April 9, 2013 - Uvm, Burlington, Vt Uvm.Edu/~Watertwr - Thewatertower.Tumblr.Com
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volume 13 - issue 8 - tuesday, april 9, 2013 - uvm, burlington, vt uvm.edu/~watertwr - thewatertower.tumblr.com Th is week, our staff combed through old water tower issues and copies of Cosmo- politan, the pinaccle of awful sex-advice. We found some dirty, funny, and weird excerpts from articles and turned ‘em into haikus. Here are the shining examples of past prose, presented for your enjoyment. No, I didn’t want to fuck you, I wanted to smoke my cigarette (WT, 2012-10-01) A rollercoaster ride of bored, disgusted, bored bored, AHHH OH MY GOD (WT, 2011-12-06) Go to the kitchen. a spatula waits for you. do me, iron chef! (Cosmopolitan) by lizcantrell Th ere are moments when one can al- that reinstated the defi nition of marriage their state. Slide inside her, wet. most feel history being made. Two weeks as being between two members of the op- Th eWindsor case is more of a human- a popsicle does the trick. ago, the Supreme Court heard two separate posite sex. Eventually, in 2009, the Califor- interest story, as it is being brought on be- cold can feel so new. challenges to legislation regarding same- nia Supreme Court upheld Prop 8, but this half of one particular couple. Edith Wind- (Cosmopolitan) sex marriage. If fi ve justices can fi nd con- fi nding was overruled on appeal. Prop 8’s sor and Th ea Spyer, residents of New York stitutional support for same-sex couples, proponents then appealed to the Supreme who had been together for forty years, then we might witness the most signifi cant Court, and now the California law stands married in Toronto, Ontario in 2007. Spyer A road sign in Wales: moment for equality in this country since before the Court as a “trial” for other same- died in 2009, at which time New York le- “an urge to draw a nice dick, Brown v. Board of Education in 1954. sex marriage legislation at the state level. gally recognized same-sex marriages per- the reason we’re here.” Th e fi rst case, Hollingsworth v. Perry, On Wednesday March 27, the Court formed in other jurisdictions. Aft er Spyer’s (WT, 2010-03-23) was heard on Tuesday March 26. Th e ques- heard the second case, United States v. death, Windsor was required to pay more tion presented in this case was, “whether Windsor, which challenged the constitu- than $363,000 in federal estate taxes on her Th is position will the Equal Protection Clause of the Four- tionality of the Defense of Marriage Act, a inheritance of her wife’s estate. Had federal make any guy’s member feel teenth Amendment prohibits the State of piece of federal legislation passed under the law recognized their marriage in the same just like Moby Dick California from defi ning marriage as the Clinton administration in 1996. Section 3 way as opposite-sex marriages, Windsor (Cosmopolitan online) union of a man and a woman”. California’s of DOMA defi nes marriage as “only a le- would not have been required to pay those history with same-sex marriage over the gal union between one man and one wom- taxes. past fi ve years is quite complex. In May an as husband and wife”, and also defi nes Windsor’s case went right to the dis- 2008, the California Supreme Court ruled a spouse as “a person of the opposite sex trict court level, where the relevant section Try juicing: where you that a state statute limiting marriage to op- who is a husband or a wife”. Th e essential of DOMA was deemed unconstitutional. mimic juicing an orange on your partner’s penis posite-sex applicants violated the Califor- question in the Windsor case is whether At the next phase, the Second Circuit Court g nia Constitution. Same-sex couples were this section of DOMA violates the Fift h of Appeals upheld the district court’s fi nd- (Cosmopolitan online) thereaft er allowed to marry. However, in Amendment’s guarantee of equal protec- ing, and the federal government appealed November 2008, California voters adopted tion of the laws for people of the same sex to the Supreme Court. It is important to Proposition 8, a constitutional amendment who are legally married under the laws of note that, in February 2011, the Obama ... read the rest on page 3 big daddy fogel life of psy couture fashion: the wolf triple take by kerrymartin by phoebefooks worst by wts t a ff by staceybrandt news ticker: ten Afghan children, two women killed in NATO air strike. So that’s, you know, awful +++ John Kerry threatens Iran, off to a good start +++ China to start cruises to disputed territories g DOMA-continued from page 1 ministration announced it would no lon- of appeals went one degree higher and riage in states that allow gay marriage, “the should be, reapply at a later time, and have Dear water tower, ger defend DOMA’s constitutionality, but claimed that sexual orientation met the full marriage, and then this sort of skim a very happy and straight day.” I am not a regular reader of your “alternative newsmag,” but I do enjoy picking it up from time to would still enforce the law unless and until “intermediate scrutiny” level. This is a posi- milk marriage,” while Justice Sotomayor Opposite-sex couples are never re- time to capture what I assume is the pulse of the University. I particularly like your layout, honesty, Congress repealed it or the Court declared tive step for same-sex marriage advocates, similarly asked, “what gives the federal quired to prove their love or to explain why and illustrations. What concerns me to no end is the essence of an average UVM student as defined it unconstitutional. because it means the government faces a government the right to be concerned at all they chose their partner. They are never by your newspaper. The students of UVM should be proud to represent themselves and the many great with jamiebeckett With the case history under our belts, tougher standard in enacting laws against at what the definition of marriage is?” On asked questions of the deeply probing and attributes of living in Burlington, VT. I was particularly struck by the article that compared life at UVM let’s get down to the legal matters. The is- those of homosexual orientation. the conservative side, Justice Roberts sug- insulting nature that same-sex couples are sue in both the Hollingsworth and Windsor To set aside the legal jargon and put gested that gays and lesbians should not be subject to. Same-sex couples are attacked with that at Harvard. the water tower makes me believe that UVM students are stuck in a passive National Safety Counsel – Last week, not a week after the Pegasus rut. That the greatest achievements are finding matching socks in the laundry, getting your puke into cases is Equal Protection. Equal Protection it in human terms, those who support considered a “suspect class” and pointed to on the basis of their character, abilities, in- tar sands pipeline spill in Arkansas, Exxon Mobil was presented law centers on different “levels of scru- the right of same-sex couples to marry in recent shifts in public opinion to suggest terests, physical traits, and lifestyle—on the the toilet, having the appropriate bra size, drinking copious amounts of alcohol, being a hipster but not with a safety award. Currently the Federal Aviation Administra- being a hipster, and getting as much sex as possible in 4-5 years. Who are those people? That doesn’t tiny.” Race, national origin, and religion California and who believe that the federal that the issue will work itself out. Justice essential qualities of being human. tion has issued a no-fly zone placed over the location of the spill are traditionally considered “suspect class- government should recognize the legality Kennedy emphasized that it was inappro- Our nation has perpetrated similar describe a human being! Students at UVM are a part of a greater system even if they constantly declare preventing media coverage. I am confident that after receiving the that they live in a “bubble.” Bubble or not, I see so much more to marvel at. To name a few: the view es” because, among other factors, people of same-sex marriage so that spouses can priate for the federal government to inter- attacks on race, religion, gender, and dis- Green Cross for Safety medal, Exxon will restore Arkansas to its who have historically been marginalized collect federal benefits are making an argu- fere with the states’ right to regulate mar- ability, and we have since recognized that of the waterfront, the L/L community, visitor access to greenhouses outside of Jeffords, that mysterious pristine state, just like BP cleaned up the gulf... cube of a building behind LaFayette, the financial benefits of eating at the Grundle, making personal because of those traits are generally at a ment about human dignity. They claim that riage, whatever “side” of same-sex marriage human judgment and prejudice results connections with professors, and whoever the dickens Katharine Longfellow is—that girl can draw! disadvantage in the political process. Any giving a legal relationship called “marriage” those regulations may be on. in error and injustice. It’s time we see the Laney Supermarket –A supermarket was evicted in Georgia, and government action, regulation, or law that to opposite-sex couples while only permit- Speaking personally, the decision same error and injustice in our treatment Yours thoughtfully, instead of donating the leftovers, thousands of pounds of food Hennie Himmelfarb discriminates against these groups is sub- ting “domestic partnerships” to same-sex could not be clearer.