 6, 12 pm; Sunday, Nov. 20, 1 it becomes a whimsical world of imagination. will have a blast finding their way out of this pm; Sunday, Nov. 27, 1 pm; Free with museum As part of this Halloween adventure, you’ll en- three-acre corn maze! admission. counter real live creatures from our friends at Drop-in Family: Queens Museum of Art, Be inspired by the works in the galleries Volunteers for Wildlife, listen to stories, and New York City Building, Flushing Meadows Co- and explore new art materials. Talk about and build tiny fairy homes. rona Park; (718) 592–9700; www.queensmu- make art together. During the showing of Halloween fun day: Long Island Museum, seum.org; Sundays, 1:30 pm to 4:30 pm, Now Feast for the Eyes, family art projects will draw 1200 Route 25A, Long Island; (631) 751–0066; – Sun, Oct. 30; Free with museum admission. inspiration from the exhibition’s many works longislandmuseum.org; 1 pm to 4 pm; Free The Queens Museum invites children ages showing food and feasting, restaurants and with museum admission. 5–12 and their adult companions to explore dining. New projects featured every week. Come in costume and enjoy pumpkin paint- drawing from different sources of inspiration Owl be your friend: Long Island Children’s ing, trick-or-treating, crafts, and more. Squeaky each week. Children with special needs are Museum, 11 Davis Ave. at West Road, Long Clean will entertain with a 1960s-themed mu- welcome, adaptations available. No fee or ad- Island; (516) 224–5800; www.licm.org; Tues- sical performance. vance registration required. Just show up and days – Fridays, 2:30 pm to 4 pm, Tues, Oct. 4 – stay for as long as you like. Fri, Oct. 28; Free with museum admission. Frightening Floating Ghosts: Long Island Children’s Museum, 11 Davis Ave. at West Further Afield Children create their own owl collage. Road, Long Island; (516) 224–5800; www. Boo at the Bronx Zoo: Bronx Zoo, 2300 “Hansel & Gretel’s Halloween Adven- licm.org; 2 pm and 4 pm; Free with museum Southern Blvd. at Boston Road, The Bronx; ture”: Swedish Cottage Marionette Theater, admission. (718) 220–5103; www.bronxzoo.com; Satur- W. 79th Street and West Drive, Manhattan; Create a spooky and fun floating ghost! day, Oct. 1– Tuesday, Oct. 4, 10 am; Saturday, (212) 988–9093; Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fri- Have a frighteningly good time as you test it Oct. 8–Monday, Oct. 10, 10 am; Saturday, days, 10:30 am and noon, Wednesdays, 10: 30 out in our wind tunnel before your next Hal- Oct. 15–Sunday, Oct. 16, 10 am; Saturday, am, noon, and 2:30 pm, Saturdays, 1 pm, Sun- loween haunting! For children 3 years and Oct. 22,–Sunday, Oct. 23, 10 am; Saturday, days, 1 pm to 5 pm, Thurs, Oct. 13 – Sun, Oct. older. Oct. 29–Sunday, Oct. 30, 10 am; All events are 30; $7 (children under 12) $10 for all others.

28 queens Family • October 2016 ADVICEAdvice Bias in the courtroom

magine a judge presiding in a court- venile judges in Louisiana imposed longer room. What comes to mind? Do you sentences in the week after an unexpected I have the sense that this person in a football loss by Louisiana State Univer- black robe interprets the law fairly, and sity,” reported that: rules on cases in an unbiased manner? • The average length of dispositions — If so, two recent American Bar Associa- which included probation and custody tion Journal articles may give you pause, — handed down by the judges was 513 and perhaps shake your faith in judges’ days for the young people studied. But abilities to remain unbiased when handing that average increased by about 35 days down justice. after an unexpected loss, according to the The article, “Implicit bias is a chal- researchers. lenge even for judges” gives examples of • When Louisiana State University was bias found “from various studies over the ranked in the top 10 before the game, an years” such as “darker skin leads to longer unexpected loss had a bigger impact — DIVORCE & prison sentences.” the disposition was 63 days longer an aver- Fortunately, there are judges and others age, according to the study. SEPARATION who are working to recognize and over- • The increased disposition was even LEE CHABIN, ESQ. come their biases. higher — 74 days longer — if the judge “We view our job functions through the attended the school as an undergraduate, lens of our experiences, and all of us are leading the researchers to conclude that impacted by biases and stereotypes and the results are driven by those judges who other cognitive functions that enable us received undergraduate degrees from the Well, mediators have biases, too, like to take shortcuts in what we do,” Court of university. everyone else. However, the mediation Appeals Judge Bernice B. Donald told a • Black juvenile defendants bore the process has protections for parties that gathering of judges, state and federal, from brunt of the lengthier dispositions. the court lacks: around the country. Donald was on a panel That a defendant might receive one sen- • In mediation, parties speak directly for a program by the association’s Judi- tence if a football team wins, and another with the mediator. Many mediators will cial Division titled, “Implicit Bias and De- if it loses, is an injustice. Justice itself be- specifically and repeatedly invite correc- Biasing Strategies: A Workshop for Judges comes petty and arbitrary. tions from the parties, by saying things and Lawyers,” at its annual meeting in San So, what do these articles have to do like, “Tell me if I understand you. What I Francisco. with divorce? think I heard you say is that …” I would say Such programs are a positive step in The answer is, everyone has biases — that at least once each session, a spouse making the courts fairer. But the problem including your judge, if you are litigating clarifies or corrects my understanding of of bias may be greater than we know. your divorce. his or her statements. An article entitled, “Louisiana juveniles I often write about mediation. But how • In mediation, if the mediator isn’t lis- got longer sentences after unexpected LSU do the court process and mediation pro- tening to and understanding you, you’ll football losses, study finds,” in which “ju- cess compare when it comes to bias? probably know and feel it. And, if you feel that the mediator is biased, you can end the process at any time. • In court, if you have a lawyer, you probably will not speak a single word directly to the judge. It is hard and often impossible to know whether and how the judge is understanding what your lawyer is saying on your behalf. In court, you can’t end the process on your own. If you feel that your judge is biased, you’re stuck with that judge, with rare exceptions. New York City and Long Island-based divorce mediator and collaborative divorce lawyer Lee Chabin helps clients end their relationships re- spectfully and without going to court. Contact him at [email protected], (718) 229–6149, or go to http://lc-mediate.com /. Follow him on Facebook at www.facebook.com/lchabin . Disclaimer: All material in this column is for informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice.

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