James Saylor # 21957737 #500469 176 Rainberry Drive Mooresville, NC 28117
[email protected] Dear James, You’ve made great progress here once again. You now have a developing thesis idea argument, many differences to discuss, and developing analysis. Given these foundational aspects, you are at a reasonable point to begin work on your essay. However, I pass this outline with reservations, as there are still many important improvements you’ll need to make as you draft your essay. Please focus on the following revisions: 1) Introduction—condense it, and get to your thesis sooner. 2) Thesis—see yellow-highlighted marginal comment. Hone in on ONE specific argument—that you’ll prove EITHER the book or the movie more strongly and directly shows how much power white women had over black women in the 1960s. 3) Differences—focus on only one per paragraph. (You do this well in many areas but have a couple places where you still lump together multiple differences, which is confusing.) 4) Evidence—for each difference, provide specific quotes and descriptions from the book and movie that prove the difference exists. (Make sure you provide in-text citations for the pages from which you get the quotes / descriptions.) 5) Analysis—all analysis must support your exact thesis statement. See the marginal comments in your analysis sections for help in this area. If you have questions on this feedback or what areas still need improvement as you begin drafting your essay, please contact the school for additional help. Instructor (VGG) Penn Foster English 300: Advanced Composition Comparison and Contrast Prewriting Pass Return Thesis, Ideas, and Content -The thesis makes a focused claim that can be sustained in a longer essay.