Love and money is a tricky—and touchy—mixture. The unromantic truth is that money issues are the number one cause for discord, distrust, and, sometimes, divorce.

Let THE RICH BITCH GUIDE TO LOVE AND MONEY help teach you to be prepared as an individual so you can be an asset in any relationship—whether you’re still searching for love, already married, or navigating your way through a divorce. Finance expert and author of RICH BITCH Nicole Lapin covers it all.

The basics for taking personal responsibility for your finances—and maintaining control over them:

• Reading the money signs early in a relationship

• Cohabitation Dos and Don’ts

• How to talk about money in a marriage

• Pre-, mid- and post-divorce steps to ensure financial security

If you want to lead a fulfilling life as a true Rich Bitch, someone who is confident in knowing what she wants and how to go after it in all aspects of her life, you need to give your wallet and your better half a little extra love!

I am no expert in love. Not even close. And I’m sorry to say it, but there are no love experts out there, no matter how many degrees someone might have. Maybe you can study it, but you certainly can’t measure it when you have it—or fix it when you don’t. Love is weird. But, money? Now, that’s my thing. Yes, money is also weird, but you can (and I have) become an expert in it. It’s measurable and fixable. But that doesn’t mean it’s easy. Money becomes the most complicated, in fact, when it collides with the wildest force of them all: love. Love and money actually have something very basic in common: whether you’re in it or looking for it, both are downright overwhelming. They also happen to be inextricably linked, which makes the intersection doubly overwhelming. And that’s why I put this Rich Bitch Guide to Love and Money together for you. I know you’re probably thinking, “Oh well isn’t that romantic?” Well, the unromantic truth is that money issues are the number one cause for DDD (hint: this has nothing to do with your cup size): discord, distrust, and, sometimes, divorce. So if you want to lead a fulfilling life as a true Rich Bitch, someone who is confident in knowing what she wants and how to go after it in all aspects of her life, you need to give your wallet and your relationship a little, well, extra love. That might mean setting up a kick-ass investment port- folio so you can “live the dream” with or without a man; reining in your spending so you have more to spend on a house and/or kiddos someday; or aligning your financ- es with your spouse so you can ride off into the sunset together in retirement. I will talk about the three typical stages of love: dating, marriage, and divorce. Regardless of whether you’re experiencing one of those stages now, plan- ning on it soon, or never ever want to (you could change your mind), you have to be prepared as an individual to be an asset to any relationship, no matter where you are in it. DATING Consciously Coupling

efore we get started on all of the mushy love stuff (which I promise won’t actually be mushy, because Byou’re here to learn how to get your financial shit together, not to get it on!) I want to make the point that you do not, in fact, need a partner. Let me repeat that another way: it is okay to be single. In fact, more Americans than ever before are making just that choice: the US Census found recently that nearly half of all American adults—around 100 million people—are now single, the highest rate in recent history. You might be thinking, “I know why that is—it’s because the divorce rate is at historic highs, too! So divorced people are ‘single.’” Yes, that’s true, but 61% of those 100 mil- lion folks have never been married. So while it might feel like everyone is getting married and settling down (if your social media feeds are any indicator), that couldn’t be further from the truth. There are lots of single, successful people walking around—and thriving. But I’m not here to tell you whether or not to date, marry, divorce, or go it alone. Because the fact is that no matter the relationship situation you find yourself in,you are the only one who can take personal responsibility over your finances. Whether you’re a “table for one” or “table for two” (or, hey, “table for three”—who am I to judge!) you need to maintain control over what you bring to the table. The good, the bad, and (especially) the ugly. At the most fundamental level, that means looking these things in the eye:

1. What you make (salary, investments, other income): Tally up all the money you have coming in, whether it’s your monthly paycheck, interest from stocks you’ve invested in, money you make on the side selling jewelry, etc. These are known as your assets. Know your worth!

2. What you owe (credit card debt, mortgage, loans): Get a handle on every single dollar you owe, including monthly payments on credit cards, your mortgage, student loans, auto loans, etc. These are your “liabilities,” and you are “liable” for paying them off.

3. Your money habits (overspending, lack of savings, poor planning): Invest in a good LBD (that’s a Little Budget Diary, not a new dress) to keep track of what you spend and save every day. What do you tend to splurge on? Is there a part of your budget where you underspend, so that money could be put to work elsewhere? (Shameless plug: better yet, buy my CASH™ Smartwatch! It’s the first-ever financial smartwatch and helps you track your expenses throughout the day in the same way you’d track calories or steps.) Know your pitfalls—we all have them, moi included—but be honest about them so you can be aware and catch yourself in a slipup.

These things are going to dictate your financial future no matter if you’re solo or have a partner. And they are your responsibility, not anyone else’s. You might not be able to predict future heartache or “conscious uncoupling,” but if you keep the trifecta above in constant check (read my book Rich Bitch to learn how), you will be prepared for just about anything.

CONFESSIONS OF A RICH BITCH The “New Girl” in You I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again: a relationship is nice, sure—but you don’t need one. Just look at leading “New Girl” lady Zooey Deschanel. After filing for divorce from her three-year marriage to Death Cab for Cutie front man Ben Gibbard, Zooey publicly admitted that she’s not interested in the dating scene. Like, at all. She told Marie Claire, “I don’t have time to date. I literally don’t have time.” The girl has priorities, and dating is not one of them, at least not at the moment. Let’s run the numbers a bit. Zooey makes about $95,000 a month. She has her own show, stars in several movies a year, rocks out as the female half of the indie band She & Him, and rakes it in with numerous endorse- ment deals, including from Pantene and Rimmel London. Needless to say, this “New Girl” is plenty busy on her own, thankyouverymuch. As a true Rich Bitch who knows what she wants (even if it isn’t “conventional”), Zooey says having kids isn’t in the cards right now, either. “I like kids, and I like being around kids, but it was never an ambition—something, like, I need,” Zooey said. What does she like and have time for? “I like working. That’s what I like doing. I like to work.” Girl after my own heart. The thing is, before you can enter into an honest conversation with a potential mate—also known as “The Talk,” which we will get to shortly—you need to have an honest money conversation with yourself. What are your goals and priorities? If they don’t include love at all and/ or perhaps favor making bank…that’s okay. Have The Talk with you, first. TALKING LOVE + MONEY = SEXY

Since the focus of this ebook is that magical equation— love + money—let’s assume that you have, in fact, found a special someone. Maybe even THE special someone. You’re in love and you don’t care who knows it. Amid all of the butterflies and anxiously awaited text messages, money is probably the last thing on your mind. But, don’t let it be. It’s not the thing that brought you together (well, it better not be), but it could be the thing that drives you apart if you let it. I know, I know: “Lapin, ever the romantic.” But I’m here to tell you that both love and money can be sexy and that there is nothing sexier than taking charge of both your money and your love life. No amount of skimpy lingerie can surpass the hotness factor of a woman who is empowered. Let me bring you back to my stat about money being the numero uno cause for divorce. Sure, you two are still just working on picking a restaurant, not picking out the names of your future children—but if you want to set yourself up for romantic success, you need to make sure you are financially compatible, too. Now, before you sit him down to order a credit report, cool it. (Although, get excited, because that will come later.) There’s no need to get too serious just yet; in these early stages of your relationship, you can glean a lot about your potential mate’s money habits from behavioral clues. What kinds of activities do you do for dates? When you go out to dinner, who foots the bill? And—this is a biggie— what’s the state of his apartment?? These questions might seem superficial, but they can provide useful insights into his feelings about money, which will only get more complicated as your relationship grows. So many of our money habits are cultural, familial, and emotional. Money is deeply personal and not a topic many people (especially ones you’re dating) like to address directly and openly, so you have to be a bit of a sleuth to know what you’re getting into. So let’s look at the first question: What kinds of activ- ities do you do for dates? If he’s up for a picnic in the park any day of the week but balks at a reservation at a Miche- lin-starred restaurant, sure, you might think he’s cheap or fine dining isn’t his thing. But it could indicate underlying financial issues, as well. If he has a job that pays him in happiness but maybe isn’t so lucrative, then there you have it—nothing wrong with that. But if he has a well-paying job and is still tight with his wallet, there could be debt or other financial skeletons lurking in his closet. (Scary but true: half of all people have lied to their significant other about money, and 6 million Americans have hidden finan- cial accounts from their spouses or live-in partners.) Or maybe he’s just one of those “all savings, no fun” people, which sounds good in theory but can be disastrous in the long run. You both need a little fun in your life to keep your relationship fresh and your budget on track. Most people can’t sustain a “zero fun” attitude forever and will end up splurging later on. On to the second question: When you go out to dinner, who foots the bill? I’ll spend a little time with this one, because it’s a question I get all the time. If it’s your first date, politely offer to pay, but let him get the tab. It may be old-fashioned to let him pay, but you’ve probably already put money into the date by the time you get to dinner with your blowout, dress, etc. If he lets you pay, then he also may be signaling a “this is a ‘friend date’ vibe” and you should just reassess what’s happening there. If he lets you pay and it’s definitely not a friend-date, then it’s time to look a little closer. Maybe he’s just not the old-fashioned type; he can afford to pay, but he sees nothing wrong with taking you up on footing the bill (I mean, hey, you offered!). Or him letting you pay could even be a subtle compliment: he appreciates your initiative and respects your right to buy his meal as an independent and finan- cially savvy woman (amen). But if he keeps letting you fork it over again and again, then it’s a big red flag, obvi- ously, for his finances. This may get me in trouble, but hear me out: if he can’t afford to pay for the first date then you shouldn’t be interested in dating him. (Cue the sound of shock and awe.) “Shouldn’t it be about love??” Of course it is, and of course it’s not just about the money. But, no mat- ter how hot he is, I’ll bet you are not looking for someone to support, other than yourself. If taking control of your own financial destiny is a priority for you—and it should be—then it’s important to surround yourself with others who are financially responsible, including (in fact, most of all) the people you date. And 99% of financially respon- sible dudes will be able to treat you to a first date, even if it is just for a drink or tapas. Of course, if he does pay, you shouldn’t take advantage of the situation and order the lobster or pick out the most expensive bottle of wine on the menu. Keep it within reason and you’re not only helping his wallet out but also sending the message that you’re financially responsible and not high-maintenance. After a few dates, I’m totally on board with the idea of going dutch—or at least trying to. After all, the more time you spend together, it’s more about the experience together and less about trying to impress each other. Of course, he may not let you split it, and that’s fine. You should still offer. And, hey, if it’s a special occasion like his birthday, or if you’re dragging him to that new raw-vegan restaurant that you’ve been dying to try, go ahead and grab that bill for yourself. Now, for our third question: What’s the state of his apartment? Presumably, if you’ve been out pretty regularly, he’s invited you back to his place (and if he hasn’t…that could be a warning sign that he doesn’t want you to see it). Well, what’s it like? This has nothing to do with whether or not you have the same taste in furniture or throw pillows, or if he has a flat-screen TV. Does he keep it neat, indi- cating that he takes pride in his space and belongings? Is everything in working order, including lights, faucets, and appliances? Again, this has nothing to do with how handy he is (although that’s always nice!) but how responsible he is with the things he pays for. Are there bills piling up on his desk? Well…that one speaks for itself. Yes, a guy with a messy and gross apartment might still be responsible with his money, and just…messy and gross. This is where subtle (or not so subtle) hints about cleaning up his act (literally) might come in handy. Otherwise, make a mental note that he might have some dirty little money secrets, too.

SHACKING UP

A lot of Rich Bitches (including yours truly) will take the plunge and move in with their partner before they’re mar- ried. In fact, moving in together can be a wonderful test- drive for what’s to come…romantically and financially. But a few things to consider before you do:

1. Is it long-term? Or just convenient? (Yes, it can be both.)

2. Are you in a similar place financially, or does one of you make significantly more money than the other?

3. How are finances going to work? Will you split rent? What about groceries? Internet? Utilities?

4. Who’s name will be listed on the lease and bills?

MOVING IN TOGETHER: DOS AND DON’TS

According to , cohabitation in the has increased by more than 1,500% in the past half century. 1,500%!! In 1960, about 450,000 un- married couples lived together. Now the number is more than 7.5 million. But you know what they say: just because everyone is doing it doesn’t mean it’s for everyone. Before you start picking out curtains and rolling out the mono- grammed welcome mat with your sig-o, here are a few things to keep in mind: • DON’T pay to furnish his place. I get the desire to get your domestic goddess on, but remember that this could potentially be a short-term investment. If his place is really a dump…dump him. Unless he has a good excuse for his slovenly behavior, like i-banking hours or a recent death in his family, chances are that if his place is a wreck…he is a wreck. Get out now. People who are financially responsible appreciate and take care of their things, because they understand their value. His place doesn’t have to look like a spread out of Architectural Digest, but it’s fair to expect a certain level of cleanliness and upkeep, especially now that he’s no longer a bachelor. If you’ve already furnished the guy’s place and you think he has potential, at least make sure you have a key to his place and an agreement that if you go, the furniture goes, too.

• DON’T cosign for loans for a boyfriend. EVER. Unless it’s money to tip the pizza delivery guy, because he doesn’t have cash on him…don’t even lend him money. Slippery slope, friends, slippery slope. Wait until you make it official and have legal claim to (and protection from) joint bank accounts to share your funds.

• DON’T leave valuable items at his place. Like your jewelry, or your passport. In the event of a sudden breakup (hey, it happens!) you don’t want to be left harassing your ex for your valuables…or having to go over there and (awkwardly) retrieve them yourself. And should things end badly, as sometimes they do, you don’t want him profiting from your family heirloom watch. Just saying.

• DO have a written, signed cohabitation agreement— before living together. Decide how the bills (rent, utilities, etc) will be paid…50/50? Or in a ratio of earnings? If you earn $70,000 and he earns $100,000 perhaps he should pay a higher percentage of the bills? In this case you would pay 40% of the bills and he would pay about 60%.

• DO know your partner’s FICO score and the amount of his debts before you move in with him. This information will inform every financial decision you make together from here on out, from your rent payment to future housing loans to employment prospects (seriously, some employers check for this as an overall indicator of financial responsibility). You’ll be a lot happier with those walk-in closets if you remove the skeletons from them first.

CONFESSIONS OF A RICH BITCH Make a home for two, but live for one I recently received an email from my college roommate, who was frantically looking for a sublet or spare room in NYC. She was desperate. She had to be out of her dream apartment in just two weeks, before the next month’s rent was due, and was willing to take anything: a tiny space, multiple roommates, even (gasp! for a 30-year-old) cam- pus housing. How does a smart, successful young woman end up in this position? She had made her (too expensive) dream nest with her boyfriend…but then she lost everything. Here was the problem: she and her then-boyfriend had signed a lease that required both of them to make a siz- able financial commitment each month (yep, you guessed it, more than 35% of both of their monthly incomes, which I strongly advise against). They went for the nice furniture, new appliances, a view of the park. The works. The thing is that together they could afford it (but just barely). Apart: fuggedaboutit. Shit started to hit the fan in their relationship when he lost his job. She was left to support them and their expen- sive lifestyle. They quickly fell to constant fighting. Unable to find another job, he became depressed. They eventually broke up, and he moved out. Unable to afford the place on her own, she was forced to break the lease and start over. Moral of the story: nesting with your partner is fun and exciting, but don’t get so caught up in building the nest that you forget about your own financial foundation. Housing costs should never exceed 35% of your monthly income, whether you’re living on one income or two. Especially if you’re not married and entitled to the legal rights therein, you might be living as two—but you need to budget as one.

FOOLS RUSH IN

Maybe you realize you can’t afford a place on your own, and you just started dating an awesome guy who could be The One, so why not move in together? If it works out that that is long-term-relationship material, you’re already living together, right? If not, you’d be totally fine with him as a roommate, because you will just be friends, so who cares?? Um, I care. Yes it’s 2015, and yes you can develop your own rules about love (or sex) and money. Sure, it’s not always a bad idea to pick a roommate to ease the cost of living, but call me old-fashioned—I do think that gender makes a difference. Even if you plan to move in with a guy who’s “just a friend,” seriously consider if there’s a chance you might have anything romantic brewing. If so, recon- sider. Moving in with a boyfriend is an entirely different ball game than starting a live-in friends-with-benefits fling. A friend told it to me this way: if you think you might potentially sleep with one of your roommates, wait to move in. It’s great to pursue someone romantically, but not when you’re already living (literally) with the stressors of sharing household duties, which are tricky enough already. You have to give relationships time and at least some space to get off the ground; playing “house” is hardly a good place to start. Don’t set yourself up for a bad ending when you owe rent money to the guy you’re sleeping with. If things go south, you may be moving out faster than you moved in. MARRIAGE For Richer or Poorer?

hen you get married, you go from being an autonomous moneymaker and saver to a Wteam unit. And, like any team, each player has a different—but equally important—role to play. Maybe you make more money than he does—fine! He can assume more of the responsibilities around the household to make sure everything runs smoothly while you’re contributing the big bucks to support your team. Also like a team, no matter your individual roles you both need to be running the same plays to move the ball forward. This means opening the mail, paying the bills, monitoring your investments, and keeping each other in the loop as they grow. Let me say that again: “Keeping each other in the loop.” You probably hear all the time that the most important factor in a relationship is communication; that goes for the financial part of the relationship as well as the emotional part. The most expensive mistake you could make before saying “I do” is not being open and honest with your part- ner about your finances beforehand, and vice versa. CONFESSIONS OF A RICH BITCH Know Your Role Leslie Blodgett, former CEO and now executive chairman of Bare Escentuals cosmetics, is a powerhouse millionaire running a successful business—and she’s also a devoted family lady. She’s climbed her way to the top, garnering a net worth of $400 million. But, trust me: she paid her dues, in her relationship and otherwise. Leslie was raised in a tight-budgeted household and she scored her first job at a local McDonald’s. There, she befriended a coworker who taught her how to apply dou- ble shades of eye shadow. She fell in love with makeup and enrolled at the Fashion Institute of Technology in , while she worked part-time jobs behind makeup counters. She tried to mix her hobby of makeup with earn- ing extra cash for room, board, and books (this should sound like familiar advice to my Rich Bitch devotees). After working at Neutrogena for a while, Leslie was approached about jumping ship to work at a new makeup line; in fact, the first mineral-based makeup line ever: Bare Escentuals. She took the risk and accepted the job, climb- ing the ranks to CEO within just a few months. Sleepless nights and hours of strategizing later, she relaunched the cosmetic line as bareMinerals. Oh and BY THE WAY: she also married the guy of her dreams and had a few kids. Wait—what?? Well, you see, Leslie has always been a hardworking woman, in her job as well as her personal life. When she was still dating, she didn’t often let men pay for her dinner, because she wanted to be on equal ground. However, her now-husband, Keith, whom she met while in college, was one of the first men who insisted he pay for her dinner. He respected her, he leveled with her. He was The One. After Keith and Leslie had their first child, they made an agreement: the spouse that made more money would continue to work while the other would be a stay-at-home parent. When Leslie’s career in cosmetics skyrocketed, Keith’s job in film production took a backseat. So, keeping true to their agreement, he became a stay-at-home dad, providing for the couple’s son, and Leslie continued to work and provide financially. What some saw as nontradi- tional, Leslie and her husband saw as downright practical. Their agreement created a supportive dynamic that proved to be lucrative to the duo. Now Bare Escentuals is one of the most profitable cosmetics companies in the world, selling to Shiseido for $1.7 billion in 2010. Don’t forget: agreements at home aren’t “unromantic” or “unloving”—they are the result of good communication to help couples thrive at different points in life in their relationships and career. After all, agreements can and should change depending on what’s happening on the home front or business front, whether you have another child or give birth to a billion-dollar company. THE TALK

Better to open the line of communication about money (and everything else, for that matter) now: couples who fight over finances at least once a week are 30% more likely to get divorced.

1. When to bring it up: As soon as humanly possible! Better to get any uncomfortable or even embarrassing news out on the table before things get serious enough for it to become a deal- breaker. This is where you could make known any unusual health conditions, family irregularities, or even past relationships that may come up in the future. Those are biggies even without the money factor, but there usually is one. And, of course, any pesky credit card debt, student loans, or financial goals that are important to you.

2. How to bring it up: This is a delicate topic for men and women. So set yourselves up in a mutually comfortable, nonchaotic, and unrushed environment. The important thing to convey and establish here is sincerity. Your new partner should give you a realistic idea of his financial status so that it is never assumed he is in a position he is not. Ask the tough questions and keep him honest. You don’t want to start the relationship based on unrealistic expectations, and, hey, if you don’t love each other for you no matter how heavy your wallet is, it may not work out, anyway. Women: it is more appropriate for you to reveal your financial status byshowing him than by telling him. For example, paying your own way when going on vacation or offering to take over some of the household expenses demonstrates that you are in a financially secure place. Likewise, suggesting dates that are low- budget or ways to save around the house will tip him off that you are more budget-conscious. This way, you can make your situation obvious without bruising his ego or threatening any dynamic perceptions he might have.

3. Set goals—together: Discuss what your goals and purposes are for the relationship. Whether it’s just for fun or for life, being on the same page with your goals and purposes aligned is key to the success and longevity of the relationship. Does he want to travel for a while? Do you want to buy a house? Set these big milestones together and adjust them as your commitment and work/ life situations change. It will give you something to work toward, together, and ensure that you don’t run into nasty arguments simply because “I didn’t know that’s what you wanted.”

4. Imagine your ideal life: Letting your mate know about your ideal life is helpful as a navigation point through the day-to-day living with one another. After all, your partner is the one beside you in the rat race, and it would be wonderful to know that you are able to contribute to each other’s world in a way that makes both of your lives easier. Are you an ardent saver who likes to splurge on a nice dinner once a month? Let him in on this and plan a date. Do you make your lunch for work but swear by your morning latte? Maybe it’s a tradition he can share, too. These little day-to-day indulgences will keep you both on track with your budgets—and you might make some traditions of your own along the way.

5. How often you have to talk about it: You should know how to push your other half’s on/off buttons by now. Don’t turn him off to The Talk. Keep him turned on to talking regularly about issues that surround a shared goal like a down payment for a house, car, or vacation. Keep the heavier stuff to a once-in-a-while thing. Be gentle (and keep timing in mind) when tackling issues like your credit card debt or contributing to your Roth IRA. Don’t avoid the tough stuff altogether—just adjust your approach based on how sensitive the subject is.

Still scrambling for topics to cover in The Talk? Here are a few you should bring up at some point:

• Accounts: Will you have one together, or keep them separate? • Family Spending: Will you both contribute financially, or will one of you stay home with the kids?

• Investment Style: Are you aggressive or conservative?

• Nesting: Do you want to buy or rent a home?

• Big-Ticket Purchases: How will you handle large expenses like a house or a car?

If you’re nervous about bringing up the “F” word (financ- es) with your partner find an impartial third party, like a relationship counselor or financial planner to sit down with the two of you and ask the tough questions. Having this mediator in the room can keep things from getting ac- cusatory and also keep the conversation going even when it gets uncomfortable. I know, I know, that’s a lot of “share and tell.” But this doesn’t mean you have to share everything, intangible or tangible. In fact, I’m a big fan of setting up “Yours,” “Mine,” and “Ours” accounts. Just like it sounds, you each main- tain your own individual bank accounts and then have one (or a few) that you share. Here’s what should go into each:

“Yours”: His own personal expenditures like his gym membership, sneaker collection, or trip to Vegas with the guys for the Fantasy Football Draft. Also personal debt, like credit card and student loans. “Mine”: Your own personal expenditures, like your yoga classes, monthly mani/pedi, or tapas night with the ladies. Also personal debt, like credit card and student loans.

“Ours”: All household expenditures, like rent, utilities, car maintenance, groceries, pet supplies, etc. Also shared debt, like a mortgage or car loan.

EW, PRENUPS

I used to think that if you wanted a prenup (short for “prenuptial agreement”), then you were in the wrong headspace for marriage. I mean, thinking about doomsday before you even had your big day? Yeah, well, that’s until I got real and saw that divorce turns people into crazy, money-hungry monsters. No, prenups aren’t just for the wealthy. According to a recent study (Harris Interactive Poll), 44% of all single people and 49% of divorced people thought a prenup was a good idea. Many attorneys recommend couples of all budgets get a prenup, especially if they have assets that might be put at risk in the event of a divorce (like property in their name, ownership in a business, an inheritance, or children from a previous marriage). It’s a two-for-one: you’re protected in the long run should your marriage go south, and in setting up the prenup you’re both forced to disclose your financial situationbefore walking down the aisle. Here’s what a prenup does:

• Determines how property should be divided in case of divorce (determines what’s “separate” property and what’s “marital” property if you want to do something different than the state you are in. Arizona, , Idaho, Lousiana, Nevada, New Mexico, Texas, Washington, and Wisconsin are “community property” states, so that means everything gets divided up 50/50)

• States how much alimony will be paid in the event of divorce

• Determines who’s on the hook for debt (aka student loans)

You should seriously consider a prenup if you:

• Are expecting a big inheritance

• Are in school for a potentially lucrative career

• Own all or part of a business

Getting a simple prenup costs about $700 online (I like LegalZoom), or meeting with an attorney might run you about $1,500. You can’t do this on your own, sadly. It won’t stand up in court, even if it’s notarized. Steven Spielberg famously penned a prenup on a napkin with his first wife in 1985. Her lawyers were able to contest it after they di- vorced four years later on grounds that her attorney wasn’t present. As a result: she received a $100 million settlement.

Trust Yourself BITCH If you have your own business, you might want to protect the company by trans- ferring the ownership into a Domestic Asset Protection Trust. You’re basically TIP putting all the stuff you own, including your company (in most cases LLCs, LPs and C-Corps), into a trust so that the trust technically owns the assets. This HAS to be done while you are single, because if it is done while you are married it could be considered fraudulent if your spouse does not approve of it. Also, in the case of divorce the trust could be moot if it fails a “look back” test of 4 to 7 years. If you do it before you get married, you don’t have those issues (and you can/should consider a prenup in addition).

If you are quitting your job to raise a family, you should definitely push for a prenup. This will ensure that you are compensated fairly for raising your kids. You should also review your prenup every few years. Urgh…annoying, I know. But, as your lifestyle changes, you want to make sure that the agreement reflects the life you are now living and the amount of money you need to maintain that life even after divorce. If you are already married and didn’t get a prenup when you got married, you can try for a postnup (“post- nuptial agreement”). A big reason to consider getting one is if you are working on a new business or other creative “intellectual property” endeavor. If your finances are about to change, for better or worse, you might want to consider a postnup. However, many states don’t recognize postnups and they are often challenged or invalidated.

KEEP BUILDING YOURSELF

Let’s say you marry a guy of substantial means, who insists on paying for most things. Nope—you’re still not off the hook for keeping your money and purchasing power in check. That means keeping your own credit score up. Even if he does foot most of the bill, you should still use your own credit cards for at least minimal purchases every month to keep building your credit in your name. Put a recurring bill on there, like your gym membership or Birchbox subscription, so you don’t even have to think about it. Then pay it off every month to keep your strong credit history alive. Even if you stay together forever, having strong credit in your name will only help you as a team: for example, you can often get a better rate on loans if both of you can show stellar credit history, instead of just putting it under one person’s name. DIVORCE Living Well Is the Best Revenge

hat if it doesn’t work out? There’s just no other way to put it: divorce Wsucks. It’s one of the most stressful things you will ever have to go through, no matter whose deci- sion it was. You will go through similar stages of grief. You will cycle through stages of anger, denial, and sadness. You will be overwhelmed. In this emotional state it is very easy to make poor financial decisions, including retail therapy, to make yourself feel better. A little pick-me- up is okay (I always advocate for allocating 15% of your monthly income to fun Extras, whether it’s dinner out with a girlfriend or a spin class). Just don’t do anything to excess. (People in this stage sometimes turn to drinking too much, which blows money, too.) As hard as it is, it’s important to make positive deci- sions for your mental health as this will inevitably affect your finances in a positive way. It’s not a bad idea to seek therapy to help you through this transition if you feel that you need it. You can’t avoid the roller-coaster feelings you will have, but you can make good decisions that will ren- der your life better in the future (hobbies, exercise, classes) instead of worse (like credit card debt). There is no way around the pain; you’ve gotta go through it. So feel your feelings, know that “this, too, shall pass,” then put on your big-girl undies and start working on your own success as the best revenge.

CONFESSIONS OF A RICH BITCH “Be the heroine of your own life, not the victim” That’s one of my favorite “get over it” quotes of all time, and, of course, it’s from one of the original Rich Bitches: the playwright, author, and divorcée Nora Ephron. After she famously split from her husband, journalist Carl Bernstein (as in the Woodward & Bernstein duo that broke the Watergate scandal), in 1983, Nora rebelled against the traditional idea about divorce that “you were just supposed to curl up into a ball and move to Connecticut.” Instead, she turned her despair into prose, writing several wildly successful novels and memoirs (including Heartburn, about her divorce), as well as writ- ing screenplays and directing movies that have become classics (When Harry Met Sally, Sleepless in Seattle…oh you know, small films like those). She even founded the Divorce section of the Huffington Post. Channeling her heartbreak into hard work rewarded her in other ways, as well. She met someone and happily remarried. The point here is that, of course, divorce is going to be tough. But focus on you and on building your career and your dreams, and good things can (and will!) follow. A true Rich Bitch is the heroine of her own life, no matter what.

BREAKING UP IS EXPENSIVE TO DO

And you thought your fairy-tale wedding was expensive?? Expect to pay an average of $15,000 to $20,000 in order to get a divorce. Yep, the cost of getting unmarried is usually higher than getting married. The major costs typically in- clude mediation, neutral evaluations, custody evaluations if you have kids, court costs, and, of course, attorney costs. If you have any sort of heads-up that the end might be near (and often there are signs, even if we ignore them) then better to get your ducks in a row as early as possible. A little work up front can save you time and hassle down the road if the shit does hit the fan (and trust me, if that happens, paperwork is going to be the last thing you want to deal with). Make copies of:

• Most recent tax returns

• Bank statements

• Retirement statements (401(k), IRA, etc.)

• Investment statements

• Mortgage statements

• Life insurance policies

While you have access to both of your statements, make copies; that window will close before long and you’ll only have access to your own, which doesn’t paint a very accu- rate picture of your life together. Gather these documents and then store them at a trusted friend or family member’s house. Hopefully you won’t need them, but if you do you’ll be glad to have everything organized and in one place. If you suspect infidelity it’s important not to fly off the handle until you get organized. A level head is your best asset. So take care of your “in case of emergency” fund and have your paperwork ready before you address the credit card charge to Tiffany’s (and, no, your birthday isn’t coming up). Big picture, bitches. Be prepared before you pounce. Get a Life…style Analysis BITCH How much did you spend while you were married? Used to hiding your spending? Now’s the time to fess up, because you’ll need to show the truth if you want to live TIP like you used to. Didn’t keep track? Well, start monitoring everything you and your husband spend. Used cash? Keep records. The more detail you have about your spending the better. Courts and judges will use a “Lifestyle Analysis” to determine your standard of living… and you don’t want to come up short.

BRING IN THE BIG GUNS

You’re going to need an attorney. And, yes, it can add up depending on how complicated your situation is. If real estate is involved, expect more legal and court fees, deed fees, and refinancing fees. First, try to get a “free” consultation with at least a few attorneys to try to interview who might be a good fit. Maybe your husband isn’t this underhanded, but some have been known to try and “conflict out” an attorney for their soon-to-be ex-wife. That means they go and have consultations with all the best divorce attorneys in town. Remember, if an attorney spoke to you about the case they can’t take the other side on as a client since that would be a conflict. Some sneaky guys do this to make sure their former better half doesn’t have a chance at a good attorney. Once you select one, don’t be a blabbermouth. Be succinct with them. The fees add up like you can’t imagine. Go to your appointment with a list and keep on trucking. They are not your shrink so don’t go into sob stories. They will listen to you all day long…and will charge you hun- dreds of dollars an hour for it. You will also save yourself some money if you do some research on your own before you go to the attorney’s office. If they have to explain less to you, it will take less time and your bills will then be lower. (Also, don’t forget to check to see if the attorney is in your county. Different counties can have very different rules…and you shouldn’t pay for your attorney to “learn” the rules of another county.)

Keep a Secret Fund BITCH You’re going to end up paying a lot of people to get divorced. Some could include an attorney, accountant, valuation expert, real estate appraiser, shrink, finan- TIP cial advisor. The bills will add up quickly. Having an account in your name “in case of emergency” is something you should prioritize. How much? Depends on what kind of guy you’re divorcing. Is he going to be a jerk? Is he going to want to fight it out? Then the expenses could climb into the thousands (even millions). Of course, having a “secret fund” will have to be disclosed in divorce proceedings. “Secret funds” might not be best practice in sustaining a happy, trusting marriage, but they have to be disclosed and potentially shared as your other marital assets would. (FYI: you can’t hide a secret fund while you are getting divorced, because “hidden” assets are illegal.)

If you can’t afford an attorney, look to your city to see if there are ways to obtain legal aid, pro bono, if you qualify. Keep in mind, though, that the help the city provides is only for the legal work, and not the court fees and paper- work. It gets you away from the scary billable hours, but it’s not a totally free ride. All legal stuff takes a long time when you’re getting divorced, and if your ex isn’t coughing up his portion of money to pay your outstanding bills in the meantime, find the Domestic Relations Office in your area and file a complaint right away. The more evidence you have of his negligent behavior, the more favorably the courts will look at giving you your share later on. Keep Calm and Divorce On BITCH Whether you like it or not, as a pending divorcee your actions can and likely will now be used against you in the court of law. So the more you can keep your emo- TIP tions in check and behave like a responsi- ble adult, the better your financial (and, ultimately, mental) situation will be. DON’T go for the jugular and become obsessed with making him suffer. You might laugh, but revenge is a pow- erful force. Let the courts (or Karma or God, or whatever you believe in) take care of this. Don’t get nasty or stalk him (or his new girlfriend, if he has one). Stay above the fray. Get what you are legally able to get and save the crazy ideas for your next big venture.

WHO KEEPS WHAT, ANYWAY?

Dividing up your physical assets is complicated enough: Who keeps the house, the car, the TV, the DOG?? Hope- fully, you have a lot of these tangible assets written up in that “move-in document” we discussed before, or maybe even a prenup. But what about the intangible stuff, like insurance and other benefits? • Health Insurance: After you divorce, you cannot stay on your ex’s health coverage, and vice versa. (But if you have kids, they can.) You will qualify for COBRA, which is temporary (and likely more expensive than what you’ve been paying) and will only last for 36 months. Staying on health insurance is one of the major reasons couples opt for separation rather than divorce. But, this often backfires since some insurance companies view it as the same thing.

• Social Security: You can be entitled to his benefits if your Social Security benefits are less than his and you were married for at least 10 years. Your benefits don’t reduce his; the government pays him 100% and you 50% on top of that. If your ex dies before you do, you are eligible for the benefits.

• Retirement Plan: As a married couple, you likely planned for retirement together. And, if you did, you may have a bigger stake in his retirement plan than you might think. It’s a calculation based on the number of years you were married, how long he worked at his job, etc. While you’re at it, make sure you try to get any survivor benefits, if his pension has this option. (Better you than his next wife!) If it’s under your name, call your provider and they will give you options for unraveling the plan while the divorce is being finalized. Once your settlement determines exactly what you get, you may need a Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO) for 401(k)s or pensions to allow you to withdraw money (usually to put in an IRA).

• Life Insurance: Assuming he already has a policy on his life and you are designated as the beneficiary, make sure the divorce decree states that he has to keep you as the beneficiary and also continue to make the premium payments. You might think you should have him transfer the policy to you, but DON’T, as then you may have to count the premiums as alimony. (You have to pay tax on alimony).

It might sound weird, but think about tak- BITCH ing out a life insurance policy on your ex. Wait—what?? Remember: divorce settlement payments stop at the death of your ex. Yes, morbid. But if something TIP happens to him, you will get nada. If you have a life insurance policy on him where you are the owner and you are also the beneficiary, you will be assured that you have the amount you would have received from divorce settlement payments coming your way. GOT KIDS? ALIMONY VS. CHILD SUPPORT

Yes, there is a difference. Simply, alimony you have to pay tax on (and he gets a write-off) and child support you don’t. The best way for you to get payments from your ex for your kids is as child support, because you don’t have to pay income tax on it. Keep in mind that child support is always subject to adjustment, even ten years after your di- vorce. So if your ex-husband gets a new job with a higher salary, take him back to court, because your child support check just got bigger. Alimony, on the other hand, does not change no matter how long it’s been since the divorce or how his financial situation may have changed. If there is a court order for child support and he misses a payment, file a complaint at your local Domestic Relations Office (the same one you searched for earlier) or Child Support Enforcement Agency immediately. This is the first step before getting any lawyers or courts involved. It “starts the clock” so that you can be reimbursed for back child support from the day you filed. If you let him get away without paying child support for six months and then you file…guess what? You are SOL. No money back for those six months you let slide and you’ll only have yourself to blame. If you have primary custody of the kids, you automatically get the dependency BITCH exemptions on your tax return. Don’t think, “Oh big whoop who cares?” These are valuable! (BTW: they change every TIP year, but they were $3,950 in 2014). He doesn’t get it unless you sign off on this and let him get the tax breaks. So don’t give them up unless he makes it worth your while by paying more child support, etc. Use this as a bargaining chip if you want, but don’t just give it up for nothing. If you do give your ex this exemption, do it only for one year. Negotiate it every year; this should not be a standing agreement and you should be the one in charge.

THE POST-DIVORCE BOOT CAMP

So you want to look like a hot divorcée—you might as well act like one, too. Here are 8 steps you should take to whip your financial booty back in shape:

Step 1: Close It Up. Closing joint credit card accounts is your first order of business. Get your name off joint credit card accounts as soon as humanly possible. You don’t want to pay for half of his charges. Also, if your work direct deposit goes into a joint account, change that ASAP. Step 2: Show Your Budget Some Love. Sit down and have a face-to-face talk with your budget and remove all signs of him. Figure out how your spending is going to change now that you’re the only one supporting yourself. Maybe you had a cleaning service, but now you don’t need one for a smaller apartment. Maybe you are getting in earlier so you can make yourself dinner instead of going out. Take the surplus and dump it into savings. Then follow this basic breakdown moving forward: 70% of your budget should go to Essentials, like housing, transportation, and groceries; 15% to your Endgame, which includes savings and investments for down the road; and 15% to Extras, the fun stuff like your gym membership or monthly mani/ pedi. You have to factor in some fun stuff, even if divorce is not fun. You are going to try to do something for yourself to make you feel better, but a financial diet is like a real diet—if you allow yourself a little piece of chocolate, you won’t binge on the chocolate cake later on. So, factor it in—but only 10 to 15%—for whatever guilty pleasure and small indulgence you want. Kick it old-school here: take that fun money out in cash so when the cash is out the party is over.

Step 3: Make Your Own Home Sweet Home. If you’re looking to downsize or move into a place of your own, the first thing to do is to do some homework on finding deals on rent. Look at places close to an elevator, on a lower floor, facing another building…with proximity to public transportation or with free parking. You don’t want to spend your money on transportation when you are trying to save on rent. “Location, Location, Location” to the necessities in life, like the grocery store or your office. It’s not what your broker will say, but what the money lady will say.

Step 4: Get Rid of Him. And it’s a cathartic experience to get rid of the stuff you shared or purchased together. That extra furniture, the sectional, a formal dining table, a king- size bed, or a pair of bikes—it’s outta there. That’s just too much stuff taking up too much space for one person. Post it on Craigslist, and try for the 1st or 15th of every month; those are the dates when people are moving into new places and so are scouring the site for stuff like that.

Step 5: Sell Your Engagement Ring. Just. Do. It. I love IDoNowIDont.com. It’s where you can sell your engagement ring and your wedding band. You get rid of the baggage, you get money, you might get it to someone else who really needs it…it’s a three-in-one.

Step 6: Set Up a System to Track All the Paperwork. First make copies of your divorce decree and store them in a safe place. Then, make a system for yourself to keep track of all child support payments or alimony payments.

Step 7: Make Sure He’s Gone for Good. It’s tough, but it makes for a fresh start. Triple-check that his name is off everything and that your address and the appropriate designee are updated on your:

• Bank and investment accounts

• Driver’s license, title, registration, and insurance • Employer’s records (or professional licenses)

• Title to property/utility bills

• Insurance beneficiary information: life, health, homeowners, disability insurance

• IRA and retirement accounts

• Medical directive, will, and living will

Step 8: Do Damage Control. Take control of the aftermath by taming your credit score. When’s the last time you checked it? You need to do it once every year—and maybe more often while you are in the weeds separating assets. There are two scenarios here: either your name wasn’t on the accounts or the bills were under your name. If your name wasn’t on the accounts, you weren’t accruing any credit during the marriage, so you have to build it up. If everything was under your name, and he didn’t pay the bills, then you need to fix your credit score. The easiest thing to do is open up a credit card if you don’t have one. Keep one recurring bill on each card so you are only at about 10% of the max, and then set it on auto-pay so that you’re paying on time every single month without having to think twice about it. This will show creditors that you are consistent and your credit score will start ramping up.

FOCUS ON YOUR OWN DREAMS

During your relationship, you focused on your shared goals (or maybe focused too much on his goals). That’s okay, but now ask yourself: What do I want? You might have been out of the working world for a while and want to get back in but don’t know where to start. Ask yourself these questions: What am I good at? Focus on your strengths. If you’re great with people but don’t have a lot of experience, then look for people-friendly jobs like a barista or in retail sales. If you are detail-oriented, look for jobs like a file clerk or assistant. You can also sign up to be a temp so you can slowly ease your way back into the working world. And you might find that you have job strengths in unusu- al places: for example, if you are a fiend who is always up on the latest and greatest in the Twittersphere, maybe a job as a brand ambassador or social media man- ager is for you. Bonus points for turning side hobbies and passions into actual work! Who do I know? Use your contacts in your personal Rolodex—your phone contacts, your Facebook friends— to reconnect and tell them you are back in the job game. Take friends and acquaintances who work in different fields that interest you out for coffee and ask them if they know of any job openings. Follow up with a handwrit- ten thank-you note, and you’ll be surprised how many “friends of a friend” come out of the woodwork to help you in your search. Can I work at least part-time? It’s a good way to ease back in. Set up an account on oDesk or Elance. Those are both sites for freelancers looking for part-time work. So, maybe a warehouse in Alaska is looking for 20 hours of data entry from someone with experience. Name your price and see if you can snag it. Oftentimes a lot of com- panies look to their star temps for prime candidates for full-time positions.

SCARY STATS • Only 43% of couples talked about money before marriage. • 27% of people said their spats started over money, more than problems with kids or chores. • 50% of people have lied to their significant other about money.

FOR LOVE AND MONEY

Studies have shown that, if we had to choose, we would choose love over money. (How romantic are we?!) Well, bitches, I’m here to tell you that you don’t have to choose. Being rich in love doesn’t have to include money, but there’s no reason it shouldn’t. Being a Rich Bitch means that you are confident enough to know what you want in all aspects of your life and are ready to go after it. Regard- less of your relationship status, it means that you are in love with yourself and your dreams first and foremost. Be- cause, after all, YOU are the only person you know you’ve got for better or worse, ’til death do you part. NICOLE LAPIN is a financial expert you don’t need a dic- tionary to understand. She got her start in finance at age eighteen, reporting from the floors of the Mer- cantile Exchange and the Chicago Board of Trade for Network. She went on to become the youngest anchor ever at CNN and then to claim the same title at CNBC, where she anchored the only global finance show on the network, , while contributing financial reports to MSNBC and theToday show. Nicole has also served as a business anchor and correspondent for . She is a special money corre- spondent and contributor to The Insider and The Show. Nicole is the creator of CASH™, the first ever smartwatch for tracking your expenses throughout the day. She holds distinguished personal finance titles, in- cluding Certified Financial Planner (CFP®) and Chartered Financial Consultant (ChFC®). ISBN-13: 9781460346259 The Rich Bitch Guide to Love and Money Copyright © 2014 by Nicole Lapin All rights reserved. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of publisher, Harlequin Enterprises Limited, 225 Duncan Mill Road, Don Mills, Ontario, Canada M3B 3K9. This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establish- ments, events or locales is entirely coincidental. This edition published by arrangement with Harlequin Books S.A. ® and ™ are trademarks of the publisher. Trademarks indicated with ® are registered are registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office, the Canadian Intellectual Property Office and in other countries. www.Harlequin.com