$3 Elvis Was A Hero To Some But He Never Met To Shit To Us $3 The Committed Indian The REal Fan’s Program secondcityhockey.com January 19th, 2009 [email protected] MIKKO CASE Well, once again, a Hawks effort can it’s not OK. There have been far too many scoresheet and you probably win. be described as “She’s ugly, but she’s got nice turnovers in the defensive zone, the transi- But, then again,, the Wild are harder tits.” That’s all there is to say about Saturday tions have been spotty at best, and the PK to penetrate than an armed nun. They’re night in St. Louis. The Hawks weren’t very looks like a shell of its former self. Is there second in the league in goals-against, and good, the Blues were, and yet we still came now any doubt about this team’s most impor- Niklas Backstrom’s numbers, as always, are up out of it with two points. It’s strange how St. tant player? among the league leaders. The Hawks used to Louis is the only team that consistently tries, The Team Is Too Dull, Dear Liza struggle against trapping teams, but have had and succeeds, to be overtly physical with the To the encounter before us: A game a decent amount of success against Hawks. Maybe other teams aren’t equipped against the Ambien-substitute recently. However, without Keith’s speed to to do it, maybe other teams feel they have -- a game that VS. has been kind enough to help break down Minnesota’s trap, this will be enough talent to skate with the Hawks, but the take timeout from televising tricky. 51 Phantom should consider earning Blues have been at it since last year. Perhaps taking a shit to broadcasting. By now you his paycheck tonight. it has something to do with the fact that the know the drill with the Wild. They trap, they They Won’t Catch Me (Cuz We Got six games against are some of the defend, they don’t score much, and they bore Something Building Up Inside....) few that actually matter to the Blues, but the you to death. They’re coming of a 3-0 loss Pretty simple plan, then; score first. Hawks have yet to deal with it well. They’re to Anaheim, and it may have not even been as The Wild are 6-13-3 when the opponent going to have to, and at some soon. close as that. dents twine before they do. Forcing them to, Obviously, the Hawks have not The Wild sit right at the bottom of at some point, come out of their shell brings played well this month, and yet they are 5-3- the playoff-picture in the West, and likely them out of the comfort level, and will open 1. Obviously, we all knew that the dizzying won’t contend for the Northwest Division up space for the Hawks. They’ll probably have performances of December wouldn’t last for- title as they did the past two years (winning to do it 5-on-5, as after seeing the league’s ever. There were always going to be lulls and it last season). It’s no secret why, this team third-best and best PK in the Sabres and dips, but the Hawks are still finding ways to can’t score, nor is it particularly interested in Rangers, respectively, they’ll get the second- win while in them. Sometimes you need your doing so. No one has more than 12 goals (in best tonight. goalie to stand on his head, as Huet did Sat- comparison, five Hawks do). The one saving Though they are tired, the Hawks urday. Sometimes you need a slice of luck, as grace has been the play of , who need to close out with two strong games in the the Blues scored that didn’t count is their one source of consistent flair. He’s against teams they are better than. Should be due to a lack of a camera inside Huet’s glove. one of three Wild forwards who are a + on the easy enough to do at Fortress . Sometimes, you need an opponent’s agora- season. He’s also far and away the team’s -Jesse Jane phobia help you out, as apparently the Blues leading scorer. When Koivu doesn’t get a were terrified of the open space between the point, the Wild are 5-12-2. Keep him off the posts (St. Louis’s finishing can only be de- scribed as pornstar marksmanship, splattering everywhere). As long as you keep putting up the wins, whatever it takes, that’s all anyone will ask at the end of the year. Let Us Up (We’ve Had Enough) It’s pretty apparent to everyone that the Hawks need the All-Star Break as much as anyone. The first half has included all the preseason hype, the goalie controversy, that ridiculous red-carpet ceremony, a coach- ing change and all the adjustments involved therein, a 9-game winning streak, the hoopla of the Winter Classic, etc. The Hawks look a little jaded. Leading in that category is . Maybe it’s the scoring drought, maybe it’s the ankle, maybe it’s both, but it’s easy to get under Kaner’s skin these days, and teams are doing it. We’d love for the Hawks to pull Kane out of all All-Star activities, except Bet- tman and McDonough would have Tallon and Q killed for doing so. Clearly something’s off with Patrick, though, and he really could use the rest. When Keith went down, we said to ourselves, “It’s OK, the Hawks don’t face any offensive juggernauts before the break.” Well,

MUSINGS FROM THE EDITOR

First off, let me thank the Blackhawks for turning me into a com- Secondly, and maybe this is too inside-baseball, but plete hypocrite. No sooner do I run an editorial wailing on people knows nothing about hockey. If Matt Millen’s credibility as an ana- yelling, “Shoot!”, in the crowd, than their lack of urgency and com- lyst has been ruined by his Bataan Death March of a stint as Lions petence on six 5-on-3’s cause me to do the same thing. I am what GM -- and it has -- then so has Milbury’s. Look at his record as the I abhor. I guess pretty soon I’ll be downing Miller Isles GM, it’s downright hilarious. Yes, he’s a fiery Lite’s in Lincoln Park and wearing collared shirts character, and is comfortable on camera, but it’s an with flared collars. It’s all over. empty shell. For the love of God, find whatever lake -What the hell happened to ? or river Bill Clement is fishing in and get him on my Perhaps he didn’t enjoy being a studio-host instead screen. Pronto. of game-analyst, but if I watch Pierre McGuire and -I have neglected to mention this, but I’m a big Mike Milbury for one more minute I’m going to set fan of the postgame show that Judd Sirott is run- my dick on fire. Once again, I don’t expect NBC to ning on WGN. I catch it in the car on the way home commit too many financial resources to their cover- from every game, and though the callers can be... age of hockey. But is there anyone more annoying in well, subpar, Sirott’s passion and knowledge carry the broadcast booth than Pierre McGuire? The moth- Sam Fels through. He hasn’t been afraid to point out areas erfucker NEVER SHUTS UP! The dude between the the Hawks have been subpar in, and his back-and- benches is a speak-when-spoken-to position (I’ll let forth with is usually pretty enlighten- you make your own women-joke here, enough of my female friends ing. That being said, Judd will always be the guy who went on a have stopped talking to me). Yet McGuire chimes in every 15 5-minute rant about Adam Creighton that contained more profani- seconds. You end up with three men in the booth for a sport that’s ties than I would have thought ever humanly possible. I was about too fast to have that. I like the idea of putting someone ice-level at 12 at the time and a regular caller to the Heavy Fuel Crew on The the benches for a different perspective and to tell us what’s going on Score, which Judd produced. Needless to say, I’ve never recovered down there. But that should be something you go to twice a period, from the experience, and so Judd probably deserves some credit for and at a stoppage in play. God, I’m calling for to warping my mind just enough that one day I would produce this have more room to speak. It’s all gone pear-shaped. rag. . NHL STANDINGS *late game not included

Eastern Conference Western Conference

W L OTL PTS GF GA HOME AWAY W L OTL PTS GF GA HOME AWAY 1 Boston 33 8 4 70 160 98 17-3-1 16-5-3 1 San Jose 33 6 5 71 158 107 21-1-2 12-5-3 2 Washington 29 14 3 61 149 134 19-3-1 10-11-2 2 Wankers 31 8 6 68 170 127 16-3-2 15-5-4 3 NY Rangers 27 16 4 58 123 123 14-8-2 13-8-2 3 27 14 4 58 141 134 16-5-3 11-9-1 4 27 11 6 60 141 118 15-4-4 12-7-2 4 HAWKS 25 10 8 58 151 108 14-2-5 11-8-3 5 New Jersey 27 15 3 57 137 115 13-8-1 14-7-2 5 Phoenix* 23 18 5 51 117 130 15-6-2 8-12-3 6 24 12 9 57 146 134 14-5-3 10-7-6 6 Anaheim 23 19 5 51 133 131 13-10-3 10-9-2 7 Buffalo 23 17 5 51 129 126 13-9-2 10-8-3 7 22 19 6 50 136 135 11-10-3 11-9-3 8 Pittsburgh 23 20 4 50 143 144 11-10-2 12-10-2 8 Columbus 22 19 4 48 122 124 13-7-1 9-12-3 9 Florida 21 16 7 49 126 125 10-5-4 11-11-3 9 Minnesota 22 19 3 47 111 101 13-8-3 9-11-0 10 Carolina 21 20 5 47 117 141 12-10-1 9-10-4 10 Edmonton* 22 19 3 47 122 132 9-8-3 13-11-0 11 Toronto 17 21 7 41 133 162 8-9-4 9-12-3 11 Colorado 23 22 1 47 126 134 14-9-0 9-13-1 12 Tampa Bay 14 21 10 38 112 140 5-8-7 9-13-3 12 Dallas 19 17 7 45 124 147 11-6-4 8-11-3 13 Ottawa 15 21 7 37 105 127 10-7-4 5-14-3 13 Nashville 20 22 3 43 110 131 12-8-1 8-14-2 14 Atlanta 16 25 5 37 137 165 8-13-2 8-12-3 14 Los Angeles 17 20 7 41 106 124 12-11-6 5-9-1 15 NY Islanders 12 29 4 28 112 161 7-12-2 5-17-2 15 St. Louis 17 23 4 38 126 145 11-9-3 6-14-1

TOP 10 LIST PUCK DROP Look-A-Likes Top 10 Reasons We’re Glad We’re Not Minnesota Sports Fans 10. Tavares Jackson 9. Kevin McHale makes John Paxson look like a member of MENSA 8. That fucking horn the hairy dude blows at Vikings games 7. We imagine the only thing worse than living in the same city as the White Sox is losing a one-game playoff to them 6. Football indoors is for pussies 5. Tavares Jackson Dopey Pierre-Marc 4. Baseball indoors is an affront to the Gods Bouchard 3. Living even closer to Green Bay than we do 2. Knowing you lost a team to fucking Dallas, Texas One is a pansy-runt of the group. The 1. We won’t say it again, but it rhymes with Bavares Backson other hangs out with Snow White. 25-10-8

A popular comment amongst Hawks fans is that Biscuit should be giving half of his contract to Keith, as after all it was Dunc who got him that deal. We still think it’s true, but in the two games without his normal partner, Biscuit has been the best player for the Hawks, and by some margin.

# Pos Player Ht WT AGE GP G A P +/- PIM PP SH GW S S% Salary (Cap Hit)

88 R Patrick Kane 5'10" 187 20 41 16 26 42 2 26 8 0 2 122 13.1 $3,725,000

on the first PP unit. Fucking wonderful. Let’s see: $7+ mil for a d-man who isn’t even 32 L VerStud 5'10" 180 22 42 13 23 36 16 43 4 2 2 74 17.6 $491,667 24 R The Perfect Beard 6'2" 217 27 43 14 22 36 18 16 4 0 2 123 11.4 $6,000,000 19 C Marvel 6'2" 209 20 43 13 23 36 7 29 3 0 3 101 12.9 $2,800,000 10 L The Sharp-Shooter 6'1" 197 27 43 21 14 35 1 37 7 0 4 130 16.2 $3,900,000 51 D 51 Phantom 6'0" 188 29 43 7 23 30 8 8 4 0 1 59 11.9 $7,142,875 16 L Nails 6'2" 198 23 43 8 19 27 19 18 0 0 0 100 8 $1,550,000 2 D 6'1" 194 25 41 5 21 26 23 20 1 1 1 86 5.8 $1,475,000 36 C Dave Bolland 6'0" 188 22 43 8 17 25 15 18 0 1 2 57 14 $845,833 33 R 6'3" 247 23 40 9 10 19 4 53 3 0 2 104 8.7 $3,000,000 25 D 6'3" 213 22 30 3 16 19 -3 34 3 0 1 34 8.8 $2,768,587 22 R 6'2" 213 23 34 6 10 16 7 34 3 0 0 59 10.2 $675,000 7 D 6'3" 220 23 43 5 9 14 16 45 2 1 0 73 6.8 $3,500,000 55 L 6'2" 220 24 39 8 3 11 3 89 0 0 0 37 21.6 $568,000 46 C Colin Fraser 6'1" 188 23 43 3 8 11 2 42 0 0 0 32 9.4 $500,000 43 D 6'0" 207 24 14 1 6 7 2 6 0 0 0 39 2.6 $900,000 23 D Aaron Johnson 6'1" 211 25 25 3 4 7 17 20 0 0 1 18 16.7 $600,000 28 R Craig Adams 6'0" 197 31 27 2 4 6 -1 16 1 0 0 30 6.7 $600,000 37 R Adam Burish 6'1" 189 26 27 2 2 4 1 49 0 0 1 37 5.4 $712,500 8 D Matt Walker 6'3" 214 28 31 0 3 3 6 39 0 0 0 38 0 $600,000 5 D 6'1" 211 32 23 1 1 2 -4 8 0 0 1 15 6.7 $2,333,333 Totals/Averages 6'1" 203.75 24.38 149 264 659 43 5 1382 10.78% $44,187,795 We thought it was weird that according to Behind The Net, it was Barker who was the best player on the PP. We *injured assumed it was a benefit of playing with Phantom and the rest of the #1 unit. Then he goes and creates the goal against St. Louis. One game is not a trend, but it bears watching to see how Cam does on the PP without Campbell. Maybe those numbers are exactly as they appear. # Goalie HT WT AGE GPI Min GAA W L OT SO SA GA Sv% G A PIM Salary 39 Nikolai Khabibulin 6'1" 209 36 23 1336 2.34 13 3 5 1 688 52 0.924 0 2 4 $6,750,000 38 Cristobal Huet 6'1" 205 33 22 1274 2.31 12 7 3 2 600 49 0.918 0 0 0 $5,625,000 Totals/Averages 6'1" 207 34 2610 2.33 25 10 8 3 1288 101 0.921 0 2 4 $12,375,000 TOTAL CAP NUMBER: $57,283,000 CAP SPACE: $274,000* Probable Pairings Probable Lines *space also affected by buyouts and injured players Left Wing Center Right Wing 25 Barker 7 Seabrook 22 Brouwer 10 Sharp 88 Kane 51 Campbell 8 Walker Injury List Duncan Keith- Questionable (Concussion) 43 Wisniewski 23 Johnson 32 Versteeg 19 Toews 33 Byfuglien Brent Sopel- Out (Talent) 16 Ladd 36 Bolland 24 Havlat 37 Burish 46 Fraser 55 Eager

16 years ago, David Stern sent me to ruin the NHL. I have done every- thing I can think of to drive the core I am so close to completing the task fan away, strip hockey of all that’s Stern charged me with.... great about it, and eliminate any at- tention by the mainstream media... Feeling Minnesota 22-19-3

Pouliot was counted on to have a breakout rookie season, but disappointed everyone with his lethargic work eithic and general asshoolery, and was recently sent down. Upon being informed of his demotion, Pouliot appar- ently threw quite the hissy-fit. Good thing they handed him a job at the beginning of the year, then.

# Pos Player Ht WT AGE GP G A P +/- PIM PP SH GW S S% Salary (Cap Hit) 9 C Mikko Koivu 6' 2" 200 25 44 12 29 41 7 38 3 1 2 149 8.1 $3,250,000 20 R Antti Miettinen 6' 0" 190 28 44 10 20 30 -2 18 2 0 2 93 10.8 $2,333,000 15 L 6' 1" 210 35 44 11 13 24 -2 10 5 0 0 60 18.3 $2,333,333 96 C P.M. Bouchard 5' 10" 173 24 41 8 15 23 -9 12 2 0 0 84 9.5 $4,080,000 25 C Eric Belanger 5' 11" 187 31 41 9 12 21 -10 4 3 0 3 89 10.1 $1,750,000 3 D Marek Zidlicky 5' 11" 190 31 39 6 14 20 -6 36 6 0 2 76 7.9 $3,350,000 8 D Brent Burns 6' 5" 219 23 40 7 12 19 -9 33 3 0 2 114 6.1 $3,550,000 47 D Marc-Andre Bergeron 5' 9" 198 28 34 4 13 17 -2 20 3 0 0 67 6 $1,116,000 11 R Owen Nolan 6' 1" 214 36 26 10 6 16 0 15 6 0 3 64 15.6 $2,750,000 5 D 6' 1" 193 32 43 1 11 12 1 22 0 0 0 54 1.9 $4,850,000 67 L Benoit Pouliot 6' 3" 199 22 37 5 6 11 1 18 2 0 1 34 14.7 $896,000 19 L Stephane Veilleux 6' 0" 190 27 43 6 5 11 -9 19 0 1 1 74 8.1 $863,000 51 C 6' 2" 210 20 44 3 7 10 -14 18 0 0 1 51 5.9 $1,400,000 22 R 5' 11" 213 21 40 6 3 9 -2 24 1 0 1 56 10.7 $702,000 39 C Krystofer Kolanos 6' 3" 206 27 16 3 3 6 3 16 1 0 0 27 11.1 $352,000 55 D 6' 1" 200 26 44 1 4 5 4 21 0 0 0 31 3.2 $3,500,000 10 R Marian Gaborik** 6' 1" 199 26 6 3 2 5 0 0 1 0 0 22 13.6 $6,333,333 41 D Martin Skoula 6' 3" 226 29 43 0 4 4 -11 4 0 0 0 25 0 $1,800,000 18 L 6' 4" 189 19 23 1 3 4 -1 8 0 0 1 13 7.7 $1,042,000 24 L Derek Boogaard 6' 8" 257 26 35 0 3 3 4 61 0 0 0 10 0 $950,000 Score 20 goals, get yourself a fat contract, then pot 13 a fat contract, then Score 20 goals, get yourself What a country! 16 this year. and on pace for 12 R Craig Weller 6' 4" 220 27 25 1 1 2 -2 41 1 0 0 20 5 $600,000 Totals/Averages 6' 2" 207.09 26.74 108 188 -64 483 39 2 1230 8.78% $48,300,666

# Goalie HT WT AGE GPI Min GAA W L OT SO SA GA Sv% G A PIM Salary 32 Niklas Backstrom 6' 1" 189 30 37 2172 2.18 21 14 2 5 1071 79 0.926 0 0 2 $3,100,000 29 Josh Harding 6' 1" 197 24 9 478 2.26 1 5 1 0 248 18 0.927 0 0 2 $728,000 Totals/Averages 6' 1" 193 27 2650 2.22 22 19 3 5 1319 97 0.926 0 0 4 $3,828,000 In Know Thy Enemy tonight, Elise will mention that Harding has had no TOTAL CAP NUMBER: $54,104,000 ** injured support. Boy howdy. The Wild have scored 16 goals in his 8 starts. He’s CAP SPACE: $2,596,000* been another reliable Wild goalie, and almost certainly takes over next year. Probable Lines Probable Pairings *space also affected by buyouts and injured players Left Wing Center Right Wing 3 Zidlicky 47 Bergeron Injury List 15 Brunette 9 Koivu 11 Nolan 8 Burns 55 Schultz Andrew Brunette-Questionable (Ankle) 96 Bouchard 25 Belanger 22 Clutterbuck 5 Johnsson 41 Skoula Craig Weller-Out (Head) Marian Gaborik-Out (Money) 19 Veilleux 51 Sheppard 20 Miettinen 18 Gillies 39 Kolanos 24 Boogard

...IS THIS THE YEAR? We here at The Committed Indian were lucky enough to steal a copy of the actual written exam that each Ice Crew applicant must complete. We provide it here, without comment, to show you the grueling standards the Hawks ask of anyone who wants to shovel snow and pull off the outifit given them. We think you’ll be surprised.

Ice-Crew Written Exam

Multiple Choice: 7. I can ______my ass 1. When a man in a leather jacket and slicked-back mullet A: Rest a beer bottle on smiles at you and grabs himself, you: B: Break a man with A: Call the cops C: Get what I want with B: Show off your butterfly knife C: Take it as a compliment, but bathe rigourously 8. The thought of going out in the crowd of Hawks fans after makes me...: A: Excited to pump up the crowd 2. When you’re out at the bar/club, guys have: B: Nervous, but it’s part of the job A: Been unable to speak around you C: Call my lawyer B: Openly wept at the sight of you 9: When clearing snow by Hawks bench, I should.... C: Been immediately dumped by their girlfriends A: Clear entire area for leering at you B: Quickly get out of there to not provide distrac- tion 3. Other women think you’re a... C: Swim in ’s dreamy eyes A: Whore B: Trixie True or False: C: Bitch D: All of the above 1. A Luv-A-Bull would be your ugly friend I try and get guys to talk to. 4. When your front steps are covered in snow, you...: T or F A: Grab your shovel and take care of it B: Borrow the neighbor’s and take care of it 2. I have bought a drink for myself. Ever. C: Ask the super to do it while wearing your T or F pajamas, causing him to do it uncomfortably around his throbbing erection 3. Objectifying myself is wrong. D: Use a lighter and can of bug spray T or F

5. Hockey players are: 4. Objectifying myself for money and attention is wrong. A: To be avoided at all times T or F B: To be respected C: A trophy Essay Question:

6. If you ever come across the editors of The Commit- Choose One: ted Indian, after reading the hilarious but utterly tasteless things they’ve written about you, you will: 1. Describe in detail the Israeili-Palestinian Conflict, A: Kick them squarely in the nuts including history, and possible solutions. B: Have football player-boyfriend kick them in the nuts or C: Tell them how incredibly funny they are and fulfill their every fantasy 2. What color underwear are you wearing? The Fight Card

HAWKS vs. WILD Fight Stats provided by Hockeyfights.com

GAME FIGHT TIME Bloody Black Bruised Just Analysis Nose Eye Ego Dancing 2-8-08 Seabrook v. 2nd. Biscuit lands a few uppercuts early and Schultz 0:21 Schultz just waits for it all to be over. √ √ Brent should do this more often. 1-11-08 Ruutu v. 2nd. Right off a center-ice draw, Ruti pulls Veilleux 19:01 sweater over Veilleux’s head and that’s √ about it. Lands decent when Veil- leux is on ice. 10-04-07 Koci v. 2nd. A Shakespearian fight, full of sound Boogard 3:06 and fury but signifying nothing. Lots √ √ of punches thrown, some land, nothing accomplished.

What To Watch For: Probably not much, once again, as the Hawks will be too busy trying to stay awake. The Wild still carry winner of The Biggest Slob in Derek Boogard, but the Hawks don’t have anyone who’s going to tussle with him. Cal Clusterfuck likes to bounce around, and will probably piss someone off royally. Whether that leads to goofiness, we shall see. Expect him to take one run at Kane; that’s your most likely source of the rough stuff. Power Play Kill Team Opp PPG PP% Team OPP PPG PP% Team TS PPGA PK% Team TS PPGA PK% PHI 167 45 27 OTT 179 32 17.9 NYR 189 23 87.8 ANA 239 44 81.6 DET 193 52 26.9 LAK 196 34 17.4 MIN 152 19 87.5 PHX 176 33 81.2 BOS 172 41 23.8 NYI 186 32 17.2 BUF 182 24 86.8 VAN 217 41 81.1 SJS 208 49 23.6 VAN 202 34 16.8 CGY 192 26 86.5 CBJ 195 38 80.5 WSH 194 44 22.7 FLA 174 29 16.7 SJS 169 25 85.2 STL 197 39 80.2 STL 195 43 22 PIT 210 35 16.7 NSH 209 33 84.2 DET 190 38 80 ANA 183 40 21.9 COL 186 30 16.1 CHI 186 30 83.9 TBL 224 45 79.9 CHI 198 43 21.7 MTL 210 33 15.7 BOS 168 28 83.3 WSH 217 44 79.7 ATL 188 39 20.7 CAR 211 33 15.6 LAK 196 33 83.2 PIT 200 41 79.5 MIN 191 39 20.4 TBL 192 30 15.6 PHI 228 39 82.9 COL 176 39 77.8 TOR 196 40 20.4 DAL 187 28 15 FLA 185 32 82.7 DAL 176 39 77.8 BUF 194 38 19.6 NYR 204 30 14.7 MTL 199 35 82.4 CAR 170 38 77.6 CGY 202 39 19.3 NSH 185 25 13.5 NJD 173 31 82.1 EDM 195 47 75.9 NJD 158 30 19 PHX 196 26 13.3 NYI 200 36 82 ATL 199 52 73.9 EDM 201 36 17.9 CBJ 193 21 10.9 OTT 182 33 81.9 TOR 170 45 73.5 Spotlight

Jacques Lemaire

We have to apologize for using an old Blue Line-joke here, but it was just too good to pass up. We have railed on Ken Hitchock here before, so it stands to reason we won’t care for Lemaire any more. We certainly don’t. Lemaire is the only coach the Wild have ever known, and is the biggest reason why they won’t accomplish much. It’s bad enough that the Wild play the most boring game in the league, in front of a fanbase that deserves so much better. But Lemaire’s abhorrence of talent is borderline sickening. You just watch, Marian Gaborik will go elsewhere next season, “miraculously” be healthy and put up 50 goals when free of Lemaire’s shackles. Wild fans will tell you that they believe in the system because...wait for the cliche... defense wins championships. Uh, not by itself it doesn’t. The Wild’s total of 21 goals in their last 11 playoff games will tell you that. Supporters of the Wild are blinded by their run to the Western Finals in 2003, where they lost to Anaheim. But that was in a different NHL, and in this one you can’t defend your way to the Cup. People point to the Ducks of 2007, but once again, we implore you to look at the wealth of talent on that team. We think it can be argued that Lemaire runs this defense-first, second, and third policy not only because he falsely believes it will work, but to get all the credit when it does. Should he ever loosen the reins and let some skill play, we think he’d fear not being credited for the production. With Koivu and Bouchard down the middle, and Burns and Zidlicky on the blueline, there is the base there to ice a skilled team one day. You won’t see that happen until Lemaire is no longer behind the bench. Thus, you won’t see the Wild doing anything important.

The Committed Indian is printed by Royal Omega Graphics- Elk Grove, IL 847-952-8000 [email protected] KNOW THY ENEMY

Tonight, Dan from Deuce By Definition (deucebydefinition.com) and Elise from indicates it as well. He’s gone from 4th line guy, to a top-line winger. He’s 18,568 Reasons Why (18568reasonswhy.com) are kind enough to tell us a little bit so fun to watch. Go to youtube, and look up his hit on Carlo Colaiacovo about the Wild. We think she’s legal, but not totally sure, so tread lightly, gentle- of St. Louis; he just drills Colaiacovo, helmet-less, after getting soundly men. And ladies, we suppose, though that would be HOT! whooped by Colaiacovo in a fight earlier in the period. He just drove him Q: The past two seasons you’ve managed 98 points and 104 points, but batshit crazy; he’ll draw a couple penalties a game just from constantly hit- this season you’re on course for around 90. What’s been the problem ting people. this year? Mikko Koivu is leading your team in scoring by a wide margin. Does Dan: Well, we plain and simple shit the bed in December. We only man- the hockey world know how important he really is? Here’s your chance aged to get more points (9 I think) than the lowly-assed Islanders (who are to tell a small section. hellbent on getting either Victor Hedman or John Tavares ) because we Elise: Koivu is the face of the franchise, that spot is no longer Gaborik’s. somehow forgot to score more than one goal a game. It’s an annual thing The rest of the league doesn’t seem to realize how good he is. He just unfortunately, really crappy Decembers, but this one takes the cake. We recently started to turn into an elite player last year and is still getting better went from Division Leaders to the Division basement and on the playoff and should have a spectacular NHL career. He basically leads the Wild in bubble in the span of 31 days. If there is a silver lining, the slide illustrated every category, has captained them every month but December (the Wild to the brass that the fans aren’t just Kool-Aid drinking, gulliable doofs who uses the rotating captain system), and is a great all around player. People are just happy to have hockey and that we demand more, and that the lack of said he was snubbed for the Selke last year and for the All-Star Game this organizational depth and poor decisions with free agents, trades, and drafting year. He deserves more recognition than he gets, but I have no doubt he’ll is severely hurting us. If we suck at the highest level, we’ve got nothing or get it very soon. no one to be excited for in juniors, college, or the minors. Also, there was a Brent Burns broke out last season with 15 goals and a +12, but this year high hope that the kids (James Sheppard, Benoit Pouliot, and Colton Gillies) -- while still contributing offensively -- he’s a -9. What’s up? would produce- Sheppard has 10 points, Pouliot just was demoted, and Gil- Dan: Our brass is too cheap (or was too damn casual with our assets) to lies eats alot of press box food so far. So we got that going for us. go out and get someone to help with scoring, so he was moved to the wing Obviously, Niklas Backstrom’s numbers are impressive. But how much position in the slim hope he’d help with scoring. Instead of a Top 10 de- of that is him or the team in front of him? Will the Wild resign him this fenseman, you got a generic checking winger; I’m not knocking him for his summer? play, because he played well, but the production wasn’t there. That’s on the Elise: This is a huge debate right now. While he’s definitely helped by the brass, especially when Doug Risebrough has come out and said “you know, system in front of him, there’s no doubt he is a quality ; he was we might have fucked up his development a bit.” He’s come around since when he won championships in the Finnish Elite League and he has been the end of the year, but it took a while for him to get back into the swing of since the Wild signed him. No one has any idea whether or not he will be things, and I think he’ll take off after the All-Star Break. resigned. There’s been talk between the two sides, but there’s definitely a There’s no question that fans in St. Paul are some of the most passionate market out there for him and his no-trade clause expires February 1. The and knowledgeable around. So tell us, honestly, how you feel about your team’s backup goalie, Josh Harding, is definitely capable and is better than team’s coma-inducing style? Do the results justify the means? Or are his record shows (he had no goal support in any of his games). Backstrom’s Wild fans longing for a more expansive style of play? been great and really enjoys Minnesota, but he’s 30 and Harding is only 24 Elise: Ok, ok, the Wild play boring hockey. Although Wild fans try to and has always been tabbed as the Wild’s “goalie of the future,” so it may defend them, there’s no getting around that most of the time they play a style finally be his time to step up and take the starting job. that’s not very exciting to watch. Obviously, it would be nice to have a team We know rookie Cal Clutterbuck has been exciting Minnesota fans. Tell that plays a very open, fast style, but defense is the only thing fans have us why. known for the Wild. Coach has been with the team since Dan: We’ve never, ever, had anyone with such a consistent physical pres- day one and, because of him, so has the trap. Everyone always says, defense ence in the history of the team; so even in December, when shit was really wins championships, right? bad (and boring to watch,) at least we had Clutterbuck, who flies around and will smoke someone into the boards (legally, I may add) every shift. I’ve felt that he’s got some offensive upside as well, and his recent production

Hawks-WILD: the Last 4

Dec. 28th, 2008: Hawks 4, Wild 1 (wild Oct. 27th, 2008: Hawks 2, Wild 3 one wild one....) Hawks lose their customary game in St. Paul on An ass-whipping from pillar to post, and one so Vs (they’ve done it three straight seasons). Hawks bad that the crowd at Excel Center boo the Wild off badly outplay Wild, doubling them in shots 36-18, but can’t break Backstrom and Wild’s maximum the ice. Buff scores twice in home state. security prison system.

Mar. 4th, 2008: Hawks 4, Wild 2 Feb. 20th, 2008: Wild 0, Hawks 3 Patrick Lalime is the best player on the ice, and Hawks first win over Minnesota in two years. J-Willy has a goal and an assist to overcome the Khabby turns away 38 shots, and Bolland scores Wild. Buff scores, too. If only he played every twice. This is right about where Editor’s man-crush game like it was in Minnesota. on Bolland becomes full-blown. Hockey Sabermetrics CHICAGO Every game, we provide you with the Behind The Net numbers. These are at even strength, 5-on-5. Key: QUALCOMP- A measure of the quality of competition each player faces on the ice. Calculated by averaging +/-/60 for opponents on the ice against player. QUALTEAM- A measure of the quality of teammates each player plays with. Calcu- lated by averaging +/-/60 for teammates on ice with player. TOI/60- Time on ice, per 60 minutes, that player spends on ice at full-strength. GFON/60, GAON/60- Goals for and against team per 60 min. player is on ice +/-ON/60- Team’s Plus/minus, per 60 minutes, while player is on ice. +/-OFF/60- Plus/minus of team while player is off ice, per 60 minutes. RATING- +/-ON/60 subtracted by +/-OFF/60. NAME QUALCOMP QUALTEAM TOI/60 GFON/60 GAON/60 +-ON/60 GFOFF/60 GAOFF/60 +-OFF/60 RATING Aaron Johnson -0.02 -0.14 11.68 4.31 1.44 2.88 2.45 1.86 0.6 2.28 0.1 0.25 12.43 3.71 1.8 1.91 2.65 2.18 0.47 1.44 Duncan Keith 0.07 0.18 18.39 3.5 1.99 1.51 2.73 2.24 0.49 1.02 Martin Havlat 0.03 0.13 13.23 3.48 1.9 1.58 2.72 2.15 0.57 1.01 Dave Bolland 0.1 0.38 12.09 3.58 2.08 1.5 2.71 2.07 0.63 0.87 Kris Versteeg 0.06 -0.17 12.48 3.32 2.06 1.26 2.84 2.14 0.7 0.56 Troy Brouwer -0.01 -0.21 11.37 2.64 1.4 1.24 3.06 2.13 0.93 0.31 Brent Seabrook 0.09 0.35 16.61 2.94 1.93 1.01 2.94 2.16 0.78 0.22 Matt Walker -0.03 -0.14 13.26 2.77 1.75 1.02 2.89 1.92 0.96 0.06 James Wisniewski 0.06 -0.01 15.11 2.27 1.42 0.85 3.06 1.89 1.17 -0.32 Patrick Kane 0.07 -0.16 13.83 3.07 2.65 0.42 2.65 1.91 0.74 -0.32 Dustin Byfuglien 0 0.15 11.95 2.26 1.63 0.63 3.17 2.2 0.96 -0.34 Ben Eager -0.1 -0.25 8.09 2.28 1.52 0.76 3.2 2.08 1.12 -0.36 Brian Campbell 0 -0.16 17.6 3.01 2.38 0.63 2.9 1.88 1.02 -0.38 Colin Fraser -0.1 -0.27 7.78 2.51 1.97 0.54 3.03 2.1 0.94 -0.4 0.05 0.01 13.01 3.11 2.57 0.54 2.87 1.87 1 -0.47 Adam Burish -0.04 -0.14 6.85 2.6 1.95 0.65 3.17 2.04 1.14 -0.49 Craig Adams -0.16 -0.24 7.66 1.74 1.74 0 3.31 2.27 1.05 -1.05 -0.01 0.01 13.31 2.72 2.62 0.1 3.03 1.85 1.19 -1.08 Brent Sopel -0.09 -0.02 10.89 2.16 3.11 -0.96 3.22 2.25 0.97 -1.93 Cam Barker -0.03 -0.09 13.98 2 2.57 -0.57 3.37 1.72 1.65 -2.22

Corsi Rating Penalties Drawn Face-offs Shots attempted for a team vs. how many are Player Face-Offs Taken FO% attempted against while a given player is on vs. Taken the ice, per 60 min. Pretty self-explanatory. A measure of penalties Jonathan Toews 674 52.8 drawn vs. taken, per 60 min. NAME CORSI Colin Fraser 447 47.9 NAME PDRAW/60 PTAKE/60 James Wisniewski 26.1 Kris Versteeg 75 46.7 Adam Burish 1.9 0.6 Martin Havlat 13.8 Patrick Sharp 505 46.5 Patrick Kane 1.6 1.1 Dustin Byfuglien 12.2 Dave Bolland 599 44.9 Colin Fraser 1.6 0.7 Andrew Ladd 11 Total Rank: 27th 47.5 Kris Versteeg 1.5 0.9 Duncan Keith 10.5 Craig Adams 1.5 0.9 Power Play Ratings Penalty Kill Ratings Dave Bolland 10 This is a measure of a team’s This measures how many goals a Patrick Sharp 1.5 1 Kris Versteeg 10 goals-for per 60 minutes of player team gives up per 60 minutes the Dave Bolland 1.4 0.6 being on the ice on the power play. player is on the ice on the PK. Aaron Johnson 9.9 Troy Brouwer 1.4 0.9 Player GFON/60 Brent Seabrook 9.8 Player GA/60 Ben Eager 1.3 2.7 Brian Campbell 9.8 Cam Barker 11.7 Matt Walker 4.06 Andrew Ladd 1.1 0.8 Jonathan Toews 9.7 Patrick Sharp 8.67 Dave Bolland 4.37 James Wisniewski 1.1 0.6 Adam Burish 8.4 Patrick Kane 8.08 James Wisniewski 4.68 Jonathan Toews 1 0.8 Patrick Kane 8 Dustin Byfuglien 8.04 Brent Seabrook 5.19 Dustin Byfuglien 0.9 1.4 Troy Brouwer 7.6 Jonathan Toews 7.89 Adam Burish 5.52 Martin Havlat 0.8 0.6 Cam Barker 7.4 Brian Campbell 7.83 Aaron Johnson 5.73 Brian Campbell 0.7 0.2 Ben Eager 6.7 Brent Seabrook 7.2 Duncan Keith 5.99 Brent Sopel 0.5 1 Patrick Sharp 6.4 Duncan Keith 6.81 Brent Sopel 6.43 Aaron Johnson 0.4 1.8 Craig Adams 4.4 Martin Havlat 6.64 Kris Versteeg 7.72 Matt Walker 0.4 0.6 Matt Walker 3.4 James Wisniewski 6.35 Colin Fraser 7.77 Brent Seabrook 0.3 1.2 Kris Versteeg 6.29 Hockey Sabermetrics MINNESOTA Every game, we provide you with the Behind The Net numbers. These are at even strength, 5-on-5. Key: QUALCOMP- A measure of the quality of competition each player faces on the ice. Calculated by averaging +/-/60 for opponents on the ice against player. QUALTEAM- A measure of the quality of teammates each player plays with. Calcu- lated by averaging +/-/60 for teammates on ice with player. TOI/60- Time on ice, per 60 minutes, that player spends on ice at full-strength. GFON/60, GAON/60- Goals for and against team per 60 min. player is on ice +/-ON/60- Team’s Plus/minus, per 60 minutes, while player is on ice. +/-OFF/60- Plus/minus of team while player is off ice, per 60 minutes. RATING- +/-ON/60 subtracted by +/-OFF/60. NAME QUALCOMP QUALTEAM TOI/60 GFON/60 GAON/60 +-ON/60 GFOFF/60 GAOFF/60 +-OFF/60 RATING K. Kolanos -0.11 0.1 4.33 2.44 0.81 1.63 2.06 2.31 -0.25 1.88 Mikko Koivu -0.11 -0.09 8.81 2.72 1.36 1.36 1.93 2.36 -0.43 1.79 Benoit Pouliot 0.13 0.1 14.59 2.68 2.2 0.48 1.55 2.17 -0.62 1.1 Nick Schultz -0.1 -0.01 9.52 1.87 1.53 0.34 1.83 2.5 -0.67 1.01 Antti Miettinen 0.07 -0.01 16.88 1.98 1.65 0.33 1.86 2.49 -0.62 0.95 Erik Reitz 0.12 0.06 13.08 2.13 1.81 0.32 1.82 2.33 -0.51 0.83 Owen Nolan -0.09 -0.11 9.52 2.24 2.44 -0.2 1.52 2.21 -0.68 0.48 Kim Johnsson -0.04 -0.03 12.62 2.09 1.9 0.19 1.89 2.17 -0.28 0.47 Andrew Brunette 0.05 0.03 18.45 1.94 1.94 0 1.92 2.38 -0.47 0.47 Craig Weller 0.09 0.16 13.81 2.22 2.22 0 1.77 2.16 -0.39 0.39 Cal Clutterbuck -0.09 -0.01 6.37 1.13 1.88 -0.75 1.74 2.61 -0.87 0.12 M.A. Bergeron 0.03 -0.16 10.48 1.47 1.61 -0.15 1.94 2.16 -0.22 0.07 Marek Zidlicky -0.03 -0.01 12.94 2.11 2.25 -0.14 2.17 2.11 0.06 -0.2 Brent Burns 0 -0.08 16.41 1.73 2.21 -0.48 1.91 2.18 -0.27 -0.22 Colton Gillies 0.06 0.04 15.74 2 2.67 -0.67 1.92 1.92 0 -0.67 P.M. Bouchard -0.13 -0.13 7.8 1.4 1.75 -0.35 2.17 1.81 0.36 -0.71 Eric Belanger 0.01 -0.03 13.21 1.93 2.84 -0.91 1.81 1.95 -0.14 -0.77 Stephane Veilleux 0.03 -0.08 12.82 1.64 2.57 -0.94 1.87 2.01 -0.13 -0.8 Martin Skoula 0.03 -0.18 13.2 1.3 2.27 -0.97 2.22 2.22 0 -0.97 James Sheppard 0.02 -0.08 15.97 1.88 2.77 -0.89 1.94 1.84 0.09 -0.99

Corsi Rating Penalties Drawn Face-offs This measures how many shots are attempted Player Face-Offs Taken FO% for a team vs. how many are attempted against vs. Taken Mikko Koivu 925 54.0 while a given player is on the ice, per 60 min. Pretty self-explanatory. A measure of penalties drawn vs. taken, per 60 min. Eric Belanger 627 53.6 NAME CORSI NAME PDRAW/60 PTAKE/60 Krys Kolanos 91 51.6 P.M. Bouchard 8.7 Cal Clutterbuck 2.5 1 James Sheppard 490 41.6 Marek Zidlicky 8.5 Derek Boogard 2.4 2 Total: Rank: 19th 49.7 M.A. Bergeron 7.9 Craig Weller 1.9 1.1 Andrew Brunette 4.2 Krystofer Kolanos 1.4 2.3 Mikko Koivu 2.2 Stephane Veilleux 1.4 0.5 Eric Belanger 0.1 Owen Nolan 1.3 0.2 Antti Miettinen -0.5 Power Play Ratings Penalty Kill Ratings James Sheppard 1.3 0.3 This is a measure of a team’s goals This measures how many goals Kim Johnsson -1.2 Erik Reitz 1.2 1.4 for per 60 minutes of player being a team gives up per 60 minutes Brent Burns -2.8 on the ice on the power play. the player is on the ice on the Eric Belanger 1.1 0.1 James Sheppard -5.1 Player GFON/60 Player GAON/60 Brent Burns 1 0.9 Martin Skoula -7.6 Owen Nolan 8.58 Kim Johnsson 2.31 Colton Gillies 1 1 Owen Nolan -8 Andrew Brunette 8.28 Brent Burns 3.32 Mikko Koivu 0.9 0.9 Nick Schultz -9.3 M.A. Bergeron 7.7 Stephane Veilleux 3.34 Andrew Brunette 0.9 0.5 Colton Gillies -9.4 Marek Zidlicky 7.65 Eric Belanger 3.42 P.M. Bouchard 0.8 0.6 Benoit Pouliot -9.7 Eric Belanger 7.36 Nick Schultz 3.97 Kim Johnsson 0.7 0.6 Derek Boogard -10.2 Mikko Koivu 7.32 Martin Skoula 3.99 M.A. Bergeron 0.6 1.4 Stephane Veilleux -12.3 P.M. Bouchard 7.27 Antti Miettinen 4.12 Benoit Pouliot 0.5 1.5 Cal Clutterbuck -12.8 Antti Miettinen 6.13 Mikko Koivu 4.68 Antti Miettinen 0.3 0.6 Krystofer Kolanos -13.6 Brent Burns 5.87 Marek Zidlicky 5.13 Martin Skoula 0.3 0.2 Craig Weller -16.9 K. Kolanos 5.44 Referee Stats For The Hawks

Referees 1st NHL Hawks Games Hawks PP’s Hawks Pens/Game Hawks PP/Game Hawks PK/ W L OTL Game PK’s Game 2 Fraser, Kerry 1980 3 14 17 10.3 4.7 5.7 3 0 0 3 Leggo, Mike 1997 3 10 15 8.3 3.3 5.0 2 0 1 4 McCauley, Wes 2003 5 11 14 5.0 2.2 2.8 2 2 0 5 Rooney, Chris 2000 ------6 Marouelli, Dan 1984 3 14 11 8.3 4.7 3.7 1 2 0 7 McCreary, Bill 1984 3 14 12 8.7 4.7 4.0 2 2 0 8 Jackson, Dave 1990 3 14 13 9.0 4.7 4.3 2 1 0 10 Devorski, Paul 1989 2 9 13 11.0 4.5 6.5 1 1 0 11 Sutherland, Kelly 2000 ------12 Koharski, Don 1981 1 6 7 13.0 6.0 7.0 1 0 0 13 O’Halloran, Dan 1995 2 12 10 11.0 6.0 5.0 1 0 1 14 LaRue, Dennis 1991 4 17 16 8.3 4.3 4.0 3 0 1 15 Auger, Stephane 2000 4 17 13 7.5 4.3 3.3 3 0 1 16 Shick, Rob 1986 1 2 2 4.0 2.0 2.0 0 0 1 18 Kimmerly, Greg 1996 5 26 25 10.2 5.2 5.0 3 2 0 20 Peel, Tim 1999 2 13 13 13.0 6.5 6.5 1 1 0 21 VanMassenhoven, Don 1993 2 6 4 5.0 3.0 2.0 1 0 1 23 Watson, Brad 1996 2 7 4 5.5 3.5 2.0 1 0 1 25 Joannette, Marc 1999 2 13 5 9.0 6.5 2.5 1 0 1 26 Martell, Rob 1996 1 3 1 4.0 3.0 1.0 1 0 0 27 Furlatt, Eric 2001 3 14 10 8.0 4.7 3.3 1 1 1 28 Lee, Chris 2001 1 5 4 9.0 5.0 4.0 1 0 0 29 Walsh, Ian 2000 1 1 3 4.0 1.0 3.0 0 1 0 30 Hasenfratz, Mike 2000 3 22 13 11.7 7.3 4.3 0 1 2 32 Kowal, Tom 2000 3 11 7 6.0 3.7 2.3 3 0 0 33 Pollock, Kevin 2000 2 7 9 8.0 3.5 4.5 1 0 1 34 Meier, Brad 1999 3 12 14 8.7 4.0 4.7 3 0 0 35 Warren, Dean 1999 ------36 Morton, Dean 2000 2 16 10 13.0 8.0 5.0 0 1 1 38 St Laurent, Francois 2006 2 14 15 14.5 7.0 7.5 1 0 1 39 Dwyer, Gord 2003 3 16 15 10.3 5.3 5.0 2 0 1 40 Kozari, Steve 2006 3 18 12 10.0 6.0 4.0 2 1 0 42 O’Rourke, Dan 1999 2 11 13 12.0 5.5 6.5 1 0 1 43 Pochmara, Brian 2006 1 4 7 11.0 4.0 7.0 1 0 0 45 St. Pierre, Justin 2003 4 19 15 8.5 4.8 3.8 2 0 2

NHL LEADERS Goals Points GAA SV%

Player Team G Player Team P Player Team GAA Player Team SV% 1 PHI 30 1 Evgeni Malkin PIT 69 1 Steve Mason CBJ 1.81 1 Tim Thomas BOS .937 2 A. Ovechkin WAS 29 2 Sidney Crosby PIT 59 2 Tim Thomas BOS 2.00 2 Steve Mason BOS .936 3 Tomas Vanek BUF 27 3 A. Ovechkin WAS 57 3 M. Fernandez BOS 2.07 3 Jonas Hiller ANA .930 4 NJ 26 4 Ryan Getzlaf ANA 55 4 Jonas Hiller ANA 2.09 4 Craig Anderson FLA .930 5 P. Marleau SJ 24 5 DET 54 5 N. Backstrom MIN 2.18 5 M. Fernandez BOS .928 9 Patrick Sharp CHI 21 26 Patrick Kane CHI 42 9 Cristobal Huet CHI 2.31 8 N. Khabibulin CHI .924 Block Party

Once again, we’re delighted to have Chris Block from The Third individual battles will get nastier. Are the Blackhawks physically prepared Man In (thethirdmanin.com) and Puck Chatter (puckchatter.blogspot.com) for that? Mentally? join us to provide way too intelligent commentary on the Hawks for this Toews and Kane will take a beating every night from here on out. publication. Hopefully, he won’t notice. Campbell, Keith and Seabrook can expect the same. The Blackhawks will either learn to play through it, or allow it to consume them and get swal- If the first half of the 2008-09 season showed us the Blackhawks lowed under the pressure. They can’t fight everyone who lays a finger on the were head and shoulders above 80% of the league but not quite at the level two wonder boys. of the top five or six Cup contenders, then the second half will lead us down Twelve straight days on the road with two swings through tradi- an even more intriguing path. tionally tough waters lies ahead. Another litmus test for a young group of With the pressure turning up for all but two Western Conference men finding being, and staying good in this league won’t be easy. teams with legitimate chances at making the postseason (sorry LA and St. It was only two months ago this team appeared apathetic and over- Louis) and playoff intensity about to hit, the question is will the Blackhawk matched in Los Angeles and Anaheim, dropping both games at the end of the continue to fly in that zone underneath the Detroit’s, Boston’s and San Jose’s annual November ‘circus’ trip. Chicago began three games in four nights of the world, or will the pressure pull them back to the pack? Time will tell. dropping a tough decision to the Sharks in the toughest building to What’s quite certain after 43 games is the Blackhawks will par- win in on the road. Follow-up losses to the Ducks and Kings only com- ticipate in postseason hockey for the first time since 2002. At this point, it pounded the heartache. would almost literally take an act of God to prevent them from it. Once they Next week the Hawks return to the scene of the crime only this arrive, the Hawks will attempt to win a playoff series for the first time in time they’ll start in Anaheim and finish at the Shark Tank. Again, three twelve seasons. games in four nights all in buildings Chicago has had a tough time earning Of the current top three seeds in each conference points in recently. The Blackhawks have lost four in a (San Jose, Detroit, Calgary, Boston, Washington and the row at Honda Center and their last nine meetings with ), Chicago has not faired well. The the Sharks in San Jose dating back to March 19, 2003, a Hawks are 3-5-2-3 (separating the latter two into overtime 3-2 overtime win thanks to Theo Fleury. Staples Center and shootout losses, respectively) against the top seeds in hasn’t exactly been a skate through Millenium Park lately each conference with all three victories coming against the either. Flames. They’re 0 for 10 if you exclude ’s After some time in the California sun, the crew. Hawks will take another swing in western Canada against It’s not as if those squads have blown the Black- the Oilers, Flames and Canucks. hawks out of the building. Well, the Red Wings did twice Usually a barometer of which the rest of the but San Jose needed overtime on Thanksgiving Eve and season will be judged, mid-December’s trek through a little luck after messing around and getting away from Alberta and coastal B.C. seemed surreal to those of us their system ten days earlier at the UC. who’ve kept in close contact with this team through the Boston is very much like Chicago is some ways last decade. What are the chances the Hawks will take all and drastically opposite in others. The Bruins can skate six points again? with any team in the league but they can also bang you The final two games on the road trip will come all night long (insert Doug Gilmour babysitter joke here). Chris Block after the team has a chance to unwind for two days at They won’t be bullied because more often times than not, home in Chicago. Atlanta should be an easy two points they are the ones doing the bullying. seeing they are one of only four teams (all in the East) Drew Stafford’s hit on Duncan Keith and the aftermath last week with losing records at home. And oh yeah, the Thrashers are pathetic. showed us two things. The final stop on the trip brings the Hawks back to St. Louis, First, the Blackhawks now are willing to stand up for themselves where the Blues have put up a good fight in spite of a flock of injuries.With and their teammates, a trait lacking on the West Side for many years. Ben Dallas looming the next night in the team’s return to home ice, the February Eager, especially given the 3-1 score at the time, was right to immediately 13th meeting with the Blues has all the makings of a trap-game. respond by attacking Stafford. No matter what anyone thought of the hit (it Following tonight’s game, twelve of the Hawks’ next sixteen will was clean), it resulted in a teammate having to be helped from the ice and be settled away from the United Center. After this weekend’s All-Star fes- that alone is cause for retribution. tivities, ’s team will play eleven of their next twelve on the It’s also beginning to highlight how touchy this team has become road. Even a three-game southern-swing with invites from the Lightning, to handling the physical game. They like to dish it out, but are ready to take Panthers and Stars won’t present any two-point gift baskets. it? February’s road warriors will reap the returns in March though Detroit established a trend in how opponents should be approach- when the Hawks can rack up the points with a home-laden schedule. How- ing the Blackhawks. There were glimpses prior to the Dan Cleary hit on ever, getting to that point in the position they’re in now and not fighting Patrick Kane at Joe Louis Arena last month (that resulted in the high-ankle every night with the Canucks, Oilers, Ducks, Stars and Preds for playoff sprain the Hawks are risking their season allowing him to play through), but positioning will be the truest test of how far this Blackhawks team has come. the way the Wings pounded players like Kane, Toews and Campbell that Anaheim and Vancouver will be the only two teams capable of night has set a precedent for the rest of the league to follow. Clean, consis- ascending beyond Chicago in the Western standings and probably two teams tent physical aggression while not getting caught up in any payback antics. the Hawks would like to avoid in the first round or at least have home ice Saturday in St. Louis was no different. against. If the Hawks falter in the second half, expect both to leap frog them. Patrick Sharp dropped the gloves for the first time this year after Jay McKee put Patrick Kane on his can just inside the Hawks’ blue line. As foreign as this may be to Hawks fans, it is the truth; the Black- Perhaps this impressed some, but to say it was an overreaction on Sharp’s hawks will control their own destiny. But can they handle the load? behalf is putting it mildly. At the end of regulation Kane took a jab at Blues’ defenseman Barret Jackman, who responded, not in kind, prompting the Hawks to swarm Jackman almost leading to a fight between Jackman and Matt Walker, who are best friends off the ice. As the conference battle tightens games will get more physical and The Making of The Chicago Blackhawks

YEAR DRAFT TRADE FREE AGENT 2008-2009 Brian Campbell (BUF 6th round 1997 Cristobal Huet (LA 7th round 2001) Matt Walker (STL 3rd round 1998) Aaron Johnson (CLB 3rd round 2001) 2007-2008 Patrick Kane (1st round) Ben Eager (PHO 1st round 2002) from Brent Sopel (VAN 6th round 1995) PHI for (FA PHI 2000) Craig Adams (HAR 9th round 1996) from CAR for future considerations. Andrew Ladd (CAR 1st round 2004) from CAR for (CHI 1st round 2001) 2006-2007 Jonathan Toews (1st round) Martin Havlat (OTT 1st round 1999) from OTT and Bryan Smolinski (BOS 1st round 1990) for Tom Preissing (FA SJ 2003), Josh Hennessy (SJ 2nd round 2003) and Michael Barinka (CHI 2nd round 2003) Kris Versteeg (BOS 5th round 2004) from BOS for Brandon Bochenski (OTT 7th round 2001) 2005-2006 Patrick Sharp (PHI 3rd round 2001) Nikolai Khabibulin (WIN 9th round from PHI for Matt Ellison (CHI 4th 1992) round 2002) and CHI 3rd round pick 2006 2004-2005 Cam Barker (1st round) Dave Bolland (2nd round) Troy Brouwer (7th round) 2003-2004 Brent Seabrook (1st round) Colin Fraser (PHI 3rd round 2003), Dustin Byfuglien (8th round) Jim Vandermeer (PHI FA 2000) and 2004 2nd round pick from PHI for Alex Zhamnov and 2004 4th round pick (WIN 4th round 1990) 2002-2003 Duncan Keith (2nd round) James Wisniewski (5th round) Adam Burish (9th round) info in part provided by hockeyreference.com GM HISTORY COACHES (2005-Present) -Joel Quenneville (Too Fucking Long, Too Many Fuck- Assistant Coach-John Torchetti ing Times) Assistant Coach-Mike Haviland Mike Smith (2001-2004) Assistant Coach- Marc Bergevin Bob Murray (1999-2000) Goaltending Coach-Stephane Waite The Making of The Minnesota Wild

YEAR DRAFT TRADE FREE AGENT 2008-2009 Marc-Andre Bergeron (EDM Un- Andrew Brunnette (WSH 7th round drafted FA 2001) from ANA for 2008 1993) 3rd round pick Krystofer Kolanos (PHX 1st round Marek Zidlicky (NYR 6th round 2001) 2000) from NSH for Ryan Jones and 2009 2nd Antti Miettinen (DAL 7th round round pick 2000) Owen Nolan (QUE 1st round 1990) Craig Weller (STL 5th round 2000) Niklas Backstrom (Undrafted FA) 2007-2008 Colton Gillies (1st round) Eric Belanger (LA 4th round 1996) 2006-2007 James Sheppard (1st round) Kim Johnsson (NYR 11th round Cal Clutterbuck (3rd round) 1994) John Scott (Undrafted FA) 2005-2006 Benoit Pouliot (1st round) Martin Skoula (COL 1st round 1996) Curtis Foster (CAL 2nd round 2000) and Shawn Belle (STL 1st round 2003) from DAL for Willie Mitchell (NJ 8th round 1996) and 2007 2nd round pick 2004-2005 2003-2004 Brent Burns (1st round) 2002-2003 Pierre-Marc Bouchard (1st round) Josh Harding (2nd round) 2001-2002 Mikko Koivu (1st round) Stephane Veilleux (3rd round) Derek Boogard (7th round) 2000-20001 Marian Gaborik (1st round) Nick Schultz (2nd round) Erik Reitz (6th round)

info in part provided by hockeyreference.com COACHES Head Coach-Jacque Lemaire GM HISTORY Assistant Coach- Mike Ramsey 2001-Present: Doug Risebrough Assistant Coach- Mario Tremblay Assistant Coach- Matt Shaw Goaltending Coach- Bob Mason The Hawks Record When...

Playing at home...... 14-2-5 Allowing a short-handed goal...... 1-1-1 Eddie O tells crew to “stop it right here!”.... 22-10-8 Playing on road...... 11-8-3 Taking 30 or more shots...... 19-7-5 Eddie O tells us D have the forwards and forwards have the D Scoring first...... 15-3-3 Taking less than 30 shots..... 6-3-1 during 4-on-4...... 22-10-8 Opponent scores first...... 10-7-5 Allowing 30 shots or more...... 11-6-5 We fantasize about shooting Eddie O.... 22-10-8 Shoot the puck bimbo scores...... 4-0-1 Allowing 30 shots or less...... 14-4-3 We’re ecstatic is back...... 23-8-8 Shoot the puck bimbo doesn’t score...... 10-1-4 100 Level doesn’t cheer for anthem. 14-1-5 Ice-girls wear skirts...... 6-1-3 Shoot the puck bimbo blows editors of Commited Indian..... 0-0-0 1st of a back-to-back...... 2-3-3 Ice-girls wear pants...... 3-1-0 ANYONE blows editors of Committed Indian ...... 0-1-0 2nd of a back-to-back..... 6-2-0 ice-girls wear shorts.... 5-0-2 Playing on a Monday...... 1-1-1 Opponent played night before.... 6-1-1 Ice-girls wear hideous pink outfit...... 1-0-0 Playing on a Tuesday...... 4-1-0 Seabrook gets a flat-footed penalty.... 8-2-4 Leading after 2 periods...... 20-1-3 Playing on a Wednesday...... 5-0-2 Burish takes a penalty...... 4-3-2 Losing after 2 periods...... 1-6-2 Playing on a Thursday...... 0-2-0 Keith takes a penalty...... 5-1-2 Tied after 2 periods...... 4-3-3 Playing on a Friday...... 4-2-2 Sharp takes a penalty...... 9-2-2 In overtime...... 3-3 Playing on a Saturday...... 4-3-3 Toews takes a penalty..... 6-2-2 In shootout...... 2-5 Playing on a Sunday...... 7-1-0 Havlat takes a penalty.... 5-1-0 Cam Barker plays...... 18-6-5 Savard changes lines during game... 1-2-1 Sopel takes a penalty...... 3-2-1 Cam Barker is in Rockford due to GM incompetence..... 3-2-3 Coach Q keeps lines as they are..... 24-8-7 Sopel looks 6 steps slow...... 7-5-5 Lacking a #2 center...... 25-10-8 Are out-muscled by opponent.... 8-8-4 51 Phantom blows a coverage...... 16-8-7 In 1-goal games..... 6-4-8 Outshoot opponent...... 17-5-3 Toews is trying too hard...... 3-6-2 In 2-goal games...... 6-3-0 Are outshot by opponenet.... 8-5-5 At least 1 fight in 300 Level... 2-1-3 In 3-goal games...... 6-2-0 Havlat shies from contact...... 16-6-6 No fights in 300 Level..... 12-1-2 In 4+ goal games...... 6-1-0 Patrick Kane scores...... 8-3-2 Playing Eastern Conference..... 4-2-2 Scoring 3+ goals..... 23-2-4 Jonathan Toews scores...... 5-0-4 Playing Western Conference..... 21-8-6 Scoring less than 3 goals...... 2-8-4 Martin Havlat scores...... 9-1-1 Playing Central Division...... 4-3-5 PA plays Ministry...... 0-0-0 Patrick Sharp scores...... 14-2-2 Playing Northwest Division.... 10-2-0 PA plays Modern Cock-Rock..... 13-2-5 Dustin Byfuglien scores...... 6-0-1 Playing Pacific Division 7-3-1 PA plays Classic Cock-Rock...... 9-1-5 Dustin Byfuglien turns down a hit...... 21-8-6 Playing Atlantic Division 1-1-1 PA plays P.J. Harvey...... 0-0-0 Andrew Ladd scores...... 7-0-1 Playing NASCAR Division 0-1-0 Fraser fights...... 7-2-1 Dave Bolland scores...... 6-0-1 Playing Northeast Division 3-0-1 Burish fights...... 4-1-0 Adam Burish scores...... 1-1-0, and totally ruins that joke Playing in October.... 4-3-3 Seabrook fights..... 0-0-0 51 Phantom scores...... 3-2-1 Playing in November.... 6-3-3 Barker fights...... 0-0-2 Duncan Keith scores...... 2-3-0 Playing in December...... 10-1-1 Buff fights...... 0-0-2 Brent Seabrook scores...... 4-0-1 Playing in January..... 5-3-1 Sharp fights...... 1-0-0 VerStud scores.... 8-3-1 Playing in February..... 0-0-0 Eager fights...... 9-0-1 Troy Brouwer scores.... 5-0-0 Playing in March...... 0-0-0 On Comcast...... 19-5-5 Scoring a Power Play goal...... 19-4-7 Playing in April...... 0-0-0 On WGN...... 6-3-3 Not scoring a Power Play goal... 6-6-1 UC plays really stupid goal song..... 14-1-5 On Vs...... 0-1-0 Allowing a Power Play goal...... 9-7-8 Huet’s five-hole open like Lindsay Lohan’s..... 2-5-2 On NBC.... 0-1-0 Not Allowing a Power Play goal...... 16-3-0 Getting obliterated on face-offs...... 9-7-4 Judd Sirott swears a lot off-air 25-10-8 Scoring a short-handed goal...... 3-1-0 Are even close on face-offs..... 16-3-4 Editor of Committed Indian bleeds on programs...... 1-0-0

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