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Quotes “To be (funny), Or not to be (funny). That is the question.” ~ HAMLET “I wish Karyn Buxman was my mother.” ~ FREUD “Follow Dr. Heidi Hanna’s advice, and, follow the Yellow Brick Road!” ~ GLINDA “When you have something like heart surgery, you appreciate the simple things in life— like breathing.” ~ ROBIN WILLIAMS “What if the Hokey-Pokey is really what it’s all about?” ~ A BUMPER STICKER 4 Contents 0. Introduction 7 1. What’s Not So Funny About Stress? 15 2. What’s So Healthy About Humor? 29 3. When Laughing is Better Than Crying 47 4. The How of Healthy Humor 61 5. Rules of Engagement 83 6. Making it Stick 101 7. Habits of Gritty Humor 111 X. Resources and References 125 5 6 Introduction A classic narcissistic, stress really is full of itself. I mean, really. What else in addition to being itself is also the cause of itself and the result of itself? And the more it sucks you in, the more you think about it, talk about it, obsess about it. It’s more contagious than the flu --- spreading through a look, a sense, and all types technology. It can make you sick, tired, and fat and just like other recreational drugs you crave it when it’s gone. In today’s hyperconnected disconnected society, we have become hijacked by our brains’ hardwired preferences for more. Deeply longing for more information, more connection and more validation. 7 When we feel pain, stress and stimulation become the perfect distraction buddies to quiet the voices in our head that tell us: • we don’t have enough • we aren’t good enough • we won’t ever be enough. There’s nothing funny about that. We know we need to slow down and take better care of ourselves but find relaxing as uncomfortable as ditching a sugar or caffeine habit so we quickly craft stories to justify its continued overuse. Stress can destroy your relationships with real, live people, causing loneliness than only powers it still. Yet, you can’t live without it. For the right type, frequency and duration of stress also stimulates growth and change. It acts like an internal GPS if we’re willing to be aware, adjust, and adapt. Stress shows us where our heart is and where our passion lies. Because if you didn’t care, you wouldn’t stress. 8 Stress is stimulating, invigorating and connecting, as long as it’s not overpowering, overwhelming or exhausting. Stress is energy, a force, and a dynamic, often co- dependent relationship. We've been told it's killing us, which only makes it stronger. And that’s not funny either. At least, not in a funny ha-ha kind of way. Perhaps that sheds some light on my slightly twisted sense of humor. My favorite giggle-out-loud moments tend to come from life’s inconsistencies and incongruencies. Things that don’t make me go “ha” but make me say “hmm”. Although I used to feel a bit odd feeling amused by what’s “not quite right in and about the world”, I’ve learned through a deep-dive into humor research that being funny is much less important than seeing funny. And it turns out seeing funny is deeply unique and personal, yet totally common and universal. Yup…I find that funny too. 9 So, here are the top 5 reasons I think stress is funny. And in a minute, I’m going to share with you a very different point of view. Just so you can start to see how helpful it can be to become familiar with your personal humor style. And how incredibly special it can be to have a healthy humor buddy by your side. Why Stress is Funny – by Heidi Hanna, PhD 1. It’s a lot like love. And we love love. Until we don’t. Then we really hate it. It seduces us, entangles us, and makes us lose our mind for a bit. 2. It’s almost impossible to define. 3. It’s contagious. 4. It’s addictive. 5. It’s necessary. But don’t just take my word for it. I’ve invited my dear pal and humor buddy extraordinaire, the funny nurse herself, Karyn Buxman. In addition to being the world’s first (and I’m pretty sure only) neurohumorist, Karyn has been studying and teaching applied and therapeutic for more years than she’d like for me to admit in public. 10 And it’s Karyn’s fabulous work in her What’s So Funny About series that inspired me to write this book about stress, because once she taught me how to find more funny, my personal relationship with stress was dramatically transformed. Not only was I able to see the lighter side of life more regularly, the intensity of my challenges with mental and emotional health was statistically significantly improved, and I’ve got the data to back that up. So, what does Karyn find funny about stress? Why Stress is Funny – by Karyn Buxman 1. Stressed spelled backwards is desserts—but it’s not something we want to put on our plates. 2. What causes one person distress can cause another person delight. (A colleague loves to sky dive --- my mother taught me never to jump out of a perfectly good airplane!) 3. We get so used to being stressed we think it’s “normal” (I’m fine. I’m Fine. I’M FINE!!!) 4. We don’t have time to take care of ourselves, but we do have time to be stressed about it. 5. I’ll get back to you, I’m too stressed right now! 11 The truth is, stress is no joke. However, the situations that arise as a result of our challenges in life can be material for an entire stand- up comedy routine. A lot of adult humor comes from pain and discomfort --- sometimes our own, sometimes somebody else’s. And if there’s one thing that stress can do, it’s delivering a powerful punch of pain and discomfort. So, over the course of this book, we’re going to dive into specific strategies you can use to build your mirth muscle and leverage the power of levity in your daily routine. Each chapter will conclude with an opportunity for you to take one health humor step, and by the time we’re done you’ll have created a personalized plan for a 7-day challenge that’s almost guaranteed to change your perspective on stress for good. “Comedy is tragedy plus time.” ~ Attributed to every comedian, ever 12 So, fasten your seatbelt, put your tray table in the upright and locked position, and let’s go! With love and laughter, Heidi and Karyn (and Melvin) 13 14 1: What’s NOT So Funny About Stress “Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but gets you nowhere.” ~ Erma Bombeck The stress epidemic continues to soar across the globe, despite our efforts to tame it. Chronic, unmanaged stress has been linked to all major diseases and disorders and is often credited as being the leading cause of death and dysfunction (cue dramatic stress-inducing theme song). 15 The American Institute of Stress now estimates that 75 – 90% of all medical visits are stress related. Unfortunately, unmanaged chronic stress speeds up the development of anything that’s already off course in the brain and the body, triggering a cascade of inflammation that leads to increased wear and tear. In the United States alone, stress is estimated to cost $600 billion a year due to consequences of absenteeism and presenteeism (showing up but not really being “there”), health care costs, mental mistakes, communication mishaps, burnout, and associated expenses like training replacements. But the most destructive aspect of stress may be that we have failed to clearly define it, which means managing it will continue to remain just beyond our grasp. Because the term stress has become a catch-all for anything that’s wrong in life, we dump our concerns in our “carry-on luggage”, out of sight and seemingly out of mind, while our stress load becomes heavier and harder to handle. 16 Our Modern Multitasking Monkey Mind Epidemic (aka the Human Energy Crisis) The problem is not that we don't know what to do; it's that we don't have the energy to put these practices into place. We know we should eat better and move our bodies more regularly. We know we should get more sleep, take more breaks, and would feel better if we spent more time investing in meaningful relationships instead of surfing social media. However, after spending two decades coaching individuals and consulting organizations about health and performance initiatives, I’ve learned that common sense is rarely common practice. There is not enough time in the day to complete every task we could possibly do. There never will be. And this perception of "not having enough" -- time, money, food, energy, or love -- sends a message to the brain that there is a threat lingering somewhere in the near future. 17 This immediately triggers our innate stress reactions, designed to motivate us to get more of what we might need. The problem is, if we never sense that we have enough, we will always be in a state of chronic stress -- whether we recognize it or not. And that can easily keep us stuck in a serious stress mess! The New Science of Stress When it comes to our sophisticated/complicated species, it turns out that stress is not a noun or a verb but rather a dynamic relationship between the brain’s perceptions of capacity versus demand.

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