SEMPER FLOREAT AUGUST EDITION 2003

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Contents Indigenous people have been, often violently, dispossessed of their land and culture. They remain some of EDITORIALS the most marginalised in our society. SERIOUS STUFF There can be no social progress The Free Trade Agenda, 4 without recognition of the injustices What Cost Freedom 5 suffered by Indigenous Australians. Weapons of Mass Deception? 6 So Much Deception? 7 The Case for Legalisation 8 Australian Citizens: Not Worth the Effort? 9 SEMPER FLOREAT The A'c of Stability 10 THE UQ UNION NEWSPAPER Taiwan: The Struggle for Statehood 11 What a State It's In 12 Editors: David Lavercombe Whither Medicine ^_ 15 We Want Your Urine 16 Shona Nystrom Water -More Precious Than Gold: The Campaign to Save Lake Cowal 18 Jim Wilson For Diversity's Sake 19 Arts Editor: Sofia Ham The Invoice Years: The Good Old Days of HECS 20 They Just Keep Coming Back for More 21 Telephone: 3377 2237 UNION STUFF Facsimile: 3377 2220 The Second State of the Union Address: The Repori of the President. 22 [email protected] Postgrad Area Response to Letter to the Editor 22 Higher Education at Federal Level: an Update 23 Semper Floreat Offices Notice of Student Referendum 24 What You Need to Know and Do When You Vote at the Referendum 25 Union Complex The University of Queensland OTHER STUFF St Lucia, 4067 No Worries? 26 Balls, Brains, and an Assassination 28 29 The views expressed in Semper The Toga Party Floreat do not necessarily reflect Protests: Been to one, been to them all. 30 those of the editors, the UQ Union, or The Outrageously Public Self 31 The University of Queensland. In Defense of Rugby Union -Not 32 Unleash The Gimp 33 The editors encourage you to submit 34 your own views for publication (see The Unified Being page 2). A Walk in Darkness _^__^_^ 35 The Soundtrack of my Life 36 Progressive Rock Reappraised 37 Products From Your Parliamentarians 39 Happy Jan: Tequila is Not My Friend _ 40 Conspiracy of the Month 43 Whinge 43

FATS: FILM ART THEATRE SOUND Fresh Flicks 44 Free Range Comedy -Fresh from the Ovum: Interview with Tony Martin 46 SoundScape . 47 Music Releases and Interviews 48 Interviews and Reviews 49 Interview with Michael Franti 51 Pages 54 Whatcha Gonna Do 55 Schoneil Timetable. 56

-UQ •A 11 11 T £) q-' 1 0 if union David Shona Jim The Treasurer has finally authorised the It has been encouraging to see people I hate editorials. You spend a month (or payment for the printing of the last two respond to articles we have published. It longer in this case) putting together a editions of Semper. This was quite a relief for means that people are reading and magazine, and then you're expected to us, as we have been trying to settle this thinking about things. write a pithy two hundred editorial outstanding bill for quite some time. However imparting a little piece of wisdom for your Spending so much time around people the Treasurer was acting on the Secretary's wide-eyed, eager beaver readers. Well, 'interpretation' of the constitution and was who call themselves politically informed guess what? I've got nothing. No waiting upon legal advice regarding this. The and politically active, I have beer, amazed witticisms, no pearls of v/isdom. Just legal advice made il clear that there were no at how often people back away from a grounds for the Treasurer lo refuse payment, political debate. Some tell me they are some shit about how I hate writing and that the Secretary's 'interpretation' was afraid of hurting friendships. If a friendship editorials. Cunningly, I've made the untenable. Despite this, the Mojo Secretary cannot stand up to a stiff debate on a few subject of mine how much I hate doing it, and Treasurer still attempted to delay topics, then it can't be too deep. Who else and how I can never think of anything to payment as long as possible, I believe their can you trust to give honest responses to write. Pretty clever, don't you think? I think purpose was lo antagonise our printers so your ideas and thoughts? that's called being self-reflexive, but I that they would refuse to print anything could be wrong. further for us. Even Admin Committee (on Sometimes it seems the ideals of the which the Secretary often holds three votes) group are more important than developing My main concern now is that I won't be authorised the payment of this debt (the Mojo individual ideas. 'I am right wing, so I able to do this again, I'm sure there is Liberals did not exercise their votes), shouldn't be saying this', or 'what would something constructive t could be saying, however the Secretary made it plain that this my lefty comrades think?'Then there is the decision was going to be appealed to council blind support of their party, regardless, like how you should contribute, or get (whenever that would be • the Secretary has and the blind criticism of their opponents, involved in the Union, or become more failed to call a number of Council meetings on regardless. This can even be seen aware. But lets face it, nobody really cares time). It was not until our printer personally amongst our federal politicians. what a student editor has to say, anyway. contacted the Treasurer and informed her In fact, no one even reads editorials, so that she would be held personally It sickens and saddens me. Members of you can call or your readers morons responsible and a summons would be issued council, and federal parliament for that without fear of retribution (not YOU of against her, that any resolution seemed matter, sit and call each other names. course). Is that two hundred words yet? possible, The Treasurer has made it plain that 'Words are better than bullets' -well yes, she believed Aaron Marsham (the President) but aren't we supposed to have left the Peace, out. was the only office bearer who could be sandpit by now? sued. However, when the lawyers were contacted regarding this, they blankly stated The ability to communicate articulately is to pay the outstanding bill. what separates humans from the rest of the animal kingdom. Our ideas need to be I believe that the only reason the Treasurer able to develop and grow, or change, with authorised payment was as a result of the time and new perspectives. But people threat of legal action against her. it is take so much too personally. Your ideas unfortunate when some office bearers refuse are not who you are. How you develop to act in good faith, until they are to be your ideas has more to do with it. personally held responsible. SEMPER FLOREAT IS YOUR UNION NEWSPAPER

The editors of Semper in 2003 believe WHAT YOU NEEDTO KNOW in an objective press. We are not dictated to by any particular political party or faction. Writliifg articles We attempt to make our reports on Union If yoi.|nfeive an Idea for an artlcle, it Is a good Idea to first check It with the editors to see activities as objective as possible. This relies If thefte interested and how much space could be dedicated to it.. on information received as well as activities obsen/ed by the editors. We are open to hear all perspectives on any situation. |rs are jnterested in your views, but not mere assertions. Essays and articles ^|ood argument and supported by facts will be preferred when choosing from We attempt to produce a balanced submissions. publication taking in as many different ideas and ideologies as possible. This relies on submissions.

ily choose articles of 500-1000 words In length. If you have some The editors cannot guarantee every article will be well balanced within itself although a as well, but please don't paste them into Word, send them as well formulated argument is encouraged. We encouraae counter arguments to any article publisned. However for constructive Sub dialogue, criticism should be directed Sub fishing towards the content of the article, and not the author. throui ; Thg'editors- reserve/tHeviight to a personal Please d(^rjS^^i^^®up^S^]i^ert^6^ opinion/ but this- does not restrict our acceptance of the opinion of others. If you Semper £(*c We eSlS^'^^^ have an opinion, we Invite you to submit it to Semper hloreat

-UQ umon u 9 9 0 H A q" Letters to the Editors

Eds, Editors, advertised and held off campus on a weekend when no students are The May edition of Sempzr Floreat Good to see that Richard Alston is around? I'm not just pissed off 2003 was a big step in the right taking \essor\s from his friends at about the events though, what has direction. One thing however that UQ. As soon as you get shown up as happened to our beloved activities ready annoys (affix more colourful an idiot by the people you're space. Activities used to be a space metaphors here) me is people's funding, petulantly try and get back where one could go down and chill, inability to understand that people at them by denying them their have lunch and play trashy eighties sometimes need to enjoy something funding, and claiming anti-war bias computer games. Now it's a and stop analysing everything and (where is his inquiry into the wasteland. The cozy couches have anything. The world needs to be Murdoch press's bias?). In disappeared, the place is a mess and enjoyed. We can't continuously pick Particular, focus on one individual there is a wall full of racist, sexist and pull at things until they fall (Max Uetrichz in this case), who you and homophobic remarks signed off apart and have no meaning at all. see as having a grudge against his by Union Officers. To those who People need to understand that benevolent masters right from his have put their name to this rubbish being "politically minded" doesn't appointment, and whose sole goal in (Matt, Jemma and Stirlo) thanks mean having an opinion about life, as a substitute for murdering for fucking up one of the best everything. Some people need to them in their beds, is to turn their things the Union has to offer. Mojo just shut up, mind their own media into an anti-them propaganda you're a disgrace. Delivering more business and if they can lock forum. for students.,, how about delivering themselves in their rooms, they more for you. Someone kick these should do that too. Stop being The Wolf jokers out of office please. arrogant so called "intellects" and remember that money isn't going to Pissed off student taxi you through life safely and securely. If you ever feel that you have too much money then I should tell you that my hands are always Dear Ed, open. White Person's Burden 2003 As you may be aware the year is halfway over and for the Union that From a disgruntled pessimistic We've been here about 200 years means the elected officers are over individual otherwise known as halfway through their term of And that's a long time (we think), S33646992 office. Some people have said that And we're terribly good at saying if it doesn't happen before we're sorry - beginning of second semester then it won't happen at all. I shudder to "So sorry it rained on the barbecue think then what the Union and there's bear Editors, Activities Officer will do to offer nothing but earl grey to drink," even less to students. This is a In your mag you need some poetry person who has abolished almost But when it comes to invading a land and lyric section where people can every long standing event the Union not only publish their work but can has run over the last ten years. Disrupting the patterns get inspiration. You should focus on Where did our fortnightly bands Ignoring the wisdom using student's artwork as well, and and BBQ's disappear too? Why are a small advertising section like the they now only held sporadically and Murdering the peopie "UQ trader" or something like that. when it suits him. What about those Stealing the children and telling It would really really take off I crazy competitions with huge cash them how they should think. think, if you need any help I could prizes? Does anyone remember be the person for the job... seeing this year's treasure hunt, or Then it's funny how hard some find it to say - probably not though. where's Wally contest? What happened to our monthly infusion of "Sorry". Samuel Weston music culture at Jazzniks, and why has the only event to happen last Men Wilson [see page 34-Ed] semester (bowls day) been poorly

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IjiMlsiHKE In the March issue of Semper, Joseph factors such as technology and labour are representation to the extent of the United Clark misses the difference between free not always mobile or accessible, returns States and the European Union. trade in theory and free trade in practice. are not always constant, oligopolies are Moreover, agriculture remains heavily Moreover, in order to understand the possible, first movers have advantages, protected and subsidised in both the subtleties of the argument that Mr Clark and some products are more valuable. United States (through the Export seems to so easily dismiss, the free trade Thus, there is an incentive to create Enhancement Program) and the agenda must necessarily be analysed in a comparative advantage. Indeed, contrary European Union (through the Commor historical context. to popular belief, Britain, the United Sates Agricultural Policy). (Ha! Think lamb and and most other developed countries steel). Therefore the underlying dilemma is Countries began trading because they aggressively used infant-industry that countries that are late to develop are could not produce everything they needed promotion policies in the early stages of structurally disadvantaged. Free trade is (and despite the growth of intra-industry their development. It was only after good for some but for other, relatively trade this is largely stil! the case). Japan is industrial advancement had been weak, actors like Australia, there may little an obvious example; a resource poor land achieved that the free trade mantra came option other than to support free trade that could not survive without reliable to the fore, Ha-Joon Chang (2002:90) because they are both too weak to push access to a number of key inputs. One of borrows List's analogy by painting infant- an agenda, and too dependent on the key insights about free trade from the industry protection as a ladder 'that most commodity exports to risk closed markets. time of Adam Smith was about the countries have needed (and actively used) Thus in concluding, this is not a critique of benefits of specialisation, or division of in order to climb up to the top - and which free trade per se, but simply serves to labour, which gives rise to increased was eagerly 'kicked away' when no longer highlight that in discussing the free trade efficiency, economies of scale, and necessary'. Thus the developed world not agenda, we need to look at free trade in a increased market size. David Ricardo then allowing the developing states lo do the historical context for the 'the fire behind added the crucial notion of 'comparative same in their quest to become rich, is the smoke'. advantage' - that is countries should do arguably 'kicking away the ladder' lo what they are best at, by specialising in development. The irony is that the United activities which they have a 'natural' factor States accused Britain of exactly this in endowment. These theories have been the mid-nineteenth century. The key point n':^K:AA•^Ai;v^^/'^/'^Ag^I V enlarged and built up by later economists, here is that we can see from history that but with increasingly formal assumptions there is a role for intervention in shaping made: perfect competition, factor mobility, economic outcomes in the short term at and decreasing or constant returns to least. Moreover, if we are serious about scale. A key background point is that both being successful in our thus far failed post changes in the quantity of one good that is World War II development project, then we given up to get another and the relative need to acknowledge the factors that have value of what is produced make particular given rise to success in developed forms of production more or less countries. attractive. So what then does this mean for countries like Australia, for example? Are Theoretically all members democratically we destine to always be focused on control the WTO. In reality, there are primary products and minerals? What specialised groups that make policy in then for the developing world? chosen specific areas and developing countries lack both the human capital and The reality is that markets are not perfect, expertise to achieve effective -UQ 4 union M 9 9 0 9 £ A q' kind of investment is enough to buy one Iraq's debts greatly exceed its reserves new power generation station (1500-2000 and the US has already set a poor What Cost MW), 1000 km of 2-lane highway, five new example by seizing $US 300 million to be hospitals (sufficient for a provincial city like used to pay for lawsuits by US citizens Townsville, population 150 000), thirty arising from the first Gulf War. It's possible Freedom? medium-sized office buildings or 50 000 of that substantial amounts of debt, the cheapest possible housing units especially that owing to recalcitrants like JohnQ (trailer homes in the US). For everything France and Russia will be repudiated except housing, costs in Iraq are likely lo under the newly-revived doctrine of be comparable, since savings from cheap 'odious debt' but even so, there won't be One of the curious developments in the labour v/ill be offset by the need to import much left over to pay for reconstruction. aftermath of the Iraq war has been the lots of inputs and go through US fight over who will get contracts for the contractors. Looking at the pictures of the The most generous source of foreign aid reconstruction of Iraq, It's curious damage done by bombing and looting, it's in circumstances like this has usually been because, so far at least, the only money clear that $US10 billion won't go far at all. the European Union. But while the that has been put up to fund this Europeans might supply some food aid, reconstruction is $US2.3 billion included in In thinking about housing needs, it's they are unlikely to want to bail out a US the Bush's SUS73 billion war important to remember that, in addition to occupation. Their attitude, rightly enough, appropriation. This is a fair sum of money, the destruction caused by the war, there is 'you broke it, you own if. but scarcely the stuff of an international are likely to be large numbers of refugees incident. It's important, then, to consider either returning voluntarily or being So, if Iraq is going to be reconstructed, how much Iraqi reconstruction is likely to deported back to Iraq under 'border most of the costs will have to be paid by cost and where the money is going to protection' policies like those of Australia, the Coalition of the Willing. If there is to be come from. a reasonable chance of establishing a Taking account of lost production and stable democratic government, it will be On the expenditure side, it's worth direct consequences of war, then, it seems necessary to spend at least $US25 billion considering two versions of likely that a minimal reconstruction and probably SUS50 billion. Australia's reconstruction. The first would aim to leave program would cost around SUS 25 billion. share would probably be al least $A1 Iraqis in the same economic position as billion. This is a large sum of money, but they were before the recent war. The The cost of undoing the damage of two Bush, Blair and Howard had no trouble second would aim to restore the position wars and a decade of sanctions would be finding the same amount to fight the war. prior to the commencement of hostilities much greater, probably between SUSIOO Regardless of whether individual between the US and Iraq in 1991. billion and $US200 billion. Since there's no Australians supported or opposed the war, serious prospect that this kind of money we are stuck with the obligations we have Both versions would leave Iraq a lot worse will be forthcoming, it's not worth collectively assumed. off than before Saddam came to power. examining the estimates in detail. The first is the absolute minimum needed Looking at the experience of Afghanistan, if there is to be any chance of a stable Looking at v/here the money will come it seems unlikely that even our minimal democratic government in postwar Iraq, from, the obvious answer is oil. obligations will in fact be mel. Despite but it is unlikely to be sufficient for this Unfortunately, il will be a long time before promises of generous aid in the immediate purpose. The second could be seen, and oil output returns to the prewar level. aftermath of war, the Afghans have, to all will be seen by most Iraqis, as the Eventually, output might exceed the intents and purposes, been abandoned. minimum required to justify the policy of prewar level, but then it is possible that The central government of Hamid Karzai the US and its allies towards Iraq, any gain will be offset by falling oil prices. can't even afford to pay salaries, let alone including two wars and a decade of extend its authority to the provinces, which A return to normal output would yield sanctions. have reverted to warlord control. Moro gross income of around $US 20 billion per than a year after the war ended, US Looking at the first objective, it's year at current prices, but most of this contractors have yet to pave a single mile necessary both to restore the damage money was already being spent under the of road, and are now arguing that gravel is done during the war and to compensate 'food-for-oil' program and most of it be the best Afghans can expect. This neglect for the fact that economic activity, needed for the same purpose in future. is aready encouraging a resurgence of including oil production, has essentially About 25 per cent of the money was taken support for the Taliban. ground to a halt. The loss of oil output is to pay interest on debts associated with about 2.5 million barrels per day or, at reparations for the 1991 War. If these were current prices, approximately $US60 forgiven, some additional money would million per day. Assuming a loss of six become available. In addition, it appears months worth of output, this amounts to a that Saddam managed to cream off $1 bit over $US10 billion, and taking other billion to $2 billion per year. If this were lost production into account, the loss of returned to the Iraqi people in general, it output associated with the war is probably would make a small but positive around $US15 billion. contribution,

Estimating the damage done during the Iraq had foreign exchange reserves which war is virtually impossible, but a might total SUS 10 billion, but much of this reasonable guess is around $500 per has been stolen or looted, and some is person or about SUS10 billion. To get a frozen in foreign banks. In addition, there feel for what this would buy, it might be is about $10 billion held in escrow by the worth considering what $US1 billion (a bit UN as part of the food-for-oil program, but under $A 2 billion) will buy in terms of the most of this has already been committed kinds of infrastructure damaged or to contracts for future purchases destroyed. In a developed country, this (equipment from Russia is a big item).

-UQ A It 11 T" © q" q 0 if union Weapons of These Weapons of Mass Destmction Mass cannot be displayed The weapons you are looking for are currently unavailable. The Deception? country might be experiencing technical difficulties, or you may need to adjust your weapons inspectors mandate. Saddam Hussain is/was a very bad man. He oppressed and brutalised his country; ranking with some of the all time despots of the twentieth century. He had, so we were told, stockpiles of nuclear, biological and Please try the following: chemical weapons. And he was ready to use them. The world was not safe from his Click the [^ Regime change button, or try again later. tyrannical regime: he might supply weapons to terrorists! The US had proof, they couldn't If you are George Bush and typed the country's name in the tell us what, but they had proof, and we had address bar, make sure that it is spelled correctly. (IRAQ). lo act. Perhaps they had kept their receipts (a To check your weapons inspector settings, click the UN cynic would say Rumsfeld knew, because he menu, and then click organised the first shipments during the Iran- Weapons Inspector Options. On the Security Council tab, Iraq war). click Consensus. The settings should match those provided Despite the widespread international protest by your government or NATO. (including approximately 100, 000 people If the Security Council has enabled it, The United States of marching in the streets of Bris-Vegas one Sunday afternoon) the war was justified by America can examine your country and automatically the need to remove the weapons of mass discover Weapons of Mass [>estruction. destruction from the hands of an 'axis-of-evil' If you would like to use the CIA to try and discover them, regime and make the world safe for click ^ Detect weapons democracy, freedom, and American interests. Some countries require 128 thousand troops to liberate As the war progressed, the rhetoric changed them. Click the Panic menu and then click About US lo liberating the poor Iraqi people. We were foreign policy to determine what regime they will install. crusading - oops, no. Bush only used the If you are an Old European Country trying to protect your term once before the 'spin' doctors pointed out the religious overtones. We were invading interests, make sure your options are left wide open as long - no too aggressive - we were 'going-in' for as possible. Click the Tools menu, and then click on League freedom! The Iraqi people will, no doubt, be of Nations. On the Advanced tab, scroll to the Head in the immensely better off without Saddam Sand section and check settings for your exports to Iraq. Hussein. Now the leaders who provoked the conflict seem to dismiss the original basis for Click the ^ Bomb button if you are Donald Rumsfeld. their violation of international peace and security and instead point to their 'liberation' of the Iraqi people. As we are well aware, Bush, Howard, and Blair have a real connection to the oppressed and mosl Cannot find weapons or CIA Error vulnerable members of society They are such Iraqi Explorer champions of justice and goodness that their motivations were to help ihe 'little people'. Truly they are such good men. However, the Find more on Weapons of Mass Destruction. question remains, was the war justified, or do Rumsfeld, at least, has been a little more was told in no uncertain terms that the we intend to liberate' every country governed iruthful and slated that the weapons of mass decision for Australia to go to war was solely by an administration unacceptable to the US? destruction argument was a bureaucratic in George W. Bush's -I mean John Howard's - reason that everyone could agree to (many hands. My only surprise was that Howard As the weapons remain unfound, though we people didn't) and that many other factors didn't emulate his idol Sir Robert Menzies have been assured that ihey will be found were involved, including the need to remove and televise to the nation: "It is my (how long does it take ihem to ship a few US troops from Saudi Arabia due to mounting melancholy duly to inform the nation that crates from America over there for them to hostility in the region. since the US is at war, we too are at War,' 'find') and that history will judge this as a justified action, lesl we give way to We have had questions asked about the What is amusing is that Howard has recently appeasement. We have also been told Syria authenticity of the intelligence information the sought to justify his actions and deflect or Iran must have them: remember Iran is on governments relied upon when committing questions about whether the public was the 'axis-of-evii' too, and Syria? Well the US our nations to war. In the US and UK, they mislead, based upon a UK finding that doesn't like them either (so, how long until we have had inquiries into the Intelligence, suggests while parts were highly inaccurate, 'liberate' them?). however the Prime Minister of this country it hadn't been totally fabricated. However the has declared that any such attempts at most damning points against Hussein, Syria has even been so 'evil' as to suggest accountability in Australia would be political tncluding attempts to purchase material in that all Weapons of Mass Destruction are opportunism, Howard seems to do this a lot Africa and having WMD capability within 45 removed entirely from the region. That is the - how dare the country question his decision minutes, were completely false. most ridiculous suggestion: don't they know or action. Remember, he didn't care what the that Israel has by far the biggest arsenal of public thought before the war, why should he Howard seems lo believe that he does not Weapons of Mass Destruction in the region? now have to answer to us? He is 'Honest have to answer to the Australian public. It How dare anyone suggest something so anti- John'. While the British and US legislative appears his motivation in leading this country Semitic, assemblies debated the war, our parliament is to do Bush's bidding. was circumvented and the Australian public

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The arrogance, and unbalanced power take action that disadvantages then"? You meant he failed to prove himself as a that the US currently holds is not may call this greed or selfishness, or you leader al all. appreciated by anyone but the US itself. could call il survival. No one else is going But America's power grew little by toppling to keep the US's interest in mind. To those who oppose any war at all in all a brutal dictator, and liberating a nation. its forms; although war should be a very The only arguments for this having fed Similarly, no one else is going to keep last resort after all other avenues have tremendously towards US power, apart Australia's interests in mind but been tried, do nol remove the opportunity from being a display of it, are if the US Australians. Howard had a responsibility for those who are willing to give all for the takes advantage of Iraq's assets, or if the to address the Australian people and their benefit of their compatriots. Often, if you US is now able to continue to traipse concerns. He had a responsibility to act in have not had to give up a great deal for around the world 'liberating people' with the interests of Australia. If he only went to something, it may not be appreciated as it false excuses such as these now mythical war to appease the US, to retain their should be. Many argue it is the liberties weapons of mass destruction. supposed support and protection, he their forefathers earned in war that have should have said so. There are plenty of fed the arrogance of the current If we could trust our leaders to make a educated speechwriters who could have generation of Americans. As written in an new, informed, and balanced decision for dressed up the statement to sound less earlier article published by Semper, 'Our each situation, we would not need to be crude. Instead he made himself look like a own tree of liberty grows on bloodied soil.' so concerned wilh the 'precedent pathetic follower of a downright idiot that problem'. -'If has been done before, then il is the current US president. We must not allow hindsight to blind us. is all right to do again, regardless of the Even if there were no solid evidence of the changed parameters of the situation.' Howard did not address the questions that existence of WMD, there was evidence must be considered in such situations: do that Sadam had been keenly attempting Sometimes we don't really know if a we leave these people to suffer because to acquire them. Even Australians cannot decision is the right one or the wrong one we are supposed lo mind our own argue they hold no fear of terrorism after except in retrospect. If the US can provide business and respect the international their response to the Bali bombing. Apart a tidy follow up to its victorious short war, ideal of sovereignty, or do we use the from the fear of setting precedents, and and not leave a bigger mess in Iraq than it ability we have to attempt to make the the apparent dishonesty of our 'trusted found, then I believe it will have been the world a better place? leaders', has the outcome to this point right decision. If the US does nol take been totally unacceptable? A man advantage of the Iraqi people, and does Howard failed lo put forward a strong case globally recognized as a tyrant has been not prove a hypocritical despotic for Australia needing to accompany the removed from power, and a nation has government, then the US may be proving US in war. Howard failed to prove himself been given the rare opportunity to rebuild itself to be a strong world leader, and an as a strong leader to the Australian people itself. This is true as long as the US allows effective world policeman. by failing to earn the trust of the Australian the Iraqi people to keep Iraqi interests as people throughout the lead up to the war their highest priority, otherwise the US will Only a fool would not appreciate that at in Iraq. In fact, Howard's unconcerned be proving itself to be a tyrant worse than the core, of course the US has its own response to the unprecedented displays that they replaced. interests in mind. But who, in the interests of dissatisfaction by the Australian people of their own national security, is going to who marched in their tens of thousands.

A 11 11 £' 'D q-' 1 0 if unl^ As we are drawn deeper into the US 'War on organised crime. Drugs are one of the Therefore a regulated industry could remove Terrorism' it is time to re-examine another primary sources of income for much of these two biggest health concerns; American led campaign, the 'War on Drugs'. organised crime. Legalising the industry and governments could insist on minimum Australia is committed to this 'war' by having the government control and distribute quality standards and issue warnings to international treaties, mainly sponsored by these highly demanded goods would be a those with existing medical conditions. Also, the US in the 1970s. This ill-fated campaign classic example of 'getting tough on crime', greater treatment and education would be has cost billions of dollars and has done littie as politicians like lo promise at elections. available (funded by the tax on the industry) except make the problem v/orse. Organised crime would no longer have a and those consumers who do abuse or Furthermore, the 'drug war' has beon monopoly market and would lose the misuse the drug can have the help and promulgated by a scare campaign, and majority of their trade. support they need to deal with their problem. justified in often absurd ways. It is time thai This level of support does not exist a pragmatic and responsible approach is 2) The government-controlled industry could presently, and 'addicts' or those with taken by the Australian government. offer consumers guaranteed quality and problems are unlikely to find the limited help quantity giving it an immediate advantage that does exist due to the fact they Drug use is acceptable and widespread in over black-market operators who are often immediately identify themselves as our society, but some usage is considered known to 'cut' the product with nasty 'criminals'. At present, the situation usually criminal and some people equate this drug additives. This is assuming that the spirals out of control and nothing is done use wilh the eroding of the very foundations government did not legislate to hold a until the 'addict' hits rock-bottom and is of society. Solid statistical evidence is monopoly on this industry Although this is arrested or overdoses. difficult to obtain (due to the illegal nature of not the most efficient economic model, the action) but it is accepted that illicit drug special consideration could be given to this 5) Legalisation should occur for the sake of use is prevalent in our society especially industry considering its sensitive nature. individual liberty. Drug users are not a threat marijuana. However'legal'drug use/abuse is to society and their 'crime' primarily hurts also prevalent in our community. Some 3) Legalisation and regulation would ensure themselves rather than others. John Stuart examples include: alcohol, nicotine, that consumers do not, by necessity, need to Mill, a British liberal philosopher, argued - painkillers, and anti-depressants. associate with the black-market and criminal over a century-and-a-half ago - that the state underworld. It is ridiculous that Australian had no right to prevent individuals from The drug trade is a huge industry: marijuana citizens are considered criminals because doing something that harmed them, if no alone is estimated at $6 billion annually. they smoke a joint or pop a pill. Not only are harm was done to the rest of society Mill Normally, the government is quick to cash in police resources being wasted, but also a lamously espoused 'over himself, over his on taxable industries, however, instead of vast section of our society is being burdened own body and mind, the individual is taxing this industry, they are spending with the stigma and disadvantage of a sovereign.' Mi! argued that some social millions trying to eradicate it. Many argue criminal record, In the US, for example, groups (such as children) require extra that decriminalisation or legalisation would roughly one in four'criminals' is in prison for protection. Some may argue that drug users cause a corresponding drop in price (as (mainly non-violent) drug offences. fall into this category (once addicted, are prohibition causes an artificially high price) users actually making a choice?), however however this does not necessarily need to 4) Legalisation will reduce much of the this ignores the fact that dependent users be the case. Instead the Government could negative impact of drugs. The biggest are a minority of all users, and furthermore, keep the same black-market price (by problem with the drug trade is that it is society has rejected this argument in implementing huge taxes) and have a illegal. There is no consumer protection, no relation to alcohol and nicotine (arguably veritable 'cash-cow': an industry they can avenue to resolve disputes and no legal way drugs with far greater negative societal grow by the tonne and sell by the gram. to get help. At the moment, many dealers impact), instead of Mill's argument that 'cut' their product with impurities to individuals can make their own choices as There are a number of reasons to legalise maximise profits. Most of the harmful health long as they do not harm others, the the drug industry: problems associated wilh drug use are government is inflicting harm on society by caused by these additives, or, conversely by trying to eradicate the individual's choice. 1) Legalisation will reduce crime and cripple overdose when the dose is too pure.

-UQ i? union •M 9 H 0 9 A In fact, legislation and regulation of the industry would be beneficial when dealing with 'addicts' or those who require daily usage. The 'addicts' could be placed on a register and be able to buy their drugs without the huge government tax, thereby not needing lo resort lo crime to fund their habit (due to the low real-cost). Those with a problem would also have the opportunity lo seek treatment and other support without fear of persecution or prosecution.

America is the strongest advocate of the 'War on Drugs' - a war that targets the victims and turns useful and worthwhile citizens into criminals - and Australia has dutifully waged this war, Kow America is drawing us into another war, 'The War on Terrorism'. It is therefore lime to re-think our previous war, since we are already waging another. The 'War on Drugs' is not in Australia's national interest; it uses misinformation and scare tactics to justify itself and it is wasteful (sounds similar to the Australian Citizens: Not Worth the Effort? 'War on Terrorism' doesn't it?). It seems that Australian citizenship doesn't Australian Government is not loudly mean much these days. The Prime Minister demanding our citizens' extradition. It is time for a realistic and mature approach has stated that Australian citizens held Instead, the government meekly accept it to the drug debate. This article calls for the legalisation and regulation of this huge without charge or legal representation by and try to deflect questions about the topic. industry (estimated as Australia's third the US military would receive a fair trial in The Australian government appears to biggest). This would probably best be the United States. This is despite all believe it is for the US to decide what rights achieved by a multi-stage process, which evidence to the contrary. Australia citizens are afforded. The firstly saw marijuana regulated, secondl/ government's view, expressed several designer drugs (such as speed and The US has declared 'war' on terrorism. times, is that this is a matter for the ecstasy) and finally hard drugs (such as This level of hostility has dictated its recent Americans. cocaine and heroin). This would be a motivation to invade two countries, which politically courageous decision, however the has seen the US and its allies deploying Article 9 of the Universal Declaration of benefits far out-weigh the disadvantages. It their military to enforce US interests. Human Rights states: would be better for society (reducing However, the US is failing to recognise the organised crime, stopping the potential basic obligation afforded to prisoners of 'No-one shall be subject to arbitrary arrest, classification of vast section of our society war. Instead the US pedantically labels detention or exile.,.' as criminals, reducing police impropriety these prisoners 'unlawful combatants' and Article 10 states: and corruption, and slopping the waste of insists that the Geneva Convention does police and court resources that deal wilh not apply, as these individuals were not in 'Everyone is entitled in full equality to a fair this 'crime'). It will also be better for the uniform. However, the Geneva Convention and public hearing by an independent and government (who will nol only have funds does not envisage a conflict between a impartial tribunal In the determination of his for greater edjcalion and treatment of drug state and a trans-national sub-state actor; it rights and obligations and of any charge problems, but also money for the Health and details expectations for state vs state against him.' Education sectors - which are chronically conflict. under-resourced and neglected). The It is clear that the US is violating the basic individual will also benefit (by having When the US declared war on terrorism, it human rights of Australian citizens, and our individual rights, by being able to purchase was the US that declared war on a non- government is not protecting its citizens, or guaranteed quality and quantity by having uniformed enemy. Therefore all prisoners Australia's national interest. All citizens of access to support, education and treatment, taken during this 'war' should be afforded Australia are entitled to the protection of and by not needing to resort to the black- the rule of law; all citizens deserve to have market or criminal underworld). the basic privileges of prisoners on war, not treated as 'unlawful-combatants' and held their case heard. The Americans have had without charge or legal representation. If ample time to question the Australian The government can continue to alienate its the US is truly 'at war' against terrorists, citizens they are holding without charge, citizens, and waste money and resources lo access to legal advice, or consular continue its ill-fated campaign against and continue to use this to justify its assistance. If our citizens have committed a drugs. Or the government could be actions, then they have an obligation to crime they should be charged in an responsible and instead of ineffectually respect other norms associated with appropriate jurisdiction and given access to trying to eradicate an industry with such warfare. It is unacceptable that any legal advice. That is the right of every high demand and profits, could control the prisoners taken by the US military should Australian citizen, at home or abroad. industry. Instead of the money going to have no rights merely because they were organised crime, it could go into the not wearing a Uniform. It is almost as if the government's coffers. US is changing the nature of the game and The Australian government has illustrated choosing to respect the archaic rules that how much they value Australian citizenship. How about giving some serious discussion suit itself. They have an obligation to protect their to the drug debate, instead of the absurd citizens and they failed to meet that trust. It justifications given by those opposed to the What is totally unacceptable is that is a shameful day for Australia when its legalisation of drugs? Australian Citizens are being held by the government doesn't even respect the basic US military. What is disgraceful is that the rights of Australian citizens.

-UQ A 11 § '11 -f £ T) T" 0 if union Australia should invite the following the corridors of AusAID and DFAT but in countires to join her commonwealth: New the federal parliament where these new THE ARC OF Zealand (and her dependencies the Cook peoples of Australia would be guaranteed and Marshall Islands)* and Papua New representation. Guinea, followed by East Timor, the STABILITY Federated States of Micronesia, Fiji, Australia is in a unique position to be able Kiribati, Samoa, the Solomon Islands, to create a new type of 'international' co­ Tonga, and Vanuatu. All told this would operation for three reasons: FROM EAST TIMOR TO mean a 7.5 million increase in the Commonwealth's population. (1) Australia is much larger than any one NEW ZEALAND of these candidate countries. As a result, it The benefits for all peoples in the Greater will remain a natural leader, setting a clear A PLAN FOR THE Commonwealth would be tremendous. direction for the Greater Commonwealth. Australia would bring the rule of law, This will avoid the difficulties found in other GREATER COMMONWEALTH political stability and accountability, integrationist projects such as the genuine democracy, fiscal responsibility, European Union. OF AUSTRALIA and security for investments, to every hole (2) Australia is a wealthy and (relatively) in the South Pacific. Colonel B. Hastings, Uth Frontier Fusiliers well run country with some (though There would be many collective efficiency limited) experience in dealing with multi­ gains loo. No borders, customs, tariffs, culturalism. It has the money and means duties, differing legal systems or taxation to spread good governance, The Semper editors received a systems. There would be a single considerable number of reactions to my currency, defence force, and federal police (3) Australia already functions with a previous contribution to this magazine force. Forget the elimination of trade federal structure. New Zealand (with a (May 2003 edition. The Case for Neo- barriers; this would be the creation of one, population slightly more than that of Colonisation). Indeed, the other day I was modern, stable South Pacific economy. Queensland) and Papua New Guinea in the reading room of the United Services (with a population slightly more than that Club (where more smoking than reading Abroad it would mean that a single foreign of Victoria) and perhaps Fiji (with a takes place) and a few of the chaps were or trade minister would be able to population equivalent to that of Tasmania saying that my notion was too abstract to represent one united country of and the Northern Territory combined) be clearly understood, I decided the best substantial weight and standing. Indeed, could become states of Australia. Smaller thing to do would be to make a practical the Greater Commonwealth would bo countries could become self-governing illustration by examining the case for nearly the size of Canada - a G8 country. territories analogous to the mainland Australia and her client states in the South ones. Federalism means there is already a Pacific. It is interesting to keep in mind that compromise between central and state isolated elements of this proposal have sovereignty so that there is already a From East Timor to New Zealand there are been mooted. For instance, New suitable constitutional and political a dozen countries relying on Australia for Zealand's prime minister, Helen Clark, framework in place. financial and other aid to varying degrees. suggested that New Zealand and Australia Along with aid, frequently go Australian could create a single currency. Short-term and parochial thinking will officials (employed directly by, or as Regrettably, the Australian government's produce objections to the Greater consultants to, organisatons such as reply was unimaginative: New Zealand is Commonwealth which will echo the voices AusAID, the Department of Foreign Affairs free lo adopt the Australian dollar (but not heard against the creation of the original [DFAT], and the Treasury). Many of these be given any consideration in the setting of commonwealth. For a long time many officials do their best to see to it that interest rates etc). people argued against federating. And Australia's aid benefits the people in the New Zealand, which had been involved in South Pacific. Regrettably, the recipient Unlike colonisation of the past, this would federation talks, declined in the end to join. governments are riddled with be enlightened and voluntary. Through incompetence and corruption. In fact, if referenda, the people of South Pacific In the referendum on federating, held in you are feeling a little down about your countries could choose to poo! their 1899, Queensland only voted yes by a government and politicians I suggest you sovereignty, economy, workforce, and slim majority. I would like to think that in take a tour of the South Pacific, and not culture with each other and with Australia. one-hundred years Queenslanders have with the Fairstar 'the Funship' or at some become more open minded. Give the entirely artificiel Club Med, but among the Moreover, and very much unlike past South Pacific the chance to become part Pacific Islanders themselves (an colonisation, these peoples would be of a socially and economically advanced experience more akin to a stay at Fawlty subjects of the Commonwealth and democracy. Towers). therefore have the same rights and political powers and representation as do To find out what you can do to In fine, under the current arrangement aid mainland Australians. Any counter realise the Greater Commonwealth of is poorly distributed by Australia and argument that these people would lose a Australia, contact the colonel through the poorly allocated by the governments of the say over their own affairs would be Semper editors. client states. Thus, Australian taxpayers baseless. Through more complete are giving aid but the subjects of the South democratisation, the masses would have Pacific countries are not benefiting. The a much better chance to direct their lives only ones who do benefit from this are the rather than be dominated by corrupt elites. Our object in the Australian officials who dispense the aid Indeed, any aid flowing to these countries during arduous working holidays, and the would now be part of a domestic construction ofthe state recipient officials whose entire life is a development programme and the is the greatest happiness working holiday. administration would be governed not in of the whole, and not *lt should be noted that this article is not intended to indicate thai New Zealand is a backward place with that of any one class. incompetent oHicials receiving AusAlO aid, rather the author considers that out of common intorost and fraternity New Zealand should, once again, be given the opportunity to join the Commonwealth of Australia, Plato

.UQ 10 union . s IA 9, 0 9. A T" Taiwan: The Struggle for Statehood By Amy Lee Taiwan's seventh 'failed bid foi" an- observer currently maintains full diplomatic and The PRC's enlry to the UN at the ROC's status in the World Health Authority (WHA) .bilateral'relations vvith 27? nations . It has expense has also precluded Taiwanese has again highlighted its Achilles' heel- its also established unofficial economic and independence. It also circles around an inability to assert its statehood. cultural ties with 62 nations. It is important to inaccurate "chicken or egg" argument: that consider the politics of recognition involved Taiwan is nol a State because it is nol an UN The following conditions for statehood are in foreign affairs policy-making and member and vice versa. identified according lo Article 1 of the diplomacy. Thus, the informal diplomacy Montevideo Convention,!933: :,with taiwan by most countries should nol The UN has inconsistently applied the necessarily inhibit it from being regarded as Article 4(1) rule for an admission of a state. (i) Defined Territory si State In the legal sense. This is supported It seems incongruent India was a founding The International Court of Justice (ICJ) has by the fact that some States have explicitly member whilst slill a British colony and ruled a "fully delimited and defined" frontier abstained from voicing an opinion on this Ukraine and Belarus were also admitted is not required provided the territory is issue. whilst still part of the Soviet Unlor. These "effectively governed". In 1991, 'the examples support the argument that Taiwan Republic of China (ROC) government of For example, 19 countries are silent on could still be considered as a separate UN Taiwan stated it has remained a sovereign whether the PRC is the sole legitimate member notvvithstanding whether il is a state since its establishment by Dr Sun Yat- government of China and 21 countries State or a province of PRC. Sen in 1912. The ROC conceded it only merely "take note of and respects" PRC's;, exercised jurisdiction and authority over the claims. Taiwan also maintains multilateral A strong argument exists that the UN acted territories of Taiwan, the Prescadores, relations wilh intergovernmental ultra vires, in its dealings with the inclusion of the PRC into UN, because the UN Quemoy and Matsu island. Therefore, organizations such as APEC, the -Asian Charter requires a Security Council Taiwan is elfectively governed over a Development Bank, the Intemational Cotton recommendation lo admit a new member, defined territory of 36,000 square kilometers. Advisory Committee and the WTO. before a General Assembly vote. Furthermore, the ROC acknowledged the Resolution 2758 infringed the UN Charter Peoples' Democratic Republic of China's (iv) Independence because it admitted a new member [PRC], (PRC's) rule over the Chinese mainland, Taiwan satisfies the requisite of a distinct removed and replaced a sitting member and creating the "special-stale-to-state" relation existence within sufficieritly "coherent a Permanent Member of the Security argument. frontiers". It has not subjected its authority Council [ROC] prior to, and absent of. to, nor acted under, the direction of another Security Council approval. Do the previous claims over the entire State. The scenario in Taiwan is also mainland China diminish the ROC's claim distinguishable from situations such- as Taiwan has been wrongfully prevented from over governing only the territory of Taiwan? "puppet-stales" and protected states. declaring its independence, as evidenced in A comparison to the Republic of Ireland Furthermore, the government on Taiwan the PRC's 1996 missile testing to Taiwan's suggests this is not the case. The Republic has had the exclusive right'of decision on its first direct' presidential election. of Ireland's inclusion of the British-controlled economic, political and finahtial matters.: Furthermore, the former UN Secretary-

Northern Ireland as its defined territory, up * ••••.- •' !', "a* .' • Gerieral- BdUlros-Ghali's suggestion that until 1999, ..did_ not preclude Mts Therefore, Taiwari satisfies the requirements "Taiwan is, China's internal affair" has independence. •; : ' of statehood. This then leads to the adverse ramifications. This is because discussion of why there are still doubts over Article2 (4) of the UN Charter only prohibits (ii) Effective Government ils statehood. the threat or use of force against "another The ROC has established a stable political state". Therefore, Taiwan exposes itself to organization in Taiwan that promotes order, Obstacles to Taiwan's Statehood military attack which may not be considered and normal political and social life. It has a The PRO'S Claims Over Taiwan as breaching the UN Charter if it is merely directly-elected President and a popularly- The PRC's claims over Taiwan are labeled as a civil war. Consequently some elected Parliament, which comprises unsustainable, both historically and legally. suggest that such claims are reckless centralized administrative and legislative In the 17th century, Taiwan was colonized by because it fails to recognize the PRC's 1996 organs. Its governmental functions are not the Dutch and Portijguese. Taiwan was not missile tests are a threat to peace under exercised by other States or by other entities formally annexed as a Chinese province Article 39 of the Charier. on a basis of agency. The ROC has until 1886. The western half of-the island exercised authority in government functions was controlled by tfie,Ching Dynasty, whilst The US's Taiwan Relations Act is also such as taxation, elections and armed forces. the Japanese claimed the eastern part after unhelpful because it merely provides "an the regime of CJiinese admiral, Koxinga/ option" lo defend Taiwan . Taiwan lingers as Conversely, the People of Republic of China Taiwan was a province of the ManchiJ a state in all but name, due to its inability to (PRO) has never ruled Taiwan since it came to Dynasty for only eight years until ils cession publicly declare its independence. power in 1949. For example, the PRC has in perpetuity to Japan'under''Article 2.of thie never collected taxes from the Taiwanese. 1895 Treaty of Shimonoseki. Taiwan's position Is that it has been ruled by International tribunals, in competing claims, the Republic of China as an independent have favoured the state that has applied Taiwan did not return automatically to the sovereign state. It is undesirable that effective control over the territory PRC upon Japan's surrender in 1949 Taiwan continues to be deprived of its because Article 2(b) of the 1951 San statehood despite satisfying the basic (iii) Capacity to enter foreign relations Francisco Peace Treaty only required Japan criteria. Cuba exists as a State with other States to "renounce" all her titles and claims to notwithstanding the US's refusal to Taiwan's understanding with ten countries, Taiwan. It did not state a beneficiary. recognize it. Therefore, Taiwan is capable of concerning landing rights and airspace being a state without universal recognition and is in fact an independent nation as it agreements, suggests it has the capacity lo satisfies the statehood criteria. enter relations with other States. Taiwan

.UQ "f 1 0 if 11 A 11 11 T* £) union What

June of this year has been a Tasmania's brains out is the class sizes and behaviour issues. turbulent month for school-based curriculum situation occurring in According to QTU President Julie- education. For starters, the Federal niche education regions. Outlying Ann McCuilough, the Government government unveiled its areas, such as remote indigenous has now frozen state school Napoleonic schemes to unify the townships with limited access, funding in real terms for four years. state-based education systems, have only recently met with She stated that the latest budget which have diversified so success by tailoring a more contained nothing new to address dramatically from each other over relevant curriculum, one which class size problems, which forced the years. Putting the hard word breaks away from the mainstream more than 50,000 students to learn on each of the states, Dr Brendan and gives its students skills for in crowded conditions. Nelson (the Commonwealth which they see the immediate Minister for Education, Science need. One should ask after all - is 'After we take into account inflation and Training) has called for a spending the years of grade 8-10 and enrolment increases, schools unified curriculum rather than what wasted if students learn how to have the same amount of money he calls at the present time "eight rebuild marine engines or they had four years ago but are different curricula". productive agriculture practice asked to do much more,' she said, rather than genre study or 'Our priorities are to secure class Fully endorsed by the cabinet, this trigonometry? Should these size reductions and additional primitive desire for a nation wide students be forced to study what resources to deal with student common curriculum by 2010 is everyone else in the state studies behaviour.' already akin to a freight train in at the risk of turning them from motion - it has a definite school education once and for all? In terms of student behaviour, destination and woe betide anyone State education will always be a who stands in its way. For while Dr Despite Nelson's grandiose puzzle box. It seems the more Nelson has steadfastly refused any schemes, possibly the best money that is thrown at it, the more allegations that this is a Federal outcome will be a watered-down labyrinthine the problems become. Government ruse to snatch the solution, where units are themed For all the wealth of literature on $6.9 billion portfolio from the hands with a document which values the behaviour management, there are of the premiers, he has admitted curriculum studied in each region. still countless numbers of schools - that withholding funding from With enough uproar from the state and private - which have no states which do not agree is: "an unions, it may even be simplified to unified behaviour management issue I will be discussing with the a single tick and flick sheet policy disseminated by states." laboured over by the brains trust of management. Frequently new the nation, all to prove that if a teachers are given no guidelines or In response to the move, states student travels from Margaret River inservices on behaviour such as Tasmania argue (quite to Wollongong, there is some management and relief teachers justifiably) that their education Federally-endorsed report card aren't even considered in the system is already superior lo the which states that six months of process. other states, and thus why should viticulture-flavoured science they downgrade service and equals six months of steel plant- Meanwhile, UQ's own secondary infrastructure so as to be more flavoured science, and vice versa. education course (at least at the compatible with states which are graduate-entry level) has no underperforming in the same Additionally, this June, Queensland subjects which deal with behaviour areas? state school teachers finally lost management, no text books patience over Premier Peter recommended on behaviour Perhaps even more poignant than Beattie's refusal to act on inflated management. In my education the fiscal gun poised to blow course, completed in June last

-UQ 12 union n 9 9. 0 9 A T' year, I counted exactly half-an-hour in a position of improving their "I was at Woolworths in Buranda on behaviour management. situation. this week. I saw a mother with a Meanwhile my cohort spent the child of about four and another entire summer semester learning However, where both models fall child in a stroller, with two trolleys. the literacy models of Derrida and down in the state system is in the In between paying with a credit Wittgenstein, which had already final consequences. At the end of card and packing and re-packing been covered in our original the day, the worst thing a school her trolleys, she was yelling at her degrees an6 which continue to can do to you is tell you not to toddler for moving one of the have zero value lo me as a teacher. come anymore - expulsion. Thus, trolleys around. From the way she if you come from a home where was talking to the child, it became As far as behaviour management mum or dad is absent most of the apparent that she was seeking as goes for a teacher, it is just time, alcoholic, drug-addled or much attention from us as the child assumed that the natural law of abusive, being told you're not was from her. 'sink or swim' will prevail, and the welcome at school is hardly going saddest thing is, it does. After to break your heart. "She just kept saying his name completing my graduation, a fellow over and over, 'Jeremy, I told you student and I were placed at the Similarly, for the state system, not to move the trolley around. same state school, I was in one expulsion does not solve a Jeremy, look what you've done. staff room that was supportive and problem. A school which expels Jeremy now the shopping's come encouraged me not to spend too three students in a year, will most out of the bag.' The kid didn't even much time on planning and likely just receive three students seem to be acting up too much, but preparation and to focus moro on exnelled from elsewhere. Ail it can she just got more and more shrill behaviour management. do is keep a student out of the with him. Just before signing her Meanwhile, my colleague was system for the month or so that it name on her receipt, she grabbed staying up until Sam most nights, takes lo relocate them and send him roughly by the arm and jerked planning for the next day's classes. their records through. This makes him toward the counter where he It therefore came as no surprise the supposed 'need' for a national smacked his head against the when he quit after a term and curriculum to improve literacy and corner and fell on the floor returned to his original career as numeracy laughable in retrospect. screaming. She didn't even look at an engineer. him on the ground she just signed Is it any wonder then that teachers the docket and went back to This was not an isolated incident for vie for the private school positions stacking her trolleys. When she did our graduating class either, There where schools have the right to look down, it was to start on him were at least two other stories in turn away students not showing a again to get up off the ground and my cohort alone of teachers being willingness to improve their stop screaming. trained and then turning away from behaviour? Even though the the job because of behaviour superannuation contributions for "The checkout girl was totally management issues (to say nothing private school teachers is nearly a agitated. The customers were on of the wages). This could be third less than the contributions edge. How do you combat a construed as a brain-drain as made by the State, the reduced problem like that? And how serious as losing graduates to stress and the number of narrovz-minded are we as teachers overseas jobs. These are, after all, interested students makes it to expect reasonable behaviour highly-trained professionals, and worthwhile. from a child reared in that not always replaced by equally environment, when they spend Denise is a literacy and child- high-calibre teachers. their formative years surrounded protection officer in a Southside by people who do not act area state school. Her work day is For those schools that do have reasonably?" unified behaviour management usually spent interacting with policies, there are currently two problem students who have been One can't help but wonder if streams of thought. There is the withdrawn from classes for anti­ Brendan Nelson's overhaul will withdrawal method, where social behaviour. In an interview take such questions into students are given one chance to she told this anecdote: consideration... disturb others in the classroom and then they are sent out. The focus on this model is that students are of no use in the classroom if they are do not want to learn and they are only distracting others. They ii'i'ij'£^c*:

The second model deals with trying to find out why students are not working and offering them the choice to stay In, under the proviso that Ihey work for what they want. Therefore, the deal: "There'll be no homework tonight if everyone gets through this much work by the end of the period". The focus is keeping the students working and -UQ A 11 11 q' £ £) q" 1 0 If union 13 +AuBtralia n Red Cross BLOOD SERVICE

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-UQ 14 uraoni u 9. 0 9. A ^ Throughout history medicine has often imposing if society continues to demand Finally, medicine is beset by litigation. seen itself standing at a cross roads. The all treatments for all people. Many millions of dollars are wasted in evolution of medicine has at times been litigation that is often time ridiculous The sporadic, often cyclical and littered with Society too, has other demands and other link between birlh trauma and most forms false routes and blind alleys. From beliefs wishes. Previously medicine could offer of cerebral palsy have not been proven, in evil spirits as a cause of disease very little in the treatment of many yet society abetted by the judicial system, through the in-elegant theories of the diseases. Doctors sat with their patients uses a presumptive link to award humours which led to unrestrained throughout the night and waited for "the damages against medicine rather than bloodletting, to the break up of the fever to break". Whether the patient lived spend society's money to care for the physicians and barber surgeons and or died was in most cases purely victims. I suggest that this use of litigation finally to the Royal Colleges that are dependent upon the patient and not the instead of appropriate measures to deal extant today, medicine has progressed doctor. This was balanced by the bedside with non-negligent catastrophic outcomes albeit stumblingly along a path to manner of the doctor and the support of may at times be abetted by the judicial understanding and treating disease. the family by the vision of the doctor system. Judges whose own rulings, when hovering by the bedside. Today we give a wrong, are never the subject of penalty, Today, as our understanding increases shot of antibiotics, treat infection and have have made rulings which fly in the face of exponentially, and our ability to treat made enormous inroads into the death medical common sense. A single example expands concurrently, we stand at a rates from infectious diseases. Society would be the judgement against a doctor different crossroads. This crossroads is now yearns for what it sees as the old for not using recta! Valium in a patient societal and political in nature. The fashioned values of the doctor. 1 wonder when the drug at the time was not political crossroads is intertwined with the what society really wants - a doctor who licensed for that condition. If the judges societal expectations. Modern medicine can do nothing but is perceived to be had to pay the costs of appeals when their provides ever more technologica'ly caring and compassionate because he own wrong decisions got overturned by advanced and expensive treatments sits all night with the patient or the doctor higher courts, they may have a better which benefit relatively fewer and fewer who fixes the disease but is perceived to understanding of the consequences of patients. However societal expectation is be uncaring and non-compassionate some of their rulings. that any or all who require these because the duration of interaction is now expensive technological wonders must quite short. Really what do you want? To It is my contention that medicine is now at have them. This impacts upon our be fixed in a short time? Or take a long yet another crossroads, shaped mainly by politicians who have the invidious role of time to die with someone holding your societal and political desires, the balancing societal demand that the 80 hand? increasing expense of modern medicine, year old, 1,000 kilometres from the the demands of society that all should nearest city has the same unfettered and Society's ambivalence to medicine have access to every treatment regardless immediate access to heart transplantation becomes even more apparent wilh it's of appropriateness or circumstance, the as does the 14 year old living one divergent attitude to so called reluctance of society to adequately fund kilometre from a major tertiary referral "conventional medicine" and so called these expectations through taxation, the hospital; with the same society's "alternate medicine". Conventional continuing growth of litigation often reluctance to pay an adequate level of medicine continues to evolve dov/n an because unreasonable expectations are taxation to allow this to happen. "Evidence Based Medicine" pathway not met and the apparent desire of a Implantable defibrillators worth $50,000 where treatments must prove their worth populous for mystique and magic in place which, under current international through major randomised control trials of evidence based treatments. Where will guidelines, it could be argued, many before they are accepted. Despite this these crossroads lead us? thousands of Australians should be many people turn to alternative therapies provided with; drug treatments for sepsis where evidence that they work, or even Whither medicine? ...Wither medicine! that they do no harm, is sketchy at best. It of which a single course costs nearly almost appears that as we demystify Malcolm Brian Beess $20,000; oncological drugs where the disease, then many in society yearn to cost is enormous, are just indicators of the invent other mysteries. tremendous cost that modern medicine is

-UQ A 11 11 T> q" 1 0 if union It; IF you ARE UNDER25 AND HAVING SEX WHY? ... Read on... but then he/she was such a nice guy/girl.... You didn't need your degree to work that and so squeaky clean, that you're SURE one out did you? We are all human after all. If I get FIVE of you to each pee in a jar for you have nothing to worry about,... OR DO So find a doctor who is a human being too me and I test those urines for CHLAMYDIA, YOU? (We do exist, you know). Ask your mates if I can guarantee ONE of you will test they have found a doctor they like. Test a positive, and will be totally shocked (See above - sub paragraph "sneaky bug") doctor out by going to see them about because you will have NO symptoms at something simple (the flu, your ingrown all,... worried? Intrigued? ...Read on. Unfortunately with Chlamydia (and other toenail) and get a feeling for whether you sexually transmitted infections) - one slip up CHLAMYDIA: whaf is It? feel you can trust them with your more and you're caught - or rather you've caught it. personal worries. Chlamydia just happens to be the So virgins - breathe a sigh of relief. As for commonest sexually transmitted (bacterial) See a doctor who spends all day long the rest of you- READ ON. infection in Australia. First the bad news - it talking about sex (yes, we do exist tool). Try is an exceptionally sneaky little bug, the Sexual Health Clinic at your local jumping from one squeaky clean healthy CHLAMYDIA - OK I'm worried - wfiat can I do? hospital, Family Planning Queensland (In looking specimen (male or female) to Fortitude Valley ), or any one of my doctors another with no one being any the wiser. THE GOOD NEWS (Healthy Women, Indooroopilly, and yes Also, it has the potential to make YOU girls, you can bring your partner to be seen infertile (male or female), DO NOT rush out and buy a large bottle of Dettol and a wire brush and attack your too - male or female). Phone the Student CHLAMYDIA: what does it do? genitals with gusto. DO NOT go and sign Health Service and ask (anonymously) if yourself up for the convent/priesthood, and any of the doctors have a special interest in At this point in your life probably the LAST give up sex for good. BECAUSE sexual health. Then phone back (using your thing you are worried about is whether you real voice!) and make an appointment with can fall pregnant or get your partner CHLAMYDIA IS VERY EASY TO TEST FOR them. pregnant,.,in fact, quite the opposite, AND VERY EASY TO TREAT infertility might (temporarily) seem quite Do not be afraid - NOTHING you can tell us attractive. But, just for a minute, think THE TEST: Pee in a jar (Assuming you have will shock us or be new to us (certain yourself 10 years down the track, when no symptoms) aspects of bestiality aside!). We are not most of you wil! want at least the option of there to judge you in any way. We have all having babies. THE TREATMENT: Two little white tablets taken risks in life we shouldn't - remember no one is perfect - even (especially?) (Of course infertility is not the only, nor a Yes indeed folks, it can be as easy as that - doctors. guaranteed effect of Chlamydia, There are a your genitals need not see the light of day. variety of other things it can do. I'll keep it You can even take the jar home to the Just DO IT - you owe it to yourself and brief because I do want to get on to the comfort of your own toilet...as long as you anyone you are sleeping with (or are good news (honest!) promise to bring it back. hoping to in the future)

If you're a girl - pelvic infection (fever, yucky (For the few with symptoms, things are a And once you have been checked vaginal discharge,very sore belly), horrible little more complicated. You probably will out/treated, hopefully given the all clear, need examined (male or female). periods (painful, erratic), and chronic pelvic and are on your way out to the pub to pain (the demise of your sex life). celebrate, I've got just two things to say to For the girls in particular, the dreaded two- you GOOD ON YOU and CONDOMS ! If you're lucky enough to be a bloke (god yearly pap smear (yet more evidence god is indeed a man!) is a perfect time to be clearly being the same sex as you) only Dr Heather McNamee burning when you wee, pus dripping from screened for Chlamydia. your penis and sore testes. (What do I mean Director - "Healthy Women", Indooroopilly. only!!) CHLAMYDIA: who do I see obout it? In two words - a doctor.... but choose them TEL 3720 2622 CHLAMYDIA: vi/ho needs fo worry? carefully. You need the right doctor to (Not me surely..) overcome the natural reluctance to do ("Healthy Women" is a group of female So you were one of the few who actually ANYTHING about this whole business. doctors who specialise in sexual, LISTENED to sex education at school (in What stops people from seeking help when reproductive and emotional health.) between the giggles and the blushes,) You worried about things possibly wrong with KNOW all about safe sex and gonorrhoea their genitals? and herpes and syphilis and HIV and hepatitis, You ALWAYS use condoms...don't 1 EMBARASSMENT you??...Well, almost always. There was that 2 FEAR one time you were too drunk/out of it to bother /care,... until the morning, perhaps.... 3 MORE EMBARASSMENT

-UQ ICi union u 9 9, 0 9 A •f SEX LIFE STRIFE? DON'T DESPAIR FOR THE BEST OF CARE come to

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Situated 43km north-east of West owners and is often called 'the Heartland the gold-mining industry's further large- Wyalong, in central New South Wales of the Wiradjuri Nation'. scale exploitation of the resource. (NSW), Lake Cowal is the state's largest natural inland lake. Within a great flood In March 2002, Wiradjuri traditional owner But with over 35,000 tons of gold reserves plain, the lake is substantially full for Neville 'Chappie' Williams took Barrick in the world's central banks, there's seven out of ten years, and drains back to Gold to court, claiming that the current enough gold to cover demand for primary the Lachlan and then the Murray. exploration activities at Lake Cowal are metal at the current levels of use for more causing damage to sacred relics and than 14 years. If our consumption of gold Lake Cowal is a high conservation region artefacts which are part of the sacred jewellery were significantly reduced, the that is included in the Australian Register heartland of the Wiradjuri Nation. gold stored in reserves could last for close ofthe National Estate and in the Directory to a century. We simply don't need to mine of Important Wetlands. Australia has Wiradjuri Elder Neville Williams, in a any new gold, let alone with the use of already lost 89% of its wetlands over the statement to the shareholders of Barrick cyanide-leaching technology. last century so it's vital that we protect the Gold, said: remaining few. "Lake Cowal and its surrounds aro rich in What You Can Do? It is here, where 170 species of waterbirds artefacts; some are as old as the pyramids A video called "Lake Cowal: Our Story" is make their home and many migratory of Egypt. Lake Cowal is our Dreaming available. You can show this film to a birds from China and Japan use the lake Place, and our Sacred Site. There are group of people, followed by letter-writing as habitat, that Barrick Gold has plans for many artefacts beneath the surface after the film and collection of donations to a cyanide-leaching gold mine. because Lake Cowal is very, very old. Our artefacts are not 'relics'. They have not help the campaign. Or you can go directly It is here, where endangered flora and been abandoned. They are where they to the website right now and send a letter fauna species make their home, that are meant to be, left there by our Old to Premier Bob Carr, asking that this Barrick Gold plans to construct a huge pit People. Our Old People were massacred mining project be immediately halted. You 1km long and 325m deep to produce a at Lake Cowal. can do so at. mere 1 gram of gold for every 1.4 tonnes http:/www.rainforestinfo.org.au/gold/lakec. of ore. Now, Barrick Go'd has permission from html. the court to destroy ALL the Wiradjuri The environmental consequences of such sites, artefacts and cultural objects, Or just write to us and ask to be included a mine could be huge. Cyanide is lethal. including very old marked river red gums, on the Lake Cowal e-list for updates. One teaspoon of a 2% solution can kill an within the proposed gold mine area at To order the video or for further adult. Imagine the potential Lake Cowal. Some of the river red gums in information, contact Ruth Rosenhek consequences to any wildlife that might the mine area are hundreds of years old. mistake the tailings ponds, filled with c/o Rainforest Information Centre cyanide complexes, as potential habitat. I and other Wiradjuri Traditional Owners feel that the Wiradjuri Peoples have been Box 368, Lismore 2480 NSW Huge mounds of waste rock could also denied our religious freedom, which is our leach arsenic into the groundwater right under the Australian Constitution, (02)66213294 system causing untold damage to wildlife section 116. Our culture, heritage and in the area, affecting drinking water and tradition are as old as time itself. Wiradjuri Visit entering into the Murray Darling Basin. is one of the oldest continuing cultures in http;//www.rainforestinfo.org.au/goId/lake the world today. It is time we are given the p.html In addition to the environmental factors, Respect we deserve." Lake Cowal is a very important sacred region for the Aboriginal traditional

Water's More Precious Than Gold The environmental risks and the destruction of Aboriginal culture are huge when it is considered that over 78 percent of newly-mined gold each year goes towards jewellery Demand for jewellery continues to rise worldwide. It is these high demands for jewellery that legitimise

.UQ i8 union IA 9 9 0 9 A T' create a chill and uncertainty in every CanWest newsroom in the country," said Dan Zeidler, The Newspaper Guild of Canada.

It is clear that a concentration of media ownership in Australia would favour the Liberal Party. For one, they will receive favourable treatment from the media owners that the proposed legislation is designed to advantage. What this ^£M-Mix^^iim legislation will also do is decrease the amount of open-minded, well-informed Recently the Australian Senate has been propaganda tools?' The real question is, citizens in Australia. This would be an considering the Liberal government's how could you not believe this? And how electoral gold mine for a party who rely on proposed changes to the media ownership could you have been in the media as long prejudice, ignorance and social division for laws in Australia. Currently, the media as Beecher has, yet have such a wide-eyed ownership laws are set up so that a person, view of what proprietors get up to? Anyone votes. who holds a licence for one form of media who believes that lines of editorial policy It seems that the Liberal party have an in a given area, cannot own or hold a can be set separately for particular unspoken anti-free-speech agenda. Alston licence for any other form of media in the mastheads within a commonly owned recently attacked the ABC, accusing them same area. These rules were put in place group must believe in fairies at the bottom of an "anti-war bias". No mention of News to allow all Australians access to a diversity of the garden," Ltd's pro-war propaganda campaign, of of opinions. Supporters of these laws argue course, because that was favourable to the that access to a diversity of opinions is a Keating's submission was never published government's position. Even at UQ, some vital component of a functioning in the SMH. In fact, Keating's opinion piece Mojo Liberal office bearers in the student democracy. would have remained a mystery had Crikey.com and Media Watch not union have done everything in their power Liberal Party senator, and Communications publicised it. It would be hard to find a to stop Semper from publishing. Given the Minister Richard Alston, wanted to change better argument for not concentrating level of incompetence they have displayed the laws to make it possible to own both a media ownership further. this year, it is understandable they would newspaper and a television station in the seek to prevent UQ students from being same area. He argued that concentrating The commercial media is not unbiased, informed of their behaviour. the ownership of media would increase the and does use its influence to further its own Does Senator Alston actually believe that diversity of news available to consumers, agenda. Anyone who doubts this need only concentrating the media ownership laws 'so that the population can be exposed to a look to Canada for an example: will increase the diversity of opinions wide range of competing news sources'. "CanWest owns a coast-to-coast television available? If the majority of Australia lived How concentrating the ownership will network that reaches over 94% of English- in the same world as members of the expose Australians to "a wide range of speaking Canada, in addition to 14 major Liberal Party, than no doubt concentrating competing news sources" is never clearly metropolitan newspapers, 126 community media ownership would increase the explained by the Minister. Tony Phillips, a newspapers and the National Post, one of diversity of opinions available. Sadly, the rest of us must live in the real world. In the Victorian academic, described Alston's the country's two national daily real world, people in positions of power will comments as "a bid for inclusion in the newspapers and Canada.com, the third seek to use their power to further their own Melbourne Comedy Festival". most-popular Internet site in the country. According to reports, CanWest's papers agenda, at the expense of those without There were elements to the debate that will take consistent national editorial power. In the real world, concentrating were not so humourous, however. The positions on issues such as support for the media ownership would irrevocably debate was characterised by a lack of Canadian federal Liberal Party, for military damage the fabric of our democracy. debate, in public, at least. Due to the spending and for Israel in the Israeli- influence media companies already Palestinian conflict." Stuart Mackenzie, exercise, most senators opposed to the (crikey.com.au) changes were reluctant to be too publically vocal in opposing them. A politician's CanWest began to introduce national career depends on having a good media editorial policy in their newspapers last profile, and all are aware of the damage a year. They caused some controversy when media corporation can do to their they sacked respected journalist Russell reputation. Mills for writing an editorial calling for the resignation of Liberal Party prime minister Into this vacuum strode Paul Keating, Jean Chretien. architect of the current media ownership laws, who submitted an opinion piece to "I was fired for failing to seek approval from the Sydney Morning Herald, opposing CanWest headquarters for the publication Alston's changes. Keating was highly of an editorial that called for the resignation critical of supporters of the change, in of the Prime Minister," Mills says. particular Fred Hilmer, Fairfax CEO, and Since then, CanWest has further censored former SMH editor Eric Beecher. He said: its employees, and has disciplined any "Beecher asked 'does anyone really reporter who attempts to speak out about believe either of the enlarged groups would their actions, harness its television stations alongside its "The company seems to have newspapers as serious political accomplished one thing, and that's to

•UQ A 11 It 'T £ 'D q" 1 0 if union ip Markers $10". All I'm asking is for is how much each course will cost (with GST), the discount for paying upfront and the GST rebate that I THF. UNlVF.RStTY "^ """"^ ' S^^''^^ ' ^^^^ ' Contacts | Library was recently awarded. I^OFQUFRNSLAND MlmySl-net y nyUO A I S I < .S I 1 A We used to get this. It is obvious that the SteMao SbximtHoine Pcnonallnfo {Vograni Info Cburaeli/o Geneiallnfb lo9«* University can produce this information. They should be doing so in the invoice. As I've said, iccount Sunnmary it is our right in a free and democratic society to know what we are paying for, particularly ^ View your online e-Involce, HECS or PELS Statement oi Liability by^ when the bill is so large. We need to have a clicking the relevant button below. system where our HECS bills are open to scrutiny Note: you will require Adobe Acrobat Reader version 5 to Mobt view the invoice and statements. Click on the Icon to POINT 3: THE BIZARRE DUE DATE download the latest free version of Acrobat Reader. Also ensure your The due date for payment this semester was browser setting allows to view the pdf files. Click here for more infomation. 25 July That is, before classes even start. The ] deadline for finalising classes without financial ; vl«w :' j penalty for second semester is 31st August. ! That is over a month after we've paid the fees S*m 1 2003 (This is not an Invoke) I for those classes. So it has to be worked out j al! over again.

Email Currant HECS Statement I don't know about you, but my first few weeks to mvs

-UQ union •M 9 9 0 H A r A few montns ago we spoke with the powers day into the 'will I be a driver or not' equation, that be involved in the parking situation. With everyone will benefit in the end. the beginning of semester two at hand, we thought we would hunt out an update. It seems 'pick the UQ student car by the thin layer of dust' game will also be part of a The changes we spoke of earlier in the year previous era soon too. With the gradual included the removal of green permits, and removal of dustbowl car parks, the air quality the increase of charges for pay and display around campus is improving. areas. Maybe interesting but probably not useful Apparently there is little chance of tne fact number one: with the removal of the dust reinstatement of green permits, (those with a bowl car park behind the Schoneil Theatre, windscreen full of them can now argue that the gym has decreased ils air-conditioning they are reminders of a previous era, and upkeep by two thirds. not a just a display of 'I am not a first year' pomposity) and there is little discussion on Maybe interesting but probably not useful any changes to the rates. fact number two: apparently we can blame the cyclists lobby for the reversion lo two However, there is hope on the horizon for an way traffic along MacGregor drive (by the increase in parking spaces. The Conifer netball courts). Knoll project should be completed in Semester two, adding 250 red zone parks, Unfortunately few people have contacted and instead of being purple zone as UQ Traffic & Parking with regards to the previously planned, there will be 500 green changes at the beginning of the year. zone parks. Furthermore, as some will have Fortunately, UQ Traffic & Parking actually already noticed, the upper level of the fairly want to hear from you. Estimates suggest new two level car park opposite the athletics that up to 7,500 cars enter the St Lucia centre has been changed from purple back Campus per day The more information UQ to green zone parking. This is all good for Traffic & Parking can get about traffic and student drivers. As we put in the previous parking patterns, the easier it will be to plan article, $2.50 per day may be more than the improvements and changes that sta'f and original SI04 per year, but it beats $1 per students are more likely to approve of. hour. And considering the cost of keeping as many people happy as possible, including in the second week of semester an on-line students, staff, cyclists, environmentalists, parking survey will be available on the and 'I don't care what I pay I just want a Traffic & Parking website damn park'-ists, if we can budget $2.50 a www.traffic.bs.uq.edu.au or email traffic@uq,edu,au Buscycle.

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Bike racks are now on the 432 Kenmore-Qld Uni route. Cyde to the bus stop, catch a bus and ride to work or pack a picnic and ride beside the river. \tvi re ywr caV ctranwj fo rrw«f L^S tin nwcrt evJV'tiyw? for bus route and timetable information, call Translnfo on 13 12 30. For tsK to tscc a-Kf secanc HWIC txfofc yoo kurrt 4i/5trata. ' •.•:• ..'i.t.Wii ii'*'*-x,.'i*i'i.»K .Ai.i.i.-.i i^.->'«:'.i ii.'hMhtk H KM .i.t>»-fc»-if more information on the bike racks on buses, call Council ri.- .^. on 3403 8888 or visit www.ourbrisbane.com and click on Liu »• • ' the Brisbane City Council logo to enter our internet site. HAHHirli ^ Another way Council is keeping Brisbane accessible. *<3 rttftA r9wv " mv »pr » ^nM DfilinUfil to It hviier linshaue

-UQ A. 11 11 S T £> q^ 1 0 if union 21 The Second State Of the Union Address: .UQ The Report of the President union Welcome back everyone to another fun-filled semester. The Union has been particularly busy in first semester. In case you missed it, here are some highlights; Orientation week and the Big Gig, Student Survival week, Domestic violence prevention week, Queer sexuality week, Sorry week, bands and BBQ's, education rallies and much more. Our calendar for second semester is looking just as diverse; kicking off with our ReUnion week, where the whole of Union goes on display to make that first week of Uni just that little bit extra special. You can also expect to see a bigger Revitalize concert, a referendum, Aussie International Night, the opening of 5 cent photocopying on campus, our general student Union elections, and education forums.

In other news, we've been able to extend our services at different teaching areas. Both Herston and Turbot Street now have a refectory to call their own, with food that is both affordable and nutritious. Ipswich is also to see the opening of the new Union cafe on campus, as a part of the library.

Just to tease out a few points from my opening,: firstly, our Revitalize concert this year has moved from its home in the Holt and Heath Rooms due to renovations occurring there this semester. As such it has found a new home in the Natural Amphitheatre and the Red Room.

Secondly as you have just read, the Union is undergoing some renovations. We will be revamping and upgrading our facilities in the Holt, Heath, and Innes rooms, and in the Main refectory. This means that much of student seating areas will be out of action for the next six months, We apologise for any inconvenience caused during this time.

Did I mention 5 cent photocopying a moment ago? Was that a typo? The answers to these questions are of course yes and then no... Ok. For less confusion, just know that 5 cent photocopying wiil now be available on campus. It will be located on level 2 of the Union complex just across from Accommodation Services, a short walk from the Red Room. This service is being made possible by the Uni copy shop and your UQ Union.

Lastly, just a word about elections. Students are elected each year to represent and work on behalf of students throughout the student Union. It can sometimes be a tough and thankless job but at other times it is rewarding to know that your actions are benefiting others. If this sounds interesting or you would just like to find out more please drop me a line, I would be more than happy to tell you what its all about. Well that's about it from me. Enjoy your time during ReUnion week and until next time,,. It's your Union, USE IT! Aaron Marsham President

Dear L, Bird undergrads because both will be given a There will be a president and treasurer and voice and will be able to speak with some more specific staff members. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to set confidence on each other's issues, when the record straight. that is appropriate. The area will write its own constitution and will be accountable to a board of elected Firstly the post-grad area of the union has THE PLAN postgraduate students. no plan to disaffiliate from the Union. The The Post-grad area commissioned a person model put forward by the post-graduate Secondly the post-grad area has looked at to do research on how we could resolve committee was one in which all students the figures and we feel that we can afford some of the problems with the post-grad would remain affiliated to the Union — yes this change. We are continuing the process area. This person interviewed different you are right, why would we want to of making sure that the Union and the Post­ people and wrote up three possible duplicate services that already exist for all grad Area will continue to benefit from this solutions. Members of the post-grad students. We do not have the money or the change. We are commissioning another committee met and after seven hours voted desire to do that. UQU is not different from person soon to look at the issue in more for model three. other Post-grad Union bodies in Australia. In depth. all the other universities students are The model is for the post-grad area of the members of both the Union and union to receive around 40% of the post­ If you want any more information please Postgraduate Association and the benefits grad fees and the rest of that money to be contact me on 33772940. are shared. paid back to the Union so that all students Once again thanks for providing me with the are affiliated to the Union and there is no opportunity to provide the truth. There is no plan to duplicate or have two duplication of services. The postgraduate unions and the mere mention of it is just Area becomes a separate organisation in stupid. In fact the model voted for will Rachna Pawnday that it will decide what to spend that money improve relations between post-grads and on and what specific services it will provide. Post-grad Officer.

.UQ union IA 9 9 0 9. "A T .UQ Higher Educotion at Federal Level: union an update It is imperative that any debate regarding •For universities to receive increased Under Voluntary Student Unionism higher education in Australia begins with funding they would have to adhere to (VSU). the student union would be the recognition that the current funding of National Governance Protocols and significantly debilitated. You, as a universities is grossly inadequate and comply with commonwealth workplace student, would lose academic support, that the current funding crisis is an relations policies. welfare support and advice; the student immediate result of this. All over Australia newspaper would not have funding to be public university students are being •An increase in the minimum income published; clubs and societies would lose forced to study in overcrowded lecture repayment threshold for HECS to S30 most, if not all, of their funding; fun theatres, are finding that they have fewer 000 (finally, something student friendly) events such as the Big Gig, O-week, and other union hosted events would no or no tutorials; and that those they do In fact, according to figures from the have are far larger than ever before. Also longer be held. And that's not to mention Department of Education Science and the representation that students receive across the country smaller subjects are Training (DEST), a quarter of universities being cut from the curriculum. These from the Union, or many of the huge wii! be worse off if the proposed changes range of services which the Union changes are all inextricably linked to the go ahead, with nine universities funding crisis. provides. VSU has been defeated every collaboratively losing $43 million, time that it has been raised in court, and Last year Dr. Brendan Nelson, the was recently defeated by an ACCC WHAT TO EXPECT Federal Education Minister, conducted a (Australian Competition and Consumer review into higher education and Many of the changes as proposed by Commission) ruling concerning James released a ministerial discussion paper Nelson have yet to be passed by the Cook University. The ACCC recognized called Higher Education at the Senate. Labor, the Democrats and the the public benefit in ensuring an Crossroads, It would seem that the Greens have all released policy against independent student body from collection of submissions for this review these changes and together hold the university administration. was a mere formality, as the changes numbers for this issue lo be a trigger for Nelson proposed and released in May a double dissolution. For more information contact: (with the Federal Budget), are obviously Margot Balch If, however, these changes do go contrary to the best interests of university Education Officer UQ Student Union students and staff. These changes are through, they will adversely affect yet to be passed by Senate. prospective students enormously. [email protected] Students who start university in 2005 or ph.33772983 Nelson's proposed reforms include: 2006 will be hardest hit, having to cope with increased fees and huge numbers of •Allowing universities to set the amount upfront fee paying students in their of HECS charged per student up to 30% degree, without the extra funding above current thresholds. promised by the government (which is •Doubling the maximum quota of upfront tail-heavy). It is important to notice also fee paying positions (where a student that although the government is gains entry because they can pay the promising 1.5 billion in additional funding complete cost of their degree upfront to over the next four years for higher the university not because they have the education, this follows the 2 billion they academic merit to earn a place) to 50%. have cut from the sector whilst in The upfront cost of a UQ vet science government. degree this year was 5145,000. It is also interesting that while Nelson •Students will receive a 'learning states that increased HECS is not a entitlement' when they start university. deterrent to prospective students, he has However, those who don't complete their proposed that high need areas (teaching degree in five years will have to pay and nursing) be exempt from the upfront fees, increases to encourage students to do these courses!? •Opening up a new loans system, called • 'HELP' which would provide loans to HOW CURRENT STUDENTS WILL BE r . ;• EFFECTED i__ upfront fee paying students of up to S50 1 •• 000. This loan would be subject to Your HECS: t - ••^ • •, ' ^ ::^f-i ^' • inflation plus 3,5% interest. This would If you are already an enrolled student, until be the first time that student loans have ^j.. you finish your current degree you will be f .:- been subject to interest rates. •f 1 "- on the same HECS level and will not face ._ i.^A — --"• • -^' upfront fees. However, if you choose to ,} 'r •Opening up new places in medical change degrees, do another degree, or ' :.^''1^^3 school, but students in these places further your current degree (honors, etc.) I •• would be bound to spending six years in you will be faced with at least the I .»»h^-,. a regional area after they graduate, and increased HECS, if you are able to receive would still be subject to full HECS. any government subsidy whatsoever, •Voluntary student unionism. VSU and you:

-UQ 11 11 S T 'D q" 1 0 if union NOTICE OF STUDENT REFERENDDM ynimi Issued under UQU Constitution C16.1 and C16.2(b) **' ••%#• •

Pursuant to C15.2 (b), at its 2nd Extraordinary Meeting held on Thursday 29 May 2003, the 92nd Union Council decided That a referendum be held on the 5th, 6th, and 7th of August 2003 to determine the following question: Do you agree with the following? That the new constitution and regulations for the UQ Union, as posted on the Union noticeboard and sent to all UQ Campuses be adopted by the UQ Union forthwith.

VOTING ARRANGEMENTS: (R198 and R199) Location Tuesday Wednesday Thursday 5th August 6th August 7th August Main Refectory 9:30am - 5:00pm 9:30am - 7:00pm 9:30am - 5:00pm Biological Refectory 11:00am ~ 7:00pm Physiology Refectory 11:00am - 2:00pm Ipswich Refectory 11:00am - 2:00pm 11:00am - 2:00pm Herston Campus 11:00am - 2:00pm Turbot St Campus 11:00am - 2:00pm

POSTAL VOTING: For eligible students, postal vote applications are available from UQU offices on all campuses and the UQU website, or by telephoning 3377 2200. REFERENDUIVI REGULATIONS: Copies are available on request from UQU offices. CURRENT AND PROPOSED CONSITUTION AND REGULATIONS: These documents may be viewed in full on the UQ Union website. Hard copies are available on request from Union offices at St Lucia, Herston, and Ipwich campues.

Bill Daniells Returning Officer 3rd June 2003

-UQ 24 union S £ n 9 £ 9 £ I 0 9. £ A 'f 1003 MO Vanguard Literary Award Sponsored by ARCHIVES FINE BOOKS 1st Place: $3,500 + publication! Bonus LiterARTufe Award: $500! Top 5 stories published in Special Edition Contpetition Issue Deadline: 1st Septembey 2003 Ibr Conditions and Enliy tbrm visit: wwrw.ettisali.ua.edu.au/uavancfuard Contact email: [email protected]

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW AND DO WHEN YOU VOTE AT THE REFERENDUM

• Check the opening hours of polling places - remember there are three locations at various times on the St Lucia campus.

• See the poll clerk who has that part of the voter's roll containing your family name/surname and show your student card.

• The poll clerk will find your name on the voter's roll, ask you to sign against your name and check your student card photo and signature.

• Next to each name on the voters roll is a label containing a barcode randomly allocated to each student when the roll is printed

• The poll clerk will stick this label onto the envelope into which you place your ballot paper.

PLEASE NOTE: The barcode does not identify your name or student number as the voter. It simply guards against multiple voting, as any envelope identified with the same barcode (other than the first one processed) during scanning wiil remain unopened and the ballot paper therein will not be counted.

• The poll clerk will initial and then issue to you the ballot paper and barcoded envelope.

• On receiving the ballot paper, you must record your vote IN SECRET in a voting compartment, seal the ballot paper in the barcoded envelope and place the envelope in the ballot box.

• Voting instructions on recording a YES or NO vote are printed on the ballot paper.

• Should your name not be found on the voters roll, you may be entitled to a Provisional Vote. The ^11 IJ eligibility to have your ballot paper admitted to the count will be determined after the ballot closes, M M H^^ H ^^ m^^

BILL DANIELLS union -UQ A 11 § 11 © q-' 1 0 if union 25 the proposed constitution and regulations, $360 000 a semester, or $720 000 a year. they went to the colleges and collected the Also, commonsense indicates quite a few signatures there. What is disturbing about more 'clubs' would start forming if the Union this however, is the allegation made by starts giving away $3000 regardless of size some college students that Mojo didn't or activity (such as the '$3000 worth of free even take a copy of their proposal down to photocopying club' or the 'Free Pizza Caffe the colleges to let the students study it, club'). Furthermore, why do College and they merely promised more money and 'a International clubs get to double-dip better deal' for the college students. (receiving $3000 from Clubs and Societies Worries? as well as money from their individual area So it came as little surprise then when Mojo budgets)? The Liberals are also promising This is the personal opinion sent a letter to college students listing four to triple the colleges budget, despite the of David Lavercombe important changes. Two of the changes fact that previous colleges officers have written in response to the include cash-incentives: traditionally not spent their regular funding. proposed consTitution. • 'The College Board will get a minimum And despite all the promises, college allocation of money EVERY YEAR, NO students will not be able to use this money We invited the Secretary at the beginning MATTER WHO CONTROLS THE UNION to buy or subsidise alcohol. The only people of the year to submit an article about his equalling around $60 000. This is over who get free alcohol from the Union are proposed changes to the constitution. He three times more than has ever been spent Mojo office bearers. was also invited to write a YES case for the on the Colleges Area in the history of UQ.' Referendum Question and the President So why are the Mojo Liberals trying to was to write the NO case. However the • 'College clubs affiliated to the Union will engender so much favour in certain Secretary has delivered nothing. Perhaps get access to S3000 per semester, over constituent areas they consider their he has been too busy trying to stop Semper double what College clubs are currently heartland? It may have to do with the Floreat printing this year. entitled to. This will be the same for all clubs numerous holes and problems with their affiliated to the Union.' proposed Constitution. It may have However some Mojo office bearers did use something to do with the nasty surprises their position to send 'information' to Another important change promised: hidden in the document. Lets look a little college students and Clubs and Societies deeper than the obvious sweeteners, and • 'Ballot Boxes for Union election will be Presidents. Although this information does find a few of the unappetising titbits cooked put back on colleges where college not indicate how students should vote, it by the Secretary and served up as a students actually live and eat.' does point out the 'sweeteners' that the proposed constitution. Secretary has added to the areas. It was This letter was attached to an application not authorised by the President, and many for a postal ballot. As the Colleges officers The proposed constitution: people believe that this action was an explained, "this form will allow you to vote • Removes the checks and balances abuse of power by the office bearers by postal vote in the upcoming UQ Union currently in place in the Union. Currently involved. This is because the office bearers referendum rather than at the usual student the Union Council acts as a check and a had privileged access to the students they refectories during the limited voting period." balance to the Union Executive. The new sent information, it appeared as if the Before signing off, the Colleges officers constitution reduces the powers of the information was endorsed and authorised advise "when filling out your form, please Union Council so that it can no longer act by the Union when it was not, and the list your reason for needing a postal vote as a regulating body. Furthermore, all information was completely biased towards as, 'I will not be able to make the polling appeals (which currently are heard by a YES vote. booths to vote in the referendum during the Union Council) would go to the Executive. specified perioc.'" Does this sound a iittle This removes the protection of Office Mojo believes colleges are their heartland. dodgy to anyone else? Bearers who are being victimised and I have not seen a group of people so taken harassed by members of the Executive (as for granted, as college students under The Clubs and Societies Presidents were has happened continually this year), and fvlojo, Earlier in the year, they twice also given a 'Quick Summary Of The allows the Executive a dangerous amount organised a large group of college girls to Changes In The Proposed Constitution And of power. I believe the Liberal Secretary come up to the Union to try to 'stack-out' Regulations Which Would Directly Affect the Women's Collective meeting, to get and Treasurer have, numerous times this Clubs And Societies.' Again the cash 'more money for colleges'. Both times the year, abused their power and not acted in incentives were pointed out: Liberals used the college giris it ended good faith, in an effort to further their badly for them with reports from some of political agenda (such as stopping the 'At least ten per cent (10%) of all student these girls that the majority left feeling lied production of Semper). Already this year, fees (S300 000) will go to the Clubs and to, exploited, badly treated, and no doubt Union Council has needed to curb the Activities Area guaranteed. Currently there further disillusioned towards the Union, I excesses of the Treasurer and Secretary, is no guarantee.' even overheard the Secretary threaten to and act as a check and balance, one example of this was where council had to 'get 50 right-wing college boys' to come into S3000 per semester 'Every club will receive amend the budget. I believe this the Executive workspace of the Union to by way of subsidy regardless of size or constitution is deliberately designed to intimidate left-wing office bearers. It seems activity level. Currently subsidy is based on remove an important tenant of good to me the Secretary believes in the typical size and activity level.' college student stereotype, that they are all governance; an effective check and beer drinking, footy playing, wealthy, 'Faculty and International Student Clubs balance against potential excess of the conservative right-wingers who cannot will have the ability to apply for extra executive. think for themselves, and will allow funding through the International Student themselves to be used as pawns by the and Specific Faculty Representation Areas •Creates a Gerrymandered Union Council. Secretary. Being a professional Arts of the Union,' The proposed constitution has a faculty- student, he probably knows very little about based proportional representation for actual college students. A quick calculation of merely tne promised council. In other words, the majority of increased club subsidy is enormous. There councillors will be elected from their Also, when Mojo required the signatures to are over 120 clubs, giving each $3000 respective faculties. Each faculty will be call a student general meeting regarding regardless of sze or activity would cost given a certain number of councillors -UQ union n 9 9 0 9 A T depending on how many students belong possibility of 'vote-rigging.' 'Vote-rigging' is to it. This idea falls down due to the fact that obviously something that must be avoided. students are elected on policy, not However, perhaps the Secretary isn't depending on their area of study. If concerned, since his team is the most likely individual faculties needed specific to profit. representation in the Union, surely by now a team would have run and been elected These are merely a few points to consider on those principles, This change would when voting at the Referendum. Mojo will most likely benefit the Mojo conservatives, probably attempt to tell students that this is because it would dramatically reduce the a progressive and fundamental change to number of Arts and SBS students on the Union. More accurately, this is a council, which the Mojo Liberals see as left constitution tailored to maximise the wing areas. What is also concerning is that chances that the Mojo Liberals wil! be re­ the Secretary's policy on determining the elected to the Union. numbers for each faculty on council apparently puts every Arts student enrolled There are problems with the current in a dual degree in the faculty other than constitution, however the implementation of Arts. This is despite the fact that more Arts the proposed constitution would not students vote in the Union elections tnan improve the situation. In fact, I believe the any other faculty. However the most implementation of the new constitution disturbing change is that one vote will no would be a very dangerous and damaging longer equal one value. Arts Students move for the Union to make. Interestingly (1404 Arts students voted last year) would the Secretary has, on numerous occasions Ttieonlyp^llriion, see the value of their vote drop, as they are this year, 'creatively' interpreted the current isaVQiuntarylliiiiiH the largest faculty who voted, however they constitution in bizarre and untenable ways, would be eligible to vote for fewer council These 'interpretations' seem to be very positions than most other faculties. These conveniently made to cause maximum other faculties would be entitled to more problems for non-Mojo areas. Despite councillors than Arts, despite the fact that being made fully aware of how ridiculous less students voted from that faculty. Why I the Secretary's interpretations have been, find this so concerning, is because I believe both the Secretary and Treasurer have still that this has been deliberately orchestrated required the Union to pay for legal advice to so that one vote no longer has one value. draw a commonsense interpretation (which iBiaimirtbeMfTeci ^„. Far from fair and equal representation, it was completely at odds with the butriqalwayslim looks to me more like 'stacking the pack', to Secretary's interpretation, and consistent maximise the election chances of a with the interpretation offered by the areas particular political team. in question). It appears that the Secretary has consistently attempted to use his •Creates another level of bureaucracy - position as interpreter of the constitution, to despite the Secretary's election promise to furthe.- his own political agenda. make things 'less bureaucratic' - by the Furthermore he has incurred a huge bill in formation of Action Groups, which have legal advice regarding his interpretations; Fiiigiiii(/^;li«liliiDk«iniciis little or no power, and are responsible for most of the advice indicating that his matters outside the jurisdiction of the interpretations are completely unfounded relevant committees. This appears to be and untenable. designed so that 'lefty' students who want I believe the Secretary is not a person who to become involved in the Union still can, is interested in creating an equitable, but they will not have the power or ability lo workable and commonly agreed to do anything constructive. constitution. I do not believe the Secretary (MaislMiillilieialStaiteiAs •Classifies Colleges as rural and regional is motivated by a desire to improve the campuses. This is according to the Union, but instead by a desire to implement a constitution which will further his own Secretary, despite the fact that college political agenda. I think the best illustration residents are the students who live closest of the Secretary's disregard for the Union to/on the largest campus in Queensland. and desire to enforce his own will, was • Puts ballot boxes on College. Is this a when he, and the Treasurer, argued that the good thing? This is supposed to make it Union could not have a budget because it sociutsM sux easier for college students to vote. Last was not considered by Union Council when year, College students, proportionally, were It was supposed to be (he was late calling the highest voting group in the election, a Council to deal with the issue). It seems despite ballot boxes not being on colleges. a bit rich to shut down all the refectories, Do the college students realise that all the Red Room, the Safety Bus and all other students will have to have access to these Union activities merely because the Viv;:t.*-:'v:-^ •<<•;•: boxes, and all students wil! be allowed to Secretary didn't like the changes to the wander onto all colleges to vote? budget. To then try to use an excuse that it Apparently many of the deans of the was late, (when the Secretary and the colleges do not wish to pay the additional Treasurer were the two Office Bearers cost of hiring security for the ballot boxes, primarily responsible for its tardiness) as a nor do they wish such unfettered access to justification, showcases to me, exactly how UQ Union Treasurer, Jemma the colleges by all students. If the ballot little regard the Secretary actually has for MacGinley's, Office Door. boxes were not secure then this would the Union. Unbiasedly working for students? jeopardise future elections, and allow the

-UQ A 11 11 r £) q' 1 0 if union 27 Balls, Brains, and •^ an Assassination My life %i atUQ l^

Jacob Aldridge

When I started uni I had no idea that this virginal, albeit With the ungiven support of UQ, I filmed my audition for debonair and charming, 17-year-old would graduate four Australian Survivor on Campus. There was me trying to years later a renowned hero by his peers, having created a light a fire, me hunting Arts Graduates, and me taking my legend (hat would live on after him. (And through all this I shirt oft in the Great Court. In the end, hov/ever, Nine even retained my modesty). decided to go for the big guns, and they only pul to air footage of me naked in my own backyard. The first real opportunity to separate myself from you lowly plebs was on a world stage in my second year, when the Still, I now have an excuse to have 'As Seen On TV Olympic Torch and associated security actually came to tattooed to my arse. UQ. Inspired by Ihe pranksters of 1956,1 constructed a fake torch and gatecrashed the relay My final major prank (space does not permit me to discuss the 'Orgy in the Red Room', the 'Drunken Production of a The fake torch was made out of a bamboo torch, cut to size, live radio program', or 'Benny the inflatable dinosaur takes coated in alfoil (silver), a shaped hunk of blue road sign History of Warfare' - I'm afraid you'll have to e-mail me lor (blue), and half a 2-litre lemonade bottle spray-painted Ihose details) had decidedly political overtones. I ran for while (white). Because of the bamboo torch it actually student body President. worked, and with my hand-painted uniforms, my friend Yestin and I were dead ringers for the real thing. If it were a serious campaign, and were voting compulsory I have no doubt I would have been elected. [However, I Far down the river's reach the assembled people on Sir decided to turn it into the biggest political joke since the William Macgregor Drive lit up as they recognised the Democrats were founded. We called our party 'None of the unmistakable glow of Olympic Glory We broke through Above'. Admittedly il would have been funnier if I hadn't some bushes and had about 100m to the next police officer, been drawn on top of the candidate list [That was the so we began a leisurely jog and took our happy snaps funniest thing - Ed]. awaiting his stern interjection and our subsequent arrest. My policy statement was unique - it made absolutely no But the arrest was not forthcoming and we ran on, cops on sense unless you picked out the first letter of each word in bikes whizzing past us such that the crowd thought we which case it spelt funny shit like "1 shot JFK" and "I control were the real thing. But as we drew near lo people they El Nino, but you can call me Al". realised the flaws - the melting paint, the faded t-shirls, the fact that my undenwear was hanging out from under my It finally dawned on me, however, that my campaign was shorts. not going to be a success. So I told TS Eliot to go fuck himse'f and decided to end it with a bang fOoooh. an Afte- a kilometre, and approaching Women's Ccllege, obscure poetry reference," the assorted plebs murmur with things began to go awry. The alfoil casing had roasted the glee). plastic that housed tne fuel supply which cracked and sent flammable liquid down the torch. The once mighty symbol So I got assassinated. It was fun - we had a rally in the of Greek athletic glory became a burning fireball of Olympic Great Court, Tyrone tried a few gags, I sang 'God Bess proportions. America', and a guy in a Mojo T-Shtrt and a hockey mask blew my head off. We were forced to discard our pride and joy on the lawn for a now-irate police officer to douse the torch with fire Needless to say I didn't win the election (Go Aaron, we love retardant. The Olympic dream was over, but we promised you mate!), I did, however, in spite of or because of my we wouldn't do it until Australia next had the Games, and inspired lunacy, manage to finish atop my chosen course. were left to meander back down our route, burnt shell held That's right folks, this man dedicated lo all things mad and proudly to the continued cheers of the assembled masses. still a practicing prankster (watch this space) actually had a better grade point average than every other individual he Semper mentioned our efforts (but they'll print anything) and I graduated with. believe the South-West news ran a stcry on us, but then they were thrilled to learn that I was watching a world-record And my modesty is still second to none! amount of movies, so again it's nothing special. The next project required better media backing. How about Channel 9? Jacob Aldridge [email protected]

-UQ Ji5 9 union n 9 0 n A r member of our group, was busy pashing with him. It was bizarre. Debbie had The Toga Party a big night that night. She had eaten the worm from a tequila bottle and her brain had been fried. She wallyed on to another bloke later that night, then i.t.. got separated from us and ended up swimming across the Brisbane River s>: lo get home, •''\ t I don't know how she survived.

While Debbie and my mates were rolling around in drunken ecstasy, I :•• "il however, was painfully sober - being the designated driver Surrounded by ll louts and hysterics, blinded by the fluorescent hell, limping on one foot and LvidJianni desperate to go lo the toilet -! could only show contempt. Had I been drunk I would have viewed the events of that night in a far more There is a good reason why they don't have toga parlies at UQ anymore. mellow light. I might have even had a good time. But as it happened I was definitely not having a good time. Anarchy • that's why At the apex of my fury I went outside to find a toilet. My bladder was I must confess I have never been to downtown Beirut and I have certainly screaming. I took a short cut down the bottom of an embankment, which never been to a football match in Oldham and sat in the visitor's section. turned out to be very dark and very muddy At one point I slipped and added mud to stains on my toga. Looking up I saw the silhouetted frames of group I have never wandered - lost - down a backslreel in Compton, LA wearing of guys all standing in a row facing me. Suddenly I became acutely aware of a red cap, and frankly I have never worn a "Free Tibet" t-shirt in Tiananmen a hissing sound and I choked. My eyes tracked the tiny currents of urine and Square...bull! have been to a UQ toga parly they innocently made their way down the hill and pooled at my feet. I looked at my muddy hands and feet with horror and ran as hard as I could out and I don't consider myself an adventurous chap, but I would not describe my away I ran halfway across the uni before I found a tap. I ran past al least ten upbringing as sheltered. I have walked down Oxford St and I have seen couples engaged in varying degrees of intercourse but they appeared only "Drugstore Cowboy" at least twice. But that night, seven years ago, sure as a blur as my mind was steadfastly focused on the issue at hand. gave me an education. Wrenching the tap to the on position, I dropped to the ground and drenched It was my first week back at uni. f was a cock-sure second year and I pranced myself in water. When I was satisfied I could not get any cleaner by this around campus like I had concrete undies.The venue was a nev/ multi-storey method, I returned lo my friends and pleaded with them to leave t heaved my car park complex. A rock band called Custard were lined up to facilitate wet, blood-soaked, urine-covered and muddy tcga into the nearest bin. On the moshing - rather than to entertain - and a baby lag system differentiated the way home we played chicken with drunken pedestrians as they invaded the drinkers from the under-aged. That was as civilised as il got. road. One such pedestrian turned out to be a police officer. As I screeched to a stop one of my passengers became hysterical trying to extinguish a joint On the way the scene got ominous. Crowds of teens pushed their way down she'd been smoking. She failed and grudgingly was forced to throw the mostly Sir Fred Schoneil Drive ad-hoc(y attired in white sheets stolen from mum's unused portion out the window. I think my "Get rid of that fucking thing NOW!" linen closet. No one knew how to wear a toga. Most just closed their eyes had something to do with her decision. and threw one end over the shoulder and tied the other end in a knot around the waist. Not one of them had seen National Lampoon's Animal House but Meanwhile, the officer had stridden up lo the window and jammed a they got the general vibe. The more pathetic (myself included) had no plain breathalyser in my mouth. He then shone his torch over the backseat where white sheets but rather a whiteish sheet with a faded sunflower pattern 4 worried looking teenagers sat - none wearing a seatbelt. I was sure I would bursting through. I mistakenly assumed the dark would hide my shame. I spend the rest of the night in the watch-house. had not counted on the 7000-watt florescent lighting that made the car park seem like the centre of the sun. He asked me how many people the car was licensed to carry. I said I had no idea and added "officer" imitating the good-old Texan politeness I'd seen Not owning sandals and deciding that my Reebok hi-tops made me look like in movies. Noddy (decided to go barefoot which historically ended up being one of my more thoughtless decisions. He asked me to "pop the hood" so he could look at "the compliance plate".

Once inside the complex, which involved lining up for an hour and then Now my bonnet release had broken long ago. To open the bonnet I needed wildly pushing past a group of vastly outnumbered and out-of-their-depth a screwdriver but instead I could find only a broken biro. Thankfully it worked. bouncers, my friends and I set up camp on the second level. My toga was While we stood in front of the car, my friends started moaning about "fuckin by now blood soaked as I had kicked a broken bottle during the crush to get pigs" and Ihe "police state", i could have killed them. The cop, who in the in. The organisers of this shambles had insisted it would be glass free and I poor light showed a striking resemblance to the police officer in 'Terminator had blindly trusted them and my peers. 2', looked at me sternly 1 shook my head. "They're not my friends," I squawked. To amuse ourselves, we decided to play a game of "Derrick", which involves grabbing a stranger who passes by and pretending to know him from school: To my astonishment, the plate read "6" - exactly the amount of peopie in the "DERRICK!' car, all of whom proceeded to erupt in cheers and a rendition of Queen's 'We are the Champions'. The cop handed me my license card back and "Mate! How the fuck are you? I haven't seen you since school." bewildered, I sped off. "Hey! Everybody! Ifs Derrick!" When I got home, I look a long, long shower and used up a whole bar of "Derrick -;Mate! You look fantastic - Have you started losing your hair?" soap, fvly skin was like sandpaper and I was all wrinkly but I did not care.

"Didn't you^get Sally pregnant?" That was the last toga party at UO. The crowd control company never worked at UQ again and the UQ Union vowed never again on UQ property. "Weren't ypu in jail? I heard you were in jail." Legend has it the vice-chancellor surveyed the damage at ground zero the ': '" j'.... next day and was observed throwing away the shoes he was wearing Meahwhile, the victim would be flabbergasted and desperate to convince us during the inspection. I passed that embankment a few months' later and ,we were..rnlstaken. The'secret was to have one person start il, and then noticed the grass hadn't grown back at the bottom. graduaiKy more of us would join In. ti"\».f'V . . • »• .

:•*-' , ". •".'» ' • - • fWe'jifeyed for a while until one of our victims turned oul to be actually 'neiniecl''Derfick, which threw us a bit. During this odd development to the 'gamer'|:was distracted and turned around briefly. ••&''S-vV^: • :•' Whencj: reftjcused on Derrick, no more than 15 seconds later, Debbie, a

-UQ A 11 li £ 'D •] T 0 •>/' union 2i) Been to

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For those of you that have been living under a rock counterparts and then suggesting to the crowd tor the last few months (a nice, comfy, velvet lined that the Liberals should all be thrown out of our rock, with a pillow and a little antique lamp) there student union? (Now there's equal representation have been a few protests about lately: Anti- and a united student body.) What happened to homophobia, anti-war and anti-changes-to-the- equal rights to free speech at a grass roots level? higher-education-system to name but a few. While ('It's your union, use it' ...unless you don't agree it is quite possible that I have only noticed since I with us then you can go get stuffed!) And that's came to uni (see the nice comfy rock above), it before you start disagreeing with the violence of seems these days that if you go to one protest some of the protesters themselves, the personal you're at them all. attacks on our police and the misinformation spread through the crowd with the convenient 1 have dutifully gone to protests that I had no time scape goat of mob mentality for any questions that to consider my opinion about, I have made signs may come up later! with slogans that seemed witty at the time, I have yelled myself hoarse and helped cause traffic jams So how can you have your say if you are a in the city. And those are the elements of a good peaceful, gay. Liberal, police respecting citizen protest. (Though some would also add the with an opinion? Or a peace-loving, Labor student spectacle of people dancing naked in city with no opinion on gay rights but a strong stance windows) But the similarity of all these protests on the war? What if all you want is to have a fair leaves you with a severe case of deja vu. You start higher education system for rich and poor and to wonder 'what was this supposed to be about?' everyone else can have their issues? There's no place for you at a protest unless you're a gay rights There are people with rainbow placards and activist, anti-war, anti-Howard, anti-the higher slogans about loving everyone, others yell that the education reforms, anti-liberal, with issues towards Liberals are destroying the education system, our police force and no qualms with laying into some want Uranium mining and food irradiation them rather than seeking a peaceful and non- banned -and that's just at the anti-war protest. But confrontational solution. is it really all linked? So my advice? Leave your opinion on the back of What if you are quite happy with the education toilet doors, watch out for Phatt Dave's drinks and system but hate the war? What if you want gay surveys table or type out your ranting and send it rights but think Saddam got what was coming to into Semper. The politicians may not take it him, too little too late? What if you are a Liberal seriously, but at least we'll know what you mean. voter, at a rally protesting against the education reforms, listening to angry labour students Tamara claiming they are oppressed by their Liberal

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Technology it seems changes us as much as we few friends then post in the comments that Stacey has change it, whether it be our suddenly more nimble turned up her toes and watch the fireworks. thumbs care of SMS or the fact that we made mobiles in the first place. In the same way that the printing Why not risk exposing yourself online instead? Most press revolutionized communication, so did the home­ people have a fear of exposure, but it's strangely page on the internet, Suddenly people were out there cathartic to reveal all, It's all the thrill of a confessional being really dull wilh links to their favorite 39 Persian with the applause of a crowd. Having a sense of cat fan sites and the lyrics from the first "Aqua" album. humor helps, but depressed people read blogs and journals too. Tres dull. I personally have a journal, I say it all there, il began We'd seen it before though, the brief lived species as an experiment to see how publicly honest I could "The political pamphlet" was the forerunner to modern be. As long as it's about me only I can be totally newspapers, and in the same sense the persona! honest, but when I have to expose other people... home page was forced to evolve. As is often the case ouch! It's strange lo think that 1 can publicly announce the creature evolved into three distinct families. The that I've shaved my scrotum for shits and giggles, but "Web Log" (Blog if you're in the know), the "Photo last night's shag has no distinguishing features other Journal" and the "Journal". than functioning genitals and a desire to be naked in my proximity. Blogs are daily entries of interesting links with snazzy commentary. This is also a way of internet junkies People are funny like that giving back, and on some level announcing that they have truly made it as a netizen. There are war blogs, So I encourage you to get out there and read a blog Bush blogs, world affair blogs, and local blogs. You and comment too! So for your tasty pleasure I give name it and there's some freak obsessed about it and you a small sample of blogs and journals tb whet your writing about it. appetite...

Photo Journals are daily photos often taken on digital -f the quintessential guide to faking your own online cameras, and then whacked on a website. For the death. less articulate with a better eye perhaps? http://www.anywherebeyond.com/2001/0501/051701. Journals are more difficult beasts; some people are html capable of writing about their semi-interesting lives -f This is the war blog to end all war blogs. American and making it compelling writing. Other's though... centric, but aren't we all? write every day about their favorite 39 Persian cat fan sites and the lyrics from the first "Aqua" album. This is http://www.nowarblog.org/ fine if you are just as boring as them, but possibly a tad tedious for the rest of us who have lives, and -f Sister Mary Matthew has an itch lo scratch... will friends, and actual hobbies. you scratch it with her?

Don't panic, it's ok to be snide online. http://saint-scholastica.net/thegoodbook/

All the best blogs and journals have one thing in -f I'm a media whore, come whore wilh me as I trip common that sets them apart from our old friend "the the light 'antastic! It is slightly innovative in that you political pamphlet"; the ability to comment. People will can only reply to the images with images. link lo something better or funnier, counter the argument, post an obscenity or even demand more http://visualblog.anlijoe.com/ information on Persian cats. It ceases to be a one­ •fit's my blog, all about me. There are very few way discourse and becomes a conversation. pictures of my shaven scrotum, I promise. Don't get me wrong, it's not academia, and the ability http://antijoe.com/ to spell is not required.

So it all comes down to one question, who are you? When you present yourself online as an authority or a genuine person, how do we know that you are? Now I'm not talking aboul some tres dull existentialist wank about whether or not other people actually exist, I'm talking about good old deception.

Why not be a brave and HTML aware 12 year old girl battling leukemia? Have a few laughs at other people's expense and then kill little Stacey off. Have a

-UQ ?l 11 11 T" £) q" 1 0 if union 31 badminton, cricket, field hockey, or rugby union as silly irrevalent pastimes not worthy of existence. Readers should be aware of a little bit about the history of the 'two rugby' codes. Despite rhetoric by union that league was born out of a greed for money, even their own historians now acknowledge the principles of amateurism were designed to keep control of rugby out of the hands of the Tell us Andrew Stirling that you are more than a Melbourne boy. I working class (The Union Game: A Rugby History Sean Smith know that the rugby union playing Melbourne and Geelong Published by BBC). It was easy for a richer Southern English Grammar schools are even more ferocious in their anti-league class 'gentleman' to take time off if injured but could the 'salt of the rhetoric than their northern counterparts. earth' miner for instance afford the same luxury? Union's hypocrisy came officially tumbling down a hundred years later. The first few paragraphs of "In Defence of Rugby Union" outline That was nol to say union players weren't paid or renumerated in perfectly why I prefer to watch 'Le Faire de Spectacle' that typifies 'shamaleur' ways prior to the sport going openly professional in rugby league. In regard lo union you stale to' never stop learning 1995. Words lo describe league players & supporters down the about the game' and 'I'm always turning to one of my mates and years by union scribes include 'scum', ' prostitutes', 'simpletons' saying 'What was that for?' Well, rugby league got rid of those 'mungoes', and so. It is the very same vocab aimed by the same archaic rules a century ago for that very reason. If diehard' union people anxious to preserve the social divide among humans. The spectators don't know what's going on then what chance the rest sport of rugby union was just another means of achieving this on of us? the sporting field and more importantly, in the clubhouse.

I enjoy league's simplicity and this simplicity is the very reason In regard lo drugs I don't think union can preach to league about union is evolving more like rugby league everyday. It doesn't only that. Didn't two young South African union fonwards mysteriously stop with rule changes, union cannot gel enough of our playing & die from 'heart complications' in the last couple of years? I say coaching talent. Rugby league is rugby union wilh all the boring mysteriously because the autopsies were done 'in-house'! Or the bits taken out. French union international testing positive for cocaine but I'm a bit perplexed about your statement 'rugby [union] never escaping suspension because of a legal loophole? Ben Tune is stops'. I would suggest you watch the two games simultaneously another name that comes to mind. At least the NRL should be and use a stop watch. You'd be surprised to see the ball is in play commended its drug testing is so stringent and it has more to do for much longer in a league game compared to union, I would also with legal 'technicalities' getting players off the hook than the recommend you never join a league team if you think 'Every set of sport's ruling body allowing them to play without punishment. six is the same', since an Andrew Johns or Alfie Langer would Finally, the standard of weekly football in the NRL is just fine, in crucify you on the field, Additionally, you have to be joking when fact, the best I've seen for ages. I find the number of 45-34 'like' you state there are 'very few decent back fine moves in league'. I score lines in super 12's quite laughable. That's what happens don't know which planet you walch your sport on, but I see more when you try to play league union style. I know it must grate the length of the field tries in the NRL than any union competition can rah rah's that we have the superior product, but hoping league will offer. But don't worry, I see the ex-league boys Blacklock (since returned to the NRL), Sailor and Tuqiri providing the Super 12's disappear from the equation through propaganda attacks in the wilh their best tries of the season. media (then dropping two players and re-inventing itself as the creators of 13-a-side rugby) just won't happen. So you also lost count of the times spent screaming at the TV for We are here lo stay. Freedom in sport is a wonderful thing and a league fullback to return a kick back into the opposition half. You something union supporters just don't appreciate yet. may like kicking (probably a bad habit picked up watching AFL) but give me a Darren Lockyer, Rhys Wesser, or Billy Slater taking on and splitting the defence with a fifty-metre run any day. I also find the back and forth kicking duels in union rather pedantic. I like the variety of kicks in league. For instance, give me a 40-20, banana, grubber, chip, or the 'bomb'- now that's kicking!

League forwards are dumb hey? Again you show you ignorance and bias against 'our' game. A league fonward is no longer the slow and cumbersome player of yesteryear. While a union fonA^ard pants and grunts five metres before falling in a heap of exhaustion (and union folk think they are strategically lying down to regurgitate the ball), the league fonvard will power at the defence in a tactic called 'softening' up their opponents and may choose a moment to slip the ball out of a tackle. I love it when big Willie Mason has three or four defenders hanging off him, I think 'dumb' can be succinctly used to describe the recent NSW Waratah prop Malt Dunning who kicked a field goal when tries were needed to make the semi's, then he broke the nose of a team mate at a taxi rank before fleeing the scene.

I can't argue with league scrums but they are just a means of re­ cycling the ball.

Finally, you expose yourself as a rah rah apologist with such rubbish as league 'is a fundamentally stupid game' and a sport with 'a string of drug cheats that flow' through the game. Funny how equally 'simple' sports such as tennis, baseball, ice hockey, or American football are not attacked by their cousins of

-UQ union n 9 9 0 9 A 'f t. WWt Unleash The Gimp •3 I With Chess Master Nik Stawski The legendary Jacob at the Suncoast Caloundra being the person most Edwards strikes again! Open. A highlight at ^ probable to become Caloundra was his victory Australia's 3rd Jacob, UQ PhD history over International Master Grandmaster. student, Club Bullwinkle David Smerdon in the last round. David, who has a Your ever-vigilant Semper founder, comic genius and team managed to secure an writer extraordinaire, has hit scholarship at Uni of Melbourne, but hails from exclusive interview with some hot form of late, both players after the game: including =1st in the Darling sunny Brisbane, Is one of downs Open, 3rd in the the most talented players Gold Coast Open, and =2nd Australia has ever produced, and is touted as

Nik Stawski (Semper): Jacob, JE: The sound of silence. NS; What do you think of did you consider it a privilege to NS: Was food involved? Jacob's play in the game? play the greaf David Smerdon? JE: Sour bears. DS: Unofficially he played some good moves,* but ofricially he Jacob Edwards: Er, you write NS: Anyhow, well done. for Semper do you? played crap. JE: Er... thanks. NS:" Yeah. You got a problem ,NS: If r were to ask you a with that? , , NS: David, did the chess chicks question, what would it be? mourn your loss? JE: So yqu're the guy who' ' DS: ;'Can I help you kill Jacob > keeps fucking up the ' Davrd Smerdon: To the point Edwards? Please?" apostrophes? where they flocked to my opponent's side. I am so alone. NS: Is the chess scene riddled NS: Allright. Allright. I admit it. with drugs or not? NS: Do you hate chess now?

JE: I guess I should have said, DS: With a passion. It's destroyed DS: Look, I'd really rather not "you are". Damn. my life. I'm a shadow of my former comment on that, m'kay self. It hurts. NS: What did the chess NS: What's the meaning of life? groupies do after you won? NS: Were there any extenuating DS: Just me and my circumstances that may have chessboard, baby Oh yeah! JE: I think they ceased to exist. hindered your performance in the game? NS: Is there anything you would NS: Are you sick of this interview? have done differently? DS: We're all friends here, and DS:.. .(expletive)(censored)... too there's no reason to mention the much pressure... (censored)... JE: I did. war. NS: What mUsic did you use for And that, dear readers, is where JE: He mentioned it once, but I the inten/iew finished. inspiration? think he got away with it.

As for the game itself, David Edwards,J (2073) - Smerdon, D (2427) attacked furiously, and was better Caloundra Open 29th June 2003 for most of the game. He may 1.f4 g6, 2.Nf3 Bg7. 3.c4 Nf6, 4.Nc3 d5, have missed a win somewhere. 5.e3 0-0, 6.Be2 c5, 7.cd Nxd5, 8.0-0 Nc6, Jacob thwarted David's near 9.a3 e5,10.fe Nxe5, 11.Nxe5 Bxe5,12.Bf3 masterpiece of an attack with Nf6,13.b4Qc7,14.bc Bxh2+, 15.Kh1 BgS, calm defence; and good clock 16.d4 Qe7, 17.lsle2 Ne4. 18.Kg1 Nc3, management. I now give the full 19.NXC3 Qh4, 20.Re1 Bxe1. 21.Ne4 f5, game in all its glory: 22.Nd6 Qi2+, 23,Kh1 Rf6, 24.Nxc8 g5, 25.Ne7+ Kh8, 26.Nxf5 Rxf5, 27.e4 g4, 28.ef Qf1+, 29.Kh2 g3+, 30.Kh3 h5, next time 31.Bxh5 Qxf5+, 32.Kh4 Qe4+, 33.0g4 Qxg2, 34.Bf4 Qh2+ 35.Kg5 Rg8+, 36.Bg6 Bd2,37.Bxd2 Qxd2+, 38.Kf6 Qf2+. 39.Ke5 PLUNKETT! (and David lost on time in this position.),

-UQ A 11 Q 11 S T" £ £) 1 q" q 0 if union 3S ''Music is tfie meditation fetween tfie inteffectuaf and sensuous fife'' --^eetfioven

"tfie llnifiecf The heart it opens It weaves the cloth Music yearns, Or closes to the world The tailor will design It reaches out beyond Just over thoughts It mixes glass It describes tears Or actions not unfurled The blower makes so fine. Or memories so fond;

The mind, it counts The mind has words The intellect It takes the heart It adds, subtracts, describes Has numbers to express Will build the violin And all its sensuousness It measures length The heart has not Design the flute And with the mind And from thence it derives. It can share much less. Improve the tambourine. Removes all anxlousness.

It weighs, it fills It tries to paint, The mind creates It meditates, It heats, compacts, expands; To sing, to dance, to live; Notation known by all It hovers In between It then compares But with no mind Ensembles they It unifies The knowledge between lands It can't begin to give. Can work within one hail. Heart, Mind and Being.

Unlike the mind The mind provides But music speaks The heart, it feels and yearns The words of poetry In more ways than the mind It hears and sees; The sculptor's tools And with the heart The while the mind, it churns. The paint of artistry The sensuous, tries to find. © Carolina Casaril 2003

-UQ 34 union 'M 9 9 I 0 9 A. T" MS

Darkr]es$;Sh'adq^;twistedti^p'iklQn^a windingroa(f.\^'':;';f§^;0^^ . Silence; I ani all'alon^ar^^y$i^behind the tangle6^6es \ • p^MMu^S / sense the hidden deimons of, the flight, Watching me; stalking me; h^untirignte.

I ^^m.' M How far have I come, How tar to go? I ' :, ',; The answers to all these I do not know, and so I coritinue - ,r ••:"•. i\ :|tf rftS^S^ / know not my destination, nor the stops along the way r, ' .^^-i •v.:.M0?W-i\-:^0B%m What can I do, but continue? I •' ••'•••••• A'ri y.r'-bn'^A'iv'- i'-'^x^^^^ 1 m,:mm ; . I Storm scars the sky, rain fills the night; •J«ife In the deepened gloom I lose my way - I become mired in the muddy road m'^ '', And slip and fall and call for help; nobody doeSi, 1 •. •;..i. • • :v^?'' ',"f m 'Hold to hope and keep to faith' I heard ther^ay Before I began along thi^ winding wa0S: Yet what man can hold to these in the endle^simght That pains the body; torments the mind; saps mejsouf?:

Through the black that mirrors their souls^,^ m Tif?© hungry beasts close in; growling with exciterdeht; Sensing the struggle of a man on his knees Hf^^ But No! I will not slip forgotten into the night.m^, w I Hope has long since seeped away as from a broken c^A^M- %. m Yet determination takes its place as I walk on - ' ||. ^^ ! On with mechanical stride into the infernal blight, ''^. , si Believing that my jife is almost up. \

• • ••'••:•;••.:'^^^

•ii'H-j^*. Wait! The path grows straight once morel The storm clouds fadeiH: '$^.. And the beasts flee the coming of the dawn, for there it is on the horizori-^: Pink-gold light splits the sky, as heaven is unveiled,

To pour grace upon a battered world - a shattered shell and shaken heart -t';?-Ai'.-s

1, .* :'. :A

•-•••4

.•••-VT .vjAV.1 i.^-.JW •UQ 91 ai g 11 T £ 'D q" 1 0 if union THE SOUNDTRACK OF MV LIFE: n Self-Gratuitous, Completely Biased History of my Fauourite Brisbane Bands. ey Eueiun Hartogh "Don't you ever go into my room, your job - do you have to be so I know exaclly hov^ much money good at it? You in your car, you IVe got there." never go far, just around and around, and around and around, 'Flow of Cash' Sf^ALL WORLD and around." EXPERIENCE Security 7 inch Vinyl 1989. 'Security Uan' CLAG Manufacturing Resent 7 inch WKFTIDLWF 'Flow of Cash' was my favourite Vinyl EP 1992. song on 4ZZZ in 1989. I wasn't alone, 'Flow of Cash' reached the Since galleries paid little I earned "Where to see you see, to where, when HH guitarist Jason Bright 4771 Hot 100 top len. I had no my pocket money making Where all those who meet you, was playing in punk bands like idea who played 'Flow of Cash' so corduroy backpacks for the meet there, Dashing down town DEATH OF A NUN, SLAM and it was a pleasant surprise when Brunswick Street Markets. Around around, Ils where we will be in a VOICE OF THE CHRISTIAN SfvlALL WORLD EXPERIENCE that time my favouriie local band short while, Inspiration anew TRUCKERS. Jason now plays in supported DINOSAUR JUNIOR was CLAG. Their singer and making pleasures to look for" THE LAZY OCEAN GLITTERS on their 1989/1990 Brisbane gig, trombone player, Nicole Tibault, wilh another HH, Mark Woodley, and the support band started also worked al the markets, 'Swish' MINIMUM CHIPS Swish and SWE's ex-bass guitarist playing my song. selling second hand clothes and ODER 1997 Julian Harris (Jilian 'Wendell' independent label records. A Patterson of MC now plays bass A few years later, I came to know sassy business woman, Nicole lan, Nicole and Julian 'Wendell' in SWE). In the mid-1990s, SWE, being fortunate enough to soon took advantage of the {at Patterson (nicknamed after Deborah got Jason to play in the live in a sharehouse with the that time) empty Ann street shops Simpsons kid) formed the now Brisbane line-up of DRAGSTER. bass guitarist, Julian Harris, and and started SCRABBLE (where legendary and still wowing 'em having the privilege to listen to SupaFun is now). Soon the whole MINIMUM CHIPS. "Two of the best colours I've them praclice songs for the Shelf of Ann Street took off and the seen, yeah, are in your eyes ... L/fe Album. Valley became hip for the Often compared favourably with maybe there is nothing new, youngsters, rather than the gay, STEREOLAB and THE SUGAR sometimes I don't see it through" Shelf Life was listed in a 2001 arty and punk danger-packed CUBES, in 1999, MC sadly 'Nothing New" DRAGSTER Self- Semper as one of the best panorama it had been in the joined the yearly migration to tilled CD Album 1996. albums to come out of Brisbane, 1980s. Melbourne of all the talented (yet and ils songs not only got more under appreciated) Brisbane Although Deb is based in listings in AZZZHot too, but also SCRABBLE became a practice artists (fear not! they tour up here Brisbane, DRAGSTER started inspired a SWE Karaoke night haven for more bands than I dare now and again). I fondly off as a Melbourne band and Deb and a tribute album called Valiant to mention (in case I miss one) remember all the drunken nights would fly down for the gigs. (named after SWE founder Pat and Nicole's talent in CLAG soon at Nicole's nightclub PHASE 4 Eventually their popularity meant Ridgewell's car) where other caught the eye of Deborah and the understated excitement a Brisbane line-up was essential. Brisbane bands did covers of when Nick Cave went shopping Cavallero and lan Wadley, who Deb now plays in THE GOLDEN SWE songs. at SCRABBLE in 1994. wanted her for their own projects. CIRCLES. "Security man with your black Deb had been the darling of In those days I was a bit of a Deb also played in the SUMP shiny shoes, every day you fail to 4ZZZ in her theatrical band drunk heckler, egged on by the which was Paul (of infamous amuse...doesn't impress anyone, WONDROUS FAIR (whose drunker Jason Bright and the punk-art band PORK) especially me, Why do you have album Cosmological Clock was drunkest Dominic Wockner. At Newsome's band and It had to be so grumpy? All day long also listed in Semper's 2001 list every MC gig I was the one crooner Micheal Isen making drinking all that coffee, I know its of best Brissie albums). Some yelling out 'Chips and Gravy' (my boys hearts go aflutter with his members of WF were leaving favouriie CLAG song). MC got deep booming voice. In what town so Deb nabbed Nicole for their name from lan's often-heard seems in retrospect to be a the off-shoot FAIR MUSES and fast-food order. fabulous act of conceptual art, al they played a lot of arty gigs in the last minute the SUMP CD the 1990s. Back in the 1993,1 suspected my was renamed the PULLED boyfriend had a crush on DOWN BLIND CD. Really, some Meanwhile, lan, the drummer for Micheal Isen, the lead singer of people will do anything to stay SWE, also had his sights set on the HOORAY HENRIES (lots of oul of the top-forty the talented Tibault. He once did guys did because he was such an installation where he moved an amazing singer). We went lo THANX 4 DA MAMMARIES: his entire bedroom into a gallery see HH play at 118 Vulture Street Mark, Deb, Julian, Pat & Jason. for a week and lived there, lan (the Ghost House) in West End, (like Pat) has been in so many which used lo be a huge run­ AUTHOR'S NOTE: There are so bands that I fear if I try to list them down old Queenslander that many more bands I didn't have I'll miss one out - so lets just say dozens of people seemed to live room for and I want lo write about he's been around, is always in, HH played covers - but not the them all in the future - if you have involved in dozens of 'projects', pub scene ones, they were a story to share about your and knows everyone (never think slightly more obscure songs, memories of live Brisbane bands you can walk quickly down a please email me! street with him - he bumps into I saw some of the last HH gigs loo many old friends). and was still a whipper-snapper [email protected] -UQ :?b union S £ U 9 £9 £ f 0 9 £ A 7' In 1966 the album, 'Freak Out', by Frank of progressive rock spilling out of the HI-FI The sub-categories are a case in point. For Zappa and the Mothers of Invention, became speakers and galvanizing the listener. The a complete description, see critically important to rock music for a Beatles had yet to release 'Sgt Pepper' and www.gepr.net/geprfram.htm number of reasons. It stunned an othenwise the Beach Boys'Pet Sounds'. But it was with apathetic rock public (those that dared listen 'Freak Out' that Zappa would cement the The bottom line is this: if you like your rock to il) to become the first double rock and foundation lo the embryonic development of music to be daring, avant-garde, challenging concept album. More importantly for rock n' progressive rock. and interesting, then progressive rock is for roll however, 'Freak Out' was to usher in a you. I can highly recommend any of the new dynamic style of rock music, let loose on 'Freak Out' inspired other musicians, artists above bands and more. It was thirty years an unsuspecting audience. and crazy people to contribute lo what would ago, on the Uth of June 1973, that Pink be called The Counterculture. In 1965, Ken F/oyd released 'Dark Side of The Moon'. It is Known as Progressive Rock, it was of a Kesey and his Merry Pranksters (with Neil NOT '[The] Dark Side of The Moon', as some superiority quality in both sound and lyrical Cassidy driving the bus) started their journey people call this album. Since then 'Dark Side content than what had gone before. It to find the 'True' America. It helped that they of The Moon' has sold 35 million copies. One presented rock in a new sweep of fluid, had a plentiful supply of LSD-25. Kesey had other Progressive Rock band that I can intelligent and professional mastering of both bought the bus wifh royalties he received highly recommend is a band that not many instrument and word. This is nol to demean from his first publication, One Flew Over The have heard of. Their name is Jade Warrior the valuable contribution made by those who Cuckoo's Nest. Their trip across America was This group had two cislincl fazes. The Vertigo had paved the way in the 1950s. If is true, dramatically compressed into the novel, The Years and The Island Years. I purchased all that the first Rock n Roll record 'Rocket 88' Electric Cool-Aid Acid Test by Tom Wolfe. their Vertigo LPs in the 70s on record. They {Jackie Brenston & The Delta Cats), released were and are years ahead of their time. I can in 1951, had inspired a young truck driver Meanwhile, in England (Canterbury in fact), recommend: 'Jade Warrior", 'Released', and from Memphis Tennessee to record That's various musicians had picked up on what last Autumn's Dream' and any of the Island alright Mama' on the Sun label in 1954, then was happening in the US and started their CDs. Believe me you will NOT BE Heartbreak Hotel eighteen months later for own underground movement. For many an DISSAPOINTED in this band. RCA. Elvis Presley and his rise from Sun aficionado, the creative rock music that records in Memphis to rocks first and biggest surfaced in the heady days of the mid 60s These three albums are available on CD star caught the collective imagination of and early 70s from this English provincial cily through The Artist shop http://www.artist- Western youth. But for parents of American of Canterbury produced some of the most shop.com, v/hich is an import record store. teenagers in the 1950s, Elvis represented consistently interesting music of the period. Yes, I know it can be a pain wailing for that everything they hated in the "New Music". With bands such as Soft Machine, Caravan, special gem. 1 have been buying import The older generation of the 50s considered Van Der Graff Generator, The Nice, King records for over thirty years and I can fell you Elvis and rock n' roll a threat. They perceived Crimson and, many others, progressive rock they are worth the wait. If you are reading this rock as a danger to the morals, values and became a true listening experience. London, article and know nothing of Progressive the sensibilities of the stiff Eisenhower era. of course, had The Pink Floyd Rock, you are in for a real treat, A new exploration into the v/orld of HI-FI awaits you. By the mid 1960s however, rock appeared as Australia also was going through the same It's not the kind of music played on radio but if it was becoming respectable. Top 40 radio changes musically and socially. This change you may find some of the above bands in in America had became king, so had 93 KHJ in Australian music between 1967 and 1970 your parent's record collection. As with any blasting out of 'Boss Angeles' (as KHJ liked as Glenn A. Baker suggests "was drastic and new adventure, it ta'

-UQ A 11 11 D '] T' 1 0 if union :

That's not to say that I haven't tried it before^. The style is quite easy to imitate. 'Did anyone ever notice that whenever you get one of those languages with About the author VSO constituent order (level intonation), it'll always have prepositions (rising intonation)?' A usual practice is to increase the hilarity by several factors by Chris O'Regan is trying to see how far pausing strategically and asking rhetorical questions: 'Anyone ever see that he can get through this article without Electronic Monk featured in one of those Douglas Adams books?' (Pause while making some stupid pop culture reference, like io Douglas Adam's audience members nod in recognition). 'Anyone else think that'd make a great Electronic Monk. ^ name for a band - Electronic ... Monk?'Which brings me to the other stock in trade, repeating certain parts of the observation you have just made more slowly and loudly. It works best when applied to an ordinary, everyday situation: 'When I bought a train ticket the other day I noticed that, in addition to my destination, the ticket had printed on it the station where 1 bought it. (Pause) The station ... where I BOUGHT it. (Pause). If they wanted to know at which station I got on the train, why didn't they just ask me?' Now why isn't that no- one will laugh at the last three formulaically acceptable examples 1 just gave, but they'll urinate uncontrollably when something equally banal and meaningless is uttered by some microphone-wielding loon in a bad suit?

I suppose It all comes down to those immortal words by Me! Brooks,^ "Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die". In other words, "My cut is finger tragedy I when. Open and an into die you when fail is Comedy sewer". No wait, those were the same words in a different order. Never mind, the question you really want to ask is: "If a tree falls down in a forest, and a comic is there to observe it, does that make it funny?"^

Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those peevish people who sit right at the front in the cinema and interrupt with 'Is it really a good idea for Neo to wear dark glasses when flying very fast at low altitudes at night?' Or: Technically, this whole movie is impossible, since apes don't have the vocal structures that would enable them to speak human languages, and if they did, it's unlikely that they'd all coincidentally start speaking 20th century American English.' I do find certain types of observational humour hysterical. Normally it's along the line of observing that a comedic protagonist just got a pie down their trousers. I don't laugh at that because I can relate to it; why would I want to? I do find the fact that someone named a tree the "monkey-puzzle tree" amusing. But again, that doesn't relate to my everyday life. Laughing at everyday life isn't easy, and there's a reason: it's inherently dull. Few indeed are the comics who can turn mediocrity into mirth. If I want wackiness, I'll find humour about people that turn into penguins, rather than about cars that turn into intersections. Onward surrealism: the whey of the future.

1. Less than two lines, apparently.

?•• 9,'^f.^^,^ational humour, not synthesising asphalt from petroleum. (Thai is to say that I haven't not

n.L^f\hffhLnLc"£?f'."^"'®' ^f^l' " "^.^3 '<3"i'nsky. What is the deal with that? He has one ^hSinJ F^c f^ttH?;fL^=?''T3®!<' L^^^K'^L^^'^ ^''°°^S'- Kaminsky - Brooks! Why didn't he out Sh! He^is S^Nng 0^^^ ^ completely different name to the one he started

4 Evidently this question has already been answered by the creaters of Obiter with in true ienai style, a caveat: ifs only funny if they're the only ones getting the joke ^

-UQ .^^' !M union 9 9 0 9. A 7' Products From Your

Parliamentarians RORomon, y Rogers

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-UQ A 11 11 cT tD q" 1 0 if union 3.9 Alcohol - "the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems!" Homer Sinnpson Alcohol does indeed cause many problems - domestic violence, social and moral decline, unemployment, poverty, the feeling that last night somebody used your tongue to vacuum the carpet without telling you,.. TEQUILA IS NOT MY In this issue, I'll be covering the different types of drunkenness, and the science behind it. Then I'll tell you how to make alcohol your friend, rather than your enemy, including how to avoid a piss crisis. And lastly, I'll be giving you a few tips for avoiding and curing hangovers. Hair of the dog will not be one of them.

1. The Cheap Drunk vs. the Contender vs. the Faker Cheap drunks (CDs) are fun. Also known as one-pot-wonders, everybody has at least one friend who is a CD. Usually they're the first ones to suggest a trip to the pub and then the first ones to reach the bar. However, it's all down hill from there, Completely blotto after downing their first teaspoon, they stew in their own juices for the rest of the night, unable to make it to the bar when it's their shout, and not to be trusted to anyway, because they'll only stuff up the order and spill most of it on the way back to your table. They'll arrive back with a big proud smile on their face, and declare, "Here you go! Three jugs of fourex." Everyone else will, of course, be far too sober to touch fourex at this stage, but telling the poor CD that is like kicking a puppy and so it just means somebody else will have to make another trip back to the bar. CDs are thejack- russell terriers of the drinking world.

Contenders, by contrast, are more like Saint Bernards. They won't admit it of course, but they are all secretly wishing that they we-e CDs. After all, CDs get to be the life of the party while everyone else is sober enough to remember what they did the next morning, plus their wallets get to stay nice and fat. Contenders, however, have to spend half their paycheque to experience the instant drunken euphoria of the CD, and it takes them half the night to get there. On top of that, by the time they are drunk enough to do anything memorable, nobody else will be sober enough to remember it the next day. Contenders are the ones who are always challenging or being challenged to sculling competitions. This makes them happy, because it means that someone else may be conned into paying for their alcohol.

1. The Karaoke table dancer. By day these people are repressed accountants, by night they become shameless exhibitionists. When met by day, they may come across as shy, retiring, librarian, computer scientists (and yes, I know all you librarians out there are really a bunch of wanton, shameless hussies and you hate being thought of as mild mannered, but please, let the people have their illusions). But, put a drink in their hand and all bets are off! When released into the wild, these disinhibited pub- clubbers like nothing better than to dance the night away, usually on the dance floor, but if there's no room there then any table top, street corner or middle of the highway will do. Never let these people out unchaperoned - they are a danger to themselves and others! Stiletto heels, long hair and elbows go flying, not caring who they collide with, steel capped work boots gravitate towards unprotected toes. A menace on any crowded dance floor, karaoke table dancers should be given a wide berth - they are truly weapons of mass destruction. Furthermore, alcohol seriously reduces one's ability to sing, even in competent singers, which karaoke table dancers usually are not. (If they were, they would do it when sober, wouldn't they.?) Armed with a microphone, they will chose a song which will be either something by Mariah Carey (if they are a girl) or Khe Sahn (if they are a boy). Either way, they will murder it. You may think that it is impossible to murder Khe Sahn, but believe me it is not. You have been warned.

3. The Pasher (not to be confused with the snogger and shagger). The platonic pasher is an interesting creature. This is someone who is normally a raging heterosexual, but, temporarily excused of their actions by a visit from the ethanol fairy, will proceed to snog their mates. For the boys, girls who are platonic pashers can often be dared to kiss other girls for your amusement. If both girls are platonic pashers, then they will kiss for their own amusement, whether you are there or not, just because they can.

For the girls, boys who are platonic pashers need to do it on the spur of the moment. Daring them wil! not work. However, getting them to do it as a joke will, particularly if they think they are start ng the joke themselves. A classic 'joke' is pretending that they are gay, or ghey, as they may refer to it, particularly if they are computer programmers. You can encourage this, particularly if one or more of your friends is a cheap drunk, but you will be in for some disturbing entertainment.

The flip side of this coin is the Snogger and Shagger. When drunk, these people become sexual predators. They start out young, as snoggers, but by the time they reach their twenties, some of these become shaggers as well. These are the people who go out with the intention of'picking up'. You see them on the dance floor, joined at the tongue and/or groin, often groping anything else that they can reach, with little regard to the principles of hygiene. There is no more disgusting sight to see when sober than a pair of snogger and shaggers, and no sadder sight than an attempted snog and shag, that is being rebuffed by the potential snoggee (usually a woman). Except perhaps, for when a snoggee, (usually a man) who was expecting to become a shagee, gets dumped by the snogger, who has no intention of shagging anything tonight.

-UQ 40 union u 9 9. 0 9. A T' 4. The Rapier Wits "I'll tell you what's wrorg with the Middle East! It's " Some people think they know everything, theyjust won't tell you when they're sober. Of course, sometimes they will, but at M:N7 least then you can shut them up enough to get a word in edgeways. Favourite topics for the smart-arse Rapier Wit include politics, politicians, government, women, women politicians, foreign politicians. Aborigines, religion, the environment, refugees, work, bosses, and how crap FRIEND it Is that girl who just snogged them doesn't want to shag. If you believe (.hem, th

The other type of Rapier Wit is the Comedian. With the aid of bee- goggles, they become hilariously funny, at least in their own eyes. If you're really lucky, you'll meet one who is funny in your own juiced up eyes as well. If you are truly blessed, you may actually meet a Comedian who is funny enough to entertain you when you are sober. Cheap drunks make the best comedians. Even if their jokes aren't that good, they can make up for it with slapstick comedy, by falling over a lot, which is always funny.

5. The Ego, the Fighter and the Piss Crisis. The smart-arse rapier wit has a darker cousin, To be a smartarse, you have to be, well, smart. At least, in comparison to those around you. Alcohol makes people stupid, so the later it is, the easier it is to be one, especially if you are a contender suTOunded by cheap drunks. However, at the heart of every smart-arse is the Ego. The Ego does not like to be frustrated. It does not like to be argued with. It does not like to be snogged and tnen not shagged, and above all-, it does not like to LOSE. Never cut in front of an Ego who is queuing for a taxi. If they are in a good mood, they will argue with you first. If they are not, they will just deck you.

The problem with alcohol making everyone stupid, it that it makes you stupid too. Things like consequences, politeness, social etiquette and being arrested don't seem as important anymore, especially to someone like the smart-arse rapier wit, because by the time they are ready to leave the pub, they have become the invincible omnipotent being that they have told everyone they are. As such, they can do anything, to anyone, without getting caught. They have unleashed 'the Ego'. Once an Ego is released, it can do one of two things. It can express its rage outwards, turning it into a Fighter, or it can turn itself inwards, becoming a 'piss crisis'. It is no fun being around someone in a piss crisis, "^hey are miserable, depressed, often crying, and nothing you can say will cheer them up because everything in their life sucks. You will still try, because you are a good friend, but beware; nothing fixes a piss crisis except time and sobriety. This is very unfair, because piss crises are very draining on the friends of the pissed. You spend all night looking after them, until they finally go off to sleep, and then they wake up the next morning fresh as a daisy, while you're exhausted from dealing with all their problems as well as your own hangover, and on top of that, they don't even care! Half the time they don't even remember it, and even if they do, the best part of having a piss crisis is never having to apologise for it afterwards. Bastards!

THE SCIENCE OF A GOOD NIGHT OUT. So, why do different people react differently to alcohol? Why does the same person react differently at different times? How does it all work????

Firstly, how does alcohol affect the brain? Three ways. First it acts on GABA-mediated inhibitory Chloride channels, (Try saying that after you've had a few!) For all the brain's complex wiring, individual brain cells only have two types of signal - "stop' and 'go'. It's very like the digital is and os that computers have. You can't do much with an individual 1 or 0, but if you have millions of them, you can arrange them in interesting ways to make pretty patterns, or 'thoughts'. If you stimulate GABA channels, you make the cells more likely to say 'stop' rather than 'go'. This is a gross oversimplification, but hey, I'm already waaay over my word limit... Anyway, the nett result is that the brain becomes disinhibited and stops thinking properiy - this is why drunk people fall over, slurr their speech, can't remember things and lose their sense of judgement regarding the attractiveness of ugly people. It's also why normally reserved people get filled with the desire to get up and dance and sing and pick fights with people.. .and snog etc. It's because "the alcohol made me do it",

Except that this is a big lie. Alcohol won't make you do anything you wouldn't ordinarily do if given enough encouragement. Alcohol takes away your inhibitions, but it only makes you do things tha: you REALLY WANT to do anyway, deep down inside, if only you had the guts. That's why it's sometimes called 'Dutch Courage.' Being drunk also gives you PERMISSION to do things you couldn't normally get away with, like pashing your best mate. You've got an excuse ready that no one else is going to argue with, because they've all used it too, maybe not for pashing their best mates perhaps, but certainly for something at some stage. And, unless it's a really serious crime, like snogging their girl/boyfriend, they're not going to call you on it! Studies have shown that this is a really big effect- people who think they've been drinking behave like drunks and people who think they're sober act sober. Except with driving. (On a serious note, never let

-UQ A 11 g 11 S T' £ T> T' 1 0 if union 41 someone drive if they've been drinking. You might as well The Big Night ^«,,,,,,, The ^ater that week shoot them and all their passengers in the head. Cars are "\ j Day : Australia's most dangerous and easily accessible weapons!) A \ \ \ Moving onto alcohol's second effect, alcohol acts on the / 'emotion and rewards' centre of the brain - the mesolimbic % y system. There it has a complex effect on noradrenalin, Time/No. of drinks dopamine and serotonin neurotransmitters, the nett effect of which is to increase serotonin, and then decrease it. This is what B gives alcohol it's addictiveness and that nice floaty feeling you get from being tipsy. It's also how it affects your mood, occasionally causing piss crises. Have a look at the graph to the a^ left.

The graph shows the effects of drinking alcohol on mood. Initially, you drink and start to feel a bit tipsy, merry and mellow. This is your serotonin rising (A). However, there isa limit to how tipsy you can get. The idea is to drink just enough to get to this stage, and then keep drinking just the right amount to maintain it. If you try to get more tipsy, you just get drunk instead and start to feel rotter. This is your brain's serotonin level falling (B). You start to feel cold, and nauseous and iil and miserable. You can't think clearly and you may start to feel lonely or even downright depressed (One theory of depression is that it is actually caused by having low serotonin levels in the brain. Antidepressant medications work by increasing the level of serotonin available). Before you know it, a piss crisis is forming... Eventually, however, you stop drinking and your serotonin levels start to rise again (C). Piss crisis resolved! You may still feel a bit empty for a few days and after a big night on the booze, many people find that the next day the old brain cells are there, but theyjust aren't speaking to each other. This lasts a day or two, and is due to both the effects described above (C and D).

One more thing to note. Alcohol isn't a mood elevator, it's a mood ENHANCER. That means it makes you feel more of however you're already feeling. \f you drink when you're happy, you'll get a bigger high (A) but if you drink when you're stressed, nervous, anxious, miserable or just overtired, for example near exams or after you've just been dumped, you'll get a bigger low (B) and a smaller high if you get any high at all. You are at high risk of having a piss crisis. This is why you should only drink when you're happy. People with depression and anxiety disorders often drink to relax, but this is a double-edged sword. Often they do relax for a while (A) but then they get even more anxious than they were originally (B) and if they drink often enough, their brains adjust and they get stuck at (C). This means that i. They're even more miserable, and 1. They need to drink to get back to normal (horizontal baseline) and stay there. This is why alcohol is addictive.

More bad news. The down side to drinking is that what comes up, must come down. If you drink in moderation, you'll be <^l< usually, because you'll go through B when you're asleep and wake up in the happy stage of C or D. If you drink to excess, you will be awake when B hits. If by some chance you are not awake, your body will wake you up so that you can enjoy it properiy. This is because of the third effect of alcohol.

Alcohol is toxic. It is a poison. It literally pickles you and your brain, especially the more useful bits of your brain, like the bits that control memory and the bits that allow you to walk in a straight line (well, OK you spinal cord helps there a bit too, but let's not get too technical). The 'chemoreceptor trigger zone' in your brain is ver^ good at detecting poisons in the blood, such as alcohol and acetaldehyde (a breakdown product of alcohol - the stuff that causes hangovers) and it makes sure you get rid of them. It does this by making you throw up. I won't go into details. I'm sure you already know, j So, isn't that interesting ? Next time you're "Paying Homage to the Porcelain God" after a big night out, you'll know why.

Lastly, as promised, here's some tips for avoiding a hangover. 1. Be the designated driver. No drinkies means no pukies. i. Eat a big meal before you drink, especially pasta. It puts a lining on your stomach so you won't feel as seedy the next day, and it slows the rate of alcohol absorption, allowing you to stay at (A) for longer while drinking less. This is also good for your wallet

3. Water' \\\lf you can manage it, alternate between a glass of booze and a glass of H20. Failing that, drink 700-ioooml of water before you go to bed. Yes, that much! Alcohol makes your brain and blood vessels very dehydrated. This is why you get headaches with hangovers

4. Vitamin B is fantastic stuff. Two beroccas an hour apart, or one Cenovis Mega B Not Happy Jan! tablet the next morning will get you through stages C and D that much faster. (Letters from you to me. Best one wins a Schonnell 5. Greasy food. Alcohol is also very bad for stomach lining. Greasy food the next day movie pass. Write c/o Semper) will provide some relief for this as well as giving your poor starving brain some extra energy Dear Aunty Jan,

6. Actual dog hair is not recommended (You laugh, but I've seen it done!) You suck! DonS. 7. Don't mix milk drinks with juice drinks. Dear Don, 8. Never ever EVER smoke pot when you've been drinking. You have been warned! Yes I do. I suck many things. You, however, will never 9- Know your poison. Some drinks will affect you more than others. 1 for example, be one of them. No movie tickets for you! can drink vodkas or cowboys until the cows come home, but one tequila will have me Aunty Jan feeling like cactus the next day - that is why tequila is not my friend!

-UQ 42 union M 9 9 I 0 9. A q" CONSPIRACY OF THE MONTH

BY MR WOLF CHILDREN'S TELEVISI6N

It is unlikely that many Sennper readers are devoted watchers of children's television. Even those that have children of their own, or are in the habit of frequently babysitting young children, probably would not have sat down in front of a TV screen from 6 to 11 every morning and again from 3 to 5 in the afternoon, with a videotape in the machine and paper in hand, taking detailed notes. I wish it to be known that neither have I. Nevertheless, having been forced to sit through a good hour of the stuff on the odd occasion, I fee! qualified to undertake the necessary task of warning readers about the dangers lurking behind the be-costumed, prancing prats. A conspiracy indeed; one of global proportions, aimed squarely at the most vulnerable members of society Many readers are likely to protest, fondly remembering the shows of their youth; Whinge iconic, groundbreaking works from which they learned everything they now know, whose theme song they still can sing from memory and whose moral truths and Side roads give way to main roads, I guiding precepts occupy a special place in their heart. Many of (hese shows still believe. But it does not seem to always survive today, but be warned, readers, for times have changed. For every Bananas happen. in Pyjamas or Humphrey B. Bear the marketplace is now crov/ded with a dozen Now I don't mind people nipping in front of others. Cartoon characters, puppets, robots, or giant disembodied faces now assault me when the road is pretty full, when us from every direction. Their agenda is single-minded: to transform aspiring young opportunities to enter the main road are geniuses of tomorrow into mindless, unquestioning, hyper-materialist drug-addicts. small, and you lake what slight opening in the traffic you can create for yourself. It's a The conspiracy among kid's TV exists in varying levels. The most blatantly obvious tough world out there, and sometimes you manifestations are cartoons, mainly imports from Japan, whose sole purpose is fo have to get pushy, (in Paris, even entice children, particularly boys, to purchase an ever-increasingly-bizarre array of pedestrians on zebra crossings have to toys. Besides being the victims of vicious marketing campaigns, children watching walk out in front of cars with these shows learn to make a variety of outlandish facial expressions, open their determination, with a look that says, slow pupils really wide, and utter odd, over-elaborate, poorly lip-synched declamations at down or you will see me in court after I every opportunity have recovered from my injuries).

Only slightly more subtle is that abomination, Hi-5, and shows of its ilk. I can just But when the road is nol only fairly light on envision the record industry executives now: "Well, gentlemen, we've got kids as for traffic, but there is no vehicle in sight young as twelve dressing like crack addicts and gyrating their hips to atrociously behind the one car passing by lo nip in soulless drivel. But we need to draw a leaf, so to speak, from the tobacco industry's front is quite annoying. To nip in front, and book: let's start 'em young. The earlier we can get them listening to manufactured, then loose al! sense of nippiness, and vacuous, ludicrous pop music, the better". Thus we have the kiddies band shows, accelerate at a snails pace, is very much whose average educational content ranks somewhere below that of a bar of soap. more annoying. But no bar of soap is as filthy or repugnant as the evil apparatus that prepares To Inconvenience all other traffic on the children for the horrors of Christina or Mandy that are to come. road as liltie as possible. Isn't that the And the third basic flavour we come to is again chiefly imported, this time from overall rule, and the one that when in Britain. Yes, 1 am thinking of the T-word, but there are others as well: such as the doubt we revert to? Tweenies or the Twoddles or whatever their latest ridiculous title is. I don't think Pull in front if it is likely to be the only they're turning kids gay {how exactly would you do that anyway?), but I'm certain, opportunity for a while. Then keep up. after enduring at least one episode, that they do promote recreational drug use. I'm Pulling in front of the only car on the road sure that the creators of these shows give a set of crayons to every twelve-year old and then basking in your achievement of who suffers a severe blow to the head after wandering through a zoo while on some main road presence by not getting up to kind of hallucinogenic, and then gets them to design the costumes.These zip-visible, speed is mean, frustrating, and fleabitten fluoro furballs nicely complement the decor, which comes straight out of a contributes to road rage. surrealist's bad dream, and the dialogue, which has a required ratio of Gibberish- words-to-English, exactly at the age children are supposed to be acquiring adult Don't do it. It's rude. language. Clearly the aim is to turn the British (and ours, as soon as the ABC ships 'em over) populace into a jabbering sheep-like mass who are likely to easily swallow MissS things such as King Charles III, the National Health Service, and Iraqi WMD's. A Driver who likes to get there. Won't somebody please think of the children?

.UQ A 11 11 T" 'D q" 1 0 if union 43 Vour guide to current and upcoming flicks:

'MY LITTLE EYE' Released: 24 July Directed by Marc Evans. Starring - Sean Johnson, Jennifer Sky,

Five young people apply to live in an isolated house together for six months with the chance to score Si Million. The catch? Their every move is to be filmed by numerous '2 Fast 2 Furious' The Hulk' cameras and if one person leaves, 'AMERICAN WEDDING' (aka American Pie 3) Starring Eric Bana, Jennifer everyone loses. It becomes the Connelly and Nick Nolte ultimate morality test when Released - 7 August '2 fast 2 furious' sees the return of Danny's beloved grandfather dies, Directed by Jesse Dylan. the original, only wilh more cars, Directed by Ang Lee and he must chose between love Starring - Jason Biggs, more girls, more stunts and more *** and money. And what dark secret testosterone loaded rev heads to Alyson Hannigan. The Hulk is the latest comic book does the house harbor that leaves boot. With Vin Deisel making Apple pie just doesn't want to creation adapted for the big them fceiing as though they're tracks for bigger and better things, go away - luring you again with screen. The refreshing thing about being watched by more than just a this sees Paul Walker reprising his its sticky fingers to the bloody the Hulk is that, unlike Superman million pairs of eyes? It's 'Big role as Brian O'Connor and THIRD INSTALLMENT in the and Spiderman, he surfaces out of Brother' and almost as scary as jumping into the driver seal and American Pie love-horror trilogy scientist Bruce Banner (Eric Gretel Killeen's outfits. taking the lead. A few things have The cast reunites this time Bana) involuntarily, as more of a changed however. This time around for a very special monster than a superhero. The they're racing in the streets of occasion: an All American action really begins when Bruce, fvliami, and this lime, O'Connor is Wedding. With their Virgin day's conducting an experiment with given a chance lo work for the but a distant memory the kids fellow scientist Betty Ross (an police (his former occupation) in have gown into young adults understated Jennifer Connelly), is an effort to clean his record by ready to wreak havoc with a zapped with deadly radiation. The doing what he lost his badge for; new rite of passage, Jim (Biggs) Hulk, a physical manifestation of street racing. He is accompanied and Michelle (Hannigan) are Bruce's repressed, painful past, by childhood pal Roman Pearce, getting married - in a hurry goes on a destructive rampage (Tyrese Gibson) who helps pop Sliffler plans to be there for and is hunted down by the military, the hocxJ of the crime. They are obvious reasons (bridesmaids!) especially Betty's father, much to after Carter Verone, a crim who is and more importantly to throw her quiet dismay Betty is so using his business to cover his the ultimate bachelor party understated that she barely 'EXTREME OPS' international money laundering (strippers!). Finch is all for the screams while mutant dogs try to scams. This is where the film Released: 31 July hedonistic rituals, but not for kill her. Eric Bana is the perfect as takes off. Fast cars, impossible letting Stiffler steal the maid of Bruce, and lends a similar Directed by Christian Duguay speeds, beautiful women and honor. But while everybody else 'everyman' quality to The Hulk that Starring - Rufus Sewell, crime, what more could you want gets themselves into STICKY Tobey Maguire lent to Spiderman. Bridget Wilson from a film? Well, to be frank... situations, Jim's dad is cool as But, unlike'Spiderman', 'The Hulk' 1 A decent script that includes ever, dispensing advice that no feels a little too serious. Humor is more than 'bro, 'sup, white boy, A film crew travels to the Austrian ono wants to hear. Expect more scarce. Director Ang Lee nigger'. 2. A cohesive plot that Alps near the (former) Yugoslav gross-out antics and sickly ('Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon') creates more of a narrative film border to film three extreme sports sweet moments - What's next - was determined to slay faithful to than a resemblance of a enthusiasts being chased down Middle Age Pie, when Jim Marvel's Hulk. His movie looks collector's summer car catalogue. by an avalanche for a commercial. decides to ditch Michelle for the great, but lacks real emotion. Nick 3 Less of O'Connor and Pearce What they don't know, however, is sexy secretary? rolling around in dirt 'roughing Nolte's melodramatic that they're filming near the secret each other up' in conquests of performance lessens the hideout of Slobodan Pavie, a deciding who has more emotional impact of the Serbian war criminal. ( Ahhhh. Of Gimme Gimme Gimme testosterone. 2F2F has relationship between Bruce and Course!) Accidentally catching Thanks to UIP we have a everything, but at the same lime his estranged father David. him on film, Ihey become locked in couple of double passes to nothing. A fast, action packed no Despite this complaint, I still a life-or-death chase through the see 'American Wedding'! All brainer film from Jon Singleton enjoyed 'The Hulk'. It is a faithful mountains that includes skiing, you have to do is contact the ('Baby Boy', 'Higher Learning'). adaptation, easy to walch, and snowboarding, sky diving, white Semper Office on 3377 2237 Definitely for those with a fetish for worth seeing on the big screen for water rafting, helicopters, before August 11! cars and women alike. its amazing CGI effects alone. motorcycles, and base {umping. Yep - the title gives much away - Shele Parker TaraThorne it's an 'extreme action' no brainer.

.UQ 44 union w 9 9 0 9 A T' Vour guide to current and upcoming flicks:

Chock Top Worthy Flicks 'The Dancer Upstairs' (Now also Out... Showing) - John Malkovich's

ACK TOGETHER FOR THE FIRST Ti:.!E AGAIN.

I'.'.f.V »;,•(•.t.-r.) 'The Real Cancun' - (Now Down With Love' - ( Aug 14) Showing) Want to know what Romantic Comedy starring REALLY goes on over spring Renee Zellweger and Ewan break in America. Uh? Could il directorial debut is a stunner set McGregor. I have a sneaking involve SGX, drink, drugs and 'A Mighty Wind* around a country amidst civil suspicion that there could be more debachrous behaviour? Directed- Christopher Guest unrest - a man becomes singing in this flick - (Ewan - besotted wilh his daughters This is a 'Big Brother' style v/here a bunch of didn't you learn anything from Starring - Christoper Guest dancing teacher. Starring Javier documentary students were picked and Moulin Rouge?) (and the rest of the 'Best In Bardem. Laura Morante. Show', 'Waiting for Guffman' monitored 24/7 to see what a little 'Fast Food'- (Aug 14) -Two rival crew) 'Charlies Angles - Full Throttle' 'hol-tubbin' and alcohol could do. Hmmm? I wonder? takeaway storeowners band When you're onto something - together to prevent an why change? Guest has made international fast-food chain from 'Russian Ark' - (Now another laugh a minute dry moving into their street. Starring Showing)- Directed by Alexander mocumentary about The Vince Colosimo and Rose Byrne. Folksmen', a bunch of college Sokurov, this is a 'documentary' about a contemporary film maker freshmen who played and sang 'Buffalo Soldiers' (Aug 21) - Set who magically finds himself in the their own brand of 'ecleclified folk' before the fall of the Berlin wall in Hermitage in St Petersburg back music in the 60's. The film picks 1989, this is the story of a in the 1700's. A beautifully shot up when they reunite after m.ore criminal drug culture among the flick - (done in one unbroken than two decades, when they play U.S Army soldiers. Starring camera shot!) is a moving work of at various folk festivals. Very silly, Joaquin Phoenix, Ed Harris and art that brings together three Very funny and clever...don't miss Anna Paquin. centuries of Russian history and this if you're a fan of Guests work. (Now Showing) - Tits and arse. European Art. Matrix special effects, movie rip- 'Bad Eggs' offs, bad acting, no plot, slow-mo Directed -Tony Marun hair flicks and more tits and arse. Starring - Mick Molloy, Bob Franklin, Judith Lucy and more

A comedy thriller - Ben Kinnear and Mike Paddock are undercover detectives with the Police Force's elite 'Zero Tolerance' Unit. When a freak 'View From the Top' - (Now 'The League of Extraordinary accident involving a dead Showing) - Gwyneth Paltrow, Gentlemen' - (Aug 28) - Sean magistrate lands them on the Christina Applegate and Mike Connery is back - but not Bond front page of the local paper, Ben Myers ham it up in a romantic James style -in this 19th Century and Mike are busted down lo comedy aboul a small town gal '25th Hour' (Now Showing) • action adventure also starring uniformed duties. But when Ben who dreams about becoming an Starring the very daring Edward Stuart Townnsend. discovers a strange link between air hostess. the accident and the business Norton, this is a flick aboul a man who has 25 hours before he goes 'The In Laws' - (Aug 28)- A affairs of a shady casino owner, 'Marie-Jo and Her Two Lovers'- to jail for a VERY long time. remake of the 1979 comedy the duo decide to rife out 'police (Now Showing) - Nominated for What's he going to do? Great flick where a father discovers right corruption'. Funny Aussie Jhe Golden Palm at the Cannes - you'll either love it or hate it! before his daughters wedding comedy with bile. Film Festival in 2002, the film is a that his in-laws are international moving portrait of a woman lorn 'Malibu's Most Wanted' (Now smugglers. Starring Michael Also Out- between her two lovers. Starring Showing) A white wannabe rap Douglas, Albert Brooks, Candice star who acts like he's 'from the Ariane Ascardie and Jean-Pierre Bergan. 'Bruce Almighty'- Starring Jim Darroussin. Carrey - who had slight credibilily hood' fights off two 'actors' hired after' The Truman Show' and lost by his disapproving politically ambitious father. 'Friday After Next' - (Aug 7) any scrimp of it with' The Grinch' Sequel to ' Next Friday' starhng and 'Me, fvlyself and Irene', 'Identity'- (July 31) - A horror/ Ice Cube, Mike Epps and K.D returns in a clever comedy. But Aubert. really, you see all the good bits on thriller starring John Cusack, Ray the previews. (Video Flick.) Liotla and Rebecca De Mornay -UQ A 11 g 11 s q" £ 9) 1 q^ 1 0 if union 45 Interuiew with Tony martin: Free Range Comedy -Fresh from the Ouum

Well I finally found the Conrad Treasury hotel and I walked In Sam: What is your favorite part in the movie without giving too feeling confident with a chorus of "I'm way under dressed" much away? looping In my head. I then proceeded to find the reception Tony: This will give a lot away but the scene just before the end desk that I eventually found with the help of a neatly dressed is definitely my favorite, where...(sorry I have to censor this part). hotel staff member. To cut a long story short I arrived at the •Courtroom' 20 minutes early, "What" now, what am I going to Sam: How did you happen to get into do? Have you ever wanted to sit down against a wall and go directing/writing/producing? to sleep but knew that that wouldn't be acceptable considering your surroundings? Tony: Since I was a kid I had this interest in making films and I just haven't lost it yet. It really was a move to Australia [from New Well the Conrad Treasury hotel is tha bomb..,the creme de la Zealand] that opened the doors to radio and directing for me. I had creme. So 20 minutes later I felt very leg>sore and nervous times- collected a number of different skills over the years in theater, 10 when my name was called. As I entered the 'Courtroom' or ritzy radio, sound [engineering], and storyboarding, which have all hall (as I now like to call it) my mind considered why I hadn't really helped me along the way I think the key. is persistence, i purchased a mini recorder in my 20-minute wait. "Dear God managed to get my foot in the door and I just went from there. please help me through this. Hang on do I believe in God?" That's for another article I think. It was at this time that I was introduced Sam: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? to Tony Martin by the wonderful Maggie, "Ta Maggie, thanks for the orange juice". Tony: [laughs] Rehab. It's hard to think that far ahead, 1 really would like to keep making movies however it really depends on Tony: Can you believe this place? how much people like them, and if I can get the money to make them. I financed 'Bad Eggs' myself but I don't think that I'll be able Sam: (He's talking to me) I was just thinking the same thing, it's to do that again. massive isn't it? Sam; And have you got any other works in progress at the Tony: I know. Obviously they haven't seen the movie yet. moment or any ideas for future films? (Sam gets out his note pad and pencil; what a dork.) Tony: I have a few ideas for films at the moment, which use Sam: You'll have to excuse me I'm going a bit ole' school. most of the actors in 'Bad Eggs'.

Tony: Yeah, i'm impressed. Sam: Thank you very much for that Tony

Sam: Ok. (Mental note- don't say 'ok' in that unprofessional Tony: Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed the film. manor again). Let's get started shall we? Ok (Damn it). First of all Sam: Now I have to find my way out of here. Should I leave my I would like to say that I really liked the movie, it was funny but it orange juice just sitting there? Should I wash it up? (Just run I had good serious story reckon, there's the door lets go). Tony: Thank you Sam Weston Sam: (Yes, he doesn't think that I'm an idiot). One thing that 1 have always wondered about is how comical elements are introduced into movies. How did you create the comical elements in 'Bad Eggs'? Did you have structured ideas on where you wanted the funny bits or did Mick Molloy Bob Franklin, and Judith Lucy add a lot of their own elements?

Tony: Firstly I can only really create a character if I know who is going to play that role, so I wrote the script specifically for each of Mick, Bob, Judith, and in fact everyone that you can see on the posters [Alan Brough, Bill Hunter, and Shaun Micallef]. The film is really just a serious police thriller combined with a comedy

Sam: Did you begin with an aim for 'Bad Eggs'? What did you want 'Bad Eggs' to achieve?

Tony: I wanted to keep people interested. I wanted the film to maintain a good story line that is scattered with comedy elements.

-UQ 4 b union •M 9 9. 0 9. A

Ben Cuthbert, the drummer coming together after Ben and Brisbane's Charles Foster chosen on their merits and ability from Thedayafter deserves a Danny Paice decided to have Kane have been kept busy in to contribute to our songwriting. coldie. He's all mud and grime another go at rock after their recent times, but I managed to How would you describe your after having finished work for band 'Asphalt' split. With a cou­ grab a hold of, Andrew sound? the day. Yep - Rock and Roll ple new additions (Peter Holloway, the groups affable That's always a hard question. Isn't glamorous ali the time you Murnane - guitar/keyboard and keyboardist/pianist and former You're always getting compared know! Sometimes it Involves a Tom Isaac on bass) the boys UQ student, to have a quick to other people up until the point front-end loader. really decided to 'go for it' and Kane-related chat and found where people know who you are. "I've just knocked off work. Yep, twelve months later they've out that it's all about the songs. 1 would say dark and light, con­ I've been driving Front End released their debut five track trast in the music: emotional So what have CFK been up to Loaders for 7 years. I iike it E.P, 'What's That Sound.' impact is something we hold the past few months? though - I've got air-conditioning "With a tight schedule of driving highly. Originality is also some­ We've been busy as all hell, and I listen to the radio. But I by day and rocking out by night - thing we try for as we tend not to really Recently we did an east don't think I look like a front-end Ben likes nothing more than to be too bothered by trends. The coast and Adelaide tour and just loader drive; I've got this mo- beat away on his drums - some­ old school rock at the moment played a lot of shows in a lot of hawk-mullet thing going. Oh, but thing he has had a passion for kind of makes us giggle. venues. Our second self-titled EP I am wearing a flannel." since he was a very young boy Suddenly there are a million was also put out with a sold-out Not one to whistle at the shorts "I used to practice drumming bands that sound like they've CD launch at the Healer. Triple J skirls passing by, Ben's got his after scnool and one day when I walked out of a garage and a has also picked up a couple of mind on other things whilst he's was drumming some guy year ago they were doing their the tunes off the new EP and working - nam.ely his band knocked on our door and said - own thing. The thing with our were continually writing new Thedayafter. 'Listen mate I heard you playing music is that nobody knows what and I think you sound like shit - songs too. "We decided lo keep it all one it is until we get out there and let me give you a lesson', and he What got you into music and word. We kind of came up wilh play it and they come and hear it. taught me this simple beat - got performing, and how did the the name after a big night out. Dane (singer) is not exactly a me started and then drove off. I band form? We iike to go out party a bit until shoe-gazer and his onstage atti­ never really saw him again. I I've been writing since 1 started we can roll over and chew each tude lends to polarize audiences, guess I have him to thank for on piano al about 10 years of others arms otf. We decided on A lot of people find that preten­ getting me started." age. Once you get a taste for it, the name - it just came to us tious and hard to deal with, but SHAM you get addicted to it. Dane and I and after September 11 it just fit. he's a great periormer with plen­ were in different bands in the It just sounded cool." ty to say mid-90s and one fateful evening With nu-wave rock bands a dime What do you think of the Thedayafter's 'Whats that both bands we were in, were on a dozen these days. Thedayafter Brisbane music scene? Noise sound' EP is currently the same bill. We had a meeting restrictions? are a littie different with their of minds basically, so we got available thru Automatic We suffered badly from noise melting pot of electronic rock together. After that we collected Distribution at your record restrictions. We used to play reg­ that's ready to burst onto the the rest of the members from store. ularly at the Press club and then rock scene. The band started other bands. Each person was all of a sudden they told us we

-UQ r 1 0 if A. 11 11 s q" £ £) union 47 music Releases and Interuletus The Secret Life of Gorgeous. Gorgeous Having started crowds very soon. the band in "We've got a 'live' Brisbane, the album coming out Gorgeous girls soon with a couple felt a move was new tracks included in order to get and we hope to do their creative as much touring as juices flowing - possible. Our fans couldn't play over 90dB. For a 5-piece band rather ambitious need not worry that's nearly impossible because I can when consider­ because we'll be speak louder than that. So a lot of the ven­ ing they only heading up ues that we made our mark in, we couldn't formed one year througout the year play The Valley was always the place where ago and in that whenever we can. I all this great original music was made and time have miss Brisbane surely the people who came and lived there released three sometimes - the should have known that there was a live aloums to datol crowds up there music scene. The scene in Brisbane seems Renown for their seem to be a lot far more diverse and vibrant than some of ability to tug, livelier. Brisbane is the other cities after louring the country twist and turn very chilled oul, the Sydney seems to have a lot of the same listeners heart crowds seem to bands. Like you could go out and see 5 dif­ strings, their really be able to got ferent bands who all sounded pretty similar. music is a com­ into the music So next for CFK? bination of lex- whereas Melbourne There will be another single out in August, lured lyrics, vari­ has a lot of cogni­ which at this stage is undecided. Triple J is ous instrumen­ tive thinking." still playing 'Breath' which we're very happy tation (guitar, SHAM about. Touring-wise, there are Brisbane violin, cello, piano accordion, bass, glocken­ Keep an eye out for the Gorgeous 'Live shows booked for July and we'll probably spiel and mandolin) and sonic vocals. Album' due out late this year and they head back down to Sydney in early August. With their new change of scenery, Fi regrets will also be playing @ Revitalize Aug 03. The main thing though, is that we're always to inform fans that the move lo f\/lelbourne trying to find more time for our main pas­ could be a permanent one - as the music sion, which is just the songwriting. hum down there has been working wonders David Tam for the girls. They've conjured up more songs than ever before and are radio dar­ The Secret Life of Gorgeous. lings with their 'DoDoDo Song', having been Having recently moved away from Brisbane, placed on Triple J national rotation. The girls the girls from Gorgeous (R Claus and Emma also decided to make; Do Do Do song' avail­ Heeney) are now residing in the nether regions able for free lo listen and download off their of Victoria in the rainy MISERABLE city of website - www.gorgeous-band.com Melboume. And why? So that they can mg up With a sound that's pretty hard to pin down, and write fabulous new music and entrap a cer­ Fi stresses that Gorgeous aren't your usual tain twisted lippet from 'The Secret Life of U^ . girly folk group. Em's a little obsessed wilh Samuel Johnson. "It's a bit-annoying really when someone We recently did an interview wilh Triple J hears acoustic guitar and they automatically and Caroline (Tram) asked us why we'd link our sound to folk music. Yeah, we've moved down and Em blurted out - 'Evan been linked to Tiddas and a lot of people from Secret Life of Us'. Em's hoping she'll also compare us to Ani Difranco. She has run into him one of these days." been a significant influence for me - but on Fi may be suffering from the cold - but her the other hand so has Bjork, and Em loves voice sounds as warm as toast on this win­ Crowded House, Frente and Bic Runger, try day She laughs at me when I say that I Actually, we helped out Peter Murry on his can't feel my toes ... support for her a while back and that was 'That's crazy! I can't believe that. It's like 13 amazing - we bolh really admire her and we degrees here and when we last came up to were lucky lo see her live." Brisbane people were walking around in T- Writing away furiously, Fi says Gorgeous shirts when it was 20 degrees - moaning have plans to return lo the lively Brisbane how cold il is. You don't know what cold is!"

-UQ 4S union •M 9 9 0 9 A T Interviews and Reviews

Music 'Statues' Moloko (FMR) Their fourth studio album is a snapper wilh fiery Latino rhythms that senses a change within the Moloko team. A mix of disco, pop and dark dance, the swinging 'Familiar feel­ ing' opens up the abum with lead singer Ros'n's delicate vocals and swiriing instru­ mental soundscapes. A sexy funk romp with 'Blow By Blow' and a beautiful heart-strung WE'RE LIVIN IN THE ...80's? love song 'Forever More' proves that the Genshen band have a wide variety of mediums and il Go along to any Genshen shows and (Brispop). Yet despite all this, Quentin moves into light as Air territory wilh 'Do you they'll rock your socks off with their believes they've got a long way to go. like my light Sweater'. impressive pop-rock guitar blend. Oh... 'The Brisbane scene is as difficult to net­ but don't call them rock! Hell no! The work as any other I think. I've been into the band (Quentin Brown -Vox, Guitar, Brissy scene since the late 80's but we did­ Synths, Sampler; Gillian Bright - Synths, n't start a band till the mid 90's. We've been 'Animatrix Soundtrack' Vox Sampler; Steven Smith - Bass, Keys; recording new tracks for a new CD due out Various Simon Pearlman - Drums) deny the hard- around August/September. Hopefully in the rocker label - preferring to liken their next couple of months it'll stari happening. music to a time that many would rather We're doing the Valley Fiesta and a couple forget. Yes - they're talking the 80s. more festivals. It's been really hard to bal­ "We're not an 80's theme band (Laughs). We ance our songs as we really feel the pres­ play basically pop-rock guitar synlh rock. I sure to (kowtow) the line. It kind of has limit­ remember Michael turned up one day wear­ ed us I think- we always want to do like 12 ing a Morrissey t-shirt and Steven was wear­ minute songs - but then have to cut them ing a Joy Division T-shiri and it just all fit! down to be 3-4 minute pop songs. I think We're all into Morrissey and The Cure and you really need to be trje lo your songs and Duran Duran.,.We've really got a mix of hopefully we'll eventually find a way to do (Warner/ Roadshow) influences and I think that gives us that new thai. I think that's the most important thing.' The prequel lo 'Matrix Reloaded' is a series wave feel. We're also into the 70s vintage of short films in the form of the unique gear. We've got (some equipment) that pre­ Sofia Ham Japanese genre of animated futurism known dates patents. (Laughs) We're pop - more as 'anime'. The soundtrack features music syncopated included with more pop while Catch Genshen when they that ties into the futuristic sounds and is by rock is simplistic guitar, bass and drums - play @ Revitalize 03 on far one of the best dance albums that I now we're more about groove not about abrasive August 1 alongside 28 Days, have in my collection, ll has a mixture of rock," Ouentin says. Six Ft Hick, and more. Tickets hard trance and new release dance with Genshen's profile has recently catapulted to $10.00 for UQUnion Layo & Bushwackal, Supreme Beings of the national recognition as a result of exten­ Members and $15.00 for all Leisure. Death in Vegas and Junkie XL. It's a sive television and radio exposure over the others. Available from the high-tech dance explosion that has consis­ past six to eight months, yet to the band - Main Refec durinqReunion tent grooves and has that strange effect of success hasn't really sunk in just yet. Week (28 July - August 1) making you grin from ear lo ear whilst dress­ Alongside their hit song 'Nothing Quite Like and at the Great Court on ing up like Neo and trying to fly through the This' having received huge airplay on Triple Market Day. air - or maybe that's just me. J, and their video clip having been screened More info, news and reviews SHAM on Channel V, MTV, Rage and Fly TV, on the band visit www.gen- they've also gained the illustrious reputation shen.net. of being 'one of the most exciting young Australian bands to see live' (Revolver Mag) 'St Anger' and., the "band to re-determine pop"

-UQ A 11 11 T' £ •V 1 T 1 0 if union 49 Interviews and Reviews Zephyr Timbre have carved oul Chimaira's second album a very respectable reputation on release on Roadrunner records the live scene, their presence follows the current trend of usually pulling a sizeable crowd. metal bands returning lo the On this new EP, they showcase "classic" metal of the late 80's their distinctive sound which and early 90's. Largely drum- melds hip hop, electro beats, driven, the album's almost con­ dub and soul into songs which stant double kick drumming can can set up a chilled mood and grow monotonous at limes, as then al the drop of a hat, morph can the lead vocals of Mark into a wicked dancing groove. Hunter. Although Hunter has (FMR) Metallica 'Blackbeal' has been picked up expanded his repertoire of (Vertigo/Universal) for heavy rotation on Triple J growls and screams since their I base this review around what I On first listening you can't help recently which is a testament to last album "Pass Oul Of would regard as the jewel in the but think 'what went wrong'? the quality of the tunes on offer Existence" he lends only lo crown of this album - the remix Well, what went right? Bassist here. 'Urban Solace' is a great, utilise these new voices on rare of INXS' 'One of My Kind'. In a Jason Newstead left the band, occasions. The high-pitched, laidback paean to the urban recent interviev; the Traders James Helfieid checked himself lifestyle, whilst 'Dormir' finds ZT wailing guitars are typically slated that they did not set out into rehab and producer Bob in a nearly Bjork mood. 'Spirit "classic" metal, and fans of the Rock essentially decided he did Level' lacks the punch and ener­ style will love the fast paced wilh the intention of remixing not want lo make any more gy of their live shows, but musi­ aggression of Chimaira's latest Michael Hutchence's vocals. slick, sounding records.The cally still manages to document effort, v/hich is brought to a However after laying down a result is an album wilh audible what Zephyr Timbre do so well. close nicely by a thirteen-minute foundation they'd been working Pro Tools edits, out of lime play­ instrumental epic. David Tam on for a while, they found that ing, out of key singing, crappy 'Dusk at Byron Bay' Ewan Love. the hanging man's voice was drum sounds and decidedly (Mixed by) Sharif Galal sub-par songs. The songs them­ what fit best over the top. (BMG) 'Hatefiles' selves lack the trademark Listening lo the track, you can Fear Factory Metallica punch, with light and see Rogue Traders' skill at its heavy guitars replaced by slop­ height, as even for one who py detuned riffing. If you like Metallica, avoid this like the knows the original track back­ plague. wards, there's no discernible line between the two. And as 'Poodlehat' far as the rest of the album Weird Al Yankovic goes, you never get the sense (Volcano/BMG) that it's resting on the INXS lau­ The perennially crazy (or crass, There seems to be a compilation rels. There is some innovative depending on how you view it) CD for everything these days Weird Al returns wilh another and the latest target is none content in play wilh a strong offering; 6 tracks of the parodies other than sunny Byron Bay This (Roadrunner Records) sensation of the Brit Rave tin­ that he's best known for and 6 double-disc set is done by Triple Tech-metal band Fear Factory's gling all over ils sweat dripping, original tracks. 'Couch Potato' is latest release, 'Hatefiles' is a J's Sharif Galal and is apparently fully dilated pupils. Very surpris­ a social commentary on compilation of remixes, b-sides a sonic representation of his own ing it hasn't saturated radio yet. America's obsession wilh televi­ experiences of the place and and rarities. Such compilations sion set to Eminem's 'Lose what he would "like to hear dur­ are often received skeptically Scott McDonald Yourself, whilst 'Ode to a ing sunset sitting on the grass seen as money making or con­ Superhero' sends up the over the cliffs". It features the tract breaking exercises. 'A Night Out With Vicious 'Spiderman' movie lo Ihe tune of 'Hatefiles' however, is a true usual assortment of lite-electro Grooves' Elton Johns 'Piano Man'. His labor of love. For the mega- tunes, chill out music, hip-hop A Selection of Australian own tunes don't really hold up and electro-jazz from such acts hardcore, three Gabber-style House Music Mixed by DJ quite as well musically, but Ihey as D'Angelo, Tosca, Rob mixes are included and accord­ do allow Weird Al to showcase Dougan, Ms Dynamite, ing to the booklet; Gabber is an John Course his lyrical skills. 'Bob' (inspired Nightmares on Wax, Death in extreme form of techno with (Festival Mushroom Records) 180-200 by Bob Dylan) is entirely con­ Vegas and St Germain. Overall, speeds ranging from What I enjoyed most aboul the structed of palindromes, whilst beats per minute. This makes it the selection wo;ks relatively well Vicious Grooves label sampler 'Party al the Leper Colony' is slightly harder lo bang your and would be suitable back­ was that it didn't venture too far loaded with excellent leper ground music for a dinner party head in lime wilh Raymond puns. Ben Folds plays piano on or something, but it's nothing 'machine gun" Herrera's double- away from its acidic roots. a track (Why Does This Always special. There are no real revela­ kick drumming, but il is fun try­ There is still the welcomed Happen to Me?) and Dweezil tions and the standout tracks are ing. wincing flavour of acid jazz Zappa also makes a guest really the out-there ones such souring up what would other­ appearance, but it's really not asKebMo's excellent piece of Tara Thome wise flail into midday movie enough lo save this album. acoustic slide guitar driven blues soundtrack territory While he can write some pretty 'Am I Wrong' and the Indian-fla­ funny lyrics, the joke wears thin vored Kid Loco tune 'Love Me Internationally regarded DJ after a few listens and becomes Sweet'. John Course sat at the helm in repetitive and irritating. David Tam mixing these together, and has 'Spirit Level' 'The Impossibility Of Reason' kept the background beats inter­ Zephyr Timbre •We Know What You're Up To' (Little Big Muslc/MRA) Chimaira esting enough to keep dancing (Roadrunner) Rogue Traders -UQ union n 9 £ 9. 0 9 91 T' Interviews and Reviews Deing said, it's pretty hard to produce an innovative album Revitalize - August 1, 5.30- with vocals, which manages to 11pm @ the f>]alural AmmotfrmH make a political statement about Amphitheatre & Red Room vaaiaaiomB right-wing politics and an age of (entry opp. Wordsmiths) $10, UQ terror - particularly after the sat­ Union members/Si 5 All Others uration of both points post- (presold); S14/S19 (on the door). September 11. Whether or not 28 Days, PeeWee Ferris, Six Fl the album succeeds in this Hick, Gorgeous, 2 Dogs, through the pain. However, I endeavour might best be left to Genshen, Ricemeisler, Chia, DJ found the last third of the album the listener. Bacon and Seven 8th's Torn. Scott McDonald lacking the legs to go the dis­ Party the beginning of 2nd tance. Maybe Course was try­ semester (exams, stress, panic, ing to bring me down gentle drams, more centrelink queues) when I wanted to just pop 'Dragonfly' in style! another and push on, or maybe Ziggy Marley he was just contract-bound to (BMG) Evan Dando- August 4 @ The mix some material he wasn't Zoo. Tickets from Ticketeck Blondie @ Festival Hall, August that enamoured with. Either 7. Very cool old skool - don't way the album's a coin loss - miss it. acceptable, though far from inspired. Macy Gray- @ Festival Hall, August 10. Tix available from the venue. Scott McDonald

Doubting Thomas - New Soul Breaks' Celebrating the launch of a Wicked Beat Sound System remember watching a Ziggy brand spanking new album - Marley concert on television Outlets, Skinry's, Rockinghorse/ August 20 @ The Alley years ago and writing him off as You'd be. daft to miss this one! another unimaginative son The Casanovas -@ The Zoo, cashing in on his father's muse. AFI-@ The Arena, August 6. August 22 to get what you The v;orld since Marley Snr has deserve! seen every kind of cone and repetitive Rasta rip-off until we JUST ANNOUNCED! were starting to believe that a serious stoning was too good Nada Surf @ The Zoo, (Roadshow Music/Sony) for the next one. Well, my September 5, Supported by For those of you who missed apologies Marley Jnr, as you Gersey and Treetops. the interview wilh W.B.S.S. last have produced a sound, which issue - 'New Soul Breaks' is the essentialises the reggae sound Ben Lee/Walkikl/Longwave - latest album from this Sydney - for the next millennium. I'm P@ The Tivoli, September 13. based groove band that dabbles actually even loath to use the r. Lou Reed - @ QPAC Concert in the jazz and fiddle with the word in this review (reggae, nol Hall, September 6th, Tix from funk. This being said, I found review). No more vamp ad nau­ Interpol @ The Zoo, August 6. www.qtix.com.au just a little too little of both of seum of a chord wilh free these key elements in the album rhythm - this album is melodic, Marilyn Manson - @ The - particularly when such capable the chord changes very easy on musicians are backing up the SFT51 the ear and Z.M. shines both groove. While I seriously dug JKIILS wilh his vocals and his array of the opening track, (reminiscent instruments. If you're into Jack of the Paul Mac production Johnson or Ben Harper, you'd sound) 1 was wailing for a fresh be tunnel-visioned tc pass this edge lo kick in - though maybe one up, as Ziggy Marley sounds more plays are still required. At as if he's had them bolh under Brisbane Entertainment Centre, best so far, I can appreciate the his wing for years. September 13. Tix-131931 and ambient quality of Damian Scott McDonald www.ticketeck.com Robinson's programming, Hot Hot Heat/The Kills ©The although the vocal work seemed Zoo, August 7. at limes a little distracting from Live Scene - what the album did well. This

-UQ 91 II g 11 S T* £) q-' 1 0 if union SI On a sunny summer afternoon, Michael Franti is sunning care. I'm just me! I like to be playful, so although my music at times himself in his studio after working on a new remix with his is very political I'm really a very playful person. I like lo play with my fellow Spearhead bandmates. Maybe you've heard his kids and play soccer and I do yoga everyday I like to joke around a powerful political tunes - more recently with the release of lot. At this point in my life I've learnt that I can only make myself Spearhead's album 'Everyone Deserves Music'. happy and I can't make other people happy I like to try to be of service to other people but ultimately there are some people that Featuring the single 'Bomb the World', radios around the globe you serve that will never find happiness or are happy wilh what you have been quick to program the lune onto play lists as it is a stirring do for them." anti-war tune with it's beautiful and true lyrics: 'You can bomb the world into pieces, but you can't bomb it into peace. Talking to a very Franti says that he's always had music in his life with it providing chilled out Franti (who seems to be VERY at peace with himself and spiritual shelter for him at difficult times in his life. He first came to the world). I'm quite taken back by his soothing mellowed-out voice, realise this as a student at University one which normally booms out loud and proud messages dissing political corruption and greed though reggae/funk/soul music "I've always loved music from when I was a kid because music v/as something that always helped me through the difficult times in life. "I don't know what people think of me and I don't know if I really I've always been inspired by artist who could do that and raise my -UQ union s £ IA 9 9 0 9 A 7' spirits when I felt down and so I've always had that as a goal in people who listen to our music and so when we go places they are mind- in terms of making music. Everyone in my house when I was always very respectable. It's funny! We've never gotten a lot of growing up played music. It's strange, but I was the only one who airplay on commercial radio. We've always been played a lot on never took music lessons. I started playing the bass guitar when 1 college radio and underground and community radios but 'Bomb was 19 and when I was at uni I wanted to become a radio DJ but I The World' has received some commercial airplay. We've been never ended up studying. I started writing my first lyrics when I was really surprised by that it's been a song of inspiration to a lot of at uni. II must have been back in 1985 when I was around 20 or 21. people who have been in opposition lo war - not only in America but But I ended up not finishing uni cause at the time 1 thought I was also around the world. We get some hate mail and comments now too smart for school. Then I got out and i realised I was too dumb and then. We recently had a situation where some military for the real world... so I decided to start a band. I'm happy when I investigators appeared at one of our band member's homes and feel like I can do something for someone else. It's through the were asking a lot of questions about us. It was quite alarming the practise of Altruism that I find joy I do that... I try to be a service amount of information they had on our group - they had pictures both for my family and my friends and on a larger level... the and information documenting our performances al various political planet." demonstrations and protests."

Humble, peaceful and generous to his fans, Franti Is on a life-long Not discouraged by this badgering, Franti says Spearhead were quest to bring music to the world and to enlighten and enrich more determined than ever to get their message across people's worlds through his moving lyrical poetry "No way were we discouraged. It's frightening, sure and it's "My motivation is to serve people. I see music as my way of being something that we've all had to sit down and talk about with our of service to other people and I get a lot out of that feeling of helping manager, but it's also something that has made us a more other people. For the new album, the music was written with committed to what we do. We organise a festival called 'Power to acoustic guitar so every song was written to be performed live. In the People' which has always been held on September 11 for the the past I've wrote always songs from the beat, but this time, I've last four or five years. We chose that date because '911' is the really used the melody as a base and it's made a significant emergency number you dial in America. After the attack on the different to the music. It's more about the melody that the just World Trade Centre, we decided to keep with the dale. I think that groove. I want people to put on my music when they feel like they it's important to remember that moment in time and to realise that have to deal with difficult situations in their life. You know, I want there is a better alternative to peace - rather than violence and war. people to get up in the morning and say 'God I've got lo clean my Instead of people going out and saying 'Hey let's kill everyone who toilet - but yeah, I'll put on Michael on!' Yeah, (laughs), music to might potentially harm us.' I feel that il would be more just for us to clean toilets to. No, we want to inspire people, but we also want examine what are the reasons behind social unrest. Why did people people to go away from the music feeling hopeful and not cynical - attack the world trade centre? Is il because it's a centre of corporate really uplifted". control? And on that note - why did they attack the Pentagon? Is if because it's the centre of the US military? And why might the White "You can always bring out emotions that are already inside people. House be al threat? Because it's the centre of US foreign policy? Sometimes that emotion of rage comes out in ways that are Until we look at what the corporate world and the military and harmful, but we want to do it in a safe way with music. People who foreign policy are doing to other nations we will never really begin are pissed off with the war and other issues, we want to give those to understand how to make the world a more peaceful and loving people a voice through our music. I think it's really important to stir place. I think we need to take (September 11, 01) that day and just up the sediments that are in our soul and dig people up sometimes. turn it around instead of saying lets go and kill people', v/e should I draw my inspiration always from the heart and whatever is in my be saying let's examine the reasons. To my opposition - tell them I heat, it inspires me," love themi I just don't know any other away to approach them. I figure that if I try to approach each situation from a compassionate Franti is currently planning a trip out to Australia in August - to a perspective then I grow from it and (my opposition) grow from it as place he almost calls his second home. well. You're already someone to begin with when you make your music and you shouldn't have to change who you are for the sake "This will be our 6th time over the last two years. I love Australia. of other people. You don't have to listen to record labels or what is The Australian people are really connected to music that serves fashionable...to make great music. The more that you invest of their soul that's why you see like Ben Harper and John Butler and yourself and immerse yourself in music...the more rewarding it will Jack Johnson doing so well. We also just love your weather -1 love be whether it pays off financially or spiritually We're going to to get into the water and surf." continue to do what we do and hopefully tour countries that we've never been able to play to before." Having achieved a strong fan base throughout the world, with Spearheads tickets normally selling out prior to their concerts, SHAM Franti loves his fans and appreciates the consideration and respect that they show towards him and the band. Michael Franti and Spearhead play in what looks to be the final Festival Hall gig August 9 and are supported by Brissie "Well, we have a really nice dose of fame in that we go places and funkadelics - Zephyr Timbre. Tickets still available!!! people say 'Hey it's nice to meet you. We appreciate what you do.' Luckily we don't have paparazzi trying to point cameras up every orifice of our bodies, and so we have a very nice loving group of

-UQ A 11 11 q' £ 9) r 1 0 if union -^^ Ils size. forced at gunpoint to write the Ils staggering beauty. great novel of liberation for a Its proximity lo Europe. country under a totalitarian Fifty-five TV channels, none of regime. The novel treads a which are dubbed. razor's edge, at times gooses- Getting around the place on tepping between 1984 and a bicycles and bicycle paths. 'From Nothing to Zero' Woomera detention centre, and 5 things you hate about Lonely Planet publication is reminiscent of Vonnegut's Amsterdam Preface and chapter introduc­ tales of great men who are The weather tion by Julian Burnside QC essentially pathetic. A whimsi­ twwiwM^* The food. 'From Nothing to Zero' is a com­ cal journey into the dark heart The over-crowdedness (it's the pelling collection of letters from of government repression, this most densely populated cily in Australia's asylum seekers, it is book lingers in the mind long the world. Or shockingly easy to forget these after being read. More like in Europe. I can't remember powerless people, detained in Joseph Heller than Margaret which). our desert. This extremely mov­ Atwood for originality, 'The The cost of living. ing book attempts, simply to Tyrant's Novel' sits deservedly The weather and the food. give a voice to the voiceless. on the dystopian shelf beside Met anybody else famous The asylum seeking contribu­ Ray Bradbury Aldous Huxley yet? tors, all in pain, are also painful­ William Gibson and Anthony I was waved at personally - by ly articulate. Their stories and Burgess. Bill Clinton outside a Starbucks concerns are universal. They do 'My Dam Life' in New York last July That's it. not understand why they are in Shaun Condon mandatory detention; in some ANO. orriioi.ri, And that's probably gonna be .A BURNING Lonely Planet the fame-highlight of my life. cases for more than three years BUSH This book is a lot of fun and left Unfortunately their only crime was fleeing a me rather impressed and Advice to student travelers? criminal regime. In Australia, depressed - saddened at the If you like where you end up rather than freedom, they have fact I had not managed to meet and want to stay there, marry a found another criminal govern­ the many characters that Sean local. Things will be much easier ment that ignores international has - Danii Minogue, Roger for you. refugee sanctions. These asy­ 'And, Moore, Monica Lewinski and SHAM lum seekers, including children, Behold, A Burning Bush' Roman Polanski. Who would are dehumanized and kept in by Bill Priest. have thought that a simple relo­ prison-like centers. Prison would Seaview Press cation from Australia to be better, many say because at The biggest question I had Amsterdam could prove to be least they would have a fixed about this text was "What is it so beneficial? Shaun has huge­ sentence. From Nothing to Zero trying lo achieve?" The text is ly funny commentaries of his life documents a shameful time in the brainchild of an Australian, and excuses for nol finding work our history and is a very worthy raised in a Methodist parsonage - describing the many crazy purchase; all profits f! room its but who has since turned away characters he meets along the Gimme Gimme Gimme sale will be donated to the from the faith without losing any way We managed to score an Thanks to the roaming ram­ Refugee and Immigration Legal of the interest in 'The Bible' as a interview wilh Sean and this is blers @ Lonely Planet publi­ Centre, and the Asylum Seeker damning good read. Yet consid­ what he had to say: cations we've got a BUMPER Resource Centre, Footscray ering the text runs way in Sean Condon Book pack to TaraThorne. excess of 400 pages, ils pur­ What inspired you to write give away. Consisting of the pose never truly seems clear It about Amsterdam? very humorous 'My Dam Life' 'The Tyrant's Novel' has a range of question-answer The truth is that my greatest of tales of Amsterdam living by Tom Keneally type trivia about both the Old inspiration came from the con­ dramas; 'Sean and David's Doubleday and New Testaments which at a tract I'd signed wilh Lonely Long Drive' a Thelma and Since receiving the Miles glance look like they may have Planet before I left Melbourne, Louise type tale...but all man; Franklin Award in 1968 for just enough titillation to spice up which obliged me to give them a and 'Drive thru America', - 'Three Cheers for the Paraclete', a cucumber sandwich with the book about my experiences where a road adventure Keneally has been the con­ vicar over afternoon tea, but here. Aside from contractual almost ends up In a jai! cell. science of Australia's literary fic­ then it looks as if the author has obligations, I wanted to convey Sean has a very funny way of tion. His steadfast refusal to - added on a series of extra exactly what it was like trying to relating his travel adventures unlike his antithesis Bryce material that he got sick of turn­ live semi-legatly in another and you won't be disappoint­ Courtney - sacrifice the big ing into Eddie McGuire's play­ ed with the exciting predica­ country - none of that 'Almost issues for entertainment value things. I have to say il is in the ments he seems to always French' idealistic romantic bull­ has made him one of the most extra material that Priest (what shit. And, to my great cost (in get Into. To win this FAB prize unread of Australia's great nov­ a convenient name) has done Ihal my book has sold far less all you have to do is send an elists. This latest offering, pro­ his research. A handy addition well than 'Almost French'), I email to semper.union ©mail­ claimed by a bemused Keneally to a biblical scholar's library but think I succeeded. box.uq.edu.au with the head­ as the best thing he has ever I would hesitate to call it a must- 5 things you love about ing - Book Comp! Good written, tells the story of a cele­ read. Scott McDonald Amsterdam? Luck. Comp ends August 12. brated writer imprisoned and

-UQ 54 union £ •M 9 £ 9 0 9 A r ART Ideas-©The Brisbane entry fees and offers free freight­ Otherworlds: Images of Powerhouse. This euent aims to ing. Further information and entry fantasy and Fiction -features promote public debate, engagement forms: Flying Arts - 3853 3271 or the uForks of such artists as Brett with ideas and robust discussion - email: info(§)flgingarts.org.au/ Ulhiteley and Vues Tanguy who use It comprises four major euents ouer www.flyingarts.org.au the fragmentary nature of dreams, August 14-17: Ideas speakers, The uisions and altered minds to pro­ ideas bazaar, Ideas online and Kids State Library of Qld Young duce their uiorhs. @) QCH Gallery Ideas. For further information Writers Award-The search is contact: 3403 8888 or uisit underway for this year's award- www.ideasatthepowerhouse.com.ai Wearable firt-Explores the winning story in the State Library notion of personal performance and of Queensland's annual Voung the connection between theatre and Lano and Uloodley-in'Bruiser' Uiriters Award competition. Uiith a - fl story of pride, faith and pretty fashion. Shotting @ Tony Gould Pierre Bonnard: Obserulng cash prize of 32,000 the comp is Gallery, QPflC from may 27 - Oct bad shadow puppetry @ The natures - Explores the work of open to Queensland residents aged n, from 10am-4pm. Brisbane Powerhouse from August French Pinter Bonnard featuring 18-25 years. Closes August 15. Free admission. 5-10. Bookings: Powerhouse Box more than 120 paintings, drawings, Entry forms and conditions of entry Office: 3358 8600 or www.brls- prints and photographs. Showing (o) are auailable on banepowerhouse.org Qld Art Gallery from July 4- www.slq.qld.gou.au/whatson/ywa September 28. or by phoning 3840 7784. free flicks (5) The State Library- Films in Conuersation -' Beau Uanguard Literary Comp- Trauali'August! 7,2pm; Theatre-music Short story competition - 1st Place 'Atanarjual: 'The Fast Runner', $3,500 + publication - Bonus flugust 24,2pm,' Deluge', August X-Stacy - Family and friends try LiterARTureAward:$500.Top5 30 2pm; 'The American Friend' to cope with a drug-related death. stories published in Special Hugust 31, 2pm Included multimedia work by DJ Competitions Issue of UQ Uanguard. Erther and design company 100 (9) Deadline September 1. For condi­ flrchltects of Glamour + The Annual International Ball Dash Theatre, 220 Brunswick St, tions and Entry form uisit: masters of Style - Excerpts [l-ball)-Held at the Brisbane and Fortitude Ualley until August www.emsah.uq.edu.au/uquanguard from a Century of Fashion Conuention Centre on the Friday, 16. Bookings: 3257 3000. Photography from June 28 to Hugust 15 ® 6.30pm, with the cel­ Don Giouanni- (Tiozart's tale of OzeCulture-3rd annua! September 7 (9) QUT Cultural ebrations continuing the next night romance and tragedy about Don OzeCuUure conference focuses on Precinct, Art ffluseum. [16th August] at the Recouery Juan u;il( be performed by Opera opportunities created by Internet Ph: 3864 5370. dance party. The ball plays host to Queensland @ Conseruatorlum and Digital media for the produc­ ouer 1000 guests from tertiary Theatre, South Bank until August 2. tion, presentation and distribution institutions across South-East Tourists - ft show by Hannah Bookings: 136 246. of cultural material. (^ Brisbane Gatland and Jo Laboo. Opening Queensland and this year will Powerhouse from July 30-31. mght August 2 @ Gallery n Go Go, engage them In a masquerade and Information: www.Ozeculture.com 53 Commercial Rd, lleuistead, with ^:^0> cultural themed euening. For more or 1800 065 754. a performance by Polyto?

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