Contents

Editor’s Note / Fran Weinbaum 3 The Nature of Vision / Linda Weber 4 A New Coperican Revolution: A Vision for the Future / Munro Sickafoose 5 Another Vision Is Possible / Phil Baum 8 Resilience and Hardiness / John Davis 10 a single note / Keith Howchi Kilburn 11 She Sees / Keith Howchi Kilburn 12 In Search of the Collective Story: The Journey of the Earthlink Search Party / Darcy Ottey 14 2012: A Spaced Oddity / “Red Drum” 16 The Journey From Childhood to Adulthood: The Importance and Limitations of Rites of Passage / Bill Plotkin 18 The Wild in Us / Beth Beurkens 20 Fox Vision / Franz Redl and Claudia Pichl 20 Out of the Book, Onto the Land / Zelig Golden 22 Grounding Vision! / Jeremy Thres 24 Grounded / Phil Baum 25 Coyote and Writer / Steven Foster 26 Beyond Vision / Michael de Maria 27 Vision Pattern / Peter Scanlan 29 Bearing Witness to Life / Leonard Fleischer 30 (Untitled) / Petra Lenz Snow 33 What Is the Vision in a Vision Quest? / Trebbe Johnson 34 Life Cycle Story of “Jumping Mouse” / Skye Bailey 37 The Challenging Quest for Vision / Sparrow Hart 38 Path of the Guides / Mel Vandergriff 40

1 copyright, editorial board, disclaimer, photo credits, etc. TK

2 Editor’s Note by Fran Weinbaum

isions are often not of our life time. They are As a young man, Black Elk re-enacted his vision Vglimpses of what can be in the future with dedica- before his people—literally recreated the vision in cere- tion to a path of love, gratitude, and surrender. What we mony with aid of the elders, so that all could see and touch when we sit on the land, empty and yearning, is know not only Black Elk’s role in making the vision a our part in a much larger picture. reality, but their own individual and collective roles. That CIRCLES received an avalanche of articles on This ritual performance of his vision grounded the vi- the theme Vision speaks to the importance of under- sion in the life of the people and empowered Black Elk standing the nature of vision and how we support oth- as a healer of individuals and the community. At the ers in their quest for understanding, purpose, and end of his life Black Elk recognized that while the sa- connection to Earth, Community and Spirit. We are, as cred tree has not bloomed, perhaps, please Grandfather a group, quite articulate, often poetic, and sometimes let it be true, there is a tiny root that still lives. This tree coyote about this vision stuff. If nothing else is clear in will grow anew within the sacred hoop, which the peo- this issue of CIRCLES—and much is—our individual ple will enter and find “the good red road.” The hope in and collective mission is in service to the great Mystery his heart is watered by a gentle rain, and all those that as ego is in service to soul. hear his story are left to carry the prayer forward Also evident are our growing edges. How do we through our own dedicated actions. support people when they return from the mountain, How does our contemporary form of the vision the canyon, the desert? How do we encourage the long quest support the gestation period —perhaps a life- view needed to keep our part of the vision alive when time—for a vision to unfold? How do we, as guides, sup- the world around us screams for immediate attention port people in the enactment that truly shares the and remedies? What practices support us, guides and vision rather than jumping into the hoped-for power of those who quest, all of us seekers, as we strive to walk a the vision? How do we all reconcile that which is left sacred path with patient, deliberate steps. undone? How are our visions the seeds for a future we The contributors to this issue offer ideas about the will not see? time beyond the circle on the mountain. Let’s look also, Steven Foster and Meredith Little had a vision for briefly, at a familiar story that informs what can be a the work we all do and the network that would be life long journey towards a vision. needed to carry it worldwide. Steven might howl at being put in the same category of visionaries as Black An old man stands and speaks to the Great Spirit, Elk but he is not here to defend himself from such attri- “you see me now a pitiful old man who has done nothing, butions. He is surely wagging his coyote tail and licking for the nation’s hoop is broken and scattered. There is no us up and down as he sees us grappling with this thing center any longer, and the sacred tree is dead.” He recalls we dare to name (vision) and creatively finding ways to his youthful vision, how he held it silently for several years bring our commitment home to our communities, to and then re-enacted it for his people. He recalls all that he our youth, to our loved ones as they prepare to cross has been given to bring life back to the tree and asks one over. more time for the withered tree to bloom. “Not for me, but That it touches anything beyond our own tender for my people.” Perhaps some tiny root is still live. Then out hearts and those closest to us is a gift that we all carry of a clear sky, thin clouds gather, low thunder rumbles and into each new day and each new circle on the moun- a light rain joins the tears on the old man’s uplifted face. tain. Shortly after, the sky is clear again. In Gratitude and Service, Fran Weinbaum

3 The Nature of Vision by Linda Weber

ision, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. The depend on it for our very survival. We cannot move for- Vnature of our vision depends on our state of mind, ward without it. Vision enables us to see into life and is our degree of open-mindedness, where we place our at- boundless, but vision itself is invisible. tention, and the quality of our perceptual field. I tell Vision is intrinsic to human life on Earth. It comes my people that vision often shows up as insight or illu- from our earthiness, our humanness, and our ability to mination. Whether it is other-worldly or this-worldly, it merge our consciousness with the nature of all things. is usually important and often healing. The more we develop a direct relationship with Earth, Without vision, humanity would be lost. Each of the more we can channel both personal and collective us would be lost. Vision is what gives us awareness of vision and differentiate between true vision and imagi- possibilities. It is the engine of correct living. It unites nary fantasy. Our ultimate task is to incorporate our vi- the levels of reality into a hopeful whole that spurs us sions into our lives so that they becomes visible and of on to greater accomplishment. Steven Foster put it sim- the world. That is our life-long project and we must ply and eloquently: “Vision is when you open your welcome it with all our heart. eyes.” It expands as you take in the truth of the world. LINDA WEBBER has been guiding Women’s Wilderness Quests since Vision is also when you close your eyes and open 1986. She has an M.A. in psychology and women’s issues and has to the depth of your inner world. It occurs with the act been counseling with women since 1970. Linda is a singer and of receiving without expectations or requirements and songwriter and brings music to her work. She lives in Boulder, is often spontaneous. We do not control it and yet we Colorado. www.womenswildernessquests.org

4 A New Copernican Revolution: A Vision for the Future by Munro Sickfoose

Who is a wilderness guide? Why? ter of the universe scientifically, it did not remove hu- What does that mean? mans and humanity from the emotional, theological, or psychological centers. s guides, we have constantly asked ourselves, our Humanity still acts as if it is at the center of the Acollective, “Who belongs?” The answer has tended universe. We now inhabit a world that most of us expe- to be that we are those who engage in rites of passage rience as being filled with the works of humankind. work, particularly the vision fast or vision quest. We Particularly in the developed countries, but increas- know from experience the power of the ceremony to ingly in the rest of the world, we mostly see other hu- change peoples’ lives (and to reconnect them with the mans and their works, mostly hear the sounds of Earth), and we want to share it with others. humans, think mostly about ideas and viewpoints gen- As Netkeeper, these questions are erated by humans. The sky is so filled constantly before me. Sometimes I with our waste light that many of us even have to answer them. Usually, can no longer see more than a few the question is framed as some varia- stars and we lose our sense of scale. tion of this: “My work has evolved into Over half of humanity now lives in a something that is no longer simply built environment filled with other about the vision fast work. I also do humans. All revolves around us and ______work and sometimes com- our needs, and as the world has filled bine the vision fast with ______.” up with people, we are increasingly This mixing of ideas and expertise has unable to find external reference allowed for a rich variety that I don’t points that allow us to place ourselves think is reflected in our sense of who in relationship to other beings, the is a guide. Earth’s ecosystems, and ultimately, The answer I usually give is this: the Cosmos. I call this “being lost in “To me, it’s all guiding and reconnecting people to the the hall of mirrors”—a world that is be- Earth we emerged from is the goal—whether it’s vision coming so self-referential that it losing touch with any quests or medicine walks or ecotherapy or ______.” reality but our own self-generated one. I cannot stress enough how dangerous this is. Who is a wilderness guide? Why? The foundational crux of our work is the passage What does that mean? from adolescence to adulthood. This is crucial not only to the individual, but to the community. It moves the I have come to believe that any work that seeks to psychological center of significance from the self to the bring not just individuals, but the whole of humanity, community. Without this passage, the individual can out of the West and into the North* is guiding. And all never be part of the whole, and hence, never truly be of those who are engaged in helping humanity navigate whole. Without this passage, the individual will always that rite of passage are guides. be a threat to the community. Without this passage, the In 1543, Copernicus published his great work, De individual will always be a child—perhaps a child in an revolutionibus orbium coelestium, that removed the adult body with adult powers to harm and kill. For this Earth from the physical center of the Cosmos. A few is how we know a child; they are always thinking of centuries later, Copernicus’ viewpoint became wide- themselves and their desires. As a species, we are col- spread, but only in certain limited ways. While the lectively acting as children, and much of our law, theol- Copernican revolution removed the Earth from the cen- ogy, and leadership supports the collective psychology 5 CIRCLES ON THE MOUNTAIN—2009

of this behavior. This crucial question comes immediately to mind: The task, the vision, before us, is not just to guide What is that larger vision, that larger story? individuals, but a whole species from the West into the That larger vision must be a collective one and so North. This is monumental task. It has never been done I offer the following as a place to begin our conversa- before. I have no idea how to go about it or even if it is tion about it. I define this vision as a series of tasks in possible. But I am becoming more and more convinced the context of the Four Shields*, as part of a larger of this: whole, a cycle we can begin to mesh our work into, a vi- If the work we call guiding is only about the individ- sion to follow. ual experience and we as guides do not actively try and place that experience into a larger vision, a larger context, The Vision Task of the West: To remove humanity then we are failing in our larger responsibility to the from the center of the World. Like an adolescent, I be- human community and the larger community we call lieve humanity must successfully navigate this passage Mother Earth. to become whole and remove the threat to ourselves What does that mean? I believe it means that in and to the larger community of life we call Earth. We our preparation, when we help those we work with set largely work with individuals and some of that work in- their intentions, we must gently, gracefully help them volves bringing them into adulthood as part of a com- place their vision for themselves into a larger vision. I munity. Is there a way to take an entire species through believe that when we mirror their stories, we must gen- that rite of passage? tly, gracefully place their story into a larger story. I be- lieve that when we help them incorporate back into the The Vision Task of the North: To place humanity in world, we must gently, gracefully incorporate them into context as part of a larger community and do the work a world where humans no longer claim the center, but a of that community. Intellectually, envisioning this place on the rim of the circle. This is an extremely radi- seems almost easy. The Earth-based traditions we fol- cal shift, the implications of which are both terrifying low place us as only one of many of Earth’s children. and liberating. Our brothers and sisters include the winged ones, the 6 A NEW COPERNICAN REVOLUTION / Monro Sickafoose four-leggeds, the standing tall people, and all the other in a mythos that is part of a larger vision. When we species/nations of the Earth. As a practical matter, this speak of our work, let us speak of it as part of a larger has enormous challenges. How do we expand the circle vision. When we set our intentions, let us set them as of rights and care to bacteria and aspen groves, for ex- part of a larger vision. When we help others’ to set their ample? How does humanity define, police, and enforce intention, let us guide them to be part of a larger vision. our relationships with other communities and beings? Every time we take someone out on the mountain, we help them catch a glimpse of what lies beyond the The Vision Task of the East: To escape humanity from hall of mirrors. Every time we guide someone on a what I called “the hall of mirrors.” As we fill the World, medicine walk, or help them connect with the Earth in everything becomes a reflection of ourselves. The vast, any way, help them see another species as having spacetimeless, eternal vision of the East has been rights, look a wild thing in the eye or see the glory of sucked into the black hole of the West. How do we shat- the Milky Way, we help them catch a glimpse of what ter these mirrors and find our way out into the light? lies beyond the hall of mirrors. Anyone who does this is a guide. And we can do this every day, wherever we The Vision Task of the South: To bring humanity into are, because we know it is part of a larger vision, a wholeness as one body. I’m not suggesting some kind of larger goal. totalitarian state here. I’ve said many times that the So- There are billions of us, so it’s going to take a lot of viet Union collapsed from too much ‘We’, and the guides. Point the way. Guide someone and make them United States will collapse from too much ‘I’. It’s a facile a guide. Recognize other guides, in all walks of life. analysis, but it holds a grain of truth, I think. Individu- Bring them into what must be a vast conspiracy, a new alism has its limits and this task is about restoring bal- Copernican revolution. ance. Just as someone acts differently when they are an adult member of a community, so may the human com- * The Four Shields of Human Nature, Foster and Little, Lost munity act differently when it becomes part of a larger Borders Press, 1998 community. I must have faith that this will happen, and like all true faith, it is blind. MUNRO SICKAFOOSE is a husband, father, whitewater river I know these seem like Sisyphean tasks, but I pre- guide, and ceremonial leader. He has been deeply involved with indigenous earth-based ceremonies for many years. He trained as fer to think of them as giant koans. They may have no a vision quest guide at the School of Lost Borders, and has been immediate answers, but wrestle with them enough and leading groups and individuals in the wild since 1996. He has also they can bestow us with flashes of insight, help us peel trained at the Ojai Foundation as a facilitator in the Way of away another layer of the truth and perhaps lead to Council. He is one of the founders of a men’s community in some enlightenment. Portland, Oregon, and is currently Netkeeper of the Wilderness My hope is that as guides, we can begin to envi- Guides Council. With his wife, Susanna Maida, he teaches sion our work in the context of the goals of these vision couples to use Council for sacred relationship communication. tasks. When we mirror stories, let us place those stories

7 Another Vision Is Possible by Phil Baum

ith me, it’s not so much about visioning as it is Richard Tarnas thinks so: Wabout re-visioning, since the collective, mass mind-vision that we’re currently locked into is confin- The disenchantment of the modern universe is the direct re- ing us to a myopic world view, inadequate to meet and sult of a simplistic epistemology and moral posture spectac- deal with the plethora of compelling, life-out-of-balance, ularly inadequate to the depths, complexity, and grandeur challenges we are now facing. of the cosmos.* Speaking of facing, I’m sitting here at the key- board looking up at a bronze statue of the four-armed Any one of us or any one of the folks we’ve taken Dancing Shiva, who is surrounded by a ring of consum- out into the Great Vastness come to know, usually in ing light fire, with one of His feet planted squarely on the space of a few days time and with unshakeable intu- the body of a dwarf. So what’s that all about? Who’s this itive certainty, that they are not the center of the vast Lord Shiva anyway and what’s he up to? unfolding, ever expanding cosmos; that they are part of, One of my teachers put it this way: Dancing Shiva but not the center of The Great Mystery, of Lord Shiva’s is the force of creation endlessly changing, transform- Dance, of the reverberating Web of Life. ing—birthing and dying—unfolding, and manifesting. Way back in the day, the Re-Visionary Galileo, in All of this occurring while Shiva simultaneously con- his attempt to scientifically re-describe an aspect of the sumes, with blazing, purifying, radiant light fire, the Dance, dared to counter the prevailing Church-sup- false-to-fact images; the ignorance, forgetfulness and ported geocentric view which put the earth at the cen- delusions which captivate, imprison, diminish, and ter of the universe. Galileo held an iconoclastic dwarf us. And dwarfed we are. Copernican-heliocentric view, and it was a perspective And imprisoned we are, like Odysseus’ compan- that he was compelled, by threat of excommunication, ions, victims of Circe’s spell, who are cast into a state of to renounce lest he be labeled a heretic and subject to pig-in-the-trough, aggressive, snorting, grunting con- torture. sciousness (not that I have anything against pigs, but We heretics who have risen to challenge the domi- the metaphor holds). We too are “pigged out,” held spell- nant materialistic, dis-spirited paradigm of our time, bound, by the glamour of propaganda and deceit cast by know what that feels like. Inquisitors then, as with In- today’s practitioners of the black arts, themselves quisitors now, know how to deal with perceived threats, dwarfed, asleep and cut off from their own inner radi- real, imagined, or manufactured, to their power, wealth ant nature. and privilege. Think Abu Ghraib, think Guantanamo. For proof of this allegation, we need look no fur- The message is clear. ther than our current soulless, anthropocentric, hyper- I think what we need is a contemporary Galileo- inflated, unread, myopic, ignorant, arrogant, heartless, like re-visioning of who we are and what we are in rela- immoral, violence prone, environmentally indifferent, tionship to the Great Web of Being. Rather than attempt quintessentially greedy MisLeaders. They too have a vi- to dominate and impose our ego-driven will to power sion and it’s not all my relations. And they are not over everything and everyone around us without regard alone. for the obvious karmic consequences, we need, like Clearly, Dancing Shiva, reverberating drum in Galileo, to counter this anthropocentric tendency by hand, has his work cut out for Him. bringing ourselves back into harmony and balance with As vision quest guides, we do too. the Source, with all our relations. We need a vision The way I see it, we’re afflicted with bad case of which attunes, aligns and resonates with That Which Is. IDD, a kind of Imagination Deficit Disorder. We can’t see Again, Tarnas captures the essence of our the forest for the trees; those that are still left standing. dilemma: 8 ANOTHER VISION IS POSSIBLE / Phil Baum

We must awaken to and overcome the great hidden anthro- PHIL BAUM describes himself this way: “Right now, I’m an active pocentric projection that has virtually defined the modern Grandpa, small time farmer; herbalist, environmentalist, writer, mind: the pervasive projection of soullessness onto the cos- teacher of meditation, as well as a shamanic/vision quest mos by the modern self’s own will to power. organizer and guide. I also teach Qigong. Historically, I’ve been an English teacher, psych and counseling professor, grant writer, and an occasional stand-up poet, writer and folkloric Afro-Cuban Speaking of visioning, I think Timothy Leary may drummer and dancer. Presently, as a matter of heart, I’m have had it right when he said, we need to turn on (to spearheading an effort at my former College to make the campus the beauty, majesty and mystery of Creation), tune in user friendly for our returning war veterans (all 800 of them).” (to what is truly so), and to drop out (from the hypnotic spell we’re under). Dancing Shiva agrees.

9 Resilience and Hardness by John Davis

couple of winters ago, my home had the most con- in the Earth’s climate? Atinuous days of snow on the ground in decades, and I believe there are two kinds of answers: outer and blizzards had shut down the Denver airport for days, inner. In addition to slowing climate change and devel- sending shockwaves throughout the holiday travel sea- oping new means for meeting our material needs, we son. In a way, it felt right for a Colorado winter. At the also need to develop our inner resources. One of these same time, however, California oranges were freezing, is resilience, the capacity to respond to difficulty, even southeast Texas was bracing for a crippling ice-storm, catastrophe, with optimism and maturity. Resilience is and Washington, DC’s cherry trees were blooming in the ability to bounce back from obstacles or failures and January. It is clear that global warming is shifting our to engage life’s challenges more fully. Resilient people world. No one knows exactly what is on the horizon, come through difficulties more mature and more fully but it seems clear that whatever happens, the weather human. Resilience is one of the key capacities we will will be less predictable and more extreme. Floods, need to deal with increasing unpredictability and ex- droughts, hurricanes, fires, higher high temperatures, tremes—in the environment, our communities, our and probably lower lows—all are likely to come in homes, and our own souls. More resilient young people greater abundance than we have ever known. What are will grow from attending their friends’ memorial serv- we to do? ices; those who are less resilient will close down, bitter, While I hold this question, I am remembering a brittle, and scared. teenager in our community who committed suicide a The focus on resilience in children’s mental short time ago. Although they were not close friends, health began in earnest in the 1980s. It came as a shift my son knew Bryant from school, and we both went to from pathology-oriented models replete with risk fac- his memorial service. I went to support my son as well tors to models which identified positive factors which as to support a grieving family I had never met. I went allow children to mature from difficult situations into because all the young people there deserved to be sup- healthy, growing, fulfilled adults. More recently, the re- ported, especially at such a time. I went to celebrate the lated concept of emotional intelligence has been recog- young people, including this young man. The details nized as central in life success and mental health. Some are his own, but the general story of Bryant’s suicide is of the factors in the resilient child are social compe- that a blizzard of extreme circumstances came together tence or social intelligence, good problem-solving skills all at once, and he ran out of coping skills. As we sat in with a healthy blend of creativity and perseverance, au- the church, the wind raged outside, sometimes drown- tonomy, and a sense of purpose and future. Other pro- ing out the speakers and threatening to lift the very roof tective factors stem from the family (e.g., caring, off the church. I felt us in the calm of the sanctuary and support, and high expectations), and the community trusted that Bryant was in the calm of his own sanctu- (e.g., the opportunity and encouragement to participate ary now. I don’t know what would have made a differ- in the life of the community). The body of research on ence for him, but for sure, the young people in that resilience and emotional intelligence is now very church and their peers everywhere are in need as they strong, and it continues to expand. try to make their way to adulthood in a world less pre- A parallel body of psychological research confirms dictable and more extreme. and expands these ideas. You probably remember the Adolescence has always been a time of less pre- classic research on life change stress and health. Those dictability and more extremes internally. What happens with a high degree of stress from life changes (the death when the Earth itself is no longer a stable, predictable of a loved one, a new job, or a move to a different ground? What can we offer young people to help navi- house, for example) are significantly more likely to ex- gate both the changes of adolescence and the changes perience a health problem than those with fewer life 10 A SINGLE NOTE / Keith Howchi Kilburn changes. Those in the highest category of life change one’s heart without shame, permission to fail along with had an 80 percent chance of getting seriously ill or hav- encouragement to try again, recognition of the power of ing a serious accident in the following year. But, a few living life in one’s own way rather than from others’ de- researchers asked, what about the other twenty per- mands, direct contact with nature, and the experience cent, those who are doing well in the face of life stress? of intentionally stepping outside our familiar selves— What about those who were living life fully and thriv- these promote resilience, a robust and realistic sense of ing, even in the face of high stress? control, appreciation for challenge, and deeper commit- Looking more deeply at this minority revealed a ment. These are central and abundant in our wilder- consistent pattern of three related attitudes: control, ness-based work. challenge, and commitment. The “thrivers” felt more in We all need these factors as we respond to global control—if not in control of circumstances, at least in climate change. We all need them to navigate the un- control of their response to circumstances, they saw predictability and extremes of life transitions. The challenge as an opportunity to grow rather than a dan- young people need them in spades. Resilience and har- ger to be avoided, and they expressed a commitment to diness are core to a sanctuary against the harsh winds some larger cause beyond themselves. The researchers of unpredictable change and a supportive ground in the summarized these attitudes under the general term, face of extreme conditions. “hardiness.” Given that adolescence and early adult- hood is, by definition, a time of high life change and JOHN DAVIS had been a guide for vision fast wilderness rites of stress, hardiness, as well as a sense of resilience, should passage and healing for adults and adolescents since 1986. He is a support young people. The important thing is that har- professor at Metropolitan State College of Denver, where he diness and resilience are attitudes we can promote. teaches environmental psychology and transpersonal psychology Our work with young people in the context of and a part-time faculty member at Naropa University,where he designed the first wilderness experience and ecopsychology courses wilderness rites of passage, vision fasts, ecotherapy, and in 1992. John has been a student of the Diamond Approach since wilderness therapy has shown us some ways of doing 1975, a teacher since 1983, and is the author The Diamond this. Meaningful challenges in the right degree to pro- Approach: An Introduction to the Teachings of A.H. Almaas. mote experiences of success, a chance to speak from

a single note by Keith Howchi Kilburn

the boys who returned from the underworld standing with rapt attention to recognize spoke in the ancient language of the gods these sojourners as the human beings goddesses divas of nature they have become by leaving boyhood behind wind water fire and braving trials and toils to reclaim molten mother magma herself their divine human hearts from the jaws before she became basalt pumice of all dark beings and forces who would wish and obsidian ripe for being chipped to consume them for other fiery purposes into sharp tools for those who follow the hunters onto those fields of flesh and blood to harvest they carry their hearts like fish in a basket such sweet gifts of her generosity cradled with utmost gentleness shelter from her storms following upon fierce designs to wrest their birthrights warmth to withstand her biting wintry chill from that other collective composed of heavy metal food to fuel their deeply alive ecstasy plastic and cartoon caricatures of the real divine power drawing joyful sustenance from a fertile land they have lived with and been fed by their eloquence is honored by thousands we watch all of them at a distance 11 CIRCLES ON THE MOUNTAIN—2009 captives of the cartoon war against the world mere ancestors of a Wisdom you no longer understand trying as we might to cast a line with just the right lure We have walked these sacred grounds to catch such a fish for ourselves in our embroidered robes knowing that even if we are so lucky singing songs of renewal and revelation there will be no ceremony to honor us for our efforts remembering even those who went before us no elders of multiple initiations to guide us in stories left to younger ones to the deep still waters where such fish grow that they might ride on our shoulders and await the self-discovery only we can bring them and walk in our footsteps to that place of pilgrimage there to contemplate by means of skillful means hungry for something far stronger and more fulfilling the art of going beyond than the drugs and money and other palliatives going beyond the beyond offered by a seemingly infinite marketplace hearing in the far away mountains though we bear some resentment that all them the single plaintive note of a single bird flying east doodads and trinkets which resonates exactly to the hum and thrum are increasingly fabricated by the population billionaires and rhythm of our lonely hearts on the other side of our grilled-to-perfection planet still captured in the thrall of this lavish miscreation how perversely we mourn our unacknowledged losses as if a steady diet of cheap adrenalin and soporific aids She Sees will actually help us rest in peace See my wound, because it’s a drought year and all the while the voices of the ancient ones still trying to touch flowers our inner ears get garbled and gnarled and all mixed up I so faithfully cultivate as a garland to festoon my shameful with the cries of dying birds gangrene dropping like flies Have withered, petals shriveled into pathetic smallness from their temporary perches atop a babble of cell covering neither phone towers Ugliness nor stench and I am overcome with grief to see my all recorded in eagle eye detail efforts failing by the latest advances in satellite surveillance To withstand this unmistakable mirage of clarity, fine biting sand riding while we talk blithely of depth psychology A hot dry Santa Ana off the Mojave, threatening a as if the only remaining depth might be in the psyche conflagration of 50 year old chaparral, Can we not call these ancient ones But in the meantime merely parching our throats, wizening out of the depths of that world beneath our world our eyes and prematurely to dance with us again Parching our corn into bleached tamale wrappings. to bang their drums blow heart-notes on their wooden flutes I had thought to have a few more heroic journeys before carry effigies of all those who wish to bless us winter’s arid wind more completely as holy brothers and sisters Sucked such meanings from the story I was sticking to and an unbroken circle froze my horse mid-stride of all of us and all of those gone before On his way to another crusade; I had thought to yet stand with the younger men that they may declare, “We are devas not devils 12 SHE SEES / Keith Howchi Kilburn

Gathering my gear, girding my loins, still preparing for my Bereft of Spirit despite all prior commitments, conclusions, ultimate mission. accomplishments Seems I am here with only what I have managed to bring And service to the Medicine, afraid to stop and merely turn to the table to those coming as a The battlefield, the lecture hall, the marriage bed, and the Way Shower, preferring they would know the Way by my Council of Elders. white-tailed flag Best be ready to make medicine naked in the desert, As it recedes across a florid meadow and disappears into a wanting still to be the disciple dark forest. Devouring delicious morsels from the wisdom of other’s journeys, But instead I have not just a new name but also a new job, Suddenly, so it feels, called to stand as teacher, mentor, to sit as a sentinel guide who must In a camp chair along the trail and point the way like Perform the crazy high-wire act, juggle flaming torches and Dorothy’s scarecrow and have Intercourse with those be ready to catch who care to stop and consider awhile rather than Flying trapeze girls and let them go again in that precisely rushing pell-mell, right increment so they Like the trail to the Sacred Mountain is a crowded line for a In turn may tumble and twist to their intended carnival ride; reserve destinations, safe harbors, In advance lest there be no slot for your assault on Everest Trails to the summit and other ecstatic loves, 3-ring and no direction but up. entertainments, I, the scarecrow, but also the Crow and Coyote might say in Holy missions and sacred communions, swirling star-seeds all honesty seeking fertile ground. While pointing with both hands, “That direction is very nice, too.” I grow old, not in the manner of Prufrock, but raging at the This is not a journey we do alone, best not be wedded to a dying of the light; single plan I’ve become an elder despite my best American attempts to For achieving the summit when weather, stamina and remain young, Goddess herself are bigger Knowing there’s so much more, alcoholically craving Than all of us put together, and the circle of life demands a further levels of initiation. rhythm of giving and Receiving as crucial as the timing I’m not done, but it is time to pass on and pass it on that of that gymnast who catches flying girls those following along this And lets them loose again, an ongoing act of balance fully Trail of bread crumbs left by our fore bearers and hopefully as important as renewed by me, The gathering of gaudy blossom strewn by She-Who- Splashing a rainbow of day-glo paint that the path might Nurses-the-Sun. be unmistakable and missed KEITH HOWCHI KILBURN started writing poetry at the age of 15. He Only by those determined to lose it, avoid it or plead taught Tai Chi and Meditation for about twenty years. For the last ignorance in a court of law or a Court of honor, may thirteen years he has alternately sat in an office listening to people's stories or sat in the Sacred Mountains listening to people’s sacrifice everything, lest the next blessing not arrive, stories.

13 In Search of the Collective Story: The Journey of the Earthlink Search Party by Darcy Ottey

Praying together on the earth, we heal ourselves, each these insights into the future. This is, of course, difficult other, our ancestors, and future generations. We accept this work. But we had an added to challenge: do this not just mantle, and will do our best. for ourselves, but for, when we allowed ourselves to be —ESP ‘08 most grandiose (which wasn’t often), for all of human- ity. That is, look back over our collective history, be arly this April, I had the opportunity to take part in fully present on our individual vision quests and open Ea wild & crazy, inspired, and personally & profes- to what our hearts or the universe offer in terms of col- sionally affirming experience: a vision quest in Death lective insight about where we’re at as a People right Valley with young guides from around the world. A two- now, and explore how to incorporate these insights into week journey that included a four-day solo fast, the idea the future. An audacious goal, full of individual and col- was the dream of California vision quest guide Kent lective dangers: individual arrogance & projection, a Pearce. Kent’s idea was ambitious and had never been style of vision quest that none of us (including our four done before: bring together twelve guides—two men elder guides) had ever done before, language barriers and two women from North America, Africa, and Eu- among the participants. And yet—the idea was so beau- rope (the three continents where contemporary vision tiful that all of us accepted the challenge, and from the quest work is established and links have been formed moment that we were together there was magic. between guides) to quest “apart but together” in search I’ve only been home for two weeks now, and what of a common story. happened out there is still forming in my own mind The single criterion for participation was: one and heart, and for the other “Earthlinks.” As with a per- must be “committed to doing this work in twenty years” sonal vision quest experience, it’s hard to be coherent (and therefore young enough for this goal to be reason- about our experience, or to articulate exactly what hap- able). Kent sought out his promising young guides pened and what we learned—there is no dream that all through word of mouth and the national networking or- twelve of us had one night that sums up the future of ganization, the Wilderness Guides Council. Once in- humanity, tells us what to do, no voice that we all heard vited, if we accepted his invitation, Kent and his wife arising out of the earth or coming out of the sky. But Farion generously provided an all-expenses paid (that’s there are themes, themes that will be developed over right, travel from around the world) trip to participate. the next year as we prepare to tell our story to the In- Our commitment, in exchange, was to full-heartedly ternational Wilderness Guides community next year. participate, share our stories in our home community, Here are a few of those that stood out for me, and I and return to share our story at the next International humbly offer them as my piece of weaving together the Wilderness Guides Gathering, taking place for the first collective story: time in the US in April 2009. Kent—in his usual whimsi- cal way—called the journey the “Earthlink Search Party Healing (ESP),” as the stated goal was to uncover the story that linked us all, across the globe. Each of us came to the vision quest with our own From the beginning, the focus of the vision quest wounds in need of healing. Many of those wounds were proved elusive and difficult to comprehend: all of us, reflected in the relationships between group mem- ranging in ages from 23 to 42 and from locations as di- bers—individuals from dominant groups and tradition- verse as Capetown, Kiev, and San Francisco, knew what ally oppressed groups, people whose family histories it meant to take part in a personal vision quest, and we placed them on opposite sides of wars and conflicts. We have all helped others prepare for them: how to look brought these histories to our experience, and being to- back over the course of one’s life, to be fully present in gether was a healing balm for those wounds. Among the moment of one’s quest, open to whatever one’s our group, no topic was taboo, no wounds left bandaged heart or the universe offers, and how to incorporate up, out of the light and air. Rather, we exposed our 14 IN SEARCH OF THE COLLECTIVE STORY / Darcy Ottey

wounds to be healed by the collective, and in the sun- up in the way that people need to for a vision quest. So light & air of our sharing, our feeling, we began to be we came together in council, and we shared our hearts. healed. The importance of healing is reflected in the be- And in the voices of others, we heard our own. Without ginning of our group confirmation sentence, at the be- ever stating it, we made decisions by consensus, with ginning of this article: Praying together on the earth, we trust that we would find solutions that worked for heal ourselves, each other, our ancestors, and future everyone. We practiced the Hawaiian Maoli ideal of Mi- generations—our collective confirmation that we all hikala (introduced by a Bay area participant)—the act of took out to meditate on, to pray on, to be with, during giving and receiving forgiveness before it is needed. We our individual four-day fast. knew that the language and cultural barriers might prove challenging, so we chose instead to trust in the Trust heart of each participant.

Perhaps because we all have experience with vision The Role of Elders quest work, perhaps because our group was crazy enough to participate in this wild experiment, perhaps Among the four elders—our guides into territory where because it simply is time to see it in the world—the they’d never been before, the collective vision quest— trust that emerged from almost the very beginning was tension over roles was also present. For the twelve one of the most profound group experiences I’ve ever earthlinks, this tension reached a critical point during had, and certainly the deepest without years of history the final night of our fast—our time alone, together— for it to develop. We trusted in ourselves, in the group, still in the ceremony of the vigil night, staying awake in and in the process, despite the formidable barriers we preparation for the morning’s rebirth, but, unlike a typi- faced. And there were barriers. cal vision quest, we did it together. In coyote fashion, a From the beginning, what the structure would note was sent to the group, with the suggestion that we look like was a tension. Was this an experience we were tell our stories to each other that night, and bring only creating together, that the elders were guiding us our one collective story down from the hill. The trou- through, or that we needed to do on our own? For a blesome note we received said that no one needed to newly-forming group to negotiate these questions is dif- know our individual stories—that the collective was ficult work, especially when they’re also trying to open what was important, and that we had the skills to help 15 CIRCLES ON THE MOUNTAIN—2009 process one another’s experiences—we didn’t need the non-indigenous pioneers trying to tap into pan-cultural elders. In the unrelenting wind, in the darkness, around traditions from which our culture has become divorced, a small fire, we broke our silence to discuss this un- we have been initiated. We have the tools, the form, the orthodox suggestion. But everything was unorthodox— traditions now to offer. We have the will. And we have so why the heck not? each other to turn to for support. And so, believing A powerful group consensus emerged: We have strongly in the work that we are continuing in the been taught a form. And we believe in that form, and in world, we confirmed, “we accept this mantle, and we the way it works. We are not the previous generation of will do our best.” guides, struggling to find information on how to do vi- Returning back to Journeys after what felt like a sion quests, or how to do rites of passage. We can mod- year but was only two weeks, I feel renewed and re- ify the form, but only when we see need to. And we minded of the importance of our work in the world. have elders. And until they are no longer able, it is still Seeing the various rite of passage/vision quest lineages the responsibility of the elders to hear our stories, and come together, how much we shared despite different help us make sense of them. This is what we’re asking training and program structures—and most impor- them. tantly, the relevance of our work to a literally globally diverse population, re-inspired that the work that Jour- The Gift of Responsibility neys is doing is much bigger than helping individuals through life transitions, but part of a global movement One of the themes of our time together was “accepting to reconnect. Finally, the world is ready again, for the mantle,” that the last generation of vision quest teachings that have their roots in the beginning of guides is aging, and it’s time for younger guides to step human culture. I still don’t fully understand my own in and take on the mantle of responsibility. Personally, experience of the last couple of weeks. But it’s an excit- I struggled with this concept. At the helm of Journeys ing time, full of possibility. for the last year and a half, I felt that I knew what “the mantle” felt like—Stan Crow had passed it off to me al- DARCY OTTEY is executive director of Rite of Passage Journeys, an ready. And it’s HEAVY! Carrying forward the work of re- organzation that has been part of every major transition in her connecting people with themselves, with community, life, since she participated in the Coming of Age program at age with nature, with the sacred—it’s a hard task. thirteen. She became executive director in 2006, after serving as a What the coming together of all twelve of us from program manager at Outward Bound Wilderness and spending ten years as a guide and instructor for a variety of wilderness around the world allowed for was a sharing of that chal- programs. She holds an MA in Environment & Community from lenge. We recognized that unlike the last generation of Antioch University Seattle.

2012: A Spaced Oddity by “Red Drum”

(Excerpts from Red Drum’s found other people in my area that have gone on vision First Wilderness Guide Journal) quests. They hold seasonal incorporation support meet- ings here in town. Also clicked on Professional Guide Jan. 1 Happy New Year! I am a Wilderness Guide! Training Programs. Maybe someday? The vision quest guides from Condor Vision closed our final incorporation circle by asking each one Feb. 25 Last day of the Vallecito WGC Gathering. What of us if we “were willing to take responsibility for guid- an amazing three days. Fun, families, sweats, sacred, ing ourselves through the wilderness known as Incorpo- profane, ideas, experience, information and support. I ration.” When I answered yes, they welcomed me into have found my People! The creative communication the wilderness guides community by tying a red ban- and organizational skills of the new netkeeper are dana around my neck. They said that it was a gift from amazing to witness in someone who is only in their late the Wilderness Guides Council. Later I took it off, thirties. The support and training from the elders is opened it up, admired the unique logo, and decided to quite evident. Twenty-four years of community building check out the website silkscreened on the cloth. Went shows. I am grateful for the free Threshold Walk Train- to the website. Joined. Clicked on Find A Guide and ing I received here. It will be a great first step in getting 16 2012: A SPACED ODDITY / “Red Drum” my feet wet as a potential future vision quest guide. I many reasons: internationally recognized and affiliated, look forward to seeing what it is like to lead at this level training program aligned with global standards, can get and am excited about introducing this work into my credit for not only what I come in with, but also train- community. I’m not sure if I want to go to the “No Tal- ing I’ve done with other WGC Certified Programs, three ent Night”. Gorilla tape will not keep the ACME Dome past netkeepers on staff, and with gas prices over $12 a standing forever. gallon, it’s the closest.

Mar. 24 Attended my first WGC-sponsored Incorpora- Aug. 19 Just attended a “Soulcraft” presentation hosted tion Support Meeting. I never knew that there were so by Wilderness Reflections. It’s inspiring to see how the many people here in town who have done a vision professional guides and their organizations support quest. It is fascinating to hear how others were pre- each other and strive together to move “The Work” out pared. There certainly is no lockstep way. Just like on into the community at large. I wonder if there is a book the Mountain, the Universe deals with each of us as a inside me? unique individual. Everyone seems to end up with the guide and program that is a perfect fit for them. I am Sept. 30 Had to miss this season’s support meeting as grateful to the individuals who have committed to hold- I’m now an official member of the Renewal Fast Buffalo ing space for the four incorporation meetings this year. Lodge. Considering the amount of water I carried in, it The simple ceremony and council training that they re- should be called the Donkey Lodge. I think that I might ceived at the WGC Gathering has enabled them to hold have made an ass out of myself. Those crusty old a safe space for us even though we are strangers. Got Rangers were sure laughing a lot about something or some good suggestions on where to lead my first someone. Should qualify as renewal faster in 2014, the Threshold Walk. year after next. I have met the Global Guides Gathering criteria! With matching money from the WGC young April 1 Spent all of today checking out potential Thresh- guides scholarship fund I can purchase my airline old Walk sites. Struck out. Nothing. Nada. Neighbor ticket next week. Yip-i-yi-o, Yip-i-yi-a, I’m on my way! heard me swearing, suggested park next door. Perfect. What an April Fool. Next and hardest part—letting peo- Oct. 14 Reborn in Death Valley in December. Dancing ple know that I’m ready, willing, and ? (not so sure and singing in the Ukraine in October. What a differ- about the able). ence nine months, 9881 kilometers, and a little wilder- ness can make. I feel like a Spaced Oddity. I would have May 12 Threshold Walk Success! With the help of word- voted for InterGalactic when they discussed expanding of-mouth from some of the support group guides, five the gathering name beyond International. What can I people plus another guide showed up this morning. say about this Global Gathering of Wilderness Guides? Wonderful to get support and feedback. Everyone I’m glad that the primary importance of being on the seemed good with the $25 donation to the WGC. Some land has continued after the last gathering in the Chir- said that they would check out the website for more icahuas. My Eastern European roots are tingling, and I programs. I’m sure that at least one of them will be on feel like branching out. Wilderness rites of passage the Mountain before the end of the year. I’m hooked! guides and apprentices from six continents all in love I’m answering the Call. Yes! This is it! Can’t wait to re- with the same Mother. Brings tears to my eyes and fire ceive an orange bandana at the next WGC Gathering. to my heart. I support the proposal that the Global Gathering be held every four years with a continental June 23 Talked to other guides at the support meeting gathering in between. Smaller carbon footprint. I am about getting trained. Some suggested the “Old Way”, most impressed with the guides from the Eschwege In- one-on-one apprenticeship. I’m leaning toward institu- stitut. I look forward to doing my professional guide tional. I want to be trained as a professional. I want to confirmation fast with them. It makes perfect sense to learn with others who are called to do this work. I want have apprentices cross pollinate during their training. to meet someone to partner with (both ways). Heard Speaking of which, I just met a super hot Korean ap- more about the Europeans hosting the Global Guides prentice with the medicine name White Dragon. Maybe Gathering in the Ukraine this October. Hope I meet the we’ll bring a little pink Dragon Drummer to the Gather- criteria for attendance. Wrote a check to Global Rites of ing in 2016? I’d love to be welcomed in by all the other Passage to help them give scholarships to the Africans families. and South Americans. Nov. 18 Woofer, yes, I’m now a Wilderness First Respon- July 15 I have finished my first weekend training at der. Glad to have all of this training and I’m sure that it Monan’s Rill. I chose to train with Rites of Passage for will help the questers feel more secure with me in base-

17 CIRCLES ON THE MOUNTAIN—2009 camp, but I still think that giving them a first aid pocket Death to dance on the Great Ballcourt. guide, teaching them how to use it, and suggesting that How auspicious! they stonepile twice a day is the safest way to conduct a wilderness rite of passage. RED DRUM AKA ARTHUR CLARK KENT, received his PhD in community based rites of passage from Washington State Dec. 21 Happy Mayan New Year! and what a year it has University. Using the knowledge gained by working with the 4-H been. Here I am, twelve months after my first vision club, he and his wife Lilly have successfully helped the Boy and quest, back in Death Valley glowing in the reflected Girl Scout organizations integrate wilderness rites of passage into their programs. Currently residing at the Soop Chae Won Forest light of the questers who have just returned. This after- Retreat Center in South Korea, Lilly teaches the Zen of Council at noon, after I clean up all the breakfast dishes, I will be a nearby university while Arthur watches over their daughter privileged to hear their stories and observe a Master Pinky and writes books for his acclaimed beginning reading series mirror them. I finally opened the letter that I picked up “Lightning Elk’s Enlightening Tales”. (Available through Lost just before I went out the door to come here. Seems that Borders Press) I have been summoned by the Lords and Ladies of

The Journey from Childhood to Adulthood: The Importance of Limitations of Rites of Passage by Bill Plotkin

ontemporary Western society fails us during the transition from childhood to adulthood takes place in Ctransition from childhood to adulthood. Too many one fell swoop. Between these two life stages lies the people reach their physical prime without ever attain- challenging adventure of adolescence. And although ing psychological maturity. Put plainly, in today’s most all thirteen-year-olds have already turned the cor- world, growing up is hard to do. ner into adolescence, there’s no guarantee that a One part of the problem, well documented and an- teenager will ever mature further, no matter how long alyzed by now, is the loss of meaningful rites of passage he or she might live. The majority of Americans, for ex- at times such as puberty or high school graduation. But ample, never do. this neglect is not the biggest barrier to personal devel- Getting older by itself does not cause us to mature opment. psychologically. Adolescence is not at all confined to A rite of passage, after all—even the most effective our teen years. And adulthood cannot be meaningfully and brilliantly designed ceremony—rarely causes a shift defined as what happens in our twenties or fulfilling from one distinct stage of life to the next. Much more certain responsibilities, such as holding down a job, fi- often rites of passage benefit individuals and communi- nancial independence, or raising a family. Rather, an ties by confirming, celebrating, and publicly proclaim- adult, I believe, is someone who understands why he is ing a major life transition that has already (although here on Earth, why he was born, and is offering his recently) been achieved by the individual, accom- unique contribution to the more-than-human world. plished through years of steady developmental Although it’s rare for Americans to reach true progress. adulthood in their teen years, or even twenties, it’s en- What happens between life passages is more im- tirely possible to do so in midlife. portant to the process of maturation than the passages A greatly complicating factor in the journey from themselves (and their associated rites). The primary childhood to adulthood is that there are two quite dis- work of maturing takes place gradually every day as we tinct stages of adolescence and a major life passage be- apply ourselves to the developmental tasks of our cur- tween them. The journey begins with the passage of rent life stage. Children and adolescents need help with puberty, continues through the years of early adoles- these tasks—help from mature adults. And that’s pre- cence (which I call the stage of the Oasis), then transits cisely where we are failing our youth, and where the through the passage I name Confirmation and into the greatest opportunities await. very different stage of late adolescence (the Cocoon). In order to overcome our society’s impediments to And finally, after several years of individuation in the maturation, we must first abandon the idea that the Cocoon stage, we arrive at the passage of Soul Initia- 18 THE JOURNEY FROMCHILDHOOD TO ADULTHOOD / Bill Plotkin tion, the commencement of early adulthood (the Well- lishing a primary relationship, or raising a family? What spring). unique, mystical gift do I bring to the more-than-human What we call “growing up” is nothing like a single community? What, for me, is the difference between or sudden transition. Rather, it encompasses four sepa- sex and romance, between survival and living, between rate life stages (starting with late childhood) and not a social network and true community, between school just one major life passage, nor even two, but three. and real learning, between a job and soulwork? What is Given the complexity and temporal span of this se- death, poetry, dreaming, honor, consciousness, the uni- quence—and the lack of present-day understanding of verse, soul, spirit? What does it mean to be human? it—it’s no wonder so many contemporary people never After many years of living these questions, after reach true adulthood. many expeditions of wandering through the terrible In Nature and the Human Soul, I introduce a na- and majestic mysteries of nature and psyche, we, at ture-based and soul-centered model of human develop- long last, receive a glimpse or overhear a whisper of the ment, portraying in detail the qualities of each of the greater, truer story of our individual life or of “the truth eight healthy stages through which I believe we are de- at the center of the image you were born with,” as poet signed to progress as humans. Here I want to focus on David Whyte says. In many traditional cultures and just two of these life stages—those of adolescence—and spiritual paths, such a glimpse is called a vision, a soul briefly describe only one dimension of each of these calling, or the intuition of destiny—which doesn’t arrive stages, namely the developmental task. in cultural terms, such as a job or social role, but rather In the first half of adolescence, the task is to fash- embodied in mysterious, usually nature-based symbols, ion a personality—a way of belonging to the human themes, or patterns. A woman I know, for example, is community—one that is both authentic and socially ac- living her vision of bearing a chalice, a vessel for the sa- ceptable. This is much easier said than done, especially cred feminine dimension of the world. My own calling in our current egocentric, aggressively competitive, ma- is to help others weave for themselves cocoons of psy- terialistic societies. But this accomplishment lays the chospiritual transformation. foundation for all later maturation. Becoming authentic If and when we make the unequivocal commit- means to know who we really are—to know where we ment to embody our vision in our world for the benefit stand, what we value, what we desire, what we tolerate of all beings, then and only then do we traverse through and what we don’t—and to be able and willing to act ac- the passage of Soul Initiation (with or without a rite) cordingly, most of the time, despite the social risks. and into true adulthood (the Wellspring). Under the best circumstances, this takes several years As much as anything, the world today needs ma- to accomplish. In the contemporary world, many never ture mentors and initiators to support young people to succeed, primarily due to the obstacles to healthy child- grow into visionary artisans of cultural change, the new hood development encountered in much of contempo- leaders of the twenty-first century who will guide hu- rary parenting, education, and society. But what makes manity through the transformation that the greater early adolescence even more challenging is the second Earth community wholly depends upon. Mentoring our half of the task in this stage, namely, attaining social ac- youth to succeed at the developmental tasks of the two ceptability. To be a healthy adolescent, we need to be- stages of adolescence (and helping them address devel- long to a real community. So the way in which we opmental deficits from the two stages of childhood) is express our authenticity means everything. We must even more important than providing them with rites of learn how to be true to ourselves in a way that at least passage that confirm and celebrate their success. some of our peers embrace. But there’s no reason not to offer them both! If and when we achieve a personality that is au- thentic enough and acceptable enough, then the This article is based on the book Nature & the Human Soul: enigma called by such names as life, the world, Mys- Cultivating Wholeness and Community in a Fragmented World. © tery, spirit, or soul shifts our center of gravity from 2008 by Bill Plotkin. Printed with permission of New World peer group to the mysteries of nature and psyche. This Library, Novato, CA shift marks the passage I call Confirmation. A rite of BILL PLOTKIN, PHD, is an ecotherapist, depth psychologist, passage at this time publicly confirms the fact that wilderness guide, and the founder of Colorado’s Animas Valley we’ve succeeded at fashioning a social presence that Institute. He is the author of Soulcraft: Crossing into the Mysteries works well enough. It ushers us into—and provides the of Nature and Psyche and Nature and the Human Soul: knowledge and perspectives we’ll need to begin—late Cultivating Wholeness and Community in a Fragmented World. adolescence (the Cocoon), which is the stage when we Visit him online at http://www.natureandthehumansoul.com and begin to ask the big, existential and spiritual questions http://www.animas.org. of life: Who am I beneath my social persona? What is life about, beyond learning a skill, getting a job, estab-

19 The Wild in Us by Beth Beurkens

For Julie, Cathie, Miranda, Mirjam, Our ancestors lit fires to drive away untamed forces Vera, Sylvana, Myrt & Lesley we beckon them build altars to their essential return The rising sun rolls its curtain of liquid light over desert bajadas Here the hot chill of predator At night a black gallery above wakes us in the purple night with diamond river speaks our name of Milky Way

In this bare bones land of fire and ice We’ve come as white-robed initiates all things are possible wearing Buccis Gortex Levis Whales once sang haunting songs here come to witness the wild in us bear the pummeling force of elements BETH BEURKENS, M.A. is a faculty member at the Foundation for Shamanic Studies, instructor at the College of the Siskiyous and endure the unpredictable the School of Women & Earth (Switzerland), and a teacher of reclaim dark chambers of the heart creative writing. She leads dynamic seminars in North America and in Europe and has a shamanic healing practice in Mt. Shasta, California and Basel, Switzerland.

Fox Vision by Franz Redl and Claudia Pichl

laudia and Franz are sitting in basecamp—holding Ms. Fox: All the animals are asking, why you are Cbase for their jumping mice out there in the beauti- coming every year with a group of new people to this ful Tuscan mountains near holy Monte Amiata in cen- place, what your task in our family of incorporated be- tral Italy. Looking into the south they can see the ings is and whether you have a Vision—for you and for Adriatic Sea if the weather is clear. It has been very us all? So the other animals chose me to go to you and clear the last three days; almost chilly north winds kept ask you that questions because I am the bravest and them dry. Clear sight clear minds of the North. most accommodated to you humans (through Pecorino, Suddenly a fox is standing in front of them. She is you know). That is why I am here. one of the well known inhabitants of that place who With these words she lies down in front of them, loves Pecorino cheese above all other stolen food. crossing her front legs as a sign of peace and love (the

20 FOX VISION / Franz Redl and Claudia Pichl

“I am not a trickster” mudra), problems of a good friend. He re- looking curiously at them. sponded: “Oh, these are good After the first astonishment problems, very interesting prob- and a second look at the front lems, no need to complain.” legs, they are smiling—here she Ms. Fox: And tell me—do is—the fox as messenger of the you have a message for us, the animal world. They are happy to animals? meet her in person face to face Ms. Claudia: First I would and to be able to exchange more like to apologize that we often important thoughts then anger enter your world without respect about stolen pecorino. And yes and that we as humans destroy they had always felt very wel- so much of your and our re- comed by the animals of that sources. We are also animals— place and this was a possibility to humanimals, but sometimes we thank... forget about our nature and our spirit. Spirit, you know, Ms. Claudia: Hi Fox, so happy to see you. How connects us all: your foxspirit and my Claudiaspirit and beautiful you are. And how honorable to be voted mes- his Franzspirit—I am sure our conversation will spread senger of the animals and how brave to really come respect and love for the other, the different, the foreign. meet and ask us. Well, not an easy question. I am a sort We humanimals need that desperately. Thank you for of old fox lady who supports other people in times of your curiosity and patience. their life where they need change, especially to trans- Mr. Franz: Yes that is exactly what I wanted to say form themselves. Old fur not good anymore. New fur too: When more and more people understand that the needed, you understand? My people are often unhappy so-called foreign is a part of us, then one day we will and tense and fearful and almost in shock. And they love also what is different from us. And so the humans long to be more happy and more relaxed and more will become more a part of this life with all the differ- brave. So I bring them here in your home place to grow ent species on this planet. a fur that suits them better—more soulful, more beauti- Ms.Claudia: One last word regarding what I ful, more full. And they cry and scream and rage in let- learned so far here on Earth: Pain is an experience, not ting go of the old fur, you hear them sometimes? (Fox something to suffer from (as a wise Zen master put it). nodding) And they laugh and cry and sing and dance in Yes we all want to be happy and avoid pain. And yes: the new. They are better people for their people when Pain is there. And yes: Pain is just an experience. So they go home, when they are happy in their new fur. embracing the whole, breathing in and staying even That is why I bring them here, and sometimes I also with the difficult, that’s my practice nowadays. come on my own—to give birth to my new fur that I Fox smiles back, bending a little her hairy nose can love and accept and find really useful and soulful and in the next second she is gone…. for my world. Mr. Franz: For me it is to CLAUDIA R. PICHL: Vision Quest and help the people and myself to be “Rites of Passage“ midwife since 2000 more connected with the heart in Europe, trained with Steven Foster, and the body. “Too big a big Meredith Little, Scott Eberle and others; heart”—this is one of the mes- 5 Rhythms teacher and follower of the ecstatic path of dance with Gabrielle sages I got from my teachers. Roth and Andrea Juhan; Integral Body Life is change—loss, transforma- Psyhotherapy (IBP) consultant. tion and again and again finding new perspective. This is my vi- FRANZ P. REDL: founder of Shambhala sion, that this becomes a natural Center in Vienna 1984, Tajiquan and part of us. To feel everyday of Qigong teacher, since 1998 Shambhala our life: Thank you! Wilderness School, accompanies people Ms. Claudia: Or saying with different settings of “Rites of every day: This is a good day, we Passage”, Visionquest in Europe, are very pleased! (As old em- Sahara and Sinai/Egypt, learned from peror Franz Josef from former and feels connected to the International Lost Borders people, especially to Austria as well as the Aborigines Meredith, Steven and Scott. used to say). Recently I ex- Shambhala Wilderness School/ Austria pressed my empathy with the www.wilderness.at

21 Out of the Book, Onto the Land by Zelig Golden

e were not always the people of the book. Our He- ture. This requires no rabbi, no turning the pages of a Wbrew ancestors were the people of the land. They prayer book. lived by the cycles of the moon and the sun, worked the We go to bamidbar—the wilderness, the expansive earth for their food, and taught through a vibrant oral desert—because we believe the Divine is more accessi- tradition. ble in this empty, still landscape. Like Jacob, who wres- Largely out of necessity—because we were dis- tled with the angel and returned to his people with the placed from our land and repeatedly persecuted in for- name Israel, and Moses who climbed the mountain for eign places—our oral tradition became a written one, forty days and nights and returned with the words of codified in the Jewish laws of today. God, each of us goes on a vision quest for our own rea- Our tradition of experience gave way to a tradition sons and returns with our own gifts. of the mind. Our survival as a Jewish people hinged on On this quest, some found deep Jewish ancestral our books and the stories of the Torah. Yet this move- healing and some returned with a new vision for their ment into the book disconnected us from the funda- lives. All found a sense of renewed connection to the mental source of our inspiration. Divine in nature, as well as a deeper sense of self. It is time to move beyond the book and rekindle The prophets of the Torah found inspiration in our direct experience with the Divine in nature. this way. Many people believe prophecy is dead; I think To help individuals spiritually connect to nature we have estranged ourselves from prophecy by going and themselves, and to mark life transitions, the Santa too far into the book. But it’s possible to reconcile the Rosa-based nonprofit Rites of Passage has led individu- estrangement. als on “vision quests” for more than thirty years. After Although our written tradition saved us as a peo- my vision quest with Rites of Passage last summer, I ple by preserving the inspiration we discovered in our knew I had to guide members of the Jewish community ancestral land, our focus on texts has cut us off from in this way—so I trained in Rites of Passage’s yearlong the living, breathing world where God is found. While guide program. we must continue to cherish and learn from our written Last month Mike Bodkin, the executive director of tradition as a gateway into the past and as signposts for Rites of Passage, and I guided eight individuals into the the future, we must also emerge from our exile from White Mountain desert on the California-Nevada border the land. to embark on the first Jewish Vision Quest. We began Of course, we Jews are not alone in this exile. The our journey by celebrating Shabbat Hazon, the Sabbath entire world is facing a great crisis of displacement of Vision, among granite giants, a maze of fragrant sage from land and spirit. The immersion in books has given and a show of shooting stars. Our voices echoed “Lecha way to an obsession with the Internet. Given the envi- Dodi” through our base camp canyon as we welcomed ronmental issues we face today with global climate the Shabbat bride and prepared for three days and change and the growing food crisis, a reconnection to nights living alone in the desert, fasting and opening to the land has never been more critical. I urge us to be a the death of an old life and the birth of a new one. light unto nations in service to the Earth and ourselves I believe we’re entering an age of post-rabbinic Ju- by rediscovering and rebuilding our personal relation- daism, a time when many of us are aching for direct ex- ships to nature. perience with the Earth and the Divine. The Zohar The Jewish calendar is replete with opportunities teaches that humans are imbued with the powers and to celebrate this connection. To reinvigorate these tradi- elements found in nature. Thus, directly connecting tions, a group of us at Chochmat HaLev are creating ac- with the elements allows us to awaken to our true na- cessible, land-based pilgrimage festivals. For example,

22 OUT OF THE BOOK , ONTO THE LAND / Zelig Golden

during Sukkot next month, we will pray and study the the rhythms of the moon and sun. The raw conditions Torah in the fields of our farm in Dixon, harvest the of nature will bring us closer to our ancestral minds, vegetables for our dinner, sing our ancient songs and helping us receive the truth of our lives. camp out under the stars. As we enjoy a respite from the distractions of ZELIG GOLDEN lives in Oakland, is a member and teacher at modern life, we will put ourselves back in touch with Chochmat HaLev (www.chochmat.org). He guides Jewish Vision what is real—the cycles of life, and the miracles of na- Quests with Rites of Passage (www.ritesofpassagevisionquest.org). ture. On the land in this way, we will be constrained by

23 Grounding Vision! by Jeremy Thres

ifteen years ago as I flew home from Russia follow- and the obstacles I’d meet. Perhaps they could have Fing my first quest, an idea/mini vision swirled up in shared a story or in some other way given me tips about me. I was struggling with the disparity between the dire how to meet it. They might even have played a more ecological information I was coming across in research, proactive role in my vision, seeing it as a community and the inaction of not just those around me, but also project that would gain from their own presence. myself, particularly in relation to the need for trees. I also am intrigued by a question, though. Perhaps I had a little bit of capital at the time, and it came this project was meant to be put aside so I could more to me that I could begin to put my money where my fully dedicate energy to the quest training I was just mouth was. I could buy a piece of land and open up the embarking on, bringing forward this work I’d dreamed possibility for interested and creative others to come to- of, and which deeper vision from the threshold time it- gether to plant and create. An image came of a particu- self pointed to? lar artistic friend smiling and involved… So the quest work is what I did dedicate myself to. On landing at Heathrow at 5 am, I had a feeling to And it seems as though the seed of semi-vision I’d had call this friend and invite her to meet for breakfast. She on the plane did not completely die. Support for me to was up for it, we spoke for just half an hour and the learn what I needed was coming my way. idea crash landed! It foundered as soon as she started Quite apart from all that there was to learn from asking questions such as “Who is going to own the the quest training, Gigi Coyle (ever thankful Gigi) gave land?” From her experience, there would be issues in me an introductory booklet she’d put together with relation to power arising from this. Jack Zimmerman on Council. Inspired by this and It foundered not just because I could not wrap my complementary teachings, and with the help of a mem- head around such nitty gritty details and come up with ber of the Ojai Foundation who visited Britain to give an immediate answers, but also because I saw that I did introductory training, I initiated some circles locally truly want to be involved myself. On the airplane fif- and, after a few years experience and practice, was be- teen thousand feet up, I had just seen myself offering ginning to feel more optimistic about my abilities to the opportunity to others, but on the ground, I realized work with groups of people. Folks really could not only I did personally want to be more directly involved than sit beside each other despite their differences, they that, and that made it seem impossible. could even welcome those differences. Not too close It seemed impossible for two reasons. The one perhaps, but with some space, it definitely worked! that stood out at the time was that much of my experi- Five years later I bought some land. By this time I ence of communication between people with differ- was more willing to engage in the journey in a new ences, whether in pairs or small groups, had not been way—both allowing my needs to be expressed and open positive. This meant I felt it was doomed to failure. to hearing the needs of others. More importantly, The other reason, which was interrelated, was my through the continuing quest work, I had a clearer and own personal lack of consciousness and skills about wider intention for the project that others could begin needs, power and conflict. I could tell I was stepping to join. That vision was: a place to explore the “regener- into potentially challenging territory where needs ation and reintegration of Land, People and Spirit.” might clash. Feeling I had no idea how to meet these So has begun a journey of great learning and ex- things skillfully, I buried the whole idea, and don’t re- ploring relationship with on a particular piece of land— call talking to anyone else about it for a number of twenty-four acres of pasture and ten of wood on the years. northeast corner of Dartmoor in southwest England. I am interested how much emotion comes up Although we knew that we wanted to create more when I reflect how I would have loved to have had woodland, from the outset our aspiration has been to some supportive elders I could have talked to about the listen to the place, not just impose ideas upon it, so for situation. Elders I could have shared the dream with that reason we are moving very slowly. “If you look at a

24 GROUNDED / Phil Baum

death, yet the seed has become a sapling that continues to strengthen with a life of its own. We have become a small community of old and new friends deepening their commitment and with a freshly clarified purpose to work with the Regenerative Powers of Nature. Vulnerability is still present among us at times. Part of this is due to local regulations being in conflict with what we feel to be the current needs of people and the land. This can make it difficult for us to stay on the land for significant periods, and also to build necessary (for this climate) low-impact structures for agriculture. Probably more trust needs to be built, or perhaps we will have to turn to Satyagraha—Gandhi’s term for choosing to follow a higher law, in spite of potential risks, when manmade truth/law no longer serves life. The other factor that remains present is the ongoing need to cultivate new ways and relearn old ways of being together individually and collectively, with our Common Ground and our Diversity. As we begin to re- cover sustainable skills of tilling, weeding and working with the outer land, we must develop the same process on the inside, by “cultivating” the ground of commu- nity, or else ultimately the harvest/vision may fail! I don’t know if we have the balance right yet of this outer and inner work. Clearly both are needed, yet our species, for so many reasons, has become human “doings” rather than human “beings.” Despite the many piece of land just in the way you are going to use it, you negative social and ecological consequences of all this kill it,” an elder advised early on, a marked contrast to doing, people often seem suspicious (or afraid) of en- the most common question we heard: “How you are gaging in self-reflection. Carl Jung’s response to the going to use it?” question: “Will we [our species] make it?” was “If The aspiration has also been for others to join this enough people do their inner work.” He also said that if exploration in various ways, and that brings up ques- we can remove our shadow projection from our neigh- tions as to how many people can healthily and sustain- bor that is truly great work for the planet! ably be involved. Quests are one of the ways we have sought answers for these and other questions. JEREMY THRES has been a student and practitioner of Wilderness- Seven years have now passed, and we still don’t oriented rites of passage for more than ten years. His journey has quite know what Re-integrating and Regenerating Land, embraced environmental education, theatre work, and founding People, and Spirit is going to look like! There have been the not-for-profit organization, Regenco, based in Devon, England. many comings and goings, what have felt like lives and www.regenco.info

Grounded by Phil Baum

ladder the or up down Whether you are going the ladder ______Your feet aren’t on the Ground______

25 Coyote and the Writer by Steven Foster

oyote got along with everyone but Writer. He had didn’t sleep for many days. As he tossed and turned in Chis reasons. For one thing, Writer told lies. For an- his bed, he tried to think of other things he could write other thing, Writer told lies to a computer. For a third about besides Coyote. Yes, there were many things he thing, Writer’s computer spat out books that were put could write about but all of them were about Coyote. Ei- into the hands of people who believed his lies. Clearly, ther he wrote about Coyote or he didn’t write. The pos- Writer was up to no good. sibility of not being able to write distressed him so What kind of lies did Writer tell? Lies about Coy- much he lost another week of sleep. Then he sat down ote, stories about things Coyote never did— like killing in front of his computer and began to tell it a Coyote Wolf’s wife, or not being around when his children were story. born, or the time he was tricked by Cottontail. Lies like When Coyote saw that Writer was still hard at this made Coyote look like a thug or a nerd. Well, it was work, he threw a rock at a passing car and went to find time for Writer to go. Magpie. “Would you do me a favor?” he asked her.

Even the stories that were true, like the one about “Would you disguise yourself as a pretty little girl and creating dry land, or bringing fire, or making it safe for go tell this Writer to stay away from his computer or men to have sex, were a big bother. Animals and people he’ll be sorry?” “All right, Coyote,” said Magpie, “but one were reading these stories and coming from far and favor deserves another. Winter is coming and I’d like to wide to catch a glimpse of him or sit at his feet and have a good supply of pigeon eyes.” “O.K., I’ll cut some scramble like little birds for crumbs of wisdom. Well, out for you,” agreed Coyote. “Only stand this Writer on Coyote was sick and tired of the fuss Writer was mak- his ear.” ing. It was time to shut him up. When Magpie left, Writer stammered and cried. He went to Writer’s home in Inconsolable Canyon. He went on a drunken binge that lasted a month. When “Look, Writer,” he said. “You’ve got to stop telling lies his time of mourning was over, he sat down in front of about me. I’m not who you say I am. You’re bringing his computer and told it a sad, beautiful Coyote story. misery down on my head with your stories. If you don’t When Coyote saw that writer was back at his com- quit telling lies to that computer of yours you’re going puter telling lies, he shot a hole in a highway CAUTION to be very sorry.” For emphasis, he added, “I have spo- sign and called his spirit helpers to a war council. Bear, ken.” Eagle, Badger, and Hummingbird came. “You guys Writer thought about what Coyote had said. He sneak into Writer’s house and wreck his computer,” 26 BEYOND VISION / Michael de Maria growled Coyote. The computer was gone. The stories Writer had “How, Boss?” grunted Badger. “You want I should told it were gone—forever. The game was up. Writer take a crowbar to it?” himself applied the crowbar. When his anger was spent, “Something less obvious,” sniffed Coyote. Writer disappeared for a while. No one saw him any- So the four helpers went up Inconsolable Canyon where in Inyo. to Writer’s house when he wasn’t there. The door wasn’t Then one day Writer returned. He looked like a locked, so they just walked in. “Look, there’s his study!” corpse exhumed from the grave. The animals stood said Eagle. “Yes, over here— the computer!” said Hum- back in awe as he walked by. What kind of medicine did mingbird, hovering over the box with the screen. “And this Writer have, that he should return to the neighbor- here’s the keyboard!” said Bear. “Hey, youse guys. Look hood after what Coyote and his helpers had done? what I found. The printer,” said Badger. “See that red Writer said nothing. He went into his study and light?” said Hummingbird. “That’s the main switch.” cleaned up the mess. Then he lay down a blank sheet That night when Writer came home, he turned on of paper and began to tell a story to it. The story began: his computer to tell it a Coyote story. He worked at it “Coyote got along with everyone but Writer. . . .” for a while and then noticed small waverings and shift- ings on the screen. “Hmmm,” he said, but he kept on STEVEN FOSTER and his wife Meredith Little initiated wilderness working. The words on the screen winked off, then on, rites of passage programs for contemporary people in the early off again, then on. “What the . . . !” exclaimed Writer as 1970s. They are the elders of us all. Steven died in May 2003 of a the screen went blank altogether except for a little pic- genetic lung illness. ture in the middle of the dead screen depicting a nu- clear explosion.

Beyond Vision by Michael de Maria

Two Medicine where I had come, empty, broken, and alone... That day is etched in my soul... So much effort, seared into my heart. so much struggle to break free... I had been lost, so many chains half asleep, that had imprisoned me... not knowing anything... To take that step, that first step, And then, that real step, on that lonely road, my...step... in the middle of nowhere, I made my way Beyond Vision to a lake called I wrote the above lines fifteen years ago on my first vi- Two Medicine, sion quest. The poem describes my first conscious ex- perience of following the call of my soul—and my first vision for my life. As I sit back and ask how my under- Two Medicine, standing of vision has changed over these past, I realize

27 CIRCLES ON THE MOUNTAIN—2009

sion until I realized it was more profound for me to let that fixed vision die so I could be brought back to life and see everything anew. As my “vision” fell apart something was released within. The world came alive. My vision became more expansive, more immediate, more present to simply what is. My literal vision shifted to include everything and everyone with a depth of compassion that came from a profound vulnerability and awareness of the in- terconnectedness of all things and all people. My vision was no longer limited to me, but somehow included everything I could see. Color was restored to the world. Everything seemed strangely new. I could also sense and feel how crucial it was for me not to create some- thing that would stand between me and the unknow- able mystery of what is. I realize my vision to be clear and vivid and true did not have to be clouded by beliefs that stood in its way. Each fixed “belief” appeared to be a wall between me and true vision—an immediate see- ing of what is. Before, my vision had to do with traveling down the river of my soul in a canoe—a river I had never been down before and that was full of great challenges and awesome beauty. That has changed. Now I’m still traveling the river of my soul, but I am no longer in a canoe. It feels often as if I am simply a drop of water in the river—one minute cascading down rapids, the next remembering my life as an ocean, and sometimes ca- reening through the sky as a raindrop. Fifteen years ago, if you gave me a choice of being my sense of vision has moved from being something to a man in a canoe traveling down a river or being a drop a being no-thing. That is, vision for me no longer is a of water, I would have picked the canoe. Today there is fixed image I carry around with me but has rather be- no choice. I realize my own particular self is nothing, come a way of being. The vision I did carry with me that I am simply the awareness of these cascading im- broke into a million small pieces some five years ago ages, sounds, whispers and sensations that move during a deep and profound death/rebirth experience through me like clouds floating by a raindrop in the around a hurricane called Ivan, along with a number of other crucial deaths. As painful and difficult as the loss of my first stages of ‘innocent’ vision were, they ripened, deepened and seasoned my understanding of vision guiding my life today. I’m thankful for the initial vision that hit me like a bolt of lightening fifteen years ago—but I realize now I was holding on to it much too tightly. It had become a “thing.” and when an experience which is essentially fluid, life-giving and ever shifting becomes a “thing”— we can become too literal, too fundamental in our view of ourselves, others, and life. We seem all too ready and willing too give up food, comfort, relationships and ca- reers – but what is often most necessary is giving up our spiritual beliefs and ideas. I realized I had been too idealistic about “vision” which then prevented me from being fully present to each moment more fully and pro- foundly. To let go I needed to let go of even what I had thought was a fixed vision. I was ready to die for that vi-

28 VISION AND PATTERN / Peter Scanlan sky. Vision is no longer a fixed something, but a dy- guide today. It is a humbler, simpler understanding of namic, ever changing soulscape of being and becoming. “vision,” while also being a robust antidote to the crazi- My sense of vision is following the current of each mo- ness of the world we live in. ment and being open to the miracle of what is unfold- ing in the perpetual now. Vision is simply a MICHAEL DEMARIA, PH.D. Psychologist, Soul Guide, Author, Artist, spaciousness within my heart from which I live. It is Musician and drop of rain.The poem printed here can be found in this spaciousness which brings the world into view and Michael’s new collection of poetry “Moments” published by Ontos helps me “see” the true nature of what is. World Press. You can find out more about Michael and his work It is this simplicity that most helps me and those I at www.ontos.org.

Vision and Pattern by Peter Scanlan

he difficulty with the word “vision” is that it can be bring back and assist to birth it into the world as action. Tinterpreted to mean a single image or time limited So then, what is vision? One way I think about it is series of images like a movie short. And it is often un- as our current version of the bigger soul story that is derstood as visual. It is not that those don’t happen the core of who we are and which calls us to live into it. sometimes for people. I had one when I was twelve- It is what I can see or am aware of about who I fully years-old. A budding mystic, I was in the Catholic am, which is hidden from my conscious self. I some- church next to the Catholic school I attended. I had times think about this bigger story as an underground been considering a vocation to the Catholic priesthood. river that flows beneath the surface of our lives. There I was in front of the statue Mary, the Virgin. I asked her are different ways that it bubbles up to the surface, of- for a sign as to whether I was indeed meant to be a fering us the gifts of images that can be visual, auditory, priest. I saw her lips move. This both terrified me and tactile, emotional, an intuition, a feeling, or any of the confirmed my priesthood. Fifty-four years later this vi- ways that our soul, as carrier sion lives on. I am still a of that bigger story, communi- priest, though no longer of cates to us. These offerings the Roman Catholic variety. I come in night dreams, day- left that form of my priest- time imaginings, and dia- hood after three years. The logues with the outer and intervening years brought me inner world, and in all kinds through different manifesta- of numinous experiences. tions or “visions” of priest- They are happening all the hood, though I was largely time, and our distracted every- unconscious of them as day life experience often priesthood at the time. My keeps us from awareness of current priesthood is as a them. That is why experiences soulcraft and vision quest such as the vision quest are so guide. My understanding of powerful. They help to clear what priesthood is has away the clutter of distrac- changed dramatically. I now tions. They create a space of understand it to mean guid- quiet, solitude, exposure to the ing people to the edge of Mys- land as mirror of our bigger tery and, while they venture story, an emptying of what we alone into that liminal and think we know our life to be numinous place, holding the about. Into this empty con- place to which they will re- tainer fall the offerings of soul, turn bearing their gifts and vi- the hints and threads of our sions. As priest/guide I will sacred bigger story. We attain honor and mirror what they vision by gathering these

29 CIRCLES ON THE MOUNTAIN—2009 threads without trying to interpret them. We carry of Mary, now woven with a lifetime of encounters with them, interact with them, embody them. The coming Her in her many different forms. These and many into relationship with the threads constitutes a weaving more threads have woven a fabric that I try to live from that, over time, becomes a fabric with a pattern, some- as fully and consciously as I can. And at the same time thing that we begin to understand as showing us some- I am continuously gathering more threads, any one of thing of the source of our being, a pattern that we are which has the potential to shift the larger image or pat- called let shape the way we live in the world. In this tern, to call me to once again to gown even more fully way we live our “vision,” become visionaries. into a vision of priesthood that I see more deeply into, The vision, or pattern, that forms over time re- pieces of which I didn’t recognize a moment before. mains organic. It is never fixed or final. My vision of my priesthood is woven of many threads that predate Peter Scanlan is a clinical psychologist in private practice for my existence on the planet as well as threads from my twenty-seven years in Nashville, Tennessee. He trained with planet-bound life. One of those threads is my ancestral Animas Valley Institute and the School of Lost Borders as a vision connection to Celtic heritage. Another is the call to quest guide and has been an AVI lead guide for seven years. He is priesthood I heard at twelve years of age. Another is a working on a model for the challenge each of us faces in joining our masculine and feminine aspects within the four cardinal dialogue with a grandfather rock in Death Valley who directions of our human nature. gave me my deepest soul name. And yet another is my early encounter with the Divine Feminine in the form

Bearing Witness to Life by Leonard Fleischer

am racing out of the desert canyon, my hurried steps something old and deep and normally unspoken, Iechoing in the awesome stillness. I have left behind wanted to be heard. I wanted to hear that voice, learn my seriously ailing friend under a quickly constructed about what gift of purpose it carried for me and how I tarp to protect him from the unforgiving sun. I am rac- might then embody my true intention in the world. ing against that sun, my own immense weariness, and In short, my soul—that genuine self that lies the real possibility that he might die. My legs are heavy deeply buried beneath the encrustations of personal and my breath is coming in short bursts. My supply of and societal ego— wanted to speak. Once acknowl- water is getting low. My spirit is sagging. I see the edged, it had become an insistent voice all that year. I bleached bones of numerous animals as I make my way had to go back to the place where I had found my “sec- on what feels like an endless, hopeless trail. In my ond birth,” to deepen my understanding of how I might mind’s eye, I see the bones of my friend, William—and nurture my personal transformation for the benefit of my own—on the desert floor. Death seems to be offer- others. ing a compelling invitation. Beyond exhaustion, in a But we hadn’t counted on a brush with death. state of despair, I lay my body down. I don’t believe I After the anniversary marking of our vision quest can go any further. intention, culminating in another fast and vigil in the Just two days before, it seemed so different. Two ancient form of a “purpose circle,” William and I were men from New England confidently returning to a pris- in high spirits. We had planned a three-day exploration tine canyon in southeastern Utah to mark the one year of Grand Gulch, another remote canyon in Utah filled anniversary of a profound event in each of their lives. A with ruins of the Anasazi people, followed by a raft trip minister entering elderhood, a psychologist entering on the San Juan River. As we made camp the night be- middle age, we had met the year before on a vision fore we would set out on our Grand Gulch hike, we quest, a rite of passage whose essential elements have, heard the insistent, otherworldly hooting of an owl. My until modern times, been common to nearly all cul- friend later told me how chilled he was by a call under- tures. Although our reasons for coming, and those of stood by ancient peoples to be a harbinger of the dead, the other individuals who felt called to enact a pro- and how his sleep was thus uneasy and troubled. found deepening of life purpose in a remote canyon in The day dawned bright and hot, and we embarked Utah, were somewhat different, there was also a re- on a difficult hike. The trail was hard to follow. Springs markable resonance in our stories. Something in me, that we had counted on for water were dried up. The

30 BEARING WITNESS TO LIFE / Leonard Fleischer temperature approached 100 degrees. No one else was and I was asking myself—to enlarge my perception of in the canyon, as far as we knew. We saw, however, what I am capable of. We found my friend, feeble and thousand year-old ruins of dwellings, granaries with alive. As we hurried to the hospital, my immense grati- corncobs, and rock art including a giant god-like moon- tude was matched by immense astonishment. The face high on a cliff. I vividly felt the presence of van- canyon had offered a compelling glimpse of greater ished ancestors. mysteries than I had ever imagined. As the hours of arduous hiking passed and we What happened in that canyon is not easily ex- could not find any water, exhaustion—and then fear— plained, nor understood. My friend and I are two sober, began to set in. William was becoming ill. His walk fal- solid citizens who are not normally given to flights of tered, his speech became illogical. Alarmed, I searched fancy or what might be considered New Age explana- endlessly for water. Nightfall was approaching. The tions of paranormal events. I believe that the resource owls began their mournful cries. in me that seemed to be activated by the presence of Now physically supporting my debilitated friend, the ancient petroglyph was something beyond we came around a corner and found a verdant pool of willpower. I experienced a source of direction in myself water, surrounded by shimmering red sandstone cliffs. that was more than mere duty or rational response. It looked something like heaven, I thought, except that Where did that direction come from? Who or what was William was at this point in a delirious fever. We were it? I don’t really know. I experienced it and have faith in for a hellish night. that it was indelibly real and reliable enough to build I prayed throughout that starlit night, as William’s my life purpose around. What I discovered has trans- condition worsened. By morning, it seemed clear that, formed the way I view what I’m made of, and what is without medical intervention, he was in very serious possible in my life. trouble. I moved him into the shade of the tarp, left him I do know that for thousands of years, traditional with some water and food, and offered encouragement cultures have understood that people carry within them and a prayer to his barely-conscious self. I began to run a profound understanding of their place in the world, back on the trail, driven by the thought that it might be the gifts that they potentially hold for others, and their only a matter of hours before death began overtaking capacity to both transform themselves and their com- life. munity as a result. Cultures have developed carefully Soon, however, I fell victim to the same relentless designed life passage rituals that are remarkably similar natural forces that had afflicted him. I began slowing in their sense that developmentally, we humans need down. I felt dizzy. Doubt began to sprout in my mind, to get beneath ordinary consciousness in order to know, followed by despair. I was not going to make it. We were intimately, our birthright. That more genuine self that both going to die. Lying down on the sandy ground we are born with, or “soul,” doesn’t reveal itself easily, seemed so inviting, so peaceful, and so I did. however. It is represented in images, dreams, and I don’t know how long I was on that canyon floor metaphors that do not typically seem logical or rational. before I began to feel a strange, almost magnetic pull on Nature-based peoples understood that when our soul my left shoulder. I looked up, to the canyon wall, and speaks, it tends to communicate in a language and an saw the great moonface petroglyph that had so mesmer- action that ordinary consciousness might alternately ized me on the way in. I felt as if it was beckoning me deem strange, dangerous, or mystical. to stand up, rise up with everything that was left in me, As we paddled down the San Juan River a couple lift my life force so I could do what I needed to do. The of days later, surrounded by walls of two-billion year old pull became stronger to where it was irresistible. rock, we spoke of how we were given a vivid glimpse of My rising then came with a strength, a ferocity, a what is possible when humans bring their vision and passion that to this day I cannot explain. I simply stood their intention together, in consonance with the forces up, bowed to the representation of the ancestors on the of the other-than-human world. I saw what can happen canyon wall, shouted a great cry of defiant life, and when I am confronted with a situation that overwhelms sprinted the remaining five miles out of the vale of the usefulness of all of my conventional beliefs of who I death to get help. am, and my personal strategies for protecting that. Several hours later, I returned as a passenger on a As those beliefs and strategies get exposed as the rescue helicopter, not really sure what we would find relative imposters that they are, they fall out of the when we landed in that remote canyon. As we flew low way. The raw nature of our humanity can manifest, through the sinuous canyon walls, it was clear to me and we can simply and profoundly respond to our that this life-and-death drama was being played out on a world. That nature, we discover to our astonishment, is larger stage than any I had ever known. I didn’t know the nature that we want to rely upon in our lives there- what we would find when we landed, but it seemed that after. greater forces were operating, that I was being asked— Recently, I went to West Virginia to assist with a

31 CIRCLES ON THE MOUNTAIN—2009 five-day program designed for participants to deepen embody a larger self, and thus, if we choose to do so, their awareness of their intrinsic gifts and how they transform ourselves and the world. That transformation might embody them in the world. Afterwards, I waited in me has embodied itself in a number of ways in the for my plane home with the program leader. We talked ten years since the rescue in Grand Gulch and the car about the next step for me, moving into a leadership po- crash last year in New Hampshire. In my personal life, sition. I was both frightened and excited. It is an awe- my vocational life, my relationship to the world, and some challenge and a sacred responsibility to guide my relationship to soul and spirit, I feel that I have people to move through their old barriers, to in essence been offered a great and precious gift. It is clear, how- die to major aspects of the life they have known. ever, that it is a gift that I have to choose to unwrap As I was driving home from the airport, I was every day. I have to remember. I can’t go back to sleep. thinking about the raw terror and beauty in people that As a professor and psychologist, I have daily op- I had just been witnessing for several days. I thought portunities to encourage people to look beyond “that’s about what it might mean for our world if people were who I am” to imagine “this is the life that I am capable given the opportunity to experience their authentic of.” In a class I teach on human development, for exam- selves in their families, their classrooms, their jobs, and ple, we explore the adolescent journey as one that opti- their lives. And I contemplated my role in all of this: I mally moves from the socially acceptable self to one of so love this work, and at the same time to step up my genuine identity. Similarly, in my work as a therapist, I involvement in it would mean yet another significant now believe that we are capable of far more than ego disruption in my increasingly unpredictable life. adjustment to unhealthy realities; rather, people can Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw the large discover the hidden treasure that they possess, and be- SUV speeding through the red light, about to crash into come the authors of a new story of their life. my car. In that fraction of a second, I saw my death When I was a young man, I did a week-long re- coming. I saw the people that I love and felt immense treat at a Zen Buddhist monastery in Minnesota. gratitude for the life I had been privileged to live. It was Preparing to leave, I went to say goodbye to the teacher, now about to end. I was at peace. a kindly and wise old monk. As I reached out to em- When my mangled car came to rest, I did not brace him, he slapped my shoulder with great force, know if I was alive. I stepped out of my car in a dream- looked at me intently, and shouted “Remember! Every space. I saw a young couple, weeping, asking me if I day, your true intention! Every day!” was ok. I smiled, still conscious of not knowing what I have thought about those words ever since. I world I was in. They asked me again, looking very have tried to apply them in my marriage, in my parent- alarmed. I said to them, “what just happened to us is so ing, in my work as a psychologist, in my efforts to be an important.” They looked at me at first startled, then re- involved citizen. In many ways, going out to Utah in the lieved, then joyful. We embraced, and in that moment I middle of my life to enact an ancient rite of spiritual knew that I was alive. transformation was a way of engaging the monk’s ad- The imminent possibility of death in Grand Gulch monition: Who am I, really? What is my truth? How can and on that highway, and the inexplicable emergence of I honor that truth every day? the force of life, seemed to bring all the questions to- I originally went to “quest for a vision” of how life gether. The poet Mary Oliver (1992) writes, could really be, if I brought all of who I am—every voice, every shadow, every intention—to the effort. This Tell me, what is it you plan to do entails, as I found out, a great lament for the parts of with your one wild and precious life? our life story that have brought pain to us as well as others. It requires a willingness to die to our old stories, Wild. Precious. We are wild beings, enveloped in a because these are the narratives that tend to bury our natural world of immense intelligence and intuitive potential to live our true intention. harmony. Our mortal human lives are a precious oppor- I came back from the experience shaken to my tunity, if we take it, to make of ourselves, and our com- core. There was profound revelation, powerful insight, munities, that which we know, deep in our bones, is and a genuine sense that life would never be the same possible. for me. At the same time, I wrestled for an entire year To take that opportunity meant, for me, that I with how I could manifest what had been revealed. would live with a sense of imminent possibility. I can What, indeed, was my life purpose, now that I had an offer all that I can, and all that I am, to the world I alluring, enigmatic glimpse? The soul speaks in what know, so that it can see what it is capable of. We do not appears to be code; it doesn’t offer a delivery system. have to stay small. We do not have to stay stuck in our And parts of me went back to sleep—returned to old stories. We have greatness and courage in us. These established ways of seeing and belonging to the world— wild and precious lives are given to us so that we can because I had trouble integrating the vision I had en-

32 UNTITLED / Petra Lenz Snow countered. So I went back to Utah, with my friend, to constitutes a great challenge to our notion of who we see what might be there for me, what I might still need are, and what we are capable of becoming. to learn. I returned to that original site where nature As I learned in that mystical canyon in Utah, we had mirrored for me what felt like our divine potential. may have to be startled into genuine change. The ego I returned because I knew there was a missing piece of certainly seems to see it as a life-or-death matter. It may the puzzle. How do I live, now that I know what is pos- also be true, as was the case for my friend and me, that it sible for me? often is a question of literal survival. There seems to be It was time. I was ready to find out. an important relationship between risk and danger and I got far more than I expected, however, experi- seeing things in a new light. Sometimes the world encing the imminent death of my friend and myself. It around us comes crashing, like that SUV coming through was as though the world needed to test me, to see if I the intersection, into our conventional awareness. was genuinely ready. I think I was being told that this is Today, there is no doubt in my mind that so long more than a psychological adjustment, a fine-tuning, a as I am alive I will seek to move through my self-im- calibration that will make everything fit. This was big, posed limits, and dedicate myself to a purpose larger bigger than anything I had ever experienced. than self. I’ve learned with startling clarity that it is a As a teacher, therapist, and guide, I work with peo- privilege to be here. I have come to believe that this ple to encounter the transformative truth of their au- precious human life is offered to us to embody our thentic identity. Knowing who we really are, soul’s gifts, for the benefit of the world we live in. underneath our conventional narrative, changes every- Passing through these vales of death and being thing. For me, tasting death in a remote canyon and on given another opportunity to live my truth brought a busy highway offered a glimpse of what is real that home both the urgency and the sacredness of the task. I continues to shape my ordinary awareness. I had a brief like to think that the thousand-year old petroglyph on look at a mirror that revealed potential that catapulted that canyon wall in Utah continues to bear witness. my awareness of the “everyday sacred.” I see this potential everywhere. In a time of in- Len is a professor of education at Keene State College in New creasing estrangement from nature, personal and socie- Hampshire , and a licensed psychologist who works primarily tal confusion, and burgeoning global conflict, we have a with adolescents, families, and schools. He is also a rite-of-passage great opportunity to do things differently. As people guide with the Animas Valley Institute of Durango, Colorado. He and as a culture, we are held back by fear and security holds a doctorate in Counseling and Consulting Psychology from Harvard University. concerns. It is very hard to give up our old loyalties. It

Untitled by Petra Lenz Snow

What courage it takes to leave our daily life and go beyond naked and hungry.

And really, what other choice do we have than to follow the call of our desire, our beloved, our true home of belonging through all weather and terrain, human failure and constant shortcoming?

PETRA LENZ SNOW is a mother, immigrant, vision quest guide and life artist deeply committed to serve mystery and all sentient beings in beauty, love and truth.

33 What is the Vision in a Vision Quest? by Trebbe Johnson

am sitting on a mountain in a circle of stones, staring holds most sacred. The vision is a kind of release of a Iinto the immense dark night. Tonight is the last day stunning inner truth that is nevertheless so deeply fa- of my four-day fast, and I have resolved to do an all miliar that the quester feels she has waiting all her life night vigil here, staying awake and praying for a vision to have it affirmed. The vision is a bundle of inner and that I can take back to my people. Suddenly there is a outer reality that occurs in just a tiny blink of time, yet shimmer, a shift in the air, then a kind of clarification of contains profound and lasting meaning. What a quester the scene and of my senses. It is the great Lakota war- later knows about what has just happened is a great rior, Crazy Horse, who appears before me. I recognize deal more comprehensive, significant, and rooted than him instantly, intuitively. He moves closer. He has a any mere description of the event can convey. Like the message just for me…. mystical experiences that the philosopher William That’s how I imagined it would be. Before I went James defined, visions “are states of insight into depths on my first vision quest in the San Juan Mountains of of truth unplumbed by the discursive intellect. They southern Colorado in 1988, I assumed that if I got a “vi- are illuminations, revelations, full of significance and sion,” it would be something mythic and external and, importance, all inarticulate though they remain; and as above all, something I could see. What actually hap- a rule they carry with them a curious sense of authority pened was quite different, and although it changed my for after-time.” More than mere realizations, the visions life forever, it was only partly external and hardly visual one receives on a vision quest seem to infuse the entire at all. psyche, body and soul, with a new way of being. A vi- Since 1995 I have guided dozens of vision quests sion will not endure unless the person who has it delib- in mountains, deserts, forests, and moors, and I have erately finds ways of enacting it in the world, but if she discovered that many people have an expectation simi- has the determination and patience do so, the authority lar to mine. Because they have chosen such a radical, of the vision is an authoritative and lasting motivator. personal, and timeless way of seeking insight, they Questers are usually relieved to learn that receiv- imagine that the “vision” will be a grand, culminating ing a visitation from Crazy Horse or one of his mythic event that sweeps over them and infuses them with peers is not necessary for a meaningful the vision quest some new and startling truth. What I tell them at the experience. Now they are free to open themselves to start of the program is that they will probably not have wisdom, guidance, and clarity from any direction—and a single vision like that. Instead, they will most likely at any time, including the days before or after the ac- have several visions. tual solo. For example, the turning point for one One of my teachers and my guiding partner for woman, who had always prided herself on her stubborn five years, Bill Plotkin, used to tell our questers, “If independence, came at the very end of the trip, when you’re looking for a vision you can see, you might miss she was forced to ask for help carrying her gear out of a the vision you get.” In other words, if you narrow your steep canyon. For another quester it came when he was sight on a vision will be so clearly perceptible to the telling his story. This man had had many love affairs eyes that a filmmaker could record its details, then you and had come on the vision quest because he was un- may stare so fixedly in the wrong direction that you able to make a commitment to the woman he truly miss many insights, truths, gifts, visitations, and deep loved. As he began to tell the story of his solo, he told fallings-in-love that are trying to get your attention in the group laughingly that nothing much had happened. other ways. But he burst into tears as he described a sudden visit to What, then, is the vision of a vision quest? It is a his solo spot from two attractive young women, hikers moment of profound connection with oneself, one’s on a Sierra Club trip, who had been drawn to his bright place on earth (both the particular place where the red tarp among the golden mesas of the desert. He had event occurs and the life path in general), and what one greeted them politely then told them that he could not 34 WHAT IS THE VISION IN A VISION QUEST? / Trebbe Johnson

talk with them since he was on a sacred journey. In the The following is a story of a quest of many visions, moment of his description of that moment, his own de- all of them interlocked. It happened to a young woman termination to commit to what was important flooded who came on a vision quest and camel caravan with over him, and he knew himself transformed. Sabina Wyss and me in the Sahara Desert of southern Because the vision quest is a mythic adventure in Algeria. “Ula” had embarked on the quest because she which the seeker’s whole life story is encapsulated in a was tired of feeling restrained by her concern for what single journey, it is helpful for both the quester and the others might be thinking about her. She wanted to guide to regard everything that happens as a potential flower into her own self, to be bolder, to speak her truth part of the epic story. What place the quester is drawn to without fear of the judgment of others. as her solo spot, which person from his past re-emerges On the second morning of the camel caravan Ula in dreams or memories to serve as an ally, what obsta- came to breakfast with shining eyes. She told Sabina cles loom to frustrate and challenge her: these strands and me that she had awakened with a panicky sense are intricate parts of the weave. It is a weave, moreover, that something was missing—and then realized that her that the quester is constantly contributing to. When I heart felt empty and clear. The old weight of feeling imagined a visitation from Crazy Horse, I saw myself as judged had been lifted, and she felt light and easy. As a passive recipient of a cosmic truth. What really hap- we set out to walk with the camels she asked if she pens, of course, is that the quester’s own responses to the could hold my hand. This was her first vision. magic, mysteries, and frustrations of the journey move A couple of days later, at the end of our morning the life of the whole process to the next phase. Far from check-in, she stepped into the middle of the circle and, being passive, the quester is an active participant in the one at a time, addressed five people in the group with dialogue, and the more he participates, the more the whom she was feeling strong emotional projections, shape and spirit of the quest gathers force to answer some positive, some negative. There was, for example, a back. And of course, as the great myths keep reminding young man who reminded her of the young men in her us, when you are open to adventure, adventure comes life, a woman she feared because she seemed angry, a dashing to find you. “nice” father figure. This was her second vision. Em- 35 CIRCLES ON THE MOUNTAIN—2009 boldened by a new sense of free- items that reminded her of out- dom, she pushed herself further moded self-concepts that she was and spoke directly to each person ready to let go of. Several days on whom she was projecting these later, when we were at the airport strong dynamics, acknowledging in Algiers, she saw a cloak in a the sticking place was in her, not shop window that exactly them. matched the one in her vision. For her solo spot Ula chose She bought it and put it on imme- an expansive place on a high diately. She was now her own vi- basalt plateau, a huge flat projec- sion embodied. tion of shiny black rock out of Each of these events forged a which black stone shapes loomed new relationship between Ula and like walls, tall altars, gigantic her surroundings, both the imme- mushrooms. When she went back diate surrounding of the desert to the place for the first day of the (even the airport) and the larger solo she realized that she was very surroundings of her community close not just to one but two other and her place in it. Her willing- questers. Immediately she was ness to confront old images of overcome by old worries. How herself, harsh inner voices, and could she do ceremony here? she constricting fears enabled her to asked herself. What is the others slip more easily through that fear watched? What would they think into the mysteries that were beck- of her? How could she learn to be oning her forth. Emboldened by free? She decided she would be her own growing sense of free- free anyway. In the days that fol- dom she took actions to expand lowed, she refused to hide behind the boundaries even further. Mov- walls, either physical or psycholog- ing past what she did not need, ical. She stepped into the open to do her ceremonies. she donned the mantle of what she wanted to take on. She took off her clothes and lay naked in the sun. She Even if a quester is blessed with one great vision, asked the birds, the rocks, the sun and shadows to tell it is likely that many others will also unfold during the her about her own beauty. The visions she received and course of the journey to enhance and reinforce it. Each created were abundant. such vision, given and received, is in intimate partner- On the day after the solo ended, the group walked ship with all the others. Each rounds the others out, a short distance from our stony base camp to a hidden complements them, and builds upon them. When we oasis, a deep, clear pool sequestered among huge pay attention to these moments of truth and insight labyrinthine rocks. There Ula sang the medicine song that come upon us in ways both ordinary and extraordi- that had come to her on the solo, and as the rocks nary, then we open the doorway to others. And so we picked up the song and echoed it back, everyone pres- enter into a dynamic dialogue with the world and our ent was moved to tears. This was yet another vision, in own deep self. How fortunate we are, both as guides which Ula created an act of beauty and an affirmation and questers, that the visions that startle and nourish us of self in a beautiful place. are rarely so simple as a vision from Crazy Horse. The following afternoon, in a new camp after our first day back on the camel caravan, we did a guided TREBBE JOHNSON is the author of The World Is a Waiting Lover: imagery journey with the group. In it Ula had an image Desire and the Quest for the Beloved and the director of Vision of an old woman presenting her with a white cloak Arrow, offering journeys that combine adventure travel, the which she donned as a symbol of her willingness to mythic quest, and the search for personal meaning. Her newest take on her beautiful, mature adult self. She deter- project is Radical Joy for Hard Times, journeys that bring people together to find and make beauty in the wounded places of the mined that, upon returning home, one of her first acts Earth. www.visionarrow.com would be to clean out her closet and give away any

36 Life Cycle Story of “Jumping Mouse” by Skye Bailey

hen I heard the story of Jumping Mouse around my palm, and I felt as though I was holding the hand of Wthe fire on my first Vision Quest, I wondered why Mother Earth herself. this, of all stories, was the most important to tell. Now ten years later, I depend on this life cycle story as a ...and you will see the Sacred Mountain!” framework for my personal life, as well as for the schools that grew out of my first Vision Quest. With the hot sun on my skin, the cool moonlight breeze, the surface of the boulders and the sand on the Mouse has a roaring in her ears… soles of my feet, I drank in the passing of each perfect day. I was in the vast living room of mouse, lizard, bat, Ten years ago, I heard an undeniable “roaring in my snake, coyote, fox, toad, butterfly, and beetle. Bird sang ears” and was instinctively drawn to the Vision Quest. my soundtrack. The massive, craggy Sierra Nevada As I embarked on my journey into the high desert Mountains were my view to the west, the Inyo and mountains to enact this ancient right of passage, little White Mountains cradled me from the north and east. I did I know how much this experience would change my played on the earth and I painted everything I saw. life – for the better, and for good. Having been a cloth- Everything had a message, and everything was a sign. ing designer in New York City and an art director in Los Angeles, I could not have been more detached from the “You have a new name. You are Jumping natural world. My performance in a marriage with two Mouse!” daughters appeared to be successful, but as my father said, “it was like watching a flower wilt.” I stayed up all night on the fourth night of my solo time, tending a fire and asking for my vision, but the Raccoon guides mouse to the Sacred giant Spirit figures in the sky that I somehow expected River… to boom down my destiny never materialized. I drew the star sign, and I heard messages from wind. It was Giant boulders and tiny sage brush looked like the sur- hard to go back to base camp at sunrise. Later that face of the moon and paled against the cinematic morning, I returned to my desert home to dismantle mountain terrain I imagined. What was I doing here? I the rock pile I shared with another quester, and it was was scared in a primal way, but I trusted the ceremony, then that I remembered who I am. Suddenly I was back the combination of fasting, solitude and exposure. in the Bitterroot Valley of Montana, a child, a teen, a Could I really be alone in the desert at night? Would I young woman, deeply rooted in the ways of the earth survive the fast? And most importantly, could I realize that I had learned from my family, my grandmother, my intention to “know I can take care of myself?” my elders. As I sat on a warm boulder and held this small being in my arms, I knew it was my destiny to Frog, Keeper of the Water, says “crouch create a place for the little ones, to love them as I loved and jump…” myself that day, to give them freedom and contain- ment, and to teach them how to reciprocate with their At sunrise on the first morning of my four days and environment and be barefoot on the earth. four nights alone, I entered the underworld on the smoke of burning sage and turned away from the “Only the eye of a Mouse can heal me… threshold circle. A few feet away, I picked up a black rock with four rounded corners that looked as though As soon as I returned to my community in Marin someone had been carving an animal. It fit perfectly in County, California, I began to realize my dream of a 37 CIRCLES ON THE MOUNTAIN—2009 school on the earth where children could experience adapt the story into a form that would be available for their natural world, grow their own food, take care of generations to come. In 2008, I collaborated with chil- their animal friends, make their own sustainable struc- dren, their families, and friends of the Schools to create tures, realize their self expression, and be mirrored, a multi-media version of the Jumping Mouse story, loved and appreciated for exactly who they are. Since which includes a book, DVD, and sound track CD. This then, hundreds of families have passed through Little project enabled me, with the help of many generous Arrows Schools, Fine Art and Environmental Education and talented individuals, to learn new mediums which programs for people 0-6, where the focus is on sustain- were previously unfamiliar to me. able living and self-expression. The visuals include a cast of felt characters moved by children’s hands across background photos from my Gray Wolf goes back to guide others… years of Vision Quest experiences. My creative team and I combined computer graphics, storyboarding, pho- I am grateful to the ceremony of the Vision Quest, tography, videography, editing, soundtrack composi- where all roads came together to show me my purpose tion, and numerous other techniques to reflect the on the earth. My childhood experiences in the Bitter- landscape and intent of the story. I also interpreted the root Valley, my fine arts degree from Parsons School of story into a performance piece including script, sets, Design in New York City, my post-quest studies to be- costumes, and props. The children of Little Arrows come an Early Childhood Education Director, the con- Schools performed the play in the spring of 2008. tinuing growth of my schools, and my passion as a Ten years after my first Vision Quest, I am no Vision Quest Guide all combine to allow me to share longer a wilting flower, separate from the natural world. my knowledge and love of the natural world with oth- I can truly say, “My vision grew corn on the Earth for ers. As my path deepens, I continue my studies in Eco- the people to see.” and Social Psychology and Folklore and am an advocate for Native people. SKYE BAILEY is a vision quest guide, a certified wilderness first responder, and a member of the Wilderness Guides Council. This “You have a new name. You are Eagle!” story is an excerpt from her forthcoming book series about sustainable living and self-expression for our time in this world. Because Jumping Mouse is so integral to the vision and The Story of Jumping Mouse is now available from Lost Borders Press at www.lostborderspress.com. Skye may be reached at philosophy of Little Arrows Schools, I felt compelled to [email protected].

The Challenging Quest for Vision by Sparrow Hart

e enter the wilderness, and we return. We walk before us as we step forward, trembling. The trail of Wout to seek a vision, the faint tracks of Black Elk, tears or the road less traveled becomes the path with Buddha, or Christ stretching before us. We face the un- heart. known; its presence and power are awesome and palpa- Empty days extend into the distance. Watches, ble. Sunshine, cloudless days, storms, or sleet are all schedules, and appointment books have all been left be- possibilities. Fear and loneliness are our constant com- hind. Aimlessness invades our attention. The boat is panions; culture, consensus, society, and small talk fall rudderless, the sail slack as we are spun this way and by the wayside. We enter the mountains, the dark for- that by changing winds on a sea of boredom. Our plans est, or the desert; we descend to the underworld. dissolve, and intention scatters in every direction. State- Rain and raw winds feed our worries; rattlesnake, ments of purpose, images of achievement, and stories mountain lion, and bear prowl ‘round the edges of our of success mock us. Resignation enters our body and awareness. Accident, injury, hunger, and thirst chatter eats away at our hearts, like a cutworm that chews a in the corners of consciousness. The fog of unknowing tunnel toward the core of our being. It will not stop. blocks our vision; the swamps of despair wait on either Anger flares up and lashes out at the self or the world: side. What we have run from lies in wait everywhere we call them stupid, ugly, or foolish. Why did I ever

38 THE CHALLENGING QUEST FOR VISION/ Sparrow Hart come here? We shake our ing and willfulness, trans- fists at God or Gaia. They are formed by tears. My gaze is dead, delusions, abstract and clear. I have ascended to the empty categories. We feel mountaintop, and the beauty lonely, lost, and abandoned. of the earth extends out below The old self dies hard. me in my approach to heaven. The well-maintained walls of I lift mine eyes up into the the known crack and begin to hills in spirit flight. They are crumble. They brace them- windows of the soul, and now selves against the assault, but I look out from the heart. the enemy lies everywhere. The valley stretches out The unknown stalks us in the vibrant and voluptuous. The shadows at night. It roams in river is radiant in the sun. Dia- the surrounding hills. It is monds dance on a luminous camped out or camouflaged landscape of liquid, its surface in forest and field. It moves a’shimmer with glistening through mazes of under- gemstones. It is calling me to ground passageways. We rein- enter its currents, to wrap my- force our battlements, but it self in its ribbon of gold, to burrows beneath us, under- drown in devotion. Before me mining our foundations. We lies the source of life, the foun- steel ourselves to stand our tain of youth, the entrance to ground, but the ground is no the temple. longer solid. A voice cries in the Humility comes hard, wilderness: “This is the Prom- but it is like manna from ised Land! Wash away your heaven. The miasma melts sins, release your regrets, shed away, the self’s importance the old skin! Step through the shrinks. The cauldron bubbles; the broth thickens as doorway and enter the water! Be cleansed, baptized, movement gathers steam. Fog condenses into rain, and blessed, and reborn.” tears fall from the eyes to water the parched and barren The shaman is dismembered and remembers; the earth. Waves of grief hurl themselves against the shore. ego is undone. The stench of death and decay is swept The walls are battered and begin to break. The away by the breeze, as flowers take root in the rot. The shell softens or shatters; a small crack soon appears. It dark night of the soul surrenders to the dawning of the slowly expands into an opening, an entry or exit, a win- spirit. dow where two worlds can meet. The egg hatches, the All is as it should be; this moment, and I, are cocoon splits asunder. There is a portal in the psyche, enough. an aperture in the air. Inner becomes outer, outer inner. * * * * Emergence and entry, essence and existence merge in magical moments, as new life struggles to be born, The sun vaults over the hillside and runs across a reaching for food, form, and freedom. Light and a gust cloudless sky. The river wraps around a gravel spit and of wind rush forward into the vacuum, filling our lungs bounces off boulders across the way. A stiff breeze from and eyes with sweet and searing beauty. the south ruffles the surface of the water. Swirls and ed- dies form and disappear, scouring a deep bowl at the * * * * foot of the rocky face and dropping sand in steppes and terraces along the shore. The temperature will soon In the new light of day tracks of saints become percepti- climb along with the sun, and I will enter those waters, ble—their passing leaving imprints barely visible along floating and frolicking through the lazy afternoon, de- the shore. They too crossed the river Styx and jour- lighted and adrift in the welcoming embrace of its clear, neyed through the Valley of Death. Their presence yet cold currents. remains, their footfalls felt in the shifting sands of eter- Time and the river move on, though eternity is al- nity. Their songs are still carried on the currents of the ways. Tonight or tomorrow I may descend into darkness wind, and their drumbeats echo in canyon and hillside. again. Spirit will become flesh, and the raw, tender skin I have foregone food for this feast of vision and develop new armor. My fluid movement may be frozen banquet of the soul. My sight has been washed of want- into form when touched by the cold hand of fear, and

39 CIRCLES ON THE MOUNTAIN—2009 definition will become defense, and concreteness con- There’s an invisible point, a stillness, a center in straint once again. all the spinning. Spirit, I struggle to see you every- I may build another house to inhabit—a structure where. You are in wind and water, the sun and soil. You of the self that is more simple or solid—to temporarily are the trees and the tides, in all I know and in the shelter a secret interior. New walls will divide within knowing. You are in eternity and now, nothing and from without, and I may feel pride in my workmanship everything. I know not where you lead me, but I will as protection becomes prison again. Deadbolts will follow. In the “I” and eye that sees you, you are the see- block the doors. The sashes will be lowered and locked, ing. Welcome into my life. It is your life, and I am you. and the air will grow stale as I look upon the world through the pains of my windows. The passage to another world is rarely easy. Some- Will I once more disregard what I know, growing thing ends in each beginning. deaf to the song of the soul? Shall I ignore the tapping A vulture passes overhead on the wings of an on the glass, forgetting the wind and breath of god until angel. Life and death go hand in hand, and there are the foundation trembles again in some great storm, and many forms of praying. lightning hurls a flash of illumination through my Spirit, you shine in the sun, run in the river. You tightly closed eyes? are above, below, behind, before, beside, and within me. Today the world is filled with enchantment, and I I will enter the Valley of Death for “Thou” are with me. cry with gratitude rather than regret. Tomorrow is a And I will fear no evil. new landscape, but the same choice awaits. Tragedy and terror, comedy and wonder dance around the cir- Founder of Circles of Air, Circles of Stone, SPARROW HART has cle. The seasons pass; the tides and sun rise and fall; practiced modern and indigenous therapeutic approaches and for the river seems glistening or gloomy. Ten thousand the past thirty years has apprenticed with a variety of native and forms burst forth and fade as the cycles turn like a non-native medicine teachers in the United States and Mexico. whirling dervish. They spin in an ecstatic dance—and Since 1988 he has been leading vision quests each year in New England and the Southwest. He is a father, writer, creator of the sometimes it can make us nauseous and dizzy. It de- Mythic Warrior training, founder of the annual Men’s Wisdom pends on where we focus our vision. Council, and a frequent workshop leader around the country.

Path of the Guides by Mel Vandergriff

To walk the path of the Guides that healing comes is to walk in wonder Balance and harmony the products to listen of wisdom well applied And then step out into the bridgeless chasm Proclaim your gifts and talents with faith that They will be there and walk onward with the surety Trust in that inner peace that you are not walking alone which is both a blessing and a burden Each has a special place and the gift from the Guides in this pattern we call life. Purification is a necessity MEL VANDERGRIFF MA is the founder of Seasons of the Spirit and a But only the Elders trained vision quest guide, who has been guiding a variety of know what its form may take nature experiences for ten years. He has been a Whitewater Raft Guide, guided orca sea kayaking trips in the San Juan Islands, False humility is an anchor and served in various positions with Paddle Trails Canoe Club. He the seeker cannot afford trained at the School of Lost Borders in traditional wilderness passage rites, the dynamics of initiation, four shields, coyote work, It is only though knowingness and mythical story-telling. He also teaches social dance in Chattanooga, TN. 40