PERUSAL SCRIPT © Susan Haley

Haley Productions’ Murder Mysteries 800-293-3302/510-235-0118 [email protected] www.haleyproductions.com

PERUSAL SCRIPT © Susan Haley 2003 (Partial scripts; some explanations/details are missing but will be included with your script purchase) Worldwide copyright laws and conventions protect all Haley Production’s scripts. The buyer is allowed to use this script for one performance only. It's an infringement of copyright law to give a performance or reading of any such play or excerpt without prior consent of Haley Productions. It is also a violation of copyright law to copy part or all of a play by any means, including but not limited to typewriter, photocopy, videotape or computer, without express permission of Haley Productions. Please contact us for multiple usage rights.

FINAL CUT YEAR: current (the 1950’s is also very fun era for this script).

STORY: Director Eddie Cheek is looking for backers for his new movie so he’s throwing a gala shindig for interested parties. In return for their funding his movie, he’s promised them parts in the picture.

PRIMARY SUSPECTS (these are the folks who will have full knowledge of the mystery; you’ll give them a complete script):

COSTUMES: Suggestions provided in full script

Eddie Cheek: A self-absorbed B-movie director whose movies tend to become cult classics more than mainstream films. His mentor is Ed Wood, Jr.* so that gives you an idea of the type of director he is. He claims authorship of his latest screenplay but he’s lying. He didn’t write it. He stole it when he was a script reader for TANTAMOUNT FILMS 3 years ago. And he stole it from Billie Clubb although he doesn’t know it as it was written under the pseudonym of Wilomena Zoloft-Kvetch.

*FYI, Ed Wood, Jr. was a director in the 1950’s who has been voted “the worst director of all time.” His movies are so bad, they’re fun! Here’s a summary of Ed Wood’s “Plan 9 From Outer Space”—his most infamous movie: “2 or 3 aliens in silk pajamas conspire to resurrect several slow-moving zombies from a cardboard graveyard in order to conquer the Earth. Spaceships that look suspiciously like paper plates blaze across the sky. Pitiful, inadvertently hilarious fright worth a look if you’re desperate to kill time since it’s in the running for the “dumbest movie ever made” award. Bela Lugosi’s actual screen time is under 2 minutes since he had the good sense to die before the film was complete. Enjoy the taller and younger replacement (the chiropractor of Wood’s wife) they found for Lugosi, who remains hooded to protect his identity. Starred Bela Lugosi, Tor Johnson, Lyle Talbot, Vampira & Gregory Walcott. “ **IF YOU HAVE TIME, CHECK THIS MOVIE OUT, AND/OR RENT THE MOVIE, “ED WOODS”, STARRING JOHNNY DEPP FOR A GREAT CHARACTER STUDY OF THE MAN.

Billie Clubb: Owns Clubb Casting and Management, a second rate management company that represents B movie and television stars. She’s working with Eddie to cast his movie. After finding out he stole her script—a notice in Variety did the trick--- she badgered him until her gave her the job (of course she’s working for almost nothing but that doesn’t matter because she has a greater plan). Her casting agency is filing Chapter 11 (Reorganization) because quite a few of the talent she represented, led by Nova Devoe decided to move to another management company, The Robin Dropping Agency. (Who do/did you represent Billie? They should be has-beens like Charo, Scott Baio and Gary Coleman – pick a few names that YOU’LL remember). She desperately needs money to recover so she’s blackmailing Eddie (anonymously of course). She, as the anonymous true writer of the screenplay he stole, won’t cause a stink with the tabloids or take him to court over the copy written script if he pays her $10,000 in cash – due in full tonight. A price she considers cheap, especially if one wants to continue to work in Tinseltown – and Eddie does (especially because he thinks he’s a way better director than he is). Because Eddie doesn’t know Billie is the one blackmailing him, they’re very chummy and on good terms with one another. Billie is also on good terms with Cherri.

Nova Devoe: She was Eddie's mistress (for a year, they just broke up a month ago after Nova found him in bed with Cherri Pitt). She’s Rock's ex-wife (married for 6 months; divorced for 2 years). Word is out that she is ready for a tell-all interview with Entertainment Tonight about her relationship with Eddie and her marriage to Rock and her notorious rivalry with other actresses – she has a reputation for mysteriously taking parts away from other lead actresses. She is even said to know some dark secrets about Quinnie Winston after having worked with him on BRIDE OF DWAYNE, Eddie’s last picture.

Cherri Pitt: She slept with Eddie after he promised her the lead (yes, the old casting couch is alive and well in Hollywood). She’s the reason why Nova and Eddie broke up because Nova caught them in bed, sealing the movie deal as it were. Unbeknownst to Eddie, Cherri recorded their conversations after he intimated what he wanted from her and she has a cassette with the incriminating evidence to use as “lead actress” insurance, if you will. (She was not smart enough however to make a back up copy.) She’s in love with Rock.

Rock Stud: He’s the male lead in Eddie’s picture. He pays an exorbitant amount of alimony to Nova, his ex-wife because the court ruled she was responsible for his push to stardom after she got him cast in the TV series, Sky Fling, Pilot PI. Unfortunately, it was a very short-lived series, cancelled after six episodes. Money is tight these days, roles are scarce and he’s on the brink of losing everything, which is why he took this role. He’s been involved with Cherri since meeting her at the film’s first read through two weeks ago and firmly believes “she’s the one” if only he could afford to marry her! He’s naturally thrilled she’s playing the lead opposite him (and he’ll naturally be furious when Eddie makes a casting change). He’s a writer as well and says he has a perfect murder mystery in the making about the demise of a viperous ex-wife of a famous movie star (this is your classic red herring).

Quinnie (not “Queenie”) Winston: The make up artist and supporting actor Eddie uses in all of his movies. Quinnie’s secret: He has a criminal record for two separate counts of fraud, one in his hometown of Hoboken, NJ and the other in Orlando, Florida. Quinnie would set up accidents in which he’d be hit by a car and allegedly sustain bodily injury. He worked with a shyster lawyer to sue the driver of the vehicle for pain and suffering and then split the settlement with the lawyer. Of all the times he did this, he was caught twice and did 6 months jail time each time. After the second stint in jail 4 years ago, he went west where he became your average starving wannabe makeup artist and wannabe actor. He started his scam again to help make ends meet. Quinnie finally went “legit” when Eddie Cheek hit him. Eddie promised him a job on all his movies, both as a make up artist and in one of the acting roles if Quinnie didn’t take him to court. They struck a deal, even though Quinnie was “in a lot of pain”.

MOTIVE SUMMARY CHART (this will make more sense after you read through the script): included in full script

SECONDARY SUSPECTS (optional). Remember, EVERYONE will be actively involved in this mystery because it will be their job to solve the case and because you’ll be encouraging them to come in costume and in character. Use any or all of these secondary suspects if you have “extra” cast members you want to use or if you have some guests who want to take on a character but not take on the full responsibility of a primary suspect. You will NOT give them a script but you will give them a description of their character and let them run with it. FOR LARGE GROUP MYSTERIES (75 OR MORE): I’d definitely use your secondary suspects and I’d also give them a script. During the mystery it will be their “job” to roam the room, quiet the audience down during a main action, answer questions, bring primary suspects to tables when tables have a question for them and act as general support for the primary suspects. 1. Dan Druff: Nova's bodyguard, go-fer, assistant, secretary, manservant and chauffeur. Nova's very demanding of him. 2. Henny Loggersnapper: The frazzled and frumpish but devoted script supervisor at Eddie's beck and call. 3. Chance Heartfelt: The set designer and prop master. He can work wonders making alien spaceships with crazy glue and paper plates. 4. Edith Header: The eccentric but brilliant costume designer. She’ll also be helping Quinnie with make up. 5. Dr. Willie: Rock's therapist - he's on Rock's payroll and therefore goes wherever Rock wants him to be available for counseling. Dr. Willie should be at the ready to expound on the meaning of Rock's behavior and everyone else's for that matter. He should be the shoulder Rock cries on - a little too often.

------THE SEQUENCE ------

0:00 Everyone makes their Hollywood style entrance, each trying to upstage one another. They sign autographs for the guests (even if the guests don't ask for one, of course they want one) and set up their motives for murder by telling their stories.

Eddie lets certain guests know that he thinks they should audition for the bit parts later on in the evening. He orders Henny around: “take this woman’s name down, I want her for the part of…” etc.

When Nova enters, she drags her bodyguard, Dan Druff out of a chair (if he’s not already making the entrance with her) and makes him announce her and clear a path for her so she isn’t touched by the masses all while berating him for “taking a break” and ignoring her needs. Nova gives a "secret" note to Dan to give to Eddie. It says, "I’m scheduled to tape a Entertainment Tonight special next Thursday. I will tell everything I know, every secret, about Rock, Billie and Quinnie but especially YOU. Cast me in the lead or you will be blacklisted from this town forever!" She signs it "Anonymous" (she ain't smart). Nova instructs her bodyguard to show it to as many people as he can before giving it to Eddie. When Eddie gets the note, he reads it and throws it down in disgust on a table (so, again, the guests will have access to it).

Rock approaches the guests with his own screenplay idea and tries to get them interested in backing it by doing a skit from it, in which he plays all the parts (this will go to motive for killing Nova so make up a scene about the ex-wife getting viciously murdered and how your character will make his name by solving the case). Of course, Cherri and Rock are all over each other. Rock can even get Cherri to help him act out his screenplay.

Billie is also involved in looking for potential actors for the movie. She tells a few guests she used to be a writer before opening her casting and management company but got too many rejection letters so she gave it up.

0:10 Rock and Chance leave the room to prep for their upcoming scene and so Rock doesn’t witness the following scene.

Eddie and Cherri have a heated conversation in which he informs her of his decision to take the lead away from her and give it to Nova. He promises to beef up the 2nd lead and promises her the lead in his next picture. The audience should see more than hear the conversation and only get important bits and pieces of the discussion as they occasionally raise their voices and then bring them back down again. She is clearly furious and holds up a cassette recorder and threatens to ruin his career just like he’s ruining hers by replacing her with Nova. He tries to get it from her but she quickly moves away. She then gets everyone’s attention.

CHERRI: As potential backers of Mr. Cheek’s movie, there’s a change you should know about. It seems that our dear director has decided to do some cast rearranging (she dramatically holds back a sob). Just in case you need any convincing on my abilities to play the lead role in this movie, I present the following monologue …

Cherri just starts to do her monologue as Eddie interrupts by clapping enthusiastically for her while nudging her away from the limelight and the rapt attention of his potential backers. She stops him from removing her and threatens that she is not happy, no matter how much he rewrites his script. Billie immediately asks what kind of rewriting Eddie is doing - He hasn’t had an original thought since the day he was born…

CHERRI: I think I’ll take this cassette to Screen Actors Guild right now…

As Cherri walks away from Eddie, Billie tries again and asks Cherri what the matter is? Cherri cries that Eddie has taken the lead away from her and no amount of rewriting is going to change that. She breaks down in tears so hysterical Billie needs to take her from the room.

0:15 Eddie nervously regroups and thanks everyone for coming. He agrees that he had to make a minor cast change and Nova Devoe will now be playing the heroine, Kat Klondike, BUT he will be beefing up the 2nd lead of Maggie Lamb, which Cherri Pitt will now play. It’s a brilliant decision on his part, sure to make the movie better.

Nova screams delightedly and runs around hugging everyone as if she just won the Academy Award. After a moment of her doing that, Eddie tells Nova that she left him no choice in the matter. Once Nova has calmed down, Eddie continues:

EDDIE dramatically gets into describing his movie (details in full script). (Eddie, the organizer of your mystery will have cue cards for you so you don’t have to memorize this word for word. That being said, you should at least be familiar with it so you’re entertaining when you read it for your guests.)

Just as Eddie finishes this announcement, Rock and Chance start a verbal fight “off stage” – just outside your main playing area. It ends with Rock asking, “what are you doing? Noooo! Ahhhh!” An explosion is heard (instructions provided in full script) and Rock dramatically and realistically throws himself into the room as if the bomb exploded and the impact threw him. He is covered in blood. He lies still for a few moments as all rush to him.

Cherri throws herself on Rock’s body. Suddenly Rock moves. She scrambles off him in horror as he grins, stands up (while helping Cherri up) and brushes himself off to take a bow. He is very proud of himself.

Eddie threatens to fire Rock and Chance for pulling such a prank! Rock sulks and leaves to clean up – dragging Dr. Willie with him for a therapy session. Rock returns to the room ASAP for the auditions.

0:25 Auditions.

There are 2 parts to the auditioning process:

Part 1: Have them do a script reading – see audition scripts included with full mystery. Pair your guests up with Cherri, Quinnie, and Rock if you want.

Part 2: Have them do a martial arts exhibit AND/OR have them act like an alien zombie.

0:35 – or whenever you end your auditions (so long as it’s fun and entertaining, keep going) To end the auditions in a dramatic fashion, Billie enters and “fearfully” and dramatically reveals the note. She reads the note aloud (slowly please). After which, Eddie grabs it and starts to pocket it only to have Rock ask him if everything’s all right? Eddie says it is, except for Billie presenting such a distasteful joke. Rock asks to see the note and Eddie reluctantly hands it over, insisting it’s just a bad joke. He doesn’t know for whom it’s meant or what it means except that it’s surely meant to ruin his night. Rock asks if anyone knows the meaning of the note. If anyone has any enemies? If anyone owes someone $10,000? He rereads the note if necessary. If your guests interject their comments here, let them. Otherwise, leave the note on a small table preset as an evidence table. Rock ominously warns everyone that, in his vast experience, this note means something’s afoot, something dangerous, and everyone ought to watch their back. Rock, please use your therapist, Dr. Willie, as your co-detective for the rest of the show.

0:40 NOVA: Rock, darling, I just wanted to remind you about your overdue alimony payments. You know, I’ve asked my lawyer to see to it that you’ll have to hand over your salary from this picture to me so you’d better not get yourself fired for your juvenile pranks such as pretending to blow yourself up. By the way, I knew you were faking. You’re not that good an actor.

Rock physically goes after her, showing true rage at the woman he once loved.

ROCK: You’re sucking me dry and ruining every good thing that comes along in my life. Me and Cherri have a good thing going but how can I take care of her if you keep taking all my money? I’d love to see you dead and gone out of my life for good Nova!

Nova gets frightened and throws bodyguard in front of her to protect her.

NOVA: Yeah well, your little Cherri is not only talent-less, she’s tainted goods.

This infuriates Rock even more. Rock tells the bodyguard to get out of the way but Nova makes sure to keep the man between her and Rock. Rock, in frustration, gives up and tells Nova he isn’t through with her until he has her head on a platter. He storms away.

Next, Nova, clearly enjoying herself, cattily confides in Billie.

NOVA: Oh my goodness, my ex just threatened my life! Do take my mind off that horrible man, will you Billie. Let’s talk about the fact that this Zombie script is trash, don’t you think? Oh wait, I bet you don’t think this particular script is trash at all now do you? Oh, I have an idea! Maybe you can go back to writing now that your management company is going under (clue).

Before Billie can respond, Nova goes on:

NOVA: It’s a good thing Eddie made me the lead because Cherri doesn’t have the talent to rise about a badly written screenplay like I do.

Billie immediately grabs her by the arms and shakes her.

BILLIE (ANGRY): You are evil incarnate Nova Devoe and you have a lot of enemies. My advice is to watch your back or one of those enemies will be the death of you!

She storms off as Nova calls after her:

NOVA: How dare you touch me, you witch. You hate me because I left your management company and took all those other stars with me. If you touch me again, I’ll call the police and you don’t want me calling the police Billie Clubb because I know a secret about you! (Clue: Meaning she knows Billie is the one blackmailing Eddie).

0:45 Cherri rushes Nova and pushes her, telling her she heard what she said about her (Cherri’s) lack of talent.

NOVA: It’s true, you aren’t up to the part. As the second lead, you should watch me and learn, Cherri dear. Besides, you are the reason Eddie and I broke up. If I hadn’t found you in my bed, well, I might think more kindly toward you…

Cherri immediately attacks Nova. They catfight*.

CUE FOR NOVA'S DEATH.