THE ETRIEVER E E KLY "Journalism is not a vast left-wing conspiracy, as some conservatives like to think. It is a bunch of people who tend to agree too much." - R. Ailes Volume XXXV, Number 14 1000 Hilltop Circle, Baltimore, MD 21250 December 5, 2000 AIDS Awareness: Homecoming Returns Quilt is to UMBC in Disguise • JADALOKEMAN inside. Others chose masks that Retriever Weekly Staff Writer were arranged on atable to put on Reminder before they entered. The general Midnight Masquerade, mood was busy and familiar. UMBC 's first Homecoming Everyone was excited to be out of Disease dance was held last Friday night - looking good on this occasion. in the UC Ballroom. Men came to Inside, love was in the air. As SARAH ANDREWS an event that extended into the the weather outside turned colder, Retriever Weekly Editorial Staff night wearing masks of stoic many students were studying up expression. Women dressed in on the fine art of nuzzling. A A viewing of a portion of the party gowns and dresses and held sparse amount of chairs with NAMES Project AIDS Memorial frilly and feathery masks attached black and gold balloons tied to Quilt last week reminded the . to handles to hide their faces. The their backs lined the walls. The UMBC community that AIDS students were very sociable and decorations and soft lighting con­ continues to kill, despite the less concerned with anonymity. tributed to a romantic atmosphere availability of drugs to control the No one here needed an invitation which would prove unnecessary. disease. to have fun, nor did they need an The emphasis was on dancing. "People think AIDS is not a additional reason to party. Jeremy Wustner-Brown/Retriever Weekly Staff "I'm real excited because I can problem anymore," said UMBC Dancing Dawgs: The Midnight Masquerade brought out the Around 11:20 p.m., a crowd of get to dance, and it's the first senior Samantha Riley, who is UMBC community for a night of dancing and fun. well-dressed students assembled Homecoming," explained student involved with ANGELS, the in the lobby adjacent to the ball­ Leah Sanford. The jovial mood awareness and activist organiza­ room. Most ~ere couples. Some tion that organized the Quilt posed for pictures before going see DANCE, page 2 viewing and other events as part Food Vendors Vying of AIDS Awareness Week. "People forget that it's still a killer." for UMBC Contract ·Riley said that several people had taken time to walk through the library gallery, where a small Take Suggestions part of the Quilt was displayed on sion revolved around whether Friday. Sophomores Erin ROBERT REDDING Late Night should be served at the Leatherwood and Michael Retriever Weekly Staff Writer Madsen were among those who University Commons as well as stopped by. "It's something I've The eight companies bidding the dining Hall. The consensus always wanted to look at," for the $20 million Food Service was that Late Night at the Leatherwood said. "This tribute is contract took suggestions and Commons would be better for something everyone should take comments from students and fac­ commuters while resident stu­ the time to see. It makes people ulty on what they would like to dents, are more likely to go to Late aware." see next year during a town hall Night at the dining hall. Each quilt panel is unique, and meeting last week. Despite company representa­ has been created by friends or Representatives from Sudexo, tives' desire to only run one Late family members of someone who Charwells, Thompson Hospitality, Night operation, Associate Vice had died of AIDS complications. Wood, Classic Catering and Acorn President of Student Affairs Some panels included hand-writ­ were there as well as three mem­ Debbie Moriarty said "there's a ten prayers and poems, a teddy bers of the Campus Food Service need to have two places for Late bear, a photograph. Committee who hosted the pro­ Night so that commuters don't The entire Quilt is composed gram. feel like they have to go into of more than 43,000 panels, and The new contract, once signed, someone else's house to get a includes over 83,000 names, will begin after the Wood meal." according to information provid- Student Rachel Leavey added, Valery Viner I Retriever Weekly Staff Company's contract expires in Greek Love: Angelic Eric Messener and Briana Ratterman in the July. stunning theatre production of Orpheus. see QUILT, page 3 A central issue of the discus- see FOOD, page 3

Abby Foster and Adam Hopkins cast on deaths door in out, winter is remains unbeaten their votes on the Orpheus, Anna Kaplan is here, and that the women play hard Electoral College while unimpressed by Eileen means it's the versus the Terps, Dave Chen releases Cowin s art humor and most wonderful Kennedy Okafor is angst over apathy, and Stephanie Rawlings falls time of the year: profiled and Pratik Stephanie Rawlings for the new Center the holidays. Shah on the the prefers plastic to pine. Stage production. PAGE2 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY NEWS December 5, 2000 I ehind I the Scenes

Thfts U. Students End Sit-in (U-WIRE) MEDFORD, Mass. - Tufts Over 33 Years, Retiring English Professor Philip Landon Has University President John DiBiaggio sent Watched UMBC Grow and the Orioles Continually Disappoint out a mass e-mail to the Tufts community Wednesday affirming specific sections of SCOTT DAUGHERTY an old student he explained, after he Tufts' nondiscrimination policy, in particular Retriever Weekly Editorial Staff made a comment to his class about the areas covering self-acceptance of identity. movie. In the movie Brad Pitt acknowl­ The statement prompted the 20 students who UMBC opened in the fall of edged he didn't read books, but rather staged a 35-hour sit-in in Bendetson Hall to 1966 on the former farm of Spring Cliff's Notes instead, and in the end, his end their protest and claim victory in their Grove Mental institute. Few academic wife was killed. battle to get the administration to address the building existed at its opening and little Although formally trained in issue of discrimination on campus. new construction was occurring to During the protest, the students, most of 19th Century American Literature, make room for a young Philip Landon whom are members of the group formerly American Film is becoming increasing­ in the English Department. A recent known as Tufts Students Against ly integral to his life. Landon teaches a product of the College Park English Discrimination (TSAD), demanded that the Winter Session class on American Film administration affirm two aspects of the Graduate program, Landon joined and enjoys seeing movies as part of his nondiscrimination policy: self-acceptance of UMBC in its sophomore year of 1967. personal life. one's identity and the applicability of the He taught classes in what is now the Landon also is active in the policy to external organizations operating at Biology building, but was then the UMBC Honors Program in English and Tufts. "Everything" building. teaches Introduction to Honors Project, DiBiaggio met with a team of student "[UMBC] has gotten a lot big­ ENGL 399H, and Senior Honors Project negotiators and released a statement meeting ger," said Landon. The campus consist­ Valery Viner/Retriever Weekly Staff ENGL499H. those conditions. ed entirely of the Biology Building, UMBC his first and only institution of Landon's coming retirement The protestors left the admissions build­ Lecture Hall 1, and a few other building Higher Learning. "I didn't think that much will be spent divided among many dif­ ing that evening and were met by approxi­ remaining from the campus' days as about it," Landon said. "In those days the ferent endeavors he is currently mately 50 students and faculty who greeted Spring Grove State Hospital's farm, jobs were plentiful." involved in. He is a Guest Editor for them with applause. Julie Catalano, the stu­ including Hillcrest. He never left UMBC though and Film and History, a scholarly journal, dent whose complaint of discrimination And after 33 years -at UMBC, has witnessed the school's growth over the and also is an active participant in the against the Tufts Christian Fellowship (TCF) Landon is leaving the school. years. In the early '70s the English Popular Culture Association. The one­ last spring started this col)troversy, was the "I had planned to retire a year time Massachusetts resident also enjoys second student to leave the building. Department had offices in the newly built from this spring, but a number of things dormitories. returning to New England, specifically a As she exited, Catalano shouted "I got came up that made it seem like a good my policy." Although she declined to com­ The back of the door to his current summer home in Maine. idea to leave a year early," said Landon, office on the fourth of the Fine Arts build­ Landon acknowledges that he ment specifically on the TCF, she did say who says he has been a professor long that she was once again proud to be a student ing is covered with newspaper clippings has enjoyed his time at UMBC. "I will enough and is looking forward to at Tufts. about the Baltimore Orioles and the good miss the students here especially." He spending more time with his family. TSAD held a brief press conference after games they have played over the years. believes that future UMBC students will He came to the Baltimore area it relinquished the admissions office, during Landon explains the clippings are a practi­ do fine without his tutelage though. which senior Courtney Young read a state­ after being discharged from the U.S. cal joke placed on his door by Susan ment and the president's letter. Army in the early 1960s. He had been Harrell, the English Department's office "This entire thing, it went like a dream. drafted into the armed forces in 1958 administrator. He is not a fan, and appar­ We had been planning this for two months," after graduating from college. While in ently his continual bad comments regarding said Dan Barry, student negotiator. "We got the military, he served with Army the team prompted her to decorate his the interpretation of the policy we wanted." Intelligence.- office. Landon is not really a fan of any After leaving the service, he professional sports. He admits he was a fan Two Companies Hope to Revive Scour, though he might enjoy continuing in of the old Baltimore Colts, but that the Uncertain About Video File-sharing · that line of work, but quickly deter­ Baltimore Ravens have not interested him \Vhat is.; the laSt film yoo saw for fun? (U-WIRE) CAMBRIDGE, Mass. - Before mined Military Intelligence was not for in the same way. !:~~gt~t§ jn ·Pflis. l tgok IllY . grand· there was Napster, there was Scour. him after moving to the Washington­ But movies interest him both per­ daugtii~r~ ,This' l:s not a ;very ·great year Scour.net was founded as a media Web Baltimore Area. sonally and professionally. A movie poster for American movies.'' - site by five students at the University of Landon taught in Prince for Seven with Morgan Freeman also :~:;:::::·:::::. . ·:;:·. ;:~:::::. :;: California at Los Angeles in 1997, when George's county and attended graduate adorns a wall of his office. The phrase "Do \vttat~tbe Bed American Movie for Napster co-founder and poster boy Sean school before corning to his full-time you know what happens to people who use this year? Fanning was still in high school. This past teaching position at UMBC. Cliff's Notes" is scrawled on the poster in Space Cowboys spring, it launched a media file-sharing plat­ He had not planned on making form that went beyond just music, gaining black magic marker. This was a gift from about 5 million users Many of them college students, these users swapped songs in MP3 format, televi­ Students Masquerade at Homecoming sion episodes, full-length movies and other forms of entertainment. tradition, the First Annual UMBC tion, tours, even a wine-tasting provided However, faced with a lawsuit that from DANCE, page 1 Homecoming. attractions for returning alumni. drained its financial resources and scared The Midnight Masquerade was only one The after-game party promised to draw away potential investors, Scour was recently forced to file for bankruptcy, striking a blow from outside continued as groups of people of many events that had been planned the largest crowd to UMBC this semester for to peer-to-peer enthusiasts and the future of gathered in loose circles dancing and throughout the week. Beginning on Monday, a party. Hosted by Reggie Reg with advertis­ video on the Internet. laughing. The music, provided by with UMBC's first Homecoming Pep Rally, ing broadcast on the local radio, it generated But while students bemoan the loss of the Unprovoked Moose Attack, was at times the "dogs" were officially let out. The RAC the recognition this annual event has Scour Exchange platform, at least two com­ erratic. Even without music, students contin­ held both a carnival-style Homecoming fair attempted to foster throughout the region. panies are now bidding for Scour's assets, ued to dance. One couple ignored the tempo and the Campus Xplosison, an exhibition of Building a tradition on this scale required hoping to revive the company's software and of songs and just slow danced. Greek and student groups. The UMBC the effort and input of all the student groups tap into the revenue potential they say still Closer to midnight, the crowd became Camerata and the Gospel Choir held con­ as well as the support and resources of the exists in the online digital media sphere. more mixed. More single people arrived as certs. administration. Kafui Dzirasa, president of But by allowing its useFS to swap full­ part of a crowd simply dressed to party, not Other fine arts offerings included photo­ the SGA, is confident that everything learned length movies, television shows, music to impress. The weekend's festive atmos­ graphic exhibitions of Margaret Bourke­ by coordinating the response of these groups videos and songs, the company became an phere was welcoming and infectious. For White and Eileen Cowin, as well as the will contribute to an even bigger easy target for lawsuits from the recording many students, this was an opportunity to UMBC Theater's presentation of Orpheus. Homecoming next year. "We are very excit­ and movie industries. celebrate student life by being part of a new In addition to the game itself, other recep- ed. This is only the beginning." 4 J •

THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY NEWS December 5, 2000 PAGE3

I ,

: ~ but

Court Questions Bush, Gore Lawyers WASHINGTON (AP) - Lawyers for George W. Bush and AI Gore pleaded their cases in the high-columned solemnity of the Supreme Court on Friday before justices openly questioning whether they should intervene in the nation's contested presiden­ tial election. "We're looking for a federal issue here," said Justice Anthony Kennedy. "Why should the federal judiciary be interfering in what seems to be a very care­ fully thought-out scheme" for settling elec­ tions in Florida, Justice David H. Souter prodded. ''This is a federal court," Justice Antonin Scalia said at another point in an exchange with Joseph Klock, the lawyer representing Florida Secretary of State Katherine Harris. But several justices also questioned whether the Florida Supreme Court had changed the rules after the election by extending the time to submit manually counted ballots. The Bush lawyers are seeking to have the high court overturn the Florida Supreme Court ruling that extended a deadline for counting votes in the state. The Bush cam­ paign says that was improper, overreaching by a court that was writing instead of inter­ preting laws.

Fox Sworn In As Mexico's President MEXICO CITY (AP) - Vicente Fox was sworn in as president of Mexico on Friday, ending 71 years of one-party domination and vowing "to demolish all vestiges of authori­ tarianism." Standing before a joint session of Congress, Fox took the oath of office in the first peace­ ful transfer of power to an opposition party ampus omments on in Mexico's history. He appealed for national dialogue - some­ from FOOD, page 1 thing he will need as he works with the most A Wood Co. representative recognized the c;ompany that wins the contract will divided Mexican Congress in a century - the need for increased vegetarian options also be responsible servicing the University and vowed a government of tolerance for all "if it came down to running one Late Night campus wide, noting that they serve por­ Commons, which is scheduled to open in viewpoints. at the Commons with more options, I'd tions of chicken tenders and vegetarian August of 2001. Fox entered office to an enthusiasm that prefer that." options at a ratio of 1200 to 50. The Commons will have areas for blurred, at least momentarily, ideological State law requires that the bidding be a A Charwells representative asked the Chick-fil-A, a deli, full meals, Asian food, lines and political interests across the nation. private process so the companies could not audience what they thought about having pizza and hamburgers on the first two Even the long-silent Zapatista rebel leader give specifics of what they planned to do breakfast at only one location to free up floors. It will also have an upscale restau­ Subcomandante Marcos, hunkered down in the jungle of Mexico's southern Chiapas and the audience made suggestions on what money for more options at Late Night or rant with seating for 150 on the third floor state, saw some hope. they would like to see rather than pose extended hours. Students and faculty that will be used primarily by staff and vis­ questions. agreed that the large number of sports itors. Pinochet Indicted on Kidnapping The need for vegetarian options at Late teams whose members are awake early in Currently there aren't plans to be able to SANTIAGO, Chile (AP)-The case against Night was a concern of several students in the morning need an all-you-can-eat meal use a meal card at the restaurant. All other Augusto Pinochet moved forward Friday, attendance. They suggested healthy snacks and would be hurt by restrictions on break­ areas in the Commons will accept a meal with a Chilean judge indicting the former such as fruit and trail rriix along with juice fast. card. dictator on kidnapping charges and ordering as a decaffeinated alternative to soda. In addition to servicing current dining, him to face trial in the disappearance of 19 prisoners. The two charges stem from 187 criminal Quilt Panels Represent AIDS Victims complaints lodged against Pinochet for alleged human rights violations committed from QUILT,,__!_p_a__b!_g_e_l ______showing of the HBO movie And the Band ple attended the vigil, despite the breezy, during his 17-year rule, which ended in Played On, and a lecture dealing with the cold weather. 1990. The disappearances mentioned in ed by the NAMES Project. The names on biological aspects of the disease. According to Riley, turnout for this Friday's charges happened in 1973, in the the Quilt represent only about 20 percent of A multicultural talk highlighted the year's events has been higher than in first months of Pinochet's regime. AIDS deaths in the United States. AIDS problem from the viewpoints of dif­ years past. Judge Juan Guzman said he also ordered the A few of the Quilt's panels have been ferent communities, including the gay, les­ AIDS Awareness Week is being fol­ 85-year-old former strongman placed under house arrest. brought to UMBC as part of AIDS bian, Hispanic and African American com­ lowed up by a Battle of the Bands Pinochet's lawyers have been trying to keep Awareness Week for the last several years. munities. The talk drew a standing room fundraiser for the NAMES Project. The him from going to trial, saying he is in ill This year's activities also included an art only crowd. Thursday brought a panel Battle, sponsored by ANGELS, will fea­ health. Guzman has ordered psychiatric and event that gave participants a chance to discussion and evening candlelight vigil ture five UMBC bands and will be held in physical tests, and those are pending. The create their own drawings about AIDS, a followed by hot chocolate. About 25 peo- the UC Ballroom this Tuesday, Dec 5. judge will determine if Pinochet goes on trial. Jose Miguel Vivanco, executive director of the Americas division of the New York­ based group Human Rights Watch, called the indictment "an excellent development" and said it helps "re-establish the credibility of the Chilean judiciary." PAGE4 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY NEWS December 5, 2000

Minority Communities and AIDS Awareness

JOANA GOMES DA CRUZ meeting because he was determined to because they might not Retriever Weekly Staff Writer learn a.s much about AIDS as he could, fol­ practice it. Young people lowing the suicide death of his cousin, who also need to be told how AIDS threatens all segments of society, was HIV-positive. to protect themselves if UMBC students were reminded last week "I'm Hispanic, and in my community they do have sex or use in an awareness meeting that brought over it's almost illegal to speak about AIDS. My drugs, they said. 40 participants together to discuss the risks family never discussed sex or AIDS with The meeting also of HIV infection in minority communities. me or my sisters," he said. Pre-marital sex addressed how AIDS "This disease does not discriminate, it is forbidden in the family, and when his affects women. "Many affects everybody," said UMBC student cousin learned that she had contracted HIV medications that treat the Amanda Dean. from her boyfriend, she committed suicide HIV virus were never The meeting, held as part of AIDS rather than seeking help. "T think it's ridicu­ tested on women so we Awareness Week, was led by ANGELS lous that at this day and age, people have to don't know how it might vice president Melissa put themselves at risk affect them," Nissley Simek and peer health because of lack of infor­ said. "Women and men educator Lisa Nissley. "I'm Hispanic, and in mation," the meeting are biologically differ­ Participants were divid­ my community it's almost participant said. "My ent," and medications ed into groups represent­ cousin didn't know any­ might affect them differ­ ing minority communi­ illegal to speak about thing about safe sex." ently, she added. Also, in ties, including African­ AIDS. My family never Simek also explained many cultures women are Americans, gays and les­ discussed sex or AIDS that many schools don't not allowed to ask their bians, Hispanics, young­ offer adequate sex edu­ partners to wear a con­ adults and women. Each With me Or my sisters." cation. In some cases, dom. If they do ask, they group drew up a list of sex education may con­ may be beaten because facts and myths associated with that com­ sist of one day spent listening to the gym their partner thinks that munity, and then presented their list to the teacher. "We all have to consider that the they are sleeping with meeting. sex education that we get in high school someone else, she said. Many heterosexual people believe that only talks about the biological aspects of There are also a lot of Valery Viner 1 Retriever Weekly Staff they are safe, because AIDS affects only the disease. The information about the myths about AIDS in the Minority T.hreat: ANGELS sponsor discussions about the homosexual community, Simek said. A social aspects of the disease are simply not African-American com- the minority community and their threat of AIDS. young gay or lesbian person does not want touched on." Kids are exposed to sex every munity. Many people to think about AIDS because it is related to day through the media, so instead of getting believe that since AIDS "If women from the inner-city have to death, and young adults in general don't the correct information from their educator has hit Africa so hard, only African­ prostitute themselves to get money to want to think about death, so they ignore they get the wrong information through Americans can get the disease. Also, the feed their families, they will do it" said the threat and fail to protect themselves. their friends and the TV, she said. inner-city kids don't worry about getting Nissey. The social and economic factors That failure can kill, directly or indirectly. The peer-health educators addressed AIDS because they have other problems are a major problem for the African­ One student, who wished to remain this problem. They explained that teaching to worry about, like where they will get Americans who live in the inner city, she anonymous, explained that he attended the abstinence to young-adults is not enough their next meal, said Simek. said. POLICE LOG

Theft from Building Malicious Destruction of Property cup in front of the athletics field. Sgt. not seen or heard from the student Nov. 14, 11:22 a.m. - A student Nov. 17, 2:19 a.m. -A UMBC student Howe approached the defendant and was since November 8th. After a thorough reported that he left his cellular phone reported that he heard the alarm on his given permission to inspect the cup. Sgt. investigation, police determined that in an unlocked office in the vehicle sound while it was parked on Inner Howe determined the content to be beer. the student is not a missing person. Administration Building. Upon return­ Hilltop Circle. He looked out the window Police issued a Criminal Citation to Police sources were requested to have ing, he discovered that someone had and observed three male subjects run into Anthony E. Erman, 18 Y.O.A., of the the student contact police when possi:­ removed his phone. Police are investi­ two different apartments. Upon closer 14000 block of Maclintock Drive, ble. gating the incident. examination he discovered that unknown Glenwood, MD, for the offense. persons struck the hood of his vehicle with Theft from Building Criminal Trespass beer cans, causing a dent in the hood. Theft of Vehicle Parts Nov. 21, 2:11 p.m. -An employee Nov. 16, 10:00 a.m. - Police Police responded to the scene and can­ Nov. 19, 3:22p.m. -A student reported reported that someone removed a digi­ Headquarters reported a call informing vassed the apartment area> Six subjects that three hubcaps were taken off of his tal camera from his office in the that a banned subject was on campus. were identified as possible suspects. The vehicle while it was parked in Lot 6. Retriever Center. There are no known Responding officers located the sub­ investigation will be continuing There is a possible suspect. Case is under witnesses or suspects at his time. The ject who was arrested, processed, and investigation. investigation will contmue. taken before the Court Commissioner, Found Property I CDS where he was released on his own Nov. 17, 6:00 p.m. - A purse was turned Act of Intolerance Suspicious Condition recognizance, pending his court date. into headquarters as found property. When Nov. 19, 11:20 p.m.- The Erickson Hall Nov. 22, 9:50 p.m. - An RA in the purse was checked for identification, a Community Director reported that an Susquehanna Hall reported the discov­ Malicious Destruction of Property small plastic bag was found with suspected unknown person had posted a cartoon ery of a black plastic toy replica of a Nov. 16, 9:00 p.m. -A UMBC stu­ Marijuana in it. The owner of the purse was depicting two stick characters engaging in handgun. The toy gun did not meet the dent reported that unknown persons called with negative results. The case is what could be interpreted as a sexual act. criteria for being a firearm. The owner damaged her vehicle while it was under investigation. The case is under investigation. will remove the toy from campus. parked on Outer Loop Rd. Police are investigating the incident. Larceny of Services Malicious Destruction Theft - All Others Nov. 17, 7:43 p.m. -A student reported Nov. 20, 8:55 a.m. - An employee Nov. 27, 9:18 a.m. -An employee Violation of Ban Restriction that someone has been using her MCI call­ reported that someone caused damage in reported that someone illegally entered Nov. 16, 9:36 p.m. - The officer ing card. She had l 00 minutes on the card, the Mathematics Psychology Building to two coin machines in Parking Lot # reported that a subject, who was on the but when she went to use it she ha:d only 17 two signs and a phone totaling approxi­ 10. The preliminary investigation sug­ ban list, entered Chesapeake minutes on the card. The case is under mately $130.00. Police will continue their gests that someone used a drill to dis­ Residence Hall. She was escorted to investigation. investigation. able the locks and remove approxi­ UMBC Police Headquarters and mately $1,200.00 dollars from the issued a Student Conduct Notification. Alcohol Possession and Consumption Missing Person machines. There are no known wit­ The notification will be sent to the Nov. 18, 9:20 p.m. - Someone reported Nov. 20, 4:54 p.m. - A West Hill Apts. nesses or suspects. The investigation campus judicial board for disposition. that defendant was drinking beer from a resident's roommates reported they had will continue. THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY ADVERTISEMENT December 5, 2000 PAGE 5

Dec. 11-15, 9am-3:30pm ~ ~~~~~Dec. 18·21, 9am-6:30pm Dec. 22 9am-3:30 m · PAGE 6 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY ADVERTISEMENTS December 5, 2000

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*EPA estimate 31/38 4 door, 4-speed automatic. Even better with 5-speed manual. December 5, 2000 PAGE7

The electoral college is undemoc­ War has shaped society, and it's 8 ratic and should be abolished. about time we had another one. 9

Changing the Constitution should Christmas trees: festive, or an .8 not be taken lightly. ON environmental scourge? 10 T H E · E T R IE V E R Letters to the .Editor

WEEKLY Editor:

Editor in Chief Opinion Editor . Business Manager As an instructor at the English Language Center on this campus, I rea4 The Retriever Jennifer Schildroth Stephanie Rawlings Matt VanDyke Weekly and urge my students to do so. The ~e,triever Weekly not only serves the students but the faculty and staff of this university as a source of information and a forum for many important issues. I do have a serious problem with the story on page one, Nov. 14 issue, HStudents and Resear~bet:s Starg~ inPhysics Building/' The third p~graph hasth.e statement. ·~rts res­ olution. or focusing.ability. is within one art~second[sic}~ or one 60th of a second, which End of the Semester Blues is one 6oth of a degree in a 360--degree circle. •• I hope that every high school student of plane geometry knowsthat acirc!e is divided into arc-seconds. A circle is divided into arcs. It's that time of year again. It's time to pack up our bags, lock up our not ~· ·'fhe·· telescope; is an impressive addition to the S(::ience program at UMBC, and the dorms/apartments, head out on the road and protect the world from evildoers. Dr. wri~r needs to use basic terms correctly in describing it. I hope to see a correction print­ Bad Guy with Claws has met his match in us. Wait ... no ... that's not right. In edina following edition of The Retriever·Weekly. fact, tha~ makes no sense. It's the end of the semester, and just like all good things; the semester must J:· Elsa Collfn~ end as well. Finals are almost here, papers are due, that project you put off for the Academic Director , . last three months is due Thursday. English Language Center All in all, it's been a great few months. With enormous participation in clubs and organizations, the introduction of the first annual homecoming and various other events and happenings flooding the campus·, the UMBC community has really pulled together. Editor: The end of the semester also means that The Retriever Weekly must take its AbouttheJecfuJ'es on campus. for one don~t gQ for the simple reason that going leave from you as well. Don't expect The Retriever Weekly to meet you outside well .I of your class next week. You will have to bring an umbrella if it rains. It will be to my classes and doipg all the homework and lab time tliat goes with them consumes a lot of time. Whatever free time I have to myself, I usually do something that I enjoy back Jan. 30 to brighten your day once again. my doing, not what other think I should enjoy' doing. This is not apathetic, and I think that Some students will not be returning next semester. Congratualtions and good most of the on this campus are probably in the same boat as 1 am. I have never read luck to all of.the December graduates. And for those of you not returning for var­ people in any editorial the two and half years that schoolwork should come first above all else. ious other undisclosed reasons, well ... good luck to.you, too. in December brings the holidays as well. Time to surround yourself with fam­ It's always, party, party, party, come to this lecture, see this person. etc. One of the reasons ily and friends, get bloated and sing Christmas, Chanukkah, Kwanzaa, Ramadan that r m atUMBC is to geta decent job in my field, and that is the thing that is most impor­ tant to me, and I'm sure_ that's what is important to all the test of the students that come and Boxing Day songs. Eat some sort of holiday food and count down· the days here as well. My time is precious to me, and I'm sorry if you want to think that students until you can read the next Retriever. who 'don't come to these lectures are apathetic, in truth, that's not the reason. Goodbye until next semester from everyone on the Retriever staff. Good On the other hand, ifUMBC got someone, like certain soonwto-be~fonner president luck on .finals and happy holidays, too. So long, farewell, auf weidersen, good­ a night. of the United States, ot someone as famous and we'll known as that to come here, I thinlc [ could manage to come.

.,;;> Chris Krieg Boxing Day Wishes

Your favorite student newspaper has a request. A few, actually. All semester long we've been entertaining you with fun contests and informing you with ... informative articles. All we really want is a little freakin' appreciation. In the spir­ .Send letters to the editor to [email protected] or to The Retriever it of taking the recognition we deserve, we have decided to compile a list of gifts Weekly~ UC 214, 1000 Hilltop Circl~, Baltimore, MD, 21250. we'd like to receive for our winter holiday of choice, Boxing Day. To start, we'd like to put in a request for world peace. We know it seems like a tall order, but someone out there has got to have some kind of c·onnections. Adam Craigrniles ...... Managing Editor We'd also like free gasoline and a huge batch of homemade chocolate chip cook~ Retriever Weekly staff editorials reflect Dahlia Naqib ...... News Editor ies. Muckraking makes you hungry. You would also make your favorite publica­ the views of the editorial board; signed Sarah Andrews ...... Asst. News Editor tion sincerely pleased if you would provide us with wings, swizzle sticks, big columns and advertisements represent the Scott Daugherty ...... Asst. News Editor black boots, ever-lasting AA batteries, a Playstation and Puzzle Fighter II Turbo. opinions of the individual writers and adver­ Abby Foster ...... Asst. Opinion Editor Ooh, and money. Lots of money. Preferably enough for us to pay off all our tisers, respectively, and do no! necessarily Amia Kaplan ...... Features Editor student loans and the sizable Retriever debt and still become sugar daddies, retir­ reflect those of The Retriever Weekly or the Michelle Jabes ...... Asst. Features Editor ing to a long life of stuffing money down Jaime Peck's pants. Is that so wrong? University of Maryland Baltimore County. Katie Rouse ...... Focus Editor We also have requests for some of the less conventional gift-givers out there. Letters to the Editor are printed verba­ Alyson Spurgas ...... Asst. Focus Editor Some members of the staff would like poop, Power-Puff Girl panties or a peanut tim, although the editors reserve the right to Pratik Shah ...... Sports Editor that looks like Abraham Lincoln. Have we mentioned human beings? A full edit any letter deemed lengthy, repetitive, Brandon Dudley ...... Asst. Sports Editor squad of varsity cheerleaders, naked people, a slew of desperate writers and the libelous or otherwise in need of revision. The Nate West ...... Photography Editor 1976 Tony Award winning cast of Cats would be nice. editors further reserve the right,not to print Andy Dunmire ...... Artwork Manager We also have some gift desires that go far beyond the realm of fantasy. If you any letter for any reason. Letters to the Editor David Punzalan ...... Production Manager can do anything about them, we'd really appreciate the indulgence. We'd like the must be typed or written legibly and include J arnie Peck ...... Production Asst. ability to understand people, or just the inclination not to give a damn. We'd also the author's name and telephone number. Diana Zeiger ...... Production Asst. like a less smelly couch for our office and the sex fairy to have a party on all our Letters must be received by 12 p.m. on Rob Relosa ...... Production Asst. pillows. Oh, and a Winnebago. Thursday and may not exceed 400 words. James Hamilton ...... Production Asst. The Retriever Weekly publishes weekly Drew Lockman ...... Production Asst. on Tuesdays during the regular school year. · Ray Shaw ...... Technology Manager Editors can be reached at (410) 455-1260 Del-Kun Dave Chen ...... Circ. Manager during normal business hours or at University Brett McKenzie ...... Ads Manager Center 214; 1000 Hilltop Circle; UMBC; Christopher Corbett ...... Faculty Adviser Baltimore, MD 21250. The Retriever Weekly is an equal opportunity employer. PAGES THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY OPINION December 5, 2000 Dimpled Chads Cannot Change Democracy

Farmers are important to the United States; Electoral College is composed of actual and the votes are counted after everyone's Abby Foster so are manufacturers. people, and they do indeed vote, and at tinished to keep it fair. Democracy isn't Aside from its primary purpose, the least nominally have a choke in who they perfect, but there's no sense in making it People are stupid. This is a fundamen-:- Electoral College has its uses. It's usually vote for. They are all committed to parties, worse. We can't vote and vote until we get tal truth of existence with which we, as col- good for breaking ties. It localizes local but in virtually all cases, they vote for the a good answer. It's silly and childish, and lege students, do not often problems, case in point, candidate who won the most votes in the I'm very unimpressed with the way the old come in contact. Think of Florida. The Electoral state. Only Maine and Nebra~ka electors power-hungry white men are running the someone with average intelli- PO INT College keeps Florida from can vote for whomever they want to. show. gence, (hell, it might even be impacting the votes of the rest On that note, I'm going to express my To return to the actual topic, specifi­ you) and then realize that half of the country. There have anger at the way the situation in Florida cally, we as Marylanders should not be in the people in this country are always been local problems was handled. The Electoral College and our favor of abolishing the electoral college; actually dumber than this person. It's with the legitimacy of votes. This year, democratic system were not a part of peo-: although our state is mostly Democratic almost stupefying. Florida pretty much had an Election Day pie in Florida succumbing to incompetence assuring Gore would win our state, if the , Fortunately, the framers of the seizure. But even in the past, black voters and losing track of votes. I cannot imagine election was exclusively a popular vote, Constitution were of above-average iritelli- have been harassed by whites to change the how anyone could possibly think the will we would have even less say in its out­ gence, and they designed a country to lead results of the elections, and there have of the people is served by having people come. If the election was entirely depend­ the world for centuries to come. Could you always been people voting look at dimpled ballots to ent on the big states, which is exactly what do that? Me neither. Our system of govern- without being well- "There are 50 states in deterprine "the intent of the a popular vote would mean, no candidate mentis a representative democracy, not a informed on the candidates the union and there's voter." There is no possible .would ever campaign here or be interested pure democracy. This was specifically and the issues at hand. The ' way that could ever be ' in our views because Maryland would be designed to prevent the entire country's Electoral College helps the no point in calling done accurately or objec- among the small, useless states. dependence on the whims of the masses. system distinguish local them states if their tively, and it's a macabre George Will mentioned in his Masses are fickle, and the masses have no discrepancies from national d , , and ridiculol:ls way to Newsweek column recently that a popular idea how to run a country. That's why peo- discrepancies. Since each votes on t matter. decide the fate of the free vote would be like a baseball team saying ple don't vote directly for the president, but state has a minimum of world. that they won the World Series because for electors, who know what's going on, three electoral votes, every state matters, at I am also disappointed in the Gore they scored the most points, regardless of but obey the will of the people anyway. least a little, in the same way Congress campaign. They can't just count votes until which team actually won the most games. The purpose of the Electoral College is compromises for population and the will of they get the answer they want to hear. I'm This also happens to be the Gore argu­ to prevent the United States of America individual states. In the Senate, each state not going to say Bush wouldn't have done ment, and it makes just as little sense as from being run entirely by California, New has the same number of votes, but in the the same thing, but if he did, I would be abolishing the Electoral College. York, Texas, Florida and Pennsylvania. House of Representatives, individual popu- equally displeased. It was also an absolute- There are 50 states in the union, and there's lations matter. Those founding fathers were ly idiotic idea to revote. That was tossed Abby Foster is the assistant Opinion no point in calling them states if their votes really smart guys, and changing their sys- around a few weeks ago, and it's quite editor of The Retriever Weekly. She can don't matter. There are many important tern should never be taken lightly. frankly one of the dumber things I've heard be reached by e-mail at interests in this country that aren't in cities. Contrary to popular belief, the recently. Everyone votes on tl).e same day, abby@ trw. umbc.edu.

Abolish Electoral College Because It's Not Popular

democratic. There would be 50 votes - one for each Adam Hopkins In a popular election, one's vote can state - as the representatives of each state make a difference. Even if a candidate all vote together. If there is no majority The United States is based

effectively and critically reshaped itself. In ·European and North American continents tie to control the expansion and orientation David Geier the broadest of terms, the result was that have defined themselves with wars, that of the United States into the mid-20th cen­ political liberties, commercial progress, have at least temporarily produced, a polit- tury. Unsheathed swords have repeatedly technological creativity and inventiveness, ical culture of a Low Church, Calvinistic · The current U.S. Presidential Election is shown themselves in the evolutionary territorial expansion and linguistic ambi- Protestantism, commercially able, rnilitari- the embodiment of this great struggle as it process of Anglo-America. As was stated tion were all upheld. ly expansionists that represented a chosen still progresses in America. The time has by seventeenth-century Protestant English The use of war in the Anglo world has people embodied with a manifest destiny. arisen to conduct a fourth cousins' war, soldiers, "Our God is a God of War." This not been, as Von Clausewitz described, "a In the entire three-century context, the against the socially backward portions of the is a central theme to understanding our his­ continuation of politics by other means." greatest losers have been the Cavaliers, nation. This time the conflict, unlike those tory. The great shaping events in the rise of Rather, it has been an anvil on which the aristocrats and bishops, while the greatest previous, should not involve the firing of England and then the United States were most lasting arrangements of winners have been the guns, but should be conducted by the export not steam engines, Conestoga wagons, the English and American policies "The time has Puritans, Yankees, self-made of our cultural ideals to those backward parts canals of the English Midlands or New have been hammered out. The arisen to conduct entrepr~n~urs and nationalist- of the country. The way in which we will York, Bessemer's steel-making process or bloodshed produced from wars expanswmsts. export our cultural ideals to those parts of the J.P. Morgan's gift for finance. They were has been the lasting influence a fourth COUSins' There has also existed an country will be through the mass information wars of a bitter, fractional nature that were on the . electoral alignments. war against the unmistakable ~nthn?cri.lt~ral that can now be transported across the nation accompanied by Puritan and abolitionist Revolutwns have been . · thread that has hnked md1v1du- at the speed of light. This will accomp~shed sermons and battle hymns. They were described by historian George soczally back- als throughoutthis time togeth- in the form of our television programs, fought in central principle- to alter and Trevelyan, as _"the historian's ward portions 9j er. First, East Anglia- led the Internet sites and telecommunica-ti-ons. The direct the politics, liberty and religion .of tou<;hstone, by which to try the the nation " parliamentary side in the old fashioned way of life these individuals society. quality of a race or age," and he • English Civil War, where it are accustomed to can no longer survive the There were three of these great has called the Engiish Civil achieved partial success. Later, media blitz that we are sending out to all · cousins' wars that effectively achieved dra­ War, "the decisive ~vent in English histo- New England, East Anglia's direct 17th parts of the world. There is no social censor matic societal changes. The first was the ry." Similar_claims have been made for the century offshoot, was the most aggressive that can stop it. The tidal wave will engulf English Civil War from 1640 to 1649 and American Revolution and Civil War. formulator of the American Revolution, all. Those that are opposed must simply rec­ its follow-up in the Glorious Revolution of Together, these three wars constitute a where it triumphed and expanded. Finally, ognize the reality of the current situation and 1688. The second was the American staircase upon which the foundations of by the 1860s, Greater New England- a except it with all the promise it possesses. Revolution from 177 5 to 1783. The third modem Anglo history are built. cultural region now stretching west through was the US Civil War from 1861 to 1865. Since the advent of the 17th century, New York, Ohio, Michigan and Minnesota David Geier is a junior majoring in · In each of these conflicts, the Anglo world the English-speaking peoples on both the to Oregon and Puget Sound- won the bat- biology. PAGE 10 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY OPINION December 5, 2000 Open Mind for a Different View Through the Never

ter's worth of entertainment. Clubs, organ- . dents will never be completely satisfied by side cares will only result in the stagnation Del-Kun Dave Chen izations, events, etc. are all readily avail­ the university's decisions and actions, and of this society. For one, I've found some­ able to whoever chooses to participate or the university will never do all it can to thing in all that the university has placed .. What I've felt, what I've known, simply experience them for the first time . please the entire student population. It's all before me and because of that, my attach­ never shined through in what I've shown; Join Filmmakers Anonymous or Genesis political garbage which extends to the ment to and involvement with UMBC never be, never see, won't see what might Toastmasters if you're up for it. Try out the presidency and the government, but that's could very well be sustained and even have been." Mock Trial Team or the Sport Shooting not the point here. Take advantage of the increase with time. The decision was mine James Hetfield of Metallica uttered Club if you're interested. Go cheer for resources i~ this environment while you . and mine alone - 1;1nforced and free. these words of despair and regret from the women's volleyball (next year, perhaps) or still can to enrich your life because oppor­ Beyond the books, the class assign­ viewpoint of a person who was never given maybe even observe the chess team prac- tunities like these will not always be at ments and the tests, a genuine connection the freedom of choice tice for the pure hand. Originate, initiate and/or manipulate has been made because I chose to come in a miserable and value of insight. For the possibilities of gaining something here and learn- about my mental capabil­ restricted life of "Both the university a_nd the Pete's ·sake, start an unexpected and rewarding before it's too ities, my social interests and what I really authoritarianism. students will benefit mutually underwater basket­ late. care for. We - the university and the stu­ Under the aforemen­ weaving/alien abduc­ UMBC, don't get your hopes up by dents - can evolve into much, much more tioned circumstances, by gzvzng and recezvzng, tion-survivors group this assumption. The student voice is audi­ by mental and spiritual communication. it seems reasonable building positive relationships if this school actually ble but the minds are always gullible to an · We have the freedom to make our own for the individual and thus advancing towards has nothing to offer extent. Set goals should be reached, exist­ choices regarding who we want to be and who is subject to the you. For what it's ·ing facilities should be improved and qual­ what we want to do. I'm using my oppression to form an the aspiration of becoming worth, sloth is one of ity innovations should be introduced. To unbound will to determine my life, so apathetic percept~on productive, healthy communi- the seven deadly some people, this is a perverse game of when the time comes to embrace Death, of the surroundmg • d . d. id l , sins. politics that bears no immediate or tangible I'll know how it felt to be free. And then world. However, said ties an zn lV ua S. Do not misun­ consequences; to others, the future may there will be no reason for me to whisper situation is not effec- derstand my inten­ depend on the knowledge, skills and expe­ this with my last breath: tively applicable to the students here at tions: This is only to suggest that those riences accumulated at or offered by this "What I've felt, what I've known, UMBC. who complain about the general lack of institute of higher education. never shined through in what I've shown; Ennui among the student body is a activity and participation on campus In conclusion, both the university and never free, never me, so I dub thee unfor­ comprehensive concern for the university, should facilitate change instead of loudly the students will benefit mutually by giv­ given." but not for the reason that "there's nothing expressing their ignorant views. The uni­ ing and receiving, building positive rela­ to do on campus [over the weekend]." In versity should also· take heed of this and tionships and thus advancing toward the Del-Kun Dave Chen is the circulation reality, just a little bit of imagination, moti­ continue to provide reasonable time and aspiration of becoming productive, healthy manager for The Retriever Weekly. He can vation or exertion is all that is necessary to effort in catering to students' needs and individuals and communities. Taking each ·be reached by email at generate an hour, day, weekend or semes- requests. Truthfully, I sense that the stu- other for granted and assuming. that neither [email protected].

greens pace

being used frivolously, they are being used you can safely use 20 strings of red and be fatal is swallowed, and trust me, your Stephanie Rawlings completely without any kind of green flashing, musical Christmas cat or dog will try to eat them. They're gain for mankind. .We don't lights. And they don' t drop kind of like toddlers, if they notice some­ Chestnuts roasting on an open fire, make wooden spoons or needles all over the floor or thing that's shiny or smells nice, they are Jack Frost nipping at your nose. Ah the toothpicks or paper from drip sap on the tree skirt. going to try to put it in their mouths. So, holidays. For those of you who will be these trees. We just cut Your cats and dogs are if you're going to have these decorations celebrating Christmas this year, I'd like them down, decorate also less likely to take a around your pets, keep them out of their to say some things on behalf of both them, sweep up the nee­ leak on a fake tree. reach. And remember, when it comes to plants and animals about decorations. dles they drop and then Speaking of the getting into trouble, your cat is about six The fust thing I'm going to say throw them away. four-legged-members of times smarter than you are and has aver­ you're all expecting, so I'll get it over Get yourself an arti­ your family, it's important tical akin to a feline Michael Jordan. with. Live Christmas trees ar:e a big ficial tree for Pete's sake. to. remember that some . For everyone who celebrates environmental no-no, and possibly the There are a lot of benefits to decorations are really dan­ Christmas, it is a wonderful time of year. most senseless waste of trees I can per­ these plastic impersonators. For gerous to household animals. Your mom makes way too much food, sonally think of. Each year, hundreds of example, they are fire retardant, so Both poinsettias and metal tinsel can you don't have class and you get tons of thousands of trees are cut down for the presents. However, when you're getting sole purpose of hanging angels and glass ready to celebrate try to think about the balls on them for a few weeks. Sure "There are a lot of benefits to these plastic impersonators. For environment and your pets. You would­ they're pretty and provide great shelter example, they are fire retardant, so you can safely use 20 n't want your happiness to bring any for all the presents you're getting, but as strings of red and green flashing, musical Christmas lights. harm to them. soon as the Christmas season is over, they're left out on the curb to make their And they don't drop needles all over the floor or drip _sap on the Stephanie Rawlings is the Opinion way to landfills and incinerators. When tree skirt. Your cats and dogs are also less likely to take a leak editor for The Retriever Weekly. She can you think about it, this is pretty damn be reached by e-mail at pointless. Not only are natural resources on a fake tree." steph @trw. umbc.edu. Dec. 5, 2000

Diana Zieger bewitched Ryan Bloom chats up 11 by Hansel and Gretel Carrie-Anne Moss 13

Jada Lokeman boogies Jamie Peck disses 12 with Capone and Noreaga Dungeons & Dragons 14

b y a n n a kaplan elL dear readers, it anyway. looks like we' ve Actually, only two people W made it through yet entered the contest. This is all another semester. Just think, right, because at this time of only a few months ago [Insert the semester, when finals hang Name Here] was ready to com­ over everyone's heads like mit suicide for lack of entries. mighty storm clouds, any par­ Yet many a contest entrant ticipation is cause for celebra­ appeased this ailing column, tion. Also, one of the entrants and this influx of entries and is a Retriever Weekly employee other inspirations yielded such whom [INH] had to harass for wonderful things as the an entry. His name is Dave. He bondage fairy, a small green has some very interesting ideas plastic hippo named Fred, about trees and moons. Here is long-winded debates about his entry: Valery Viner I Retriever Weekly Staff bunnies and multitudes of "Name a new mascot for It's All Greek to Me: The legend of Orpheus comes to life. other oddities. UMBC and explain your And with all the gravity of choice." Well, this one certain­ a good thing coming to a close ly could generate some inter­ (or at least going on sabbati­ esting responses. Something I Dream of Orpheus cal), let us review the entries to that has always confused UMBC Theater Production Is Out of This World last week's contest. It was a [INH] is how this university rather cheap contest idea, one could possibly try and pass MICHELLE JABES tury, Couteau led a life riddled a story of mystery, love and usually resorted to at the end some funky dog off as its mas­ Retriever Weekly Editorial Staff with drama and heartbreak. After death. All the surreal, dreamlike of a semester when [INH]'s cot when the only animal that losing his lover, writer Raymond quality of the story and the beau­ brain is too fried to think cre­ could possibly represent this Dreams are fleeting creatures. Radiguet, who died suddenly at ty of Greek theater were captured atively: the make-up-your­ school is the rat-railed squirrel. They come to us in darkness - the age of 23, Couteau began to in his play and films of Orpheus. own-contest-idea contest. It's All hail Ratty! Wahoo! confused, terrifying, beautiful. To find relief in opium. In later Combining elements from both the newspaper column version The next bunch of entries capture a dream in artwork is per­ years, Couteau was slowly the play and the movie, Xerxes of a TV dinner: just heat up comes from John Heaton, haps the most difficult science. brought out of his addiction by Metha, director and professor in and slap on the table. Voila, claiming first place for the sec­ Xerxes Metha and the UMBC painter Pablo Picasso. During this the Theater Department, brought instant filler, quick, easy and ond week in a row. Here are his Theater Department come close time, caught between drug­ Couteau's vision to life. crappy. But oh well, entries with their surreal performance of induced visions and sharp, con­ In a moderately large cast wandered into [INH]'s inbox see INSERT, page 22 Orpheus, the Greek legend that flicting realities, Couteau wrote such as this one, it's hard to captivated people throughout his masterpiece, Orpheus. believe that each performer could centuries. The legend became an The tale of Orpheus captivated have contributed so much on obsession for one man, Jean Couteau. Orpheus is the great his/her own. But it's true, every Fall Takes a Strong Couteau. Greek poet/singer who follows unlikely character that stepped One of France's greatest his beautiful wife, Eurydice into onstage in this show had his/her poets, painters, directors and Hades to bring her back from Swing at Growing Up filmmakers of the early 20th cen- death, only to lose her again. It is see ORPHEUS, page 13

STEPHANIE RAWLINGS year-old girl being forced to do Retriever Weekly Editorial Staff the unthinkable: spend her sum­ mer vacation with her parents. Visual Word Play So what do spontaneous com­ And not only does she have to bustion, scuba diving and swing suffer through three weeks in the FA Exhibit Treks 30 Years of Photographer's Work dancing have in common? I have company of rna and pa, she has to no idea, but whatever it is, it do it at swing camp. ANNA KAPLAN makes for one hell of a play. Fall Lydia, beautifully played by Retriever Weekly Editorial Staff by Bridget Carpenter, which is Megan Austin Oberle, is your now being performed at Center When a regular person thinks Stage, is the story of Lydia, a 14- see FALL, page 12 of one-night stands, the thought of furniture is probably not the frrst image his/her mind conjures up. But through some twist in a creatively inclined brain, photog­ rapher Eileen Cowin titled her compilation of pictures of night­ stands "One Ntght Stand." Clever, isn't it? Cowin's work will be featured in the UMBC Fine Arts Gallery through Dec. 31. The exhibition, entitled Still (and all) is a collec­ Nate West I Retriever Weekly Staff tion of her work from 1971 to Life in Pictures: Eileen Cowin presents her exhibit. 1998, tracking the artist's pro­ gression through several styles Many of the images displayed to Cowin, these are meant to and approaches to photography. in the show involve relationships: serve as stills, like those from a Thankfully, works of witty dou­ shots of ambiguous bedroom movie - hence the name of the Courtesy of Center Stage ble meaning do not dominate the scenes, familial squabbles, vio­ Falling: Bridget Carpenter's play is a hit at Center Stage. show. lence-tinged disputes. According see EXHIBIT, page 12 PAGE 12 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY FEATURES December 5, 2000 BOC's Hansel & Gretel an Authentic Holiday Treat

DIANA ZIEGER pathetically starving. So when they see the Retriever Weekly Staff Writer witch's house, they are hallucinating food. Stylistically, everything changes from the Over the last few seasons, The dense 'Grimmsy' wood color, forest color­ Baltimore Opera Company has established to come to a fantastical, almost psychedelic the tradition of staging an opera that the place- an enticing, dangerous place to eat." entire family can enjoy at holiday time. The performers of this production are an This year's production of Hansel and accomplished and varied group, led by Gretel promises to continue that tradition, mezzo-soprano Theodora Hanslowe as offering entertainment that can be appreci­ Hansel (she has sung this role before, for ated by both children and adults. the New York City Opera), Maria Zouves Hansel and Gretel was composed in the as Gretel and Joyce Castle, who has per­ late 19th century by Englebert formed with both the Metropolitan Opera Humperdinck, with a libretto by his sister, and the New York City Opera, as the Adelheid Wette. (Note: this is not Englebert wicked Witch. Also in the cast are Kris Humperdinck the pop singer; rather, he was Irmiter and Eugenie Grunewald as the par­ a contemporary of and sometime collabora­ ents, and Penny Shumate and Kathleen tor with the composer Richard Wagner.) Stapleton as the Sandman and the Dew The opera is based on the Brothers Grimm Fairy, respectively. fairy tale and is more in keeping with the The production is directed by Frank overall dark tone of those stories, as Corsaro (artistic director of the Juilliard Courtesy of Ken Howard, Houston Grand Opera Opera Center since 1987), who collaborat­ opposed to the sanitized interpretations Where the Wild Things Are: Maurice Sendak's artistic vision complements the ed with Sendak on the original staging of with which most Americans are familiar. In Baltimore Opera Company's rendition of Hansel and Gretel. this story, the father is an irresponsible the opera, which was created for the BOC, drunk while the mother (not a wicked step­ the more modem versions of the tale lean (Where the Wild Things Are). Sendak has Indianapolis Opera, Houston Grand Opera, mother) sends the children into the woods towards making Hansel the hero, this intended the set to be a manifestation of the The Juilliard School, San Diego Opera and to find food, but not with the intention of telling is somewhat more feminist in nature mental state of the- children, and says, Canadian Opera Company. Arthur Fagen killing them. (perhaps because the libretto was written by "There will be no signals that everything conducts. Though there is not a breadcrumb trail in a woman?) - it is Gretel who is the stronger will end happily ever after. I want the chil­ Hansel and Gretel will be performed at this story, the children are looked after by and more clever of the two children, and it dren appallingly vulnerable and trusting." the Lyric Opera House on Dec. 9, 10, 13 angels and fairies - until they reach the is she who is able to save her brother. What the audience will see is what the chil­ and 15, in English with English surtitles. witch's gingerbread house. Then it is pure­ One very exciting aspect of this produc­ dren see, says Sendak. ''The kids have been Contact the Box Office at (41 0) 727-6000 ly up to the children themselves to fmd the tion is that the set has been designed by hungry from act one. In act two, they are for information, or visit www.baltimore­ ingenuity to escape her clutches. Though author and illustrator Maurice Sendak very hungry. At the end of the act they are opera.com. Eilleen Can't Help Falling in Love from FALL, page 11 is the characters, all of whom are honestly Cowin: Pun written, and with the exception of Thomas typical adolescent girl, angry, jaded, bored Christopher Nieto as Lydia's paramour, and scared as hell. The play is told from her beautifully portrayed. The audience is Intended point of view, and is resultantly often acutely aware that Lydia's "perfect" par­ from EXHIBIT, page 11 hyper-kinetic and melodramatic. At several ents are human thanks to charming and key moments, the audience is treated to a understated performances by Nancy Bell exhibition. And in fact, some of these are look at the world through her eyes as her and Andy Murray. Gopal, Lydia's wise rather provoking. One untitled work fea­ imagination runs away with her. beyond his years dance instructor is also tures two photographs: one of a man and At frrst glance, the plot of Fall seems done wonderfully and leaves the audience woman lying on a bed while another man like little more than your run-of-the-mill wishing that Lydia would have chosen him sits on the opposite edge of the bed. His coming of age story, as Lydia struggles for her crush. Nieto himself isn't bad Nate West /Retriever Weekly Staff face is cut off in this one, but the adjacent such issues as her relationship with her either; he just seems somewhat uncomfort­ Chit Chat: Cowin discusses her work picture acts as a continuation of the first, mother, her own identity and her first expe­ able in the role of Lydia's first romantic with UMBC senior Lisa Akers. with the latter man's face shown and the rience with love. However, Carpenter's interest. woman standing near him. Stie Spaid, the been given the opportunity to fully devel­ honest and sensitive portrayal of this girl However, the actor who really shines in curator of the Contemporary Arts Center in op. In addition, a few of these composi­ and her problems makes a story the audi­ this play is Oberle herself, who treats the Cinncinatti, Ohio, who conducted a gallery tions are collages of several photographs, ence has seen hundreds of times fresh and affliction of adolescence with brutal hon­ talk with Cowin on Nov. 16, commented and possess an interesting complexity that new. The fact that her first boyfriend is a esty and sensitivity. She is able to go from on the ambiguity of the composition by the later, more polished works, lack. 24-year-old teacher who works with her being a whiny, irritating bitch one minute asking, "Is he spent or is he ready?" And as far as lacking is concerned, it mother doesn't hurt either. to being a sweet, scared kid the next. In Other works in a similar vein include would probably not be so noticeable if Besides an engaging plot, Fall has a lot short, she's your average teenage girl. I do, "Family Docudrama," a series of shots of a Cowin did not try to incorporate bad puns of things going for it. The play contains however, wonder whether this play is nuclear family going about its turbulent into her art. The aforementioned night­ plenty of underlying themes and symbol­ accessible to anyone who hasn't been a 14- life, and "I'll Give You Something to Cry stands are a good example, and this work is ism including repeated references to spon­ year-old girl. When we left, my male com­ About," a series of pictures detailing a vio­ certainly the largest of its type. But the rest taneous combustion and falling. However, panions just sort of shrugged and com­ lent dispute between lovers. of the gallery is littered with such pieces as the symbolism isn't annoying and plained about the behavior of Nieto's char­ Another commendable aspect of "Sink" (a picture of a kitchen sink adjacent Carpenter avoids the all-too-common con­ acter. Cowin's art is her use of high contrast col­ to a picture of a person sinking), "Dessert" vention of beating the audience over the If you're in the mood for a well-written, ors and black backgrounds. Several works (ice cream/a man deserting his family) and head with it. And when the play does get well-acted play about scuba diving, swing in this exhibit feature colorful images, "Symbol" (a guy holding a picture of too heavy with the drama of growing up, dancing and love, Fall is for you. It is play­ mostly provocatively placed and/or scanti­ Jesus/a guy hitting a pair of cymbals there's always a fun swing-dancing number ing at Baltimore Center Stage's Head ly clad human forms, situated in large together). Jokes like this get old very to lighten the mood. Theater through Dec. 17. Call (410) 332- black spaces. These works, if nothing else, quickly and definitely lose all potential The real brilliance of this play, however, 0033 for more information. certainly succeed in capturing attention. when they are transferred into an art exhib­ Yet by far the best pieces in the collec­ it. tion are Cowin's earliest works. These are Overall though, this show is worth Do you have an exciting upcoming event situated in a comer of the gallery, and at checking out for two reasons: Cowin's ear­ that:you'd like to announce first glance do not appear related to the rest lier work, clustered in its watercolor-look­ of the exhibit. They look like watercolor ing comer, and the "is he spent or is he in "Incidentally ..."? paintings from afar, and sport mild pastels ready" dilemma of the aforementioned dip­ ·'"' Let us help you spread the word! Send information rather than the high contrast, high quality tych. The Fine Arts Gallery is open from colors of the other works. Closer inspection 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. Tuesday through , .about your event [email protected]. reveals layers of low-resolution prints~ Saturday, and can be reached by calling Let the world knowl something akin to photos that have not x3188. THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY December 5, 2000 PAGE 13 Orpheus: Death Is Beautiful, Too from ORPHEUS, page 11 Aside from the performers, it was truly crowning glory. With the set design, the exquisite costumes and orchestral mystery own reason to shine. Many represented the music that made Orpheus the artpiece which complimented allegorical characters, such as the stunning that it was. A floor of mirrors reflected the each tragedy, they Lady Death, played by Melissa Dehn. With actors who walked upon it, creating an placed the audience her stark white face, black hair and glisten­ unmistakable dreamy effect. A simple yet in the Otherworld ing red lips, she was simultaneously beau­ elegant set; it consisted of a couple chairs, and made it possible tiful and terrifying. Other roles were ani­ a table, a small pedestal and an immense to really hear the malistic in style, such as the hilarious duo swinging round mirror that served as the emotion of the scene. of Azrael and Raphael, Death's birdlike door to the Underworld. The rear of the As in cinema, with­ assistants (Marianne Hayden and Megan stage created a sloping hill. Above, globes out the soundtrack Blazer). Their clumsy. demeanor and spo­ of colored light hung from the ceiling, cast­ much of the raw radic movement w~re almost cartoonish ing strange shadows on the scene. power is lost. Thanks and highly entertaining. Even minor parts, Altogether, the supernatural effect was dra­ to the talents of such as the smiling postman (Eli Tesfaye), matic, and the contrasts created between UMBC Music the stuttering commissioner (David Bell) the real and the fantastic using lighting was Department's Aya and the decrepit scrivener (Don Jenkins) truly lovely. Watching from the front row, Ueda, the selection achieved high comedy in an otherwise seri­ one could almost feel as if one was watch­ and composition of ous drama. ing a dream, awake. music perfectly fit On the darker side of the production, the The costumes created for the supernatu­ the actions of the leading characters of Orpheus and ral characters had a "fallen through the scene. Eurydice (Adam Mondeshein and Briana looking glass" feel to them. Complex, col­ Orpheus, unlike Ratterman) were very strong and comfort­ orful and dynamic, these mostly animalis­ many other plays, able in their characters, expressing a broad tic garbs had an art all their own. The silent achieved the sense of range of emotion necessary for such a trag­ passerby (Chad Berry) was royally decked unreality needed to ic yet uplifting scenario. The unlikely angel out in a profusion of feathers on a generous bring the audience Heurtebise (Eric Messener), was equally cape topped with a bird headdress. Naked into a Greek myth. powerful himself, balancing between being except for a well-placed tuft of feathers, his Without resorting to Valery Viner I Retriever Weekly Staff a heavenly being and a simple glazier. body was completely painted, and high-tech special Death With a Red Dress On: Melissa Dehn as "Lady A very unique quality of this play was appeared as a completely alien, yet majes­ effects, the audience Death" looms over Adam Mondeshein as "Orpheus." that the entire thing was watched over by, tic creature. The genius horse, loved by is brought, believ­ and occasionally interrupted by, Jean Orpheus (Marina Serra-Vidal) was another ably, into the world of the dead, hardly the tragic, becomes beautiful. Couteau himself (Garrett Wright), who striking figure, dressed in a black unitard, changing the stage setup at all. Characters Remaining showtimes for Orpheus are slept near the edge of the stage, dreaming long tail and topped with a giant horse come and sit in the audience to watch the Dec. 7, 8 and 9 at 8 p.m., and Dec. 10 at 4 the play, and writing down the words as headdress. Her lithe, slender body and slid­ action, so one almost feels -a part of the p.m. Tickets are $10 general admission, $8 they were performed. Bong and all, ing movements perfectly replicated the play, sitting not outside this other world but UMBC faculty and staff and $5 for stu­ Couteau's presence, sometimes incoherent careful trot of a steed. simply on the edge of it. As an audience, it dents. For additional information and and pained, fully realized the dream ele­ The dramatic strains of music that laced is a pleasure to have this temporary escape reservations, please call the Box Office at ment of the play. throughout the action of the show were its from reality. In dreams, even the terrible, (410) 455-2476.

TJifl ETRIEVER and lEI R W B b KLY Invite you and a- guest to an advance screening ·of

Come to The Retriever WeeklY. s FunFest on the UC Plaza durin!J free ho~r on Wednesday ~2/6 to w1n a pass to a spec1al advance screening!

_I PAGE 14 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY FEATURES December 5, 2000 Hip-Hop Duo's Release Goes Back to the Streets "Bang-Bang," a cut from the new was a classic. An imperfect album, it made to make music/ My pops just died." Such brings "Jail Rap." It's an authentic genre. Capone and Noreaga - or CNN - release gold medal points to become arguably honesty, quoted from the DJ Premier pro­ It resembles the conversations many The Reunion, features a synthesized crick­ 1997's Hip-Hop Album of the Year duced cut "Invincible" from The Reunion is wannabe thugs have with real ones: You et sound effect. In the movie Men in Black, because of its degree of difficulty. While und~rstandable. Capone however, doesn't gotta serve your time if you want that Agent J, played by Will Smith, is provided Mobb Deep vividly and masterfully por­ even try to escape from scrutiny. wide-range respect. Capone's incarcera­ a seemingly undersized weapon called "the trayed New York street life memorably in "I gave you every part of my life I From tion was widely reported, mostly due to little cricket," to handle extraterrestrial 1996's unquestionable album of the year, my paralyzed finger I To the foul death of the length of time it took to follow up the Album Review criminals.. Perhaps The Infamous, CNN revisited similar terri­ my mom I Slug in the left of my arm I Who group's initial classic. Agent J is only given tory in a new interpretation. The duo is the answer to the question like Allen Regardless of credentials, Capone has by Jada lokeman this weapon because became a sleeper phenomenon. Like the I[verson] I Who runs sick like cancer evolved as the group's center of mass. he is the low man on the totem pole. 1999 movie There's Something About through the island [New York], I," spits Noreaga's style is infectious, yet his stream Perhaps he is given this weapon because he Mary, CNN revisited baser elements that Capone on "Y' all Don't Wanna." When of consciousness-style of delivery is pol­ is black, brash and instinctive. Such quali­ connected with the people, yet somehow Noreaga ran wild with his solo career, luted and not always effective. Capone ties both justify his assignment and endan­ simultaneously stylized them for a broader dropping two gold albums, Capone was talks about following the red dots that ger his responsibilities. It is a weapon that audience. always in the background. On the inside assailants use to target laser-guided guns as delivers a incredible blow to foes but at the The reason that The Reunion is long cover of the photograph to NORE, Capone a benefit - this way he could "follow their same time confers such a backlash that awaited tells a great deal about the group was posing on the witness stand under the trail." both target and trigger man are blown itself. They picked their names appropri­ caption, "Kiam 'Capone' Holley, executive Again like the real Capone, he appears away. ately. Melvin Flynt, aka Noreaga, has producer." to be the perfect and unrepentant criminal. The double-edged sword approach enjoyed a solo career between the group's "Phonetime," the first cut from The The streets will love him for it. Noreaga comes naturally to CNN. Plagued by the releases that has seen its ups and downs. Reunion, details how Capone, like the real seems happy to play the front man and will criminal justice system yet critically His solo debut, NORE, was a smash hit. It's AI Capone, called shots from his 24 make gold out of whatever is given to him. acclaimed and loved on the streets, Capone follow up, Melvin Flynt, Da Hustler ... months of incarceration while Noreaga, Musically, The Reunion is far from invinci­ and Noreaga delivered a War Report that Well, let's allow Noreaga to say it him­ like the real Manuel Noriega, ran the ble, far from a classic. CNN fans can cele­ was as acclaimed in its coverage of street self: "When Melvin Flynt dropped I My streets illicitly with America's support. brate the lyrics, but the production only war as the other CNN, the Cable News whole colosso stopped I I can't believe I What makes The Reunion so awaited is succeeds in about half of the songs. War Network, gained prominence from its fucked up and made a half-ass album I My that Capone is home. Like Big Noyd, the veterans take note: The party could be end­ Desert Storm coverage. The War Report excuse is my pops· just died I I didn't want outside member of Mobb Deep, Capone ing soon.

~veryon.e, it's :~:; not· . ,for but that's. [the point]m

~ . . Sure, Army ROTC isn't a piece of cake. After all; in here you'll push yourself. Test your limits. . . Anct .:.in the process, develop skills that'll last a lifetime. Like how to think on your feet and be a good lead~r and decision maker. You could even get a scholarship. Register tqday for an Army ; ...... ' . . ROTC ¢/ass. Because youtre· not just like "everyone.t'

Unlike an,Y Qth~r college course .rou trcan take. I "I THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY FEATURES December 5, 2000 PAGE 15 Sci-fi Babe Thrned Chocolat Addict

RYAN BLOOM 1997 role in the quirky film The Secret Life and for that I am super grateful. It has Retriever Weekly Staff Writer of Algernon in which she played Madge changed and sort of simplified at the same Clerisy, a woman claiming to be an time. It could have gotten overwhelmed Thanks to The Matrix and last month's Egyptologist in love with the title charac­ with the demands that come with what I do, Red Planet, Carrie-Anne Moss has already ter. so it's all good - certainly what I've earned her stripes among badass sci-fi butt­ Even earlier then this Moss could be dreamed of my whole life. When you get kicking actresses, see Sigourney Weaver's seen in a slew of television roles ranging what you've dreamed of you sort of have to Ripley and fellow Carrie - Fisher - of anywhere from the long defunct Nightmare [dream] new ones." Star Wars fame. But with her new movie Cafe and Dark Justice, to the more recent­ On what movie made her want to act: Chocolat, Moss enters what will be new ly retired FIX: The TV Series, and the "I guess the movie that really made me ground for all but her most rabid fans. Aaron Spelling, urn, masterpiece Models think I should live my dreams was Field of The film, which reaches national Inc. While her lips are sealed on her next Dreams. I remember well seeing a movie is release in January, is the story of a mysteri­ project, the two Matrix sequels, Moss was so much about timing and what is going on ous stranger (played by Juliette Binoche) more then happy to talk about most any­ in your own life and at that particular time who arrives in a small town in France and thing else. I was sort of questioning my own path." quickly opens up a chocolate shop. On theater work: "I did theater when I On the effect of the action star image: Nothing out of the ordinary ... except for was a lot younger and before I was suc­ "I've been training for a couple months just the fact that Binoche's character has the cessful as an actor and so I have a fond spot to get in shape. I don't know. I feel like amazing ability to understand her cus­ in my heart for it, but it is so much work. It doing the films that I've done and playing tomers' most intimate desires and fulfill takes so much time, but I would love to do the women that I've played are strong them with just the right confection, thereby it again. Maybe when I'm done with [The women that are action-oriented .... I enjoy causing her fellow villagers to open up Matrix 2 and The Matrix 3]." it, but I never thought in a million years I their lives to temptation's slithery embrace. On life since The Matrix: "My life has would do those kinds of parts, but they're Moss is one of those villagers. changed a lot and really for the better. First really fun to play. I'm kindajust open about Chaco/at is not Carrie's first role out­ of all, professionally it has changed to such it." Warner Bros. side of the science fiction genre though. a degree that I've had opportunities that I Slim Shady: Carrie-Anne Moss plays Some people may remember her from her would never have had before The Matrix, see MOSS, page 21 it cool in the blockbuster hit The Matrix.

ALSO IN THEATERS Unbreakable Dungeons Makes a Bored Game *** 1/z Jeremy Irons? Remarkable in The much-discussed twist ending of The Sixth Sense took a Reversal of Fortune. Thora Birch? lot of viewers by surprise, so it's a logical progression that, for Shoulda been Oscar-nominated for his next project, Sense director/writer M. Night Shyamalan cre­ American Beauty. And Marlon ate an entire story that will blindside audience members. And fit­ Movie Review Wayans? Such a tingly, Unbreakable, his eagerly awaited follow-up to last year's fantastic dramatic most surprising blockbuster, is by Jamie Peck debut in Requiem poised to floor moviegoers not for a Dream. So what is this trio of tal­ expecting the uncanny yarn ented actors doing in Dungeons & they're given- which should Dragons (* out of four)? The easy be, for better or worse, pretty answer: soiling their resumes up with a much everyone. stinker they'll either deny they partici­ No fair revealing or com­ pated in or claim they made for young menting on specific plot details relatives. beyond the set-up Schizophrenically veering from Unbreakable's eerie coming mood to mood inside individual attraction divulges, hence this scenes, this sword-and-sorcery epic­ short review. What's safe to wannabe is based on the popular role­ spill is that Bruce Willis, reteaming with Shyamalan playing game that's captured the mind, Touchstone Pictures heart and attention span of many a pim­ after The Sixth Sense, plays the Poncho Villa: Bruce Willis ply male adolescent. So perhaps fit­ lone survivor of a train derail­ again mines supernatural New Line Cinema ment that kills over 100 in pas­ tingly, it feels like a movie created Up in Flames: Justin Whalin and Marian Wayans do battle territory in Unbreakable .. exclusively for 13-year-old boys, sengers and crew; Samuel L. against an evil sorcerer in Dungeons & Dragons. though even that target audience might Jackson, reteaming with Willis after Pulp Fiction and Die Hard reject this messy melange of lackluster performances, Park. The costumes are a hoot, too, akin to dime-store With a Vengeance, is cast as a strangely-coiffed oddball with a uncomfortable camera angles, production values wor­ duds you'd spot at a hastily-planned Halloween party reason for Willis' untouchability that's, urn, a bit off the wall. thy of a shoddy community theater production and when they're not gaudy to the extreme. A key gown of What does Jackson propose? Mum's the word here, and any­ special effects that aren't very, urn, special. Birch's, for example, resembles waffle fries from body who tries to spoil Unbreakable's uncanny twists deserves to Birch is the teen empress of an ancient medieval Chick-fil-A. Somebody call Cher! She'll need an be broken themselves. Just know that Shyamalan amply rewards world lobbying for equal rights between commoners Academy Awards dress in the spring. patience- this movie is quieter and more meditative than Sense and nobility, and Irons is an evil wizard who wants to The script is worse, filled with cringe-inducing -with a handful of tricks and treats that aren't totally relegated stop her in her tracks. Figuring into this political plot lines such as, "I've cut you. What a shame," and "I to the fmal five minutes (though Unbreakable's fmale does pack is the quest for a mystical "rod" by a group of ragtag do declare, at long last, that you are equal. Let the a wallop). This could be seen as plodding by some, thus crippling adventurers lead by Justin Whalin, last seen as Jimmy celebration begin." And the acting is of the grab-the­ the film's chances of doing Sense-esque business. But those who Olsen on TV's Lois and Clark. Wayans is his side­ paycheck-and-run variety, with Irons so hammy he accept the sedate rhythms are bound to be contented. kick, a minstrel show-esque buffoon who mugs, should be sliced thinly and served on rye with spicy A late-in-the-game suspense sequence comes across a little screeches and flails so endlessly, studio execs might mustard and Swiss cheese. goofy, as if Shyamalan penned it merely because he knew the wanna keep the ftlm far away from Spike Lee. Even die-hard D&D fans are likely to give the multiplex masses would crave an action scene, and you're left Audiences expecting to get at least a sumptuous whole package a thumbs-down- only one sequence with a few unanswered but important questions. But if ever a eyeful from Dungeons & Dragons' mythical setting is set in a dungeon, and precisely two scenes featur­ film had enough to atone for its cinematic sins and then some, are going to end up with an eyesore instead. The movie ing dragons bookend the movie. Unfortunate com­ it's Unbreakable. Performances are particularly a key asset. Both is murky and ill-lit, the better to hide all sorts of com­ pensation: For 105 minutes, you'll feel as though Willis, again proving he's an actor beyond the action-hero motif, puter-generated critters and kingdoms that just can't you're in a dungeon, and there is a whole lot of drag­ and Jackson are wholly convincing, which is really the driving cut it in this day and age of Gladiator and Jurassic gin'. force behind hitting the movie home. You couldn't believe the eccentric, exciting direction Unbreakable eventually travels in if not for them. People crossing their fingers for another Sixth Sense are in for Come to The Retriever Weekly's FUNFEST ... a likely letdown; both movies share Shyamalan and Willis, but truly, the similarities end there. The best Sense comparison that Every Wednesday at I p.m. on the UC Plaza! can be applied to Unbreakable is this: Imagine seeing the former Free movie passes and other goodies ... and not knowing it was about ghosts at all. Pretty spooky, huh? -Jamie Peck PAGE 16 December 5, 2000

h, the winter solstice~ That time when small children (and IJig chil­ dren) rejoice at the end of the semesten and even the most grinch­ Arundel Mills Mall: The Y break out the holiday cheer. Amidst the coldest, darkest dg,ys pos- sible~ most earthlings come together and participate in a multitude of events during the last month of the year. Many people will be celebrating Joy of Retail at its Best religious holidays this season, whether it be Hanukkah, Ramadan, New Shopping Center Provides Plethora of Christmas, Kwanza, Yule, or any Qther. We'llfeast,fast, sing, sit still, give and receive. Opportunites for Employment and Commerce What happens in the holiday ~eason, the magic month of December where other states get sno~ school ends and many UMBCstudents return JADA LOKEMAN widely in the local news. The first impression Retriever Weekly Staff Writer upon entering the parking lot confmns anoth­ home-to the folks? Mayhem is,one answer, especially evident inthe shop­ er aspect that media has focused upon. ping malls. Celebrqtion is anoth~r, often.fdund in' the pos(-e_iqm gather­ Shopping for Christmas gifts usually Parking is sparse. Finding a space close to the ing~ ofcollege, stud,ents: Anoth~r answer is selvice, ,. see.n ·year·rotind ,at qualifies as a labor of love. To find the objects entrance isn't something to expect during this UMBC but stressed during this timepfplenf? antl~~od will. Then ther:~ iS ~ of -desire for the people on your gift list busy holiday shopping season. At Arundel requires the planning detail of a jungle excur­ Mills, one is fortunate to fmd a space at all. the ever popular ~~slee]l," mumbled by those ingivUJuals t,VhO plan (0 hifle .. sion. Almost always, the right gift at the right The concentric circle of a parking lot outside under the covers as much as poss.~bte untif:bec1Wned}J tetum t~ the ,reat price is never located in the same store, let of Arundel Mills appears thin. Still, the large world. Not_that t~re,s an)lthiniwrong with ~hat. . " · <"_ . alone the same mall, as the next one. As the complex loomed invitingly on a sunless day, ., So, ber:au8e .~yo~'re b~en o. seeit~g sal~ advertisements ~ince ~" ~f11wJ. day itself approaches, the masses converge although there was nothing particularly Halloween, · we'll try tO bti~g -t/Je neglected~ inteJ:e~!lng~~ariilb~fiiti{i~the-; into knots among the mall floors. It's almost unique externally. The planners of the mall s'enes stories·o.bo4t tlu~ . seasa;t} to:{igki "Fken, i ··. ~~"' . . as frustrasting as trekking through the dense chose to focus on other things. ,.

ADAM HOPKINS tant holiday in their faith: Hanukkah. This able to receive piety; it is required of all dies, which represent the seven princi­ Retriever Weekly Staff Writer holiday actually isn't, believe it or not, one adult members of the faith (although some ples, are placed in the kinara, and each of the more important holy times in the branches of Islam excuse some people for is lit alternatively each day. Many trruii­ As we go through the holiday season, Jewish faith. It will be celebrated, this year, health purposes, such as pregnant women). tional symbols, like the straw mat, ear around the comers of every street, we from Dec. 22 (the 25th day of the third During Ramadan, Muslims will fast every of com and unity cup are tangible will hear "Silver Bells," "I'm Dreaming Jewish month) to Dec. 29, although these day from dawn to dusk; not even smoking reminders of cultural roots and the Of A White Christmas," and a host of dates change from year to year. is prohibited. importance of union. The celebration's other classic songs for this time of year. Hanukkah is the Hebrew word for "ded­ On the night between the 26th and 27th overall focus is on remembering and However, let's not forget those hymns ication," and the holiday itself is sometimes days, Allah will determine the events of the relating to the p~t in order to confront with a ·spiritual context, such as "Silent and change the future. Night," "We Three Kings," or "Eternal "For many, the holidays aren't about presents or glitter and Another December holiday is Yule, Light" Yes, one of the most important celebrated by Pagans. Yule is one of parts of the holiday season, for much of snow; they're about being in touch with one's own faith." eight sabbats and takes place on the the world, is the religious celebration. longest night of the year, the winter sol­ One celebration is Christmas, referred to as the "Festival of Lights." It world over the next year-hence the Night stice. Yuletide (Norse) stretches from arguably the most popularized holiday of originated when Antiochus, king of Syria, of Determination. All throughout Ramadan, December 20-31, but Yule usually falls this time of year. In fact, many people, took over the Temple of Jerusalem and ded­ prayers are offered, especially at sunrise around Dec. 21. Although it occurs on even non-Christians, refer to it as their icated it to the Greek god Zeus. However, and sunset. the darkest day of the year, this sabbat favorite day of the year, although not Judas Macabee reclaimed the Temple from Other holidays that do not receive quite celebrates the return of the sun, as the necessarily for religious reasons. Antiochus and rededicated it to Yahweh. as much press but are still celebrated wide­ days will now begin to grow light again. Christmas is celebrated each year on Judas then ordered celebration for eight ly are Kwanzaa and Yule. Kwanzaa is cele­ It is j:he day when the Oak King van­ Dec. 25, and marks the birth of Jesus days and nights, but there was only one brated by many African-Americans and quishes the Holly King. Common sym­ Chris~ whom Christians believe to be cruse of olive oil left to use in the rededica­ was created in 1966 by Doctor Maulana bols include the Yule log, green. red and the Messiah. This happened when tion ritual. However, that little bit of oil Karenga, Professor at the California State white candles, winter greenery and the Joseph and Mary went into Bethlehem to lasted the Jews for eight days and nights, University, Long Beach, California. It is a wassail cup. Specific rituals for Yule register for the Roman census and tax which is where the Menorah originated. seven-day celebration from Dec. 26 to Jan. vary among different regions and sects collection, but they had to spend the Those of the Islamic faith are celebrat­ 1 based on African festivals, but is not of Paganism, but all share the common night in a stable, where Jesus was born. ing Ramadan this month. This holiday attached to any religion. theme of feasting and merrymaking. Jan. 6 marks the Epiphany, when a actually lasts for a whole month, with it Instead, Kwanzaa calls Mrican­ Thus, for much of the world, the hol­ 12-day-old Jesus was visited by the constituting the ninth month of the Muslim Americans to take time to reflect on their idays have a very sacred meaning. It is Three Kings (or Three Wise Men) and faith. This year, it happened to begin on daily life as well as their African roots. a time to reflect and to give thanks. For they presented him with gifts. It's on Nov. 27. The ninth month was designated There are seven principles. Nguzo Saba, many, the holidays aren't about presents this day that many Christians, prim~y as when to celebrate Ramadan because it is stressed during the holiday: unity, celebra­ or glitter and snow; they're about being Eastern Orthodox Christians, celebrate when Muhannnad received the first of his tion, collective work and responsibility, in touch with one's own faith. These Christmas. revelations which are recorded in the Koran cooperative economics, purpose, creativity religious events have helped to shape During tbis tinle -of ye~ many who (the holy scriptures oflslam). . The purpose and faith. The three colors of Kwanzaa are this time of year for millennia, and will are Jewish will be cet¢bfating an impor- of this holiday is so that Muslims may ·~ black, red and green. ·Seven colored can- continue to do so for millennia to come. Silver Bells: Salvation Army Shares and Cares

A Bell, a Bucket and a Friendly Volunteer Are All That's Need~d to Help the World

KATHRYN ROUSE who give their spare change to the cause. kettles are guarded by human volunteers, Another dedicated volunteer is Ed, who Retriever Weekly Editorial Staff The Salvation Army is a Christian but there are also some with self-ringing rings in the Columbia mall in between the organization with the mission to meet bells and booth with a PA system broad- kiosks for gutter covers and chocolate They are ubiquitous. Walk into any human needs without discrimination. The casting carols. treats. He holds a number of different jobs supermarket, department store or mall dur­ donations collected over the holidays are Exact numbers for each station are not throughout the year, but stops during the ing the holiday season and listen for the used to bring aid to the needy, including released to. the volun- holiday season to volunteer for the bells. They might be sleigh bells, maybe families, seniors and the homeless. Help is teers, so they don't Salvation Army stand. "I love ·people; I cowbells, and sometimes even those tradi­ given in the form of food, clothing, toys · know the amount of love children. That's why I'm here." tional hand-held dinner bells. They come in and financial assistance to those who money being brought Not only does Ed watch the kettle, but gold and silver for the most part, but they are having trouble making ends in through their efforts. he also oversees the Angel Tree in the mall. are all attached to the hand of .a volunteer meet. Families of prison- And yes, the kettles are This program is one of gift donation, where with the signature red apron reading ers, and people unable locked and firmly participants buy a gift for a child in need, "Salvation Army." to leave hospitals or attached to the stand to aged from one month to 18 years. The most They are the bell ringers. They ring nursing homes are prevent theft. Most are memorable experience he has had was last bells, sometimes calling out for busied included in giving. emptied by Salvation Army year during the holiday. shoppers not to forget the less fortunate this Aid usually contin- workers a couple of times "A 16 year old girl went out and spent year. They stand next to red kettles with ues throughout the each day. In 1999, contri- $160 dollars on gifts for one child. She signs reading "Sharing is Caring," or rest of the year to butions made up 29.6 per- spent her whole paycheck and came back "Need knows no season." They stand out­ those people suf- cent of the national crying because she was so happy. She side in the cold; earmuffs are popular fering with "fami- income, which totaled learned how to give, you know?" said Ed, among this crowd. They stand in the mid­ ly, emotional or over $1.7 million dollars. smiling as he rang the bell again. dle of the Columbia mall, watching moth­ employment prob- Kettles are set Overall, the volunteers agreed that they ers with strollers and gangs of young adults lems." up right around were impressed with the good nature and meander past the stores. They sometimes The holiday pro- Thanksgiving, and bell holiday spirit of the shoppers who stopped help to put the carts back or throw away gram, called "The ringers will be active to donate some money to the kettle. trash, but for the most part they just stand Annual Appeal at through Dec. 23 this year. And the bells? They vary from place to . . Mandy Strong I Retriever Weekly Staff and ring. Chri,stmas," 1s the largest Each volunteer takes a sta- place, but are supplied by the organization "I really enjoy it," says Alice Cole, who single fundraising effort done by the organ- tion and works a 10 hour shift, from 10:00 explained Ed, who chuckled at the ques­ is stationed outside the Giant on Maiden ization. Mail solicitation is used, but more a.m. until 8:00p.m. during the week. Most tion. "They give you everything you need." Choice Lane. She has been a member of the noticeable are the red kettles manned by also work weekend hours. The volunteer Salvation Army on and off for 30 years, but the bell ringers. The first kettle was set up outside Walmart on Route 40 has been For more information, contact the for the past six years she has been ringing in 1891 by the Salvation Army Captain working with the Salvation Army for 40 Salvation Army at www.salvation­ for donations during the holidays. "I'm 70 Joseph McFee, and the idea worked so well years, but started working in the Christmas armyusa.org. Or, ask one of the volunteers. years old, and I like [volunteering]." Cole that they are now present across the United program three years ago. He plans to ring at They're very friendly. is impressed with the numbers of people States and worldwide to raise funds. Most that site for the whole season. . ) PAGE 18 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY FOCUS December 5, 2000 Too Many Stores, Not Enough Parking from MALL, page 16 handing out free samples to grumpy passers­ are many other jobs available that don't by. Third, if you've ever been shopping dur­ require compulsory singing. Besides retail, aross the approximately 1.3 million square ing November or December, you know how the lillian's and the restaurants are available, foot complex. In between each of these irritatable and unforgiving customers can be. and the new movie theater probably hasn't neighborhoods are entertainment courts to Then there is issue of the position itself. been staffed completely either. Check the provide a visual diversion from the monoto­ Opinion Editor Stephanie Rawlings, volun­ paper. ny such choice could provide. These include teered as a Santa's elf on Christmas. "I was in In all, Arundel Mills caters to everyone a lily pad, a bowling alley, and the crowd­ Student Council, I was short, and I had taken and succeeds. In coming years, the impact of pleasing pinball machine interior, which fea­ some acting classes," she said, listing her cre­ it's success will probably change the tures giant metal spheres rolling around near dentials. Others with similar qualifications approaches of other smaller malls. In the the ceiling. Described by The Sun as "muse­ surely could find work as assistants to holi­ meantime, change your own routine, spend um-like", Arundel Mills takes risks that make day figures in malls around Maryland. some time, find that gift, and have fun: it's ·other malls seem predictable. If you are looking for a way to earn the aformula the planners have succeeded in cre­ It's the non-shopping venues that will money to buy something in the shops, there ating, and it's close as well. entice you to stay longer than your patience with crowds normally allows. Like an updat­ ed version of Dave and Buster's, lillian's is a food and entertainment complex that boasts new features such as a glow-in-the-dark vir­ tual bowling alley. Although the Muvico 24 Theatre movie complex won't open until later this month, the Egyptian theme is a visu­ al in itself. In the food court(which actually has a Cru:vel stand!), hungry shoppers are immersed into what seems like a B&O rail station. Your'e even likely to catch a free per­ formance if you walk by Johnny Rocket's, the 50's themed diner that forces its employ­ ees to gather and sing as a group. Students are often in search of employ­ ment during the holiday season, and many are willing to take whatever job they can find. Retail is a lucrative area; it doesn't require prior training or even skill at some locations. The dangers lurking in holiday positions are many. First, by the time all the paper work for your paycheck goes through, you've quit. Second, as the new employee you're often stuck with the least interesting tasks, such as FINANCIAL AID WANTS YOU

TO BE PREPARED FOR 2001-2002

Begin filing your appliCation after 01/01/01 at www.fafsa.ed. ov THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY December 5, 2000 PAGE 19 I ( f. ' ' J 'Tis the Season to Spend Money (And Cut Down Lots of Trees)

ALYSON SPURGAS the year due to holiday spending, and They can supposedly be used over and after New Years' Day, when the holidays Retriever Weekly Editorial Staff because these huge corporations bring so over again, but the truth is that their life are over, friends and family are gone, and much of this profit in, small businesses span is about six years (on average), and people are left with nothing but their It's that time again. The time of year almost always suffer. These businesses these trees are usually made from prod­ enormous credit card bills. when friends and families gather together are in effect disadvantaged during reces­ ucts that will not degrade for many years. Before the winter holiday was to sing songs while sitting around cozy sions as well, meaning that while they The holiday season as we know it is Christianized, pagans celebrated the win­ fires, eat rich, fattening foods, and fail, big businesses gain market advan­ harmful on social levels, too. The afore­ ter solstice. This is the longest day of the exchange gifts and cards. No matter what tage. Market failure is another economic mentioned synthetic trees, most of the year, and takes place on Dec. 21. This religion you practice (or don't practice), problem that arises during or after the toys bought as gifts for children, and was a celebration of light and fertility. doing these things are usually a part of holidays; the rush to return gifts is some­ much of the clothes bought in popular After the solstice, the days would get your wintertime festivities. Everyone has times almost worse than the rush to buy retail stores are manufactured in sweat­ longer, brighter, warmer, and crops fond memories of holiday seasons past, them. shops in third-world countries. We would soon begin to grow again. and most of us look forward to those to An economic problem that is also an already know how destructive this type of Romans eventually moved the holiday to come. But what about the economic, environmental one is the whole "buy once exportation is to the economy of the third­ the 25th, and in 336 A.D., Emperor social and environmental impacts the hol­ and throw away" philosophy that comes world country. Many of these items are Constantine Christianized it by proclaim­ idays have--especially the most popular along with the season. Americans spend also produced in Chinese prison labor ing it Jesus' birthday. The bible never one, Christmas? almost as much money on products they camps, where the workers are often polit­ states the date of Jesus' birth, but it It's hard to deny that Christmas, a once use for one month out of the year and then ical dissidents, forced to toil under almost certainly wasn't Dec. 25th. The warm and friendly holiday, has been get rid of as they do on presents. And Communist tyranny. In 1997, China only time of the year when "shepherds turned into an over-commercialized mess most of it, gift-wrapping, tinsel, fake exported 450 million dollars in fake trees, watched their flocks by night" was in the of mass consumerism. Right after snow spray, Christmas trees themselves, ornaments, and lights, and 2.2 billion dol­ spring. As Christianity spread through Thanksgiving, everyone rushes to depart­ and even some of the gifts we give each lars in dolls and stuffed toys to U.S. cor­ Europe, the Christmas holiday began ment and retail stores, endorsing capital­ other, are non-recyclable. Most of it is porations. The latter figure was 10 times picking up Pagan customs, such as the ism and spending money on gifts that stuff that was created solely for the most the amount made in the United States in Yule log, mistletoe, holly, elves and the their loved ones probably don't even capitalist of holidays and has no purpose 1995. exchanging of pres.ents (all Scandinavian need. 44 percent of Americans feel they beyond it. How many gifts do you get Winter is also the time of the year traditions). So non-Christians can't be spend too much money on gifts during the each year that you have absolutely no use when approximately 10 million happy with the Christianization of a holiday season (according to a 1998 sur­ for or don't even like? Americans suffer from seasonal depres­ once-Pagan holiday, whereas Christians vey), but they just keep on doing it. In The Christmas tree industry is another sion or Seasonal Affective Disorder can't be happy with the fact that a holiday 1998, Americans spent 160-200 billion example of environmental tragedy. In (SAD). Eighty percent of these sufferers they have always considered an integral dollars on presents; that was about two­ 1997, there were enough pine trees cut are women. There is no question that the part of their religion has its roots in thirds of the national defense budget at down to be sold as Christmas trees to 'stress that most people admittedly feel Paganism. the time. This figure doesn't even include cover the entire state of Rhode Island. during the holidays contributes to season­ No matter how you look at it, the total the money people spend sending cards That year, one million acres of land were al depression, along with the darkness of corruption of the holiday is unacceptable. and packages or on air travel. This type of used for tree farms. Some people might the shorter day. Spending massive St. Nicholas, the 4th century Myran bish­ consolidated spending causes income argue that at least real trees are amounts of money on gifts and travel op that Santa Claus is modeled after, gave inequality by concentrating profits to biodegradable, but that doesn't make tak­ undoubtedly causes most of this holiday gifts to the poor secretly. If he could see large retailers such as Wal-Mart and ing land that could be used for wildlife stress. Suicide rates tend to remain close what the holiday that bears his fictitious Target. Many stores make at least half of habitats (or just left alone) any more to the yearly average in November and reincarnation has turned into, he would their business during the final months of excusable. Synthetic trees are even worse. December, but skyrocket right around and surely turn over in his grave.

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T II A ETRIEVER and RWEEKLY Invite vou to take an exam break &. anend aspecial advance screening!

TWENilEl1I CF.Nl'URY FOX oo DREAMWOHS PICillRFS oxr AN IMAGEMOVERS /PLAYI'ONE Pl!lmDI AROBErT ZEMF.CDS.RI TOM HANKS HELEN BOO "CASIAW~ NICK~ •DJALAN ~VFSI'RIBIOANNAJOHNSI'ON -tAmiUR OCHMIDT "'lMCARfER aliOONBURGFStm 'IIJOANBRAOOHAW IIDIJSIEVEOOKEY TOMHANIS ROBErfZEMF.OO) JACllliiE llllfWILIJAM BR()YII,JR. ~... -,ROBErr ZEMECIIS =~ei:; Mli.alllfll .-...c.,r..-....uc Come to me RellieJIIJt Weeld¥' s FunFest on the uc Plaza during free hour on Wednesilav, December 6th to win a pass, good tor two, to aspecial advance screening. Passes and prizes are available while supplies last 11 purchase1ecessarv. lillit OIIPir Plrlll. EIIPIIJieS II 20th C11turv FIX, Till Blllilrtlt WBBkiJ lid UMBC are Ill eligible. I I I I THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY FEATURES December 5, 2000 PAGE 21

hey, baby ··· what's your sign?

Aries (March 21-April20): Remember (fnord) in your newspapers (fnord) that there are more important things in lately. this world than mad, wild monkey ell, this is it. The end of the However, in recent years some lovin'. You know, like sleep and the Four Libra (Sept. 24-0ct. 23): Listen line, the last hurrah, the extremely desperate males have come Food Groups. Remember those? closely to the song of the cuttlefish, for W showdown, the big finish. up with a revolutionary love doll enti­ he can teach you the way of the mighty The fall semester of 2000 will soon be tled "Real Doll." Through the Internet, Taurus (April 21-May 21): As much Cephalopod. (Wow. I've always want­ nothing but a memory. People do funny these disgustingly lifelike "girls" are as the stars would like to openly ed to print that.) things when the end is upon them. The sold to many sexually repressed men all ridicule you for your crazy fantasies, last wish of a young boy on the brink of over the world. Constructed from sili­ instead they will only offer some safe­ Scorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 22): Because death is to get a lap dance. During the con, these dolls are created much like ty advice: Definitely go for the Mercury once again pulls in for a long final performance, techies throw rubber stl!nt doubles in movies. A buyer has coconuts instead of the pineapples. stay in your house of upper respiratory chickens at the actors onstage. My story the option to totally customize his doll: infections, you get kinda cynical about begins with Features editor Anna Kaplan eye, skin and hair color, facial structure, Gemini (May 22-June 21): You may this whole astrology thing. nudging me all semester to write about breast size . . . I mean everything. be embroiled in an argument with an . . . what else, sex toys. Knowing full Sickeningly enough, they sell like hot­ enemy, but tread lightly: If you're not Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 21): Today well that my "bondage" column was cakes, even though they cost thousands careful, he/she will unleash his/her is an excellent day to saunter. already stretching my realms of public of dollars. Scary. dreaded Pink Cute Fuzzy Malevolent humiliation, she insisted that a "sex toy" Although they are not, by definition, Legions of Doom, and trust me, you Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 20): Now column would not only attract readers sex "toys," X-rated films can be consid­ can't handle that. that finals are fast approaching, you but it would also be "pretty damn ered as one of the most widely used frequently say things like "Gawd! I'm funny." After giving various excuses forms of sexual enhancement. Found in Cancer (June 22-July 23): As the so stressed out my head might about why I couldn't do it throughout the the dubious back room of your nearest moon leaves Capricorn, your time for explode." Well, stop it! Spontaneous semester, I conceded to write it for my video rental store, pornos are numbered self-discovery is over. So put away the head explosion is a very real problem final entry of the semester. Well ... I in the thousands, which is amazing con­ mirror and the flashlight already; in the United States, and no doubt your never break promises. sidering they all end up being about you're starting to scare people. flippant attitude isn't helping. My major concern about this column pretty much the same thing. Directors was how I was going to make something attempt to insert some semblance of a Leo (July 24-Aug. 23): What with Aquarius (Jan. 21-Feb. 19): Your that was completely tasteless into a plot and usually fail miserably. Saturn opposing Mercury in Scorpio, new perfume or cologne has the straight-edge, informational write-up. Knowing most people, they just fast­ you'll find yourself much more suscep­ strange side effect of attracting rac­ I'm going to do my best. In case of forward to the juicy parts. (No pun tible to weasel attacks. Wear protective coons. Perhaps you shouldn't have emergency, walk - do not run - to the intended.) Perhaps the best things about headgear when leaving the house. gone for the "Eau de Fresh Garbage," nearest confessional. And hide the chil­ pornos are their ingenious titles. This is even if it was on sale. dren. probably the only bit of respectable cre­ Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23): You are As you may have read in [Insert ativity that these people produce. Some (fnord) increasingly disturbed at the Pisces (Feb. 20-Mar. 20): Swim. It's Name Here] a few weeks ago, the vibra­ classic titles include: The Anus Family, (fnord) strange words appearing in your nature. tor is perhaps the most common of all E Three - The Extra Testicle, Leave It sexual accessories. This phallic-shaped To Cleavage, Assablanca, What About little contraption comes equipped with Boob?, Lawrence of a Labia and the an internal motor powered by a couple ever-popular Battlestar Prophylactica. inexpensive AA batteries. Amazingly, Gotta love 'em. this simple contraption comes in hun­ In addition to these accessories, dreds of sizes, shapes and colors, all of there are many other charming toys which have stupidly hilarious titles. available for purchase. Ladies, perhaps Moss Treads New Ground Some include "Superdong," "The getting close and personal with some Invader," "Big Brother," "Mr. Satisfier" oriental Ben Wa Balls is your style. If oped in the movie then it is in the book ... from MOSS, page 15 and many others, all equally disturbing. vibrators make your eyesight shake, They are different. I enjoyed both of them The "Jelly Sparkle Delight" for instance, why not go for an old-fashioned dildo? On whether Hollywood is fair to so much. The core, the mysticism, the sounds like something Sailor Moon Funny name, even funnier in real-life! women: "You know, that is a really loaded magical quality is all in there. It is a whole would use. But ... let's not go there. Gents, your little man not standing up question. For me, I feel like I am so lucky different experience reading a book and The bizarre quotient of these toys for the job? Why not acquire a pump? and ... have had so many opportunities. I watching a movie. I think it was a wonder­ varies. One can purchase a very incon­ Yes, just like what Austin Powers had! am not someone who feels like Hollywood ful adaptation of it." spicuous little number with no weird (Caution: A vacuum cleaner is not a is not giving women a chance." On great actors: "Juliette and Judy bumps or curvy things, or take the weird toy.) And finally, the oddest of the odd, On having her own Matrix action fig­ [Garland] and Lana [Turner] are like three road. The strangest ones come equipped the Butt Plug! And yes, it is most likely ure: "It's pretty surreal. It's kinda funny. I of my favorite actresses in the world so it with some sort of funny rabbit or pen­ as excrutiatingly painful as it sounds. can't say that I have seen them since the was very exciting to be in their presence, guin attached to it, in order to "stimu­ Plugs are for bathtubs, not tushies. frrst time I saw them. I know people who but one of the things I've learned in the past late" other feminine organs, so to speak. So, I hope you have learned some­ want them and I can't find them. You know few years and one of the things I learned is I don't know about you kids, but makin' thing during your reading of this col­ where to get them?" that people are people and just because they love to a funny penguin doesn't sound umn, as well as every other column I On reading the book Chocolat: "I read are big famous movie stars doesn't mean too attractive to me. But hey, whatever have birthed this glorious semester. it after [I shot the movie]. It is more devel- they are not like you and me." floats your boat. Farewell, my dear readers! Curiosity The infamous "Love Doll" is always may have killed the cat, but it has yet to subject to the fancies of comedians and catch me. Until it does, there's The cartoonists everywhere. The laughable Curio Shoppe! blow-up woman with a gaping mouth and spread-eagled poise is hardly ever DISCLAIMER: Merry Christmas! Happy Chaunkah' Happy Kwanzaa! And remember, just say no to butt taken seriously. And why should it be? plugs. They will ruin your life and make you constipat­ The thing would probably be more use­ ed. Oh no, there's the poop reference again. Ah, so it ful as a scarecrow than a sex partner. goes. Adieu. PAGE 22 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY FEATURES December 5, '2000 persiflage by erica smith [insert name here] h, idle banter. We're back to the say something that comes very difficult from INSERT, page 11 ... " Well, [INH] does not know how question-and-answer format of for me: I don't know. I think it's a silly much actual promotion is going on in A Persiflage this week, what a expression anyway. My guess would be entries, going from worst to best. that example, but it is rather charming. relief. And without further ado, my e~ that it works for both. I mean, really: In "Fill in these blanks: "Somebody "Name an "Idiot's" or "Dummies" mail address: [email protected]. both cases, your head is going to a place scratched __, and I book for some obscure or weird topic. that, frankly, is not made for your head Example: Somebody scratched up my Example: The Complete Idiot's Guide to , "So, do you know the other nine togo. wang, and I liked it too much." Tsk, tsk, Bondage." Heh heh heh. Wonderful. esmiths? Is there a cult that only Ugh. I'm going to take a shower tsk. This one is just asking for trouble. Except bondage is not that weird or esmiths can belong to or something?'; before I answer the next question. Next! obscure of a topic; after all, over 60 per­ -King of New Orleans "What are some likely secret soci­ cent of the population are at least some­ Well, off the top of my head I can ''Why 'kumquat'? Sounds dirty to eties at UMBC, and why? Example: what interested in it, according to Curio think of two other esmiths that I have me." -Mickey Theater Assassins Guild, to find a use Shoppe author Michelle Jabes! But you met. One was Erin Smith, a girl two What is with you people? Does no for the prop weaponry." Hmm, interest­ get the prize for this one anyway, Mr. years behind me in my high school. The one at this university have a. mind that ing. [INH] imagines some overly dra­ Heaton. A promotional computer disc other is, believe it or not, another Erica isn•t in the gutter? It's a kumquat, for matic kid flying into a rage and attacking with a rather mundane Mr. Pibb game Smith, that I met at a youth group event. crying out loud, it's a cute little stragglers in the UMBC tunnels with a on it is all yours. [INH] hopes you feel I had met her once before, and so when orangey~yellow citrus fruit about the plastic sword while spouting proud to be this semester's last winner. I saw her again, our meeting went some­ same size as the first two phalanges of Shakespeare, laughs at the image and Your name will be synonymous with thing like this: your pinky finger! It's not anything moves on to the next entry. victory for the entire break. (Don't Me: [recognizing her] Hey, are you dirty! "Name the newest major at UMBC. laugh, it could happen. This column Erica Smith? Terribly sorry, Mickey dear. Erica's Example: Duck Pin Bowling." Ah, how does enjoy prestige in some select cir­ Her: Yes. been under a lot of stress lately. She's nice. [INH] is actually taking Duck Pin cles.) Me: Me too! trying to relax, but everyone, including Bowling next semester, along with Now, you are probably thmking that Her: So you're the other one! her roommate and sister and cats, think Adam the Retriever Managing Editor since it is winter break, there will be no I don't know, it was amusing to that she's gone off the deep end. And and Jamie the Retriever Movie Bitch. contest in this issue. But nope, [INH] is me ... she's not a very good swimmer, so the Watch out, Westview Lanes! more insane than you thought. There is The other esmiths and I aren't exact­ whole ordeal is rather messy. But that is "Write a haiku using the topics of in fact a contest. [INH] is, of course, ly a cult, but we do have the occasional neither here nor there. Retriever Weekly headlines only." Mr. asking for trouble here. No one is going gathering in our Super Duper Top Secret A kumquat is so named because one Heaton did not give an example for this to indulge this column's silliness over Hiding Place. This is a liW,e spot in the afternoon, the Citrus Fruit Namers of one. Yes, end-of-semester crunch time is winter break. But just in case someone Middle of Nowhere, where we roast the World sat down with an assortment probably not the best time to devote one­ wants to be extra-nice, he/she has some­ marshmallows and tell ghost stories and of oranges, lemons, limes and other self to the fine art of haiku creation. This thing to respond to. basically talk about how great it. is to be such things, and stared at this little fruit. is a rather weak contest, too. Haiku And the contest is: Where did you an esmith. Don't you wish you could be "It's cute," said one. "What do you based on newspaper headlines? Well, the wake up on New Year's morning, and an esmith? Don't feel bad- my sister is think, Mr.Lemon? After you?" Retriever may be the greatest publica­ why was this a problem? Here is an the thirty-third of her initial. I shudder to Mr. Lemon replied, "Well. I've tion in the history of Western civiliza­ example: "I woke up in jail with five think what their little gatherings ate like .. already got a fruit named after me. It is tion, but its headlines are not quite haiku other people, and we all had our socks awfully cute, though. Ms. Orange?'' material, you know? off!" See, this contest isn't that difficult. Note: Two people asked me the pre­ "I'm out," sai~ Ms~ Orange. ''Mr. "Mimic a popular radio commercial The prize is something mysterious that vious question, and two people asked me Lime?" to promote something at UMBC. [INH] will find during the month of the following one. I can't find the origi­ "It~s adorable.'' said Mr. Lime. "How Example: I wake up in the morning and January, kind of like tuna casserole sur­ nal asking of the next question, so r m about you, Mr. Kumquat?'' I think, early classes suck . . . I take a prise. And with that, [INH] sends you using the second one 1 got. Thank you. "Eh?" said Mr. Kumquat. "This shower, and I think, early classes suck out on your merry winter way. whole thing is absurd. I'm going to go ''Can you igive bead' to a woman, home and stop wasting my time with FINE PRINT: Submit entries to [email protected], or bring them by the Retriever office by ... Well, wait, we arc talking winter break here, so e-mail is just fine. [INHJ believes in imploding hedgehogs, and or is that something that can only be you idiots:~ And with that he stalked that much good will come of these creatures. [INH] also salutes you all a fine farewell and wishes you a done to a man?" -Un~versal Penguin out. happy Boxing Day or whatever it is you celebrate. Don't gel alcohol poisoning, don't overdose and most and Billy Bagel ·•ugly little fruit, isn't it?'' said Ms. importantly, don't carry on the annual stabbing trend this campus started a couple winters back. Knives rm going to be very, very honest Qxange. are bad, kids. Violence is bad. Choose bongs, not bombs. with you here: Normally, I wouldn't "Why don't we call it 'kumquat' answer this question; But since a Very after that little git?H suggested Mr. Important Person was the first person to Lemon. ask me this question. and this Very And the rest is history. Important Person has begun to lord it over me that I never answer her ques­ "What happened to that hot tions, I feel somewhat obliged to do so. blonde golf girl who used to drink a But really, I'm not sute where to begin. lot? (Please answer this; ]f you don~t [Ten minutes pass} know, someone else might.)" -J.D. Well. I just sat for 10 minutes pon~ Well, I don't know. My guess is she dering the question, and I am forced to went to Rome. Any takers?

.ZitiC SEGIIUON ESIGIIU®U'IIC.EDU WWW.AUIYE.TO/EIJ I CANi B£LI£V£ YOU BOOK BUYBACK. l GOT SOLO MY BOOKS! $20 FOR TH£ 5/X WELL AT LEAST GIVE CAN'T. BOOKS YOU AND SPOCK. ME THE MONCY YOU LENT ME GOT FOR THEM SP£N T IT ON BEER \ ) THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY FEATURES December 5, 2000 PAGE 23

Thesday, Dec. 5 tures pieces made by students and Chug, Santa, Chug! faculty, and promises to have decent The event is called "Santa Claus prices. The sale is happening from 9 Anonymous Wine Tasting," but no, a.m. to 7,p.m., and admission is free. Santa is not getting trashed. Santa Call (410) 830-2787 for more infor­ Claus Anonymous is actually a good­ mation. will foundation that buys presents for impoverished children. It is throwing Saturday and Sunday, Dec. 9 and a wine tasting party tonight at 6 p.m. 10 in the George Peabody Library in Blub, Blub, Blub. Baltimore. The admission is steep - If you like fish · and have no money, $30 - but all proceeds go to a good you probably won't mind the long cause. Call (41 0) 685-4830 for more lines in front of the National information. Aquarium in Baltimore when admis­ sion to see some water creatures is Friday, Dec. 8 only a dollar. That's right, it's the Haiku to You, Too. annual Dollar Days weekend at the Towson University's Korean Cultural Aquarium,. when admission to all Service is sponsoring an exhibit fea­ shows, including the new Amazon turing the works of three Asian River Forest exhibit, is just a humble women: Shin Nyen Ryu with abstact buck. Gall (410) 576-3800 for m?re oil paintings, Yeong Hi Paik with sur­ information. realist paintings and In Young Han with ceramic teapots. The exhibit, on Ongoing display in TU's Asian Arts Gallery, Goucher College's Rosenberg closes tonight. Call (4i0) 830-2787 Gallery's latest exhibit is a multime­ for more · information and gallery dia representation of obsession. And hours. this is not a Kate Moss/Calvin Klein type of obsession we're talking about Saturday, Dec. 9 here, but a crouch-outside-some­ Hooray for Clay! one's-window-at-night type of Add a homemade spin to your holiday obsession, a kidnapping-his-new­ gifts: buy some handmade pottery! girlfriend type of obsession, a ... Not Today, the Towson University ·that Around Town condones that sort Ceramic Guild is hosting its 27th of behavior. Heh. Call (410) 337- annual Holiday Pottery Sale in the TU 6333 for more information. -Anna Center for the Arts. The display fea- Kaplan ·

Thanks to you. all sorts of everyday products are bemg made from the

paper. plastic. m~tal and glass that you've been recycling. But to keep recycling working 10 help protect the environment. you need to buy those products. Winter Term 2001 BUY RECYCLED., carroll community college January 2-January 27 • Jump start your spring term! • Earn three credits in only four weeks! • Home from a four-year school? Carroll credits transfer! AND SAVe; Accounting · Biology· Computer Information Systems ·Economics So look for products made from English · Health · History · Management · Mathematics recycled materials. and buy them. It Office Techn?logy ·Physical Education would mean the world to all of us. To receive a free brochure. write Psychology · Sociology · Speech · Veterinary Te~hnology Buy Recycled, Environmental Defense Fund. 257 Park Ave. South. New York.

. . NY 10010. or calll-800-CALL-EDF. ~~/// ~vWU Register now through December 15. coLLEGE For Admissions and Advising, call ~MuN I TY I~VIKMYINT~l ocrt•sF EJJF fUNO 1601 Washington Road Westmmster, MD 21157 41 Q-386-843S www.carroll.cc.md .us Ff iE 24 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY FEATURES December 5, 2000

TRUE OR FALSE?

3.9°/o OF WOMEN DON'T WEAR ANY UNDERWEAR. 6.4°/o OF MEN GO COMMANDO. December 5, 2000 PAGE 25 POR Nittany Lions Tame Retrievers in PSU Invitational

LOREE MILLER points. place, but still trailed Penn State by Retriever Weekly Stqff The Retriever women's squad over 100 points. St. Bonaventure got off to a rough start after also held a commanding lead over This past weekend the UMBC Friday's meet, placing in fourth the Uruversity of Buffalo for the swimming and diving teams both place with a score of 202.50. third spot. The men were able to traveled to Penn State University Senior Christy Maskeroni was come away with many winners on for a three-day Nittany Lion once again a bright spot for the the second day of competition. Invitational meet. Dawgs winning the 500-yard Evan Patrick won his 200-yard Overall, both the men's and freestyle event. Senior teammate freestyle event while Goh captured women's teams placed second in Lisa Webb also recorded a victory the 200-yard breaststroke crown. third respectively versus some in the 200 Individual Medley Goh also teamed up with Patrick, very tough competition. On the event. - and freshmen Carlos Canepa and women's side, UMBC finished in After the first day,_ the men's Brad Green to capture the men's third out of four teams with a score squad also performed well falling relay event. of 688.5 through the three days. just short of first place Penn State Finally, the three-day inyita­ Host Penn State University cap­ by 31 points. Senior Kevin Goh tional concluded Sunday with the tured the title after scoring 1,182.5 placed first in the 200-yard men's team fmishing in second points. Cornell University was far Individual Medley while junior place and the women's team in behind the Nittany Lions with 754 Mehdi Addadi added a frrst-place third place overall. Sunday event points while lagging in fourth finish in the 50-yard freestyle. winners included freshman Holly place was St. Bonaventure Addadi would team up with fresh­ Wittsack coming away with the University with a score of 590 man Ramon Jones, Goh and junior 200-yard butterfly title while points. Evan Patrick to also win the 400- Mehdi Addadi was able to contin­ Penn State University once yard Medley relay event. ue his strong swimming by win­ again came out on top on the Saturday's competition was a ning the 100-yard freestyle event. men's side also. The Lions fm­ stroke of revenge for the women's The Retrievers have a while to ished with a final score of 1,040.50 squad as they raised up into the rest up for their next dual meet points. UMBC did put up a valiant third-place spot. They leaped over after their long three-day meet at effort finishing in second with 933 St. Bonaventure with a score of Penn State. UMBC doesn't have points. St. Bonaventure claimed 492.5 points. The men's squad another competition until next year the third spot with 826 points continued their steady play in the when they travel to New Jersey to Amy Banowetz I Retriever Weekly Staff while the University of Buffalo Invit~tional after finishing with swim against Rutgers University On Your Marks: Retriever men placed well at the three-day rounded out the group with 514.50 657 points to remain in second on Saturday January 13th at 1 p.m. event in Penn State, placing s.econd behind the Nittany Lions. Women ·to Open Up Conference Season Versus Mount down a game-high 10 Bednarek felt led to the UMBC minutes. "You don't hit full rebounds. defeat was the Terps overall fledged experience until you're a The following larger size, higher athleticism, junior and a senior," said Saturday, the and more experience. Bednarek · Bednarek. Retrievers traveled to felt that even if the player's Overall Bednarek was Cole Field House to height was the same, there was pleased with the team's perform­ play the University of still a size difference. "Their ance. "To hold them to 56 points Maryland-College 5'9" is not our 5'9". TheY're big. on their floor, that says a lot. We Park Terps in front of a We're talking ACC weight room, went down 17, and we never crowd of 73 2. The whatever they do at that level. I threw in the towel. We brought it Retrievers fell to the know in the Big Ten they have back to nine points, and we just Terps after shooting training tables, the supplements, couldn't get past that. I attribute only 27% from the the food,· whatever. We're talk­ that to a lack of experience," floor. The Dawgs 44 ing a bigger kid," said Bednarek. said Bednarek. "I was really points tied Wagner The Terps higher athleticism proud of the way they played. College for the lowest also took a high toll on the They kept their heads about score against College Retrievers defense, which in turn them." Park this season. took its toll on the Retriever Bednarek, though happy with The team did have offense. "We expended a lot of the team's performance, is still many things to cele­ energy on defense. We had to. If not satisfied. "I want to remind brate, however. The they score 89 points like they did them that it's still and L [loss]. team kept College Park against Wagner, we can't gener­ We want a win. Don't be satis­ to their lowest score of ate 89 points of offense, even if fied; never be satisfied. We can the season, 56. The we're playing Navy or Towson. I be pleased with the goals that we majority of the goals knew that we would have to hold set and what we've accom­ Nate West I Retriever Weekly Staff that Bednarek set for them defensively to have a shot. plished, but we're not satisfied. Great Defense: Sophomore Shalayna Johnson drives to the hoop for two of the team, they either Well, with a young team, when How does this contribute to the her 11 points versus College Park. met or beat by fair you put that much energy out next game? How does this con­ . amounts. One goal was defensively, it is hard offensive­ tribute to conference play? from W. BASKEIBAU, page 25 ing well and she came in and hit to keep College Park below their ly, especially if you're playing That's what matters." some three's right away and scoring average of 70 points, against 6'4", 6'3", 6'2", 5'1" The Retrievers will try to the Retrievers "secret weapon" that just did it," said Bednarek. which they beat, ,allowing the [players]," said Bednarek. apply the lessons learned from because the Towson assistant told Coll finished the game with 11 Terps only 56 points. Bednarek Another major factor was the these experiences in their next them after the game that they did­ points and seven rebounds. "She wanted the team to work on ball Terps larger po<;>l of experience match-ups against Lehigh n't mention much about her in did a really nice job. She control and ball handling while to draw from. The UMBC soph­ University Wednesday in the their scouting report of the played a real heads-up game," also wanting to commit less than omores played 111 minutes of RAC Arena and Saturday for Retriever's. "That was kind of the said Bednarek. 20 turnovers, the team ended 200 possible. College Park's jun­ their first conference game straw that broke their back Sophomore center.Liz Dickey with 13. iors played 14'1 minutes, while against Mt. St. Mary's because the other kids were play- scored eight points and pulled The main factors that UMBC's juniors played only 31 University in the RAC Arena. PAGE 26 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY SPORTS December 5, 2000 FROM THE BLEACHER SEATS PRATIK SHAH Cheapskating 'His Checkbook

I guess an immediate reaction Oriole fans will also have an even bigger As it stands right now, rlght-hander Luis continue their dynasty. With Roger toward Mike Mussina would be to 'hate problem of dealing with Peter Angelos~ Mercedes would be the front-runner to get Clemens, Andy Pettitte, Orlando the guy. After 10 glorious seasons with stupid decisions. In all three players' the start on opening day including a total Hernandez and Mussina, it really does the Baltimore Orioles where he became instances. Angelos could have paid a mil­ makeshift lineup, which includes second not matter who pitches in the fifth spot one of the winningest pitchers in the lion or two more to keep that player, but baseman Delino DeShields and shortstop I can't blame Mussina. For a guy decade, the star right-handed hurler may instead he lost them t1ach time. I -under­ Melvin Mora both playing in the outfield. · who's hitting his prime, pitching more have committed a cardinal sin according stand the stance that these players should Mussina also gave the Orioles an than half of his career, he just wants to , to Baltimoreans: playing for the not be receiving all this money (which is option to match any final offer that was win a championship. Not to mention Yankees. In this day an age of recount­ Angelos' top excuse) but these players given to him, but of course Angelos the fact that he.also has 88 million rea­ ing votes, the Yanks have stuffed the . sons for his decision, plus all the ballot box with dollar bills and are endorsements and playoff checks sur­ almost .locked to win next year's title, "I can't blame Mussina. For a guy who's hitting his prime, rounding the Big Apple. He's also a But after signing a six-year, $88.5 pitching.more than half of his career, he just wants to 'Win a good fit with the Yanks considering he million contract with New York a week is not only the most durable pitcher in ago, Mussina will go from playing for championship." the league. but he can also be dominant one of the worst American League come playoff time. l really can't even teams, to the best in all of the Major blallle Yankees owner George Leagues. The question of team. loyalty are the difference between being a good t>e.came a cheapskate·with his checkbook Steinbrenner for this. His goal is just to

will definitely be a question surround­ team or a bad one, and to us fans 7 that's and declined to show Mike the money. maintain New York~s dominance, and ing Mussina, but once again, fans must what it all comes down to. We don't care Angelos also pulled the same stunt during he is doing all that he can within the question majority owner Peter Angelos about moral victories, We just want to the season when he declined to negotiate rules to do -that. moves and the criticism toward him is bring a division title back to Baltimore with Mussina then and decided to wait When it comes down to the end, his~ nothing new. ., and if it means paying him a million until the end of the season when any team torians won't believe how much money He's taken the heat for departures of ·· more in a season, then do it. can negotiate with him. Smart move/huh? you spent on a teafil to buy a title or stars like Rafael Palmeiro and Roberto The fact is that the Orioles really So once again, we Oriole fanshave some­ how you didn't purchase a player's Alomar and even the removal of head needed Mussina. Baltimore is in a thing to look forward to this season . .That contract because you didn't feel it was coach Davey Johnson after winning two rebuilding stage with both hitting and . would be just how cold it gets in.the base­ the right thing to do. It all comes down straight divisiob titles. And now with pitching~ and losing the team's ace of the ment in the AL East .while the Yanks wilt to the numbers and the results. As the Mussina, the Orioles will not only have ·· past decade will really ,show the team's reap the benefits of liavjng one of th~ old cliche goes - nobody remembers a problem gaining respectability, but inexperience at the position next season. greatest starting rotations in years and who finished in second place.

January 2-26, 2001

SHAKE UP YOUR WINTER: EARN FOUR CREDITS IN FOUR ~VEEKS!

• Lighten your spring course load Call or email for a catalog or visit our website. • Get a jump on graduation 410.455.2335 • Day and evening classes available [email protected] I ' • Registration: November 1-January s- www.continuinged.umbc.edu/winter ··•-1 UMBC AN HONORS UNIVERSITY IN MARYLAND THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY SPORTS December 5, 2000 PAGE 27

Athlete of the Week by Danielle Kotova UMBC's Dominant Force Inside "It's a challenge for me to get bet­ continued to play an season. Sullivan plans to up the tempo of the ter and see how far I can take this," important role, lead­ The Battle of Retriever offense this year with a lot says the Brooklyn, New York native, ing the league in Baltimore two weeks of young talent they have added to Kennedy Okafor. Kennedy's interest rebounds for the sec­ ago proved to be an this year's squad. This was success­ in the sport of basketball was little, ond straight year exceptional tourna­ ful during his coaching days in New but he used to watch kids in his while also leading ment for Okafor. He Hampshire and Sullivan thinks the neighborhood play basketball and UMBC to the regular was named Most team this year will be successful as thought it looked enjoyable. When he season NEC crown. Valuable Player and well because of the Retrievers' was younger he was interested in Okafor also had indi- named to the all-tour- depth and wearing down their oppo­ martial arts, but upon entering vidual honors that nament team. Okafor nents. Okafor's agility, skills and Midwood High School, he tried out season leading also became the 12th enthusiasm will fit perfectly in this for the basketball team because of his UMBC to its largest player in school his- style of the game. curiosity in the sport. He did not margin of victory on tory to hit 1,000 As an information systems major, make the team his freshman year, but the road versus points that weekend, Okafor spends a great deal of his after long hours of practice, he made Wagner in January while this is the first spare time on the computer. In the the varsity team his sophomore year. that season. Kennedy Courtesy of Athletic Department season in 14 years off-season he worked in the Office Kennedy earned many honors play­ was overshadowed Man In the Middle: Kennedy where the team has of Information Technology to gain ing for his Midwood squad including his junior season by the Okafor continues to play well in the begun the season with experience in his field. Although being named to the all-city team his emergence of star Brad paint. He leads the conference in a 3-0 record. "What we free time is scarce for college ath­ senior season. Okafor's accolades Martin but continued rebounding for the fourth straight have done so far is not letes, Okafor also enjoys spending landed him at UMBC. to quietly put up big year. a surprise to· us. We quality time with friends and family. He instantly became a valuable numbers once again know we can do this ... In the meantime, Okafor is planning member of the squad. Okafor was leading the NEC in rebounds. we can dominate the league and make a on attending graduate school after named Rookie of the Year and second This year, Okafor has high expectations lot of noise," said Okafor of UMBC's he obtains his degree, but in the team all-conference in his freshman for the team as well as himself while also stellar beginning. meantime, he is trying to enjoy his year when the Retrievers played in being dubbed to the all-NEC team in the Not only does Okafor bring his talent senior season as much as possible the Big South Conference. Upon preseason. So far through three games, the to the court, "He brings a lot of enthusi­ and is hoping to round out his career moving to the Northeast Conference team is undefeated while he leads the asm and that carries over to the other at UMBC with another conference his sophomore campaign, Okafor league in rebounds for the fourth straight kids," said head coach Tom Sullivan. title.

Your three pointers RESlDEN!lAl UFE hit nothing but net. STAFF ROCK! RESIDENTIAL UFE STUDENT STAFF APPRECIATION DAY FRIDAY, DECEMBER 8th

Marc Haskins Jamie Medoff Richard Sigwald Pamela Hislop Christiana Metzger James Singleton Sania Hogan Jennifer Mong George Skleres Helen Honeywell Malina Muldrow David Slak Edidiongabasi lfon Charles Myers Eric Smallwood Usa Israel Marcy Myers Jemita Smith Hannah Acquah Meghan Creeden Cynthia Johnson Elias Nawd Joanna Smith O!ugbemiga Adekun le Ben Crispin Jada Jones Aamir Nooruddin Jonae Smith Folukemi Akinjola Jennelle D'Aiessandro Jamil Jones Mutema Nyankale Tabitha Smith Kevin Allor Paul Oant Orinthia Jones Adebanjo Ojuri Anita Tammara Derek Anderson DrewDeBock Aimee Joshua Monica Oliva Nagesh Tam mara Shauna Anthony Melissa Dehn Jamie Joshua Adam Oliver Curtis Tarver BasemAwad Paolo del Mundo Erin Kelmartin leila Orozco Michael Taylor Christian Awori Nadine Delva Sarah Kelsey Naana Osei-Boateng Tiffany Taylor Kudirat Badru Rion Dennis Sharon Kirk Nirali Patel Dan Terlizzi Jason Balderson Jonathan Desi Nathan Knauer Purvi Patel Millicent Thomas Miche!le Bangwa Suranjith DeSilva Tiffany Knott Jason Penn Travis Timmons lauren Beach Roxie Diaz Yewande Komolafe Harvin Perez Manolito Torralba 0 ~ Prost so )t¥1. Sst ~ ~ Ststtn cl ~ ~ hu David Belt Ill Rafeal Dickens Jan a-Marie Koylass Kellie Pflugh Karleena Tuggle Janet Benjamin Unique Dowtin Sahrah Lacher Richard Poirier Terra Tuono Manama Black Kathryn Drago Ashley Lacis Tracy Pokrass UcheUmelo ~ ~ d'M.~ from ·'~ ~ • CVtC ~ fttitOO Jimmia Joy Blakely Brian Eagle Aasha L.aheri Marcia Pratt AdamVu Cleopatra Borel Dedra Emezue Kim lam Benjamin Michael Pressoir Kathryn Waldo Deyanna Boston Heather England lanson David Rafati Brian Wallace wt.o ~ ulriend$ an6 ~ ~ Hif)1•n6' 6~ ~~Be Sisttn lftd lindsay Bowlin Miriam Evers Monique lawrence Massod Rahimi Kristen Warner Alaina Brenick lakisha Flanagan Erin Leatherwood I«Ythik Rau Angela Washington 11 . Lori Brenner Jameka Fletcher Gloria lee Brian Reavey - AlbaWaya &it ~!S. ~NJ lit'f4e ~ thfte ~ it ltiit Mt I rr'«l~ WfinJ Ryan Bricklemyer Jody Fletcher Allan leeks Pralhi Reddy Adrienne Webb Kathleen Brooks Karen Foltz Greg lemich Karmeshia Rice Jaime Weinrich Salvin Brown Robyn Forster Faith London Nesetari Robinson SharaWells m1~ a"e«1d"-- sportlnc Mnt~ lOin, co muJC:\I!N V~d J~1 ~· OCA to· Jaclyn Brown Edmond Freeman Barbara Mackintosh Asha Robinson-Parks Nate West lesley Bubb Dana Greaves Bonnie Marshall Kathy Rowland Christina Wilmer ~ 1-f\Jnrh'J~ of bell c~lldllf! 1ra ~ ~ H mQ'C~ SomcOnt lilw Gordon Burroughs Kassie Greer Tara Marshall Amber Sallerson Brian Wood Jennifer Byrd Monique Hagans Michael Masucci Nnamdi SErldidge ErykaYoung No.i•ld be ~ ~ Jason Campbell Brenna Hansen Maya Matheny Greg Schroeder ~ '\oVW ·~ Rithy Chhay Jason Harley Gina Mathew Harveer Sethi Brooke Coley Renee Harris lisa Mathew MeeraShah BIG 8JOl'HrlrS BIG $1$111$ Derrick Collins KeHy Hcrrison Vicki McGowan Raymond Sheets !'rode I -aild help t ro. f. .. ' Leah Concannon Octavia Harrold Robert McKenzie James Shepherd jJ. OF C•rttiAI. MAIY1A~D aJ d1114 sbrn 6Jn~ ... 41 0·243~4000 PAGE 28 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY SPORTS December 5, 2000

USA~ · FILMS invite vou to take abreak . &SIOPbV 11111 Blllfillrtlf WBBtli S FunFest on the uc Plaza during tree hour on Wednesdav 12/&.lor vour chance to win T Fl movie prize uacks, including t-sh1rts and passes to see the film! Passes and prizes are available while Ne purchase necessarv.llmlt ene per Emolavees THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY ADVERTISEMENT December 5, 2000 PAGE 29

T II A ETRIEVER Rw·EEKLY and Invite vou to take an exam break &go see

come to me RelliBIIBt Weelllr' s FunFest on the uc Plaza durinu·tree hour on Wednesllav, December 6th to win a pass, uood lor two, to see DRACULA 200l Passes and prizes are available while supplies last II PUrchase necessarv. limit 111 per persen. Emplevees 11 Dimensien Fillls, The lellierer Weet/J and UMBC are net eligible. I I I I • ~ t

PAGE 30 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY ADVERTISEMENTS December 5, 2000

Invite you to take an exam break &attend an advance screening of Ciocola!

! r'"~ ~ • ~ _;. ' ' ~ ~ :;.! ( f a : ~ ! ! ~ li I I • ~ _t _...!. ,1 ! .. ._;:, ..l. .:;, . . ·--' ·- -· IQIIIJ!.i -- j ::;.l ·..... J' I- • • ....! ....!..1 _;.. If 'ill~, &·IIJIHU.iiiiY'~ ~ J - ~ -~ c•oas-- ~ --~·

I j J I l ~ I , I : ' . ~ ! i i { : • • • : I l :- !: ' • • • • Ill-. --- ~ .! ___i -· ri ,,.,··~!l - ~ -~ .!!!!.1 U.:.J ..; ..}_' •ar~~ - • ..: .·:4ol'1· .J a-~·at~IR ..; j -~· J ~ ~' IIUit.,....m&lwtat •.,...... - i ~ ! . I 'I . i ~ -- : I \ I • ! : ! 1 - · ~ 1 ,-i I ! ~ ~~./- __. __;' _! _; .!!!!!.1 _j . .-.i ...:.. ;;.} _. ·MiMI_. • ..: .-:J - "J'· trtt ·i S1 ·- - .;·11-· .=.: 111·....! l -..,. ....,.(Full,...... W'u1r1·1·Yd WI-IS'~ ~ ~ ~ ~ - ~ ~ 81a-&al). CaiiiQII Nghl...._ rullh aflllr oniJ ....WU fGt11180100. .

Student Rush nckets $10·$15 When you buy your tioketa in peraon at the Cenler Slage Box Office on the day of the performance. (8Udem must .,._..,. ID. Subj.at to &Yaillbili\C.)

Directed by Usa Peteraon The Peartstone Theater November 1&­ CenterStageazDDJ ~ December 17, 2000 lllllllll:a4IIIIHID·-

Get your Irish up, UMBC!

@ Live. music Tuesday-Saturday nights Myths. Rumors. Misinformation. The fact is, if you are sick or injured and admitted to the @ Incredible nightly food specials hospital, the absolute number one priority is to save your life. Organ and tissue donation Sunday-Wednesday nights can be considered only if you die and after your family has been consulted. Don't let bad information keep you from making a great decision. Call 1-800-355-SHARE or visit 20-cent wings $2.50 burger & fries www.shareyourlife.org for honest information on organ donation. TALl TO YOUR FAIII.Y AB8UTIIOIIA.TIJII UFE. Call for details! 3 2 8 N. Charles St.· Coalitoon on Organ & Tissue Donation 410-539-7504 December 5, 2000 PAGE 31

Classified Classified T Tl E Club Notices Lost & Found Advertising Display UMBC student clubs A free service offered Advertising RETRIEVER may make announce­ to UMBC students, $6.00 per 30 words WEEKLY ments only in this faculty and staff. $0.50 per bold word $20 per column inch section. Five lines are Limit 5 lines. University Center 214 free, each additional $20 for advertise­ 1000 Hilltop Circle Does not include: ments under 20 col­ line costs $1.50. Personals Baltimore, MD 21250 The cost is $1.00 for a PERSONALS, LOST umn inches (410) 455-1260 & FOUND, CLUB four-line ad and 25 (410) 455-1265 (FAX) Thrift Shop NOTICES or All classified display Mon.-Fri. 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. cents for each addi­ A service for current tionalline. Ads in all THRIFT SHOP. advertisements UMBC students pro­ See separate rate under $30 must Classifieds are due at 4:30 pm viding three free capital letters or schedules on this be prepaid on the Thursday preceeding the lines of advertising including bold lines page for more before insertion in issue and may be placed in for any item for safe cost an additional 50 information. The Retriever Weekly. person, mailed in or faxed. under $50. cents.

choice Raffle. Tickets are $5 and trips plus commissions! Internship available, conditions to 6:00 p.m. at the Pit, directly HELP WANTED the drawing date is December 8th. Call1-800-GET-SUN-l apply all majors okay. CALL across the basketball courts, Far more information, contact the NOW! 410-465-1859 behind the dorms. No experience PREGNANT? NSBE office at x3610 Piano/keyboard instructors: If you necessary. Call Kevin at x7265 or FREE CONFIDENTIAL PREG­ took 4 years of piano lessons, ***ACT NOW! GUARANTEE e-mail [email protected] with NANCY TESTING& CARING Spring Break! Deluxe hotels, we'd like to talk to you! Playtime THE BEST SPRING BREAK any questions. COUNSELING HELP\ reliable Air, Free Food, Drinks, Piano is looking for instructors in PRICES! SOUTH PADRE, CAN­ 800 521 5530 and Parties! Cancun, Jamaica, your area. We supply all students, CUN, JAMAICA, BAHAMAS, Chess Club meets every Friday CONTINUE EDUCATION & Bahamas, Mazatlan, and Florida. materials, training. $15/hr+bonus­ ACAPULCO, FLORIDA & afternoon 4-6pm in UC 310 for CAREER Travel Free and Earn Cash! Do es. Car req. Must know how to MARDIGRAS. REPS NEED­ informal games, conversation and THE NURTURING NETWORK it on the Web! Go to have fun with kids. Flex hrs., ED .. .TRAVEL FREE, EARN$$$ instruction. Everyone is welcome, 800 866 4666 StudentCity.com or call 800- eves./wkends. Will work around GROUP DISCOUNTS FOR 6+. from b~ginner to grandmaster. 293-1443 for info. your schedule. FUN JOB! 410- 800-838-8203/WW.LEISURE­ www.umbc.edu/chess, LEAD NATURE HIKES FOR 654-9042. TOURS.COM [email protected], x8499 KIDS. Enviremental education Spring Break 2001 hiring on­ internship available February to campus ad reps SELL TRIPS, WOMEN-EARN $3,000 AS AN Would you like to help Baltimore Come join the Freedom Alliance, May 2001 at the Irvine Nature EARN CASH, GO FREE! EGG DONOR - HEALTH~ City Children improve their read­ UMBC's Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Center, with stipend. See Student Travel Services, MATURE, AGED 20-29, AVER­ ing, writing, speaking, and listen­ Transgender, Allies Group, every w ww. explorena ture. org. America's #1 Student Tour AGE WEIGHT, TO DONATE ing skills? Would youlike to gain Thursday in SS0002 from 7:30pm Calllemail -Erin at 410-484-2413 Operator, Jamaica, Mexica, EGGS FOR AN INFERTILE resume experience while earning to 9:00pm. Contact us at X6370 or [email protected] Bahamas, Europe, Florida. 1-800- COUPLE. MEDICAL I LEGAL money for college expenses? freedom@ sta. umbc.edu. 6 4 8 4 8 4 9 EXPENSES PAID, PLUS $3 ,000 Training provided Call Civic VALET PARKING ATTEN­ www.gospringbreak.com COMPENSATION FOR A 2 Works Americorps (410) 366- Attention all students interested in DANTS FT/PT great hours, WEEK COMMITTMENT. CON­ 8533, Ext.213 joining the Persian Students excellent customer service skills · GO. DIRECT=$avings! #1 FIDENTIALITY AT ALL TIMES. Association, we'll be meeting required. Baltimore area $10-$15 Internet-based Spring Break com­ CALL FAMILY BUILDING Monday Sept 25th during free per hour Call Dave 1-800-979- pany offering WHOLESALE CENTER, INC. 410-494-8113, FOR RENT hour in Social Sciences 109. Also 0457 Spring Break Packages (no mid­ TOWSON. contact Babak, at dlemen)! Zero traveler complaints Condominium located in btofig1@ gl.umbc.edu for more Part time employment opportun­ registered against us last year! WANTED Kenwood Gardens at intersection information. ties available at Western Family ALL destinations. Lowest price of 695 and Wilkins Ave. 2 bed­ YMCA Aquatics, Members guarantee! 1-800-367-1252 BANK ROBBERS WANTED! room, 2 bath, new paint and car­ Join the UMBC JuJitsu Club Service Reps, Childcare, Fitness www.springbreakdirect.com Stop robbing your piggybank! pet. Immediate occupancy. http://sta.umbc.edu/-jujitsu/email: & Custodial Staff 850 S. Rolling Local companyhas 15+ immediate (410)442-0177. jujitsu@ sta.umbc.edu. Road, Catonsville 410-747-9622 Spring Break- Nassau/ Paradise openings for fun students from Island, Cancun and Jamaica from UMBC. $10-16 guaranteedfappt CLUB NOTICES Join UMBC Aikido Oub. Meets: The National Society of Black $449. Air, Hotel, Transfers, NO experience necessary. Flexible Wed. and Sun. See Web for more Engineers is sponsoring a Parties and More! part time hours around class. Build The Men's Rugby Club practices info. http://sta.umbc.edu/-aikido Playstation 2 and 3 games of your Organize small group- earn FREE great resume. Scholarships/ Tuesday and Thursday from 4:00 You can read eve~y book on the syllabus. Sort of.

But can you ~ · \ open a new ~--~ chapter for a child?

For almost 50 years, Big Brothers Big Sisters of Central Maryland has been pairing children from single-parent families with caring adult mentors who serve as

friends and role models. Maryland's Big Brothers, Big Sisters and Big Couples hav~ fun with their "Littles" - reading books, attending sporting events, going to muse­ ums and just hanging out together. More than a hundred local children are ready to be matched. By sharing your friendship as little as twice a month, a student like you could be a role model - BIG BROTHERS BIG SISTERS and still finish all of your-~ OF CENTRAL MARYLAND reading. Well,mostofit. ~ 410-243-4000 PAGE 32 December 5, 2000

Men's and women's swimming Pratik Shah talks about why 25 compete in the Penn State Mike Mussina should still be 26 Invitational. POR respected. Rust Shows in Retrievers ·Win Over Robert Morris UMBC Off to Best Start in 14 Years After 80-73 Win Over Colonials

PRATIK S. SHAH would go on a run of their own at would end any doubt as the Retriever Weekly Editorial Staff the end of the first half, cutting the Retrievers would go on to win Retriever lead to four points, 34- their first conference game and Despite sloppy play and inex­ 30. "I thought we opened up very remain the only unbeaten squad perience on the basketball court well, and I was a little concerned in the Northeast Conference. after two weeks off, the UMBC ... because it's very rare that we Dominance in the paint and men's basketball team showed maintain that lead, and with many grabbing rebounds once again some resilience, coming away young kids on the team .. . they proved to be the key for the with an 80-73 decision over the were shooting from everywhere, Retrievers as they out-rebounded Robert Morris Colonials in front not knowing how we got that the Colonials, 48-32. "That's all of over 1600 fans in UMBC's lead," said Sullivan. we think about, controlling the RAC Arena last Saturday. The win The Retrievers, played their boards," said senior captain marked the Retrievers' third last game on Nov. 20 and showed Martin. "It all starts with straight, while the Colonials some rust Saturday, committing rebounds." dropped their season record to 0-7. 15 turnovers in the contest, but Martin ended the contest UMBC jumped on top of the senior trio of Brad Martin, recording his third career "dou­ Robert Morris racing to an early Kennedy Okafor and Terence ble-double" netting 17 points lead. Junior Rich Gidden's basket Ward came up huge tallying 56 of while grabbing 10 rebounds. of three-points the old fashion the 80 UMBC points. Coming off his MVP perform­ way, with a lay-up and free throw, "We know everyone looks to ance in the Battle of Baltimore marked a 14-point lead at 20-6 us for leadership so we know tournament, Okafor also had a just over seven minutes into the what we have to go out there and strong game shooting 6-7 from contest. Head coach Tom Sullivan do," said Ward. Ward ended with the field on his way to scoring 13 went with a different lineup from a game-high 26 points while points and eight rebounds. The the past two games starting both draining 6-12 from three-point Retrievers ended the contest Giddens and sophomore Justin range. "I think it was just a matter shooting 45 percent from the Wilson at the point guard spot. of us losing our concentration field, · but star freshman Peter "When people know what when we had the big lead," said Mulligan suffered his worst game you're going to do, I think that Ward of Robert Morris' late run. in his young career at UMBC, causes problems," said Sullivan. "I think, as a team, we lost shooting 0-7 from the field in just His decision to start the upper­ focus." 13 minutes. classmen over two freshmen UMBC opened the second Sullivan and his troops will turned out to be a wise move as half just as it did the first, blazing continue their conference sched­ UMBC would never trail in the to a nine-point bulge after an ule for the next three contests fac­ entire game while holding a com­ Okafor lay-up, 41-32. Robert ing St. Francis (PA), Quinnipiac manding lead throughout ]?oth Morris would close to within six and reigning NEC champions Jeremy Wustner-Brown I Retriever Weekly Staff halves. points with just over a minute Central Connecticut State before New Point Guard?: Sophomore Justin Wilson got the starting However, Robert Morris did remaining, but free throws by battling in-state rival College nod versus Robert Morris over freshman Ron Yates. Wilson tal­ not fold over as the Colonials guard Isaac Brooks and Martin Park on Dec. 13. lied just one point in 31 minutes of action. Lady Retrievers Secure Another Win AgainstTowson Women Keep 6-0 Terps to Lowest Score of Season Despite Falling 56-44

BRANDON DUDLEY inantly zone team. The fact that until the last four minutes when Retriever Weekly Editorial Staff we shot well, anytime you shoot we kind of looked up at the clock 50 percent from the floor, along and said 'Oh, we're winning by For the third straight time, the with good defense, obviously, is 19. This is an uriusual thing, and UMBC women's basketball team going to give you the type of we haven't won on the road in 16 defeated Towson, 66-57, on Nov. cushion that we had," said games.' So we made it a little 28, at the Towson Center. The Bednarek. exciting at the end there and win evened the Retriever record The Retrievers trailed 3-2 threw the ball away and we had for the year at 2-2. The follow­ after two minutes, but their 50 24 turnovers, which contributed ing Saturday, Dec. 2, the team percent shooting effort helped to the nine-point difference. traveled to College Park to play them go on a 13-0 run and then Really it was never much of a the Terps. The women lost that race out to a 20-5 lead early on ball game though," said battle 44-56, dropping their in the game. At the half the Bednarek. record to 2-3. Retrievers led the Towson Tigers The Dawgs had three players The Towson win was the 33-21. Sophomore forward end in double figures for the team~s first win on the road since Tiffany Coil led the team going game. Sophomore guard Jessie February of 1999, something into half time with nine points Brown ended the game with 13 head coach Jennifer Bednarek and four rebounds. points, eight assists, five attributes to the team's inexperi­ The team gained its highest rebounds and shot 5-8 from the ence. Bednarek also attributes advantage, 19 points, during the floor. Carden tied Brown for the the win to the decision to play second half at the 8:25 mark top scoring spot with 13 points, man-to-man defense instead of after a three-pointer by freshman shooting 5-9 from the floor and the team's regular zone defense. guard Nicole Carden. The lead hitting 2-4 three-pointers. Nate West I Retriever Weekly Staff "We came out playing man did not drop below 16 points Bednarek referred to Carden as Sweet Lay-Up: Sophomore Tiffany Coli goes up for two versus defense. I think their coach was until late in the half when the College Park. Coach Bednarek's agressive defense limited the expecting us to play zone Retrievers started to falter. "The Terps to just 56 points, a season low. because we have been a predom- game wasn't much of a game see WBASKETBALL, page 25