HOURS OF GREAT READING Kindness Strangers PAGE 28

Valentine’s Is this the Day in the end of octopus tank chocolate? PAGE 54 PAGE 90 BONUS READ Four years to live – a father’s fight PAGE 95 Low Fat vs Plane down! Low Carb Pilot trapped! PAGE 40 PAGE 46

Hands: their hidden health secrets ...... 15 Laughter, the Best Medicine ...... 44 Word Power ...... 121 Explore, Interact, Inspire

Available now, everywhere Contents FEBRUARY 2016

Cover Story P. | 28 THE KINDNESS OF STRANGERS 46 From our readers, 20 true stories of generosity and thoughtfulness. The perfect way to restore your faith in humanity.

First Person 36 THE PLACES WHERE WE WAIT A brooding mountain in the Alps is the backdrop for a story of love and loss. ALIYA WHITELEY FROM BETTER THAN FICTION 2

Health 40 CLASSIC HEALTH DEBATES New research tries to answer some of the biggest daily health arguments. So should we try low fat or low carb? Sugar or sweeteners? SUNNY SEA GOLD

Drama in Real Life P. | 54 46 INTO THE ROCK The plane crashed, windows shattered and flames blasted through the cabin. Survival seemed unlikely. CONOR MIHELL

Amazing Nature 54 OCTOPUS BLIND DATE Every St Valentine’s Day, couples get together and declare their love. Why should octopuses be any different? SY MONTGOMERY FROM THE SOUL OF AN OCTOPUS

Science 62 KNOW BETTER The capacity to absorb new things is not fixed. DANIELLE GROEN AND KATIE UNDERWOOD

Februaryđ2016 | 1 Contents FEBRUARY 2016

Advice 72 11 THINGS TO NEVER SAY TO SOMEONE WITH CHRONIC PAIN Here’s how to be helpful, not hurtful, when relating with someone in severe physical discomfort. KATHY BUCHANAN

Life Skills 77 POWERFUL WAYS TO USE BODY P. | LANGUAGE 62 If used effectively, your posture, gestures and voice can assist in everything from landing a job to landing a partner. BETH DREHER

Art of Living 80 UNDER PRESSURE When anger gets out of control, it leads to huge problems. Fortunately, there are mechanisms to deal with rage. KATIE UNDERWOOD P. | 80 Power of One 82 AFTER IT ALL FELL APART A devastating earthquake, and the teenage hero who held a special place in the hearts of a city 9000km away. KATHY BUCHANAN

Instant Answers 90 CHOCOLATE There’s far more involved to this sweet treat than a delicious taste. And it soon may become increasingly costly. HAZEL FLYNN

The Moth 92 TRUE TALES ON ... FUNNINESS Who need jokes when you have these real-life narratives from the storytellers of The Moth?

2 | Februaryđ2016 FEBRUARY BONUS READ

FACING THE DARKNESS A successful filmmaker with a young family is determined this is not his time to die yet. SIMON FITZMAURICE FROM IT’S NOT YET DARK P. | 95

REGULARS CONTESTS 4 Letters 5 Caption and Letter Competition 7 Staff Picks 6 Jokes and Stories 10 Unbelievable 12 My Story THE DIGEST 61 That’s Outrageous 15 Health 110 Smart Animals 20 Travel 118 Puzzles, Trivia & Word Power 22 Food 24 Pets HUMOUR 26 Home 44 Laughter is the Best Medicine 27 Etc 70 Life’s Like That 112 Books & Movies 88 All in a Day’s Work

SEE PAGE 9

Februaryđ2016 | 3 Letters

READERS’ COMMENTS AND OPINIONS

An Elephant in the Classroom The article “Funny Teacher Stories” in the November issue of Reader’s Digest was most amusing. As you have encouraged further contributions, here is one that you may like. The subject of cave paintings had come up in my classroom, so I asked my class of ten year olds, “What do you know about cave paintings?” One boy replied that he knew how it was done. This is what he said: “First you go out and capture an elephant. You take it back to your cave and make it stand still, then use its tail for a paintbrush!” E. J. MILTON

Symptoms of Stroke symptom usually is the most serious Thank you for “Six Signs of Stroke one called subarachnoid You Might Be Ignoring” (Digest haemorrhage, and the headache Health, November), as it will help to in this condition is described as “the create awareness about stroke. But worst headache of my life”.Most the most common presentation of other headaches are benign. stroke is a sudden-onset weakness of DR P.T. THOMAS one side of the body. Migraine is unlikely to be confused with stroke, Chicken Cackles as it is a stereotyped Columnist Nury recurrent headache, LET US KNOW Vittachi’s “Chickening not so sudden, but If you are moved – or Out” (Unbelievable, predictable. A stroke provoked – by any item November) is simply that presents with in the magazine, share hilarious. headache as the first your thoughts. See I am not sure if I page 6 for how to join the discussion. 4 | Februaryđ2016 need to worry more about my excess baggage or his concerns about some super weird chicken and those guys with man-boobs walking on the street. I had a good laugh reading it. WAN NOR HALIZA WAN HARUN

AFamilyThing Pug Hugs I always relax when I have a copy of We asked you to think up a funny your magazine in my hands. There is caption for this photo. so much variety – humour, true stories, medicine, food and, above “Doggone it, Henry. We really do all, food for thought. I love it. My make a purrfect pair!”LEN SEMBER wife and children enjoy doing Word “He ain’t heavy, he’s my pug’ther.” Power and puzzles every month. GOH KEEN SALIM IQBAL “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a In My Good Books damn.” BARBARA ANNE ROBBINS The article “Stay Brainy” (October) Unanimous winners of the Nobel provided timely tips on how to Peace Prize. HANIF MUHAMMED NAQEE maintain smart thinking. I believe in the power of reading hard-bound Congratulations to this month’s books as I can browse through the winner, Goh Keen. tangible pages. ANA V. IGLORIA WIN!

WIN A PILOT CAPLESS FOUNTAIN PEN The best letter published each month will win a Pilot Capless fountain pen, valued at over $200. The Capless is the perfect combination of luxury and ingenious technology, featuring a CAPTION CONTEST one-of-a-kind retractable fountain pen nib, durable metal body, beautiful rhodium accents, and an Come up with the funniest 14K gold nib. Congratulations to caption for the above photo this month’s winner, and you could win $100. To Dr P.T. Thomas. enter, see details on page 6. PHOTOS: iSTOCK PHOTOS:

Februaryđ2016 | 5 Vol. 190 CONTRIBUTE No. 1127 FOR DIGITAL EXTRAS AND February 2016 SOCIAL MEDIA LINKS, SEE PAGE 9. Anecdotes and jokes EDITORIAL Editorial Director Lynn Lewis Send in your real-life laugh for Managing Editor Louise Waterson Chief Life’s Like That or All in a Day’s Subeditor&ProductionEditorDonyale Work. Got a joke? Send it in for Harrison Deputy Chief Subeditor Melanie Egan Laughter is the Best Medicine! Designer Luke Temby DigitalEditor&Humour Editor Greg Barton Subeditors Jenny Byrne, Smart Animals David Levell Editorial Coordinator Victoria Share antics of unique pets or Polzot Contributing Editors Kathy Buchanan, wildlife in up to 300 words. Hazel Flynn; Helen Signy Kindness of Strangers Share your moments of PRODUCTION & MARKETING generosity in 100–500 words. Production Manager Balaji Parthsarathy Marketing Manager Gala Mechkauskayte My Story Do you have an inspiring or life-changing tale to tell? ADVERTISING Group Advertising & Retail Submissions must be true, Sales Director, Asia Pacific Sheron White unpublished, original and Advertising Sales Manager Darlene Delaney 800–1000 words – see website REGIONAL ADVERTISING CONTACTS for more information. Asia Kahchi Liew, [email protected] Australia Darlene Delaney, Letters to the editor, caption [email protected] competition and other New Zealand Debbie Bishop, reader submissions [email protected] Online Follow the “Contribute” link at the PUBLISHEDBYREADER’SDIGEST RD website in your region, or via: (AUSTRALIA) PTY LTD Email Managing Director/Publisher AU: [email protected] Walter Beyleveldt NZ: [email protected] Director Lance Christie Asia: [email protected] We may edit submissions and use them READER’S DIGEST ASSOCIATION, INC (USA) in all media. See website for full terms President and Chief Executive Officer and conditions. Bonnie Kintzer

Vice President, Chief Operating Officer, TO SERVE YOU BETTER – International Brian Kennedy OUR PRIVACY STATEMENT Reader’sDigestcollectsyourinformationtoprovide Editor-in-Chief, International Magazines our products and services and may also use your information for the marketing purposes of RD and/ Raimo Moysa or selected corporate partners. If the information is not provided you will be unable to access our productsorservices.OurPrivacyPolicyatthe ALLRIGHTSRESERVEDTHROUGHOUTTHE Reader’s Digest website in your region contains full WORLD. REPRODUCTION IN ANY MANNER detailsonhowyourinformationisused(including howwemayshareyourinformationwithourailiate INWHOLEORPARTINENGLISH OR OTHER companiesintheUSorotheroverseasentities),how LANGUAGES PROHIBITED you may access or correct information held and our privacy complaints process.

6 | Februaryđ2016 STAFF PICK Making the Tough Choice It’s not always easy for the RD team to select their favourite read each issue

WhenIheardreportsofthere beingarealdangerofchocolate supplies running out in the coming years I simply didn’t believe it. But this month’s “Instant Answers: Chocolate” (page 90) examines the situation and has left me more than a little alarmed. I wonder if it’s time to start stockpiling? ELLA WESSELING,

executive assistant to the managing director

There is as much going on in the tank in “Octopus Blind Date” (page 54) as an entertaining Hollywood romantic comedy. I just loved that Squirt, after being set up with her date, not only got her man but ended up with the roomier digs! VICTORIA POLZOT, editorial coordinator

Februaryđ2016 | 7 STAFF PICK

As a natural self-distancer (“Under Pressure”,page 79), I thoroughly recommend it as a stress-reducing tool. Yes, I sometimes think, that person is shouting, but it’s because they forgot to tell me this urgent thing a week ago and they are now panicking.It’ssomuchless fraught with potential disaster than my other stress buster: archery. DONYALE HARRISON, chief subeditor

This month’s My Story, “Namesake” by Tienie Holtzhausen (page 12), reminded me of the incredible anticipation surrounding the arrival of my first- born child, Emily. With grandsons on both sides of our families the pressure for a girl was intense. I’m sure Tienie’s story of her grandmother’s remarkable need for a granddaughter will touch the hearts of many families – and also raise a few chuckles. LOUISE WATERSON, managing editor

With all the hate and killing “The Places Where goingonintheworldatthe We Wait” (page 36) is moment, it’s inspiring to a beautifully written read “After It All Fell Apart” love story, but it is (page 82) and see how also about a journey. human kindness can still It raises unsettling reach across borders and questions about the memories and nationalities and make a beliefs we carry real difference to people within us, how they suffering almost define our lives, and to what unimaginable hardship. extent we can escape them. DAVID LEVELL, subeditor MELANIE EGAN, deputy chief subeditor

8 | Februaryđ2016 JOIN THE CONVERSATION Four great reasons why you should join us online…

We give away First look at cash and prizes future issues Join fun Get a sneak peek competitions and at upcoming quizzes stories and covers

We give great advice Get regular home, health and food tips from The Digest

We must teach our children to dream with their eyes open. HARRY EDWARDS

We help you get motivated #QuotableQuotes and #PointstoPonder to get you through the day Unbelievable

TRUE TALES TOLD TALL

This May Appear Extreme Overreact much? Nury Vittachi tries to practise restraint

MY DAUGHTER’S BLOOD squeezing air pockets on a piece of is now 65% ice-cream but bubble wrap, a report says. Pop! Pop! she’s in perfect shape. Me, Pop! Little things please little minds, I just sniff a dessert and right? This writer once spent 40 inflate into a bouncy castle. minutes in front of a giant tumble- Searching for comfort after this dryer visualising those who had depressing thought, I scan my inbox sinned against me locked within. for sources of schadenfreude. Anyway, a few minutes’ molestation of Got one. An idle staff member on a said bubble wrap led to the building

military base decided to de-stress by being surrounded by soldiers in combat ILLUSTRATION: GETTY IMAGES

10 | Februaryđ2016 gear, armed vehicles racing to the scene arrived to find all the sounds came and the base being put into lockdown. from a single individual: a man Yes, it was a new Amazing-But-True battling a spider. When I was a kid, item sent in for our list of there was a bodybuilder at school Unbelievable Overreactions. The who squealed like a little girl when bubble-wrap lockdown took place in he was tickled – so I did it when he the US state of New Mexico, and the was heading to the stage to receive link was sent by a reader who likes to a Mr Macho prize. That school-uniting be known as King Facepalm. The moment of hilarity was well worth story may even rank first the subsequent in our chart from the hospitalisation. current titleholder, a A friend was at Paris report from Winnipeg, A loudly Airport last November Canada, in which a slammed door when all flights were loudly slammed door caused the suddenly cancelled, caused the summoning summoning although everything of (I swear this is a true seemed fine. Some sort story) 12 police squad of 12 police of overreaction? Airport cars and a “tactical unit”, cars and a officials sheepishly which means guys tactical unit admitted that the fog dressed all in black who safety system ran on are not necessarily emo. Windows 3.1. On misty Other news reports on the same list days they had to find someone who include the tale of a man who was still remembered how to use this 1992 stopped as a security risk at an program. When the story reached the airport because he was wearing a papers, French travellers were Transformers T-shirt featuring horrified. They better not come to a picture of a robot with a gun built Asia, where I’m sure there are IBM- into one of its arms. Had the man 129s (the original punch-card been arrested for having computers) still in service, probably in astonishingly bad taste in movies charge of nuclear weapons. that would at least made sense. IhavetostophereasI’vejustcaught Also in my inbox was a report of the aroma of my daughter’s bucket of police in Sydney racing to a home ice-cream and need to distract myself from which had emanated the sound with random acts of violence. Now of a man shouting “I’m going to get where can I get some bubble wrap? you! Die! Die! Die!” – followed by the sound of furniture falling over and Nury Vittachi is a Hong Kong-based piteous feminine shrieking. Police author. Read his blog at Mrjam.org

Februaryđ2016 | 11 MY STORY

My grandmother was single-minded in her desire to have a granddaughter. For a while, things didn’t go to plan The Baby Girl Formula BY TIENIE HOLTZHAUSEN

Tienie MY GRANDMOTHER’S name was Marthinus. It was her father’s Holtzhausen first name. She was the youngest of seven girls and her father lives in decided that – come hell or high water – one of his children Durban, South would have his name. Africa, with My mother’s mother, Grandma Marthinus, had two daughters, her husband. She works as a Maude (the elder) and Babsie (my mother) and a son, Koos. journalist and My Uncle Koos had three sons, while Aunt Maude had four. also publishes All of them were sturdy young lads by the time my mother got short stories. married. My grandmother made no secret that she was praying She likes to that my mother would soon be pregnant and blessed with a girl. walk on the Grandma Marthinus did not rely on her prayers alone. She beach with her began to grow herbs and had much success in using them for dogs and she medicinal purposes. She developed a herbal potion that she enjoys Pilates. claimed could help a woman who struggled to become pregnant. And, if correctly combined, these herbs could determine whether the offspring would be a boy or a girl. She liked to boast about her successes with the latter. Her wedding present for my mother included a collection of these herbs, with careful instructions on how to use them. She also regularly phoned to find out if my mother was still taking her herbs. In June 1949, six months after her wedding, my mother

12 | Februaryđ2016 help gracefully. There were no ultrasound tests back in those days, but the old lady firmly believed that her herbs would be successful. Finally, after great anticipation, my brother Johannes Frederick was born. My poor grandmother loved became pregnant. My grandmother and spoiled him as much as she did then became a frequent visitor to their her other grandsons, but everybody farm, called Beaufort, feverishly could see that she was desperately knitting pink baby booties and making longing to have a granddaughter. frilly girls’ clothes. When my mother became pregnant My grandmother and her second again two years later, my father husband also lived on a farm, which secretly cut their telephone lines and was almost 300km from Beaufort. In told my mother he was too busy to go those days, it took many hours on to the post office to have it fixed. With small gravel roads to travel the no mobile phones in those days, news distance. In order to make the visit of her pregnancy did not initially worth her while, Grandma would stay spread. But that did not last long. for two weeks. When Aunt Maude, who lived on In the last months of my mother’s a neighbouring farm, came to visit pregnancy, my grandmother’s visits unexpectedly one weekend, she was became more frequent. She made shocked that she had not been pink curtains for the baby room and informed my mother was three painted the cot pink. Not wanting to months pregnant. My father explained

PHOTO: ISTOCK ISTOCK PHOTO: upset her, my parents accepted her the “broken” telephone lines. Aunt

Februaryđ2016 | 13 MY STORY

Maude made it her business to report it correctly. As the weekend the faulty lines to the post office. approached a feast was prepared: As expected, Aunt Maude also bobotie (spicy mince), pickled tongue, wasted no time in informing Grandma milk tarts, pumpkin pies, koeksisters Marthinus of the pregnancy. Two (syrup-coated doughnuts) and home- weeks later my grandmother arrived at made ginger beer. What my Beaufort with stacks of pink baby grandmother didn’t know, was that jackets and blankets. My father was with the help of his neighbours, my not very comfortable in Grandma’s father had also brewed some highly presence and spent long hours in the alcoholic mampoer (fruit liquor). cowsheds and maize fields while she In the church my grandmother sat and my mother made baby clothes. upright and proud, like a queen, in a She stayed for a few weeks and pink dress. The pink trim on my promised that she would be back just christening robe matched her dress, before the big day. both of which she had made. My And back she was – two weeks father handed a piece of paper to the before my mother’s due date. Knitting, minister. “In the name of our Lord I knitting, knitting. Then, at three hereby baptise you Tienie,” he o’clock on a Monday morning in solemnly began. Grandma Marthinus December 1952, with jackals howling fainted quietly, right there in her seat. under the full moon, my mother had When she came round, she glared at her first contractions. My father rushed my father with fire in her eyes. her to hospital, leaving my sleeping Two hours later, back at the farm grandmother behind. with family and friends, my father My father phoned her a few hours secretly spiked her ginger-beer with later to inform her of my arrival: her mampoer to calm her down. first granddaughter. Grandma After the speeches Grandma Marthinus was on cloud nine and approached my father, he was relieved insisted that I be christened very soon, to see that she had a twinkle in her since she wanted to get back to her eye. “I hope my granddaughter is not husband. She also told my parents that as stubborn as her father,” she said I would inherit her jewellery collection with just a hint of a smile. “Oh, and and her piano, on one condition – my don’t worry, Tienie can still have my name should be Marthinus. piano and my jewellery.” The christening was scheduled for a month after my birth. Grandma gave Do you have a tale to tell? my father a piece of paper with her We’ll pay cash for any original and name written on it and instructed him unpublished story we print. See page to make sure the minister pronounced 6 for details on how to contribute.

14 | Februaryđ2016 PHOTO: ISTOCK u ihrrs fpott acr >> ofprostate ahigherrisk cancer. – but oan to according knees, the have in to osteoarthritis likely as twice are trait, male a typically fingers, index their longer than are that fingers ring with Women RISK ARTHRITIS LENGTH: FINGER of certain conditions warning early an be could digits shaky or palms Sweaty Health Your About Reveal Hands Your What n etrrltosiswt women with relationships better and children more having with associated is trimester) second the during surge testosterone utero in an (indicating finger ring longer significantly a men, In genders. both in aggression verbal and ability athletic higher to linked been has feature same factor. The a be may levels oestrogen Low rhii Rheumatism & Arthritis H DIGEST THE study. HEALTH HEALTH

SHAKY HANDS: PARKINSON’S 140,000 adults in 17 countries. Grip DISEASE Trembling hands could be strength was a better predictor of the result of too much caffeine or a death than was blood pressure. side effect of certain medications like Researchers say grip strength is a antidepressants. But it’s a good idea marker of overall muscle strength and to see your doctor if the issue recurs. fitness, and they recommend whole- A tremor in just one hand can be a body strength training and aerobic first symptom of Parkinson’s disease, exercise to reduce heart disease risk. or it can indicate essential tremor, a treatable disorder that causes SWEATY PALMS: HYPERHIDROSIS uncontrollable shaking. Overly clammy hands may be a symptom of menopause or thyroid NAIL COLOUR: KIDNEY DISEASE conditions, as well as hyperhidrosis, When Indian researchers studied 100 in which overactive sweat glands patients with chronic kidney cause far more perspiration disease, they found that 36% than necessary. Most people had half-and-half nails (the with the condition sweat bottom of a nail is white from only one or two parts and the top is brown). The of the body, such as the nail condition may be armpits, palms, or feet. caused by an increased A doctor may prescribe concentration of certain a strong antiperspirant hormones and chronic to decrease sweat anaemia, both traits of production. chronic kidney disease. Seeyourdoctorrightaway FINGERPRINTS: HIGH if you notice half-and-half BLOOD PRESSURE When nails or a dark, vertical stripe UK researchers studied 139 beneath the nail bed – this can fingerprints, they found that people be hidden melanoma, a skin cancer. with a whorl (spiral) pattern (see picture, left) on one or more fingers GRIP STRENGTH: HEART HEALTH were more likely to have high blood A weak grip predicts a higher risk pressure than people with arches or of heart attack or stroke and lower loops. The more fingers with whorls a chances of survival, according to participant had, the higher his or her

a new Lancet study of more than blood pressure was. ISTOCK PHOTOS:

16 | Februaryđ2016 HEALTH

What to Eat to Feel YourBest If you have diabetes, it’s important to eat healthily

BY SAMANTHA RIDEOUT

For people with diabetes, good Foods that are rich in soluble fibre nutrition is medicine in its own include legumes, oats, avocados, right. Blood-glucose levels – which sweet potatoes and oranges. If are directly affected by the sugars you’re not used to eating much fibre, and starches we consume – must be increase your intake gradually and monitored rigorously. Here are some drink extra water to prevent gas, tips for managing diabetes through a cramps and bloating. healthy diet. FLUID INTAKE is important for FIBRE: the soluble type, particularly, people with diabetes, who are at a is your helper, whether you have higher risk of dehydration (when diabetes or are concerned about blood-glucose levels are high, the developing it in the future. “At nearly kidneys try to clear out extra sugar via every step of the digestive process, it urine). But avoid sweet options that reduces the speed at which will cause your blood sugar your body metabolises to spike, including fizzy carbohydrates drinks, sweetened into glucose,” 1 fruit drinks and says diabetes energy and expert Isabelle The maximum number of sports drinks. Zanella-Cleon. daily recommended fruit and Ideally, even This is helpful vegetable servings that should non-diabetics come from fruit juice – for because should ingest diabetics and non-diabetics you don’t alike. The rest should come these beverages want glucose from more fibrous and less sparingly, to suddenly calorific sources. since regular flood into your consumption has bloodstream; you been linked with an want it to trickle in increased risk of type 2 slowly and steadily. diabetes.

Februaryđ2016 | 17 HEALTH

NEWS FROM THE World of Medicine

Hangover Cure Myth Olive Oil-Rich Diet Protects Sorry, but a jug of water won’t Against Breast Cancer help you after too many cocktails. In a Spanish study, more than 4000 In a Dutch and Canadian study, women were randomly assigned researchers surveyed 826 Dutch either the Mediterranean diet students on methods of relieving supplemented with either extra hangovers. More than half drank virgin olive oil or nuts, or a low-fat water before sleeping or during the diet. Over the five-year trial, women next-day recovery. Water will always on the Mediterranean diet with prevent a dry mouth, but the study olive oil had half the rate of found it didn’t lessen the severity diagnoses of breast cancer than of hangover symptoms like nausea those on the low-fat diet. The nut or a headache. group difference was neglible. Surprising Perk of Sarcasm Playing Outside Reduces Atrustedbutcaustic Childhood Risk of Myopia colleague could improve Going outside to play for your creativity. A an extra 40 minutes a study published in the day might reduce the journal Organizational risk of nearsightedness Behavior and Human in school children, Decision Processes according to a JAMA asserts that people study. Analysing who are able to nearly 2000 first- understand sarcasm graders in China, are more creative the researchers and better able to found that after solve problems. three years, those But, to avoid conflict, who spent more time sarcasm is best used playing outdoors were between people who 23% less likely to

trust each other. develop myopia. VOORHES ADAM PHOTO:

18 | Februaryđ2016 HEALTH

Why YourSkin is Dry and Itchy (and How to Fix It) If your skin is feeling tight, itchy or richer and may offer the skin added inflamed, or it’s scaling, flaking or benefits. Serums, which have a liquid even cracking, dryness may be to texture, can also rejuvenate ageing blame. Here are some causes of dry skin by helping to repair surface skin and what you can do to get relief. damage. Some contain retinoids, which can help to boost the THE CULPRIT: OVER- production of skin-firming WASHING “People wash collagen, but these their hands a lot, and strong formulations are you can definitely best used with care. get hand dermatitis, caused by both the THE CULPRIT: water and the soap,” MEDICATION While says dermatologist they’re powerful at Dr Peter Vignjevic. He combating pimples, recommends reducing certain anti-acne the amount of exposure medications can also cause by wearing gloves when you’re dry skin. Vignjevic tells his doing things such as washing dishes. patients to also use a moisturiser in When you do clean your hands, avoid order to help keep skin hydrated. harsh soaps (eg, those with words “antiseptic” or “antibacterial” on the THE CULPRIT: OTHER SKIN label). Be sure to apply moisturiser CONDITIONS Ifyourdryskinis afterwards – keep a bottle by the sink persistent and you’re concerned so you don’t forget. that you may be suffering from a skin disorder such as eczema or THE CULPRIT: AGEING psoriasis, get it checked out by your Maturing skin needs extra help family doctor. There is a wide variety when it comes to avoiding dryness. of skin therapies that can help, says Vignjevic recommends trying anti- Vignjevic, including topical steroids

PHOTO: ISTOCK PHOTO: ageing moisturisers, which are usually and oral medications.

Februaryđ2016 | 19 TRAVEL

How to Pack for Your First Cruise

Taking a cruise holiday for the first own dress codes and rules, which time? Here’s a guide to what you should be provided on their website. might need to pack. Bon voyage. As a general rule they are: đƫ/1(čƫif you’re having lunch or Hand luggage Most cruise lines will dinner at a buffet-style restaurant, take your suitcases at check-in, but then the dress code is laidback, it can take a while for these to be although swimwear and bare feet are delivered to your room. So it makes usually not allowed. sense to pack a small carry bag to take đƫ!)%ġ"+.)(čƫpolo shirts and chinos on with you containing your passport, or smart jeans for men, with women tickets, swimsuit, change of clothes wearing dresses or smart separates. and any other essentials including đƫ+.)(č men will be required to medication and valuables. wear a dark suit and tie or dinner jacket, with ladies dressing up in Cruise style Do some research into cocktail or floor-length dresses. Your what you’ll be doing. If it’s mostly on- tickets should say how many formal board entertainment, you’ll need lots nights there are. of swimwear and casuals, whereas shore trips to galleries and cultural Gala nights If you are on an venues will require smarter wear. upmarket cruise, a gala night or two is usually part of the itinerary. Dinner style Most cruise ships have Some men enjoy wearing a tuxedo a selection of restaurants, and you’ll for these special events, although a probably get a set number of dinners lounge suit is usually acceptable, and in a formal restaurant, with other for women, it’s an excuse to go all meals served in casual or buffet style out, with evening gowns or glittery

eateries. Each cruise line has their cocktail dresses. iSTOCK PHOTOS:

20 | Februaryđ2016 Must-See Places in South Africa

+)! 0+ * %*0!.!/0%*# political history and many archaeological finds, South Africa has lots of options for travellers other than wildlife safaris and great beaches.

 
   
 Č in Gauteng, is home to 40% of the world’s discovered human ancestor fossils. The Maropeng visitor centre offers impressive exhibits of the 3.5 million-year evolution of man, plus the opportunity to gaze at the stars as Discover more about the human family storytellers recount the daily life of tree at the Maropeng visitor centre our human ancestors. This UNESCO a World Heritage site, Robben Island World Heritage Site is a 40-minute lies off Cape Town, and is where he drive from Johannesburg. spent 18 of his 27 years in prison. Tourists also make the pilgrimage    is the world’s to the Eastern Cape village of Qunu, oldest meteorite impact scar, or which was both his home during his astrobleme. With a radius of 190km, young years, and his burial place. it is also the largest and the most deeply eroded. Situated 120km south- 

 ƫ, Orlando West, west of Johannesburg, the astrobleme Soweto, is the only street in the is a UNESCO World Heritage Site. world that has been home to two Nobel Laureates, Nelson Mandela  

Ě 
 and Archbishop Desmond Tutu. Officially, there are places of Mandela’s house is now a museum. interest throughout South Africa Also in Orlando West is the Hector for tourists wishing to follow the Pieterson Memorial, commemorating iconic statesman’s life journey. Now youth resistance against apartheid.

Februaryđ2016 | 21 FOOD

Be Tempted by the Delicious Passionfruit This tasty subtropical fruit is that is heavy and firm. available all year round. Here are Q If the skin is green, the fruit may some revealing facts and tips that not be ripe yet. As the fruit ripens, the might tempt you to add a passionfruit skin will turn red, purple or yellow. – or two – to your shopping list. Q Don’t let ugly skin scare you off. Even if the skin looks dimpled or HEALTH BENEFITS Passionfruit is wrinkled, as long as the fruit doesn’t rich in vitamin A and vitamin C. feel too soft, it should be in good The seeds are also a great source of shape. dietary fibre, improving digestion and preventing constipation. Fibre STORING TIPS also makes you feel fuller faster, Q When the passionfruit is ripe, it which can help with weight control. can be stored in the refrigerator for about a week, or pulp can be frozen BUYING TIPS for up to three months Q Passionfruit grow on vines and are harvested when about three- EATING TIPS quarters ripe. They will ripen at room Q Spoon out the pulp and eat it temperature. Look for passionfruit plain, put it on ice-cream or add it to yoghurt. Or strain passionfruit pulp, cook it over a medium heat in a saucepan for five minutes, then drizzle it over pavlova.

TIP: Easily remove seeds by simply straining the pulp and juice through a cheese cloth or a

non-aluminium sieve. PHOTOS: iSTOCK Your Top Pastry Questions Answered

There’s nothing more delicious fridge than a perfectly cooked pastry. We’ve for easy answered some of the most common handling. pastry questions. Q Lard or vegetable fat gives shortness to pastry but not much How do I keep things cool when flavour so a mix of equal quantities rolling pastry? of butter and lard is often preferred. When rubbing fat into flour for shortcrust pastry, it’s vital that you Can you make a healthy pastry? keep everything cool. Chill your Yes,youcanmakeaflancaseusing mixing bowl for 30 minutes and light, mild olive oil. This pastry is not use iced water to make your dough. as short as a traditional shortcrust A marble slab is excellent for rolling and will have a firm texture that out pastry as the surface remains needs careful handling. cold. Alternatively, you could 1. Sift 225g of plain flour into a bowl purchase an inexpensive pastry with a pinch of salt and make a well blender, which will work to rub in the centre. Whisk 4 tbsp each the fat in for you. of light olive oil and cold water in another bowl until blended. What’s best: butter, margarine 2. Add the oil mix to the flour a little or lard? at a time, mixing until it forms a firm Q Butter will give pastries a fine dough. You may need to add a little flavour and crisp texture. For rich more oil and water. pastries, such as puff or pâte sucrée 3. Knead quickly until smooth. Use to (sweet shortcrust pastry), where line a 28cm flan tin and bake blind. flavour is important, it is always Should a slight crack appear during best to use butter. baking, brush over with a little lightly Q Firm margarine can be used to beaten egg white and return to oven make plain types of pastry, such as for 1-2 minutes to seal the crack and shortcrust. Use it straight from the prevent the filling seeping out.

Februaryđ2016 | 23 PETS

7 Ways to Chase Away Fleas Natural home remedies to protect dogs and cats

Homemade flea repellents are easy Draw a line in the salt Pour table to whip up and lower your pet’s – and salt around all the crevices of the your family’s – exposure to synthetic kennel to keep fleas well away from insecticides, so why not give them your dog’s cosy abode. atry? Pine scent in a kennel A pile of Lemon spray Cut 2 peeled lemons fresh pine needles placed underneath (no rind) into small pieces, put the a dog’s bed will discourage fleas from pieces into a saucepan of 1 litre water moving in. and boil till pulpy. Remove the pan from the heat and let the mixture stand overnight. Strain the liquid into a spray bottle and spray your dog or cat almost all over, especially under the “armpits”,behind the ears and around the head, taking care to shield the eyes. When you spray at the base of the tail, avoid spraying

your pet’s genitals. You can also dip ISTOCK PHOTOS: a brush into the mixture, and run it through their coat.

Vinegar repellent Repel fleas with a solution made from 10 parts water to 1 part apple cider or white vinegar. Pour it into a spray bottle and spray your pet as with the lemon spray.

24 | Februaryđ2016 Cedar deterrents Add cedar chips or cedar sawdust to the stuffing for your pet’s pillow or bedding. If your dog has a kennel, you can hang or nail a cedar collars often have an unpleasant block inside. The odour of cedar odour, and you may hesitate to put repels fleas as well as other nuisance a chemical-laden collar against your insects, including moths. However, dog’s skin. Instead, rub a few drops do not use cedar chips if your pet is of tea-tree, lavender or eucalyptus whelping or for newborn puppies, as essential oil into an ordinary the wood can harbour bacteria that webbed or rope collar or bandana can result in infections. and then refresh weekly. Never use essential oils on cats. Kill flea eggs with salt When fleas infest your home, they can Brewer’s yeast flea repellent get everywhere. As adult fleas jump Some pet owners have reported that from animals to the carpets, they brewer’s yeast works as a systemic can lay eggs. Sprinkle salt on your flea repellent when ingested. If you carpets to kill flea eggs or use the powdered form, larvae; let it sit for a day, sprinkle 1 tsp into your then vacuum. Repeat cat or small dog’s food the process a few days daily (a 20kg dog will later to make sure you need 1 tbsp). You can haven’t missed any also use brewer’s flea eggs. Each time yeast topically; just you vacuum the salt, rub it directly into tie up and discard the your pet’s fur (or hair). vacuum cleaner bag that Caution: some animals you’ve used. develop a skin allergy after eating or being rubbed with Scent dog collars with yeast. If this happens to your pet, essential oils Shop-bought flea discontinue at once.

Februaryđ2016 | 25 HOME

Clever Tricks for an Organised Car BY KELSEY KLOSS

GRAB YOUR GROCERIES Hate making multiple trips to carry groceries inside? Keep a laundry basket in your boot. Fill it with shopping bags and carry it inside once you’re home. Return it to the car the next time you leave.

PROTECT CUP HOLDERS Crumbs can be impossible to get out of some cup holders. Slip silicone muffin liners into cup holders, and remove to wash when grimy.

KEEP HANDS CLEAN Place a bottle of hand sanitiser and a pack of wipes in the side compartment of FILE RECEIPTS Keep an envelope the driver’s door. This lets you clean labelled “Receipts” in the main up fast after getting petrol or pushing console, and stash drive-through a shopping trolley. and shopping receipts there. Every Sunday, take important ones out to USE A TISSUE BOX FOR GARBAGE file them. An empty tissue box can serve as a mini garbage bin for wrappers and PERSONALISE THE SUN VISOR other litter. Attach the rough side of Avoid cluttering the visor with items an adhesive Velcro dot to the bottom that can fall and distract you. Save the of the box, and stick to the corner of visor for a favourite quote or photo to

the carpet by the passenger seat. make rush hour a bit more pleasant. ILLUSTRATION: iSTOCK

26 | Februaryđ2016 ETC The kernel spins A “leg” of fluffy starch in the air while emerges and kicks the its innards kernel into the air. bloom outward. At 100°C, water turns into steam.

At 180°C, the Escaping kernel reaches vapour critical heat creates a and bursts. resonant pop. An unpopped One fifteenth of a kernel is second later: Voilà! mostly starch Tasty popcorn. and water.

BY BRANDON Why Popcorn Pops SPECKTOR

THE BIG BANG may still befuddle us, lightning-fast circus act occurs: but scientists just took a giant leap a “leg” of fluffy starch emerges from towards understanding the smaller the fractured hull, kicking it up a few (and arguably more important) bang centimetres in a gymnast-like spin. that happens in your kitchen or work Water vapour bursts from the hull as it microwave. Thanks to a team of does when you uncork a Champagne French researchers, we now have the bottle, emitting that signature popcorn most complete picture yet of pop. The hull continues to bloom as it popcorn’s seed-to-snack transition. flips and cools, finally converting that Inside every popcorn kernel’s shell, hot vapour and starch into the there’s a tiny droplet of water popcorn fluff we know and love. surrounded by a mesh of mostly At the end of the show, each starch. At 100°C, the water turns into inside-out kernel is about twice as steam and mixes with the starch to large and one-eighth as dense as it create a hot, doughy mass. Pressure was pre-pop. Whether you should builds in the hull until finally, at cover yours in butter or olive oil is 180°C, it bursts. a question for another day.

PHOTO: ADAM VOORHES ADAM PHOTO: In the next 15th of a second, a Sources: Interface, the Telegraph, and Los Angeles Times

Februaryđ2016 | 27

The Kındnessof Strangers RD readers share first-hand accounts of compassion – 20 stories that touched their lives and our hearts. You may want a box of tissues handy...

THE MAN AT THE SUPERMARKET Whenthesupermarketcashierhadaddedupmy groceries,Iwas$12overwhatIhadonme.Ibeganto remove items from the bags, when another shopper handed me a $20 note. “Please don’t put yourself out,” I told him. “Let me tell you a story,” he said. “My mother is in the hospital with cancer. I visit her every day and bring her flowers. I went this morning, and she got cross with me for spending my money on more flowers. She demanded that I do something else with that money. So, here, please accept this. It’s my mother’s flowers.” LESLIE WAGNER

PHOTOGRAPHED BY YASU+JUNKO KINDNESS OF STRANGERS

JIM AND THE JOB COLOUR ME AMAZED My neighbour, Jim, had trouble I forgot about the rules on liquids deciding if he wanted to retire from in carry-on luggage, so when I hit the construction field, until he ran security at the airport, I had to give into a younger man he’d worked with up all my painting supplies. When I previously. The young man had a wife returned a week later, an attendant and three children and was finding was at the baggage area with my it difficult to make ends meet, since paints. Not only had he kept them for he hadn’t worked in some time. The me, but he’d looked up my return date next morning, Jim went to the union and time in order to meet me. office and submitted his retirement MARILYN KINSELLA paperwork. As for his replacement, he gave them the name of the young BOUNTY FOR A WIFE man. That was six years ago, and that I was balancing caring for a toddler young husband and father has been and holding down a full-time job, employed ever since. MIRANDA MACLEAN while my navy husband was on extended duty overseas. One even- A FAMILY’S FOOD ANGEL ing, the doorbell rang. It was my While going through a divorce, my neighbour, who was retired from the mother fretted over her new worries: navy, holding a breadboard loaded no income, the same bills, and no with a freshly cooked chicken and way to afford groceries. It was around vegetable stew. this time that she started finding “I’ve noticed you’re getting a little boxesoffoodoutsideourdoorevery skinny,” he said. morning. This went on for months, It was the best meal I’d had in until she was able to land a job. We months. PATRICIA FORDNEY never found out who left the grocer- ies, but they truly saved our lives. SHE GAVE ME DIRECTION JAMIE BOLEYN As I left a party, I got on the wrong freeway and was immediately lost. I THE LITTLE LIFT pulled over to the shoulder and called One evening, I left a restaurant just my roadside-assistance provider. ahead of a woman assisting her She tried to connect me to a freeway elderly mother. I approached a step police patrol, but that call never went up and paused to see if my arthritic through. Hearing the panic in my knees could climb it. To my right voice, she came up with a plan B: appeared an arm to assist. It was that “You’re near this office,” she said. “I’m of the elderly mother. My heart was so about to go off shift. Stay put, and I’ll touched. DONNA MOERIE find you.” >>

30 | Februaryđ2016 WHITE SHOULDERS A woman at our garage sale wore a perfume that smelled heavenly and familiar. “What are you wearing?” I asked. “White Shoulders,” she said. Suddenly, I was bowled over by a flood of memories. White Shoulders was the one gift I could count on at Christmas from my late mother. We chatted awhile, and she bought some things and left. A few hours later, she returned holding a new bottle of White Shoulders. I don’t recall which one of us started crying first. MEDIA STOOKSBURY LACED WITH LOVE Children were playing at the recreation area of an IKEA store when my five-year-old granddaughter motioned for a small boy to stop. She knelt down before him and re-tied his flopping shoelaces – she had only just learned to tie her own. No words were spoken, but after she finished, both smiled shyly, then turned to race o in dierent directions. SHEELA MAYES READER’S DIGEST

Ten minutes later, she rolled up. Jimmy and drove off. Then Jimmy got She guided me not only to the right into his car and took off as well. freeway but all the way to the correct Take-home message: kindness has freeway exit. And then, with a wave no limits and no restrictions. goodbye, she drove back into the DR MOHAMMED BASHA night. MICHELLE ARNOLD HE KEPT AN EYE ON ME BREAKING BREAD Driving home in a bad storm, I noticed Last December, before work, I stopped a vehicle trailing close behind me. at a café and ordered an everything Suddenly, my tyre blew! I pulled off the bagel with cream cheese. It was toasty road, and so did the other car. A man warm, and I couldn’t wait to dig in. jumped out from behind the wheel and But as I left the café, I noticed an older without hesitation changed the flat. homeless gentleman sitting at the bus “I was going to turn off three kilo- stop. Knowing it would probably be metres back,” he said. “But I didn’t his only warm meal of the day, I gave think that tyre looked good.” him the bagel. MARILYN ATTEBERY But all was not lost for me. Another customer from the café offered me MY COMMANDER’S CALL half of her bagel. I was so delighted It was one of my first missions on a because I realised that in one way or gunship during the Vietnam War. I another, we’re all looked after. was scanning for enemy fire when LILIANA FIGUEROA I spotted a bright object that looked as if it were coming straight at us. “I CAN STILL HELP” “Missile! Missile!” I shouted into As I walked through the parking lot, my interphone. The pilot jerked the all I could think about was the dire plane as hard as he could, dumping diagnosis I had handed my patient guys from one side of the craft to the Jimmy: pancreatic cancer. Just then, I next. Well, turns out the “missile” was noticed an elderly gentleman handing a flare we had just dropped. Suffice it tools to someone working under his to say, the guys weren’t pleased. stalled car. That someone was Jimmy. Back at the base, my commander “Jimmy, what are you doing?” I put an arm around my shoulder. yelled out. “Sergeant Hunter,” he said, “you keep Jimmy dusted off his pants. “My calling them like you see them. Better cancer didn’t tell me not to help safe than sorry.” others, Doc,” he said, before waving at That kind act gave me the confidence the old man to start the car. The engine to be one of the top gunners in my roared to life. The old man thanked squadron. DOUGLAS HUNTER

Februaryđ2016 | 33 KINDNESS OF STRANGERS

21 APPLES FROM MAX farewell card my neighbour had shoved When my grandson Max told his in my hand as I left. I pulled the card mother, Andrea, to donate any cheque out of the envelope, and $100 dropped she would give him for his 21st birth- out – just enough to get me through day to charity, Andrea got an idea. the remainder of my trip. Later, I asked She handed Max’s brother Charlie a my neighbour why she had enclosed video camera. Then she withdrew 21 the money. She said, “I had a feeling it $10 notes from the bank and bought would help.” NADINE CHANDLER 21 apples at the supermarket. When they spotted a homeless man, Andrea BLANKET STATEMENT told him, “Today is my son Max’s 21st When I was seven, my family drove to birthday, and he asked me to give a the Grand Canyon in Arizona. At one gift to someone to help him celebrate.” point, my favourite blanket flew out She handed the man a $10 note and the window and was gone. I was dev- an apple. The man smiled into the astated. Soon after, we stopped at a ser- camera and announced, “Happy vice station. I found a bench and was birthday, Max!” about to eat my sandwich when a biker Soon, they passed out their booty to gang pulled into the station. men and women waiting in line at a “Is that your blue Ford?” a huge, soup kitchen. In a unified chorus, they frightening man with a grey and wished Max, “Happy birthday!” black beard asked. My mother nodded At a pizza parlour, Andrea left $50 reticently. The man pulled my blanket and told the owners to feed the hungry. from his jacket pocket and handed “Happy birthday, Max!” they shouted. it to her. He then returned to his With one last $10 note and apple, motorcycle. I repaid him the only way they stopped at Andrea’s sister’s office. I knew how: I ran up to him and gave Unable to contain her laughter or her him my sandwich. ZENA HAMILTON tears, she bellowed into the camera, “Happy birthday, Max!” TWICE AS NICE DR DONALD STOLTZ Two firefighters were waiting in line at a fast-food restaurant when the siren HOW DID SHE KNOW? sounded on their fire engine parked I was driving across the country to outside. As they turned to leave, a start a new job. What began as a fun couple who’d just received their order, adventure turned into a nightmare handed their food to the firefight- when I realised I had run through most ers. The couple then got back in line of my money and still had a long way to to reorder. Doubling down on their go. I pulled over and let the tears flow. selfless act, the manager refused to That’s when I noticed the unopened take their money. JOANN SANDERSON

34 | Februaryđ2016 A KEY TO KINDNESS Leaving a shop, I returned to my car only to find that I’d locked my keys and mobile phone inside. A teenager riding his bike saw me kick a tyre and say a few choice words. “What’s wrong?” he asked. I explained my situation. “But even if I could call my wife,” I said, “she can’t bring me her car key, since this is our only car.” He handed me his mobile phone. “Phone your wife and tell her I’m coming to get her key.” “That’s a round trip of 11 kilometres.” “Don’t worry about it.” An hour later, he returned with the key. I ofered him some money, but he refused. “Let’s just say I needed the exercise,” he said. Then, like a cowboy in the movies, he rode of into the sunset. CLARENCE STEPHENS

JUST DRIVING THROUGH a minivan full of kids pulled over. A When my friend and I were injured woman got out and asked if I was OK. in a car accident, a family from out of “No,” I said. Then I laid out what had state stopped to help. Seeing we were happened: I was delivering books for a hurt, they drove us to the hospital and publishing company. My next stop was stayed there until we were released. way, way up this long and winding and, They then took us home, got us food, to me, very treacherous road. I couldn’t and made sure we were settled in. do it. Amazingly, they interrupted their holi- “I’ll deliver the books for you,” she day to help us. CINDY EARLS said. She was a local, and the roads were nothing for her. BY THE BOOK I took her up on the offer and never I’d pulled over onto the side of a road forgot the simple kindness of this and was suffering a panic attack when stranger. DOREEN FRICK

Februaryđ2016 | 35

We don’t always get to choose where life’s journeys will begin and end

BY ALIYA WHITELEY FROM BETTER THAN FICTION 2

36 ruaar đ2016 FIRST PERSON

RAY WASN’T A SOLDIER when I for the rest of our lives, due to start as met him. That happened afterwards, soon as the six months were up. He when I was already in love, and all asked, “What will you do while I’m the misgivings I felt about becoming away?” a military wife no longer stood tall in I told him I would wait. I pictured the face of love. those months as dark water that must But not long after the wedding those be softly waded through, in order misgivings rose up, helped along by to reach the glittering beach of our the declaration of war against Iraq future on the other side. for the second time. Ray was given a The car struggled up hills that three-week leave of absence before he turned into mountains. The occa- was due to report to RAF Brize Norton sional patches of white knitted to- north-west of London, to fly to Basra. gether into blankets, and still we He would be away for six months. He climbed. At the end of the afternoon, broke the news to me quickly, and past Grenoble, a blue sign for camp- then said, “But three weeks off, quick, ing at La Grave led us to a sheltered get in the car, let’s go. Somewhere. spot in the shadow of a most impres- Anywhere.” sive mountain. There was one tent: We took a ferry from Dover to Calais the old-fashioned kind that formed a and bought camping supplies from a point and just big enough for one per- hypermarché. We threw a tent, a sleep- son. We pitched our tent. The air was ing bag for two, a stove, crockery and turning colder. cutlery, tins and bottles, into a shop- “Food,” said Ray. ping trolley, and formulated a plan. He got the stove working, and the First we would head downwards, then ring produced a hissing but depend- back up through Italy, and over the able blue flame. From the selection Brenner Pass into Austria. Germany, of tins I chose cassoulet. Beakers of Holland, Belgium, back into France. red wine followed, as the smell of the That first day we travelled and beans and sausage chunks in their

PHOTO: (LA MEIJE) iSTOCK PHOTO: talked, filled to bursting with plans tomato sauce intensified.

Februaryđ2016 | 37 THE PLACES WHERE WE WAIT

By the time the cassoulet was ready “You’re on a walking holiday?” to eat, the owner of the pointed tent “No,” I said. “A trip around Europe. had returned from what must have We just decided to go, and here we been a long and serious hike, and are. You?” had set off to the wash block. He re- “Just here. I come here every year, turned as we ate and raised a hand in in the quiet time. I used to come greeting. Then he towel-dried his hair with my wife. Every year. Now it’s with his back to us, looking up at the just me.” He started to talk about La mountain. Grave, and I realised we hadn’t sim- The man continued to stand there, ply fallen upon a quiet place to pause not more than 6m away. in our travels. For some It grew colder still. I people, this was the end could picture the freez- The mountain of the journey. ing air rushing down had a name: La The mountain had a from the tip of that great name: La Meije. It had black mountain to us. Meije. It had been thought unscal- Wegotoutapackof been thought able, and was the last cards and played, until unscalable major peak in the Alps it seemed ridiculous to to be climbed. Off-piste not speak. Ray called to skiers and ice climbers the man, and he turned and came over. came to it, looking for danger. Many He was older than us, although not of them found it, and deaths were much more than 40. His walking boots not rare. The man told us these facts had long red laces that had been without interest. It was as if he had knotted in elaborate loops, and his said these words many times before, beard was trimmed close, so neat in if only in his head. comparison to his tousled hair. I liked Had his wife died here, while skiing him straightaway. or climbing? It was too difficult a ques- “What are you playing?” he said. tion to ask. Perhaps she had simply His accent was Scandinavian, maybe. tired of him, and his obsession with “Rummy,” Ray said. “Do you want the mountain. It was impossible to to play?” know which had happened first: his “No, no, but I’ll watch, if that’s OK.” He folded his towel on the grass and Aliya Whiteley lives in the UK and writes sat beside me. I poured him a beaker in many genres. In 2015 her dark fantasy of wine, which he took and nursed novella The Beauty was shortlisted for without drinking much, as we talked the Shirley Jackson Awards and the Saboteur Awards, and was also and played our cards, without much included on the Honours List of the thought. James Tiptree Jr. Award.

38 | Februaryđ2016 READER’S DIGEST love for her, or his love for La Meije. It’s funny how everything is differ- The cold was eating at my fingers ent in the light of morning. I awoke, and toes, and yet I couldn’t stand the and Ray was already up and about, thought of crawling inside the tent and and had made coffee. He nodded lying there, alone, under the mountain. towards the tent, and shrugged. Perhaps Ray read my mind, because he Maybe the man was already out walk- got up and said it was getting late. ing, or maybe he was in there, not I watched Ray fetch his wash bag, wantingtobedisturbed.Wepacked and walk down to the wash block. up our gear and drove away. Iwantedtocallouttohim,tomake him turn around. How ridiculous I A MONTH LATER, Ray was far away, was; how needy. fighting a war that I could not imagine. The man smiled at me. “You seem a We’d talk, not of the future, but of our little sad,” he said. “It’s difficult, when holiday. I poured myself into books, you’re a couple. You have to be...” He fighting down waves of nervous sick- searched for the word. “Vulnerable. ness which got worse. It did not occur But it’s a good thing, really.” to me, until the doctor said the actual It didn’t feel like a good thing. He words, that I was pregnant. must have seen my feelings in my face. I remember taking a bath, and while “No, no, don’t mind me,” he said. “I lying in the water I pictured that giant must stay here – because this was her mountain towering over me. “You favourite place. Then she was gone, have your lives ahead,” the man had and I stopped...” He moved one hand said. He could not walk away from the over another, forming a wheel, a con- blackness, but I could. tinuous circle of motion. I sat in the house where I had Sometimes the strictures of society wanted to do nothing but wait. But we part, and a gap is left in which two don’t always get to choose whether we people, strangers, can see each other. wait, or we move. We try to stay so still, I saw him then, and he saw me. We yet our bodies are always travelling. shared, in that look, the knowledge that every journey must end. Ray returned, the gap sealed up, This is an extract and the man wished us both a good from Lonely night. We crawled into our tent and Planet’s Better unrolled the sleeping bag. It was Than Fiction 2 © a double, the material flimsy, bet- 2015. RRP: US$15.99 Available from ter suited to the Riviera than to the lonelyplanet.com Alps. The cold was intense and the presence of the mountain was strong.

Februaryđ2016 | 39 HEALTH

Low carb or low fat. Treadmill or cross-trainer. Sugar or artificial sweetener. Here, the latest research and thinking on the best choices for your health Classic Health Debates

BY SUNNY SEA GOLD

What’s healthier in your it for energy and, if you eat too much cofee – sugar or artiicial of it, store the rest as fat), emerging sweeteners? Winner: Sugar. animal research suggests that, on the Go ahead and opt for the real stuff. Not other hand, a habit of artificial sweet- because artificial sweeteners aren’t eners may interfere with metabolism safe (they are, as regulatory authori- and blood sugar regulation, possibly ties confirm), but the premise that we even contributing to weight gain and should eat “real foods” in moderation is glucose intolerance. (One possible persuasive. Whereas your body knows exception: people with diabetes, who

how to deal with sugar (ie, you burn must closely monitor their blood sugar RALPH SMITH PHOTOS:

40 | Februaryđ2016 levels, should talk to their doctor about elliptical to be more comfortable for the healthiest choices for them.) their joints, says Matthews. But more important than how you sweetenyourcuppaisyouroverall Which diet is more efective for intake of sugar or artificial sweeteners, weight loss – low fat, low carb says dietitian Elisa Zied, the author of or Mediterranean? Winners: YoungerNextWeek. The World Health Low carb and Mediterranean. Organization says adults should limit Researchers have been bickering over sugar intake to about six teaspoons this diet dilemma for decades, but a total each day (one can of soft drink major 2015 meta-analysis of 53 pub- can have about ten teaspoons). While lished studies involving more than recommended limits for sweeteners 68,000 adults has tipped the scales vary, Zied advises using no more than slightly in favour of low-carbohydrate a couple of packets a day. and Mediterranean diets over low-fat diets. Trials that included dietary sup- Which provides a superior plements or meal replacement drinks workout – treadmill or cross- were excluded from the study. trainer? Winner: Treadmill. The researchers found that lowering You can raise your heart rate and burn fat content did not offer any long-term kilojoules on any piece of cardio equip- benefit in actually losing weight or in ment, but every time your foot comes maintaining weight loss over other down on that treadmill belt, you get dietary interventions. Nevertheless, the bonus of building bone strength people on low-carb diets only lost 1kg too, points out Jessica Matthews, (2.2lbs) more than those on low-fat senior adviser for health and fitness diets and the overall average weight education for the American Council loss after a year in the trials was 3.75kg. on Exercise. Unlike the cross-trainer The researchers found that no diets (elliptical), only weight-bearing exer- worked particularly well in the long cises – such as walking, jogging, jump- term – defined as more than a year. ing rope, and weight training – help to The key to success seems to have preserve bone density. more to do with sticking to a diet rather Most exercisers also simply like the than any one particular weight-loss treadmill more than the cross-trainer, plan, notes Dr Deirdre Tobias, lead found a recent study published in the researcher in the study. journal Perceptual and Motor Skills, “We need to look beyond the ratios which is a helpful factor if they’re trying of calories from fat, carbs and pro- to stick to an exercise programme. That tein to a discussion of healthy eating said, folks with arthritis or who are patterns, whole foods, and portion overweight may find the lower-impact sizes,” she points out.

Februaryđ2016 | 41 CLASSIC HEALTH DEBATES

Which is better when you’re week could come down to cutting out tired–exerciseoranextra other less important activities. hour of sleep? Winner: Both, “Almost everyone could forgo 30 but sleep wins out slightly. minutes a day of internet or TV time,” “When you look at the research, regu- Mah says. lar physical activity is important for high-quality sleep, and high-quality Which is the better germ sleep is important for physical perfor- ighter–soaporhand mance,”says Cheri Mah, a sleep medi- sanitiser? Winner: Soap. cine researcher at Stanford University While soap doesn’t kill microbes, as and the University of California, San the alcohol in some sanitisers can, Francisco, in a recent TIME article. washing with suds and water makes Experts say healthy routines start for cleaner hands, according to the with going to bed and waking up at infectious-disease experts at the US the same time to ensure enough rest. Centers for Disease Control and Pre- With a well-rested mind and body, vention (CDC). Multiple studies have you’re more likely to have the energy found that the combo of running water, to exercise. lathering with soap, and friction from Making time for the recommended rubbing hands for 20 seconds removes at least seven hours of sleep a night the highest number of certain sickness- and a minimum of 2.5 hours of mod- causing bacteria and viruses. No need

erate-intensity aerobic exercise every to use warm or hot water – it doesn’t SPRI.COM KETTLEBELL COURTESY

42 | Februaryđ2016 READER’S DIGEST seem to help clear any more germs but many people brush less than a than cool water does and may actually minute.” dry out your hands more. When you Good brushing is one of the most can’t get to soap and water, a hand critical ways to promote not only good sanitiser with at least 60% alcohol is a oral health but systemic health as well, decent second choice, says the CDC. Gonzalez adds. “An infection in the mouth can negatively affect the cardio- Which is healthier for your feet vascular system, diabetic patients, and – wedge heels or ballet lats? the health of pregnant women.” Winner: Wedge heels. While most healthy people can keep Both allow for even distribution of your their mouths in shape by brushing with body weight, since there’s ample con- a regular toothbrush twice a day, he tact between the sole of the shoe and says, those with gum disease or issues the floor (versus, say, stiletto heels). like arthritis, which can make regular But more support can put wedges on brushing tough, will probably get more top, says podiatrist and shoe designer benefit from an electric toothbrush. Dr Michele Summers Colon. “Very flat flats are the worst shoes you can wear,” Which is preferable for good says Summers Colon. “There is no digestion – yoghurt or a support for the mid-foot, so the ankle probiotic supplement? tends to roll inward, causing ankle, Winner: Yoghurt and other calf, and even knee soreness.” fermented foods. “Food is always the best way to get Which toothbrush works your nutrients,”says Dr Gerard Mullin, better – electric or manual? director of Integrative GI Nutrition Winner: Electric. Services at Johns Hopkins University Studies have seesawed, but finally a School of Medicine in Baltimore and Cochrane review of 56 studies con- author of The Gut Balance Revolution. firmed in 2014 that powered brushes The synergistic effects of all the com- removed 21% more plaque and deliv- ponents in whole foods can’t be dupli- ered an up to 11% reduction in gingi- cated in a supplement. When you’re vitis. Another helpful feature of many shopping for probiotic-containing electric brushes? The timer. “Patients foods such as kimchi, miso, sauer- often don’t realise how little time they kraut, kefir, yoghurt, and kombucha, spend cleaning their teeth,” says Dr look for live and active cultures on Ricardo Vidal Gonzalez, of the Mayo labels. If you can’t stand the taste of Clinic. “Most dentists agree that proper foods that contain probiotics, ask your brushing takes at least two minutes doctor to recommend a high-quality and recommend this to their patients, supplement, says Mullin.

Februaryđ2016 | 43 Laughter THE BEST MEDICINE

SECOND OPINION A woman goes to the vet with her pig that appears to be sleeping. The woman waits as the vet inspects the pig. After a while he comes out of his office and tells the woman, “I’m sorry… but your pig is dead.” The woman, shocked, shouts at the vet, “Are you serious? Did you run any tests? He could just be in a coma or something.” The vet sighs and gestures for the woman to join him in his office. The vet leaves the room and returns with a dog. The dog approaches the pig and slowly sniffs him from head to toe. He looks up at the woman with sad eyes and walks out. The vet leaves and returns with a cat. The cat approaches the pig and stares at him for a solid five minutes. It then meows loudly and slowly exits the room. The vet tells the woman, “Your pig has definitely passed on.” The vet adds up the totals and hands the woman a bill for $400. The woman is outraged again. “$400 just so you could tell me my little piggy died?” “No,” the vet replies, “it was only $40 until you made me get a Lab Report and a Cat Scan.” Source: goodriddlesnow.com

BUSTED “Do you believe in life after death?” the boss asked one of his employees. “Yes, sir,” the employee replied. “That’s good,” the boss said. “After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother’s funeral, she

stopped by to see you.” Seen online iSTOCK PHOTOS: KONAR; SUSAN CARTOON:

44 | Februaryđ2016 I admit that I live in the past. But only because housing is so much cheaper. COMEDIAN MATT WOHLFARTH

BIG TIME How can you ever be late in London? They have a huge clock right in the middle of the town. LATE-NIGHT HOST JIMMY KIMMEL

SPAGHETTIFIED The other night, there was this huge explosion because I tried to combine WHAT A DEAL pasta with antipasta. COMEDIAN KRISTEN SCHAAL I saw an advertisement in a window that said: BRIGHT SPARK “Television for sale, $1. Q: What’s the difference between a Volume stuck on full.” hippo and a Zippo? I can’t turn A: One is really heavy. The other is I thought, that down. COMEDIAN TIM VINE a little lighter. COMEDIAN MASAI GRAHAM

HELP YOURSELF Everybody is corrupted by hotel rooms. You can’t help it. It’s the only DEEP CUT place in the world where you walk in and the first thing you do is steal When I see lovers’ everything before you take your coat names carved in a tree, off. COMEDIAN DYLAN MORAN I don’t think it’s sweet. I just think it’s scary how PURE GENUS Why aren’t koalas actual bears? They many people bring don’t meet the koalafications. knives on dates. Seen online Seen online

Februaryđ2016 | 45

DRAMA IN REAL LIFE

When the float plane smashed into rocks, windows shattering and flames blasting through the cabin, survival seemed nigh impossible RockInto the

BY CONOR MIHELL ILLUSTRATIONS: ALL BY MICHAEL BYERS ALL BY ILLUSTRATIONS: INTO THE ROCK

“WE’RE NOT GOING TO MAKE IT!” PilotMarvinBoyd’sshoutfilled thecabin,overtheBeaverfloatplane’sbuzzingengineand vibratingfuselage.Awallofblackrockandgreentreestookshape outofthefog.Flyingjustabovethewater’ssurface,theaircraft heavywithpassengers,cargoandfuel,Marvinpulledsharplyon thecontrolsinalast-ditchefforttosteeroutofacollision.Asthe planebanked,apontoonstrucktherockyshoreline,absorbing some of the aircraft’s momentum. It then cartwheeled into the rocks,breakingofftheengine,shearingtheexternalfueltank and spraying aviation gasoline into the fuselage. The plane came to rest 30m from the water’s edge, engulfed in flames.

THE THOUSANDS OF ISLANDS that flew occasionally for his friend Don guard the central coast in British McNeice, who owned the aircraft, using Columbia, Canada, are rock-bound, it to service remote sport-fishing lodges home to the hardiest of organisms – throughout coastal British Columbia. kelp, starfish and barnacles. No roads Inside the cramped, metal-clad serve the coast, only a ferry that makes cockpit sat Don and his mech- a 22-hour run from Vancouver Island anic Richard Pick. Marvin had just to the port city of Prince Rupert, in the retrieved both men from a nearby iso- northern part of the province on the lated coastal community. Waiting for mainland. First Nations communities them at St. John Harbour was Gordon like Bella Bella and Klemtu rely on the McLeod, Don’s electrician. ferry and small airports for connec- The plane Marvin was flying was tions to the outside world. One of the built in 1953; its single radial engine biggest industries is tourism: in the whirred noisily as it approached the summer, anglers flock to lodges along bay. The inside passage was clear, but the coast to catch salmon and halibut. he wasn’t surprised to see a fog bank On the afternoon of Friday, July 11, hanging offshore. Fog is common on 2014, Marvin was preparing to land a the coast, appearing suddenly, then float plane at a wilderness lodge in St. ebbing and flowing in a narrow band John Harbour, Athlone Island, 35km above the sea. Marvin circled three from Bella Bella when the crash hap- times to appraise the conditions. He pened. An experienced pilot, he had knew the crew was eager to get home logged 12,500 float plane hours over to Haida Gwaii (formerly The Queen a 29-year career. Since selling his Charlotte Islands) for the weekend – own air charter service in 2009, he and that the fog could very well linger

48 | Februaryđ2016 READER’S DIGEST

for days. The green and white Beaver sport-fishing vessel on the water, right touched down in a spray of salt water where he anticipated coming down. and taxied to a floating barge where He had forgotten that these waters Gordon McLeod stood waiting. draw anglers, who boat to the area Marvin worried over the time it took from several nearby lodges. His only to get Gordon’s tools and supplies option was to turn the plane towards loaded. Finally, with the three men in shore, which he hoped to follow to a the plane, Marvin reviewed his plan gap in the fog. before throttling the engine for take- Within seconds, Marvin realised he off: he would skim the water, search- was flying into a dead end. Land was ing for a break in the fog to ascend to coming up fast, and the plane, labour- the clear skies above. If it didn’t work, ing under a full-capacity load, couldn’t he would land and taxi back before climb above the trees. it was too thick – a strategy he’d em- ployed countless times before in other SKIPPER DAVID BELL was pilot- locations. ing the 14m Pacific Lure, along with Sure enough, the fog was impen- a crew member and six guests. They etrable. So, according to plan, Marvin were trolling for salmon just off dropped the wing flaps to set up for Cheney Point, north of St. John Har- a landing. Just then, he spotted a bour. From the helm, two storeys

C A Crash N site A D A Fog

Vancouver Island

P a c Vancouver i f Attempted i c take-off from O c St. John Harbour, e a Athlone Island n

02Kilometres 50 Seattle MAP: 5W INFOGRAPHICS

Februaryđ2016 | 49 INTO THE ROCK above the water, David watched a float direction of the crash, which he sus- plane materialise out of the fog on his pected was about 2km away. Richard starboard side, at almost eye level, steeled himself for a grisly scene. coming straight at them. Just as suddenly as it had appeared, SENSING MARVIN’S desperate turn, the Beaver swooped towards the shore Richard Pick instinctively tucked his and into the fog. David glanced at his head between his knees and braced. navigational instruments. There was The plane ploughed into the rock no way it would clear that cove, he shelf, windows shattered, and flames thought. blasted through the cabin. Richard He steered the boat immediately elbowed in the direction of the open the rear door of inlet. Out of the fog, he The Beaver the crumpled, burning could see a flaming ball swooped aircraft and escaped. of wreckage. Because towards the After appraising his of the shoals near the body for injuries and shore and the size of shore and into discovering only a his vessel, David was the fog. There tender spot on the top unable to do much more wasnowayit of his head, he re-en- than issue a mayday would clear that tered the plane through relay–abroadcasttoall cove, David the back door. Over mariners to lend assis- thought the unnerving whoosh tance. He recorded the of combusting fuel, he latitude and longitude heard Gordon moan, coordinates and keyed the boat’s VHF barely conscious after slamming his marine radio. He ended his call with, head against the metal backside of “I don’t think there are any survivors.” the pilot’s seat. Richard lunged in, re- leased Gordon’s seat belt and hauled BACK ON THE DOCKS of the lodge him out. Gordon’s head was bleed- in St. John Harbour, Richard Mellis’s ing profusely. Richard grabbed his gut sank when he heard Bell’s mayday arm and guided him towards a pile of crackle over the VHF. Richard, who rocks a few metres away, then band- works for Don McNeice as a mechanic, aged the wound with his shirt. was supposed to have been aboard that Less than a minute after impact, float plane with his colleagues, but Don regained consciousness. He instead had decided to stay behind to glanced to his left and saw Marvin finish last-minute jobs. slumped down in the seat, uncon- He and a fishing guide hopped in scious, pinned by the controls and an aluminium boat and raced in the his seat belt. Flames raged around

50 | Februaryđ2016 his legs and feet. As he attempted to away by flames, his skin scalded to free Marvin’s motionless frame, his the point that tendons were visible in own pants caught fire. He exited and his feet and legs. Marvin’s circulatory hurried to a tidal pool to douse the system was struggling to compensate flames. for the fluid loss from third-degree ButDon,whosekneesandshin burns covering nearly a third of his were badly scorched, knew they body. He lay practically naked on the couldn’tleaveMarvinintheplane. rocks. Without medical intervention, Theyhadtogobackinandgethim. it wouldn’t be long before his body He climbed in the co-pilot’s door and succumbed to the trauma. released Marvin’s seat belt. From Don removed his shirt and wrapped thebackseat,Richardgrabbedonto it around Marvin’s head. It was all he Marvin’s belt. Together, the men could do to stop the bleeding. Nearby, managedtoextracthislimpbody Gordon was also wavering in and out from the fuselage. of consciousness, with Richard’s shirt Marvin’s jaw was mangled, his sopping with blood that still flowed arms and face nearly charred. His from his head. “Talk to me, Gord!” Don lower body suffered the worst: his yelled at him, to keep him awake. work pants and boots had been eaten Gripped by adrenaline, he ignored

Februaryđ2016 | 51 INTO THE ROCK the oozing burns on his own limbs. Soon, he would feel the pain of his injuries. Only Richard, his face reddened from the heat, was unharmed. But as the plane blazed behind them, the men had no emergency gear – and no means of sum- moning help.

NEWS OF THE CRASH travelled fast across the marine airways. The Royal Canadian Mounted Police (RCMP) and Coast Guard – both with units at Bella Bella for a First Nations weekend celebration – deployed high-speed in- flatable boats and large patrol vessels stocked with medical equip- ment to the crash scene. A rescue helicopter was dispatched from Comox, only to be up, two were sitting. While the guide thwarted by the fog. manoeuvred the boat close to shore, Meanwhile, a party of seven doctors Richard leaped onto the slimy rocks, on their annual fishing trip heard the his arms full of survival suits he had mayday and reeled in their lines. Their pulled from the fishing boat. He knew guides boated them to the scene, 30 everyone would be in shock and minutes away. needed to be made as warm as pos- Richard Mellis was the first sible. A second lodge boat arrived responder, arriving within 15 minutes from St. John Harbour a few min- of the crash. There were four people utes later, and Richard and two other –awayfromthewreckage–twowere men focused on moving Marvin first, hunched over as if they were beaten whose burns were severe. Three of the

52 | Februaryđ2016 READER’S DIGEST men locked arms and made a human MARVIN BOYD FINALLY RETURNED stretcher to get him off the rocks. Next home to Haida Gwaii from Vancou- they assisted Richard Pick and Don ver’s G.F. Strong Rehabilitation Centre McNeice onto one boat and Gordon in September 2014; he expects to re- McLeod onto another. cover “100 per cent” and fly again. Don With the victims on board, the McNeice received skin grafts on his left vessels motored towards Bella Bella, leg. His treatment kept him on bed rest knowingfromtransmissionsonthe for most of the summer, changing his radiothattheywouldsoonintercept approach to business. “I was a worka- the better-equipped marine units. holic,” he admits. “But when I was re- Marvin and Gordon were transferred covering, I couldn’t do anything except toaCoastGuardrescuevessel,and a little phone and email. I wasn’t there, DonandRichardweremovedto and everything still ran fine.” With theRCMPpatrolvessel.Bythetime nothing more than singed hair, Richard the doctors arrived, split up and at- Pick went right back to work. tended to the injured, Coast Guard Gordon McLeod, who recovered first aiders had dressed Marvin’s from a severe concussion at home, is burns and Gordon’s head injury. grateful for Marvin Boyd’s quick “A lot of things happened in their response at the controls. “If he hadn’t favour – the fishing charter, the doc- swerved, I don’t think I’d be talking to tors, the fact that Bella Bella had you today,” he insists. For his part, the extra resources that weekend,” says crash reminded Marvin of a predic- ConstableDaleJudd,whoarrived tion he had made to his wife early in at the scene in an RCMP inflatable. his flying career. “I had told her, ‘If I “Thecrashhappenedalongway ever get in a jam, it’s going to be with from nowhere. You look at the map the fog,’” he says. “But this was worse andrealisejusthowfaryouare from than a close call. To survive, it was a the Vancouver hospital.” miracle.”

BIG-NAME BABIES

Celebrities were busy during 2015 finding unusual names for their adorable new babies:

Sailor Gene (son of Liv Tyler and David Gardner) Blues (son of Jessica Paré and John Kastner) Rocket Zot (son of Sam Worthington and Lara Bingle)

Februaryđ2016 | 53 It’s Valentine’s Day at the Seattle Aquarium ... Octopus

DateBY SY MONTGOMERY FROM THE SOUL OF AN OCTOPUS

AMAZING NATURE

ruru PUS BLIND DATE

of the 12,000 and another diver will try to separate litre, t -part tank is them – if they can. ru with heart- One year, the female killed the male ap d red lights, and began to eat him. And once, one its l ass walls octopus managed to remove the barrier or d with s iny red cut- separating the two tanks, and the two out hearts. A bo quet of plas- mated the night before the Blind Date. tic roses, tied gether with Now the barrier is bolted shut and tied red satin ribb n, floats in with cable in four different spots. the water. By 11am, th crowd has With 16 arms and six hearts beating ee-quarters as one, you might think octopus sex of- e ds, but there s of adults: fers a Kama Sutra of possibilities. Most o low tells me he and his girl- species of octopus usually mate in one friend have come every year for the of two ways: the male on top of the fe- past four years to spend Valentine’s male, as mammals usually do, or side Day here at the Seattle Aquarium’s by side. The latter is sometimes called annual Octopus Blind Date. distance mating, an octopus adapta- A busy winter Saturday or Sunday tion to mitigate the risk of cannibalism. draws up to 1000 people. But a week- Distance mating sounds like the ulti- end during Octopus Week might mate in safe sex. The male extends his bring 6000 visitors. The Blind Date is arm that contains his sex organs some the jewel in the crown. distance to reach the female; in some “It’s funny to think they come to species, this can be done while neither

THERE’S “ABOUT A FIFTY-FIFTY CHANCE THE PAIR WILL BE INTERESTED” IN EACH OTHER. ONE MIGHT ATTACK THE OTHER”

see two animals mate,” says Kathryn octopus leaves its adjacent den. Kegal, the aquarium’s lead inverte- Kathryn has high hopes for this brate biologist. She reckons there’s year’s Giant Pacific couple, Rain and “about a fifty-fifty chance this year’s Squirt. Rain, the male, weighs an pair will be interested” in each other. impressive 30kg. Kathryn describes They may do nothing. Or one might him as “a big crawler and a really

attack the other. If this happens, she mellow, easy-going octopus”. He’s a PHOTOS: (PREVIOUS SPREAD)(OPPOSITE GETTY PAGE) IMAGES; COURTESY (TENTACLE) OF iSTOCK; SEATTLE AQUARIUM

56 | Februaryđ2016 ain, t e ma e iant aci ic octopus, prepares to meet is new a y rien handsome fellow, a good shade of Starfish and snails cruise the sandy red. One of his larger suckers stuck bottom, and greenlings and canary against the glass of his tank is 6cm in fish swim nervously around the water. diameter, big enough to lift more than Sometimes a fish disappears, eaten. 12kg. Already in the past two weeks, At first, Rain is resting in the upper he left two spermatorphores in his corner of his tank, but he then turns tank. They look like clear, metre-long red and begins moving around. He worms. The spermatophores were returns to his corner and changes to proof: Rain is sexually mature, near a mottled greyish colour. “I’d be pet- the culmination and, soon after that, rified if I were swimming and saw an the end of his short life. octopus like that!” a teen in a leather The female, Squirt, is smaller, 20kg, jacket says, with his arm around his and shy. She created a den when she girl. Squirt is more active in her smaller first went on exhibit in this new tank, tank. She is a lovely dark orange colour which octopuses don’t usually do. She and has raised many of her papillae. enjoys opening jars, usually at night. At 11.35, the aquarium’s PA system The date takes place at noon, but starts playing Barry White’s deep, sexy I score a good spot by 11.30. Viewed bass: “Can’t Get Enough of Your Love, fromabove,thetankwouldlooklike Babe”. Kathryn sets up a stepladder by a misshapen figure eight lying on its the tank. She and fellow staffer Katie side,connectedwithaclearpassage- Metz will remove the bolts and cables way,whichisblockedwithaPlexiglas holding the barrier in place between barrier with small holes. Rock walls the two tanks. inthebackofeachtankoffereach The emcee introduces herself as octopus at least one hiding place. Roberta.

Februaryđ2016 | 57 OCTOPUS BLIND DATE

Behind me, the crowd around the down, giving him her vulnerable, tank is lined up 12 rows deep. creamy white underside. They embrace “Our octopuses are very unpredict- mouth-to-mouth, thousands of glis- able,” Roberta continues. “If you’re tening, exquisitely sensitive suckers having trouble seeing, our cameras tasting, pulling, sucking on each other. will display the scene on the large Both of them flush with excitement. screen behind the white table. We’re Finally, Rain completely envelops going to get started in ten minutes!” Squirt, like a gentleman might cloak his Children scream with excitement. lady with his coat on a cool night. Only The beat of the music swells. Now a few of her suckers remain visible. RobertaFlackissinging–“Baby,I Still perched above the tank, Kath- love you!” To pass the time, one of the ryn and Katie look down on the lovers teachers shows the children how to like two Cupids. These are tense “rave” to the rhythm. moments for the biologists. They don’t At 11.55, Roberta again addresses want to see these animals injured; thecrowd,standingnexttoRainon they want the mating to be a success. thelargersideofthetank.“Happy Squirt’s willingness to approach Rain Valentine’s Day, everyone!” is a good sign. “How many of you have been on a Now that the mating octopuses are blind date?” vamps Roberta. “Some- no longer moving, the children start to times it works out. Sometimes it decamp for their school buses. Many doesn’t. We will have to see!” of the kids seem baffled. A number of Kathryn and Katie remove the adults hang around, watching. barrier. “Our diver is going to encour- The two animals don’t move, but age Squirt to try to come and meet Mr Rain is becoming paler. Rain,” Roberta says. “Could he be hurting her?” asks one And now we can see Squirt flowing woman, worried. towards us, bright red with excite- “It does happen,” explained Katie. ment. She crawls purposefully over “You can’t control these things. But the sandy bottom of the tank towards his respiration and her not trying to Rain. He has now turned from greyish get away are good indications this is to red but is still not moving. A bright going very well.” white eyespot appears on Squirt’s “This is the most laid-back and gen- “forehead” as she stretches her tle mating I’ve seen,” says Kathryn. second left arm towards him, reach- The two animals are very still – Rain ing within a metre of his closest arm. is pure white, the colour of complete And then, at 12.10, she reaches a contentment. second and a third arm towards him. “They’re having the cigarette now,” He races into her arms. She flips upside chuckles the man behind me.

58 | Februaryđ2016 READER’S DIGEST

Now that the school buses have left, increases. Just like us. “They have most of the visitors to the tank are the same neurotransmitters as we adults. They all seem to recognise a humans do,” says Hariana. sweetness to the scene in front of us. The scene is a peaceful and domes- The murmurs from the people quietly tic one. A couple of [Rain’s] suckers watching the animals are tinged with are plastered to [Squirt’s] face, as if awe. he’s giving her a kiss on the cheek. “Look how white he is.” “It might be getting s the end,” “And all those bumps on his skin! says Katie. “They’re He looks fluffy as a lamb.” ing apart.” Much

THE VISITORS TO THE TANK SEEM RECOGNISE A SWEETNESS TO THE SCENE IN FRONT OF US

“He looks happy.” Squirt’s underside is plastered to the “Yeah – content.” tank’s glass, the skin on the underside “They’re so peaceful.” of her arms pink between the white “So dear. The dear, sweet things.” suckers. Her head and mantle, grey “They’re beautiful. Just gorgeous.” now, are lying on their side in his arms. The animals have hardly moved for After so much inaction, we are all three hours. eager to see the two animals part, and “They mate on Valentine’s Day?” watch what they do next. says a woman to her date. Rain now has some dark mottling “How do they know it’s Valentine’s on his light webbing. Squirt’s face and Day?” eye have popped up into view, show- Then aquarium naturalist Hariana ing she’s bright red. We still can’t see Chilstrom comes over. “Moving the her mantle opening. spermatophore to the ligula is like Squirt is moving slowly upward ejaculation,” she tells me, as the parcel along the wall of the tank, sucker by of sperm passes to this engorged organ sucker. She is much darker than Rain, at the end of Rain’s arm. who is now a pale red. Two minutes The mating male’s heart skips a later she stops. beat as the spermatophore passes Rain begins slowly moving the tips to the female, whose respiration of two of his arms. He has turned

Februaryđ2016 | 59 OCTOPUS BLIND DATE white again. Squirt is now lying on heads back towards Rain. It looks as her side, her mouth and the suckers if she is chasing him from his corner. surrounding it pressed against the She reaches her arms out, and he glass, her arms outstretched in all di- grabs her. He starts to pull her along ctions like a starburst. Rain moulds with him as the two head off to the left s and body around her head again, wrapping one arm, two arms, tle. His funnel begins to three arms, now four arms around

THE TWO OCTOPUSES START HASING EACH OTHER OUND THE TANK

of her each other. Then they pull apart. g, as if Squirt gathers her arms beneath her . and climbs up the glass to wedge her- turns bright orange self into the upper corner of the tank, as the two of them abruptly jerk where Rain originally lay curled before apart. Suddenly they unfurl in an they met. Rain, meanwhile, retreats explosion of arms and webbing. He towards the smaller side of the tank. jets to his right. She follows. A metre- A little bit later, the pair seem to long white spermatophore trails like a have settled, like this morning, at op- rope out of her mantle opening. posite ends of the tank – but now their “The couple has separated!” an positions are reversed: she’s in his excited Hariana speaks into her large tank, and he’s extending two of walkie-talkie to the biologist who will his arms into the passageway, about take the night shift. “Copy that,” he to enter her smaller one. answers. Squirt coughs, turns white, “He woke up this morning and he then red – and the two octopuses start had a nice huge home,” says the dap- chasing each other around the tank. per, silver-haired man standing next They look like great red banners to me, “and this female comes over flying in the wind. She starts moving and has sex with him. Now? Now he’s left, across the rocks towards the tun- going to get stuck with a crummy little nel, as he moves right, back towards apartment. I bet he thinks, I never his original perch. She then turns and should have gotten involved!”

FROM THE SOUL OF AN OCTOPUS: A SURPRISING EXPLORATION INTO THE WONDER OF CONSCIOUSNESS 2015 @ BY SY MONTGOMERY, PUBLISHED BY SIMON & SCHUSTER, LONDON, UK

60 | Februaryđ2016 That’s Outrageous! THE SEVEN FUNNY SINS

LUST: When their blonde figure” on pet tortoise, Boris, top. Thanks to escaped through a autocorrect, the fence, the frantic figure adorning the owners searched cake was a wee YouTube for tortoise blind girl. pornography. The Source: telegraph.co.uk mating noise is loud and startling, PRIDE: A thief on reports The Week UK. It’s also the run was arrested soon after liking evidently quite seductive, since Boris a copy of his Wanted poster on a lumberedhomesoonafterhearing Crime Stoppers Facebook page. thevideosplay. Source: theweek.co.uk Source: Great Falls Tribune (Montana)

GREED: A college student from North ENVY: Pro tip – covet only those Carolina was arrested for using things you know how to use. After counterfeit money. What gave her spotting the car of their dreams, two away was the signature on the bill. It Houston teens pointed a gun at the was supposed to be the name of the owner and made him hand over secretary of the US Treasury. Instead, it the keys. One problem – the car had was signed “Moe Money”. Source: myfox8.com a manual transmission, and neither teen knew how to drive a manual, ANGER: A Miami Beach thief which made it a lot easier for the cops snatched a necklace from a tourist to catch them. Source: Associated Press and took off. He was arrested when he returned to berate the victim over his GLUTTONY: A burglar broke into “fake” jewellery. Source: nbcmiami.com a house in California. He might have got away with it except for the fact SLOTH: Don’t be that lazy person that he stopped to heat up some who never rereads her texts. When potato nuggets. That’s not all. When a Scottish woman texted a baker to the homeowner returned, she found make a cake for her daughter’s 21st him snoozing on the couch.

ILLUSTRATION: NISHANT CHOKSI birthday, she requested a “wee [little] Source: Associated Press

Februaryđ2016 | 61 SCIENCE

From lowering the radio volume to snacking on fish, the latest research on how to improve your ability to learn Know Better

BY DANIELLE GROEN AND KATIE UNDERWOOD ILLUSTRATIONS BY SAM ISLAND

62 | Februaryđ2016

KNOW BETTER

to be able to do their job more effec- tively,” Raji says. Plenty of seafood is rich in omega-3s – you can comple- ment your salmon with oysters, trout and even sardines. Fish may be the secret to heftier brains, but variety Chowing down on ish remains the spice of life. canpumpupyourbrain Millennia ago, humans were doing pretty well for themselves, but it’s when they settled around the basins of large rivers that civilisations really started to flourish. Think of ancient Egypt, Mesopotamia, the Indus Valley: “Humans got much smarter and more It’s possible to become a sophisticated when they lived closer to virtuoso at any age rivers,” says Dr Cyrus Raji, a resident If you dream of appearing onstage radiologist at UCLA. at the Vienna State Opera but worry So it’s not entirely surprising that in that a lack of childhood singing les- a 2014 study published in the Ameri- sons has thwarted your musical am- can Journal of Preventive Medicine,Raji bition, some good news: researchers and his colleagues discovered consum- at the University of Chicago have de- ing fish can actually enhance the phys- termined that absolute, or “perfect”, ical size of the brain. Examining 260 pitch – the ability to identify and subjects in their late 70s with no cog- reproduce a note after hearing it – nitive defects, the researchers found may be learned into adulthood. that the hippocampus – the learning It’s often assumed that early musical centre of the brain – was 14% larger in training is necessary to encode notes those who ate baked or grilled fish (not or scales in our brains. But according fried) on a weekly basis than in those to senior researcher Howard Nusbaum, who did not. The omega-3 fatty acids a psychology professor at the Univer- contained in fish also improved the sity of Chicago, “We may not be so performance of neurons in the brain’s limited to these narrow biological frontal lobe, an area that is crucial for windows.” In fact, adults with a higher executive functions like short-term auditory working memory (that is, an memory and task planning. innate knack for remembering sounds “If you have neurons that are bigger, in general) significantly improved their stronger and can make better connec- ability to recreate near-perfect notes tions to other neurons, they’re going during simulations in Nusbaum’s lab.

64 | Februaryđ2016 READER’S DIGEST

This finding refutes earlier theories longer than, say, tapping a chicken that suggested perfect pitch is an emoji on your smartphone, and that innate quality. “The most important time differential could have an effect way to become a better musician at on retention as well. Your teacher any age is to practise playing music,” may have been onto something when Nusbaum says, “but having perfect she made you write lines. pitch won’t hurt.”

Writing longhand trumps Even the hardest of hearts typing on a keyboard canbetaughthowtomelt Though advances in technology have In all likelihood, you’ve had a less- encouraged us to veer away from than-pleasant encounter with a such old-fashioned analogue tech- narcissist at some point. Notoriously niques, when it comes to absorbing selfish and vain, people with this new information, jotting things down personality type are known for their by hand is markedly more effective inability to feel empathy. But there’s than pounding away on a keyboard. hope for them yet! In 2014, British According to findings published in researchers developed an encourag- the periodical Advances in Haptics ing workaround for those who lacked and co-authored by a researcher at compassion: encourage them to adopt Norway’s University of Stavanger and the perspective of the sufferer. a neurophysiologist from France’s When lead researcher Erica Hepper Aix-Marseille University, the physical and her colleagues showed subjects a act of writing – not typing – activates video of a woman describing her expe- both our brain’s sensorimotor and riences of physical violence, watching language centres. That element of alone failed to trigger an appropriate motor memory is involved in recog- response. But when they prompted nising the words on a page by sight – participants to put themselves in the possibly meaning that the note you’re woman’s shoes, even those who scored making will leave a lasting visual as “high narcissists” expressed genuine impression in your brain. concern and sympathy. So the next Writing “Pick up chicken breasts” time a callous acquaintance refuses on a paper grocery list also takes to see your side of things, take heart:

Februaryđ2016 | 65 KNOW BETTER it appears that, with a little guidance, endeavours. But certain findings even the least tender among us can im- suggest that a few simple steps – prove their empathetic abilities. literally – might help affected parties get back on their feet. In a study from Baltimore’s Kennedy Krieger Institute and Johns Hopkins University, subjects were asked to alternate their regular walking pat- terns with more complicated ones – by exercising on a split-belt treadmill. Tetris can make you Participants who were exposed to belts a better driver that alternated between moving at the In May 2013, a study out of Montreal’s same speed and different speeds were McGill University revealed that playing able to resume their movements more Tetris can improve the amount of infor- easily than counterparts whose belts mation older adults could take in with- consistently moved at different speeds. out moving their eyes or heads (known So if you find yourself in a situation as useful field of view, or UFOV). where you’re trying to relearn basic After six 90-minute sessions over movements, the key may lie in random three weeks, participants improved alternation. This information should their UFOV and quickened selective be a boon to those engaged in post- attention (the ability to focus on one traumatic physical rehab. piece of information in a larger field of data) by nearly 72 milliseconds. Improved UFOV has been associated with better task performance – espe- cially behind the wheel. Ditching cigarettes can mend brain matter Add this to the laundry list of reasons smoking is terrible for your health: the habit can affect the part of the brain that’s crucial for con- A varied gait may help scious learning. In a major study you relearn how to walk released in February 2015 by Scot- After a traumatic brain injury, the land’s University of Edinburgh and smallest tasks, from feeding oneself the Montreal Neurological Institute to walking, can seem like Herculean at McGill University, researchers

66 | Februaryđ2016 READER’S DIGEST analysed recent MRI brain scans of WENDY SUZUKI ON HOW more than 500 subjects, all of whom EXERCISE CAN BOOST OUR had been examined as children in BRAINS 1947. They discovered that smokers had a demonstrably thinner brain 1. The hippocampus is critical for cortex than those who had refrained learning new concepts; it’s also from lighting up. one of only two brain structures “The cortex is involved in everything where shiny new neurons are born that requires higher-order cognition: in adulthood. Aerobic exercise not attention, mathematical reasoning, only stimulates the burst of new logical reasoning, our capacity to brain cells, but more neurons survive when you exercise. juggle a lot of concepts at once,” says lead researcher Sherif Karama, assis- 2. The hippocampus has also tant professor of psychiatry at McGill. been implicated in imagination. “[In old age,] smokers end up with a When you strengthen that lower level of cognitive abilities than structure through exercise, you non-smokers, even when you account enhance a core component in the for initial IQ.” act of creativity. You start thinking But not all is lost: if a person ditches outside the box more. the cigarettes, the cortex can begin to 3. Increased exercise improves our repair itself. “Subjects who stopped attention. If you can’t focus, you smoking seem to partially recover may not be able to remember how their cortical thickness for each year to perform a new skill. without smoking,” says Karama. 4. You don’t need to be a triathlete. In some subjects, eight weeks of moderate exercise twice a week was enough to elevate mood and activate their brains.

5. You can broaden your notion of what constitutes exercise. Walking up the street is aerobic. Getting caffeinated may Dancing to your favourite song is boost long-term memory aerobic. If you really want to be Mainlining espresso will keep you very practical, speed housework is a great workout, and you’ll be done alert, but recent research suggests that faster. it’ll also help your long-term memory. In 2014, scientists from Johns Hopkins Wendy Suzuki is the author of University published the results of a Healthy Brain, Happy Life. KNOW BETTER

test in which participants were given TV QUIZ WHIZ either a placebo or 200mg of caffeine ARTHUR CHU’S TOP FIVE MEMORY TRICKS – about as much as one strong cup of coffee – once they finished studying a series of pictures. The next day, after 1. Practise tasks in an environment that’s as similar to the real being shown more photos, the caf- situation as possible. (If you play feinated group fared much better than along with a quiz show like their non-jittery peers at recognising Jeopardy!, stand up, have a buzzer details that were similar (but not iden- in your hand and wait until the end tical) to the old series. of the clue to answer.) That skill – known as pattern sepa- ration – suggests “a deeper level of 2. Mnemonic devices are helpful in memory retention”, researchers said. cementing memory, though it’s ideal to practise enough that you So the moment you learn something no longer have to rely on them. new, consider making a beeline for a coffee shop. 3. If you’ve memorised things in a certain order or structure – like a list – switching that up can improve your recall.

4. Strong mental images can help cement information in your head. Whenever I need to remember the name of someone I’ve just met, for example, I make up an outrageous Turning down the radio joke in my head involving their can turn up your recall name to ensure I’ll remember it the Kids today may be able to simulta- next time around. neously text, update Facebook, post photos to Instagram and talk to friends 5. Rituals and habits – like tying a tie and driving a car – stick in our in person, but older adults pay big time brains much better than facts. If a for multi-tasking in ambient noise. pattern of behaviour becomes A recent study out of the Georgia automatic, you can rely on your Institute of Technology demonstrated reflexive actions much more than if the dulling effects of blaring music it’s something you have to think on our recall – senior-citizen partici- about. pants remembered 10% fewer names when prompted with faces by scien- Culture writer Arthur Chu won nearly $400,000 on US quiz game show tists. Our associative memory already Jeopardy! in 2014. tends to decline with age, but throw READER’S DIGEST some background beats into the mix D.C., worked with 25 people who were and our brains get seriously mud- shown a collection of 150 meaning- dled. Though classical music may less groupings of letters and asked to help you relax while reading, it is not commit them to memory. Initially, going to make things any easier when participants responded to the gibber- you’re trying to remember whether ish as, well, gibberish. But using fMRI your sister’s brother-in-law is Brent scans, the scientists discovered that or Bruce. after subjects spent time learning the information, the area of their brains that corresponds to visual word forms became activated – they began inter- preting the “words” as though they were words. In a statement released by George- town University, Maximilian Riesen- Mental photographs huber, the senior author of the study, could cement new words suggests that this information may Conventional wisdom suggests that mean humans respond less to pho- the best way for reluctant readers to nemes than to actual shapes. “The improve their skills is to phonetically visual word-form area does not care spell out smaller segments of what’s how the word sounds, just how the on the page. But according to a study letters of the word look together,” he published in The Journal of Neurosci- says. The take-away: rather than ence earlier this year, the key to how spending time sounding out various our brains absorb new words may be syllables, it may make more sense to purely visual. take a mental photograph as you find Researchers at the Georgetown Uni- out the meaning of your newly versity Medical Center in Washington, acquired noun, adjective or verb.

IT REALLY SHOULD BE IN THE DICTIONARY...

The Merriam-Webster dictionary invites readers to submit their suggestions for new words:

laggy (adj.): prone to lagging, tending to be slow. “This computer program is laggy today.”

negatate (v.): to dwell on a negative experience.

Februaryđ2016 | 69 Life’s Like That

SEEING THE FUNNY SIDE

From the Arcchives

Even acrross a 60-year gulf, the power of Reader’s DDigest can be felt. Some people hadoddways of dealing with it – as this letter from Februaryu 1956 shows:

I droppedinto call on a neighbour, and as we talked he unwrapped his new Readerr’s Digest. He opened it and thenn cut out one page with his pocketknife.c Its title was “It Pays to IIncrease Your Word Power.” “I do this every month,” he explained. “My wife knowsk enough words already!” SUBMITTED BY DON TANNER

LOVE IN THE SLOW LANE K OC

I went to the zoo recently with my two nieces, Emily and Laura, both aged six. T S i

We came to an enclosure housing two tortoises, and one was obviously S: O partially on top of the other. T O

I was hoping there would be no awkward PH questions. Thankfully there weren’t, but one niece made me laugh when she said, “You’d think with all that room in there, he would have gone around the other tortoise.” SUBMITTED BY DANIELLA ROBERTS

70 | Februaryđ2016 HARSH My sister Diane was six years old The Great Tweet-off: when she sat down next to her aunt and asked her, “Why are you ugly?” ReTweet Edition I heard her and told her to go Time to check in with one of the back and apologise to her greats of the medium, The Sixth aunt. Form Poet: “OK,” she said. “Auntie, I have an inferiority complex AND sorry you’re so ugly.” a superiority complex. You probably hate me and one day SUBMITTED BY GARY ROBERTS I’ll explain to you why. I wasn’t yawning, I was doing an MARKED PROGRESS impression of a lion roaring his My dog peed on the front delight at your fascinating story. door of his obedience Michelangelo’s finest school, so it’s looking work is something good. @SBELLELAUREN ON TWITTER everyone can look up to. PUBERTY BLUES I called in on a friend who was in the The real tragedy of Goldilocks and The Three Bears is that Mr and middle of an almighty row with her Mrs Bear, a young married couple, teenage triplets. already sleep in separate beds. “Isn’t Mother Nature wonderful,” she told me afterwards, “giving me People found guilty of not using punctuation deserve the longest 12 years to develop a love for my sentence possible. children before turning them into teeenagers.” Zombies are a fun SUBMITTED BY JENNA SIMMONDS reminder that the first thing pele w t to ROLLR WITH IT MyM five-year-old grandson was do whenn they’re watchingw my husband eat a multi- dead a grain roll. beyond t Very seriously, he said, “Grandad, if law is you pick one of the seeds off the top murderr and plant it in the garden, you can grow some more rolls.” everyo SUBMITTED BY JULIE MEPSTEAD in sigh . ADVICE PHOTO: iSTOCK PHOTO: hings o Never ay to omeone ith hronic ain BY KATHY BUCHANAN

Beyon mitations of chronic pain, most sufferers find it impacts hardest on 1their relationships. Here’s how to help, not hurt TO SOMEONE WITH CHRONIC PAIN

hen someone you care about is living with pain, the most important thing you can do is to support them with understand- ing. But that’s not always easy. Sydney pain medicine specialist Dr Charlotte Johnstone says, “People tend to talk down to others ry to ‘manage them’ or tell them what they loses the conversation.” Instead aim to keep the conversation going, she advises. Allow the person in pain to say what’s wrong and respond in a way that shows you’ve listened. Here’s what not to say - and what they might like to hear instead.

“Snap out of it.” In an ideal are you today?” This gives someone 1world we would all have the abil- who’s already feeling misunderstood, ity to shake off a black mood or an opportunity to share their feelings. “focus on the positive”.However, pain can feel very isolating. Do you really “There’s always someone want to make someone you care 3worse off.” Or just as bad is: “We about feel even worse because they all have bad days” or, “At least it can’t “brighten up” or “forget about isn’t cancer.” While you may be trying it”,just to make you feel better? to give a bit of perspective, you’ll only Johnstone suggests you avoid asking undercut the emotional and physical questions with yes or no answers as pain of the other person. It’s better to they don’t encourage conversation. concentrate on the positives of your Instead you could say, “It sounds to friendship. me like you’ve had a difficult day and “Highlight the things you appreci- you managed it (this way). How do you ate or you can see they’re doing really think you’re going to handle the rest of well,” suggests Johnstone. Try: “It the day?” sounds like you’ve had a tough day today but it’s really nice we can spend “Well, you don’t look sick.” It’s some time together now.” 2too easy for someone to misread your incredulity. Are you insinu- “Have you tried …” The real- ating they’re putting it on? Or are you 4ity is they probably are already being a little patronising because it investigating every possible

isn’t true? Instead try asking, “How option. It’s possible nothing will ever iSTOCK PHOTO:

74 | Februaryđ2016 READER’S DIGEST erase or even manage their pain and try, “A lot of people say that relaxation they know it. If you really have to go or meditation works for them. Have there, then instead try something like, you ever thought of trying it?” “You must be driven mad by all these Clinical psychologist and pain hare-brained cures that people come specialist Toby Newton-John adds, up with, but every now and then they “Be careful not to suggest their pain do seem to work for some people.” is psychological, or suggest they see a psychologist without being given “Just don’t think about it and ‘permission’ to talk about the emo- 5you’ll feel better.” So snapping tional affect of their pain. People with the elastic band on your wrist chronic pain are often sensitive about distracted you when you were trying to either being not seen as genuine - or cut back on sugar. That’s great. How- being ‘weak minded’.A good strategy ever, when your loved one’s best day is is to mention your own positive ex- the equivalent of your worst day, you‘re periences with a psychologist or ask not exactly on a level playing field. If if they’re feeling ‘stressed’, as this is a you really do want to say something, more neutral word.”

“Let me know if I can do any- 6thing to help.” The thought is a good one, however try offer- ing something specific such as, “I’d honestly love to help. How about I do your laundry and take your dog for a walk once a week?” Or get into the habit of calling or texting when you’re going to the shops to see if they need anything.

“At least you don’t have to 7go to work/school.” Telling “ENQUIRING ABOUT THE someone with chronic pain CAUSEOFSOMEONE’S that they’re lucky they don’t have to go to work is as insensitive as saying PAIN IS NOT ALWAYS to someone with no legs, “You’re RESPECTFUL. THEY’LL lucky you don’t have to walk up the TELL YOU ABOUT IT IF stairs.” They’re probably dreaming of THEY WANT TO” the time they’re well enough to have something else to fill their day.

Februaryđ2016 | 75 11 THINGS TO NEVER SAY TO SOMEONE WITH CHRONIC PAIN

“Things will get better soon.” enquiring about the cause of some- 8Even if things do eventually turn one’s pain is not always helpful or around, your loved one isn’t in respectful. If they want to tell you the head space to think about some about it they will. A lot of people don’t magical time in the future. Your hopes want their pain to define them.” are likely to be taken as annoying. “Do give positive feedback,” advises Newton-John, “but make it about them. Say something like, ‘I really admire the REMEMBER WEIGHT way you do X. Or ‘I think you’re re- LOSS IS LIKELY TO BE markable for coping how you do.” ASSOCIATED WITH THEIR PAIN SO IT ISN’T “Wow! You’ve lost so much NECESSARILY A CAUSE 9 weight.” Remember the reason FOR CELEBRATION behind the weight loss is likely to be associated with their pain so it isn’t necessarily a cause for celebra- tion. Instead try saying, “You look “I feel so sorry for you.” really fit” (but only if it’s true). 11 There’s a massive difference between pity and empathy. “Are you in pain because Instead saying, “I’m here for you,” is 10 you…” Even if your loved always a good option. Newton-John one’s back may hurt them adds, “If you want to convey your em- a little more because they’re carrying pathy then say ‘I admire how well you a few extra kilos, do you really think cope.’” When in doubt? Smile, hug your pointing this out is being support- friend or family member, say “I love ive? Newton-John adds, “As much as you” or “I’m here for you”,hold their you might be genuinely concerned, hand, sit and truly listen.

BEING GROAN-UPS

So much of being an adult is bringing a bottle of wine someone

brought to your house to someone else’s house. EMILY AXFORD

Hey, empty-nest parents: if you want your kid to call you, just

change your Netflix password. ADRIENNE AIRHART

76 | Februaryđ2016 LIFE SKILLS

Powerful Ways to Use Body Language BY BETH DREHER

To Land a Job Instead of sitting poised in the waiting room, run through a couple of power poses – such as raising your arms in a V, or standing with your hands on your hips – in the bathroom or lift. Research from social psychologist Amy Cuddy has shown that holding these postures for just two minutes can lower stress and increase feelings of power. To Connect with Your Partner If your significant other holds one of his wrists and raises it in front of his body, he could be feeling hurt or sad. “It may appear that he’s adjusting his watch, but it could be a sign that he’s insecure,” says body language expert Patti Wood. Offer a few comforting words or a hug

PHOTOS: RALPH SMITH PHOTOS: so he’ll lower his protective shield. >> POWERFUL WAYS TO USE BODY LANGUAGE

To Calm Kids To Be Creative A slow voice has a soothing effect, Gesture with both hands while while a loud, fast voice can stimulate brainstorming. When Singapore anger or fear, according to a researchers asked subjects to come University of Maryland, Baltimore up with unique uses for a building County, study. Teach your kids these complex, those who talked out benefits by playing a game with solutions with both hands had more them during which you say a creative ideas than those who sentence, pausing for five seconds brainstormed with just one hand. between words. To Speak Persuasively To Entice a Dinner Date A low-pitched voice inspires If you want to convey interest, do confidence from those around you, what match.com, a dating site for according to a study from McMaster singles, calls the Reach. Rest an arm University in Canada. You don’t have and hand on the table with your to fake it – relax before speaking by fingers pointing to the other person. keeping your lips together and If you’re not feeling the spark, sit on repeating mmm-hmm a few times, your hands to conceal them. suggests Forbes’ body language expert Carol Kinsey Goman. To Bond at Work Stress can constrict your vocal Give a high five. Making physical cords, making your voice contact with another person for as come out higher than little as 1/40th of a second can usual. create a human bond. Touch also boosts oxytocin, which To Correct increases feelings of trust, A Mistake and lowers cortisol, which Mind your chin, reduces stress. says Greg Hartley, aformerUSArmy To Lose Weight interrogator and a body A study published in the Journal language expert. If it’s too of Consumer Research showed that high, you look indignant; dieters who flexed their arm toolow,youlookweak. muscles when offered a choice Keep your chin centred to between a chocolate and an apple exude confidence and were more likely to make the compromise. healthy choice than those who Sources: womenshealthmag.com, didn’t clench their muscles. forbes.com, glo.com

78 | Februaryđ2016 ART OF LIVING

The most effective ways to blow off steam Under Pressure

BY KATIE UNDERWOOD

THAT THE TERM “catharsis” dates Still, the Greeks have nothing on back to ancient Greece suggests the modern-day employee: with six humans have been trying to manage in ten workers in major global econo- their frustrations for a very long time. mies experiencing increased work- (Aristotle originally used the term in place stress – and that says nothing his work Poetics to describe an emo- of traffic jams, online comment sec- tional release, or “purification”,felt by tions and the umpteen other modern audience members watching tragic annoyances we encounter on a daily

ILLUSTRATIONS: SAMANTHA LUCY SAMANTHA ILLUSTRATIONS: plays.) basis.

Februaryđ2016 | 79 UNDER PRESSURE

It’s not surprising we occasion- Journal of Behavioral Medicine in ally have the need to let it all out. We 2008 showed that personal expres- may feel a sense of satisfaction after sion through writing letters has been unloading our issues on friends, but associated with increased pain con- studies have shown this strategy is in- trol and fewer depressive symptoms effective over time. Happily, you can in chronic pain sufferers. Research- rid yourself of rage in many creative ers believe the emotional disclosure ways without blowing a gasket. in this act allows for more “meaning making”,or reasoned insight into the Ventonpaper,notinpixels conditions that caused anger in the The internet provides anonymity and first place. Even if you don’t suffer unlimited word count, two qualities from pain conditions, putting pen to that, especially when combined, can paper when you’re feeling irked offers facilitate rants. But a 2007 metastudy an alternative to the internet’s cycle of out of the University of Arkansas un- vent-frustration-vent-frustration. derscored that, while such outlets may seem like healthy anger management, Runawayfromyour “psychological research has shown problems – literally virtually no support for the beneficial Physicians have rightly endorsed effects of venting.” exercise as a useful tool for fighting In fact, while gratifying in the short depression. But is the practice as ef- term, sounding off online might ac- fective when it comes to tempering tually aggravate us more. After review- frustration? Yes. In 2010, researchers ing decades of evidence, the authors at the University of Georgia studied 15 of the 2007 paper concluded that undergraduate men who were identi- unleashing anger in quick-fix bursts fied as having particularly short fuses, “just teaches people how to behave showing them anger-inducing images more aggressively.” A 2013 study in (like war scenes) on two separate the journal Cyberpsychology, Behavior days. After viewing the pictures, the andSocialNetworkingrevealed that group was instructed to ride a station- users of online “rant sites” (exactly ary bike for about 30 minutes in one what they sound like) are both more session; during the other, the group likely to have a history of struggling was told to sit in silence. When they with anger issues and to deal with exercised after the slide show, the their rage in inappropriate ways (like men experienced less arousal in their physical altercations). brains’ anger centres than when they A more measured off-line ap- simply sat in silence. proach, on the other hand, may calm Stress physiologist Nathaniel Thom, us down. Research published in the the study’s lead researcher, notes

80 | Februaryđ2016 READER’S DIGEST

Go to your happy place It can be hard to avoid outbursts in the heat of a frustrating moment, but a psy- chological technique called self-dis- tancing may help cool you down. In a 2012 study conducted at the University of Michigan, 94 college students were asked to solve challenging anagrams while listening to classical music. During the task, researchers were vocally critical of participants’ abilities to follow directions. Those who were instructed to adopt a self-distancing approach – the ability to reflect on yourself from an external perspective, that exercise’s calming effects aren’t what study lead Dominik Mischkowski exclusive to angry young men – or describes as “fly on the wall” – dis- those with psychological or behav- played less aggression towards their ioural issues. “Exercise helps mood critics than peers advised to “self- in ‘normal’ people too,” he says. immerse”, or reflect on their feelings. Thom recommends aerobic ex- “In many situations, if somebody ercise at a moderate to vigorous in- pisses you off, you can’t just tune out,” tensity (think jogging) but cautions Mischkowski says. “Self-distancing that not all physical expressions of is a way to step back without losing anger are created equal. “Smashing touch with the situation. You don’t things isn’t really exercise,” he says get a physical distance, but you get of our occasional desire to break stuff mental distance.” when peeved. “If you punch a hole If you do need some physical space, in your front door, that’s not exactly though, consider a brisk walk. After all, constructive.” the science backs it up.

MORE THAN MEETS THE EYE

Britain’s College of Optometrists has released a list of blunders that prompted people to have their eyesight tested. One poor man confused his hearing aids for cashew nuts and needed hospital treatment to retrieve them from his stomach. Another chatted up a

stranger in a bar believing it was his girlfriend. DAILY MAIL UK

Februaryđ2016 | 81 POWER OF ONE

The earth quaked and then a ripple of kindness spread thousands of kilometres, forever uniting two far-flung communities After It All Fell Apart Following weeks of hot spring weather, Saturday April 25, 2015, ushered in a welcome cool change for the people of Kathmandu, Nepal. For 19-year-old Ishwor Ghimire and the 55 children at the Nepal Deprived Women and Children Upliftment Centre Orphanage in Golfutar, a hillside suburb north of the capital’s centre, it was time to relax and play.

BY KATHY BUCHANAN

Decemberđ

AFTER IT ALL FELL APART

THE CHILDREN at this orphanage shouting to everyone to flee. “Run to were dalit [untouchables], facing dis- the vegetable patch!” He knew the crimination within Nepalese society. newly cleared field adjacent to the But here, they were loved and felt safe. orphanage was their closest option. All With Mother Rajam, the caretaker of the kids were panicking, some cried of the orphanage, away overnight, out, others screamed. It was chaos. Ishwor felt a wave of responsibility towards the other children, who like THE ORPHANAGE relied heavily on him, had no family. financial support from the Austra- Now too old to live in the orphan- lian Rotary Clubs of Brownhill Creek age, Ishwor worked there part-time and Blackwood as well as Pulteney as a carer and mentor on the week- ends. It remained his true home. It was where he’d spent 13 years of his life, where he’d been lovingly raised since being abandoned at the age ALL OF THE KIDS of four. When he turned 17, Ishwor WERE PANICKING, became the oldest boy in the home, SOME CRIED OUT, someone the children looked up to. OTHERS SCREAMED. After spending the 2014 school year IT WAS CHAOS studying in Australia at Adelaide’s Pulteney Grammar School, he was back in Kathmandu completing the last few months of high school. Grammar School, all in Adelaide. The As Ishwor enjoyed a playful wres- late David Rusk, a South Australian tle with one of the older boys that af- Rotarian, had regularly visited the or- ternoon, the floor suddenly began to phanage since 2006. In early 2013, he shake. What started as a silent tremble formed the Friends of Nepal to raise quickly grew to a chorus of violent jolts money for a school on the orphanage as the ground moved back and forth. grounds. It opened in February 2015. Ishwor heard a loud crash as the new During one of Rusk’s visits he asked two-storey brick building started to Ishwor what he wanted to do with his sway. The children began screaming, life. The teen told him of his hopes terrified as the worst earthquake to to study business and to help others. hit Nepal in 80 years – magnitude 7.8 David hatched a plan with Mark – took hold, tearing apart Kathmandu Bourchier, director of The Pulteney and its surrounding valleys. Foundation, the school’s philanthropic I have to get them out of here before arm, and they offered him a scholar- the building collapses, Ishwor thought, ship to study in Adelaide for a year.

84 | Februaryđ2016 READER’S DIGEST

Ishwor Ghimire spent a year in Adelaide, before returning to his life in Nepal

Ishwor was hosted by four fami- accounted for, Ishwor took in the dev- lies, including Mark and Jo Bourch- astation around him. What had once ier. Throughout 2013, they and the been walls of homes and temples were school community made him feel at now precarious piles of bricks. People home and helped shape him into a wandered about in shock, some were confident young adult. injured. Cries rang out across the valley. The earthquake claimed the FEARING THE BUILDING would lives of more than 8000 people across collapse, Ishwor grabbed three little Nepal and left 18,000 injured. four year olds and guided the other The orphanage and school – like the children and staff to the vegetable majority of buildings in the area – had patch where they’d be safe from fall- suffered severe damage. The founda- ing debris. Yet even out in the open, tions had been torn apart, and now the violent sounds of buildings col- large cracks ran up the walls. lapsing across the valley was terrify- That night the children and staff ing. Ishwor did his best to calm the slept outside. Mother Rajan made youngsters before running back to the perilous journey back to the or- rescue more children. phanage, relieved to find Ishwor, the

PHOTOS: (OPENING SPREAD) GETTY IMAGES; (AT BIRD SANCTUARY) COURTESY OF ISHWOR GHIMIRE OF ISHWOR COURTESY BIRD SANCTUARY) (AT GETTY IMAGES; SPREAD) (OPENING PHOTOS: Once all 55 orphans had been carers and children sheltering under

Februaryđ2016 | 85 AFTER IT ALL FELL APART

shwor, the carers and the children onstructed makeshift plastic tents in he garden (left and above left), before tarting on a temporary mud and amboo cottage (above)

weeks away, they next turned their attention to building a bamboo and mud-rendered cottage. blankets. The frightened and cold Meanwhile Ishwor’s Adelaide host children were wide-awake – the regu- families desperately tried to make lar aftershocks a constant reminder of contact, needing to know he was their terrifying ordeal. safe. Eventually Jo Bourchier reached As the next morning dawned, Ishwor, and once the Friends of Ishwor and the other carers worked Pulteney school foundation knew just quickly to build makeshift tents using how precarious the orphans’ situation plastic sheeting hung over wooden was, they swung into action. Jo and poles to protect the children from the Lynne Rawson, another host mother, elements. Finding fresh water, food decided to travel to Nepal to help, and medical supplies was difficult. arriving on May 6 with 200kg of tents, One boy fell ill with a cold and fever, water purifiers, solar lighting, cooking while another, knocked unconscious utensils, medicine and toiletries. during the quake, needing close atten- During their two weeks in Kath- tion. With the monsoon season only mandu, Jo and Lynne helped get the

86 | Februaryđ2016 READER’S DIGEST

the school and the orphanage sus- HOW TO DONATE tained further damage. To find out more or to donate to As the children and adults settled in help rebuild the orphanage and to life in the temporary cottage, on the school, visit www.friendsofnepal. other side of the world, the Pulteney com.au or see the Go Fund Me community was raising funds to help page at www.gofundme.com/ t7qxdb8. rebuild the orphanage – and creating a ripple effect of good. As word of the orphan’s predica- power reconnected to the orphanage ment spread, cake stalls, black tie din- and build a water pump. They com- ners and sausage sizzles were held. forted the children and stocked the In the six months following the first mud cottage full of food. earthquake, Rotary and the Friends Back in Australia, the Friends of of Pulteney raised almost $200,000 Pulteney began fundraising for the for Mother Rajan to start repairs and building repairs. The children slowly by October, the children moved back got used to sleeping in the tents into the orphanage building. Repairing brought from Adelaide, and using port- the cracks that run up the side of the able toilets donated by the Taiwanese orphanage building – and cause water Red Cross. They weren’t alone – make- to seep inside the walls – will continue shift tent cities dotted the Nepal hills, for some time. housing half a million homeless. But, on May 12, less than three weeks LIFE FOR ISHWOR now centres on after the earthquake, the unthinkable his studies, finding a university place happened–asecond earthquake with and helping his extended family of a 7.3 magnitude hit Kathmandu. While little brothers and sisters. most of the children were outside, “After the earthquake, the orphan- during the minute-long episode, both age struggled to maintain a normal life for the children,”he says. “We all faced huge changes and have only been able to complete half the repairs, but fortu- LESS THAN THREE nately the worst-damaged foundation WEEKS AFTER THE is now strong enough to withstand the EARTHQUAKE, THE regular aftershocks. But everyone at the orphanage is now doing great and UNTHINKABLE I’m still mentoring the children. HAPPENED  A “I haven’t given up on my dream to SECOND EARTHQUAKE study in Australia again, but for now, it will have to wait.”

Februaryđ2016 | 87 All inaDay’sWork HUMOUR ON THE JOB

IMAGE CAPTURE On a field trip to a local police station, the children were looking at photos of all the people that were wanted for various crimes. The police officer giving the tour asked if there were any questions. One child piped up: “If these people are all wanted, why didn’t you just keep them when you were taking their photos?” SUBMITTED BY HOPE LEWIS

BIRTH EYE VIEW acust I’m a midwife and recently I met a fiasco from start to finish. I a lady ready to give birth to her reminded her of a similar situation eighth child. I asked her a year earlier and dug out the husband whether he’d letter I’d written then. remain in the labour “All you have to do,” room, to which his wife I told her, “is change pulled a face. the details, the date “I’veonlyeverbeen and the name.” present for one birth,” Shelookeditover, he said. smiled and said, “We won’t I was about to ask him which even need to change the name.” one when he added, “It was Source: gcfl.net dark, then suddenly very light!” SUBMITTED BY KYM YESSEN FACING FACTS Scene: a conversation with my REPEAT OFFENDER friend’s father, who knows that I My co-worker at the travel agency do web design. needed to send a letter of apology to Father: I have a business idea. How

88 | Februaryđ2016 hard is it to make a Facebook? Me: Oh, very easy. Friend: He doesn’t mean to make a Facebook profile. He means to remake all of Facebook. Me: Oh. Very hard. Father: Oh, OK. Source: clientsfromhell.net

SPOT ON During my third-grade music class, my question, “Does anyone know what a polka is?” was met with blank stares. So, prompting them, I asked, “Polka is a type of what?” One student answered, “Dot.” “That’s great, but what about your computer skills?” SUBMITTED BY TAMARA MICHAL

APPLYING SCOUNDREL help liking him. He had a problem, Gilding the lily is a job seeker’s though. His classmates called him birthright. Here are a few doozies, “Stinker”,and it was difficult to where the applicant claimed… breathe naturally when you came ■ to be a former CEO of the company anywhere near him. to which he was applying. The head teacher, always ■ to be fluent in two languages – one supportive, wrote a gentle letter of which was Pig Latin. home, encouraging Colin’s mother to ■ to be a Nobel Prize winner. give him more frequent baths. ■ to have worked in a jail Feistiness was a quality that when he was really there seemed to run in the family, serving time. however, because when the ■ to have been fired “by reply came, written on a accident”. Source: careerbuilder.com scrap of paper, it was this: “Don’t smell him. Learn SMELLS LIKE TROUBLE him.” To the point! Little Colin was one of SUBMITTED BY 39 four year olds in a VERONICA BRIGHT class I taught some years ago. He was feisty  Gotagoodjoke,anecdoteor real-life gem to share? Send it in and forthright, with big and you could win cash! See page

CARTOON: BILL ABBOTT: PHOTOS: BILL ABBOTT: CARTOON: iSTOCK brown eyes. I couldn’t 6 for details.

Februaryđ2016 | 89 INSTANT ANSWERS

CHOCOLATE TASTES GOOD, WHAT ELSE IS THERE TO SAY? Let’s start with the fact that we’re facing an imminent worldwide shortage.

ELL ME MORE: Cocoa production is notacorporateafair;90%ofitcomes m six million subsistence farmers on nyn landholdings. It’s an extremely S Y hardwaytomakealivingandasaha INGREDIENT GROWS result many farmers have switched ON TREES! to more profitable crops. That’s true but we still have a big problem. Chocolate is made from the fruit of the ANY MORE PROBLEMS? cacao tree, the rather Unfortunately, yes. Around 60% of confusingly named cocoa allcocoacomesfromtheWest bean. The trees only grow in African nations of Ivory Coast and hot, wet tropical conditions. Ghana,whereongoingdry They are slow producers: a weather and decades corn farmer can turn out of civil unrest (Ivory three crops a year but cacao Coast) have damaged trees take three to five years crops and afected to generate their first crop. output. Meanwhile our And they’re delicate and global consumption of the easily damaged by sun sweet treat is increasing, led and wind, as well as by by rising Chinese chocolate pests and diseases which consumption and a wider destroy up to 40% of each switch to darker, more year’s global crop. cocoa-heavy styles. PHOTOS: GETTY IMAGES; GETTY IMAGES; PHOTOS: iSTOCK

Februaryđ2016 | 900 WHAT’S THE BOTTOM LINE? As recently as 2000 there was such a cocoa glut that prices hit a 27-year low. But by 2012 demand had outstripped supply, forcing chocolate manufacturers to rely on stored beans. Prices rose accordingly and by the second half of 2015 cocoa was fetching well over four times its 2000 price. With demand still increasing, experts predict we’ll hit crisis point by 2020.

“In 20 years BY THE chocolate will be NUMBERS: like caviar. It will Increase in become so rare per-capita chocolate and so consumption in expensive that China since 2012: the average Joe 100% just won’t be able to afford it.” Nature Conservation Research Council founder JOHN MASON in 2010 Per ca a chocolate consumption in WHAT HAPPENS China in 2014*: THEN? Chocolate is likely to 200g become ever more In the US: expensive while 4.3kg product sizes shrink. Manufacturers may In Australia: also pad out 4.9kg their products In Switzerland: with other ingredients. 9kg *latest available data

GOT ANY GOOD NEWS? Yes. Research is underway to develop hardier trees producing bigger yields while still making tasty chocolate (a tricky balance). At the same time, Fairtrade arrangements are improving the lives of the small farmers on whom the industry depends, increasing their income and helping them replace old trees and equipment, thus keeping them in business and encouraging others to join them.

Februaryđ2016 | 91 THE MOTH

True tales on... FUNNINESS PHOTO: iSTOCK AGAMEGUY life is going to be all Doogie Howser BY MORAN CERF and Harvard from now on. As the only TEL AVIV, ISRAEL girl, I spend most of my year trying few years ago, I was involved to win the approval of a dozen boys in a massive scheme to win who think that an XX chromosome “Aan Israeli quiz show similar to always indicates a terminal diagnosis Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, only of stupid with girl germs. I never wanted to be on the show. Trying to be cool, I play a practi- I was walking down the street when a cal joke, slipping the leftovers from a friend called and said, “Dude, you’ve salt rock crystal experiment into four got to run home. You’re going to be on milks at lunch. The boys really enjoy the radio in 20 minutes. Explanations the disgusted looks on the faces of the later.” As I walked, he explained that drinkers as they recoil, and I am in. An he’d won the show the week before hour later, I am in the principal’s office. and wasn’t allowed to go on again. So He informs me that there are four he’d played this week using my name. boys in the hospital having their Now I’m going to be on the radio stomachs pumped. They are near competing with ten other people to win death. There could be manslaughter the show. Not to worry – he’s planning to help me. With one phone, I listen to the radio show, and on another phone, I have my friend telling me what to say. I am just echoing the answers: “Who won the 1998 World Cup?” “France.” These stories were told on stage “France.” “What’s the largest country at events hosted by The Moth, in Africa?” “Algeria.” “Algeria.” And so a not-for-profit storytelling on as we advance to the final round, organisation. Inspired by friends where I get the question “Who has sold telling stories on a porch, The the most albums?” I know the answer, Moth has risen to international so I shout it. As it turns out, Britney Spears is not acclaim. People from all walks of the one. life have now shared more than 10,000 stories, performed live ASALTYJOKE and without notes on stages BY KATHLEEN MILLER across the US, Ireland and the NEW YORK, US UK. The Moth recently launched n the fourth grade, I am accepted into the advanced and gifted in Australia. For details visit “I programme, and I am convinced www.themoth.org. THE MOTH

charges. Little do I know, the boys I had two toddlers at home and far have momentary tummy aches and go from a showgirl’s body: short legs, back to class. The principal is trying to wide hips, wide hair. And my partner, teach me a lesson. the dance teacher who came up with Then my mother arrives, meets this gig, looked more like a grumpy with the principal, calls him out on botanist than a hippie. But for four his total BS, and takes me out for ice- glorious weeks, I got paid for what cream and to see the The Aristocats. I loved to do: improvising with an ironic twist, hence the laughs. HIPPIE HIPPIE SHAKE Now, to look at me, you might not BY NESHAMA FRANKLIN think “naked hippie dance of love.” SAN FRANCISCO, US These days, I’m a librarian. When ’m standing on a stage, almost you see an old lady with frizzy grey Istark naked. They start to laugh. hair, you have no idea what she’s “ This is not a bad dream; this is been up to. real life. It’s 1969, and I am about to I believe this is the manifesto. I be- do the hippie dance of love in a San lieve we are like Russian nesting Francisco nightclub so the tourists dolls; everything we’ve done is still can have that “wild experience” in a inside us. Twist off the top and there safe place with drinks in hand. it is.

NOT WHAT YOU EXPECTED? Looking forward to your holidays? Here are some baffling examples of customer service and skewed expectations on travel website Trip Advisor.

“It’s a great beach, just too sandy.”

“Wehadagoodmeal...andthenenteredthebarareawherewe were met by the rudest member of staff I’ve ever come across. Wesaidtoherthatourgrouphadbookedfivebedroomswith the hotel ... and her response was, ‘What do you want, a medal?’”

“The owner kept trying to sell me the hotel and asked if I knew anyone who would buy it.”

“We got served brussels sprouts and tomato soup for breakfast on

more than one occasion.” MATADORNETWORK.COM

94 | Februaryđ2016 FEBRUARY BONUS READ

DARKNESS

A youngfamily,alovingwife,acareerhittingitsstride;anumb foot, a sense of unease, a devastating diagnosis …

Februaryđ2016 | 95 BONUS READ

A young filmmaker receives a devastating diagnosis. In response, he turns to his family, his art, and his immense desire to live FACING THE DARKNESS

BY SIMON FITZMAURICE FROM IT’S NOT YET DARK Simon Fitzmaurice climbed the Himalayas the year before his MND set in FACING THE DARKNESS

AM DRIVING THROUGH hear a slapping sound. My foot on the English countryside. the pavement. It’s a strange thing, A narrow road rising up like my foot has gone to sleep and is to a tall oak tree. The call limp. It passes. I immediately relate comes just before I reach it to the shoes I’m wearing, brown the tree. It’s my producer and red funky things with no support and she is excited. She has whatsoever. I wonder if I damaged my just received a phone call from the foot on the mountain climb last year. Sundance Film Festival, saying they So I go to an outdoors shop off would like to screen our film, The Grafton Street, upstairs to the footwear SoundofPeople. department, and start trying on a pair I feel something shift inside me. of running shoes, determined to give She talks quickly, we exchange words my foot support. of jubilation, and then say goodbye. I ask the salesman for assistance. I am driving down the country road This is a mountaineering shop so I andIamchanged. feel confident he will understand, I have been to other film festivals. and I start to explain how I’d climbed I went to film school at University a Himalayan mountain last year but College Dublin, and was invited to I’d been wearing these awful shoes screen my work at NYU Film School in with no support and now my foot has New York. I made this one, my second started to flop in them and had he effort, while working at an advertising ever seen something like that before? agency. Sundance is a major step He looks at me. My innocence forward. It means so much to me. It meets his concern. No, I’ve never seen is hosted by the legendary actor and anything like that before, he says. The director Robert Redford. look in his eyes becomes a twinge in I don’t know, but I’ve often my stomach. wondered if this was the moment My first diagnosis is by a shoe motor neurone disease (MND), salesman. also known as amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS) began in me. That MY WIFE AND I buy a two hundred- I had been holding my breath for year-old cottage, and I spend my days years, and suddenly let go. And that painting. We’re living with Ruth’s something gave in that moment. parents while we get the place ready. There is no way better to get to know I AM WALKING THROUGH Dublin a house than to paint it. Down on from Rialto to Stephen’s Green. I your hands and knees in every corner stayed in a friend’s house the night of every room, a house reveals itself

before. Slept on the floor. Now I to you. PHOTO: (PREVIOUS SPREAD) COURTESY OF SIMON FITZMAURICE

98 | Februaryđ2016 READER’S DIGEST

The house we bought is on the coach, every director in the festival. border of the counties of Louth and Robert Redford comes out to greet us Monaghan. We have almost an acre, and talks to us about the festival, what and fields stretch in every direction to it means to him, the importance of the horizon. We have eight apple trees film and directing to him. Afterwards and an overgrown herb garden. And a I meet him and we talk about Dublin, separate building, a garage, with a loft. and I meet Quentin Tarantino, and I I’m standing in the cool interior of give him a copy of my film. the garage. This is what drew me here. After a screening of my film I climb It has bare concrete walls. A window the street through the snow. I feel like looking out to the garden. Perfect a filmmaker for the first time in all my place for a home office. Home cinema. I’m painting the bathroom in the cottage. The ceiling. My arms feel funny. Like it’s hard to hold them up. Icallmyparents. It passes. I stand in the bedroom, the Itellmymothermyfoot double doors open to the garden. I’ve finished painting the house. There is is hurting, that there’s no sound but the movement of the somethingwrong.Neither wind. The fields stretch out to the of us is worried open sky. We move in and call it North Cottage.

E TRAVEL EIGHT HOURS years of dreaming about film. I want W transatlantic, then five to buy a present for home, and walk more to Salt Lake City. I to the shops at the end of town. I step am excited. Night in Sundance. It is under a walkway and call my parents’ snowing, and the altitude shortens house. My mother answers and I your frosting breath. Sundance is listen to her voice as I watch the cars about people who love films. And pass slowly on the road through the the films I saw knocked me down snow. I tell her my foot is hurting, that and picked me up. The dramas and there’s something wrong with my foot. documentaries have moved and But we talk about it normally, neither pushed me, and because I am here of us worried. Afterwards, I head back with a film I’m forced to question towards town. whether my short film would move anyone that way. RUTH AND I HAVE two young chil- I’m invited up to Robert Redford’s dren, Jack and Raife. After I get home house in the mountains. We travel by from Sundance, she has a miscar-

Februaryđ2016 | 99 FACING THE DARKNESS riage. It devastates us both. The day ing the pain of the procedure because after the miscarriage I’m driving it is the essence of pain itself. Needles from North Cottage to Dublin for in the legs and arms. And once inside a muscle and nerve test called an the nerve, inside the white blindness, EMG (electromyogram). My foot is he asks me to move the limb attached constantly on my mind, so I’m seeing to that nerve. And then it’s a pain that a neurologist for tests. We are already makes my body wish for a blackout. under a lot of pressure, worry, stress. I get up from the table and my I’m on the M1 in the car by clothes cling to me with sweat. myself and I’m angry at the pain the miscarriage caused Ruth. I don’t Y YOUNGER SISTER gets M married in March. It is a beautiful wedding. I wear a brace under my sock to keep my foot Lightandairleavethe upright. During the festivities I get a roomasthedoctorspeaks. text to say my film has won an award “Three or four years at the Belfast Film Festival. I dance for the last time. to live.”Idon’thearhim. We go on holiday with my parents Is this my life? and my older sister’s family. No-one is talking about my foot, but we all know something is coming. It’s like a deliberate holiday into innocence. think I’ve ever felt so angry, and yet It’s the not knowing; it’s a weight, a I feel detached from it. And so I say silence between Ruth and me. And yet something. I say, I hope this hurts. we don’t want to know. I hope this procedure I’m about to OnedayitrainsandIpickup undergo hurts me. Because I want to Jackandcarryhim.Heclingstomy be hurt. For Ruth, for me, for this loss bodyastherainpattersthroughthe we’ve suffered. trees. The fragile boundary between It was a mistake. strength and weakness, between The procedure turned out to be the holding Jack and letting him fall. I most pain I have ever experienced. feel it. The last time. And time slows He sticks long needles directly into down. I’m running in my sandals my nerves. Like that moment a dentist acrosssoftearthandleaves,focusing accidently touches a nerve. Except allmyenergyonnotlettinggoof this is deliberate, and he doesn’t Jack. There is no-one else around. He just touch it, he drives a needle deep trustsmecompletely.Werunbeneath inside it. There is no way of prevent- the trees. We make it to the house.

100 | Februaryđ2016

I’M IN HIS OFFICE and he tells me. Light leaves the room. And air. I sit on the chair opposite but I am far away. Deep inside. Looking up through a tunnel of myself as he speaks on past those words. “Three to four years to live.” I don’t hear him. Is this my life? I leave the room and stand before my wife in the waiting room. The colour leaves her face. Her father beside her. They come into the room and he tells them the same thing. I don’t hear him. Ruth starts to cry. Within ten minutes we are out on the street. Not knowing what to do, we go to lunch. We walk through the streets like the survivors of some vast impact. Pale, Simon and Ruth with their eldest children, Raife powdered ghosts. We reach and Jack, before MND struck the restaurant, enter, sit down like everyone else. We sit there, not DEATH. ON MY SHOULDER. In my knowing what to do, what to say. The head. At the door of my office. In waiter comes over. Ruth starts to cry. every glance with my wife. My new The place is under water and I can’t companion: the end of my life. hear what he’s saying. Ruth is pregnant We are living in North Cottage with with our third child. our two little boys. We moved here so I stand in the doorway outside we could afford the life we wanted. I and call my parents. I tell them was working on my films. We had a everything, fast, hearing the panic in plan. And it was working. We were my voice. Later, my parents arrive at happy. ourhouse.TheylookatmeasifI’m But that was before. This is after. insane and I become aware, for the I felt the split, the fault line that has

PHOTO: © JOHN COGILL/JC PICTURES LTD first time, that nothing is the same. opened between our past and present,

Februaryđ2016 | 101 FACING THE DARKNESS and there is no going back. We are in the hope it will do some good. I go lost, within the familiar surroundings onceaweek,butthegoingisslow. of our lives. Ruth and I cry a lot, at Too slow. night, in bed. The result of all this is that, emo- I and my family are determined to tionally and spiritually, I am the prove the diagnosis wrong or find a healthiest person with motor neu- treatment. So we pursue every thread. rone disease you are ever likely to Every possible mimicking illness, meet. But to the progression of the every alternative blood test, every disease it does nothing. It progresses, experimental trail. does its own thing, works on its own RuthandIdriveuptoLetterkenny timeline. toseeahealermymotherhasfound. Idoreikithreetimesaweekwith GET THE CALL. I drive beyond an accountant outside Drogheda. I all reason through the city. It’s Ireadbooksabouthowsicknessis the middle of the night. I park at repressed emotion, and I start seeing Coombe Hospital. The distance across apsychiatrist.Iprobeeveryprivate the car park is longer than I’d thought. and embarrassing corner of my mind I can make it. I have to make it. I can-

Raife, Jack and Arden celebrate and share a laugh with their Dad after he’s released from hospital on a ventilator PHOTO: COURTESY OF SIMON FITZMAURICE COURTESY PHOTO:

102 | Februaryđ2016 READER’S DIGEST notfall.IfIfallImaynotbeabletoget the studio. In the dark, Ruth helps me back up. Ruth is up there. out of the chair and we sit and watch Imakeit.Imakeitdownthecorri- a film in our private screening room. dor to Ruth’s room. I brace myself and try to wipe the crazed look from my I WHEEL INTO THE STUDIO, slide face. I go in. Ruth smiles in the breath- across to my office chair and sit at the lessness of a contraction. I sit in a chair desk under the window. The boys are beside the bed, take her hand, smile. I playing in the garden. I start writing feel like I’ve climbed a mountain. my new film. Arden is born. A perfect, beautiful But MND does not let you rest. I little boy. A war baby, Ruth and I call him. I hold him on the couch and give him his bottle. I am getting weaker. I now I HAVE A BAD LIMP NOW. Every- have an electric thing is in the shadow of my health, wheelchairasInolonger and we grow more haunted by the day. I have been making myself walk up have the strength to push and down the hall with a walker twice the manual one a day. Fighting to stay on my feet. And one day I fall, badly. My body folds be- neath me, my back bending to meet my legs. Our hall is tiled and I must keep losing more of my life. Every time have made quite a noise because Ruth Ruth and I take a moment to breathe, comes running. When I see her face I we are knocked back by the relentless know it is bad. I never walk after that. ebbing death. And doom. The sense And yet we live. I work on the studio. that all our dreams have already died. I buy cinema gear, and crawl on my I mourn the loss of my legs and all that hands and knees working out the takes from my life. exact positions for the cables and the I am getting weaker. I now have an speakers. I import a screen from Japan, electric wheelchair as I no longer have 2.7m long and 1.9m high. Put a wall the strength to push the manual one. I of bookshelves and a desk under the race around the garden with the boys. window looking out to see the garden. In the evening we watch films in the It is perfect. studio. I introduce my boys to my love When the children are asleep Ruth of cinema, as my father passed his on and I come out to the studio. I’m in to me. a wheelchair, and we have ramps As much as we love North Cottage, around the house leading down to the more MND progresses the more

Februaryđ2016 | 103 FACING THE DARKNESS living in isolation becomes difficult. WENT INTO respiratory failure, So we have decided to move. I collapsed unconscious and was put I get pneumonia in September, the on a ventilator. I now have a tube first sign that MND is affecting my up my nose and a tube down my throat. breathing. Most people with MND die One for feeding, one for breathing. Both of respiratory failure. I spend a week in of which prevent me from speaking. hospital. MND prevents me from moving my We’relivingatmyparents’house arms and legs. I communicate with my while we look for a new home. North family through texts on my phone. Cottage is sold. We find a house in A man walks in the door, an Greystones, about 30km from Dublin. anaesthetist for the ICU. He tells me that they do not advocate invasive ventilation for MND patients. That it is time for me to make the hard choice. He tells me they do not Ruth and my mother start crying in the advocate invasive corner of the room. I look at him and ventilation for MND cannot reply. While he looks at me, my life force patients.ThatIneedto feels unequivocal. I want to live. I feel make the hard choice no fear in the face of this man. We find out that the home ventilator is covered by the medical card. The next day a neurologist walks in My breathing is getting worse. My the door. He gives me the history of voice has fallen to a whisper. I get motor neurone disease, and then asks pneumonia again and go to hospital. me why I would want to ventilate. You Ruth sleeps on the couch in the room. are only going to get worse, he says. At I am terrified. I can hardly breathe. the moment you can use your hands, It escalates. I’m moved to hospital, but the paralysis will get worse. Why into Intensive Care. I feel sheer panic would you want to ventilate? now. I’m drowning. I turn to Ruth, For these people the questions are and she starts pumping my chest, rhetorical. They have made a decision helping me breathe. Don’t stop, I about my standard of living. To them say, raw panic in my voice. She meets it is inconceivable that I would want my eyes and we share a moment of to live. But not for me. I have many perfect fear. Ruth, help me, I say, and reasons to live. I want to live for my wife, see utter helplessness in her eyes. She for my children. For my love of friends pumps my chest. Help me, I say, and and family, and life in general. Motor the world tilts. neurone disease is a killer. But so is life.

104 | Februaryđ2016 READER’S DIGEST

A 2013 photo of the family: Simon and Ruth and their five children. Front row: Sadie and Raife. Back row: Jack, Arden and Hunter

Everybody dies. But just because you comes into the room to say goodbye. He are going to die in the future, does that stands there, wrestling with his emo- mean you should kill yourself now? tions, clearly wanting to say something In Ireland MND patients are of meaning to me. It is an emotional generally not invasively ventilated. moment, rarely found between two They are kept as comfortable as men. When he finally does speak, this possible, counselled and eased into is what he says: go home and teach your death. I do not speak for all people children many things. with MND. I only speak for myself. I Then the consultant who told me I want the choice. To live, to feel and see would have to switch off the ventilator, and hear, and love my family. came in and told me I had come a long After four months in hospital, I am way and that he had learned a lot. set to leave the hospital with a home I am not a tragedy. I neither want nor ventilator, one of the first in Ireland to need pity. I am full of hope. Hope is not go home ventilated with the support about looking for a cure to a disease.

THE IRISH TIMES of the public health services. A Hope is a way of living. We often think consultant anaesthetist whom I have we are entitled to a long and fruitful

PHOTO: got to know over the long days here, Coca-Cola life. But life is a privilege, not

Februaryđ2016 | 105 FACING THE DARKNESS a right. I feel privileged to be alive. That my new computer, and it produces a is hope. voice. I can still move a tiny muscle in I am home. In my bed. I recover, but my left hand. Just a twitch. Ruth and everything is changed once more. My the boys like to hold my hand while I hands are weak. I use my touch phone move it, ever so slightly. It is a physical as a mouse for my laptop so I can write. connection, however small. My voice is low, but I can still speak. It’s now four years that I’ve had I’m on a ventilator, with a little box MND. The prognosis of three to four beside me that generates my breath, years did not figure in the ventilator. fills my lungs with the air my weakened I am past four years and into the muscles can no longer provide. unknown, just where I want to be. But I count forwards now, not back. When I hear someone’s age I subtract mine from theirs. Sixty-seven. Thirty Ruth walks back towards more years than me. I look at older our table, carrying our people with awe. You did it. coffee. She is pregnant ’M SITTING IN A CAFÉ. Ihave with our fourth child. Ia pipe over my shoulder for air. And our fifth The place is full of people sitting in twos and threes, talking over lunch. Ruth walks back towards our table, carrying our coffee. She is pregnant I now have a nurse day and night. A with our fourth child. And our fifth. stranger in our home. But help, where The love of my life is pregnant. We my wife and family were struggling to are alive. survive. I no longer have to wake Ruth My willy works. It’s that simple. through the night. Ruth starts to sleep, The day I found out that MND leave the house without fear. A life. didn’t affect my penis was a red- I start to write again, as my body letter day. MND does not take away grows stronger every day out of any feeling from my body. It removes hospital. I’m working on a feature my ability to send messages to my script. My sister comes over and we muscles to move. But as the penis is talk about scenes. I print out drafts, and not a muscle, it is unaffected. poor Ruth knows the script verbatim. Ruth and I treasure the physical My hands have stopped moving. connection we still have. And we had My voice has become unintelligible. decided, privately, to try for another My eyes remain, along with some of child. The ultimate expression of my facial muscles. I use my eyes with being alive.

106 | Februaryđ2016 READER’S DIGEST

Crowd-funding for Simon’s film My Name is Emily rolled in to the tune of €120,000 in 30 days. The money allowed Simon to direct as well as write the script

We go into the National Maternity As we move in the darkness, the cold Hospital for our first scan. Ruth’s crispness, moving with the people stomach being rubbed with jelly towards the yellow light of the church, and the ultrasound. So you know it’s I realise I’m as far from hospital as I twins, she says. Ruth and I look at can possibly get. I’ve made it. Out. each other, eyes wide, incredulous. I’ve written a number of short No we didn’t know, Ruth says. Would poems to tell the story of the nativity, you like to know the sex? Yes. I think interspersed with carols. Sitting there, I say it through my computer or it in the coolness of the marble, as the mighthavebeenRuthorImightjust children give life to the poems, I am have thought it. Well, twin number truly happy. one is a girl. Ruth and I start crying. THIS TIME MY MOTHER is driving. Like a mad woman. I’m on my way to RUTH IS GLORIOUSLY BIG. Rest- the hospital. Ruth’s caesarean is taking

THE IRISH TIMES a-cup-of-tea–on-her-bump big. It’s place at 12. It’s 11.40. I’m nervous. I’ve cold. It’s Christmas. We go down for been on this road before but nothing

PHOTO: the Carol Mass. I’m all wrapped up. changes.

Februaryđ2016 | 107 FACING THE DARKNESS

They whisk us upstairs. Time has thousand little jabs. The hundreds of stopped. I enter the room. urges that I have to do simple things Ruth is on the table. The medical but cannot do, like sit on the couch team are beyond amazing, ushering with Jack and read a book and put my me in, helping me get into the best arm around him. I’m holding myself possible position beside Ruth. (Ruth together with something that pain later tells me if I had moved back and keeps trying to break. And then one forth once more she was going to kill of my boys comes to the doorway, me. I was nervous.) They start. Ruth looks at me and says, Hi, Dadda. And holds my hand. Sadie comes out feet I remember. first, screaming, blue. Then Hunter, And I write. Writing is my fighting.

UTH AND I STRUGGLE with this life of ours. We worry about Anightattheopera. R each other, about our children. I’minthedarkwithall We have a different life from many, and it is isolating. We wake up often and these people, as alive think: how did this happen? How did aseveryoneelse.Ifeel our lives become like this? And there a part of humanity is a sadness with it and a memory of a different life, lighter, like a remem- bered dream. Then it’s gone, and we slip back into the stream of now, where bum high in the air but silent. Ruth our children are. I like being alive. and I look at each other. They lay him I have lost so much. And yet, I am beside Sadie and he lets out a roar. still here. I can let this life crush me, Ruth and I start to cry. bearing down on me until I am dead. Six months now. Sadie and Hunter are fat, beautiful balls of life, with Puzzles See page 118 hands that reach to touch my face. MND fought back these last few LETTER SUMS A=1, B=4, C=8, D=12, E = 17, F = 5, G = 16, H = 21, I = 18. months, leaving me in terrified panic, drowning for air. FINE FIGURES I bit the bullet and admitted myself ADFH into hospital. I don’t know how other people HIDDEN MEANING GEMSTONE A. Pretty please with sugar on top handle MND, but sometimes it lays B. Moving in the right circles me so low that I don’t know how I will C. Disappearing act 72 D. Through thick and thin go on. I feel like I’m being tortured, a

108 | Februaryđ2016 READER’S DIGEST

Or I can bear the weight and live. I wheel backwards down the ramp into had a choice. I could fill my days with the cobbled street. More hands and nothing or I could try to live again. Ruth is by my side, pushing with the I finish the script and start looking others, propelling me across the road. for a producer. I find two. And we start Suddenly, I’m in the packed opera to work. The film, My Name Is Emily, house, in my place, the doors closed is a story of redemption involving behind me. We go to turn on my com- a 16-year-old runaway girl and her puter but someone has left it in the friend. bag and it’s overheated and broken. I I have a simple, raw desire to make have no voice. the film. Not as a statement, not to Ruth is exhilarated after the mad prove I can, not out of ego. Out of love dash in here. She is electrified, her for film. For the process. For the work. face vibrant and alive. She whispers in my ear, it’s just you and the music. ONE EVENING RUTH AND I GO to Shekissesme. the Wexford Festival Opera. I wear The lights go down as the orchestra my tuxedo. Ruth wears a simple black plays its introduction. I’m in the dark dress, and I feel that familiar pride at with all these people, as alive as being in her company. My dad drives everyone else. I feel a part of humanity, us down. But as we make to go inside just sitting in the audience, no technol- my wheelchair won’t turn on. I can’t ogy, no-one looking. The timbre of the move an inch. I am stuck. live instruments fills my senses. In the I resign myself to going home. But darkness, it’s just the music and me. Ruth doesn’t give up. Men in tuxedos come from the Simon Fitzmaurice lives in Ireland with his wife, Ruth, and their children. His movie, theatre offering their help. Ruth pulls My Name Is Emily starring Evanna Lynch, a lever under the chair, and I free- was released last year. IT’S NOT YET DARK © 2014 BY SIMON FITZMAURICE, HACHETTE BOOKS IRELAND, WWW.HACHETTE.IE

NOTES TO NOISY NEIGHBOURS Welcome new neighbour. From the sounds of my ceiling, You are a dinosaur. I just thought you might like to know that your pet elephants have been bowling while you were out. I'm concerned for their safety,

bowling can be dangerous. SMOSH.COM

Februaryđ2016 | 109 Smart Animals

Whether escaping over the fence, or being choosy about what they eat, these clever creatures know what they want

Greener Pastures their home paddock then searched ANOUK VAN DIJK for a possible escape route. We didn’t About six years ago, our family find much, but we did notice that the became the lucky owners of a goat space beneath the gate was quite called Tilly, who had a kid we named wide. We doubted whether it was Twinkle. As the goats got along quite wide enough for a goat to fit through, well with our donkeys, we often kept but closed it off anyway. them in the same paddock, which we The next morning, much to our called “The Goats’ Paddock”. surprise, the goats had done it again. But you know the saying “the grass We dragged them back, annoyed, is always greener on the other side” – because we couldn’t figure out how well, that’s exactly what Tilly and they were escaping. A few days Twinkle appeared to believe as they passed and the goats had managed to were always getting their heads stuck stay happily within their home in the fence as they tried to graze in paddock with the the adjoining paddock. donkeys. Little did we One morning we woke to find the know the donkeys goats had found their way into the had played a neighbouring paddock. We huge part in the were incredibly confused as goats’ escape there were no holes in the scheme. fence big enough for The following week, them to fit through. on a sunny Saturday All the top wires morning, my mother were electric and there was relaxing in the was simply no way Tilly lounge room when and baby Twinkle she called out: “Girls! could possibly jump Come and have a look at over a 1.5m-high this!” We watched with fence. disbelief as Tilly jumped We dragged the up onto one donkey’s

naughty pair back to back as he stood up iSTOCK PHOTOS:

110 | Februaryđ2016 against the fence, easily jumping over the fence and landing in the paddock next door. We knew these goats had to be pretty smart to escape, but we never thought they’d be that clever. Mother Possum PATRICIA CAMPBELL Petal, my tiny white fluffy bichon Taking the Biscuit frise dog, had many adventures ROSE KILMARTIN during the 15 years she spent in our For17yearsIhadacatnamed home, but one adventure was both Shamus, who ate his usual meal of unexpected and scary. It happened cat biscuits in the garage. About a one dark, spring night about ten years year and a half ago a blackbird, who ago, when Petal was outside for her we affectionately called Jimmy, began evening walk. She burst in through flying in and eating the biscuits with the back door howling, and no Shamus. Although Shamus would wonder. Clinging tightly to her back eye Jimmy curiously, he always was a tiny baby possum. While the allowed the little bird to continue babypossumshowednosignoffear sharing his meal. and was obviously very comfortable After Shamus died Jimmy would on Petal’s back, Petal was hysterical. still fly in, look for the biscuit bowl I was able to calm Petal sufficiently and look for his feline friend. After to undo the possum’s tight little claws this continued for a while, I decided from her white curls. By this time to buy birdseed for Jimmy. I placed it Mother Possum had arrived and was in Shamus’s bowl but Jimmy wouldn’t clinging on to the top of the iron touch it. I then tried bread – but he security door, wanting to reclaim her wouldn’t eat this either. Then I put baby. We placed the baby gently on out cat biscuits and he ate the lot. the dining room floor but Mother Every day Jimmy still flies in to have Possum would not fetch Baby while his biscuits. And recently, he has we watched. We turned off the lights started bringing his own little family and listened from the nearby lounge of four to feed from the red bowl. room. We heard a gentle conversation between Mother and Baby – similar to You could earn cash by telling us about the the sound a cat makes – before the antics of unique pets or wildlife. Turn to pair left safely. page 6 for details on how to contribute.

Februaryđ2016 | 111 BOOK DIGEST

In RICE NOODLE FISH: DEEP TRAVELS THROUGH JAPAN’S FOOD CULTURE (Hardie Grant Books), author Matt Goulding writes “…New York has some 30,000 restaurants; Tokyo, 300,000. Whereas most of the world confines their restaurants to street level, a ten-storey building in Japan might have two or three restaurants on every floor, towers of deliciousness stretched towards the heavens like Babel. But Tokyo’s preeminence as the world’s most exciting dining destination isn’t a quantity thing: it’s a quality one. There are a dozen factors that make Japanese food so special – ingredient obsession, technical precision, thousands of years of meticulous refinement – but chief among them is one simple concept: specialisation.” ROSE BARRAUD. GRACE) (W.G. iSTOCK; (CAT) PHOTOS: AND CLARITY SPACE BE EDITED FOR MAY EXTRACTS

112 | Februaryđ2016 Simon Mayo and Mark Kermode prescribe films for all conditions in THE MOVIE DOCTORS (Canongate). Worried you might not be the perfect parent? Try watching: “… Star Wars. You’ll have bad days. You’ll have tricky nights. You’ll be irritable. When things go really badly you might even lash out and kick the budgie. But Darth Vader sets a new standard for bad dad behaviour. Not for him the mere trifles offorgeetting the school play or failing to provide child support, he actually, literally, totally vaporises his daughter’s planet! Not only that, he reveals his parentage to his son, thene chops his arm of! You couuldn’t possibly be this bad,d could you?”

EVEN MORE THINGS THAT NOBODY KNOWS (Allen & Unwin), by William Hartston contains 501 little-known facts and mysteries: “… Towards the end of 2014, a sudden spate of pictures of cats sitting inside circles began appearing on the internet. Make a shape on the floor with string, tape, almost anything, and any cat in the vicinity will step into the circle and refuse to move. A range of possible explanations have been advanced for this behaviour: Q The cat may be defending the territory marked out. Q The cat may see the boundary as a sort of wall ofering it greater security. Q The cat may assume that the person who created the circle must have done so for an important reason. In short, nobody really has any idea why cats like to sit in circles.”

Februaryđ2016 | 113 Ian Collis’s celebration of In HOW GOOD IS YOUR cricket, MAD DOGS AND GRAMMAR? (Short ENGLISHMEN (New Holland), Books) John Sutherland features images and anecdotes of poses 100 questions on the the game’s greats, including its topic and isn’t afraid to be unforgettable early master: opinionated in his answers: “… W.G. Grace debuted as a “… ‘Telephone’/’Television’. 16-year-old in a first-class match Which of the two, for purists, 150 years ago and played for the is ungrammatical, and why? next 40 years as his reputation The first is grammatically correct, the grew to extraordinary heights. second incorrect. Telephone is from A fine, almost trim athlete in his the Ancient Greek (têle, ‘afar’) + (phóné, younger years, as his waistline ‘voice, sound’). Television has the same grew and his beard became Greek prefix but it’s conjoined with the streaked with grey, his reputation Latin visio, meaning ‘sight’. It’s and character developed. Timid mongrelised. The English language, umpires were no match for this like Crufts, has strict breeding rules – larger than life sportsman. In particularly with loan words, The editor 1876, he was on just six runs when of the Manchester Guardian, C.P. Scott, he was given not out to a plumb said in 1926, when the term for the new lbw delivery because, as the technology was announced: ‘Television? umpire later conceded, the large The word is half Greek and half Latin. crowd had come to see him play. No good will come of it.’ Perhaps, That day he went on to score 400 looking at current schedules, he had not out. As the players made their apoint.” way of the field the scorer had Grace on 399, but W.G. advised him to round it up to 400, which he dutifully did.”

“…If you’re using a smartphone to record your holiday videos, remember to switch to aeroplane mode before you start recording to avoid the possibility of your recording being interrupted by a phone call!” LONELY PLANET’S BEST EVER VIDEO TIPS (Lonely Planet) MOVIE DIGEST

HAIL, CAESAR! Comedy This star-studded comedy from the Coen brothers is set during the latter days of Hollywood’s golden age. It centres around Capital Pictures’ fixer Eddie Mannix (Josh Brolin) who is charged with finding kidnapped star Baird Whitlock (George Clooney, left), the lead male in the studio’s latest blockbuster in production Hail, Caesar! With Scarlett Johansson (above), Tilda Swinton and Channing Tatum, this movie will not disappoint. Look out for the cheeky but clever references to the real actors who may have provided inspiration for the characters and quotes from some classic Hollywood films.

45 YEARS Drama Imagine approaching your 45th wedding anniversary with excitement and contentment – until a letter arrives to derail life as you know it. Geof Mercer (Tom Courtenay) is shattered to learn that the body of his first love has been found, perfectly preserved in the glacier she fell into 50 years earlier. The struggle of his wife Kate (Charlotte Rampling) to make sense of her childless marriage in the light of this news adds depth, darkness and complexity. The persistence that the past presents compared to the present sees Kate overcome by jealousy and doubt.

Februaryđ2016 | 115 SHERPA Documentary In this documentary, director Jennifer Peedom set out to explore the deteriorating relationships between the Sherpas and climbers of Mount Everest following the highly publicised brawl in 2013 at Camp Two between European climbers and angry Sherpas. The intention was to film the 2014 climbing season from the Sherpa’s point of view. What was captured was the greatest loss of human life on Mount Everest in a single day – 16 Sherpas killed when 14 million tonnes of ice crashed into the climbing route through Khumbu Icefall on April 18, 2014. The disaster called into question the role of the Sherpas in the lucrative Everest industry and the documentary tells how, despite strong opposition, the Sherpas united in their grief to reclaim the mountain they call Chomolungma.

Tearjerker: BROOKLYN Drama/Romance Saoirse Ronan This is the touching story of Eilis Lacey and Emory Cohen (Saoirse Ronan), a young Irish immigrant starting a new life in 1950s America. Missing home and living in a boarding house, her homesickness is soon cured as she falls in love with an Italian plumber, Tony (Emory Cohen), and creates a full life for herself. By day she works in a department store and in the evenings she excels at her studies in bookkeeping. News from home, however, sees Eilis’ past catch up with her and she is forced to choose between two countries and the lives that she has in both. Based on the novel by Colm Tóibín with the screenplay by Nick Hornby (About a Boy), this movie also stars Jim Broadbent and Julie Walters, and will undoubtedly tug at the heartstrings.

116 | Februaryđ2016 DVD

THE INTERN

Realising that retirement just wasn’t for him, 70-year-old widower Ben Whittaker, played by Robert De Niro, seizes an opportunity to re-enter the workforce. He becomes a senior intern at a successful online fashion site founded and run by Jules Ostin (Anne Hathaway). Jules is eventually won over by Ben’s likeability and he becomes a father figure to her. The two form a close bond with Ben sharing his hard-earned wisdom and guidance as Jules navigates life’s highs and lows. Did You Know…

2016 marks 400 years since the death of the world’s most famous playwright William Shakespeare. The following movies were inspired by his plays: The Lion King (1994) – Hamlet West Side Story (1961) – Romeo and Juliet Kiss Me Kate – The Taming of the Shrew ( – ello Prospe o sBooks (1991) – The Tempest ■ let is the most often adapted play. 525 films give Shakespeare some level of g credit. Emma Thompson (Henry V, Much Ado About Nothing), Kate slet (Hamlet), Laurence Fishburne (Othello), Leonardo DiCaprio eo Juliet) and the great Laurence Olivier (Hamlet, Othello, h d III, nry V) all have Shakespeare in common! K net ranagh either directed or starred in these six films: Henry V ( 989); h Ado About Nothing (1993); Othello (1995); Hamlet 996); Lov ’s Labour’s Lost (2000); As You Like It (2006).

Februaryđ2016 | 117 BRAIN POWER TEST YOUR MENTAL PROWESS Puzzles

Challenge yourself by solving these puzzles and mind stretchers, then check your answers on page 109.

LETTER SUMS FINE FIGURES Each letter from A to I stands for one Which four separate figures below went of the nine numbers listed in the table into the combined image? below. No two letters have the same numerical value. Match each letter to a number to make the following equations work. Number list: 145 81216 17 18 21 F = A + B ABC C = B + B

D = B + C DEF G = B + D I = A + E E = D + F GH H = F + G WORD PUZZLES: F.G. MARCEL DANESI NUMBER AND OBJECT PUZZLES: MATTHEWS;

118 | Februaryđ2016 HIDDEN MEANING Identify the common words or phrases below.

MOVING

MOVING

A B

C D

GEMSTONE How many triangles are there in this illustration? Note that a triangle may be made up of smaller segments (including smaller triangles).

Februaryđ2016 | 119 BRAIN POWER

TEST YOUR GENERAL KNOWLEDGE Trivia

1. Which country is the newest in the own funeral, by having her casket world? 1 point arrive 15 minutes behind schedule? 1 point 2. Triskaidekaphobia is the fear of what? 2 points 9. Which artefact, rediscovered in 1799, provided the key to 3. Before ultramarine blue deciphering Egyptian could be synthetically 15. In which country hieroglyphs? 1 point manufactured, which was Marxist gemstone did painters revolutionary Che 10. Which island nation is grind up to create this Guevara born? home to the lemur? 1 point colour? 1 point 1 point 11. What’s the only human 4. What is the currency of disease in history declared Brazil? 1 point to have been globally 5. The word “peloton” is eradicated by vaccination? associated with which 1 point sport? 1 point 12. What are the three 6. Which popular food holiest cities to Muslims? flavouring is derived from 3 points certain orchids? 2 points 13. Which much-loved 7. The first telephone call was made novelfamouslybegins,“Itisatruth in 1876 by Alexander Graham Bell. universally acknowledged, that a Who received the call and heard Bell singlemaninpossessionofagood say, “Come here – I want to see you”? fortune, must be in want of a wife”? 2 points 1 point 8. Which famous Hollywood actress 14. The abbreviation “i.e.” is short for made arrangements to be late to her which two Latin words? 1 point

16-20 Gold medal 11-15 Silver medal 6-10 Bronze medal 0-5 Wooden spoon

4 det enn ta s.1.Argentina. 15. is”. “that meaning est, Id 14.

h oet tn.1.Mdgsa.1.Salo.1.Mca eiaadJrslm 3 rd n rjdc. Prejudice. and Pride 13. Jerusalem. and Medina Mecca, 12. Smallpox. 11. Madagascar. 10. stone. Rosetta The

riders in a road race. 6. Vanilla. 7. Bell’s assistant, Thomas Watson, who was in the next room. 8. Elizabeth Taylor. 9. 9. Taylor. Elizabeth 8. room. next the in was who Watson, Thomas assistant, Bell’s 7. Vanilla. 6. race. road a in riders

ANSWERS: .SuhSdn .Tenme 3 .Lpslzl.4 h el .Ccig trfr otemi ru of group main the to refers It Cycling. 5. real. The 4. lazuli. Lapis 3. 13. number The 2. Sudan. South 1. PHOTO: ISTOCK PHOTO:

120 | Februaryđ2016 BRAIN POWER

IT PAYS TO INCREASE YOUR Word Power

Trend Setting Each week, merriam-webster.com highlights a word that’s in the news. Here’s a recent sampling from their Trend Watch section. Test yourself to see how on-trend your vocabulary is, and then check the next page for answers.

BY EMILY COX & HENRY RATHVON

1. amnesty n. – A: treason. 9. intransigence n. – B: pardon. C: safe haven. A: stubbornness. B: hard travel. 2. harridan n. – A: brief, wild storm. C: secret information. B: mercenary soldier. C: haggard, 10. subterfuge n. – old woman. A: deceptive stratagem. 3. repudiate v. –A:overthrow. B: underwater dwelling. B: refuse to accept or support. C: cheap replica. C: divulge. 11. inherent adj. – A: inborn. 4. indict v. – A: point out. B: charge B: granted by a will. C: leased for withacrime.C:vote. low cost. 5. gentrification n. – A: gender 12. eponymous adj. – A: unsigned. switch. B: uncultured upbringing. B: opposite in meaning. C: named C: displacement of the poor by the for a person. affluent. 13. intrepid adj. –A:stumbling. 6. sovereignty n. – A: full B: unpleasantly hot. knowledge. B: supreme power. C: fearless. C: communal state. 14. sectarian adj. –A:relatedtoa 7. conflate v. – A: barter. B: ignore. horse. B: of religious factions. C: confuse or combine into a whole. C: having six parts. 8. solipsistic adj. –A:highly 15. culpable adj. – A: blameworthy. egocentric. B: slick. C: applied to the B: likely to happen. lips. C: not competent.

Februaryđ2016 | 121 WORD POWER Answers

1. amnesty – [B] pardon. The Tax 9. intransigence – [A] stubbornness. Office’s amnesty on the declaration of He showed nothing but intransigence undisclosed assets resulted in many in the face of overwhelming evidence. people coming forward. 10. subterfuge – [A] deceptive 2. harridan – [C] haggard, old stratagem. Pretending to enjoy the woman. Whataharridan,he thought, movie was just a subterfuge to gain as the bad-tempered older woman his girlfriend’s favour. continued to scream at him. 11. inherent – [A] inborn. When the 3. repudiate – [B] refuse to accept US Declaration of Independence or support. Your current attitude refers to “unalienable” rights, it is appearstobea describing the inherent privileges repudiation of all the WHY WE CAST ABOUT opinions you that people are The word cast has its roots in entitled to. previously held. Middle English via the Old 4. indict – [B] Norse kasta, meaning “to 12. eponymous – charge with a crime. throw”. This is close to the [C] named for a The grand jury modern definition of “to put person. Who was decided to indict the forth”. So it makes sense that the original Oscar suspect with the now a newscaster can behind the broadcast the forecast. offence. eponymous 5. gentrification – statuette? [C] displacement of the poor by the 13. intrepid – [C] fearless. After affluent. Many run-down inner-city “stealing” a block while playing, neighbourhoods are undergoing a Prince George was called “very process of gentrification. intrepid.” 6. sovereignty – [B] supreme power. 14. sectarian – [B] of religious Ukraine will not settle its conflicts factions. The UN has warned of with Russia until it regains full “further sectarian violence” in Iraq. sovereignty over Crimea. 15. culpable – [A] blameworthy. 7. conflate – [C] confuse or combine The court found the accused guilty into a whole. Her opponent seemed of culpable homicide. to conflate two entirely unrelated concepts in his argument. VOCABULARY RATINGS 5 & below: Charming efort 8. solipsistic – [A] highly egocentric. 6–10: Sagacious undertaking Some view Facebook as a simply 11–12: Meticulous and marvellous solipsistic forum. 13-15: Word Power wizard

122 | Februaryđ2016 Hurry for this great price!

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