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k rystal 66 Mouse Club: School for Friends – A Disney Affiliated School – 66 Krystal Rd, West Medford, MA 02156 Flattening The Globe Heads By: Brett Thomas & Connor Bond & George Reasons why the Earth is not Round For this reason a plane couldn’t fly directly over Bidgood the South Pole. So naturally commercial airlines, All “pictures” are fake and created by the in order to save money, would fly directly over the Co-Editor-in-Chief, Sports Editor, Staff Writer government. Have you ever seen a movie that has a South Pole to save money if the earth was a sphere. picture of the Earth. Hollywood uses the same CGI However, they do not and cannot fly over the South After intense debate sparked by the great mind and special effects as NASA does. Kyrie Irving, the world has discussed whether or not Pole according to the flat earth model. Guess which the world is round or flat. So we three scholars tackle When confronted about the flat nature of our one correctly predicts commercial airline routes. The the question with the help of Dr. Adair. world, globe heads often respond with violence flat earth model: no commercial planes fly over the as they feel a flat earth threatens their intelligence. South Pole. Look it up. Reasons why the Earth is Flat Malden Catholic faculty member Doctor Aaron Globe head often cite the force of gravity as the Our shoes are flat, instead of being round. If the Adair illustrated this reaction when asked his reason the earth is a sphere. They believe that gravity Earth was round, then our feet would be shaped like opinion on the flat earth truth saying : “Flat earthers would cause any other shape of planet to collapse a semi-circle to grip the ground better. Our feet are into a sphere. However, the THEORY of gravity is flat because the Earth is flat. fundamentally flawed. Even the brightest physicists When was the last time you used a globe to get to like Albert Einstein or Bill Nye the Science Guy a place? That’s right, never. You use a map. Guess have failed to present a unified theory of forces that what? A map is flat. Case closed. explains gravity. In fact the particle said to explain gravity, the Higgs Boson, has been called the God Kyrie Irving’s ability to manipulate the basketball particle, as physicists have been unable to understand and drain shots from long range demonstrate his how it works, much like how God is known to work mastery of the concepts of angular momentum and in mysterious ways. So when ardent sphere suckers the centripetal force. Not only that, his ability to say gravity means the earth has to be a sphere, know dunk the ball shows his capability of defying gravity, they have absolutely no scientific certainty about meaning he knows so much about the force, even its gravity. weaknesses, that he can easily overcome it. Add in the fact that he went to Duke University, an extremely Not all our stem faculty maintain the globe earth prestigious school, and Kyrie Irving is obviously the lie. Esteemed teacher and physics god. Mr. Milliern true expert when it comes to the shape of the Earth. said about a flat earth : “Of course, I support the Flat Considering his immense physics knowledge, if he Earth Theory. Those few of us, who have stepped out says it’s flat, it’s flat. of the cave of Plato’s Republic, know that the Earth Photo Courtsey theflatearthsociety.org exists in the complex plane, and is really flat, like In the theoretical globe model, gravity draws a stereographic projection onto the complex plane, things toward the center of the earth. Therefore, if should be flattened.” While this offhand comment and if you looked really, really hard, you’d find the world were round, anything on the bottom of may seem funny to some, this type of divisive that exactly one point is missing from the supposed the globe would be pulled upwards. That would be rhetoric only prevents a meaningful dialogue on the 2-sphere. Therefore, it looks like a 2-sphere, but it the only plausible explanation for why things do not topic. Moreover, Doctor Adair failed to produce any can’t be a 2-sphere, and is actually flat.” simply fall off the alleged bottom of the earth. evidence to support his belief, instead relying solely on character attacks in order to defend himself. Why does the government continue the sphere According to the Star of Bethlehem: A Skeptical earth lie? View, written by Aaron Adair. The star of David’s In a spherical earth model, the South Pole is a movements can somehow be construed to bring continent at the bottom of the planet. Now planes The Antarctic treaty, signed by the leading nations about doubt to the teachings Christianity. The routinely fly over the North Pole to get from place of the world, is the center of the conspiracy. movements were misinterpreted, however, and the to place as often it is the most efficient way to get The treaty governs the most sensitive area of book is flawed. The movements described do mean somewhere. Commercial airlines are constantly perpetuating the globe earth narrative. something, though. In fact, the movements described sending planes across the arctic. This fits with the in the book actually would enable one to ascertain flat earth model as the North Pole is the center of the As a result, the treaty prevents private citizens the earth is actually flat. world. According to the flat earth model, Antarctica from examining the parts of the South Pole that is a wall of ice holding in the water in the ocean. would expose the globe earth lie. Onion Headlines: -Jimmy P Bionic Knees found in the court yard. Cont. Page 13 DISCLAIMER: -Motorweek: Larry finally breaks down. Cont. Page 55 The Krystal 66 is by no means factual -Pencils - A Sharp Debate. Cont. Page 2 or a representation of the truth. It is meant -LASAGNA. Cont. Page 5 to be satirical, whimsical, and outright -Robert Gregory Guest Conducts BSO. Cont. Page 122 funny. Please take no offense as we are -Mrs. Driscoll Canonized. Cont. Page 46 going for a laugh. -Stem club competes against North Korea. Cont. Page 16 -Pool Noodles = Budget Cuts. Cont. Page 8 NEWS 2 APRIL 2018 N EWS Pencils: A Sharp Debate By: Ryan Donnelly pointed argument. Ms. Jeanne Lynch- they don’t need to be sharpened, carbon Opinions Editor Galvin has offered her support of in pencils rubs off, pencils smudge, KRYSTAL 66 pencils, saying, “I am in full support of and they have the acute ability to The recent movement to ban pencils. How else will students erase all write neatly.” Taking both views into Student Newspaper pencils from schools has been gaining their mistakes?” In response to the fine account, it is clear that pens are better Mickey School momentum. The debate started point that Ms. Lynch-Galvin made, Ms. than pencils for the simple reason 66 Krystal Road following a most unfortunate accident. Angela Lee said, “the saying is ‘the pen that pens cannot become razor-sharp West Medford, Massachusetts 02156 Regardless, the penetrating power of is mightier than the sword.’ It doesn’t enough to impale someone. (199) 261-9115 pencils has gone from a dull topic to a say the pencil. Pens are better because: EDITORS-IN-CHIEF Brett Thomas Who Needs to Apply? Vincent Swierk By: Ryan Donnelly ManaGING EDITOR Opinions Editor Patrick donnelly EDITORS This has been a truly remarkable Ryan Donnelly year of college acceptances. The Benjamin Mawn most notable among them being Mike Bono Ryan Hanna’s acceptance to James Mawn the Massachusetts Institute of Donovan Lafontaine Technology. Now, this in and of Zack Robinson itself was impressive. However, it Connor Bond was absolutely incredible when it Carson tully became known that Ryan did not Kyle Borick even apply. When asked about his acceptance, Ryan had this to say: STAFF/CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Alex Mitsopoulos “I am flattered by my acceptance Steve Valente to MIT. I was so surprised that the Jarrod Wardwell admissions officers at MIT took Benjamin Dover time out of their day to mail me Justin Time an acceptance letter with a full Justin Case scholarship. In fact, I hadn’t even Amanda H. Ugnkis bothered to send an application, Daniel Gleesac but they were happy to overlook Sigmund Freud this and enroll me in the Class Karl Marx of 2022. Unfortunately, I had to Friedrich Nietzche decline given the abruptness of the Vladmir Putin Alan Turing decision. I will be attending the People’s University of Moscow in PHOTO/ART CONTRIBUTORS the fall to help advance their nuclear Ryan Donnelly program.” When we reached out to Vincent van Gogh the People’s University of Moscow Erick Harkness for a comment, we were told that Paul Cezanne there was an email sent regarding Pablo Picasso the matter. No such email has been El Greco found . Photo Courtesy of Ryan Donnelly Frieda Kahlo Bob Ross Norman Rockwell Leonardo Da Vinci Michelangelo FacULTY ADVISERS Ms. Christine Cleart Mr. Brian Robbins These opinions do not rep- resent the views of Malden Catholic as an institution Reporting on current events and publishing student opinion, we at the Crystal 99 hope to inform, challenge, and entertain our readers, and allow students an outlet to communicate with their peers. TheCrystal 99 is published by School Publications Company. Answers on the back of page 12 page of back the on Answers APRIL 2018 K RY S TA L 66 NEWS 3 Top Recruit Señora Crotty Shocks the Nation: Commits to Wegmans By: Patrick Donnelly Managing Editor their program.

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