Table of Contents:
Content: Page: Staff Interviews 1-3
School News 4-6
World News 7-14
Entertainment 15-17
Science 18-19
Food 20-21
Jokes 22-25
Comic Strips 26-29
Contest WINNERS 30
Contributing Authors 31 Saber Stories by Jackson Shatek SHAKOPEE’S FAVORITE NEWSPAPER - Since 2017
An interview with Mr. Nasiatka What do you think about our lockers? They are on the small side.
What is your favorite subject besides band? Math
Should passing time be longer? No, it’s too long already.
How often should we have gym and music? I decided to interview Mr. Both should be everyday. Nasiatka to ask some questions about the school Do you think we should and his life. have recess? There should be a time to have fun but not necessarily recess.
Should lunch be longer? Yes
Why did you become a teacher? I love working with kids. 1 Saber Stories
by Greta, Jackson, Ella, SHAKOPEE’S FAVORITE NEWSPAPER - Since 2017 Rees, John, and Nia
An interview with Mrs.Gonyea What’s your favorite thing about being a teacher? The kids!
What’s your favorite thing about working with kids? I love it when the students really start thinking, and suddenly, they get the big picture. They realize that they’re smart.
Where did you go to college? I attended St. Catherine and St. If you’re on the Voyager team, you Mary’s University. know our awesome social studies teacher, Mrs.Gonyea. Even if you Do you think that passing time don’t know her, she’s an amazing should be any shorter or teacher! We asked her ten longer? interview questions for this edition I think it’s pretty good as it is. of Saber Stories. Enjoy! What’s your favorite school Why did you want to become a lunch? teacher? One of my favorites is Italian I decided to be a teacher when I Dunkers. was in 4th grade because I really wanted to write on the chalkboard. What’s your least favorite
school lunch? What is your favorite unit to I will not eat the hot dog. teach?
It’s hard to think of all the units we What’s your favorite book? go through over the year, but for The Last Full Measure - It’s a now, I’d say the World War Two book about the Civil War. unit. 2 Saber Stories
by Greta, Jackson, Ella, SHAKOPEE’S FAVORITE NEWSPAPER - Since 2017 Rees, John, and Nia
An interview with Mrs.Underwood What’s your favorite thing about working with kids? Expressions on kids’ faces when they have the “aha moment” and finally understand the concept
Where did you go to college? I went to a lot of places! Just to name one, I hit my undergraduate degree at St. Benedict.
Do you think passing time should be any shorter or longer? I think it’s perfect how it is. You have The Voyager’s awesome math time to get from class to class, and teacher, Mrs.Underwood answered maybe stop at your locker and use the bathroom. ten questions about being a teacher and working at Pearson. Do you think we should have bigger lockers? Why did you want to become a Yes! teacher? I was inspired by my 6th grade What’s your favorite school lunch? teacher. Well, I don’t really eat school lunch often but probably haystackers. What is your favorite unit to teach? What’s your least favorite school Solving equations or Geometry lunch? Hot dog
What’s your favorite thing about What’s your favorite book that being a teacher? you’ve ever read? Building relationships with students Eternal on the Water and making school a good, safe place to be 3 Saber Stories
by Greta Caliri SHAKOPEE’S FAVORITE NEWSPAPER - Since 2017
The importance of breakfast Have you ever heard the phrase, Sciencedirect.com states that, “Breakfast is the most important “Indeed, the failure to eat (a meal of the day?” Well, it’s well-balanced) breakfast has proven that this statement is been documented to have a true! Breakfast is the first thing deleterious impact on cognitive you eat in the morning and fuels performance, with the academic you the whole day. As rush.edu performance of school-aged puts it, “When you eat breakfast, children being the focus of much you're telling your body that of the research in this area.” there are plenty of calories to be This means that your school had for the day. When you skip work can also be affected. breakfast, the message your Eating breakfast could be the body gets is that it needs to difference between a failing conserve rather than burn any grade and a passing grade. I incoming calories.” So basically, mean, we all love food, why if you skip breakfast, your body would you skip it in the morning thinks that you don’t have any and have all these things food, and conserves you calories happen to you? To sum up, rather than burning them off. breakfast really is important, so This is not healthy and can why skip it and keep yourself cause you to be tired and angry from being healthy? throughout the day.
Healthy Breakfast Ideas: -A whole wheat english muffin with peanut butter -A berry smoothie with greek yogurt -Cheerios with banana slices on top -Fruit -Toast with avocado/other healthy toppings -Oatmeal -Scrambled or hard boiled eggs -Yogurt with fruit and granola 4 Saber Stories
by Jackson Shatek SHAKOPEE’S FAVORITE NEWSPAPER - Since 2017
School lunches Gym
In my opinion, gym every day would be cool, but I personally like the AB rotation days. To my surprise, a lot of kids said they would want gym everyday. However, another question surfaced. If we were to have gym everyday, when would we have music? Would anyone be willing to give-up music for daily gym? Even though music I asked a handful of teachers production is daily, participants and students what their only have gym for half of the favorite school lunch was and school year. In my opinion, I here were the results. don't like this arrangement in the schedule. What do you italian dunkers = 25 think? salad = 10 turkey gravy = 10 orange chicken = 5 cheese tortellini = 5 teriyaki chicken = 5 chicken alfredo = 5 chicken tenders = 5
In conclusion, italian dunkers are Pearson’s favorite lunch. 5 Saber Stories by Addie Besser SHAKOPEE’S FAVORITE NEWSPAPER - Since 2017
Top ten book recommendations
1. One for the Murphys by Lynda Mullaly Hunt
2. Stargirl by Jerry Spinelli
3. When You Reach Me by Rebecca Stead
4. The Phantom Tollbooth by Norton Juster
5. The Giver by Lois Lowry
6. Hatchet by Gary Paulsen
7. A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L’Engle
8. Wonder by R.J Palacio
9. Island of the Blue Dolphins by Scott O’Dell
10. Out of my Mind by Sharon M. Draper
6 Saber Stories
by: Samara A SHAKOPEE’S FAVORITE NEWSPAPER - Since 2017
New Year’s Resolutions
New Year’s resolutions are hard to follow through with. People are rarely able to keep their resolutions. No matter how hard they try or how much they remind themself, they are still challenged. People say, “I’m going to eat better. I’m going to be more organized,” yet it rarely happens. Here are some ways to help keep your resolutions throughout 2018. It’s never too late to start! ● Make sure that your resolution is actually doable.
● Tell people like your family or friends, so they can help hold you accountable.
● Every month that you remember to do your resolution reward yourself. ● Take it step by step.
● Don't have too many resolutions. 7 Saber Stories by Ellie Hall SHAKOPEE’S FAVORITE NEWSPAPER - Since 2017
Making New Year’s resolutions?
New Year’s resolutions are made because people want to improve life in the coming year. People make resolutions in many ways: some make promises to others, some to crowds, and others don’t tell anyone. Although there are different ways to achieve various goals, for many it is hard to achieve, and they are happy when they do. For example, if you feel like the first cat in the picture below, then your resolution might be to be more fit, like the cat on the right. There are plenty of ways to improve. A resolution can include trying to get rid of a habit, so get your family on board and make change (even after the New Year).
Before After
8 Saber Stories
by Lilly Hewitt SHAKOPEE’S FAVORITE NEWSPAPER - Since 2017
Is January the worst month of the year or the best?
Okay, so here is my opinion. January 5. Everyone’s holiday gifts are reaching is the most boring part of the year. the point where they just get… boring. Yeah, it can be fun playing in the snow and all, but to be honest, we live in the 6. Everyone’s going to the gym and stuff tundra arctic known as Minnesota. For for their New Year’s Resolutions. We all you naysayers, I’m going to prove don’t have to work out if we don’t want to, why I’m right… and well… why you’re right? wrong. January is the WORST month ever. So here we go… 7. Going back to school. After winter break, you can’t focus as well. Everyone 1. There’s not a holiday. New Year’s who’s ever been a kid knows that! Day, sure, but, what’s next to look forward to other than your birthday, 8. January honestly feels like the longest January people? month of the year. Sorry Capricorns and Aquarius. 2. We all know half the year in Minnesota is cold, but January is the 9. Everyone’s grumpy they won’t see their windiest, coldest, and the worst snow family for another year. You can’t live with month. them; you can’t live without them.
3. Let’s be real. January. Is. Oh, and here is one reason why Depressing. Everyone's just getting January might be the best month: over the holiday buzz and is exhausted. 10. This month is targeted on one thing. Everyone drinks after they play in the 4. New Year's Resolutions. If you freezing snow, come home from school or want to improve yourself, you can work, and just because it’s soooo good! LITERALLY do that any day of the HOT CHOCOLATE. There. That’s the year and not put it off until that one only reason why January is here in the day. first place. One more month of hot cocoa.
9 Saber Stories
by Nia Odhiambo SHAKOPEE’S FAVORITE NEWSPAPER - Since 2017
You won’t believe it 1. The longest time between two twins being born is 87 days. 2. In 2007, an American man named Corey Taylor tried to fake his own death in order to get out of his cell phone contract without paying a fee. It didn't work. 3. In 1923, jockey Frank Hayes won a race at Belmont Park in New York despite being dead — he suffered a heart attack mid-race, but his body stayed in the saddle until his horse crossed the line for a 20–1. 4. Light doesn't necessarily travel at the speed of light. The slowest we've ever recorded light moving at is 38 mph. 5. The northern leopard frog swallows its prey using its eyes. It uses them to help push food down its throat by retracting them into its head. 6. The first man to urinate on the moon was Buzz Aldrin, shortly after stepping onto the lunar surface. 7. In 1567, the man said to have the longest beard in the world died after he tripped over his beard running away from a fire. 8. The top of the Eiffel Tower leans away from the sun, as the metal facing the sun heats up and expands. It can move as much as 7 inches. 9. A U.S. park ranger named Roy C. Sullivan held the record for being struck by lightning the most times, having been struck — and surviving — seven times between 1942 and 1977. He died of a self-inflicted gunshot in 1983. 10 Saber Stories by Brynn Leary SHAKOPEE’S FAVORITE NEWSPAPER - Since 2017
Shelter told to put This is Clyde with his tumor before the surgery. down dog with a 6 pound tumor, why they refused
Clyde is a one-year-old dog with a 6 pound tumor on his chest. His owners told the workers at the Kentucky animal shelter to put him down, but they refused to do it. They saw that he was a young dog with lots of love and energy left, and that This is him afterwards in recovery. he wasn’t ready to be put down. They sent him over to Hart Animal Rescue in Cincinnati, Ohio who were happy to take him in, and he had a new home in 4 hours. The next day, they sent him over to County Animal Hospital to have surgery. They took off a 12 inch long tumor that weighed over 6 pounds. Because of its weight, all he could do was drag it on the ground, and because of that, it was ruptured and bloody. Otherwise, he was a perfectly healthy dog. His 2 hour surgery was successful, and he is now on his way to recovery.
11 Saber Stories by Brynn Leary SHAKOPEE’S FAVORITE NEWSPAPER - Since 2017
4 year old girl donates piggy bank money to police officer with cancer
Instead of saving it for the toy she wanted, Sidney Fahrenbruch decided to donate her piggy bank money to help Kyle Zulauf a police officer battling cancer. Kyle has been battling cancer for about 1 ½ years.The police station was working on collecting donations when this little girl stepped in. When questioned, Sidney said it was an easy decision to donate her piggy bank because “It’s the right thing to do,” she said. Her mother said Sidney has had a fascination with police for a long time, and it started when she saw a police directing traffic. She thought, “He looks thirsty.” Then, she went and gave him a water bottle. Now, she visits the police station about once a week and sometimes brings treats like candy and cookies. Now, because of her kindness, she was immediately recognized as a funding poster. for Kyle Zulauf. Hopefully, we can all do something like Sidney did and take a stand in helping others.
This is a picture of Sidney and Kyle, both in their uniforms.
12 Saber Stories
by Nia Odhiambo SHAKOPEE’S FAVORITE NEWSPAPER - Since 2017
The fat thief stepping stool digging through the cabinets and in the trash like it was a buffet. Her husband tried to chase the fat squirrel to see where it was hoarding all the treats, but it made a clean getaway.
The family tried a different way to keep the squirrel out of the chocolate. They began storing chocolate in jars. Michele Boudreaux’s Since squirrels don’t have candy store has been thumbs, this would surely stop having less and less candy them. It didn’t. The sneaky each day, so it was her job squirrel started taking other to find out who the thief things. was. She put cameras around the place. She The candy store definitely has found out that the thief was a thief, and they can’t catch stealing the priciest candy, him. What should they do the delicious Ghirardelli next? Will the sneaky, plump chocolate. squirrel continue to get away with this? What will happen to When they saw the video the candy store if this recording, they saw an continues? overweight critter standing on their 13 Saber Stories by Brynn Leary SHAKOPEE’S FAVORITE NEWSPAPER - Since 2017
Chicago circus now Recent birthdays of has rescue dogs famous singers, instead of lions actors, hosts, etc.
The Chicago circus now rescues pit 1. Howie Mandel, November 29th, turning bulls to perform instead of the usual 62, judge on AGT circus animals. They are also 2. Laura Marano, November 29th, turning changing minds about this sweet 22, Ally on Austin and Ally and plays Monica on Bad Hair Day dog breed that some people still 3. Emily Skinner, November 30th, turning 15, think are mean and aggressive. plays Amber on Andi Mack These dogs are also raising money 4. Britney Spears, December 2nd, turning to support local parks in their area, 36, singer 5. Tyra Banks, December 4th, turning 44, and now they are raising money for host on AGT relief efforts in Puerto Rico. The 6. Walt Disney, December 5th, would be Chicago circus has given about 116 7. Ava Kolker, December 5th, turning 11, $1500 to the Red Cross for known as Ava on Girl Meets World hurricane Maria relief efforts, so 8. Anthony Martial, December 5th, turning next time you are in Chicago make 22, soccer player for M.U. sure you find time to see the 9. Stefanie Scott, December 6th, turning 21, plays Kimber in Jem and the Holograms Chicago circus 10. AnnaSophia Robb, December 8th, turning 24, acted in Bridge to Terabithia, Soul They say this is one of Rosie’s Surfer, and Because of Winn Dixie signature tricks, jumping through an 11. Lori Greiner, December 9th, turning 48, entrepreneur and a shark on Shark Tank even smaller hoop. 12. Raven-Symoné, December 10th, turning 32, actress on That’s so Raven and On Raven’s Home 13. Hailee Steinfeld, December 11th, turning 21, actress on True Grit and age of 17, has also been in a few Disney shows. 14. Skyler Katz, December 12th, turning 13, contestant on AGT for her rapping and plays Tess on Raven’s Home 15. Taylor Swift, December 13th, turning 28, pop singer 16. Joshua Rush, December 14th, turning 16, 14 plays Sirius in Andi Mack Saber Stories
by: Samara A SHAKOPEE’S FAVORITE NEWSPAPER - Since 2017
Facts about Olympian Simone Biles
● American gymnast ● Won 19 olympic & world championship medals ● Title of best gymnast in the world ● Same coach since she was eight ● Stands 4 foot-8, the shortest of all 555 Olympians at Rio de Janeiro ● Adopted at a very young age ● Homeschooled so she could train more ● Owns four German Shepherds ● Partnered with Sasha Farber in Dancing with the Stars in the summer of last year ● Loves pizza ● Same birthday as Albert Einstein and Steph Curry
15 Saber Stories
by Nicole Maenke SHAKOPEE’S FAVORITE NEWSPAPER -Since 2017
Lynx: Regaining glory
After a hard battle throughout the 2017 WNBA finals, the Minnesota Lynx, arguably the best WNBA team in the last decade, finally came out victorious. This win being their fourth championship title win in the last seven years puts them in the record books. As of Wednesday, October 4 2017, the Minnesota Lynx are the first WNBA team to win four championship titles in the entire history of the WNBA. The Lynx championship titles were won in 2011, 2013, 2015, and finally 2017. After taking a brutal loss to the LA Sparks the year before, hearing that they would be their competitor in the finals again brought hope of redemption in the Lynx players’ eyes. Star, Lynx point guard Lindsay Whalen stated, “Yeah, it’s great playing them again; I don’t think we showed our true team last year, so fans don’t need to worry. The only people who need to worry are them Sparks!”
16 Saber Stories
by Lion SHAKOPEE’S FAVORITE NEWSPAPER - Since 2017
Top Kid Movies Greek of 2017 Mythology
According to Timeout.com
#1 Wonder Woman #2 Cars 3 #3 Despicable Me 3 A Cerberus is a #4 Captain Underpants: The three-headed-dog that First Epic Movie gates off the underworld. #5 Leap Often called the “hounds #6 The Emoji Movie of Hades.” They stop the #7 The Nut Job Two: Nutty dead from leaving the By Nature underworld. You can find one in Harry Potter. #8 My Little Pony: The Hagrid keeps one, and Movie his name is Fluffy. If you #9 The LEGO Ninjago Movie haven’t already, check #10 Coco out the movie! 17 Saber Stories by Brynn Leary SHAKOPEE’S FAVORITE NEWSPAPER - Since 2017
9 strangest animals on Earth
1. Glowing sea turtle - that’s right this sea turtle actually glows. Crazy right? I mean how weird would it be if you’re swimming at night, and all of the sudden you see something glowing in the water. It’s a sea turtle! What would you do?
2. Pangolin - what do you think this animal looks like? It kind of looks like an armadillo and an anteater had a baby. Yep, it looks like they had a baby, and it kind of acts like one too. With a long tongue used for licking up termites and other insects and a hard protective shell, you could think it was a mix.
3. Diane’s bare-hearted glass frog - Now this amphibian isn’t made of glass; it’s stomach just looks like it. With a see-through stomach, you can see all of this guy's internal organs.
4. Axolotl, also known as a Mexican walking fish - Some people say it looks like a new Pokémon. It definitely looks a little weird. It can regenerate limbs, has no eyelids, and can only be black or albino. 18 Saber Stories by Brynn Leary SHAKOPEE’S FAVORITE NEWSPAPER - Since 2017
9 strangest animals on Earth (continued)
5. Sunfish - No, this fish isn’t yellow. I can’t see why they call this a Sunfish. It just looks like someone took a fish and flattened it.
6. Saiga antelope - This is probably one of the weirder ones I’ve seen. It looks like this antelope grew a hoof out of his nose.
7. Long-horned orb weaver spider - This spider kind of looks like a bull except the horns look too long for its body. The horns don’t even come out from its head; they come out of its abdomen.
8. Gharial - While it may look like a crocodile, it isn’t one. It has a super skinny snout and 110 teeth that are all well adapted to catching fish. Scientists believe there are only about 235 of them in existence.
9. Red-lipped batfish - You don’t need to put makeup on this fish; it already has its own lipstick on. It can be found near the Galápagos Islands. People say it looks like it’s wearing the color Dangerous from MAC makeup, and instead of swimming this fish can walk across the ocean floor. 19 Saber Stories by Greta Caliri SHAKOPEE’S FAVORITE NEWSPAPER - Since 2017
3 amazingly easy, tasty recipes! For me, the holiday season is all about baking. Even though the holidays are over, these recipes are still delicious and easy to make. Enjoy these three kid friendly recipes!
1. Marshmallow Pops Start by melting 2 cups of chocolate chips or any candy melts (using the microwave or stove) with the help of an adult, so that you don’t burn your hand off. Put Jumbo Marshmallows on cake pop sticks or strong toothpicks. Dip them in the melted chocolate and cover them in sprinkles and other toppings when the chocolate has not set. To make a s’mores flavored marshmallow pop, cover the chocolate in crushed graham crackers.
2. Mug cakes To make delicious vanilla mug cakes mix the following ingredients together in a mug: 2 tablespoons of melted butter, ¼ cup all purpose flour, 1 large egg (yolk only), 2 tablespoon of sugar, 1 tablespoon of milk, 1 teaspoon vanilla, and ½ teaspoon of baking powder. Once it’s all mixed and looks like cake batter, put it in the microwave for 60-90 seconds. Use care when taking the mug out, as it will be very hot! Top with frosting or whipped cream and sprinkles or any other toppings you like.
3. Strawberry Sherbet Before we start, you should know that the quantities for this recipe depend on how much sherbet you want. Start by putting any yogurt into a blender. Next, put in some frozen strawberries. Remember to be careful with the blender and have an adult around, so that you don’t slice your finger off. :-) Blend until it becomes the consistency of ice cream. 20 Recipe from: Land O’ Lakes.com Saber Stories by Brynn Leary SHAKOPEE’S FAVORITE NEWSPAPER - Since 2017
Starbucks, coming out with a new holiday cup
With its new color, this new cup will hardly be the letdown that it was in 2015. You’ll never be bored drinking hot chocolate. It’s mainly white but has a few red and green bits sprinkled in. Otherwise, it is all yours to customize. With open hands, Christmas trees, presents, and other symbols of love and kindness, you can tell the holiday season is officially here. When you decide to make a stop at Starbucks, this time bring your markers along.
21 Saber Stories
by Brynn Leary SHAKOPEE’S FAVORITE NEWSPAPER - Since 2017
Harry Potter jokes
● Why is mad-eye moody such a bad teacher? He can’t control his pupils.
● Why does Voldemort prefer Twitter to Facebook? He only has followers not friends.
● Why did Crabbe and Goyle cross the road? Malfoy did it first.
● How did Aragon keep in touch with other spiders? Used the world wide WEB
● Why isn’t Fluffy a good dancer? He has two left feet.
● How many wizards does it take to change a light bulb? None. Wizards don’t use electricity.
● Why did professor Snape stand in the middle of the road? So you never know what side he’s on.
● What do Charlie Brown and Harry Potter have in common? They’re both in love with the girl with the red hair. Harry Potter memes
22 Saber Stories by Brynn Leary SHAKOPEE’S FAVORITE NEWSPAPER - Since 2017
Puns and Jokes
● Last night I dreamt that I was walking on a sandy beach; that explains the footprints in the litter box. ● I should probably clean my windows, but privacy is too important. ● “Wait for me honey; I’m just finishing up my makeup.” “You don’t need makeup hon; you need plastic surgery.” ● A snowman sniffs, “Oh, funny; I smell carrots.” ● Two fortune tellers meet. One says, “We’re going to have a hot summer.” The other one says, “Yes, it reminds me of the one in 2092.” ● Me: Do you think it’s strange to talk to yourself? Me: no ● Astronauts last words, “OMG, who farted? I have to open a window.” ● Why did the dinosaur cross the road? The chicken hadn’t evolved yet. ● Light travels faster than sound, so that’s why some people appear bright, until you hear them talk. ● A man has usually no idea how often he farts. That is until he spends 24 hours with the girl he likes. ● I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today; that’s 7 years in a row now. ● If you start to think I talk too much, tell me ,and we can talk about it. ● Driving a sports car and staying inside the speed limit is like going to McDonald’s and just ordering a salad. ● What’s the capital of Washington? The W ● How do you get straight A’s? Use a ruler ● Why did the kid study on an airplane? He wanted a higher education. ● When do astronauts eat? At launch time ● What’s the tallest building in the world? A library because it has the most stories.
23 Saber Stories by Brynn Leary SHAKOPEE’S FAVORITE NEWSPAPER - Since 2017
Puns and Jokes Continued
● I had a dream last night. I was swimming in an ocean of orange pop; turns out it was just a Fanta sea. ● Looks like I lost an electron; I should keep a better ion them. ● I’m close friends with 25 letters of the alphabet; I don’t know y. ● Simba was walking so slow; I told him to Mufasa. ● I lost my mood ring, and I don’t know how to feel about it. ● So what if I don’t know what apocalypse means. it’s not like it’s the end of the world. ● I tried to sue the airport for losing my luggage. I lost the case. ● RIP boiling water; we’ll mist you. ● Why did the coffee file a police report? It was mugged. ● 6:30 is the best time on a clock, hands down. ● Why are cats bad storytellers? They only have one tail. ● I’ve decided to marry a pencil; I can’t wait for my parents to meet my bride 2B. ● What do you call two octopuses that look exactly alike? Itenticle ● Back in Australia my jokes were high koala-tea. ● A man got fired from his job at the calendar factory for taking a day off. ● Why doesn’t the sun go to college? It has a million degrees. ● My ceiling isn’t the best, but it’s definitely up there. ● Did you know that Iceland is one C away from Ireland? ● What did the salad say to the pineapple? Lettuce be friends ● Don’t trust atoms; they make up everything. ● Why did the gym close down? It just didn’t work out. ● Two artists had and art contest; it ended in a draw. ● I got fired from the clock factory after all those extra hours I put in. ● I was wondering why the ball was getting closer. Then it hit me. ● I don’t like stairs because they’re always up to something. ● I was wondering how lighting works when it struck me. ● What do you call a family of funny chairs? A sitcom ● What should you use to battle a T-rex? A dino-sword ● What do you call a wingless fly? A walk
24 Saber Stories by Brynn Leary SHAKOPEE’S FAVORITE NEWSPAPER - Since 2017
Puns and Jokes Continued ● Koala-fications are irr-elephant ● They’re finally making a movie about clocks; it’s about time. ● Did you hear professor Lupin is using boggarts in class? It sound a bit riddikulus if you ask me. ● I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but I turned myself around. ● My friend's bakery burned down last night; now his business is toast. ● Why did Adele cross the road? To say hello from the other side ● Did you hear about the guy whose left side got cut off? He’s all right now. ● I’d tell you a chemistry joke, but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction. ● Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a soda can? He was lucky it was a soft drink. ● Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It’s very time consuming. ● I just found out I’m colorblind. The diagnosis was completely out of the purple. ● What did E.T’s mothers say to him when he got home? “Where on Earth have you been?” ● Claustrophobic people are more productive when they think outside the box. ● eBay is useless; I tried to look up lighters, and all I got was 117,274 matches. ● My boss says I intimidate the other employees, so I stared at him until he apologized. ● Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over bays, they’d be bagels. ● What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef ● Did you hear about the the kidnapping at school? It’s okay; he woke up. ● Four out of five people SUFFER from diarrhea… doesn’t that mean one enjoys it? ● I was born to be a pessimist; my blood type is B negative. ● What did one eye say to the other? Between you and me, something smells. ● Why couldn’t the bike stand up on it’s own? Because it was two tired. ● This morning a clown opened the door for me, and I thought it was a nice jester. ● My math teacher called me average...how mean. 25 Saber Stories
by Saurav Rekapalli SHAKOPEE’S FAVORITE NEWSPAPER - Since 2017
Cool Dude
Sorry kids; you will have to wait until the next newspaper to read the rest of the story. Bunny Rabbit Hi, my name is Bunny Rabbit. I am from planet Hare. When our planet was invaded, I was the creature who scared the invaders away. The green shades I wear blind the invaders and send them away. Now, I work for the Government using my “green” powers to scare away other invaders. I get paid $2,000,000.98 per scare. The invasion was the worst thing that had ever happened to Hare. Creatures are always trying to invade Hare again. Now, they must go through me first. 26 Saber Comics
27 Saber Comics (continued)
28 Saber Comics (continued)
29 Saber Stories
By SurayaTheUnicorn SHAKOPEE’S FAVORITE NEWSPAPER - Since 2017
December’s Newspaper Pokémon Drawing Contest
Congratulations to the Pokémon Drawing Contestants! The winners are - drumroll please - Joaquin Alvarez & Evan Eisenmann! Great Job! Please see Mr. Dittberner to receive your prize! If anyone else would like to enter any other contests, stay tuned for the upcoming newspapers to learn more information. Thank you!
30 Contributing authors
Addie Besser Brynn Leary Ella Mingo Ellie Hall Greta Caliri Jackson Shatek John Thompson Lilly Hewitt Lion Nia Odhiambo Nicole Maenke Samara Abban Saurav Rekapalli Suraya The Unicorn
31