1Mars MAVEN Launch Open MindsFRIDAY 01 NOV US Mars Atmosphere and Volatile Exposing the issue of EvolutioN shuttle launches mental health 10 8

“Keep the Cat Free”

22/11/13 Issue 1561 felixonline.co.uk Campus serviCes DepT. ConTaCTs THIS ISSUE... sTuDenTs abouT Cleaning error GAMES

Joseph Letts Editor-in-Chief

Last week Felix reported on College Campus Services’ decisions to change the campus cleaning services during a re-tendering of the cleaning contract. It transpired that one of the department’s decisions included reducing the frequency of cleaning Screenshot of the in bedrooms and communal areas, at 29 one stage justifying this by explaining week. this had enabled the potential more frequent cleaning of other areas such as Ethos and the Library Café. However, many students in halls REP WEEK have been upset by the way in which the changes were handled, in particular the mistakes make with the accommodation licence. Even though the decisions may have been signed during Summer, because Campus Services neglected to update the contract, many students feel as though they have signed up for a more frequent cleaning service than they currently receive. After our article on Friday, residents received a better explanation of the Nat Kempston tells you JOSEPH LETTS situation from Campus Services 4 via email this Tuesday. !e email is now cleaned three days per week, review in co-operation with Imperial Provost (Education), the Director of about next week replicated (as is) below: including once on a Saturday. !e bins College Union and halls committees to Student Support and Imperial College “Dear Hall Residents, still continue to be emptied daily and ensure the current service is adequate. Union to establish the best approach !is summer the College-wide recycling bins are emptied according to Our priority is providing an effective for consultation and to ensure any cleaning contract was re-tendered for local council collection rotas (usually cleaning service and we will continue changes are effectively communicated SPORT the first time in over seven years. As a 3-4 times per week). to modify the service where this is not to students....” result, we now receive a more specific Following these changes we have the case. While the Campus Services and flexible service for the same cost. been consulting with Imperial College !ere has been some concern over department has admitted to making In response to feedback from students, Union on how else to improve hall the College Accommodation Licence an error while handling the cleaning Campus Services used this opportunity cleaning provisions. As a result we (2013-2014) which includes details of contract, for many students this last to make changes to the cleaning services are in the process of making cleaning the previous cleaning arrangements in message leaves so many questions provided in halls of residence as well equipment readily available in every halls. Because of tight timescales, the unanswered. !ere has still been no as across other College facilities that hall and we encourage students clause referring to these arrangements mention of the legality of continuing we operate for students and staff. !ese to make use of them as and when was not amended, however this was the current cleaning service, given changes were not made to cut costs and required. Information posters in every a genuine error. We apologise for not that the Accommodation License we will always aim to provide a high kitchen will inform students of their contacting you earlier about these that binds halls residents and College Water polo take on standard of cleaning to our residents. location and will include details on changes. states that rooms will be cleaned 39 local arrangements for cleaning and !e Accommodation Licence is rarely weekly instead of monthly. Germany !e changes: bin collection. changed ? and before there are any However, a positive note in this issue Bedrooms are cleaned once a month All of the changes are being monitored changes in the future Campus Services has been that during consultation continued on page 3... and more thoroughly. Kitchens are and we will shortly be conducting a will work closely with the Vice- 2 FRIDAY 22 NOV EDITOR’S PICKS

FOOD BOOKS FILM Waffling On Short Story The Oscars

James Tsim interviews the Part One of Eoghan Totten’s Film Editor John Park makes Wafflemeister man, Imerial short story, “Raw Words” predictions about the Oscars Alumnus, Alex Troullier about 2014 Best Leading Actors Waffles and a special discount for Imperial students!

COMMENT College Travel Survey

Confessions of a GTA: Part 6 Ever wondered why your exam papers sometimes look more tearstreaked than when you handed them in?

Commonwealth: Beginning of the End? What’s happening with Sri Lanka and the Commonwealth?

Want to know Erratum what Felix

Ermm... Last week, the centrefold was off-centre and there were a few teeny- thinks about weeny other mistakes. Oh, well, it’s almost Christmas, term’s almost done and the snow is approaching. "ings could be worse. Travel Heat Map for journeys in London, courtesy of TFL the cleaning Oh wait... revision. changes, College is running a Student Travel Survey. They plan to use the data to why Michael LOLCAT OF TEH WEEK: More from teh Lolcat editor evalute current College transport policy Chessum got and shape sustainable travel plans for the future. ‘imself arrested, or what the http://bit.ly/I30QHr. Paladin will say next to the Druid? Make win an £100 voucher for Amazon! your way to p14.

Felix, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB. Email: [email protected]. Tel: 020 7594 8072. Fax: 020 7594 8065. THIS BROUGHT Printed by Iliffe Print Cambridge, Winship Road, Cambridge. Registered newspaper ISSN 1040-0711. Copyright © Felix 2013. WEEK WAS TO YOUBY Editor-in-Chief Joe Letts News Editors Nida Mahmud, Philippa Skett, Aemun Reza Features Editors VACANT Business Editor James Tsim Science Editors Philippa Skett, Keir Little, Fiona Hartley Politics Editor Kartikeya Rana, Jash Rughani Food Editors Carol Ann Cheah, Michael Chung Comment Editors Eoghan J. Totten, Tessa Davey Arts Editor Arianna Sorba Books Editors Maciej Matuszewski, Eva Rosenthal Music Editors Simon Hunter, Riaz Agahi, Stuart Masson, William Stocker Television Editors John Park, Emily Fulham Film Editor John Park Games Editors Maximilian Eggl, Calum Skene, Imran Rashid Technology Editors Maximilian Eggl, Yong Wen Chua, Osama Arawa, Clubs & Socs Editor Nida Mahmud Charity Editor Ben Fernando Travel Editor Chris Richardson Sports Editors Kunal Wagle Online Editors Philip Kent, Annina Sartor, Stephen Ball Puzzles Commanders Kingshuk Dasadhikari, Oliver Price Copycats Stephen Ball and Annina Sartor Copykittens Alexandra Hamilton, Tom Rivlin, Iulia Gherman, Tom Heaven, Mattin Mir-Tahmasebi FRIDAY 22 NOV 3 Aemun Reza, Editors: Nida Mahmud, NEWS Philippa Skett [email protected] continued from page 1... Union or BUCS? College Joins Imperial Born with the Union, Campus Services has Crackdown on NTU Renaissance decided to make cleaning equipment initations in clubs Engineering more accessible to all students (as BBOXX Gets Silicon of the above email) and plan to Programme give students a greater amount of information about the equipment and Joseph Letts Valley Funding the cleaning services amount halls. Editor-In-Chief "is is a step in the right direction, Nida Mahmud however Campus Services does not Jonathan Peek Writer seem to have acknowledged the Reporter inconvenience that has been caused control panel and a battery. to students so far, including the state "e Nanyang Technological Nida Mahmud "e BBOXX team initially created some residents’ rooms have reached On Tuesday afternoon the Union University’s (NTU) Renaissance Writer a charity called e.quinox at Imperial, while not able to access cleaning sent an email to all officers of Union Engineering Programme (REP) picks where students produced and installed equipment available for student use. clubs to which they attached the the top 50 engineering students that solar power in villages in countries Last week Felix posed several “Alcohol Code of Conduct for Clubs, are trained to be the “Engineering BOXX, a spinout company like Tanzania and Rwanda. "e CEO questions to Campus Services that Societies & Projects”. "is email said Leaders of Tomorrow”. Last week, B from Imperial, brings of BBOXX and the founding chairman have yet to be answered, including that while the Union recognises that Imperial signed a contract with NTU solar energy products to of e.quinox, Mansoor Hamayun said asking for more information about the “social activities are an enjoyable agreeing to partake in this scheme. developing countries has that: “when we set up e.quinox all student feedback that was consulted aspect of membership of many of "e REP students study: engineering, been given investment those years ago we had no intention of when making the decision to our Clubs, Societies & Projects… any science, technology, business, backing from a Silicon Valley venture doing it on a commercial level. "e aim reduce bedroom cleaning frequency encouragement of the consumption of economics, and entrepreneurship for capital company. BBOXX have when we established e.quinox was to (especially in relation to how many excessive amounts of alcohol must not four and a half years. "ey graduate received $1.5m backing from Vinod deliver solar power for free. However, students took part in the feedback occur.” with a Bachelors in Engineering and a Khosla, who runs a billion dollar to provide power to millions of people and how many strongly wished to While the Union, as the licence Masters in Technology Management. venture capitalist firm. Additionally, around the world, we knew we needed have their rooms cleaned less often). holder of the Beit Quadrangle and Pupils then spend a year in an the company has also received more funds and turning our idea into Felix also asked about how students as the organisation to which all clubs international university. Imperial will $400,000 from Synergy Growth, a an ethical, clean technology business had been actively consulted during belong, is justified in stating the rules be hosting 20 REP students in 2014 in British venture capital fund. enabled us to raise capital and export the decision making (as significant and expected standards that Union a variety of engineering departments. With 1.4 billion people living without our ideas around the world. With stakeholders) and whether the clubs are expected to adhere to when Professor Debra Humphris, Vice electricity leading to a poor quality of BBOXX Ltd we wanted to create department had considered the effects consuming alcohol, after reading the Provost (Education), commented life, it is not an unreasonable aim for the products that did not currently less frequently cleaned rooms might contents of the recent email Felix that: “Imperial and NTU are natural BBOXX to try to provide electricity to exist that we knew customers really have in attracting pests. wonders if this most recent missive has partners. NTU already hosts Imperial’s 20 million by 2020. wanted”, says Mansoor. Felix still awaits a response from been written as a response to specific most important international BBOXX was founded by a group “We realised from early on that Campus Services on these issues, as incidents, specifically, whether any collaboration, LKCMedicine, and Imperial students who graduated in we were providing not only a service well as further clarification on the sports clubs have been caught carrying the potential for further connections 2010: Mansoor Hamayun, Laurent – helping people to generate their legal aspect on the decision. out initiations – especially in light of in engineering education is really Van Houke and Chris Baker-Brian. own solar power – but we were also If you have been affected by the the fact that the Code of Conduct had exciting. Imperial is honoured to join Toegether they have created an all- developing long-term relationships changes to cleaning in halls, or hold already been sent to all officers earlier such a prestigious scheme. NTU’s in-one product for home use that with customers via sales of products. any strong views on the subject, in the term (original email dated Oct Renaissance Engineering programme can be installed easily and cheaply. "is business model is the foundation send a letter to the Editor at felix@ 2, 2013). will only strengthen Imperial’s "e system consists of a solar panel, a for our growing success.” ic.ac.uk. "e email focuses on initiation already world-class student body in ceremonies and related issues, engineering.” Sponsored Editorial particularly emphasising that: "e Dean of the Faculty of london underground “Any initiation ceremony or other Engineering, Professor Jeff Magee compulsory or effectively compulsory stated: “Engineering has a vital plans radical changes degrading ritual, regardless of the role to play in addressing many of Student Discounts At name or advertising of the event, today’s most important challenges, to tube system by which affects the physical or mental and we must inspire and harness well-being of any individual, is not global talent to develop the next Fresh Hairdressers 2015 permitted.” generation of engineering leaders. We wonder whether this email is NTU’s Renaissance Engineering 70m from South Kensington tube reactionary and, if so, why is there Programme aims to do just that and Joseph Letts no clear example of an/the offending we at Imperial are very pleased to be Editor-in-Chief Club, Society or Project being able to contribute to the education of disciplined – something the email the students.” takes great care to detail. Freddy Boey, the NTU Provost London Underground and the We are also surprised that despite Professor, said: Men’s cuts £22 (normally £35) Mayor of London announced new saying “the Union has developed [the “We believe in training our brightest All over clipper cuts from £10 changes that will have a large impact code of conduct]” (bit.ly/17NQwPr), minds to be leaders and engineers Women’s cut and rough dry £28 on London’s tube system. Under we can find no record on the Union’s of the highest calibre, with not just the proposed changes by 2015 most website of the Union actually accepting in-depth knowledge in a specific blow-dry £38 (normally £55) manned ticket offices at tube stations the code at any formally convened field, but also a huge breath of Highlights from only £40 will be closed, leading to a loss of 750 committee meeting (Trustee Board, knowledge that will enable them to jobs. "ese changes have been set in Union Council, Union Executive, etc). lead interdisciplinary teams to solve Sorry CASH only! motion as part of a plan to reduce However, an alternative explanation complex problems faced by the world TfL’s budget by approximately £50 might be derived from the fact that today. One of the ways can we do FRESH hairdressers are offering million every year. BUCS’ (British Universities & Colleges that is to by sending our top students the best haircuts, prices and Appointments available Tuesday to Londoners received a significant Sport) recently published Policy on overseas, to be exposed to and inspired service in South Kensington. Saturdays 9.30 to 6.30 improvement in services as part of Initiations and Anti-Social Behaviour by other brilliant young minds from the proposed plans, with several tube (Oct. 2013), in which BUCS states different cultures, nationalities and Please call 0207 823 8968 to We are only 70 metres from lines (including the Piccadilly, Victoria “From October 2013 all institutions disciplines. We are also very pleased to book an appointment and ask for South Kensington station at 15a and Jubilee lines) set to run 24-hours a must provide BUCS with a link to continue strengthening NTU’s strong a student discount. Please bring Harrington road, South Kensington, day on Fridays and Saturdays. their code of conduct in relation to relationship with Imperial College your student ID we look forward to SW7 3ES 0207 823 8968. "ese plans, while increasing night- initiations, and alcohol abuse in sport. London through this tie-up, which seeing you. time mobility for several groups of Members which do not comply will not will bring a new dimension to learning We use the best styling products Check out our website: people (esp. students.) also modernise be permitted to remain members of and exposure for our students with from Wella, Moroccan Oil, L’Oreal. www.freshhairdressers.co.uk the tube, bringing it closer to the BUCS.” their excellent curriculum and their standard of other systems, such as Have you seen or taken part in any vast and illustrious network of alumni New York’s 24/7/365 Subway system. initiation-style events? If so, contact us. worldwide.” 4 FRIDAY 22 NOV REP WEEK Rep Week next week! #loveyourrep

#LoveYourRep Academic Representation Network (ARN) facts:

T Nat Kempston from year to year with changes to courses and PhD groups. Deputy President (Education) T for these elections. This turnout would have placed us 11th nationally in the SABB/Big elections – so this is an amazing total! ep Week is starting on Monday and provides a platform to R celebrate the great changes that have taken place with the help O of your Academic Representation Network. Just last month a record number of students voted in our Your Rep Elections vacancies! (3rd year JMC anyone??) and there are now over 430 Academic Reps working, for you, in every department of College. !eir aim is to improve your education. Y !ere have already been some great successes in your department and we will be showcasing some of these throughout the week, using our ‘You candidates stood for the position of Year 1 Medicine Rep. said, we did’ campaign. Keep checking the Union website and follow our 27 hashtag #loveyourep on Twitter. Your reps will be wearing bright red ‘love your rep’ t-shirts all week (25- Over 300 reps have been trained in person so far this year. 29 November) so keep an eye out for them. !ey will be gathering your suggestions for improvements to teaching, learning and facilities in your department. Feel free to give them any tips on how your time at Imperial There are over 150 Staff Student Committees that take place across the whole can be improved. You can do this by emailing, Facebook messaging or talking to them in person. College

!e 700+ tips collected from last year’s Rep Weeks were typed up and 770 sent to your academic reps, who were encouraged to bring them up at their next Staff-Student Committee. So don’t think we just collect your suggestions and leave them – we read each and every one of them! We will be rewarding the three best suggestions with £10 Union vouchers and you can even tweet your suggestions by giving your course and using #loveyourrep on Twitter. Rep Week: Where To Find Us

If you want to talk to your reps in person then come to the Junior Common Monday Room between 12:00 -14:00 Monday-Friday. We also have Postgraduate reps in ħ (h-bar) and Silwood Park campus on . 12-1400: Wednesday 12:00- 14:00 Stall in JCR Don’t know who your rep is? Log into imperialcollegeunion.org and your Tuesday reps will appear in the side bar, or take a look at our Rep A to Z: http:// 12-1400: bit.ly/IgI7aW Stall in JCR Also taking place during Rep Week is the Student ICT forum, where reps Wednesday meet up with members of ICT and eLearning staff. If you have any ICT- related problems (yes, including Panopto!) then email your rep to let them 12-1400: Stall in JCR know BEFORE !ursday and then they can bring your problems and 12-1400: Stall at Silwood Campus suggestions to the forum. !is is a really useful way of bringing together the 12-1400: ICT team with students and previous meetings have been really successful at sorting out your ICT problems. I will write a blog on everything that was discussed and circulate it to you via your reps so you’ll know all the Thursday outcomes that resulted from your comments and suggestions. Your voice will be heard. 12-1400: Stall in JCR 12-1330: Reps work hard to get the best educational experience for you all, so if you Student ICT Forum see a rep make sure you show them some love! (Meeting Room 3, Union Building) 18-1900: Education and DPE love, Nat x Representation Board (Meeting Rooms 1&2, Union Building) Friday

12-1400: Stall in JCR FRIDAY 22 NOV 5 @feliximperial REP WEEK FelixImperial The Student Academic Choice Awards are back!

fter the huge success popularity contest but a recognition A of last year’s awards of innovation, skill, engagement and the Student Academic energy that students have received Choice Awards from academics. (SACAs) are back, and We want the best members of staff this year they are bigger than ever! to win these awards, so we need your In case you haven’t heard of them, nominations! Nominations open on the SACAs are awards for academics Monday 25 November, and all you and support staff, nominated and have to do is go online to union. chosen entirely by students. "e ic.ac.uk/SACAs and fill in the simple awards are designed to celebrate and online nomination form. reward good teaching and emphasise "e shortlists will be drawn up and teaching as a skill of equal worth and winners selected by student panels value as research. We also want to – making these truly your awards. build a community in which students, "e shortlisted candidates will be academics and staff all feel ownership announced online and in Felix before of the development and delivery the winners will be announced at the of their course. "ese awards are a swanky black-tie awards ceremony in chance for students to say thank you May. If your nominee is shortlisted to those members of staff that have you have the chance to get a ticket had a positive impact on their time at to the main event, and trust me, you Imperial. don’t want to miss out on one of the "ere are eight awards in total that most glamorous nights of the year. will cover all faculties, departments Last year over 550 nominations and campuses. "ere will also be were made for over 250 members of specific prizes available for those staff, which were sifted down to 42 who supervise doctoral students, shortlisted candidates by panels of teach masters students, and work students. "is year our target is 1000 in professional roles within College. nominations, so get nominating from "e awards aren’t designed to be a Monday 25 at union.ic.ac.uk/SACAs Award Categories

!e awards available in the SACAs re"ect the priorities of current and past Imperial students, and all have the common theme of ‘excellence’. !e awards aim to reward members of sta# who display the elements of excellent academic practice that our members believe are most important, such as high-quality feed- back or the use of innovative teaching techniques. !rough national and local surveys, sta#-student committees, and the individual opinions of our Academic Representatives, we developed the following categories and their shortlisting criteria.

Best Teaching for Undergraduates – Best Teaching for Postgraduates – Excellence Best Innovation – Excellence in innovation Best Graduate Teaching Assistant – Excellence in teaching is characterised by in teaching is characterised by enthusiasm, the is characterised by the imaginative use of Excellence as a Graduate Teaching Assistant enthusiasm, the use of original and accessible use of original and accessible teaching methods technology, the early adoption of new methods, is characterised by clear and effective teaching methods as well as the clarity of as well as the clarity of learning objectives. and the use of online and mobile technologies demonstrating, offering detailed and learning objectives. in learning & teaching. personalised feedback, and giving one-to-one support to students when needed.

Best Tutoring- Excellence in tutoring is Best Feedback- Excellence in feedback is Best Support Staff- Excellence in support Best Supervision- Excellence in doctoral characterised by the offering of quality pastoral characterised by constructive commentary, staffing is characterised by using experience research supervision is characterised by the care and support, and the responsiveness, the accessibility of staff members to explain or and knowledge to help students, enhancing availability and openness of the supervisor, availability and openness of the tutor. expand upon feedback, and the timely return of the staff-student community within the assessed coursework. department, and supporting co- and extra- curricular activities. 6 FRIDAY 22 NOV WELLBEING

Depression – Taboo Depression – My Story or Not Taboo?

was diagnosed with clinical depression and how it can completely consume but if that really isn’t working, you could try I when I was 17. For me, the diagnosis somebody’s life, without anybody knowing. writing in a diary; anything to get how you helped. It helped to give a name to the It is surprisingly easy to hide. I got so good feel out, so that it’s not building up inside bizarre way that I had been feeling for at putting up a front that I don’t even realise of you. Even just hearing your thoughts out over a year. I was always tired and always I’m doing it anymore. I have also had loud can be helpful, and something you were sad. !e worst feeling was that of isolation, friends offering advice on how to raise my scared of suddenly doesn’t seem so scary and feeling disjointed from the world, and I mood, or who to turn to for help. Although anymore. I found CBT and counselling felt like I was the only person in the world to I understand that they are just trying to extremely hard as I did not want to open up. feel this way. I didn’t tell anybody because I help, when I want to talk, is it to get things I also found medication ineffectual. What OpenMinds Campaign Team thought it might go away. I was scared of how off my chest, and all I want is someone to worked for me was distracting myself when Imperial College Union I was feeling; I knew something was wrong, listen to me. Offering advice can be a little I got low, by hanging out with a close friend, but I didn’t know what to do about it and I patronising, despite the good intentions. watching something good on TV, baking, didn’t want to make a fuss. When I finally got !e most upsetting reaction I’ve had is singing or even cleaning. Self-help is more my diagnosis, I was given a legitimate reason being called a drama queen. My depression effective for me personally, because I hate mperial, welcome to the OpenMinds campaign! to feel the way I did. is not something I have “made up”, and I talking to other people about my feelings. I Our aim is to increase understanding of mental Depression has affected every aspect cannot control my symptoms. Because of Getting a good night’s sleep always helps health conditions and remove some of the stigma of my life, and its symptoms can be quite this negative reaction, I have become very alleviate my low mood and helps my energy with which they are associated. overwhelming. Some days I wake up and feel reluctant to talk about my problems, and levels. I find that going for a jog or a swim 1 in 4 people suffer from a mental health empty. I don’t want to do anything. I don’t instead deal with everything myself. Rather during the day helps me fall asleep more condition, yet there is a severe lack of awareness and want to work, I don’t want to watch TV, and than talking to someone, I have often turned easily at night, and I also like to watch ASMR the subject is, too often, taboo. !ose with a mental I certainly don’t want to talk to anyone. For to self harm to alleviate the stress, which (autonomous sensory meridian response) health condition can feel isolated and unsure of whom me, one of the worst parts of depression can manifest itself in many different ways. videos on Youtube. to turn to when, in reality, there are plenty of mental was a sense of losing myself. I lost interest For me, it is cutting, purging (making myself Looking to the future, I hope to keep health services available. One of our objectives is to tell in things that I previously loved, like dancing sick) and overdosing. I have also tried to managing my depression. Depression may be you about the services that Imperial provides as well as and singing. I was in the choir but stopped take my own life several times. I feel like something that I have to live with for the rest the external support on offer, that you might not have going because I was too depressed. I lost my this is a common situation faced by those of my life, but that doesn’t mean it is going to known existed. passion for biology, a subject I had previously with depression. Telling someone to “pull rule my life. I may retry counselling and/or Mental health conditions include schizophrenia, loved, and my pride in my college work themselves together” will only increase their medication, maybe when I’m more mature anxiety, OCD, and eating disorders but depression is disappeared. Depression also brought with it sense of loneliness, and make them less likely and more ready to talk about my problems. the most common in the UK and is the focus of our a huge lack of self-confidence. I have always to seek help. Ultimately, I want to have good mental campaign. !ere is no single cause of depression, been a high achiever and a perfectionist, so Everybody needs a support network to health. To me, this doesn’t mean being happy but triggering factors can include: money worries, I am constantly putting myself down when fall back on. !at may be family, a close all the time, but rather equipping myself with personal relationships, loneliness, drug and alcohol it comes to work. I’m also quite shy in social friend, or a counsellor/psychiatrist. It’s the tools I need to manage my thoughts, abuse. It can also be hereditary. !ere are many situations because I think that I have nothing different for each individual. !ere are many and accepting that there will always be bad different types of depression, all of which are very real to add to the conversation and that nobody different treatment options for depression: patches, but they won’t be forever and I will medical conditions that require support. wants me there. !is can make hanging counselling, cognitive behavioural therapy come out the other side. Uni life can be stressful for anyone. Add this to out with friends mentally exhausting. If (CBT), medication, talking therapies, group -Anonymous depression, and every day can be a struggle. !ose who someone was bullying you, constantly telling therapies and self-help, or a combination can’t cope might be told to “suck it up” or labelled as you weren’t good enough, that everybody of these. Each individual will find that a “weak”. !is will only exacerbate the problem and cause hates you and there’s no point to anything, different type of treatment works best for people to hide their problems out of embarrassment you would walk away. You can’t walk away them. It may take some time to find the right If you have any first-hand experiences with and shame. However, it isn’t always easy on the other when that bully is inside your own head. one. If I were to give advice to others seeking depression and want to write an article in side of things. !e lack of understanding of depression Trying to explain depression to friends help, I would say be patient with the service, Felix for the OpenMinds campaign, please is astounding, considering how common it is. !is and family has been difficult. !e most and with yourself. You may not feel better send in your articles to Moeko at disoff@ is why we are campaigning to give you the facts on common reaction I’ve faced is confusion, straight away, and often “it has to get worse imperial.ac.uk. For further information depression, and debunk some of the myths, such as with my friends saying that I don’t look or before it gets better” applies. Talking about on how to get involved OpenMinds, email “depression is not a real medical illness”. act depressed. What some people don’t your feelings can be very difficult, especially Moeko or visit our facebook page at www. We will have frequent articles here in the Felix, such understand about depression is its strength, if you’re quite introverted like me. It can help, facebook.com/ICOpenMinds. as articles by health professionals, “myth-busters” and some of your first hand experiences (send them in to Useful Contacts the email below!), and we hope that as many of you as possible will participate in the survey we are releasing in the near future. !e survey will include questions IC Disabilities Advisory Service [email protected] about your understanding of mental health and the services available, in order to get an idea of current attitudes towards mental health here at Imperial. In IC Counselling Service [email protected] spring term we will be hosting an event with guest speakers from various mental health organisations and medical professionals. Look out for our posters around IC Health Centre [email protected] campus! Our Facebook page is the place to keep up to date with the campaign and to get involved! We want you to get involved because mental health really does affect everybody. You may suffer from a Nightline 0207 631 0101 mental health condition yourself, know someone who ([email protected]) does, or experience depression in the future. Increasing understanding and de-stigmatising depression could help you through a rough patch, or enable you to be Samaritans 08457 90 90 90 that awesome supportive friend in someone’s time of need. ([email protected])

If you want to get involved with the OpenMinds campaign, email Moeko at disoff@imperial.ac.uk Mind www.mind.org.uk or find our Facebook page www.facebook.com/ ICOpenMinds. Time To Change www.time-to-change.org.uk Union Page

Rep Week starts on Monday

Monday 25 – Friday 29 November is Rep Week, our campaign to increase awareness of Academic Representatives (or ‘Reps’ for short).

Academic Reps are the first point of contact for students with course or research group concerns, facilities issues and positive feedback. Reps sit on Staff-Student Committees and are an essential link between the College and students.

Find us in the JCR 12:00 - 14:00, Monday – Thursday and 13:00 – 14:00 on Friday. We’ll be giving away Love Heart sweets, collecting your views about your course/research group and collecting Student Academic Choice Awards nominations for deserving staff.

Find out who your Rep is at imperialcollegeunion.org/academicreps.

imperialcollegeunion.org/academicreps #loveyourrep

Vote for your December guest ales

The cold and dark nights are approaching and there is nothing better than having a sip of one of your favourite ales inside the warmth of the Union. To get your favourite ale behind the bar all you need to do is take the poll at imperialcollegeunion.org/realales and the ales with the highest votes win! There is a separate poll for The Union Bar and h-bar.

The current poll will close at 10:00, Monday 2 December and the winning ales will be on sale later in the month.

December’s guest ale will join out regular ales in the bars - IPA (£2.90 a pint) and Tolly English Ale (or TEA - £2.20 a pint).

imperialcollegeunion.org/realales

The Sexual Health Clinic is back! Imperial College Union will be hosting another free sexual health clinic run by the Terrence Higgins Trust on Thursday 5 December. It will take place in the Activities Spaces, Union Building, Beit Quad. Services available include rapid HIV testing, Chlamydia testing, Gonorrhoea testing, condoms, lube and advice. The clinic welcomes all students regardless of age, gender, sexual orientation, study type or country of origin.

Appointments can be booked in advance and a walk-in service is also available. To book an appointment or get more information about the clinic, please contact Zoe Richardson, Representation Coordinator, at z.richardson@ imperial.ac.uk.

imperialcollegeunion.org/sexual-health

imperialcollegeunion.org 8 FRIDAY 22 NOV

VACANT FEATURES Editors: [email protected] Natural History The launch of a challenger, Museum Skate & RCSU prepares for the Drink Review next Science Challenge

not to attend. Fiona Hartley #e Science Challenge is our flagship Science Editor event of 2014 and has included numerous distinguished judges. We explore our arrangement of science have now announced all of our judges demos in the foyer of the building. t’s less than two weeks until for this year. Professor Fay Dowker is 7:00 PM – #e Science Challenge I the RCSU Science Challenge a Professor of #eoretical Physics here Launch commences in G16 in SAF. 2014 launch event, on Tuesday at Imperial. Jon Kudlick is the director 8:30 PM – Buffet snacks and drinks December 3rd. Come along to of communications with the Society opens in the SAF foyer, with the find out what prizes will be on of Biology. Pallab Ghosh is a science opportunity to network with Imperial offer and to hear the judges speak about correspondent with the BBC. And Dr students and staff, as well as our invited science communication and reveal their Jad Marrouche is a research associate guests and judges. questions for this year’s Challenge. You with the Department of Physics, whose 10:00 PM – Event closes. can book your free place now online work often takes him to CERN. at http://bit.ly/1ekv9Vj. And there Visit the Science Challenge website will of course be free food and drink Evening Schedule: for more information: http://bit. afterwards! You really have no reason 6:30 PM – Doors open, and you can ly/1aJKA8a and tweet us at #SciChal.

TBIPHOTOGRAPHIC

as there are those hand-in-hand Fiona Hartley chatting away. I think only incredible Science Editor skaters wouldn’t have as enjoyable a time. After the session you head back here’s currently a student inside, hand in your skates and look T skating offer on at the forward to your free drink! (I guess Natural History Museum’s you could get your drink beforehand ice rink. All day Mondays but I’m not sure skating on a glass of and Tuesdays until wine is the best idea.) #ere’s also a December 3, students can skate for small on-site Mountain Warehouse £8.50 with a free drink at the Café shop and if the NHM’s official skating Bar. If you present your student ID photographer snapped a photograph when booking tickets at the box of you and your mates you can buy office and then save your ticket, you your photos here (prices for photos can show it at the Café Bar for a start at £8). drink of your choice. If you’re looking to definitely get I went to check out the offer on your free drink without any hassle or Tuesday evening with some friends. stress involved, I advise avoiding the I’ve been skating at the NHM during 8pm session that I attended. Even if previous years but I never fail to you have a full day pick the 6pm or enjoy the ambience of skating there. 7pm session. I was told that drinks In my opinion this atmosphere vouchers could be redeemed up improves during the evening – the until half past 9, but when I arrived twinkling lights in the trees around there was a sign on the box office the rink add something especially saying your free drink could only wintry to the event. be claimed until 9pm. #ey are very #e Natural History Museum’s particular about this and will stop skates are the most uncomfortable serving very abruptly as soon as the I’ve ever worn. #ey are the bane clock strikes 9, regardless of the state of any skating session I participate of your order. in there. Otherwise the skating is a I got my free drink by leaving the lot of fun! Your session starts on the ice a little early. #e drinks available hour and lasts for 50 minutes so it’s are beer, house white or red wine, worth getting there 15 minutes early and cold drinks or hot drinks that to make sure you take maximum include hot chocolate and various advantage of the cheaper ticket. As coffees and teas. You might want to ‘For me, a good a warning, putting your bag in the pick up a menu so you don’t have cloakroom costs £2 so you might to make an ad-hoc decision about night out is spent want to take a big bag that you can what to drink. #e Café Bar has put everyone’s stuff in, or just not a real skiing resort feel to it, with bring a bag with you at all! long benches and large vintage picking up moths’ Once you’re out on the ice you are trunks serving as tables in some greeted with a great Christmas tree spots. #ere’s also an area with sofas Alessandro Giusti in the centre of the rink, forming a around a big (obviously false) open Entomologist circuit. It can be very busy during fire. #e food is pretty pricey so I certain sessions (the disadvantage wouldn’t bother grabbing a snack! with going in the evening) but almost all skaters regardless of !e student offer is only on until ability seem to enjoy themselves. It’s December 3, so if it takes your very informal and there are as many fancy, don’t delay and go next people skating around by themselves week! FRIDAY 22 NOV 9 @feliximperial BUSINESS FelixImperial What happens at uni...stays at Unii.com Marco Nardone sets up a social networking platform for students

In 2011, Marco Nardone graduated old has become CEO & founder of target market’s exact needs and kept having a Physics degree at Imperial Marco Nardone with a degree in Physics from Imperial the UK’s biggest student-only social them at the core of any development. College provided me with skills that Writer College. In just two years, the 25-year- networking platform, Unii.com. For Unii.com, this niche market have helped guide me through my was made possible by ensuring only journey as an entrepreneur and CEO, !e journey to becoming a social those with a university-accredited in some really unexpected ways. networking entrepreneur has email address can sign in – finally !e four years at university not only been exciting, nerve-wracking and putting an end to those snooping taught me to think logically and be demanding – all rolled into one! !e parents flicking through your photos thorough, but above all – never give first time I aired my opinions about or future employers digging around up! Physics was a degree that involves my plans for a new social platform to past antics you’d rather forget about! perseverance, time, and of course, close friends and family, admittedly But before this social start-up lots of studying. Unii.com wouldn’t I was met with a few nervous journey had even begun, it was vital be where it is today if either my team smiles and pats on the shoulder. I spent a lot of time (and patience!) or I had given up at the first hurdle “Do you really think you can figuring out the student market that and it was these skills that helped compete with Facebook at your age?” Unii.com targeted. !is involved keep me grounded in the beginning. a few of my more blunt mates laughed. understanding what students would For students out there considering But that’s not what I had in mind. find useful, which features would be diving into the start-up world or !e platform I created – Unii.com desirable and the importance of a the social media industry, that – wasn’t born to compete directly closed social environment. Being a wise old saying “Never put off until with the big players like Facebook or recent student myself, it would have tomorrow what you can do today” Twitter, and neither was it designed to been easy to just use my gut instinct to speaks volumes. It was this kind take users away from them. Instead, craft something I would like personally. of thinking that led to the success the platform offers students the chance But Unii.com is about catering for all of Unii.com – I saw a gap in the to meet like-minded friends on their students across the entire UK, and I market, yet I didn’t wait until I was course, at their university or in their knew to become a successful start-up, older or watch someone else swoop accommodation – all before they leave I had to listen to the current market. in and create an alternative website. home in September. When arriving on Holding research focus groups and !e future of Unii.com is looking campus, students can then use Unii. listening to user feedback in the early bright, as we look to tip 200,000 com for every part of their student life: stages of launch has helped Unii.com to users by 2014. I can understand why by either meeting and socialising with grow rapidly, seeing a massive 100,000 there were some doubts – as a young friends within the university network; students sign up in just six months. graduate entrepreneur, any industry joining and managing societies We continue to listen to these users breakout is going to be tough – but through our unique platform; or and have just revolutionised the user by understanding the gap in the even finding a job placement experience on the platform – a direct market for something fresh, and through the dedicated jobsboard. action taken from our user feedback. researching the target market inside With younger audiences already With the continued popularity of out, it’s proven to be a success and dwindling on Facebook, it was evident Unii.com, some people do question I encourage any Imperial College to me that there was a hunger for a how I went from the world of science student to follow in these footsteps. platform that clearly appreciated its to the realms of social media. But

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felix.business@ imperial.ac.uk 10 FRIDAY 22 NOV

Philippa Skett, Editors: SCIENCE Keir Little, Fiona Hartley [email protected] Mars MAVEN mission launches

last for one year, but NASA intends Fiona Hartley to keep MAVEN operational well Science Editor into the future to provide a data-relay platform for surface explorers such as the Curiosity Rover. "is week the latest US mission to MAVEN is equipped with eight Mars launched successfully; NASA data-collection sensors to determine called the launch “flawless”. "e the characteristics of the upper rocket carrying the Mars Atmosphere atmosphere and the solar wind. and Volatile EvolutioN (MAVEN) "e instruments were designed and spacecraft left the Earth on Monday contributed by NASA’s Goddard from Cape Canaveral Air Force Station Space Flight Centre, the University of in Florida, the site of many previous Colorado, Boulder, and the University NASA mission launches. Just under of California, Berkeley. "e Centre an hour after launch the probe was d’Etude Spatiale des Rayonnements released from the rocket, deployed its in France also provided the sensor for solar panels and oriented into cruise one instrument. configuration. By exploring the composition of “Everything looks good. "e signals Mars’ upper atmosphere and the are coming in fine, and so far the impact that the solar wind has on systems that are on are reporting back the atmosphere, lead investigator Dr great. We’re heading out to the Red Bruce Jakosky from the University of Planet,” said David Mitchell, Nasa’s Colorado hopes to understand how MAVEN project manager. Mars went from a wet planet with a "e MAVEN mission will be dense atmosphere billions of years ago investigating the upper atmosphere to its present arid state. and the ionosphere of Mars alongside “"e loss rates [of the atmosphere the solar wind, with the intention due to the solar wind] today are of providing insight into the history low enough that we’re probably not of the Martian atmosphere, climate going to see the loss of the entire and the planet’s habitability. After atmosphere,” says Dr Jakosky. “"e a journey of over 440 million miles reason we are studying it today, even and lasting 10 months, MAVEN will though the loss rates are so much reach Mars and will need to undergo lower, is that we can understand the a check-out period before finally specific processes that are going on beginning its primary data collection and learn how to extrapolate them mission. "is mission is scheduled to back in time.” Untouchable photons

would a particle, by absorption, why Pavitar Singh Devgon not detect it as a wave? Science Writer One thing waves are really good at is reflecting. Reflection causes a phase lag, interference and diffraction in Photons can often be difficult to the photon-wave. "e experiment set measure because as soon as they are, up by Reiserer’s team consisted of an they are gone. Most measurement optical resonant chamber containing methods require direct absorption, or a single atom, the walls of which were are in some other way destructive to superconductive and thus highly the nature of the particle. "is means reflective. A photon enters and will that you have little time to glean all of only interact with the atom if it is in the information before it disappears, the correct energy state, otherwise it and there is no way to double check will reflect off the wall. your results. Now, if only there was a Hold on to your hats, because this is way around this. Oh wait, there might where is gets a little crazy. "e atom be! enclosed in the chamber is prepared Quantum theory: two words to strike in a superposition of allowed and fear into almost any scientist, closely forbidden states. "e photon-wave followed by ‘coursework deadline’ and enters and due to the forbidden state, ‘rent due’. Weird and wonderful things is reflected. However, the atom will happen in the quantum world, and if change as if it had interacted with the there was a feasible way to measure photon, because it is in an allowed photons without destroying their state. "e result is that it appears there nature, many new technologies, such was an interaction, but the photon still as quantum computing, could gain exists! We have measured the presence footing. A report by Andreas Reiserer, of a photon without destroying it. NASA Stephan Ritter and Gerhard Rempe "e team repeated their in Science last week puts forward a experiments, showing the same photons were able to be detected reflection. "is was enough to prove to refine the process, this is sure to different method of measurement: photon could be repeatedly detected with a 77% success rate, while close their non-destructive measurement prove effective in quantum optics, instead of detecting the photon as you without being absorbed. Individual to 66% of the photons would survive method. "ough it may take a while computing and entanglement. FRIDAY 22 NOV 11 @feliximperial SCIENCE FelixImperial Night owls perform worse

Amrita Ghosh & Arya Mehta

Many of us think that staying up late gadgets at younger ages. Studies at night gives us more time to be indicate that bright lights from productive; however, a recent study laptop screens and smart-phones at UC Berkeley has shown that ‘night lead to a reduction of melatonin, a owls’ perform worse academically and key hormone involved in sleep cycle emotionally in the long run. regulation. !is study focused on 2,700 US Finally, the study also suggests that adolescents of whom 30% claimed poor parental monitoring could also staying up later than 11:30pm on lead to teens staying up late. school nights, and many of them !is is not the first study to have stayed up past 1:30am during holidays. been published linking sleep with !e data for this study were obtained performance, thus it only reinforces from the National Longitudinal Study that it is increasingly becoming a of Adolescent Health, where the common problem in young adults. records tracked back to 1994. It was Regular sleep deprivation can have found that GPA scores of the ‘night a great impact on the health of an owls’ were significantly lower than individual; therefore this issue should their classmates who had earlier bed- not be taken so lightly. Most of you times. In addition, sleeping late during may think that this is irrelevant since summer holidays had an impact on we have already passed our adolescent the emotional well-being of these stage. individuals. But don’t forget that we ourselves So, why do so many teens stay up could become parents one day, and it late? It appears that a number of factors to socialise; thus these students ‘human body clock’ and it is involved preference’, which gives them a desire would be our responsibility to ensure affect this behaviour. Hectic school compromise their sleep to make time in regulating physiological and to work later at night. and motivate our children to follow a schedules, after-school activities and to interact with their friends. metabolic functions. !e researchers In addition, another factor identified regular early bed time to help them other academic commitments leave !e circadian rhythm is any hypothesized that adolescents have which keeps teenagers up so late is the perform better academically and very little time for young students biological process that involves the something called an ‘evening circadian increasing use of various electronic emotionally. Synthetic alcohol does this

hangovers and health risks associated interactions that deliver the desirable of a touchy issue that has caused Philippa Skett with drinking at bay. effects of ethanol consumption is key, controversy concerning Nutt in the Science Editor Alcohol acts as a depressant on and it may be that GABA is the answer. past, with his recent paper in Nature the central nervous system, and a !is alcohol substitute would target this year urging the government multitude of receptors, including those GABA receptors very specifically to to weaken the current legislation or those reading this that respond to the neurotransmitter ensure the positive effects alcohol surrounding psychotics falling on deaf F hungover in bed after that GABA, can be modulated in activity can have are sustained whilst the ears. “quick pint” on a !ursday by ethanol. GABA acts as an inhibitory undesirable side effects are reduced. Although the alteration of legislation evening turned into a molecule in vertebrates when binding !ese include the immediate effects surrounding drugs such as MDMA free for all, we have good to transmembrane receptors on the such as loss of co-ordination, and marijuana is an understandably news. It seems that our very own neurons of the brain, which in turn aggression and memory loss, but also more complex and controversial issue, Professor Nutt, previous government effects the transmission of nerve the after effects, such as the hangover hopefully such complications will not PHARMAMAB.IT advisor and keen advocate of drug impulses and can result in feeling you may indeed be suffering right now. surround the possible legislation of legalisation, has finally identified more relaxed or unfazed. It seems too good to be true, right? this new synthetic alcohol substitute night’s antics whilst hiding away from candidate molecules that can imitate Ethanol is rather cavalier in its It seems that Professor Nutt is still if the benefits discussed are a tangible the world, this solution isn’t going to all the good parts of drinking, without actions, however; it targets a lot discussing his top secret synthetic reality. be getting you to your 9am lectures in that dreaded feeling the next day. !e of other cellular receptors non- alcohol substitute use with investors, !erefore it seems we can only sit time today. Right now, it just might be molecule can hopefully reproduce specifically too, so has a large number but is worried that the drug may and wait for the holy grail of student better to get some toast and tea and the pleasurable effects of alcohol, but, of routes in which it can modulate its be legislated too heavily by the satisfaction for now. Unfortunately, fight off that hangover the traditional with a lower toxicity, may keep the effects. Being able to pinpoint those government. !is is somewhat for those that are still mulling over last way. Science in sixty seconds... Deforestation in the Amazon in- The comet Ison is now visible in the Frederick Sanger, pioneer of DNA

the oldest creature in the world, was - sky, and will be brightest on Dec 1.

killed last week by scientists trying to gust 2013, the Brazilian government Predictions that it would be brighter winner of two Nobel prizes, died on

reports. than the moon were exaggerated. Wednesday aged 95. 12 FRIDAY 08 NOV

Eoghan J. Editors: COMMENT Totten, Tessa Davey [email protected] The Role & Responsibility of Comment

one has come to appreciate in the past faith. !is should be honoured (where effect. !e focus of obligation for skewed towards one plaintive truth, seven days) disavowal of its material. appropriate) during the process of an editor should switch from the at least in the eyes of the majority of In context of a parochial University editing and redaction. facilitation of informative opinion to the socio-political body. !e editor, Eoghan J. Totten community consisting of a spectrum !e majority of contributors submit its mediation. !is choice is made in in such instances, should follow his @eoghantotten of nationalities, ideals and beliefs a piece of writing on the basis of an effort to engender peaceful and or her ethical code and decide on an Comment Editor (such as Imperial College London) the elemental and core convictions, affirmative discussion and debate. article’s suitability or offensiveness. margins for error are slight. In light heartfelt emotion or in light of !e mediation does not lie solely in On this basis it may be appropriate to of this I wish to briefly examine the personal experience. Recent pieces the physical editing of an individual reject or retract an article. omment sections across boundaries for the Comment section. similar to those centred on the article. Mediation can be utilised !e past week has forced me to Ca broad variety of !e balance of facility and Interfaith Movement, access for the by balancing a given article with a appreciate that while Felix Comment newspapers all share a mediation of opinion is the central disabled or the changing dynamic of counter-article. !is can prove to is part of a student newspaper (which, common thread. !e bulk dilemma for the Comment section. Kenya typify the core aspiration of the be insightful and constructive. My by definition, should be optimistic of their published material As was declared in the freshers’ Comment section to voice rightfully head-to-head with Rory Fenton on and uplifting) due credence should will prove emotive for a sizeable issue in early October 2013 it is in emotive issues. integrated education in the North of be given to the screening process of portion of its readership. Individuals place to provide an extra medium of Worldly reality means that many of Ireland helped me to view the issue input material from the student body. may empathise with views expressed communication for the student body. these emotive issues originate from from a more objective perspective. In !e section editors will endeavour to in a given article. Others may be !is commitment inevitably lies in inequality, illness, conflict and even spite of this, the approach can backfire. maintain the high standards of the offended. On occasion a given issue the category of facility. If a student death. !is changes the atmosphere of Our readership will have realised this newspaper in future issues. We’ll take may catalyse universal approval or (as submits an article they do so in good the Comment section with immediate over the past week. Some topics are criticism where it’s due. Commonwealth: Beginning of the End?

Visakan Balakumar UK has cut its Commonwealth funding surrendering to the Sri Lankan army had found its soul. One wonders reasons unknown. Kamalesh Sharma Writer following Canada’s contribution at the end of 2009. A 35-year old whether the organisation will keep has lost the faith of many, with the review. !e most damning moment Tamil activist named Sivakumaran Sri Lanka at the helm. With the Canadian Foreign Minister labelling came from the Mauritian President Baskaran has been reported missing UN Human Rights Commissioner him a “stooge” of the Sri Lankan s the controversial Navin Ramgoolam. Warned by the since the end of the 2013 summit. Navi Pillay (and David Cameron) government. His withdrawal of a A 23rd Commonwealth Commonwealth Secretary General, Sri Lanka has the highest proportion setting a March 2014 deadline for report from other Commonwealth Governmental meeting Kamalesh Sharma, that it was of ‘disappeared people’ on earth with the Sri Lankan regime to conduct ministers (proving Sri Lanka’s in Colombo closed “convention” for the Head of State 5676 cases registered at the UN alone. an independent investigation into impeachment of their Chief earlier this week there of country to host the summit the Pictures of Sri Lankan police pushing the litany of war crimes committed Justice to be unconstitutional) sent was widespread feeling that the Mauritian leader did not renege on elderly women to the ground during a at the end of the 2009 war and the shockwaves of outrage around the Commonwealth has suffered a huge his boycott. He withdrew Mauritius Commonwealth summit will endure. Sri Lankan government remaining world. !e recent summit highlighted dent in its credibility. In March 2013 hosting of CHOGM 2015. Some pleaded to foreign media tailing unwilling to do so, the stage is set for the Commonwealth’s dangerous (for the first time in its history) the It was the actions of David the convoy to help them find their a third resolution to the UN Human trajectory. It will be a rough road if it Commonwealth set out a new charter Cameron that completely upstaged missing loved ones while handing over Rights Council against Sri Lanka. !e continues this way – one from which emphasising the need for human the controversial summit. After the pictures. Channel 4 received over 130 fact that the chair of an organisation it might not emerge at all. rights, freedom of expression, good conclusion of the opening ceremony such photos in just one hour. emphasising human rights as one of In my opinion the Sri Lankan governance and the rule of law. Sri Cameron departed on a historic trip Recent developments serve as its core values could be the target of President Mahinda Rajapakse and Lanka (Commonwealth chair for the to the capital of the Tamil homeland, a form of resistance to oppressive a UN resolution will be disastrous for Kamalesh Sharma were the men who next two years) frequently ignores Jaffna. He became the first world regimes. !is has happened before. the Commonwealth. !is is precisely killed the Commonwealth. these tenets. leader to visit the war-affected city In the 1970s the Commonwealth led why Cameron must call for Sri Lanka If you would like to find out more Last weekend descended into since the end of colonialism in 1948. the boycott of South Africa’s apartheid to be suspend and their chairmanship about Tamil atrocities in Sri Lanka a public relations disaster of To quote the PM what he viewed “will regime. It was in this movement that revoked. and what you can do to stop it, please unprecedented proportions for both stay with [him]”. He visited the printing the Commonwealth showed potential !e Secretary General of the visit International Tamil society’s Sri Lanka, and the Commonwealth. office of the popular Tamil newspaper to protect and uphold human rights Commonwealth has continually Breaking the Silence stall in Sherfield Controversy over Sri Lanka’s (critical of Government), whilst around the world. !e Commonwealth shielded Sri Lanka from criticism for on Monday 25th November. appalling human rights record uploading pictures of bullet holes in overshadowed the summit. !e the walls of the office and the burnt meeting in Colombo (15th to 17th out shell of a printer to Twitter. !e November) had the lowest attendance office has been attacked repeatedly of State heads for years. Boycotts in recent years: 48 journalists have from Canada and Mauritius on been killed in Sri Lanka within the last the grounds of human rights and decade and it is ranked in the bottom “The recent summit an Indian snub dominated the 20 for press freedom. Most were events preceding the meeting as the Tamil. Many more have fled abroad or highlighted the incumbent Government tried to silenced their criticism. !e chilling rebrand Sri Lanka’s image and deflect picture showcased the lack of freedom Commonwealth’s attention from its actions against the of expression in Sri Lanka, one of the dangerous Tamil population – it failed miserably. “core values of the Commonwealth” as John Baird, Canadian Foreign the Secretary General put it. It set the trajectory. It will Minister, noted on Commonwealth scene for the most sobering moment inaction on Sri Lanka that: of the entire summit: as David be a rough road “Canada did not get involved in the Cameron’s motorcade passed through if it continues this Commonwealth to accommodate the now militarily occupied city, scores evil; we came to combat it”. In a post- of mothers clashed with riot police, way. colonial era, as the Commonwealth’s seeking to bring attention to their relevance is increasingly debated, Sri plight. Over 140,000 Tamils remain Lanka’s chairing of an organisation unaccounted for in the Northern that has rebranded itself to be a force Province. Many of these mothers for good dooms the organisation. !e have sons who have disappeared since ” FRIDAY 08 NOV 13 @feliximperial COMMENT FelixImperial Confessions of a GTA: Part 6

After marking 56 papers we become a bit overdramatic

The GTA coursework that you might fail’ kind became a maze of lines and artistic but Anonymous of thing. !is was finally my chance to illegible squiggles and nearly always, get revenge. I would be one of those always, wrong at the end. I couldn’t awful GTAs that wrote nothing in help them and pull them back from s an undergraduate, feedback and in general gave marks the oblivion of failure simply because A if you had asked me lower than your wildest imagination. I had no idea what was going on. 4s what the worst thing What I did not expect to hit me suddenly appeared or disappeared was about Imperial was compassion. I have taught these seemingly at random or life became it was obvious: !e students for two months now. I some sort of integration with no limits exams. After working all those hours have struggled alongside them with or possible answer. to be hit with the striking realisation techniques they will probably never I know I was never a unicorn, that I did not, in fact, understand use again... ever. I even sat with them but the shining lights for me were the topic even a little bit caused me in the exam and tried not to stand those people who admitted their to doubt many a life decision. I also behind them or take too long to count weaknesses. A simple note to say I came to doubt my native English the scripts at the end. I found myself have forgotten the definition of sinh. following one particularly bad exam rejoicing in their success, in those I have assumed it is this. Or I think where I distinctly remember no verbs beautiful but startlingly rare papers it went wrong here. !ese were the in the first two sentences. But never which were close to the mark scheme people that got the method marks as did I consider what happened to that and extraordinarily correct. were those who had bad handwriting stack of papers the GTAs insisted on !ese were, however, the unicorn but spread everything out. I could save counting for five minutes at least 12 papers that were like a needle in these people. times after the end of the exam. a haystack or really just a stack. So at two in the morning, having I was asked to mark one of my More commonly, I was assaulted by lost the will to live, wondering what in class’s mid-term tests, the standard additional issues and, finally, broken heck did I teach these people, a GTA ‘Oh, but we want you to understand hearted by being unable to read does not expect to see a unicorn, but a your progress, nothing to worry what people had written. !is was nicely laid out paper with the mistakes about, but since you are all here it frustrating. We would get halfway clearly marked. !is was the Holy canSince be a horrifically weighted piecewhen of through a problem andwas suddenly it Grail. wealth common?

children and civilians, by the Sri relatively benign (the large Tamil ex- string of pearls? You guessed it: Sri be Tamils living in coastal areas of Lankan government since well before pat population will also have played Lanka. Sri Lanka, where small scale fishing is Christy Kelly their culmination in the atrocities a factor), we should really never be For instance, what does a largely an intrinsic part of everyday survival. of 2011. Forget the videos of mass satisfied with the stories politicians Buddhist and Islamic country like Meanwhile the great ‘benefits’ of Writer execution and war crimes in the like to tell about themselves. PM Sri Lanka need with a $400 million Chinese investment have come at Channel 4 Documentary: Sri Lanka’s Manmohan Singh may well care casino? Nothing, but the growing a bitter price to the Tamil people Killing Fields – one of those rare deeply for ‘Commonwealth values’, but Chinese and Indian middle classes (assuming that the effective North/ examples of journalistic integrity that the continued and sinister movements could do with entertainment when South divide doesn’t prevent the even hat could renews your faith in the free press. made by the Indian government they visit the tropical paradise. It is spread of new wealth as it always has W possibly link !e video may have been verified by against the Naxalite rebels has some just a pity that it is in the middle of done in the past). Is it coincidence that Angelina Jolie the UN, but forget that, the Sinhalese disturbing parallels with the Sinhalese a civil war… Oh wait! With a Reuters the $4 billion worth of infrastructure and the first government claims that it is a forgery. campaign against the Tamil Tigers report estimating a further $2.5 billion projects and the new deep trade-links female President !at clearly settles the matter. before 2011. More likely, Singh felt the a year from tourism alone (a modest came after China sold Sri Lanka the of Sri Lanka, Chandrika Bandaranaike Yes, once again, the British pressure of the large Tamil population 5% of GDP, something equivalent to weapons needed for the victory over Kumaratunga? Why William Hague government has distinguished itself (and elements of government) in $750 billion dollars in the US, or put the um, terrorist, children? and last week’s Commonwealth in its concern for alleged human India. If this was all, India’s intentions differently, the entire US bailout fund), !e only surprise in all this is that summit, of course! !ere has been a rights abuses. But a boycott, no. !at would still be largely honourable – we Sri Lanka needs to prepare itself to India bothered to boycott at all. It bizarre image occasionally popping up would be unthinkable and damaging. often seem to forget that listening to cater for all those nouveau riche. seems clear that they care very little over the past few months, of a rather It is only through discussion, talk, the will of the people is essentially Or take the fancy new Lotus tower: about the Sri Lankan Tamils, and a smitten MP standing beside Angelina and trade (especially trade), that we democratic and there is little wrong it will be 350m upon completion, short term spat with the teardrop Jolie talking about the horrors of rape can encourage governments to act in principle if a politician serves that dwarfing the Shard, and funded out of isle may well lead to an entrenched and abuse that women suffer the in a humane way. If I recall correctly, people instead of his or her own ideas the goodwill of the People’s Republic Chinese position which India cannot world over. !e most striking image I similar arguments were made by and beliefs. of China. !e Sri Lankan’s benefit, desire in its small neighbour. !e have of Kumaratunga is, perhaps, less another respected Tory leader, and her !is is, however, not all. Is it the Indian tourists benefit and the pressure from Tamil politicians may comical: she had made a speech in American counterpart, apropos some coincidence that the Mauritian PM Chinese benefit. Everybody is happy! be considerable, though we doubt it Colombo brutally criticising the mass other backwards regime… What was joined the boycott? Mauritius (along Except the Tamils. With the mass can be important for a government murder and war crimes committed it again? Apartheid South Africa? I with Madagascar and the Seychelles) murders of 2011, further claims for so notoriously corrupt and which has by the Sri Lankan government in the think there must be something wrong has recently seen a lot of Indian independence are unlikely to be top such blatant imperialist ambitions. closing stages of the ‘war’ against the there but I can’t quite figure out what. interest. India needs to protect its priority for the people of Northern !e general consensus is that India Tamil ‘Tigers’. I never expected to Well regardless, we must let history be trade ships against the resurgent Sri Lanka. Especially considering the is only damaging its international hear a former head of state claim to the judge. phenomenon of piracy, and these immediate future holds nothing but position by boycotting this meeting, be ashamed at being from the country Getting back to the point; should islands make ideal bases to do so. Well, grim prospects. Manmohan Singh so what could be the motivation? It they served but these were the words we really, however, see the spate of there is that and the fact that India himself inaugurated the dredging of could be that the internal situation that came from Kumaratunga’s mouth. boycotts as a positive sign? Although I has steadily been losing out as far as the ancient Ram Sethu Canal, trying in India is even more desperate than Yet somehow, poor old Willy has would suggest it is idiotic to complain imperial and geopolitical dominance to make the Tamil Nadu area of India a commentators seem to think. Or could forgotten Angie’s campaign and that, as one online headline put it, in the Indian Ocean is concerned. “rival for [the now destitute] Detroit”. these whispers of a new Chinese- is going to the Commonwealth the Indian boycott was made for China’s String of Pearls strategy has !e toxic effects on the ecosystem Indian trade deal I am hearing have summit held in Sri Lanka. Forget Political Reasons (what reasons, pray, been remarkably effective, isolating are probably of secondary concern anything to do with it? Common the ‘allegations’ of war crimes, of were you expecting?), and though India and restricting its sphere of to Singh, particularly since the one of wealth? Somehow, I think not. mass rape, of the murder of women, Canada’s motivations are probably influence. And the Koh-i-Noor in that the worst groups to be affected will 14 FRIDAY 08 NOV

Eoghan J. Editors: COMMENT Totten, Tessa Davey [email protected]

Of cleaning (still), Letters

partnerships and Chessums Disrespectful Material

Joseph Letts To whom it may concern, I enjoy reading the articles on the paper Editor-in-Chief but ever since I realised that you put a double spread of really disrespectful material in it I stopped. I think this can be better replaced with many he recent cleaning response from made (or possibly the room was particularly As you may have heard in last week’s different things, like a spread on some Campus Services (see front page) untidy) did Campus Services think about the national papers, the President of the details of a country with interviews T from people originating from there, indicates that some progress repercussions it’s actions would have on the University of London Union, Michael is being made in the ‘cleaning students, and indeed had the potential for Chessum was arrested the day after a which I would be happy to help; and I situation’. However, one wonders these changes ever been discussed prior to protest he organised on University property. know hundreds of students who want why the department has taken so long to give the re-tender? Following the controversy over Summer, this to be removed as well, I can give an apology, even if they’re only apologising Imperial has recently signed up to the where the University of London banned you a list of their names if you want; for taking so long to provide adequate Renaissance Engineering Programme with students from protesting on some areas of and I believe that if we take this out information to all hall residents. Felix would the Singaporean Nanyang Technological University property (see FelixOnline.co.uk on then the newspaper would be more still like an answer to the list of questions we University. !e program is shaped to create Aug 7th bit.ly/17S1ZrM), it seems as though sent to them over seven days ago, we feel that a kind-of engineering polymath, with bright the Union chose to ignore this warning highly regarded amongst the seniors the students should be getting some proper students being educated in engineering, while protesting about it’s immenent closure and visiting researchers and anyone answers about the ways in which decisions science, technology, business, economics, at the end of this academic year. While it is else who reads it expecting to read were made that have a strong impact of and entrepreneurship (College Joins NTU important that students stand up for their interesting facts about Imperial. If you their wellbeing and studying experience. Renaissance Engineering Programme, views, the low turnouts for ULU elections have any questions please let me know Felix knows about at least one student who page 3). !is progressive programme seems and the decent size of the UoL constituent and I hope to hear from you soon. lives on a room where cleaning was not like a fantastic opportunity for the students College Unions, some might see the closue completed during the second rotation of the who will be selected and may leave some of ULU and the repurposing of its building !anks and regards, schedule, leaving the student to have a room current students wishing they were only a few by the University as a progessive move that that has only been cleaned once (so far) this years younger... might improve the efficiency of services for term. While it is true that mistakes can be Oh, ULU, whatever next? students. [Name Withheld] x An Apology to Felix Copy Editors & Centrefold Members Dear Sir, !ank you for getting in touch with your concerns. During the production of last week’s paper, due to a change in circumstances (which also led to a reduction in the number of pages), I always enjoy reading letters. I await your petition the paper was printed without the changes made by the Copy Editors. Felix would like to officially apologise for the misspent hours the Copy Editors lost while trying to improve the standard of the paper. !is week all edits have been included, providing a better reading with interest, it’s always nice to get feedback (unless experience for both the readers and the Copy Editors. you want to wait for our feedback survey?). -Ed.

We would also like top apologise to the students in last week’s Centrefold, who took part in a distinctly off-centre centrefold. We hope to reprint the centrefold in a distinctly more central position later on in the year. Felix. Dearest Felix Editor,

Perhaps my insults towards this bum of Don’t be afraid, the forest [!e Druid, see last week] were a bit exaggerated. He seems to be quite a the Cat doesn’t bite! If you have something on your nice chap (aside ice cream addiction). I agree that we should combine the might mind, want to share your opinion with the world, of the light and the power of nature to make the Union a better place for all. His point about "sh is quite astute, and want to write about the last gig, play, movie or I beg you, dearest Felix editor, look into this matter. Furthermore I would game you experienced, have an interesting news like to complain about the state of the bathrooms in the Union. Recently I was story to share with us, fancy yourself as the next relieving myself (taking a dump), and there was no toilet paper! Imagine my Alan Sugar or just simply like to make illustrations, horror! I had to use the might of light to cleanse myself! Please inform those responsible that I shall be cursing them. make sure to send an email to us at: Yours Sincerely, [email protected] !e Paladin Are you guys serious? Well, just on the o!-chance you are you’ll probably want to write a paper to the Union’s No experience necessary, honest. Exec Board (in charge of operations). I’m sure they’ll respond to your problems with the treatment you deserve... - Ed. FRIDAY 22 NOV 15 @feliximperial ARTS FelixImperial Mojo in Soho, getting jazzy

and deals with themes of masculinity arrogant nature quickly turns light- Mario Lepore and the fight for supremacy. hearted conversation into something Writer Although it is hard to erase the more sinister. Recognition must also memory of Grint as Ron Weasley, his be given to the staging and lighting performance as Sweets the nervous design: you are completely transported What: Mojo sidekick is strong, with skilful comic into this dingy Soho club along with Where: Harold Pinter Theatre, timing. "ere are several well-written its muggy air and stale alcohol. Leicester Square, SW1 duologues between Grint and Mays Overall this is a playful yet dark When: Until 25th Jan 2014 that had the audience laughing performance that is powered by the Price: £10 - £85 out loud. Mays certainly conjures strength of its cast. What it lacks in the most comic effect with his pace is made up for in the script and Chaplinesque persona and animated certainly allows for an impressive and actions. "e language used is not for entertaining evening out. NPtKP
the faint hearted, with the ‘C-bomb’ Noun being dropped fairly regularly, and A magic charm, talisman, or spell. certainly accounts for the parental Magic Power. advisory that comes with the tickets. Coyle commands great stage presence "e long awaited revival of Jez as Mickey, however is occasionally let Butterworth’s play Mojo opened on the SIMON ANNAND down by his cockney accent, which 13th November, and saw Rupert Grint Harries) – a young and talented into an isolated prison. has a hint of Downton lingering at making his professional theatre debut. performer – has the potential to go Featuring a phenomenal cast, it times. Premiering in the Royal Court "eatre far. However his jealous manager, the is at first strange to watch the valet "e Second Act is certainly more in 1995, Mojo was the recipient of the nightclub owner Ezra, tries to protect from Downton (Brendan Coyle), Ron powerful than the first; containing 1996 Laurence Olivier Award for Best him from the advances of another local Weasley (Rupert Grint), 007’s Q (Ben a death scene more realistic than New Comedy, with a film adaptation gangster, Sam Ross. After Ezra’s body Whishaw), Merlin (Colin Morgan) any I have ever witnessed, movie released in 1997. is found sawn in half and deposited in and Made in Dagenham’s Daniel Mays or otherwise. Tension significantly Based in the rock ‘n’ roll Soho scene separate dustbins, it is left to the rest alongside one another as pill-popping, climaxes towards the end and makes of the 1950s, this black comedy is set of the group to resolve the situation, wannabee big-shot gangsters, together up for the somewhat slow opening entirely within the seedy ‘Atlantic’ and the nightclub in which they with newcomer Harries. "e play is of the play. "e show was stolen Whatnightclub. Silver Johnny (Tom Rhys previouslyperfect dreamed of success turns non-apologetic nonsense! for its all-male cast, by Whishaw, who’s psychotic and SIMON ANNAND

New Jeeves & Wooster play is laugh out loud funny, says George Shillam

It’s one of the best known P.G. that Bertie was actually improvising What: Jeeves & Wooster in Wodehouse books, partly due to its the whole thing was convincing. “Perfect Nonsense” television adaptation (the one with Matthew Macfayden was also Where: Duke of York’s Theatre, the cow-creamer), and the play sticks impressive as Jeeves, managing to Leicester Square, WC2 remarkably closely to the book except remain superbly aloof throughout all When: Until 8th March 2014 in one way; here the premise is that his gags. His other roles are equally Price: £15 - £80 Bertie is putting on a play about his polished, from Stiffy Byng to Sir recent weekend at Totleigh Towers, Watkyn Basset. where the original story takes place. One other minor quibble is that s proved by the BBC’s Essentially, it is a play withwin a play. not all of the humour reached such a Arecent TV adaptation of "is twist works very well, and high standard. As well as the original Wodehouse’s Blandings provides ample opportunities for jokes from Wodehouse’s writing, Castle books, which more humour to be injected. He and the humour stemming from any Wodehouse fan enlists Jeeves and his Aunt Dahlia’s Bertie’s endearing inexperience and would have found painful to watch, butler Seppings as the two other ineptness at acting, there are other it seems to be difficult to transfer members of his cast, and the two far clumsier gags. Butterfield, the Wodehouse’s works to other forms of butlers, as well as playing themselves, butler at Totleigh Towers, seems to media. As such, I went into the theatre impersonate all the other characters be in the play for the sole purpose of with mixed expectations. However, in the play. It gets sillier and sillier thanking anyone who asks him to do the initial signs were promising; I (not least when Seppings tries to something. "is is a joke that is, the had high hopes when the preliminary play the formidable Roderick Spode), first time, only mildly funny. By the mobile phone announcement was culminating in Jeeves playing both end it had definitely started to grate. done using P.G. Wodehouse quotes. parties of a conversation, leaping "ankfully, however, these jokes My expectations were more than back and forth across the stage. make up but a small proportion of the met. Every conversation of this play "e one downside of this was that play. elicited laughs and the script never some of the characters seemed flatter Overall the show lived up to its lost sight of its source material. I than they could have – Spode, for name, but not always for quite the was particularly delighted to see that example, lost all sense of menace. On right reasons. Casual Wodehouse Wodehouse’s description of Spode the other hand, Stephen Mangan’s fans, or those who have only seen Fry had been included – “a big chap with performance as Bertie was the star and Laurie’s TV show, will love this a small moustache and the sort of eye of the show. "e way he interacted farce for its imaginative silliness, but that can open an oyster at sixty paces”. with the audience (despite Jeeves’ more die-hard Wodehousians will Perfect Nonsense is an adaptation of disapproval) had the whole crowd miss the cleverness and subtlety of the novel !e Code of the Woosters. roaring with laughter, and the feeling DAVID JENSEN the master of comedy’s sublime wit. 16 FRIDAY 22 NOV Maciej Editor: BOOKS Matuszewski, Eva Rosenthal Raw Words:[email protected] Part One

An original short story by Eoghan Totten

“As you go through life Shane, remem- way and through the open front door, the ceiling. !e stars glistened in the ber one thing. !ere’s a price to pay for with Joe giving chase. !e house was deep blue azure of night. Sleep envel- everything.” peppered with boxes crammed with oped me. My eyes began to flicker as I !e words of Aodhán Madine, my our things, like parcelled promises of stared into this hypnotic tapestry. One father, once spoken flippantly, now life to come. We moved through to the of my closing thoughts was of how the touch a raw nerve. Time has passed and kitchen. A horde was gathered around stars, like majestic sentinels, watched they’re like daggers, sharpened by the the table. over all the children of Ireland… and I whetstone of the crash. thought of how the phosphorescence “!ere’s Sarah”, said Dad, kissing my of Granda’s tears looked just like those We were happy back then. !rough mother on the cheek. Granda Michael stars. !ey appeared as one and the the untarnished eyes of infancy my was there with outstretched arms to same thing, curators of hope and of family’s fortunes seemed promising. receive Joe and I. Dan Harrington, dreams. Glimpses of things to come were bathed Dad’s business partner, looked on with *** in the deep tones of Dad’s voice, like a smile, as did Mickey Bishop, his best !e years wore on. Each cycle of the stars in the ether. friend. His billowing black moustache calendar saw the promise of the last *** gleamed in the half-light. Joe and I were dwarfed by that of the next. Ireland’s January ‘94 was my fifth birthday. I mesmerised by my birthday cake with destiny became enmeshed with the remember it vividly. Dad had taken my its five flickering candles standing proud prosperity of the times, woven into a elder brother Joe and I out for a drive. and tall. single fabric that we hoped had no end. Perched beside him in his clapped out Ford Transit we gazed out at the barren Later that evening, briefly stirring Houses, roads and bridges flashed building site. I’ll never forget his smile from the joy of the celebrations, I ven- into existence as the country was en- as he pulled up by the curb. It was one tured back into the kitchen. !e adults veloped in an economic mirage. Dad’s of unadulterated relief, stretching from were gathered around the table in ani- work went with this rushing tide. Dur- ear to ear. mated conversation. I was hit by a num- ing those years the house was in an eter- ber of sensations: the shadows danc- nal state of flux. Workmen came and cut in. “I hope he learns one thing. In “Your Dad’s building twenty houses ing across their faces; the veracity with went, trailing a veil of dust in their wake “Out now Shane”, said Dad. His voice this day and age ask no questions. You here. It’ll keep dinner on the table for which they held one another’s gaze; and as rhythmically as day and night. cut through me like a knife through but- go forward or you fail.” the next while”, said Dad. most strikingly, the rumbling tone of ter. I turned to leave but hesitated, com- their voices. I’d rush home from school in the eve- pelled to be defiant. As I rolled over in bed I willed sleep He put the van in gear and pulled nings in anticipation of the surprises to come. You go forward or you fail. His away while Joe and I fell back into child- “You’re onto something big, Aodhán”, and changes awaiting me. Initially they Squarely holding his gaze I turned his words seemed defamatory back then. ish nonchalance, playing ‘I Spy’ as we said Mickey Bishop. My father began were subtle, like fresh coats of paint on familiar phrase back on him, “!ere’s a Jesus, if he knew what was coming… weaved through the labyrinth of Dublin to stare wistfully into space. “Jaysus, I the walls or a new vase for the dining price to pay for everything, isn’t there?” *** streets. could pocket two-hundred thousand room. In time they became magnified Joe and I were always close. We loved punt”, he whispered. and exuberant, at least in the eyes of my He hurdled the desk and raised his cars. Joe would idle away the weekends Back then the Madine household was brother and I. One balmy spring even- hand before I could blink. It stopped staring vacantly at Dad’s BMW. With lively. We moved after Dad’s building “You’ll have to sign the Lucan deal by ing we rounded the corner of our Ave- short. He became as still as a statue. !e his legs tucked under him he’d crawl firm took off. ‘A. M. Construction’ was Monday and maybe the whole lot”, said nue and stopped dead in our tracks. Dad colour drained from his cheeks as he beneath its aggressive bulk, combing gathering strength. He was never out of Dan. Mammy joined in. “Sure the bank was waxing a new BMW. With its opu- spoke. His voice was as cold and pierc- every inch of its garrulous opulence. that van. Joe and I would ask over the said they’ll approve any loans you’ll lent, black body and tapered exhaust it ing as his stare: “I’ve never been able to Dad used to humour him and say, “She’s breakfast table, “Where are you building need.” rendered Joe aghast. It fuelled my im- decide whether you’re incredibly bright worth every one of the thirty thousand houses today, Da?” He’d reply, “Lucan, agination for many weeks. I christened or incredibly stupid.” invested in her, Joe.” boys” or, “Sandymount, lads”. He had For a fleeting instant I caught Granda’s it ‘!e Bat Mobile’ there and then. Dad signs up all over Dublin with embossed eye. !ey were moist with tears as he replied, “Good man”, before grinning His pallor returned on a reinvigor- Whenever he mentioned money I’d letters that read: “A. M. Construction – spoke. “Sign it Aodhán. Give your boys and patting me on the head. ated wave of rage. !e crisp notes were lose interest, as though by linking the Getting the Job Done”. Mammy used to the comforts I could never afford to give bunched between his fingers as he car to reality its magic was dispersed. tell us that he was off to build a cage for you. !e Madines deserve a break. It’s !at evening my thoughts became yelled, “Out!” I burst into tears. He took At this juncture I’d jump on my bike the Celtic Tiger. our time.” sinister. Gazing through my skylight the me in his arms. I remember him whis- and cycle around town, often passing night revealed itself. Dad had scolded pering to me as he carried me from the through one of Dad’s building sites as I find it haunting that some of those Mammy turned and saw me. She car- me for bursting into his office. He’d been office, “I’m just tired. I didn’t mean it the lifeless shells of innumerable houses signs still hang in tatters, nineteen years ried me upstairs and had me ready for sitting nestled behind his desk with his Shane…did I?” merged and blurred. With my heart later. bed in an instant. glasses perched on the bridge of his booming I’d return and collapse on the *** nose. He scrutinised numbers of im- His animated voice later drifted up front lawn, taking pride in my exer- We arrived home. Heaving me up I loved my room. My bed was in the pressive length inscribed in a thick ledg- the stairs. Mammy reproached him tion. I never touched the brakes. One onto his shoulders, he ran up the drive- corner beneath a skylight embedded in er. A sole desk lamp provided the only for losing his cool. I heard the rustle afternoon Dad forced a helmet on me. light in the room. Squat piles of money of leather as he settled in his chair. He “!ere’s a price to pay for everything”, he were neatly arranged on the table. He sighed and spoke. “Look at that money said knowingly, staring me down. laced the notes back and forth between on the table Sarah. It doesn’t look right, Flash Fiction – ISON his fingers as though in a trance. He like it shouldn’t be there. More and High on the elixir of risk, I didn’t care. by Tom Rivlin whispered as he counted with his face more keeps coming in…but sure, eve- In my head I was Michael Schumacher held taut in a concentrated grimace. rybody’s at it. I often question whether and he never lost... just like Dad. Well, I’ve had a nice few billion years, but I think a change of that makes it right. !en I remember scenery would do me good. When he looked up his face went how I’ve broken my back since 1988… limp. His expression was a rich complex for you, for the boys. Shane was right. Come back next week for the Hmm, it’s getting hotter... Goodness, I’m leaking! of surprise and hostility. Even as an eight Everything has its price.” conclusion of Raw Words. If you are year old boy I could deduce a veneer of interested in submitting your own short Oh well! Hello Earth, the cosmos awaits me! Enjoy the show! embarrassment…even shame. It was He fell quiet. Mammy broke the si- fiction to Felix, don’t hesitate to email us barely perceptible but it was there. lence, “Aodhán, he’s only a child...” Dad at [email protected] .

18 FRIDAY 22 NOV Simon Hunter, Editor: Riaz Agahi, Stuart MUSIC Masson, William Stocker [email protected] Metal Hammer: Defenders of the Faith

Thomas Heaven

mperial Rocksoc was wicked looking red contacts. !e clas- confidence has been affected at all. A out in force this week- sic NWOBHM sounds that accompa- small group of fans manage to open up I end to catch the Metal ny this spectacle more than match up a pretty sizable, if sparsely populated Hammer: Defenders to it. Having initially formed in 1982, pit, in the centre of the room. I also of the Faith IV tour. It a series of unfortunate events meant saw vocalist Scott Kennedy attempt doesn’t get much more that Hell were only able to release their to catch his own spit at one point, metal that a show headlined by mod- debut album upon reforming in 2008, which is pretty strange behaviour, ern day Vikings Amon Amarth with having survived in the underground but whatever works for you I guess. heroes of the grindcore and melodic tape trading scene for the intervening Carcass come to the show having death genres Carcass, the fresher period. It is a great disappointment that released Surgical Steel in September, faced Bleed From Within and cult we are only treated to five songs and the legendary group’s first album since 80’s heavy metal band Hell opening are denied the devil horns and stilts 1996. Carcass played a pioneering proceedings. All to a sold out Kentish seen at bloodstock earlier this year. role in the grindcore genre with their Town Forum filled with excited fans. Bleed From Within from Glasgow early works, being among the first to Hell’s impressive stage set-up and are up next; they are making a habit of record anything so musically extreme backdrop is more than you would nor- getting onto some fairly major billings at the time. !ey hold an influential mally expect from the first band of four having supported Megadeth earlier position within melodic death metal but doesn’t come as a surprise to those this year. Given the animosity felt by as well due to the album Heartwork, familiar with the group. Frontman some members of the metal communi- released in 1993, which helped estab- David Bower delivers a theatrical per- ty towards bands of the metalcore ilk, lish the genre alongside bands from formance during which he performs Bleed From Within might be forgiven the Swedish death metal scene. !e exorcisms on lucky crowd members in for approaching a show featuring Car- gory themes and imagery that they the front row and performs self-flagel- cass with some trepidation. As it turns put forward, a deliberate statement lation, all whilst sporting some pretty out, there is no sign that the group’s given their own strongly held vegan views, as well track titles full of medi- cal terminology and sound clips about autopsies have been highly influential. Not to mention the effect of the ex- AMS album of the week treme vocals or furious technicality of their guitar and drum sounds. !ey Panic! At the Disco – Too Weird to Live, Too Rare to Die! are clearly the main draw for many at is still going strong, more established are combined with the bite of death the show given the initial response to tracks like ‘Guardians Of Asgaard’ metal and Hegg’s signature deep A world away from the pop punk their ‘Surgical Steel’ banner. Frustrat- and ‘Destroyer Of !e Universe’ pro- growls to produce an instantly iden- sound of A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out, ingly the Forum’s muddy acoustics vide great opportunities to sing along. tifiable sound. !ere was never going Panic! at the Disco’s new album, Too mean that Jeff Walker’s gnarled vocals As is pointed out, it doesn’t even re- to be enough time for this many great Weird To Live, Too Rare To Die!, lands are often lost behind the music but ally matter if you know the words, it’s bands and sure enough when 11pm us smack bang in the middle of the this cannot fully hold back classics like death metal, nobody can understand arrives it seems like everyone is left contemporary electro and dance scene. ‘!e Mortal Coil’ or ‘Corporal Jigsore you anyway. Although I doubt anyone wishing for more. Fortunately Amon I’m neither surprised nor upset by this Quandary’ which go down a storm re- has that problem with tunes as catchy Amarth have been announced for move; Panic! has always pushed the gardless. Carcass are more than able as these. Twin guitar harmonies usu- this summer’s bloodstock festival so boundaries and demonstrated versatility to live up to their legendary status. ally reserved for power metal acts they may just have their wish granted. (fingers to the second album, Beatles nay Bad news first, the forum’s stage is sayers). However, previously the vocals too small so Amon Amarth were not were balanced with an eclectic use of able to bring their Viking longboat with instruments and quirky sounds. Now we have a less than imaginative use of the them for this show. If you are unfamil- vocoder and this album is synth’d up to its eyeballs. iar with the Viking themed melodic Ultimately, the success of this album is down to Brendon’s voice. The album death metal group, that first sentence begins with ‘This is Gospel,’ where he smashes us in the face with the chorus (the should tell you everything you need to vocals ring true through the vocoder which is just there as a genre play thing). know. !ey have a long ship! Is there In round 3, ‘Vegas Lights’ with its distinct 80s and glitzy Vegas influence (a little anyone that doesn’t think that is awe- on the nose given the name, but hey!) further sets the scene for Brendon’s vocal some? Even without their centrepiece, onslaught. In rounds 4, 5, & 6, - ‘Girl That You Love’, ‘Nicotine’ & ‘Girls/Girls/ frontman Johan Hegg can still sport a Boys’, we are fully against the ropes, bludgeoned and in awe by these tracks that comically oversized hammer for the are surely destined to be club anthems. In the closing round, we are put to sleep show, as well as the standard huge by ‘The End Of All Things’, a lyrical and poetic reminder of the softer (despite backdrop pictures of Surtur, Odin and the harsh electronic tones) side of Panic! A phenomenal display by Brendon but many Vikings. Some snazzy looking not as impressive a Panic! collection as I might have hoped for. tombstones make an appearance dur- On to the music videos. ‘Miss Jackson’. Cult… what… huh? Anyway, the video ing ‘Runes To My Memory’ complete for Girls/Girls/Boys is definitely worth a comment and a watch. Brendon, who with glowing runes. From the moment conceded this summer that he, alongside everyone, is a little bit gay, took it ‘Father Of !e Wolf’ starts, pandemo- upon himself to cast homage to D’Angelo’s ‘Untitled [How Does It Feel]’. Now, nium descends, with a huge backlog D’Angelo’s caramel creation is steamy and dripping in eroticism. Brendon, of unstoppable anthems and an un- however, do you even lift? Bless him, for he should have done at least one push- limited supply of epic, ridiculous bra- up prior to making this music video. The one redeeming feature of the video vado, Amon Amarth deliver pure fun occurs at the final chorus when Brendon flicks his hair at the camera, charged for the whole of their set. Urging the with all the emotion that wailing about girls loving both sexes naturally would crowd on and chugging from drinking result in, and that makes this writer favour the album and closer to agreeing horns, they give the impression that with Brendon’s summer sentiment. they too are having a great time. Hav- ing opened with newer material from George Spence-Jones the recently released Deceiver Of !e Gods album, which proves the band FRIDAY 22 NOV 19 @feliximperial MUSIC FelixImperial Metal Hammer: Defenders of the Faith Sixteen Fantastic Bands and It’s About Time!

Stuart Masson & Forrest Seiwald report back on About Time festival

ast Saturday saw the band and the first two songs blew us but it really was L Bussey Building in away and then they played a slow song spectacular. !e fact Peckham play host to that never seemed to end. Luckily that we all loved this About Time #2. A day Twisted didn’t slow down once – a so much despite the festival chocked full of pulsating set of exciting noise rock polarising nature of the best in UK emo, screamo and with some absolutely brilliant riffs. the genres involved noise rock is tough to say no to, so Definitely a great discovery! Carson really shows that we headed down to check out some Wells were on next. A fantastic there can still be bands. !e two stages were staggered screamo band from Aberdeen who beauty in brutality. so you could see everything, and we were already a firm favourite with one Human Hands did our best. of the group. Luckily, they didn’t fail were pretty decent, First up were Healing Powers, a to deliver, and we all left thoroughly but we were all still shouty punk band from Durham who impressed. Sadly, the next band were recovering from the are definitely one to keep an eye on. not so popular amongst our group. majesty of the band As good as the music was (and it was Blood Sport are best (and kindly) before. Up next were Well Wisher, great), the main thing we took away described as a shit Battles. By this an upbeat emo-punk band who put but also capable of beautiful melody fronted by Tim Kinsella of Cap’n Jazz was their stage presence. A lead singer point the vegan food stall had set up, on a really enjoyable show, whilst and anthemic singalongs at the drop and Owls fame. It was a really nice, who, whilst angrily shouting, looked so a burger each definitely helped not being something to write home of a hat. !is performance blew the mellow way to end the night. Sadly, really cheerful as he bobbed up and deal with it. At this point there was about. Plaids definitely are an emo place apart. I’m still finding bruises due to a few problems that happened down and a bassist who never once an hour and a half break due to a play band who take heavy inspiration all over my body and my arm still isn’t with the venue, they were cut short turned to face the crowd. Certainly happening in the building. We took from first wave emo but still sound completely working but I don’t regret and only played for 35 minutes. a spectacle. Next up was COP, a the time to recuperate in a local pub fresh and exciting. !ey didn’t a single second. !e main highlight !is was a spectacularly good noisy punk band who were enjoyable and then got straight back to it. disappoint live either, delivering a was definitely the entire front section day out. A fantastic advert for both if not, er, hugely memorable… next First after the break were the great set of all their best tracks. Nai losing its shit for a spectacular the UK emo scene and DIY shows band! Mars to Stay are a jangly incredible We Came Out Like Harvest were on next, and they didn’t singalong performance of Tigersuit. in general. 16 bands, most of whom slowcore band whose live showing Tigers, a black metal screamo combo disappoint either – a noodley, twinkly !e penultimate act was Joanna were great, several of whom were was pretty weak. !e guitar was a bit who use a violin and spoken word midwest emo act who a couple of Gruesome, a noisey twee pop act beyond great. !ere may have been too loud and it all felt a bit over the sections as well as the more expected us have been big fans of for a while who put on a great show. Highlights a few issues with timings towards top. Playlounge brought the tempo blast beats and brutal vocals. !is now. !ey are also a band who have included a great cover of Galaxie the end, but that was out of the back up with a set of two-man noise perfomance was mindblowing. A disappointed live in the past. Not this 500’s ‘Tugboat’ and the guitarist promoters’ hands, and to be honest, rock that can only be described as a frontman who spent the set violently time. !is time they were spot on. and bassist (who spent most of the didn’t hugely detract from us having No Age clone. Don’t worry though, throwing himself around the crowd Up next was something very special. set in the crowd) being lifted above fun. they are really good at it and a band just helped add to the mesmerising Raein are the kingpins of the Italian the crowd’s heads against their will I can say for sure that I will be I’d definitely recommend. Cosmic nature of it all. It was definitely screamo scene (it’s a thing). !ey are as they attempted to play their last making an appearance at About Time !oughts were another noisy punk something extremely different, crushingly heavy when they want, song. Headliners were Joan of Arc, #3! Chasing The Dragon

Richard Clifton

fter two consecutive Gun’) and so was a natural choice to sup- of the night to help deliver an incredible tempo ‘Fool Yourself’. Chase & Status them still wishes that was the case. !eir Anumber two albums port at such a large show. His affiliation rendition of Hypest Hype. Chase & Sta- definitely put on a show worthy of any gig was an excellent showcase of many and massive sets sup- with Kanye West’s GOOD Music label tus played through many of the songs on rock band currently touring but they different dance genres (from jungle to porting both Eminem has given him large numbers of follow- their later two albums but also included have had to sacrifice some things in pur- house to trap to drum and bass) and at Reading and Prodigy ers in the UK and so his performance a few songs from their debut, More !an suit of commercial success. !e 11pm their ability to produce a cohesive album at Creamfields, Chase & Status have was thoroughly enjoyed. A fellow drum Alot. !e show was spectacular, with finish meant the harder fans would be using all these influences and then tour become one of the few dance acts with and bass producer, Netsky, was selected Chase and Status themselves playing off to other events to dance the night it imaginatively and energetically has a crossover appeal large enough to play as the main support and did not disap- synths and sequencers from behind a gi- away whereas a few years ago Chase & gained them many fans and allows them an arena tour in support of their most point. He assembled an excellent band ant, illuminated C and S and explosions Status would be playing that two hour to retain the underground credibility recent album, Brand New Machine. for his live show and they flew through of pyrotechnics accompanying heavier set at 4am in Fabric with fans having just that first brought them to attention. Whereas Pendulum or Prodigy did many dance anthems in a half hour set, parts of songs. MC Rage filled the brief as good a time and I am sure a part of extended runs of late shows at Brixton finishing with Netsky’s anthemic remix pauses between songs by keeping the Academy during the heights of their re- of ‘Everyday’ by Rusko. crowd jumping and anticipating what spective popularities, Chase & Status’ With the crowd properly hyped for the was to come. Many more vocalists came show at a venue that hosted One Direc- main act, Chase & Status came onstage out to add to the show, such as Liam Bai- tion for nine sold-out shows earlier this and flew through their first few songs. ley during the excellent ‘Blind Faith’ and year produced some bizarre contradic- While playing their second song, ‘Inter- Jacob Banks during Alive, and in cases tions, such as MC Rage encouraging national’, a blackout occurred and the where the singer was busy their face fans to rave late into the night despite an rest of the song and ‘No Problem’, which would be displayed on the giant screens 11pm curfew and £5 drinks. followed, were played in darkness. MC around the arena (‘Delilah during Time’). !e O2’s lack of suitability for dance Rage informed the crowd that a particu- !e two hour set sped by with the en- music did not get in the way of a good larly destructive thrown drink had hit the ergy levels remaining high throughout. time however. !e 20,000 tickets to the lighting board and encouraged a chorus Just as the crowd were preparing for a show sold out well in advance and most of boos towards the culprits. Neither night of dancing, the encore was upon us fans arrived very early to listen to the the band nor the crowd let the technical and Chase & Status finished on a high, strong support bill on offer. Pusha T is malfunction dampen their spirits and as tearing through an aggressive cover of featured on one of the standout tracks the lights came back on, Tempa T burst ‘Killing in the Name’ by Rage Against from Brand New Machine (‘Machine onto the stage as the first guest vocalist the Machine and finishing on the up- Check out MTSoc’s Revue “Too Darn Hot”

November 27-29, 7:30PM Union Concert Hall Tickets free! http://fbl.me/TooDarnHot

[email protected] 22 FRIDAY 22 NOV

John Park FILM Editor: 2014 at the Oscars: Best Leading Actor

Chiwetel Ejiofor (12 Years a Slave) Tom Hanks (Captain Phillips) Robert Redford (All is Lost) Forest Whitaker (The Butler)

Director Steve McQueen certainly One of this year’s expert nail-biting Leading J. C. Chandor’s one-man sur- It may have been a while since the hit the critical jackpot with his brutal, thrillers is headed by Tom Hanks, vival drama at sea is none other than release of Lee Daniels’ massive Os- unflinching slavery drama, and at the whose mission is to protect his ship screen veteran Robert Redford, who car-bait of a film, but momentum is heart of such ordeal is Chiwetel Eji- and crew from Somali pirates who gives what must be one of the tough- certainly strong enough for Forest ofor who is utterly compelling in the board with machine guns. His intel- est, most physically challenging roles Whitaker to be able to gain a well- lead role. A free black man kidnapped ligence, courage and calm sense of of his career. Redford is the only cred- deserved recognition for his deeply and forced into slavery, Solomon reasoning keep him alive throughout, ited member of the cast, and he alone touching turn. In portraying a White Northup (Ejiofor) spends hellish years although it’s the final scenes that serve is responsible for keeping the audience House butler who served for over working away whilst witnessing and as an impressive showcase for Hanks’ captivated throughout the whole film, three decades, Whitaker is mostly experiencing unthinkable, unjustifi- abilities. The film itself has attracted which he successfully does. That he is very quiet, but most certainly power- able cruelty. This will be a first-time some controversy surrounding the ac- 77 years old makes this man vs nature ful even in his long-sustained silence. nomination for the usually under-the- curacy of events, but this in no way film that much more tense and excit- It’s the best thing Whitaker has done radar Ejiofor, who, no doubt, will be a should hurt Hanks’ chance of scoring ing to watch, and as Redford reaches since his Oscar-winning turn in The better known name in the industry by a nomination, who is possibly looking for the very last ounce of the human Last King of Scotland, and maybe a the end of the year. at a double nomination this year. survival spirit, it’s one thrilling ride. second win won’t be so far off.

December is just around the corner, and film studios are lining up their critically-lauded films to take part in this year’s much-anticipated Oscar race. As with any year, there are strong contenders in every field and it’s certainly too early to be betting on a winner. So over the next few weeks, Felix Film will be giving you a breakdown of the actors, actresses and films that will be grabbing the headlines in the near future; but this is in no way a definitive list, as some of the films haven’t even been released here yet. !is week in our feature is the Best Lead Actor category. Ready... Steady... Go! FRIDAY 22 NOV 23 @feliximperial FILM 2014 at the Oscars: Best Leading FelixImperial Actor

Matthew McConaughey (Dallas Leonardo DiCaprio (The Wolf of Bruce Dern (Nebraska) Michael B. Jordan (Fruitvale Station) Idris Elba (Mandela: Long Walk to Buyers Club) Wall Street) Freedom) This year’s Cannes Film Festival’s Best The Academy likes to pay attention As an HIV-positive man when there It’s a surprise to many that Leonardo Actor winner, Bruce Dern stars in Al- to at least one independent film each Hand-picked by Barack Obama to wasn’t much known about the disease DiCaprio has never won an Oscar. He exander Payne’s new black-and-white year (perhaps to show off their fo- screen at the White House, this Nel- (1985), Ron Woodroof has only him- has been consistently unlucky with his family roadtrip drama that is as hilari- cus on variety) and if there is ever a son Mandela biopic has awards glory self to depend on when it comes to nominations, always forced to face off ous as it is heartwarming. Although film to get into the mix this year, it’s written all over it. The critics are al- securing drugs that have yet to reach against difficult opponents. So will starting off as a grumpy, deluded man 2013’s Sundance hit, the based-on-a- ready raving about Elba’s outstanding the United States. Matthew McCo- this finally be his year of glory? Work- with a dream of collecting his million true-story account of the shooting of performance as the President of South naughey lost 50 pounds for the role, ing in his favour is the fact that he’s un- dollars just by turning up to a scam Oscar Grant. Jordan is set to scoop up Africa. Plus, Elba has been growing which explains his gaunt figure, but der the direction of Martin Scorsese, agency, it turns out Woody Grant some newcomer awards (he has done in popularity thanks to his successful it’s in his raw, vulnerable and inspiring and that the studio has enough faith in (Dern) has so many more stories to so already with the Hollywood Film stints on television with shows like performance that the film truly comes the film for a Christmas Day release. tell than that, which is why Nebraska Awards), but is he ready to play at the The Wire and Luther. He has been to life despite its bleak subject mat- But once again there are some act- is one of this year’s best films, with highest of the levels with this year’s making the transition from TV to film ter. McConaughey’s versatility knows ing heavyweights vying for the always Dern in a pivotal role that sees him competition? It’s unlikely for sure, over the years (Thor, Pacific Rim) but no bounds, and given his Magic Mike competitive Best Actor category. He largely cold and distant, although with but if all the love for the film sticks this is setting out to be the biggest snub last year, he deserves a spot here. may have to sit out for another year. the right amount of warmth. around, there could be a chance. critical hit of his career yet.

Hugh Jackman (Prisoners) Oscar Isaac (Inside Llewyn Davis) Joaquin Phoenix (Her) Christian Bale (Out of the Furnace) Josh Brolin (Oldboy)

Hugh Jackman has truly outdone Singing always goes down well when His rather chequered relationship His performance here has been de- The much-anticipated American re- himself following on from his Oscar- it comes to attracting award atten- with the Academy (calling the awards scribed as his ‘greatest performance’, make of Chan-wook Park’s Oldboy nominated role in Les Misérables. As tion (just look at the guy to the left) ‘bullshit’ is never a way to go when it which is really saying something for an (that no one actually wanted in the a grieving, desperate father who will although how the Academy will react comes to winning favours) isn’t going actor who has consistently delivered in first place) hits the screens in 2013 stop at nothing to find his kidnapped to folk music is left to be seen. But to win him any fans, but this quirky outstanding roles time and time again (a decade after the original’s release). daughter, Jackman goes to incredibly regardless of music taste, the Coen romantic comedy in which Joaquin over his long-standing career. When it Will Smith was once worryingly set to dark places, using morally question- brothers’ tragi-comedy works because Phoenix’s character falls in love with a comes to dedicated intensity, no one star in the new version, although it’s able methods to get to the disturbing of a likable central character. There virtual machine’s voice (much sweeter does it better than Bale. With a Best good to see someone of Josh Brolin’s truth. His slow transformation from is something heartbreaking about and more touching than it actually Supporting Actor Award (The Fighter) scruffy bad-boy killer intensity took a loving, caring family man to some- witnessing something that will never sounds) may just be unique enough already under his belt, has time come over instead. The Motion Picture thing more sinister and monstrous is be, as we follow Llewyn (Oscar Isaac) to catch the Academy’s attention. It’s for him to conquer the other catego- Association of America highlights one captured stunningly well by Jack- struggling to catch a break in the mu- a fascinating concept, with a talented ry as well? This may not be a biopic “strong brutal violence, disturbing man whose role will no doubt spark sic industry. His incredible singing enough actor to sell the story with or based on a best-selling novel, but images, some graphic sexuality and debates among cinema-goers. It’s a that makes you fall in love with an sensitive exploration of an highly unu- given the early mixed reviews, Bale’s nudity, and language” which could po- well-layered, haunting performance. entire genre of music should help too. sual character. performance is praised most. tentially act as a deterrent. 24 FRIDAY 22 NOV

John Park FILM Editor: The comic success of Don Jon

Don Jon, but it’s easily its strongest Jack Steadman asset, as the script skewers absolutely Star Writer everything it can lay its hands on, from the obvious – misogyny, objectification, porn, gender norms (there’s a great argument about Don Jon ‘cleaning’ in the film which is the complete opposite of what you Director: Joseph Gordon-Levitt expect and therefore perfect) – to Writer: Joseph Gordon-Levitt the unexpected – TiVo, the Church, Starring: Joseph Gordon-Levitt, advertisements, Facebook. You name Scarlett Johansson, Julianne Moore it, it’s probably getting fun poked at it. Runtime: 90 minutes Even films. Especially films. Hell, Don Certification: 18 ROGEREBERT.COM Jon pokes fun at itself. And that’s why it’s so good. if I don’t, it completely derails the assured direction and script ensure it keeping the laughter fairly constant. Well, it’s not the only reason. !e review, and tell you this is very much stays afloat, confident in the comedy !e family comedy is a treat, from perfect performances play a significant the latter. Obviously.) and story being good enough to get Tony Danza’s admiring of Jon’s new part in that as well – everyone is on Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s directorial From the title card comes a past the initial awkwardness. girlfriend (which got perhaps the top form here, from Larson with debut (which he also wrote and stars in sequence that is almost instantly the Fortunately (oh, so fortunately), biggest laughs of the night) to Brie her one line to Gordon-Levitt and – the classic triple threat) opens with perfect example of TMI (Too Much both of them are more than good Larson’s deadpan expressions (with Scarlett Johansson (amazing, as ever) a rather unsubtle montage that flicks Information for you acronym-o- enough – the comedy is spot-on, Larson walking off with the film’s with their many. !e great use of between credits and the standard phobes) as ‘Don’ Jon (Gordon-Levitt) getting laughs from both the insanely highest laughs-to-lines ratio: one recurring imagery (trips to the gym, examples of society’s objectification details his, ah, ‘me time’ routine. smart script and its brutal realism. In a line to many, many laughs). Julianne the car skits, confessions – half the of women. It makes a rather obvious Explicitly detailed. With clips from film that opens the way Don Jon does, Moore’s introductory monologue is film consists of variations on the same point – objectification is everywhere the porn and everything. And then, it’s perfectly acceptable for people to equally delightful (and by delightful ten or so scenes, and yet it works), the – but the complete absence of context just when you think Don Jon might talk the way people in real life actually I mean hilariously awkward and off- solid editing and the constant sense sets the initial tone of the film in a no- finally have found the limit of the talk (shocking, isn’t it, people talking the-wall – I have a weird definition of discomfort all combine to produce man’s-land of taste: is this just another detail it’s prepared to go into, it goes like people in a film), with quickfire of ‘delightful’ it seems), and the in-car one hell of a film. It’s not perfect, by film that uses objectification as part further, and just keeps going. It’s an exchanges and inane banter (mostly skits are perhaps the film’s highlight; any means, but then as the film tries of its draw, or is this one that openly incredibly confident (and bold) film involving Jon & Co’s ‘scoring’ – ten 20-second shots that perfectly so hard to point out – nothing, and rips into and lays bare the misogyny for a debut director – and it works all literally, not in the euphemistic sense encapsulate Jon at that point in time. nobody is. Not sex, not relationships, behind that objectification? (I’m going the better for it. A more nervous hand you foul-minded slob, although they It seems a little excessive to continue not movie-making. But at least Don to spoil things for you here, because could have sunk this film, instead the do that too – of women at the bar) raving about the comedy quality of Jon comes close. Can Fassbender handle the truth?

On paper, !e Counsellor should be talking heads – there are a few pulse- was never any doubt they’d manage Jack Steadman perfect. Cormac McCarthy’s first pounding moments of action, but on it. Fassbender is endlessly watchable, Star Writer original screenplay (a few of his the whole it’s a film that requires a lot Bardem is absurdly sleazy (proving his other books have been adapted into of investment in the characters for, incredible versatility, from the silent screenplays – notably No Country for ultimately, no reward. In traditional and threatening assassin in No Country Old Men and !e Road), directed by McCarthy style, !e Counsellor is to the evil mastermind in Skyfall The Counsellor Ridley Scott, the genius behind Alien unrelentingly bleak, offering a flicker to this utter sleaze-bag), Diaz is an and the man with such a passion for of (false) hope at the beginning with enigma wrapped in a riddle, wrapped Director: Ridley Scott McCarthy’s work he’s been trying a proposal before rapidly spinning off in a question (to paraphrase someone Writer: Cormac McCarthy to work out how to film Blood into an uncontrollable descent into more intelligent), Pitt is charming Starring: Michael Fassbender, Meridian for years. Plus a heavy-hitter hell for the eponymous counsellor. and Cruz does an incredible job with Penélope Cruz, Javier Bardem, cast featuring the likes of Michael !ere is no innocence, no hope, no a very limited part. !ere are flashes Cameron Diaz, Brad Pitt Fassbender at the point where his redeemable features left in the world of of black humour through the endless Runtime: 117 minutes career seems utterly unstoppable, !e Counsellor, and the final cut leaves darkness, and the cast handle it well, Certification: 18 Javier Bardem after his scene-stealing a film with no closure. It’s horrifying rolling off the fantastically verbose turn in Skyfall, Brad Pitt following – and on one hand it’s a move that dialogue like nobody’s business. on from holding up the entire film of leaves the film feeling unfinished, Despite the stunning script, the World War Z and both Cameron Diaz but on the other, it couldn’t end any assured acting, and the delightful and Penélope Cruz, amongst many, other way. !is is not a film that was directing (Scott’s as on-form as he’s many others. What could go wrong? meant to have a happy ending, and ever been – with a script that’s less of Obviously, the immediate answer to give closure (other than the deaths a horrifying mess than Prometheus, to that question is: absolutely of various characters) would be to he has plenty of chances to show off) everything. Fortunately, that’s not undermine the preceding two hours. it’s still hard to conclusively like !e quite the case here, but !e Counsellor With such a dialogue-heavy film, Counsellor. It’s a long slog through a is an extremely complicated beast. much depends on the actors to two hour run-time, and the resulting McCarthy’s script is a real treat in deliver the goods and make it all feeling of emptiness and shock that terms of the spoken word, delivering engaging (and believable – how it leaves is not the best way to leave a some exquisite monologues that just many monologues do you encounter cinema. wouldn’t exist in any other film, but it in the real world?). With the names !e very fact it can have that effect WWW.PATHEOS.COM does make the film incredibly heavy on !e Counsellor has on board, there speaks volumes. CHELEBELLESLAIR.TUMBLR.COM FRIDAY 22 NOV 25 @feliximperial FILM FelixImperial The Badfellas JFK + Vantage Point + Bobby

Nichols) look all puffy and sulk on store after getting insulted by snooty John Park screen, whereas Forrest Sorrels (Billy John Park French people, the daughter attacks a Film Editor Bob "ornton) gets down to business Film Editor sleazy boy with a tennis racquet, and trying to track down the man (Paul the son starts running a mini-Mafia Giamatti) who inadvertantly filmed ring at his school. the entire assassination on his camera, Sound fun? It really isn’t. Aside from Parkland hoping to find some answers there. The Family a few seconds of actual narrative flair "e Federal Bureau of Investigation that signals some kind of direction or Director: Peter Landesman (FBI) is in a state of mass panic as Director: Luc Besson purpose, the film comes to an awful Writers: Peter Landesman, Vincent it comes to light that Lee Harvey Writers: Luc Besson, Michael Caleo, standstill where characters mope Buglisoi (novel) Oswald (Jeremy Strong), the man Tonino Benacquista around whilst trying to adjust to Starring: Zac Efron, Marcia Gay identified as the shooter, was in fact Starring: Robert De Niro, Michelle their new lives. "ere is the inevitable Harden, Colin Hanks, Paul Giamatti, in their offices a few days prior to the Pfeiffer, Tommy Lee Jones, Dianna showdown that must occur between Billy Bob Thornton, James Badge shooting. Oswald’s threats weren’t Agron, John D’Leo the “Blakes” and the wronged bad guys Dale, Jacki Weaver, Ron Livingston, taken seriously at the time by the Feds, Runtime: 111 minutes who are on the hunt for the traitors, Tom Welling, Austin Nichols which in light of recent events, would Certification: 15 but at a staggering 111-minute Runtime: 93 minutes make them look beyond incompetent. running time, you wonder whether Certification: 15 "ey’re scared, some evidence- the Mafia could hurry up and get on burying takes place, although to what with tracking people down. end we’re never even shown. How do the Blakes pass their time It’s a highly disjointed, confused film in the meantime? Fred (De Niro) that brings together several snapshots What starts off promisingly enough starts writing a book – a memoir of of various people’s lives and leaving heads for a rapid decline in quality some sorts that he thinks will be a "ere are far better movies out there so many strands hanging. Very little when director Luc Besson doesn’t good idea given his criminal past. "e that are based on the assassination of connection is made in between the quite know what to do with the FBI agent wisely advises against this, American President John F. Kennedy. characters, which is crucial in making impressive cast he has assembled. but to no avail. When Fred finds an Parkland may boast an impressive cast such ‘hyperlink’ dramas work. "is is Whatever it wants to achieve, whether old typewriter, he’s an unstoppable the trailers have no trouble showing Landesman’s debut film, and with so that is comedy, family drama, or literary machine. Maggie (Pfeiffer) off, with the obligatory “Academy much dense material and a large cast invoking some kind of nostalgia, it fails invites people around for a barbecue, Award Winning” or “Academy Award to juggle around with, it appears he is on all counts, and without any decent is a cooking queen, and finds peace Nominated” slogans written above out of his depth with this one. action to make any of this worthwhile, by going to church. She confesses the more famous names of the bunch "e only worthy subplot is one Besson’s newest marks a disappointing her sins to a priest. "e priest is headlining the film. But what is the involving the assassin’s family low for the French director. "at the horrified and tells her never to come point of having so many talented members. Robert Oswald (James film’s executive producer is Martin back. What these supposed sins are individuals all cramped together in a Badge Dale), Lee Harvey’s brother, Scorsese doesn’t appear to have added the audience never finds out, since 90-minute running time without any is faced with an impossible situation much to the finished product. that actual confession itself is never of them given proper room to breathe when he and his family come under Mafia boss Giovanni Manzoni shown. Belle (Agron) is about to with their characters? intense media spotlight. Looking at (Robert De Niro), along with his experience what it’s like to fall in love It must have sounded fantastic this chaotic event from the family’s wife (Michelle Pfeiffer) and two with the wrong man: a teacher. For on paper, which is probably how it point of view offers an interesting children (Dianna Agron, John D’Leo) someone her age, she’s very misguided managed to attract so much talent dynamic for the film to play with. are relocated to Normandy, France and frustratingly immature when it for such an inadequate little film. "e As a family they want to stand by as a part of the witness protection comes to relationships, which marks President’s assassination is shown Lee Oswald for his grave actions, programme after he rats out a the weakest subplot of the lot. Warren from various different angles, and but on the other hand there is that powerful enemy. "ey have been on (D’Leo) doesn’t really get up to much, how this sudden turn of events starts completely relatable issue of difficulty the run for six years now, and FBI although he does play a significant to affect everyone. But the general in understanding his thought process. agent Robert Stansfield (Tommy Lee part in the film’s most outrageous concensus is, everyone is shocked. Dale plays the most fascinating role in Jones) tasked with keeping the family strand that outlines the steps by which Everyone is sad. And everyone is the film thanks to having a lot more safe is quite frankly sick of having to the antagonists finally manage to track crying. Watching the news on their deserved allocated screen time than move them around so much. “Try to this family down. television screens, they can’t believe his co-stars, and when the excellent fit in, I’m getting tired of finding you Despite the cool, relaxed demeanour what they’re all witnessing. "e tears Jacki Weaver enters the picture as a new place to live every 90 days” of De Niro, and the feisty energy from start pouring. Frankly that does very the unintentionally funny, delusional WWW.FIRSTSHOWING.NET he says, and the newly named Blake Pfeiffer, !e Family is a disappointingly little for the audience. conspiracy theorist Margeurite family promise to behave themselves. dull feature that mistakes portraying As John F. Kennedy is rushed to Oswald, the mother, this narrative "at is until the father beats up a utter empty boredom with inducing Parkland Memorial Hospital (hence strand only gets better. Even though plumber who is trying to rip him off, nostalgia. Is this a black comedy? A the film’s title), he is met by Dr Charles it’s clear that Lee Oswald is the villain the mother blows up a local grocery family drama? It’s neither. James Carrico (Zac Efron in a surgical here, there is something deeply sad gown – and no, I wouldn’t want him and unsettling when it comes to what to be my doctor either) who freaks out his brother and mother have to face at first but then steps up to the biggest and what is left for them to clean up. challenge of his life and tries his best to A more intimate, focussed film save POTUS with his limited medical concentrating solely on the Oswalds expertise. Help from Dr Malcolm O. would have served this idea better. Perry (Colin “son of Tom” Hanks) "ere is so much distraction that even doesn’t improve the situation much, the impact the best scene of the film and it’s no spoiler to reveal that he in should have had is lost, which is a fact, does not make it, which makes huge letdown. all the nurses cry. Oh, and Jacqueline With so many ups and downs Kennedy (Kat Steffens), who has been throughout, it’s a film that requires an left a widow, cries too. enormous amount of patience, as you "e Secret Service agents are angry. will have to endure endless scenes of "ey didn’t see the attack coming and useless characters faffing about. they essentially collectively failed at Is it all worth it in the end? Not really. doing their jobs. Roy Kellermann (Tom You’ll be better served by watching WWW.AVCLUB.COM Welling) and Emory Roberts (Austin documentaries or interviews. MADISONMOVIE.WORDPRESS.COM 26 FRIDAY 22 NOV

John Park, Editors: TELEVISION Emily Fulham [email protected] Ding dong the witches are here

American Horror Story: Coven

John Park Television Editor

Incest. Rape. Murder. Witches. for everyone involved. As the reigning its episodes. The crazier it gets, the but powerful witch who can resurrect Voodoo. Resurrection. Zombies. Supreme of the generation, she is more deliciously fun it is for the audi- anything. She, too, is not all right in Slavery. Blood. Goats. Snakes. Limbs. the most powerful witch in town, ence. The uneasy truce between the the head, which will most definitely A severed tongue. Yes, Ryan Murphy is although age seems to be taking its witches’ coven and the voodoo prac- lead to unpredictable developments. back doing what he does best – laying toll on the once-omnipotent glamour- titioner builds to a boiling point early Zoe’s relationship with Kyle (Evan on the dark and twisted in the new cat, and her obsession with keeping on, and gloves will certainly be com- Peters) brings back the similar season of his hit anthology, American her youthful looks and powers intact ing off as these two powerful forces go forbidden love subplot from Murder Horror Story, this year appropriately is her main objective. Cordelia isn’t head to head, reigniting a bloody war House that was missing in Asylum. titled Coven. Every season is a thrilled to have her unstable mother that should light our screens ablaze Early episodes have been so busy with standalone one, each with its very own around the house, and her tendency with fire, blood, guts and gore. setting the tone with different witches beginning, middle and an end, which to seek out trouble and violence !ere is internal conflict within the that Zoe and Kyle haven’t yet had a stops the show from growing stale, as wherever she goes. Also not pleased coven, as Fiona’s reckless use of her whole lot of time to spend together. fresh new ideas come alive every year. with this new arrival is Marie Laveau powers alerts the Council, headed !e same goes for the new neighbours As can be sussed out from the title, (Angela Bassett), an immensely skilled by Fiona’s long-time nemesis, Myrtle of the witchy academy, the good- we focus on a group of modern day voodoo queen who’s been alive since Snow (American Horror Story regular looking Luke (Alexander Dreymon), witches who face extinction. the 1800s, it seems. Frances Conroy with crazy red hair). his bible-thumping mother Joan Zoe Benson (Taissa Farmiga) New addition Kathy Bates also has a !is rivalry is also setting up to (Patti LuPone), as well as Cordelia’s discovers her unique witchy ‘gift’ prominent role, based on the real-life become a juicy plot strand, and with shady looking husband Hank (Josh of literally being able to use sex as a Madame Marie Delphine LaLaurie, two actresses of exceptional acting Hamilton). But so far seven episodes deadly weapon, when the first boy whose infamous treatment of her abilities, their showdown should be have aired, and with six more to go, she does the deed with dies of a domestic staff is portrayed on the one to look forward to. everything is looking so far so spooky. mysterious brain haemorrhage. For screen here, as she gains pleasure in Murphy’s genius move of recycling American Horror Story does have her own protection and education, torturing her group of black servants. various members of his cast is one the tendency to start off incredibly she is sent away to a special boarding It was promised Bates would play of the most attractive features of his strong and die down slightly towards school run by Cordelia Foxx (Sarah a woman five times worse than her anthology series. Lange, as usual, is the end (as is reflected by its television Paulson), who is focused on teaching Misery character of Annie Wilkes, and a commanding force of nature who ratings), but what it promises to her students Madison Montgomery Bates’ LaLaurie does not disappoint. makes the show what it is, Paulson deliver in terms of shock value and (Emma Roberts), Queenie (Gabourey How she fits into the overall modern is equally as strong, Denis O’Hare is campy fun is done so week after week. Sidibe), Nan (Jamie Brewer) and Zoe day timeline is through some spooky immensely creepy as a loyal cross- It’s highly addictive, and for those who whilst also keeping them safe from voodoo trick which promises to have dressing, doll-collecting, tea-party- can stomach the constant flashes of dangers of the outside world. a lot of fun in store for us. loving house servant, and making a unthinkable violence, Coven is quite !e unexpected return of Fiona American Horror Story is a show particularly welcome return is Lily a ride, and promises to be a whole lot Goode (Jessica Lange) signals trouble where restraint has no place in any of Rabe as a slow-moving, slow-talking more horrifying in future episodes. FRIDAY 22 NOV @feliximperial TELEVISION FelixImperial

Cartoon Corner

Tom Rivlin

Ding dong the witches are here Welcome to Cartoon Corner, the new weekly column where we ex- plore the wonderful world of anima- tion! (Not anime. We have a sepa- rate club for that.) Each week I’ll be doing either a review of a currently airing show, or a retrospective on something more nostalgic. So, word counts are tight here, let’s start with Witches of East of giving birth and raising her daugh- powers, but now that she’s equipped an obvious one! ters only for them to die all over again. with the knowledge that she is, in fact, End: Season 1 This time, Joanna is determined to a witch, it doesn’t take long for her Adventure Time! hold on to her daughters, and so keeps to start experimenting. She too has a (Come on, grab your friends!) the magical powers a secret from her love interest, Adam (Jason Winston Adventure Time really is an ideal children. But it doesn’t take long for George), the handsome cop, although show to start this column with, as them to find out about their abilities, the need for secrecy surrounding her it’s a perfect example of a Cartoon especially when Joanna’s fun-loving, identity makes it difficult for their re- Network kids’ show reaching many magic-practicing sister, the girls’ aunt lationship to move forward. people outside its target audience on Wendy (Mädchen Amick) drops by for Witches of East End is clearly more the basis of it being just damn good. Television Editor John Park a visit. fun when it is spending time with At first it might be hard to see why – As if this wasn’t complicated enough magic, not with individual relation- the show starts off rather unassum- for Joanna, it turns out she has an- ship drama. Both Boston and Dewan- ingly, dropping you without fanfare Remember how awful it is when an gered a lot of bad people over the Tatum have enough likability and into the world of Ooo, and introduc- American actor tries to unsuccessfully years thanks to her immortality and charm to carry their own plot strands, ing you to Finn (the human) and Jake imitate an English accent? Well here powers, and now one of them may be but when compared to the weight and (the dog… who can stretch his body is the perfect example of where the out for revenge. Before this evil can at- charisma carried by Ormond (despite into limitless forms). More char- opposite has gone completely wrong. tack her beloved family, Joanna must her horrendous, vomit-inducing ac- acters are introduced as time goes Yes, an English actress who tries (and race against the clock, identify this cent) and the refreshingly bright and on, however, and each one leaves an sometimes it doesn’t even sound like force, and contain the threat. perky Amick, they cannot quite hold impression in their own unique way. she’s trying one bit) to put on a con- It’s not just Joanna who is having their own. When the four of them Early episodes are seemingly simple, vincing American accent. She fails a tough time though. Each daughter come together however, there is no but each one holds surprises and de- every episode of course, although that has soapy love-life problems to deal telling what they will be able to do. fies expectations. alone isn’t enough to write this show with. Freya, recently engaged to Dash Even in the most dire circumstances, As the show progresses, though, it off completely. Gardiner (Eric Winters), a dreamy the show remembers to have a lighter becomes clearer that it’s really some- Julia Ormond is the aforementioned doctor, couldn’t be happier, despite touch, with humour spread through- thing special. The surrealist humour guilty accent offender, as she ventures his mother’s (Virginia Madsen – who out to make up for the shortfall when leads to countless memorable scenes wildly between both dodgy American should have a bigger role) frank disap- it comes to delivering the dramatic and episodes, and the show swings and sometimes proper posh English. proval. This is until she starts having goods. So far, nothing particularly between diabetes-inducing saccha- She plays Joanna Beauchamp, an im- weird dreams about Killian (Daniel Di eye-catching has happened, but it’s a rine and horrifying terror with hi- mensely powerful, immortal witch Tomasso), the estranged brother of show with potential. Given the many larious abruptness. Eventually you who is cursed with having to bury and her fiance who she’s never met. Very centuries Joanna has lived through, learn more about the history of the give birth to her daughters time and awkward indeed. Is there some sort there will no doubt be many flashback magical world they inhabit, and the time again no matter what she does of supernatural pull that is hinting at sequences that take us to all sorts of shocking truth of Ooo’s history casts to protect them. Her daughters Ingrid destiny? Or is Freya just really into the different time periods. For those who the entire series in a whole new, (Rachel Boston) and Freya (Jenna De- wild child of the two sisters? can’t handle the madness of American bleak light, yet the overall tone of wan-Tatum) live until they reach the Ingrid has always been interested in Horror Story: Coven, here is another the show defiantly remains the same. age of 30, die, then are soon reborn for pagan rituals and witchcraft in gen- witchy show whose spell you can fall Personally, I think that the best Joanna to go through the painful cycle eral even before the discovery of her under. part of the show is how wonderfully it shows Finn growing up. Like Aang in Avatar: The Last Airbender, he is voiced by an actual kid (Jeremy Shada), whose voice breaks during the show, and it really adds an ex- tra dimension to the notion of Finn maturing as time goes on. He experi- ences love, loss, pain and joy in ways that feel very organic and real for a person of his age, and most impor- tantly, we see him growing up. Adventure Time isn’t my favourite cartoon of all time, but I completely understand how it gathered such a large fanbase, why it’s always a huge- ly popular cosplay choice at conven- tions and how it has kept running for 145 episodes (and counting). Simply put, it’s a smartly written, charming, light-hearted, yet often emotion- ally heavy adventure that I strongly recommend you make time for. (See what I did there?) Each one is about ten minutes long, so they’re perfect revision breaks for that holiday stud- ying we’re all definitely going to do… Next time, a nostalgia trip: he’s gotta get back, back to the past, Samurai Jack! 28 FRIDAY 22 NOV

John Park, Editors: TELEVISION Emily Fulham [email protected] The Fang-tom Menace

Latest adaptation of Dracula has yet to impress

and introduced to Alexander Grayson, Emily Fulham Television Editor aka Dracula, posing as an American businessman for reasons I couldn’t quite figure out (this would be less of It was easy to respond to the news of an issue except actor Jonathan Rhys- NBC and Sky’s latest venture, Dracula, Meyers puts on a pretty atrocious with a roll of the eyes. What with the American accent). He’s throwing a frenzied spate of anything vampire- grand party in an attempt to impress themed following the dubious success the British socialites, which he does of Twilight, including the rise and fall by unveiling his new invention: a ma- of True Blood and !e Vampire Dia- chine that generates wireless power ries, it would appear that the show is drawn from… the Earth’s magnetic jumping on the bandwagon five years field, apparently? !is is about all the too late. explanation we receive, apart from On the other hand, when looking for Dracula boasting how Edison and source material for a tale about vam- Tesla couldn’t manage it, and a lot pires, you’d be hard-pressed to find of steam-powered machinery in the anything better than Bram Stoker’s basement. original novel which was, after all, re- Suitably impressed with Dracula’s sponsible for igniting the whole vam- new technology is Mina Murray, a pire craze in the first place. !e titular young medical student studying un- character in the book, first published der Van Helsing, who’s being escort- in 1879, is a far cry from Edward Cul- ed by her beau, journalist Jonathan len, with no sparkles or teenage angst Harker. She is immediately drawn to in sight. In hindsight, it’s more sur- Dracula, who likewise takes an inter- prising that it took this long for a new est in her after flashbacks reveal she adaption to be made. looks identical to his long-dead wife. !e show takes more than a few lib- !e show makes some pretty big erties with the story, which isn’t in it- departures from both the novel and self a problem: over the years, the sto- previous adaptations, not least of ry has been adapted and reinterpreted which is the role of Van Helsing – tra- so many times that it’s difficult to do ditionally Dracula’s nemesis – who is it in an original way. Yet there’s a lot revealed to be the person responsible to puzzle over from just the first epi- for reviving Dracula in the first place. sode. !e pilot starts off with two ar- Also introduced are a few new char- chaeologists investing a crypt, where acters, such as Lady Jayne Wetherby, a NBC they discover the ominously caged re- rich socialite who gets pretty intimate mains of a skeleton in a sarcophagus. with Dracula in a viewing box at the some though Jonathan Rhys-Meyers and perhaps would have done well to gotten off to a stronger start here in In a twist that is shocking to approxi- opera, but who’s also handy with a is); it gives the impression that the take from there a few tips as to how the UK, and with a first series of ten mately no one, one of the tomb raid- pair of knives. vampire is being portrayed as an anti- to reimagine a famous fictitious vil- episodes, there’s plenty of time for the ers turns out to be somewhat shady Dracula has all the ingredients of a hero, rather than the straight-up mon- lain. Whilst ratings are dropping off show to pick up. Let’s hope Dracula and slices his partner’s throat over the decent vampire show, but so far seems ster he’s supposed to be. NBC and Sky in America, Dracula seems to have finds his bite in the near future. skeletal figure, thereby rejuvenating to be lacking in something. Dracula Living, the channels jointly responsi- the corpse. So far, pretty standard for himself doesn’t feel menacing enough, ble for producing the show, were also a vampire flick. with too much emphasis on his charm both home to the fantastic Hannibal We’re then transported to London and good looks (admittedly hand- which premiered earlier in the year, What’s on this week

New this week On catch-up Doctor Who: !e Day of the Legacy Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Doctor Set at the height of the Cold War, After a shaky start to the new !e long-awaited 50th anniversary this one-off special from the BBC show from Joss Whedon, Agents episode promises to bring back follows Charles !oroughgood, a of S.H.I.E.L.D is starting to show much-loved characters from the young spy thrown head-first into signs of improving. In the latest past, including the tenth Doctor his first mission: turning an old episode, the team take on another and Rose Tyler. For fans who just Soviet university acquaintance over top secret mission, with an odd can’t wait to get their fix of the to the British side. However, things pairing leading to some unexpected Timelord, two mini-episodes, !e get personal when Charles is told a team bonding, and Agent Coulson’s Night of the Doctor and !e Last secret about his father, causing him secret-keeping is called into ques- Day, are available on the BBC web- to question everything he knew tion as he investigates one of his site and iTunes. about the man. own agents.

Sunday 24th November, !ursday 28th November, BBC One, 7.40pm BBC Two, 9pm Online on 4oD until Sunday SKY FRIDAY 22 NOV 29 Maximilian GAMES Eggl, Calum Skene, Imran Rashid [email protected] Rome 2, Totally worth it?

Does this sequel to one of the best strategies games live up to the hype?

with three different factions. It was !erefore my lack of incentive to pick Maximilian Eggl pretty much the only game I played in this game up again. Games Editor my school days. However my guilty conscious Before we get to the actual review would not let me go. I loved this of the game, let me just recap what series, I payed money for this game. have meant to write this article this game is about. Basically you are I was going to give it another chance. I for quite a while. !is game was dropped in ancient Europe and take Another chance I did give it. And released on the 3 of september control of one of the multitude of on second viewing I did find some 2013, almost two months ago. factions that were around at that time. positives. Without my over hyped I had pre-ordered it almost a You can use diplomacy, economy expectations I could appreciate things month earlier in my excitement. Let or outright warfare to dominate that my bitter eyes had overseen in my me just explain to you, I LOVED the your neighbours and ultimately the first sitting. !e update in graphics Total War series. Beginning with entire world. On your way to world is absolutely great and some of the Medieval, all the way to Empire, I domination you will be faced with additions are not that bad! I mean the had been a fan of this series. It just several objectives, choices and epic naval battles recapture some of that epitomised everything that a strategy battles. However what makes the total epicness I felt when I first played the game was supposed to be. Complex war series unique is the mix between beloved sequel. Gone were the family minefield (oh how I missed being Total war games. Also the new battle enough to keep me playing for hours, turn based strategy on the campaign trees that let you see all your faction surrounded by rebels which I could mechanics make the battles so much yet simple enough to pick it up and map (you can see the entirety of characters, gone was the option of attack without any moral qualms), it more immersive and realistic! In fact understand everything within 5 Europe) and the real time strategy on micromanaging a town, gone was the also made the end of turn wait almost the second session was significantly minutes. !ese games were exactly the local battlefield. !is gives you ability to friggin pause your battle with unbearable further into the game. If longer than the first failed one, and what I thought the perfect strategy the ability to playing the emperor, the space bar (trust me, for me that you turned on the option to see the there will be many more. game should be. All in all, for those 4 controlling large swathes of the was the absolute worst. I cannot tell AI moves, then you would literally All in all I think this game is quite an games I must have poured roughly 800 ancient world, as well as the general you the amount of times I have hit the wait ten minutes and just see horses achievement, apart from some cons hours into this game over 6 years. In who has to motivate is tired and rain space bar expecting to stop time and moving back and forth. By the time which are being cleaned up in each fact with the original Rome Total War drenched soldiers. reorder my troops, and just see them your move came back again, you had successive update, and was worth the I managed to conquer the entire map Now let us return from the ancient obliviously marching to their doom). forgotten everything you wanted to £30 pounds I spent. However I guess ages and fast forward to the 3rd of In fact, a lot had gone that I had loved do. Another were several actions that I made the mistake of playing it like it september of this year. After following about the Total war series. Instead, creators of the game seemed to expect was the first Rome, which it wasn’t. It the dev blog for several months, on my first impression, I saw a game you would take for granted. I mean I is its own game, and cannot be seen reading every piece of news I could that was trying to be what I enjoyed couldn’t for my life understand why as a twin (albeit higher graphics) than get my hands on, the day had come. but couldn’t decide between being I couldn’t garrison my town. It took its predecessor. So if you are someone After having pre-loaded the game to difficult or to easy, too bloated or me several frustrated turns to figure who is happy with their old Total war onto my computer, I was stoked and thin on material. In fact, after I had out that the buildings in that town games, and sees absolutely no reason excited. I was ready to play. I fired completed the tutorial and played provided it with soldiers. My biggest to change, in fact would abhor change, up the game and got right into the some token rounds of the normal complaint though is the slowness of avoid this game. It will just disappoint tutorial. My first impression was campaign. I stopped and didn’t play the game. I remember being able to you. However if you are looking for that, while everything seemed quite the game again for a month. take of large swathes of Europe on a new approach to this classic series, similar to my old experiences there !is was the ultimate disappointment the easy setting within the first couple and don’t have too high expectations I were still many quite significant new for me. One of the cons that stick with moves in the first Rome. However would suggest go for it! additions. Quickly my excitement me from those first impressions was here even in Rome 2, it takes me 10 Now I’m off to conquer the world turned to horror as I realised how the ridiculous amount of factions. moves to take over italy alone. It just with....hmm...I’m feeling the Iceni much they had changed from my !is made starting out a diplomatic makes everything seem to drag along. (brits) today! New Addition: Screenshot of the week!

Send in your stuff

!is is a call out to all you gamers out there. If you have a funny/bizarre/epic screenshot you wish to share just send it to : [email protected]. At the end of the year we will tally up all the scores and the winner will win a free game! Finally your chance to achieve some kind of fame and glory!

Felix Games Team THE DRUID THE DRUID 30 FRIDAY 22 NOV @felixgames GAMES facebook.com/FelixImperial Wii U No consider Nintendo?

couldn’t have done on the Wii! So then download just about every classic game bination of Wii and computer was to play, Assassins Creed 3 and Batman why did I play my Wii? Simply because that I dearly missed from the Nintendo far more suited towards my needs. Arkham City (which, even though I Calum Skene it’s the only way to play games in my fa- 64 and back (except Donkey Kong 64). I bought the Wii U shortly after launch played before, wasn’t boring to play as Games Editor vourite franchises of all time. Nintendo !ings changed when I got my com- for many reasons. Primarily because they revamped it for the Wii U). !e consoles are and always will be the only puter. I was able to download cheaply I wanted to play the new Nintendo Wii U controller itself has a large screen way to games which enables you to play most games Last week my fellow games Editor that entirely on it and, despite the size, is re- Maximilian Eggl pointed out some of ally comfortable to hold. It even offers the main differences between the up- interesting multiplayer options where coming PS4 and Xbox One. Although one person uses the controller screen I see many good things in both of these and the other the TV. If you still want a consoles I feel that even though it has controller more like the Xbox and Play- already been out for a year, the Wii Station ones, Nintendo offers the Pro U deserves a mention. I am, as some Controller which is super comfortable, may have noticed, a pretty hardcore looks great and has crazy long battery Nintendo fan but I shall try and keep life. For some games you can even use this as informative and unbiased as the Wii remote and Nunchuck. For me I can. So here follows an account of this just shows that Nintendo lets you why I believe the Wii U is a real com- play games exactly as you want. Playing petitor and something that should Black Ops 2 on Veteran difficulty with be considered, and just a general the Wii Zapper attachment is epic and overview of what I think of consoles. makes up for any loss in graphic qual- Maybe the first thing to start with in ity. If you want amazing graphics why a console comparison review is a little not just invest once in a computer? background of consoles I own. Ninten- Nintendo is also the only next gen do wise I own everything back to the console to offer free online multi- SNES and hopefully one day I will get player. Unfortunately the Wii U isn’t a NES too. With Sony I have a PSP go getting every new title (GTA5) but and a PS2, and from Microsoft I have as I can pick most of these up on the the Xbox 360. So as you can see I have p l a y w e r e computer I am not too bothered. owned a little of everything. In the last M a r i o , c o m i n g In the end the Wii U is a great liv- generation of consoles despite loving Donkey Kong, Zelda, Metroid, Super in Steam sales just about every game I out such as New Super Mario Broth- ing room console, which lets you play the Wii my favourite was the Xbox 360. Smash Bros… In my view these games had loved on the Xbox and play these ers Wii U, but also because I wanted games how you want. It offers the most I played my Xbox to death (literally are unique, and as mentioned before with the wired controller plugged into back something of the console gam- diverse controller options, is the only many red lights of doom death) and there is nothing else like them on any a USB socket. My Xbox was therefore ing feeling. Sometimes I just prefer backwards compatible console, has a I just went straight out and bought a other console and in this way Nintendo replaced by the superior (and quieter to lie back in my bed playing games great line up on the virtual console and new one. I preferred the Xbox mainly has the best exclusive title lineup. Yes computer). My Wii however was not on the TV rather than sat at the com- has on demand TV services such as because it had pretty much every ti- Xbox has Halo which I dearly love, replaced. It was still my TV console of puter. !is time around though, I think Netflix. When considering which con- tle I wanted to play. I was a major fan however there are other shooter games choice, enabling me to relax and play the Wii U is enough to not make me sole you want I hope you pay attention of Halo (until 4) and Assassins Creed on just about every console. In fact classic games, and the excellent Wii want the Xbox One or PS4. It is pow- to the Wii U. It is currently available (until Revelation’s), and played a stupid orignially I bought a Wii entirely for games Nintendo makes. I did miss erful enough to have 3rd party games. for £230 (far cheaper than its competi- amount of GTA4. !is is something I the Virtual Console. Here I was able to the Xbox but my new gaming com- At launch it had titles I really wanted tors) and will only get better with time. Indied, Games that you will surely love! Calum Skene reviews some great indie games (yes, again)!

Recently I have picked up a few in which you play as a goat accused an engaging game. Visually I think the You start with a mask that doesn’t do you are forced to be stealthy or just games through steam sales which I of witchcraft and thrown in prison. game looks awesome, and it reminds anything but over time you start to run in and be quick, but on the most have loved for their originality. !ese You must escape by awakening sev- me of games such as Doom and Hexen. build a collection of some pretty use- part each level can be completed in were cheap games in which I have eral sheep which you find at the end of Strangely where this game really stands ful abilities. My favourite was a mask many different ways and it’s this crea- already racked up an impressive (or 6 levels. !is game has classic puzzle out for me is the soundtrack. Escape that enabled you to kill your enemies tivity that makes the game so much unimpressive depending on your elements such as pushing switches in Goat has a beautiful 8-bit Beverly Hills by slamming a door into them (which fun. Not visually demanding this game viewpoint) number of hours in. So the right order, not getting trapped etc cop themed soundtrack which I loved normally just knocks them out). !is can be run on most machines and will if you’re looking for a great game to and platformer elements like jumping so much that I downloaded it and put led to a time where feeling trapped add a fun game to anyone steams li- add to your steam libraries read on. and jumping higher. However where it on my IPod (which you can do for I fired off the last of my gun. When I brary if you can handle the violence. Escape Goat is a puzzle platformer Escape Goat differs is in the new me- free). For the price this game is great looked back at the screen everyone was chanics it adds. How will you solve and you will get your money’s worth. dead because they had been killed by puzzles while being blasted by invinci- I had heard about Hotline Miami the door I was standing behind. !is ble fire ball throwing wizards? By using from a friend and instantly wanted to however was extremely lucky as in gen- the new tools the game gives you, such buy it but held off until it appeared in eral this game is hard! Each floor of a as your mouse friend who can travel in a sale. !is top down view game has building will need to be completed in small cracks and climb walls and the you carrying out hit jobs normally in one go and this leads to frustration but magic hat which, in select puzzles, lets people’s flats. You start off with just a massive feeling of success when you you teleport to your mouse friend. Ok your fists but as you take down people finally manage to kill everyone. !e I can see that this game sounds ridicu- you can pick up their weapons and the levels remain fresh by adding interac- lous, but it really works. !e puzzles more you play the more weapons there tive elements (picking up a pan of boil- are inventive and fun to solve, and the are. Each mission you get to choose a ing water from a kitchen), and differ- platform elements add to make this mask that gives you special abilities. ent enemy configurations. Sometimes FRIDAY 22 NOV 31 @feliximperial FOOD FelixImperial Stop Waffling. Eat it instead

James Tsim Waffle Facts

cheese and herbs and were cooked between two metal plates.

plates with wooden handles. Most of them feature designs.

Belgians make the batter with ale yeast, the Americans quite often have theirs with fried chicken. The !is is not your average waffle shop. Food Company (BFC), for which I delivered or hopefully in the future, Norwegians likes theirs with cheese and in Vietnam, Wafflemeister boasts a secret Belgian opened 2 branches, one in Oxford supermarkets. We will also hope to sell recipe which dates back to the 1950s. Street, the other in Baker Street. In frozen waffle dough, where people can !e freshly made waffles are topped 2000, just after I graduated, I got an purchase their own waffle iron so they peanut butter, and they also have it in a with a range of toppings, from Belgian offer in finance, so I sold my shares can bake waffles themselves and have ball-shaped pattern! chocolate fudge and freshly whipped in BFC and went into Finance for ten that fun experience. We have opened cream to fresh fruit and natural gelato. years. !is involved working with up Wafflemeister branches in Abu Wafflemeister is all about delivering a private equity, hedge funds and capital Dhabi and Kuala Lumpur’s Petronas high quality waffle – their promise is: raising. After a decade in finance, I twin towers through franchises and “It takes a lot of hard work, continuous went back to the waffle space because will expand to Dubai next February. training and dedication to become I missed waffles and for some reason it We hope to have opened ten stores a Meister. !e Wafflemeister takes had a soft spot with me. I bought back globally by the end of the year and 20 great pride in providing high quality, BFC from the current owners who had stores by the end of next year. fresh and great tasting products neglected it as they had also brought which do not contain GM ingredients, a publishing company in Dubai. !ey Q: Can you give me some insight artificial flavourings, colourings or were very happy to sell the company into your personal experience of the preservatives.” back to me and I set about revamping MBA programme at Imperial? and repositioning it within the market !is was a very positive experience for How is it different from space. Some of the factors which I me. One thing that stood out the most its competition? thought were important were to focus to me was the case studies. I did an on handmade, homemade waffles executive MBA where I had a full time 1. Online delivery service to using natural ingredients (organic job as well as committing to studies. be launched in December which will when possible), redesigning and !is flexibility meant I did not have to offer same day delivery or next day rebranding the business. I opened put any of my goals on hold, and was delivery UK wide. branches in South Kensington and able to carry on with what I wanted “Eggette” in Hong Kong 2. 15% Discount to students at Portobello road market and supply to do simultaneously. It was a great Imperial College London. Harvey Nichols in Knightsbridge with experience to work under pressure as 3. Loyalty Programme: Bronze, waffles. part of a international team, to meet Want to show off your Silver and Gold. !is gives you access deadlines which were set. culinary skills? to a large range of deals and offers, Q: Why did you set up a waffle with increasing benefits as you go business and what is your vision of Q. What advice can you give to from bronze to silver to gold. Wafflemeister for the future? students interested in enterprise? I have always been passionate about It is important that students know Are you a budding cook or a first timer? !e ‘meister’ in Wafflemesister, good tasting food, whether it is savoury exactly what they want to achieve, how Cooking for your flatmates or going alone? founded by Alex Troullier, means in or dessert. When I set up the business, to get there and have them written German ‘a dedicated craftsman who apart for the conventional sandwich down. Don’t make the list too long Well, share the photos of your lovely meal on is passionate about his trade’. I spoke bar and the occasional crepe shop, for as, just simple points, as the ‘to do’ with Alex to find out more: example ‘My Old Dutch’, there was not list can get too long sometimes. !e Twitter and Instagram and hashtag it with Q: Tell me about yourself. much choice. Even to this day no one hard work you put into achieving your #FelixFood. I was born in Switzerland and grew up really does great waffles apart from us goals will pay off, be it finishing your in Canada, Germany and Spain. I did and there is no real brand ownership. degree or starting your own business. It (and perhaps your recipe) could appear on Felix! an MBA at Imperial and have business My vision is that we will own this experience setting up, for example, a space; when people think of waffles Now that winter has arrived, next company that imported vitamins. I they think of Wafflemeister, whether time when you are hungry, why not Or why not write for Food? Email then decided to go into the retail space this is in retail where you walk into pop by Wafflemeister for a warm during my MBA, setting up the Belgian the store, online where you get it waffle? [email protected] 32 FRIDAY 22 NOV

Chris TRAVEL Richardson [email protected] On safari: East African delights

Namanga, before crossing the border more than acacia trees. Unfortunately Park, and finally two days at the million white-bearded wildebeest and Priyank Shah into Tanzania and stopping in Arusha. we didn’t manage to see any, but we Serengeti National Park. Serengeti two hundred and fifty thousand zebra, From here we finally met our guide were blessed with plenty of other translates from Maasai as ‘endless for which numerous Nile crocodile and driver, the wonderfully-named beautiful wildlife. From here we plains’, quite an apt name for a park eagerly await in the rivers nearby. ’ve had the privilege of growing Ezekiel Mwanza, who was going to be headed to the Ngorongoro Crater, covering 14,750 square kilometres. "e sheer amount of wildlife we saw I up in East Africa, complete with with us for the duration of the safari. a national park in itself, measuring "e Maasai Mara in Kenya and was staggering. Casually witnessing the staple diet of safaris, beaches, Our first port of call was Lake a whopping 264 square kilometres. the Serengeti play host to one of the fourteen sleeping lionesses, sated poor roads and corruption. So Manyara National Park, famous for its Next was a seemingly endless seven most spectacular events on Earth: from their recent meal together, was having been to most national tree-climbing lions who love nothing hour drive north to Lobo National the migration of over one-and-a-half- so special. Leopards are allegedly parks and game reserves in Kenya, one of the most elusive of creatures we finally decided to venture next around: not only did we see one, but door to the fellow Swahili-speaking we saw it casually climbing a tree! nation that is Tanzania, home of the It’s an unfortunate truth that the famous Serengeti National Park. Maasai Mara is now suffering the For two neighbouring countries effects of mass-tourism, in contrast to that share the same language and a trip across the border, where policy currency, the difference between is focused on conservation as opposed them is certainly startling: Kenya to profiteering. A trip to Tanzania is has long been the commercial and very expensive for a foreigner, and economic hub of East Africa, whereas the prices don’t even have a concept Tanzania is one of the poorest of a low season. One of the guides countries in the world. Tanzania has, remarked that “Tanzania has the however, been spared the internal better parks, but Kenya has better strife that has blighted many African marketing”. Everyone we met was from states. Indeed, the remains of some mainland Europe. Tanzania has sixteen of the earliest traces of humanity, national parks, 29 game reserves, including the legendary two million- and 40 controlled conservation areas year-old Australopithecus habilis, and marine parks. One of particular were found in Tanzania’s Olduvai note is Gombe National Park, where Gorge, one of the world’s most one can go chimpanzee trekking. important paleoanthropological sites. All in all, the trip was absolutely Tanzania is an extremely large fantastic. For those with an country, approximately four times the inclination to go on a safari size of Britain. Our journey began in anytime soon: head to Tanzania. Kenya’s capital, Nairobi, from where And swing by Kenya, obviously. we drove south to the border town This photo caption is so boring that even this hungry lioness is dropping off. Get back to the articles. Travel! ...And other narcotics

to explain it to the outsider is an MDMA from some sub-par Silk Road "e rush that punches you in the when it’s all over too soon make you Pablo Colón exercise in futility. "at’s not to say vendor, there’s always the occasional face when you touchdown, with a impulsively hunt for your next hit. that it’s some exclusive club, but backpacker who contracts dengue ridiculous number of days and miles It’s also a pretty expensive habit, rather something that people should fever or ends up having to bribe their ahead of you, is very much a physical but one that you can justify the costs ravel is, in so many ways, experience for themselves in order way out of a situation in which they’ve sensation, a sort of coming-up. "ere’s for on the basis that it’s too much T a powerful drug. "is to draw their own conclusions with done nothing wrong, but on the the strange adjustment period as fun, and something you probably resemblance is one that won’t be able to do once you’re all I’ve always considered, grown up and in the real world. and the analogy seems Unless you’re a part of that rare breed to hold true with respect to most “the analogy seems to hold true … except perhaps for the who wants to maintain the habit of travel’s traits, except perhaps for well into adulthood and retirement. the fact that you can’t physically Travel brings together people from sniff travel through a crisp fifty all walks, and provides the opportunity after crushing it with a credit card. for them to go a little bit crazy and People who have never travelled generate some stories that probably will never properly understand the as few preconceptions as is possible. whole it’s the sort of experience that you struggle to adapt to a completely won’t ever be told to the grandkids. concept and, as with drugs, tend "ose fortunate enough to be enriches you and your perceptions. alien milieu, before you relax into It’s something that everyone should to fall into two camps: those who acquainted with travel typically "ere’s that element of excitement what you’re doing and enjoy the ride, experience – before diving soul- can see the appeal but for whatever regard it as a positive, life-changing and danger as you plunge into the talking to strangers and taking part first into the nearest hedge fund or reason haven’t pursued it, and those experience. Of course, like the unknown, providing you’re willing in activities you’d probably never strategy boutique – and something who dismiss the notion as a waste of unfortunate psychonaut who is to tread at least a little off the well- consider doing back home. And the that offers at least some solace in what energy, time, and money. To attempt unjustifiably sold PMA in place of beaten Banana Pancake Trail. yearning and nostalgia that kick in are otherwise, sadly, pretty dark times. FRIDAY 22 NOV 33 @feliximperial CAREERS FelixImperial Careers Hidden jobs… How to find them Events

Apply via Jobs Live unless stated

The Careers Service Workshop Imperial College London 25 November, 12:30 – 14:00 Group Mock Interview

Seminar ave you ever wondered why 25 November, 16:15 – 17:15 H the very job you are madly Create a Winning CV interested in you never see advertised? Well it could be Lunchtime Careers Talk that it is part of the ‘Hidden Job’ 25 November, 13:00 – 13:50 market. It is estimated that approximately Applying for Postgraduate Study in the US 70% of all vacancies filled have never been openly advertised. !is can be particularly Workshop prevalent for what are called ‘experienced 26 November, 12:30 – 14:00 hire’ opportunities but it can also be common Preparing For Assessment Centres - Group Activities in certain industry sectors at the graduate and intern level. So why are some jobs hidden Seminar like this? Well there are several reasons. THE FULL FOOL 26 November, 16:15 – 17:15 Firstly it takes time and money to advertise Interview job opportunities so if your company is in a sector that is highly sought after then you about showing what benefits you can bring to your degree or research can provide Lunchtime Careers Talk might prefer to wait for potential candidates to the organisation. Make sure when you just the right opportunity to develop a 26 November, 13:00 – 13:50 to come knocking on your door. For smaller are constructing your CV and covering letter connection further and you will be surprised Engineering Support Services - delivering critical companies who only recruit as and when the that you are highlighting all the right areas how often people will respond to this type support need arises there might be a fear of being of expertise. Provide good clear evidence of of request for assistance. !en, having swamped if they make their opportunities what you can do; show that you understand made the connection, it is a lot easier to Workshop too public. In some cases the work area is who they are and the work they are engaged build this up step by step. You could ask 27 November, 12:30 – 14:00 highly specialised and so only a known group in. !e speculative cover letter needs to for a short meeting to find out more about Preparing For Assessment Centres - Presentation of people possess the right skill set so why capture their attention and leave them their particular work area, advice on your Skills look further afield; and finally many jobs are wanting to find out more about you. !ere is CV, possibly a request to work shadow for filled through contacts and networking, so it useful information on writing cover letters at a day. Getting yourself known and having a Seminar is all about who you know. So to maximise http://bit.ly/1aEIOFb. ‘foot in the door’ are just the keys needed to 27 November 16:15-17:15 your job hunting chances you need to take Be proactive – Planning your strategy is unlocking this hidden market. Assessment Centres into account this hidden factor as well as the vital. Firstly, from your research, you need more openly advertised opportunities. to create a target list of potential employers. Employer-Led Skills Workshop !e more effort you put into this and the 27 November, 13:30 – 15:30 So how do you break into this more imaginatively you think about possible Business Networking Skills Workshop (Teach First) mystery area? resources the more likely you are to come up Book in person at Careers Service – £10 deposit with a long target list unique to you. !ere required (correct change only!) Here are four golden rules that will help you are the obvious areas such as using internet succeed. searches but you could also think about Workshop Research – It is important that you other resources. Specialist journals and 28 November 12:30-14:00 understand the normal recruitment methods publications have articles which may name Preparing for Assessment Centres – In-Tray / E-tray for the work you are trying to get into. key players in the sector, who has recently Exercises Does the sector almost always advertise been active in research, winning contracts, or not? An easy way to find this out is by developing innovation, collaborating with Seminar checking regularly in all the normal sources other companies etc. Some publications 28 November, 16:15 – 17:15 for vacancies such as newspapers, specialist may carry job adverts but they may also carry Network and use your contacts – Making Create a Winning CV journals, career websites, company websites adverts for products or services and you can use of your network is also essential and in and of course JobsLive. If you can’t find what use these as a way of researching companies this type of job hunting it is all about building Lunchtime Careers Talk you are looking for it does not necessarily too. If you know the sector you are interested up that list of contacts. Make sure people 28 November, 13:00 – 13:50 mean it doesn’t exist, it could just require in holds information/trade fairs these can know what type of work you are interested Quant Trading and the Technology Behind It a little more effort and ingenuity to find it. also be good ways to seek out company in. You will be surprised how, in the course Your careers consultant at College will be details. of general conversation, someone will know Seminar able to help you understand the norm for the Having put together your target list try of someone else who happens to work in 29 November, 16:15 – 17:15 area you are trying to get into so consider to find a named contact. It always pays to that area. Also if you do make speculative Effective Applications booking an appointment to see the careers send a speculative letter or email to a specific approaches which are not successful always consultant who works with your degree person. It is very easy to hit the delete follow up by asking if they happen to know course. !ere is also useful information on button if you feel a message is not personally someone else who you might contact. !at the www.prospects.ac.uk website Types of addressed to you but if it has your name at gives you another name to add to your target Jobs section with details on a wide variety the top human nature tends to make us much list and can also act as an introduction, of occupational areas including information more likely to reply. So check company web “x suggested I contact you about…” Use about typical sources for vacancies. While pages where you will often find an ‘about your friends, parents, family, colleagues, you are researching the work area it is us’ section which may include lists of key academics, family friends and all of their important to understand what skills are personnel. contacts to spread you potential network and required for the work as well because a big !e next step is to decide how to approach provided you approach them diplomatically part of this type of job hunting involves them. Here it pays to be subtle: the ‘Give us and politely this extended web of contacts selling your skills. a job’ up front attack does not always pay will prove to be a fantastic resource. For more Sell your skills – Knowing what you have off. It can help to use a ‘softly, softly’ strategy help in how to network for success check our to offer is all important in the ‘Hidden Job’ where you build up some connection first. Quick Guide on Networking at http://bit. market. It will be down to you to understand Have you got a reason to make contact? Are ly/1aPTFsI. how your knowledge, experience and skills fit you doing something on your course: an Hopefully this article will have given you with the work you are interested in, and then assignment, a project, some research that a starting point in breaking into the ‘Hidden marketing them in a way that is going to be would give you an opening? Sometimes Job’ market but if you need further help get irresistible to a potential employer. It is all asking for some help or information relating in touch. 34 FRIDAY 22 NOV

Nida Mahmud CLUBS & SOCS Editor: [email protected] Christmas is Coming Don’t miss a treat!!

Ben Fernando Imperial College Symphony Orchestra play Rachmaninov, Charity Editor Khachaturian and Beal…

t’s that time of year again – Christmas! Once again I the hordes of charity appeals are descending upon us, all asking for our help. But other than giving away our Christmas money (which I’m hoping to talk about next week), what can you and I do to help? !ere’re a number of ways that our time can be put to good use. I’ve not put a huge number of links in this article, but if you’re interested a quick Google search with the name of your area and what you’d like to do will probably lead to some contacts. Otherwise, www.volunteernow.co.uk has a pretty neat interactive search function that might help you narrow down what you want to do.

!e first, and perhaps most common volunteering activ- ity over Christmas is helping the homeless. Over the win- ter period the low temperatures and higher incidence of infectious diseases means that the death rate amongst the homeless noticeably increases, and obviously chari- ties work to try and combat this problem. Crisis, a lead- ICSO ing homelessness charity, runs several temporary shelters over Christmas in various cities: www.crisis.org.uk. f you’ve never seen Imperial introducing our new members to the guaranteed to be a night to remember! I College Symphony Orchestra wonderful Dorchester night life! Yet this is just the start! Next term You could also think about volunteering to help vulner- play, you’re missing out! Full of Our first South Kensington Concert will see ICSO perform Britten’s War able people who aren’t necessarily homeless. Christmas science-loving musicians, ICSO is on Friday 29th November 2013 in Requiem with IC Choir in Winchester tends to be a time when organisations are short on staff is Imperial’s flagship orchestra the Great Hall at 8pm. Tickets cost Cathedral, as well as four more but the demand is nonetheless high – consider a helpline playing great music to the highest just £3 for students in advance and concertos from Imperial College like Samaritans, or perhaps an old people’s home. !ese standards. are available from the Blyth Centre on performers. In the summer, ICSO often run small Christmas parties or events that require After the success of playing to a Level 5 of the Sherfield building. have been invited to perform a concert help from people who aren’t specially trained, but who are sold out Cadogan Hall last year with Alongside a jazz clarinet concerto in aid of UNESCO in Sibelius Hall, enthusiastic and willing to pitch in. the stunning BBC Young Musician performed by the phenomenal Chaz Finland – providing the base for a very 2012 Laura van der Heijden, ICSO Keiderling (one of the winners of exciting Summer Tour to Helsinki! If you’d like something a bit less front-line, you could think have begun this year with the fabulous Imperial’s Concerto Competition), We hope to see you on the 29th about helping out for a couple of hours at a local foodbank, annual weekend trip to Dorchester. ICSO will also be playing the epic November and feel free to get in or promoting present recycling. !e former involves tak- Staying with amazingly generous host Rachmaninov Symphony No.2 – the contact at [email protected] if ing donations of unused food, like tins and cereals, and families, ICSO performed alongside perfect programme to take you away you’d like to stay in touch with our packaging and distributing them to people who need the !omas Hardye Singers before from your manic week of work, it is events or have any questions! them. Again, Christmas often sees the problem of food poverty highlighted, as people spend more on their heat- ing and can’t afford to eat. What’s more worrying is that the incidence of food bank usage is actually going up in the IC Radio Schedule UK, something which I find rather shocking.

Present recycling promotes the use of Christmas pre- friday 22 november sents that we would otherwise throw away or stick in a electronica. cupboard somewhere. Charity shops will always be really If you like music, frequent technical wednesday 27 november keen to get their hands on unwanted presents which can problems and unusual pan-european go a long way to making up their takings in January, which Blackstreet accents, this is the show for you! often sees a decline in sales for shops. If you get a new sunday 24 november laptop or something, you could also consider recycling the old one, though an organisation like Computer Aid (www. Ectoplasm computeraid.org). Rampage Tune in for an hour of R&B, Hip Great music brought to you by the Finally, one thing which those of us who grew up in the Hop, Trap, Afrobeats, you name it! tuesday 26 november Rocksoc Community! UK will remember is the Christmas Fayre/Fair/Market/ #!eAttic Church Fair/event, which always has a charity presence. If you’d like a slightly more chilled volunteering opportunity, Two Irish lads bringing you some you could find out which charity is going to be at any of Student Radio Chart Show excellent banter, topical comedy and your local events and volunteer to help out: be it selling powerful tuneage. merchandise, helping on the door or whatever. I’ve been to loads of these and they’re generally good fun, you’ll likely Join the Sunday fun with get a cup of tea and a biscuit for your trouble as well. happymichael! Random cool features one hour of totally rad music, old and Charles and Ellie and stories with awesome tunes (and new. An in depth look at steam engines in So there’s a few ideas, a list that’s by no means exhaustive. sometimes a complimentary laughing the 19th century. Whilst we all of course have our own ideas of what we’d fit!) thursday 28 november like to do in terms of relaxing and working over Christmas, monday 25 november From the IC Radio studios, TedZed even a couple of hours that you spend helping out can go join us for an exclusive set live on a long way to making a big difference in the community. radio. Chris, James and Fiona bring you a Ben and More show that’s a bit like one of those films Stage, Screen and Beyond... A weekly fix of brand new indie/alt/ that’s so bad it’s almost good. FRIDAY 22 NOV 35 @feliximperial PUZZLES FelixImperial Sudoku FUCWIT League Crossword Clues nickwp 24 Helix 8 Across Each row, column, and 3 x 3 box must contain all the numbers from 1 Jia Choo 18 Emma and Ben 6 Adam Stewart 15.5 Harder: Gabriel Quek 4 Juliette Chupin 8.5 WJ 3 5. Inadvertently say Crossword 8. Tycoon Aristotle 11. Bean who played Odysseus 13. Disorderly 15. A living fossil of a tree 18. Faith celebrated in the Lotus Tem- ple, Delhi 20. Weasley matriarch 21. Ex-President of India 23. Elephantine material gone green 26. Tunes, melodies 30. Clownfish symbiont 32. Letter for change or difference 34. Ozil of German football 35. Urge, motivate 36. Eastern-most town in Eurasia Road

Down

Killer: 2. Tintin antagonist 3. Synonym of burned (slang) 4. Throughout the length of (prep.) No clues! Instead, the numbers in each cage must add up to the Nonogram 9. Russian pole-vaulter of repute The numbers in each box, row and column must add up to 45. Look for 10. Economist Amartya cages with only one possible combination e.g. a two wide cage total The lengths of runs of shaded squares in each row and 12. Famous Tokyo electronics shop- 3 must contain 1 and 2 . each column are given. Squares can only be shaded or ping district unshaded. Solve the puzzle to unveil a pretty picture. 14. Surname that sounds a lot like a 22. Biblical apocalypse 24. Exclamation of joy - ians 28. Crazed person 29. Dull surface 31. Lava before it escapes the vol- cano 33. Plains of Nepal 34. Number appearing most in a dataset

Last Week’s Solutions 36 FRIDAY 22 NOV HANGMAN [email protected]

GREENDITORIAL This Week in The past

!is writer feels that the Russian even more of these lazy, good-for- judiciary were far too lenient in nothing, boring fuckers who can’t see The Historian The Hangman releasing these stupid and annoying beyond they’re single-minded and Hangman Contributor Hangman Editor protesters after a mere 30 days in gaol. frankly selfish issue.

It is often forgotten just how much As reluctant as this editor is to criticise rtic Drilling Station of a nuisance to everyday state the normally excellent response by the 2008 – Dow Jones Industrial Average reaches A – Following the activities these one-issue tossers are. Putin and the Russian government its lowest level since 1997 but thankfully it release of Greenpeace !ose tents in Parliament Square, for to unnecessary opposition, this must resolves itself pretty quickly and this moment is activists by the Russian example. !ey’re ruining the views constitute a missed opportunity and virtually forgotten. state this week, this for not only the tourists but also our dangerous show of clemency. So, editor believes the World’s nations humble, hard-working MPs as they shout at protestors; arm the police; are not doing enough to suppress enter and exit the House of Commons. increase the number of days someone environmental campaigners can be held without charge and our 1985 – Microsoft releases Windows 1.0, which, and, indeed, activists in general. Ultimately, we should be encouraging government might just be able to get whilst now fairly old, is still much, much better the World’s governments to arrest some work done. than Vista. Culture In Hull Felix in the past. “Fed up Allegedly 1962 – !e Cuban Missile Crisis ends just with how in time for Kennedy to be assassinated. !is cements forever the popularity arising from his written?” one legitimate success. Although in your case, Timothy McSweeny universal popularity will probably arise from hangman. Hangman Editor the act of dying. felix@imperial. ac.uk and fuck fter the announcement off!” A this week that Hull is to be the UKs City 1910 – Start of the Mexican Revolution. of Culture in 2017, Although, I bet you’re so ignorant that you this reporter can neither knew Mexico had a revolution, let confirm that yes, this is indeed the alone against whom they were revolting (it was same Hull that’s situated in the East against long-term autocrat Porfirio Diaz BTW). of the UK on the Humber Estuary.

!e announcement also implies the discovery of a previously 1686 – Charles Francois Felix operates on King undocumented source of culture in Louis XIV of France’s anal fistula, which is Hull, a revelation that will come as a definitely something you needed to know right shock to many. now as you eat your lunch. Naturally, the choice of a city – previously believed to have never been contacted by culture – raises 1307 – William Tell shoots an apple off the top the question of how the selection of his son’s head in one shot. Whilst this strikes committee defined ‘Culture’ in their a blow to the Swiss nobility, it does leave his son criteria. with severe trust issues for the rest of his life. “Want to get rejected by yet !is decision, however, does not another Felix come without precedent. Many still Section” Email remember the confusing time when hangman. Liverpool was declared European felix@imperial. Capital of Culture to the bemusement ac.uk and give of all other European cities who largely it a go!” did not consider Steven Gerrard to be particularly cultural. Comment Wisely Follows Hangman’s Lead

an appropriately self-referential outside of the Comment bubble”. The Hangman article (see Comment Section). At press time, it was rumoured that Hangman Editor In a piece that included multiple Felix Editor, Joe Letts was considering references to both previous reversing his previous opposition to ollowing the publication Comment articles and the Comment self-reference and make sure all Felix F in Hangman last week Section itself, Editor Eoghan articles were exclusively about Imperial of an extremely self- Totten successfully imitated College’s student newspaper, Felix. referential article, another Hangman’s own distinctive style. Felix Section, Comment, Diaz, the dictator of Mexico for over 30 years at the end has wisely followed suit. However, whilst Hangman Editor, Hangman, praised the attempt by Quickly realising that another his fellow section editor, Hangman fuck about anything beyond their small, meaningless ingenious idea had emerged from did go on to state that it “could lives. the depths of the Hangman mind, have been more self-referential” Comment succesfully produces a Comment Editors Eoghan Totten before adding, “frankly there was passable version of the self-referential and Tessa Davey churned out more than one reference to a world FRIDAY 22 NOV @feliximperial HANGMAN FelixImperial SIMPLE SIGN SOLVES England Still Shit LONDON’S CYCLING the turnip Friendly Results Fully Hangman’s Finest College News Source ISSUES Prepare Fans for Banker Uses Cocaine World Cup

People Apparently Surprised

ollowing the revelation F that former Co-op Bank chairman, Paul Flowers may well have bought cocaine after appearing before a Select These England fans are now well-pre- Committee, it has emerged that many pared for a summer of misery in Brazil. were somehow surprised by the news. uccessive friendly defeats It seems almost shocking that S either side of last weekend in this day and age people are has led England manager unaware that bankers and indeed FLowers giving evidence, probably all Roy Hodgson to state many in the City are regular that he feels England fans consumers of illegal substances. not a mustache at all and just a bag of are now thoroughly prepared for coke Picture Credit:BBC the World Cup in Brazil next year. How the fact that a member of one of probably the biggest drug consuming wondered one moron fascinated by !e results also reassured fans still communities in London is taking drugs the contrast between Flowers’ public confused by England’s successful has surprised people is truly baffling. and private personas and who clearly qualification campaign that the has inexplicably never heard of one of national side was indeed still a bit shit. Equally, the marvelling that has taken the most common of human failures place at the irony between Flower’s – failing to take your own advice. Hodgson stated “Hopefully this role as a Methodist minister and his result will reduce the pain of failing to blatant hedonism is similarly confusing At press time, !e Turnip cannot qualify from a group that will probably to anyone who has more than five understand how the general contain Switzerland as top seeds” minutes experience of the world population appears to be so naive as to before adding “We’ve done this for the actually think this story is particularly fans, because it’s the hope that will kill “How could he be so hypocrital?” newsworthy or worth much attention. them” CANCER GEMINI TAURUS VIRGO ARIES LEO

This week you have to de- This week, your swaggin This week you decide to audition for This week, after the brutal murder This week, nothing happens to This week, you wake up as Bad cide between crapping out self can’t seem to stop say- those star wars Disney auditions, of steven, you attempt a Franken- you at all. You read right, noth- luck Brian. since you are inter- your nose, or sneezing out ing YOlO, swag right? Ev- because you deserve the fame af- stein style resurrection of your pet ing! Nada, niente, rien, nichts. net wise you know what awaits your ass. On the pro side, ery one starts avoiding you, ter years of anonymity at imperial. mold. You get all different types of why are you still reading? Don’t you, so to avoid tempting fate both would be quite hilarious because they can’t deal with You stand in line believing that that - you have anything better to you lock yourself inside and stay party tricks. However one of your swag, YOlO! You YOlO main role is fated to be yours. One gus from Evelyn gardens, a bac- do? C’mon, get lost, I am busy in bed. However it turns out that them would make every trip yourself up in your room and teria colony from Tizard Hall and a here...... seriously, you are still that day, your lecturer awards a to the toilet an absolute tor- swag yourself to death to in excitement, and you know your bunch of ameoba from Beit. Every- here? what are you expecting, ture, and the other is sneez- the sweet lullaby of the YOlO time has come! It turns out that they thing works out however instead of some kind of joke? Here’s one: his course as he is tired of mark- ing out your ass. song. YOlO? needed a jabba hut stand in, and your beloved steven you instead ing exams. Oh also, you shit your body shape was perfect....well get his homicidal brother, Evan. swam into the wall? Damn! your pants. CAPRICORN at least you’re in a movie right? AQUARIUS SAGITTARIUS SCORPIO PISCES LIBRA

This week, after a drunken night This week, the alignment of This week the Editor sneers at you while you open a new Felix bundle, This week you go to watch the away, which no one ever uses mean- Mars and Venus means that despite standing next to a delivery bin full of several hundred fresh 50th anniversary episode of Doc- ing it is in pristine condition. You start grafted a penis to your head. at you will be unlucky in love, but copies. as you run away laughing, with Felicies being blown away tor who at the cinema with sev- taking shit, enjoying the clean that sur- - lucky with your coursework. by the wind he takes out a calculator and carefully aims for your eral of your friends. You arrive the rounds you. However to your horror age quite amusing and you play However due to an asteroid head. He throws the calculator and hits your friend, who happens to you discover that there is no more toi- with it. However the novelty wears smashing into Uranus, you be an aquarius. while you tend to your friend’s mathematical injury, seated next to the lecturer your let paper, meaning that you have been off pretty quickly, and soon you get may want to be careful about the Editor picks up two bundles and runs towards you, mad with accidentally swore at last week. pretty much imprisoned on your por- tired of being called a dickhead. someone eyeing you up in a hysteria! as you turn to run away he throws both bundles, while as you turn away embarrassed celain throne. Three weeks later clean- You try to cut it off, but pass out club, I mean you wouldn’t want screaming “This is FElIX”. However, tired after delivering the paper he takes out a sonic screwdriver him to put anything where the this morning, his is tackled to the ground by a visiting school child. and blasts you to bits. what a way scratched into the wall. attached itself to your ass. Pint? sun don’t shine. Right? You win this round! to go. Missed the show though... 38 FRIDAY 22 NOV

Kunal Wagle SPORT Editor: [email protected]

IC win in Cup and hitting the channels well. Dale hard he could, thrashing the ball in was beating his man all day for to the bottom left corner and send- IC beat Subway pace on the right and Prestinoni’s ing the keeper the opposite way. 2-0, dribbling skills meant that Kings advantage ICs. From an absolutely Paul Nugent Medics didn’t see much of the ball, huge goal kick from Wells which sellers 1st XI Football Player and when they did, the back four’s bypassed even their centre backs, militant back line caught them off- Captain Robinson drifted in from LUSL Cup days – the highlight of side. "e goal came as quickly as an the left and in behind the defence to any IC footballer’s career, more over excited fresher in bed. Dale take the ball first time on his chest, Paul Nugent gives the juicy details magic than the FA Cup and more got down the right, eating his man instantly putting him one on one grit and determination than a for breakfast (that’s not the only with the goalkeeper which he easily t was a cold frosty morning; latched on to it and fizzed it invitingly drunken iNuge verbally attacking thing he eats, ladies), playing the dispatched via a wonderful volley in I luckily the weather was a across the box, with Robinson just get- a granny on a night bus after the ball square through the CBs legs, to the back of the net to round off a little more stable than Frosty’s ting his first time finish the wrong side union. and directly in the path of Captain hat trick. stomach walls. Beasley faced of the left post. It was promising from We were facing off against Kings Robinson who opened his body "e tie wasn’t over yet though as a huge debate though: to wear IC, who needed a goal more than the Medics 2s, who we overturned in out in a Nugent-esque fashion and King’s Medics pulled one back from a layer underneath or not. Sacrifice Union needs efficiency. IC continued the Semi Final on our way to win- slotted the ball in. "e keeper was a corner. We did well to hold off any warmth and endure the possibility with high pressing and were awarded ning the cup last season. We face once again left sprawled, legs open more pressure and contain them of nipple chaffing, or lose vital fluids. a few free kicks, but when nothing their 1s, who won the LUSL league and dominated (Robinson, 2013). following their goal. Beasley’s intro- It was a tough choice, almost on par was coming to fruition, we stayed dis- last year, later in the campaign, and Rumour has it Captain Robin- duction saw the game settle in our with the age-old optimal banana ciplined and kept plugging away. Mur- we needed to send a message to son snapchatted a picture of their favour and his warm up was so quick consumption time and optimal phy then won another free kick on the them, much like we did to UCL’s 1s keeper to all his friends to gloat. he actually got out of the illustrious shower temperature. We got out on to edge of the box. After squandering a earlier in the season (By thrashing Not that he’s done anything like second gear. Nielsen and Nugent the pitch well before the opposition, few free kicks previously, he had to their 2s 13-0 in a friendly). Mur- that before. took it upon themselves to bomb up making sure to lock all of our lectures make this one count, and he did. Send- phy was noticeably missing, as was We went in at half time 1-0 to the the pitch and try and reclaim some notes in a safe. As we were warming ing the future Subway employee that Crawford. Suspicious. Rumour has good. Our lead was quickly dou- much needed fantasy points. Shamsi up, the second half of Westminster was their goalkeeper sprawling across it they were on a romantic getaway bled as Prestinoni’s tight dribbling had other ideas though, making a 1s arrived, opting to jump out over a the goal to try and reach the ball, his together; neither were available to saw him maze past several players good run down the middle allow- barbed wire fence rather than walking efforts were pointless as the ball went comment as they were both ‘busy’. before wading into the box and be- ing Dale to play him in, however he round to the actual entrance – clearly in off the far post. IC erupted like a "e football was fast flowing ing hacked down by their CB. Cap- did his best to put the ball anywhere a bright bunch. I hope they’re a little virgin reaching a climax; all the hard from IC and the midfield trio of tain Robinson stepped up to take but on target. 3-1 was the final score smarter when I tell them what I want work had paid off and there was defi- Cherif, Ayanwale and Hill were the penalty, and he grabbed the and saw IC 1s progress in to the next in my Subway. nitely the capacity for more goals. IC keeping the ball well in midfield chance by the balls and squeezed as round of the cup. Wanting to bounce back from two were creating loads of chances, slip- 1-0 defeats, high pressing, hard work ping balls in behind their back four, IC do the double over KCL and plenty of chat were on the agen- however the aforementioned lump, da. Dale was missing from the warm with a touch that would get him on a up, which has become the norm on particular register, decided that ejacu- Julian Iacoponi describes the action a Wednesday night. Captain Robin- lating wasn’t the only thing he would son led the pressure from the front, be doing prematurely today. Now in On both Wednesday 13th and Satur- ers’ orbital throw-ins helped IC get and what a day. shouting out multiple orders at their the role of linesman he was flagging day 16th of November, the ICUAFC back into King’s territory, and the 3s "e return leg on the following back four who scrambled to find the absolutely every through ball to Rob- 3rd team played the King’s College started to dominate again. Saturday the 16th was away at King’s BLT. Rumour has it he only takes girls inson offside, but, to be fair, he prob- 2nd team, home and away respec- With the defence becoming more home pitches at Berrylands (#For- to Subway to see if they can handle a ably didn’t know the offside rule. It’s tively. compact and composed with the tressB), and proved just as fruitful, foot long. Vicious. "e pressure from not a problem though, as I’m sure they On the Wednesday, coming off the Anglo-French pairing of Jack ‘Allez’ with another 3-0 3-pointer secured the team was starting to pay off as have plenty of ketchup, salt and pep- back of some huge confidence boost- Peacock and Vincent Avena ruling for the magical 3s. "is match-up Westminster panicked at the back per in Subway for him to learn. Bend ing wins in both the BUCS and LUSL over the King’s attack, the 3s started transpired to be another cagey affair, and they had no outlet on the pitch. It Like Beckham. cups (#cuprun), the atmosphere penetrating behind the King’s defence and was indeed tighter than Alex ‘Tut- Instead they had a lump up top, but With IC’s unique brand of high press- within the squad was teething with with Adam Marks linking up well with ti-Frutti’ Hugh-Wilson’s infamously all of that muscle meant nothing as ing football beginning to take a toll on tension to test ourselves against a re- Naven Ghulam up the right flank. skinny skinny-jeans. Chris Aspinall Diaz and Amjad didn’t even have to them, the game started to open up a spected side. "e game was tilting in IC’s favour, made some crucial blocks in goal to come out of first gear to beat him to bit, although Westminster’s non exist- When kick-off did come and was and Francis began imposing himself keep his sheet clean, and Adam Marks the ball. His touch was terrible, and ent knowledge of the offside rule ran followed moments later by a clatter- on the towering King’s centre-halves had his strongest performance of the Westminster were routinely broken throughout their whole team, as they ing Taha Butt tackle, it was evident evermore. Muscling out his opposing season (if not the best performance by down. We ended the first half well on were caught offside multiple times by that this fixture was going to be a defender, he lofted a defence-splitting any player in any season) in defence top, passes were slick, wingers were a militant back four. IC almost extend- tightly-fought affair. ball through to a sprinting Julian Iaco- and attack, timing tackles and con- skinning defenders and Crawford had ed the lead to 2-0 as Captain Robinson Solid defending from both sides poni to challenge for a 50-50 with the taining the King’s flank play, whilst resisted the temptation to wade in to pulled off a diving header, but wanted meant chances were few and far be- King’s keeper, only for the fresher to picking out his winger with scientific the Children’s Activity Centre. All we it a little bit too much and sent the ball tween in the first half. A tireless Fran- sky his shot, again. "is time however, precision and reliability. "is even lacked was a goal. in off his hands. "e last 10 minutes cis Nwobu nearly eked a goal from the aerial route to goal was deliber- prompted an onlooker to say, “Does "e second half almost delivered were a bit shaky but with the deploy- a bouncy through-ball from Myles ate, with the chip-cum-lob over the your right back usually play for a high- one instantly. From the restart, Cherif ment of Crawford and Beasley we saw Jarvis, only to be cruelly denied with goalie – despite convincing the rest of er team?” – high praise for the East played a ball in behind to Murphy who the game out well. a stellar off-balance claw away from the team it was going into the hockey Cornwall cornerback. the goal line by the King’s keeper. Per- pitches over the fence – dropping in at "e game was finally unlocked at haps the best chance of the half fell to as vertical an angle as possible, going the 70 minute mark, courtesy of a nar- ICUAFC is sponsored by: Julian Iacoponi – playing the floating into both the top and bottom corner row pitch and those aforementioned role on the edge of the box at a cor- simultaneously: not something you rocket-like long throws from left-back ner – but unfortunately the ensuing can say everyday about a goal! Miles Covers, which somehow small- bounce volley which fell to him so Relentless one-twos down the wing est-man-in-the-club Myles Jarvis got sweetly rose bitterly over the bar. led to more crosses and corners, one on the end of, to slot in an opportun- Both teams were content with going of which fell to Julian, sneaking in istic goal. "e other goals again came into the half-time break at 0-0. Start- at the back post, to slot a soft volley from the skipper-scorer-supreme: one ing the second half with a positive finish inside of the post. Right place, from a cracking free-kick cross caus- mind set, Alex Whittington slipped right time, and it was 3-0 with IC in ing the King’s keeper to fumble into a stellar sliding pass into the feet of cruise control. An audacious bicycle the net, and the other a tap in after Myles who, leading from the front as kick effort on goal from Alex Whit- right-winger Alex ‘Fantasy Futsal’ skipper, slotted away. tington – spectacularly saved by the Hassan placed the ball expertly into Initial 1-0 nerves kicked in as some opposition keeper – was the highlight that famously most uncertain of cor- sloppy passes left the IC goal exposed, of the remainder of play, whilst the ridors, which Myles smashed in at the requiring some strong sweeper- back four ensured a clean sheet with far post. keeper play from Sanjiv Dutt. Despite yet more confident clearances and 3-0 and the match secured, it was some sustained pressure, Miles Cov- clear communication. What a victory, time for celebrations to begin. FRIDAY 22 NOV 39 @feliximperial SPORT FelixImperial Premier League Water Polo: The Ashes Predictions Germany Tour Column

Kunal Wagle Diary Sports Editor James White West Brom v Aston Villa Football Columnist West Brom finally look the complete Writing on the eve of the footballing outfit, and Steve Clarke is Lillan Agerup reports as IC Water Ashes, in our new column right to say they would be higher up we preview the series Man City v Tottenham the table but for some poor referee- (Sunday 1:30pm, Sky Sports 1) ing decisions. Aston Villa’s best per- formances come away from home but in Germany Both these teams recruited heavily in with Christian Benteke off colour, the attack over the summer but, whereas Baggies can claim bragging rights in Manchester City’s Sergio Aguero and the Midlands derby. Alvaro Negredo are firing on all cyl- Prediction: 2-1 inders, Roberto Soldado et al. are se- riously struggling for goals. On top of that, City are extremely strong at Best of the rest home and it’s hard to see Spurs trou- bling them. Andre Villas-Boas will Arsenal v Southampton GETTY IMAGES probably set up defensively and play f there is one thing that almost for a point as he has done in recent Who would have thought this would I seems certain, it is that England matches, but can Spurs hold out for be 1st versus 3rd place at the start of face a much tougher task than 90 minutes? I doubt it. the season? Both sides are doing bril- the one they undertook during Prediction: 2-0 liantly and Saints will be as hard as the summer. With the addition ever to break down, but the Gunners of George Bailey (who showed strong Everton v Liverpool are very hard to oppose right now. form in the recent one-day series in (Saturday 12:45pm, BT Sports 1) Prediction: 2-1 India), Australia’s batting looks a bit stronger. England’s bowling hasn’t !is should be a cracking Mersey- Fulham v Swansea impressed as much as they would IC WATER POLO side derby. Both sides play attractive have liked in the tour matches, and football and have shown flair, hunger Swansea have made a slow start so it’s To kick off the season, the water was broken early in the evening, but the England management don’t seem and real quality all season. Everton are just as well for Michael Laudrup that polo team returned for the fifth time this did not stop TJ from getting too sure which bowling combination unbeaten at Goodison Park this year, Fulham are playing like amateurs at to Germany for the Aachen Annual photos with all the girls at the party. is their strongest. but they come up against the Premier the moment. Craven Cottage does not Water Polo Tournament. Not having !anks to Tom BF Imperial were However, England would have been League’s strongest attacking pair in suit the Swans’ expansive footballing previously won any matches in the last to leave the party only three very strongly encouraged by their top- Luis Suarez and Daniel Sturridge. All style but they are the better side and Germany, the team arrived with no hours before the first match on order’s batting performance. Michael 22 players on the pitch will be up for should take at least a point back to expectations other than giving it Sunday morning. After some good Carberry has shown that he is the this, so expect goals. If it was at An- South Wales. their best shot and getting in a lot navigation and some solid driving ideal partner to Alistair Cook, which field I would give Liverpool the edge Prediction: 1-1 of playing time to allow all levels from Stu (mainly on the right side would also allow Joe Root to remain but the Toffees are so strong at home of players improve their skills. of the road) the team arrived safely in the lower order where he has had that I have to go for a draw. Hull v Crystal Palace !e tournament kicked off on at the pool. !e guys’ match kicked more success. Prediction: 2-2 the Saturday morning after a short off at 9 am and impressively all the Mitchell Johnson has been added to Crystal Palace’s best two recent dis- night of sleep in the corridor for guys got in the pool. !e hangovers the bowling attack for Australia and West Ham v Chelsea plays have been at home to Arsenal most people, with Maurice sleeping and lack of sleep left the guys badly has been looking dangerous – espe- (Saturday 5:30pm, Sky Sports 1) and Everton, but they scored in nei- on the bar top. !e girls kicked off defeated 9-0. !eir second match cially during the one-day series against ther and goals are their biggest prob- with the first match. Starting out of the day was more successful with India. James Faulkner, the Australian Chelsea went into the international lem. Hull are by no means a free scor- modestly, they picked it up in the Irish James scoring 3 goals, one all-rounder, will also be expected to break on a bit of a downer, mustering ing side but they know how to win second half with Jo scoring our first of them beautifully set up by an play in the test after showing his ex- 1 point from 6 against Newcastle and ugly at the KC Stadium. goal of the day. Although the girls interception, sprint and assist from plosive credentials against India. In West Brom, and even that was cour- Prediction: 2-0 played well, the other team was too Jackson. Captain James took on the the five games against India, Faulkner tesy of a highly contentious penalty strong, leaving the girls at a 1-5 loss. strongest German player he could scored 65 and 116 – both at strike decision. West Ham also lost at Nor- Newcastle v Norwich !e girls’ second match was tougher, find to protect the freshers and rates of higher than 150. However, de- wich, but the big difference between with the other team playing violently still managed to get in a solid goal. spite this, his bowling was below par, these sides is in attack. Mourinho can !e biggest challenge for Chris and the match resulted in a 1-7 loss !e match ended 4-6 with another and he will be looking to correct that call upon Fernando Torres, Demba Hughton is to prove Norwich’s win with another goal from Jo. loss, but it was still one of the best in this series. !e key to Australia’s Ba, Samuel Eto’o and a wealth of mid- against West Ham wasn’t just a flash !e guys started a bit slowly in matches we have played, so everyone challenge will be Michael Clarke and fielders, whereas Big Sam has nobody. in the pan. !ey need to build on that, their first match but got better in was pleased. Ryan Harris, both of whom are injury He can use the small Upton Park pitch but their away record is abysmal and the second half with Tim getting two !e girls also had a match on the prone. !e Australian backroom staff to his advantage and restrict Chelsea’s Newcastle’s French midfield maestros goals in and our fresher Irish James last day and, with a motivational will have to work overtime to make width, but the Blues will ultimately have the flair to hurt them. getting in another goal. We also had talk from Joey, they all tried to sure both last the series. have too much class. Prediction: 2-0 Stuart put the ball in the corner of forget their pounding heads, giving Writing the day before the Brisbane Prediction: 1-2 the goal after a good pass by Tim. everything in the last match. test begins, it is clear that whilst Eng- !e guys lost the match 4-10 but, Starting off strong Jo managed land will be tested more than they Cardiff v Man Utd Stoke v Sunderland scoring more goals in this match than to get in a goal early in the match, were this summer, they should have (Sunday 4pm, Sky Sports 1) we have in the whole tournament giving us an edge over the other more than enough firepower to take Stoke haven’t won since August but in previous years, the guys were team. Smashing in another goal in the series comfortably. Pessimists, Man City came away from Cardiff Mark Hughes won’t face an easier pleased with their performance. !e the second half, the excitement was however, will point out that, whilst empty-handed earlier in the season game all season. Sunderland have is- second match of the day was tougher rising as the girls won their first ever England won 3-0, they were probably and David Moyes’ men will be put sues all over the pitch and the Potters for the guys but Alex scored in the match in Germany 2-0! saved in two tests by a combination through their paces here. !ey simply should have enough to edge this one. second half leaving the final score to Satisfied with the weekend and of rain and contentious decisions. If cannot afford to drop any more points Only at rock-bottom Crystal Palace be 1-10. their progression, the team is ready those decisions had gone Australia’s though and Rooney and van Persie have the Black Cats won away from Saturday night the team got ready to take on the other UK universities way, the series may have ended differ- should see them over the line. Wearside. for the legendary water polo party. knowing nothing will compare to the ently. !ey have to be wary of that this Prediction: 1-2 Prediction: 1-0 Our team mascot !e Blumenkholen German beasts. time round. SPORT “Keep the Cat Free” Kunal Wagle Editor: 22/11/13 INSIDE [email protected] Issue 1561 How to win in Germany? Get a hangover! felixonline.co.uk

“Thank you very much... Goodbye.” BUCS Home important one. India were level at 1-1 and aiming for an improbable series Kunal Wagle draw on the green and bouncy pitches Fixtures Sports Editor of South Africa. India were 28-2 in response to South Africa’s 362 and were in trouble – especially consid- ering the low scores that both sides n !ursday 16th had presented in the series thus far. November 1989, a Against an impressive Dale Steyn and O BADMINTON sixteen-year-old took Morne Morkel, Tendulkar racked up guard in his first 146. Tendulkar then scored a patient MENS 1ST VS BRUNEL innings for India and 14 from 91 balls on day five to save faced one of the most feared bowling the test, the series and India’s status as MENS 2ND VS MIDDLESEX attacks in the world. He was dismissed number one in the world. !is would by fellow debutant Waqar Younis for turn out to be Tendulkar’s last test MENS 3RD (MEDICS) VS ESSEX 15, but everyone knew that there century. was something special about this BASKETBALL schoolboy – the youngest ever test 7. 119 v England cricketer at the time. Old Trafford 1991 MENS 1ST VS SCHOOL OF ORIENTAL 24 years later to the day, this ‘little ge- AND AFRICAN STUDIES nius’ gave a 25 minute farewell speech Chasing a near impossible 408 to win MENS 2ND (MEDICS) VS SURREY to the crowd at his home ground in the game, India slumped to 127-5, and Mumbai, talking about how “it is hard even saving the game looked unlikely. to believe that this wonderful journey A seventeen-year-old Tendulkar then FENCING has come to an end”. In light of crick- shocked everyone as he produced a eting legend Sachin Tendulkar’s re- performance with great character, MENS 1ST VS UCL tirement Felix takes a look at his ten scoring his first test century and sav- best innings in an India shirt. ing the game for India – against all WOMENS 2ND VS SUSSEX odds. 10. 114 v Australia FOOTBALL Perth 1992 6. 143 v Australia Sharjah 1998 Tendulkar, on his first tour of Aus- MENS 1ST VS BRUNEL tralia, was fast running out of part- Australia’s target for India of 284 was MENS 5TH (MEDICS) VS ESSEX ners as India slumped to 159-8 in largely irrelevant in this game. !e Perth (known as one of the bounciest more important figure was that of pitches in the world). !e Australian 250 (adjusted after a sandstorm mid- HOCKEY bowling attack was looking forward to game), which is what India needed to BOARD OF CONTROL FOR CRICKET IN INDIA (BCCI) exposing a major weakness in Sachin book a place in the final on net run ing the last group stage match – India terrorist attacks had just taken place MENS 5TH VS LSE Tendulkar’s game by bouncing him rate (Australia had already qualified). and Pakistan had not played each oth- in Mumbai, and this match had WOMENS 1ST VS PORTSMOUTH out. But he responded in a way no- On a tough pitch – and Shane Warne er in more than three years. Chasing had to be hastily rearranged and body could have imagined. His in- bowling – Tendulkar produced a mas- 274, Tendulkar famously destroyed moved to Chennai from Mumbai. WOMENS 2ND (MEDICS) VS nings of 114 from 161 balls gave India ter class, scoring at more than a run a Shoaib Akhtar in his first over, and Tendulkar, a Mumbai man, had ap- HERTFORDSHIRE a fighting chance (which they ulti- ball to lead India to the final. went on to score 98 in 75 balls, despite peared in many advertisements in MENS 1ST VS HERTFORDHSIRE mately wasted), and gave the world a suffering from cramp. Fireworks went the lead up to the match telling the clue of what might be to come. 5. 241 v Australia off in India after the match – not be- Indian people to stick together. On MENS 3RD VS BUCKINGHAMSHIRE Sydney 2004 cause India had qualified for the next the pitch, India had been behind the 9. 155 v Australia round, not because of the result, but 8-ball for the first four days of the LACROSSE Chennai 1998 !is innings could almost be thought because Tendulkar had single-hand- match. But as usual Tendulkar came of as the resurrection of Tendulkar’s edly knocked arch-rivals Pakistan out to the rescue. Chasing 387 to win WOMENS 1ST VS OXFORD BROOKES !is innings was one of the famous career (although that might be a bit of the World Cup in the first round. (the third highest chase ever at the battles that took place between Ten- over the top). Tendulkar had endured time), Tendulkar reached his hun- NETBALL dulkar and Shane Warne over the a miserable 2003, scoring only 150 3. 200 v South Africa dred while hitting the winning runs. years. When Tendulkar arrived at the runs all season. !e rumblings had Gwalior 2010 !e commentator’s words, “Make no WOMENS 1ST (MEDICS) VS crease, India were 47 runs behind and started – maybe Tendulkar was past mistake about it, this is for Mumbai” CANTERBURY two wickets down. Shane Warne was his prime? Tendulkar proved them It was only fitting that the first person could not have been more apt. in his element, bowling on a fourth wrong in the New Year’s test in 2004, to score 200 in One-Day-Internation- SQUASH day Indian pitch with a lot of rough scoring 241 not out as India racked als was the leading run scorer in the 1. 134 v Australia on the leg side. Under pressure, Ten- up 705. His next two innings were 61 form of the game. Already leading Sharjah 1998 WOMENS 1ST VS SUSSEX dulkar launched into one of the best not out in the second innings, and 194 1-0 in a three match series, Tendulkar counter-attacking innings anyone has not out in the first test against Paki- batted serenely through the entire 50 If his previous innings in Sharjah ever played, frequently slog-sweeping stan. He wasn’t dismissed in 2004 until overs, scoring his 200th run in the last was great (see 6), then this perfor- TABLE TENNIS Warne into the stands. When India April 5th. Tendulkar was back to his over. India went on to take the series mance that Tendulkar produced two declared later in the day, Tendulkar scintillating best. 2-1. To put it into context, Tendulkar days later in the final could only be WOMENS 1ST VS KCL was not out on 155 and had helped only batted one other time in the se- classed as sensational. By this time MENS 1ST VS CAMBRIDGE India to a match winning lead of 347. 4. 98 v Pakistan ries, scoring 4. He was still named Tendulkar was clearly causing Shane Centurion 2003 man of the series. Warne nightmares (he also scored MENS 2ND VS KENT a century against them in the ICC 8. 146 v South Africa It may seem strange that one of Ten- 2. 103 v England Champions Trophy later in the year, TENNIS Cape Town 2011 dulkar’s best innings isn’t a century Chennai 2008 along with the ones in 9 and 6), as – especially given he has 100 of them he again swatted him away. Chasing WOMENS 2ND VS BRUNEL Tendulkar had already scored one – but the reality is that even Tendulkar When people remember this innings a target of 273 to win, Tendulkar led century in the series – his fiftieth – thinks this was his best innings, peri- they’ll also remember the circum- India to victory scoring 134 from but this was by far and away the more od. !ere was a lot of hype surround- stances that surrounded it. !e 26/11 131 balls.