Thursday 25 September 2003 Published by the USSU Communications Office issue number 1061 free www.ussu.co.uk

THE UNIVERSITY OF SURREY STUDENTS’ NEWSPAPER

LETTERS, ANYONE? CHALLENGE CHOPS IN THIS WEEK ’ S PAPER VP Sport Dave ‘Chops’ This week sees a double REVITALISE YOUR LIFE | Carol Main on page of letters to barefacts, as Chapman heads underwater the excitement offered by ‘V’ | page 11 readers express their opinions with the Sub Aqua Club, and ON THE COUCH? | Catherine Lee pays a on everything from the visits a bus submerged at the visit to the psychiatrist’s couch | page 6 Students’ Union to Education. bottom of a lake. SPORT FOR ALL | Pete Nichols introduces Letters | pages 4 & 5 Sport | page 24 the world of sport at USSU | page 24 The Freshers Have Landed After 16 hours of a military style operation, 1800 freshers settle into their new home at UniS

BY LISA WIDDOWS these ‘angels’ and their Super Angels, the EDUCATION & WELFARE ADVISER weekend would not have been possible, so make sure you give yourselves a huge pat A NYBODY AROUND AT the weekend would on the back. have seen that campus was awash with Aside from our 250 Angels, a big thank orange angels. Their mission, as they you goes to the team of University Security chose to accept it, was to ensure that 1800 and the team in the Accommodation Office Freshers were greeted and moved in to that worked over the weekend. I for one am their new homes safely and soundly (and glad they all got the short straw and had to more to the point, to save their poor parents work these shifts, as they were nothing but from trekking up and down the 8 flights extremely accommodating and supportive of stairs with the car loads of belongings)! throughout the whole process. With the summer months of planning by Without sounding like we’ve won an Oscar, the Representation & Welfare Unit over, Claire and I are also extremely grateful to 250 ‘Freshers Angels’ came together in one all of you that played taxi service over the big team to ease the strain of the moving in weekend. The drivers are an integral part of process. There were tears over goodbyes, Freshers moving in and we would have been there was laughter over the Welfmobile lost without you. This can also be seconded (who constantly seemed to be acting as a for the Super Angels – I think its fair to say sandwich cart for helpers!), but most of all that your leadership skills were put well into there was a fantastic atmosphere, which play at the weekend and this resulted in a can only be described as a campus excited very smoothly run couple of days, so thank about welcoming new comers into their you. community. Ao, another huge thank you to everyone Traditionally, moving in day has occurred Freshers’ Angels outside Battersea Court | photo by Chris Hunter who has been involved in any part of the on the Sunday prior to Freshers Week. planning and operational side to Freshers However this year, UniS decided to give presumed 150 soon turned into an expected counter in Sainsbury’s! You might have to Moving In and we look forward to seeing the more local newcomers the opportunity 600 students and so on Monday of last week, wait patiently to be served but when you are, you next year too! to arrive on the Saturday as well. The plans were put in place to accommodate this you are greeted with someone who is happy mass as best as possible. Aside from the to do most of the work for you! small issue of a backlog of traffic on the Sunday saw the traditional system of A3 by 9.30am (which it must be noted was ferrying everyone into Car Park 4 and ATTENTION FRESHERS’ ANGELS LOST LUGGAGE quickly and smoothly rectified), cars were offloading into vans. These vans then took Freshers Angels will be able to collect Any items that were left behind over directed to their appropriate courts where the luggage to meet its rightful owner at their money from Claire Iles in the the weekend are currently being stored eager angels unloaded cars and moved their halls, where once again, Angels were Students; Union at the following times: securely by Lisa Widdows in The students into their accommodation. on hand to help them up the stairs and into Week 5, 6-10th October Students’ Union. If you think something Saturday’s military operation was exactly their rooms. Monday 9am – 11am of yours has gone astray, please pop in that! It ran as a one in, one out system, Overall the whole weekend was deemed Tuesday 1pm – 2pm and leave your details with either her, or where Super Angels negotiated between a success. Previously dubious members of Wednesday 9am – 11am Jacqui Hollis at Reception. As we only themselves as and when there were spaces UniS Security sought Claire and myself out to Thursday 1pm – 2pm had a few items left behind, it would also for vehicles to park up and offload their praise the operation, especially for Saturday, Friday 11am – 12pm be advisable to ask your court attendant luggage. Excuse the analogy – it has been as it was new for this year. That praise, (also Remember you must have completed a if you could put a notice up in your Court a long weekend, but I feel that it would be seconded by the Accommodation Office and second task if you did not work a full day Reception to ask if anybody received fair to say that the process on Saturday could the Vice-Chancellor) belongs with everyone over the weekend to receive the full £20. your misplaced luggage by mistake. be compared to the system you find when who donned an orange t-shirt, be it for a Thank you again for all your help queuing for your favourite cheese at the deli half-day shift or a full weekend. Without A Freshers’ View | page 6 barefacts Pub Quiz | page 20 Bruce Willis Extravaganza | page 18 2 NEWS 25 September 2003

EDITORIAL TEAM 2003-4 Will the Fees Evaporate? Editor in Chief BY PHILIP HOWARD being considered by the Russell Group A fully privatised institution would not be Sarah Butterworth NEWS EDITOR include expanding their presence in the bound by the nationally-funded system, and comms international marketplace, concentrating could choose what it charged prospective @ussu.co.uk THE GUARDIAN REPORTED on Tuesday that on industrial research, or even privatising students. When asked if they would consider the Russell Group of elite universities is departments or whole universities, report full privatisation, Professor Sterling Editor considering a Plan B, should top-up fees educationguardian.co.uk refused to comment. This runs parallel to be defeated in parliament. This is taken as Surrey’s own situation, in which Professor Chris Ward a sign that this is a distinct possibility: “If Dowling stated that Surrey could consider cs21cw the government loses this legislation, I am privatisation if it got the chance - ie with a @surrey.ac.uk desperately worried. We are told there isn’t suffi ciently large endowment. a plan B. There will be no extra money The fees may be blocked in parliament, as until 2010. In that time we will lose our an early motion opposing the top-up fees Music Editor world-class status,” said Professor Michael has been signed by 174 MPs, who believe Matt Badcock Sterling, VC of Birmingham University and it would restrict access to students from ms01mb chair of the Russell Group. disadvantaged backgrounds. This is the @surrey.ac.uk Professor Sterling sees British universities result of a group of MPs led by the Lib- as ‘at the edge of the precipice’; Dems, hoping to ambush the government’s underfunded and in severe danger of losing plans. They are soon to launch the campaign Music Editor their advantage over other countries. “We’re “Learning is for life, not just for children” Jon Allen roughly 50% underfunded and we’ve been inside a fortnight. The Conservatives spending our reserves but once they run recently switched from a pro-fees stance to bs21ja @surrey.ac.uk out we’re going to go rapidly downhill. a more populist fees opposition recently, and International students will walk away.” the combination of the Tories, Lib-Dems Such news would be grave indeed and Labour back-benchers could form the News Editor for universities such as Surrey with a government’s fi rst Commons defeat, reports Philip Howard high foreign student intake. The plans the THES. ph02ph @surrey.ac.uk

Film Editor Neil Boulton Charles Clarke Goes Green cs21nb @surrey.ac.uk BY PHILIP HOWARD environment is important for us all” NEWS EDITOR The spin machine in full force, the story is reproduced also on the number-10.gov.uk Theatre Editor CHARLES CLARKE, SECRTARY for Education and site, with more words of warmth towards Daisy Clay Skills, launched “Sustainable Development the greens: “We also have a duty to help - an action plan” on Tuesday. The action young people develop the knowledge, ps21dc @surrey.ac.uk plan sets out the agenda for all things green values and skills to become responsible for education institutions; schools, colleges citizens in their communities. They should and universities. be aware of wider global environmental and Literature Editor The DfES Press Notice quotes him: developmental issues.” “Schools, colleges and universities Jennifer Walker comprise more than 5% ofall buildings in DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING NEWSWORTHY ph21jw the UK and it is therefore vial that their THAT YOU THINK SHOULD GO IN @surrey.ac.uk resources are managed effi ciently and in BAREFACTS? THEN DROP US A LINE AT an environmentally responsible way. Gone [email protected] OR POP INTO THE are the days when we could ignore this. It MEDIA CENTRE AT USSU TO DISCUSS IT. Sports Editor is no longer a side issue - caring about our Peter Nichols cs11pn barefacts is an editorially independent newspaper and is Do you have a complaint @surrey.ac.uk published by the University of Surrey Students’ Union Communications Office. against this newspaper? in CONTRIBUTORS The views expressed within the paper are those of If you have a complaint about any individual authors and do not necessarily represent the item in this newspaper which contains Ben Berryman Amelia Lefroy views of the Editor, the University of Surrey Students’ inaccuracy, harassment, intrusion or discrimination write to our editor about Dave Chapman Carol Main Union or the University of Surrey. This publication may not be reproduced in whole or in it. Neil Christie David Meredith part, stored in any form, copied or distributed, without the If you remain dissatisfied please contact UNKLE the Press Complaints Commission - an Johnathan Darzi Sandeep Sohal express permission of the publisher beforehand. All submissions must include the author’s name and independant organisation established to Cazza di Franco Pete Tivers Union or Staff Number. Submission is no guarantee of uphold an editorial Code of Practice for publication. the Press. This newspaper will abide by The Interview Scott Farmer Tom Wallis their decision. Matt Fisher Rich Watts Articles submitted Anonymously and Pseudonymously will not be published. Chris Hunter Lisa Widdows Press Complaints Commission 1 Salisbury Square Catherine Lee Peter Wigfield barefacts reserves the right to edit submissions. London EC4Y 8JB Telephone: 020 7353 1248 Matt Badcock [email protected] Facsimile: 020 7353 8351

Design & Layup: WWW.USSU.CO.UK Printed by Sharman and Co. Printers asks the questions.... Peterborough Sarah Butterworth © USSU COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE 2003 Tel: 01733 424949 25 September 2003 NEWS 3 Student Support Mark Owen - Back for Good? Vital for Retention

BY PHILIP HOWARD BY CHRIS WARD EDITOR NON-TRADITIONAL STUDENTS benefit more from student support, in order to prevent MARK OWEN, WELL known for the time he them from dropping out, according to spent in classic boyband “Take That” is Greenwich’s VC Rick Trainor. “The part of the offi cial line-up for this year’s diffi culty has been that there hasn’t been Freshers’ Ball on 4th October. Along with enough money allocated to supporting Fame Academy’s Sinead Quinn and up- students at risk” reports the THES. and-coming boyband D-Side, Owen will Universities are apparently beginning be serenading around 1000 students in the to understand this relationship between University Hall Complex. support and retention, and the government Owen recently regained his celebrity needs to factor increased student support status after winning Celebrity Big Brother. services into their funding arrangements for Since then he has released a hit solo single, non-traditional students. Also highlighted Four Minute Warning, and performed a are concerns that support services are “rocked-up” version of Back For Good at integrated as often a student’s fi nancial former bandmate Robbie Williams’ recent state and their academic success are related. Knebworth concert. It is the fi rst time the Professor Trainor’s report, made to the two have performed together since Take annual Student Wellbeing Conference, also That split up in 1996.; stressed that a ‘one-stop shop’ for student In a recent interview with Smash Hits, support helped to prevent students being Mark dubbed his return to pop as a “fresh put off services such as counselling, if they start”. He emphasises that he is thrilled to had to attend a specifi c seperate counselling return to music, but has also pointed out centre. A chaplain of Glasgow University that he won’t presume success: “I hope it told the conference that chaplaincies were works. If it doesn’t, then it doesn’t. At least underrated and underused. I’ve had fun.” 4 LETTERS 25 September 2003 Letters to barefacts Letters must be received by 5pm on the Monday before publication to guarantee their presence in the next opinion newspaper. Letters may be edited for length or clarity | [email protected] Dear barefacts, Dear barefacts readers,

I should like to address some of the issues raised by Chris Late last night I was wandering in the direction of the union Independence Ward in his article Uneducation, uneducation, uneducation when I experience a mildly uncomfortable pain in my bowels (Barefacts, 11/9/03). – the kind that you get from eating too many laxatives (like I wonder, does Chris realise how deeply ambiguous his you do…), a particularly virulent strain of diphtheria, or, as I THE ‘INDEPENDENCE’ REFERRED to above is actually that of this stance is? He claims that academia is inferior to real world was in the process of experiencing, a slightly out-of-date jar very newspaper. Many people do not know that barefacts is education, yet persists in attending a course at an academic of cheese and tomato pasta sauce (at the time of eating, I had in fact an editorially independent newspaper, and it is not institution. Maybe he should fi nish his studies here and go thought “what’s a week between friends?”). here to represent the offi cial views of either the Students’ and spend some time in the real world with which he seems Luckily I had just dropped my bike off next to BC building, Union of the University of Surrey. The reality of editorial so au fait. Also, I fi nd the way in which Chris conceptualises and I immediately sought refuge in the male toilets in Austin independence means that barefacts is free to criticise as the education to be deeply problematic. Chris appears to equate Pearce (as I’m sure many of you have done in the past). It writers see fi t, as long as opinions expressed do not cross the adequacy of the education system with the extent to was there, on the back of the cubicle door that I discovered a the barrier of slander or libel. Sometimes the boundaries be- which it prepares one for a lifetime of labour. While this slightly torn sticker, temptingly inciting me to revolt, calling tween the paper and the Union can become blurred, but the is no doubt important, this represents a reductive view of for anarchy - at any cost! Now I may have a beef with the fact stands as this: barefacts is an independent newspaper, education, as education is about much more than this. If some of the ways in which the country is being run, but and the views expressed in it are those of the students. So, if knowledge is power, then true education is emancipatory, surely advocating revolution tends to imply that you have a you have something to say, be it about the Union, University, because it allows one to see ones place in the world. This is a better solution in mind? or anything at all, use your voice. Be heard. side of education which Chris seems to care little about. What In a moment of sheer boredom, I checked the dictionary. curriculum would you prepare Chris, lessons in networking, “Anarchy,” it states, in a rather round-about way “is a state brown-nosing and climbing the corporate ladder? of lawlessness, not necessarily implying disorder”. Aha, Also, if Chris is so concerned with grammatical errors, thought I, a perfect society, with complete freedom for maybe he should consider the grammatical content of his individuals? For one, fl eeting moment, I was drawn to it. headline. Maybe our education system is failing us after all. But, I fear, the people with the sticker-making machine have Stop Fees not fully thought it through. Surely, an ordered anarchical Yours, society requires full cooperation between all of the people A STUDENT AT UNIS living in it, or else it collapses to a disordered one, in which whoever has the biggest pointy stick takes all of the Well done Chris Ward, for your attack on current education chocolates? This in turn leads to lots of unhappy people, standards in the 11th September issue. You point out that you who think, “wouldn’t we be better off with even just a teensy Now little bit of law - such as one that makes big pointy sticks still remember the past participle of a verb which in French THE DAY OF the NUS Nation Demonstration against tuition does not actually exist. I believe that the verb you may have illegal?”. fees is drawing near. The date is Sunday 26th October, the been looking for (whose past participle you did not actually It would seem to me that if you look at human nature, place is London. Many of you will already be in thousands of state, just claimed that you knew it) is avoir. anarchy is pretty much self-defeating. Call me critical, but I pounds of debt from studying at University, and this is your also get the feeling that the “anarchists” are quite happy to chance to send a strong message to those in government. Yours Sincerely, hide under the laws that prevent me from going round and deliberately running over their favourite pet, or “permanently The NUS believe that it is completely unacceptable to BRUNO HANDLEY charge students enormous amounts of money simply to gain borrowing” their sticker machine. If only it weren’t the case, a qualifi cation, and the prospect of top up fees casts an even eh? Then I could print stickers bearing slogans such as “be heavier cloud over the future of higher education. I am probably one of many people who spotted the major happy”, “it’s not as bad as you think” and “keep going and You may think that it’s not worth getting passionate about error in Chris Ward’s article on uneducation! obviously you’ll pull through shortly”; but then I think the latter may the fees debate as it won’t affect you as you’re already here. education has not come far enough! He has spelt the french not go quite so well on the back of a toilet door… But imagine the debt your children and younger siblings infi nitive of the verb AVOIR wrong! it does not have an ‘e’ could face in the years to come if the governments proposals on the end! Just goes to show that with a C in GCSE French, Your Sincerely, he still cannot spell the most common french verb! for up to £3,000 fees a year are passed. As students of our (BIG) JON NOBLE generation, we have a responsibility to ensure those after us can experience higher education without suffering with Yours Sincerely, debts of more than £25,000 after a 3 or 4 year degree. JULIE STEEL Dear barefacts, Get your voice heard. Keep an eye out for details of the demo, and sign up, grab a placard, and make the government Chris Ward replies: With regard to ‘yours frustratedly’ letter in last weeks issue, see that modern students are a force to be reckoned with. Well done to those who noticed my diabolical French I’m not surprised he/she is frustrated after being a student mistake in the article. All I can do is plead ignorance and since ’96. Can’t he/she get a job? say that I haven’t studied the language for nearly three and a I would like to point out that we (the staff) do not work half years. “A student of the University of Surrey” however, purely for the students but also for the many lecturers and should perhaps read the article again and try to understand other employed personnel on campus. Were it not for the Freshers’ Fayre the focus. many hundreds of people employed by the University, who I was primarily attacking the fact that academics who provide such services as Catering, Housekeeping, UniSport, BY NOW FRESHERS’ Fayre will be but a memory, but what had not been out in industry were the ones who decided Estates & Buildings maintenance, Security etc then there comes now is even more fun. Rememebr those societies and the requirements for GCSE and A-Level qualifi cations. I would not be a University for you to be at! sports clubs you signed up for? Well, now’s the time to fi nd am a member of an academic institution because for some As for the ‘Over-Infl ated prices’ I suggest you think those crumpled bits of paper at the bottom of your freebie reason, the piece of paper they hand you at the end of the logically (if possible) about Wetherspoons and Tescos buying carrier bag, and head along to the fi rst meeting of as many of course seems to be worth much more than three A-Levels in power against the University. They can almost dictate their them as possible. It’s whilst doing these activities that you terms of job interview credits. I did present a reductive view purchasing price to their suppliers due to the vast quantities will meet some of your closest friends at University, so don’t of education because, unfortunately, I was limited to a 700 they order. miss out. Above all, enjoy it. USSU has so many groups to word comment article. If I was given the chance to write a Finally, of course the customer is always right, unless their join - it really would be crazy to let them pass you by. novel, maybe I could cover all aspects. name is Richard Cranium, perhaps this is yours! Finally, the title was a mockery of Tony Blair’s “education promise”. Our education system is certainly failing us if a Yours in satisfaction always, barefacts | be heard concept as simple as irony fl ies past your head. A CARING MEMBER OF UNIVERSITY CATERING STAFF. 25 September 2003 COMMENT 5

Letters to barefacts continued...

Dear barefacts, Dear barefacts, Chancellor’s Bar at USSU - see letter below

I feel that I need to reposnd to the article Last week James Gray slammed the local gay in last week’s paper entitled No straights pub and community for being heterophobic. please, we’re gay. Working at the pub in Not entirely fair, because the management question, I was there for at least one of the would never have put up with that if he had nights on which the incidents occurred, informed them. A good deal of the patrons (although did not witness either) and feel would not have put up with it either. that the whole story should be told. Its not a great pub, but its our only one, and The most important thing to mention is as for straight pubs not treating us like you that neither situation was reported to the were, think again. In Barefacts 20th March manager, which is the only reason nothing 2003 publication I sent in a letter about just was done. Since the incident I have also that happening to me in the Union. To this found out that the girl in question had been date I have not had a response. Basically indulging in very intense kissing with the my female partner and I were bullied and gentleman she was with, and all parties threatened and narrowly avoided ending up involved were more than a little inebriated. in a fi ght. The door security have also made However, this is a menial point. some rather “interesting” comments at times Although I entirely agree that the other to various gay students. The Union has not gentleman should have kept his intolerant been the only “straight” place in Guildford comments to himself, some homosexuals where this has happened and I certainly who are insecure and/or have been victims don’t feel welcome anywhere. of extreme discrimination may feel Unfortunately, until the heterosexual threatened by this behaviour, in the same society we live in does accept us and stops way that some people might feel threatened forcing us onto the fringes, we won’t be able if I kissed my boyfriend in the Helyn Rose to fi t in, not that I would want to. Pride is not Bar on a night out. about being proud of your sexuality, pride is I was also disappointed by James’ comment about not being ashamed, not having to hide, that if a gay person were told to ‘f*** off’ and yes, being able to take your girlfriend to in the Union, they would be barred. This is the Union on a Saturday night, snog her in clearly not the case, as has been commented the club, just as a heterosexual couple might, on before in barefacts. The most notable and not get bashed up. Plus, if you’ve ever event was in the 19th March, in issue 1055 been to a pride festival, it’s a damned good (‘Get over the playboy Fantasy and leave party and good deal of fun, so why not? us all alone, please’), where Daniella How This is not an equal society. If you are Dear barefacts, wrote about an incident when she and her a person of colour, a women, gay or of a girlfriend had encountered physical abuse religious minority, you are pretty much One thing the union should not be is above criticism, and we always welcome constructive a little was done about it. Perhaps James typecast and stuck into a neat little pigeon points of view, and that brings me to last weeks letter in Barefacts about the service in should read barefacts more? hole you will never get out of. Trust me, I Chancellors much of which will be taken on board. However, it’s always easy to pass How on earth can setting up a comfortable fi t into all but one of those categories. You judgments on such sensitive issues as price. environment where gay people (and their face abuse almost everyday, some open, Last weeks letter from “ An Eternal Student “ pointed out their concerns. As this person straight friends) can socialise and meet in some much more subtle and malignant. has been at the university since 1996 they will remember the dark days when the union a secure setting be homophobia by self- When all you have left is one dive of a pub, was on the verge of bankruptcy in fact if it had been a private company it would have been segregation? I was watching The Fresh then yeah, you might get a little defensive declared bankrupt it was only the support of the University, which avoided this fate. Prince of Bel-Air the other day, and Will of it being invaded by the very people who They may also like to note that prices have been held for three years on most drink and Smith said to his black friend, ‘Yo Nigga! have forced this upon you. I don’t approve food, even though the union has increased wages to students due to the minimum wage Wassup?’ Does this promote racism? One of of what they did, but do understand where it (which we as an employer support) the government has increased employer NI and we my close friends regularly organises events came from, I very much doubt it is revenge. have been hit by an additional pension contribution, these costs along of which we had for the Asian Society, where most of the Your friend may well have been mistaken no control have cost the union circa £54k over the last two years. All these additional cost people are Asian or Black – by the theory of for a “fag hag” (straight women hanging have to be found. Their reference to Tesco / Wetherspoons being cheaper, fi rstly they look Mr Gray, maybe this elevates the importance around gay men often with the intention to at food as a loss leader and second their buying power is huge on top of this they have of race and therefore promotes racism?! pick up bisexual men) who have a deserved economy of scale in which one head offi ce looks after 100’s of outlets. We can’t match Finally, I would like to ask James, reputation of treating the gay scene like that but what we do, is try and give students food and drink at reasonable prices. As for the why shouldn’t I be proud? He says that some fantastic zoo and the resident lesbians queues we do not set the academic timetable therefore it will always be busy at peak times. heterosexuals aren’t proud, but try telling and bi women as perverts. As a result they It should be noted that yes we do know where the tables are. However, it does not help that to a couple at the alter about to marry, are not very welcome and many femme when people move tables to sit with friends or the table number they have given us has or the young lady who brags to her friends women (both straight and gay) do get this been taken by others before they can sit down. how amazing her boyfriend is. Pride is rather unfortunate label without actually Any profi t we make gets put back into the students union; for the benefi t of all students, not so much about being proud of your being guilty of it. we now have a major facility in our membership service area some thing which three years sexuality, but about being proud of being My apologies to her and I hope she doesn’t ago was only a dream. We have spent over £30k on sound proofi ng the main union so that able to express your feelings for the person think we are all like that. I certainly have all students can enjoy a great night out without disturbing our neighbors. Along with the you love. Although it sounds clichéd, I have taken many straight friends down there, purchase of four mini buses and two vans at a cost £131k a fantastic boyfriend, and anyone who says both male and female, without ever an We don’t pretend that we have got it right but we are getting there, as for the service this I shouldn’t be proud to love him needs to incident. If she wishes to meet some decent will be redressed. All the above said if “ The Eternal Student “ felt that strong why did they learn what love is. gay people the LGBT on campus is full of not come and speak to the President or myself. And why not say who you are? wonderful people who would never have To fi nish we are here for all the students any student that feels there is areas that need Yours Sincerely, put up with that. I personally would love to looking into should come and see us. After all it’s your Union. SIMON NUTBROWN know who it was who said that…

Yours Sincerely, BOB ANDERSON DANIELLA HOW USSU GENERAL MANAGER 6 COMMENT 25 September 2003 The First Day - A Freshers’ View Neil Christie offers a few thoughts on his first day as a student at the University of Surrey

ARRIVAL ON SUNDAY was pretty hectic for all concerned, or everyone else is doing so much better – friends from the so it seemed. A mass of boxes, in various shapes and sizes, last school, more friends on the fl oor etc but things aren’t being carted around the campus – which in itself seems always as they seem. Sure there may be circles of friends alien to those arriving. Was it me or did the guys in the in the Union and you get that depressing feeling of ‘wish it court reception actually seem perplexed when you didn’t was me in there’, but it’s not the case that you’ve walked into have a clue where your room was? The parents faff around, an environment where everyone knows everyone else and trying to organise the essentials such as food, fridge space, you’re getting the stares. bed linen – but the real worries were to start when the door However - it’s the second day (at time of writing) and the closes behind them once the goodbyes have been made. course has yet to start. It’s defi nitely a mixture of emotions It can be a pretty sudden shock, or a growing sensation over – from anxiety about the course itself, to missing loved ones, a few days, but one way or another the chances are that the or being excited about the evening’s events. There will be feeling of loneliness began to set in. A natural response to times (or so I’ve been assured) or absolute highs and absolute being left in a place that’s unfamiliar, with new faces and lows for everyone. The best thing to do (again, so I’ve been names to remember. Of course it’s not always the case and told!) is to keep mixing, keep smiling, and if you’re someone if you’ve arrived with friends you were amongst the lucky who does have a circle of friends already, look out for the people who could have a mate straight away to get used to single individuals wandering round with hopeful looks. the idea of university life. But even though it makes the So far I’ve spoken to many freshers – international students, process of making friends easier, it’s still something that has mature students, friends I’ve known for a while, as well as to be done. some in their second, third, and fi nal years. I may not see Everyone’s in the same situation and it’s not long before But realistically of course this isn’t the case. There’s what many of them again, I may see some of them every day, but people are saying hello and mixing together but somehow it – 12000 students on campus? Knowing even 100 people is the point is it’s far too early to tell. I’m enjoying being at doesn’t always feel very defi nite. A lot of the conversations pretty good going. Think back to senior school, sixth form, Surrey, and although I spent the fi rst day in various pubs in can be with people that you’re sitting next to, or stumble or college. Chances are the whole year was around a few Guildford and, after the union, ended up with someone I’d (literally) across in the union. So for certain periods of the hundred people, and even then some faces were familiar but met that day in my room (don’t jump to conclusions!) I’ve day it feels like it’s settled, there’s security for the loneliness nothing more. managed to meet some great people already. If you see me and before you know it you’ll know every face on campus. So what’s the message? Well, not to panic. I’ve met some about feel free to say hello and ask the classic “name, course, However there are times when you can feel lonely and start people, and I’m included, who are worried about settling in and court please…”. My advice is to try the Pizzaman, but to wonder where people have gone to. The explanation is a and meeting real friends – not just having conversations with get out the union early if you want to avoid a queue, and just mixture of meetings, lectures, and meeting friends around a variety of people through the day. It may not be something keep on mixing – with people as well as drinks. In a week campus – but when paranoia sets in it’s hard not to feel like that you’ve spoken about, but much more possible it is this place will be home, and you’ll be thinking “why was I you want to reach out and phone a familiar voice. something that’s been thought. It always appears that even worried?”. My Name’s Catherine, and I’m an Addict... Catherine Lee admits that there is more to her seeminly harmless internet purchase than meets the eye

MY NAME’S CATHERINE and I’m an addict. took a lengthy e-mail exchange and my took to reveal that if I were a coffee I’d But then it gets almost sinister. See, I know There, you’ve said it. Wasn’t too hard. magical powers of persuasion to convince be an espresso [“reliable, dependable and exactly how long I’ve got left on the planet, Acknowledgement is the fi rst step to them all was above board [though whether uncomplicated”], and that I apparently have though there was something dubious about recovery; you’re already on the way. Don’t I have been added to any governmental an emerald aura [“down-to-earth, easy- this set of questions [“how often do you play I have to admit what it is I’m addicted blacklist remains a mystery]. going” and somewhat more ambiguous, “as with explosives?”/ “do you look both ways to? Well yes. That’s the diffi cult part. It’s I don’t think I’ve ever got quite so excited natural as an organic vegetable”]. I admit I before crossing the road?”]. Needless to say, embarrassing. Come on, ,you’re amongst about a piece of technology – well, apart was slightly disturbed to learn that my inner I declined the offer of downloading my very friends, try again. My name’s Catherine and from my stereo - and confess I spent hours colour is black though relieved to discover own personal countdown clock. I’m an addict. I’m addicted to personality customizing the desktop and marvelling that, contrary to how it might be interpreted, I’ve started on this journey of discovery, quizzes. There you go, done, give yourself at the CD and DVD features, astounded this does not signify I’m nothing but a bitter, self-affi rmation maybe, and there appears a pat on the back. Now start at the very by its quick response times yet soothed twisted soul of evil. Rather, I’m “serene, to be no end. Perhaps it’s just a desperate beginning… by the reassuring purr of the hard drive. mysterious” and have an “uncompromising attempt to defi ne my role within society, It all started this summer. I bought a Simple pleasures I know. And perhaps I demand for perfection”. In addition, my a means of justifying personal quirks and computer. It’s a wonder it ever arrived should be more worried by these alarming inner fl avour is liquorice – “strong and edgy, idiosyncrasies but who doesn’t want to know actually. So dazed was I by all the technical observations. But I digress. You’re probably an enigmatic but tantalizing treat”. more about themselves? Won’t it help with specifi cations that in a state of tick-box wondering what my newfound fascination Now I’m fi nding it hard to stop. There’s job applications when I’m asked to describe enchantment I unwittingly confi rmed computers has to do with my addiction. In something strangely compelling about these my qualities? And what about when I’m that indeed I was “intending to export fact, it has everything to do with it. You see, quizzes. The minute I’ve completed one set introducing myself to new acquaintances? the hardware to Afghanistan for military not only have I become IT capable over the of questions, I want more - I want to know If I don’t know who I am, then how can I purposes”, a detail brought to my attention holidays, I’ve also discovered the Internet. what other fascinating insights the Internet expect them to? I mean… only later when I was informed that in And the Internet is an unbridled resource can offer. I’ve been told the date I’m getting I’m afraid our time’s up for today. Already? that case, regrettably, my order could not of information. It can tell you more or less married, for example, though I’m not going Oh, OK. Would you mind if I wait in here be processed. Unfortunately, the dramatic anything you want or need to know – in my to tell you that for two reasons. Firstly, I’m until its stopped raining? No, not at all. scenario I half-imagined would ensue, instance, it’s opened my eyes to the person I moderately superstitious [only moderately, Thanks. whereby my house was surrounded by local truly am. Well… maybe. scoring just 19 out of a possible 30] and don’t Could you pass me the magazine please? SAS forces headed by an offi cer booming It seemed harmless. Prompted by a pop- particularly want to jinx any chance I have There’s a quiz I want to do. into a megaphone, never panned out. up, a few minutes spent answering some of future married bliss, and secondly, I’d Instead, rather disappointingly, it simply thought-provoking questions was all it rather not scare off any potential contenders! [email protected] 25 September 2003 PROFESSIONAL 7 Dr Russ Replies

Alumni Calling... DR RUSS CLARK | CAREERS SERVICE I’ve got lots of ideas for jobs buzzing around in my head. This is YOUR chance to earn money, have fun and help yourself and other students. We are still How can I fi nd out what they are really like? recruiting for our team of 40 callers to work on the Annual Fund telephone campaign. This is a diffi cult question to answer because the best way to fi nd out what a job is like is by doing it. However, there are other things you can do which will help. For example, THE JOB: and job application. you could talk to people who are already employed in jobs In November this year the University will hold a telephone which interest you. Some of these may be at the Careers campaign organised by The Alumni & Development THE CLOSING DATE FOR APPLICATIONS IS THE 30 SEPTEMBER – SO Fair on 9 October, at employer presentations and at careers Offi ceto raise funds for student support, library services and ACT FAST! talks. Academic staff are also worth approaching as they the campus environment. have often had other jobs or know someone who is working Contact: Amintha Buckland, Alumni & Development in an area in which you are interested. THE DETAILS: Offi ce. Training: Saturday 1 and Sunday 2 November 10.00am to Email: [email protected] or [email protected] What about specifi c information like salaries, career 5.00pm Tel: 01483 689236 prospects and so on? The Prospects website www.prospects.ac.uk carries a Calling: From Sunday 2 November to Friday 28 November CLOSING DATE: TUESDAY 30 SEPTEMBER useful A-Z of occupations which includes most of the inclusive at various times. essential information you are likely to need. It also links You will NOT be expected to work all shifts and you will In association with Unis Ambassadors. to other information sources should you wish to research be paid for time spent training. a particular occupation in greater depth. The take-away Information Booklets in the Careers Service carry the same Duties: Callers will call selected Alumni to update them on information as Prospects if you would prefer to have your University news and activities; engage them in conversation own permanent copy. about the University and get their feedback on events, publications, etc; and discuss other ways of involving them Once I have more information, how can I narrow things with the University. down? Actually, you can avoid having to be too selective by running Callers will also need to record call details on computers a number of ideas together. There is nothing to stop you from provided. applying for different things, eg accountancy and banking or research and production, so long as you can justify your Person Specifi cation: Above all, callers need to enjoy choice on application forms and give a good account of speaking to people and have an outgoing, pleasant and yourself at interview. After all, if you’re someone with a friendly manner - the calling should be enjoyable for both range of interests and skills, why shouldn’t you be suited to caller and alumni/ae! Reliability and self-confi dence are more than one type of work? If you’re asked in an interview important, as are tact and discretion; all personal information whether you’ve applied for other things, all you have to say must be treated as confi dential beyond the calling room. is that you’d be equally good at those!

TO APPLY: But wouldn’t it help to at least try to prioritise my Please email [email protected] for the full job description choices? Yes, that would give you more control of the process. You could, for example, prioritise your applications into Coming Up in Week 4 at the Careers Service three groups; idealistic, realistic and materialistic. If your Catherine Lee admits that there is more to her seeminly harmless internet purchase than meets the eye ‘favourite’ job happens to be something like journalism, PR or advertising, then you can expect a huge amount of FINDING OUT MORE SUCCESSFUL APPLICATIONS competition from other applicants. These sorts of jobs tend MONDAY 29 SEPTEMBER 1 – 1.45 PM IN LT F to fall into the idealistic category. You should give it your Russ Clark will talk about application forms, cv and covering letters and how to use them to market yourself effectively. best shot, but you might also like to keep something up your sleeve which is a bit more realistic. DEVELOPING YOUR SKILLS GETTING STARTED* Such as? WEDNESDAY 1 OCTOBER 2 – 4.30 PM IN LT J There isn’t a set list of these as it would differ from person to A second chance to attend this workshop to help you get started, it includes self assessment exercises to help you to decide. person. Realistic jobs are those which you’d be reasonably happy doing and which are usually easier to get into. Even CIMA BOARDROOM CHALLENGE* THURSDAY 2 OCTOBER 6 PM IN LT B if they’re not your fi rst choice, they may turn out tobe This is a 2.5 hour interactive session enabling students to work through a case study and develop the types of skills that would be satisfying in other ways and, who knows, could provide a required in a career in management accountancy. stepping stone into your ideal job. You can probably ignore the materialistic at this stage since it is really only a fall-back EMPLOYER PRESENTATIONS position should you need to do something just to earn some PROCTER & GAMBLE* money. MONDAY 29 SEPTEMBER 6.30 PM IN LT B Information for fi nalists and placement students in chemistry, chem and mech eng (BEng) and bio sciences. This session will be How can I fi nd out how easy or diffi cult it is to get certain followed by an aptitude test, you will need a calculator and pencil. jobs? SODEXHO* If you’d like some idea of the level of competition, the A – Z MONDAY 29 SEPTEMBER 6.15 PM IN LT M occupations section on the Prospects website will tell you. International catering and support services organisation. Opportunities for graduates in any dis, especially catering and hospitality. Having this information at your fi ngertips makes planning a lot easier. VODAFONE* TUESDAY 30 SEPTEMBER 6.15 PM IN LT M Opportunities for fi nalists and placement students in business, mgt, engineering, maths, physics, fi nance and technology. Got a career problem you think Dr Russ could help To register with the Careers Service, or to fi nd out more, with? Pop into the Careers Service or send your question please email [email protected] to [email protected]. 8 UNION 25 September 2003 Union Council - Getting Your Voice Heard Union President, Pete Tivers, introduces the centrepiece of the Students’ Union at UniS

UNION COUNCIL IS the governing body of Who Makes Up Council? Nominations ahve almost closed for Union Executive elections, but your Union still needs the Union. Elected Offi cers (your fellow Union Council comprises of many elected you! I know its a cliche but in this case its true. For too long now it has been only the students) are responsible for approving all representatives, the Union Executive Sabbatical Offi cers who have had a hand in Union decision making. The Executive team is the Union’s campaigns and policies, and Committee and other Union Councilors (a made up of 16 positions of which only 5 are Sabbaticals. As the Societies and Sports Offi cers holding the Executive to account on behalf list of which are below): are elected by their Standing Committees, there are 9 part time positions available in the of the wider Union membership at Surrey. Union Executive Committee: upcoming election. If you have always wanted to be in a strong position to get your view It’s where decisions are made and you can The Executive is made up of the 5 Sabbatical heard, if you have lots of useful ideas or if you just want to help out the Union you know and make your feelings about the Union known. Offi cers, and 11 Student Offi cers: love, then here’s your chance! Union Council meets once a month on Union Chairperson There is a full list of positions available on the home page of ussu.co.uk, for Tuesday lunchtimes during term-time on Culture & Events Offi cer detailed job descriptions come and pick up a handbook in the Activities Centre the Main Union dance fl oor; meetings begin Accommodation Offi cer (Union Building) and/or talk to one of the sabbatical offi cers about what the job at 1.00pm and last for under an hour. Union Academic Affairs Offi cer would entail. If you are interested here are a couple of dates for your diaries: Council is a forum for all members to make Campaigns Offi cer • Nominations close, Friday 26th September their voice heard. We actively encourage as Ethics & Equal Opportunities Offi cer • Candidates Briefi ng, Monday 29th September many people to attend as possible. If you have Placement & Employed Students Offi cer • Campaigning Begins, Tuesday 30th September a complaint to raise, an issue you wish to see Non-Portfolio Offi cer x 2 • Union Council (Question Time/Ballot/Count), Tuesday 7th October discussed, or you simply want to fi nd out The other Union Councilors are: more about what happens in your Students’ Societies Executive Offi cers Union then Union Council is the place to be! Sports Executive Offi cers - STOP PRESS - Academic School Representatives All members of the Union are encouraged There will be a special Union Council on Thursday 25th September that will be a Accommodation Representatives to come along and watch or speak at the Freshers General Meeting. We want as many people as possible there so we can show Environmental Offi cer meetings. Only Elected members of Student you our plans for the year and how you can get involved. Everyone is welcome, International Students’ Offi cer Council can actually vote, so make sure you whichever year you are in. All we ask for is just one hour of your time! Items to be Disabled Students’ Offi cer let your representatives know how you feel discussed will be the ‘Lights. Camera. Action.’ campaign, the main NUS campaign for Women Students’ Offi cer about the issues being discussed. Minutes the year - ‘Stop Fees Now’ and the Union Executive elections. and agendas of all meetings will be posted LGB Students’ Offi cer Mature Students’ Offi cer on the Union Council page of the Union Location: AP3 Postgraduate Students’ Offi cer website www.ussu.co.uk, along with some Date: 25th September Part-time Students’ Offi cer more general information about Student Time: 1pm Council and its activities. Racial Relations Offi cer 25 September 2003 COMMUNICATE 9 Communicatestudent media Do You GU2? BY AMELIA LEFROY Freshers’ Fayre, which I’m preparing for and if you’ve decided you don’t want to pass STATION MANAGER at the time this goes to print, but hopefully up the best opportunity of your life then many of you will be already signed up to email me to get trained up in presenting, FIRST OFF, A big hello from GU2 to all freshers your chosen society… and some of you will production, marketing, promotions or who moved in over the past few days. This have signed up to join us in our pursuit of technical at [email protected]. If you weekend saw the dawning of GU2’s fi rst bring the University of Surrey Campus the prefer the more personal touch we’ll be outside Broadcast of the year 2003-4. What best possible radio! And then… being the meeting in Harri’s Bar on Thursday 2nd an immense experience! Between the hours muppets we are, we’re going to be doing it October at 6.30 for a pub crawl around of 3 and 11 on Saturday and 11 until 5 on the all over again! This time it’s going to be in Guildford. As if that’s not enough, you Sunday GU2 was broadcasting LIVE from Roots Café Bar, from 3 until 11. There’s can also ome to our introductory meeting in outside of Chancellors Bar and Restaurant going to be a beer fi lled fridge given out at Lecture Theatre F on Monday at 7pm on Campus. Our ‘Roaming Reporters’ were 6.30 so if you’re running out of beer funds bring us live updates from drop off points already, Fear Not!!! in Stag Hill and University Court. All of Of course this article wouldn’t be complete us who took part really enjoyed it… even without the usual plug… www.gu2.co.uk to 1350AM | GU2 if we were left shattered! Then there’s the listen online, 1350am to listen on the radio,

barefacts notices

Music Society (Dance) AGM | Friday 26th September | 5pm | Union Committee Room Maths and Computing Society AGM | Monday be he rd 29th September | 3pm | Location to be confi rmed By Chris Ward and Sarah Butterworth a

Presha (underground dance) AGM | Monday 29th MANY PEOPLE HAVE asked us for more information on writing for shoppers, and can be serious or funny. Contact the Editor or Editor Sept | 6pm | Union Committee Room Barefacts. What section should I write for? What skills will be in Chief for more info on this section. needed for that particular section? Well, fear not, for below is Music – Pretty self explanatory really. If you feel you are a music Law Society AGM | Monday 29th September | the concise guide to the different Barefacts sections. If you are guru of your preferred genre, get in touch with either one of the 6pm | Lecture Theatre L interested in any of them, don’t hesitate to email the respective editor Music Editors, or turn up to the music handout at 5.15pm on (see inside front cover). Mondays in the USSU Media Cente. th Women’s Rugby EGM | Tuesday 30 September News – If you feel you can write an objective unbiased news report Film – The Film section is typically split into two parts – cinema | 6.30pm | Location to be confi rmed on both national and local student events, perhaps the news team is and television. The latest fi lms are reviewed, as well as some old Volleyball AGM | Wednesday 1st October | for you. classics. 1.15pm | Union Committee Room Comment – Are you capable of writing/structuring a good Theatre – Both local and West End shows are reviewed in the argumentative point on a controversial subject? Do you have a Theatre section. If you are a budding theatrical critic, don’t hesitate Mountain Biking Club AGM | Wednesday 1st random idea you want to tell everyone about? Comment articles to get in contact with our Theatre Editor for more information. October | 2pm | Chancellor’s Patio could be on anything from top-up fees to the mentality of supermarket Literature – The Literature section covers most forms of the expressive written word – poetry, drama, and prose. You could write st Russian Society AGM | Wednesday 1 October | reviews, articles, or even produce your own creative piece. Speak to 6pm | Location to be confi rmed our Literature Editor for more information. Lifestyle – Lifestyle caters for anything and everything that doesn’t Rifl e Club AGM | Tuesday 1st October | 6pm | Location to be confi rmed fall under one of the other barefacts sections. You might want to start a cookery section, write the lyrics quiz or stars or come up with Fencing Club AGM | Thursday 2nd October | something relating to general University life that hasn’t even been 1pm | Union Committee Room tried yet! If you fancy becoming a published writer at very little effort, why not send in a couple of personals! Breakdancing Society AGM | Thursday 2nd Sport – If you fancy writing reports on sporting events or general October | 7pm | Helyn Rose Bar articles on sport, get in contact with our Sports Editor. Marketing - You might be interested in helping out with the Catholic Society AGM | Sunday 5th Oct | 6.30pm marketing, fi nding advertising and promoting bf on and off campus. | Quiet Centre If you are still unsure, please pop in and speak to either Chris or Ultimate Frisbee EGM | Wednesday 8th October Sarah, who will give you some more information and help you fi nd | 2pm | Location to be confi rmed a suitable spot. If you do not wish to be a regular writer, and simply wish to submit the odd article, you are more than welcome. Singapore Society AGM | Wednesday 8th Don’t forget to pop along to the general Barefacts meeting every October | 6.30pm | Lecture Theatre G Thursday at 5pm if you fancy getting involved. Otherwise… drop us a line… [email protected]

25 September 2003 VOLUNTEERING 11

Revitilise Your Life…With ‘The V Project’!

Da da daaa, de de-da-da daaa!! – The A Team of course! ‘The A Team’ are a group of UniS students/ staff who run various one off events to benefi t the local community – last year events ranged from a fun Christmas shopping Coffee, Cuppa & Cake... trip for the elderly to an exhilarating ‘battle of the bands’. There will be a meeting on Tuesday 30th September at 5pm (for 1 hour max) for anyone interested in getting involved. We will meet in the ‘Committee/ GM Room’ in the USSU (opposite my offi ce for those of you who have Friday 26th September located me! You can just turn up but it would be good if you could let me know in advance (contact details below) so I know how many people to expect! Ta! 10am - 12pm

Here are some other extraordinary exciting events that have been whipped into shape for you: Chancellor’s Bar, USSU

Coffee, Cuppa & Cake… Come to Chancellor’s Come and have something to munch and drink - all with the aim of having Bar in the morning between 10am – 12pm on Friday fun and rasing money for Macmillan Cancer Relief! 26th September and have something to munch and drink - all with the aim of having fun and raising money for If you would like to find out more information, please contact Carol Main at Macmillan Cancer Relief – fantastic! USSU on (68)3254, or email [email protected] Casualty… How does the idea grab you of being made up by real life ‘casualty simulation artists’? You will be made up to look as if you’ve sustained an injury, and then the bonus is that you’ll even get treated for it! You’ll be given snacks and hot drinks, whilst being able to see how a large incident is managed, and having loads of fun! The Surrey branch of St. John’s Ambulance are providing this great opportunity, which will take place on Saturday 4th and Sunday 5th October, 6-9pm. Contact me for more details. Feeling Sensory!? Ohh err! Come along to a local infants school for a few hours on Saturday 18th October Union Elections to help plant a sensory garden and pull out lots of weeds (don’t know the difference between a plant or weed – no worries! - there are only weeds! – great for relieving Nominations now open: frustration!!) for the election of ussu part time executive positions: A quick reminder…if you are on the committee of a club/ society, or involvedyou are automatically classed as part of Academic Affairs Officer The V Project, and all you have to do to get your snazzy certifi cate at the end of the year is make yourself known to Accommodation Officer me – easy peasy! Campaigns Officer Culture & Events Officer Have a great week and get in touch! Ethics & Equal Opportunities Officer Non Portfolio Officer (2 posts) Carol x :o) Placement & Employed Students Officer Name | Carol Main Union Chairperson Tel | (01483) (68) 3254 Email | [email protected] and union councillors: Web | http://www.ussu.co.uk/volunteering Person | The Activities Centre @ USSU Racial Relations Officer Constitution & Elections Committee (5 posts)

nominations close on friday 26th september at 1pm and campaigning begins on tuesday 30th september 2003. voting is at union council on tuesday 7th september.

for a nomination booklet, or just to find out more information, please contact the deputy returning officer scott farmer ([email protected]) or speak to any of 03the Sabbatical Officers in the Students’ Union Activities Centre.

THEATRE MUSIC Theatre Editor Daisy The barefacts music Clay digs out her most team bring you reviews outrageous outfit and of music you know, you spends the night with a don’t know, and music you sweet transvestite never even knew existed!

IRON MAIDEN PLACEBO LENE MARLIN WILDEST DREAMS SLEEPING WITH GHOSTS ANOTHER DAY Sanctuary Virgin Music EMI AMBULANCE LTD singles PRIMITIVE (THE WAY I TREAT YOU) From the moment the count in Sleeping With Ghosts is probably Space on coffee tables is at a TVT Records reaches 1 you can tell it’s Iron Placebo’s best album to date. They premium of late, what with Dido Maiden. This is no bad thing finally released an album that is finally realising there’s more to Already described by the NME as though; the track is an exquisite diverse, yet good most of the way life than No Angel, so we are ‘the hottest new band from New piece of rock action. The guitar through, which is something they left to assume either that Lene KINESIS York’©, Ambulance Ltd have a NE AY IRROR work is on top form and the did have a problem with. It is now Marlin is feeling confident about O W M lot of hype to live up to. With this piece wields one big shiny meat being re-released with a bonus her follow up to the 1.7m selling Independiente single they show flashes of promise hook of a chorus. Outstanding CD of covers. These include The Playing My Game or that her but fail to rise above the standard guitar riffs combined with Pixies’ Where Is My Mind, which I music label are hoping she will In a music scene awash with set by many other garage bands the great chorus make it one had the fortune to hear live. It may disappear without trace. Based apathy and indifference, it’s from the ‘Big Apple’. Similar storming song - Don’t be be awesome amongst the depths of on this outing, she has every refreshing to know that some in music style to Black Rebel ashamed to pick up the air the Astoria, but on record it does right to feel confident she didn’t bands really do still care. Motorcycle Club, singer Marcus guitar. n.b. no justice at all to the original. The just get lucky first time around. Kinesis’ political activism may Congleton offers a confident, if same applies to 20th Century boy Title track and opener Another currently be more distinguishing lazy performance reminiscent (recorded for the soundtrack of Day is an excellent song and than their slightly tense chorus- of former Pavement frontman glam filmThe Velvet Goldmine), prospective single, as is the centric rock, but beneath Stephen Malkmus. Overall this and in fact most of the covers wonderful Story which closes the the youthful effervescence is an encouraging start, with B- here. Then we have the travesty album. Although on occasions – undoubtedly best experienced side Heavy Lifting offering further that is the woeful attempt at The what comes between loses its live – lies definite potential. All promise. m.f it takes now is a mild concession Smiths’ classic Bigmouth Strikes way in a quasi-emotional, I’m- to populism in the form of some Again. They really shouldn’t have in-love-and-broken-hearted slightly catchier songwriting, bothered. j.a. sort of way, the resounding KATASTROPHY WIFE and they could potentially go Sleeping With Ghosts feeling is one of progress and MONEY SHOT far. j.d. Bonus disc - to Marlin’s credit - a wee Integrity bit of experimentation, albeit within the confines of a standard Even with Evanensence doing acoustic band framework. THE DARKNESS their best, the idea of fem- From This Day sounds like I BELIEVE IN A THING CALLED powered kick-ass rock music it could have been written by LOVE (Katastrophy Wife’s words, Portishead and, despite leaning Atlantic not mine) lost it’s appeal when Starsailor heavily on Torn, Whatever It Courtney displayed her knickers Takes has a chorus Westlife One of the hottest bands of the for the nth time and everyone would be proud of, which - in moment The Darkness re-release cried “enough”, leaving a large, this case - is surprisingly no I Believe In A Thing Called testosterone-filled gap where bad thing. Although certainly Love hot off the heels of support once stood a woman in a skirt. not leading the acoustic march slots at Knebworth, Reading Katastrophy Wife certainly won’t VERTIGO ANGELS out of Norway, Lene Marlin and headliners at the prestigious be changing that set-up in the ERADICATE APATHY is certainly in-step with her University Of Surrey Students’ forseeable future, this song being Livewire/Cargo contemporary counterparts Union. Inspiring men and what can only be described as Kings of Convenience and, women alike to sing ridiculously some sort of feminist-ironic take Vertigo Angels are a female on the strength of this album, high falsetto vocals and play air on the deliverance of a Money fronted rock act, rock with a deserves to be more than sitting guitar every time they appear Shot to a non-willing participant, pop-edge to it. This pop-ish down anywhere her first album can only be a good thing. complete with mono-riff motif tinge mainly comes from the might have put her. r.w. Justin’s Freddy Mercury vocals and not much else. r.w. album’s vocals, they sound quite delivered in their distinctive saccharine but never come across ‘Cock-Rock’ fashion even as sickly sweet. The album opens allows time for the inevitable well with Firefly then Push Push hand clapping climaxing and continues along well enough with 80’s rock guitar solos in but, alas, the pace drops as the what can only be described as album goes on. Unfortunately for To become part of the bf magnificent.m.b. me the quality of the album also declines with the pace. Whereas music team, just turn up to the two previously mentioned openers were up-tempo some of the meetings at 5.15pm Kinesis the later songs just seem to drag on. The Intro to tracks Burned on Mondays in the USSU and Terminally You start with initial promise but never seem to Media Centre. shift out of neutral. Apparently their live shows are full of energy. Odd, anyway the album’s a tad inconsistent but not without it’s moments. n.b. albums 25 September 2003 MUSIC 15

THE MARS VOLTA HAWKSLEY WORKMAN SPIRITUALIZED FUN LOVIN CRIMINALS Live @ The Union, 16th INERTIATIC ESP LOVER/FIGHTER AMAZING GRACE® WELCOME TO POPPYS September Universal Island U music Spaceman Records Difontane/Sanctuary Open Mic Night

This is the fi rst offering from Already a major star in Canada, After the overblown orchestral FLC return with their fourth The fi rst Live night at the Union The Mars Volta’s highly Hawksley Workman offers pomp of fourth album Let it Come studio album, their follow up for the new semester had a lot to praised debut album, De-loused comparisons to a whole range Down, Jason Pierce has gone to to 2001s Loco. This album live up to. The last band to grace In The Comatorium and sets of musical greats, such as Bowie the complete extreme. Most of the marks a return to their original our stage was The Darkness, the tone for their high octane (through lyrical content), and U2 tracks on Amazing Grace® were form of their fi rst two albums who headlined our Battle of the style. It is no surprise to learn (with singing style). However, learnt, rehearsed and recorded (Come Find Yourself and 100% Bands fi nal in May, and have that the band’s members were this can sometimes lead to his live within the space of a day. The Colombian). Welcome to Poppys since taken cock-rock to the previously with At The Drive downfall. By trying to live up album opens with a bang, the fi rst shows the Criminals fuse the top of the charts. We started the In - as they continue where to such illustrious luminaries, he two tracks (including single She chilled jazzy vibes of Loco with year with an open mic night. their previous incarnation left often falls short. This may be Kissed Me (It Felt Like a Hit)) the energy and aggression that For those of you unfamiliar off. Inertiatic is an excellent rather a harsh judgement, but by being stripped back, unrefi ned punk they found on their fi rst two with Live, we have one of these example of what to expect from not doing anything new musically rawk. It then slips into eclecticism, albums. The fi rst single Too a couple of times a semester, the album, but fails to recapture in style what is produced is the countrifi ed musings of Hold Hot has a catchy bass-line and is and you – yes you – can get up the excitement and freshness of middle-of-the-road softrock with On and the jazz breakdown of The likely to get you dancing. From on stage and perform whatever any of the At The Drive In back a few swear words thrown in for Power and the Glory being just the chilled vibes on Friday Night crap you want to us. Opening catalogue. m.f shock value. Although there is not the beginning of a trip through J to the rock of Lost It All and up for us tonight were two fi nal much wrong with this collection of Spaceman’s messed up head. It Baby the album is very much years calling themselves Albino. songs, there is precious little to get may not be the best thing you’ll better than Loco and owes more They were very good, playing excited about. m.f hear all week, but it is the work of to Come Find Yourself and 100% some excellent covers including one of rock music’s true enigmas. Colombian. As I said, a most The Doves’ The Man Who Told classic album For that, respect is due. j.a. welcome return. p.w. Everything, Coldplay’s Shiver and Blue’s Fly By. Other acts included a fi nal year having returned from an obviously very depressing placement, judging by the material he had written while he was there. Quite a low THERAPY? turn out this time round, but Troublegum that will only improve. Check A&M this weeks events planner for Troublegum was information on who is playing Therapy?’s second on Tuesday of Week 4, and do album proper and come along and join me down was also the album the front for what promises to which dragged them into be a good night! the spotlight back in 1994. j.a. Released following the top ten single/EP Shortsharpshock, featuring Screamager, a track that still gets people up on dance fl oors to this day, also The Fun Lovin’ Criminals this album remains the band’s biggest success. Following ‘that whole grunge thing’ in the early nineties it received commercial and critical acclaim – It even made the Mercury Music Prize nominations. Lyrically it may be seen as gloriously narrow- ByUnkle Matt Badcock The Interview minded as the beautiful people and society all get lashed at with energetic vitriol. The music After the hype of 1998’s Psyence Fiction says “The idea of the album was to have it”. “It seems after it they’ve had a lot more is even better; it’s sort of a the follow up sees a change in personnel and no barriers as rhythms go and infl uences”. contact and I think they were the two who bubblegum metal hybrid chocked direction, James Lavelle and Richard File Talking about the inspiration behind the walked out that situation feeling they would full of storming riffs, great bass describe their time producing Never, Never, album a quite Rich says “Fleetwood Mac, like to work together again”. Describing and unusually tight drumming. Land. With a change in the line up Lavelle heart felt shit, Grandaddy, the Software the processes of song selection James says The band didn’t want to be stuck comments that “I was wanting someone to be Slump is one of my favourite albums of “With Ian Brown you have a specifi c idea in a groove so their next album vocally involved more than one song, gluing the last few years and Mercury Rev stuff up tempo and orchestral” with all tracks the departed wildly from this style it together” referring to their disjointed debut that I was listening to at the time in my collaborator, James and Rich take an idea and and they haven’t reverted to it album. To fi t James’s master plan, inspiration car”. Adding these vocal infl uences to the tailor it with The Queen Of The Stoneages since. Every track on the album was to come from a more obvious source, album, Rich is able to add a consistency and Josh Homme on hearing the backing adding is a fi nely crafted punk/metal/ close friend Richard File adding his vocals atmospheric lyrics developing their sound. the lyrics and vocals. Renowned for their grunge celebration of Angst: and production skills to the project. With Explaining what Never, Never, Land is about collaborations and guest vocalists who Femtex proudly announcing this drastic shift in personnel, saw a change James recalls “The record is about growing have included the likes of Thom Yorke of “Masturbation saved my life”, in sound “Allowing us to move foreword” up and fi nding a certain point when things Radiohead UNKLE still have their eyes set Trigger Inside’s ferocity and adding that “Most albums I enjoy have have to change and whether or not to accept on the likes of “PJ Harvey, she’s amazing Unrequited’s bizarre orchestral diversity, like the Queen Of The Stoneage it or not”. “Its a male record, all the songs and someone I admire and defi nitely would fusion and Knives remaining one and Radiohead as the record takes you on a have kind of paranoia and having to deal with do anything with”. Taking the album on the of the greatest album openers to journey”. Never, Never, Land illustrates their those things”. road UNKLE are aiming the live band will be date. (“I wanna crawl up inside desire to progresses and innovate with their Inner State brings together ex Stone Roses “Refl ecting what the record is about” with a you and die!”) There’s also an sound more, than previous sampled hip-hop Ian Brown and Mani with James explaining visual and multimedia show that “Refl ects the excellent Joy Division cover infl uenced,Psyence Fiction. Discussing “ I hope what its allowed to happened is for UNKLE album”. Never, Never Land is out thrown in for good measure. n.b. the inspiration behind the album Lavelle their relationship to have got stronger from to buy on 22nd September on Island Records. 16 LITERATURE 25 September 2003

LiteratureHomer’s The Odyssey - An ancient Greek fantasy? Literature Editor, Jennifer Walker looks at the ancient classic Endurance The war with Troy has ended and the Greek armies are from the war have returned home, yet this news does not to depart for their home, but for one man, Odysseus that cause his mother to lose hope and is determined to wait for journey will take forever. After not giving his gratitude to her husband. the gods, Odysseus is cursed that he shall spend eternity Odysseus’ tale is told fi rst from Calypso’s island, after he by Chris Ward searching for his home, lost at sea and to never see his wife had lost all his crew during the struggle with the monsters and child again. of Scylla and Charybdis. The This is one of the most famous possessive and desperate love of the Suffocating pain looms like a blackened cloud of the Greek myths, and it is not beauteous nymph keeps Odysseus Things always work out, do they? surprising why. The Odyssey is full prisoner on her island, until Hermes, of fantastical creatures, weird places, the gods’ messenger, arrives, who Perhaps, but the unbearable endurance remains. beautiful and alluring goddesses tells her that it is the gods’ wish Can it be avoided? and lots of heroics and adventure. that he should be freed. Odysseus Homer manages to create a world journeys freely after making his Endurance is atonement. We all must face the dagger so fantastical and wonderful, yet still peace with Poseidon, fi nds himself of suffering. making it real and relevant for his in the land of Phaeacia. He then time. The Odyssey is a science-fi ction tells the king of his journey from fantasy of the Greek world, however the beginning; the tales of the The cold metal penetrates my skin. Excruciating its setting is contemporary for the Cyclops, Circe, and all of the other time when it was written, thereby adventures that occur on his eternal pain scrambles through me, will it stop? making the Odyssey believable and journey home. The book concludes Endure it, for you may not feel it soon. relevant to the Greeks of his time. with a bloody massacre of the many His principle characters are suitors that have plagued upon I try, but cannot. I pity myself, for the past cannot be also very three-dimensional and Odysseus’ land and of his people. changed, surely forgiveness is possible? well-rounded; Odysseus’ angst, It is interesting to see however, that frustration and desperation as a Homer starts his story in the middle Mercy is nothing but a façade that closes the surface result of his tortured struggle home not at the beginning or even at the of a wound, yet does not heal the depth. can be empathised very strongly end. by the reader, as well as the pained Despite being over two thousand sorrow of his wife Penelope also years old The Odyssey still fi lls Mistakes are not always there to be learnt from. pulls at the heart strings. modern readers with a fascination Homer did not in fact write The Odyssey, it was created for the culture, the superstition and beliefs of its time. But The jagged dagger may twist and plunge too far. orally to be told as memorised poetry, originally in the one thing that is the aim of the Greek tales, is to have some The past is the past, and cannot be undone. form of hexameters (a Greek style of poetry). However the moral meaning, some message to humanity. The stories are modern translation that I have read is re-written as prose created as an education, and the message that is engraved The dagger will infl ict pain, but it will not grant you form. It is very easy to read as the translation within this book is that of perseverance and of the temptation the mercy of death. is written in modern English (translated of and easy life. Odysseus was offered many different options by E.V. Rieu), but it still tries to keep the on his journey, the ease of living with the goddess Circe and beautiful literary imagery that was used the nymph Calypso, or just giving up and taking drugs with in its traditional poetic form. the lotus eaters, or that of instant wealth and fame The Odyssey is a sequel to The Iliad; that was offered to him by marriage to the however the story of “The Siege of Troy” Phaeacian king’s daughter Nausicaa. But is well known to most people, so it is not it is the perseverance of Odysseus and essential that it is read before the odyssey. As Penelope, to not let go of their dream a matter of fact it is unfair to say that The and world together, no matter Odyssey is a sequel, because as a story what the odds. It is a book about it stands alone by itself. Aristotle wrote hope and determination, which in Poetics that Homer’s The Odyssey teaches any generation that reads is unique, as it tells the story of one it about the fact that anything can particular character and one moment be achieved with perseverance . only, that of Odysseus’ return; which Odysseus would have forfeited is unlike The Iliad that depicts many his identity and himself by giving different events. up and accepting the easier, more The book begins in Ithaca after the available option offered to him at Trojan war, suitors from all around have the time. The Odyssey is a horrifi c overstayed their welcome for hope fantasy, with a real edge, and a relevant of marrying the beautiful queen message to any society. Penelope. Telemachus, Odysseus’ son searches for what happened to his father and fi nds out from [email protected] king Menaleus that all the ships 25 September 2003 THEATRE 17 Theatrein Surrey Theatre Editor, Daisy Clay fishes out her fishnets and corset and spends the night with a sweet transvestite

entirely different midst of an experiment to create the perfect props to take include newspapers, torches e x p e r i e n c e . man (whom he christens Rocky Horror). and rubber gloves. Dressing up may sound The RHS is Alongside the doctor are his entourage, lead daunting to RHS virgins (known as this musical theatre, by hunchback henchman Riff Raff and his because virgins are not expected to know although it really incestuous sister Magenta, and assisted by anything their fi rst time – just like in sex), deserves to be tap dancing groupie Columbia. Once inside but be assured that once at the theatre there seen as a whole the castle, Brad and Janet are astonished will be people dressed more outrageously different type of at the strange world of science fi ction and than you. It is almost scary how at home theatre in itself: fantasy they have entered. Following some one can feel in a corset, fi shnet tights and p a r t i c i p a t o r y Time Warping and general transsexual pearls… theatre, where mischief, the old professor whom Brad In terms of the audience participation lines the audience and Janet had originally set out to visit, to be shouted at the cast, there are two lines Men in drag, French maids, wall-to- and their contribution are vital to the Dr. Scott, suddenly arrives. From this point almost universal to every theatre which can wall corsets, more make-up than Boots, evening’s entertainment. The show involves onwards the heat rises, as Frank, not wanting be used repeatedly. Whenever the phrase suspenders and fi sh-net tights as far as the audience interaction and participation in Dr Scott to reveal his true alien-spy-from- “Brad Majors” is heard, the audience are eye can see…what could possibly link these a way like few other shows do. Now the another-galaxy identity, seduces fi rst Janet, to shout “asshole” and for the phrase “Janet all together? (sorry, UniS’ very own Fetish words ‘interaction’ and ‘participation’ may and then Brad into his lustful clutches. Weiss”, “slut” should be shouted. Simple! Night is not the answer I was looking for, conjure up various pantomime-related Overwhelmed by her newfound libido, Janet Despite many lines extending across although we are now all thinking along the images, where audiences merely recite all then passionately attacks Frank’s perfect different performances (and audiences) it is same kinky lines). The answer is actually, those classic panto phrases, like he’s behind man Rocky Horror. At the point of this encouraged for new lines to be shouted in the one and only Rocky Horror Show! you and boo or hiss–but I must emphasise Transylvanian orgy it would spoil the plot order to make the show more spontaneous So many people, upon hearing that title, that the RHS has redefi ned the meaning of to now unveil the ending – you shall have and unpredictable, and more fun! The main will have heard of the show, although many participatory theatre. Merely combining the to see it for yourself. It is an unpredictable character interacting with the audience and have never actually seen it. The Rocky cast and band leaves out one vital ingredient and chaotic ending to say the least. This their participatory lines is Frank N Furter, Horror Show (RHS) is best known to the – the audience! For anyone wondering what transsexual tale, which seems to verge on currently played by the delicious and general public for providing the world of all the fuss is about, you clearly have not lunacy, was created by Richard O’Brien fantastic Jonathan Wilkes, who is quick discos, weddings and holiday clubs with the encountered the RHS theatre experience – as who wrote the book, music and lyrics. and full of witty retorts for the audience. classic get-up-and-dance song Time Warp. It it is one that I feel no one can really forget. As previously mentioned, a feature of However, there are often audience members is probably safe to say that the majority of It should also be said that, for the squeamish Rocky Horror that helps to form its brilliant trying out new lines, and Frank N Furter is party-loving people have at some stage done among us, Rocky Horror is not a horror fi lm reputation is the distinctive way in which, quick to try out new responses! the Time Warp, but have you Time-Warped - it is a rock-musical parody of old science throughout every theatre performance, with the best of them? The experience of fi ction and horror fi lms. the audience is encouraged to actually doing the Time Warp in the context Before I continue, leaving all Rocky Horror participate in the show. This of a theatre, complete with cast, live band, virgins not actually knowing what Rocky involves taking various props, and audience, is really amazing – it is as if Horror is all about, I will provide a quick dressing up, and most notably you are actually Time Warping for a reason, rundown of the storyline… shouting back lines at the cast and possibly even for a greater purpose… After the wedding of two close friends, during extended pauses between Before I continue I must clarify one newly engaged couple Brad Majors and dialogue…these last two important aspect of Rocky Horror – it began Janet Weiss decide to visit an old college features of Rocky Horror are the life in the early 1970s as a theatre show, and professor of theirs, but encounter car trouble most encouraged, whilst some was then made into a fi lm, and 30 years later on the way so decide to go for help. They theatres actually discourage the the show is still going strong. You may have head towards a light in the distance, and bringing of props. This is largely seen the fi lm (The Rocky Horror Picture towards the residence of Dr. Frank N Furter, understandable, as these props Show), but experiencing the live stage show a transvestite from the planet Transsexual in include water, rice, and toilet (The Rocky Horror Show) is an almost the galaxy of Transylvania, who is busy in the roll, although the more harmless

How to get to... Guildford’s Yvonne Arnaud Theatre How to get to... New Victoria Theatre, Woking

By foot from campus: By car: Woking is just a 10 minute drive Leave campus by the bottom of University Court, go across Yorkie’s bridge, down the from Guildford, and parking is free in the hill and turn right to go into the town centre. Walk past the train station and down Bridge Peacocks car park after 6pm. The New Street. Then turn right along Onslow Street (past the Friary Shopping centre), cut through Victoria Theatre is part of the Peacocks the pedestrianised Friary Street, continue Centre in central Woking, easily accessible along Millbrook past Debenhams. The from the M25 (Jct 10,11), M3 (Jct 3) and Theatre is just past this large building on A3. the right. Box Offi ce (01483) 440000 By train: Woking is also just a 10 minute www.yvonne-arnaud.co.uk/ train journey from Guildford, with trains going every 5-20 minutes between Want to be part of the Barefacts Theatre Guildford and Woking. Team? For more details, email Daisy at [email protected], or just Box Offi ce (01483) 545 900 turn up to barefacts meetings in the USSU www.theambassadors.com/newvictoria/ Media Centre at 5pm on Thursdays. 18 FILM 25 September 2003 Die Hard Classic (1988) – Vest.film Beretta. of the Attitude. Week

to a New York cop by the handle of John classic. The story is simple, bank-rolled euro by Neil Boulton McClane, forever doomed to be the wrong baddies invade the Nakatomi skyscraper man, in the wrong place, at the wrong in downtown L.A., they were expecting This time around for classic of the week time. He’s an iconic fi gure forced to fi ght an easy operation, but what they weren’t I’m not going to be taking a glance over for what’s right wearing only a white vest, expecting was the fl y in the ointment. another fi ne work from the seventies. wielding a hand-gun and armed with a fair While the fi lm seems a tad lo-brow at I’m getting us closer to this day and age. bit of ingenuity. Although the fi lm coming times it still exuded a wealth of class (Most Well… the eighties at least… In addition out after action vehicles such as Commando of the movie’s soundtrack is variations on to the chronological update, I’m looking at and Rambo it was Die Hard’s success Beethoven’s ‘Ode To Joy’). This can clearly something with some action in it. Action by which brought about a boom in One-man- be brought done to the quality acting talent on the bucket load really, for this week I shall against-the-odds action fi lms. It’s legacy of display: For Bruce Willis as McClane it was be looking at Die Hard. action may have been questionable (Steven his fi rst action fi lm (He came from a more Fifteen years ago we were introduced Segal…) but the fi rst instalment stands as a Romantic-Comedy fashioned background) so he wasn’t the cinematic hired muscle that usually come with action fl icks. This was twinned with one of the greatest of movie bastards to be seen on the screen, Hans Gruber. Alan Rickman was on top form Tears of the Sun equally mixing evil and smarmy to form Die Hard’s pretentious high fi nanced thief, Neil Boulton believes that whilst not quite the sickening display of a character nearly if not equal to McClane on the buddy comedy. This time co-starring American flag waving present in the military genre, ‘Tears of the Sun’ was still himself. At the helm for this barnstormer Samuel L. Jackson and releasing things quite a let-down was John McTiernan (He directed Die Hard from the confi nement of a tower or an off the back of Predator) and he did his job airport, instead the whole of New York is the With Tears Of The Sun as our recent release admirably, the direction taking place in the playground.. Although nothing can top the and Die Hard as our ‘Classic of the Week’ action/fi ght scenes is wonderful. original’s fresh arrival, I highly recommend this week’s barefacts has turned into a Bruce the third instalment. It stands as a great Willis Bonanza! Tears Of The Sun is a the film was executed with work of action (also McTiernan helmed) modern military action-dram hybrid where such style and class that - the chemistry between Bruce and Samuel lead star Bruce is the head of a unit of Navy is a pleasure to watch and not forgetting the Seals sent in to rescue Monica Bellucci’s the only thing laughably rushed drive through central park. volunteer doctor from a Catholic mission in eighties about it is Bonnie Its legacy can still be felt today and the fi lm Nigeria after the country’s taken over by a was executed with such style and class that harsh dictatorship. His mind set fi rmly upon Bedelia’s hair style the only thing laughably eighties about it is completing his mission Bruce agrees to lead Bonnie Bedelia’s hair style. But in the end a group of Nigerian refugees to political The fi lm isn’t explosion after explosion after Die Hard’s an action fi lm, it doesn’t pretend asylum in the neighbouring country. While explosion, but more a mix of action/retreat that it has much of a brain, but cinema is they had no initial intention of seeing with the nice occasional explosion. Fear not meant to be entertaining and Die Hard sure through the bargain for the doctor, seeing the horrendous ethnic cleansing fi rst hand the team however, for the building does end up well achieves its goals and to this day it’s one of are swayed and set upon getting the refugees to safety. As they trek towards the border they and truly beaten by the end. My top choices the best action fi lms ever. start to wonder if the refugees are as they seem as they discover a large rebel force has been for best action sequences in the movie would tailing them through the jungle. be McClane’s use of the C4 and his fi re hose While the location and circumstance of the dramatics may seem different to previous fi lms assisted rooftop escape. Theme Action of this ilk, unfortunately the fi lm feels like it treads many boards that have already been The fi lm spawned to sequels over the trodden before in such modern day military dramas. The fi lm feels very similar to George course of ten years: The second Renny Rating 18 Clooney starring Three Kings in general plot, but without any of the humour of the Gulf War Harlin directed Die Hard 2: Die Harder Running fi lm. Although given the nature of the fi lm, no humour would be expected, or tolerated, of was good but the plot had as many holes Time 131 minutes a fi lm where gruesome ethnic cleansing are part of the events – the portrayal of which in as swiss-cheese. (Only really important if this movie is very real indeed, at the beginning of the fi lm, when the scenario is explained, you’re pedantic.) The third fi lm was much Watch Action spectaculars we are presented with what looks like very real news footage of the uprising in Africa. one man against the odds better the second whereupon Die Hard this if englishmen pretending to While the refugee element is closer to Three Kings, the rest of the fi lm feels more like Jerry With A Vengeance transforms the formula you like be Germans Bruckheimer / Ridley Scott military action spectacle Black Hawk Down, both these fi lms of the fi rst two into a twisted clever skew and the genre in general are affl icted with the unfortunate trait of having very predictable endings. When you can see the ending coming a mile off it often detracts something from the fi lm and you end up feeling less satisfi ed, almost cheated. Also what looks like the seeds of romance being sewn in the story between Willis and Bellucci’s characters was woefully inappropriate and also damaged the fi lm in my opinion. The action in the fi lm was carried out as well, as expected, and the movie features some nice set pieces with any atrocities that popped up along the way being handled satisfactorily. However on the whole this fi lm was a disappointment it looked as though it was going to take a new angle on the formula but ended up feeling just like it’s predecessors. Willis’ steely lack of emotion fi t the character well and was effective at the beginning of the fi lm, although Theme Military action / drama when he tries to mix feeling in with it things don’t come across as effectively. Bellucci’s Rating 15 character’s determined selfl essness seemed Running cliché but was to be expected. As was the Time 121 minutes ending, while not quite the sickening display of American fl ag waving present in the Watch Navy Seals Trekking through the genre, it was still quite let-down to the fi lm’s this if jungle well crafted opening. Bruce Willis (not at you like his best) 25 September 2003 FILM 19 Extra Terrestrial - The Week Ahead Neil Boulton presents a run down of the best films on TV over the coming week.

Thursday 25th September 2003 Monday 29th September 2003 09:00pm – 11:50pm Kelly’s Heroes: Clint Eastwood, Donald Sutherland Five & Telly Savalas are a not-quite-your-average group 09:00pm – 11:30pm In The Line Of Fire: Eastwood vs. Malkovich in of soldiers who go off in search of Nazi gold in this Five this presidential assassination thriller. Clint is the man World war 2 comedy. Looks like fun. hell-bent on not letting another president get shot on th his watch, ever-watchable John Malkovich is the man Friday 26 September 2003 hell-bent on removing the president from the mortal 9:00pm – 11:00pm The Running Man: Arnie gets thrown into a coil. Eastwood runs around, Malkovich shoots ducks. Five futuristic game show for a crime he didn’t commit. Good fi lm. He’s given a chance to escape - only if he can make 10:00pm – 12:10am The Long Good Friday: Great UK based gangster his way past some certifi able nut-jobs with various Channel 4 thriller starring, of all people, Bob Hoskins. Bob nasty weapons. A laugh-and-a-half, Watch it. plays Harold Shand, a London criminal underworld- 11:25pm – 01:05am The Couch Trip: Dan Aykroyd stars in a comedy type who doesn’t take kindly to an organisation trying BBC1 that sounds a bit too much like What About Bob to remove his crime empire out from under him. He (which co-incidentally starred his Ghostbuster’s pal doesn’t take kindly to it at all… Far removed from Bill Murray) Dan is a mental patient who poses as a the happy-go-gangsterism of Guy Ritchie… see psychiatrist and gets his own radio advice show. Then Wednesday for more of that. someone meets the man whose identity he’s stolen… Tuesday 30th September 2003 Saturday 27th September 2003 09:00pm – 10:30pm, then, Goldeneye: The fi lm that began Bond’s recent 10:05pm – 01:00am The Good, The Bad & The Ugly: Another excellent 10:00pm – 00:00am resurgence to our screens and also marked the fi rst Channel 4 stint for Clint as ‘The Man With No Name’ in Sergio ITV outing where Brosnan donned the Tux and oozed the Leone’s classic spaghetti western. The three titular charm. Bond has to go head to head with one of his gunslingers head out in search of a treasure with no own as a former agent begins running amok with a intention of sharing the bounty. soviet satellite. Spies, Russians, explosions, nice. 11:40pm – 01:25am Blow Out: Tarantino approved Travolta starring Wednesday 1st October 2003 BBC1 thriller where Mr. Travolta plays a sound effects engineer who sheds new light on an event that was 10:00pm – 00:00am Snatch: Guy Ritchie’s follow up to Lock, Stock... believed to be an accident. This is one of those little Five Guns, jewels, fi ght-rigging and assorted mix-ups in known classic type deals according to most. a slightly twisty tale about a stolen diamond. The th success of the fi rst dragged a few big names into the Sunday 28 September 2003 fray such as Brad Pitt and Benitio Del Torro, both of 09:00pm – 10:55pm American Pie: Hit teen comedy where four boys which are great in the fi lm, but the best turn comes Five try and get laid before the prom. I watched this from Alan Ford as pig-farming head-honcho ‘Brick and wasn’t very impressed, though the fact it’s Top’. A good evening in, but I strongly recommend… spawned two sequels means someone must’ve been. 11:20pm - 01:25am 12 Monkeys: Terry Gilliam’s excellent apocalyptic Disposable fun might be a description a little too sci-fi oddity features another excellent turn from close to the fi lm’s subject matter BBC1 Brad Pitt and a great turn from Bruce Willis. Willis 10:30pm – 12:10am Plane’s Trains & Automobiles: Excellent comedy is the inmate who ‘volunteers’ to go back in time and Channel 4 starring Steve Martin and the late John Candy. Martin help save the world from a fatal virus. Is he telling plays a businessman rushing to get home for his the truth or is he mad, and what does it all have to do family thanksgiving; he ends up running into Candy’s with the army of the twelve monkeys? bizarrely irritating shower ring salesman. Great stuff.

FREE FILM IN THE UNION THIS SUNDAY IS… The Matrix: Reloaded: After a shoot plagued by accidents the 2nd instalment of the Matrix trilogy makes its way to the union. More stunts and fi ght scenes refusing to adhere to the laws of physics but this time with a slightly more questionable storyline. All in all though it’s a good watch, especially for the special effects eye-candy on show, just ignore the overly long dance sequence. Student’s Union – 8pm – Sunday 28th Filmwww.odeon.co.uk in Guildford Friday 26th September 2003 - Thursday 2nd October 2003

CALENDAR GIRLS (12A) [1hr 48min] Sun-Thu 2.25 4.45 7.05 9.25 AMERICAN PIE: THE WEDDING (15) [1hr BAD BOYS 2 (15) [2hr 27min] ‘contains moderate nudity and sex references’ THE ITALIAN JOB (12A) [1hr 51min] 36min] Free list suspended Free list suspended ‘contains one use of strong language’ Fri & Sat 4.40 7.05 9.40 Advance Screening Thursday 2.45 5.45 8.45 Fri & Sat 1.15 2.10 3.50 4.45 6.25 7.20 9.00 9.55 Free list suspended Sun-Tue 4.40 7.00 9.15 ODEON Projections Sun-Thu 12.00 2.30 3.15 5.05 5.55 8.00 8.30 Fri & Sat 1.45 4.30 7.10 9.45 THE PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: THE DARK BLUE (15) [1hr 58min] MATCHSTICK MEN (12A) [1hr 56min] Sun-Thu 1.05 3.40 6.15 8.50 CURSE OF THE BLACK PEARL (12A) [2hr Wednesday only 2.00 4.20 6.40 9.10 ‘contains strong language and some mild violence’ UNDERWORLD (15) [1hr 41min] 23min] ODEON Movie Mob Free list suspended Free list suspended ‘contains moderate horror and action violence’ DADDY DAY CARE (PG) [1hr 32min] Fri & Sat 12.50 3.40 6.30 9.20 Fri & Sat 12.45 3.35 6.20 9.25 Friday 2.20 5.35 8.50 Saturday 10.50 Sun-Thu 12.35 3.20 6.05 8.55 Sun-Wed 12.45 3.25 6.10 9.00 Saturday 11.15 2.20 5.35 8.50 SINBAD: LEGEND OF THE SEVEN SEAS (U) YOUNG ADAM (18) [1hr 38min] Thursday only 6.10 9.00 Sun-Thu 2.00 5.10 8.20 [1hr 25min] Free list suspended THE LIZZIE MCGUIRE MOVIE (U) [1hr 34min] RUGRATS GO WILD (U) [1hr 21min] Saturday 10.40 Fri & Sat 2.10 4.35 7.00 9.30 Fri & Sat 12.10 2.25 Fri & Sat 12.15 AGENT CODY BANKS (12A) [1hr 42min] Sun-Thu 1.50 4.15 6.40 9.05 Sun-Tue 12.00 2.15 Sun-Wed 11.55 ‘contains moderate violence and mild language’ ONCE UPON A TIME IN MEXICO Wednesday only 12.00 SPY KIDS 3D GAME OVER (U) [1hr 24min] Saturday 10.30 Free list suspended Thursday only 12.00 Fri & Sat 11.50 Fri & Sat 1.55 4.25 7.15 9.40 Sun-Thu 12.05 20 INTERACTIVE 25 September 2003 Word Search b fpub quiz You will probably have noticed by now that the collection of words in the barefacts A person who refrains from alcohol is said to be on the…? wordsearch is somewhat random. So, if you have an idea of a random theme for next week’s 1 wordsearch, then drop a line to [email protected] and tell us your thoughts. Meanwhile, this week’s random theme, courtesy of Ben Berryman is ‘zoo animals’. Ah yes, and to stop Wimbledon’s2 All England Lawn Tennis Club is also a centre for which other sport? you searching into the night, there are 16 animals to fi nd. What3 kind of cream is traditionally served with a cream tea? M O N G O O S E N T Q G K H W What is the US word for what British children would call a sandpit? R T K O Z B G N N G O S Z J C 4 E S T M S D W A G R R R D H K In mythology,5 Romulus and Remus were brought up by which type of animal? G E T A R I H H I X L D W H E Which London venue for Classical music is home to the Proms? I E M U B P B L R Y E K N O M 6 England fought the hundred years war against which country? T B M A E O L F A R Z O H O K 7 G E P L R A H P F O I Q U M K In which TV comedy drama did Ian McShane play a roguish antiques dealer? L D E A F M V D F H I P P O K 8 V L U K N J O S E Y N N W L Y 9Which of the Beatles wrote ‘Liverpool Oratorio’? O I N V G D F S Z L S A I D L What does a campanologist do for a hobby? S W A M U P A N E P A O K E E 10 Upsidedown answers to everything in the Interactive section, are L O Y F P H E L E T N Y M E E at the bottom of page 21. If Quizzes are your thing, then why not pop down to Channie’s for O M J E J M T D V P G F Z H E Chancellor’s Challenge, every Thursday night from 8.30pm. We’ve T A A T E V K M R T T K D N V got rounds on everything from Sport to Geography, and it’s a snip at only £1 per person. So, what are you waiting for? Grab a few H Z A L A A J I T Z J B K M P friends, pick up a beverage or two from the bar, and get thinking The answers to this week’s wordsearch are at the bottom of page 21 (opposite). of a team name!

If the lack of complaining “you Numb3r put too many boxes/not enough boxes/your boxes weren’t completely square” emails are a good indicator, the boxes puzzl3 matched the words exactly last week. Hopefully the same will This week, Ben Berryman presents a slightly different number puzzle to last week. Do go for this week. you like the number puzzle in barefacts? Got any new ideas for the interactive page? Then It’s the same as before - pop over to the nearest computer and let us know at [email protected] or come and unscramble each word, then fi nd us in the Media Centre at the Students’ Union. The answers to this and all the other take all the letters from the Interactive puzzles are at the bottom of the opposite page. circles, and unscramble them to make the fi nal word. All credit to Ben Berryman, It’s very simple really - all you need the random-word-meister... to do is fill in the missing numbers from 1 to 9 in the boxes.

BECLYCI ETDURG Each number is only used once in the grid. TELHAPNE COSHOL Each row is a simple maths equation MUESO RDOVCSEI (argh, remnants of GCSE maths!)

HSQUSA QENUCH You might or might not remember that multiplication and division come before addition and subtraction. Something about ‘BODMAS’ I seem answer: to remember. Anyhow, that might ? help here...! 25 September 2003 LIFESTYLE 21

Sabbatical Offi cers Ickle Sarah and Funkyberry give a random slice of life from their humble dwellings within Surrey Court Wey, Battersea Court Tate, and the Students’ Union... This week I am mostly … keeping my head down avoiding Freshers who look FRESHERS’ WEEK, AND a new intake of eager I KNOW A lot of people have imaginary completely lost! fi rst years have arrived on campus. Rather friends and over this last week I have been unexpectedly, this week has made me feel thinking about having an imaginary pet Sounds controversial, I know, but please, before you label me completely heartless, let me rather old. When myself and one of the other woodlouse called Boris. It wasn’t going explain myself. Trust me, it’s actually in the Freshers’ interests not to ask me for directions. sabbaticals started talking about Monday to have a name originally, but I don’t Here’s a girl who struggles with her left and right [imagine the added worry in my driving nights at USSU catering for “music for the think writing an article about my nameless test] and most of the time, it has to be said, walks around in a complete bubble daydreaming. new generation” it hit me - i’m in danger imaginary pet woodlouse would be at all If there’s a lamppost to walk into or a kerb to fall off, you can rely on me to provide the of turning into someone who begins every interesting. entertainment. Entirely sober, I’ve even fallen headfi rst into a public bin, and on another other sentence with “in my day...”! ON the face of it having a pet sounds like occasion, after failing to spot a parked car, found myself sprawled on its bonnet, much to THE other day I was wandering around a good idea, but then you have to worry the amusement of a crowd of regulars sat outside the pub opposite. On my Bronze D of E my offi ce (the sexy one next to pizzaman, about fi nding money to feed it; taking expedition, my group spent the entire fi rst day trekking up and down hills in Sussex only to in case you wanted to pay me a visit) and it out for exercise; getting arrested for fi nd ourselves at sunset in the same fi eld as where we’d started some ten hours ago, not a I noticed a couple of neglect; and most of all campsite in sight. internet windows up the sadness when it dies. So as you can see, directions are not one of my strong points. I don’t seem to be that bad at on one computer. Upon I’m turning The imaginary pet solves navigating my friends when they’re driving… or maybe they just give me the map, letting further investigation all these problems as it me think I’m being of some help when actually, it’s just a way of keeping me quietly amused I found that one was into one doesn’t cost anything during a long journey [if that really is the case guys, please keep up the pretence – ignorance hotornot.com, and the to feed; you can take it is bliss after all]. Having come to terms with this inaptitude, I’ve since adopted a pretty featured picture was none of those to the horizons of your foolproof strategy when stopped in the street – that is, deny all knowledge. Even back at other than one I’d taken imagination and back home, where I’ve lived my entire life, I still claim I don’t know the area – surely better than of my boyfriend on the people from wherever you are launching into a convoluted explanation [complete with frantic arm waving of course] when beach during the summer. standing; you can neglect deep down I know full well that based on any directions I give them they’re never going to After messaging him with who begins it as much as you like; make it to their destination anyway? I say pretty foolproof as it’s backfi red just once, but then “have you put yourself on and as long as you have the misunderstanding arose from the stranger not wanting directions in the fi rst place. He was hotornot.com?!” he turned every other some form of imagination actually inviting me to the meeting of an obscure religious cult under the guise of “pizza and up looking as bemused the imaginary pet will a video on a Friday night”, but that’s a whole different story … as me. After some sentence live on! investigation it turned out ALSO, having an Catherine Lee that some of our friends imaginary pet is like had put his picture up with “in my someone else’s baby: six weeks ago and had babies are really sweet left the window open, as day...”! and stuff, but when you they thought it was ‘about get bored or tired you can The Lyrics Quiz time he found out’! Ah well, at least now I give it back - you don’t have the stress of can sleep well with the knowledge that to looking after it all the time. When you get Ben Berryman, returns with a a hat-trick on the lyrics quiz this week - it’s as simple as the world of internet users, he’s ‘hotter than bored of imagining you are playing with ever - just identify the artist and song, then turn the paper upside down, and hey presto 90% of the men on hotornot.com’! your imaginary pet woodlouse, you can - the answers appear as if by magic! LAST Sunday night, whilst I was recovering literally just forget about it – you don’t have from a rather horrifi c cross between a cold all the stresses of having to imagine looking Think you can do the lyrics quiz in next week’s barefacts? [email protected] and fl u (obviously pre-freshers’ fl u) I headed after it. to the Union to sample the delights of the I was so happy about my imaginary pet 1 Come play my game. Exhale, exhale, exhale. ‘fi rst night buzz’. There’s nothing quite like woodlouse that I decided to write a quick ‘the fi rst Sunday’ - a packed Union, far too tribute: 2 But after all is said and done, you’re gonna be the lonely one. loud music (‘In my day....!’) and the age OH imaginary woodlouse, old questions of ‘what A levels did you How happy you must feel, 3 Hope that god exists, I hope I pray. do?’, ‘Which court are you in?’ and ‘What In knowing that your squillions of tiny feet course are you doing?’ being thrown around can wherever wander, 4 Let’s spend the night together, together in my room. a million and one times. The main ‘thing’ And that you will not get sucked up in It ain’t the job you got that keeps me satisfi ed. of the night was the numbered stickers straws, 5 everyone was given on entry, blue ones To be blown out as a projectile for striking But I’m a million different people from one day to the next. for boys, pink ones for girls, the idea being someone over there. 6 that you had to match yourself up with the OH imaginary woodlouse, 7 They were put there by a man, in a factory downtown. wearer of your matching number. I wonder what it is like to be able to roll into ONE of my friends, a little worse for wear, a ball like you. 8 Well she said she’s from a quasar, forty thousand million light years away. decided to go up to the ‘Fresh’ promotion Is it nice being able to bend down and lick people at the door and say “I’m gay, can I your tail? 9 I’ll be there and you’ll be near and that’s the deal my dear. have a pink sticker please?” After walking Do you ever get dizzy when rolling around?

around with a broad smile on his face, Fear not – you are safe in my mind. 10 Finally someone let me out of my cage.

waiting for someone to notice his new THE ironic thing is that often when uttering Eastwood Clint – Gorillaz 10 Wherever Whenever, –

sticker, he suddenly spotted the wearer of the phrase “…touch wood”, people tap me Shakira 9 Girl Cosmic – Jamirouai 8 Peaches - USA the of Presidents

his matching sticker - a male fi rst year in the on the head - and woodlice like wood - so it 7 Symphony Sweet Bitter – Verve The 6 good so feels It – Sonique 5 Union with his housemates. Not only that, seems that my head’s almost the most natural Boom Boom Boom Boom – Vengaboys 4 Down Sit – James 3 Believe –

but in his drunken state he also decided the environment for an imaginary woodlouse! Cher 2 Breathe – Prodigy 1 quiz: lyrics || challenge answer: nal fi | quench

Now wouldn’t all that have been more | discover | school | trudge | squash | mouse | elephant | bicycle scramble: || guy was quite attractive, and went into fi ts of bells Ring 10 | McCartney Paul 9 | Lovejoy 8 | France 7 | Hall Albert Royal

girly giggles every time he walked past. So, boring if you didn’t know my imaginary 6 | Wolf 5 | Sandbox 4 | cream Clotted 3 | Croquet 2 | Wagon 1 quiz: pub

Mr 335 - you have an admirer! woodlouse’s pet name was Boris! bf || wildebeest tiger, sloth, puma, panda, monkey, mongoose, marmoset, wordsearch: bat, bison, elephant, giraffe, gorilla, hippo, lemur, lion, lion, lemur, hippo, gorilla, giraffe, elephant, bison, bat, wordsearch: ‘ickle sarah butterworth chris ‘funkyberry’ hunter 22 PERSONALS AND STARS 25 September 2003 the silly - Personals - It’s very simple, really. All you need to do is wait for your friends (or yourself) to do something silly, amusing or just downright strange, and then find yourself a computer, or indeed a scrap of paper if technology isn’t your thing). [email protected] is the Stars email address, ‘Personals’ is the email subject, and then all you by Psychic Sandy and david need to do is sit back and wait for the next issue of barefacts, and the look of horror on your friends’ faces... Libra Aries Old skool music is Bah ram you! To your sooooo passé. With sheep and your herd adam: still dreaming of kelly. So have we been stealing any Neptune in vogue at the be true. Mind out for pizzas lately or have you got that moment, a quick trip to the bulls with Uranus HMV and Essensuals slipping into play this kelly: still running from adam. out of your system?! Now lets just will see an appreciative crowd in the Union week, leading to a rather awkward and go buncat!!! on Friday night when you shake that thing. messy situation with wild Taureans… donna doesnt like men, does that Listen to Sean Paul’s wise words and Get signing up to matador training sessions at mean your a lesbian? No hot chocolate? Busy… Oh, and please watch out for the the Freshers Fayre is highly recommended. Well, if we’re getting into a squirrels – your fears could be correct. Taurus mad donna moo routine, it’s defi nitely a very nice Scorpio With Mars ruling your one! With fresh faces on sign this week, the fi re ‘rubbered up n ready to shoot’ campus it’s time to clean is burning deep inside. UniS MENS WATER POLO,waterpol :’-( SCHMEEEEEEE!!!!! out those cupboards and Red will defi nitely catch [email protected] exorcise those muppet your eye in The Drink ghosts. Forget the local on Monday night, so polish those horns and Rumour has it that a certain Vice butchers, as you’re more likely to fi nd fresh prepare to go on the rampage. Olé olé. Hello Sailor President has been dreaming meat in Roots on Thursday lunchtime. about a certain raving poofter Bend and Snap sweetie, Bend and Snap. Gemini Big it up to the Freshers’ Angels having a shower, whilst being With the weekend’s fun watched by another Vice Sagittarius and frolics over and Smoky eyes and done with, its time to Lina stop violating innocent President... pouty lips are in for knuckle down to some spanish blokes! the ladies this week. serious studying and Announcement: From here forth, White Reebok Classics shopping (not necessarily in that order). Hmmm think someone needs plastic pints (or fl oppies) are now are all the rage for the Venus will help you prepare for some hygiene lessons know as Tug’s! boys, but mind the grazing Rams… With footballing antics, and destiny cooks up a drunkenness playing a major role this week, little more fun for you… your bow is bent and you’re not shooting Oi Stevo stop drinking u duckball Neil, you must protect the ring straight. Never fear – Dr Carr-Bains is here! Cancer cant! at all costs! Don’t worry, you’re a Nighttime trips to the clever hobbit. Capricorn lake beckon you. Find Chris, what are you doing Get down with your as many crystal balls bad self! Strutting your as you can handle and standing naked in the shower? Example: can i have a Tug of stuff and sipping Cristal then try your luck at the Ah, I’m dreaming beer?! Response: no sorry, can’t has certainly turned a Crystal Dome with a prowling Leo. You get it up few heads this week… may fi nd that handcuffs add a little spice to you don’t like marmite? ...... However, its not your jetset image that’s the experience. Weirdo!!!!! Scooter is still sexy drawing attention, it’s that shocking excuse for a barnet. John Frieda’s Frizz-Ease is a Leo must. Raaaaaaah!! Get that we got the arrows but lost the I think the long hours are getting mane cut (layers and bow, damn them cowboys! to them - these Sabbaticals are Aquarius fringes are in at the having increasingly worrying With summer coming moment) and paint those Where’s Sarah? Ah, she’s hidden dreams.... to an end and the claws. With the Indian leaves falling from the summer over, its time for Africa to get a behind all those boxes! trees, alfresco is a no- look-in. With Pluto entering your sign, the It’s proper Armadildo no. However, destiny hunting of Hayek gazelles will certainly If you’re going to blag free wine plays a cruel trick on you, leading you to a bear fruit if you spend enough time sniffi ng from a Freshers’ Reception, you’re Where’s Chris? Oh, he’s crushing muddy maize fi eld. So don those wellies, around Cathedral Court. going to have to do a better job his teeth. wear them with pride, and fl ash those collarbones. Virgo than that! Who are you kidding? Where have all the barefacts Pisces With Freshers’ week in Watch out - barefacts’ editor is out gone? Only fi sh go with the full fl ow, we seriously there reliving his fi rst year days. fl ow…so its time to doubt any of you have Avoid at all costs! ;) Do you think anyone would swim upstream and stayed true to your get a bit wet. Don’t go namesake…Let your hair down and enjoy mind if I had male bridesmades? chasing waterfalls, as it while it lasts! Although the Union will be Oligopoly, Mellous, C-Man Puppy Who wants to go with tradition it could all end in tears. On the bright side, packed on Friday, get on down to the HRB, & Philus, spanks for the Summer, anyway! you might get gobbled up by a thirsty Leo where a tall dark stranger will be waiting may the travelling Ouzo R.I.P. – but I wouldn’t hold your breath. by the bar. 25 September 2003 SPORT 23 Welcome to UniS Hockey

BY TOM WALLIS on both Wednesdays and Saturdays, you can fi nd yourself completely immersed in the Welcome to Surrey on behalf of the Surrey world of hockey, even if it is slightly hazy Hockey Club! after the nights out. Becoming involved in The friendly, relaxed atmosphere of the the Hockey Club ensures that you make a Hockey Club ensures a superb respite from huge number of friends very quickly and As most of you are aware, you have Sports Injury and Holistic alternative on your door step all that hard work you’re doing, or at least many of these friends you will keep for life, at ‘Unisport’ Sports Hall on campus. your parents think you’re doing. After a few demonstrated year after year when many of weeks in the club everyone has got to know the graduates come back for the Old Boys HERE AT ‘OPTIMUM’ WE ‘PRIDE’ OURSELVES WITH OUR ‘SPORTS THERAPY’ each other, and you really feel part of the Games. club and the university. The club is for anyone who has any interest Not only do we treat Sports Injuries acute and long term, but also specialise in ‘Back The size of the Hockey Club last year in hockey and even for those who don’t. Problems’. Common injuries i.e. ankles, knees, muscular strains and sprains, tennis elbow, meant that we had two Men’s teams and Whether you’ve represented your country sciatica, lumbago and many more are treated by using Sports Massage, manipulation, deep one Women’s team, and we have entered or never played any sport before in your friction, intra sound, mobilisation and rehabilitation programmes. the same number this year. Our Men’s 1st life there will be a place for you in the club, We have a large referral scheme with local GP Surgeries, Chiropractors and Physiotherapists team have just been promoted to Surrey and you will fi nd the most sociable club at in Guildford. Many of these referrals suffer from ‘back problems’ as do students and staff. 1st’s Division One, and we are always Surrey more than welcoming! This is mainly due to poor posture, long hours in front of the PC, muscular tension/soreness, looking for new players to help us continue Training is on Sundays and Tuesdays from headaches/migraines and so on. Treatment is very often thought about too late. to keep up the Surrey hockey tradition. We 6pm till 8pm, usually followed by a drink, or With applying manipulation/massage to the superfi cial and deep tissues, the conditions have also started up a mixed team this year, two, in the bar. We also have a great coach as mentioned above can be relieved within a few treatments. All our Sports Therapists are specifi cally for the players who can’t make from a top local team who will help all fully qualifi ed, we also have an Osteopath in two evenings a week for adjustments and joint as big a commitment to the club or feel standards of players to reach their potential. problems. that they aren’t good enough for the league So if you’re even slightly interested, teams. The mixed team play a number of whatever your ability, come along to one of REFLEXOLOGY friendly games throughout the season. the training sessions and meet the rest of the Refl exology is a natural holistic therapy based on the discovery that there are refl ex points The Hockey Club can take up as much Club! You can also check out our website at on the feet and hands which correspond to organs, systems and structures within the entire or as little of your time as you like; with www.surrey.ac.uk/union/sports/hockey. body. By stimulating a free fl ow of blood and lymph to cells and tissues it enhances the training running twice a week and matches circulatory system which is crucial to good health. Refl exology does not diagnose disease nor attempt to cure specifi c medical conditions, but it enhances your sense of well-being and enables your body’s own healing potential to be stimulated. Refl exology can help relieve the symptoms of IBS, anxiety, sleeplessness, tension, stress and many more…

INDIAN HEAD MASSAGE This holistic treatment has been popular throughout the Indian subcontinent for over a thousand years. Massage of the scalp, face, neck and shoulders soothes, comforts and re- balances energy fl ow to produce a feeling of peace and tranquillity and gives instant relief from tension and stress.

HOLISTIC FACIALS This treatment is one of the most relaxing massages we offer. It is also fantastic for those people who suffer from Sinusitis, colds & fl u, headaches, migraines, muscular tension, neck and upper back pain. The client is laying down, face up, fi rm yet relaxing pressure is applied to the ‘pressure points’ to stimulate the nerve and send off endorphins to relieve pain and increase energy fl ow around the body.

We offer reduced rates to all students and staff at Surrey University. The above treatments are available with a special introductory discount £15% discount Sept & October REFLEXOLOGY INDIAN HEAD MASSAGE HOLISTIC FACIAL MASSAGE (Please cut this out and present on arrival for treatment)

Surrey Skiers - Summer 2003

BY CAZZA DI FRANCO mountain biking, bungee jumping, lugeing, nursing injuries, and of course, drinking. Whilst the majority of Surreys students In January, the Ski (& snowboard) club will were taking time out over the summer, a be taking 100+ people to Les Arcs for a weeks select number of Surrey’s fi nest packed madness, look out for our forthcoming pub their phattest skis, factor 60 sun cream, crawls and dry slope action. ABILITY TO their blingest gear, and fl ew with 30 other SKI/ BOARD IS NOT ESSENTIAL….But students to Les Deuz Alpes for the British the ability to drink is obviously useful. Universities Snowsports Council’s Summer All the details you’ll ever need at Session. This was a skiing holiday with a www.surreysnowsports.com. difference; want to learn how to pull switch 180’s onto a rainbow rail? Carve up the WANT TO WRITE A SPORTS ARTICLE half pipe? Or catch some big air? All in the FOR BAREFACTS? THEN SEND IT IN TO roasting French summer sun? Well this was [email protected] BY THE FRIDAY it, a week’s worth of skiing/ boarding in the BEFORE PUBLICATION. morning and then spending the afternoon 24 SPORT 25 September 2003 teamsurrey Sport at Surrey

BY PETE NICHOLS [ SPORTS EDITOR ] All the outdoor facilities are at the purpose Essentially we will provide you with a AND DAVE ‘CHOPS’ CHAPMAN built Varsity Centre which is about 10 free coaching course if you agree to go minutes walk off campus and opposite and practise you newly found or improved Ultimate Frisbee to Street Jazz - the Tescos. The centre has two rugby pitches, 6 skills in Guildford and the surrounding area. opportunity is here for you. UniSport football pitches, an American football pitch, Huge ranges of coaching opportunities are and the Students’ Union co-ordinate the an archery fi eld, two netball courts, 9 all available including Basketball, dance and activities and run over 45 sports clubs and weather tennis courts and cricket facilities. Community Sports Leader Awards. Name: James Parrott many more classes. There is also an artifi cial turf pitch (ATP) Apart from the sports clubs, Surrey hosts Age: 20 The sports facilities at Surrey are superb. for hockey and general training. Inside at many fun events throughout the academic Sport: Tenpin Bowling The sports hall is the ivy-covered building as the Varsity are 5 squash courts which are year. Social Sports Day is all about fun, Best Thing about your sport: You you come into campus (by Guildford Court). the base for the premier league University not serious sport. Teams are formed from can play it all year round and a bar is It contains a multi-purpose hall (basketball, of Surrey squash team and fi nally, as all friendship groups, departments, societies always only a few feet away. badminton, fi ve-a-side etc.), an indoor great centres of sport should have there is and sports clubs. Short games from various Most Embarrassing sporting moment: climbing wall with a 180ft traverse with a licensed bar, which is the focus of all post sports are played against different teams, Being beaten by a 12 year old (they over 50 different climbs, 3 squash courts, match celebrations. all the points are added up and the overall were really good, honestly). a dance/martial arts studio and a tap room. Surrey is part of the British Universities winner receives… nothing. Most Memorable sporting moment: The Quantum Fitness Club at the sports hall Sports Association (BUSA). BUSA was River Sports Day is similar but it involves Bowling in the Junior England Trials offers cardiovascular workouts, an extensive formed in 1994 and is the governing body getting wet. It takes part in the River Wey, and making the BUSA team. multigym and free weights room. of university sport. BUSA are responsible just a bit further up from Debenhams. It Your Sport in 5 words: for organising the inter-university sports includes everything from canoeing, to river 1)”A sport full of balls”, programme nationally and co-ordinating surfi ng and water gladiators. 2)”Great form of stress relief”, the UK representative team for the World Federal Sports Day is essentially University 3)”Fun, social, competitive and University Championships and the World of Surrey Vs University of Surrey exciting!” University Games. The BUSA domestic Roehampton. Last year we achieved a The Plug: Guildford Spectrum, Every sporting programme draws on 1.2 million decisive 8-3 victory against our Roehampton Wednesday afternoon at about 2pm. 3 students from 150 Universities with 3200 counterparts. Over the next year we will games for only £3…BARGAIN!!! teams engaged in BUSA competition be extending our Federal Links into less Sports Profiles are back… on a typical university sporting day. competitive areas. however they can only continue With 503 participating leagues, it is the Our aim here at Surrey is to ensure if you send them in. We are biggest sporting programme in Europe. everyone has an enjoyable time and we feel looking for sports players from For more information on BUSA go to that sport and leisure are an integral part of all sports, ages and abilities. www.busa.org.uk the learning process. Through sport you will If you wish to submit a sports A major part of our Community Links is make new friends and become part of what article please send them in to the Coaching in the Community scheme. is known as Team Surrey [email protected] Challenge Chops: Chops Goes Diving

BY DAVE ‘CHOPS’ CHAPMAN had a quick swim around the platform before resurfacing. VICE PRESIDENT SPORT We then swam on the surface over to a 4 metre platform and repeated the process of getting the right balance to become During an incredibly rare morning off work during the neutrally buoyant. After that, we returned to shore for a summer, I went for my fi rst session with the Sub Aqua club. quick breather (excuse the pun) and a toilet stop. With no pool bookings during the summer, we had to look The second time in the water was even better than the to nature (or half man, half nature) to provide a big puddle fi rst. Although it is a bit odd, there is a bus sunken at about for the try dive. So a short drive up to the lake at Wrasbury 6 metres depth. We swam over to it on the surface, then ensued. It should be emphasized that you would usually dived down. With no platform to keep me from kicking have your fi rst dive in a pool, where the water is warm, and up the silt, the visibility was noticeably worse, but still you have perfect visability. However, as an experienced clear enough. After a quick swim round the bus, I went in (just not very good) surfer, I am very comfortable in the through a hole that had been cut in the roof and out through open water, so we went ahead. the door. Impressed with my fi rst wreck dive, I tried the Following the safety briefi ng, and after being strapped slightly more challenging approach of through the window into a ton of equipment, I took a big off the pier and into and out through another window. With a small adjustment the water. Colin, club Chair and my instructor, got me to allow for the air cylinder on my back, I completed my used to breathing underwater by asking me to lean over and second wreck dive. submerge my face. The next step was to let the air out of my The club has its own powerboat, compressor and all the “jacket” to lower me onto the platform, just 2 metres below smaller pieces of equipment you need to enjoy the sport. the surface. Here, Colin showed me how to get the balance Pool sessions are held on Thursdays from 8.30-10.30 between the weights I was wearing, and the air in my jacket. although the minibus leaves campus at 7.15 in order to get If you get this right, you can move up or down in the water equipment for everyone. E-mail diveoffi [email protected] for just by breathing in and out. After I got the hang of this, we details.