The Ohana Syndrome a Men in Black/Lilo and Stitch Crossover I
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The Ohana Syndrome A Men in Black/Lilo and Stitch crossover I don’t own these two properties. Stitch is owned by Disney while MIB is owned by Sony Pictures, Adelaide Productions and Amblin Entertainment well at least the cartoon version of it is It’s a beautiful day in New York, well maybe not. But a young adult Hawaiian girl named Lilo accompanied by her older sister Nani and her “dog” Stitch who is in fact an alien didn’t mind the problems as they were on vacation. Little did they know that all of them were about to have an experience that would change their lives Lilo: Nani, I think that it was a good idea to come here. Stitch: Yeah, bootifah! Nani: Let’s hope you don’t get in any trouble, Lilo. Lilo: Nani, I’m almost 20, I can take care of myself. They then see something they’re used to: an alien. Stitch: Cousin? Stitch then approaches the alien and finds out the hard way that it is not one of his cousins. Then he also notices two men dressed in black suits, one of them was an older white man while the other was a younger and slightly taller black man, they were Agents J and K of the Men in Black, a top secret government agency that monitors aliens on Earth. K, once known as Kevin Brown, is one of the best MIB agents in history since the 60s and has the looks of Tommy Lee Jones. While J, formerly known as NYPD officer James Darrell Edwards III, is considered a rookie since 1997 and innocent humans often mistake him for Will Smith. Nani: Excuse me, who are you two? J: NYPD, Division Six. Lilo: No you’re not, you’re the MIB. J: How did you know that? Stitch: Lilo? You know them? J: Yo, your dog is whack! (To K) He makes Frank the Pug look like a REAL dog! Lilo: Actually, it’s an alien and he’s my best friend, Agent J. J: How do you know about this, no scratch that, how did you know about US? Lilo: Well this may surprise you but my sister and I, we’re aliens ourselves. Lilo and Nani took off their human suits and showed the two agents and Stitch that they were in fact aliens who resemble Stitch a little bit by having red skin and black eyes just like him. Stitch is shocked and surprised that his best friend and owner is an alien just like him Stitch: You, alien, like Stitch? K: Yep, they’re Honoluluans, from the planet Honolulu. J: (Sarcastically) How original! Lilo: Kind of ironic seeing how when we first met each other we didn’t know who we really were. Lilo and Nani put their human suits back on J: So THAT’S why we haven’t been to Hawaii and neuralized them! K: Speaking of which, it’s time to do our business, Slick. (To the crowd) Ladies and gentlemen, time for a photo opp. J hands Lilo, Stitch and Nani three pairs of Ray-Ban sunglasses J: You might wanna put these on, because I make these look GOOD! The crowd gathers as J and K put on their shades as do Lilo, Stitch and Nani and the two MIB agents pull out their Neuralizer, a device that erases people’s memories about aliens K: Smile for the camera. The neuralizer flashes K: Let’s get going to HQ. J: Yeah, let’s see what you’re REALLY like! Nani: I think we just showed you. J: I know that but I wanna know what you did back when you were on your original planet! The five of them start going into the car which is a 1987 Ford LTD Victoria Crown J: Can I please drive? K: I’ve got a better question: Would you please fasten your seatbelt? J: Oh, I’ve got it. You don’t WANT me to drive because you think I’m just a rookie! You think I’ll just push the red button at no expense and scratch the stupid car up! Is that it? K: Alright Slick, you win. J: You mean it? K: Yes, just don’t scratch it. J: That’s what I’m talkin’ about! J reaches into the driver’s seat, a place he’s only dreamed of K: Alright Ace, do the honors. J puts the keys into the ignition slot and starts the car as they head to MIB HQ J: So Lilo, tell me about Stitch. Lilo: Well, he’s experiment number 626 created by Dr Jumba Jookiba. J: What about the other 625? Lilo: He made them, we found them and helped them find a better place. K: Jumba Jookiba, so called “evil genius” now reformed and lives with our three new friends. He used to work with Dr Jacques Von Hamsterviel. A criminal mastermind with a Napoleonic complex Stitch growls when he heard the name “Hamsterviel” J: Looks like you’ve got a grudge against Hamsterviel! Stitch: Hamsterviel, MEEGA NALA KWEESTA! J: Calm down. Watch the language! The dude’s locked away in the Turonian bighouse! Nani: How did you know Stitch’s home planet? K: We know any planet from Alpha Centauri to Arquilia. They soon approach a tunnel filled with countless cars Stitch: Oh Bliznak! Traffic jam! J: No problems, y’all see that little red button over there? Stitch: Yes? K: Slick here is about to push it and you may wanna hold on tight! J pushes the red button and the LTD transforms into its turbo mode and drives up the tunnel making it upside down Stitch: YEAH! AHAHAHAHA! K: You’re doing great so far, Sparky. Stitch: Sparky? You naga Sparky. J: Of course I’m not Charles Schulz! K: That’s not what he meant, he was talking about one of the experiments that we were talking about. Experiment 221 aka Sparky. Lilo: The very first experiment Stitch and I discovered and rehabilitated. He uses electricity. Nani: And the Sparky that J said is the nickname for Peanuts creator Charles Schulz. J: Good grief! This is happening too fast. Stitch: Blood is rushing to my head! The LTD makes it out of the tunnel and safely on the ground back to MIB HQ and to top it all off the car is in perfect condition. K: Well Slick, you didn’t mess up, and that means… J: I get to drive it more often? K: Not what I had in mind but yes. J: Alright! L: Alright about what? They then see Agent L, a former worker at the city morgue known as Laurel Weaver, now a member of the MIB since J was recruited. She had blonde hair, was considered to be the lab technician turned field agent and is said to look like a blonde Linda Fiorentino. L: What makes you even happier than usual? J: Oh nothing L; just that I WAS DRIVING THE LTD AND AS A BONUS I GET TO DRIVE IT ANYTIME I WANT! Stitch: Gaba? J: Oh, this is one of our many agents, K introduce her to our guests. K: Lilo, Stitch, Nani, this is Agent L. L, say hello to Nani Lilo and Stitch. Nani: Hello. Lilo: Hi. Stitch: Hi! L: Nice to meet you. Three aliens all affiliated with Jumba Jookiba. Stitch: You know Jumba? L: Jumba is in a meeting with our boss Zed. Inside Zed’s office Jumba is with Agent Zed, the chief of the MIB who looks like Rip Torn if he had white hair, no facial hair and gained a couple of pounds. Jumba: I telling you Zed, Jumba is evil genius but is not so evil once you get to know. Zed: Listen Jookiba, you’ve created almost 630 experimental aliens without a license! Jumba: Yes but experiments found better place, well some of them. Even 626 has found a better place with little girl Lilo. Zed: Well she’s an alien just like you and your experiments. You win this round Jookiba… Jumba: Ha! Told you! Zed: But I will warn you that you did work with a little rodent known as Hamsterviel, one of the MIB’s most wanted since the late 90s. He caused a war, forced you by gunpoint to make another experiment and called me fat! Luckily he’s locked away in the Turonian prison, but he could break out at any moment. Jumba: Jumba makes experiments while Hamsterviel takes credit! Zed: Let’s take a look at some of your experiments, shall we? One of them could cause a blackout bigger than the one in 2003, two are robbers, one makes sandwiches a lot, one makes more things disappear than David Copperfield, one of them even reveals the secrets of anything, even the MIB! And if that experiment falls into the wrong hands then our whole cover-up is blown! Jumba: Zed, you sure you locked up experiment 199? Zed: Yes we did! And of course let’s not forget about that little 626 of yours; Stitch. Originally designed as a doomsday weapon bent on destruction, he crash landed in Hawaii almost 15 years ago and met a little girl! But it soon turned out that the girl was a Honoluluan and that Stitch found his place on Earth, this is the reason why the MIB never went to Hawaii and neuralized the Pelekai family. Stitch: Ohana. Zed: Stitch? We were just talking about you! Stitch: Ohana means family.