Teaching fish how to fly since 1971 Volume XXXIV Issue12

Debate held on John Abbott Strike, Referendum Upcoming handled fairly. He would work with the stu- had circulated the petition organized a de- ful overall, and Frances in particular, in get- Benjamin Wald dent union if the students voted to strike. bate in the agora. On the pro-strike side ting the petition and the vote organized. Editor-in-Chief If there was a student strike, teachers would were Olivier Robichaud and Colin Potter- He said that they had some tentative plans not be giving classes on that day. This re- Bonar, who were among the students who for what to do on the day of a strike. There John Abbott will soon be having a ref- moves the question of students crossing a organized the petition. On the anti-strike would be a picket line, and possibly a march erendum on whether to have a one-day picket line altogether. There would be some side were Carol Ferrie and John Keese. The to the member of assembly, or do some strike to protest the government’s cuts to details to work out, for example, which anti-strike where recruited into the debate do volunteering work. the bursary program. Immediately after the employees would come to work. Some rather late, agreeing to do it on the day of bylaw dealing with student strikes was employees would have to work, because the debate. The debate was moderated by passed a number of students asked con- of the students living in residence. Also, Frances Donald. Both sides agreed that the gress to call a referendum. Congress voted, continuing education students would prob- cuts to the bursaries where wrong, but the and the motion was defeated. Over the next ably not be affected, as they are not offi- anti-strike side argued that a strike was not several days, those same students circulated cially a part of the student union, but this the right way to deal with the issue. They SECTIONS a petition, and in three days they had re- would have to be discussed. So far, he said, argued that a strike would associate Abbott ceived the 500 signatures required to trig- he felt SUJAC had dealt with the whole with the radical elements of the student ger a referendum. issue very responsibly. strike, who were barricading highways and News...... 2 The petition was received on Friday, Some students might feel that the fact occupying buildings. They also felt that Campus...... 4 March 18. The student union verified the that congress voting not to hold a referen- other, less extreme options had not been signatures, and they all checked out. This dum, and then the student petition being explored and might prove more effective. Arts...... 6 was completed on Monday, March 21. The completed so quickly throws doubt on con- The pro-strike side argued that four of the executive has set the date for the referen- gresses ability to represent the student body. seven strikes in Quebec history had been Entertainment...... 7 dum at April 4 and 5. The referendum will Frances Donald, president of the student successful, so they were obviously effec- Games...... 10 be on a one-day strike. When asked about union, denied this was the case. She said tive. They also argued that John Abbott the claims of some students that the ex- that until the petition was completed, their College should be showing solidarity with Opinion...... 11 ecutive was dragging its feet on this issue, had been very little interest expressed in a the other CEGEP’s. possibly in the hope that the issue would strike. Only a few students had come by The debate, although organized entirely be resolved before the strike vote was held, the student union office asking about a by the pro-strike side, was definitely not Mehrdad Razmpoosh, vice president aca- strike. A referendum costs money, which is staged. Both sides where obviously com- demic of the student union, responded student money because it has come from mitted to their points. The anti-strike side FEATURES that it was impossible to make everyone student fees. The student union didn’t was if anything the more aggressive, even happy in politics. He added that they would want to spend student money unless there verging on bellicose at times. For the ques- take the time to make sure it was done right. was strong student interest, which wasn’t tion period, there was a good deal of par- My Two Cents ...... 5 He said that if there were a vote to strike, apparent until the petition was returned. tisan questions put to both sides. Both Physician Impossible ...... 4 then they would spread the news of the When asked, Frances said that there sides answered questions well, and helped strike through all available channels. These where no plans for further pressure tactics to clear up the main issues of the debate Wet Ink ...... 4 would probably include posters, the daily after the one-day strike, if the students for the students in attendance. info, and the televisions through the col- voted for a strike. However, the student Olivier said that his reason for begin- Top Ten...... 5 lege. union would support other students who ning the strike petition was that he agreed Ben's Book Buys...... 7 Keith Henderson, the academic dean, wanted to voice concern, if student inter- with the position of the strikers, and won- stated that he would have no objection to est is expressed. dered why Abbott wasn’t taking action. He Top Rope...... 8 On Tuesday, March 29 the students who said that the student union had been help- a student strike, as long as the vote was Horse's Mouth...... 11 Your chance to be good citizens!! With your Editor-in-Chief Benjamin Wald

Hello again, and welcome to my bi- I will now use this space to join world news recently, you probably many health experts such as Dr. weekly ramblings. I actually do have the august company of many celebri- know about the genocide in Darfur, an announcement this time around Julie L. Gerberding, head of Centers ties and rock stars, and urge you to a region in Sudan. It has been de- for Disease Control and Prevention (shocking, I know). At our next meet- vote. All students should consider it a scribed as Rwanda in slow motion, ing, on April 4, we will be holding said “scientists believe it is highly likely duty to vote in the upcoming referen- and for months the world has that the virus that has swept through nominations for next year. At the end dum on whether or not John Abbott done nothing. Now, the UN has of the year, all positions become open, bird populations in Asia will evolve College should hold a one-day strike. passed a resolution sending troops into a pathogen deadly for humans.” and with so many of us graduating The elections will be held April 4 and into Sudan...but not to the Darfur this year there will be many positions The United States government has or- 5, and the booth will be in front of region. They will be going to an- dered an estimated two million vaccines with no one running for them. So if the Casgrain theatre. Whether you sup- other region of Sudan, enforcing you will be back next semester, and you to protect against the flu while other port the strike or not, you should have an earlier ceasefire, and hoping that countries join in their efforts to pre- want to get involved with the paper, your voice heard. Only with a decent peace will just spread to the Darfur now is a great time to get involved. pare themselves for a potentially harm- turnout can we give the result, either region. Which is as effective a ful virus. Just show up for the meeting, and ask way, legitimacy, and prove that stu- peacekeeping technique as putting to be nominated. You can then show The reason why scientist fear dents aren’t as apathetic as we are stere- your fingers in your ears and hum- the H5N1 virus so much is because it up at the next production to get an otyped to be. If you want to learn ming real loud. The UN has finally idea of how the job is done, and what spreads rapidly, as well as being able more about the issues, make sure you proven its pointlessness. They have to mutate it’s genes to withstand other is involved. Elections will be at our last hear both sides of the issue. You may shown once again that they are will- meeting, on April 28. Our meetings are host species, it may cause devastating have noticed the blue papers blanket- ing to stand by and allow genocide affects for humans and it is transferred in H-033A, at 5:30. All you have to do ing the school, which extol the virtues to happen. Even worse, they allow is show up, and we can explain the rest for at least ten days through feces, and of the strike. However, make sure you other countries to sit back and the mouth of birds who have sur- there. find out the other side of the story as blame their lack of involvement on Stay tuned for our last issue, four vived the flu, as well as the greater well. Don’t rely on such partisan the fact that they are waiting for number of birds infected the higher weeks from now. It will be our bi-an- sources to make your decision. If you the UN to act. Combined with nual Slanderbatch issue, and we will drop by SUJAC, I’m sure they would Annan’s blatant nepotism and the cor- port. The UN will never act decisively be killing off most of our staff. The be happy to direct you to sources of ruption of the oil for food program, enough to matter in world politics. obituaries will explain the bloody de- information from both sides of the the UN has lost all credibility. I still mise of most of the staff. Don't touch issue. But whatever you decide, VOTE! oppose the U.S. invasion of Iraq, but that dial! Now, if you’ve been following the they were right to not wait for UN sup- Columbine And Beyond the tragedy happened, drastic measures month prior to the Columbine Tragedy. As a result, the son tribal chairman, Rajiv Nanda were set in place. High schools were given During the massacre that happened in Floyd Jourdain jr., was arrested on Sun- Staff Writer the same scrutiny as some prisons. Secu- Red Lake, Minnesota, 9 people lost their day, March 27th, nearly a week after the crime rity became a top priority. Some felt the lives. Seven of those people attended the spree had ended. Louis Jourdain, a stu- The number 420 has many measures, such as metal detectors and school where the shooting happened. dent of Red Lake High school, was be- significances. It marks the number for the armed security guards, were a little over the Much like the Columbine shooting, the lieved to part of a greater plot within the criminal code for marijuana, top, thus with time the precautions taken shooter, 16 year old Jeff Weise took his shootings. Authorities believe despite the which spawned April 20th’s marijuana day. to prevent another disaster were slowly own life. Jeff Weise was a student who reality that Jeff Weise had appeared to have On a darker note, it’s also the birth date of scaled back People’s nerves began to calm, had known issues of depression. accomplished this on his own, there is a the infamous dictator, Hitler. But if you and then the attack on the twin towers hap- According to Federal authorities, Jeff need to detain Louis Jourdain. Despite all ask any of the residents of Jefferson County, pened which resulted in an ever larger ob- Weise began his rampage by first shooting this, the tribal chairman is continuing to Colorado, it will be remembered as the session with security. his grandfather and his companion along plead his son’s innocence to the media. Columbine massacre. The post 9/11 era has yielded many with a tribal police officer using weapons No further details have been released thus April 20th, 2005 will mark the 6-year an- changes and amendments to virtually every belonging to his grandfather. Using the far. niversary of a nightmare that still haunts aspect of life. Everything from airport se- weapons he obtained, he then proceeded the minds of all us. The morning where 2 curity to the national agenda was altered to his high school where he murdered five students executed a plan to target their own from that event. But how effective were students, a security guard and a teacher. student body, which resulted in a body these changes brought on by these two ca- Moments later he turned the gun on him- count of 15 including the gunmen them- tastrophes? The result of all this was self and ended his reign of terror along selves, and 21 others were wounded. After shown on March 21st, 2005, almost a with his own life.

Editor-in-Chief Office Manager BANDERSNATCH - John Abbott College - P.O. Box 2000 Benjamin Wald Open Sainte-Anne-de-Bellevue, QC - H9X 3L9 News Editor Production Manager Phone: (514) 457-6610 Ext 5389 - Fax: (514) 457-6091 - Office: H-041 Ann-Margaret Porcelli Sarah Jade Aubé [email protected] Campus Life Editor Advertising Manager Bandersnatch is the student-run Alternative Press at John Abbott College. It is published every Rob Briza Open two weeks and is partially funded by the Student Activities Commitee and by advertising Opinion Editor Archive Editor solicited members. Submissions are welcome in traditionally either English or French and Jason Dubeau Kathleen Stanhope become property of the newspaper. Submissions must be on an IBM compatible diskette along Entertainment Editor Foreign Languages Editor with a printed hard copy and MUST be in Text Format (*.txt) or RichText Format (*.RTF). All Monica Pak Sara-Ann Amaya submissions must include the full name and telephone number of the contributor, as well as Sports Editor Games Page Editor the e-mail address if applicable. The staff reserves the right to reject or edit any submissions for Open Graham Kallio length, legality, or clarity. Letters to Bandersnatch should be a maximum of 500 words but may Arts Editor Photographic Coordinator see print nonetheless if they are longer but worthwhile. Neither spelling nor grammar will be corrected on letters to the editors, it is the responsibility of the contributor to correct them. Andrew Machader Stephanie Dubois Submissions and letters should be dropped off at the Bandersnatch office, located in the Assistant Editor-in-Chief Webmaster basement of Herzberg, H-041 (across from the Hallway entrance of the oval). No pink bunnies Ryan Desgroseilliers Sarah Jade Aubé were harmed in the making of this newspaper.

2 bandersnatch bandersnatch bandersnatch bandersnatch bandersnatch SUJAC Update As most of you probably know the other countries to share with their where summed up and read to the or two and many of you may be con- 15th annual John Abbott College peers their own cultural heritage. All group so that everyone could hear what fused over what is being done. On April multicultural week took place last those who spent their time and effort the brainstorming had come up with. 4th and 5th from 10:00 to 4:00 their will week. The theme was sailing oceans of making this event a success deserve a John Abbott is unique in offering these be a polling station set up to allow you, culture and anyone who passed by the huge thank you from all John Abbott events and usually everyone walks away the student body of John Abbott col- Agora on Tuesday, Wednesday, and students. having learned something they didn’t lege, to vote on whether or not to go Thursday could see the colorful On Friday the 8th the student un- know before as well as teaching some- on a one day strike in protest of the booths, exciting exotic foods and lively ion held an AFC conference. AFC one something new. governments changes to the loans and shows which took place there. Al- stands for Administration, Faculty, and On April the 12th and 13th there will bursaries system. We will be there to though the judges must have had a Congress. The conference is organized be a fundraiser organized by one of answer a few of the questions that have tough time coming to a decision as to by SUJAC and is a chance for the stu- John Abbott’s own creative arts stu- been asked in the past few days, and which booth was the most exciting and dents, teachers and administrators of dents to raise money for breast cancer yes you will have to make up the day at informative they finally managed to John Abbott College to meet and talk research. Photo prints made by Abbott the end of the school year. No your reach a decision. On Tuesday, Romania about issues affecting the college and students in the Abbott photo lab will teachers will not mark you absent if took first place and China was the run- to hear one another’s views. More then be on sale along with pink lemonade there is a strike and if you had a test ner up. On Wednesday the Inuit booth one hundred people attended from and cupcakes. Come by and lend your scheduled for the strike day you will took first place and the Dominican Re- congress and club members to the di- support. not fail it. In the event of a yes vote public was the runner up. Multicultural rector general and associate deans and Probably most of you have heard the strike date will have to be deter- week is a wonderful John Abbott tra- everyone got a chance to speak their about the student strike debate going mined and the student body will be dition that educates students about mind in round table discussions. Then on in John Abbott over the past week informed of the exact day. If you have other cultures and offers students from the points made at each table Earthquake Strikes Indonesia Ann-Margaret Porcelli The recent earthquake, which hit News Editor on Monday sparked new fears for individual’s worldwide as another It has been almost two months since tsunami warning was issued for Thai- the earth felt one of the world’s greatest land, India and many others, how- natural disasters in years. This past Decem- ever Tuesday morning these warn- ber about a dozen countries were hit with a ings were cancelled after experts said tsunami creating panic and chaos all over that there were no tsunami’s spot- the world. Just as things started to get ted along the coasts. Susilo back to normal and the resources sent over Bambang, the Indonesian President seas and reconstruction began, an earth- said that he would fly over to the quake with an 8.7 magnitude struck Indo- affected island to assess the damage nesia’s west coast. An estimated one thou- for himself. sand people have been found to be de- A geological survey states that ceased mainly on the island of Nias, where this week’s earthquake struck thirty most of the deaths where reported from. kilometers under the sea bed and was Geologically there are a few natural an estimated one hundred eighty changes that can occur after an earthquake kilometers from the quake which has taken place. One of these is a tsunami. took place in December. The latest earthquake to strike Indonesia is The world can only wait accessi- said to be smaller than the one, which hit bly as more news is being brought on December 26th, 2005. The December forward of the damage expressed by earthquake and tsunamis left an estimated this latest disaster; only to hope that 300 000 individuals dead and caused a great all is well. amount of damage to the areas affected. Win a trip to Britain Airlines serving , Glasgow, Man- VisitBritain chester, Cardiff and Belfast departs from Press Release major cities across Canada. To enter the contest, please see our web-site for de- VisitBritain, the national tourist office for tails www.visitbritain.com/party. England, Scotland and Wales, has developed a Lonely Planet’s team of experts have partnership with Lonely Planet, the world’s most developed the 96-page guide for young successful independent travel information com- travellers. The guide highlights 14 cities pany, to develop Experience Britain, a new youth in Britain, as well as the top five things to guide. VisitBritain’s alliance with Lonely Planet do and see in the beautiful countryside. will enhance Britain’s reputation as a destination, The guide also includes information particularly since 37 percent of first time visitors about studying and working in Britain, prefer to use recognized guidebooks, such as as well as information about popular cul- Lonely Planet, as their main source of informa- ture – fashion, film, literature, music and tion1. sports. To coincide with the launch of Experience To enter the contest and to receive Britain, students have the opportunity to win a your free copy of Experience Britain go flight to Britain with Zoom Airlines. Zoom to www.visitbritain.com/party.

any questions or you want clarification bandersnatch bandersnatch 2005 - 03 - 31 bandersnatch bandersnatch on any point please come to the3 SUJAC office in P-101. cum in your mouth is absolutely Now let’s just admit the next thing on ridiculous. everyone’s minds; what the hell are you sup- posed once you’ve got cum all over your Now that you’ve got my face? And for all you men out there who drift, the question remains; why hate doing chores; am I supposed to help would a guy want to cum on your her clean up? Well, my mom always taught face in the first place? After a brief me to clean up your own mess, but in this Hello and welcome to yet another edi- sway your hips in all directions while re- discussion with some of my horniest of case it can really depend on the situation. If tion of Wet Ink. Your former sexual spe- moving your clothing and sliding down a friends it seems to be one of two reasons you are not in a relationship with the per- cialist is unfortunately no longer able to pole, you’ve got another coming (no pun (or a combination of both). The first is the son you are not really obligated to do any- write the column, so I will officially be tak- intended!). So for all you people out there feeling of dominance. The idea of know- thing specific however a word of advice ing over. As an open minded female I’d who aren’t real fans of the arts, you might ing that he can ejaculate all over your pre- for the men out there, if you want to let just like to start off by explaining my per- want to reconsider. cious face turns him on. It gives him a sense her know that she means more to you than sonal view on sex and all things sex-like. In of power to know that he decides where an orgasm I’d at least get her a towel or my perspective, many sexual acts have been Well that’s enough rambling. I’ve de- the cum goes, not you. Even though you’re some tissue paper. seen as taboo due to religious beliefs (which cided that the best way to approach this going down on him, you’re no longer in once dominated the majority of the popu- article is to heat things up from the start. control. The second reason seems to a bit So although it may not feel good for lation) and because of the many conse- Topic of the Day: Facials. Just incase you more complicated. A friend of mine the girl, this can spice up the usual head quences that arise from having a sex life. live with the Virgin Mary; a facial is when a brought up a valid point; if you’ve never routine and totally fulfill almost any man’s However, this is in no way a column about guy cums on a girl’s face. Now while most seen a porn chances are you’d never think fantasy. I’d normally tell you that although safe sex. In other words, I’d like to put all guys find this extremely appealing most of doing performing such an act (which is it’s a bit gross you should just suck it up, these consequences aside and talk about girls find it absolutely disgusting, but think why more girls never contemplated the idea but in this case I’d say the opposite! what’s really on going on in the Abbotter’s about it for a minute, why is it okay to have before) however, if you’ve have watched a A few last tips: for the guys, if there dirty little minds. a guy’s cum in your mouth (and then swal- porn, the idea of acting out the dirty im- are other people in the house and you low it no less) but it’s not okay for a guy’s ages that he can only see in a movie makes don’t have a bathroom connected to the In my opinion, sex is the art of the cum to touch the skin on your face? The him feel like he’s the porn star and any guy room that you’re in: be prepared to go get human body; it takes skill and talent and answer is that there is no answer. The en- would ask “Who wouldn’t want to be a her something to clean up with. For the can often be very controversial. Take strip- tire idea of this being more disgusting than porn star?” I hope this clarifies the idea for ladies: all I can say is don’t forget to close pers for example, if you think it’s easy to not only feeling but also tasting a guy’s you a bit. your eyes!

Rob Says: Enjoy your sex life! In Bander, you fill the space. In Soviet Union Space Fills You Hi Carly!

4 bandersnatch bandersnatch bandersnatch bandersnatch bandersnatch a large tin can mascarading as a catalytic converter. 4. Your Rims keep falling off Know what the worst part is? Even if you’re Not only are the wheels that are on said car biggest fans wanted to shove a potatoe in your mismatched, half there or worse, they’re actually exhaust to show you what they really think of mobile. Imagine what kind of damage that can you, they can’t. Very few potatoes have the re- cause when you’re traveling at a neckbreaking 60 quired size to plug that sucker. km/h.

7. You claim to have a 10 second car 3. Your engine sounds like angry wasp on After F&F, a lot of people claimed to own Viagra Signs You're a Ricer 10 second cars. Now they weren’t completely It’s one thing to look at a hideous car, but lying, they were just talking about their 0-60 time, it’s another to hear it’s annoying droning from not their quartermile. far away. When you see an ugly car you can Rajiv Nanda 10. You don’t know what a driveshaft is always turn away. Unfortunately when you hear Staff Writer This is a foreign object in the ricer world, 6. Horsepower/liter is considered impor- it, it’s a sense you can’t really ignore which ex- since most of their cars are front wheel drive. tant plains why so many people have attempted to The late 70’s was a great time, fuel was cheap Why? Everyone knows front wheel drive is a Ah yes, the famous figure that shows how plug up those exhausts and failed. See number and so was horsepower. This meant that any very economical configuration but did you also technologically advanced your engine is. After all, 8 for an explanation. average Joe could have a car that was capable of know it’s also the best for performance. Every- if an engine is making 90 hp/l and another is doing a quarter mile faster than you can read this one needs under steer. By the way if you haven’t making 65 hp/l, it’s clearly the superior perform- 2. Your car has carbon fiber parts sentence. Sounds good doesn’t it? picked up on the sarcasm I suggest you read ance engine right? Even if it’s making a measly Alright so this one isn’t restricted to ricers Well no, they guzzled more gas than some something else. 110 hp and the other is making oh I don’t since it actually is lightweight material but it’s oil bearing countries would like us to use, there- know….450? You get the idea. their use that’s so strange. Picture this if you will, fore we had to kiss our crude loud cars goodbye 9. Your car has a large spoiler a carbon fiber hood that saves you about 25 lbs and say hello to cars that rivaled buses in speed The must have items for people who want 5.You’re financing your rims or so. Pretty good, right? Not if you have a and esthetics. Fast forward to the late 90’s and to be taken seriously. Everyone knows you’re We all know that cars have 4 wheels right so sound system weighing at least 90 lbs. So much you can all guess which cinematic masterpiece hardcore when you have something that looks by sheer logic they would have 4 rims. Not if for weight savings. started it all. Yup, it was the movie that was as like a parkbench on your trunk (or sometimes you’re trying to finance them one at a time on a mentally stimulating as being beaten over the even roof) that produces 300 lbs of downforce monthly payment plan. Since the front wheels 1. You believe stickers add horsepower head with a 2 by 4. You guessed it; it’s the Fast & at 230 km/h. Kinda pointless when your car are all that matter you’ll usually see them in the Ever wonder why those cars have so many the Furious. Strangely enough it spawned it’s tops out at 150. front. Then again that same money can be in- stickers from parts brands they may or may not own little following/subculture of incompe- vested in a 2 x 4 which can accomplish the same even have on their cars? Stickers are aerodynamic tent street racers and with that you get their little 8. Fart can exhausts galore: level of esthetics to your car and allow the car to travel faster which also add quirks which made them so hilarious to watch. Everyone loves the low rumble of a V8 so horsepower. This is all done without affecting why not get the something out of a hyperactive the engine in anyway possible. The magic of inline 4? Enter the fart can exhaust. Basically it’s vinyl.

The first step is to soak up the sunshine. March is a curious month. The This can be hard to do in the winter months, I really hate long emails. You know, stupid acronyms. And that crap where weather gets better and the days get longer, but but whenever possible try and get outside to the really long, stupid, retarded, “feel you make a smile with a colon and a usually only by enough to tease us. Rainy days enjoy this natural energy booster. Studies prove good” story emails, about how a lost bracket. I came up with one: .!.. and sudden dips in temperature can make even that sunshine is necessary to provide the all-im- dog found an owner, and didn’t get the most optimistic person believe that winter portant vitamin D and can also help boost your run over. You spend a half hour read- Then there are text messages. Here will never end. This is why is can be one of the morale. Attempting a new outdoor sport is a ing through it, thinking that you will is another steaming pile of bull. You most depressing months. great way to keep your mind busy, meet new find some relevance to your life. And can’t say that much in one, and they As if the inconsistent temperature wasn’t people and of course, enjoy the sun. Skiing and when you don’t, you read the line at usually use the acronyms I told you I bad enough, add to it the disgustingly dirty snow, snowboarding are obvious choices, but you could the bottom that says “Send this email hated in the last paragraph. And we all the incredibly sand coated roads and the mon- also try snowshoeing or hiking. Walking out- to 10 people, and your know they were invented so strous potholes and there is no wonder that side, even if the weather is not perfect, is also a dreams will come true.” that people can cheat on ex- many people suffer from the winter blahs. great way to keep fit. Just remember that sum- Well, if you sent me an- ams. What ever happened mer isn’t the only time you can get sunburned, other one of these to speaking to people? Peo- The winter blahs can actually be another the risks of sun damage are equally high on a emails, my dream obvi- ple blame the TV for mak- name for a well-documented form of depres- sunny winter day. ously didn’t come true. ing people anti-social, yeah sion known as seasonal affective disorder (SAD). It It should be more like, right, the TV shows people is also sometimes referred to as the winter blues, If braving the outdoors just isn’t your thing, “If you were stupid that that hole in their face the doldrums and even cabin fever. The chang- the important thing is to keep busy. Try a new enough to read this far, is for more than just eating. ing of the seasons can cause some people to club (there are tons on campus), a new hobby or you must have many experience severe reactions and in this case the even join a gym. Look in the daily info or the stupid friends as And then there is Spam. best course of action is talking to a family doctor newspaper for organizations that are looking well…so send this to all Spammers should be lined or psychiatrist. for help. Midterm is hectic for any student, but your moron friends.” up and shot. That’s another thing I having an outlet or a way to help you forget how hate, is this hate mail. Say it to my face. For the majority of people, feeling the win- stressed you are is very important. Then, there are the pointless “Hi, And don’t send me those stupid chain ter blues is nothing severe and can be chalked up how’s it going?” emails, from people, letters, or the “Hi, how’s it going?” to being tired of winter. Spending the better Lastly, don’t dwell on the fact that winter is you either just saw, or are going to see There’s a reason why the only way you part of the day indoors in school or at work is too long! Make the most of it, because soon the next day. And instant messenger can communicate with me is through enough to make anyone feel sluggish. By taking you will be complaining about mosquitoes and services are continuing to ruin the email. a few simple steps, you may feel better, have humidity. That’s right, summer truly is just English language, especially with these more energy and rid yourself of the winter blues. around the corner.

bandersnatch bandersnatch 2005 - 03 - 31 bandersnatch bandersnatch 5 Cigarettes Art Spectacle of the Week the smoke is without prejudice, it will Death and Taxes Jack Machete not reject or hate. It is only accelerating March 20th-April 10th Contributor what is inevitable, what others are afraid The Saidye Bronfman Centre to accept. He accepts it willingly. It is a dimly lit room full of memory. He sits in a chair near an open window, Ash. Hall. Artist of the Week ready to begin a ritual. It is a ritual of death, and yet he does not hesitate to begin it. He can feel his pulse increase and Pablo Picasso Soft music emanates from the silver box his head swim. The music wafts over Spanish Cubist Painter and adjacent to him. The music seems to flow him like a calming wave, blocking out Sculptor, 1881-1973 with the smoke, the smoke dancing in the the trials of the day, the week, the year. He Ash. Hall. uncanny way that incense does. He closes repels thought like the open window re- his eyes, shuts out the dark beauty that pels the smoke, forcing it out into the open These thoughts of mortality, as well as So Hot Right Now surrounds him, and begins. air where it dissipates like a waking dream. others, drift through him. The smoke en- ters him and exits. It forces its way into his Faith. Doesn’t matter if it’s He reaches beside him to the white and Ash. Hall. body and then retracts, like an anonymous spiritual (not all faith is). It could blue cardboard package that beckons him, lover in the dark. He opens himself to this seduces him. He is like a sailor in a private This form of relaxation no meditation lonely ecstasy, treasures it and despises it at be faith in self, in others, in sea, the white sticks inside the package the can parallel, this kind of self-destruction the same time. mankind or even the largest sirens leading him to destruction. He has he does not shy away from. Tomorrow leap of all, faith in science. Don’t performed this ritual a thousand times be- never comes tonight. Tonight, he is alone Ash. Hall. Hall. Ash. believe in nothing no more? Go fore, maybe more, and tonight’s is like any with the sticks and the flame, alone in the other. There are only two sticks left in the cold and harsh universe, and that suits him It is finished; the ritual is over. He takes to law school. package. He removes one and places it to just fine. the small final embers and grinds them his lips, tasting the paper, anticipating the into the depths of the clear tray next to Artsy Film of the Week flame. The flame comes from a match he Ash. Hall. him. He takes a breath, then another, ex- then lights, and, like the thousand times pelling the last of the smoke from his before, brings it to the opposite end of the We are alone. We came into this world body. The songs have run their course, the Fear and Loathing in Los Vegas stick. He inhales. by pushing through another human be- incense has died, and all he is left with is Who can resist a truly lost ing; at the first moment we were connected, the remains of the nicotine high. A small weekend in Nevada, especially Light. Hall. and we then severed the bond. This made price to pay, life is, for a moment of escape. when tripped out on everything us individuals. We live as though the con- Already he can feel himself longing for es- He closes his eyes. He allows the vapors nections we make are defined by some kind cape again, but he resists. One more is all from A to Z with Johnny Depp to infiltrate his lungs, his body, his temple, of permanence, as though the people we he asks for. One more moment before to- and Benicio Del Toro? his soul. He can already feels the nicotine meet, greet, love, hate…we act as though it morrow, one more before he must face the rushing into his blood and brain. He em- matters. When it comes down to it, we can world again. Is that so wrong? Art Quote of the Week braces the feeling of the sticky smoke like only rely on ourselves. an old friend. He doesn’t fear the smoke; Light. Hall. “Even I, as I paint, do not understand the meaning of my Out of Harm's paintings. But it does not follow that they have no meaning: in Way fact their meaning is so Shawna Greenlees profound, complex, coherent Contributor and involuntary that it escapes How do you express yourself from deep within, the simple analysis of logical most of our deep within’s are of that which is consid- intuition.” ered sin. The temptation that provokes us so, which with confrontation can result in being solo.The strug- - Salvidor Dali gle to ignore what’s right in front of you, to be blind, for that truth may cause you anguish, the anguish that tightens around your heart like a vine. For those whom Overrated Social Constraint of listen it will only help if you put to use the advice that’s the Week given. Succumbing to the pressures others force on us, will it ever end? Only when you prove to yourself and Time. What is Time? Does it exist, them that you are no longer willing to play in their game of pretend.To have emotions that get buried under or is it based solely on the fact plastic smiles like the Barbie dolls in the toy aisles.The that we cannot conceive of a dreams we have that that we keep locked away forever,for world in which it does not exist? fear that others won’t understand what it is that we Wrap your mind around that treasure.To protect those whom we care for, therefore sacrifices we must make, but how far do these sacrifices one! actually reach? They’ll never know what we risk for their sake. The insecurities we have concerning ourselves, al- ways hidden away in the back of our minds, released !!!NOTE!!! when others need to feel better about themselves. To GODSPELL is playing! hold something precious, just to watch it fade away, never realizing that it’s up to you to fight and make Support our school's what you want and need stay. The fear of being discov- musical theatre! ered, your dreams, temptations and weakness’s always Support the Arts!!! keeping you at bay out of what you think is harms way.

6 bandersnatch bandersnatch bandersnatch bandersnatch bandersnatch monica pak

Mogwai finally releases their Government Sessionsmonica pak tail of three minute guitar-bass-drum corded for the BBC Sessions, takes you tasy dream world of the post-rock Monica Pak combination. With the help of an ar- back along the lines of their most sound, offering the perfect balance be- Entertainment Editor ray of effects and pedals, most nota- popular tracks. Stealing the highlight tween swirling synths and metallic dis- bly the fuzz, tremolo, and reverb (even tracks from their four full length al- tortion, soft slowcore guitar riffs and Hailing from Glasgow, Scotland, for those who don’t know exactly what bums, Government Commissions: BBC sweet-talk whispering. With a unique Mogwai seem to have the term ‘ob- those pedals sound like, I’m sure you Sesseions 1996-2003, this is the best al- sound that ranges anywhere between scure’ down pat. Hypnotic, get the idea just bum to pick up if you’ve never really cooing lullaby and epileptic-fit-induc- dreamy guitars, languid vo- from the dabbled in Mogwai ing whirlwind cals that blend in with the names), the five before. sounds, Mogwai’s slow, rhythmic hum of soft members of Certainly the al- newest release is feedback and distortion, Mogwai seem to bum lacks such stun- most certainly the Mogwai, better than most have as a goal to ners as the haunting closest they’ve come bands I’ve heard to date, can mix, manipulate, Burn Girl Prom Queen, to compiling the hypnotize and thrill at the and twist every the sweet melodic best of Mogwai. same time. sound they can Take Me Somewhere Mogwai are Stuart What you might refer to until it becomes Nice, and (a personal Braithwaite, John as ‘mood music’ is hardly virtually unrec- favourite) the twelve Cummings, Barry doing them any justice. ognizable. minute epic Christ- Burns, Dominic Though slow and generally Strangely mas Steps, but Govern- Aitchison, and Mar- lullaby-esque, Mogwai’s enough, it ment Commissions tin Bullock. Govern- songs have a strong tendency of build- works. And well, at that. does its best to fuel old fans and coax ment Commissions is available now at ing from a soft, gentle beginning to a Mogwai’s seventh release (two of new ones. most music stores, and though none whirling, dizzying finale. Ranging any- which include an experimental remix Providing the perfect atmosphere have been announced yet, cross your where from three to twenty minutes, and a collection of early pre-debut re- from song to song, Government Com- fingers for possible tour dates in the Mogwai pay no heed to the usual cock- cordings), a collection of ten tracks re- missions draws the listener into the fan- summer.

leave Worlorn, and the cities are de- when Dirk is fleeing from alien serted. It is into this scene, of grow- hounds, or blazing away with a laser ing cold, lengthening nights, and de- rifle, there is still an intense and serted cities, that Dirk T’Lorien arrives. somber atmosphere throughout. In the end, this is a novel about values and choices. What values you will hold Dirk’s long lost dear, and how the love, Gwen choices you make George R. R. Martin’s fantasy se- untethered to any star, drifting through Delvano, calls him affect you are beau- ries “Song of Ice and Fire” is the best the galactic disk. It has approached a to Worlorn with a tifully interwoven of the recent glut of fantasy series. Far massive stellar phenomenon known as promise from in this rich narra- outpacing Phillip Jordan, who began the wheel of fire. This is a circle of six years ago. Dirk tive. The characters the whole craze, Martin’s subtle char- suns around a red supergiant, and isn’t the man he are likewise devel- acterization and rich description set Worlorn is executing a parabolic path used to be, but he oped with care. him apart. That was what first drew around them. Thus, for a period of comes to honor Each of them are me to this novel by Martin, “Dying of several years, Worlorn will be habitable. his promise. He fully realized, and the Light.” If any- As a symbol finds himself as believable as any thing, this novel of their drawn into a dan- of the real people surpasses that wealth and a gerously confus- I have met lately. epic, ongoing se- display of de- ing situation, ries. It is more liberate ex- where he is unsure tightly focused, travagance, of who his en- This is one of and with a pervad- the fringe emies are, and the few novels ing melancholy worlds decide what is the right about which I can and central theme to build a fes- thing to do. The say with no reser- that bring it all to- tival on story includes la- vations that it has gether. Worlorn. ser pistol duels, air no weaknesses. Each planet car chases, and a Every aspect of builds a city most dangerous game hunt with giant this novel fits together with a symme- This story on Worlorn, alien hounds, and the action scenes try that is beautiful to behold. This is starts out with the most evocative set- and for several years the festival is full keep your pulse pounding, but they are the science fiction novel as a work of ting I have encountered in all of sci- of light and life. Then Worlorn passes not the most important aspect of this art, and it evoked more pathos than ence fiction. It is set on the planet beyond perihelion, and every year novel. Far more telling is the deep mel- any novel I have read in a long time. Worlorn. This is a rogue planet, grows darker and colder. The crowds ancholy that suffuses this novel. Even Read this book. That is all I can say.

bandersnatch bandersnatch 2005 - 03 - 31 bandersnatch bandersnatch 7 matches. When the segment disintegrated nouncer before kicking into another brawl, Eric Bishoff made it in her injured leg. a six man tag match, also featuring At the contract signing on Christain’s problem solver, Tyson Smackdown, for the match at Tompko. The team of Jericho, Chris Wrestlemania, between , and Benoit and notched , Orton slapped the the win when in-fighting opened the Deadman, to prove that he was not afraid door for the Walls of Jericho on Tomko. of the Undertaker, or his undefeated But the winning team didn’t emerge un- streak. Randy Orton explained his despi- and Batista had a final face- to slap him, which escalated into an all scathed. Benoit was badly cut near his eye cable actions last week on RAW when he to-face showdown last Monday, before out brawl, with security guards trying to from the strength of his own series of RKOed , saying that she their match at Wrestlemania 21, for the pull the two apart. World Heavyweight title. Although Raw’s Muhammad Hassan continued to General Manager Eric Bishoff was deter- prove that he deserves a match at mined to keep this meeting from becom- Wrestlemania just as much as the other ing physical, the trash talk turned into a Raw Superstars. And to further prove his brawl, as security guards tried to keep the point, he challenged Shawn Micheals, two men apart. After Triple H was done “Mr. Wrestlemania” to a match that saying what he had to say, Batista took night. But during the match, none other the micro- than the Olympic phone. He gold medallist, started by , ap- thanking Tri- peared and at- ple H and Ric tacked his headbutts. Afterward, the final Ladder didn’t believe in him 100 percent, and he Flair for what Wrestlemania Match combatant, , cleared the ring couldn’t afford her distraction. When he they had done opponent. Angle with a ladder and . turned his attention to the Undertaker, for him, add- barely escaped Christy Hemme proved once again he was met with an ominous message, ing “ Espe- the “Sweet Chin that she’ll be tough competition for Trish as a video featuring the Deadman counted cially you, Ric, Music”, and Stratus at WrestleMania when the two down his perfect 12-0 WrestleMania you truly are a when he bailed battled in an arm wrestling contest on record — and it ended with The Legend legend.” He out of the ring, RAW. Christy was already 1-0 in such chal- Killer at “zero.” Later, Undertaker’s half- then looked to HBK had to set- lenges after an arm-wrestling win during brother Kane also warned Orton against Triple H and tle for a the $250,000 RAW Diva Search, and she the dangers of facing the Phenom on the said; “I have only two things to say to Superkick to the chin of Hassan. Security shocked Trish by beating her not once, grandest stage of them all. you. First, at Wrestlemania, I’m going to had to separate HBK and Angle. but twice in a row. After Trish’s arm was take your title…and you’re an asshole.” The Highlight reel featured five of powered down, the Women’s Champion Batista’s comments provoked Triple H the six “” Ladder lost her cool — pushing down ring an-

8 bandersnatch bandersnatch bandersnatch bandersnatch bandersnatch White-boy Beck wins again with his latest Guero

Nicholas Knowles there is little silly about Guero. Beck’s though. Qué Onda Guero is a hip hop Contributor characteristically disparate lyrics are track with a Latin twist, with an end- threaded together with the theme of ing that features Latino “dude” (as the Nine years and three albums later, death that appears often throughout liner notes put it) Paolo Diaz poking Beck Hansen teams up once again with the album. Rental Car, a seemingly up- fun at staples of Guero (white- the Dust Brothers Mike Simpson and beat song driven by hand claps and boy) culture: James Joyce, Michael John King to create what fuzz bass, has the reaper Bolton, and ceramic classes. Hell many will deem Beck’s “walkin’ alone singing a Yes could also be strictly a hip hop overdue sequel to death knell”. E-Pro’s track if it weren’t for heavy synth, Odelay. While it is clear cheery choruses of harmonica, and cameo from what that Beck’s surreal lyri- “nahs” frame lyrics of sounds like Stephan Hawking’s cism and junkyard sam- “old rubbish / snakes voice synthesizer. In the end, de- ples have made a come- and bones”. Similarly, spite the country-western, Latino back on Guero, his eighth Girl, the closest Beck will sound and the wasteland lyrics album, songs like Broken ever come to a summer found throughout Guero, the al- Drum show that the anthem, has the song’s bum remains eclectic and eludes heartbreak of Sea Change summer girl “walking concept, exhibiting the range Beck did not begin and end, crooked down the beach had on Odelay, only this time, with but permanently … where the bones are a pinch of maturity. changed the tone of his bleaching.” Guero’s Overall 4.5 on 5. music. Unlike Odelay, sound is hardly dreary,

bandersnatch bandersnatch 2005 - 03 - 31 bandersnatch bandersnatch 9 Places to go Other Then Your XBox's Saving Friends' Basement Grace Counter Strike, the Warcraft series and many Carly Graham Kallio others that don’t fall short wicked tasty. It’s Contributer Games Editor open almost 24 hours, so enjoy it at all crazy times! Come on, you’re a gamer arn’t you? When I compare all the latest systems, I For the gamers out there who have slow notice that they are all very similar without internet connection on poor, pathetic and ob- Another netcafé for those of you who takingtheir internet capabilities into account. But solete computers, LAN’n may be a far away don’t live here in the west island, there’s a café when I compare them with their internet capa- dream. Does no one want to go near your called Battlenet24 near Cote des Neige and bilities the Xbox strives ahead of the competi- mother board for fear of their computers Cote St.Cathrine. This happy place near the tion. Halo 2 is very addictive when you play it breaking down at the mere sight of it? I don’t Cote Des Neige metro station is as well open over Xbox live with friends; another game that know, does you computer just suck and you 24 hours and is under 5$ for an hour. The is going to blow the gaming world away is Splin- want to play fun games with your friends but horrible thing is that I have yet to go there, ter Cell: Chaos Theory. With the new idea of 2005), I can’t wait for my new Xbox to arrive so can’t for whatever crazy reasons up to and I’m just talking about a suggestion I received... cooperative mode over Xbox live, this game is I can hit it up on live and complete objectives in including a monkey eating your internet ca- hey! I can’t just advertise for Diakonia’s! going to blow us all away, the fact that you and complete stealth with a friend. Xbox live seems ble? your partner can help each other out with simple to be a little costly but $79.99 Canadian for one things such as climbing, all the way to the hard- year of insane amounts of fun with your friends Whatever your deep, spiritually est things such as throwing your partner through is truly worth it. I have spent countless hours routed reason for NOT using your own a series of lasers without hitting any. Also the playing on Live with friends and watching young computer for net or LAN gaming may idea that one person can make a distraction while children scream over there mic in Halo 2 when I be, there is hope for you! Often for un- the other executes the attack on an approaching run them down with a Plasma Sword. My gam- der 5$ an hour! Internet Cafés are the enemy. Chaos theory looks amazing and for a ing tip of the week is: GO BUY SPLINTER greatest creation since the internet itself. matter of fact it comes out today (March 31st CELL: CHAOS THEORY NOW! A nice cozy (or not) atmosphere and of- ten times tasty snacks will be there perfect boost to the already pleasant experience. Lengendary Lan Parties tems (such as a 486) and is still a very fun and well A personal favorite netcafé is Diakonia’s Blane Bradley balanced game. Battlefield 1942 and Unreal Tour- right here on the west island. This modern InternetCafés are great for getting to- Staff Writer nament are always good choices because of the Japanese styled café only charges 3$ an hour gether and gaming without having a laptop. flexibility of being able to fly various aircraft and to use great computer with exception internet After all, not all of us can afford it. So try it LAN Parties are stuff of legend, to be con- tanks is just too tempting to ignore and for connection and great games. They have great out! It’s fun and pretty damn cheap. It’s also jured up with examples of heroic deeds of peo- parties where a few for one reason or another munchies and some good old oriental food always nice to be able to reach over and smack ple moving their pixelated characters out of their may be left out the various Close Combat titles there to, so if you like ramen, you’ll be in luck. the person who just shot you. trenches and braving withering machine gun fire developed by Atomic Games are always good to capture the flag. Or command huge empire choices, simple two player and realistic World They have some great games like the good Go out and be a nerd this weekend, go where the masses are nothing but pawns in a War Two tactical combat makes it a must have old Starcraft and it’s expansion Broodwars, to a netcafé! game of world domination, this stuff and all for those LAN parties that may just have one stuff like it can be done at LAN parties. A LAN too many people. Party is a party where a group of individuals Now I myself speak from experience when usually bring their own computers and equip- I say that large LAN parties spanning on average ment to a friend’s house, set up a network and several days may in theory every gamers dream I play games over the next several days with get- must say that it is not often the case, a LAN party ting a wink of sleep. The purpose of such par- is a considerable investment and carries several ties is to have fun and of course engage of epic risks that must be dealt with for example contests of strength and endurance where the NEVER INVITE STRANGERS YOU MO- winner is ultimately not the one who has the RON! Putting up a sign on a random street highest frag record but the one who can avoid corner will attract weirdoes and possibly a gang going to the bathroom longest. To those who who want to bag a dozen computers all at once, wish to participate in a LAN party there are many also drinks and foods should be kept out of the requirements, first “you must master your joy range of spillage unless it is something you can stick as a fisherman masters his bait”- Gimpy honestly say won’t screw up your keyboard. Al- (Undergrads), second: you must possess your ways take utmost care of your computer when own computer that you can leave the house with moving it and never move a friends computer or borrow one from a friend. Third: must pos- unless they are indeed your closest and dearest sess the required games and fourth: you must friends because you simply do not want a law- be prepared for the unexpected such as when the suit. On average especially for a beginner at LAN soft drinks run out. partying you can expect that at the very least one The average games played at a LAN party are THIRD of your time will be spent doing tech- usually CS: Source, World of Warcraft, Call of nical support. So always make sure that one or Duty, Rise of Nations, and other First Person two people your inviting are in a computer sci- Shooters and Massively Multiplayer Role Play- ence technical support courses or is like my friend ing Games with a few real time strategy games Ken whose nickname is “Mr. Fix it”. Having a thrown in for good measure. Now, the games spare Ethernet is good if something goes played at a LAN should be fast paced and excit- wrong, heck having spare hardware parts and ing so that no body is tempted to commit some routers and wires is always a good idea. Also, it is sort of heresy like falling asleep, also games such suggested that days before the LAN party starts as Civilization and other spin offs should be that you run defrag, scandisk, disk clean up, avoided because most turn based games require Norton or any other anti virus software to make a certain patience level most teenagers and young sure your computer is in prime condition for adults simply aren’t capable of. Starcraft the per- what lies ahead. So, one last piece of advice for fect RTS LAN party example is a good, old and LAN party goers…. Have fun! dependable game that can play over most sys-

10 bandersnatch bandersnatch bandersnatch bandersnatch bandersnatch ing the day. The sap is then pumped son, I would like to mention an excel- into huge boilers and boiled to per- lent sugar shack in the Northern fection. Depending on the tempera- Laurentians owned by the Millette ture and the time you boil it for you Family. Four generations have owned can make all kinds of maple products. and operated the camp, which is a re- stored building that used to be a sta- Stage one of the boiling process ble. makes the liquidy substance some of us are familiar with: maple syrup. Boil The shack takes its customers on a the sap a little further and you get that journey through history in various Signs are becoming obvious, it's outside to wear shorts. Unfortunately delicious treat we tend to see on snow, ways through horse-drawn sleigh rides, that time of year again...spring is fi- our government thinks we need to which is taffy. The next step you come tours of the sugar bush, and even a nally around the corner! Buds are grow- spend eighty days learning so we all to is maple butter (boil it a bit beyond small farm owned by the family. If ing in the trees, snow is melting, ma- have to endure it a little bit longer, its taffy and mix it with other products to you want to visit the sugar shack and ple sap is being harvested to make only five more weeks guys! So put on a spread not spend an abundant amount of Canada’s greatest treasure (anyone who hang in there and study your of bread or time and money, you can always look knows what occurs when you boil ma- brains out, it’s almost over. cracker). The fi- inside at all the pictures, presentations ple sap knows what nal stage of the and newspaper clippings as you eat or I’m talking about). One of the things about maple sap boil- wait for your meal. On a sadder note being a hick, which I appre- ing where it is however, that ciate the most, is being able still considered I went to the Millette sugar shack dreaded part about to tell things like when a quality maple on Easter and the festivities were great, spring is coming up. Spring has arrived. My dog product is ma- as always the staff was friendly and one begins losing her winter coat ple candy, of the owner's sons, invited all the Yes, ladies, gen- and sprouting her darker, which is just staff who work behind the scenes to tlemen, and whatever summer coat. Being from like pure maple show themselves and make a journey else reads this paper: the country I also notice syrup but hard- throughout the building. I personally after this week there buds growing in the trees, ened into a thought it was a great call to show all are five weeks left of soon to grow into leaves. candy. After the people in the kitchens and aren't the semester and final exams are just this one can get that obvious to customers' eyes, but around the corner, assignments will be The most exciting sign maple sugar make all the difference to the running due in a couple of weeks and of course that spring has arrived and crystals, and profit of the sugar shack. one big problem many of us are fac- though, for me, is the maple season. but those are not considered maple ing: Spring fever. It never ceases to fascinate me how a products. Maple crystals are consid- That’s it for this issue, to those tak- We’ve been blessed with two weeks clear, sweet sap gets extracted from the ered mistakes in production where sap ing final exams in the next few weeks, of absolutely gorgeous weather and I sugar maples during the period where may have been over boiled. good luck! On a happier note, go out must admit I find it a crime to be stuck temperatures go below freezing point and enjoy the spring once you get your indoors when it’s almost warm enough at night, and above freezing point dur- Focusing on the maple harvest sea- work done. UnknownDangers of theBus Get Badgered!

Several days ago I was on my way headaches. Lastly and Jonathan Conte Trevor Smith to school as usual, unfortunately I had most importantly, you Contributor Production Assistant to stand on the bus because it was must understand that the packed, and I couldn’t get to a pole, so more means the merrier. This article is for the students who the strap was the next best thing I What’s that? You just walked in to your If you can convince more have the misfortune of taking a bus to could grab, so I wouldn’t fly across the 8:30 class drunk? Well that’s great for you, people to join in on those school (like myself). Some of you may bus when it took a turn, (or so I but what about those who didn’t have the three mikis of JD you or may not know the danger on the thought). After no more than twenty chance to get drunk? Sucks for them. The bought last night, your bus of which I am about to speak. minutes of being on the bus, the driver reason I bring this up is because the theme scheduled school day will What is this danger you ask? It is the made a ninety-degree curve, and the of the week (for my friends anyway) ap- be that much more awe- leather, or rubber straps as some peo- strap I was holding broke apart and pears to be drinking while being educated. some. Yes I know I’m ple like to call them. sent me flying across the bus! I nailed For most of us, those classes just seem to crazy, my fellow editors one person in the face with the strap, keep adding to that homework list and if won’t stop reminding one person in the back of the head and you don’t take a break, you’re bound to me, but there is truth to landing on some ones lap while throw- burn out. So you find some way of relax- what I’m saying. Here’s a ing another person into the side of the ing, it being go-carting or smashing scenario; you wrote your bus, injuring a total of four people in mailboxes or (most usually) drinking, what- sixteen pages of blah a two-minute time-span. ever works for you. Is this wrong I ask? blah blah for psychology Hell no. Now, on the subject of being and on top of that, the ten-page report on The bus driver, who saw it hap- drunk/plastered/hung-over while at the mating habits of emus has been typed, pen, did not do anything or even care school well it isn’t that horrible, besides, edited and handed-in. you walk in to your until I got to school and was about to the chances of you learning something any- 8:30 class and BAM! All that coffee and red get off the bus with the strap. That’s way were very slim to start. However, I’d bull cups you consumed last night just gave when he decided to take the strap away like to speak about what kind of conse- you a heart attack. So now you’re dead and from me. quences could happen if you showed up buried, great work there. If only you had drunk. First off, the inflated confidence been up drinking last night, maybe you’d Even though I don’t have the strap could lead to you accidentally asking out be alive. Now for my final word: the choice that broke off the bus to show all of that dude/dudette you’ve been stalking for is yours. I’m not saying you should just These straps are extremely danger- you, I hope you’ll heed my words, and the past three months. Secondly, the lack flat-out become a drunk (alcoholics go to ous to hang onto, as I have learned when you take the bus the next time, of concentration you have can pretty much meetings), I’m saying that if you’re about first hand. Let me tell you what I instead of holding onto the strap, hold guarantee you that that physics class you to completely stress out, take a breather mean…. either the metal poles or both the strap have at 10:00 will lead to one of those “oh and do what you need to do. Say hello to and the pole. god, what the %$#@ does that mean??” your good friend, inebriation.

bandersnatch bandersnatch 2005 - 03 - 31 bandersnatch bandersnatch 11 12 bandersnatch bandersnatch bandersnatch bandersnatch bandersnatch