Issue 36 Aug-Sept 2010

“I wouldn’t say I was the best Romanticist poet in the business, but I was in the top one”

Byron Clough GNP SAVE LEFTLION AD:Layout 1 11/9/08 13:40 Page 1

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Travelling by tram, train, bus, walking or cycling reduces congestion and CO2 emissions, helping you to do your bit for the environment www.thebigwheel.org.uk LeftLion Magazine Issue 36 contents August - September 2010

Based on Thomas Phillips’ 1824 portrait, Rikki Marr’s Byron Clough lives in the Cross Keys on Byard Lane. Prints available for sale at viewtheshop.co.uk. editorial Youths and Ducks,

(...and yeah, Brian Clough’s been on the cover two issues running. You wanna mek summat on it?)

We’re all aware, I trust, what an incestuous sniff-around- the-dog’s-ringpiece life in Nottingham can be - especially in LeftLionLand, where, every now and then, you find yourself interviewing people you actually know. It’s bleddy weird. You start the interview saying to some 7 14 15 band, “So when was your first gig?” and they say; “At the Maze, wan’t it? You were there, you bell-end. Oh, has the interview started, then?” For example, in this issue, 04 May Contain Notts 12 Hooray For Wellywood 22 Event Listings amongst other things, I got to interview my first boss The local news diary that’s just Wellington Films racks up ten years We know what you’ll do this who gave me my second-favourite job in Notts. Terry from come back from a dirty weekend in in the flick biz summer Programme World. Mabelthorpe with your Mam, and wouldn’t go anywhere near that Empathy and Ivory 13 Reviews It was the summer of 1980, and your humble Editor and stick of rock she’s brought back A long-overdue blather with Billy 25 his mate Gormy Dawny were returning from the City Ivory Opportunity knocks for 8mm Orchestra, Baby Godzilla, Ground after a daring raid onto the pitch to nick handfuls LeftEyeOn Tom Garner, Lowstarr, Manière des of grass when we chanced across Soccer City, the other 05 Throw Off Your Mental Chains! shop he owned on Arkwright Street. The first thing he did Pictures of lovely, lovely Nottingham 14 Nick Parkhouse: an Eighties Knight, Bohémiens, Spaceships are Cool, Kirk Spencer, Whatley & was ask if we wanted to buy some display cases for our fighting for the honour of Johnny grass (we did. Pound each). The second thing, after he’d A Canadian in New Basford Hates Jazz Stone and Yunioshi 07 Our Rob cuts the arms off his lumber had our money, was to tell us to piss off, as he was busy merging both shops into one, and couldn’t waste time jacket and gazes in awe at a proper Cerebral and Ballsy English summer 15 28 Noshingham chatting to a couple of mongs in scabby Harringtons. I Dan Edge: Putting the smackdown Another procession of Big Teas from asked him if he needed a hand, and before I knew it, I had on disability, and coming to a school the likes of Dino, The Cumin, and me first-ever job. 08 Blokes on Trent near you Cock and Hoop. Three words: ‘Om’, Will Forest get out of the ‘Nom’ and ‘Nom’ Back in the day, Arkwright Street used to run from the Championship? Will Notts thrive in 16 We’ve Been Framed train station right up to Trent Bridge, and at the time it League One? Portraits of Nottingham 30 LeftLion Abroad seemed like the entire world passed through there on a Plus The Arthole, Notts Trumps and Saturday afto. You saw everything an’all; one afternoon Rocky Horrorscopes Terry Venerable 18 Pete Davis I managed to leg it back to the shop after a Man U game 09 The undisputed overlord of He’s Nottingham’s premier just before hundreds of mardy Manc scab-bags tried to Programme World storyteller, don’t you know stove the doors in. I also built up the full collection of Forest European Cup proggehs, that my Dad put in a leaky shed after I left home. Heart of The Midlands 20 Write Lion 10 Simeon Hartwig talks t-shirts and A massive two-page spesh, But enough of my second favourite job in Notts; doing telly including - not lyin’ yer - this mag is my true love, and believe you me, it’s looking Sir Andrew Motion so gorgeous this month that I want to take it back to me family’s for tea, and then give it one up against the chest freezer in the spare room while Mam’s watching Deal Or No Deal. Hope you think so too. credits Editor in Chief Cover Illustrators Word To Your Nana, Jared Wilson ([email protected]) Rikki Marr ([email protected]) Rob White Al Needham Mike Schofield [email protected] Editor Contributors Al Needham ([email protected]) Mike Atkinson Podcast crew Mat Brinks Paul Abbott Mike Atkinson Linchpin Alistair Catterall John Anderson A (formerly) chatty little blogger Alan Gilby ([email protected]) Joe Coghlan Timmy Bates Mike - who interviews Nick Parkhouse Rob Cutforth Mike Cheque in this ish - was the brains, fingers and Art Director Al Draper Rich Crouch soul behind Troubled Diva, one of the David Blenkey ([email protected]) Piers Edminson Jacob Daniel first - and best - blogs in the UK, before Katie Half-Price Will Forrest Big Media assimilated him into the Marketing and Sales Manager Adele Harrison Kristi Genovese Borg. He reviews gigs and interviews Ben Hacking ([email protected]) Duncan Heath Jon Hall pop stars for the Post, and writes for Pippa Hennessey Dan Hardy The Guardian’s weekly film and music Art Editor Sharriff Ibrahim Christopher Hough supplement. Not only does he know Frances Ashton ([email protected]) John James Robin Lewis more about the Eurovision Song Contest than is strictly Isabel Kaufman Stuart Rogers healthy, he also spent an hour on Anthony Gormley’s Film Editor Siobhan Logan Sam Vtekk fourth plinth dancing to a disco mix on his iPod. Dead Alison Emm ([email protected]) Roger Mean Alex Walker arteh, it wor. Sarah Morrison Oli Ward troubled-diva.com Literature Editor Sir Andrew Motion Jack Wiles James Walker ([email protected]) Beane Noodler Jim Wheatley Write Lion

Aly Stoneman The LeftLion Lit-cast LeftLion.co.uk received twelve million page Music Editor Villayat Sunkmanit If you love the written word, but views during the last year. This magazine has Paul Klotschkow ([email protected]) Anthony Whitton want to give your eyes a rest an estimated readership of 40,000 people and is distributed to over 300 venues across the for an hour or so, Write Lion - Photography Editor Photographers hosted by James Walker and Aly Dominic Henry ([email protected]) David Baird city of Nottingham. If your venue isn’t one of them, please contact Ben on 07984 275453 or Stoneman - is the perfect balm Debbie Davies email [email protected]. for your tabs. Their aim is simple: Theatre Editor Video Mat to showcase the work of writers Adrian Bhagat ([email protected]) Carla Mundy This magazine is printed on paper sourced on the forum, play the odd tune, showcase the cream of Steve Rowe from sustainable forests. Our printers are ISO the Notterati, chat with industry professionals, listen to Listings Editor Stephen Wright 14001 certified by the British Accreditation some readings and offer information on how you can get Tommy Farmyard (leftlion.co.uk/add) Pete Zabulis Bureau for their environmental management. published. leftlion.co.uk/audio Want to advertise in our pages? Email [email protected] or phone Ben on 07984 275453 or visit leftlion.co.uk/advertise leftlion.co.uk/issue36 3 MAY CONTAIN England’s Glorious World Cup Run with Nottingham’s ‘Mr. Sex’ Al Needham Everyone involved in that Radio Trent song and video should be crucified in the middle of the Market Square - yes, even those small children. I’m willing to hammer the nails in if someone with NOTTS good woodworking skills can put some crucifixes together. June - July 2010 Daysleeper Apparently 14,000 Nottingham kids were dragged out of lessons to record that song. They would have caused less shame to our city if they had spend that time rubbing the heads of decapitated old people against their groins, live on Midlands Today. Lord of the Nish England 1 USA 1 Sigh. Deceased Every World Cup, at least one of Germany, Italy, Argentina and Brazil is described as having a worse than usual team, inexperienced defence, team-coach disputes etc., and this is given as one of the reasons why it could be England’s year. Come the first matches, all those teams prove to be as amazing as ever, far better than shaky, unconvincing England. Cheque Ronaldo makes me want to hit babies and old women. themn England 0 Algeria 0 Sigh. Deceased England 1 Slovenia 0 The USA have knocked us out of the World Cup. Lord of the Nish England 1 Germany 4 27 May 20 June I managed to trick myself into having high May Contain Notts reacts to the news of Gary Coleman’s death by Radio Nottingham launches a bid for Nottinghamshire to have its expectations of this team during qualification. launching the following petition; “We, the undersigned, demand own flag. Brilliant idea, and I know just the design; Two upright I think we lacked pace at the back though and that Nottinghamshire pays tribute to the television show Diff’rent columns (signifying the areas on either side of the Trent), joined by seemed very narrow in midfield. Rooney didn’t turn Strokes by changing the name of an estate to ‘Willis’, to go with a similar-shaped column at a 105-degree angle (signifying Trent up, like so many of the players. I’d love to know Kimberley and Arnold. Changing the name of another part of Notts Bridge). And then rotated a few degrees clockwise, so it gives off what really went wrong. There has to be something to ‘Mr Drummond’ would be mint too.” So far, five people have the effect of a slanty…er. Ah. Forget I spoke. up - so many of them were playing out of their signed it. Fight The Power. natural positions, but still, they are Premiership 27 June pros and should be able to switch. 28 May England get absolutely panned by Germany. The cries for video R O B On the day of the UK iPad launch, over 300 people are seen evidence in games rise to such heights that FIFA are considering I think the manager has got to go. It’s pretty clear queuing all the way down Parliament Street. Outside JJB Sports. Mansfield Road as the site of the next World Cup. that his tactical approach with this squad was For a free England T-shirt. In exchange for some tokens out The wrong. Yeah, he’s won a lot of stuff at club level Sun. 8 July - but taking off Defoe and bringing on Heskey Johnnie Jackson – the County player who gave my mate the was the wrong decision, one for which Taylor or 4 June wanker sign in the previous instalment of May Contain Notts McClaren would have been crucified for already. Is It is announced that thirty new jobs are to be created in – signs for Charlton Athletic so, quote, “he can be nearer his Fabio really Tony Blair in a Bo Selecta mask? Mansfield with the opening of a new Poundland. Knowing that wife and child.” In a pig’s arse, Johnnie – you decided to peg it Floydy dump, it’ll be one person manning the till, one person legging it like a YITNEH instead of doing the right thing, which was, as we Time to develop a team rather than stars. Our to the shelves to find out how much everything costs again, eight demanded, that you recreate your walk up Heathcote Street, but under 21 team is pretty good. Promote them I say people trying to add everything up, and twenty security guards. this time, you ruffle my mate’s head, say soz, and then give him and start building for the next world cup with the some tickets and scarves. Look at you. Running like a bitch. Euros as a tournament to bed them in. Bring back 10 June home internationals too - that’ll teach the team An author from Nottingham – the bleddy traitor – releases a 12 July about pride. book claiming that Robin Hood actually came from, wait for it, NCT announce that they are looking for two voices to feature on R O B Leicester. Let’s smash this theory right now; One! Robin Hood their bus routes. Obviously, it’s a formality - but I’ve already sent I went for a run yesterday afternoon. On the way stole from the rich to give to the poor, not sit around making in my demo tape just in case. Here’s the tracklist; out, I noticed a house with loads of England flags. jumpers. Two! Out of the hundreds of ballads written about Robin On the way back, with 20 minutes of the match still Hood, the word ‘Crisps’ appears exactly never. Three (and most 1. Stop Playing That Grime Wank On Your Mobile, Youth, It Sounds to play, there was a guy in an England shirt up a importantly)! Robin’s love interest was Maid Marion, not his sister. Like Someone Having An Argument Wi’ Theirsen In A Branch Of step ladder pulling all the flags down. Tandy I guessed we hadn’t won. 11 June 2. Who’s Eating Chips? Giz Some! Adrian The Council House lives up to its name when it hangs up an 3. Shut That Bleddy Mardy Kid Up Before I Break Summat 18-foot wide England flag. So when’s the stonecladding going 4. Get Feet Off Chair, You Chatty Bastard up, Council? And are you going to leave a 30-foot broken fridge 5. Is That Weed? GIZ IT! outside the Lions, an’all? 6. We Are Now Going Through Bestwood, Please Get Under Your The Death of Brownes Seat And Don’t Look At Anyone

12 June The Asda in Hyson Green have to slash the price of six-packs 17 July Sad to see the Detonate/Spectrum reign come to of Walkers Argentinean Flame-Grilled Steak and German The Council announce plans to shut down the sex shop on a close...even sadder to see it’s being re-branded. Bratwurst crisps to 25p each to get rid of them. COME ON Upper Parliament Street, because – wait for it – it gives a poor Not just because it’s been a staple of the Notts ENGLAND! impression of the City Centre, taking visitors’ minds off the more scene for 30-odd years, but it’s also where my vibrant parts of the area, such as slappers wazzing down Hurt’s parents first met... 15 June Yard, meatheads trying to put each other through the windows Deceased Those orange and grey Nike boots that half the players in the of Foxy’s, and a dinnerlady-magnet called ‘Flares’. You know Shame to see it go, been on the cards for a World Cup are wearing – aren’t they rank? If ever an item of what I always say: the more townies at home on a Saturday night while. And just as Hockley was regaining some footwear was made for the specific purpose of hanging about mashing their genitals with sex toys, the better we all are. credibility. Walking through last weekend it was outside the McDonalds on Clumber Street with a face like a scary to see how many empty buildings there are smacked arse, it’s them. 19 July down that way. Lace Market is even worse. A group of Mams, tired of the stigma society places on the natural Mouse 18 June act of breastfeeding, hold a mass lob-out in the Arboretum, Something needed to happen to Brownes. Once England 0, Algeria 0. England’s World Cup campaign: the second which is only slightly marred by the appearance of a bald man in they took out the comfy sofas by the window, they abortion that John Terry’s been involved with this year. a massive nappy stomping about, waving a dummy and shouting; relinquished their Trendy Rights. “This is absolutely shagging up me teggehs, you know! Are you themn 19 June gonna do summat about it or what?” at them. Right waste of a The more I see Fabio Capello, the more I realise who he reminds Monday afto, that was. me of: the Fish Man.

Still waiting two months for your MCN fix? Are you thick or summat? The May Contain Notts newsletter hits Nottingham every Friday(ish), with chelp, mither, rammell, and hugely important updates of what a gwan in LeftLionLand. Slap leftlion.co.uk/mcn in your browser and stop fanning abahht, youth... 4 leftlion.co.uk/issue36 LeftEyeOn Bringing you some hot shots from round Notts as seen by the local camera talent...

Left to right from the top:

By George - “In-GURR-LAAND”, shouted the Council House in June. Plans to have Wayne Rooney, John Terry, Frank Lampard and Steven Gerrard hanging from the balcony in July were sadly shelved. (Pete Zabulis / Flickr: PeteZab)

Clock this - The Red Bull X-Riders put on a gravity-defying session in the Square on August 14, before their World Tour showdown in London. (Carla Mundy / carlamundyphotography.com)

Mate in a state - Retail fantasy runs into cold reality on the corner of Market Street and Long Row. Better out than in, duck… (Stephen Wright / Flickr:-SW-)

May contains Notts - Imelda May gave it some serious Rockabilly stylings on Old Market Square as part of the free City Pulse weekender, 30 May 2010. (Dom Henry / domhenry.com)

Postman Prat - A protest , but against what? The privatisation of the Royal Mail? England’s World Cup display? Or being barred out of BZR? Either way, it’s just another Satdee night in paradise… (Debbie Davies / debsphotography.co.uk)

www.leftlion.co.uk/issue36 5 THURSDAY 9 - SATURDAY 11 SEPTEMBER, 8PM HIGHFIELDS PARK - SEATED £12 (£9 CONCESSION) SUITABLE FOR AGES 12+

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They don’t bother with sunscreen summer has been so good that I can hardly believe I’m in at all, and yet their bald heads and man-tits are both England. Isn’t that cause to celebrate? Of course not, dummy perfectly bronzed, without a hint of sunburn or melanoma. - that just gives Brits more to moan about. Aside from the slight leatheriness of the man-tits and the beach ball paunches, you’d almost say they look healthy. Just this minute, I have had a British woman complain to me Glowing, even. about the heat. It is 25 degrees outside. Twenty five. How have you people survived this long? In other countries, if Unfortunately for me, I seem to have adopted the (non- the temperature dips below fifteen, people put on a jacket. chav) British sensitivity to the heat. I actually caught myself If it rises above 23, they wear shorts. In England, if the on a particularly hot day saying to my wife, ‘Man, it’s hot temperature rises or falls out of that range, people die. outside, I think I prefer cycling in the rain than in this bloody heat’. Yes, I moaned about having to cycle on a sunny A discussion on which factor sunscreen one should wear day. How good is my life that cycling on a sunny day is my is a twenty minute conversation in this country. Balancing biggest worry? It could have only been a more British move ‘acquiring a tan’ with ‘not dying of skin cancer’ is a tricky if I did it sporting a mitt full of sovs and scoffing a chip cob. it with your fingertips. The peppercorn sauce drips down business when you’re born with that pale blue British skin. After I said it, my wife and I stared at each other in silence onto your face, and it drives you mad. “Yes! I’m going to It wouldn’t be so difficult to choose the right sunscreen if for a few awkward moments before turning and walking get that steak this time, and oh my God, just look at it, it’s the weather forecasters could actually predict the weather away, pretending it had never happened. more beautiful than I could have ever imagined!” And then, more than fifteen minutes in advance. I don’t know why they just as you’re about to bathe yourself in its delicious steaky bother with a three-day forecast; they’d be more accurate The most important thing about Summer, however, it that goodness, it morphs into a giant runny turd and falls directly if, from March to August, they said “sunny breaks, low to it absolutely sucks if you’re a British sports fan. It’s not into your salivating, gaping mouth. mid twenties with a chance of showers” every single day. brilliant at any time of the year, really, but it’s especially crap They’d get it right more often than they do now with all their between June and August. I’m not even going to get into the If that’s not horrible enough, there actually was a good fancy weather-detecting equipment. Cameron should forget football - sports story in this country over the summer - but because it canning thousands of public sector workers to save some my God that was awful, but at least that pain is only inflicted happened at the same time as the World Cup, no one cared. cash; he could just sell off a couple of BBC Doppler radars. on us every four years - but Wimbledon does it to us every England smoked the Aussies in their one day series, beating year. Watching Wimbledon is like having a delicious steak them in three straight matches. You just know that next This summer has also changed my mind about chavs. They dangled high over your head that’s lowered slightly every summer when the Ashes have the British viewing public all aren’t a pinheaded menace at all. They’re actually more time Murray advances. At first the steak is so high that you to themselves, Kevin Pietersen and Paul Collingwood will evolved than the rest of us; higher beings who’ve developed can barely see it. You say to yourself; “Sure, steak would be double team Andrew Strauss’s missus the night before the a gene that makes them impervious to the heat. In June fantastic, but there’s no point in even dreaming about it, just First Test, Shane Warne will come out of retirement six stone when we had that really hot spell (it actually got to twenty look how high it is; I’ll just have river trout and runner beans lighter with a new bionic arm and he’ll bowl the greatest eight one day), I saw a chav standing at the train station instead.” But then Murray beats some shmo in straight sets, match in the history of cricket, knocking out the entire dressed in heavy grey sweatpants, a massive grey hoodie the steak is lowered a bit and you think ‘Hmm, I still don’t English side in the first over. and a black nylon jacket. think I’m going to get that steak, but it does look pretty good’. Murray then beats someone you’ve actually heard of But there I’ll be, mouth agape, ready for another massive turd He didn’t seem bothered at all - he just and the steak is lowered again. It wasn’t Federer he beat, to be shovelled in, for by then I will be like the rest of you stood, cool as a cucumber, poking mind, but it was someone with a number beside his name. losers and have developed a taste for it. at his stolen mobile. I was in a t-shirt and shorts and was Murray wins a couple more times and the steak is lowered canuckistani.com sweating like I had just again and again until it’s at a level where you can smell it, ingested the Sun. But it’s and - if you stand on your tiptoes - you can just about touch not just the young chavs; the old, tubby, bald- headed chavs who walk around town wearing nothing

GLEE LANDSCAPE QUARTER

leftlion.co.uk/issue36 7 BLOKES ON TRENT County: are they out of the basement of the Football League for good? Forest: will they ever make it to the promised land of the Premiership? On the verge of one of the most important football seasons in years, our resident experts run an eye down the fixture list…

FOREST COUNTY Rich Crouch, Lost That Lovin’ Feeling Jacob Daniel, Notts County Mad

If your team’s performance last season was a pub in town, which one would it be? If your team’s performance last season was a pub in town, which one would it be? Oceana. A once-great institution that dominated the skyline of Nottingham, followed by a few Vienna. Lavish promises and unsustainable spending at the start of the season put the whole years of being pretty rubbish. Now it seems to be the place to go again, regardless of quality. Not future of the venture in serious jeopardy, but we managed to find new owners just before the that I do, of course. bailiffs arrived and thankfully ended the season still open for business (and as division champs).

Who was your star player last season? Who was your star player last season? Wes Morgan, Kelvin Wilson, Chris Cohen, Raddy Majewski and Dexter Blackstock all had amazing Like all division-winning seasons, it was more of a team effort than down to one player in seasons. I'd like to give it to Luke Chambers, but I'd have to say Lee Camp - he had an incredible particular. Lee Hughes springs to mind - because it's not too often you have a thirty-goal striker in year. your side - but he wouldn't have got anywhere near as many without the delivery of Ben Davies. Then there's Kasper Schmeichel, probably one of the best players to turn out for Notts, but we don't And who was the donkey? mention him, as certain people think his signing breached the Geneva Convention or something. Dele Adebola didn't live up to expectation, but I'd have to opt for David McGoldrick. We paid a handsome sum for him, so would have expected a bit more, and his name lends itself to some And who was the donkey? excellent punning. Arise, Sir David McGoaldrought. Ade Akinbiyi, a man who effectively forced the coining of a phrase to describe an immobile, goal- shy but hard-working striker. Leicester were once conned into paying £6m for his services; zero Who’s new at your club this summer? goals in three quarters of a season for Notts made us pretty relieved we picked him up on a free At the time of writing, the only ‘signing’ was making Raddy a permanent member. Strong rumours transfer. suggest that Pratley, Whittingham and Shorey could all be wearing the Garibaldi come August, which would be delightful. For now, the latter is still hanging on for a Premiership club to pick Who’s new at your club? him up. Another year, another new man in the Meadow Lane managerial swivel chair: former Magpies defender, Craig Short. He's been rescued from his exile in Hungary managing Ferencvaros, where And who’s been nobbed off? his first game was abandoned due to a riot. Lincoln fans have been having a tantrum after their James Perch has already been flung towards the general direction of Newcastle (for an undisclosed keeper (and player of the year) Rob Burch defected to Meadow Lane. Lanky centre forward Ben fee of up to £1.5m, depending on which person you talk to in which pub) and Joe Garner has been Burgess has signed from Blackpool, midfielder John Spicer is in from Doncaster and former Chelsea loaned out to Huddersfield Town for six months. There’s also rumours of Chris Cohen going to starlet Jon Harley has joined from Watford. Bolton for £5m. I'd be sad to see the latter happen (although the Evening Post will have already written the headline 'Cohen, Cohen, Gone'), but £5m for him would be hard to say no to. And who’s been nobbed off? Loads of people who played about twenty minutes between them last season, like Sean Canham Any pre-season goings-on worth noting? and Ben Fairclough. They'll probably be popping up at a non-league club near you soon, somewhere A few pre-season friendlies, with some pretty low-rent teams and two pretty good ones. First up like Hucknall, Retford or maybe Mansfield. Otherwise, cult hero but goal-shy workhorse Delroy a trip to Portugal, followed by a home friendly against Lyon. I'd prefer them to just be over and the Facey was given the boot, as was the elder statesman of midfield Jamie Clapham. season start properly. Any pre-season goings-on worth noting? If you threw a party and your team’s manager unexpectedly turned up, how would he behave? We've reappeared from the cold, dark world of Transfer Embargoland after paying a load of money People would wonder why he was there, then after a short while you’d wonder how you ever back to the taxman and getting promoted to a division where there's no wage cap. They've also partied without him. After the supply of whiskey runs out, though, he would threaten to leave if called in the decorators to spruce up Wheeler's Bar at the ground, so it no longer looks like a social you didn't get him more. So you have to nip to the all-night Tesco and sort him out, ensuring that club from a dodgy seventies sitcom. everyone knows you throw the best parties in town. If you threw a party and your team’s manager unexpectedly turned up, how would he behave? What do you hate most about the other club across the Trent ? Craig Short would man the door and take on the role of unofficial bouncer. He may also introduce us I don't hate them, I hate Derby. But the one thing that riled me was when they thought they had a all to some traditional Hungarian tunes. Probably against everyone’s will. bit of wedge so kicked the rugby team off their pitch, even though they'd said they could use it. Not a very nice thing to do, really. I also didn't like that slimy credit card salesman they had in charge What do you hate most about the other club across the Trent ? for while - County fans should have had a gander at his track record before buying into that Munto They're just so cruel to their own fans. It must be horrible to be a massive club and still continually business. And how come they never got in trouble for the advertising on their club crest? bottle it at home against the likes of Blackpool and Yeovil Town. That and they spent a million quid on David McGoldrick when we were in a recession, and still preach to us Notts fans about financial What are your kits like this season? prudency. Not just inconsiderate, but hypocritical too. At the time of writing, what appears to be the new home shirt has been leaked online. If it is, it’s miles better than last season’s - plain, simple, classic, with a stripy two-tone effect and no frills or What’s your kit like this season? faff. Forest are usually woeful with merchandising and club promotion - last season’s home shirt Black and, indeed, white. There's only so much you can do with monochrome stripes, so it looks wasn’t available until just after the big kick-off, and the away shirt just about made the shelves for pretty much like every other recent Notts kit - but the new badge doesn't look as bad as first Christmas. As for the away shirt: it could be anything. feared. Otherwise, the appearance of a red Nike tick would be an aberration had we not concluded amongst ourselves that it’s actually crimson. Where will you be in five years’ time? At the City Ground watching Premiership football, and seeing Derby plunged further into debt by Where will you be in five years’ time? hosting a World Cup. Probably on our way back down having made our way up to the Championship - we operate in cycles and nomadically bounce around the divisions. Call your shot – what’s your club gonna do this season? Entertain, frustrate, shock, upset, disappoint, excite and enthral. The league is too open to make Call your shot – what’s your club gonna do this season? predictions. Unlike last year, Forest have nothing to fear from this season’s crop of Premiership Hard to tell. We’re in a new division. Everyone'd be happy with consolidation and continuing to rejects - Portsmouth, Burnley and Hull are no Newcastle or West Brom. I'd like to see us finish make progress - although word from inside the club indicates that they're aiming for the top six and above Derby and get promoted automatically. I don't want to go through any more playoffs, that's a shot at the Championship. I think with the signings we've made so far and the players we already for sure. Screw it: we're gonna win the league. have knocking about, mid-table looks about right - with an outside shot of doing a bit better or a bit worse. ltlf.co.uk nottscounty-mad.co.uk

For all the Foresty-County chuntering a person could ever wish for, cock a tab towards Left Back - LeftLion’s monthly sports podcast - available at leftlion.co.uk/leftback. You can also read our monthly Forest and County updates at leftlion.co.uk/sport.

8 leftlion.co.uk/issue36 Terry Venerinterview:a Albl Needham photo: Dome Henry For nearly forty years, Terry Taylor has held the keys to Aladdins Cave - assuming that Aladdin was a rabid Notts County supporter and Forest memorabilia hoarder. His shop, Programme World, has stood on various locations and is a veritable time capsule of footballing archaeology…

So what sucked you into the world of football memorabilia? Are you going to wind down anytime soon? I opened a shop on Arkwright Street in 1971 called Soccer City selling football badges and rings. Well, I’m 64 now, and I’ve had enough. But I’ll always be involved in football until they take me out Then I started making leather keyrings in the shop, which I still do today. I’ve collected football of here in a box. It’s my life. memorabilia since I was a lad – I’ve been watching Notts County since 1954, and I always used to tuck the programme down me shirt to keep it dry and flat. There was a bloke who used to sell New season, then: what’s gonna happen? programmes outside, and one day he asked if he could leave a thousand or so in the shop to keep I just hope County hold their own. I’ve heard some people say we’re going up again, but I’d be ‘em out the rain. I let him do that all season. Come May, he told me he was retiring, and he put me happy with mid-table and let Shorty build for the future. We’ve got some good players, and we’re in touch with the printers. I went down there and asked if I could have his pitch. pulling in a few more.

You were in a prime location, on the old Arkwright Street… So what did you think of the County takeover last season? It was brilliant, then. You could get anything from a bag of chips to a motorcar on Arkwright Street. I thought Munto were a total joke from the start, and the FA should have looked into ‘em from the Fans used to come past here in droves on a Saturday – whether it was up one way for Forest or the beginning. I blame the FA for a lot of it, sanctioning a takeover where they promised the earth and other way for County. And then Mr Clough came to Forest, and I remember telling Sue, my wife; took money out. “Now we’ll make money.” And it all snowballed from there. We ended up opening Programme World a couple of doors down, before I merged ‘em together. We used to be busy even during the And what about Forest? off-season. What about ‘em? (laughs)

What was your relationship with the clubs back then? Did you need permission to sell Programme World, 5a Arkwright Street, NG2 2JR programmes? I always used to deal with the printers, not the clubs. They couldn’t care less in those days, until they realised how much money was involved and they opened a club shop across the road from Viccy Centre. Back in the day when Forest were in the League Cup final every year, they used to put tokens in the programmes that you had to collect to get a Cup Final ticket. And we made a lot of money selling those programmes on to people who were missing tokens. In the end I was cutting the tokens out, and just selling them for a pound each.

As for Notts, I was well in with them at the time. I used to do their souvenirs and I knew Jimmy Sirrel, Jack Wheeler…all of ‘em. I actually printed up the official programme for the County v Forest A-team game for the club, which was Trevor Francis’ debut after he’d signed for a million pounds. I even sold tickets for County games here; in 1975, Man United came to County, and they gave me 300 tickets to sell, because by law they couldn’t sell them at the ground on the day. That was the day Man U won the Second Division, and the away supporters absolutely trashed Meadow Lane.

The shop was always heaving on a match day. You must have done alright out of it. I made more then than I do now. I’d take £300 on match day programmes alone - when they only cost 20p each. It was an absolute boom time for football programmes: people were starting to realise that football had a history and a heritage, and they wanted to buy into that.

As a County man through and through, how galling was it that you spent most of your time in the boom years going around Europe with Forest on their cup runs and snapping up programmes? Not at all. I loved every minute of it. And a lot of the time, the away programmes were given away free by the clubs. I got some right stick off Chris Ashley of Radio Trent for flogging Cologne-Forest programmes for three quid each, but I had to go there to fetch ‘em. It cost me a fortune! It didn’t bother me that it was Forest having all the glory, I love football. If it had been Derby, on the other hand…

And are the actual European Cup programmes worth a fortune now? No, they’re not. I’ve got thousands of ‘em. Remember, the clubs were printing thousands of copies, and everyone kept ‘em. League Cup final programmes are even worse; there were about 100,000 people there, and there was probably 180,000 programmes printed. They’re worth three quid nowadays.

What local programmes fetch the most cash. then? If you’re talking County, it’s the FA Cup 3rd round game against Sunderland here, and the replay at Roker Park in the 72-73 season. I’ve seen them go for up to £120 each. As for Forest, it’s the away programmes for their Fairs Cup runs in the sixties, which is now the Europa League - Eintracht Frankfurt, FC Zurich, and especially Valencia in 1961; that one goes for big money.

So it’s the really old stuff, not the glory years. I’ve had people ring me up and say; “I’ve got loads of old programmes, from the 80s”. They’re not old, mate! Proper vintage stuff, from the forties to the mid-sixties - now we’re talking. People didn’t keep programmes then - they’d put ‘em over their heads when it rained, folded ‘em into quarters, or chuck ‘em.

What’s your own collection like? It’s about 5,000 Notts programmes, badges and team photos, along with FA Cup and League Cup finals and England games going back to the forties. It’ll all go to my lad when he dies.

So what’s your personal Holy Grail of proggies? Notts County played Man United reserves at Old Trafford in 1958. Nowt to do with the Munich disaster - County had been knocked out the FA Cup and didn’t have a game that weekend. I’ve seen it, but never been able to get it. A single teamsheet. Worth £40-£50.

leftlion.co.uk/issue36 9 interview: Isabel Kaufman photo: Debbie Davies

Heart Of The Midlands Simeon Hartwig’s ‘I ♥ Notts’ t-shirt is a bona fide NG design classic - yes, even more so than the Slanty N. Fresh off his appearance in Come Dine With Me with a selection of other Notts rapscallions, he’s back with a new look and a lot to say…

So how did you get started in the world of fashion? It seems like every other person we meet in town is a designer Just what is ‘The Game’, and how big are you in it really? I’ve had some awful jobs. I worked at a ski resort in France these days… Hahhaha, what is the game? I AM THE GAME! To me life’s a where I did a number of things including being a chef-bitch - Nottingham is quite saturated at the moment, but I think that’s game - like Monopoly, you can land on those damn purples with which basically involved doing anything the chef wanted as well good - it makes people raise their game. For example, I create hotels, but it can get good again when you pass Go and collect as being a night porter - all for the love of snowboarding, as I individual tickets for each piece of clothing, which takes ages to £200. The best way to get through the game is not to take it got to use the slopes for free. I did some telemarketing and bits, do but makes each one unique. Things like that make you stand too seriously - and if you can improve your game you’ll find you but after university I realised that it was going to take more than out from the crowd. improve your Facebook addings. And if your game is super-tight, my degree to get me the job I wanted. I’ve always had problems you might even get the the odd Facecrack message from a honey getting clothes to fit my small 5’ 6” frame, so I started designing What are your favourite places in Nottingham? whose attracted to your game - then you know you’re big in The and making my own stuff and it all went from there. Definitely Wild Clothing, Projects, and Montana. I get all my Game. Right now I am struggling on this part of The Game a stuff for my shows from Wilko’s - I love that place. And the little, but when it gets better I’ll holler at you and let you know Where did the name ‘Bantum’ come from? sandwiches from Bocca are amazing - the owner is part of that I am BIG IN THE GAME. I did a questionnaire for the Hive course I was on, and I asked We Make T-shirts, which just shows how far the creative arm people to tick a box or suggest a name. ‘Bantam’ was suggested reaches in Notts. Er...anything else you’d like to say? by James from Prime & Principle, who I am really grateful to. I would love to give a shout-out to my screenprinters who have It’s actually a boxing weight - but I suffer from dyslexia and What does the future hold for Bantum? been brilliant, Dot Sports and October, and Premier Embroidery accidentally misspelt it, which worked out for the best really as I can’t do anything at a steady pace because I am not organised who believed in us - even when they are booked solid they no-one had the name trademarked. The boxing weights work enough, but either we make it or we break up. I’m just going to always find the time for us and we owe them a lot. As for my really well for sizing the men’s clothing range but I had to see how it goes, and hoping it will blow up for us. I do worry advice to others in the industry, I would just get out there. It’s re-think it when I started designing the women’s range; ladies that I am a barrier to people because I’m not business-minded. I a rat race and you have to be organised, and if people show don’t like being referred to as ‘heavy’. ♥ Notts didn’t make me a millionaire, but I now have Jimmy, who interest in you, grab it with both hands and go for it. is my first real member of staff. He will be the future of Bantum You’re best known for your ‘I ♥ Notts’ t-shirts. Where did the - he’s an awesome designer and he’s organised. It’s the little bantum.co.uk inspiration come from? things he does - like putting the clothes in individual bags when I did a night course at South Nottinghamshire College in screen we send them out to shops - that make us more professional and Bantum’s immaculate range printing. One night I ran out of black t-shirts for designs and I hopefully more successful. There’s no such thing as a one-man of tees are available at their was wearing an ‘I ♥ NY’ t-shirt, so I took it off and printed my fashion company; you need a team. online store. Alternatively, drop design on the heart. I think it did so well because Nottingham in upon the nice people at Wild was getting some bad press about gun crime and the t-shirt How did you get involved in Come Dine With Me? Clothing, 4-6 Broad Street, NG1 really hit a nerve. We were pretty lucky with that design, and I’m I never answer the landline in our new flat, but one morning I 3AL. Even better, why don’t you really thankful to those who bought them. Most people know me was caught unawares munching on my Coco Pops and I picked win one in our competition? The for that design; now we are trying to push the new ones. up. Turns out it was Come Dine With Me, checking if anyone at question is; my work wanted to apply. I was about to explain that no-one Bit ironic, seeing as you’re a Londoner. So why stay here after actually works here, but then thought; “Actually, I cook a mean In 50 words or less, what have you uni? beans on toast...” A few more phone calls later, they came to my done over the past month I actually went back to London, but I had to go back to living crib to record me a bit. I gave them twelve red roses as a bribe, to make you Big In The Game? with my mum and everything was really expensive. I knew and hey presto! about The Hive in Nottingham from my university days and Send your answer to: that’s why I really came back, I had no experience but I decided So is it rigged in any way? [email protected], before to just give it a go. The longer I stay in Notts, the more I realise The show’s pretty much how you see it, but each meal’s like six August 31, and tell us if you want just how lucky I am. There is a lot of support out there and the hours long. And when conversations got a bit boring, they’d stop the manly ‘Big In The Game’ one, size of Nottingham is great, I go everywhere on my BMX. It’s us and bring us back to a slightly more provocative subject. I or the girlie ‘I ♥ Notts’ one. not the prettiest of cities, but I always make sure I walk through went in expecting to hate the other participants, but they were the Arboretum and see the little budgies, it’s really special. The all pretty sound. Peter Rabbit’s home is surreal - next time you’re Winners will be notified by e-mail. cost of living here is great and the creative scene is brilliant; like knocking about Kimberley, stop in for a cuppa and check out the No other correspondence will be the guys at OhMyGosh! and Eternal Spirits. You get to know beautiful snaps of his Grandma. entered into. everyone and there’s room for great collaborations. You can do anything here. 10 leftlion.co.uk/issue36 ...just another day in the office?

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Sign up to our Support With Confidence scheme Find out more: phone 08449 80 80 80 or visit www.nottinghamshire.gov.uk/supportwithconfidence interview: Alison Emm

Crying with Laughter, Wellington Films, 2010 Hooray for wellywood Wellington Films have made a huge contribution to independent cinema in Notts, with the likes of London to Brighton - which won six festival awards and was described by The Guardian as ‘the best British film of the year’ - among their portfolio. Alastair Clark and Rachel Robey are the people behind Wellington - they pitched their story to us…

How long have Wellington Films been up and running? How important are awards for smaller production companies? So just how important is Nottingham to the British film Alastair Clark: Wellington has been running for ten years now; Rachel: Hugely important. It doesn’t necessarily bring you industry? we’re currently organising a big party down in London, to anything financially, but it’s nice to be recognised. But Rachel: There’s a great heritage here: Steven Frears, Alan celebrate with all the folks that have worked with and helped us ultimately, out in the real world, there aren’t many awards apart Sillitoe, Shane Meadows. Jonathan Glazier went to Nottingham over the years. from the BAFTAs that mean anything to anybody outside of the Trent, and Quentin Tarantino presented the UK premiere of industry. Reservoir Dogs at the Shots in the Dark Film Festival here in Where does the name come from? Broadway too. There’s been a good procession of people Alastair: We used to live on Wellington Square in Lenton, and Alastair: We were nominated by the London Critics’ Circle when we hired our first camera kit they asked what company - which is all the newspaper critics – for Best British Film Alastair: EM Media have been very successful; at Edinburgh name we wanted it put under. We didn’t have one. We thought Producers of the Year for London to Brighton. We were up against Film Festival last year, they had six films, which was far more for about two minutes and came up with Wellington because The Departed, United 93, The Last King of Scotland. We weren’t than any other screen agency. So in output, Nottingham has it made us sound a bit grander: ‘Wellington Films, Wellington going to win that one. been incredibly important in British filmmaking. We’re also good Square’… it’s like we had premises. at enticing people here; Pride and Prejudice and Robin Hood shot What’s the most fun part of your job? parts locally, and The Dark Knight almost came here. The East You’re based in Broadway nowadays – what’s it like working Rachel: It’s nice to make a living doing something you really Midlands has got such a varied physical landscape; you can film there? enjoy. Getting good reviews is fantastic actually but then getting most things. Alastair: Broadway has traditionally been the hub of filmmaking bad reviews can be pretty miserable depending on what they in Nottingham - maybe even the East Midlands - and they’ve say. The biggest downside is the complete lack of financial Rachel: EM Media had a huge locations department before been incredibly supportive. Sit in the café bar for long enough security. the cuts, where you could contact them and ask if they had and anyone you want to work with in film will walk in through anywhere in the region that would suit. For Control, they shot the doors at some point. It’s a great place for networking. Alastair: Going to premieres of your own films. At Cannes, in the street where Ian Curtis lived and died in Macclesfield going to the premiere of Better Things was fantastic. We were to make sure that that was right, but outside of that we shot What possessed you to start up a film company? sat opposite the cinema in a café - we weren’t in the main absolutely everything in Nottingham - it doubled incredibly for Alastair: I did Art History as a degree. My tutor realised I competition, we were in a side section – all dolled up at about 11 Manchester. And I’ve heard people say about Unmade Beds that preferred the film bit rather than the art bit, so he told me about o’clock in the morning and there were all these people queuing they’ve never seen London look so good – that’s because it’s a course that ran at Intermedia Film and Video at Broadway. It down the side of the cinema and literally around the block and Nottingham! But it’s worrying that the film fringe in Nottingham was a great course; pretty much everybody that’s been involved we realised that they were coming to see our film. Some of them is being jeopardised, with all the funding cuts that are coming in with film in Nottingham has come through their doors. It was hated it, but they came! with the new government. also where I met Rach. If you had an unlimited budget, what would you splurge it on? Tell us about your new release, Crying with Laughter... So, what does a production company actually do? Rachel: I wouldn’t necessarily put more into making the film, for Alastair: It was the first film to be funded, developed and Alastair: A producer is like the managing director of a company; starters; I’d put more into the development - getting the scripts distributed out of the East Midlands although we partnered with they’re the decision-makers, the hirers and firers. When we right and not rushing into production, because you could afford a Scottish company who funded about fifty percent of it. I’m manage to get funding, we deal with the lawyers and the to spend three years getting the film just right before you have proud to say that everyone on the cast and crew were regional ‘talent’. We always get asked this because no-one really knows – to make it. as well. even our parents aren’t too sure. Alastair: It’s difficult to know whether a film like The Dark So what’s in the pipeline? Rachel Roby: The producer has to come up with the material; Knight would be that much fun to make or not – I imagine it Alastair: At the moment we are doing our first documentary whether that’s working with a writer or director with an original was hell, actually. I love that film so much, but I think for now feature, but we’re keeping it under wraps. All we’ll say is that idea or optioning a book, a stage play or an article that’s going I’d rather just watch those sorts of films and make independent it’s set in the world of high-end fashion. We’ve tapped into a to be the basis of the film. We then have to find a way to turn films. sub-genre that has seen a resurgence, but it’s by accident - the that basic idea into a film and decide what resources are needed. director has been making the film for twelve years. We’ve got to raise the money and pull the whole thing together. Do you think having a smaller budget can actually aid the We get sent hundreds of things every month; 99.9% is not viable creative side of making a film? That’s not an average time to make a documentary, is it? and some of it’s just plain bad. Alastair: More money would mean an enormous amount of Alastair: No, it’s not! It’s the Chinese Democracy of pressure from the financiers. Obviously, we need to move more documentaries… Have you ever turned anything down that has then been into that arena to sustain ourselves and grow, but there must made? be incredible amounts of stress that goes with being given £200 Crying with Laughter is released on DVD on 23 August Rachel: There’s been a couple that have got away; there was an million to spend. Argentinean film called Lion’s Den that we desperately wanted wellingtonfilms.co.uk to work on but we just couldn’t find the money as it was a small, Rachel: I always think of the real world and the film world as foreign language arthouse film and that made it difficult to fund two separate things when it comes to money. You bandy around in the UK. It got into the main competition at Cannes in 2009. big figures, but you can’t think what a difference that money That’s the one I’m saddest about losing. would make to your life – you have to treat it like Monopoly money. 12 leftlion.co.uk/issue36 Empathy and Ivory When it comes to repping Notts on stage and screen, Southwell-born screenwriter words: Adrian Bhagat Billy Ivory is the current keeper of the keys. His CV includes the BBC TV photo: Steve Rowe dramas Common As Muck and A Thing Called Love, a trilogy of plays based in Southwell and an adaptation of DH Lawrence’s Women In Love which hits BBC4 very soon. And that’s just the local stuff…

Tell us about your new film, Made In Dagenham… It's based on the true story of the female sewing machinists at Ford's Dagenham car plant, who went on strike in 1968 over equal pay for women. When they marched on Parliament, they were surprised that so many passing drivers pipped their support. Looking up they realised that their banner reading ‘We Want Sex Equality’ wasn’t fully unfurled and proclaimed ‘We Want Sex’! That was the original title for the film and will be released as that in France, Italy and other countries not scared of the ‘S’ word.

You’ve also adapted D. H. Lawrence’s Women In Love for BBC4. I’ve never done an adaptation before, and I thought there was no point just writing down the book. Lawrence originally planned a novel called The Sisters but it became two - The Rainbow and Women In Love - so this is my take on both books. I’ve also used his short story The Trespasser to provide a subplot. I think purists could hate it, but hopefully it will encourage people to think about Lawrence. He was such a genius, but he’s going through an unfashionable phase again.

Why was it filmed in South Africa? Partly because of cost, and partly because you can’t take wide shots of the countryside around Eastwood without Ikea getting in the way. I was very excited about going out to see the filming, as I’d never been much further than Ilkeston before, but I was shocked at the inequality. We were driving with our armed guards past a township and then saw a Bentley dealership. Everyone eating in restaurants was white and everyone serving was black. Are you worried about your adaptation being compared to Ken Russell’s film? For someone my age Russell’s film is very significant, though I’m not even sure I’ve seen it all the way through. I think it was very prurient - all I can remember is Glenda Jackson’s fantastic nipples and the nude wrestling scene. It’s a tough act for my cast to follow, but they’re all young enough not to have that hanging over them.

Why have you stayed in Nottingham? It’s a wondrous place and I love the character of Notts people: they are very “You can’t take wide shots of matter of fact and down to earth with the driest of humours. They may take a long time to trust you - but when they do they’re very loyal and very open. Why the countryside around would I move when it feeds my work? I live in the city now, but I do go back to Southwell. The more it’s become denuded of people I know, the stronger the Eastwood without Ikea memories about the place have got. getting in the way” Is it hard to get to make TV programmes set around Nottingham? It’s very difficult. I set Common As Muck around Rainworth and Blidworth, and they immediately shifted it to Manchester. The producer said it was just a question of identity – people know Manchester but not Nottinghamshire. It’s a shame because it was about the area and the local humour. The same thing happened when I wrote Faith, about the Miners’ Strike. A Thing Called Love was filmed in Sneinton and was a love note from me to the city. I’m working on a new piece called The God of Nottingham - just let them try and relocate it with that title…

Why did you write the Southwell Trilogy of plays for theatre rather than the TV? I can remember as a young lad coming to the Playhouse when Richard Eyre was the director, and I’d always wanted to write for the stage. I started writing while I played Eddie Ramsden in Coronation Street in the mid-90s. It was the first time I’d seen TV scripts and they were shorter and since I had to write Journey To Knock quickly it made sense to write it for TV. Because it did well, I got offered more TV work and never got a chance to go back. Matt Aston – who was in-house producer at Lakeside at the time - encouraged me to write for the theatre. I thought I’d do a trilogy so I wrote The Retirement of Tom Stevens and then Bomber’s Moon. The final play is going to be a love story set in the 1970s, a prequel to the other two plays. The plays aren’t about Southwell, but all the characters in them are fed and watered by that place - just like me.

Were you disappointed that The Retirement of Tom Stevens didn’t tour? Yes, Tom Stevens went to one of London's top theatre producers, who said it was the worst play he'd ever read! The producer's reader was straight out of Oxford and his concerns were intellectual, so he was never going to get it; you have to engage with my plays. It’s heartbreaking when you work really hard at something and it gets dismissed in a moment. However, I'm trying to get Bomber’s Moon performed in London and if it does well we might try to relaunch Tom Stevens with a rehearsed reading.

The Southwell Trilogy is based around your father. How was your relationship with him? It was a very fraught and quite a harsh relationship. He was very vain and self-centred, but could also be extraordinarily generous - spending time with him was like a rollercoaster. I realise now that there was much of him that was hidden; he had terrifying experiences flying bombers during the war, and his brother Laurence was shot down and killed. After the war he became a Communist, and began to drink heavily. Like any addict, he would say he didn’t have a problem. I used to be the same - there was one time when I was having a drink in London and woke up in Sheffield a week later not knowing how I got there. That’s when I knew it was time to stop.

What are you working on now? I’m just finishing a script called The Truth About Men, which we will hopefully film soon, and I’m about to start an adaptation of David Walliams’ book The Boy In The Dress. I’m trying to do more films, so I’m keeping next year free for a couple of movies and the new play.

You’re a life-long Notts County fan. What did you make of last season? It’s been a brilliant year, but so up and down. I hope we keep the players and we don’t bounce back down again. I felt such an idiot getting caught up in all the excitement with Sven - we should have Made In Dagenham will be released on October 1 2010. Women In remembered that if it looks to good to be true, it usually is. Love will be shown on BBC4 around the end of the year. leftlion.co.uk/issue36 13 Throw Off Your Mental Chains! Frustrated by the narrowing of the eighties pop canon to the Wham-Spands-Duran triumvirate, Nottingham writer Nick Parkhouse has published 101 Forgotten Pop Hits of the 1980s, in an attempt to restore the reputations of those less remembered from the last great era of pure pop...

interview: Mike Atkinson photo: Debbie Davies

What inspired you to put the book together? the early eighties, but I don’t think there’s anybody out there Oceana. I’ve absolutely no idea why. It had already been a huge I was out in London with a fellow whom I’d never met. We saying, “Oh yeah, we’re influenced by Danny Wilson and Johnny hit in Europe, so why they had to make another video for the UK were chatting about pop music, we got onto the eighties, I’d Hates Jazz”. market, I’m not really sure. had a few drinks, and I was eulogising. He called me ‘the Louis Theroux of eighties pop’ and said that I should write a book. I did The early eighties acts all had manifestos and a complete If you had to consign all but one of these forgotten pop hits to a couple of chapters, but it was all a bit “what does Wikipedia image. You can’t really say the same for Climie Fisher and The Dumper, which would you keep? say?” Then I came upon an e-mail address for Nathan Moore of Living In A Box, because you haven’t got that hook… If it was for the human race, I’d keep Gold by Spandau Ballet. Brother Beyond. Within a couple of hours, I got an e-mail back, If you said “Nik Kershaw” to somebody, they’ll talk about his It’s the least forgotten, but I love Spandau Ballet and I’ve been saying: brilliant, happy to help, here’s my phone number. hair, his fingerless gloves, his snood and his daft videos. But very lucky to meet Tony Hadley a couple of times, so I thought if you said “Living In A Box”, you couldn’t pick them out of an I’d better put one in. And it is one of the greatest records ever, So I thought: Okay, we’re a 101th of the way there. I just started identity parade. That’s a real shame; the records are as good, but isn’t it? For me personally, I’d probably keep Climie Fisher’s pinging e-mails to people. I could almost count on one hand the perhaps they don’t have that kind of peripheral influence. Love Changes Everything. It was intended for Robert Palmer, people who said no, three or four people got slightly haughty who passed it over, so they decided to record it themselves. The and there were a couple of, as Buzzcocks would say, “still very Of all the people you interviewed, who was the best value? sound is maybe a little bit dated, and I don’t think it’s got the much in the music industry today” replies. I also got two or three I owe quite a bit to Johnny Hates Jazz. They got us backstage at greatest vocal in the world, but had they handed that record to very stroppy e-mails back saying; “Our song’s not forgotten! It the Here And Now arena tour in Nottingham and Birmingham, a big star, maybe it would have been a gigantic hit. But it got to gets lots of airplay so we don’t want to participate in this.” so I got to meet Paul Young and Bananarama. From a personal Number Two, so it didn’t do badly. point of view, it was interviewing Pål from a-ha about their Bond I might press you to name a name. theme, The Living Daylights. The whole idea of chatting to one of Were you firmly a pop kid back then? You weren’t going off I tell you what - I am going to name a name because they were a-ha about James Bond - there was something a little bit magical and scouring the indie charts or the dance charts? really rude in their e-mail: The Bangles. And Shakin’ Stevens, of about that. No. I fell out of love with music a little bit when Stock, Aitken all people. I thought he would be nice! He was very dismissive. and Waterman disappeared, and along came the Happy Who was the hardest to nail down? Mondays, The Farm and the Stone Roses, whom I absolutely The term ‘forgotten’ is a relative concept. How would you With Edelweiss, I was really struggling. They basically had the hated. The early nineties was a real nadir; there was no decent define it? one record, and I couldn’t find anything about them. I eventually music about at all. When I’ve done radio, I love playing a record where people found this Austrian fellow called Walter Wezowa; it turns out will go, “oh, I haven’t heard this for ages”. But there’s a fine that he wrote the Intel ‘bong’, which is played once in the world So there would be no mileage for you in doing 101 Forgotten line between that and playing a record that people have no every five seconds or something ludicrous like that. His royalty Pop Hits of the 1990s? recollection of whatsoever. So it’s trying to walk that tightrope cheques must be immense. For five notes! It’s mad! And then I’ve thought about that, but it’s more difficult to define what was between stuff that if you give people a nudge they’ll think “ah there was Glenn Medeiros: how lost in showbiz must he have pop in the nineties. Do you include Oasis? Britpop: is that pop? yeah, I think I vaguely remember that”, but not something that been when he called his kids Chord and Lyric? Maybe pop then was that horrible Outhere Brothers shouty sort got to Number 38 in 1981 for a week. There are only a couple of thing. You could make some mileage from the late nineties, of records which never made the Top Ten, and there are twelve Did you manage to unearth much in the way of local because you’ve got the Backstreet Boys and the Spice Girls and No.1s, so it’s not totally obscure. connections? quite a lot of what you could call pop. The other thing with the Just one: Su Pollard. I had to write to her in the old fashioned nineties, because of the way that charts evolved, is that you’d With the cycle of revivalism, things go through a period of way, because there was no e-mail on her website. She left an probably end up including a large amount of No.1s that came in being completely uncool and “why did we ever like that?” answerphone message, which I’ve kept to this day. It sounds for a week, and then disappeared. But it’s whether I care enough Then they get revered again as classics. The first half of the like she’s auditioning to do the Tannoy at Maplins - it goes on about the nineties, which I’m not sure I do. eighties is now home and dry, but anything beyond that is still for hours, God love her. The nicest woman in the world, but you regarded as being beyond the pale... do end up with the phone sort of… over here. She’s been a very 101 Forgotten Pop Hits of the 1980s, AuthorHouse, £9.99 The revivalist stuff that has been on the telly is all early eighties, staunch supporter, our Su; I won’t hear a bad word. Oh, and nickparkhouse.com and the early eighties are probably over-represented at eighties there’s Spagna. The video for Call Me was filmed partly in Belvoir nights. Everyone from Lady Gaga to Friendly Fires namechecks Castle, and the rest is at Ritzy’s in Nottingham, which is now

14 leftlion.co.uk/issue36 Cerebral and Ballsy interview: Duncan Heath photo: David Baird

Dan Edge is your typical wrestler-stroke-actor-stroke-one-man promotional machine, dividing his time between treading the boards and slamming people into them, criss-crossing the country (and beyond) in two of the most gruelling professions going. Oh, nearly forgot to mention: he’s the UK’s only full-time disabled wrestler...

So what brings you to Notts? I’m currently working with the Nottingham Playhouse and the Roundabout theatre company, doing a piece called White Peacock. Basically, it’s a theatre education piece for young adults with PMLD - Profound and Multiple Learning Difficulties.

We’re led to believe that you're the UK's only disabled wrestler... Well, I'm the leading one. I was the only one for a long, long time, but there's a couple of guys who've gone, “I want to have a go now.” Very flattering, but they’re trying to steal my gimmick! I know they exist, but they're not on the scene full time at the mo, so I'm still the only one. Go me! Ha ha!

Have you always wanted to rassle? It's one of those dreams you always have as a kid, and I was lucky enough to get the chance. I was doing my A-Levels at the time, and a friend said; “You're really into wrestling and you like to break down and figure out how the moves work - you do know there's a local training school, don't you?” So I went there, and the head trainer - a guy called 'Mr. Total Extreme' Jim Brown – said; “Kid, if you can bump” - land a fall safely - “I'll teach you to wrestle.” Ten years on and I'm still getting beaten up.

So what are you dealing with, and how did you get into fighting shape? Cerebral Palsy - the disability I have - is muscle-related. A lot of the muscles don't go through the full range of motion. I did a lot of horse-riding, simply because it stretched a lot of muscles that I normally wouldn't have. My dad worked for a company that had its own swimming pool, and the fitness manager was kind enough to give me sessions for the best part of three years. Then someone asked if I fancied playing wheelchair basketball, so I played for about three or four years. Great for the fitness levels, because it's so cardiovascular. You just don't stop! Our team became junior national champions. Then I got the chance to wrestle...

What was your parents’ reaction? My mum's initial reaction was; “Sigh. Fine. But if you get injured don't come crying to me.” My parents have always been supportive - it’s “we might not like it, but we'll support you.”

Who are your wrestling heroes? It's a list a mile long. There are guys you idolised as a kid, and guys you look at when you’ve started working in the business. For sheer longevity and the ability to make other wrestlers look good in a match, Ric Flair. I take a lot from him and yes, I do wear a robe with feathers. From a sheer technical wrestling standpoint, people like the Guerreros and Shawn Michaels. And The Undertaker is phenomenal. He's been going forever.

A lot of the people you’ve mentioned should have retired ages ago, but keep going. …and that’s one of the hardest things when you're a wrestler – knowing when to stop. Unfortunately there are older-generation guys who are battered and bruised and peeing into bags - because they just don't want to stop.

So, your persona - 100% Dan Edge. Where does he come from? I originally started my wrestling career under a different guise – I was known as Xavier, after the X-Men films – I’m a bit of a comic book geek. But I kept getting confused with someone with a similar name, which got rather annoying, so it was time for a change. I thought, what could go on a t-shirt? I had an idea with percentages for some reason - being 10% this, 20% that – and then thought; “I'm over-complicating this. Why don't I just be 100%?” It works on multiple levels. If I'm disliking the fans, I tell them they call me ‘100%’ because I'm better than them. And of course, from a dramatic perspective, everybody goes, “No, you're not!”

We assumed that because of your disability, you’d automatically be a babyface wrestler. So you work as a heel too? with the best will in the world, wrestling will quite happily play think; “Why am I doing this?” But if you can get the reaction Yeah, I have been known for doing both. The average wrestling stereotypes. I accept that, and know why Vince McMahon did from the crowd that you wanted, your adrenaline goes through booker will see me and say, “Dan, you make a great face!” I‘ll it. Whether you like it or not, Vince is the king in this business. the roof, and there is nothing that can top that feeling. That's often play the Rocky scenario - where I get beaten to a pulp and And I cross my fingers, hope and pray that one day I get a phone why a lot of wrestlers - not so much now - would take drugs or then come through in the end, because the wrestling business call from him, or any of the major US bookers. I could make it lead party lifestyles: it was a way of keeping that rush going. is, frankly, entertainment. When I'm a heel, I tell the world I'm worth their while. Because I'm English. Because of the way my better than them. Because I know I am. And then I hide behind character’s constructed. And because I'm quite frankly awesome. Any final words? a guy whose bigger than me. I do a lot of managerial stuff as You know, it really humbles me when somebody says “You've well - guys that aren't as confident on the mic or as developed Why do you put yourself through that, though - especially in inspired me...before I met you...what you do is really great” But character-wise. this country? at the end of the day, I'm just a guy doing what I love. I grew up

Why does somebody Zorb down a hill in a big feckin' rubber ball? with parents telling me there’s no such word as ‘Can't’ - you just The obvious comparison is with Zach Gowen, the wrestler Why does somebody play in a band? Why does somebody white find a way round it. So, disabled or otherwise, if you want to do with one leg who was brought in by the WWE. But he was water raft? As Jeff Hardy said; “Of course you're scared when it: find a way to do it. typecast as a victim… you go out to wrestle. But if you weren't scared there wouldn't myspace.com/dan.edge I know why they did that. It makes good, stereotypical TV. And be the pay-off at the end of it.” You stand behind the curtain and leftlion.co.uk/issue36 15 We’ve Been Framed Words: Dom Henry It’s not all history, mind; the exhibition also takes in

, contemporary portraits, via photography, paint and Portraits of a City sculpture - with the likes of Alan Sillitoe, Sat Bains, and Samantha Morton rubbing frames with ordinary Notts People make a place, shape its landscape and drive its culture. Some of the faces which have moulded Nottingham - historical and modern, famous folk… and obscure - are on show at the Nottingham Castle Gallery this summer. They all have an interesting tale to tell... , Portrait of General William Booth (1829-1912) of General William Portrait Harry Wheatcroft (1898 - 1977), Rose Grower

Harry Wheatcroft (1898 - 1977) From humble origins in

Sneinton to a world-renowned rose grower, Wheatcroft’s by Unknown Photographer / , photograph miniature business went from a one bicycle concern to a horticultural Dilk empire growing 600,000 roses in twenty years, An outspoken The internationally-acclaimed graffiti artist has travelled all over the world character who enjoyed the patronage of Royalty, Wheatcroft promoting graf, when not running his paint shop in Hockley. Acrylic on canvas single-handedly repopularised the rose in the UK. by fine art painter Peter Barker, with spray graphics from Dilk.

Captain Albert Ball V.C. D.S.O. M.C. (1896 - 1917) Born on Lenton William Abednego Thompson (1811 - 1880) Raised in the slums Boulevard, Capt. Ball rose through the ranks of the Sherwood Foresters to behind Parliament Street, Thompson - under the name ‘Bendigo’ - become Britain’s most prolific WWI fighter ace. He racked up 43 enemy became champion prizefighter of all England, retiring undefeated in the University of Nottingham / on loan from , English School, 17th Century (School of S Cooper?), oil on copper, kills (and a Zeppelin) before being killed in a crash in May 1917. 1850. Renowned for his strength, stamina and taunting wit - in fights which often lasted sixty to a hundred rounds - he became a popular preacher in later life. Bold Bendigo; Pugilist and Preacher (1811-1880) Bold Bendigo; Pugilist and Preacher , Noel Denholm Davis (1876-1950), oil on canvas, on loan from the University of Nottingham. , Noel Denholm Davis (1876-1950), oil on canvas, loan from , Edward Newling, 1921, oil on canvas NCM 1922-48 / , Edward

William Cavendish, Earl, later 1st Duke of Newcastle-under-Lyne (c.1593-1676) Cavendish, Earl, later 1st Duke of Newcastle-under-Lyne William James Brown Opened the world’s first vacuum cleaner museum in Eastwood last year. “I got into vacs when I was four years old. When I started, I was only allowed six vacuum cleaners at a time, because of space and all that. So as I wanted

Sir Jesse Boot, 1st Baron Trent (1850-1931) Sir Jesse Boot, 1st Baron Trent one, one would have to go. But as I got into my teens it started to change and I started to sneak them in anyway. I’ve had literally thousands of vacuum cleaners over the years.” Photo by Jo Metson-Scott.

Portraits of a City is showing at the William Cavendish, 1st Duke of Newcastle (c1593 - 1676) The man William Booth (1829-1912) Born in Sneinton, Booth moved to London Sir Jesse Boot (1850 - 1931) Born in Woolpack Lane in D.S.O of Captain Albert Ball (1896-1917), V.C, Portrait who built the second Nottingham Castle; a supporter of Charles II who at the age of 20 where he became a lay preacher. He and his wife Hockley, Jesse founded Boots the Chemist in a small shop in Nottingham Castle Gallery until received a Dukedom upon the latter’s ascension, Cavendish turned what started a mission in the East End, holding revival meetings for the Goosegate. A staunch Methodist, he refused to price-fix like was left of the old medieval castle into what ironically became the UK’s lowest of the low. In 1878, the organisation became the Salvation other local chemists and strived to improve healthcare for the September 19 2010. first provincial municipal art gallery. Army, which is now based in 121 countries. poor, leaving a legacy that now extends worldwide. Alfred Reginald Thompson, 1957, oil on canvas, NCM 1957-14 / Alfred Credits, L to R: Credits, Noel Denholm Davis (1876-1950), oil on canvas /

www.leftlion.co.uk/issue36 17 “Storytelling is the most subversive art form there is” interview: James Walker photo: David Baird Pete Davis is a former fireman turned storyteller who’s been entertaining locals for the past couple of decades with his unique tales of local life. He’s worked with the elderly, the mentally ill and Notts County fans and is now touring a one-man show about life as a Nottingham lad...

You went to that posh High Pavement School, didn’t you? What did you learn there? They taught me to speak proper, which was a great help in alienating me from my mates. I spent the whole time looking out of the classroom window as there was bugger all interesting scratched on the desktop.

And then you became a fireman… It was the seventies, so all I had to do was lop off my seriously long hair. After doing my stint in various barracks, I ended up at Carlton Fire Station. I was told by an old sweat that I was now in a profession where, when everyone was running down the road, I would be walking up it. It was a bit melodramatic but spot on - being a fireman is a weird mix of pissing about, constant training, talking to schoolkids and then short bursts of mayhem where you earn your money. I stayed in the service for thirty years, until I had to leave because of age discrimination. I was 55.

That must have been difficult. Just before I left the service it was swamped with management tossers who were drafted in to show us how to do things. They talked bollocks and sucked money out of what had been a great job. If I had my way, I’d get all the whinging fox hunters to chase these scrounging twats and tear them to bits - thus saving nice foxes and killing vermin in one go. I really miss the mess-room banter and the swearing; it was of Olympic standard. Some blokes didn’t seem to need any proper words to communicate.

The fire service seems the perfect training for storytellers… Well there’s always something to talk about. I remember turning up to a house fire to see a nice lady running out bollock naked, except for a wide-open fur coat and her jewellery in her hands. All my mate could find to say was; “She’s dyed her hair, you know”. Sharing these experiences when you get back to the station naturally lends itself to storytelling, particularly as another part of the job is spent sitting around waiting for something bad to happen. You learn to fill the hours with banter and a few beers. Yes, we drank on duty in the good old days.

When did you start professional storytelling? About 13 years ago at The Trip. I watched some people do it and thought, ‘I can do that’. But I couldn’t. It was hard and I had to learn. The bloke who ran the Trip sessions gave up when the Arts Council money wasn’t forthcoming and I took over and set up The Storytellers of Nottingham, which has been running for ten years. “No matter what crap they feed us, someone will always have that quiet word that cuts through to the reality”

What makes a good storyteller? To be a good storyteller you have to be able to imagine your stories. It’s no good trying to just learn words, as that’s no fun to watch. You have to see the story in your head as you speak it, and even to walk around in it and see new stuff as you go along. When you lose consciousness of yourself then the story seems to flow through you and it’s like some other person is telling it. It’s a very weird but lovely feeling.

What tips have you got for performing? Look the audience in the eyes. Make them feel they are in the story with you. The rule is: if you believe it, so will they. To work as an oral storyteller you have to remember the pictures and events that make up the story. I rehearse in our kitchen, a bit like Shirley Valentine talking to her cooker. My wife often walks in and catches me jumping up and down and pulling faces.

What kind of reactions do you get from people when you tell them you’re a storyteller? I hate telling people what I do because they usually say “Ooh, do you do the ghost walks?” If I wanted to walk round in the rain shouting at people, I would start drinking meths. Or, “Do you know lots of Robin Hood stories?” I want to run off screaming. What inspires you? I just love to perform. It’s the best thing ever and, although tiring, it keeps me alive and Best and worst venues you’ve played? thinking. Let’s be clear: storytelling is a way of holding a story in your head and performing it, Worst was a pub in Wolverhampton. One drunken twat tried to beat my mate up, even though not the material itself. You can tell stories about anything at all. I have material about tramps in he could see my mate had to walk on crutches. When I got outside, a woman said “Christ, you’re Nottingham, about the crap in my garage, about vampires with regional accents. Mind you, I’m lucky there’s still wheels on your car.” The best was a school for children with learning and always in trouble with the storytelling establishment who get very irate about making up new physical difficulties. We had a great day and made up a new story about werewolves and stuff. At stuff as they only want to do things they’ve found in the library or have heard someone else do. the end we gave a performance to the whole school, and one lad who had cerebral palsy got up New material is frowned on, but hey-ho. Sod ‘em. and shouted out his line. Afterwards, a very shocked-looking teacher came up to me and said the kid hadn’t spoken in the two years he’d been at the school. I went home proud that day. What’s Nottingham Lad? Following a book I wrote for Newark and Sherwood Arts called Memories Are Made Of This I put Other projects on the go? together a one-man show called A Nottingham Lad which is full of authentic memories of growing I like to work at keeping alive local stories and memories. I’m a big advocate for older peoples’ up around the city and includes a recording of Under Bestwood, my unique take on the Dylan involvement in the arts - and I don’t mean the sort of shite that involves them listening as if they’re Thomas classic. Nottingham has its own lovely voice and should not be sent up by the southern- ga-ga, while some young Arts Council tit tells them what he thinks they want to hear. Old people softies who try to do a Midlands accent on the telly. We like a laugh no matter what, so the show are capable of performing and creating, they are vital to culture, and the reason I think that they is a must-see for anyone who loves this mad city of ours. And especially those of you who can are ignored is so that we can be sold the same old tripe again and again without ever gaining from remember their Co-Op Divvy number. previous generations’ experiences. By the way, I’m sixty and have just been given my Christmas heating allowance, which I shall spend in Booze Busters. Why is storytelling important? Storytelling is the most subversive art form there is. When all else fails, word of mouth will carry What about your stint at our oldest professional football club? on. Dictators may burn books, but they can’t stop us speaking or imagining. No matter what crap I was asked about three seasons ago, just pre-Munto, to do a book for the Notts County Supporters they feed us, someone will always have that quiet word that cuts through to the reality. Trust. I hated football at the time and went down with my audio recorder to do vox pops with the crowd. It was like being in a home for depressives and I began to think about self-harming after the The Storytellers of Nottingham meet on the last Thursday of every month at Ye Olde Trip To tenth interview. My favourite interview was with the groundsman, who told me he regularly found Jerusalem, except in August. condoms in the centre circle in the morning. County’s version of the Mile High Club, I suppose. petedavisstories.co.uk

18 leftlion.co.uk/issue36 Contemporaryafe Ba CWednesday 4th August 7.00pm to 10.30pm EntranceR Free

SCRIBALSCRIBAL Sponsored by: Writing East Midlands GATHERINGGATHERING RACHAEL AL NEEDHAM JOE COGHLAN MAY CONTAIN 15TH PENNELL DECEMBER Chocolateria NOTTS Hysteria WORD! WIN BOOKS A TASTE OF OPEN OTHER WORDY POETRY EVENTS MIC IN THE EAST MIDLANDS BINGO HHYMN FABULOUS LOCAL CASK MUSIC FOOD TO MELT YOU TO FROM THE CAFE ALES THE FLOOR BAR MENU CAFE.BAR.CONTEMPORARY AT NOTTINGHAM CONTEMPORARY WWW.CAFEBARCONTEMPORARY.COM Write Lion To celebrate the launch of Scribal Gathering - our new spoken word event at Café.Bar.Contemporary, which starts on Wednesday 4 August - we’ve pushed our literature section out to two pages this issue. Twice as many book reviews (including the debut of Katie Half-Price, a strong new voice in the field of lit-crit), some of the best work we heard from the poetry festivals we attended in July (including Sir Andrew Motion) and more forum entries…

If you’ve got any wordy needs, please contact [email protected]

15th of December by Joe Coghlan

1/1 1/2 It all started off with the cost of a pot to piss in I woke next to my wife, once angelic when she slept, and a job description of being hot-boxed in a kitchen. now I dredge myself from the sea bed of this relationship wreck, A chef slash pot wash who’d watch the clock till left eye twitching in this house of cards, short of a deck, angels fear to tread, then swab the chopping blocks and hopscotch with indecision. where the queen of the heartless henpecks, cuz we live cheque to cheque. Did I quit the grotty slog before it robbed me of ambition? It’s been this way ever since ‘mortgage’ translated from French, or feed the boss rotten stock, so he got botulism? turned our wed lock to a death-grip held tight around our necks, I’d teeter on that plot, wield the mop and cheat the system, it went from rehearsing vows and wedding arrangements, stealing back my time, by keeping my mind on rhymes I’d written. to resent. Unable to settle debt repayments, Fifteenth of December, I finished my shift late again dreading days spent together, in the limbo of stalemates. as Christmas lists became plastic bags past their breaking strain. I used to romanticize about her dancing with a willow’s grace. The heart of the city under cardiac arrest, Now I fantasise; her smothered with the pillow before she wakes, wind on Exchange Street, cold enough to catch your death, holding it there in place, with the intensity of our first loving embrace, with the absence of ambience and no sense of magic, the way I held onto my dreams before her, the next best thing, just collective habits consuming, stressed and frantic before deferring my ideals to buy the wedding ring, and an ambulance stuck in congested traffic, before I asked her to marry me, cuz our laziness had made a baby, I headed for the flat and left the festive masses. before that I’d never heard caged birds singing in my aviary.

2/1 2/2 Alone at last, on the overpass I lit a cigarette, This morning the slob in the bathroom mirror is an impostor. thoughts domicile, till a view mid stride slowed my step, My father’s adopted my moniker and mimics my posture, a man’s profile silhouette on the bridge was about to swan dive. while in chronological order I run down the roster, A modern day Christ crucified, minus the nails and wounded side, of all those who have wronged me, or left me the victim of dishonour, arms coiled behind the guard rail, this gargoyle of neutered pride, cuz today is the film’s end scene and I’m the cinematographer, was stood at the height of the streetlights that pollute the sky, shooting it with all the clinical detachment of a coroner. goaded on by juveniles, as cars grew into scythes On the corner I queue for the bus, same routine act, and I was stood just behind him, thinking “all you can do is try” faking cool and on track, awkward with human contact. I made a connection, stretched out my hand, “hey man…yo” I’m not commuting back, that line drawn the night before, He was middle aged, Caucasian, a shabbily dressed John Doe, where the ghosts of Christmas present haunted me for all I can’t afford. no distinguishing features on show to articulate bar, Mr With my daughter we were treading water, panicked then sluggish, lonely product of these days, nobody in particular, now my son nags me for CD club hits and other plastic rubbish, needing more than serotonin re-uptake inhibitors. Santa clause is the wolf at my door and his adverts drug my kids, “Hey man, I know what you’re trapped in, I’ve been in it before, while we their parental guidance share a lie in parenthesis, you don’t deserve this, your life’s not worthless, don’t let this happen” evident when it’s said, we stay hitched for their benefit the reaction I got was a look that said “You couldn’t imagine” and not just cuz we don’t know how to be friends, mend or end it.

3/1 3/2 “Come on man, talk to me, we’ll sort this mess, I watch the clock at the office, thinking thirty more years of this! I’ve known and walked the ledge of a tortured thought process, Husband to a loveless marriage, dad to damaged kids. that resorts to abort the flesh and haunts unbalanced steps, Victims of an environment which reflects my own genesis, but now I author the writing on the wall and it’s palimpsest” where the oppressed becomes oppressor, passed down via heritage, I got nothing. No light bulb lit, not even a match stick, but now I’ve got his gold watch retirement gift. I felt doubt’s rot manifest, so used it to switch tactics. “Boy j’know what time it is?” I did and it’d strike with clenched fists, “You won’t die from this height, your attempt’ll be botched but today I’m putting an end to it, making my way to the bridge. you’ll be woken up in hospital surrounded by cops, I lift over the barrier “get ya guts up” said under my breath, the killer of a driver, wishing you’d decided to stop, I look down, my stomach drops as I face my final step. cuz you’ll be a lifer in prison on suicide watch” I fight’n’lose the inner tug of war, so my grip on the rail tightens, Speak of the devil, Sirens signalled its arrival, then this kid says he’s known the pain and dilemma I reside in, the law deters, but maybe my words had been insightful, so I fire a look to say “you couldn’t imagine” and he replied, cuz he fled, his cry for help now a flight for survival. “you won’t be killed from this height” Then came the sirens and flashing lights. I tried to forget what happened but couldn’t let it lie though, So I climbed back from the ledge, found my feet and fled into the night his reaction of “you couldn’t imagine” replayed in my mind, and after months wanting to die, planning to conduct my demise, so I took his challenge and spent a day in the life. I realised mid stride, I was running for my life. illustration: Mike Schofield …………………………………….…………………

Scribal Gathering, 7.15pm, Wednesday 4 August, Nottingham Contemporary, Weekday Cross, NG1 2GB. Free entry.

Heartland Vintage Words of a Wolf - Poetry Anthony Cartwright Maxine Linnell of a Veteran Tindal Street Press, £7.99 Five Leaves, £5.99 Villayat ‘SnowMoon-Wolf’ England are playing Argentina This young adult novel is a Sunkmanitu in the 2002 World Cup. A crowd ‘Freaky Friday’ style body swap Wolf Photography, £6.99 eagerly gathers in a Cinderheath that sees two seventeen year Sunkmanitu’s inspirational pub, desperate for something to olds switch lives between 1962 first collection of poetry and be proud of. Across the city, a and 2010. The girls, Holly and photography was created partly mosque is being built on the site Marilyn, each go through a as a coping mechanism for Post of the once-iconic steelworks that convincing range of emotional Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), define a way of life gone by. ‘The responses to their parallel an illness he contracted after Tipton Three’ from down the road personal journeys that keeps you serving in the armed forces. are banged up in Guantanamo turning the page to discover how Using his creative work to raise Bay, the BNP are on the prowl and they will cope. awareness of this debilitating a controversial Sunday league Sense of time is evoked through condition, he discusses his mixed football match between a local the small details such as the experiences of Mental Health Muslim team and white kids conversations, clothes and services, poignantly outlining his from a deprived area looks set to responses of friends. The frustration in Circling the Drain. ‘spark a race war’. This cleverly interwoven narrative eloquently narrative itself is straight forward in its delivery, accessible to The poem Bottles and Bricks vividly details traumatic incidents captures the demise of the New Labour project through a vast most readers, but with a few quirks and subtleties that will from his time in Northern Ireland: ‘Parents stand behind their array of believable characters clogging up the arteries of this all please a more demanding audience. A must for fans of Life on children, The first brick sails through the air…’ while other too familiar and disgracefully forgotten heartland. James Walker Mars and Ashes to Ashes. To read an interview with the author, writing describes his quest for healing and peace of mind. tindalstreet.co.uk please see leftlion.co.uk/literature. Adele Harrison Sunkmanitu’s desire to shed light on issues faced by veterans fiveleaves.co.uk living with PTSD makes for a moving and informative read and is the perfect accompaniment to Simon Armitage’s The Not Dead. Aly Stoneman wolf-photography.com 20 leftlion.co.uk/issue36 Harry Patch Canyon Revisited Rebel Rhymes ‘The Last Fighting Tommy’ (extract) Pippa Hennessey Mat Brinks Andrew Motion Points of quartz and granite "Please send us your gold" III tear my fingertips. In the post, right away you may get a prize First the hard facts of not wanting to fight, I cling to you like a stunted tree If you send some today! and the kindness of deciding to shoot men whose leaves have dried in the legs but no higher unless needs must, and blown "Please send us your gold" and the liking among comrades which is truly away. and we'll melt it all down as deep as love without that particular name, then we'll cast some Gold bars then Pilckhem Ridge and Langemarck and across It hurts more than falling to replace Gordon Brown's! the Steenbeek since none of the above can change what comes next, which is a lad from A Company so I let go "Please send us your gold" shrapnel has ripped open from shoulder to waist and drop Cos' our's is all spent who begs you ‘Shoot me’, but is good as dead until 'The War on Terror' already, and whose final word is ‘Mother’, I plunge Is where it all went! which you hear because you kneel a minute, hold one finger of his hand, then remember orders into the river’s itch "Please send us your gold" to keep pressing on, support the infantry ahead. to carve channels & we'll make it worth more! leading somewhere thats after we own it © Andrew Motion, from ‘The Cinder Path’, Faber and Faber Ltd, 2009 of course, not before! else. "Please send us your gold" Lava Field I grow shale layers pressing millennia cos' we've got the least Siobhan Logan As I mould them into you. & the cost of our Weapons has really increased! brown land I have become girdled by iron hills the gulf "Please send us your gold" rusted in the rain between WE NEED IT FOR BOMBS!! the walls. For more information the burst mouth go to Bull****.com of a cone seeping Pippa Hennessey, from ‘Into The River’, the University of Nottingham oxidised red Student Anthology, Jubilee Press, 2010 Untitled A Catterall a rubble of lava fly-tipped and strewn While we have been waiting by frost-giants Wonderful things Have been happening tuff cairns Honouring the Boy All around smothering ash Villayat ‘SnowMoon-Wolf’ Sunkmanitu of grey lichen New plants have grown I remember going to my first unit by train, While the old have died black rocks huffing In my best blues and white hat, Quietly through the night gusts of wind Shoes like mirrors, -snatched steam Creases you could cut paper with. The bottles have all A young man realising the ambitions of a boy. Been moved to the side blue milk river Nothing was impossible, a snake shedding Everything was up for grabs. The gate to the door husks of salt There were hurdles of racism, Locked behind us But I’d overcome them so far, The windows have let life in © Siobhan Logan, from ‘Firebridge to Skyshore’, Original Plus, 2009 The whistle and the two stripes were mine, And sent sorrow out I couldn’t be denied, To the birds who have carried Soft and Malleable Having worked hard, It many miles away John James Pushing my levels of endurance. Creating a new path for myself, While we have been left What a marvellous being you are Dave Where I decided the route, The world has turned over To have friends like Rupert and Lord Ashcroft Or so I thought. One thousand times Who can buy you the power you’ve long craved... While our bodies From your Nivea gaze you look quite soft - I smile at the 5, 13, 17 and 22 year old boy with fondness, Have not had to move And as malleable as a face mask - I let him fulfil his desires now, But to breathe Which I secretly think you are wearing, Without internal hurdles. Slowly To contain Thatcher’s face in a news cask As for the hurdles placed by society, Slowly And to keep every trace of her hair in... We’ll go over or around them when we can, Though the night So they’ve bought you more votes than the others, And when we want to. Again And will rob the nest clean through their cookoo, And then As you stand on those steps with your lover - © Villayat ‘SnowMoon-Wolf’ Sunkmanitu, from ‘Words of a Wolf’, SnowMoonWolf, 2010 wolf-photography.com Tweeting out about how we should trust you! While the person you thought was the big joke... You’ve selected to be your right hand bloke!!! Introducing...Katie Half-Price “Ayup! I’m just your average slebrerteh aurfer. As you can see, I’ve got some right tit on meh and when I lob ‘em aht, publishers give us free books. LOL! You can read me column at leftlion.co.uk/katie, but here’s what I’ve bin tryin to read this month...” J.D.Salinger: A Life Raised Chilling Tales from Obelus High Nottinghamshire Gareth Durasow Kenneth Slawenski Netty The Knives, Forks and Spoons Pomona Books, £20 DB Publishing, £9.99 Press, £5 Pages: Loads Pages: Norrenough Pages: Hardly nowt You’d think that writing a book This weird author dun’t even This poet has posted on our Write about a recluse would be dead have a surname - maybe her Lion forum and has now had his small but this book is massive, famleh cun’t afford one - but first collection published. Wicked. which is odd because he only ever don’t let that put you off. The He’s even acknowledged the wrote one good book. Catcher book is filled with weird and Lion. But I ant got a clue what in the Rye has sode 65 million - scareh tales about panoramal he’s gooin’ on about. He mixes which is more than you can win activiteh in Notts - like ‘Yorkey’, together all these fancy words on the Euro lotto – and it made the ghost in the Trip, or sightings and references which make about some bloke kill John Lennon of UFOs (which, as we all know, as much sense as tryin’ to give (his other books are shite – they is really kaylide students who the Thurland a make-over. It’s a wun’t even mek someone want think they’re still on holiday in waste of time. to kill Jive Bunneh). Salinger Thailand, letting off them ponce The best thing about this book is didn’t leave the house for thirty lantern things). Personleh, the it’s dead small so you can read years which is a bit gash if you ask me - it’s not like he lived in only thing that scares meh in Notts is them dozy gets at the it on the bog. But be warned. It’s like having an acid trip and Top Valleh - but I reckon he wor lying cuz back then they didn’t council who invested all meh hard earned benefit moneh in a whitey at the same time. Personleh, I think this bloke’s got have internet shopping so he must have got dressed up like that Iceland. The kind of people who’d like this book are the type that problems. Instead of sitting down spaahtin’ out stuff that’s so Denis on Mansfield Rd and snuck out when he needed some think the bubbles that come out of your bath when you fill it up weird it could be in that Chilling tales book, he should go on snap. Consequentleh the poor biographer has had to spend his with Matey are orbs, and fantasise that Derek Acorah is geein telleh and face the Kyle. He’d tell him there’s no point being a time in boring libraries tryin’ to wok aht what the ‘ell he’d been ‘em one while pretending to be a 17th centreh murderer when smart-arse if no one can understand what yer on about. Yer get doing with hissen. Waste Man. they get nobbed outside Yates at the weekend. Scareh. meh? pomonauk.co.uk dbpublishing.co.uk knivesforksandspoonspress.co.uk leftlion.co.uk/issue36 21 LEFTLION featured listing LISTINGS Oh, Come Let Us August - September 2010 interview: Paul Klotschkow Adore Hhymn photo: Video Mat TICKETS ON-LION Buying tickets for events in Notts? From the latest DJs at Stealth to the latest bands at venues like Spanky Van Dykes and The Rescue Rooms, you can get them all through our website, at no extra cost. Even better, thanks to our partnership with gigantic.co.uk, every time you buy one through us some of the funds will go towards LeftLion and a bit more goes to those nice folks at Oxfam. leftlion.co.uk/tickets DAYS OUT An’t the weather been nice? Well, not when it’s been chucking it down, obviously, but the outdoors events are piling in this month. Once again, the Council have got the sand down in the square until 5 Sept (for their six-week Nottingham Riviera beach binge, and not to cover the sick up). As always, the Caribbean Carnival at the Forest on 15 August will be the place to satisfy all your whine and grine- related requirements, and if you’ve ever wanted to see what West Bridgford would look like under attack from the US Air Force, the firework display on 8 August at the Riverside Festival is a must. As for the other outdoor events? Well, er…just walk in a straight line. You’re bound to run into summat eventually. leftlion.co.uk/listings

SHINDIG! Emotive alt-folk troubadours Hhymn have been entrusted with providing the What better way to spend an autumnal musical entertainment at our first ever Scribal Gathering event, hosted by Sunday evening than a big fat poetry knees- Café.Bar.Contemporary on Wednesday 4 August - so we dragged Ed Bannard up? We couldn’t think and Si Ritchie from the band into the pub to discuss their story so far, the band of one - so on Sunday 19 September LeftLion teams up with Nine Arches Press scene in Notts, and, er, killing dolphins for a record deal… to bring their touring event Shindig! to Nottingham for a night of poetry, open mic and music at Hockley How did Hhymn get together? Ed: You’re free from all of the crap. Sometimes you’ve got to hipster-magnet the Jam Café. Ed: Me and Si met through a friend. We were both in different remember what you are doing, but then sometimes it just clicks. bands at the time, and we used to write together. and then going Based in the Midlands, Nine Arches publishes a back to these other bands that we thought were bullshit. Just If there was one gig-going policy that you could introduce and mixture of up-and-coming and more established finding someone like-minded and being in the same position and make law, what would it be? contemporary poets in beautiful pamphlets that into the same things was nice. Si: Special exception to allow people to smoke inside venues. It make bookish sorts go all gooey and start to stroke really destroys the atmosphere, people going in and out. the covers in an avaricious sort of way. They also How would you describe Hhymn? produce a magazine called Under The Radar, which Si: That’s a hard one. Ed: People talking really loudly should be banned. And overtly mainly features poetry - although they’re interested pissed people. in short stories, fiction and interviews as well, from Ed: The songs can be big and kind of epic. We try to do something anyone who fancies a go at that there writing thing. interesting…something that we want to listen to. We had all You’ve released an EP and your new single’s out. Any plans for these ideas and we wanted to challenge ourselves. an album? For the first Shindig! Nine Arches will be bringing two Ed: There is, we’re very close. of their recently published writers, alongside our very What made you want to pick up a guitar? own Eireann Lorsung and Wayne Burrows. Eireann Ed: My cousin. I used to live in Ireland and all I’d ever heard was Si: If it all goes to plan, a Hhymn album will be out within the is best known in Notts for running the fantastic Madonna, Michael Jackson, and Bruce Springsteen. I stayed at my year. Nottingham Poetry Series, a programme of readings cousin’s, and went to see his band. He had a really nice Fender at the University of Nottingham where she is a Ph.D Strat and taught me how to play The Chain by Fleetwood Mac, You are offered a £1m recording contract - but all of the student. Her first collection Music for Landing Planes which I was obsessed with. My mum and dad agreed to buy dolphins in the world would become extinct, do you accept? By was published by Milkweed in 2007. me a guitar, but only if I played classical. I hated it. That’s why I Ed: Yeah, as long as the seals weren’t part of the deal. wanted to sing in the end, because I was bored with just playing Wayne Burrows, the Nottingham-based publisher the guitar. Si: We could record them being culled. We could call the album of Staple Magazine, has a long publishing history, The Dolphin Kull. including his first collection Marginalia (Peterloo Si: I was just copying my brother - he just played guitar all day Poets in 2001), and Emblems, published by Shoestring and he came back with a chord book that had The Chain, Wish You’re playing the WriteLion night at Café Bar Contemporary. Press in July 2009. He is currently working on a third You Were Here and all those things. He gave up after about a What can people expect from a Hhymn gig? collection. week, so I had it. There were loads of Levellers songs in there as Si: Initially, the night was going to be more of an intimate well, and loads of Irish protest songs. I’ve still got that book. environment, we were quite up for that. We talked about doing As if that isn’t enough excitement, there will also the songs with different arrangements and different instruments. be a half-hour open mic session; anyone who’d like What’s Nottingham like for bands trying to get out there? But maybe it’ll be with the full band. It could arc from really a slot can just chip up and put their name down on Si: In any place bands meet up and make music. Whether it is acoustic with cello’s and stuff and build it up. the night. Music during the break will feature a rare easy to do it round here or not is a different question. It’s not acoustic outing from psychedelic folkist Simon Haiku unhelpful, but there aren’t swarms of people hanging around Ed: I’d like to do it like a journey. You start off, then have a pit stop from Hhymn. waving chequebooks and contracts about. It’s notoriously bad and a sit down with a dirty burger in a cafe. Then try and end it for that here. Film and visual arts-wise, Nottingham is known triumphantly. Shindig! will be the perfect way to end your weekend, throughout the world. There is some sort of scene that is definitely with readings and music and a friendly forum for new about to happen, and when it does it will shine a light on the city. Any final words for the LeftLion readers? and developing writers to get their work out there, Si: Come out for our gig this Tuesday night. besides wine, cocktails, coffee, cake and books on What goes through your head when you are on stage? offer. Who could ask for more? Si: There are a lot of times at the start and end of songs where This interview won’t come out until August. we’re passing over wires and tripping over leads, really boring Ed: That’s a bit bad, no last words. I’ve got one - Save The mechanical stuff. Then there’s the actual moment of the song, Dolphin. For even more listings, check our up to date and you feel un-hassled by any of the boring bits in your life. It is online section at leftlion.co.uk/listings. such a free time in your mind. You’re in it, and then you’re out of it Hhymn, Scribal Gathering, Wednesday 4 August, If you want to get your event in this magazine again. Café.Bar.Contemporary, Weekday Cross, NG1 2GB. Free entry. Their new single Land Of Souls/Anamita is out now. and on our website, aim your browser at myspace.com/hhymn leftlion.co.uk/add. 22 leftlion.co.uk/issue36 nottingham event listings... for more: leftlion.co.uk/listings

Sunday 01/08 Friday 06/08 Back To The Grill Again Notts In A Nutshell presents. Double Trouble Soul Buggin’ get their aprons on for Bank Holiday Sunday The Maze The Alley Cafe £3, 8pm Free, 8.30pm - late Soul Buggin’ is a local DJ triumvirate consisting of local spinners Beane, With Ledges and United Nemesis. Wrighty and Mark A, who individually run tings at club nights such as The Big Dig with Holmes Basement Boogaloo and Hot Butter. Their modus operandi runs thusly; there Lisa De Ville The Golden Fleece isn’t enough soul knocking about Notts these days, and something needs to The Central be done about it. Plus Reckless Abandon, Steve DJ Sophie Pinnock and Ant Henso. The Hubb With a record collection that has already caused Nottingham to sink a full five inches into the ground – taking in everything from dusty Northern 45’s, The Joe Strange Band, Tee Dymond Latin shufflers from Brazil, glitterball disco from NYC, futuristic grooves from Monday 02/08 Southbank Bar Detroit, insane broken jams from West London, old school joints and solid

£3, 8pm underground house – Soul Buggin’ began as a one-off in Bar Humbug many The Happening With Godzilla Black, Fresh Eyes for moons ago, had brief spells at Snug and The Loft, and has now settled in nicely at Moog. The Orange Tree the Dead Guy and Worselings. Free, 9pm - 1am The past year and a half has seen Soul Buggin’ consolidate its position as a beacon of quality dance music, pulling

Open Mic in blisterings sets from the likes of Domu, Benji B (from BBC 1xtra), Kev Beadle, Colin Curtis, Atjazz and Mudd. And Stop Eject and Love Ends Disaster! The Golden Fleece - after a string of ram-out Bank Holiday Sunday parties – they’re putting on an all-day BBQ session up on the roof Spanky Van Dykes terrace of Moog on Sunday 29 August. In attendance will be Paper Recordings don Ben Davis (AKA Flash Atkins), 8pm - late local deep house party crew DiY (in the form of Osbourne and Woosh), and a special appearance from Brighton’s Wednesday 04/08 Balearic Assassin of Love, Steve Keep it Wheel. It all kicks off 2pm until 10pm, and then continues downstairs for Pesky Alligators some dancefloor action till 3am. Don’t Start Feeling All Romantic The Robin Hood The Malt Cross Free, 9pm - 11.30pm Entry is free before 10pm, then £3 and it’s also worth noting kids are welcome in the daytime to get their groove on Free, 8pm too. And if you miss that, you can catch the Soul Buggin’ crew on the last Saturday of every month at Moog. World Atlas and Red Shoe Diaries.

Saturday 07/08 Soul Buggin’ All Day BBQ, Sunday 29 August, 2pm-3am, Tides Of Virtue The Soul Ska Shakedown Moog, Newdigate Street, NG7 4FD. Free before 10pm, £3 after. The Central The Golden Fleece Kronic Tyrant, Archaic and V-Twin.

S.P.A.M! Monday 09/08 Thursday 12/08 Saturday 14/08 Thursday 05/08 The Rescue Rooms Free / £5 / £7, 10pm-3am Voivod and Nashville Pussy Strings of Sevilla Emily Martin Baby Godzilla The Rescue Rooms The Golden Fleece Deux The Golden Fleece Get People £12, 4.30pm Plus The Saboteurs. Stealth Thomas Bloch and Origamibiro / JD and the FDC’s £5, 10.15pm The Corner Store Here’s To Tragedy Maniere Des Bohemiens The Central The Malt Cross The Central Nottingham Contemporary £5, 8pm Charles Washington Quintet Free, 9pm - 1am £5, 8pm Free, 8pm With JD and the FDC’s, Dave Nottingham Contemporary Plus The Idol Dead, The Breakdowns Woodcock & The Dead Comedians, and Scarlet Carmina. Stiff Kittens

When A Train Hits A Truck and Wednesday 11/08 The Bodega

Spangle Corps. Sunday 08/08 Live Jazz - Ben Martin Band Free, 10pm - 1am I’m Not From London The Hubb Farmyard Records Presents The Alley Cafe It Prevails UK Guns N Roses The Golden Fleece 8.30pm - 11.30pm Rock City Richie Muir Band Rock City With Zanin’s Magic Crayon, In Cases £9, 5pm Southbank Bar £12.50, 7pm I’m Not From London and Thunderbunny. Plus Deaf Havana, Heart in Hand Plus The Whiskey Syndicate. The Central and Hey! Alaska. Get Cape Wear Cape Fly Sharp Knees, Luke Leighfield, Rock City The Joe Strange Band, Tee Dymond Frontiers, Rescued By Wolves, Thursday 12/08 Live Jazz £10pm, 6.30pm The Approach Rugosa Nevada, Great Imitation, The Hubb Notts In A Nutshell Plus XCERTS Broadcast By The Sea, Angelo The Maze Panzera, Infinity Hertz, Other Left, Wire and Wool £3, 8pm Sunday 15/08 Crimson Joy, Ghosts Wear Clothes, The Alley Cafe With Sola City, Youth In Revolt, Friday 13/08 Bonbonbonbons, Too Late For Sonic Boom Six 8.30pm - 11:30pm Strangeling, Less Than Nothing and Heroes, Gum Loc and Alaska. The Eviltones The Maze Alaska. The Central £10, 2pm £5 Plus The Skints, Breadchasers, Plus Hot Japanese Girl, Dick Venom Fruitbag, Resolution 242, Minus and The Terrortones. Society, Chas-Palmer-Williams, The (South) American Adventure Advantage, Liam O’Kane and The Night Of Festivals: Copa load of this... Toe Tappers Delight Stabalizer, A is for Ape, Arse full The Hubb of Chips, Riot 4 Disco, The Human If having Skeggy in the Market Square isn’t enough Targets and Meberob. excitement for one city, you have absolutely no idea Basslaced of what’s in store for the place. Barely a fortnight Stealth Ded Hot Chilli Peppers after the last donkey has been packed away, the £6, 10pm Southbank Bar Square hosts the vibrant sights and sounds of Chef, Flow Dan, Flux Pavillion, Latino culture with a unique and totally free festival Cookie Monsta, Goli and Ashburner.

that celebrates the bicentenary of South American Tuesday 17/08

independence. Will Jeffery I’m Not From London Deux Jamcafe Night of Festivals 2010 is a huge link-up between Plus Gallery 47 and Jamie Todd. Free ArtReach, the Council, City Arts, Nottingham What Price Wonderland, Population Contemporary and New Art Exchange, with the Riche Muir, Jason Hart Lost and New Age Peasants. aim of scooping up the very soul of Latin America The Approach

and dropping it right between Wetherspoons and Primark. There’ll be a dynamic live music stage Wednesday 18/08 with contemporary Latin American bands, moving Saturday 14/08

image installations by artists from Mexico, Brazil Richie Muir Digit Dealer and El Salvador on the Festival Big Screen, and a special installation celebrating Brazilian Festivals, ending with a The Approach Stealth look-ahead to the 2016 Olympic Games, which will be held in Rio. £5, 10.15pm Trojan Horse

It all kicks off at 4pm on Thursday 16 September, with the opening of Brazilian artist Laura Belém’s interactive art The Chameleon Pokey LaFarge and The South installation Night of St John - audiences will be promenaded into Old Market Square beneath a shimmering sea of £3, 8pm City Three 745 flags. Rhythms of the City open the live music stage presentations and the Festival Screen will play a visual Plus Karhide and The Maze feast of moving image by artists including Renata Padovan (Brazil), Carlos Burgos (El Salvador) and Gina Badenoc Nephu Huzzband. £10, 8pm (Mexico). Friday sees a plethora of Latino musicians and performers on both street and stage, and it all comes to

a climax on Saturday when an extraordinary Carnival procession takes place, including colourful and extravagant Marc Block and The Breezes Vanity Box characters from the Mexican Day of the Dead celebrations and the appearance of London’s Paraiso School of Samba The Central The Central - the foremost samba troupe outside Rio. Plus The Hubris and The Black Fuzz. £3

How big is this event? It’s only happening in two cities in the UK, the other one is London, and they’re going to Meet the Natives Wild Wood have to wait until we’ve done with it. Make no mistake - this is going to be large. The Central Southbank Bar £3, 8pm

Night of Festivals, Market Square, 16 - 18 September 2010, 4pm - 11.30pm Plus Marc Block and the Breezes. Dave Rotheray ‘The Life of Birds’ Thursday and Friday, 10am - 11.30pm Saturday The Rescue Rooms

£10, 7pm

leftlion.co.uk/issue35 23 event listings... for more: leftlion.co.uk/listings

Thursday 19/08 Sunday 22/08

Sunset Duo Farmyard Records Presents Café.Bar.Contemporary Dead. Good. Venue. Full. Stop. The Approach The Golden Fleece

The appearance of Nottingham Contemporary might still be causing a stir in the Kuato Doledrum All Dayer Lace Market, but this place also has hidden – and very tasty – depths. Located in The Golden Fleece The Maze the basement of the city’s newest feature lies Cafe.Bar.Contemporary – and yes, £4, 1pm-11pm those full stops are meant to be there, actually. Smashcard Luxury Stranger, The Hell I Am, Old

The Central School Premonition, Riot 4 Disco, With an inspiring interior created by New York artist Matthew Brannon and and £4, 8pm Sam Wilson and Nick Jonah Davis. imaginative food and bar menu, C.B.C is the perfect place to meet friends, relax Plus Jukebox Junkies, Lounge Fly and enjoy quality snap at decent prices. Okay, so you won’t be able to pose in the window looking all moody for the and Soho Cobras. benefit of passers-by, but look at it another way – there’s millions of pounds of art right over your head. Tuesday 24/08

Jay Hart Notts In A Nutshell! Through the day, C.B.C serves a full menu, with delicious daily specials made from fresh and locally sourced Southbank Bar The Maze seasonal ingredients. All the food is creative and affordable, with international contemporary cuisine served

£3, 8pm alongside classic British dishes like bubble and squeak and fish and chips. And the local theme extends to the Stealth vs Rescue With Oldboy, The Mojo Risin, Noel bar, with cask ales from Nottingham brewery Castle Rock as well a great choice of beers and ciders on draught, Stealth Street and AutoGenic. continental bottled beers including Duval and Vedett and an extensive wine list. £5, 10pm

With Nero and more tbc. The Chords In the afternoon and through to the early evening the café bar also serves a range of cakes, meat and cheese

The Rescue Rooms platters, and nibbles too. There are even old-school dishes such as ice cream coke floats and knickerbocker glories – Friday 20/08 £10, 7.30pm a nod to the 50s diner-influenced signage outside.

Lost Controllers At night, C.B.C turns itself into music, arts and performance venue. The DJ sessions on Fridays feature Pete Bradley

The Central Wednesday 25/08 and DJ Fluff playing funky sounds from 5pm ‘til late, while on Saturdays, the regular Café.Bar.Live programme

£4, 8pm showcases the cream of the local band scene - it’s already become a favourite venue for album and EP launches. Richie Muir Analog Angel and N.S.J. The Approach On other nights in the week the café bar hosts arts and performance events – including the inaugural LeftLion

The Hubb’s Summer Party spoken word night Scribal Gathering, which takes place on Wednesday 4 August Philadelphia Grand Jury DJs Rick Donohue and guest Café.Bar.Contemporary, Weekday Cross, Nottingham NG1 2GB. Closed Mondays. The Rescue Rooms cafebarcontemporary.com £5, 7pm The Joe Strange Band

Southbank Bar Simone Felice Saturday 28/08 Sunday 29/08 Saturday 04/09 The Maze Boomer Mclennan £10, 7.30pm Deux The Joe Strange Band Roger Sanchez S.P.A.M! The Approach Gatecrasher The Rescue Rooms Fool’s Gold Sabbat £10, 9pm - late Free /£6 / £7, 10pm - 3am The Bodega Rock City Folkface £6.50, 7pm £12, 7pm The Maze Soul Buggin’ Bank Holiday BBQ Boat to Row

Plus Imperial Vengence and £12, 8pm Moog Deux Cinders Fall. Thursday 26/08 FolkFace are Dave and Dom. Free / £3, 2pm - 3am Plus Cecille Grey Ben Davis, Osbourne & Woosh, Steve Garrison Evarose Ellis, Wrighty, Beane and Mark A. Jazz Junction

Saturday 21/08 The Golden Fleece Rock City Nottingham Contemporary

£3, 10pm The Joe Strange Band Wednesday 01/09 Cafe Boheme The Approach Sunday 05/09 Deux S.P.A.M! Worselings The Golden Fleece Patchwork Grace The Central The Like I’m Not From london Free, 9pm - midnight The Central The Bodega Deux £3, 7pm The Low Anthem £7.50, 7pm With We Show Up On Radar, Super Sugarhill The Rescue Rooms Fun Team Go, Red Shoe Diaries and Southbank Bar Damaged Stock £12, 7.30pm Go-X May KB. Rock City The Central Plus Red XIII, Armed for a Crisis, A £5, 2pm Sunday 29/08 Thursday 02/09 World Defined, Savour The Kill, To A Featuring Evil Scarecrow, Obsessive Friday 27/08 Pesky Alligators Breathless Oblivion and A Far Cry Compulsive, Abadden, Twilight’s Steve Mcgill The Navigation Waterfront From Innocnence and more. Embrace, Glass Artery, The The Money, Richie Muir Southbank Bar £3, 9pm - 11pm Beckoning Silence, 1000 Scars, The Approach Fab 4 Imperial Circus, Foul Body Autopsy Pesky Alligators Captain Dangerous Southbank Bar Detonate warm up The Chestnut Tree The Central Urban Intro The Golden Fleece Free, 9pm Bravo Juliet and General Public Southbank Bar Chemistry Set. Tuesday 07/09 Myna Bird

Mele The Central Friday 03/09 Open Mic Dr Comfort Stealth £3, 8pm The Maze Southbank Bar Heidi Talbot £5, 10.15pm Plus Kill Makara Free, 8pm The Rescue Rooms

£12, 7.30pm CW Stoneking

The Rescue Rooms The Big Dig with Holmes Town’s Dead This Summer £10, 7.30pm The Golden Fleece New zombie DVD turns Notts into hellish nightmare zone – without the help of Wetherspoons

Zombies: much cheaper than werewolves for fancy dress, less Beholder Wednesday 08/09 stuck-up than vampires and far less toilet roll required compared to The Central mummies. It seems that they’re quite the monster du jour amongst £5, 8pm Kortini local cinematic auteurs, and shambling hard on the heels of other Plus Bloodguard. The Central Nottingham zombiethons comes the DVD release of Dawn and the Plus Nightvision and GrandUltra. Dead. The Happening The Orange Tree

Free, 9pm-1am Thursday 09/09 Brought to you by OTT Productions - a collective of short film- makers who have been at it ever since they met at college a decade Live Jazz - Ben Martin Band Sam Kirk ago - Dawn and the Dead began life as a 24 hour movie project in The Hubb Deux 2008. It’s a tried and tested story classic: boy-meets-girl-meets-zombies. Dawn (Penny J. Bond) is a modern, self-

obsessed shoes-and-Facebook type, and after one of those chance reunifications that Zombie Apocalypses do so Tee Dymond well, she teams up with Wesker (Luke Pick), a paintball instructor who teaches her the way of the gun. But what Saturday 04/09 Southbank Bar further intrigue surrounds this pairing? And what’s the army’s interest in them and a mysterious flask-shaped bomb? Hold Your Horse Is Elliot Minor Although DATD is set and filmed in town, it’s certainly not Notts as we know it. With computer wizardry, digital The Chameleon Rock City effects engineer Saul Hayes has played around with the familiar backdrops of our city to create Beacon Falls, an £3, 8pm £10, 6.30pm overrun zombietropolis complete with burning tower blocks and abandoned cars. The production owes a big debt to Plus Shoes and Socks off. Resident Evil, with its feisty gun-wielding super-femme, mutating zombies and Wesker himself. Even the DVD menu

music gives you pangs of those Raccoon City PD blues - making you want to split up, look for survivors and get the The Soul Ska Shakedown Friday 10/09

hell out of there. This rom-zom-com’s mix of fourth wall-breaking and full-automatic army-filled explosive mayhem The Golden Fleece The Hustle with Detail may seem odd, but it never jars the senses – largely because you can feel this is a bunch of mates putting together The Golden Fleece their own zombie epic and having a whale of a time doing so. Wildside The Central UK Subs Dawn and the Dead is available on DVD, from the OTT Productions website The Central ottproductions.com Full Circle £9, 8pm The Hubb 24 leftlion.co.uk/issue35 Rather listen to the tunes on this page than read about ‘em? Better wrap your tabs round Sound Of The Lion, our dedicated music podcast, available at leftlion.co.uk/SOTL. And if you want your own tunes reviewed - and you’re from Notts - hit up leftlion.co.uk/sendusmusic...

8mm Orchestra Baby Godzilla Kirk Spencer ft. Wariko, Shifty 8mm Orchestra NPAG Spirit, Jah Digga and 2Tone EP (Self Release) EP (Self Release) Night Time Seven starts funkily, reminiscent of Noble in challenging the received CRS Entertainment Ege Bamyasi-era Can. The entire wisdom that the only Baby Godzilla You’lll have come across this band’s emphasis on the percussion worth caring about is Godzuki, this character before - works in an office in the intro is an especially welcome Notts Agit-Psycho-Rock outfit put up by day, lurks in an alley by night. touch, ushering in a verse soaked a good fight with their new NPAG All false posturing and braggadocio in tremolo-treated guitar. After EP. You certainly couldn’t accuse under hoods and bandanas. This a squelching build-up, the band them of lacking in confidence. The mentality is explored on Nottingham stutters between heaviness and melody with the bass Disenchantment Boogie fires things up, with a London Calling- producer Kirk Spencer’s massive new single Night Time. providing a supple spine that the guitarists work around era Clash-esque precordial thump of melody, vocal harmonies Helped by CRS Entertainment label-mates and some of the liberally. and heavy rhythmic kick. But it is second track Steamline city’s finest rappers, Mr.Spencer delivers another banger from Untitled (Trains) is a wonderful song, providing ambience Feline that shows Baby Godzilla at full expression. Starting the St. Anns-based studio. Jah Digga (AKA Dan Dan) kicks and atmosphere by the truckload. The reverb treated drums out as a creep and then moving about in skulks, before long things off with a solid verse: ‘You wear a shirt, tie, trousers and echoing glockenspiel (that eventually reverses in a Four it’s gathered enough back-tension to swagger out and work and a suitcase/At night you wear a tracksuit, hoodies and Tet manner) haunt the bass harmonics closely until the song the room: pounding the walls, smashing it up and raising all a screwface/I know the truth, mate/You act for your crew’s finalises on a note matching Explosions in the Sky. The guitars bloody hell. Fast. Snottily obnoxious. Downright scary in the sake/Everybody knows that you’re sweet like a fruitcake’, duel for attention, rhythm and arpeggios in perfect harmony, way that it might be if you were waiting tables on Lemmy and while 2Tone provides the anti-fronting hook in an inimitable until a pleasant peak that quickly fades and breaks to make Rocket From The Crypt as they down shot after shot before Notts drawl. Mixing hip-hop with dubstep and grime is the way for lazy keyboard chords. picking a fight with the bouncer, getting chucked outside and producer’s trademark; on Night Time the dirty, fuzzy bassline Only Clouds Move The Stars smacks of early 65daysofstatic, started waggling big boogy-woogy bollocks around in front and Spencer’s own live guitar and drum samples progress a sort of reinterpreted Retreat! Retreat! which brings forth of passing riot vans. Upping the tempo when it feels like it, into a full-blown drum and bass track. Legendary grime MC feelings of hope and sadness in a simultaneous wave. An calming down when it’s had enough, the NPAG EP is a fine Wariko sounds just as at home flowing over the epic beat accordion misleadingly dominates the intro, and soon leaves us presentation of this Notts outfit’s talents. If Baby Godzilla as no-nonsense rapper Shifty Spirit as they lyrically out the to be replaced by swathes of passionate guitar distortion. The sound like this now, heaven help us when they’re all grown up. fakers. Really slick production and great guest spots from band grip the main lead guitar theme and set about changing Al Draper the Community Recording Studio explain why this tune has the mood until they explode completely in a cacophony of Available at gigs and online received so much airplay on BBC Radio 1xtra. Worth the price riffage. The song devolves, displaying the band in a more myspace.com/baby-godzilla of the instrumental alone, this one is a must-download. Just introspective mindset - the accordion returns with an acoustic remember the song’s immortal message – check yourself before guitar... and then they rip it all away with one final crescendo, Manière Des Bohémiens you wreck yourself, don’t disrespect yourself. Shariff Ibrahim complete with vocal harmonies. Anthony Whitton Available from iTunes. Manière Des Bohémiens Available at gigs or online. kirkspencer.co.uk myspace.com/8mmorchestra EP (Farmyard Records) As a band known for their engaging Spaceships are Cool and exciting live shows, Manière Low Starr Heart Echoes des Bohémiens are a staple of the EP (Self Release) In Search of the Light Notts music diet and are decidedly EP (Light Commisionerz) SaC’s website boasts a huge list of against the grain. Playing a hybrid synths and other kit at their disposal. The constantly evolving nature of mix of the French swing style hip-hop often sees artists ditch their It’s an itinerary that would make any popularised by legends like Django Reinhardt in the thirties Kraftwerk fan cry with joy. There the former personas to take on new and Eastern European gypsy music, their improvised re- projects and gain wider appeal. similarity ends, but only in genre workings of jazz standards and traditional folk tunes set each and style; in terms of innovation, KMD’s Zev Love X became MF Doom in a new and unique light. To capture a sound like this on a while Messrs. Nas and Ghostface SaC are on top of their game. Deemed the city’s premier (and recording is no mean feat but, having been recorded entirely possibly only) purveyors of uplifting, electronically driven sci- dropped their respective Nasty live and in just five hours, the band’s new EP has done as and Killah monikers to chase the fi pop, they’ve managed to squeeze as much of the intrigue much justice to their live performances as humanly possible. and energy of their excellent live shows into their debut LP big bucks. Now rapper and producer Low Starr becomes the The technical skill displayed by the musicians of MdB is Starburst to the Opal Fruits of Lee Ramsay that older Notts as humanly possible. It’s chock-full of dreamy, lilting ditties blindingly apparent with wonderfully inventive, silver-fingered that invoke a child-like whimsy at the same time as filling heads already know and love. Ramsay made his name with violin solos abounding in each track, along with effortless legendary group OutDaVille − alongside Scorzayzee − going your ears with enough delicious synthy goodness to satiate accordion, flowing guitar playing and cool, understated double your appetite for electronic nutrition for days. Opener, Along on to form Marga Boys and pursue his own projects. On this bass solos. There is a really comfortable feel to this record, new EP Low Starr goes it alone, releasing a self-produced These Sleepless Nights, introduces the band’s penchant for as if they are playing for you in a tiny candlelit club, and merging analogue sounds with digital, beginning with slide four-track teaser marketed under his own Light Commisionerz the transitions from one fabulous solo to the next flow with label. The stand-out single on In Search of the Light is and acoustic guitar before introducing the ever-eerie, spacey coolness and ease. The pace of the EP ebbs and flows, from sound of the theramin and synthesiser combination that Reminisce − an exploration of the rapper’s fame forged in his the slow and sexy refrains of 2 Guitars to the blistering speed near two decades of recording. Low Starr’s flow lilts while continues throughout the record. Heart Echoes sounds like the of Romanian Train Song, which quickens to such intensity that soundtrack to a futuristic primary school’s field trip to space; peppered with double-time bars that merge perfectly into it’s almost shocking to find that violinist Rob Rosa still has all the sultry hook of You’ll Remember Me. Electronic drums and wide-eyed children exploring the solar system to a backdrop of his fingers in the aftermath of the recording. This is certainly Moog synths, undulating theramin, glockenspiels and Fisher Kanye-style synths make this perfect summer pop. His slick a record to invest in if you’re looking for something exciting, production skills are showcased again on Orchestra Minded Price toys. Yet as charming and innocent as it may sound, unusual and technically beautiful to grace your headphones. there is a high level of production and compositional skill to the where grand horns and handclaps turn it in to what sounds You won’t be disappointed. Sarah Morrison like a Jay-Z smash. The bouncy soul of Oh My Dayz and album, with its diverse elements having been weaved together Available at gigs and farmyardrecords.com to form songs that defy any efforts to be grumpy whilst you I’m Coming compliment Low Starr’s local vernacular with myspace.com/manieredesbohemiens production that works on an international level. This name listen. Sarah Morrison change and new direction should hopefully give this most Available from gigs and online. hard-working of artists the wider recognition he deserves. And spaceshipsarecool.com I’m willing to stake a Marathon bar on that. Shariff Ibrahim Whatley & Stone Available online Woven Yunioshi myspace.com/lowstarlrg Album (Self Release) How To Survive A Robot Uprising Come into my web, said the spider to EP (Self Release) the fly. Woven is that spider, pulling Yunioshi are sticking their fingers Tom Garner tighter on the web you’ll find yourself firmly in the socket with their new Coaster caught up in. Opening track Pulse EP. A sample from an old fifties sci- EP (Self Release) is the bait laid out to catch your fi film warns of an imminent attack Like a mechanic stripping a attention. Part Lilo Schafrin brassy which then leads in to the howling motorbike, or a predator skinning soundtrack, part Portishead on the siren stomp of Ghetto Getgo - its prey, Tom Garner is able to take pull. Ms. Whatley’s vocals are beautiful; she could sing an guitars clatter and clash as if trying songs down to their bare essentials angel to sleep. These songs, er, weave between gothy pop to break out of Beck’s bedroom circa Midnite Vultures, whilst immediately getting to the heart and big beat pomp, Cocteau Twins versus Tricky. Take Me to the bass and burbling synth breakdown near the end drags the of the song. Most of the tracks on Heaven is a good example of Whatley and Stone’s crossover song firmly to the dance floor. The cheeky Star Wars reference Coaster are based around Tom’s appeal. This song would work just as well from a club’s huge at the end shows that Yunioshi should be the house band for piano and voice, with drums, electronic percussion and bass sound system at midnight as from your stereo at home dancing Chalmun’s Cantina. Believe It pulsates with a sultriness intent as accompaniment. The easiest comparison to make would be on a Sunday teatime. The bassline is to die for, the vocals let on grinding against you. Ctrl sees burbling keyboards and Ben Folds Five without the need to cover up his insecurities you know what Heaven would sound like. Drowning is a trippy, bubbling sound-effects dart around whilst the song struts with a geeky knowingness. For, over ten tracks, Tom conjures hippy sounding campfire song. With killer strings. around like CP30 after mainlining an entire stash of Viagra up gentle melodies delivered with soulful, wistful, heartfelt Dark Angel, Black Heart is like a classic ballad, one of those hoping to get his end away with anyone and everything, as singing as his piano rolls around him. Occasionally, Tom is that MTV would play back in the eighties, all driving rain and Rob and Anna sing, “Your touch is bruising me, the feeling I partnered by female vocals, adding an extra emotional edge handclaps. Cue Ms. Whatley, black stilettos and trench coat want more and more.” Oh my. Matt Bellamy must have broken to his words and putting this album firmly in the ‘songs about wistfully walking towards the camera. Her voice is beguiling, into the Yunioshi studio as an electrical storm of guitars relationships’ camp. Tracks like Bright Lights and Empty the voice of the approaching spider ready to pounce. At clatters down over Hakushi! in a way of which Devon’s guitar- Rooms showcase a talent unafraid to deal with the bitterness Haunted you’re wrapped in silk, by final track Sleepwalking maestro would be proud and, with it, Yunioshi have created a of relationships - his heart is firmly on his sleeve. This is his she’s stashed you away with the other victims, to be devoured whole new genre – ‘Robo Funk’. Thunderbird is a slab of sixties debut, but Garner plays like he has been crafting these songs at her leisure. Accept your fate. tinged lounge pop with breakbeat drums and fuzzy bass for years making sure he gets to the heart and soul of what If you’re going to be transfixed by one record this summer, let it having a laser battle with a rainbow synths, as Rob lays down they are about. Paul Klotschkow be Woven. Piers Edminson the Yunioshi mantra. ‘Robot funk shit’ indeed. Paul Klotschkow Available online Available online Available online myspace.com/tomgarnermusic myspace.com/whatleyandstone myspace.com/yunioshi leftlion.co.uk/issue36 25 leftlion.co.uk/issue36 25 event listings... for more: leftlion.co.uk/listings

Friday 10/09 Thursday 16/09

Basslaced Dogma Presents: The Others New Jock Swing Stealth Dogma Decky does a Bronco right outside Lakeside. The dirty bogger. £6 / £8, 10pm - 4am Free, 8pm Sukh Night and MC P Money, To some young men, their rite of passage is the first taste of warfare. To others, Distance, Kryptic Minds, Senate and Scarlet’s Wake it’s fetching their Dad one across the face after he’s come back from the pub. To Standfast. The Central the youths of Girvan in West Scotland, it’s doing a Bronco – standing on a swing, getting high enough to be level with the ground, kick the swing over your head Salmagundi Kris Ward and then jump beneath it. All the lads in the gang can do it, bar Decky – the The Hubb Southbank Bar wee runty one. And he’s about to find that life is far more than just swings and roundabouts… Blue Yonder Shadows Chasing Ghosts Deux Rock City Decky does a Bronco, for the unaware, is one of the finest plays to come out of Scotland in many a year. Penned by £5, 7pm the acclaimed Glaswegian writer Douglas Maxwell, it took the Edinburgh Fringe by storm on its release, snapping up The Scotman Fringe First Award for innovation in theatre and outstanding new production and The Stage Award

Saturday 11/09 Black Mountain for Acting Excellence.

The Rescue Rooms Headstock Festival £11, 7.30pm Since then, it’s toured over the country, and finally hits Notts this September, outside the Lakeside on Highfields The Newstead and Annesley Plus Ladyhawk Park. That’s right; outside. Set in an actual playground, and performed by the Grid Iron theatre company – who Country Park specialise in taking plays out of the theatre and boast a cast of trained acrobats – Decky does a Bronco might just be £12.50 - £30, 12pm - 2am the best thing you’ve seen in a playground since that fight between those two mentalist fifth years back in the day.

Friday 17/09 Remember, it’s in September, so tek a coat just in case… The Money Southbank Bar Fyfe Dangerfield Decky does a Bronco, £12 (£9 conc), Thursday 9 – 11 September, The Rescue Rooms Highfields Park, near Lakeside Arts Centre, University Park, NG7 2RD. Dizzy Lizzy and Absolute Thunder £12.50, 7.30pm lakesidearts.org.uk Rock City £10, 7pm Prostitute Disfigurement The Central Saturday 18/09 Monday 20/09 Saturday 25/09 Maniere Des Bohemiens £8 adv Nottingham Contemporary Plus Lordaeron, Drag The Lake, Bastard of the Skies The Vaselines Trashstock 2010 Merciless Terror and Burial. The Central The Rescue Rooms The Central The Beetroot Kings £4, 7.30pm £10, 7.30pm £12 adv The Rescue Rooms Pesky Alligators Plus Alunah, The Engines Of With Acey Slade and The Dark Party, £7, 7pm The Hubb Armageddon, Master Charger and Rose Elinor Dougall The Glitterati, The Pleasures, JD Free, 9pm-12am Eye For An Eye. The Bodega and The FDC’s, Dead Identities, The £6, 7pm Erotics, Eureka Machines, Lord Of

Monday 13/09 Sky Larkin Highness Warm Up The Lost, Sworn To Oath, Obsessive

The Bodega The Golden Fleece Compulsive, The Lost Souls Club Epic Fail £8, 7pm Thursday 23/09 and The Rocket Dolls. The Maze Black Canvas Dogma Presents : MistaJam The Hubb S.P.A.M! Wolf Parade Dogma Saturday 18/09 The Golden Fleece The Rescue Rooms Free, 9pm Mas Y Mas Free, 9pm – 12am £12.50, 7.30pm Killing Machine Nottingham Contemporary The Rescue Rooms Jay Hart Urban Intro I Am Arrows £9, 6.30pm Southbank Bar Southbank Bar The Bodega Sunday 19/09 £10, 7pm Ricky Warwick Cafe Boheme Dog Is Dead Rock City I Haunt Wizards Deux The Bodega £8, 7pm The Central £5, 7pm Tuesday 14/09 £3, 8pm TRC

Smokescreen Plus Meet Me In Vegas and Can’t Rock City Barenaked Ladies Rachel Harrington The Maze Kill The Heat. £3, 10pm Rock City Deux 8pm Plus This is Colour £25, 7.30pm The Kaiser Thiefs Grinderman Garrison Southbank Bar Justin Rutledge Rock City Deux The Maze Wednesday 15/09 £25, 6.30pm 7.30pm, £10

Dinosaur Pile-Up Sugarhill Plus Amelia Curran Furnace Mountain The Bodega Southbank Bar The Maze £7, 7pm Friday 24/09 £10, 7.15pm Plus Raina Rose Muzika! The Maze Installation Overdrive 9pm, £5 Wednesday 29/09 Notts sets the dials for maximum artiness (with minimal fartiness) this summer

Ocean Colour Scene Detonate Warm Up Nottingham’s top contemporary art venues are taking Rock City The Golden Fleece ‘people’ and ‘faces’ as the focus for their current £23.50, 6.30pm exhibitions. The work of Diane Arbus - one of the most Detonate distinctive portrait photographers of the 20th Century Crocodiles Stealth - is at Nottingham Contemporary right through until The Bodega £10 / £12, 10pm – late the autumn. Her photographs catalogued people on £6, 7pm Friction, Scratch Perverts, N-Type, the margins of society, celebrating the uniqueness and freakiness of people in New York during the 50s Spor, Alix Perez, Truth, SP:MC and and 60s. Following the tradition of American street Transit Mafia. Thursday 30/09 photography, Arbus was drawn to people who worked in the amusement parks such as Palisades Park and Coney Reckless Love Michael Buble Island. Rock City Trent FM Arena Nottingham £8, 7pm From the unknown to the famous, Nottingham Castle Plus Jett Black. Dogma Presents is hosting the exhibition Portrait of a City. Made up Dogma of paintings, photographs, sculpture and drawings, Johnny Dickinson DJ Fresh (tbc) this exhibition celebrates the people who have made Deux Nottingham the city it is today. The characters and faces Live Jazz - Brazilica range from the 1500s to 2010; some are famous, some as Lisbee Stainton The Hubb yet are unsung heroes. Look out for newly-commissioned The Bodega photographs by Jo Metson Scott, a Nottingham-born £7, 7pm Imelda May contemporary photographer whose work has featured in Rock City Diane Arbus, Tattooed Man at a Carnival, Md. 1970. £16.50, 6.30pm The Guardian, Telegraph and i-D Magazine. Copyright © 1971 The Estate of Diane Arbus. Saturday 25/09

Gold Rush Finally, and more conceptually, Ed Pien’s walk-through installation titled Memento at the New Art Exchange was S.P.A.M Southbank Bar developed out of research into the plight of illegal immigrants - the hidden faces of society who often take great risks The Golden Fleece in the hope of living a better life. An immersive installation made from ropes, cut-outs, sandbags, video projection NME Radar Tour and sound, Memento runs until the beginning of September. Shades of Blue The Rescue Rooms The Hubb £9.50, 7pm Diane Arbus, Nottingham Contemporary, Weekday Cross, NG1 2GB, 17 July - 30 October. With The Joy Formidable and Portrait of a City: Nottingham Names and Faces from the 1500s to 2010, Nottingham Castle, Calvin Harris Chapel Club. NG1 6AA, 26 June - 19 September Gatecrasher Memento, New Art Exchange, 39-41 Gregory Boulevard, NG7 6BE, 23 July - 4 September. £10, 10pm

26 leftlion.co.uk/issue35 event listings... for more: leftlion.co.uk/listings

COMEDY Sunday 26/09 Saturday 14/08 Make My Club The Tonic Just the Tonic …I want my guts laughed up Magners Funhouse Comedy Club Cornerhouse Strathdon Hotel £12, 7pm Just The Tonic - your friendly neighbourhood purveyors of stand-up - have £10, doors 8pm Johnny Vegas and guests. been pulling the absolute top dogs of the circuit into town for sixteen years With Nick Page, Stuart Black, Ben Runs until: 27/09 now, but have spent much of that time bouncing from venue to venue like a Schofield and Compere, Spiky Mike. bunch of hen slappers. That’s all about to change in September, though, as Tuesday 28/09 JTT finally settles down in a permanent city centre venue - none other than the Cornerhouse. Monday 16/08 The Armstrong and Miller Show Yes indeed - as we speak, a 450-max venue is being readied, offering a full Let’s Get Quizzical Royal Centre range of drinks, cabaret-style seating and a very nice menu that goes much Spanky Van Dykes further than chicken-in-a-basket. Even better, their nationally-renowned £2, 8pm start Wednesday 29/09 comedy nights are extending right across the weekend, from Friday night all the way into Sunday. The Friday and Saturday shows are based on the Wednesday 15/09 The Armstrong and Miller Show club’s London sessions, which are more geared to the needs of a Friday Royal Centre and Saturday night crowd (make of that what you will) and has made JTT’s Rich Hall London branch one of the hottest tickets in Expensive-Town - but the price is The Glee Club Thursday 30/09 being dropped here, and it’s going to stay that way. £15, 7.15pm Real Deal Comedy Jam Sundays, on the other hand, will retain the knockabout element that Just the Thursday 16/09 Nottingham Trent Uni Tonic is renowned for - cheaper, chaotic, sometimes a touring act, sometimes £10 / £15, 7.30pm - 10.30pm a famous act, sometimes just a load of people being silly. Acts already booked Shappi Khorsandi With Kat, Axel da Entertainer, so far include Stewart Lee (pictured), Johnny Vegas, Sarah Millican, Rufus The Glee Club Special P, Jason Andors and Smokey Hound, Jack Whitehall, Jim Jeffries, Josie Long, Nina Conti and Pete Firman £11 - £13, 7.15pm Suarez. – but there are a couple of surprise shows already in the works, so keep checking the website – or even better, whack your name down on their mailing list. Jon Richardson: Don’t Happy, Be Thursday 16/09 Worry Chuck in the much-loved Big Value Comedy audition night on a Mondays, along with the other tours and one-off The Glee Club surprise gigs – not to mention the fact that once the comedy is over, the place stays open as a nightclub, and the Fish Jarred Christmas £11 - £13, 7.30pm Man usually gets dragged up on stage every time he swings by - and it’s obvious that one of the jewels in the crown The Glee Club of Notts nightlife has got even more spangly. £5 - £10, 7.15pm THEATRE Jarred Christmas, Mike Wilmot, justthetonic.com Gina Yashere and Andrew Maxwell. Monday 02/08

Murder with Love Monday 16/08 Friday 03/09 Sunday 01/08 Thursday 23/09 Royal Centre

Runs until: 7/8 Kevin Bridges Anybody for Murder? She Stoops To Conquer Paul Harrison and Nick Dunmur -

The Glee Club Royal Centre Nottingham Playhouse Edgelands £13, 7.15pm Friday 06/08 Runs until: 21/08 £7.50 - £26.50 Lakeside Arts Centre Runs until: 18/09 Runs until: 05/09

Bugsy Malone Friday 24/09 Friday 20/08 Life is Very Sweet Nottingham Arts Theatre Tuesday 07/09 Harley Gallery and Foundation £3 / £5, 6pm James And The Giant Peach Pulse Comedy Club Night Mon - Sat 10am - 5pm, Newstead Abbey Oklahoma New Venture Club Sun 10am - 4.30pm £8 / £11, 7.30 Royal Centre 7pm to midnight Monday 09/08 Runs until: 01/03 Runs until: 11/09 Andy White, Vince Atta, Jane Hill,

Ishi Khan-Jackson and Resident MC. Murdered to Death Saturday 28/08 Surface Gallery Open Show 2010 Royal Centre Sunday 12/09 Surface Gallery Saturday 25/09 Runs until: 14/08 Love in Shakespeare Runs until: 07/08 Nottingham Castle Shangri-la Lounge - 2010 a Space Jason Manford Thursday 12/08 £10 / £12 / £14, 7.30pm Oddity Liz Emery - Felt Artist Royal Centre Runs until: 29/08 Rescue Rooms D H Lawrence Heritage Pride And Prejudice £10, 7.30pm - 12am £2.50, 10am until 5pm Brian Higgins Runs until: 22/08 Newstead Abbey The Glee Club Tuesday 31/08 £10 / £12, 7:30 £5 - £12, 7.15pm Wednesday 15/09 Pilvi Takala Runs until: 13/08 The Country Girl Plus Trevor Crook, Andy Robinson Nottingham Contemporary Royal Centre Blood Wedding and guest. Runs until: 29/08 Runs until: 04/09 Lace Market Theatre

Runs until: 18/08 Children’s Summer Workshops

Harley Gallery and Foundation The Next Stage Thursday 16/09 £5 per child per day Board-treading tomfoolery a-plenty this bi-month, Runs until: 25/08 previewed by Adrian Bhagat Phoenix Rising Nottingham Arts Theatre £8 / £10, 7.30pm Saturday 14/08 Around this time of year, theatre audiences pull on their waterproofs, Runs until: 18/09 drag out their plastic imitation-wicker picnic hampers, and try to University Summer Exhibition watch plays through rain-filled eyes. There’s still time to catch some Lakeside Arts Centre outdoor shows at the Castle and Newstead Abbey, including Illyria’s Friday 24/09 Runs until: 04/09 Pride and Prejudice. These shows are always lots of fun - and it’s a great privilege to see plays in beautiful surroundings. Twelfth Night

Nottingham Playhouse Saturday 04/09

After the summer lull, September heralds the start of the new £7.50 - £26.50 We’ll Meet Again season and the promise of plenty of great theatre in our beloved Runs until: 16/10 New Art Exchange city. The Playhouse’s first offering is She Stoops To Conquer, an 18th Century comedy of manners beloved of GCSE syllabus writers, Runs until: 07/11 so you may well have studied it at school. Kate, the daughter of EXHIBITIONS a wealthy squire, wishes to marry the aristocratic Charles. As he LOVE She Stoops To Conquer, Nottingham Playhouse Sunday 01/08 New Art Exchange becomes flustered when talking to women of his own class, she Runs until: 07/11 disguises herself as a barmaid to win his heart. When someone Through Other Eyes

mischievously convinces Charles that Kate’s father is the innkeeper and his house is a tavern, the resulting chaos Harley Gallery and Foundation makes the marriage unlikely. Free, Mon - Sat 10am - 5pm Thursday 23/09 Runs until: 15/08 The Lace Market Theatre begins their season with Frederico Garcia Lorca’s Blood Wedding, a story of love and The Nottingham Food and Drink death. On the eve of a wedding, an ex-lover with a violent past arrives, reawakening a family feud. When the bride James Webb - Prayer Festival 2010 runs away, a revenge tragedy unfolds. This is the kind of weighty play that brings out the best in the Lace Market’s Lakeside Arts Centre Old Market Square excellent amateur company. Runs until: 08/08 Runs until: 26/09 With Gino D’Acampo, Ainslee Finally, DH Lawrence fans may be interested in Phoenix Rising at the Nottingham Arts Theatre. In the play, Summer Exhibition Harriott, Momma Cherrie, Atul Lawrence is shown living with his wife, Frieda, in the south of France. With his health failing and death not far Crocus Gallery Kochhar and Sat Bains. away, he muses with pathos and laughter about his early life, and the people who inspired his literary characters. Free, 11pm – 4pm Runs until: 07/08 Outdoor Theatre Season, Nottingham Castle and Newstead Abbey, until 29 August. Friday 24/09

She Stoops To Conquer, Nottingham Playhouse, 3 - 18 September. Summer Exhibition Strange Dance Blood Wedding, Lace Market Theatre, 15 - 18 September. Crocus Gallery Nottingham Contemporary Phoenix Rising, Nottingham Arts Theatre, 16 – 18 September. Free, 11am-4pm Runs until: 07/08

27 leftlion.co.uk/issue35 leftlion.co.uk/issue35 27 Another bi-month, another opportunity for us to cram as much snap into our cakey maws as possible. If you want to be featured on this page email words: : Sophie Farrell, Aly Stoneman, Jared Wilson [email protected] Cock and Hoop Dino Café and Wine Bar Cumin Hungry? Put a ring on it Definitely not a Flintstones theme restaurant Oh my Ghosht

Comfortably nestled amongst popular night-time haunts Tucked away on Warser Gate – the long alleyway that Setting up an Indian restaurant in this town is tough - along the cobbled streets of High Pavement and opposite the connects the Lace Market tram stop to the Old Angel – Dino particularly if you opt to do so on Maid Marian Way, a stone’s Galleries of Justice, this none-more-traditional venue serves is a welcome retreat from the mayhem of town. The front bar throw from 4550 Miles From Delhi. Laguna and cutlery tosser as the perfect antidote to the city’s hustle and bustle. The is furnished with comfy low-slung leather chairs - ideal for Chris Tarrant’s fave, MemSaab. But two years ago the Arnand intimate pub atmosphere - with comfy armchairs and settees hanging out with mates and taking advantage of the tempting family did just that, after establishing similar eateries in galore - make it an ideal place to relax after a busy day at £3 cocktail deals that run from 5-9pm. An exceptionally happy Wembley, Leicester, Ilford and Middlesex. Spread over two work. It’s also the ideal precursor to a date, if you would like a group next to us could well have been there all day, as the café floors, Cumin is intimate yet spacious, feeling modern without few drinks in a quiet pub venue before venturing downstairs opens at 11am with ‘proper’ Italian coffee, a full lunch menu forgetting its Indian heritage, with swathes of reds and darks, to the dedicated restaurant space. With wine, beer, spirits, and free wi-fi if you fancy taking a breather from the office. solid furnishings and tastefully muted wallpaper. traditional and local ales, plus the usual selection of soft drinks, there are beverages available to suit all tastes. Dinner is served from 6-9pm (Tues-Sat) and the last rays of For starters, I tried the masala fried tilapia (£7.00) a freshwater sun beaming through the skylight windows illuminated the fish from Kenya. The four pieces came fried in crispy batter, When we ventured downstairs, we discovered an open plan tranquil décor as we were shown to our table. We selected marinated in a blend of lemon and spices, with a peppery space with quirky little booths for those in pursuit of privacy a bottle of house Merlot (£13) and started with the bruscetta edge. My guest went for the boti kebab (£6.00), five tender whilst eating. The service was with a smile and the waitress con peperonata (£3.50) and gamberoni (£4.95), confirming my and tangy morsels of lamb subtly spiced with black pepper, was attentive. There could have been more space between suspicion that vegetarians are cheaper dates than carnivores lemon and chilli. I’m a big fan of spicy food, so for my main I tables, but tea lights, soothing music and dim lighting (top budget dating tip!) The bruscetta was enough to turn scoured the menu for the red pepper symbols and plumped made for an ambient atmosphere. The menu, although this red-blooded meat eater into a leaf-munching sissy when I for the bhuna gosht (£10.50), a blend of lamb chunks and concise, covered all bases with popular British fish, meat and sampled my companion’s bountiful portion of grilled ciabatta bell peppers, slow cooked with onions tomatoes and ginger. vegetarian dishes. massaged liberally with garlic and heaped with warm Personally I wouldn’t class this as a particularly ‘hot’ dish, caramelized pepper, onion, crumbled goats’ cheese and basil. although it left a pleasing tingly sensation in my mouth. My You can order nibbles with your drinks, which include mixed Another advantage of dating a veggie if you’re a carnivore is guest was more restrained with the murg makhni (£9.50), olives (£3.00), the roasted nut selection (£2.50) or Tuscan that they can’t try your food, so I was able to devour a regal chunky chicken simmered in a mild and creamy tomato sauce. bread with olive oil and balsamic dipping (£3.00). Starters plate of butterflied king prawns, magnificently fleshy and include roasted butternut squash soup with mushroom toast infused with garlic, white wine, chilli and lemon butter, all to We complimented these with a bottle of pinot grigio (£13.50), (£4.85), duck leg and breast terrine with green peppercorns myself. which was both refreshing and rounded, as well as a few of and sourdough (£6.50) and a salad comprising devilled lamb’s Cumin’s speciality side-dishes. The pilau rice (£2.50) was more kidney, anchovies, oat cakes and pickled shallots (£5.75). The The Mediterranean-style menu mainly consists of meat and than enough to share between two alongside a garlic naan mains also appeal to British pub food enthusiasts with beer fish dishes, but several vegetarian options and an extensive (£2.50). The aloo paratha (£2.50), a pan-seared wholewheat battered hake fillet, mushy peas and chips (£9.50) and roasted specials board ensure plenty of choice. I opted for a succulent bread filled with mashed potato and with a distinct cheese leek and kale lasagne (£8.50). supper of monkfish (£9.00) which swaggered in on a black flavour went down a treat too – but best of all was the bondi oblong slate, upstaging my companion’s risotto di zucca raita (£3.00), a fresh creamy yoghurt spiced with roasted I chose a fish cake (£5.50) for starters and was pleased to (£7.95) - a perky combination of roasted butternut squash cumin and packed with crisp gram flour puffed balls. discover a hearty, well-seasoned portion with soft mash potato and sage risotto - both visually and in terms of flavour - filling. The fish pie main (£9.50) didn’t disappoint either with fortunately he didn’t know what he was missing. We were We were too full to get stuck into the dessert menu, instead delicate flavours designed to tantalise taste buds. My guest full to bursting and we knew it, but there’s always room for settling for the lemon towels and mints. But they have a few had salmon rillettes (£5.50) followed with succulent lamb rump chocolate, especially in the form of homemade white chocolate interesting looking dishes on there including pistachio kulfi (£12.50), which proved to be the wholesome and simple British cheesecake (£2.50) – something we could share (reluctantly). (£3.00), gulab jamun (£3.00) –fried dumplings in syrup - and cooking you’d expect from a Michelin Pub Guide venue. rasmalai (£3.00), which are milky sponge cakes. In the face Dino has an emphasis on providing an affordable high-quality of tough competition on Notts’ own curry quarter-mile, The Aimed clearly at people who want a bit more than your menu using locally-sourced produce where possible. Friendly Cumin more than holds it’s own. If you’re going on a rowdy standard pub lunch - and a lot less noise - Cock and Hoop is a staff and beautiful décor help to make this a great place to work do then look elsewhere, but if you want to share an gastropub par excellence. No two-for-ones, to be sure, but the linger with friends or on a romantic night out, with live music intimate meal, ahem, cumin and grab a table. level of value for what you get towers over its rivals. on weekend evenings. They’ll even let you use their piano. The Cumin, 62-64 Maid Marion Way, NG1 6BJ. 0115 941 9941 29-31 High Pavement, NG1 1HE. 9 Warser Gate, Lace Market, Nottingham NG1 1NU. thecumin.co.uk Tel: 0115 852 3232 Tel: 0115 9504455 tinyurl.com/cockandhoop

Our resident fast food expert Beane continues his quest to eat at every takeaway in Nottingham… Maryland Chicken Desi Express Chicken shops are now starting to rival Greggs and then onto the pavement. With the whole Situated in the thriving centre of Hyson Green - Me and the Noodle crew opted for some lamb in the most-outlets-in-town stakes. Case in joint in stitches, I dusted myself off and, just across the road from that massive tropical chops, lamb curry, rice, chips, vegetable point: I clocked people queuing out the door wobbily, entered to applause. That is how you grocers-cum-hypermarket - I’d heard many a kaporas and chicken biryani. Stacked up with of Maryland the other day – at four in the make an entrance, people. nice tale regarding Desi Express but had yet to spice and serious flavour it did the job and afternoon. KFC must be seriously sweating at As for the food, well, it’s pretty standard fried venture in. With the World Cup final looming then some. A special shout out must go to the this new player in town. chicken and chips as expected, best eaten that night, it had to be curry time in the Noodle rice; normally a side player in your curry game, My first experience of this place almost ended under the influence. Not necessarily a bad HQ, so I decided to give it a whirl. It was early it was gorgeous - cooked with chick peas in a visit to casualty: on my way home after thing, though – sometimes a deep-fried bird is Sunday evening and the first thing I noticed and herbs, it went lovely with the hot spicy a particularly saucy night at the Nottingham actually enhanced by a body swishing about was it was well rammed - always a good sign. chops. Bottom line: Desi is good value, highly Bar and Club Awards, I stopped the taxi after with enough booze to fill a child’s paddling You can either take a pew and eat in, or load recommended and goes perfectly with a bit of seeing the bright lights of Maryland and ran pool, and there’s certainly a lot worse eateries up like Arnie in Commando and get your take- football. across the busy Lower Parliament Street at in Notts. Give it a go, but please; make sure away on big style. The first thing that hit me 113 Radford Road, Hyson Green, NG7 5DU 100mph - straight into the glass door that my you open the door first before entering. was how cheap the menu was – was this a beer goggles thought was an open doorway, 24 Upper Parliament Street, NG1 3DA fancy kebab house or a proper take-away? 28 www.leftlion.co.uk/issue36 NEW YORK · LONDON · PARIS · MANSFIELD INTRODUCING LEFTLION SUBSCRIPTIONS it’s like having a little piece of Nottingham in your toilet

CALLING ALL EXPATRIATES marooned far, far away from the Motherland, Nottophiles in all locations BACK ISSUES who can’t go two months without seeing the word ‘chelp’ in print, and locals who just can’t be KICKING YOURSELF because you missed out arsed to go into town: LeftLion subscriptions on an issue of LeftLion? Regret cutting up a are now available. certain issue to make blackmail threats to your ex? Want five copies of the issue with That’s right, youths and ducks - from now Su Pollard having it off in the Square on on, you don’t have to ratchet up your carbon the cover to sell on eBay in years to come? footprint by jetting into Nottingham in Don’t mither yoursen, kids - simply giz some order to pick up the latest issue of the only more money, and we’ll sort you out. We have magazine in Nottingham worth the steam off limited copies of every issue of the ‘Lion your wazz - simply giz some money, and we’ll (excluding issue 3), and when they’re gone, send every issue to you the minute it comes they’re gone. off the presses. With a stamp and everything. Until your subscription runs out, obviously. Again, check www.leftlion.co.uk/subs.

Now you don’t have to spend your lonely nights in a lesser town worrying about who is playing at The Maze next month as you slowly lose your accent - we’ll get your postie to shove Nottingham through your letterbox on a bi-monthly basis. Hit up www.leftlion.co.uk/subs to order online. UK: £2.50 PER ISSUE, £7 FOR ANY THREE ISSUES UK: ONE YEAR OF LEFTLION (6 ISSUES) - £12 EU: £3.50 PER ISSUE, £9 FOR THREE ISSUES EU: ONE YEAR OF LEFTLION (6 ISSUES) - £20 REST OF WORLD: £4.50 PER ISSUE, £12 FOR THREE ISSUES REST OF WORLD: ONE YEAR OF LEFTLION (6 ISSUES) - £35

www.leftlion.co.uk/subs Leo (July 24 - August 23) Great poets and philosophers have remarked that true love has no boundaries, no limits and no rules. However, before you get too involved in your latest romantic mission, you should be aware that your restraining order already has the three covered.

Virgo (August 24 - September 23) Having taps that constantly drip and drip can be torturous. Whatever you do though, don’t try to turn the tap off hard to stop it - it’ll only make the drip worse in the long run. Instead, arm yourself with a hammer, a wrench and some plaster sealant. Do not try and make sense of the patterns.

Libra (September 24 - October 23) If you’re looking for words of wisdom, there are many places you can find it. Some people go back to study, some find religion and others find the answers within. But 3am on a Sunday morning, drunk off your face, kebab in hand, shouting at the Cloughie statue won’t get you anywhere, young man.

Scorpio (October 24 - November 22) Baby girl, I got ten kids spread across this country and I don’t want to make it eleven. It’s time to wrap up the janitor before we let him loose down the corridor again. We’ve been lucky so far, but you can only push chance for so long. I blame the coalition government for this.

Sagittarius (November 23 - December 22) You’ve worked hard over the past few years and finally laid the final foundation stone to qualify LEFTLION ABROAD for your ‘dream’ job. However, your partner will find this a little ironic, considering how little time Port Elizabeth, South Africa, June 2010 you will find for sleeping from now on. Pro Plus is your new best friend.

Capricorn (December 23 - January 19) Do you find yourself regularly vomiting during intercourse? No matter how hard you try and hold it down, does naked time with a loved one ultimately end in a display of human pizza? They say it’s not the size of the ship, but the motion of the ocean that you need to change. Steer left!

Aquarius (January 20 - February 19) A blazing inferno will sweep through your apartment block this week, cleansing your ponce-box of all material things, purifying the souls of your noisy neighbours, purging the whole community of all guilt and sin, and defrosting those microwave pizzas you bought from Tesco.

Pisces (February 20 - March 20) The Colonel has left. He’s gone to find his sister, The Duchess, in the elephant’s graveyard. It’s a sad day, but it was always going to happen like this. You came into the world alone and you went out that way, wobbling away from me on your tired back legs. Thanks for the glance back. God bless.

Aries (March 21 - April 20) You’ve seen the adverts saying ‘It could be you’ but you never actually thought you’d match six numbers and scoop seven figures on the Saturday night rollover lottery. So thankfully you won’t be too disappointed when you buy thirty tickets this week and win nothing at all. Port Elizabeth is located on the eastern cape of South Africa, 6,224 miles away from Notts. It boasts the tallest bungee jump in the world and shark cage diving - but if you were feeling even more Taurus (April 21 - May 21) suicidal this summer, you could have watched England stink out the World Cup instead. The recession has started to hit us all in the psychic mentalist trade. Russell Grant has branched Here’s Danny Howard, outside the Nelson Mandela Bay Stadium, checking last issue’s wallchart out into doing pet horoscopes – is there even a market for that? And Phillip Garcia is writing with a few new-found chums from the South African riot police, who had nothing better to do about gay stars (and he’s not even a member of OutRage). My sideline in snake-milking starts a before the Slovenia game. week on Monday. As Danny, a Forest fan, says, “Maybe next time, eh?” Er, no, mate. Going somewhere exotic? Take a copy of the Lion, duck – not only can you get Gemini (May 22 - June 22) yourself in the mag waving it about, but it also keeps mosquitos away. Refrain from getting into a mass debate this weekend when you should instead be enjoying the Lob your pics and details to [email protected]. company of the person you are with. Withholding the seed of information will work for you and ultimately please your partner. Letting others have the upper hand will ensure that you receive the caresses and backing you deserve.

Cancer (June 23 - July 23) You’re right that nobody seems to understand the excruciating personal pain and trauma you are currently going through. But having to constantly listen to you whining on about it is a torture of a whole different kind. Cheer up, fool!

Lord Byron Lord Biro EEE’YARRRRRR! Eyes down for LeftLion Three and Seven, Thirty-Seven, out on Friday 1 October, just in time for Gooseh. Gerron your rides if yer gerrin’ on! Scream AKA: AKA: Baron George Byron Broxtowe Elvis if you want to go faster! You Weaknesses: Running in elections Weaknesses: Syphilis and alcoholism Greek War only gen us a fiver and you Famous battles: Famous batttles: 1997 Tatton election of Independence Got tangled up with: A 12 year-old Greek Nick Clegg’s security can’t prove owt! Etc! Got tangled up with: guards, outside a LibDem conference girl whom he tried to buy for 500 quid

30 www.leftlion.co.uk/issue36

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