“Once Upon a Time
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Photo by Jon Brook of Bentham Imaging “Once Upon a Time ….” By Shirley Brown Back in September 2020 when Issy Carr was interviewed in our ‘People of Bentham’ feature, she told me that her life was like a fairy story. And so it is. “Once upon a time, an attractive young woman called Isabel Staveley, became pregnant. When her time came to have the baby, she went to ‘Homesteads Nursing Home’ in Melling and gave birth to a son. She loved her son and named him George. But she was not allowed to keep him, or even to hold him, and he was taken from her to be adopted. She was told that she would soon forget him and should just get on with her life.” That was in 1955 in Britain, when to be unmarried and pregnant was very different to today. At that time young mothers were told that if they really loved their babies, they would give them up for adoption. This was considered to be in the best interests of the mother and the child, and the mother should want her child to be raised by a respectable married couple, not under the shadow of illegitimacy. Find us on Facebook the bentham news find us on the web www.thebenthamnews.co.uk 2 This might seem strange and unbelievable to anyone born since the 1980s. But Isabel was one of a large but still unknown number of unmarried women throughout Britain who were coerced into handing over their newborns for adoption between the 1950s and the late 1970s. There was little understanding then of the lifelong grief and distress that this would cause to the women concerned. Isabel, now known as Issy, did get on with her life. She stayed in the Bentham area, working on the family farm until 1962 when “Cinderella eventually met her prince” and she married a farmer, a kind man, John Makinson Carr, 17 years her senior. John always said he would have taken in Issy’s son and brought him up as his own. They did not have any children, but both worked hard, made a living from the farm and were happy in the home where she still lives, Lowther Hill Farm. John died in 1991. Back last year when I asked Issy what her perfect day would look like, she answered without hesitation that it would be if she could find out anything about her son’s life. She told me she, and many other good friends and family members, had tried lots of ways but had always drawn a blank…..until now! 25 years ago Issy’s niece, Angela Bowskill, who lives locally, travelled to Somerset House in London looking for him through formal adoption certificates but no record was found. Other concerned local friends had had similar experiences over the years, so family members Janet and Andrew Staveley, who live in Tatham, decided to search using DNA rather than adoption records. Over Christmas lunch in 2018 Janet and Andrew suggested putting Issy’s DNA into ancestry.com to find her long-lost son. In March 2019 Photo of family members Janet helped Issy use saliva samples to put her DNA Janet Staveley and Angela Bowskill into the ancestry.com database. This database uses by Jon Brook microarray-based autosomal DNA testing, which surveys a person’s entire genome at over 700,000 locations world-wide. As it happens in November 2019, Kym, a 43-year-old woman living in Perth Australia, also put her DNA into ancestry.com trying to find her biological father. In January 2021 amazingly a close match was discovered between the DNA of these two women, Kym Photo of iPhone chat between Issy and Kym, her and Issy. granddaughter in Perth, Australia, by Jon Brook Janet then used Facebook to check Kym’s profile and both she and Andrew could see immediately that there were strong family physical resemblances. They realised they might have hit the jackpot! In February 2021 Janet and Angela used social media to connect with Kym, and in March 2021 Issy was able to have a zoom call with her. Wouldn’t it have been great to be a fly on the wall when that conversation took place! Both Kym and Issy were very 3 excited and through the wonders of modern IT were able to see and talk to each other on Angela’s iPhone. Issy and Kym chatted about all sorts of things and soon discovered that they had a similar sense of humour, and by an amazing coincidence that each of them had a much-loved cat who they’d called ‘Bonnie’. To make absolutely certain that this was indeed a 2 photos of cats called Bonnie, long-lost family member, Janet and Angela then took looking very alike - Issy’s above and the very wise decision to commission a second DNA Kym’s below. test from a different company. In April 2021 the results showed a 99.59% match, confirming with absolute certainty that Issy is Kym’s grandmother. So, Kym had found her biological paternal grandmother and Issy had found family who she hadn’t even known existed. Kym was raised by her loving mum and wonderful stepdad. Although her biological father had not been involved in her upbringing, she was now at an age where she was keen to find him. If the fairy story had stopped there it would have been fabulous, but the family had only just got started! If this miracle could happen, maybe they could go further and actually find Issy’s son/Kym’s dad? They knew he was no longer called George, but Keith, and that possible surnames were Garrett, or Garnet. Using all the information they had between them, Angela created a ‘Looking for Keith’ poster: (See photo right). This was posted on social media and shared throughout Perth, and replies started coming in from people who remembered him, and in particular who remembered his car! Excitement mounted. Remember that at this point no one knew whether he was alive or dead, in Australia or any other country in the world. A trawl through records at the library revealed a definite surname, ‘Garrahy’ and an address for a Keith Garrahy. 4 Kym, with her husband Jamie, decided to check out whether this was where her dad now lived. On 11th May 2021 they drove to the address and knocked on the door … probably with a mix of emotions – excitement, anticipation, anxiety. The door opened, and there was Keith. He later said that before he opened the door, he was a single man on his own, but that, in a moment, he became a father, a grandfather (Kym has 2 adult children) and, heart-wrenchingly a Photo by Angela Bowskill of Issy standing in son: “I’ve found my mum”. front of Ivy Cottage, Kearstwick where Keith A few days later, on 15th May 2021, (George) spent some of his childhood. Janet and Angela set up a zoom call between Issy, Keith and Kym. Issy had found her son! If this is a fairy story, then that really is the end of a chapter. But maybe there are more chapters to be written? The zoom call revealed that Keith had spent some of his childhood at Ivy Cottage, Kearstwick, near Kirkby Lonsdale. So, after the call Janet and Angela drove Issy to visit the cottage. He went to Dallam School. He had two sisters (one who was also adopted). In 1970, at age 15, he left school, and the whole family relocated to Perth, Australia. Both his adopted parents are now dead. Keith has no children, other than Kym. He’s applying for his passport, and when Covid restrictions allow, Keith is coming over to meet his mum and Kym and her husband Jamie are also coming to meet Grandma Issy, and the rest of their new, extended family. The story continues! Photographs wanted for ‘Bentham & Beyond’ 2022 Calendar By Christine Downey, Town Clerk The search is now on for fantastic photographs that capture the distinctive landscape, wildlife and communities in and around Bentham for the 2022 calendar. So please get your cameras out and start snapping! You have two summer months to take some pictures and/or to scour through your photograph archive to submit your past best shots, taken in any season, for consideration. The photographs need to be high resolution and should state where the photograph was taken. Please submit your contenders to [email protected] by 31st August 2021. Last year the 2021 ‘Bentham & Beyond’ Calendar raised over £1,500 for Settle Swimming Pool. Thanks must go to our local sponsors and all those who purchased it. The beneficiary of the profits from the sale of the 2022 calendar has yet to be decided. The town council would like to hear from local organisations who wish to be considered. If your organisation would like to be considered, please forward details to me at the above email address. 5 Ronnie Tomlinson’s 100th birthday lunch at the Golf Club The top photo is of Ronnie’s birthday cake, right with his card from the Queen and bottom Ronnie, Phyllis and their children. Photos all taken by Pearl Woolerton 6 Person of Bentham – Gail Lister Gail has lived in the area since the seventies and is known for her warm and bubbly personality and delicious cooking. She is also well known as having been the landlady of the Punch Bowl for years and has worked in various other restaurants and pubs as well.