Diddy and Tux Season I Episode 1.1 Chapter 1.1

The monguin is a monkey-penguin hybrid. His head has very monkey ears, binocular vision, and a flexible bill with teeth, nostrils, and tongue. His arms are flattened as if they were the wings of penguin given elbows and tipped with webbed hands including four fingers and a thumb each, identical to the feet almost entirely. His prehensile tail is flattened for advanced swimming. His torso is rather rounded and has a white pot belly of a penguin and a belly button of a monkey. Anatomy of a monguin is rather complex and top secret, with the brain so well developed, that many say that a monguin has as much conscience as a human once had many centuries ago. Monguins usually wear tight pants that keep them clean and healthy that matches their main fur coats almost entirely, as do every animal character you might see.

This monguin is rather an enthusiastic and very bizarre monguin that did reviews on anything he can relate to the monguins such as internet memes, literature, movies, and even video games. His most recent review before getting knocked out was Assassin’s Creed Revelations, which he relates to the monguins because it defines how a monguin would be fighting. He therefore currently wears, in addition to his tight pants, as explained before, the star-patterned shirt and Nintendo hat of Diddy Kong himself. His belly button still hangs out. He recently woken up to see himself in a world that looked as if he got trapped into a wall and a typical bug of a 4th generation video game surrounds him, He keeps changing to a rather bland image of a monkey and a rather bland image of a penguin. The scene opens up with a very bland grid room with neon lights everywhere and a generic image of a monkey with a red baseball cap and a red tank top and a penguin with a red bandana. The entire scenery looks like a third-generation game mixed with a fourth generation game and hard to grasp. Angelos: I abide my heart to no wisdom, to no madness and fully. I perceive that this also was the chasing after wind, for in much wisdom is much grief, and he that increases knowledge, increases sorrow.

The background reveals a Rick Astley music video of “Never Gonna Give You Up” as if the monguin has been “rick-roll’d” by the animus.

Boomer: We’ve got a problem! I can’t anchor him to the memories. Too much psychological trauma; he’s rejecting the treatment—retreating.

The scenery loses quality and begins to glitch.

Freeman: Monguin, I need you to try and relax.

Boomer: Let me try and stabilize him.

Freeman: Focus. Listen to the sound of my voice; recognize that what you’re seeing isn’t real; it’s just the truth of the past; it can’t hurt you. Overtime, the image becomes really choppy as if it is about to go to a Blue Screen of Death.

Boomer: Drone it! It’s not working.

Freeman: Give it a moment, Ms. Valerii; it’ll adjust; the first time is never easy.

Boomer: We’re losing him!

Freeman: That’s enough, Ms. Valerii!

Boomer: We need to pull him out, now!

Freeman: Alright, monguin, we’re going to try to bring you out now!

The screen changes to what appears to be the logo of Aperture Sciences. The camera views from the eyes of the monguin looking upon the face of Gordon Freeman from Half Life and Boomer Valerii from Battlestar Galactica. It switches from first-person to third person view.

Boomer: Are you okay?

Freeman: I told you he’d be fine!

Monguin: Bombers!

Freeman: Now, now, I just saved your life.

Monguin: Saved my life? You kidnapped me! You strapped me into that thing!

Freeman: Animus, it’s an animus.

Monguin 1: Oh, I see, trying to analyze the memories of my ancestors. What’s the whole point in synchronizing the memories of a bunch of monkeys and penguins? I don’t even know you people! Why are you doing this to me? Freeman: You have information we need.

Monguin: Information? I’m a web critic for cruising out loud! Do you really need an animus for me to give you a review? You want information, go to my web zone!

Freeman: We know who you are, what you are.

Monguin: I don’t even know what you’re talking about!

Freeman: Don’t play dumb with me! There isn’t time. You are part of the Owlgle Armada, and whether you realize it or not, you have something my employers want, locked away in that head of yours.

Monguin: But I’m not of the Owlgle Armada, not any more.

Freeman: Yes, your file indicated as much, something about an “escape,” most fortunate for us. Monguin: What do you want from me?

Freeman: For you to do as you’re told. The animus will give us instructions we need. Once we have them, you’ll be free to go.

Monguin: Monguins are known for natural conscience. Do as I’m told? You’re mistaken. I am not going back in there!

Freeman: Then we’ll induce a coma and continue our work. When we’re done, you’ll be left to die. Truth be told, the only reason you’re still conscious is because this approach saves us time.

Monguin: You’re insane to think my ancestors are actually Kongs—wait!

Freeman: So, which is it, Mr. Monguin, live or die?

Monguin: So be it.

Freeman: Lie down. (The monguin lies down in the animus.) A wise decision.

The screen cuts to an animus screen. The animus reveals almost exactly as it has been shown in Assassin’s Creed except it instead shows a pair of single helixes that appear to be jointed every fourth strand or memory, than split into 12 groups of 5 strands each, each being a memory sequence. Each memory sequences have been grouped into 7 memory blocks with the first two and the last two memory blocks having only one sequence each, the third and fifth having two sequences each, and the fourth having four, being the longest. The monguin scrolls through the pair looking through both memory strands.

Monguin: Whoa! Am I where I think I am?

Freeman: You’re inside the animus!

Monguin: Of course!

Freeman: It’s a projector that renders genetic memories in 3 dimensions.

Monguin: Genetic memory!

Freeman: Are you actually familiar with the animus?

Monguin: (attempting to format a poker face) Well kind of.

Freeman: Looks like you need a bit of tutorial. Very well.

Diddy and Tux Season I Episode 1.1 Chapter 1.2

Freeman: We’ll start simple: what is a memory?

Monguin: It’s what gives us precious nostalgia like—it’s a recollection of a past event.

Freeman: Specific to the individual remembering the event.

Monguin: Yeah, sure.

Freeman: What if I told you that the organic body not only houses an individual’s memory, but the memories of his ancestors as well, genetic memory if you will? Migration, hibernation, reproduction, how is it that these animals know where to go, what to do?

Monguin: I’ve been wondering that myself after watching March of the Penguins.

Freeman: You seem to be a charismatic little one, aren’t you? To answer your curiosity, animals, such as the penguins, hold the knowledge absent requisite first and experience. I've spent the last thirty years trying to understand why. Then I found something most fascinating: our DNA functions as an archive; it contains not only genetic instructions passed down from previous generations, but memories as well, the memories of our ancestors.

Monguin: And the animus lets us decode and read these DNA files.

Freeman: Precisely.

Boomer: But there’s a problem. (Shows a pair of memory strands leading up to what appears to be the Apple Inc. logo) This is the specific pair of memories that we were trying to access. Apparently when we try to open the pair, you’re conscience sort of withdraws. You lack the confidence to step into your ancestors’ bodies. That’s what happened earlier: you got knocked out of the target memory and pushed back to a more stable state.

Monguin: Let me guess: it’s because my sub-conscience is resisting given that it was a traumatic event at the very place and time it took place.

Boomer: Wow, you’re so smart! How do you know so much about the animus project?

Monguin: Because I’m a web critic. I review anything that’s monguin-related, in this case, a franchise featuring a lot of acrobatic talent!

Boomer: Then you do know what we have to do. Monguin: Yes, start from a memory I can synchronize with and move forward from there. I see there are two parts here. I’ll just deal with one sequence and come back for another so you can piece together useful information.

Boomer: Actually, we need you to synchronize both memory sequences at once. We need both memories fused together so we can get a clear picture, just like a 3D movie. Besides, we are actually in a bit of a rush. You can’t take on both memories by yourself: you need help from a sibling of yours. (turns to what appears to be the monguin’s room) Subject 28!

Mickey Monguin is the running gag for Monguin’s reviews. In the reviews, Mickey Monguin casts Magic Missile with the mentioning of anything Disney in a Time Warner film, vice versa, or both reviewing something that is neither. He wears a tuxedo vest that his pot belly sticks out of and has a bow tie, along with Mickey Mouse’s hat. Mickey Monguin: I’m here, Boomer.

Monguin: Wow, Mickey Monguin? He’s my brother?

Boomer: Yes, and he is here to help you access those memories. That’s why we built a second animus, in case you hadn’t noticed. We were also fully aware of the uniqueness of your DNA, so we want to make sure the animi are fitted for monguins.

Monguin: I was wondering what’s the plural on the word, animus. It’s exactly as I guessed it: animi, because animus is Latin for “the mind.”

Freeman: Are you actually enjoying this?

Mickey Monguin: We're orphans.

Freeman: Whatever, just do as you’re told and start your frigate memories!

Monguin: Very well.

Boomer: I’m uploading the tutorial program now.

The animus loading screen is up again and the monguins witness their transformation. Monguin sees that his webbing is gone but he keeps his fingers, toes, and all five of his limbs, including his prehensile tail. His bill gets rounded as if he transformed into a monkey entirely. His extremely slick belly feather fur vanishes for a bald belly and his coat transforms from blue feather fur to brown fur. Mickey Monguin’s hands are gone and his feet are simplified to just three-toed yellow web feet. His prehensile tail shrinks until it becomes the tail of a penguin entirely. His teeth vanish along with his hat and vest, which he wears. Both keep their insane intelligence, swimming ability, acrobatic talent, and belly buttons. They looked at themselves and each other, and then switched ancestor profiles in the animus pair. Their ancestors were Diddy Kong of Nintendo and Tux the Linux Mascot! Clippy: Warning: data stream unstable. Attempting to restore synchronization… It looks like you’re new to the animus, and want to get out of the animus alive… want some help? Monguin: No, I do not want your help, you drone paper clip—wait, are you who I think you are?

Clippy: The name is Clippy paperclip. I was the—

Monguin: Yes, yes, I heard about you, you stupid paperclip.

Clippy: —Microsoft Office assistant back in the ‘90’s, back when you Rareware morons are making all those childish video games. Now, that Windows owns the company,—

Monguin: Shut up, those were the awesome days of Nintendo and Rareware. You are just saying that because you are a frigate Microsoft program!

Clippy: actual work could be done. Now, our DNA functions as an archive. It contains not only genetic instructions passed down from previous generations, but memories as well, the memories of our ancestors. The animus is designed to allow you—

Monguin: Just shut up and upload the frigate tutorial!

Clippy: to access the 01100100 01100001 01110100 01100001 01100010 01100001 01110011 01100101 00100000 01101101 01100101 01101101 01101111 01110010 01111001 00100000 01110011 01100101

Monguin: Access the animus, gunship it!

Clippy: Uploading the song from Jesper Kyd right now—

Monguin: I mean the frigate tutorial!

Clippy: Tutorial uploading…

Monguin: Thank you!

Clippy: Hello, Subjects 27 and 28: this tutorial will help you to better acclimate the animus’ control system. Instructions will follow shortly. The intrapersonal synchronization bar shows how in sync you are with your ancestor’s memories, while the interpersonal synchronization bar shows similar information for your sibling. The bar in the middle is called cross-synchronization bar, representing how dominant you are with the currently selected ancestor and how linked you are with your sibling and both ancestors at once. Monguin: I'm still kind of confused how that's supposed to work. Mickey Monguin: *quoting Power Rangers* "We need Megazord Power, now!" Monguin: The blast doe that have to do with genetic memories, Mickey Monguin? Mickey Monguin: In Pacific Rim, two brothers were able to share each others' memories to ensure "drift compatibility, using the same technology as this machine. Monguin: Sometimes, I wonder how you came to be my brother all this time without realizing it! Diddy and Tux Season I Episode 1.1 Chapter 1.3

Mickey Monguin: Easy! Geekiness is in our blood! Monguin: That's true! On one side of the family, we have, what, a Nintendo icon that is overshadowed by some of his friends, and a Rareware design? What do we have for our other ancestor? The Linux Mascot!?

Mickey Monguin: Maybe this is the reason Banjo and Kazooie treated us like family. They actually kind of are!

Clippy: If either of you ever fall completely out of sync, or if the cross synchronization bar is empty, the animus will restore you to your last synchronized position. You are now dangerously close to de- synchronization. Please follow all forthcoming instructions in order to restore system stabilities. The animi utilize the puppeteer concept to help you gain full control of your ancestors’ bodies. While standing still, use the selected ancestor’s head button to observe your environment. Mickey Monguin: Make sure you ensure drift compatibility. Monguin: Shut up! Diddy’s vision is used. Clippy: Well done. A heavy crowd crosses in front of the path of Diddy and Tux. Clippy: Use the grasper button to ease through this crowd without unraveling suspicion. Do so to proceed onto this marker. The monguins continue to do so. Clippy: The animus differentiates between two fundamental actions, high profile and low profile. Low profile actions are socially acceptable. High profile actions are more action-oriented. Hold the High Profile button to see how your control displays change.

The monguins realized that Diddy and Tux had been acting cute the entire time up until this point. No essence of Diddy resembling a Goldeneye character or Tux as a ninja was being displayed. They were just simply nothing more than the most beloved of all monkeys and penguins. The monguins switch to high profile and all of a sudden Diddy and Tux were going straight from being cute and cuddly to being bad ace assassins. They looked like they’re ready for action. Clippy: Well done. The next tutorial reveals two fighters, one from Sony’s Warhawk, and the other from a rather successful dog fighting iPod app along with two Spartans who are serious about hijacking the fighters. Clippy: With Diddy on Tux’s side, he’s a Nintendo, not a Rare. Such fellowship forms a third side to the already two-sided console war between Microsoft and an alliance of both Sony and Apple. Using your movement in high profile will allow you to use your jetpacks along with plasma barriers. Such is useful when trying to escape from enemy soldiers or to chase a fleeing target. Be careful to not overuse it, or you would unravel suspicion from anyone in the region, especially dogfighters. Hijack these two fighters before the Spartans do. Diddy heads forward towards the Warhawk while Tux heads forward towards a fighter from a random iPhone app. Because they are in high profile, Diddy shares Microsoft’s rivalry for Sony while Tux shares an Android user’s hatred of Apple product with Windows Phone or Zune users. The hijacking is successful and Diddy and Tux knock both the Spartans and the pilots unconscious, throw them overboard, and fly the hijacked fighters. The social status icon happens to be an Xbox 360 logo. It has three dark green arcs surrounding it as if it resembles a 360 controller on standby. The Aperture Science logo surrounds the Xbox logo perfectly. Clippy: This indicator shows that the Spartan is either unaware or suspicions of who you are. The more lights that light up, the more suspicious the witnesses. This means that the Social Status icon looks like the 360 logo surrounded by the ring around the power button indicating how many players there are using the console. Clippy: To illustrate the change in awareness level, select your assassination techniques. Diddy and Tux remain cute and cuddly in low profile. As a result, the Spartan seems to find Diddy and Tux simply adorable and attempts to reach out and pet them. Clippy: With your stealth assassination selected, walk up to the soldier for a stealth assassination. Diddy and Tux do so, but still remained cute and cuddly. They walk up to the Spartan as if they want attention, resulting in the Spartan reaching out to pet them on their bellies. Instead, Diddy pistol-whips the Spartan to knock him out unconscious while Tux stabs the Spartan with his katana. They walk away from the dead body to act like they didn’t do it. In doing so, monguins switch back to low profile so Diddy Kong puts away his peanut popguns and Tux sheathes his katanas. They then decided to act like cute animals, begging for positive attention. Another Spartan shows up and checks the body. The top left light glows, followed by the top right, the bottom left, and the bottom right. After the Spartan realizes that the body has been assassinated, the X blinks while the ring flashes as it does on the controller while it has low battery power. This means that: Clippy: Notice how the Spartan changed his awareness to informed. Aggressive or socially unacceptable behavior undertaken at this time will likely provoke an armed response. Provoke this soldier. Spartan: Who did this? Show yourself! Diddy and Tux waddle together, still acting cute and cuddly as if they didn't do it. Monguin *quoting Tobuscus* "Now act like you didn't do it! Mickey Monguin: "They're not buying it!" The Spartan reaches down to pet the monkey and penguin, but with high nerves as if he was about to pet a dangerous animal. Diddy and Tux have that "Psyke" on the Spartan and attack him. The Ring changes to the Red Ring of Death and the X continues flashing. This means: Spartan: Assassins! Clippy: Notice how the status has changed to exposed. Try to break the line of sight and find a place to hide. Diddy and Tux attempt to do so. Breaking the line of sight is represented by a spiraling ring while vanishing is represented by the ring as if the controller is being turned on. When vanishing, the X stops flashing. The Spartan still finds Diddy and Tux in the hide spot. Clippy: Never mind. The best solution is always to dive underwater and stay there. Diddy and Tux do so as the social status returns to Exposed to Breaking the Line of Sight and then to vanishing. Clippy: Remain underwater until you are completely vanished. The ring vanishes as the 360 logo changes to Windows Media Player logo representing “Vanished.” Clippy: You are now anonymous and can exit the hide spot. The logo changes to the standard Windows 7 logo representing “Anonymous.” Clippy: Before I forget, repeat the first task of this tutorial except do it in high profile. Diddy Kong pulls out his pistol to use scope. Clippy: This action is useful for picking out snipers and other targets from a safe distance. Using your movement in low profile will allow you to use more conventional styles of movement such as swinging, climbing, and swimming to avoid unraveling suspicion, as opposed to the noisy high-profile jetpacks. Do so to reach this marker. A relatively hard but incredibly fun obstacle course is displayed and is completed swiftly by Diddy and Tux. Clippy: Now that you are fully synced, a new ability is now available to you. Referred to as Eagle Vision, the sixth sense helped your ancestors understand the intentions of the people around them. Try this now. The action is done almost exactly as it did in Assassin’s Creed, only the “target” was a Spartan, the “guard” was a UNSC Marine, the “civilian” was a nerdy tourist, and the “ally” was an Android. Clippy: Well done. It is now just simply Diddy and Tux, fully rendered beautifully. Monguin: (looking like Diddy) Well well. Congratulations, animators. You did a beautiful job with rendering both of us. Mickey Monguin: (looking like Tux) It seems like you really do care about the characters. Diddy and Tux Season I Episode 1.1 Chapter 1.4

Clippy: Please note by following the contract your ancestors made with each other and their friends will help you stay in sync. The contract consists of three tenants: 1, never harm any innocent life; 2, always be cute and discrete; 3, do not compromise each other or any individual or clan you’re associated with. Should you lose sync, you can help restore synchronization by reliving key moments of your ancestors’ lives, or by respecting the contract. It is also important to know that extended behavior contrary to whatever knowledge or plan your ancestors had at the time will result in immediate desynchronization. The most stable memory block will now be loaded. The animus fully renders what appears to be a typical Rareware environment. On the top of a cliff stands Tux the Linux Mascot with a couple of modern-day assassins with traditional hidden blades and stealth arsenal from the Tom Clancy shooter games named Will and Phil. Will: My question is why you seem so interested in Rareware all of a sudden. Tux: Because Rareware’s not the most loyal companion of Microsoft. Microsoft had its moments, its ups and downs. My fans love to make fun of the pitfalls of Microsoft, but they left out the greatest and most permanent of all.

Phil: And you’re interested in Rareware because…

Tux: Because, my games are inspired by the Nintendo classics. Because, I love to make fun of the things wrong with Microsoft. Because I’m a penguin and there’s a franchise they used to be associated with that still belongs with Nintendo and needs more penguins.

Will: Donkey Kong?

Tux: Yes. Look around. This is the product of a nostalgic crew MicroSUCK destroyed.

Phil: How do you know these characters can trust you?

Tux: Because nearly every Spartan I encounter shows little to no mercy on Linux, but not the Spartans bearing that little golden r logo. One of them encountered me and betrayed Microsoft. Now, I have an opportunity to make good use of open-source software. Laws and licenses mean nothing compared to pure logic, for nothing is true and everything is permitted. Wait, so your names are Will and Phil.

Will: Yes.

Tux: Now I know I’m in a fan-fiction parody series. You have the lamest names for assassins!

Various protagonists from the Rareware classics are seen uniting with the Nintendo characters to form an alliance against the traitorous Microsoft Empire, which bought Rare and ruined both Rare and Nintendo as a result. Diddy and Tux Season I Episode 1.1 Chapter 2.1

Diddy Kong is seen as the leader. Tux and a couple of Android companions spy the scene. Will: Look, there are a few Microsoft characters on the spot. Should we kill them? Tux: No, I want to see this. It might be our chance to make good usage of being open-source. Phil: How so? Tux: Because I worked with them for some odd reason. Diddy: Benvenuti nella nostra pista. (Welcome to our gang.) Tux: There he is! The gang cheers up. Will: Who? Diddy: Tranquillo, tranquillo! (Quiet, quiet) Tux: Diddy Kong! The gang silences. Phil: Who, that guy? Diddy: Grazie. (Thank you.) Do you know what brings us here tonight? Honor! For the fourth and fifth generations of gaming, Nintendo and Rare have been terrific together and provided a cult filled with die- hard fans that adore us. We have lived our golden years, but when Microsoft bought out Rare, everything went downhill for both Nintendo and Rare. Now our fans want the two together. Who’s with me? Tux: Yes. That’s Diddy Kong. I love that monkey ever since I started playing Donkey Kong Country and seeing some fan art of him. I looked through the comments and if there is anyone who wants Rareware back, it’s him. Isn’t he a cutie? The gang cheers up. Will: Did you say that that franchise you’re looking at needs more penguins? Tux: Yes. I mean look at him! Doesn’t he resemble a penguin? Phil: I don’t see the resemblance. Tux: You never played the old classics, haven’t you? Will: I’m too busy dealing with assassination business. We must hustle if we are to beat the Spartans to the treasure. Tux: This is an opportune moment! Will: Oh, please! Tux: I'm serious! Every single Spartan that ceased fire on me had that stupid golden "R" logo, indicating he's part of the Rareware division. There is speculation that half of that loyalty remains with Nintendo. I decided to stop by to see what all the fuss is about. Turns out, the reason might be because I reminded those Spartans of him! Phil: Who? Tux: Diddy Kong! Look at him! He's already slightly penguin! I could see it in his eyes! If there is any Nintendo character that would declare alliance with me, it's him! Phil: How does he resemble a penguin? Tux: Two words: arctic abyss. That should give you a hint. He’s a fine swimmer and a cute one too. Oh, and that swordfish is well beloved. I like to see him as well. When water levels generally sucked, *chucles* the ones in Donkey Kong ountry blow them out of the water! *knee slaps* Diddy can already breathe underwarer and he has absolutely no problem with hydrophobia. And you have to know how Nintendo's well known for its penguins. Will: Doesn’t make him a penguin though. Tux: He makes penguins jealous. He’s a better swimmer than an average penguin and if I remember right, he also is well known for his jetpack, which the flightless birds wish they have, oh, and look at his adorable features! Phil: Yes, yes, the cutie face, I get it. Tux: Look at his tummy! Will: What? Tux: His tummy. He and I have something in common. Phil: What? Tux rubs his tummy. Will and Phil look at both Diddy and Tux. Will: Belly buttons? Tux: Yes. If my theory is correct, with our charms and rivalry against Microsoft combined, we can make a great team. Phil: Well, don’t let this new interest of yours get you distracted. Tux: I won't. I just have speculations that if we fail this mission, iddy Kong's our Plan B. Will: You do know that Altair, our friend, will not appreciate your new ambition. Tux: Why? Will: He hates Diddy Kong. Tux: I'm pretty sure that's jealousy speaking. Will: Just don't get distracted. A gang of DataDyne Shock Troopers shows up. Diddy and Tux Season I Episode 1.1 Chapter 2.2

Any Rare antagonist is identified as a “Loyalist,” meaning that they work for Microsoft and even assist Spartans. Shock Trooper 1: Enough of your talk, Diddy Kong! Diddy: Surprised to see you here. I thought that we are now hostile given that you lost the rights to my franchise. I guess that’s the reason why you have to change the name of that one cheat! Shock Trooper 1: I know about the secrets your family is keeping. Now where is our treasure? Diddy: What secret? If you're talking about that ship that crash-landed, you're out of luck. You would have to get through us first! Shock Trooper 1: Loyalists, get him! The fight begins. All of the Rareware characters appear to be unarmed and punching each other. Diddy Kong seems to be efficient with hand to hand combat since he rarely uses weapons in Donkey Kong 64 and doesn’t use weapons at all in the Donkey Kong Country trilogy. He often would improvise. Tux: Just as I expected, a civil war! Will: Really? Tux: I’m telling you: Everything went downhill around here after Nintendo sold Rareware to Microsoft. Now I find out that I’m not alone because I found another group of friends that love to make fun of Microsoft. Phil: Why do you want to see Diddy Kong so badly? Tux: Because his name is in the title, and so is mine. Diddy continues to fight off the antagonists. He doesn’t punch but instead learns how to counter punches. Will: Your new friend seems to be quite talented, but isn’t he a Nintendo character? Tux: Yes he is. Tux was tempting to help out. However, he kept on resisting the temptation. As Diddy’s social status icon remained an Xbox 360 red ring of death indicating being exposed, Tux’s social status icon remained a standard Windows logo being anonymous with the Windows Media Player every once in a while indicating being hidden. Diddy pulls his hat backwards and begins acting cool. He disarms a DataDyne that was breaking the “Slappers Only” rule by grabbing his Super Dragon and breaking it so it’s unusable. He did that with every DataDyne. Another thing that occurs is that sometimes a Carrington Institute agent would grab a dataDyne by the chest and beat him up. Meanwhile, Timber shows up for the brawl. Timber was one of Diddy’s best friends and was a co mentor to much of the characters licensed by Rareware, such as Banjo and Kazooie. Timber was seen as one of the separatists that hate Microsoft. Timber: Hey, Diddy. Behind you. Diddy: Timber? What are you doing here? Timber: I want to see my old friend standing up for nostalgia. Diddy: And how am I doing? Timber: You have style, but endurance is what counts. Let’s see how many you can face off before they get the best of you. Diddy: Why does this sound so familiar? Timber: And why is there Assassin’s Creed music going on in the background? Diddy grabs and punches another dataDyne and a Kremling with the assistance of Timber. Diddy: This must be satire material. I just know it. Tux: Aww, another Diddy Kong Racing character. Too bad almost half of those were traitors! Diddy Kong appears to be stuck in a particular area until he finishes the Slappers Only fight. Tux, on the other hand, loses synchronization whenever being either detected or losing the line of sight to Diddy Kong. The monguins were getting a hang of the synchronization process as they learn how to fight as Diddy and how to eavesdrop as Tux. Diddy's fight became much like the fights in Donkey Kong 64, with the clever usage of all five of his limbs. Diddy therefore does a series of cartwheels on many of the datadynes. Timber sees Diddy. Timber: I forgot you can do that! Tip Tup: *imitating Peppy from Star Fox* "DO A BARREL ROLL!" Tux: Yes! Diddy, just keep exposing your belly button! Yours is the cutest! Tip Tup grabs an M6D sidearm from a dataDyne and hides in his shell. Diddy lifts Tip Tup and throws him like a Koopa Troopa shell. Tip Tup then bounces all over the place, pops out of his shell, and pistol whips with the sidearm. Tip Tup: Don't you just love my incredibly awkward position between Nintendo and Microsoft? Diddy: Yes. That is what's driving me insane. You find yourself licensed by both. But, I recognize you as a friend. Tip Tup: Not like Traitor Conker. Will: Seriously, Tux? You really want to meet these guyhs? What does your fanbase have in common with theirs? Tux: Turns out, Rareware fans share my fans' extremely cute sense of humor when making fun of Microsoft. Phil: I would have to say that your fans capture cute pictures and videos of you, but how would you compare that to the Rareware fanbase? Tux: I saw pictures of cute Diddy Kong in awkward situations. Timber: Just 6 more Fist Sims and we’re done, Diddy. Fight continues on as Bumper prepares for Timber and Diddy the race cars they had from Diddy Kong Racing. Diddy and Timber counter punches left and right until the dataDynes were defeated. Diddy and Timber wish to see what awards they got but they did not show up. The only thing that did show up was Clippy as an animus indicator. Clippy: Memory fragment synchronized. Diddy: What? Clippy? Timber: What are you doing here? Diddy: Wait a minute, what did the paperclip just say? Timber: Memory fragment synchronized. It sounds like animus text. Diddy: I knew it! We are in a satire! Timber: Why the Assassin’s Creed references? Diddy: Wait, if I remember right, if we are projections in the animus, does this mean that someone is accessing my memories at this time? Timber: Your memories? Diddy: That and the memories of someone I swear is here and watching us and has nothing to do with us. Timber: Nintendo? Diddy: No. Timber: Microsoft? Diddy: Hostile to Microsoft, probably. Timber: Rareware? Diddy: No. I’m talking about an actual legitimate public enemy of Microsoft, not a rebellious faction. Timber: Oh. Maybe it’s Sony, or Apple even. Tux: Linux! Diddy: I’ll find out soon enough. Diddy and Tux Season I Episode 1.1 Chapter 2.3

Timber pulls out a couple of off road racecars to drive on the rough terrain.

Timber: Now, let’s finish our work here. You still have time? Diddy: Yes. Timber: Then let’s race. Diddy: Alright. Diddy and Timber get in their vehicles and begin to race in a track ahead. Diddy: On a count of three. The motors are going. Diddy: One…Two…Three The two race in fierce drifting. They start out at the beach and the track goes on for miles. Tux: I gotta tail them. Tux uses his jetpack to catch up with Diddy and Timber. He sees them both driving down the beach to encounter some Koopas which they have to avoid. Diddy: Watch out! Timber got knocked out for a while but got right back into the race. Timber: Whoa! That was a close one! Diddy: Watch out for the Nintendo characters. Timber: Yeah, don’t want to hurt your buddies. It seems they look a lot cuter these days. Diddy: Hope you make that jump! Diddy and Timber see a jump ramp up ahead that leads into a cave of some kind. They drive up through the cave and Tux temporarily loses Diddy and Timber and therefore synchronization. He goes over the top of the mountain to attempt to find the exit for the tunnel, where the tunnel is going to end. Diddy and Timber on the other hand drive through twists and turns within the tunnel before hitting the tunnel exit completely covered by a waterfall. Tux saw that Diddy and Timber came out of the cave through a waterfall and then Splash! Diddy: Having fun? Timber: Yes, truly. Augh, the water! It’s been a while since I had been completely submerged in water. Diddy: Yeah, I like doing that a lot! Diddy and Timber drive out of the river back onto the dirt road to race through the thick tropical rainforest. Tux finds himself in the canopy watching the race. Tux: I never thought I’d live to see this day. Will: Tux, where are you? Phil: Tux! Tux! Will: Drone it these trees! I wish I knew how to climb them. Phil: Me too! Tux: Will, Phil, over here! Will: Tux? What are you watching? At this point, Diddy and Timber were drifting through the forest until they hit some hills along the way. As they went through the cave, they went upward and came across a rope bridge where they would go through the canyon. Tux: What could have been my competition. I’m watching for inspiration. Phil: Inspiration for what? Tux: Linux Native Gaming. It is lacking a bit of that Donkey Kong reference. Will: Yeah, so Rareware is associated with both classic Nintendo and Windows, right, but why Donkey Kong most likely? Tux: Because they resemble penguins. They need more penguins as a matter of fact. My games are cute. I have an addicting racing game myself, called Tux Racer. Phil: I don’t think that’s about as cute as this. Tux: Face it! Those golden years are over. Linux is just barely getting started. Diddy and Timber come out of the canyons and valleys and onto the cliffs that go alongside the mountains and crossing over several small creeks at the dips. The air was moist and misty. It was cool. Many times they would drift along the cliffs and Timber almost flew off. After a while, they come out of the valley and near the ocean on the west side of the island. It was the afternoon then. Tux: Romantic, I presume? Too bad Dixie Kong is not with him. Dixie shows up right behind Tux and in between the two assassins. Dixie: Who are you? Tux: Whoa, Dixie? What a surprise! Dixie: Seriously, who are you and what are you doing here? Tux: My name is Tux. I’m the Linux Mascot. And these are a couple of my companions from Ubisoft, Will and Phil. We are looking for some treasure located on this island. Dixie: …and I’m looking for Diddy Kong. Where is he? Tux: He went that way! Dixie: Oh, wait, before I go, are you really the Linux Mascot? Tux: Yes. Dixie: Then you must be an enemy to Microsoft. Tux: Yes. Dixie: Avenge us then! Tux: Whatever! Wait, what did she just say? Will: I think you found yourself a couple of noble allies with a common rival. Diddy and Timber arrive at a beautiful sight and a sunset. Diddy and Tux Season I Episode 1.1 Chapter 2.4

At this point in time, Tux is getting some rest. Diddy and Timber watch the sunset. Tux: This is beautiful. You can’t get any more romantic than this! Will: Shut up! Tux: Whatever! Timber: It is a magnificent alliance we lead, Diddy. Dixie: May it be avenged. Diddy: And may it bring us great fortune. Tux: May your movement find noble allies.

Monguin Studios Presents A Web Series by Gabriel Smith Starring Nintendo, Linux, and Ubisoft In Loving Memory of Rareware

Diddy and Tux Season I Episode 1.1 Chapter 3.1

Diddy: Good Night you two. Dixie: Can I have a kiss? Diddy: Yes. Dixie: I just recently met someone. He is watching you and seems to be interested in you. Diddy: Is that so? Dixie: Yes. I can feel it! Diddy: Who is this someone, a Rareware character? Dixie: Not even close. He’s a mascot that rivals Windows and Zune. He’s also a penguin. Diddy: A penguin, eh? You think that I would like a penguin? Dixie: Oh yes. Diddy: Battleship! Dixie: You already resemble one, Diddy! Diddy: Whatever! Dixie: And this penguin I speak of has monkey-like attributes. Diddy: Like what? Dixie: For one thing, he's as acrobatic as he is smart. He also has a belly button like us, not to mention having a firm grip. Diddy: Well, that’s nice. I shall see. Well, I gotta go. You should get some rest. Dixie: Go ahead, my love. Swim a little bit! Both Diddy and Dixie kiss each other. Tux: Aww. Don’t they make an adorable couple? Will: Look at Tux. He forgets what he is sometimes. Phil: Yeah, no kidding. Will: I hope vengeance doesn’t cloud his judgment like it did to Altair. Phil: I hope you’re right. Tux: Hey, assassins, you’re ruining the moment! Shut up! Will: Sorry. Phil: Sorry. Diddy and Tux Season I Episode 1.1 Chapter 3.2

Tux: My real adventure begins here. Diddy dives into the water to swim around as he usually does. There, Diddy comes across the animal buddy named Enguarde. Tux attempts to jump a few yards away and watches Diddy and Enguarde from a distance. However, in the process, Tux loses line of sight with Diddy and therefore is running low on synchronization. Because of that, Clippy shows up to give a little advice. Clippy: It looks like you’re trying to regain synchronization. Want some help? Tux: Shut up you stupid paperclip! I know how to regain synchronization! I just have to keep my eye on Diddy without Diddy noticing me. That’s all. Clippy: Whatever. It seems like you are losing synchronization drastically. Tux: That’s because Diddy Kong dove into the water and the line of sight is broken. Clippy: You’re losing sync. You’re losing sync. You’re losing sync. Tux: Shut up! (attempts to keep his sight on Diddy) Clippy: You’re losing sync. You’re losing sync. You’re losing sync. Tux: Shut up! I’m not losing sync. Clippy: To eavesdrop, it is best to keep an eye on— Tux: Deactivate tutorial. Clippy: Invalid command. Tux: Deactivate tutorial! Clippy: Powering down… Tux: Your move, Diddy Kong. As Diddy follows Enguarde into the water, Diddy finds himself caught in seaweed. Diddy: Enguarde? Enguarde charges towards Diddy to tickle his belly button. Diddy: Enguarde! Hello! How are you doing old buddy. Enguarde has no voice and does not even make any noise. A charming animal buddy, Enguarde seems to have grown up with Diddy Kong as if Diddy knew Enguarde his whole life. They were playmates together. Adter tickling Diddy Kong, Enguarde frees Diddy from the seaweed and lets him swim a bit. Diddy: You prodding me and playing with me like old times? Diddy scratches Enguarde as if Diddy was petting him. Diddy: Yeah, I know you like me. I heard rumors from Dixie Kong about a stranger on our island, a penguin.

Enguarde looks confused. Diddy: No, really. Let’s grab some fish! Diddy and Enguarde go fishing. They also go out hunting for treasure.

One time they found the jackpot and decided to haul the treasure out of the water onto the shore where Diddy buried the treasure and marked it with an X. Then they went back into the water to see what else they could find in the ship they found the treasure at. When they approach the ship, there was a lot to see. The environment was fantastic as it caught Tux’s eyes. Tux: (talking to himself) Hi, I’m a Banana and I’m a Mac. I’m a Rareware character and I’m a PC. I’m Enguarde and I’m Linux. This is just too great! Dixie swims up to Diddy to say hello. Diddy: You again? You’re supposed to be asleep. Dixie: I just want to check to see how you're doing. Diddy: Enguarde tickled me again. Dixie: Of course! He loves belly buttons, and so do I. How else do you explain hanging out with you or Klump? Diddy: Hey, Dixie, can you do me a favor and go secure the treasure I found around here? Dixie: Where is it? Diddy: It’s on the shoreline not too far from here. X marks the spot. Dixie: Sure thing! I think you better get to bed. Dixie swims off. The treasure is known to be secure. Diddy continues to scavenge the ship to find any more treasure and collects a magazine about penguins. Diddy: Oh, penguins! Sweet! I want to know more about them. Diddy returns back to the sunken ship to find a fishing basket. Diddy: I found a basket, Enguarde. Let’s take it up and see if we can find something to catch the fish with. Diddy and Enguarde swim up to the surface to place the basket on a random pier. Diddy dives back down to find something to catch a fish with. As he swims downward, he comes across a net with a pull string. Both found a swarm of fish that would be fun to chase. Diddy: Now, it’s time for some fun! Diddy rides Enguarde with a net where the two would be able to catch fish. They chased through various kinds of beautiful environment underwater like in the Rareware classics. They trap the fish in a net to bring them into a basket that Diddy found earlier. As they approach the basket, Diddy sits on the pier feeding Enguarde as he enjoys the fish and some hand-picked bananas himself. The appetite was great as usual as they were just relaxing on or by the pier. Diddy’s belly gets slightly swollen as he is starting to feel a bit bored. The sunset is almost gone and Diddy can begin to see the night time sky, knowing that there is adventure out there. Diddy floats on his back and Tux uses his bill to scratch himself. After floating on his back, Diddy looks up at the night sky and Enguarde rests his head on Diddy's belly like a dog. Diddy then pets Enguarde. The night sky seems to have a lot going on. Diddy and Tux Season I Episode 1.1 Chapter 3.3

Swirls of stars and nebula cover the night sky due to complete absence of light pollution.

Diddy: I don’t know. Sometimes, I kind of get sick of being here all the time. What would you do if you were bored, Enguarde? Enguarde was looking up to the stars and appeared to be thinking about joining the war Diddy decided to declare. He hated Microsoft as well. As Diddy got full, he glanced at his tummy and his reflection and decided to swim out a little bit more to an iceberg nearby. Diddy: Let’s look at this penguin guide. Do you like penguins? Enguarde acts as if he is saying yes. Diddy: Okay, let’s see here. What? Well that’s a misconception. Only 25% of the penguin population lives in Antarctica. Interesting! There are also some penguins that live in the Galapagos. An average penguin can hold his breath for about 12 minutes underwater. Wow, I’m surprised about how much I can relate to these creatures. Tux: I could say the same thing about monkeys. Diddy: I don’t get how this is supposed to parody Assassin’s Creed. It is entirely irrelevant. What is going on here? And why am I thinking about penguins? Diddy could remember those times when he swam in frigid cold water and felt sleepy. Diddy: What is this parodying? Tux: Yeah, I’ve been wondering that myself. Diddy jumps back in the water and continues until he finds a crystal looking place. Tux: You know there is a penguin watching you. Diddy: It’s funny that the Spartans can withstand the vacuum of space but they drown underwater. Microsuck losers! Tux: It would be funnier if this looked like the Blue Screen of Death. Oh, wait. I’m at Nintendo. Never mind. Diddy: So, Enguarde. Where can we find some coconut crystals? Enguarde swims ahead and points out to the entire crystal wall. Diddy: I mean crystal COCONUTS! Enguarde acts as if he doesn’t have a clue. Diddy: Funny, very funny. Enguarde rubs his face against Diddy. Diddy hugs it. Diddy: So, want to hear a joke? Enguarde looked excited Diddy: What did Ezio Auditore say to the Back Street Boys? Tux: Who is Ezio Auditore? Enguarde seems to be listening. Diddy: Can you help me stay ‘n sync? A little laugh and a groan as Tux doesn't seem to quite get it. On the contrary, the only true Assassin Tux met and knew about was Altair. It seems as if Diddy Kong played Assassin's Creed II many times and got really good at it and is even familiar with the concept of the animus. However, Assassin's Creed II was the only game of the series Diddy played. Tux, on the other hand, never played any of those games at all but hung around Altair long enough to know him personally. Diddy: What is black, white, and red all over? Enguarde perks up for an answer Diddy: A penguin wearing my shirt and hat. Tux: Aww, I thought he’s going to say “penguin in a blender” or something like that. Diddy: Why don’t you see penguins in Britain? Tux: What’s the answer? Diddy: Because they’re afraid of Wales. Tux: Think of something good. Diddy: Why did a pirate go to a Chevy dealership? Tux: This one’s a tough one. Diddy: He heard that the Corvettes were on sale. Tux: Not sure how many humans got that one, but okay. Diddy looks at his own reflection. He ponders. Diddy: You know what? I actually do resemble a penguin a little bit. I carry the similar charm. I’m a good swimmer. I would go fishing every once in a while. I also sometimes hang out in the snow. Tux: Come on, Diddy. Are you finished with this? Diddy: Someday, Enguarde, I might meet a penguin. That penguin better be a suitable companion. Tux: If you’re lucky enough that day will not be long. Diddy: Well, Enguarde. It’s fun swimming with you. I think I gotta get back to my island so I could rest. Tux follows Diddy out of the crystal place after catching a fish before tailing Diddy and Enguarde all the way back to the Donkey Kong Isle. Diddy comes out soaking wet with his already belly-showish shirt being a bit tighter than usual as is the case with many shirts as Tux comes out, shaking his feathers. Will and Phil look at Tux with a bit of that awkwad look in their eyes. Tux: So what? I'm a penguin! Swimming is what I do! After surfacing, Diddy goes through the cave to the main village where the Kongs live and swings along the ropes to what appears to be his tree house. He then returns to his humble little tree house where he could sleep on the rope bed with his hands clasped and his hat pulled down over his eyes. The tree house is pretty and has the pictures of Nintendo and Rareware characters alike. Tux spies on the tree house from a safe distance, then is visited by Will and Phil. Will and Phil were calling after Tux. Will: Tux! Phil: Tux! Tux! Tux hears his name being called and immediately returns to the assassins. Tux: Over here. Will: Oh, thank goodness you’re all right. Wow, you’re soaking wet! Phil: We’ve been looking all over for you. Tux: Let me tell you: I did penguin stuff. Okay, who is this geek that gave me that really weird super power of the Kongs, immunity to drowning? Will: I don’t know. Whatever it is, don’t worry about it. Diddy and Tux Season I Episode 1.1 Chapter 3.4

The Loading Screen comes on.

Clippy: End of memory. Loading next memory…

.

Diddy’s Monologue

It is the first time I have ever been in a situation when I actually have to fight Microsoft for sure.

Sure, several of the fan sites payed tribute to the Golden Age of Console Gaming that Nintendo and Rareware ruled together, but I never thought that there would actually be a story about it.

And the reason for the Assassin’s Creed references, I’m not too sure about.

Then I noticed something.

This user is into the monguins, whatever those are.

I’m also surprised that my name is not the only one in the title.

Whoever creature that is named Tux would be my companion. It sounds like a penguin name.

We Kongs weren’t the only ones that wanted Rare back to Nintendo.

In fact, it was Banjo and Kazooie that originally planned a gathering to start the rebellion.

The evidence is in their Xbox 360 game, Nuts and Bolts. In that game, they really mocked the Microsoft Xbox users.

On the lighter side of things, I had a swell time with my old friend, Enguarde, and my girlfriend, Dixie.

Dixie mentioned that there is a penguin waiting for me.

I bet that penguin’s name is the one that’s in the title.

But what penguin would be called Tux?

It’s not like we are talking about an animation of some kind.

Unless if the said penguin is also somehow a rival of Microsoft.

Wait a minute…

Is the penguin really—

Tux’s Monologue

Few days passed after the mysterious rogue Spartan told me about the Donkey Kong Islands.

Shortly after I arrived at Nintendo, I decided to check out Diddy Kong to see what he was up to.

He seems to be a fine creature to say the least.

In fact, the way I understood it, penguins should be jealous of him.

He even has a fake alliance with Microsoft, although because he technically is still a Nintendo license, he is still the enemy, especially when his fans like to make fun of Microsoft as much as mine do.

I’m not going to lie.

The only problem with seeking out this monkey is that such side quest is getting me side tracked from my primary goal.

Linux so far has little to no presence here and this place seems visited by the creatures stealing ideas from Nintendo creating some ideas like the Xbox Avatars and the Microsoft Xbox Kinect, also known as Project Natal.

Come to think about it, it reminds me of that old Angry Joe video making fun of Project Natal.

Little that Diddy knew is that his life is about to change drastically.

He’s about to be introduced to a whole new community of Linux.

Free and open source might come in handy.

Nevertheless, things are about to get rough. A pause occurs and the monguins realized that it has been 30 minutes already and the loading duration time has been 3 minutes already.

Mickey Monguin: I was going to mention that!

Monguin: Ah, these infernal loading times!

Mickey Monguin: Yeah, truly annoying.

Clippy: Social interactions will help repel unwanted attention from the enemy and avoid suspicion. Get petted and you may regain synchronization.

Monguin: That's actually useful information, Clippy.

Clippy: Social interactions appropriate to the memory will help boost cross-synchronization. If the cross synchronization is broken, so does your brain's connection with your brother's.

Mickey Monguin: I see!

Monguin: Let's see what Clippy meant by that.

Diddy and Tux both fold their upper limbs as if they are in some sort of a brotherhood.

Back to back, at first glance, it looked as if Diddy had his tail over Tux's shoulders, but instead, Diddy tickles Tux's navel. Tux uses his own feathers to tickle Diddy back.

Monguin: Oh, that's cute.

Clippy: Memory load complete. Diddy and Tux Season I Episode 1.2 Chapter 1.1

Diddy Kong wakes up the following morning.

Diddy: I wonder what surprises my old friends have for me.

Diddy goes to check on his gang to see how they’re doing. He decides to literally swing from tree to tree until he finds a pond to jump in.

Diddy jumps in for a quick swim and grabs a trout from the water.

Diddy: Got ya! Now you are about to be flavored!

Tux sees Diddy climb up to the top of the trees and sees a dataDyne Shock Trooper with a Super Dragon and throws a ninja star directly into the dataDyne’s neck as he falls over and drops dead.

Diddy: Now, if I can find some fresh bananas and pineapples to flavor this thing…

Diddy finds a bunch of bananas and picks a banana from the tree and peels it the way monkeys usually do it, taking from the bottom end and peeling back to the stem to grab it. He also finds a pineapple and a sharp object to cut it.

After slicing though the pineapple, Diddy grabs a coconut and smashes it to get the milk. All of the ingredients are washed and are stuffed in the fish. He then eats it.

Diddy: Nothing beats the juicy breakfast, but I heard Antarctic fish taste a lot better because of that fat. Now about that gang that I somehow formed…

Will: Wow, that monkey’s pretty smart!

Phil: Sure thing! Diddy’s got talent. I thought that he might be…

Tux: What, stupid? You got it all wrong. Monkeys are generally intelligent. That’s a misunderstood fact.

Will: Where did ‘e get his appetite for fish?

Tux: The cartoon spinoffs… The GBA remakes of the classic trilogy…

Tux: This game is fantasy you know.

Diddy finishes his breakfast. Tux’s stomach growls.

Will: Sounds like you need some breakfast too, penguin.

Tux: I’m going to do what he did. Phil: Really?

Tux: Yes. I might enjoy tropical fruits as he does. I already ate apples before and they are the blandest fruit ever! Diddy Kong, did you save me any?

Will: Well, go ahead, Tux. You need some food in you, buddy.

Tux attempts to dive after the same pond that Diddy went after and begins to trace the steps. Another dataDyne shows up to find Tux and Tux hides in the water and the dataDyne rests but keeps watch. While underwater, Tux swoops down to find some fish.

Tux: Now, if I can do what he does…

Tux grabs three fish and a crab.

Tux: The oddest thing about this place is that there could be any marine wildlife in the water regardless of what type of body of water this is. Now to find a place to enjoy MY breakfast…

Tux swims upward to eat his breakfast. Then he sees a banana and picks it off of a tree.

Tux: I’m curious of what bananas taste like. They say that’s what monkeys are known for, so I might as well try one.

Before Tux began to climb, he starts to notice the dataDyne sniping from above and begins to hide and track him down. He attempts to get close enough to throw a ninja star at the dataDyne and does so.

Tux: Now, you’re highly suspicious. I suspect there would be more of you out there. I know you’re out there.

Tux continues to throw to kill one dataDyne after the next.

Will: What are you doing?

Tux: I’m trying to save the Kongs from an ambush.

Phil: Tux, let the Kongs fight their own battles.

Tux: Their fans love to make fun of Microsoft! “Microsoft, you suck! You ruin gaming! You ruin Rareware! You should stick with Windows!” But if you look at what MY fans have to say about Windows, and combine them with that group of fans, you can safely say that Microsoft sucks altogether.

Will: I hate your logic!

Tux: Hey, it’s not MY fault that I happen to be portrayed with all of the same abilities and a very similar charm as he is and with a common enemy even! Whoever wrote this script must have recognized the resemblance and decided to present it! Phil: I have to admit, Tux. Come to think about it, I think Diddy Kong might be an excellent companion for you.

Tux uses eagle vision to attempt to find the other dataDyne shock troopers. He notices that the social status icon is an Xbox 360 logo with some arcs indicating how suspicious the enemy is. Tux attempts to lower the suspicion as low as possible but fails the attempt as the icon has a flashing ring of light that would indicate the controller is idle or low on battery.

This means that the dataDynes are informed and the status indicator switches to the Red Ring of Death meaning “Exposed.” At that point, the synchronization bar goes down as Tux dives back into the water to vanish.

At this point, the icon switches to the ring of light blinking and spinning indicating finding the controller or in this case, “Vanishing.” The monguins grow impatient until it switches to anonymous again.

Tux attempts to sneak his way back out using Eagle Vision to spot any more dataDynes that are glowing red to find a route to escape. Then Donkey Kong wakes up and springs a trap set by Funky Kong and the dataDynes get distracted as Tux escapes.

Tux later travels through the cave to catch up with Diddy in attempt to restore synchronization.

Tux: (using Eagle Vision) Where are you, Diddy Kong?

Mickey Monguin: I’m over here!

Monguin: Where is here?

Mickey Monguin: I’m on the other end of the tunnel, Monguin.

Monguin: Wait for me!

Tux races through the caves until he spots Diddy.

Monguin: Now, just stay put and let me regain my synchronization.

Mickey Monguin waits until Monguin’s synchronization is back up. Diddy then moves forward to deliver letters to some of the gang members.

Diddy goes up to another forest realm to find Donkey Kong.

Monguin: I spot a dataDyne.

Mickey Monguin: I see him!

Tux throws another ninja star at the dataDyne.

Diddy: DK! DK! Diddy and Tux Season I Episode 1.2 Chapter 1.2

Donkey: Over here!

Diddy goes up to Donkey to see him.

Donkey: Welcome, Diddy. How are you doing?

Diddy: I’m doing fine.

Donkey: I’ve heard about your fight with the dataDynes yesterday and Dixie told me some strange news that can relate to the playtime you had with Enguarde last night. There is something I want you to do.

Diddy: And what is that?

Donkey: I want you to deliver these letters to some of the other members of the Separatist community. Tell them that we are gathering at the air base tomorrow.

Diddy: Right away, Uncle DK.

Candy and Donkey give Diddy a hug and wish him good luck. Diddy then leaves to deliver the letters.

Tux: Now it’s time to see how well the progress continues.

Tux follows Diddy as Diddy swings around the village in the forest region as he kills a random innocent animal on purpose.

Clippy: Danger! Danger! Tux did not kill innocent animals! Remember the first tenant to the Creed.

Mickey Monguin: Brother, what did you do?

Monguin: I was just having fun.

Mickey Monguin: Now where is the target or whatever?

Monguin: Wait, I think I know where it is.

Mickey Monguin: Where?

Monguin and Mickey Monguin noticed that the cross synchronization bar went high enough for them to switch characters.

Monguin: (seeing the primary objective) never mind.

Diddy heads forward to the Carrington Institute agent and hands him the letter. CI Agent: Thanks. Were you followed?

Diddy: *looks behind* No. Is there something wrong here?

CI Agent: You made a bold move stan ding up to Microsoft like that. Just be careful not to act a bit too rebellious.

Diddy heads forward to the Maian that seems to be waiting for a letter as well.

Diddy: Maian, we are having a meeting at the Star Fox Air Base.

Maian: Yes. Diddy, I heard rumors of an arrival of some kind. If I’m right, I don’t think we are alone in this fight.

Diddy: Sure thing. Hope we do alright.

Maian: We’ll be there when you get there. I promise.

Diddy: Don’t break your promise, Maian!

Diddy goes off and starts back home. Meanwhile, Tux notices that the dataDynes are taking some of the CI agents and the Maians captive and had the urge to help them out. He can’t because he’s a stealth character and cannot engage the overwhelming dataDyne troops because he would get caught.

Therefore, the monguins knew they can’t approach the dataDynes because they would be desynchronized. Meanwhile, Tux sees Squawk fly in the distance and swooping down to talk to Diddy.

Squawk: Diddy! Diddy!

Squawk lands right next to Diddy panting.

Diddy: Squawk?

Squawk: Diddy, I gotta tell you something!

Diddy: What?

Squawk: We might have to cancel the meeting.

Diddy: What’s going on?

Squawk: the dataDynes have taken your friends captive. You must find them and free them before they leave here. If you are not successful in time, you might have to postpone the meeting. If you are not successful at all, you might have to cancel it.

Diddy: I’ll go tell DK, then.

Squawk: Let me do that, Diddy. In the meantime, go to the prison cell located not far from here and that’s where you will find Timber. He might tell you where the others are being held captive. Diddy gets nauseous as he attempts to climb the walls to find the prison cell. Because it is a prison cell he’s going to, he gets cautious about the dataDynes spotting him. He stays on the rooftops until he gets spotted.

At that time, he dives into a pond nearby to hide. Then he pops out. The social status icon changes again to a blank Xbox logo meaning “uninformed.” Tux hides as well but his status is “anonymous” until he finds a corner to assassinate from.

Monguin: Come on, stupid Shock Trooper! Move it!

Mickey Monguin: Yeah, he’s driving me crazy.

Monguin switches out to his map to see where the objective is at.

Monguin: Great, it’s still there.

Monguin switches back out of the map screen back to Diddy. Mickey Monguin spots the dataDyne and Tux throws a ninja star at him.

Mickey Monguin: Shipwreck! I’m running out! Quick!

Monguin noticed that Diddy’s once again anonymous. Diddy comes back out of the hiding spot and intends to act cute. After a while, a bunch of dataDynes show up.

Monguin: Okay, this is annoying!

Diddy runs really far to escape the dataDynes. This is done rather swiftly.

Clippy: Memory reinitializing…

Mickey Monguin: I’m confused! What game are we playing? Are we playing Donkey Kong or Assassin’s Creed?

Monguin: I have no frigate clue!

Mickey Monguin: That’s the beauty of mix genre I bet.

Monguin: Yeah, truly.

Mickey Monguin: I wonder why we’re doing all this!

Monguin: Is it just me, or is this Déjà Vous?

Diddy continues on to find Timber.

Meanwhile, he comes across a series of dataDyne troopers and does what he can to avoid them while Tux works in the background.

Tux comes in to find a couple of dataDynes and stabs both of them at the same time. Will and Phil assist. Diddy and Tux Season I Episode 1.2 Chapter 1.3

Mickey Monguin: Did you see that?

Monguin: Where?

Mickey Monguin: Oh, I forgot. Diddy doesn’t notice that he’s being watched.

Monguin: No kidding.

All of a sudden, Diddy and Tux were both killed by the dataDynes before:

Clippy: Desynchronization: Death

Monguin: Oh, ship! We got desynchronized!

Mickey Monguin: Make sure you have your eagle vision on.

Monguin: That’s your part!

Mickey Monguin: Whatever!

Clippy: Memory reloaded

The monguins found themselves picking up exactly where they left off. Meanwhile, they pause the game to comment on what’s been happening so far.

Mickey Monguin: So, who are these characters?

Monguin: Okay, so we both know who Diddy and Tux are.

Mickey Monguin: Of course, and we also knew who the Kongs are.

Monguin: Let’s see here: Timber was one of the playable characters that starred in Diddy Kong Racing, which took place at his island.

Mickey Monguin: Why are there so many of such reference?

Monguin: Because believe it or not, many of those characters now sadly belong with Microsoft.

Mickey Monguin: Linux’s competition.

Monguin: Exactly.

Mickey Monguin: So, if they are not careful, they may become enemies. Monguin: It seems that there is a good chance that Diddy might be used by the UNSC to become the Windows counterpart to Tux since what Linux has that neither Apple or Windows have is an icon that you can make some pretty interesting and in fact cute and awesome fan pictures of. The only problem is that Diddy is still licensed by Nintendo like the rest of the Donkey Kong franchise. In addition, Nintendo still has the rights to Diddy Kong racing and had to replace Banjo, Kazooie, and Conker with Dixie and Tiny Kong for the Nintendo DS rerelease. Likewise, Rare Ltd. had to rename one of its cheat codes in Perfect Dark from Donkey Kong mode to Monkey mode for the Xbox Live Arcade rerelease.

Mickey Monguin: What about the dataDyne Shock Troopers? Diddy and Tux had to encounter them frequently.

Monguin: If there is anything someone that owns an Xbox likes, it is shooters. The most notable title is the Microsoft LP, Halo. Master Chief has been highly regarded as the ultimate title character for Xbox. He’s like the Mario of Xbox. The same can be said about many other Spartans that seem to be Microsoft characters. When I first saw the portrait of Master Chief, he reminded me of a dataDyne shock trooper, not to mention how if it hadn’t been for Goldeneye or Perfect Dark, there never would have been Halo. In other words, the reason why the dataDynes would be hostile is because while the Kongs deliberately revolutionized Nintendo to create even the first Super Mario game and were associated with Banjo and Kazooie, the dataDynes on the other hand helped gave Microsoft its console gaming industry, even with Halo.

Mickey Monguin: In other words, because the most notable Microsoft title is Halo, we probably are going to encounter a lot of Spartans.

Monguin: Exactly. In addition, do you remember how it is that we got interested in Assassin’s Creed in the first place?

Mickey Monguin: We established connections Diddy and Tux have with secret agents and ninjas respectively, not to mention their acrobatic talent and their rebellious, chaotic nature.

Monguin: Exactly. Secret agents and ninjas are both considered assassins. Monkeys, like Diddy Kong, are known to be free spirits, not to mention Tux being the mascot of free and open source. Now assassins fight against Templars, correct?

Mickey Monguin: Yes, but what does this have to do with Spartans?

Monguin: If we are in the animus, and Diddy and Tux can qualify to become assassins, that makes the Spartans Templars. That probably would explain the social status icon and Clippy.

Mickey Monguin: We are being held prisoner by Microsoft just as Desmond was held prisoner by Abstergo.

Monguin: Exactly.

Mickey Monguin: What about the weapons Will and Phil were carrying? Monguin: While their primary weapons are the hidden blades, Will and Phil carried arsenals from various Tom Clancy games. Usually, before someone wants to create something original, he or she would first begin creating something that the others like. For example, Before creating Avatar, James Cameron created Titanic. Before creating Inception, Christopher Nolan created Batman Begins and the Dark Knight. Before many of the popular singers sing their own compositions, they would go to American Idol to sing the songs that are already popular. In this case before Ubisoft made Assassin’s Creed, they picked up interest from the fans making what the fans are used to, shooter games. They based their shooter games on the novels by Tom Clancy. These games were unique as although they were futuristic, Ubisoft helped kept it realistic.

Mickey Monguin: It seems that with us, this series is a preparation to something original as well.

Monguin: I wonder what that could be. But for right now, we must focus on the task of trying to reach that target memory.

The monguins resume the memory. Tux watches Diddy as Diddy walks up to Timber to talk to him. Will and Phil follow suit.

Diddy: Timber.

Timber: Diddy.

Diddy: Are you alright?

Timber: I took a little beating, but I’m okay.

Diddy: So, wait! I need to get you out of here and find the others.

Timber: It’s too late now. The dataDynes have already took most of us captive. Listen, I don’t have a lot of time. Long story short, two of our old friends recently encountered someone who was going to kill them both but spared their lives. They therefore resigned from the Spartan order and are no longer part of the UNSC. According to your girlfriend, that someone is here right now watching and protecting you. Go to your very own chest and see what our old friends left for you to have. Take everything you find inside. Some of it may seem strange to you, but all of it is important, okay?

Diddy: But that someone. What is everybody talking about?

Diddy and Timber hear the door open.

Timber: Diddy, go now!

Diddy finds a way to escape the prison walls. He sneaks his way out and decides to exit the village back to his own tree house. Tux, Will, and Phil follow Diddy back to the tree house and stealth assassinate any dataDyne in their way.

Monguin: Huh, I wonder what Diddy Kong is up to. Diddy and Tux Season I Episode 1.2 Chapter 1.4

Mickey Monguin: I’ve been wondering the same about Tux.

Monguin: So, well at least you have the equipment for starters.

Mickey Monguin: Yeah, but you have a stronger story and do more stuff.

Monguin: I think the author of this script is trying to keep Diddy and Tux as balanced as possible.

Mickey Monguin: No duh. One can’t be superior to another. That’s what made Donkey Kong Country 2 so great. Swimming with Diddy and Tux is fun.

Monguin: That’s because they are cute characters with cute pot bellies. The same cannot be said about Mario.

Mickey Monguin: Also, I think Diddy Kong’s the most realistic Donkey Kong character.

Monguin: How so?

Mickey Monguin: Because monkeys in real life have visible belly buttons when they are slightly chubby and they are the best swimmers when they have bodies like Diddy has. They also have prehensile tails. The other monkeys along the line of most if not all other Kongs are horrible swimmers.

Tux: So, where to now? Going after your treasure chest?

Will: I guess he is.

Monguin: Why do I get the feeling that Phil is going to be killed and Will is going to hate Tux for it?

Mickey Monguin: Because it happened to Kadar in Assassin’s Creed 1.

Diddy: Now, where was that chest?

Diddy finds the chest in his own special room with a lock which only he can open to access and his friends to open to send him gifts and messages.

Diddy: Ahh, beautiful music. This means that I am about to receive something beautiful.

Tux: Come on, Diddy Kong. I want to see what’s inside.

Will: Come on, Diddy. Show me what you’ve got.

Diddy pulls out his key to unlock the chest.

Diddy: Ah, it’s good to be wearing this equipment again. I hope it’s still functional. Diddy and Tux Season I Episode 1.2 Chapter 2.1

Will: What equipment does he have? Barrels? Bananas?

Phil: What could it be?

Tux: Let me guess: it’s his jetpack and pistols!

Will: What makes you say that?

Tux: Because that was such an awesome aspect of Donkey Kong 64, Diddy Kong gets to keep that, even in Super Smash Brothers Brawl, hands down, best Wii game.

Diddy: Now, my old friends, let’s see what you got for me…

Diddy opens the treasure chest to find his jetpack and pistols. They were beautifully crafted.

Diddy: Hello, rocket barrel boost. Good to see you again.

Diddy equips himself with the jetpack.

Diddy: I gotta say, Cranky. You might be cranky sometimes, but you sure gave me one of the greatest gifts I could ever achieve, which goes perfectly well with what I received from Funky a while earlier. Hello, peanut popguns!

Diddy twirls around his peanuts and nibbles on one of them.

Diddy: Still good, still tasty, still poisonous to most people!

Diddy searches the rest of the treasure to see what else he finds in there.

Diddy: And what would these Spartans that used to be my friends that sacrificed loyalty for nostalgia lend me?

Diddy searches to find something he never dreamed of seeing: an Android Smartphone! It’s a prototype too! The first thing he sees on there is the typical Sitting Down Tux logo along with a few Linux Native Gaming apps and Linux fan sites. It was like a whole new world for him.

Diddy: Now that’s a penguin there! A whole new generation of cuteness! Keep up the good work Linux. You might be the real spiritual successors to Nintendo and Rareware. I must find this penguin and meet him. He will help me fight for nostalgia.

Tux: In deed I will. Open source can be pretty useful for gaming emulators. Linux is where the real nostalgia is. Wait a second, what was that you just said? Tux notices Will and Phil playing Donkey Kong Country 2 on the Nintendo DS out of curiosity.

Tux: Are you playing DKC2?

Will and Phil were quickly saving the game and shutting down their Nintendo DS’s.

Will: Yes, Tux. Why don’t you have anything like Donkey Kong Country’s water levels?

Tux: Because the stupid Linux staff is about just as ignorant as the Nintendo staff. In addition, those games are underdeveloped compared to those classics you’re referring to.

Monguin: Maybe this web series would give Linux the idea!

Mickey Monguin: It might give Nintendo the idea too!

Tux sings a verse from the Donkey Kong rap.

He’s back again and about time too.

And this time, he’s in the mood.

He can fly real high with his jetpack on,

And his pistols out. He’s one tough Kong

He’ll make you smile when he plays his tune

And (altering the lyrics) Spartans beware

‘Cause we’re after you!

Diddy: Now, to find that penguin!

Tux: Oh, mothership! He’s looking for me!

Will: Well, go on ahead and introduce yourself. We could use a fourth companion.

Tux: Well, here goes nothing!

Diddy and Tux Season I Episode 1.2 Chapter 2.2

Before Diddy and Tux were about to meet each other, the dataDynes showed up and went out there searching for them. dataDyne 1: Diddy Kong.

Diddy: Well, well. Is it about time that you dataDynes about have me? You come to arrest me? So be it! I could be the cuddliest prisoner you could ever have! dataDyne 2: You are a traitor!

Diddy: I am no traitor. I have always been part of the Nintendo license. You are the traitors for leaving the empire! dataDyne 1: We do not want to arrest you!

Diddy: Then what is it that you want? dataDynes pull out their CMP 150s and lock on to Diddy as Diddy pulls out his loaded pistols. dataDyne 2: For you to die!

Diddy and the dataDynes begin fighting in a shootout. Diddy acts defensively and attempts to find an escape route or a place to out maneuver as he usually does. The easiest thing for him to do would be to use his jetpack but the jetpack is noisy and he likes being subtle. He quickly fires one peanut at each of both dataDynes at the same time to escape.

Diddy: Well, that’s not going to happen. So, why don’t we explore other options?

Diddy briefly uses his jetpack as an extra jump to cling onto a tree trunk as he fights to defend his home. dataDyne 1: Diddy Kong is armed. We need back up! I repeat! We need back—

Diddy shot the walkie-talkie and began to roam freely.

Tux, Will, and Phil keep their heads down as they watch Diddy fight off the dataDynes by himself. Tux at this point wasted his ninja stars and wanted to save them for the primary objective while Diddy on the other hand used his freshly loaded ammunition.

Monguin: Um, there is a dataDyne going into the banana horde. You might want to chase after that guy.

Mickey Monguin: Got it! Diddy chases after the dataDynes and shoots a couple of them. Injured, they pulled out their CMP150’s and shot back at Diddy as Diddy continues shooting them in a fierce combat. The weakest spot has always been the neck where the armor is weakest and where the brain is connected with the heart. Damaging the front of the throat also means to prevent the dataDyne from speaking. Diddy does this to save the horde and leaves. Tux, Will, and Phil find a safe spot in the horde to defend from. They finish off a couple of downed dataDynes by stabbing them with Tux’s katanas and the assassins’ hidden blades.

Diddy loves high ground where he has a lot of combat advantage. He goes from tree to tree facing the dataDynes doing whatever he can to be everywhere but the ground. Touching the ground meant combat disadvantage to him. The dataDynes had armor on but wish they had shields equipped. They couldn’t find anything and got easily lost in the jungle. They began to use their sensors to try to find where Diddy Kong is at.

Monguin: Well, this is a fun game!

Mickey Monguin: For some reason, we’re getting our exercise from all this!

Monguin: Don’t you remember?

Mickey Monguin: Don’t I remember what?

Monguin: It’s the Bleeding Effect! We are adapting to the skills of Diddy and Tux!

Mickey Monguin: No kidding!

Diddy was acting fiercely trying to save his home from the launched grenades from the Super Dragons.

Diddy: Oh, you do not fire that grenade at my base!

A dataDyne damaged part of Donkey Kong’s tree house which cost both monguins synchronization. They attempt to save the tree houses and remain in secret to help restore and maintain synchronization.

Mickey Monguin: Take that, dataDyne!

Tux kills one again. The cross synchronization bar goes full and the monguins once again tag team.

Monguin: This is fun!

Mickey Monguin: I know!

Diddy sees Cranky Kong being attacked by the dataDynes.

Mickey Monguin: Cranky! No!

The monguins realize that they are losing synchronization rather badly.

As Diddy uses his last ammunition, the monguins got desynchronized again. Clippy: Desynchronization: Destroyed Home

Monguin: Shut up!

Clippy: It looks like you are attempting to rebel against Microsoft. Want some help?

Monguin: You, yourself, are a Microsoft character. You’ve been around longer than Master Chief. We don’t want your help on that!

Clippy: Reloading memory…

Diddy and the dataDynes begin fighting in a shootout. Diddy acts defensively and attempts to find an escape route or a place to out maneuver as he usually does.

The easiest thing for him to do would be to use his jetpack but the jetpack is noisy and he likes being subtle. He quickly fires one peanut at each of both dataDynes at the same time to escape.

Diddy: Well, that’s not going to happen. So, why don’t we explore other options?

Diddy briefly uses his jetpack as an extra jump to cling onto a tree trunk as he fights to defend his home. dataDyne 1: Diddy Kong is armed. We need back up! I repeat! We need back—

Diddy shot the walkie-talkie and began to roam freely.

The monguins repeat the steps all over again and they get to move on finally.

Tux, Will, and Phil keep their heads down as they watch Diddy fight off the dataDynes by himself.

Tux at this point wasted his ninja stars and wanted to save them for the primary objective while Diddy on the other hand used his freshly loaded ammunition.

Monguin: I think I know where all of them are at.

Diddy jumps around to find the dataDynes and shoots a couple

Mickey Monguin: Where?

Diddy jumps back into the water to hide, then pulls a dataDyne into the water

Monguin: They are all marked by the target icons. I think I know where to find them.

A dataDyne agent with the shotgun attempts to attack Diddy, but Tux stabs from around the corner.

Mickey Monguin: I hope you do.

The dataDynes seem to be utterly defeated. Diddy and Tux Season I Episode 1.2 Chapter 2.3

Monguin: I just did.

Diddy continues on to find Timber.

Mickey Monguin: It’s back through the cave we ought to go.

Diddy, Tux, and the assassins continue through the cave as Diddy chases a fleeing dataDyne.

Monguin: Come back here you coward!

Diddy runs towards the dataDyne.

Mickey Monguin: What is he, a Coward Sim?

Just as the dataDyne left the cave, Diddy lost him.

Monguin: Drone it! I lost him!

Mickey Monguin: I don’t think you’re supposed to get him at this time.

Monguin: So much for chasing a Coward Sim. I think he might be a Speed Sim.

Diddy: So much for chasing a Coward Sim.

Monguin: Did ‘e just copy what I just said?

Mickey Monguin: Wow, our ancestor needs to be a little bit faster.

Monguin: I don’t think that’s supposed to be part of the story.

The monguins noticed that Diddy’s social status has changed once again to the Red Ring of Death, meaning “Exposed.”

Monguin: Gunship it!

Mickey Monguin: Well at least you’re near the ocean again.

Monguin: That’s a good point.

Diddy dives back into the water to vanish. Once again, the social status icon goes from exposed to broken line of sight to vanishing to vanished. dataDyne: The homeworld with this! I have better things to do. Diddy journeys forward to find the village once again. Tux and the assassins move up to the edge to find Diddy yet once again.

Diddy: Timber, where are you?

Diddy sees a new presence. Meanwhile, the UNSC shows up to assist the dataDynes.

Monguin: The United Nations Space Command. Hey, my prediction is going along pretty well.

Mickey Monguin: Guns! You are so smart.

The UNSC see Diddy and begin to engage him with their assault rifles, except for the officers, which pulled out their pistols and shotguns.

Diddy seems to be hiding from the UNSC and finding some cover.

Meanwhile, Diddy comes across Timber and finds him in a cage provided by the UNSC. However, instead of checking up on him, the UNSC prevent him from seeing Timber.

Timber: Let’s face it! You Spartans really are a mockery to us. My friend, Diddy Kong would be a lot cuter than you would ever be!

Colonel Sanders: Shut up, Timber!

Colonel Sanders is the leader of the dataDyne colonies on Nintendo. He dresses up in a dataDyne outfit and appears to be the “coward sim” Diddy was chasing after. Timber: But we were the best secondary developer Nintendo ever had. You dataDynes and Spartans are fools!

Colonel Sanders: Trust in your new masters! By order of Master Chief Petty Officer John 117, you are to return to us to help perfect the Project Natal.

Timber: As the means to acquire monopoly with a technology that has been made fun of for taking over the world? Never!

Colonel Sanders smacks Timber in the head with the butt of his Super Dragon.

Colonel Sanders: Stay in there!

Diddy: You will pay for what you’ve done!

Colonel Sanders: Take this creature up to the ONI outpost located on his island.

UNSC Marine: Yes sir!

Diddy attempts to attack Colonel Sanders but the UNSC makes a quick response as they open fire on Diddy.

Monguin: Why doesn’t he just engage them?

Mickey Monguin: Because he is an agile bard that does not like to fight that much, not directly at least. He’s not like Iron Man you know.

Monguin: Oh yes, of course, because they are front liners and he’s not.

Diddy flees the Spartans to escape from them. He then flies to the canopy and leaps from tree to tree in attempt to break the line of sight.

The social status icon once again switches from Red Ring of Death to a Twirling Ring of Light as he breaks the line of sight. Diddy then jumps into the water and he hides as the social status changes again.

Monguin: So, It seems like my theory is correct. Spartans are portrayed as Templars.

Mickey Monguin: Yes. I have done some recent comparisons between space adventure archetypes and medieval fantasy archetypes.

Monguin: Such as…

Mickey Monguin: The chick sniper that is good with AI or intelligence or something like that is kind of like an Elven Witch archer. The mitral can easily be compared to composite material armor, such as carbon fiber. Dragons fit just as well in science fiction as much as fantasy. In Dungeons and Dragons, a robot can easily be classified as a construct. In this case, the Spartan can be compared to the Templar because a knight in an awesome suit of armor is very much like a super soldier in an armored space suit with an awesome assault rifle. Diddy and Tux Season I Episode 1.2 Chapter 2.4

Diddy, once again anonymous, proceeds to search for the coward Colonel Sanders to beat him up.

Clippy: Memory Initiating… Your current objective is to go to the marker to begin your eavesdropping.

Monguin: When would Diddy and Tux encounter characters from Red vs. Blue?

Mickey Monguin: When we become part of Rooster Teeth productions, but that will never happen. The developers of Halo have the same relationship with Rooster Teeth as Ubisoft has with Toby Turner. This series insults Microsoft as both the gaming studio and the producer of the Windows operating systems.

Monguin: Well, I gotta follow Clippy’s instructions.

Diddy continues forward to begin the investigation. He later climbs a tree to spy over a couple of dataDynes to eavesdrop the conversation. dataDyne 1: You saw what happened. You were part of what happened. The Kongs are a threat! dataDyne 2: Rubbish! The Kongs are too stupid to pose of any threat to us. We all know they can’t swim. dataDyne 1: Reality check! They laugh at OUR swimming ability. In addition, they represent how intelligent monkeys could actually be. They don’t even surface for air. Not once. dataDyne 2: So, are you telling me that the Kong that attacked us is actually pretty smart? dataDyne 1: Yes. He’s a clever little bugger. He lead a rebellion that easily took out much of our platoon. dataDyne 2: Yes, before we successfully imprisoned them for committing treason. dataDyne 1: Yes. Then Diddy was able to fend off much more of us and our Spartan allies in a fire fight. dataDyne 2: Even at that time, I’m pretty sure he was assisted. dataDyne 1: By whom? dataDyne 2: I don’t know. But you have a good point. Diddy was able to take care of himself at that point for the most part. dataDyne 1: In fact, I must see Colonel Sanders right away to save his life. The letter must be sent to him. dataDyne 2: So be it! You must see to Colonel Sanders while I assist Alec Trevelyan. dataDyne 1: Deal! Clippy: Eavesdrop memory complete. Pickpocket the letter.

Diddy walks up to pick pocket the letter.

The dataDyne moves slowly watching from behind his back. Diddy also blends with the crowd as he usually does. The dataDyne moves out of the crowd and through the valley. Diddy attempts to climb to the roof to see the dataDyne. Using the jetpack would be an automatic failure as he attempts to pickpocket the dataDyne. Diddy finds the stack of boxes, crates, baskets, and barrels and jumps down safely along them in attempt to quietly approach them.

Just before the dataDyne approaches sunlight to where Colonel Sanders is at, he notices that he’s being followed and turns around only to find Diddy to somehow disappear.

Diddy then reaches into the pocket as monkeys intend to do and steals the letter before being chased by the dataDyne and climbing to the roof. dataDyne 1: Hey you, up there!

Diddy: (attempting to act cute) Hello, dataDyne. Lost your letter?

Diddy plays with the letter like a typical thief monkey acting cute. dataDyne: Give it back to me!

Diddy: Ahh, yes! You know you don’t want to kill the cutest monkey ever! dataDyne: Stop or I’ll shoot! (Pulls out his rifle)

Diddy pulls out his pistols like a cowboy and shoots the dataDyne in the neck.

Diddy: And that’s what you get for messing with the Kong!

Clippy: Memory initializing… Attempt to eavesdrop on Colonel Sanders.

Diddy spots the plaza with the following banners are at:

Clippy: Memory initializing… Attempting to show off my favorite army!

Monguin: Oh, you gotta be frigate kidding!

Clippy: No, YOU gotta be frigate kidding if you think you can get out of this alive! You know we are going to kill you, but at least there will be cake at the end of this.

Later on, Diddy Kong encounters some local dataDyne troopers, which all looked at Diddy with amazement.

Diddy shows off his belly and the dataDynes poke him and tickle him. Without a warning, Tux throws a ninja star at them from under cover, so even Diddy can’t spot him. Diddy and Tux Season I Episode 1.2 Chapter 3.1

Diddy: *looking around* Hey! Who did that? Whoever you are, thanks!

Tux giggles. dataDyne army: Long Live Master Chief! Long Live Master Chief!

Colonel Sanders: With our new power rising, our victory is within our grasp. dataDynes cheer in unison, then are silenced.

Colonel Sanders: And with the UNSC on our side, there is nothing Nintendo can do to stop us! dataDynes cheer again then silence.

Colonel Sanders: A couple of days ago, a separatist gang recently had beaten us in a fist fight, but they are now serving their sentence and now the rebellion is no more, nothing more than a massacre. dataDynes cheer for one last time.

Colonel Sanders: Let Nintendo know this! Rareware is ours, and nothing can stop us now! Salute! dataDynes salute Colonel Sanders. Colonel Sanders responds with the salute.

Sanders: At ease. dataDynes take a break as Sanders returns to his tent for rest. However, Diddy follows Sanders and shoots him as Sanders approaches his tent. The entire screen whitens up around Diddy and Sanders as it does in Assassin’s Creed after the player character kills his primary target.

Sanders: How is it that you find me?

Diddy: I’m a good pickpocket. You took away part of our heritage and left both Nintendo and Rareware for dead. I know what you’ve done to Timber and some of my other friends. Flee now while you still have the chance.

Sanders: It seems you still maintain your talents, as they allow you to kill me.

Diddy: Death is only a portal. I will not kill you, for your army has seen you defeated by a monkey. How sad. I’ve overheard your speech. What I have done to you shall prove you wrong.

The animus resumes to the environment.

Diddy looks at the army and the army stares at him with grief. Diddy and Tux Season I Episode 1.2 Chapter 3.2

Diddy: The Rareware are not dead! I’m still here! Me, Diddy Kong of Nintendo! And you will never see the light of day when Microsoft achieves its monopoly! dataDyne: Separatist! Get him!

Diddy jumps behind a local fence for cover. The dataDynes open fire on him. dataDyne: Use your grenades!

Diddy sees some dataDynes equipped with Super Dragons and quickly shoots every one of them within range. dataDyne: Gunship it! He took out our lieutenants! Open fire on Diddy!

Diddy shoots some more dataDynes until he reloads. He then finds an orange to throw at them to escape. dataDyne: Grenade! Grenade! Take cover!

The dataDynes disperse from the orange to quickly find some cover, except for one idiot who just stays there. dataDyne: Why are you running away? It’s just an orange—

BOOM!

Diddy notices that although the orange did not do much damage, it did scatter the dataDynes and weaken the morale that has already been weakened by a fleeing colonel. dataDyne: Gee, that was close! That stupid monkey! He threw the grenade and took out only one of us. Now we need to regroup and reengage Diddy.

Having the means to escape, Diddy pops out his jetpack to begin flying.

Diddy: YOU are the idiot ones! You had been distracted by a grenade and gave me some room to fly! dataDynes begin opening fire on Diddy as Diddy flies around with his jetpack and pistols to evade them.

Diddy: You’ll never catch me!

Diddy goes on top of a tower to shoot from. dataDyne: How did ‘e get up there? Diddy shoots some down before jumping off of a building to grasp onto a tree in the forest to evade them. dataDyne: It doesn’t matter! Just shoot him! dataDynes begin chasing Diddy around the village.

Diddy notices that he’s exposed and that he needs to break the line of sight. dataDyne: Get him! Get him! dataDynes chase Diddy as he swings from tree to tree to break the line of sight. The social status icon changes again to the spinning ring of light indicating the line of sight has been broken. Diddy swings down to the ground and jumps into the bushes. Social status icon changes again to vanishing. The dataDynes start looking for Diddy. dataDyne: Oh, where did ‘e go? dataDyne: Stop saying “did ‘e” like that. You annoy me with that sometimes. dataDyne: Why? dataDyne: Because you sound like a Separatist. dataDyne: Why? dataDyne: Because you’re adoring him. dataDyne: Why? dataDyne: Because you like saying his name like a pun. dataDyne: Why is that adoring him? dataDyne: Because only nostalgia freaks would look at him and find him attractive. dataDyne: Actually, anybody can like Diddy Kong, regardless if you are a video game nerd or not! That’s what’s so great about him. dataDyne: See, you’re a separatist! dataDyne: Why? dataDyne: because you like him, don’t you? dataDyne: Oh, come on! He’s cute! He’s awesome, he was smart enough to disengage the other guys, and he was an inspiration to both Nintendo and Rareware alike. If I remember right, I saw him with a Smartphone: If that’s an Android Smartphone, that would be awesome because we have too many cute characters to be Microsoft. We belong with Linux or Nintendo. *Gunshot! dataDyne: And that’s what you get for committing treason. Now, where’s that monkey?

Diddy still is hiding. dataDyne: Are you in there?

Diddy still is hiding. dataDyne: I bet you are in the bushes. (Pulls out the Perfect Dark combat knife and begins cutting away)

Diddy sees the knife and attempts to find a solution. dataDyne cuts away some branches. dataDyne: This would be much easier if only Bungee kept that stupid UNSC counterpart of the Covenant Energy Sword! Where are you?

Diddy still hides. dataDyne cuts through the bushes and begins to notice Diddy. dataDyne: There you are! You can’t hide from me! dataDyne approaches Diddy and Diddy thinks fast, but notices that the dataDyne is hesitating as Diddy attempts to act as cute as possible. dataDyne: Well, well, rebel! Oh, wait! I forgot! You are still licensed by Nintendo.

Diddy: That’s right. dataDyne: You scared our Colonel and now you will suffer the consequences.

Diddy: What are you going to do? I already told some of you that killing me is not going to happen. So, why not explore some other options? dataDyne: Do you honestly think that this belly of yours is going to keep you alive? (pokes Diddy’s belly)

Diddy sucks in his belly attempting to avoid scars.

Diddy: Um, my belly is part of what makes me cute, n00b, and it’s going to make me an ally of Linux! dataDyne: Linux?

Diddy: You heard. Several of my fans are already Linux users, and I love penguins!

Tux: That’s right, Diddy. Now, where are you heading?

Diddy discovers that he cannot reengage the dataDynes until he finds Tux. Diddy and Tux Season I Episode 1.2 Chapter 3.3

Until then, he has to escape from the island and risk the bananas for his own life. He therefore finds a path back to the beach so he can swim out to escape from the island.

*BAM! Diddy shoots the dataDyne and becomes anonymous again with the social status icon changing back to the Windows logo.

Diddy quickly leaves the bush as the dataDynes go into the forest to find Diddy. Diddy stays hidden.

The dataDynes go out there, looking for Diddy.

Diddy stays undercover in the bushes as the dataDynes still look for Diddy. dataDyne: Dude! Why are we so horrible at finding that monkey? dataDyne: Because he’s a monkey and can easily blend with any environment. dataDyne: No, what I’m really trying to say is that this is really starting to get annoying.

Diddy strolls away from the dataDynes as he finds the best route to the sea. dataDyne: Why? dataDyne: (quoting Tobuscus) Mysterious capped monkey watches from a distance! dataDyne: Why are you quoting Tobuscus? dataDyne: Take a second to look awesome! Time to go! dataDyne: Shut up! dataDyne: Walk in slow motion, so you still look awesome. dataDyne: Shut up! dataDyne: Guard just saw you and he’s gonna shoot you! dataDyne: Okay, I get it! You’re quoting that famous song by Tobuscus, but what does that have to do with us fighting Diddy Kong? dataDyne: Guard says stop just kill ‘im with your awesome! dataDyne: Okay, so Diddy got somebody with his awesome, got it! dataDyne: Another got hit by a shuriken so you’re good. dataDyne: Wait, a shuriken? dataDyne: Yes! I got a strong feeling that Diddy’s being assisted by the Linux mascot! dataDyne: Whatever! dataDyne: (Goes back to singing) Hopefully those guards have good armor! dataDyne: Gunship it! It’s not Assassin’s Creed! dataDyne: No they don’t! Maybe they do! They don’t! dataDyne: Wait, what did you just say? dataDyne: He’s obviously a far better swimmer than us, has more maneuverability than us, and far cuter than us. He reminds me of Ezio Auditore a bit and we’re kind of like those dumb guards with worthless armor who can’t swim! He’s also a rebel to boot. dataDyne: You just happen to be right about it.

The dataDynes noticed that their conversation got them distracted as they almost lost Diddy Kong. It even led Diddy to pickpocket the dataDynes. dataDyne: Wait a second! Did I lose something? dataDyne: What did you lose? dataDyne: I lost my trail mix. It had a lot of peanuts in it!

Diddy smiles with the trail mix and begins picking out the peanuts and loads them in his pistol.

Tux: Clever monkey! Now that’s how you gain ammunition!

Will: Duude! That’s just so funny, and cute too!

Phil: Now I see why you like Diddy Kong.

Tux: Yes. He’s an ally of Linux now! He has an Android Smartphone and is happy with it.

Will: I’m not sure if he knows if what he is searching for is already here.

Tux: I cannot go to him!

Will: Why not?

Tux: Because we are still in danger. The entire platoon is focused entirely on Diddy Kong. If I go to him, he will have both us and him at the same time. In addition, the only ones who recognize Diddy’s secret alliance with us had been found MIA. Will: So what do we do?

Tux: While the entire platoon is busy looking for Diddy Kong, we need to find out where he’s going and save the banana horde for him with the dataDynes distracted.

Phil: So, your plan is…

Tux: We need to first: find our rendezvous point with him, second: save the banana horde, and finally: proceed to our primary objective.

Will: Which is…

Tux: We don’t have a lot of time. Quiet, so I can find out where Diddy has gone. The sooner I can successfully eavesdrop, the sooner we can proceed to our plan.

Phil: Got it.

Diddy: Now if I can find an iceberg somewhere around here… Oh, got it! A nice cozy, penguin friendly island for me to rest at!

Tux: I think I can find him now!

Phil: Can we at least pet him?

Tux: STICK TO THE PLAN!

Will: I thought the plan did not include a bit of distraction of Nintendo's precious past time!

Tux: I mean MY plan.

Clippy: Memory initializing… Diddy, find an escape route. Tux, head forward to the main forest to save the banana horde.

Diddy looks around in order to find an escape route. With his new Android phone, he searches for a decent iceburg to rest at. He begins heading that direction.

Monguin: Oh, this is going to be interesting!

Mickey Monguin: Wait, so Diddy is going into penguin territory and Tux is going into monkey territory?

Monguin: I’m afraid so, brother.

Mickey Monguin: Why do things seem backwards sometimes?

Monguin: I have no frigate clue!

Mickey Monguin: So, what’s that orange you threw before?

Monguin: In Donkey Kong 64, oranges are like grenades. Diddy and Tux Season I Episode 1.2 Chapter 3.4 dataDyne: There he is! After him!

Diddy gets brutally chased by many of the dataDynes. dataDyne: Fire everything you got!

Tux, Will, and Phil move silently out of the way of the dataDynes.

Will: But Tux, you do not have anything to secure the base with! You need turrets!

Tux: I’ve got just the plan!

Phil: What is it?

Tux: Follow me.

Will and Phil follow Tux back to the village.

Diddy attempts to flee from the dataDynes. Apparently, none of them were Speed Sims so they grew tired of running. Soon, Diddy finds Rambi and rides him to escape from the dataDynes dataDyne: Oh, man, Diddy’s on Rambi! dataDyne: Shoot Rambi!

The dataDynes barely miss Rambi, some hit Rambi but the damage did nothing. dataDyne: Oh, guns! I forgot! dataDyne: What? dataDyne: Rambi’s invincible! dataDyne: I hate that! Wait! dataDynes thought that Rambi can easily deflect any normal combat blows, but is slightly vulnerable to explosives. dataDyne: We need you to use your grenades. dataDyne: Grenades, but this is just a regular Dragon, not a Super Dragon. dataDyne: Then throw it! dataDyne: But it would be a waste of a whole gun! dataDyne: Just do it! My legs are getting tired! dataDyne: Okay, here goes nothing!

The dataDynes keep running as fast as they can to catch up with Diddy and Rambi as one of them throws the Dragon as hard as he could. It looks rather silly, someone throwing the rifle at the monkey.

Meanwhile, Diddy notices the thrown rifle, jumps off Rambi, swings around the rope, catches the gun, and flings it back at the dataDynes. He then swings around and lands back on Rambi. dataDyne: Look out!

All dataDynes except for the one that threw the Dragon take cover as the one that threw the Dragon got hit. dataDyne: Okay, change of tactics. Shoot Diddy with everything you got!

The dataDynes chase Diddy and begin shooting Diddy until they run out of bullets. They then run into some trouble.

After wasting the bullets, Diddy got away and the dataDynes were tired. dataDyne: I knew we should have unlocked Infinite Ammo No Reloads cheat. dataDyne: With this world developed, only the team that is native to the map can pick the scenario. In this case, the map is the Donkey Kong Islands so only the Separatists can select the scenario.

The dataDynes are exhausted. Diddy got away.

Tux, Will and Phil arrive at the village, now an empty concentration camp.

Tux: We need to find some Laptop guns around here.

Will: What?

Tux: Never mind. I’ll find them. If I can bring one to you, will you help me?

Phil: This is the weirdest mission I have ever encountered!

Will: That’s because this probably is not the mission at all.

Tux: Shut up! I’m trying to think. Once we’re finished here and proceed to our mission, THEN we can discuss a few things here.

Will: We’ll stay here, I guess.

Tux continues on to find some Laptop guns. He then thought about one single problem: Tux: Where can I find some Laptop guns?

Tux continues searching every box and every dead body for some. He couldn’t find a laptop gun anywhere. He loses patience and gives up.

Tux: Now, I need to find an alternative strategy.

Clippy: Memory initializing…

The GPS marks the objective directing Tux to the safe in the UNSC footlocker. Fortunately for Tux, the locker is left unattended.

Tux: Now time to pick this lock…

Tux attempts to pick the lock on the UNSC footlocker. He does so with a small combat knife he found in the battlefield. He then drops the knife on the ground, picks the lock, and opens the footlocker.

Tux: Well, well, well. Look what we’ve got here! Jackpot!

What Tux found was the main Crystal Coconut from the Donkey Kong TV series.

Tux: UNSC, the next time you steal something from the Kongs, find a safer place for it! It doesn’t matter if they are smart or dumb or if they are assisted by the Rareware separatists or the Nintendo natives. I’m here, and I am going to place it at its proper location.

Clippy: Return to Will and Phil.

Tux: I stole your “property,” Clippy! You don’t have to remind me of what to do!

Tux returns to Will and Phil.

Will: That doesn’t look like a gun!

Tux: That’s because it’s the main crystal coconut from the Donkey Kong TV series. Let’s put it in the Banana Horde so we can get onto our primary objective.

Tux, Will and Phil go back outside and attempt to find the cave where they are designated to.

Meanwhile, Diddy gets chased by some DataDynes as he gets near the cliff. dataDyne: You have nowhere to run, Diddy Kong!

Diddy: So what! I got other plans to deal with. I have made a new oath to myself! Don’t you have other things to worry about?

Diddy dives into the water and swims away with Enguarde. The dataDynes see Diddy vanish and ceasefire.

Tux: I think it would be time to resume to our mission, Will and Phil. Diddy and Tux Season I Episode 1.3 Chapter 1.1

We are now back at the blue loading screen. The monguins are beginning to love and hate their experiences with the animus. Clippy shows up to annoy them like usual.

Clippy: Congratulations! You have passed through two memories already. To complete this memory sequence and block, you must master your synchronization with Tux. You have already perfected your synchronization with Diddy Kong, but must do so with Tux by seeing through HIS memory. As a reminder, when we’re finished here, there will be cake.

Monguin: If nothing is true, then the cake is a lie!

Clippy: Do you want to get out of this alive or not?

Mickey Monguin: We both know you won’t let us live, so hush!

Clippy: Then why access the memories of Diddy and Tux?

Monguin: We grew up without our own parents. Using the animus is the closest thing we have ever come to having a father. We also know that Dixie Kong is related to us.

Mickey Monguin: That we’re certain about.

Clippy: Poor orphans! It also looks like you’re wondering about what it is that Tux wanted to do. Can I help you with that?

Monguin: Clippy, shut up or I will stab you in the face!

Clippy: Why won’t YOU shut up while I load the following memory?

Monguin: Whatever!

Diddy’s Monologue

Dear Dixie Kong,

I have just recently fled from the island and had retreated to a nearby iceberg.

I did so because I was vastly outnumbered.

I hope you’re all right.

Whatever happens to you, I will avenge you, I promise. I want to thank you for the lovely gift you have sent me, a word of hope that I might be able to meet a penguin friend that will help us in this rebellion.

I don’t know who this penguin is, but all I know is that he is a really popular icon and the mascot of the Linux operating systems.

His rivalry against the UNSC and devotion to nostalgia freaks might help us win our battles.

With the way things are going, I bet that this journey is going to be long, and that there might be more to it than what is expected.

I love you, Dixie Kong, with all my heart.

Your friend, Diddy Kong.

Tux’s Monologue

This is Tux, the Linux Mascot.

Many years ago, I was nothing more than an abandoned egg that was dropped by my parents.

After Linux brought me to life and thawed me out, I was given a powerful soul and an attitude.

I was like a Ninja Turtle.

For many long years, I fought the forces of Microsoft and Apple along with the software pirates of various kinds as a ninja until I came across a mysterious hooded figure named Altair.

After he recruited me, I devoted my skills to the cause of the assassins. I never quite understood the Creed that the assassins follow; neither did they let me understand it.

They think that through my actions of fighting for free and open source software, that they do not need to interpret the Creed for me because they figure out that I already understood the Creed.

I mean, what does it mean to say that nothing is true and everything is permitted?

What does it mean, I wonder?

No matter the cause, my rivalry against both Apple and Microsoft has given me an interest in making fun of the things wrong with Microsoft, but it never occurred to me that with the popularity of penguins and with Xbox, that I would be fighting the UNSC, especially the Spartans.

It never occurred to me that my making fun of Microsoft and referencing classic Nintendo because of my charm would lead me into meeting the primates whose heritage Microsoft took away and destroyed.

There was something of Nintendo and its former developer, Rareware, that caught my attention.

I have met someone. His name is Diddy Kong, and as of right now, he has recently gained interest in Linux and the penguins.

I hope he’s alright.

I watched him to make sure that he rests in a safe place under my condition so we can have a long term conversation with each other.

He seems like a promising monkey, and he certainly resembles a penguin a bit.

That swordfish friend of his, though.

It seemed as if they knew each other for a very long time, and they are amazing together.

Now that I know or at least have faith of his safety, I must continue onto my duty to the Crystal Caves, where I spotted a treasure of precious value.

Glory to the Assassins, for we have found the treasure that was produced by Apple Inc. but lost by Sony.

Penny, wherever you are, I’m hoping that you are alright.

Monguin: So, any ideas of where these guys come from?

Mickey Monguin: Well, we already discussed the explosive oranges.

Monguin: True, but what about that mysterious rouge Spartan that seemed to know both Diddy and Tux?

Mickey Monguin: I’m not sure yet.

Clippy: Memory complete… Diddy and Tux Season I Episode 1.3 Chapter 1.2

Tux: It is finished.

Will: Finally!

Phil: We've seen enough of this franchise.

Will: I was actually deeply surprised how much video game history we studied here.

Tux: One of our new friend’s spotlights was Donkey Kong Country 2, considered to be one of the best platformers of all time. The other is Diddy Kong Racing, which I swear Linux must reference more often for some of the games starring me and is the closest thing Microsoft has ever come to rivaling me. Funny, in the real world, I was developed in the year between the two years when they were released.

Will: How so? That game was a Nintendo license.

Phil: And it’s still is.

Tux: Did you pay attention to video game history?

Will: Why would you consider it Microsoft?

Phil: Why not the Halo franchise?

Tux: Because the closest thing Microsoft has come to rivaling my charm originated from such game.

Will: Are you saying that some Microsoft characters came from this game?

Tux: Yes. Numerous characters from that game appeared in Rareware-licensed games such as Banjo and Conker. Sadly enough, they are not as Microsoft as Master Chief and the other Halo characters.

Phil: Why?

Tux: Because Rareware was living its golden years when it was under Nintendo license, especially being Nintendo’s secondary developer. Microsoft bought them and everything went downhill for both companies, while Nintendo gets rescued occasionally by a Super Smash Brothers game. We’ve seen the response to that first hand.

Will: Funny!

Phil: I hope this doesn’t get us off track. So, where are these Crystal Caves?

Tux: Follow me and I’ll show you. Tux leads the two Assassins through the cave and along the beach where they would come across the roads that take them to the shady side of the island with a series of reefs and cold spots that make that side cold enough to get some snow.

Will: Snow? Why is there snow here?

Phil: Don’t you remember the games?

Tux: This is a magical place. Back in the golden years, the game producers knew that for the sake of charm, sometimes they would have to sacrifice logic for art. The Donkey Kong franchise was no exception. It was fantasy.

Will and Phil went to the local part where they see the water that was cold enough and pure enough to drink. They question themselves about how the Kongs manage to swim in such places.

Will: How is it the Kongs swim in this water?

Phil: Yeah, I’m confused.

Tux: They’re just special that way. From the looks of it, they love cold water. Some of the most romantic levels of the franchise took place here. That’s why in my opinion this franchise needs more penguins.

Will: That’s odd.

Phil: So, what other character around here do you think betrayed Nintendo?

Tux: Anything that resembles Microsoft.

Will: Wait, so we are at a franchise by one of Microsoft’s competitors and one of Microsoft’s subsidiaries while working with a mascot of another competition of Microsoft. Where is Clippy?

Tux: He’s right here following us.

Phil: Where? I don’t see him!

Tux: That’s because you can’t break the forth wall. As for right now, I know that we are all projections in the animus.

Will: If you are right, who is being anchored and whose descendant is accessing this “memory?”

Tux: My half-monkey descendant.

Tux looks up to see the cave entrance.

Will: So, where is this entrance at?

Tux: Towards that ear.

Phil: We might have to go in quietly. I sense danger. Tux: Right, we’ll go in and see what we can find in there.

Tux, Will, and Phil head forward to the cave.

Will: Gunship it! These trees! I am not used to climbing them!

Tux: Oh, come on! You can climb a tall skyscraper but you can’t climb a tree?

Phil: We never received the training!

Tux: Well you better learn because we are about to go through some forest places. Just follow me and we will be able to find our way into the cave.

Tux, Will, and Phil enter the cave. The first thing they see is a labyrinth.

Will: Go search around and see if you can find something to light our way.

Phil: Sure thing.

Tux: We don’t need light here. The crystals glow here.

Will: Well, we need to find our way around these caves.

Tux sees a waterfall and a pool to swim in.

Tux: Follow me, assassins.

The assassins follow Tux as Tux swims through to find his way through the maze.

Will: (shivering) Let’s not do that again, okay Tux?

Tux: Alright, assassins. No water, got it.

Tux turns on his eagle vision to see and spot the footprints that would lead Tux and the assassins to where they should go.

Will: How is it that you know where you are going?

Tux: Because I had used eagle vision.

Tux sees a young man standing in the distance hiking. That man appears to be a simple tourist and a Rareware fan. Will attempts to find other ways around the cave, but Tux sees no alternative.

Tux: What are you looking for?

Will: I’m trying to find a way around. We need to complete our task. The UNSC are advancing and we are wasting time here.

Tux: There is no other way. You see that tourist up there? Diddy and Tux Season I Episode 1.3 Chapter 1.3

Phil: Yes.

Tux: That human is going to warn us if we pass him in a rush, and as you said before, Will, we are in a hurry.

Phil: Hold on now, Tux. I’d see where you’re coming from. I thought you’re going to spare that Rareware fan’s life.

Tux: And what makes you think I would do that?

Phil: Because you seem like an instant Rareware fan now yourself, the kind that wants the company to return to Nintendo.

Tux: You made a good point, I guess, but our mission is with the artifact buried here in this cave.

Will: But how are we going to get past him? What are we going to do?

Tux: Just watch and learn, Will.

Will sees what Tux is about to do.

Will: But wait, Tux! There must be another way! This one doesn’t need to die!

Tux belly slides along the icy surface to approach the fanboy and flips forward for an assassination.

He then lands on the Rareware fanboy tourist, holds him with his left wing and pulls out his right katana with his right wing and stabs the squirrel in the neck.

*SHOINK!

Tux pulls out his katana and puts it away and gets off the Rareware fanboy tourist.

Will: An excellent kill; fortune favors your blade, and I seriously thought you recently became a Rareware fanboy yourself!

Tux: Not fortune, skill! Watch a while longer and you might learn something.

Will: Great, you will teach us how to disregard everything our master has taught us.

Tux: And how would you have done it?

Will: I would not have drawn attention to the life of an innocent. What I would have done is follow the Creed. Tux: The maxim of this Creed you speak of says clearly, “Nothing is true and everything is permitted”! Understand these words! It’s not about how we complete our task; only whether or not it is done.

Will: But it is not—

Tux: My way is better!

Will: I’ll scout ahead. We’ve spent enough time procrastinating with that stupid monkey! Try not to dishonor us further.

Will goes off, leaving Tux with Phil. Phil wonders what the matter with Will is.

Tux: Is there something wrong?

Phil: My brother doesn’t seem to be proud of your meeting with Diddy Kong among other creatures around here. What’s his problem? I mean, aren’t we here just to investigate and to return with as much information as possible? Why NOT spend time discovering our new friend?

Tux: The master believes he has found something lost by Apple Incorporated here.

Phil: What is it?

Tux: I don’t know, but he considers it important. He asked me to retrieve it.

Phil: Why you?

Tux: Because he felt if there is anybody that would do best here on this island, it’s me. Apple was fighting Microsoft the other day and was boarded by the troops we were busy fighting. Near death, one of the pilots flew his craft directly into this island hoping that the other dataDynes might recover the treasure for the UNSC. Apparently, this island’s Nintendo license, so it’s hostile.

Phil: So, what do we do?

Tux: Follow me; we have some work to do.

Tux and Phil attempt to venture along the Crystal Caves to find a way to get through the caves.

Phil: It’s a beautiful cave, I have to admit. I can see why you are easily distracted.

Tux: It’s like going to Disney’s Animal Kingdom. Now, if only there was a mine cart somewhere around here…

Phil: So, do the Kongs know of the presence of this treasure you speak of here?

Tux: I don’t think so. I bet they could help though.

Phil: Sure thing.

Tux: Funny! I thought I would find one. Phil: What?

Tux: The mine cart. Well, it is kind of easy to be stealthy here, also kind of hard.

Phil: That was oxymoron you just said here.

Tux: What I meant by it was that it is easy to get lost in here. If only we had a map that would tell us where to go…

Phil: Do you think we should turn around?

Tux: No, we have to do this. Your brother went after the treasure. We should do the same.

Tux continues to follow the minecart track down the tunnel with Phil following him. Tux and Phil journey through the caves until they came across a pool that seems to be at sea level and goes up and down.

Tux: Ah, I love this part. Let’s swim in it!

Phil: No thank you!

Tux: What’s the matter, human?

Phil: I’m not a penguin.

Tux: Neither are Diddy and Dixie Kong, and they seemed to be perfectly fine here. In fact, they love it here.

Phil: Like you said: for some reason they're already slightly penguin themselves. I'm not.

Tux spots some Spartans up ahead. He was confused of what to do. Tux turns on his eagle vision to see what the Spartans are up to.

Tux: You see those Spartans over there? Those Spartans are watching something. From the looks of it, it could be our final destination.

Phil: But how are you going to get by the Spartans without being spotted?

Tux: Leave it to me.

Tux sees that he could somehow draw their attention over to where Tux and Phil are at. Tux whistles. The Spartans run up to follow the whistle.

Spartan: Where was that whistle coming from?

Spartan: I don’t know. Whoever it is, it must be a Separatist of some kind.

The Spartans run up to see no Rareware separatist and instead was an enemy to Microsoft entirely.

Tux: Hello, Spartans. Come to see me? Diddy and Tux Season I Episode 1.3 Chapter 1.4

Tux kills both of the Spartans.

He sees Will return to Tux and Phil.

Will: Hey Tux. I found the treasure—What happened here?

Phil: Um, Tux whistled at the Spartans. It echoed. It was a very interesting tactic.

Will: Interesting enough to get us killed. So, that’s where the whistle was coming from. Tux, do you remember the second tenant of our Creed?

Tux: I had to whistle. If I killed the Spartans while they were at the entrance, the entire troop could have seen me.

Will: They are now being cautious as to where the two missing Spartans came from.

Tux: For sure. We need to get to the entrance and retrieve the treasure.

Will: Sure thing. Let’s do it.

Will, Phil, and Tux all head forward to retrieve the treasure.

Tux slides on his tummy along the straight pathway to the distant caverns. Careful as Tux is, he attempts to slow down as he approaches the caves.

Monguin: The most monguin-related aspect of the Donkey Kong franchise.

Mickey Monguin: Yes, the part that got a positive reception, unlike that beetle in Donkey Kong 64. And now Tux is in the cave.

Monguin: Well, at least he’s not at Fungi Forest.

Tux: Will, Phil, where are you two?

Tux looks around to see nobody in the caves.

Tux: Odd, I suspect that there will be Spartans here. I guess I beat them to the treasure after all.

Tux sees the ship that crash landed in the island. He recognizes the source material.

Tux: Hey, it’s that one ship that King K Rool flew towards the end of Donkey Kong 64. This must be the ship that the dataDynes used to board a ship of the iSony confederacy! The treasure must be inside!

Tux looks for an opportunity to retrieve the treasure just as Will and Phil show up. Diddy and Tux Season I Episode 1.3 Chapter 2.1

Will: What is that?

Tux: That ship that K Rool flew.

Phil: Is the treasure hidden inside there?

Tux: It looks like a Microsoft platoon used that to board an iSony craft, but what's it doing here?

Will: Quiet! Someone’s coming!

Three Spartans show up at the cavern below. The leader appears to be Alec Trevelyan.

Trevelyan: I want that treasure off of this island before sunrise. The sooner we possess it, the sooner we can deal with Linux and Ubisoft.

Tux: Alec Trevelyan! His life is mine!

Will: No! We were asked to retrieve the treasure and deal with Trevelyan only if necessary.

Tux: He stands between us and it! I’d say it’s necessary.

Will: Discretion, Tux!

Tux: You mean cowardice! That creature is the greatest enemy to both us and this island, and here we have a chance to be rid of him!

Will: You have already broken two tenants of our Creed. Now, you’ll break the third. Don’t compromise the Brotherhood!

Tux: I am your superior in both title and ability! You should know better than to question me!

Tux journeys downward into the cavern below. He is careful to watch his step. Will and Phil both follow behind him very carefully. As Tux makes his way down the slippery cliffs, he keeps his waddling pace very steadily, hoping not to alert the guards any further. He then sees some vines he thought he could swing on. Tux then swings on the ropes to attempt to lower down to the room below so he can land safely on the ground. He sees that the assassins are having trouble with the slippery cliffs and felt that they need more room to go down on. He then sees a pool of cold water that seems deep enough to catch his fall.

Tux then dives down into the water.

*Splash

Tux swims upward to notice that the Spartans are looking for Tux.

Spartan: I heard a noise.

Spartan 2: Sounds like a splash.

Trevelyan: I hope it’s not a Kong.

Spartan: Who is going after the water to search for the intruder and who is going after the treasure?

Spartan 2: Intruder? This is Nintendo territory. We are the intruders, but then again, it could be Sony or Apple.

Spartan: Or Linux for that matter! I mean think about it! This place is fit for a penguin! Tux himself could be here! I saw his ship arriving at this planet.

Trevelyan: The Linux mascot here at the DK Isle? That’s rich—Spartans, we’re wasting time!

Tux comes out of the water to see the Spartans. The Spartans turn around to see Tux.

Trevelyan: Well, well, well! We were just talking about you! How adorable! The Linux Mascot has been interested in both the mockery of Microsoft and of ripping off of Nintendo nostalgia that he got interested in something that’s a little bit of both, not to mention the nature of this place!

Tux: Hold it Spartans! You’re not the only ones with business here!

Trevelyan: Well, this explains my missing men! And what is it that you want besides the meeting of the beloved Kongs?

Tux: Blood!

Tux lunges forward to engage the Spartans. Will tries in vain to stop Tux from engaging.

Will: Tux, no!

Trevelyan scruffs Tux by the neck far enough to where Tux can’t reach him.

Trevelyan: You know not the things in which you meddle, little penguin. I suggest that only you return to your master and deliver a warning: the war is lost to him and his associates. He shall flee while he has the chance! Stay at Tanis and all of you will die! Diddy and Tux Season I Episode 1.3 Chapter 2.2

Trevelyan throws Tux through the scaffolding as Tux sees himself sealed out of the cavern and isolated from Will and Phil.

Tux feels troubled. He sees that the treasure is gone and the Spartans have taken it!

Tux: Well, we have traveled all this way for nothing. Oh, wait!

Tux thought about his experiences before he started on his primary mission. He thought about the civil war Diddy had started.

Tux: Diddy Kong! Maybe I will be able to at least see him before I leave. Luckily for me, I know where he’s at!

Tux begins to climb out of the cave to another entrance to find a waterfall on the back side of the island.

Tux attempts a Leap of Faith into the pond below and swims up to the surface to find himself at the beach with the sun almost setting. He sees a Hiigaran carrier leave the planet and notices that the ship left without him. Stranded, Tux attempts to find another way back to Tanis.

Tux: Gunship it! They left without me! But wait!

Tux thought about Nintendo again.

Tux: Maybe Diddy Kong knows Fox McCloud. Maybe McCloud can take me there! I have to return to Tanis as soon as possible! Now, where is that monkey?

Tux slides from the pond across the sandy beach to the ocean to swim off.

Tux swims to the iceberg to approach Diddy. As he arrives, he finds Diddy sleeping resting on his back. His jetpack and pistols were on the floor as Tux picks them up and rests them on a position that resembles a table.

Tux: Sleep well, Diddy Kong. You are about to meet the Linux mascot!

Tux finds a place for him to sleep himself. He finds a place and sleeps on his tummy like penguins do.

Tux: And so begins the adventures of Diddy and Tux…

Tux finds himself in some sort of a very weird dream world.

Tux: Oh guns! Where am I? This place is weird.

Tux later finds a very strange figure…

What Tux saw looked like a futuristic knight that seems to be equipped with the finest suit of armor imaginable. From the looks of it, the armor is composed of three layers. The first layer appears to be a comfortable padded studded leather skin-tight space suit that is capable of withstanding any danger of space. It was also a hide with banded splint mail and was complete with a single chain shirt and a cap on top of the mask. The second layer also had leather and was a miniaturized cut-down version of an exoskeleton. Most of it was scale mail connected with chains and included a breast plate and other plate mail that protected every portion of the body except for the joints. It included a thicker, better helmet which sealed the whole suit together. The third layer was full plate mail with a visor and equipment along with a cape that seemed to move and shift swiftly on its own and was extremely beautiful as if it was designed to shield the wearer from dark magic. The equipment included a kinetic sword that seems to be attached to a shield both bearing the symbol that resembles a 6-pointed star composing of a blue equilateral triangle pointing upward behind a red one pointing downward.

Whatever the symbol means, Tux could never figure out, but the monguins would attempt to do so. The dagger also bore the symbol and was designed to torture the victims while healing the physical wounds on the side. There was also a bow that has a retractable rod. When the bow is pushed in, an arrow attached is loaded. The bow pulls the string back and the trigger releases the string and the arrow. The bow can also use the string and the pulleys to charge power for energy blasts. That bow folds up when not in use. Tux only saw what was on the third layer but the monguins could recognize him.

Tux: Who are you?

Sir Gabriel: My name is Sir Gabriel. I’m a Paladin.

Monguin: I knew it!

Mickey Monguin: It’s Sir Gabriel!

Tux: A Paladin? What do you mean?

Sir Gabriel: I trust you’re familiar with the concept of the Paladin on board your ship.

Tux: Yes, they seem to be very much like the Knights Templar, except they are like boy scouts a little bit, you know, fighting for justice in all. Honestly, I don’t understand why they would feel comfortable being used as bait for Assassins to attack.

Sir Gabriel: Maybe they fight for similar causes. A Knight Templar in Assassin’s Creed, in a way, is the evil twin of a Paladin in Dungeons and Dragons.

Tux: For sure, Sir Gabriel. The Hiigaran fleet has been torn between Sierra and Relic, figuring out which side to join.

Sir Gabriel: Because Relic has been bought out by THQ?

Tux: Yes. Diddy and Tux Season I Episode 1.3 Chapter 2.3

Tux: But when Relic offered the Hiigarans ground deployment from Dawn of War, the Hiigarans joined them. What they did know is that there could be a crossover of Homeworld and Warhammer. What they didn’t know is that Warhammer did not originate as a video game, but as a table top miniature game which would pull Dungeons and Dragons into the mix.

Sir Gabriel: What about Ubisoft?

Tux: The Hiigarans, with their Relic friends, do make a decent space-travelling service to anyone that wishes to go from planet to planet and had no fleet. In this case, it would be Linux and Ubisoft. That fleet left without me. What do I do?

Sir Gabriel: Paladins fight for justice; Templars fight for control. A Paladin fights with a long sword and a shield; a Templar fights with a great sword. A Paladin uses medical ability to actually heal others; a Templar abuses medical ability. A Paladin is commanded to be honest at all times; a Templar is commanded to work in conspiracy.

Tux: So, how did this order get started?

Sir Gabriel: Are you familiar with the Arthurian Legend?

Tux: A little bit.

Sir Gabriel: It all started with the Commander Arthur and his knights…

Sir Gabriel’s Monologue

Many years ago, the Romans conquered much of the ancient world, but they want more land in service to Rome.

They began attacking the Sarmatians to the east and left little to none alive, except for a group of cavalry that fought bravely and survived on the battlefield.

Inspired by their efforts, the Romans recruited the Sarmatian cavalry to serve the Roman military as knights. They would pass their duties from father to son and on and on.

One of these groups of knights was stationed in Britain under the command of Arthur where they, along with Arthur, would fight for freedom and to unite all of Britain in one common course.

After their death, their consciences were rescued by an extraterrestrial being named Ilam and his assistant, Jeva.

There, here, in Lunar Universe, they reunited to organize a ban that is called the Order of the Paladin. Tux: I don’t see where I come into the picture!

Sir Gabriel: After the Order was established, the Paladins did whatever they could to create a fair and just life. That is what they were dedicated to. That is what I was dedicated to.

Tux: So, how were they able to help out the humans when they are not even alive?

Sir Gabriel: Welcome to Lunar Universe, the universe of dreams. It is this universe that the Paladins call home.

Tux: How does that answer my question?

Sir Gabriel: Because they live in such universe, they can visit the mortals in their dreams as they had visited me in my dreams. Through such, the mortals learn both the skills and the wisdom of the Paladins. Several most notable members of the order were brave saintly warriors that were martyred such as Jean of Arc.

Tux: Is there a part where the Assassins come into play or where I come into play?

Sir Gabriel: To start off, you can either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.

Tux: I heard that before from The Dark Knight. Harvey Dent said that before he became Two-Face, back when he was a righteous politician. Comes to think about it, according to rumors, there is a fair few.

Sir Gabriel: I have an ultimate answer for that, but it wouldn’t be what you think. Altair might taught you it was the Templars alone, but something much worse. Tux, as you get involved in the Rareware Civil War, you would learn of our true enemy once you fight the Skedar.

Tux: Does the story of the Assassins have something to do with this?

Sir Gabriel: The Templars were part of the order but were cut off as they had been excommunicated. In other words, they rebelled. The Templars used to be just nothing more than a simple group of monks. They received their training first hand by the dead Paladins as I explained before as they became Paladins themselves. They served the order so willingly, that the Catholic Church rewarded them with good money to aid them in their good works. The Catholic Church paid them money to aid the monks until they became knights. They were designated in the First Crusade for the sole purpose of protecting and aiding the Pilgrims in the Holy Land, and that’s what they did: protecting the good Christian saints in Jerusalem.

Tux: What happened to them?

Sir Gabriel: They became corrupt. The Church donated so much money to help out the Knights Templar that they became spoiled and lusted after order and control. By the time of the Third Crusade, the Templars already became villains and were parted from the Order of the Paladin after attempting to fight against the concept of freedom. This order no longer helped them. In the end, they became evil twins of the Paladins. Tux: What does that have to do with anything?

Sir Gabriel: I’m saying that’s why Paladins have been crossing paths with the Assassins. They share a common enemy.

Tux: Oh, I see. Can I join the order?

Sir Gabriel: Actually, I’d rather have you stay where you are. We follow a different moral code.

Tux: So, you prefer that I should remain an Assassin?

Sir Gabriel: You are the master of free and open source! By now, you should understand what it means to say that nothing is true and everything is permitted.

Tux: I already do, Sir Gabriel. Why do you care?

Sir Gabriel: Because I can respect the Creed although I don’t follow it.

Tux: It sounds like you understand the Creed, Sir Gabriel.

Sir Gabriel: Yes I do. I just don’t follow it because unlike some people that grew up believing the Creed, I had to learn it the hard way. Just remember, whatever happens, it must be for your own good.

Tux: I learned a bit about arrogance! Now I have no way of returning to Tanis. I must get back there!

Sir Gabriel: Tux, don’t give up hope! You’re on the right track! You have the right plan and the right idea. I think you should stick with it. Make sure you write love letters to Penny frequently.

Tux: I already have.

Sir Gabriel: Keep it up and you might pick up where I left off.

Tux: And what is that?

Sir Gabriel: Justice is our style. We are interested in making things fair by any means necessary even if it involves violence, but being fair is only a good start.

Tux: And what part do I play as an Assassin?

Sir Gabriel: The real question is what part do you play as a PENGUIN? After people receive justice, they must receive mercy second hand. Punishment is for the prideful and the arrogant. Those who brag deserve punishment for punishment is by definition humiliation and humiliation defeats pride. Mercy is for the merciful and for the sorrowful, for the people who are too well humiliated. They must be comforted if they are to be healed. I get the impression that humans do not like humans and are in need of a certain amount of comfort from the cute and cuddly things such as yourself which we Paladins cannot provide.

Tux: That is where I come in. Diddy and Tux Season I Episode 1.3 Chapter 2.4

Sir Gabriel: Yes.

Tux: Which sort of humans are you talking about?

Sir Gabriel: Earth humans.

Tux: Battle Cruiser!

Sir Gabriel: What, because of the UNSC?

Tux: Yes.

Sir Gabriel: The United Nations Space Command is a direct result of humans hating humans. As an assassin, you are to liberate the humans by killing off tyrants. As a penguin, you must do as I ask of you which is to comfort those in need of comfort. As a supporter of free and open source, you are to preach the Creed to the public, but you cannot do that until you fully understand the Creed.

Tux: Are you saying that I misunderstood the Creed?

Sir Gabriel: Yes, sort of at this moment. But from what I understood, you will understand it best by experience as I had.

Tux: The hard way?

Sir Gabriel: Yes.

Tux: So, how do I get off the planet I’m sleeping on?

Sir Gabriel: What I said about common enemies can apply between you, the Linux mascot, and an Ex- Rare character, which share a common enemy as well. I believe you know him by name, Diddy Kong?

Tux: Yes, and in fact, it seems that he would be a great companion. How would he help me?

Sir Gabriel: He knows the way of this planet. He knows of someone that can take you there.

Tux: Good, good!

Sir Gabriel: But be warned, reaching that place is just the beginning. Humanity depends on this friendship that you might have with Diddy Kong.

Tux: What are you talking about Sir Gabriel? Wait! I have so many questions!

Tux fades out as he transforms into Diddy. Clippy: Transferring to relevant simian memory…

Animus apparently shows Diddy and Sir Gabriel just as it showed Tux and Sir Gabriel, only this time, Sir Gabriel already told Diddy the story of the Paladins and the Knights Templar.

Sir Gabriel: Do you understand my story okay?

Diddy: That is some interesting story, Sir Gabriel.

Sir Gabriel: You've seem to have understood what a Paladin is. Where did you hear about them?

Diddy: Link. He is a Dungeons and Dragons nut, and so are the Pokémon.

Sir Gabriel: Why?

Diddy: Magic the Gathering! From what I understood, Link was so fascinated by the role-playing game so much he became a member of all 11 standard classes. From the looks of a barbarian, he can have an attitude sometimes, and there is plenty of intense action in those games for him to become a barbarian.

Sir Gabriel: And the Bard?

Diddy: That’s obvious. He’s a flute player. His Ocarina of Time says it all.

Sir Gabriel: What about the Cleric?

Diddy: Tri-Force!

Sir Gabriel: Druid?

Diddy: He’s friendly enough to nature to become one, especially when he rubs and pets me.

Sir Gabriel: Fighter?

Diddy: Proficient with any kind of primitive weapon? Sure!

Sir Gabriel: Monk?

Diddy: Sometimes, Link has to be very well disciplined to bludgeon others pretty hard.

Sir Gabriel: Paladin?

Diddy: Weapon proficiency: long sword and shield.

Sir Gabriel: Ranger?

Diddy: He looks like one and resembles one already.

Sir Gabriel: Rogue?

Diddy: Looting! What more can I say? Diddy and Tux Season I Episode 1.3 Chapter 3.1

Sir Gabriel: Sorcerer?

Diddy: It’s in his blood to do magic.

Sir Gabriel: Wizard?

Diddy: Study of the elements?

Sir Gabriel: Very well, then. By the way, you’re my favorite video game character, and you have the means to become an Assassin.

Diddy: An Assassin? No way!

Sir Gabriel: You have natural acrobatic talent, and the stature, and the charm.

Diddy: I received experience of a clichéd 00 agent, that’s for sure.

Sir Gabriel: Explain, please!

Diddy: Well, I did racing before. From my experiences racing, you could imagine that I’m good with racing automobiles of various kinds, such as motorcycles, boats, cars, and even airplanes.

Sir Gabriel: So you’re also a pilot?

Diddy: Pretty much!

Sir Gabriel: That’s one qualification for a typical James Bond agent.

Diddy: How so?

Sir Gabriel: Car chases!

Diddy: What about my jetpack?

Sir Gabriel: If you are not wearing a full suite of space age body armor like me, that’s a 007 trait.

Diddy: And my pistols?

Sir Gabriel: How many times has a typical Hollywood super spy seem to be a bit ambidextrous and proficient with pistols?

Diddy: I have to admit, before Microsoft purchased Rareware and before 007 was rebooted by Sony Pictures, I was a pet monkey to a super spy, James Bond. Likewise, I also had friends from Carrington Institute. They’re all Microsoft. Diddy and Tux Season I Episode 1.3 Chapter 3.2

Sir Gabriel: They probably don’t know what they’re doing.

Diddy: So, you understand that I had been around Hollywood spies long enough to nearly become one myself?

Sir Gabriel: Yes. That probably means that you also have the experience of the assassin. What do you know of the Creed?

Diddy: That nothing is true and everything is permitted? What does that mean?

Sir Gabriel: It’s a bit much to explain. Let me break it down for you so it is easy enough for you to understand.

Diddy: Go on, I’m listening.

Sir Gabriel: To understand that nothing is true means to recognize that the ways of the civilizations are fragile and that we must be shepherds of our own civilization.

Diddy: What about, “everything is permitted”?

Sir Gabriel: To say that everything is permitted means to understand that we are the architects of our own conscience and that we must live within the consequences, whether glorious or tragic.

Diddy: Thank you, Sir Gabriel. I understand now why I’m lucky to live outside of civilization.

Sir Gabriel: Do you also understand that by privately possessing Goldeneye, you would honor the Creed?

Diddy: How so?

Sir Gabriel: Imagine an EMP super weapon in the hands of a little jungle dweller.

Diddy: Explain a little bit more.

Sir Gabriel: Do you know how it is that one gains power?

Diddy: Leaders will find ways for others to obey them.

Sir Gabriel: That’s what makes them leaders.

Diddy: When their words won’t do, they turn to wealth.

Sir Gabriel: And when that won’t do?

Diddy: They turn to baser things! Sir Gabriel: Exactly! Bribery! Threats!

Diddy: Imprisonment, like what happened to my friends!

Sir Gabriel: Yes! You understand how authority works! However, what holds all of those aspects up is technology. Whoever possesses technology possesses power.

Diddy: So all civilization is backed by technology. The sudden loss of technology would bring forth chaos and confusion.

Sir Gabriel: Only if technology is lost to the lowest or the most natural of levels who care about freedom. If technology is lost to those with authority, the destruction would not bring an end to corruption, but would make it worse, by giving the authority even more technological superiority.

Diddy: But if technology was lost to salvage hands like my own, it would bring forth chaos and confusion. How is that good?

Sir Gabriel: Confusion proves that nothing is true. Chaos proves that everything is permitted. You must understand that entire civilizations are at stake and by activating Goldeneye, you destroy corruption. Unlike the nuclear bomb, Goldeneye doesn’t kill people directly or spoils other organic forms of life.

Diddy: That makes sense. I see where you’re coming from. People blame technology for everything. It would be about time that people start appreciating technology for what it really is.

Sir Gabriel: Sometimes, people need to lose what they take for granted in order to appreciate what they have. They take technology for granted and therefore lost appreciation for the technology.

Diddy: Perhaps if they reenter one of the more primitive eras, they’re going to want technology back. Comes to think of it, intergalactically, Goldeneye can actually protect people.

Sir Gabriel: That’s right. Natives from alien visitors. So, you seek revenge against the Spartans.

Diddy: Yes. They kidnapped my friends!

Sir Gabriel: That would make you an enemy to Microsoft, correct? Why not lead insurrectionists to tear down the UNSC?

Diddy: Yes! They RUINED Rareware!

Sir Gabriel: Do you like penguins?

Diddy: Yes.

Sir Gabriel: Then you are lucky enough to hear this message!

Diddy: What is it?

Sir Gabriel: Your community is not the only one that enjoys making fun of Microsoft. Diddy: I notice, from my Android Smartphone!

Sir Gabriel: Yes, of course! This penguin I speak of, too, makes fun of Microsoft, not so much as to what it does as a gaming studio, but what it does as a producer of the Windows operating systems.

Diddy: You’re talking about Tux?

Sir Gabriel: Yes.

Diddy: And you’re sure that this penguin would get along with me?

Sir Gabriel: I already spoke to him. From what I understood, he already visited your island and had witnessed your civil war. He’s here, on this very iceberg, sleeping, right now.

Diddy: Are you serious?

Sir Gabriel: Tomorrow is your lucky day. You’re about to receive a friend. You’re relationship with him and your girlfriend will determine the fate of humanity.

Diddy: How so?

Sir Gabriel: I trust you know by now this series is called Diddy and TUX!

Diddy: Yes. I think I get it! He and I are the two main characters.

Sir Gabriel: And have you also noticed that we are projections in the animus?

Diddy: Yes.

Sir Gabriel: Then you do know that we are not the only ones in this room.

Diddy: I remember that one part in Assassin’s Creed 2 where Minerva spoke directly to Desmond! That was a major shocker! I suspect that a future Kong who isn’t born yet is accessing this memory right now!

Sir Gabriel: Would you believe if I told you that this Kong you speak of is also a descendant of Tux?

Diddy: What? A monkey-penguin hybrid!?

Sir Gabriel: You already resemble a penguin yourself.

Diddy: Yeah, I have to admit that, but I never knew that I would actually quite literally be an ancestor of a creature who is also a penguin!

Sir Gabriel: You were the original inspiration for such concept which I call the monguin.

Diddy: Wait, what? I heard about this idea of a monguin. What’s a monguin?

Sir Gabriel vanishes. Diddy and Tux Season I Episode 1.3 Chapter 3.3

Diddy wakes up to see Tux standing right next to him.

Tux: Diddy Kong?

Diddy: Tux? What a pleasant surprise!

Tux: Oh, Diddy, you’re always my favorite monkey.

Diddy: Oh, really?

Tux: Yes. You have the best of all monkey traits.

Diddy: Like what?

Tux: You have your brains, your limbs, your prehensile tail, your sweet face…

Diddy: You think I’m cute?

Tux: I think you’re adorable, and awesome! Speaking of awesome, I have your jetpack and pistols sitting at the table right here. They look as if they had been custom made. How is Funky Kong doing these days?

Diddy: He’s doing great, but Tux, I managed that myself. The jetpack and pistols were merely modifications I did myself. Funky and Cranky did most of the work. It’s a mark seven, Peanut Popgun Mark Seven, and I like to call it or PP7 for short.

Tux: PP7, like in Goldeneye. Very cute, Diddy Kong, very cute. I had to admit, you do seem to carry a lot of traits from Goldeneye.

Diddy: Maybe it’s because my fans are RAREWARE fans since they made me a bit popular. That makes me a PC, Tux.

Tux: Don’t play dumb with me, Diddy Kong. I’ve eavesdropped your fighting with the DataDynes and the Spartans. I know you are an enemy to Microsoft. So, you have the abilities of an assassin.

Diddy: Yes.

Tux: What about the three tenants to our Creed?

Diddy: There are tenants?

Tux: Yes. First tenant: never harm the innocent. Diddy: No problem, not my nature to kill.

Tux: Second tenant: always be discreet.

Diddy: Easy! All I have to do is act cute and cuddly and I’m good.

Tux: What about the third, “do not compromise the brotherhood,”?

Diddy: I have lost so many friends that I cannot afford to compromise the brotherhood.

Tux: Good, very good.

Diddy: I even understood what it means to say that nothing is true and everything is permitted.

Tux: By the way, how did you become an engineer?

Diddy: I got the talent from a bottle.

Tux looks puzzled.

Diddy: No, really, I got it from a bottle, you see, the potions have a way to genetically enhance the talents we already do have, in this case, my brain and my morale-filled stomach so I can fly at high speeds. It’s funny, because I was extremely thirsty at the time, took two doses worth and got a stomach ache. I thawed out the ice inside that temple, went for a swim in it, rescued Tiny, and went back in to stay the night. That water felt really good on my tummy.

Tux: You see, that’s another thing about you.

Diddy: What?

Tux: (tickling Diddy’s belly button) your belly button. It goes with all of them water levels, all of that swimming.

Diddy: On that note, I’m surprised you have one, penguin.

Tux: That belly seems to be frequently exposed, unlike other Kongs.

Diddy: In fact, the last time I looked at my own reflection on an ice crystal underwater, I realized that I resemble penguins, or that I would relate to one, so I wanted to meet penguins.

Tux: And met a penguin, you had, and he closely resembles you.

Diddy: How so?

Tux: I’m a ninja, Diddy, a ninja with acrobatic talent and hacking skills. We’re both assassins in our own ways. As I understood it, you’re clearly my friend which means you’re coming with me.

Diddy: To where? Tux: I need your help with getting off this planet. I was sent here on a mission to uncover an artifact found on your island but failed the mission. Now that I met you, I figured that I cannot return home empty handed. I need to get back to Tanis Base, the current home of the Brotherhood.

Diddy: Follow my lead, then.

Diddy and Tux go to the cliff. They see the edge and dive right in.

Tux: I feel a little prod, Diddy.

Diddy: Hold on, Tux. Let me check. (dives underwater to check to see what’s going on, then surfaces back up) Oh, it’s Enguarde.

Tux: Enguarde?

Diddy: It’s Enguarde, the swordfish! He loves to do that!

Tux: No kidding. He’s cute!

Diddy: He sure likes you, Tux.

Tux: I’m starting to like this guy. I bet he’s seeking revenge as much as you do.

Diddy: He sure is. I grew up with him, by the way.

Tux: Really?

Diddy: Yes. I played with him all the time. He’s the fine playmate. Uncle DK has the same relationship with the rhino, Rambi.

Tux: Uncle?

Diddy: It’s just what I like to call him. He and Candy adopted me. I thought that it’s a bit tedious to call them adopted parents, so I just call them aunt and uncle.

Tux: Do you know your real father by any chance?

Diddy: No, not at all, it seems. Enguarde, you like belly buttons, don’t you? I hate to leave you behind, but we have to leave pretty soon.

Tux: He’s coming with us, too, Diddy.

Diddy: Really?

Tux: Water’s where I have a lot of combat advantage. Spartans can’t swim.

Diddy: That's fuuny!

Tux: It looks like we have a common enemy, you and I, Diddy Kong. Diddy and Tux Season I Episode 1.3 Chapter 3.4

Back at the loading screen, the monguins are once again annoyed by Clippy.

Clippy: Your current objective: investigate the UNSC outpost at Timber’s Island to search for Colonel Sanders.

Monguin: I think I kind of got that.

Clippy: To pickpocket, make sure that you are anonymous or otherwise, you would have to pickpocket again.

Monguin: You don’t need to help us with that, Clippy.

Clippy: After investigating, assassinate Colonel Sanders without being spotted or Sanders would run away.

Mickey Monguin: I think his name sort of gave the hint that he’s a coward.

Monguin: I don’t think he would get along with Leeroy Jenkins.

Mickey Monguin: No, me neither.

Clippy: The assassination would trigger a response from the UNSC. Keep eye contact for as long as possible so you would gain better advantage of knowing what to do.

Monguin: I’d figure you would say that.

Clippy: After you trigger a response, assassinate Big John any way you can.

Mickey Monguin: Wait, Big John?

Monguin: I’m not sure what he’s talking about. I think we wouldn’t encounter Alec Trevelyan until later on. He’s parodying Robert de Sable a little bit.

Mickey Monguin: I think I got that. Who’s Big John?

Monguin: I think we’re about to find out.

Diddy’s Monologue

Dear Dixie Kong

I hope you’re all right. Last night, I was attacking Colonel Sanders, who has seemed to have taken some of our best friends into custody.

When I defeated Colonel Sanders, I made a promise that we should be avenged.

However, beforehand, I picked up an Android phone and saw an image of what is to become our new friend.

As a reminder, his name is Tux, and I recently found and met him.

When he talked to me, he was highly interested in us and our own kind, but it was not the reason why he came here to our island.

The main reason is that he was looking for a treasure of some kind hidden beneath our island in one of the caves.

I couldn’t recall what he was doing on this island exactly, but from what I heard, he failed the mission and needs to return to his headquarters at Tanis Base as soon as possible.

From what I noticed, because he watched me this entire time and has helped me fight my battles in secret, I feel that I must return the favor helping him.

Tux invited me to come with him to Tanis Base so that I can help him fight his battles.

He and I are both enemies to the United Nations Space Command and to the Microsoft Empire.

While we love to make fun of Microsoft for purchasing Rareware from us, Tux likes to make fun of the Windows operating systems.

But however, there is a catch.

Our rivalry against Microsoft is not the only reason why Tux and I should be friends.

Last night, I had a dream.

An armored super soldier named Sir Gabriel visited me in it.

He said he lived in Lunar Universe.

Whatever I just witnessed, it must be original material provided by this web series’ creator.

He interpreted the Assassin’s Creed for me and told me what I must do.

You and I are to be future ancestors of a family of monkey-penguin hybrids called the monguins, and so is the Linux mascot.

From what I understood, we are but projections in the animus and these monguins I speak of are anchored in my genetic memories along with the memories of Tux. I will try to find out more information about the monguins and I’ll write back to you.

With great promises,

Diddy Kong.

Tux’s monologue

Dear Penny

It’s been a few days since I arrived at Nintendo with a couple of my companions, Will and Phil.

After landing on the planet, I came across a very fierce battle between those loyal to Nintendo and those loyal to Microsoft.

Amazing! When I tried to figure out what was the matter with this mediocre video game developer, Rareware, I discovered that when it was loyal to Nintendo, it was actually legendary.

It’s funny, because I was born in 1996 in the real world, the year of the heart of this Golden Age that I came across.

This friend, Diddy Kong, I speak of, was a magnificent little creature.

His talents, features, equipment, and charm should make nearly every penguin jealous of him.

Now, as of today, I met him.

However, I had little to no knowledge of this monkey whatsoever until I met the rogue Spartan that bore the Rare logo before being sent on a mission to Nintendo.

My primary objective was to uncover the artifact that was deemed very important to my master that was hidden at the Donkey Kong Islands.

Sadly, I failed.

Not only did I lose the artifact, I lost Will and Phil as well and I’m pretty sure that once these Spartans are finished with their work at Nintendo, they would be coming for us.

After my failed attempt of retrieving the artifact, I saw the Hiigaran carrier leave without me and there is no way back.

My only hope and concern is that Diddy will find an alternate way back to Tanis.

If I’m successful, I would not return with the artifact or with Will and Phil, but with a new friend, Diddy Kong and some new knowledge about Nintendo’s heritage.

This is Tux, and I hope we will be reunited once again with all my heart.

PS: His swordfish animal buddy, Enguarde, was the cutest thing I saw and goes great with Diddy. Diddy and Tux Season I Episode 1.4 Chapter 1.1

Episode 1.4

Monguin: So, who is Big John again?

Mickey Monguin: I think we are about to find out.

Monguin: Wait a minute!

Mickey Monguin: What?

Monguin: I think I remember hearing his name!

Mickey Monguin: Who is he, do you think?

Monguin: I think Big John is a character from Crimson Skies.

Mickey Monguin: Crimson Skies?

Monguin: It’s a 6th generation game released for the Xbox consoles exclusively.

Mickey Monguin: Interesting. This probably means that we’re going to encounter Nathan Zachary as well.

Monguin: True that.

Mickey Monguin: I thought this series is supposed to reference the highly appreciated games of all time! Monguin: Actually, the nature of the creator of this series is that he loves to make fun of popular culture.

Mickey Monguin: Really?

Monguin: Yes. Just like many people never heard of Homeworld or Relic before.

Mickey Monguin: If there is anything that should be redone in 3D, that game is it!

Monguin: True! Very true! Even the cursor could be 3D, moving back and forth.

Mickey Monguin: Is it just me, or do the Spartans seem different to you?

Monguin: They ARE different.

Pause

Clippy: Memory loading complete!

Monguin: Finally!

The animus loads what appears to be Timber’s Island, at a dataDyne base that looks like Zanzibar from Halo 2.

Diddy: We’re here!

Tux: Is that really?

Diddy: Yes it is. It’s time to reclaim what is rightfully mine!

Tux: For sure! The UNSC deserve defeat!

Diddy and Tux swim up to the beach to attempt to find a way around the base.

However, as they approach the beach, they spotted that the dataDynes are already guarding the post.

DataDyne: So, why are we watching from the beach?

DataDyne: Well, dude! We saw Diddy Kong dive in through the ocean.

DataDyne: Nah, monkeys can’t swim!

DataDyne: How long have you been positioned at this post?

DataDyne: I’m just a recruit. I was going to be a Spartan, but I like subtlty. I like fighting Nintendo.

DataDyne: So, you signed up for this.

DataDyne: Yes. DataDyne: Then you must know that the Donkey Kong franchise was known for pulling off the swimming really well when it generally sucks.

DataDyne: Are you telling me that Diddy Kong loves to swim?

DataDyne: Yes, and in fact, rumors say that he was secretly assisted by a penguin of some kind. Our games have flopped so badly that Nintendo wants us back.

DataDyne: Is that really what’s going on in this outpost?

DataDyne: Yes.

DataDyne: We really need to concentrate on defending this post from the Kongs.

DataDyne: Or those that are truly hostile to us.

DataDyne: Penguins?

DataDyne: The Linux Mascot!

DataDyne: Tux? He’s here? Diddy and Tux Season I Episode 1.4 Chapter 1.2

DataDyne: Rumors around say that he could be here. He’s probably getting inspired by Nintendo as we are.

DataDyne: Rumors say that he’s after something else as well.

DataDyne: We must report to Colonel Sanders right away and tell him what we saw.

Diddy: Let’s slip by while our enemies are distracted.

Diddy and Tux go onto shore to sneak around the DataDynes while they’re distracted.

Diddy: Now, we need to get over that wall.

Tux: They must be pretty smart to put that wall in.

Diddy: Yep! Because several of my friends love acting cute while swimming as I do.

Tux: It looks like if there is anything to catch my fans’ attention that I’m looking for, I came to the right place. Adorable swimmers combined with trolling Microsoft. This is awesome.

Diddy: Quiet! We need to sneak around the base.

Tux: If only another Linux character was here with us, he might help us with all this.

Diddy: I don’t think any of the Linux character would have the guts to come all this way to check us out. As I’m the very thing that stands between Nintendo and Rareware, you’re the very thing that stands between Nintendo and Linux.

Tux: That’s a good point. I need to be a bit more patient.

Diddy: True that.

Tux: Let’s see if we can eavesdrop a little more.

Diddy: Oh, wait!

Diddy sees a dataDyne that looks like he has a security code to hack into the main gate terminal.

Diddy: Do you see that guy over there?

Tux: Yes.

Diddy: That guy is glowing yellow. Tux: Of course. So, you have the Eagle Vision too!

Diddy: Yes, but I’m guessing that the reason why you’re glowing green is because there are at least two descendants using the animus to access both our memories at the same time.

Tux: How is that even possible, Diddy? We’re not even close to being the same species.

Diddy: Well, keep in mind that this web series is dedicated to the concept of the monguin.

Tux: Monguin!?

Diddy: Yes! Monkey-penguin hybrids!

Tux: Where did you get that idea?

Diddy: I don’t know. I just heard the term, “monguin” but then realized that the term comes from the first syllable of “monkey” and the last syllable of “penguin.” Mon-guin!

Tux: I’m still confused!

Diddy: Fine! Let’s just take this Colonel Sanders, and then we’ll talk.

Tux: After you, Diddy.

Diddy and Tux sneak their ways along the walls and to what appears to be a giant spinning wheel.

Diddy: I never understood the stupid spinning wheel.

Tux: I think it’s supposed to power the station.

Diddy: Yes. But even if it is, is it supposed to be a little bit higher?

Tux: I think so.

Diddy and Tux approach the dataDyne that seems to know the password.

Diddy: I think I got it!

Tux: Go ahead.

Diddy pickpockets the dataDyne and receives passwords for the terminal.

Diddy: Okay, the password is ABC-xyz-123. Really? Can you be even more creative?

Tux: In addition, the next time you write something down to help you remember the password, write it in code so only you can read it!

Diddy: This is the result of someone who practices blind faith.

Tux: No heart, no imagination, no wisdom. Diddy: Exactly!

Diddy and Tux punch in the password, giving them a full functioning access to the main terminal.

Tux: This terminal might be a bit hard for me to access since it probably runs on Windows.

Diddy: Yeah, since it’s clearly a Microsoft base, so of course they would use Windows!

Diddy and Tux crack into the terminal to see that the terminal runs on Windows Vista!

Tux: Vista!

Diddy and Tux both laugh at the Vista logo.

Diddy: This is the part of Microsoft YOU make fun of!

Tux: For sure! The part of Microsoft YOU make fun of uses the part of Microsoft I make fun of.

Diddy: So, what should we do with it?

Tux: it’s obvious, isn’t it? We’re going to upload a virus on this computer! Diddy and Tux Season I Episode 1.4 Chapter 1.3

Diddy and Tux attempt to upload a virus.

Diddy: Let me deal with the dataDynes!

Tux: Sure. You do it! You fought them longer than I had!

Diddy: Okay, here goes nothing!

Diddy attempts to hack in to the system of almost all of dataDyne outpost.

Diddy: Hello, dataDynes. dataDyne: Who is this?

Diddy: This is dataDyne Kappa. dataDyne: dataDyne Kappa?

Diddy: Yes! You want an awesome Halo installment? dataDyne: Yes.

Diddy: Come and download it! It’s free!

Tux: What are you really uploading?

Diddy: I’m uploading the Rick Astley video using Quick Time from your Smartphone!

Tux: Really? Okay! Uploading for Windows Vista…

Tux uploads the Rick Astley video attempting to use Vista to crash the terminal followed by the entire network.

Tux: Okay, here goes nothing!

The Rick Astley video starts playing and messes up the network as planned, especially the terminal.

Diddy: We did it! We crashed the terminal!

Tux: Now let’s get Colonel Sanders!

Diddy and Tux attempt to go after Colonel Sanders.

Diddy: So, straight to the General, aren’t we? Tux: We are assassins!

Diddy: Not quite.

Tux: Why did you let him go?

Diddy: I thought the punishment must be more severe and enduring.

Tux: So you spared his life?

Diddy: I could not kill him!

Tux: Now, I’m afraid we have to.

Diddy: Alright!

Diddy and Tux find Colonel Sanders. Diddy shoots Sanders to knock him out as Tux stabs Sanders in the neck.

Sanders: Tux? It can’t be!

Diddy stands right next to Tux.

Diddy: Believe it! Linux provides true Nintendo nostalgia. We failed to provide it.

Sanders: I thought that you’re going to spare my life.

Tux: That was before he met me and learned the Assassin’s Creed.

Sanders: Diddy, if this is about avenging your fans, your work has only just begun.

Colonel Sanders dies. Diddy and Tux attempt to escape. dataDyne: Assassins! Get them!

Diddy: Well, the virus should keep them separate.

Tux: Yes. Let’s only deal with one post at a time.

Diddy: Yes, starting with this one, obviously.

Diddy and Tux prepare for action as they see the dataDyne Shock Troopers with their CMP150’s out for close combat.

Diddy: Be careful with those guys. Those guns have lock on ability.

Tux: That I knew.

Diddy and Tux take cover from the dataDynes as Diddy shoots the dataDynes from a safe distance. dataDyne: Did you just see that? dataDyne: Hard to believe! dataDyne: Diddy Kong, and the Linux Mascot! They’re working together! dataDyne: See what I told you? dataDyne. We gotta report to the Office of Naval Intelligence. Tell them that the Rareware separatists have Linux allies.

Tux: Oh no you don’t!

Diddy: What are you doing?

Tux sees that the dataDynes have their backs turned. Tux throws a couple of ninja stars at them.

Diddy: Oh, I see.

Tux: Leave no witnesses.

Diddy: Okay. The tactic was a little barbaric, but okay.

Tux: Now, we have to find some of the others.

Diddy: Okay.

Diddy and Tux jump out from the cover and enter the door they found inside the main base.

Diddy: Now that we’re inside, we need to find a way out and into the main section of Timber’s Island.

Tux: Yeah. This is a big place. The funny thing is there is not a single continent on this planet.

Diddy: Yeah, I kind of noticed that. They’re all islands.

Tux: Yep. At least it’s not completely covered in oceans like some planets.

Diddy: I could see where that could be the issue.

Diddy and Tux spot an air duct that they hope would take them to other dataDynes.

Diddy: I hear some noises.

Tux: Where do you think it’s coming from?

Diddy: I think it’s coming from that duct.

Diddy and Tux attempt an entry heist.

Diddy: Awww! The classic air duct cliché! Diddy and Tux Season I Episode 1.4 Chapter 1.4

Tux: I’ll go first since I’m a ninja and you’re a secret agent. I think it’d be more fitting using my sword in the hallways.

Diddy: Alright, Tux. I’ll be right behind you.

Tux enters the air duct. Diddy follows from behind.

Diddy sees a dataDyne and shoots him as he begins to climb through the duct.

Tux: This seems to be a lot easier than I expected.

Diddy: Maybe it’s because we’re small.

Tux: Well, we’re also a little bit chubby.

Diddy: No kidding. It seems like you, like many of my friends from my own franchise, are also a chubby little anthropomorphic character with a belly button!

Tux: Very funny! So, where do you think this should lead, Diddy?

Diddy: Well, we are at Nintendo.

Tux: Yes?

Diddy: And we are at Timber’s Island.

Tux: Yes?

Diddy: And we recently just left a classic map for Halo 2.

Tux: Of course!

Diddy: So this means that we must be heading for a classic Goldeneye map.

Tux: Let me guess, because it’s classic Nintendo and Microsoft shooter at the same time?

Diddy: Yep!

Tux: Do you know which one?

Diddy: Oh yuck!

Tux: What? Diddy and Tux Season I Episode 1.4 Chapter 2.1

Diddy and Tux continue crawling through the ducts. Diddy notices the resemblance.

Diddy: Tux?

Tux: What is it?

Diddy: Is this what I sadly expected?

Tux: What are you disgusted about?

Diddy: We are about to enter a classic map through a bathroom!

Diddy and Tux peak over what appears to be a toilet cubicle along with several others. It looked almost exactly like the classic Goldeneye Facility map.

Diddy peaks around the corner and sees a dataDyne at the door about to go in.

*Bam! The DataDyne gets shot down.

Diddy and Tux jump over the cubicle door to the sinks and lands on the outside by the bathroom door.

Diddy: Let’s not do that again.

Diddy and Tux come to a hallway.

Monguin: Which way do we go?

Mickey Monguin: I’d say we deal with everything on this floor before going down stairs.

Diddy and Tux go left to find another dataDyne guard.

Tux stabs the guard and sheathes his sword.

Diddy: Excellent.

Tux: Thank you.

Diddy looks over to see if he can find some troopers down the stairs.

Diddy spots some and shoots them.

Tux: Excellent. You got some good shots, and I’m good with the katanas.

Diddy: Thank you. Tux: Where are we off to now?

Diddy: There is another door up ahead and another one behind us.

Tux: I’ll take the door behind us.

Diddy: Alright, I’ll take this one.

The Goldeneye Facillity Map is very uncanny. Diddy and Tux manage to avoid major gunfire that would have been inevitable in the parts of the map accessible in the multiplayer of Goldeneye and Perfect Dark. By going through the traditional route in the classic Goldeneye N64 mission, Diddy and Tux managed to secretly take out every dataDyne imaginable until they hit the gas chambers.

Diddy: We’ve secured nearly every angle, every room, and every place to see if there is anybody still left alive.

Tux: I think the security override really did help.

Diddy: Yeah, we managed to be able to be patient and taking out the guards one troop at a time instead of all of them at once. Diddy and Tux Season I Episode 1.4 Chapter 2.2

Tux: I understand your interest in patience, but really, we are running out of time.

Diddy: I think we got all the mines we need to blow this place up.

Tux: So, what do you think?

Diddy: I think we bought ourselves sometime. We took out as many guards as possible…

Tux: And yet I still feel that the Spartans are still after us.

Diddy: Well, blowing this place up would finish off the rest of the UNSC here.

Diddy and Tux hear someone knocking on the front doors at the runway. They run for cover.

Tux: Who is that at the doors?

Attention, dataDyne, this is the United Nations Space Command reporting.

Diddy: (to Tux) Um, attention, United Nations Space Command, this is the dataDynes, reporting.

Tux: *in whispers* M-I-A!

Diddy and Tux giggle just waiting for the UNSC to show up.

The UNSC come in through the door and begin searching around for any survivor.

UNSC Commander: What are you doing here? Get to the higher ground and secure every entrance to this room. The intruders can’t be far.

The Marines move across the room and up the stairs to the balcony above the room, securing every entrance to the room. One in every four has his SMG’s out while the others seem to be equipped with assault rifles and magnums. The Commander has his pistol out attempting to find the intruders.

UNSC Commander: (looking down into the room) Where are you, intruders?

Diddy comes out slowly.

Diddy: Are you talking to me?

UNSC Commander: The Office of Naval Intelligence reports that there has been a virus uploaded in our network. Do you know any of that?

Diddy: Well, I really do not want to come out right now. Why would I know anything about computer hacking? I’m a console game character! UNSC Commander: Don’t play dumb with me, Diddy. Come out so we can talk.

Diddy: I’m afraid I can’t do that. You see? With this cover, I can easily persuade you to not shoot me.

UNSC Commander: Well, well, Diddy. Have you also forgotten your friends have been kidnapped? I have them, you know. By the order of Alec Trevelyan, you are to come out of that place so we can talk to you or we are going to kill your captured friends. You have 10 seconds. (Counting down)

Diddy comes out attempting to act cute. He feels a bit weary that the UNSC would kill them anyways and begins to notice the Commander’s bluffing.

The Marines open fire at Diddy as Diddy runs back to take cover to place mines in different spots.

He uses remote mines so he can successfully detonate them from a distance once Diddy and Tux come out of the facility and make a run for it.

UNSC Commander: Hold your fire!

The Marines stop firing.

UNSC Commander: You’ll blow the gas tanks!

The UNSC Commander turns back to Diddy as he attempts to find out what Diddy is up to.

UNSC Commander: These tactics aren’t working. This resemblance is like home to the monkey. Forget it! Diddy, this is your last chance! If you do not come out, we will surround the tanks where you are at.

Diddy and Tux get behind a tank cart and use it for cover as they push it from behind.

The Marines aim at Diddy and Tux ready to fire.

UNSC Commander: Wait!

Diddy and Tux continue moving slowly to the other end of the room where they would reach the conveyor belt.

Tux: Watch the door! Watch the door!

Diddy: YOU watch the door! I’m looking after the Marines upstairs!

Tux: Very well.

The cart moves with Diddy and Tux and so does the aiming of the Marines.

Monguin: This should be a review.

Mickey Monguin: What?

Monguin: Goldeneye! Mickey Monguin: The video game?

Monguin: The movie it was based on.

Mickey Monguin: Funny. I think that’s something worth reviewing, given that when we get out of this alive, we would pick up a lot of Rareware fans.

Monguin: Don’t forget the Nintendo fans and Linux fans.

Mickey Monguin: Oh, right!

The monguins noticed that the social status icon is now exposed for Diddy, but Tux remains anonymous.

Monguin: Why is Diddy exposed but Tux is anonymous?

Mickey Monguin: Because Diddy was seen by the UNSC but not Tux.

The UNSC Marine gets anxious and shoots Diddy out of control.

Diddy takes cover behind the hilariously moving cart.

The UNSC Commander shoots the Marine dead.

The cart moves slowly towards the conveyor belt which both Diddy and Tux get on.

Tux: I’ll get the button.

Diddy: I’ll watch the guards.

UNSC Commander: You can’t win, Diddy Kong!

Tux pushes the button as the conveyor belt becomes active. The Marines shoot and charge after Diddy as Diddy shoots the Marines to escape them.

Diddy and Tux then use their peanuts and ninja stars at the locks to let the canisters roll loose to distract the Marines.

Diddy and Tux then slide down the slide and into the open where they encounter the UNSC patrol.

Diddy: Run! We are slightly victorious!

Tux: What?

Diddy presses the detonator button.

*BOOM! The whole facility explodes. Diddy tosses the detonator into the fire to destroy it.

Diddy: That was really close!

Tux: It would have been better if Donkey Kong were here. Diddy and Tux Season I Episode 1.4 Chapter 2.3

Diddy: I don’t think that he would even fit through that little space, though.

Tux: Well, we really need to see what the Spartans are up to, and to see their response.

Diddy: Do you see that base over there? That seems to be their headquarters. I want that off of Timber's island.

Diddy and Tux look at a relatively small outpost that seems to have a couple of Falcons ready for lift off waiting for a group of Spartans.

They also spot a Warthog that seems to be caring a new recruit, Edison Trent. Edison Trent comes in wearing Cobalt Spartan outfit designed for hijacking aircraft, complete with a jetpack.

Zooms out to the Warthog Trent is riding in, on the surface of Nintendo, towards a UNSC outpost. Two UH-144 Falcons flying in above the Warthog.

Both Falcons land in the camp, and the Warthog pulls to a stop. Trent gets out of the Warthog, and moves toward a building. Diddy and Tux follow close behind from a safe distance to eavesdrop.

Trevelyan: (Over the speaker) Contact with the dataDyne colony on Nintendo was lost last night. The troops seem to have been sadly beaten by an angry mob lead by a monkey. Deadeye, a trigger-happy marksman sitting outside a Falcon's passenger cabin, watches as Trent passes by, while placing rounds into a sniper rifle magazine.

Trevelyan: I responded with some armed dataDyne reinforcements, which have since been declared MIA.

Big John is shown from behind, watching a holographic computer screen displaying Trevelyan's portrait and other information.

Big John: And now you're sending us.

Trevelyan: The Office of Naval Intelligence believes deployment of a Spartan team is a gross misallocation of valuable resources. I disagree.

Edison Trent reaches the door, and stares at Nathan Zachary sharpening his kukri against his shoulder pauldron, and attempts to enter, before being stopped by Betty Charles.

Betty: Commander.

Big John and Doc Fassenbiender turn to look at Edison Trent. Doc: So that's our new Fortune Hunter.

Edison Trent steps forward.

Nathan: Betty, you read his file?

Betty: Only the parts that weren't covered in black ink.

Big John turns back to the screen.

Big John: Anyone claim responsibility, sir?

Trevelyan: UNSC Intelligence thinks it might be another Kong. Five months ago, Rareware pulled a similar job on our outpost at Timber’s Island, hit a relay to take out our eyes and ears, then stole two freighters from dry-dock. That cannot happen here. The heart of Nintendo and the former location of the treasuries too drone important. I want that penguin taken care of, Captain Big John.

Big John: Penguin?

Trevelyan: Rareware’s not the only threat. After approaching the treasure, I was attacked by the Linux mascot and a couple of Ubisoft’s Assassins.

Doc and Nathan stand up. Big John grabs his helmet from the table and turns to face Trent.

Big John: Lieutenant.

Trent: Commander. Sir.

Doc and Nathan start moving out. Betty joins them by the door.

Big John: I'm Big John, captain of the Fortune Hunters. That's Nathan, Betty, and Doc, my beloved assistants. You're riding with me, Edison Trent.

Cuts to the Spartans exiting the building, with Trent next to Big John, with Betty, Nathan (who sheathes his knife), and Doc walking side by side in front of them, towards the Falcon.

Big John: I'm not gonna lie to you, Lieutenant. You're stepping into some shoes the rest of the squad would rather leave unfilled.

The Spartans reach the Falcon, with the other three moving to one off screen, and Trent and Big John getting into the one where Deadeye is already waiting.

Big John: Me, I'm just happy to have the Fortune Hunters back up to full strength. Just one thing, I've seen your file, even the parts the ONI censors didn't want me to. I'm glad to have your skill set, but we're a team. That lone wolf stuff stays behind. Clear?

Big John signals for the other Falcon to get airborne. Trent: Got it, sir.

Deadeye: Welcome to the team.

The Falcons take off and start moving toward a mountain range in the distance.

Diddy: All of those characters seem to be from the underrated Microsoft dog fighting game, Crimson Skies, except for Edison Trent. Where is he from?

Tux: Freelancer, another underrated Microsoft dogfight game, except futuristic.

Diddy: They don’t have a single clue that we are now working together.

Tux: Hey, we only recently formed a brotherhood, and we come from completely different backgrounds.

Diddy: Let’s hope that our alliance remains undiscovered.

Tux: How are you going to assure that no one believes that we’re partners?

Diddy: By obeying the second tenant to our Creed. (Takes off his Nintendo hat and pulls out his Rareware hat to put it on) With this hat on, no one is going to believe that we’re partners because Rareware technically is of this time an enemy to Linux.

Tux: Clever idea, buddy. So, what happens if they see us together?

Diddy I pretend that you are my prisoner.

Tux: How are you going to do that?

Diddy: Like this: (fake punches Tux)

Tux: Clever. However, the only problem is that just because Rare is licensed by Microsoft doesn’t mean that it’s an enemy to Linux. It has to somehow be associated with Windows.

Diddy: Microsoft already combined Xbox with Windows, and I have played with my Android Smartphone recently. Therefore, I’ve seen some of your games. They reference Nintendo as much as Rare these days still do. Xbox avatars and Kinect were both inspired by Nintendo.

Tux: Maybe when one of them Nintendo hits comes out, I could be the one invited as a guest instead of one of those rusty armored freaks!

Diddy: Of course! There is a reason why Xbox is for first person shooter nuts.

Tux: The reason is Microsoft is a software company and the one genre that belongs in both gaming consoles and computers alike is first-person-shooter.

Diddy: Apparently, all of our fans have seen enough of that and want something kid-friendly.

Tux: Like our games? Diddy and Tux Season I Episode 1.4 Chapter 2.4

Diddy: I have to admit. I gotta talk to some of my fans and get them interested in Linux because it’s Linux where the real nostalgia is at! We can deal with that later, but for now, we have unfinished business to attend to.

Tux: Right. We need to find the Spartans and track them!

Diddy and Tux use their jetpacks to follow the Falcons close enough so they’re not heard.

Although they are using their jetpacks, they use them lightly because their jetpacks are a bit noisy.

Diddy: That’s right, Tux. I just use the jetpack lightly to aid my hopping ability. We should mainly use our natural abilities of parkour and swimming.

Two UH-144 Falcons, call signs Charlie 1 and Charlie 2, fly over a mountainous landscape.

Big John is shown from behind, looking over at the other Falcon.

Big John: Listen up, Fortune Hunters. We're looking at a downed dataDyne outpost, fifty clicks from the DK Isle. We're going to introduce ourselves to whoever took it out, then Betty's going to get it back online.

Betty: Just get me under the hood, Commander.

Doc: Sir, why would the Rareware separatists have any experience with hacking Windows-run networks?

Big John: "You get a chance, maybe you can ask them, Jorge."

The camera shifts to behind the two Falcons.

Betty: "Commander, we just lost our signal with HQ."

Big John: "Backup channels?"

Betty: "Searching...nada. Can't say what's jamming us."

Tux giggles as he jams the transitions with the Android Smartphone.

Diddy: Good job, Tux. Do to the Spartans what you did with the dataDynes.

Big John: "You heard her. Dead zone confirmed. Command will not be keeping us company this trip."

Nathan: "I'm lonely already."

The Falcons bank left and hover over the outpost. Betty: Wait, I think I’m picking up a signal!

Big John: Is it clear?

Diddy and Tux keep their faces covered as they giggle quietly.

Betty: Yes! Direct signal confirmed!

Big John: Punch it!

The entire Fortune Hunters team gets rick rolled over the radios.

Betty: Wow, that wasn’t supposed to happen.

Big John: I think Command was mad at us for failing him for some reason.

Nathan: Was it the Separatists?

Betty: No!

Big John: Then decode the protocol. I want to know what operating system is running this rick roll.

Betty: I can’t! We got jammed anyway!

Big John: There! There’s the outpost at Timber’s Island.

Diddy: Were we just here a few minutes ago?

Tux: Yes. It looks like that they’re trying to investigate the attack on the facility. If they succeed, they will learn what we have done, and more importantly, our new friendship.

Diddy: Let’s make sure that they do nothing but return to the UNSC command. Rareware Separatist and Linux Mascot unite!

Tux: How are we going to do that?

Diddy: We do what assassins do best. We take out the leader, silently.

Big John: Shoot down attempts is likely, so keep your distance.

Pilot: Yes, sir!

Big John: Let's stay focused. Watch your sectors.

The two Falcons head in opposite directions.

Doc: There's the communications outpost.

Betty: Reading a distress beacon. Diddy and Tux Season I Episode 1.4 Chapter 3.1

Big John: "Could be the missing troopers. Let's check it out."

Diddy: Distress beacon?

Tux: I knew I should have assassinated that yellow glowing guy when I had the chance!

Diddy and Tux realized the Social Status indicator changed from anonymous to witness indicators. It indicates highly suspicious for both Diddy and Tux.

Tux: Oh, no! I’m suspicious.

Diddy: Me, too!

Tux: I’m entirely hostile, so of course those guys hate me.

Diddy: Well, at least they have no knowledge of you being here. Thanks to the characters that spawned from this island, I’m slightly Microsoft myself, but they are suspecting that a Rare Separatist did this so they’re suspicious of me as well.

Big John: "Put us down on the bluff."

The Falcon circles for a landing.

Big John: "Deadeye, I want your eyes in the sky."

Deadeye: "Sir."

The Falcons land side by side, and Carter jumps down.

Big John: "Let's go, Trent."

Trent exits the Falcon along with Big John, Nathan, and Betty. Deadeye and Doc remain in their Falcons to provide air support.

Big John: Alright, Fortune Hunters. Spread out. Watch the approach.

Trent follows the Fortune Hunters down the hillside. Halfway down the hill, Nathan climbs a rock and looks down to the outpost from the peak.

Nathan: Structure point 3-4, looks clear from this angle.

Diddy: How do we approach them?

Tux: Leave it to me. Diddy and Tux Season I Episode 1.4 Chapter 3.2

Nathan leaps down from the rock, his shields draining from the impact. Big John and Betty take another route around the cliff.

Betty: Distress beacon's coming from just south of here, Commander. We're close.

Big John: Roger that. Eyes peeled.

Soon they come to a burning vehicle next to a small building. Nathan begins inspecting a palette on the ground.

Nathan: Found the beacon.

Nathan tosses Betty the beacon.

Big John: Make out any ID?

Betty: Negative, but it's military.

Betty drops the beacon on the ground.

Doc (COM): So where are the troopers?

Betty: Why are we not seeing any familiar code from our “trusted” dataDyne dispatchment?

Big John: Deadeye, can you confirm any rouge Wintendos protocol around here?

Deadeye: Hmm... Negative, sir.

Nathan: Wait! Alec Trevelyan mentioned a penguin! It could be the Linux Mascot with the Android Smartphone!

Doc (COM): Can't be. Not on Timber’s Island!

Nathan: There's a lot of blood on the ground.

Big John: All right, Fortune Hunters, looks like there's nothing here. Let's move on.

Fortune Hunters head off to another cluster of buildings.

Betty: Smoke at the next structure, boss.

Big John: Circle west and check it out. Fortune Hunters: you have permission to engage, but be selective. We don't need to telegraph a presence. Tux: You got any plans?

Diddy: I’m thinking! I’m thinking!

Tux: Let’s hide in that pool over there.

Diddy and Tux both hide at what appears to be a lake.

The UNSC attempt to look around to search for Diddy and Tux.

Tux: Do you really think we’re safe here?

Diddy: Um, last time I checked, your belly and back are meant to be your camouflage when you swim on the surface. And besides, we’re both adorable swimmers.

Tux: Okay, so you mentioned that being adorable is equivalent to being discrete.

Diddy: Yes.

Tux: So, how are we both adorable swimmers?

Diddy: Do you remember how it is you got interested in the Donkey Kong franchise?

Tux: It used to be Rareware before Rareware moved to Microsoft and destroyed it. It still is as it always was, an extension to the Mario universe.

Diddy: And how is it that you relate to the franchise?

Tux: Well, my fans like to make fun of Microsoft as much as your fans.

Diddy: And?

Tux: My games were inspired by the Mario installments.

Diddy: And?

Tux: All of that adorable swimming and ice graphics can be related to penguins.

Diddy: Exactly. You see? Why is it that you have a belly button?

Tux: My fans portray me with it.

Diddy: That’s because you are a cute pot-bellied swimmer, like me. Such stereotypes can always use belly buttons. You said it yourself: swimming and cute bellies mix well. The DK franchise is no exception. Almost everybody in the franchise has a cute belly and some incredible swimming talent, including villains. In addition, you’re a penguin, which means you’re a bird. Penguins in real life don’t have belly buttons.

Tux: I gotta go check something out. Diddy: Alright. We’ll talk later.

Tux: Can you do something for me?

Diddy: Alright. What is it?

Tux: See if you can find some cover.

Diddy: Alright. Maybe I’ll find some places with some crates containing peanuts. I’m running low on ammunition.

Tux: Go ahead.

The objective seems to be to capture flags and certain command posts in attempt to weaken the Spartans’ morale. Without their morale, the other UNSC troops refuse to help them out, and they have to fight by themselves.

Diddy and Tux spot a Spartan. Diddy grabs the Spartan and pulls him down as Tux stabs him while underwater. Diddy and Tux then jump out and find a place with a sack of peanuts. They use their Eagle Vision and they would find a sack of peanuts over what appears to be a good spot for Diddy to shoot from.

Diddy loads his ammunition with peanuts as Tux begins to slide around looking for flags to capture.

Tux finds a flag and brings it to Diddy for Diddy to collect.

The UNSC open fire on Tux as Tux flees back to Diddy as Diddy finishes loading some peanuts.

Diddy and Tux take enemy fire until the UNSC have to reload. Diddy then uses his pistols to knock the colonial militia, the officers, and the marines down so Tux can kill them swiftly while taking another flag.

Tux also spots an ODST with a flame thrower and assassinates him with a katana and the help of Diddy’s accurate shot.

Tux then brings the flag back to Diddy so that Diddy can hold another flag.

More of the UNSC Marines show up as the officers look for higher ground to search for the camper as they usually do.

UNSC Commander: Campers! I hate them!

UNSC Commander: I suspect that a Rareware separatist is helping this penguin here mock the Microsoft Empire. Those guys are the worst campers, especially with Farsights and laptop guns!

UNSC Commander: Don’t forget about proximity mines as well.

Diddy and Tux attempt to capture flags and kill juggernauts and generic henchmen so they can reduce the morale of the UNSC post. Diddy and Tux Season I Episode 1.4 Chapter 3.3

The team arrives at a house overlooking the Cliffside.

Big John: Trent, move into the house. Go in quiet. I'm right behind you.

Trent moves through the house.

Deadeye (COM): Big John, I'm seeing heat-sigs in the structure ahead!"

Trent goes up a short flight of stairs and emerges on the other side of the house. The second Falcon lands in the courtyard long enough to drop Doc off, then takes off. A door opens, and a dataDyne scientist steps out. Other dataDynes can be seen remaining inside. dataDyne: I didn't do anything!

Nathan aims his shotgun at the man as he and Jorge question him, but he appears to speak only in Hungarian.

Nathan: Move! On your knees, now! dataDyne: Non sparare! Non sparare! (Don't shoot! Don't shoot!)

Doc: They're not rebels, they're scientists. Look at them.

Big John: Ask him what they're doing here.

Doc questions him in Italian. The dataDynes begins talking as Doc translates.

Doc: Che cosa stai facendo qui? (What are you doing here?) dataDyne: Non vogliamo morire. (We just didn't want to die.)

Doc: Hiding, sir. Neighbors were attacked last night. He heard screams, gunfire. It stopped around sunrise. dataDyne: UN ninja pingüino ucciso il mio migliore amico. (A ninja penguin killed my best friend.)

Doc: He says a ninja penguin in the facility...killed his best friend.

Big John: A ninja penguin?

Deadeye (COM): Commander, be advised. I'm reading heat signatures at the structure directly east from your position. Over.

Big John: Copy that. (to Doc) Get them back inside. Doc: HO detto! (I said get in! Get in!)

The dataDynes get back inside as the Fortune Hunters sprint east toward the building.

Big John: Move in to the building to see what’s the matter.

Nathan: I’m seeing some movement on my scanner.

Big John: Where, in this building?

Nathan: Yes. He appears to be stealthy.

Big John: Well, watch out for a penguin, would ya?

Nathan: But what about Nintendo? Should we worry about them?

Big John: Let’s focus on Linux right now, okay, Nathan?

Nathan: I’m worried, Big John. With Colonel Sanders down, you might be next.

Big John spots over a terminal.

Big John: Blue Screen of Death! Just as I expected!

Nathan: The same thing is happening with all of the other terminals in this area.

Trent: Look! I see them!

Nathan: What?

Trent: Wet foot prints!

The Spartans all spotted over some wet foot prints of Diddy and Tux side by side.

Big John: Linux!

Nathan: Why would the Linux mascot be so interested in this island? It’s completely out of his affair.

Big John: I don’t know. Maybe he thinks that with him being cute, he could pass off as a Nintendo character.

Trent: But we own this land.

Nathan: Yes, but the Separatists hate us for it. The Linux mascot has been referencing Nintendo as much as these guys had and he hates Microsoft as much as the Separatists do.

Big John: I hope he doesn’t side with a separatist.

Trent: I’m afraid he is, according to the footprints. Big John looks at Betty as she manages the terminal.

Big John: How long?

Betty: Question of my life. If the question is when will this station be back online, two weeks, earliest. This is Linux protocol. All major desktop operating systems have gone B-S-O-D.

Big John: When will the dataDynes ever learn not to use Vista again? Two minutes is too long.

Betty: Which is why I'm splicing into the main overland bundle to get you a direct line to Alec Trevelyan... you're in my light, Commander.

Big John: Betty, you stay guard. The three of you stay and guard her. I’ll have a look around.

Nathan: But wait, Big John!

Big John: Nathan, stick to your duty!

Nathan: But Commander!

Big John: I need to find that intruder!

Nathan: Commander, you’re not listening!

Big John: I’m the Commander. Do as I say!

Nathan: But Big John!

Betty, Trent, Nathan, and Doc all secure the terminal while Big John leaves them behind.

Alone, in the dark, Big John turns on his flashlights to find the intruders. Diddy and Tux attempt to infiltrate and attack Big John. As they approach Big John, they both stood still, acting cute.

Big John: Oh, well, look ‘e’ here! Aren’t you just adorable?

Diddy: Yes!

Tux: Perhaps we can cuddle with you as we lay you to rest!

Big John leans in a bit forward to Diddy and Tux.

Diddy and Tux lie belly up and Big John tickles their tummies.

Big John: I want to know your names, little ones!

Diddy: If we told you, you would not believe us!

Tux: Of course, because you already know our names; you just chose not to believe who we really are.

Diddy: This cuteness that is right before your eyes has been damaged by your own kind. Diddy and Tux Season I Episode 1.4 Chapter 3.4

Big John: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Diddy pistol whips Big John to knock him out as Tux stabs Big John to kill him.

The animus once again shifts to indicate a successful assassination.

Big John: So it is true! A Rareware Separatist unites with a Linux.

Diddy: The leaders of both parties, I’m afraid.

Tux: You make an excellent antagonist.

Big John: How is it that I’m suffering death.

Tux: Wow, Big John. Only one life left? You must be joking!

Big John: I fought heavy wars with Fox McCloud around here before you arrived.

Diddy: You Spartans ruined my fans’ nostalgia.

Tux: Your operating systems are notorious for crashes and blue screens of death.

Big John: It seems like you have a common goal, but your alliance with Nintendo, Tux, will not defeat me. Spartans never die.

Big John dies as the animus resumes Timber’s Island with every UNSC after Diddy and Tux.

UNSC Commander: Assassins!

Diddy and Tux are on the run. The UNSC are alerted by an assassination. Diddy and Tux noticed that they’re exposed and so says the social status indicator.

They get chased as they swing from tree to tree in attempt to break the line of sight, and so the social status indicator changes again.

After breaking the line of sight, Diddy and Tux attempt to stay away from the UNSC as they find a place to hide. They jump back into the water and stay low to hide from the UNSC and so the social status changes again.

Because the hiding spot happens to be at the ocean, the UNSC stand in the creek hoping to find Diddy and Tux, but it was a trap! Enguarde showed up, and tripped the UNSC and knocked them down.

The UNSC are out there and Diddy and Tux find a safe place to take cover from. Diddy sees another sack of peanuts by what appears to be a territory. Diddy takes cover from there as Tux attempts to capture flags and return them to Diddy to subtract morale.

Both Diddy and Tux attempt to take out as many UNSC henchmen as possible while greatly reducing morale of the platoon.

Diddy: Tux, let’s secure a territory, okay?

Tux: What’s the good of that? The tactic would only work with a presence of a large army. We’re only two people, or worse, two creatures who became assassins because it seems like the only way we can’t fight. We can’t pick up big weapons or wear any armor at all and would have to rely on charm like what you said to protect us.

Diddy: Let’s just take one and I’ll show you.

Tux: What?

Diddy and Tux both work together to capture a random UNSC territory, one really close to them in a house somewhere.

Tux: Now what do we do?

Diddy: You stay here and I’ll look around to see if I can find it.

Tux: Find what?

Tux attempts to stay at the territory to hold it and throws the ninja stars at the UNSC henchmen.

Tux: I’m waiting! Is whatever you’re looking for seen?

Diddy: I got it!

Diddy grabs a case of the iconic Goldeneye-style proximity mines. He holds it underhand like he usually does with barrels. He carries it to Tux as Tux sees surprised.

Tux: Talking about belly charm! Can your belly be even more exposed?

Diddy: Yeah, if I was half-penguin. (puts the case down)

Tux: (putting his fin on his face) What’s with this monguin business? Okay, I better stick to the moment! What’s your plan?

Diddy opens the chest.

Tux: Proximity mines?

Diddy: Of course! With every territory captured, we secure it with proximity mines! Therefore, you go and collect flags and I secure the territories. Tux: Whatever!

Diddy does just that. Diddy places proximity mines all over the territory Diddy and Tux just claimed and Tux moves over to capture the second territory. After finishing, Diddy moves over to help Tux claim the territory by shooting the UNSC already engaged with Tux in close combat. Afterwards, Diddy and Tux hold the territory as Diddy places proximity mines all over the territory while reinforcing the other one with proximity mines, hoping that the territories are well supported. Diddy and Tux continually do so to capture all of the territories and to support them with proximity mines while Diddy finds a perfect spot to retrieve the flags and guard them with a single Laptop Gun. In this sense, Diddy becomes the defender while Tux continues to repetitively collect one flag after another.

The proximity mines did more than to just do damage to any UNSC that comes close to the territory. Their noise was also heard to indicate that the territory is in need of support and resupply of proximity mines.

Because of the over usage of the proximity mines, there was constant explosion everywhere which greatly reduced the morale of the UNSC until they decided to retreat as the Spartans and the ODST attempt to finish off Diddy and Tux by themselves. One ODST was stupid enough to run into a territory to reclaim it and *Boom! There he goes. The last of the generic Spartans and ODST were after Diddy and Tux as they wanted revenge on the troops.

Deadeye: Aw, man! The Officers are not doing a good job.

Spartan: Deadeye, where is the other squad, you know, the Fortune Hunters?

Deadeye: Well, Big John lost his last life and the other four are trying to get the system back online.

Spartan: What system? It’s been hacked by Linux!

Deadeye: Linux? No way! This is Nintendo-Rareware territory! Why would a Linux character be interested in this place anyway?

Spartan: Because the character shares the charm?

Deadeye: Whatever. What makes you think that Linux is here?

Spartan: We’ve been sacked by the Linux mascot!

Deadeye: Really? I thought it was a Separatist that sacked us! We’ve been clearly defeated by proximity mines!

Deadeye turns to the other Spartans to see a huge mess of proximity mines everywhere.

Spartan: (walking unwillingly into the room) Wow! Now why would the Linux mascot know how to use— *Boom! The two Spartan recruits are dead.

Deadeye: Wow, you’re stupid. Diddy and Tux Season I Episode 1.5 Chapter 1.1

Clippy: Loading Memory…

Monguin: What the blast?

Mickey Monguin: Apparently, the last memory sequence seems to illustrate a very odd view of life and death.

Monguin: Okay. Go ahead.

Mickey Monguin: It would not be fair if there wasn’t life after death.

Monguin: Why would a video game say that?

Mickey Monguin: Because the rules of the afterlife are always weird in a video game. We have just witnessed some very odd things that occur in a video game.

Monguin: What do you mean?

Mickey Monguin: Well, when a Spartan dies, he’s just going to just wait for his partner to be out of combat zone, holding still, and not firing to respawn next to him. Monguin: Very odd! But then why was it that we were able to kill the Spartan and have him be dead for good?

Mickey Monguin: Because he clearly ran out of lives.

Monguin: But it seems like they had infinite amount of lives a little bit earlier.

Mickey Monguin: That’s because for some drone reason that he only loses lives when he runs out of points.

Monguin: Okay, Now I know this is a fan’s depiction of everything that occurs here in this crazy mixed up universe of ours.

Mickey Monguin: And do you know about Diddy and Tux?

Monguin: No. What happens if they die? Oh, wait! We get desynchronized! Never mind!

Mickey Monguin: Actually, when one of them dies, he waits for the other to remain anonymous and to be on the ground in position before respawning in a DK barrel like in Donkey Kong Country. Then the other gets to open the barrel in any way he can and half of the cross synchronization bar gets transferred to the revived player’s synchronization bar.

Monguin: Okay, so it’s not until both of us die that we get desynchronized!

Clippy: You DO realize that’s MY job and not yours!

Monguin: Shut up! We know better than to trust an enemy!

Clippy: An enemy? Really?

Monguin: Yes! And don’t feel bad that you didn’t begin this conversation in the first place.

Clippy: You just spoke in redundancy. You said, “And don’t feel bad that you didn’t begin this conversation in the first place.”

Monguin: And you think you’re some sort of Grammar Nazi?

Clippy: You began a sentence with the word, and, again! You did that twice!

Monguin: So, you’re a bossy tutorial guy, a Grammar Nazi, a GPS voice guy, and an instructor all in one?

Clippy: What you said was not a question. You should have said, “Are you.”

Monguin and Mickey Monguin have their face palms as they are desperately annoyed by Clippy.

Monguin: Shut up!

Diddy’s Monologue Dear Dixie Kong,

I recently have made contact with the UNSC.

I never had such strong attitude in my whole life!

When we encountered the dataDynes, it was like I was with James Bond again, except I was nobody’s pet at this time.

This time, my companion is not a girlfriend, or a big muscular hero, or some lame Mario character.

It was a penguin!

Dixie, if you met him before I did, that was awesome.

This penguin was surprisingly well talented.

His skills as a ninja were superb.

When I looked at him, watching his stunts, I couldn’t help thinking that with a little bit more of the charm he already possesses, he might be our real successor.

Now, we’re off to see the other Nintendo characters in hopes of getting off this planet.

Dixie, I might be away for a while. It might be a while until I see another face both friendly and familiar again. This penguin had a wild idea that our swordfish animal buddy is to come with us to help him fulfill his missions.

I bid you well,

Diddy Kong.

Tux’s Monologue

Dear Penny

I’m finally returning back to my headquarters!

Hopefully, I might return home to you.

But for right now, I have unfinished business to attend to.

Diddy Kong’s magnificent, by the way.

However, he speaks of a very weird concept of the monguin.

No matter; I have bigger fish to fry.

Love ya lots, Tux. Diddy and Tux Season I Episode 1.5 Chapter 1.2

Clippy: Memory complete…

The animus loads a memory of what appears to be a restaurant for the futuristic stars of Nintendo. It just so happens to be Sonic: America’s Drive-In taking the form of a classic fantasy tavern.

Diddy: Well, look at this!

Tux: Sonic, America’s Drive-In? That’s rich!

Diddy: Of course! Wherever the Sonic Team is most friendly to, there would you find one of these taverns.

Tux: So, this is where you’ll help me find a ship to take me back to Tanis.

Diddy: Yep.

Tux: Are you sure we came to the right place?

Diddy and Tux see Fox McCloud in the distance in the middle of the crowd. With the Eagle vision on, Fox glows blue along with a few other familiar faces right across the crowd from Diddy and Tux.

Tux: I’ll be back with Enguarde. You get us a ride to Tanis.

Diddy: Right away.

Tux: And do be quick! I’ve wasted enough time on this planet. It’s about time I get back to headquarters.

Diddy: All right, then.

Tux leaves Diddy to get Enguarde. Just as Tux enters the door entrance, Diddy calls out for Tux.

Diddy: Hey, Tux!

Tux: Yeah?

Diddy: Remember to put Enguarde in a perfectly sealed crate so that Enguarde doesn’t suffocate!

Tux: Sure thing, Diddy. I think I know all about your animal crates.

Diddy: Good!

Tux leaves the door to get Enguarde and a crate for him. Diddy then attends to meet Fox. Just as he’s about to move in to meet Fox, Donkey Kong crosses in front of Diddy. Donkey: Diddy?

Diddy: DK?

Donkey: (smiling) Diddy!

Diddy runs up to Donkey. Donkey has his arms out as if he’s about ready to give Diddy a hug. Diddy then climbs onto Donkey’s shoulders and cuddles with Donkey.

Donkey: How are you doing, buddy? (notices that Diddy’s soaked, then puts him down) Wow, you’re soaked. What have you been up to?

Diddy: I was swimming!

Donkey: That you do a lot, but not this much!

Diddy: Yeah, that’s for sure.

Donkey: (looking at Diddy’s bloated belly, then pokes him) You sure are slightly tubbier than normal.

Diddy: (rubbing his tummy, than relaxes) Well, I’ve been craving fish, lately. Real salty ones, too, Antarctic, even!

Donkey: Diddy, what have you been up to? Wait, I heard that there was an attack at Timber’s Island. Are you okay?

Diddy grins.

Donkey: What are you smiling at?

Diddy: Pure success! I was dealing with that UNSC platoon with a new friend of mine! He may be a bit different, but he’s widely interested in us as I’m interested in him. Oh, this reminds me: I’m in a bit of a rush! I need to get this friend of mine to Tanis as soon as possible.

Donkey: What’s Tanis?

Diddy: It’s a space station of some kind. We need to get him there as soon as possible.

Donkey: Well, I’m not sure about space travel, but I think McCloud can help you with that buddy.

Diddy: That’s why I’m here. PS. The Spartans that we attacked were the Fortune Hunters. Their new recruit was named Edison Trent. Dogfighting is McCloud’s specialty.

Donkey: Well, we better talk to McCloud right away.

Diddy: Okay.

The animus switches view to Tux’s point of view outside of the bar where Tux is looking for someone to build him a crate to store Enguarde in. Tux: Hey, carpenter.

Carpenter: What? Is this a penguin? What is it that you want?

Tux: I want you to make the iconic crate for Enguarde the Swordfish.

Carpenter: Wait! You’re the Linux Mascot, aren’t you!

Tux: In deed I am!

Carpenter: Why would you need one of those animal crates from the Donkey Kong franchise? Don’t you technically rival Rare—?

Tux: I know what you’re wondering, but I really do not have time to explain! Just build the frigate crate already! Also, there are Rare fans that hate Microsoft. There! I answered your question. Now build it, or I’ll use my ninja skills on you!

The animus switches back to Diddy’s point of view, back in the restaurant.

At the bar besides Diddy, Donkey, and Fox McCloud are Samus Aran, Captain Falcon, and several supporting characters of Star Fox.

Fox: What is it, Donkey? What’s your request?

Donkey: My little buddy wants you to do something for his new friend, whoever he is.

Diddy: Well, he and I really need to get to Tanis. Do you know where it’s at?

Fox: Never heard of it, Diddy.

Diddy: Well, he needs to get back to it.

Fox: Why come to me?

Diddy: Because it’s a space station and my friend’s capital ship left without him. He needs our help to get back to him.

Fox: What’s in it for us?

Diddy: He’s fascinated in Nintendo as a whole, including the rebellion I’m leading right now.

Fox: That stupid Rareware! What do they care about?

Diddy: I’m sorry they made a mockery out of you, but they were Nintendo’s best secondary developer! Also, that’s not the only thing that troubles us at this moment.

Fox: What else do you want from me besides getting your precious company back?

Diddy: This friend and I are up against the Fortune Hunters, recently recruited as Spartans. Diddy and Tux Season I Episode 1.5 Chapter 1.3

Fox: That, I CAN help you with. I’ve always been interested in arcade-style dog fighting games exclusively for Xbox or Playstation. They give me something to think about. I like Freelancer, too! Edison Trent always gives me a good challenge!

Diddy: Well, Edison Trent is part of the Fortune Hunter gang, too! At least, he recently joined the gang with me watching.

Fox: Fascinating!

Diddy: Well, beat me up for saying this: We assassinated Big John.

Fox: What? Diddy? Are you a pet of a secret agent again?

Diddy: No! I’m with a ninja!

Fox: A ninja! Interesting! You a pet to this ninja?

Diddy: Put it this way: we’re friends because we share the same charm practically, except he’s not tropical. By the way, Fox. Do any of you want something to eat? I can order it for you.

Samus: Whatever, you little monkey.

Diddy leaves the gang to grab something from the counter.

The animus switches again to Tux as he swims just off shore attempting to cage Enguarde.

Tux: Enguarde, over here!

Enguarde ignores Tux.

Tux: Enguarde! I’m your new buddy! You’re coming with us! I’m with Diddy Kong! You do like him, you know!

Enguarde looks a bit confused.

Tux: Enguarde! It’s going to be fun! We are going to have fun smashing Spartans together!

Enguarde swims upward to poke Tux in the belly, then goes in.

Tux: That’s a good fish!

Tux begins to haul out the crate and restlessly needs to carry the heavy crate anyway possible.

Tux: Oh, users! This is heavy! Tux swims back up to shore as the animus cuts back to Diddy at the counter.

Diddy: Hey, sir!

Cashier: Can I get you something, little one?

Diddy: Yeah, I would like to have a banana milkshake, shaken, not stirred. Also, get some pineapple juices as well and a family-size fish and chips.

Cashier looks at Diddy and sees that he’s adorable and famous.

Cashier: (adoring Diddy) Hey, you’re Diddy Kong, aren’t you!

Diddy: Yes, I am!

Cashier: I’m going to accept your order free of charge!

Diddy: That would be great. *looks at his belly* Thank you, belly, for being so adorable.

Diddy’s stomach gives a pleasant rumble. Diddy rubs it.

Animus cuts back to Tux.

Tux struggles to hold up the heavy crate. Peppy shows up to offer some help.

Peppy: Hey, Kong, do you want me to help you with—(sees that it’s Tux) Tux? Is that you?

Tux: (sweating) Rabbit, I know what you might be wondering! Please shut up and help me with this thing!

Peppy: What do you want me to do with this?

Tux: I really do not have time for this! Just do as I say and take it!

Peppy takes the crate carrying Enguarde. Tux feels relaxed, but Peppy struggles a little bit.

Peppy: What do you want me to do with this?

Tux: Put it on board the main starship. I’m taking that with me back to Tanis.

Peppy: I’ll take this to the ship and let Fox know you’re coming.

Tux: Thanks. I would really appreciate it.

Peppy: What brings you to Nintendo, anyway?

Tux: Can’t talk now! I gotta get off this planet!

Animus cuts back to Diddy. Diddy: (laying the tray full of ordered drinks and fish and chips) There you go, guys.

Fox: Were you going to order something for yourself?

Diddy: I got it! (shows the banana smoothie)

The creatures around the table harmoniously share the fish and chips as they selectively grab their own drinks. They all look at Diddy with curiosity and confusion as Diddy consumes the fish.

Donkey: Don’t look at me! Diddy picked up a new appetite!

Fox: FISH!?

Donkey: More than ever before. I don’t know why, though. I knew he loved fish, but not like this!

Diddy: It’s because of my new friend.

Fox: So, where is this Tanis space station, Diddy? What franchise is it from?

Diddy: Uh, I don’t really know!

Fox, Samus, and Captain Falcon all pull up their Apple devices to look up Tanis on the internet.

Fox: I’ll look it up!

Diddy: (interrupting Fox, Samus, and Captain Falcon) No, no, no. That’s okay. I got Ubuntu on my Android Smartphone.

Fox: Android?

Samus: Ubuntu?

Captain Falcon: LINUX!?

Diddy: Hey, they have really cute icons!

Diddy finds an image of Tanis on his Smartphone. They all look at Tanis as Fox begins to recognize the station.

Fox: I’ve seen that station before while fighting Edison Trent!

Diddy: You got the coordinates for it?

Fox: Yes I do. (to everybody with the empty tray on the table about to make a toast) To Diddy Kong’s new mysterious friend and this very awkward mission!

Everybody cheers, takes a sip, but coughs and loses control in surprise seeing Tux except for Diddy.

Fox: DIDDY? So THIS is your new friend! THE LINUX MASCOT!? Diddy and Tux Season I Episode 1.5 Chapter 1.4

Diddy: Yep. He’s a friend of ours.

Tux: If you ask us, it’s a bit of a story. In fact, even I still don’t get part of it.

Fox: What part?

Tux: The “monguin” part. Sir Gabriel was a bit confusing.

Samus: Monguin?

Captain Falcon: Sir Gabriel?

Tux: Don’t ask me! As far as I can tell, both are original concepts not copyrighted.

Falco: Yeah, no kidding!

Donkey: So, what is this monguin, you speak of?

Tux: Perhaps your own little buddy can explain to you.

Diddy: A monguin is basically a monkey-penguin hybrid. I share at least a couple of descendants with Tux that are of such species, and they are currently, in our bodies, right now!

Donkey: Using a couple of animi?

Diddy: Yep!

Donkey: Who wrote this script!?

Fox: So, in other words, a monguin is a monkey-penguin hybrid?

Diddy: Yes.

Tux: Really, we don’t have time for this!

Diddy: Yeah! You’re driving us nuts!

Clippy: Updating memory…

Donkey: That paperclip is driving us nuts!

Fox: What paperclip?

Donkey: Forgot! He’s part of the animus program! Diddy and Tux Season I Episode 1.5 Chapter 2.1

The Fortune Hunters show up in their Spartan suits as follows: Nathan, Betty, Trent, and Doc. As they enter, all of Nintendo cried in vain as they ran for a place to hide.

Fox: The Fortune Hunters! Run!

The Star Fox characters, Diddy, and Samus all take cover to fire their guns at the Spartans.

Samus: What are you doing here? You need to get back to the ship!

Fox: Where’s Peppy?

Tux: He’s loading an animal buddy onto your ship.

Peppy (COM): Fox, can you hear me, over?

Fox: Peppy, I can hear you. We’re a little bit busy right now fighting the Spartans!

Peppy (COM): Well, just to let you know, I’ve just loaded an animal buddy into your craft. Tux is coming with us.

Fox: We know that already! Wait, what about the animal buddy?

Peppy: Tux carried the animal buddy crate and he wants to take it with him into space with him.

Fox: To Tanis, you mean.

Peppy: Tanis?

Fox: Too busy! Can’t talk! I’m sending you the coordinates right now!

Fox uploads the coordinates to Peppy as Diddy and Tux desperately attempt to fight off the Spartans.

Samus: Go! I’ll deal with the Spartans on foot!

Diddy and Tux leave the bar to get onto the shuttle at the docking bay.

Diddy: Well, well, well! Fortune Hunters!

Samus: I was watching Fox playing Crimson Skies the other day. If these guys are Spartans, then this should be really fun!

Diddy: Why? Samus: Because there are two types of guys I enjoy fighting: space pirates and Spartans. McCloud always appreciates having me on board fighting any Spartan that attempts to dock Great Fox.

Diddy: I can see that.

Samus: It’s great to have you around again.

Diddy: Thank you.

Tux: We need to get back to the ship, ASAP!

The Nintendo characters and Tux attempt to leave the room. The Spartans chase after them.

Donkey runs up and uses his brutal force to punch the Spartans.

Diddy: Thank you, DK.

Donkey: I think I got them!

Diddy: No, but you are buying us a lot of time!

Tux: Now is the time! Move!

The Nintendo characters escape the restaurant and out into the street.

Diddy: This way!

The Nintendo characters and Tux go into a parking lot to find a van to borrow. The Spartans follow them in a particular order: Nathan driving the Warthog, Betty riding shotgun with Nathan, Doc manning the Warthog’s turret, and Trent riding a Mongoose next to the Warthog.

Captain Falcon: (driving) They’re following us!

Diddy: Drive faster! We need to get to the space port!

Falcon: I know!

As Falcon approaches the space station, they arrive at the military parking lot.

All of the Nintendo characters along with Tux get out of the vehicle.

Falcon: Thanks for the borrowing!

Citizen: You nearly wrecked my car! You’re going to pay aren’t you?

Falcon tosses the money at the citizen.

Tux stabs the Citizen.

Clippy: CIVILIANS! Killing civilians reduces your synchronization bar, you wormhole! Diddy and Tux Season I Episode 1.5 Chapter 2.2

Monguin: Oh, man! It’s only a little bit of fun!

Mickey Monguin: Just shut up and follow Fox to the frigate shuttle!

Monguin: Alright!

Tux and the Nintendo characters head forward towards the bridge as they see the Spartans vast approaching.

The Spartans see Tux and the Nintendo characters and begin to open fire.

Tux and the Nintendo characters crouch and take cover as the bullets go right through the wind shields of several vehicles.

The Spartans run forward after Tux and the Nintendo characters as they run around to find another place to take cover.

Finally, Samus begins to open fire just as Diddy takes out Nathan and Betty with his pistols and Tux takes out Trent and Doc with his ninja stars.

Samus then ceases fire and the Nintendo characters run off towards the bridge going over the pick- up/drop-off zone.

The Spartans put away their rifles and pull out the SMG’s to charge after the Nintendo characters and begin chasing them across the bridge, open firing on the characters.

As the other Nintendo characters flee, Diddy opens fire on the Spartans to take out their shields just as Tux leaps around to attack the Spartans from flank while avoiding bullets.

Tux jumps Nathan and distracts the other Spartans. The Nintendo characters get away as Tux jumps back out of combat and retreats to the Nintendo characters.

Samus lowers her power so she can be a bit more down town while aiding Diddy and Tux, who seem to be protecting the rest of the team.

Later, the other Spartans respawned next to Trent as the four Spartans attempt to chase Tux and the Nintendo characters across the bridge and into the cargo station.

At the cargo station, the Spartans would intend to find Tux and the Nintendo characters, as the Nintendo characters take cover in the conveyor belts.

Nathan: Search the area until the intruders are spotted. Trent: Yes, sir!

The Spartans search the conveyor belts as Samus opens fire on the Spartans along with the Star Fox characters.

Captain Falcon runs up as the Spartans back off and run for cover. Diddy and Tux, while anonymous, get out of the way and vanish from the Spartans.

The Spartans ran out of ammunition and have to reload. The Nintendo characters keep running through the space port until they approach the military markets.

In the military markets, the Nintendo characters and Tux reunite and blend in with the crowd.

The Spartans struggle as they find the Nintendo characters along with Tux.

Tux and the Nintendo characters get chased as the Spartans charge after the characters.

Finally, Tux and the Nintendo characters escape from the market and onto the tram.

The tram closes as the Spartans lose Tux and the Nintendo characters.

Tux: So, what happens now?

Fox: Now, what happens is that we’re going to follow the tram all the way into the terminal.

Diddy: So, do we keep calm?

Fox: There’s no way they are going to catch the next tram in time to board the shuttle with us. What they’re going to do is to intercept the shuttle any way they can.

Samus: So, we just let them go?

Fox: For sure.

Tux: Think of something fast, because we should be leaving this planet right now.

Fox: Once we approach the terminal, the first thing is that we are going to catch the shuttle and leave ASAP.

Donkey: Right.

Diddy: Those Spartans are smart!

Fox: No kidding!

Tux: Well, I hope I do not get into trouble.

Samus: For what? Tux: For being late and for being carried out.

Fox: We are vast approaching the end and into the terminal.

The tram comes to a stop.

The door opens and Tux and the Nintendo characters immediately come straight out and head forward towards the shuttle.

Fox: Peppy, Come in Peppy.

No response.

Fox: Peppy, Come in.

The characters approach the main gate as they see the shuttle ready to take off.

Fox: Peppy, are you there?

Peppy (COM): I’m here, Fox.

Fox: We are about to board the shuttle.

Peppy: Are you at the gate?

Fox: Yes, we are! Is everything set?

Peppy: No. I placed the coordinates for Tanis. I hope they’re the right ones.

Fox: No fooling around. We are going to have to get out of here fast.

Peppy: What’s the rush?

By this time, the Nintendo characters and Tux are already inside the shuttle ready to go.

Fox: The Spartans are after us! If we’re quick enough, we can lose them.

Peppy: Alright.

Fox: Do what you can to defend the shuttle.

Peppy: Alright, then. I’m managing the main cannons right now!

Captain Falcon: I got the shuttle, Fox.

The shuttle gets prepared to launch.

The gates get sealed.

The tunnel doors are detached. Diddy and Tux Season I Episode 1.5 Chapter 2.3

The shuttle is loose.

The shuttle is on the roll.

The shuttle prepares for lift off.

The shuttle gets onto the runway.

Fox: Is everything set?

Captain Falcon: Yes. Everything’s set.

Samus: Punch it!

Captain Falcon: Alright. I’ll do my best.

The shuttle rolls out along the first runway.

The shuttle makes a turn to get onto the second runway.

The shuttle makes a run on the runway for takeoff. The shuttle takes off and gets airborne.

Captain Falcon: Uh oh!

Fox: What is it?

Captain Falcon: We’re being intercepted.

All of the characters on board the shuttle look out the windows to see what appears to be four fighters from Crimson Skies.

Those fighters shoot at the shuttle as the shuttle begins to climb higher and higher.

As the shuttle approaches the clouds, the fighters lose the shuttle and return to an elevated post to switch to the UNSC Sabers.

The shuttle gets above the clouds and the Sabers get prepared to launch. Diddy and Tux look below to see the Sabers launch into space to catch up with the shuttle.

The shuttle approaches space and moves in to dock with Great Fox. All of the Nintendo characters get out of the shuttle and the Star Fox characters storm in to get to their fighters.

The fighters storm out to dogfight the Sabers.

Fox: Remember what our goal is here. Peppy: Good! You’re here, Falcon. Take the cruiser while I support the other fighter pilots.

Tux: You really want to look out for the fighters, Diddy?

Diddy: What do you mean?

Tux: Well, you do have talent with piloting.

Diddy: Nah. I’ll fight later.

After the Sabers were shot down, the Spartans are seen ejecting from the Sabers and flying back to Nintendo’s surface.

The Arwings rally up back to Great Fox to dock with it.

Captain Falcon: Coordinates set for Tanis.

Fox: Punch it!

The animus shows Great Fox emerging into hyperspace as it cuts at that very spot. Diddy and Tux Season I Episode 1.5 Chapter 2.4

Dixie’s Monologue

Dear Diddy,

My dearest friend, I recently met Tux.

From the letters, it appears that I met him before you did.

By the way, I had a very weird dream last night.

Something about Sir Gabriel and the monguins, that I might be involved in it.

Whatever this could mean, I hope that this might sound good and might be a means to bring Rareware back to Nintendo, or otherwise, make it independent.

Anyways, Diddy, I was thrilled that you recently met Tux and that he’s a good friend of yours.

Linux sounds like an awesome company. I might look into it.

Diddy, I hate to see you go.

When I heard of an attack on Timber’s Island, I was beginning to hope that you’re alright.

You are a star, Diddy. You know that, right?

Diddy, when you get out of this alive, please promise me that you’ll return here once you’re finished.

I like to thank you Diddy however, for scaring the dataDyne colony off this planet and away from this island.

The main Crystal Coconut has been guarding the banana horde as I would like to have it guard even further.

Diddy, if you’re going to be a while, be careful out there.

I don’t want to lose you.

Considering your friendship with Tux being equal to that with me, I can see where you’re going with this concept of the monguin.

Maybe this monguin that I keep hearing about will be a future descendant of ours.

I bid you well, Dixie Kong. PS: If you ever run into Altair, be careful with him.

Penny’s monologue

Dear Tux

Who is this Diddy Kong you wrote about?

Who is he like?

In fair honesty, I can’t believe that Microsoft thinks that he’s loyal to them.

I thought he’s a Nintendo character.

Is it because of this bizarre fallen video game company you seen interested in, Tux?

How can Rareware ever be related to the Donkey Kong franchise?

I thought it was a Microsoft subsidiary.

Another thing to mention, Tux:

When are you getting home?

I miss you.

If you have to return to Tanis on urgent matters, I’ll hope that you succeed in what you are doing.

Tux, promise me that your failure at this surprisingly bizarre island might be remedied and doesn’t go too bad.

Now, on a positive side of things…

Your new friend you picked up might seem a bit promising to you.

It might be our chance of being more exposed.

Many years, not a lot of people knew or even heard about us.

From what you wrote about this Diddy Kong, he sounds like a nice guy.

In fact, he might be a lot better friend for you than any of the assassins you picked up in the past.

What does he know?

Perhaps he can show us where to succeed where he failed at.

With hopes, Penny.

PS: WHAT THE BLAST IS A MONGUIN!? Diddy and Tux Season I Episode 1.5 Chapter 3.1

The Animus session concludes as the monguins exit out of the animi.

Freeman: What the blast are you doing?

Boomer: I’m pulling them out!

Freeman: Leave them in there!

Boomer: Pulling them out!

Freeman: Do as I say!

Boomer: Still pulling them out!

Freeman: But they are receiving a far better adoption rates than all of the other subjects.

Boomer: I am still pulling them out!

Freeman: This appears to be the best Xbox these monguins ever came across!

Boomer: Still, I’m pulling them out!

Freeman: And this appears to be the best Donkey Kong they ever played!

Boomer: Still pulling them out!

Freeman: And the best Super Smash Brothers

Boomer: Pulling them out! Pulling them out!

Freeman: And the best Assassin’s Creed!

Boomer: I’m still pulling them out! They’ve been in there far too long!

Freeman: Why now? We’re still so far from where we need to be!

Boomer: We shouldn’t risk it!

Freeman: What’s another hour or two?

Boomer: Why don’t we discuss this in the conference room? Give these poor monguins a minute to stretch their limbs.

Freeman: I really don’t see the need for this! Diddy and Tux Season I Episode 1.5 Chapter 3.2

Boomer: Freeman, please!

Boomer and Freeman walk into the conference room as the monguins step down from the pair-up animi.

The monguins look around to see what’s going on.

Monguin: I hate that paperclip guy.

Mickey Monguin: me too!

Monguin: That’s some crazy stuff, there!

Mickey Monguin: I never saw so much video game nostalgia.

Monguin: For sure.

Mickey Monguin: Evil corporations! That’s what this is all about!

Monguin: No kidding.

Mickey Monguin: Abstergo! Microsoft! Aperture! All parodied right here!

Monguin: Well, the animus does show some very weird stuff.

Mickey Monguin: Well, let’s go back into our room and see if we can at least relax for a bit.

Monguin: Good idea, brother.

The monguins walk into their rooms and see a closet that seems to be sealed.

Monguin: Drone it! We can’t even change our clothes!

Mickey Monguin: We need to do what Diddy and Tux seem to be doing frequently.

Monguin: Which is…

Mickey Monguin: Eavesdrop!

The monguins go into the bathroom and find a stool to stand on to listen to Boomer and Freeman on the other side of the wall through the fan vents.

They cling with their custom multi-purpose ropes to the wall to hang there while they listen. Freeman: I don’t appreciate you questioning my authority in front of the prisoners! There’s a word for that: I believe it’s called insubordination.

Boomer: And I don’t appreciate you trying to kill these precious little monguins with “rare” DNA. There’s a word for that, too! I believe it’s called stupid.

Freeman: Drone the stupid puns! We don’t have time for this. Boomer, this isn’t my decision. I don’t set the deadlines, but I’m smart enough not to challenge them. Do you want to wind up like Athena?

Boomer: I know the prehistoric accident gets everyone on edge.

Freeman: Which is the reason why there’s no need to coddle with them!

Boomer: If we push them too far, they’ll shut down, and we have nothing.

Freeman: We have nothing now!

Boomer: But we will! We just need to have a little faith.

Freeman: Fine! But I want you to find some clever ways to increase their staying power. We can’t afford to stop whenever one of them breaks a single sweat. It’s bad enough we have to trace through these…useless memories!

Boomer: I’ll do what I can!

Freeman: Let’s see! Let’s watch the cute little animals swim around! Yeah, that’s useful!

Monguin: I bet that was supposed to be sarcastic.

Mickey Monguin: No kidding.

The monguins detach the ropes from the walls to retract them and drop to the floor.

The monguins move down the room to exit it as they see Boomer and Freeman walking out of the conference room.

Freeman: We’re done for today, monguins. I suggest you return to your room and get some rest.

Freeman walks out of the room, but Boomer stays to look at the animi. The monguins look at Boomer with curiosity.

Boomer: So, you’re really of the Owlgle Armada, organized by Sir Gabriel?

Monguin: Yes and no.

Boomer: What do you mean?

Mickey Monguin: Well, we’re supposed to be part of it, but we ran away from an orphanage a few years ago. Boomer: Orphanage?

Monguin: Yeah. It’s because we didn’t have any parents. It later became a breeding ground for monguins. It’s pretty safe and peaceful, if you ask us. Found deep within the South American jungle far off the grid.

Boomer: Why?

Monguin: Thought that Sir Gabriel was just a crazy hermit, you know. Crazy pessimistic fool, we thought he was. Isn’t that right, brother?

Mickey Monguin: Yes.

Monguin: Sir Gabriel used to go on about how humanity was in great peril, that the United Nations Space Command was a result of humans hating humans, along with the existence of a monguin.

Mickey Monguin: He kept us from knowing who we are because the UNSC is out there looking for us.

Monguin: If we knew who our parents are, it meant the UNSC knew exactly who WE are and that they would come to kill us. No one ever came; nothing ever happened.

Boomer: Why did you run away?

Monguin: We could never get along with the other monguins. I mean do you know what it’s like, to have such unique DNA as you pointed out earlier, being the only geeks in the group?

Mickey Monguin: Yeah! We tried to find ways to fit in. We could never do it! Then we discovered that we can break the fourth wall and therefore did comedy reviews.

Boomer: Don’t you miss your friends?

Monguin: As far as we can tell, they weren’t our friends. Sir Gabriel was a warden, and we were his prisoners.

Boomer: It sounds like he only wanted to protect you.

Monguin: With all that’s happened, we guess he’s right.

Boomer: I’m sorry. I don’t mean to judge your past.

Monguin: It’s alright. It gives us something to think about.

Boomer: Try to get some sleep.

There is a pause.

The monguins are wondering about how Aperture Sciences found them.

Monguin turns to ask. Diddy and Tux Season I Episode 1.5 Chapter 3.3

Monguin: I got a question.

Boomer: Go ahead.

Monguin: How did they find us? I mean we hadn’t been around another member of the Owlgle Armada for the past few years.

Boomer: Did you use your real names?

Monguin: We don’t even have names.

Boomer: Credit cards?

Monguin: Always paid cash.

Boomer: Driver’s license?

Monguin: Didn’t need any. It ruins the fun of being monguins, you know.

Boomer: Telephone?

Monguin: A lovely chat and a special delivery from Banjo and Kazooie, guilty pleasure!

Boomer: There’s your answer: Line trace, address, IDENTITY EXPOSURE!

Monguin: This is an arsenal company! Wait!

The monguins realized that they were parodying the exact quotes of Desmond Miles. They decided to call it a night and retreated to their room. END OF EPISODE 1

Created by Gabriel Smith

Monguins, Owlgles, Sir Gabriel, and the Owlgle Armada are all original concepts.

Donkey Kong, Diddy Kong, and Dixie Kong along with Timber and Timber’s Island were developped by Nintendo and Rareware but are owned by Nintendo today. The monguin is a hybrid of a monkey and a penguin brought to life with a combination of highly advanced science slightly beyond modern day limits and pure divine intervention of some kind.

Tux and the Android smart phones courtesy of Linux

Most monguins are usually fantastic, apocalyptic, or otherwise, cartoonish.

The UNSC, the Halo franchise, the Spartans, Crimson Skies, Freelancer, Windows, Xbox, and Clippy along with all of the related characters thereof are all licensed entirely by Microsoft.

This monguin, however, was unique, even for a monguin.

Banjo and Kazooie, Goldeneye, Perfect Dark and other related characters are owned by Rareware.

His best friend was a special type of monguin as well.

Assassin’s Creed and the Tom Clancy shooters are owned by Ubisoft.

They both possessed rather very unique abilities even for the species as rare as the monguins, and therefore, felt kind of lonely. They could not fit in with the orphanage they were raised in.

Relic Entertainment owns both Homeworld and Dawn of War.

They could not stand their unique qualities with the rest of the monguins.

The Warhammer table top franchise is by Games Workshop and is often sold in the same stores as the Dungeons and Dragons books.

They were to the other monguins as Mumble was to the other penguins in Happy Feet.

Dungeons and Dragons along with Magic the Gathering are both licensed by Wizards of the Coast.

They were nicknamed the socially awkward monguins.

Star Fox, Metroid, F Zero, Pokemon, Super Smash Brothers, Zelda, and Super Mario are all licensed by Nintendo.

The place where the monguins grew up at was located somewhere deep in the jungle of Peru, far off the grid. They were kept hidden from everybody else. No one even told them who their names were.

Also, brief references to DreamWorks, Disney, and Warner Brothers

The main reason for such is because these two monguins had a very unique lineage to those of the other monguins.

Half Life, Portal, and all of the related material courtesy of Valve Corporation

Because of such, they were a bit nerdier than most other monguins. Boomer Valeri is a character from Battlestar Galactica by Universal Studios.

While the other monguins practically grew up outside of civilization, these monguins were born under rather geeky proportions.

With thanks to the fan boys of the internet for inspiring me to write this script.

While most other monguins can hold their breaths underwater for 12 minutes straight, and some fifteen, these monguins not only have absolutely no need to surface for air, but they can also swim in extremely cold climate and not care how fuzzy they are or to swim at enormous depths without having to gain much weight to resist pressure.

Special thanks to Living Oxymoron of deviantArt and Čeněk Štrichel of YouTube for an awesome portrayal of the Linux Mascot

The other monguins were descended from monkeys and penguins that were rescued from their destroyed habitats as injured orphan infants and were healed through the best genetic technology available for the Owlgle Armada, a relatively young nation founded by Sir Gabriel of the Order of the Paladins.

The said heavenly organization is a rather traditional organization brought to Sir Gabriel by dead knights from beyond the grave.

The owlgle is another hybrid species that is composed of the genes of eagles and owls and is the symbol of the foundations that the Owlgle Armada was based on.

It was the illustration of how liberty and wisdom go hand in hand by Sir Gabriel's wise instruction.

That was one of the things these monguins did not get.

They kept being told that humanity depends on their charm.

They never knew why.

They kept being told that humanity is in a spiritual danger of some kind.

They never knew why.

They did not get any complex teachings of Sir Gabriel.

That's the problem of simply being born into something: they had participated in their heritage for so long they take it for granted; they never appreciated their own existence.

If only they would tell Sir Gabriel how they felt about their ignorance about their past, maybe things could have been a little different.

And so the story begins. Diddy and Tux Season I Episode 1.5 Chapter 3.4

Blooper Reel

Episode 1.1 Chapter 1

Clippy: Never mind. The best solution is always to dive underwater and stay there. Diddy and Tux attempt to do so as they dive willingly only for the monguins to notice that there’s a bug in the animus. Monguin: Why am I drowning? Tux: Help! I’m drowning! Both Diddy and Tux drown and get desynchronized. Episode 1.1 Chapter 2 Timber: Yes, truly. Augh, the water! It’s been a while since I had been completely submerged in water. Diddy: Yeah, I like doing that a lot! Episode 1.1 Chapter 3 Diddy: Why did a pirate go to an Audi dealership? Tux: This one’s a tough one. Diddy: He was looking for some navel combat. Episode 1.2 Chapter 1 CI Agent: Thanks.

Diddy: Tell all your friends that my mentor, DK—ship, forgot my line

Episode 1.2 Chapter 2

Diddy: You will pay for what you’ve done!

Colonel Sanders: How much money do I owe you?

Episode 1.2 Chapter 3 dataDyne: Oh, where did he go? dataDyne: Stop saying “did ‘e” like that. You annoy—

Director: Cut! You said “did he.” dataDyne: Woops. Episode 1.3 Chapter 1

Tux belly slides along the icy surface to approach the human and flips forward for an assassination. He then lands on the human, holds him with his left wing and pulls out his right katana with his right wing and stabs himself—

*SHOINK!

He got desynchronized.

Episode 1.3 Chapter 2

Tux: So, how were they able to help out the humans when they are not even alive?

Sir Gabriel: Welcome to Lunar Universe, the universe of dreams. It is this universe that the Paladins call home.

Tux: Can you repeat what you just said to me, Sir George, or whatever?

Episode 1.3 Chapter 3

Diddy: Tux? What a pleasant surprise!

Tux: Oh, Diddy, you’re always my favorite monkey.

Diddy: Oh, really?

Tux: Yes! You fly around in jetpacks and shoot stuff! Your name is in the frigate title!

Diddy: So is yours!

Director: Cut!

Episode 1.4 Chapter 1

DataDyne: I am not kidding! Our games have flopped so badly that Nintendo wants us back.

DataDyne: If you’re serious about what you just said, than why are you on THIS side of the war?

DataDyne: I just love this classic awesome mask!

Episode 1.4 Chapter 2

UNSC Commander: Well, well, Diddy. Have you also forgotten your friends have been kidnapped? I have them, you know. By the order of Sean Bean, you are to come out of that place so we can talk to you or we are going to kill your captured friends. You have 10 seconds. (Counting down)

Diddy: Wait, you just messed up your line. Tux: Who is Sean Bean? dataDyne: Wow, you’re new to our community, aren’t you.

Tux: I don’t know why Gabriel Smith put me up to this.

Director: It’s in the script!

Episode 1.4 Chapter 3

Nathan: But Commander!

Big John: I need to find that intruder!

Nathan: Commander, you’re not listening!

Big John: What is it you’re trying to say, that Tux is an assassin?

Nathan: Well, he has been hanging around with Altair.

Big John: Battlecruiser! Altair has no penguin talent whatsoever!

Episode 1.5 Chapter 1

Tux: Yeah?

Diddy: Remember to put Enguarde in a perfectly sealed crate so that Enguarde doesn’t suffocate!

Tux: Sure thing. But Diddy, doesn’t water leak through the wood?

Episode 1.5 Chapter 2

Tux: Well, I hope I do not get into trouble.

Samus: For what?

Tux: For parodying the first Assassin’s Creed memory block.

Episode 1.5 Chapter 3

Boomer: And I don’t appreciate you trying to kill these precious little monguins with “rare” DNA. There’s a word for that, too! I believe it’s called PUN-ishment.