Newsroom...... (410) 455 1260 E Advertising...... (410) 455 1261 Editor in Chief....(410) 455 1262 ETRIEVER Business fax...... (410) 455 1265 Web site...... trw.umbc.edu H E-mail...... [email protected] T WEEKLY “If an ordinaryR person is silent, it may be a tactical manuever. If a writer is silent, he is lying.” - Jaroslav Seifert Volume 37, Number 17 1000 Hilltop Circle, Baltimore, MD 21250 February 11, 2003 SGA President Nominated for Student Regent Inside Shockley Still Faces Competition From College Park, Salisbury Hopefuls KARL STRAUSS governing body for Maryland’s Shockley still faces opposi- Swalwell is being supported Retriever Weekly Staff Writer 11 primary public higher-edu- tion from two other finalists, heavily by State Senator John cation institutions. Among Eric Swalwell of College Park A. Gianetti. UMBC’s SGA President other things, the Regents are in and Tyler Patton of Salisbury Fenton has reported that News...... page 1 was chosen as one of three charge of hiring and firing uni- University. Both of these con- both Republicans and finalists for the sole student versity presidents, applying and tenders bring a lot of influence Democrats are standing behind Another car position on the Maryland Board creating new educational stan- to the table. Patton, who is the chair of the stolen, library of Regents. If selected by Gov. dards and altering tuition rates. Swalwell is a senior at University System of Maryland hours cut, and Bob Ehrlich, Phil Shockley will If Shockley is elected, he will College Park, and according to Student Council (USMSC), the WMBC pulls it be UMBC’s first ever student have the same rights, privileges Justin Fenton, a senior staff group in charge of nominating together. regent. and power as the other 16 gov- writer for College Park’s news- The Board of Regents is the ernor-appointed members. paper, The Diamondback, see Shockley, page 3

Opinion.....page 9 Future of space- flight discussed; writer declares tuition increases are the last straw.

Features.....page 18 View results of the search for UMBC’s hottest singles, then dance with Jeanine Dornin.

Sports...... page 30 Alexander J. Czisny / Retriever Weekly Staff Athletic Hall of Preparing to Serve Their Country: UMBC students in the ROTC program push themselves in the RAC during Fame inducts new their morning physical training. The cadets meet there every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. members and softball prepares for new season. ROTC Cadets Raise World Trade Center Also check out: college news...... page 2 the Academic Bar While Plans Set Forth to world news...... page 3 classifieds...... page 35 Serving Uncle Sam Change NY Skyline four day forecast A Cadet Discusses His Experiences Two Design Team Finalists Named Tuesday: snow showers with a high of 32 and a low being educated here, so are dent, made the final cut. of 17 MALCOLM FURGOL some of the leaders-to-be of the KARL STRAUSS Both companies have pro- Retriever Weekly Senior Writer Retriever Weekly Staff Writer Wednesday: partly cloudy US Army. UMBC students in the posed structures that would place Reserve Office Training Corps the world’s tallest buildings on with a high of 30 and a low War is a distant thought in The Lower Manhattan of 14 (ROTC) program bear a dual the New York skyline. the minds of most UMBC stu- Development Corporation named responsibility, one to themselves Libeskind’s vision calls for a Thursday: partly cloudy with dents as they adjust to new two finalists in its search for a and one to their country. glassy, angular building with a a high of 3 and a low of 23 schedules and get to know new design team to lead the rebuilding “My name is Vasilios spire attached that would reach professors. Despite the growing efforts at the former site of the Friday: mostly cloudy with a Agapios, but my friends all call upwards of 1,776 feet. THINK, tension concerning Iraq, many Twin Towers. A team headed by high of 41 and a low of 34 me Bill. I am a junior informa- whose team members include students’ primary concern is to Berlin architect Daniel Libeskind tion systems major and my rank Roland Park, a Baltimore resident perform well in class. However, and another group of international is Cadet Sergeant (C/SGT).” and Janet Marie Smith, has just as the arts, humanities and architects known as THINK, science leaders of tomorrow are see ROTC, page 2 which includes a Baltimore resi- see WTC, page 4 Page 2 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY NEWS February 11, 2003

BehindtheScenes Ellen Hemmerly: The AURP President College News Who Runs for Sport and for Research Harvard Student Wins Burger- ADAM HOPKINS Eating Contest Retriever Weekly Staff Writer incubator are among the nation’s best,” said UMBC President Freeman Hrabowski in an article in Insights Cambridge, Mass. (U-Wire) - It took Ellen Hemmerly, Executive Weekly. three pounds of meat, 12 slices of cheese, Director of the UMBC Research Park In addition to running and research, two buns and four minutes. Corporation, is not only busy advanc- Hemmerly makes time for being a fan at With a two-bite margin of victory, ing scientific investigation at the uni- plenty of other athletic events. “I should Courtesy of www.umbc.edu Adams House resident Ian D. Walker ‘03 versity, but she also goes the distance also mention that I am a UMBC basket- A Do-It-All Woman: Ellen Hemmerly stunned friends and restaurant workers at many non-academic venues. A ball fan - I am a season ticket holder.” still finds time in her busy schedule for Wednesday and captured victory in the first native of Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, she She added that her older son now plays running. “Burger Pot” hamburger-eating contest. loves ice hockey and has run two on the freshman and sophomore basket- Walker beat out competitors from Boston Marathons. ball team at College Park. Boston College, Boston University and “For a short time I was ranked in Even before she arrived at UMBC Quick Questions Northeastern University at the contest. the top five in running in my age group and her son arrived at College Park, “I’ve never seen anything like it,” said in the Washington/Baltimore area,” Hemmerly loved sports. She attended Bill A. Aruda, a cook at the Eagle Square said Hemmerly, who also said that she What is your favorite type of food? three universities for her undergraduate Deli. “This kid just sat down and ate the has been an avid runner for 20 years. “Anything Thai. My favorite Thai education: University of Vermont; whole thing in four minutes. I’ve been here She added that the Army Ten Miler in restaurant locally closed a year ago and McGill, located in Montreal, Canada; for a year and a half, and I’ve never seen 1998 was one of those races — and life I’m still trying to find a replacement.” then, she went home to Bethlehem to anyone eat like that.” events — that she will remember for- earn her Bachelor’s in Math at Moravian Walker, who is 6-foot-5 and weighs ever: “I met my now husband David What is your favorite college bas- College. At each of the undergraduate 260 pounds, said he had not planned on and we have done the race together ketball team? schools, Hemmerly enthusiastically fol- entering the competition. every year since, except for 2001 when “I am a big Terps fan. I love Chris lowed sports. “I went to Vermont main- “I didn’t really want to do it at first, it was canceled due to Sept. 11.” Wilcox and Juan Dixon and hardly ever ly for skiing,” she said. “While I was an considering that I’m supposed to be on a Hemmerly has been very busy miss either of my son’s games.” exchange student at McGill, I was an diet,” he said. “But all my friends came out lately. Not only does she oversee the avid hockey fan.” She continued her to support me. So I figured I’d give it a Research and Technology Park here at Have you ever met any famous own passion for the latter sport at shot.” UMBC, she is also a special assistant people? Cornell University, where she earned an Walker was tapped to represent to the vice president for administration “Yes, I meet many celebrities on the MBA in finance and played intramural Harvard University in the contest by John P. and finance at UMBC. In addition, Vineyard. I’ve met Carly Simon, who ice hockey. Veneziano, the College’s director of sports after being a seven-year member of the lives there, Spike Lee and the Clintons Outside of sports, Hemmerly also information. Veneziano had originally con- Association of University Research several times. Also, my first boyfriend enjoys leisure time wherever she goes, tacted two burly football players to com- Parks (AURP), a non-profit group was Jonathan Frakes [who played especially in Massachusetts. “I love pete, but they pointed to Walker as the wor- which oversees and supports research Commander William Riker on Star Trek: Martha’s Vineyard and built a small thiest candidate. Walker made his reputa- facilities at more than 200 universities The Next Generation]. We stayed in con- cape in Oak Bluffs there about ten years tion in an informal eating contest last sum- worldwide, she was recently named tact until he became famous....” ago,” she said. “I operate it as a rental mer, when he consumed two entire pizzas president of the organization. “Thanks property although I would love to retire in 19 minutes. to Ellen Hemmerly’s leadership, Amy Segreti contributed to this arti- there sometime.” “This was really special,” said Nick A. UMBC’s research park and business cle. Palazzo ‘03, Walker’s roommate. “This competition with other schools is important. Most people think that us Harvard kids ROTC Cadet Speaks About His can’t do stuff like eat a three pound ham- burger.” “They think we’re not meatheads, but we are,” Palazzo joked. Experiences in UMBC Program The competition was inspired by the Beanpot hockey match that pits Harvard from ROTC, page 1 Lieutenant Jennifer Smith explains that as against area colleges. Particularly of importance to long as a candidate fully completes the con- “We won the first Beanpot champi- Agapios is one of these UMBC Agapios is the camaraderie he feels with tracting process, including paperwork and a onship some 50 years ago this year,” said ROTC cadets. He joined the ROTC pro- his fellow cadets. He has developed a physical, they cannot be deployed with their Veneziano. “Now we’ve won the first gram on Sept. 11, 2002. “The events of bond with his comrades in the program, reserve unit. “Joining ROTC does not Burger Pot championship too. We’re quite 9/11 did play into my decision to join “We really are like a ‘Band of Brothers lessen a reservist’s patriotism; it simply proud of Ian.” ROTC; I feel that this is a time when my (and Sisters); everybody looks out for means that education can proceed uninter- The “Riley Burger,” which Walker country needs every bit of help available everybody else...I consider it a great rupted; upon graduation they will then fully consumed, consists of six half-pound pat- to her, and I gladly offer my services.” honor to associate myself with these fan- serve the USA,” said Smith. ties, and is named for Sean Riley, the first There were many other reasons tastic people.” Though Agapios feels that the UMBC person to accomplish the feat of eating it — Agapios joined the program. He receives Until he finishes the ROTC cadet community is fairly supportive of his deci- in just more than two hours. a two-year scholarship that also pays for program, Agapios will not receive area- sion to be in the program, there are some The patties stacked up six inches high, books and a $300 monthly stipend. specific training. Still, this has not misconceptions that he would like to cor- and were held together by a long toothpick “Especially with the recent increase in stopped him from thinking about what he rect. similar to a kebab stick. tuition, I’m extremely thankful for the would like to do. “When I graduate and “The main thing that I want the people Sitting down to the table, Walker said scholarship,” Agapios said. go into the Army, I want to go either into of UMBC to know about being a cadet or a he thought his biggest threat would come In addition, Agapios receives some the Signal Corps (the Army’s communi- soldier is that we’re not the cold-blooded from the Northeastern eater to his right, a of the best leadership training available cation branch) or Military Intelligence.” killing machines that some people would 300-pound lineman on the football team. to prepare him to become an officer. As a war with Iraq becomes more have you think.” “He was big but he didn’t have his Upon completion of the program Agapios and more a reality, Agapios’ thoughts According to Agapios, cadets and sol- heart in it,” Walker said. “When we started can expect to be in charge of a platoon of have also turned to the matter. diers are just regular people trying to lead eating I knew I was in good shape.” approximately 30 people, “Not very “Professionally, I can’t really say regular lives, “What we do as soldiers “I was in the zone,” Walker said. “I many people can say that they’re ‘in whether war with Iraq would be good or often gets hyped up and exaggerated in could barely notice anything around me.” charge’ of any number of people right out bad; that decision is left to the the media, and it makes us come off as He seized the patties, two at a time, of college.” Unlike other graduates who Commander in Chief and his staff. these unfeeling, uncaring, violent, brutal quickening in speed and resolve. By the will most likely be limited to entry-level Whatever that decision may be, I’ll sup- murderers, and that simply isn’t the case... time he had reached the last patty, he said positions in companies they apply to, port it 110%.” at all.” In the end he is confident in the the eating had gotten easier. He stuffed Agapios will have the leadership experi- However, as an ROTC cadet Agapios support he receives from his friends, “and down the last morsels of meat and threw his ence to qualify him for higher-level jobs cannot be called to active duty until he com- that’s really all I need.” hand in the air in the corporate world. pletes the program. Army Second February 11, 2003 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY NEWS Page 3 SadbutTr ue or those of you who played This One is Real sidiary of the German firm Condomi Fthe game last week, the fake selected 10 men from among 10,000 col- story was “She’s Never Lonely.” 2003 — If it hadn’t been for the metal lege students across Great Britain to be detector at the Regina, Saskatchewan, air- condom testers, paying them a rate of World News The basics of the story were port, the woman might still wonder why her about $170 per term to test for comfort right, but the names, places and stomach pains following June 2002 surgery and convenience, with unlimited sup- U.S. Met with Iranians on War some of the events were were persisting. When the detector relent- plies (of condoms, not partners). changed to protect the innocent lessly beeped but no metal could be found on Newcastle University law student Dave (Washington Post) Bush administra- or mostly just because I was too her, she scheduled an X-ray and discovered Chapman, one of the 10, told a reporter tion officials held a rare private meeting that a 12-inch-long surgical retractor had in December that he thinks the assign- lazy to really make up one. This with Iranian envoys in Europe last month been left inside. ment is “to get through as many as to seek a promise of humanitarian help and pretty much happens every humanly possible.” an assurance that the Tehran government week, so if you think you can do Also Real would not interfere in military operations a better job with this column, I’ll This One is the Fake One if the United States goes to war against probably agree and let you write 2003 — Matthew and Elaine Iraq, U.S. officials said yesterday. it for me. Sweetapple recently invented a “game of 2003 – In Wimbledon, England U.S. diplomats carrying a carefully skill, power, speed and endurance,” consist- goalkeeper Richard Gilroy stayed on the designed message also asked Iran to join If you don’t know already, ing of a biodegradable ball (smaller than a field for 12 minutes after everyone else search-and-rescue missions for downed here are the rules: Guess golf ball) placed in a urinal, to be disinte- had left because the fog that caused the U.S. air crews, officials reported. They fur- which one is the fake story, e- grated by a urinator (either alone or in “com- soccer game’s cancellation was so thick ther requested that the Iranian government mail your guess to petition”). The product, Peeball, was that he didn’t see the other players leave. deny haven to fleeing Iraqis who might try [email protected], then launched for sale (equivalent of $1.70) late to cross into Iran and regroup against a in 2002 by Great Britain’s Prostate Cancer This One is not the Fake One U.S.-supported government in Baghdad. look in next week’s issue to Charity, which hopes the novelty will call A senior administration official said see if your guess is correct. If attention to its cause, because players with 2003 — Paul and Hannelore Richter the White House hopes the Iranians “will it is, stop by UC 214 to pick prostate problems are typically poor at the said they have been keeping a pet eel in stay out of the way” if U.S.-led forces top- up your free movie passes. game. Player strategies, basically, are (1) their family bathtub for 33 years (trans- ple Iraqi President Saddam Hussein in Oh, I also gave you some direct stream and (2) intermittent stream. ferred to a bucket when the tub is other- favor of a pro-Western government. U.S. and U.N. officials report that signals from clues in this week’s column. wise in use), first because their kids Yup, Still Real begged them to and later because the Tehran have been encouraging, although Let’s see if you can spot them. Richters feared it could no longer sur- the Iranian government opposes military -Brandon Dudley 2003 — In December, the British sub- vive in the wild. action. The overture to Iran, a member of what President Bush called an “axis of evil,” demonstrates the extent of the administration’s efforts to line up support in the Persian Gulf for an increasingly like- Shockley Tries for Student Regent ly war against Iraq. Bush has condemned the politics of the Tehran government but from SHOCKLEY, page 1 sending in his application to UMBC’s unpolitical appointments. But it obvi- is seeking its cooperation as agreements student regent applicants to the nomination committee. Next, the com- ously involves politics. Some positions with Iraqi neighbors Turkey and Jordan Chancellor. mittee decided on a candidate. If they are inherently political, but this should fall into place. Despite his competitors’ benefits, felt none of the applicants merited nom- not be one of them,” said Shockley. In London this week, Iranian Foreign Shockley’s chances remain very strong. ination, they did not have to select any- If Shockley is chosen, his one-year Minister Kamal Kharrazi said a war would The fact that UMBC, a school designat- one to move on to be reviewed by the term will begin on July 1. His main have repercussions in Iran. But he said Iran ed “Hot” by Newsweek, has never had a USMSC. objective will be to “help students feel is prepared to settle Iraqi refugees tem- student regent may prove to be to Seven students met with the optimistic about the future of the system porarily along its border. During the U.S.- Shockley’s advantage. USMSC, and three candidates were rec- and their individual university in these led campaign in Afghanistan on Iran’s Another advantage Shockley has is ommended to the Chancellor’s office. tough economic times.” northern border, Iran offered to conduct that Eric Swalwell, as a student at The Chancellor held individual inter- Phil is not sure when he will hear, search-and-rescue missions. “Iran is basi- College Park, has little chance of being views with Phil and the other finalists in but he said it has been rumored that Gov. cally against war and is not going to sup- named Student Regent. January. The students were then ranked, Ehrlich may announce his decision on port either side,” Kharrazi said. The current student representative is and this list was submitted to the gover- Feb. 16. There is no fondness in Iran for Andrew Carter, a College Park senior. It nor for consideration. Shockley said he is “blessed to get Hussein, who waged a bitter war against seems that former governor Parris If Gov. Ehrlich wishes, he need not this far.” the country in the 1980s and allegedly Glendening had a policy of not choosing pick any of the finalists. He is allowed Barbara Little, Coordinator for used poison gas against its citizens. Yet, a student from the same university in to choose anyone he wants for the stu- Leadership Education in the Office of great ambivalence exists about the consecutive years. If newly-elected Gov. dent regent position. Student Life, stated, “I can assure you prospect of a new government next door Ehrlich holds true to this policy, Shockley finds this element of sub- that Phil is the kind of person you want endorsed by the United States. It has been Shockley’s chances are much better. jectivity distressing. “I feel that the in this position. He will be our first barely a year since a U.S.-backed govern- Shockley began this process by position was meant to be one of the most Student Regent.” ment took root in Afghanistan after the fall of the Islamic Taliban government. Analysts believe Iran has an abiding interest in the outcome of any conflict in An End to Late-Night Studying in the Library Iraq. Tehran has long supported Muslim Shiite exiles from Iraq who intend to seek AMY SEGRETI “We’re now suffering from a 10% “I do want to restore these hours. My power if Hussein falls. Analysts predict reduction in force,” said Wilt. goal is to have the library open until 2 a.m. Iran will not take an active role during any Retriever Weekly Editorial Staff Wilt says that so far he has gotten little every night,” Wilt stated. “We are currently armed conflict, but will later seek influ- The Albin O. Kuhn Library has cut feedback from students about the change in saving money so that we can at least have ence in heavily Shiite southern Iraq and back its hours from midnight until 10:30 hours. “I think that people don’t really see it extended hours during finals.” the central government. As a U.S. official p.m. on Sundays and weekdays, showing as surprising because they are well- “I think it’s ridiculous,” said Brian put it, “They don’t want to be shut out.” yet another example of the state budget informed about the budget constraints.” Robey, senior. “I know quite a few people In another development, the Bush crisis’ effects on UMBC. Wilt notes that there are other ways and who use the library after 10:30 p.m. because administration has begun notifying U.S.- Larry Wilt, Library Director, says places for students to do their studying out- of their 7:00 p.m. – 9:45 p.m. classes, and based humanitarian organizations that the problem lies in the open positions side of the library. More than half of the they need those extra study hours. I feel it is they will be issued licenses permitting that cannot be filled because of the hir- journal texts are online, as well as a number unfair to these and other students.” them to work in Iran and northern Iraq. ing freeze. “People have resigned to take of books. “I have also noticed that a lot of “It’s pointless, because UMBC was one The groups will be surveying potential other jobs, and we are unable to hire students use the Commons to do their after- of the hardest schools hit as far as the tuition needs and positioning supplies in readi- people for those positions,” said Wilt. hour studying,” said Wilt. Students can do increase,” said Manny Torralba, senior. ness for a potential conflict, said represen- He estimates that there are around three their research online with the new catalo- “Our tuition has gone up, yet our benefits tatives of the organizations and the U.S. or four open positions frozen. gusmai. are being cut.” government. Page 4 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY NEWS February 11, 2003 Plans to Rebuild World Police Log Trade Center in Effect

Theft from Building Motor Vehicle Theft from WTC, page 1 a memorial site on the grounds to planned for two lattice-work towers, remember all victims of the Sept. 11 January 28, 8:49 a.m. ; RAC January 30, 8:03 p.m. ; Lot 9 - A black each of which would stretch 1,665 feet to attack. Center - A student reported that her 1999 Honda Civic was stolen from lot 9. It the sky. Libeskind and THINK have also left wallet and its contents were stolen was later found abandoned in Washington The major difference between the room for office buildings, however nei- from the women’s locker room in the D.C. two teams of architects is that THINK ther team will build offices on the upper RAC Center. She stated that her wallet envisions more of a cultural center. Their floors. Libeskind’s plan calls for 70 sto- was in her backpack, which she placed False Fire Alarm idea includes a library, a museum, and ries of offices, while THINK will place in one of the lockers. The student did other cultural attractions for the visitors workspace on the outer perimeter of the not put a lock on the locker. January 31, 5:01 p.m. ; Harbor Hall - A and citizens of New York. buildings. The reason for the lack of resident student of Harbor Hall accidentally The creation of a new vision for this offices is due mainly to the increased use Theft from Building set off the fire alarm in Harbor Hall. Lower Manhattan complex has been a and efficiency of today’s technology. In daunting task. Seven design teams origi- her Jan. 26 New York Times article, January 28, 5:03 p.m. ; RAC Theft from Building nally put in their bids for the project. The Saskia Saskken pointed out that because Center - A student reported that her architects envisioned everything from of global telecommunications, the need wallet and its contents were stolen February 2, 12:30 p.m. ; Library - A geometric block buildings to high-rising for financial communities to assemble in from the women’s locker room in the UMBC student reported that he left his skyscrapers with futuristic frameworks. one place is almost obsolete. RAC Center. She stated that her wallet backpack that contained his cell phone unat- Inside and around the tower grounds The Twin Towers of the World Trade was in her backpack, which she placed tended in the library and person(s) unknown there were hopes of a memorial area, a Center rose above the New York skyline in one of the lockers. The student did removed his cell phone valued at $100 from museum honoring the heroes of Sept. 11 for over three decades before their tragic not put a lock on the locker. it. and new office buildings. fall on Sept. 11, 2001. Deciding on how to rebuild this area Some students’ biggest concern is Theft Theft has been so difficult for one major rea- the new towers’ height. “The size should son. The original World Trade Center be big enough for its functional purpose January 28, 8:29 p.m. ; Biological February 2, 11:58 a.m. ; South Campus was built at a time when, according to and what the citizens of New York would Sciences - A banner that was hung out- - An employee of Columbia Technologies historian David Johnson, “…the future allow for and need,” said Jen Caswell, a side of the Biological Sciences Bldg. reported that person(s) unknown removed a of New York was dim and uncertain.” junior Political Science and Psychology advertising the Ludacris Concert was Honda Generator valued at $1,145. The The center restored confidence to the major. “They should make them the stolen. generator was attached to a parked truck that Lower Manhattan area during the 1970s. tallest buildings in the world,” said was located at South Campus. Now, following Sept. 11 and its effects, Bryan Chaungoc, a senior IFSM major. Theft the futures of Lower Manhattan and New Amanda Otis, a junior Economic Theft from Building York appear uncertain again. Policy Analysis major noted that “the January 30, 9:28 a.m. ; ITE Bldg. - After the terrorist attack, many busi- new world trade center should not only nesses relocated themselves to Midtown replace the old towers in function, they An unknown individual drove up to February 3, 3:41 p.m. ; Patapsco Hall - Manhattan, New Jersey and Connecticut. should also be designed to include or the construction site of the ITE Bldg. A UMBC student reported that person(s) As a result, Lower Manhattan lost a por- stand as a monument to those who lost and removed $2000 worth of metal unknown removed his digital camera valued tion of its job and economic base. their lives. The simple fact that they are used for roofing. at $200 from his dorm room. Additionally, the city could receive a bid being rebuilt demonstrates the United to host the Olympics in 2012. States’ ability to remain strong and dig- Aside from the magnificent height of nified despite our losses. The new design Campus Mail Distribution the plans, each company intends to place should reflect those qualities.” May Face Dramatic Changes Police Department Allowed Students May Only Have Centralized Mailboxes to Hire Back Three Officers JOE HOWLEY Vitak has been working to develop new Retriever Weekly Editorial Staff mail distribution schemes. “The whole goal Some Pressure Relieved; Anxiety Remains here is to minimize the impact on the campus,” UMBC may be forced to dramatically he said. JOE HOWLEY according to Behm. alter its system of mail distribution throughout According to Vitak, Residential Life con- Retriever Weekly Editorial Staff The three most recent vacancies are the campus due to the current budget crisis sit- stitutes a large part of mail delivery on campus. from officers “accepting higher paying uation. One possible plan would be to build central The UMBC Police Department has positions elsewhere,” said Behm. It is According to George Vitak, Director of mailboxes for all residential students. Students received funding from the school to hire these positions that have been Communications, the mail room will either would then have to pick up their mail, and the back three of the six officers it has lost “released.” need to be able to fill a vacancy left open by the mailbox would stay with them for as long as since the state imposed a hiring freeze to Still, police sources who request state hiring freeze or change the way mail is they live on campus. address budget concerns. anonymity for fear of recrimination say distributed to recipients on campus. One One challenge to the central mailbox idea Despite the fact that public safety is this will not solve the problem. Three option would be central mail boxes for all stu- is finding empty space to build enough mail- exempt from the State of Maryland’s vacancies still remain, they say, and a dents instead of delivery to dorms. boxes for every residential student - well over hiring freeze, UMBC Police did not shortage of three officers will not make The mail room, which is responsible for 3,000, according to Vitak. “I don’t know where have the funds necessary to hire replace- it easy to deal with an ever-increasing sorting all mail that comes into UMBC and they’re going to find the space,” he said. ments when five of their officers left the student population. distributing it to its respective department or Charles Fey, Vice President for Student force over the past several months. Police sources also note that the section of campus, is normally staffed by five Affairs, cautioned that no decision has yet been Mark Behm, Vice President for shortage of officers has changed duty people. When one left recently, the mail room reached. “As we’ve explored, each idea has Administrative Affairs, said that meas- shifts, but Behm challenges this notion. was unable to fill the vacancy because of the come up with both pros and cons to it and we ures taken throughout the school would “The Police have added six officers on state hiring freeze currently in effect. The mail haven’t been able to identify one that is suffi- help curb the budget situation. “By bikes patrolling the campus and plan to room has made due with a “contractual” ciently cost-effective to warrant moving for- reducing purchases, postponing hiring increase foot patrols in the residential employee, but this is not a permanent arrange- ward with it yet.” where positions are vacant and other areas of campus,” Behm said. ment and can only be continued through the “One of the biggest things is package actions, we will save approximately $4.5 The student population at UMBC summer. delivery,” Fey noted, a fact Vitak confirmed. million,” said Behm. has steadily increased since 1997. New There is no word on when the hiring In the mail room, “between 100 and 200 Behm noted that two of the vacan- residential facilities on campus are freeze will be lifted. boxes a week can be handled for the residential cies have existed since Fall 2002, and expected to be completed by fall 2003. Vitak explained that the sorting and distri- side,” Vitak said. three more were created with the resig- While police sources expressed bution process as it stands is a five-person job “It looks like no matter what we do we’re nation of officers in January 2003. A doubts about the way the officer short- and is hard to carry out with only four. probably going to centralize package delivery sixth officer was on the force under a age would affect campus security, Behm “Running the operations with twenty percent to one location, probably the Comm Store,” grant, and when the grant expired, the was reassuring. “We are going to replace less staff... means forty less hours available to university did not take up the funding. the officers as quickly as possible,” said deliver mail,” Vitak said. see CAMPUS MAIL, page 6 The earlier two vacancies are “frozen,” Behm. February 11, 2003 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY NEWS Page 5 Car Stolen from Campus Lecture Presents an Israeli

JOE HOWLEY vehicle,” Lewis said. Retriever Weekly Editorial Staff On Jan. 30, a similar theft was reported Strategic Perspective on Iraq at 8:03 p.m. from Lot 9, which is located A car was stolen from the Commons behind the Fine Arts and ITE buildings. Lecturer Examines Israeli-Iraqi War Lessons Garage on Wednesday, only days after According to police records, the car was another car theft from Parking Lot 9. later found in Washington, DC. On Feb. 5, a black 2000 Honda Civic Lewis said police suggest students take was reported stolen from the second level of simple precautions to prevent car theft. the Commons Garage. The case is still “We’re just encouraging everybody to make open. sure their vehicles are locked,” Lewis said. “It hasn’t been recovered,” said Officer “The victim reported that he parked on Jim Lins. the second level of the Commons Garage at According to Deputy Chief Manuel 8 a.m.,” Lins quoted from police records. Lewis, the car has not been found. “We’re “When he returned at 1:30 p.m., the vehicle still in the process of trying to locate the was gone.” WMBC Hopes to Broaden Horizons, Expand Audience UMBC’s Radio Station Getting New Equipment

AMY SEGRETI Commission (FCC) license. “If someone says Retriever Weekly Editorial Staff a cuss word on the air, we could get fined $500,000,” Kempler explains. “But our DJs When asked which radio show is the most have been pretty good at cutting them out so popular, Patrick Bladen, a DJ at WMBC far.” replied, “None of the DJs are really popular at In the past, the station has tried to put all.” speakers outside the academic buildings, and WMBC is UMBC’s admittedly little- this is still a hope for the DJs. “We just want to known radio station. But with the addition of put speakers playing out music softly outside, Alex Czisny / Retriever Weekly Staff new equipment and a higher commitment to so that if students want to listen, they could Possible Danger: Yisrael Ne’eman recounts the history and shares his insight on raising awareness about the station and its step a little closer and find out what we’re all Israeli-Iraqi interactions. shows, WMBC’s Station Manager Avi about.” Kempler is looking forward to a successful “We try to promote music that’s not HARVIN PEREZ In 1981, Israel preemptively spring semester. played on mainstream – mainly independent Retriever Weekly Staff Writer destroyed the Osirak nuclear facility “It’s frustrating because we don’t have the music,” said Anne Tabor, Music Director. outside of Baghdad, a setback in Iraq’s ability to reach more listeners,” said Ian Tabor keeps in touch with labels to make sure As the United States prepares for nuclear program which Ne’eman asserts Brown, a DJ at the station. “If students want to WMBC keeps receiving more music and that possible military action, Israel is con- Hussein has not forgotten. The common listen to us, they have to go online and down- the music gets on the shelves. The station fronting the danger posed by its power- opinion in Israel that “one nuclear load Winamp if they don’t have it. Students receives new music by having distributors ful neighbor state to the east, Iraq. In a weapon that falls in Israel is the end of basically have to work to hear us.” But that is send them dozens of tapes on a regular basis. lecture at UMBC, Yisrael Ne’eman the state” appears to be a clear indica- about to change. Kempler reaffirms, as stated on the drove home the point that Israelis must tion of why Israel is not a signatory of The station will be getting an antenna in WMBC website, that, “for every artist that has always be ready to respond to attack by 1968 Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty, four weeks, meaning students will be able to a single on commercial radio, there are dozens Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein. which prohibits the development of listen to WMBC up to one-mile from the of other great artists who also deserve to be An ongoing series of lectures on nuclear weapons even for defensive pur- antenna’s position. “The antenna should open heard.” current Israeli issues sponsored by poses. us up to more student listeners,” said Brown. Ray Shaw and Robert Fayer are part of Jewish organization Hillel brought “Defend the West Bank- Jordan bor- “We have a bit of every kind of music. I really the station’s Production Department. “They do Ne’eman, a lecturer at Haifa University der at all costs.” This is the spirit of the think people could really find their own thing – everything,” according to Kempler. “They in Israel, to UMBC. Military history and Allon Plan, which advocates holding we’re always on and we’re commercial-free.” review the music as well as run production, Middle East politics, stressed Ne’eman, onto border territories such as the West Kempler hopes that WMBC will be and Shaw is what we call our Computer-Tech illustrated the necessity of Israeli alert- Bank and the Golan Heights to defend broadcast in the arcade and eventually Guy.” Shaw also designs the website for ness in case of retaliatory attacks by Israel against a possible Iraqi attack. throughout the Commons, and also wishes to UMBC’s media departments. Iraq. Ne’eman emphasized that topography move the station more into the public eye. Not just a music station, WMBC often has Guessing the average college stu- plays an enormous role in the military “We’re actively looking for a newer and larger shows that are comedic, and DJs request stu- dent’s knowledge of Israeli history to be defense of Israel, a small country that home,” he said. dents to call-in. “I think my show is pretty limited, Ne’eman energetically provided needs all the buffers it can obtain. Kempler is currently working on getting funny,” said Brown. “We just have a lot of fun a crash course to bring everyone up to The American media emphasizes the allocations for the budget to promote the sta- and like to do a lot of crazy stuff. We want to speed. From the Ottoman Empire to volatility of Palestinian suicide attacks tion, such as getting more photocopies for fly- eventually have call-in contests, and the more British and French domination and on Israeli civilians, but to the military ers. “We only get $1,500 – it takes at least listeners we have, the more fun we can have,” through the carving of states based on the most nightmarish scenario would be $20,000 to run a radio station.” he added. “artificial boundaries,” Ne’eman a successful Syrian and Iraqi invasion WMBC is also attempting to acquire a As part of its upcoming events, the station brought the Middle East’s xenophobia through these border territories. seven-second delay, which is necessary in is having a concert with local bands in March, into perspective with the note that Other topics discussed included order to obtain a Federal Communications and holding a DJ Battle in early April. “tribes do not live in straight lines.” whether democracy is right for a post- Ne’eman discussed how the establish- war Iraq, the strength of the Iraqi ment of the Jewish state was seen in the National Congress, the problems associ- Arab world as a conquest of “20th cen- ated with calling up Israeli reservists in from Straight your room tury European Jewish crusaders” and case of war and the Israeli perspective how that has led to the hostilities we that the West should “get in and get out witness today. quickly” to avoid the accusation of the Want to represent your hall or apartment in Since the beginning, Iraq has partic- United States being the world’s bully. ipated in every attempt to erase Israel Student reaction to the lecture was The Retriever Weekly? from the map. Iraqi troops attacked approving of Mr. Ne’eman. Sarah Israel after its creation in 1948, in the Fusselbaugh, junior, said she was “inter- Six Day War of 1967 and during the ested more about Kuwait because I have Be a Dorm Correspondent. Yom Kippur War of 1973. Jordan, each a friend that lives there” but that she still time, has served as the path to war for found the lecture interesting. the invading Iraqi armies. The historical Nicholas Sraver, junior, felt that Email [email protected] cooperation between Syria, Lebanon, Ne’eman’s lecture was “very informa- Egypt, Jordan and Iraq has forced Israel tional” and that his discussion focused to play a game of survival of the fittest. on “all the topics I was interested in.” Page 6 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY NEWS February 11, 2003 University Health Services Changes Billing Methods up MICHAEL KARABINOS their account. ut Retriever Weekly Staff Writer Graphic Design student Evan h Wiegand agreed that the changes are a Sand University Health Services (UHS) has good idea and felt that billing the student made changes to payment procedures and insurance companies will “save us da which it says will benefit students as well from having to pay a lot of money up front, nce as the university. and be more like going to the doctor at UHS director Nancy West said the home.” ! new changes “really make sense” and will This feeling, that UHS will be more make using health services easier for like a regular doctor’s office, is exactly patients who come for a visit. what West was hoping for. West said she The first of the two major revisions hopes that UHS will become self-sufficient deals mainly with the patient’s insurance and not have to rely on state funds as much Fish Head plan. UHS will now bill the student’s anymore, though she believes that “will insurance company for any services ren- take several years.” Cantina dered and will only charge students the co- Ascend, the company in charge of the payment asked for by the insurance com- billing to insurance companies, is a new (FormerlyThe FishBowl) pany. company that works with universities car- This plan will make obsolete the prac- rying out this process. West described $ 00 Drafts tice of sending out a reimbursement form UMBC as a “guinea pig” for the new sys- 1 to the insurance company. tem, because the University of Alabama is $ 00 The second change concerns pay- the only other school to use Ascend to bill 1 Rail Drinks ments made to UHS, including co-pay- insurance companies. ments. Students will no longer be able to The new changes also help UHS work 50¢ Shooters pay by cash or check at UHS. All payments more efficiently. Instead of spending time that need to be made will either be paid counting cash and dealing with it, the new using a campus debit card or will be billed plans give UHS two hours a day of more Pool tables, video games, american darts, to the student’s university account. open employee time. This is important plenty of Free Parking & of course our very own drunken, Alethea Venida, a sophomore major- because, according to West, the number of incoherent DJ! ing in Biology/Pre-Med and English staff at UHS has stayed the same since she Literature, said she thought the changes came to UMBC four years ago, yet the Only a $300 Cover for this much fun!!! could bring more students to UHS who number of patients a day has more than 21 & over - inside otherwise would stay home or go to a doc- doubled. 18 & over - outside (weather permitting) tor’s office to treat ailments. The only fears students seem to have Venida felt the price of an appoint- is that if they have the money for the co- ment at UHS is too high, and thinks that pay they would want to pay it on the spot charging merely a regular co-pay and and not have to wait for a bill to come. 410-247-2474 4802 Benson Ave. allowing patients to be billed later will Fortunately, if this is the case, the student (Located in Arbutus) allow other students to go to UHS when can put the money on his or her campus they need minimal medical attention. card and pay at UHS. West also stated that Director West said that the option to students who forget their cards or who do have the payment billed to one’s universi- not have money on them can have their ty account was always popular. In fact, bills held for 72 hours so that they can add Budget Cuts May Create a even before the changes on Jan. 27 more money to the card if they do not want the than 70% of students paid by billing to charge showing up on their university bill. Decrease in Mail Delivery Future of Pub Space Uncertain from CAMPUS MAIL, page 4 “I don’t want to walk out there to get said Fey, referring to the store in the University my mail,” said freshman Rachel McCrum. ROBERT REDDING have more than one center.” Behm noted Center which currently sells postal supplies Vitak stressed that Residential Life Retriever Weekly Senior Writer that having everything in one place like and ships letters and packages. will not be the only part of campus affected it is in the Commons makes it easier to Residential Life Desk Staff member Andy - academic departments may have to pick The University Center is currently have the space open later and offer more Glass, sophomore, expressed skepticism that up their mail centrally as well. “We will try undergoing a backfill analysis to deter- variety. students would go to pick up their mail at a to work with every department. Our goal is mine what should replace areas of the Though there is no timetable for central location. “People don’t get their mail not to make life difficult for people.” Pub that were vacated, according to when the space will be put back into use, now,” Glass said. Ogundipe noted that dorm mail can be Mark Demshak, Campus Architect. it will be “sooner rather than later,” said Desk Staff are responsible for sorting the inconvenient when students move within Although the specifics of what will Demshak. According to Demshak, mail that is delivered to their hall and putting it the campus but continue to receive mail at replace the now sealed-off area are not Administration is taking its time decid- in the recipients’ mailboxes. Desk Staffer Ben their old address; the process of looking up known, it will contribute to the growing ing how to fill the space because they Ogundipe, sophomore, said that most Desk a student’s new address is time consuming number of student services available in don’t want to have to do it twice. Staff don’t mind this duty, because it pays and Desk Staff are not paid extra for it as the University Center such as the Comm Some of the ideas tossed out to extra. “You take ten, fifteen minutes, do it cor- they are for mail sorting. Store and Food Services office. replace the Pub include the Registrars rectly, and then you get paid hourly,” Alcott suggested that in lieu of the pro- “I like the idea of a one stop shop office, Bursars office, the Career Ogundipe said. posed changes, many Desk Staff might not for academic services,” said senior Jay Development center, the Financial aid Desk Staffer Liz Alcott, sophomore, object to working one of their shifts in the Nwachu. “Everything is too spread out office and the Office for Academic agreed that mail sorting is a popular duty. mail room, assisting with mail sorting and the way it is now.” Advising, said Behm. “That’s one of our favorite things to do at the delivery. “Desk staff would probably be Others had very different ideas of “They should make it a 24-hour desk.” willing to go and help,” Alcott said. the best way to use the space. “It should computer lab. I got kicked out of one Desk Staffer Jeanine Watson, sophomore, Ogundipe and Glass agreed. be a Pub for drinking,” commented third [Tuesday] night,” said JB Jaegar, junior. said she thought the idea might have real dan- Glass was skeptical of the effective- year student Heather Preston. “It would be nice to have a 24-hour gers. “It would be an inconvenience for every- ness of even centralizing packages, because “They should have kept it food,” one.” one,” Watson said. “It would be much easier to of the high volume. “Centralizing the mail said junior Steve Hemelt. Sophomore Chijioke Irrechukwu lose a package.” packages would be ridiculous,” he said. Both Hemelt and junior Anne would like to see a fast food place take Initial resident reaction to the idea was “We get five to six packages every day.” Harrelson agreed that there should be The Pub’s old spot. “There should be a mixed. “That sucks,” said freshman Paul Every part of the university has been more places to eat on campus. KFC or McDonald’s. Let there be com- Harrison, a residential student. affected by the current budget situation. On why the Pub and most of the petition between Wood and other com- “That’s not a bad idea,” said freshman “It’s not business as usual, especially for University Center was taken out or panies,” added Leye Oyegbile, a junior. Justin Paul. “But you do lose the convenience. the service providers, because you have to moved, Behm said, “The Commons Said Demshak, “We want to animate As long as it was at a place I go to regularly I figure out alternate ways of doing stuff,” replaced it as a student center; you can’t that space, make it vital again.” wouldn’t mind it.” Vitak said. February 11, 2003 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY ADVERTISEMENT Page 7 Page 8 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY ADVERTISEMENT February 11, 2003 Page 9 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY February 11, 2003

School Hours Prompt Students to Regress 10 Recent Mail Thefts Leave Campus Residents Seething 12 Opinion Democrats Duke it Out to Gain Control of the Oval Office 12 You Don’t Fit… Letters to the Editor In My Bed, that Is

Ah, Valentine’s Day at college. No parents telling you when to be home or to keep your bedroom door unlocked. At college, you can snog Dear Editor, with your sweetie whenever you want without rules, restrictions, or interference. I have been made aware, just as the entire UMBC campus community has, of the Maryland If you can both fit in the same bed, that is… State budget crisis to which this campus has been subjected. Whether it is through articles in the It has come to our attention that the UMBC campus beds aren’t par- Retriever Weekly newspaper, reports on local nightly news broadcasts, Dr. Hrabowski’s letter ticularly conducive to co-ed cuddlers. The “extra-long twin model” located on the UMBC Internet homepage, classroom discussions, or word of mouth, everyone has seems to have left something lacking in the mattress’s width, causing been made aware of the increase in tuition and the need to cut financial costs. Yet, after already lovers in the dorms and apartments to either fall out of bed while doing being made well aware of the financial situation facing this university, it behooves me that some- the deed or having to invent creative new positions, such as “maybe-if- one somewhere thinks sacrificing the operation hours of the UMBC library will benefit the cam- we-both-lie-on-our-sides-we-will-fit.” pus community while reducing the cost of staffing and running the library. The Retriever Weekly is in agreement with the manufacturers of I am 21 years old paying my own way through college via loans, grants, and my own income, these beds that abstinence is the safest policy, but we are college stu- and I expect to get my money’s worth. The library is a fundamental resource for me, and my edu- dents; most of us don’t give up the ship when our mojo is concerned. cation is being sacrificed because of budget deficits. This is my college education that I am pay- Those of you residing in the older dorms, such as Potomac, can pretty ing for, by myself! I am also an Interdisciplinary Studies major and one of the requirements for much forget shower-time activities, too. The showers on submarines this program is that I must complete a 30-50 page research paper as a capstone project. This paper, offer more space than these cubicles (to say nothing of the difficulty the equivalent of an honors thesis, could possibly be the determining factor of my acceptance to women face when trying to shave in said showers). or rejection from a prestigious graduate doctoral program. At times, UMBC’s library and Not exactly how you pictured college romance, is it? Well instead resources therein are my lifeline. Other students’ reasons, though different than mine, are just as of another night of playing Twister under your sheets trying to make valid, in that the library is a necessity. Therefore, further limiting the hours of library operation is things work, we suggest you appreciate Valentine’s Day for what it real- not the same as closing the bookstore early, limiting social activities in the Commons, closing the ly is; a celebration of love. And, if your loved one doesn’t buy that load Yum Shoppe early, or changing RAC hours. The students of UMBC pay to use the university of crap, then bribe your roommate, push the two beds together, grab resources and I am appalled that though I must pay more in tuition, my resources are being taken some condoms from your front desk, and get it on! away. This is not right, it is not just, and it is certainly not smart if UMBC wants to continue striv- ing for academic excellence. Gawking In Line Is Hazardous To Your Health Signed,

Rhea Deuell Listen, people, the food places in the Commons have not changed. To date, there has not been an emergency opening of Burger King or Taco Bell, and there likely will not be. We all know what is there. Since we all know what is available, we also know what all of the places have. That being said, why the hell do so many of you stare stupidly at the menus? The food decision process should begin, and end, on the way to the Commons, not right inside the doors where you block the only nar- row main passage. It is not as though the Wood Company has decided to make a “dish of the day”, such that they make one dish with proper ingredients. If they did, we could understand the daily review of food The Retriever Weekly staff edi-

E that so many of you undergo. But they don’t, so knock it off. torials reflect the views of the edito- ETRIEVER Of course, there are some first time students that may not know H rial board; signed columns and the food options available. We can understand your confusion.

T WEEKLY advertisements represent the opin- R However, this does not give you the license to wait until you are wait- ions of the individual writers and ed on to look and decide. If one is in the Mein Bowl line, then one is advertisers, respectively, and do not Editor in Chief ...... Brandon Dudley probably looking for Chinese food. As soon as one gets in line, they necessarily reflect those of The Managing Editor ...... Brett McKenzie should start figuring whatever it is they like that is Chinese food. The Retriever Weekly or the University Business Manager ...... James Omotosho following is what should not happen: of Maryland Baltimore County. Advertising Manager...... Danny Bhatti Server: “Can I help you?” Letters to the Editor are printed News Editor ...... Amy Segreti Student: “Wait a minute, Chinese food? Well, damn. Let’s verbatim, although the editors Assistant News editor...... Joseph Howley see…” Opinion Editor ...... Phil Watkins reserve the right to edit any letter You may remember the recent rant about idiot parkers. The Assistant Opinion Editor ...... Samantha Hinds deemed lengthy, repetitive, libelous theme, for those not keeping score, is that while there is a lot about our Features Editor ...... Jenn Gibson or otherwise in need of revision. campus that sucks, oftentimes students just make a bad situation worse. Assistant Features Editor ...... R. Eric Thomas The editors further reserve the right Just: Sports Editor ...... John France not to print any letter for any rea- Don’t stand around in the main walkways, and… Assistant Sports Editor ...... Nick Chrest son. Letters to the Editor must be Know what the hell you want to eat when you get in line. Assistant Sports Editor...... Andrew Chaney typed or written legibly and include Copy Editor ...... Sharon P. Cottingham the author’s name and telephone Copy Editor ...... Kelly Woodring number. Letters must be received Photography Editor ...... Alex Czisny by 12 p.m. on Thursday and may Assistant Photography Editor ...... Lakin Jones not exceed 400 words. Production Manager ...... James Hamilton The Retriever Weekly publishes Production Assistant...... Wai-loon Chan Production Assistant ...... Brooke Summers weekly on Tuesdays during the reg- Production Assistant...... Kudirat Badru ular school year. Editors can be Production Assistant...... Vasanthi Abraham reached at (410) 455-1260 during Technology Manager ...... Ray Shaw normal business hours or at Webmaster ...... Rick Carback University Center 214; 1000 Circulation Manager...... Adam Driscoll Hilltop Circle; UMBC; Baltimore, Faculty Adviser ...... Chris Corbett MD 21250. The Retriever Weekly Administrative Adviser...... Dr. Patty Perillo is an equal opportunity employer. February 11, 2003 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY OPINION Page 10 Campus Hours Reminiscent of a Certain Kindergarten expected our school to understand that until “dinner starts,” and if you used your vince college students that they’re still in SAMANTHA HINDS young adults take their meals after 7pm. If meal card then, you’d be screwed until Late kindergarten. First, they restrict the meal- not that, we at least hoped that there would Night? “Wait, but I have a class that runs times. Then, they take away any edible It’s about 8:15, dark, and you’ve just be more dietary options available to those of through dinner…” Too bad! It’s moldy subs, options on campus after the time of 7pm, gotten out of class. Your stomach is going us who shell out $5,000 a year to live here! flat soda, and cardboard-flavored pizza for Eastern Standard Time. Next, the library is kamikaze, but dinner hours are over, and all The pseudo-options that Campus you! closed at hours appalling for any self- the edible foodstuffs of the Commons have Dining Services offers are totally unaccept- Even worse is the fate of the student respecting post-secondary institution of been sealed away for the night. You’re able. They must think that by offering a who plans on both eating and studying. Woe learning, driving night owls everywhere to vegan, vegetarian, or just plain conscious of strange breed of salad-de-la-dead-greenery to those who expect that after classes and madness. what cheese and meat steeped in grease will at each of their posts, they can appease eating, they’ll be able to browse our Soon, they hope, we’ll all be bunkering do to you. What’s your next move? every hemp-wearing weirdo who demands library’s extensive tomes! That’s right— in before nightfall. Instead of graham crack- If you’re a commuter, the answer is more from their diet than just burgers, starting this semester, the library will be ers and juice, we’ll be served bad Chinese easy. You hike—however many miles away “Mexican,” and “Chinese.” closing at 10:30pm weekdays. Well, if and a super-sized Coca-Cola. Books and UMBC requires you to park without tow- Their hours are illogical, impractical, you’re going cut the budget, you might as tuition dollars will be burned for the fireside ing, a ticket, or a public flogging—to your and unfair. I do not wake up at 8 am to take well start with the library, right? Scarier by which we’re read our bedtime stories. car, and drive to the far-off functional won- my breakfast if my first class starts at 2:30. than that for we above-0.5-GPA-seekers is Titles are projected to consist of such popu- ders of restaurants and grocery stores. Unless you’re in Crew, I doubt that you do, that on the weekends (you know; the only lar tales as “Berenstein Bears and Too Many For the residential student, however, either. Yet I run to the Commons or the period during which you have the time to Vegetables,” and, co-authored by Richard solutions are far more difficult to find. Dining Hall at 10:30 expecting suste- study) the Albin O. Kuhn will be closing its Scarry and Dean Caplis, “Hungry After We’re the ones with no car; the ones on nance—and even though breakfast is over at doors at 6. Dark? Eat an Art Major!” a budget. We take meal plans, thinking 11, good luck finding employees, service, or Seems to me there’s a vast conspiracy Mommy, I’m scared. they’ll accommodate our needs. Or we most of all, hot food! at work here. Let’s call it Konspiracy might be like me; the living worst-case sce- Classes run through mealtimes, and Kindergarten (my apologies, fellow gram- Samantha Hinds is the assistant nario—out-of-state, residential, no car, no yet, mealtimes stop and start abruptly all marians). UMBC, in conjunction with their Opinion editor at The Retriever Weekly. cash, on a full meal plan, and very hungry. day long. Have you ever just come out of a Money People and a collective of Woods She is a freshman majoring in English. She As adults, we came to college expect- gum-numbing lecture dreaming of a late Dining Services bigwigs, are at the fore- may be reached via email at ing a degree of freedom of choice. We also lunch, only to be told you’d have to wait front of a new national movement to con- [email protected]

Quotes from the Quad Where are you getting your tuition money from? photos by Christie Richards

Sameen Qudsi, 18 Freshman, Financial Economics “I’m getting my tuition by working Mariam Keramati for a marketing company” Freshman, Biology/Art “Daddy.”

Mike Weiss, 19 Sophomore, IFSM “I work at a research facility...donating sperm!”

Austin Frankel, 18 Freshman, Psychology “My parents are generously providing the money.” Page 11 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY OPINION February 11, 2003 NASA Cannot Give Up on Manned Space Exploration more football games or vacations. Have you be handled by unmanned missions. No one is NICK CHREST seen how many car accidents there are?” But saying that NASA should load some people by the same logic, here we are thinking into a craft and seeing how far they get Space exploration never was just about ending manned space flight for fear of before dying. But there will be a time when about discovery. Space exploration is and accidents. our species has advanced to a point when always has been about the experience of Of course, a simple counter-argument is humans can reach deep space. No one could reaching into a huge burlap sack and “well, shuttle accidents are far more expen- possibly know what that would mean for pulling out whatever may sive than car accidents.” humanity, but I can assure you it would mean be inside. Sure, one But to consider this point is something. Just because that end seems out could tape a camera onto fallacious without also con- of reach now, and is somewhat risky to meet, a stick, shove it into that sidering that while manned does not justify our giving up. NASA is a sack, snap some pictures space flight may be more consciously safe agency, and that safety and then run away to a Point expensive, its potential could only be increased if it was properly one-hour photo to see payoff is exponentially funded. Accidents will always happen in this what was inside, but that person would greater. Everyone on Earth has at least con- business, but keeping their chances minimal have lost the experience. Experience is not sidered the question of what is out there, can be accomplished. Courtesy of www.geocities.com just looking at a picture or some data. It’s beyond our atmosphere, and in no way can You may notice that I did not cite any Faced with a challenge: Can we about being there, seeing, smelling and this be properly answered by only sending statistics or quote any experts. I happen to afford to let the shuttle die? feeling. It’s about grabbing whatever the out probes. Probes simply would not satisfy know a great deal about space flight and the hell is in that stupid sack, pulling it out, the human appetite for discovery. Even if a logistics of NASA’s manned and unmanned miles an hour, and 40-plus miles in the sky, and looking it over with one’s own eyes. probe could conduct all of the experiments programs—but that’s not the point, is it? The something may go terribly wrong. They were It’s about not being restricted by some stu- that a human can (and it can’t), any break- point is passion. Like many, I feel passionate all wonderfully intelligent people, and they pid robot. It’s about being able to do some- through or accomplish- about manned knew that at that speed and altitude, there is thing crazy and impulsive like taking out a ment by it would be fol- space flight and no backup or contingency. It’s the same pas- golf club on the moon. Even if we can’t all lowed up with, “Ok, now “…While manned space all the benefits sion that would have countless astronauts be there, in space, we can talk to someone let’s see if a human can do flight may be more that await its con- lined up for a flight tomorrow, if one were to who was. We can see their face when they it.” Why not, then, just cut tinuation and be scheduled. recall liftoff and zero gravity. We can see the out the middle man? If a expensive, its potential expansion. It’s Space flight, at its heart, is not about longing to go back just one more time. human being will need to the same passion economics or risk/reward analysis. Thanks to television, humans no longer validate any major discov- payoff is exponentially (although I can’t Space flight is humanity and the human need to attend anything in person. Sports, ery (and don’t be fooled, greater.” possibly image desire to know and experience all that we nature, and a whole host of other human they would) money spent the extreme lev- possibly can. experiences can all be viewed from afar— on doing it with a probe els possessed) yet people continue risk all sorts of peril to first is just a waste. that seven astronauts had coursing through Nick Chrest is an assistant editor for the go to them. Think of how ridiculous it Certainly probes have their place. them, driving them to strap themselves into a Sports section of The Retriever Weekly. He may would be to say, “Well, I’m not going to any Currently, all deep-space exploration should space shuttle knowing full well that at 12,000 be reached via email at [email protected].

Unmanned Space Missions Are Necessary After Disaster Strikes: around the Earth at breakneck speeds? such petty endeavors, now using space as PHIL WATKINS The answer is, of course, yes. No per- a vessel for off-planet research and com- son should munication. Growing up, I was fascinated to read have to die to Satellites about the Voyager probes and the search increase the “No person should have to die from several for extra-terrestrial life. I had maps of the knowledge of nations moon and the solar system plastered on my the scientific to increase the knowledge of zoom by bedroom walls, and like every other child community. overhead, of the 80’s, dreamed of being an astronaut. The tragedies the scientific community.” monitoring Little did I know, as a naïve elementary- of Challenger the world school kid, the hazards and tragedy that and Columbia should not be repeated. and patching together the global commu- inevitably accompany every mission into Instead, our nation should return to the nication web that we take for granted. the void over that transpires over our practice of sending probes and robotic Hundreds of thousands of long-distance heads. vehicles into the depths of space to gather telephone calls and TV channels bounce First, it was Challenger; a mission of data and perform the countless experiments to and from the Earth’s surface each day. exploration and discovery where people that tell us how our planet functions. Our None of these vital tools of com- died in the pursuit of science, ending their technology in this day and age is quite suf- merce and science are manned, yet they lives in a fiery shower of molten metal and ficient to produce and deliver vehicles into function and perform their duties faith- spent rocket fuel. The nation mourned and space that need no physical intervention fully, with only a few requiring the one- the government scratched its head and from human beings; ground control sta- way trip back into the atmosphere to Courtesy ofwww.robefloridatoday.com pointed fingers. Years of productivity were tions are capable of handling the complex mark the ends of their satellite careers. Is Robotic Satellites: No human sac- wasted trying to make a mission with instructions for the vehicles by remote con- it necessary to argue that these satellites rifice for science needed. almost incalculable risk of death or injury trol. “safer” for those involved. When one delves a bit fur- another man or woman on televi- Next, a simple error claims the lives of ther into the politics of manned sion, starry-eyed, as they recount yet another seven individuals coming in space flight, we see that the how beautiful our globe is from for landing on what had been an impecca- origins of sending man into space—a lapis lazuli sphere dotted ble mission. The shuttle was supposed to space were merely a contest of Counterpoint with whorls of cloud and life. Not be a taxi into space; cheap, reusable, and might. The former U.S.S.R and a single person ever wants to give durable. The space shuttle was designed to the United States were locked up the dream of going into orbit, take talented scientists and researchers into in the Cold War, and it was our goal to need very little in the way of on-site or beyond, but the fact remains that such activities orbit, perform experiments, live out their beat their burgeoning space program by human intervention? It is true that there must be put on hold until the space program can childhood fantasies. one-upping them every time they made a have been times where astronauts have assure our grieving nation that the tragedies of Yet, how can we as a nation advocate new milestone. When they put a satel- needed to capture a satellite in orbit and do Challenger and Columbia will not happen again. putting seven men and women into a lite into orbit, we did, too. When they repair work, but that fact does not constitute Those gallant people would not have us risk any- plane-like life support bottle and strap put a dog into orbit to test the effects the need for our nation’s men and women, or one else. them to millions of pounds of volatile of null-G on a living organism, we fol- the rest of the world, to buckle their harness- explosives? Aren’t the lives of our citizens lowed suit. The moment they decided es and shoot off the launching pad on a regu- Phil Watkins is the editor of the Opinion section more precious than the data they may col- to send an actual man into low orbit, it lar basis. at The Retriever Weekly and is a freshman majoring lect, or the two billion-dollar containment was our duty to match them. Honestly, no one wants to see the space in molecular biology. He can be reached via email at vehicle they reside in, while zipping Our nation has since grown beyond program cease, nor do they wish to never see [email protected]. Page 12 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY OPINION February 11, 2003

UMBC Must Take Measures to Increase Campus Mail Security complain, because I wanted something ResLife office. He told me same thing, I think it is ridiculous that it takes this ADAM DRISCOLL done. I was told that the theft had been and that they were waiting to see if I could long for someone to get his or her money reported to the police. Why would they get my money back. They have told me back. As students and residents of this uni- On October 24, two DVDs that I had report it to the police when obviously, it this for nearly two months. I have still not versity, our mail is supposed to be secure. ordered off Amazon.com were delivered to had to have been someone who worked the seen the money. I received an email about I mean, how else are people supposed to the Hillside apartment desk and checked in desk? two weeks ago from someone promising get packages delivered to them if they by an “unknown” desk staff member. When I brought my thoughts up to the that I would get reimbursed, but they never can’t trust the UMBC Residential Life? When I went to pick up the DVDs, I saw CD, he simply told me, “Well we had our said how. The DVDs I purchased were they had checked in the red book, but was best desk staff working during the time your The worst part is that I had to keep ask- “Prefontaine” and “Without Limits,” told that there was no package to be found. DVDs were stolen.” I kept asking myself ing repetitively to get some assistance with movies about running that I bet most peo- At that point, I was not terribly upset. I fig- how to reply to something like this. What this problem. They are the ones that lost my ple never even heard of. I sincerely hope ured ResLife would eventually find my could I do? It doesn’t matter toje to me who property. They should either return the money that by telling my story, action will be taken package, and that it was probably just lost was working, what matters is that someone or the DVDs to me. I am sure to them it does to increase the security of our mail. behind the counter, somewhere in the mess. that works here stole my DVDs! I sat on it not seem like a big deal because it’s only A week went by, and still no package for a little bit longer and tried going to twenty-five dollars, but to a college student Adam Driscoll is the circulation man- had arrived. I went to the CD’s office to someone higher in command at the that is a lot of money. ager for The Retriever Weekly. Democrats Need To Find Themselves Another Clinton and take the White House — and America American public to hear. That’s what knew how to talk and listen to people of all ADAM HOPKINS — by storm. He had a vision, a plan of Clinton did. He convinced people that he walks of life as well as make them feel action and the charisma to convince other could lead by explaining very clearly what comfortable in his presence. Sharpton? Look at the long line of potential chal- people that it would work. He also used the his economic and health programs would He’s nothing but a bag of hot air and bad lengers to square off against George W. recession and unemployment of the early- include, when they would take effect, and hair. Bush in 2004: John Kerry. Joe Leiberman. 1990s, as well as the seemingly noncha- how it would benefit each individual in As the United States gears for a war Dick Gephardt. John Edwards. Howard lance of the first George Bush, to cast doubt what way. And the now former president against Iraq, it is losing ground in the war Dean. Al Sharpton. All of them want the against the then-president. But Clinton did accentuated the positive. Gebhardt and Co. on bad economics. The deficit is growing. Democratic nomination for president, but not focus on the negative. Instead, he should take notes on the lessons of 1992. Racial tensions are rising once again, only one of them can have it. The question decided to be positive, insisting that the What about the other candidates for the thanks to the University of Michigan’s con- is: who will take it? None of them deserve best was yet to come for our nation. And Democratic nod? Kerry is a spoiled little troversy with affirmative action. Do the it. And why not? None of them has what it guess what? That strategy worked so well rich kid who has lived under the shadow of Democrats want more conservative justices takes to mount a successful candidacy, that he was re-elected in 1996. Ted Kennedy for too long. Leiberman on the Supreme Court? Do they want more much less four-plus prosperous years in the Unfortunately, all of the Democrats’ would- might convince moderate Republicans as working class citizens to be unemployed? White House. What the Democratic Party be top dogs are perennial whiners. Clinton did, but he might alienate some Well, then its contenders better warm up to needs to do is find the next Bill Clinton — Gebhardt, in particular, will not shut people on his foreign policy. Edwards is the public, a la Clinton, and present the someone who comes out of nowhere and his mouth about Bush’s plan to make his likable, but may not have the know-how or next generation of the man from Hope. has a knack for providing effective leader- 2001 tax cut permanent. Instead of just experience yet to convince people. If Bush ship. None of the aforementioned will ever complaining about the Republican philoso- is re-elected, look to the North Carolina Adam Hopkins is a writer for The be able to do that. phy, maybe the House representative senator in 2008. Dean is also pretty good, Retriever Weekly, and is a senior majoring In 1992, Bill Clinton proved that he should just not only talk about his alterna- but he lacks Clinton’s charisma. The 42nd in English. He can be reached via e-mail at could represent his party on a national stage tive, but also spell it out for all of the President, his extramarital affairs aside, [email protected]. February 11, 2003 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY OPINION Page 13 Page 14 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY OPINION February 11, 2003

Down with Love: One Man’s Manifesto Against Amore think I am never going to do this again. Valentine’s Day is ERIC THOMAS That’s love. ghastly and I don’t see how It’s a fiction, a trick of the belea- anyone can enjoy it. See, in Fat babies should be on diets. Fat guered, sometimes desperate, mind. all the hoopla and hysteria babies with wings should be in freak True Love, it’s what we’re all looking over “love,” something true shows. Fat babies with wings and bows for, eh? Does it exist? No. Our foolish gets terribly lost. There is and arrows should be on America’s obsession can, perhaps, be explained by such a thing as love, but Funniest Home Videos. But, only if examining our surroundings. We are Valentine’s Day has nothing they are filmed shooting adults in the bombarded with pro-Love propaganda, to do with it, wants nothing groin. from J-Lo movies to Ross and Rachel to do with it. Because actual By no means, however, should and even to the radio. Every single song love—and it should proba- obese, wingéd little beasts be on greet- is either about being in love, pining for bly consider changing its ing cards, store windows, elementary love, losing love, or the love that went name, as even those four let- school bulletin boards, newsletters, or sour. Is there nothing else to sing about? ters sound trite—has a very calendars. The same is true for anatomi- Have you ever listened to an “Easy low commercial value. cally incorrect hearts and red roses. Listening” station at night? Every Actual love has nothing ter- These things are atrocious. They are stu- lovelorn loser in the city and surround- ribly romantic about it. pid and above all else, they are danger- ing counties calls up with a sappy song Actual love has more to do ous. request or a sad sob story and the host with farting and brushing Actually, it is not these simple items coos soothingly and then puts more your teeth than with making that are dangerous, per se, but the sinis- hypno-music on. You will love. You out in the middle of the stu- ter force behind them: love. Love is a will pine. You will mourn the man that dent center. (Would you four-letter word. got away. And you will do it all over stop? Would you stop that Love takes you away from the reali- again. please, dammit?) Actual Courtesy of www.jqpuzzles.com ty of things, it makes you believe in How do I love thee, let me count the love, ironically, can’t be Fat Babies and Love: Hormonal infatuation needs things that aren’t true, makes you see clichés. A midnight kiss on New Year’s romanticized, and that to be eradicated. things that aren’t there. How else can Eve, a surprise proposal on Christmas means it won’t sell well one explain finding an overweight morning, a dozen roses on your desk at starring Meg Ryan, and John Mayer will then calling up radio shows late at night, cherub with a Legolas-the-elf complex work with a card that says “Just because,” probably have trouble finding words that crying because it didn’t work out. compelling? Sure, you may say, it’s or some equally trite bull, and, of course, rhyme with it, and you’ll get to keep Emotions are dangerous, and good to be taken away from reality a candlelit dinner on Valentine’s Day. your senses about you. they’re fragile, like our very lives. And every once in a while, to live in a fanta- Chocolate and roses; champagne on ice. Head over heels? But all the blood to play with them like characters in a sy. You’re probably also a big fan of Ooh, Valentine’s Day, you burn my will rush to your nose and you’ll get a fiction is to play with fire. Down with psychotropic drugs; have you been biscuits. Valentine’s Day is the ringleader migraine. Down with Love, because it’s loving stupidly, loving foolishly, loving “shrooming” so bad you thought you of this love cult. Valentine’s Day taps you a lie. Roses dies, chocolate gives you fictionally. Down with Love. were going to die? You’re lying in the on the shoulder right in the middle of your acne. Believing in that pre-packaged middle of a playground at midnight, indoctrination and says, “Oh, God! Are Valentine’s-Day-deal love is foolish, it’s R. Eric Thomas is the assistant screaming. The Grim Reaper is hanging you going to be alone on the 14th? Oh, stupid and it makes you vapid. And there Features editor for The Retriever out on the jungle gym; Ernie and Bert goodness! That can’t be. You need love. are plenty of people who’ve been made Weekly. He despises teenage love, and are burning Barney in effigy and, some- Take a tab of this and I’ll see you on the stupid by indoctrination wandering the may be contacted via email at fea- where, in the back of your mind, you playground.” world, hooking up, getting together and [email protected]. Page 15 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY OPINION February 11, 2003 Mysterious Tuition Increase Cheats Students on a Budget

billing error that promptly denied me the did. course, that must be what happened! The LUZ TELLO rest of the month to gather up the extra It is unjust for UMBC to expect new flat panel monitors at the library money. I was willing to overlook it even everyone’s bill to be paid and paid on check out must have been one of the rea- A new semester is upon us, every though it forced me to hastily charge the time when they were not responsible or sons. But what’s this I hear around cam- penny has been handed over, and every- balance to a credit card, starting me, a stu- considerate enough to inform its commu- pus? Library hours are now shortened. one’s wallets are hurting. It’s okay, dent, down the slippery slope to bad cred- nity of an actual change in the amount to Junior Pia Alcanites complains, “Not though—we are that much closer to gradu- it. Simple clerical mistakes can be forgiv- be paid. only does the library get new computers, but ating. Now we only have to keep a close en. Junior Olney-May Edmondson com- they also make it so that the place isn’t open eye on our personal budgets. This time, however, I couldn’t just sit plains, “Some people, i.e. me, have when I’m sure half of the library-goers go.” The truth is that we only thought it was back and forgive. If I was going to fork already set aside the amount of money I’m still angry and frustrated with the all under control. Now UMBC students over this extra money, I needed answers due for school.” Like her, students who fact that an addition was made to the bill have come to find out how far from okay it first. So I emailed the university. I received have to carefully allot their limited funds after the deadline. What gets me even angri- all really is. what can only be described as a lame should not find themselves at a disadvan- er and more frustrated, and I am sure I am A little while ago, my roommate explanation. It didn’t affirm or deny a tage as a result of the school’s lack of not alone, is that we are all paying bundles informed me that she had a balance of $115 tuition increase. It merely stated that organization and ill-timed execution in of money for things we will never get to after having cleared her bill at the beginning “perhaps” a tuition raise was the culprit increases of tuition. Before the semester enjoy. The classes before us paid for the of January on the same day that I did. of my new balance. begins, many have to plan how to pay for Commons and the Physics building. Our Curious, I signed onto myUMBC only to “Perhaps”? What tuition increases? I tuition, the ridiculous amount demanded class is paying for the new buildings I see find out that I also had an additional fee to read about the possibility of an increase for textbooks, a place to live, food, and popping up. I guess I might have even take care of—and this was after having paid last semester, but no one I have spoken transportation. The few extra dollars one accepted that part of the deal—to a degree. my bill in full already! So, after three weeks with remembers a letter notifying them of may have, if you have them, are for Yet, at this stage in the game, the least of thinking I was free and clear of financial the official change. It must have been emergencies or well-earned outings, not UMBC could do is let students know what responsibilities to school—all the hustle, sent, right? Otherwise, how can the uni- to pay an extra amount at the university’s they owe on time. This way we will still be all the tight budgeting—I was in debt versity expect a campus full of tight-bud- every whim. able to eat, drive, and most importantly, live again. geted students to come up with more So after all this fuss, we should be the life of a responsible non-debtor. Obviously, our bills are wrong. There money? They surely wouldn’t have sent able to expect more from UMBC. The must have been a computer mistake, right? out two bills over the course of winter only reasonable excuse would be that this Luz Tello is a guest writer for the A mistake much like the one that made me break that did not reflect this ‘legitimate’ new money was required to provide us all Opinion section of The Retriever Weekly. pay my bill so early, and in time for the increase only to hike up the cost after the with improved services. This would at Responses to her article may be sent to original due date of January 8. At that amended deadline. Or would they? least make the inability to buy groceries [email protected], and will be point, I was wiling to overlook the simple The answer, of course, is yes. They for about 2 weeks worth it in the end. Of promptly forwarded. Page 16 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY OPINION February 11, 2003 February 11, 2003 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY OPINION Page 17 Page 18 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY FEATURES February 11, 2003 UMBC IS A HOT SCHOOL! Meet the university’s 20 most eligible singles by: Allison Houseworth & R. Eric Thomas

Here’s the deal. We’re single. Chances are, you are, too. 3 out of every 5 UMBC students are currently unattached. So we set out, as Singles Extraordinaire, to find the best UMBC has to offer. Why? Well, why not?! Valentine’s Day is right around the corner and instead of moping around the room watching old Meg Ryan movies, we decided to celebrate the beauty of singledom by finding and inter- viewing 20 others just like us: sexy, smart and single. What you are about to read are the fruits of our labor. We looked everywhere, asked everyone we knew and, in the end, found so many great singles we had to turn some away. The fol- lowing are direct quotes from a predetermined set of questions. We haven’t edited the responses for content because we want you to see what we saw: who these people really are.

ANDY CLARK, 22, Computer try not to think that I have a type per se. Physically fit, JEN EVANS, 21, Acting Significant other: Oh shit. You ready? Sense of Science/Information Systems as opposed to being a lazy person. Relatively intelligent. What do you do on campus? I’m going to be in humor, charming, likes to party but is also intelli- What do you do on campus? I volunteer for SEB, other Someone that is at least as smart as me, not necessarily The Vagina Monologues, Feb. 14 and 15 in the gent and thinks. Is independent and not dependent. than that not a whole lot. Go to class. in the same things as me. Cabaret. That’s about it, right now. Has an individual fashion sense. Is creative, defi- Who is your celebrity role model? Hugh Hefner Definitely with some street Who is your celebrity role model? Audrey nitely. Artistic. Definitely not an actor. No actors. was my costume for Halloween. Hugh Hefner’s a smarts, and book smarts as well. Hepburn. I’m starting to write off musicians but we’ll pretty good guy to want to be. He’s got a lot of money, It’s hard to come by. People with What are you addicted leave those for now. Can cook. Or appreciates has a lot of fun. a good sense of humor generally to? (laughs) Presently? my food. Is romantic, is passionate. What are you addicted to? People. Good times. I are relatively intelligent and I Well, cigarettes. Life. No. What’s the sexiest part of the human body? like to laugh. think that’s what I look for. Yes, well, I do need that. Right here. [The Ken Doll muscle.] The line of What’s your favorite thing in the whole world? I When do you kiss? It’s almost Tea. Tea and honey. the hip bone. Brad Pitt in Fight Club. would say the Ocean City summer lifestyle. Or beach when I can tell the other person What’s your favorite What’s the craziest place you’ve gotten it lifestyle, doesn’t have to be specific to Ocean City. is looking for it. When there’s no thing in the whole on? This isn’t crazy. Does it have to be crazy? What CD is in your CD player right now? Classical chance of being rejected whatsoever. world? Making connec- It was on a blanket in this huge clearing way music. I think it’s Vivaldi. What’s the craziest place you’ve gotten it on? (long tions with people. back in the woods. It was stars and… Crazy? Describe your Ideal Significant other: Humorous. I pause) The beach, at night. Describe your Ideal On my kitchen table?

beach listening to reggae all summer. I would like to DOUG MYERS, 21, Political Science ANDREA HAINES, 19, Brubeck’s Take That. But it’s mainly rock music. be as successful as possible so that I could do that as What do you do on campus? I’m vice-president of Undecided/Visual Arts Describe your Ideal Significant other: They much as possible. the Skiing and Boarding Club. What do you do on campus? I’m a sister in Delta have to be as silly as me. I can’t be with anyone What’s your best physical feature? I’ve got the Would you rather be rich or famous? I’d rather be Phi Epsilon. whose too serious. They have to be as goofy as me. Ken Doll muscle. That little thing down there. [That rich, frankly, because you What is your greatest accomplish- When do you kiss? Whenever you feel slice of muscle right along the hip bone. Not quite can go out and buy a lot of ment? Getting a scholarship here. The the sexual tension there. If he’s not stomach, not quite pelvis. Just there, like two little things. I can complete my Presidential Scholarship. making the move, I will. commas. Commas that say, “How did I get here? dream of surfing around the Who would play you in a movie? What’s the sexiest part of the And aren’t I pretty? Oh, by the way, look where I world like in Endless Katie Holmes. human body? Eyes. I love blue eyes. lead…”] We’ve been pretty proud of that. Lots of Summer. What are you addicted to? Chipotle Blue or grey eyes. I went to Germany; people love it. I like my hair to, ‘cause I can do any- Who is your celebrity role burritos. It’s really sad that it’s like 20 everyone has blond hair and blues thing to it. model? Clapton as far as minutes away; it’s in College Park. eyes. I was like, “I’m in Heaven.” What’s the sexiest part of the human body? I like guitar-playing. Snoop Dogg What’s your favorite thing in the What’s the craziest place you’ve a girl’s stomach. Eyes. Eyes, too. is just a role model of mine. whole world? My roommate [Vanessa gotten it on? The roof of an indoor What’s the craziest place you’ve gotten it on? My Hunter S. Thompson. Strickland]; I love my roommate. She’s awesome. pool. It was the pool that I worked at and it was friend Dennis’ Jacuzzi. He invited a lot of people to What are you addicted to? Having fun. I’m addict- What CD is in your CD player right now? Lately one of my managers and he had access to the roof. come over to his house. Things were just crazy; one ed to having fun. I like busting it out, partying. I’ve had a thing for flamenco and jazz. Dave During pool hours we just went up there. What’s your favorite thing in the whole world? I of the best nights of my life. Not his, though, because like the beach. I like spending my summers at the he got in trouble. OWEN PALMQUIST, 21, Visual Arts- Who would play you in a movie? I would say Robert Downey, Jr., because I hear I look like him all the time. But Millionaire. American Idol. SABRINA JOHNSON TURNER, 21, Film/Finance Certificate he’s kind of a crackhead. Maybe John Cusak. When do you kiss? Depends on how hot they are! What do you do on campus? I don’t really do much on What are you addicted to? My car. A Ford Mustang con- Mathematics The mathematical equation is: as the level of hot- campus. I was very active in vertible. What do you do on campus? I am an event pro- ness increases, the amount of time between meeting high school. I work at What CD is in your CD player right now? A grammer for SEB; I’m in the South Asian and kissing decreases. It’s an inverse relationship National Geographic. I Scriptwriting software CD. I don’t really listen to CDs. In Association, the Black Student Union; I’m What’s your best physical fea- work in the Specials and my car, a Massive Attack CD. in the Asian Student Connection. Oh, I’m a ture? I would say it’s my eyes, but Events Department. I assist Describe your Ideal Significant other: I don’t know, I Meyerhoff [Scholar]. boys would probably say my with the pre-production and like girls who are aggressive but not like in a domineering What is your greatest accomplishment? boobs or my butt. the post-production [of tele- way. Willing to think for themselves quite openly. I like It’s going to be my Bachelor’s degree on What’s the sexiest part of the vision specials.] athletic women. They have to be intelligent. May 22nd. human body? I like stomachs. I What is your greatest What’s the sexiest part of the human body? The very Who is your celebrity role model? Queen don’t mean rock hard abs, I like accomplishment? Doing small of the back. Latifah and Oprah. With a little bit of Rosie stomachs when they’re soft. It’s what I want to do, that’s my What’s the craziest place you’ve gotten it on? The O’Donnell, only because she’s funny. fun to lay on. greatest accomplishment. I ran a marathon. I finished. I got beach surrounded by old couples and little kids. In the What are you addicted to? Porn. No, I’m What’s the craziest place you’ve a medal that said “Finisher.” water, 10 feet out. just kidding. Seafood. And reality shows on televi- gotten it on? I honestly have to think about this. sion. I watch The Real World and I watch Joe (pause.) The middle of a club. HELEN PAIK & LISA SHARP, 18 & 19, Would you rather be rich or famous? Rich. Undecided and Interdisciplinary L: Mine is pretty simple, actually. I just like a guy CHRIS JACKSON, 19, Mathematics who’s a little taller than me and can make me laugh, Who is your celebrity role model? Tom Cruise. Studies-Event Planning or Hotel major/Writing and Economics minor What are you addicted to? Substance-wise which isn’t hard because I laugh at everything. And What do you do on nothing. I’m addicted to attention I suppose. I Management there just has to be a connection. campus? I volunteer like people who like me. What do you do on campus? H: I like guys who have broad shoulders and are big- a lot. I lead tours What’s your favorite thing in the whole world? H: Besides going to class we’re both sisters of Delta ger than me. Someone I can feel protected in when around [as part of A nice girl, I guess. Phi Epsilon. We like to eat and go to some gym class- they wrap their arms around me. Someone who is RSVP] What CD is in your CD player right now? The es. We do Pilates tapes. We talk online. funny. Who is generally nice and actually gives a shit What is your great- Eminem Show, right now. L: And we look for things to about what I have to est accomplish- When do you kiss? Whenever I possibly can. do off-campus. Often. say. Funny, considerate, ment? In high school (laughs) I try not to pass up an opportunity. Do you have any weird tal- generous. I like kind of I did all sorts of track What’s the sexiest part of the human body? ents? chubby guys. They and I was state cham- The face. L: When we’re at a traffic don’t have to be the best pion for that. Long What’s the craziest place you’ve gotten it on? light, she’ll blast Eminem and looking guys in the distance relay. The At a party… there’s this girl I didn’t really start rapping and doing this world, as long as we get one-mile I did in 4 minutes and 42 seconds. know… thing with her arms and all the along and we can talk people will notice her. And she about things. only knows some of the words When do you kiss? PHIL SHOCKLEY 20, IFSM/Political think wealth is probably the lesser of the two evils. and she puts them in where she H: If I’m actually inter- Science What are you addicted to? Work. I work too thinks they go. ested in a guy, I won’t What do you do on campus? SGA is pretty much much, that’s definitely true. H: Lisa makes weird sand- actually kiss him the what I do. [Phil is president of the Student What’s your favorite thing in the whole world? wiches. She’s from England so first time because I Government Association.] I go to That we live in a free country where we she eats like sour cream and want to get to know him class. RSVP, President’s Student can choose what we want to believe and cucumbers. better. I don’t want to Advisory Council, Golden Key, what we do. L: We will be able to be really rush into things. Omnicron Delta Kappa, College When do you kiss? Not on the first date. flexible by the end of the What’s your best Democrats. Poli SciCOM, IFSM- Not the second most times either. I’m a semester, won’t we, because physical feature? COM very slow person. It would probably be we’re doing these— L: Helen likes her butt. Would you rather be rich or three, four, five. Ten. H: Pilates. H: You like my butt. (laughs) Lisa, I like your legs. famous? I’d rather be remembered What’s the sexiest part of the human L: Pilates tapes and the people on there— You have long legs. Very wrappable. by history for doing something body? I think probably the face, because H: Oh my God, this woman is like crazy. What’s the craziest place you’ve gotten it on? good, if I had my choice. I’d proba- it can express so much. L: Oh my God. L: Mine aren’t really crazy. Like at school. Nothing bly choose fame over wealth because wealth gives What’s the craziest place you’ve gotten it on? H: She’s like Gumby. That’s us. That’s our talent. really crazy. Behind the play set on a stage. you a certain persona and people see that and that’s (laughs) I don’t think there’s ever been a crazy place. We’re going to be really flexible. H: I definitely want to screw in Lecture Hall 3. what they’re attracted to. They’re both equal, but I Besides the good ole room. And the good ole car. Describe your Ideal Significant other: L: In a classroom. The washing machine. February 11, 2003 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY FEATURES Page 19 SHAUN SECKMAN, 19, Computer KEISHA FINDLEY, 20, Biochemistry something’s wrong. So, communication’s important. think it’s something that I burnt, it’s got a whole bunch What is your greatest accomplishment? Greatest He needs to be intelligent, but also needs to have some Science of music. Staind, stuff like that. accomplishment? I’d have to say being able to go to kind of common sense. You can be intelligent and lack What do you do on campus? Go to class, that’s pret- When do you kiss? Usually when you can see an college. A lot of people aren’t in common sense. Of course he has to be nice ty much it. opening in the date. Usually it’s that position, so I’m happy that I looking. And taller than me, because I’m What is your greatest accomplishment? I’d towards the end of the first was able to get my education and 5’10”, so like 6’3”. He has to be respectful. say getting into college, probably. date, sometimes the second further it after I finish here. Love his mother, especially. Because if he Do you have any weird talents? I can tie a date. Who would play you in a movie? doesn’t, that probably means he’ll treat you cherry stem in a knot with my tongue. What’s the craziest place Angela Bassett. bad. Hard-working. Working toward some Who would play you in a movie? Everybody you’ve hooked up? Driving What’s your favorite thing in the kind of goal. He has to be doing something seems to say Elijah Wood. down the highway in Spain whole world? I’d say my mom. with his life. What are you addicted to? Candy, comput- while going down the Describe your ideal significant When do you kiss? Not the first [date]. Not ers and movies. Mediterranean. I was driving. other. I think that we’d have to the second. I guess it depends on the person, What’s your favorite thing in the whole That was fun. Uh, on a cruise have some things in common. but not the first. world? I’d say being in a relationship. ship while going from Jamaica Like, I’m really outspoken and I would want him to be What’s the sexiest part of the human body? The What CD is in your CD player right now? I to the Cayman Islands. the same way. I wouldn’t want him to not tell me if chest/abs area. BRANDON ECKSTORM, 21, absolutely addicted to root beer. I’m trying to cut back. SEAN MULCAHEY, 20, Recording Engineering That’s my weakness. What CD is in your CD player right now? Juliana What’s your favorite thing in the whole world? What do you do on campus? I’ve vice-president of Interdisciplinary Studies-Audio/Video Theory. Probably playing in a groove. I’m a bass player by Society of Recording Technology Students and Media Production Describe your ideal significant other. She has to be nature, so playing in a good bass groove is one of the Stepping Stone What do you do on campus? I go to Intervarsity nice, obviously. Likes to goof around, have fun. But at best things. Records, UMBC’s stu- Christian Fellowship. the same time, be serious, kind of mature. Someone Describe your ideal significant other. They’re going dent record label. What is your greatest accomplishment? I set out to that doesn’t smoke or drink. I guess somebody that to have to be into just about everything. I’m an Eagle Who would play you get certified in SCUBA diving and I did that. doesn’t care if I’m poor. I have Scout, so I love to go out hiking, camping. I love sky- in a movie? I’ve been Would you rather be rich or famous? no preference in looks or any- diving. Rapelling, caving. They have to be as much told I act like a lot of Probably rich. Well, all the people that are thing like that. into indoors as they are into outdoors, because I love different people. I’ve already rich and famous always complain that What’s your best physical fea- going to clubs. I love listening to techno music and been told I act the most they have no privacy, so I guess it would be ture? I’ve had some girls tell playing with glow sticks, just because they’re fun. like Dave Grohl, so better to have all the privacy you want and all me I have soft hands. I’ve had Everyone makes fun of me, but they’re fun. probably Dave Grohl. the money. girls tell me I have nice hands, What’s the craziest place you’ve gotten it on? What are you addict- Do you have any weird talents? I can do nice feet. Probably in Ocean City, under the big long pier. ed to? Root beer. I’m beat-boxing. What’s the craziest place Who would play you in a movie? Keanu you’ve ever hooked up? I Reeves maybe. Or Tobey McGuire. guess I would say Chik-Fil-A. KIRSTEN EDERER, 18, Undecided Describe your ideal significant other. Okay, tall, which means over 6’. Athletic, intelligent. Has some Who would play you in a movie? Queen Latifah. She’s What do you do on campus? I’m part of the Gospel TEMITOPE ORIOLA, 20, appreciation or can bear with art. Likes to dance. Open, funny, like I am. Choir. I’m in the Humanities Scholarship Program so I Biopsychology/Pre-med confident, personable. A buzz preferably. I’m a total What are you addicted to? Coke. Seriously. Oh! Coke do a lot of stuff with them. sucker for buzzes. What do you do on campus? Nothing at all! I sit in my the drink. Coca-cola. Just need to clarify that. Coca-cola. What is your greatest accomplishment? Probably What’s your best physi- apartment. Actually, I go to the gym and to the library. Describe your ideal significant other. I think I would graduating the IB program in high school. cal feature? My hips, Hang out with my friends. And SEB. SEB rocks. like him to be funny and easy to talk to. If you’ve ever Do you have any weird talents? I belly dance. It’s especially for belly danc- What is your greatest accomplishment? Because I heard Nas’ song, he has to be “a thug and intelligent, just a hobby right now. I took classes over the sum- ing. don’t do things like this, too.” I think that would be my ideal. As long as we can mer a year or two ago and I kind of got hooked on What’s the sexiest part it’d have to be this. I’m get along together, anybody is fine. And if he looks like it. of the human body? On usually a censored person. Derek Luke, that wouldn’t hurt. What are you addicted to? Chocolate and coffee. guys definitely the chest. Would you rather be What’s your best physical feature? I think it’d be my What’s your favorite thing in the whole world? I’m used to the surfers in rich or famous? smile. Right now maybe making out on the beach in California. Honestly, I think I would What’s the sexiest part of the human body? Honestly, California. That ranks up there. What’s the craziest rather be rich just because I think it’d have to be the eyes. Looking into someone’s What CD is in your CD player right now? It’s a place you’ve hooked up? Probably on the beach. I’m not pressed for people eyes, I can’t do it for a long time because it’s a very inti- demo CD by my friend’s band, September Playground. to know me. If you mate thing for me, so I think it’d be the eyes. [She smiles attempt to know me, that’s and shifts her eyes.] great. JAMES OVERBY, 19, Biology with Pre- track I qualified in the 4 x 800 relay. Another great med requisites accomplishment was getting straight As. It took all of RICHARD GRINSHPUN, 18, someone that can make me feel like I’m one of the What do you do on campus? I’m part of the ultimate my high school career to do it. Information Systems most important things in their lives. Frisbee team, I’m What are you addicted to? Chocolate. And I’m a little What do you do on campus? Besides party every What’s the sexiest part of the human body? Probably also into Anime. I’m bit of a procrastinator. once in a while, meet up with friends. I rushed Pi the stomach and love handles. It’s hot; it’s hot stuff. also a member of What’s your favorite thing in the whole world? I’d Kappa Phi last semester. What’s the craziest Susquehanna Hall probably have to say my family. They mean a lot to me. Would you rather be rich or famous? Famous, place you’ve gotten Council. Material-wise there really isn’t anything that’s that because I don’t see money as the key to happiness. I’m it on? I mostly What is your great- important to me. the type of person that tries to go out his way to make hookup just at par- est accomplish- Describe your ideal significant other. Lookswise, she people smile, make people happy. Being famous I’d ties. To be complete- ment? Surviving two has natural good looks, doesn’t have to put a lot of have more of a chance to do that. ly honest, I don’t years of college. makeup on. Personality-wise, she’s good at heart. She’s What are you addicted to? I’d say my biggest addic- care if this gets print- (laughs.) Actually, got brains, got the beauty, got a great personality. tion is music; writing, singing, listening to various ed or not: with my back in high school I When do you kiss? Basically, it really doesn’t matter types. I play guitar. girlfriend at the time, was a big athelete in as long as you know why you’re doing it. Describe your ideal significant other. Someone in my room.. My was track and one of the things I really wanted to do was get What’s the craziest place you’ve gotten it on? I’d that’s funny, with a great personality. Hazel or green mom was downstairs into the state competition. My senior year in indoor have to say the Susquehanna dorm. (laughs) eyes definitely, definitely. 5’2” to 5’4”, I’d say. I find making dinner with it a big turn on when the person is able to sing or has my grandma, and my sister was playing computer a good voice. Or plays bass. Other than that, just games. That was a good time. ANGELA FITZGERALD, 19, has a good sense of humor and who has a good person- Biopsychology ality, is deep down a good person. It doesn’t matter so with a compatible personality. Somebody that’s goal- MARIA PARSON, 21, Psychology What do you do on campus? I’m a programmer on much what you look like, but the type of person you are. oriented and is intelligent. What do you do on campus? I’m an RA in Westhill, SEB. I’m an intern for the Gear-Up program for the You can be a good-look- When do you kiss? Not on the second date, I’ll tell that takes up my time. Shriver Center, a mentoring program. ing person but because you that. I think that if I kissed every single boy that What are you addicted to? Instant Messanger. Who would play you in a movie? One of my favorite of your attitude and the I hung out with or every single boy that wanted to kiss (laughs) actresses is Angela Bassett. The characters she portrays way you carry yourself me that would be pretty gross. I’m not a serial kiss- What’s your favorite she has this whole needy, but strong side. you appear less attrac- er. thing in the whole What are you addicted to? Smart Pops Snack Size tive. And someone who What’s your best physical feature? I’m going to world? I think laughter. Homestyle Popcorn. has a good personality go for my face. I just cut my hair off—I had really I really like to laugh and What’s your favorite thing in the whole world? I like deep down inside, that long hair before this—and I kind of wore my hair my favorite people are the uniqueness and diversity of people. I like the fact that energy shines through. down a lot, you know, framing my face. And then I those that can make me since I’ve been in school I’ve met a lot of different and What’s your best phys- cut my hair and I was like, “Now my face is all laugh. unique people. And I’ve learned a lot about myself ical feature? I’d have to exposed. What if I’m not that hot anymore?” But Describe your ideal sig- through people I’ve met. say… I like that I’m that’s not true. I’m still cute. nificant other. Tall, What CD is in your CD player right now? Justin small but still kind of hippy. My butt. What’s the craziest place you’ve ever hooked up? male, well-groomed. Timberlake, Justified. It gets a lot of rotation. What’s the craziest place you’ve gotten it on? In a That I’m willing to say on tape? A car. Sure. A play- Hair cut, and clear skin. Describe your ideal significant other. A person who scary movie. Final Destination. Aside from the superficial stuff I guess somebody ground. The Tot Lot. Sand in your butt.

JULIA GUMMINGER, 22, Graphic What CD is in your CD player right now? A Design Sleator-Kinney CD. What do you do on campus? I’ve Describe your Ideal Significant done almost everything: SEB, Hillel, other: Some who is self-award, lib- SEA, Habitat for Humanit, intramurals. eral. A good cook. Someone to laugh Who is your celebrity role model? at my corny jokes! Wait, there’s more! Susan Sarandon. What’s your best physical fea- What are you addicted to? Now? ture? I’m curvy! Cheese. (laughs) Natural ice chapstick. What’s the sexiest part of the Turn the page... Vietnamese food.. human body? The stomach. Do you have any weird talents? I can What’s the craziest place you’ve do one-handed cartwheels. I also do gotten it on? My bed in my parents’ yoga, if that counts. house where I grew up. Page 20 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY FEATURES February 11, 2003 More Info On the Singles... What’s it like to lifeguard Elian Gonzalez?

Over the course of our interviews, the same thing kept coming up: hooking up on the beach. Everyone seems to “I only had to jump in a two or three times... He have done it or, at least, wants to. As romantic as that can’t swim. He cannot sounds, we couldn’t help but wonder, what about sand up swim. If he hadn’t been on the ass? So we asked. the raft, he would have drowned.” “–Brandon Eckstorm

“You get a big blanket. You could wet the sand down; that helps.” – Andy Clark “Blankets. Or sleeping bags. Not towels, towels are too small.” ” “ ” “ – Brandon Eckstorm “I bring a huge blanket and I put my ” towel on top of that… I guess you have to jump in the water and rinse it off.” “ – Maria Parson ? ? Jen Evans on romance... ” “When did romance die? When technology came about. When stop- ping by became kind of stalkish… Even “Well,a blanket; if you have clothes and stuff, put writing a letter nowadays, that’s weird. that down. But, really sand is part of the experience I’ve been thinking about: how do I get you just have to work with it. Because no matter his e-mail? Because that’s fine.” what you put down you’re going to get sandy.” “ “ – Kirsten Ederer ” ? About the” Authors As two singles (who think of themselves as pretty eligible) we couldn’t ask all of those per- What did Sabrina Johnson Turner do with sonal questions of our interviewees without putting them to ourselves, as well. So here goes... the $49,000 she won on Hollywood Squares? Allison Houseworth, 21, Acting Who is your celebrity roll model? Nicole Kidman. What are you addicted to? Coffee. Life. Writing. IM. Coffee. Definitely coffee. “I paid the taxes on it, What CD is in your CD player? Outkast, Stankonia. first of all.That took it down Craziest place you’ve ever gotten it on? Can I put to $37,000. I bought a car, I three? A small group study room in the basement of the paid the tuition for my Business School at Washington University, St Louis. Also, in Druid Ridge Cemetery. Situation? While play- fourth year of college, and I ing Snood. I love that game! have a little bit saved for “myself and my brother.” R. Eric Thomas, 21, Interdisciplinary Studies—Playwriting Who is your celebrity role model? Superman. Describe your ideal significant other: Someone as crazy as me; willing to do stupid stuff just for a laugh. Maybe bolder. Smart, vibrant, talented. But one by whom I won’t be threatened. ” What’s the craziest place you’ve ever hooked up? At a cast party for a play that I was not in. In front of a room full ? of people. Sober people. With two other people. February 11, 2003 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY Page 21

Enter one carTeaser lover’s goes dream. here. 00 BeTeaser one of goes the Boyzhere.. 00 TeaserCheck outgoes Susan. here. 00 Features GetTeaser rid of goesthe mush. here. 00 “Dissolve” into Jeanine Durning’s URGES

RICHARD MCNEY once again faded out, Durning appeared spent emotionally and Retriever Weekly Staff Writer physically. The audience, composed Darkness and silence of mostly students but also some enveloped the UMBC Theatre, with older people, applauded her per- one lone figure coming into view. formance. The main performance Slowly Jeanine Durning material- was still to come. ized on stage wearing a maroon and The UMBC Department of blue layered costume. Once she was Dance presented Jeanine Durning, visible, soft piano notes filled the who performed two self-choreo- theater and she began to move in fast graphed dances. She performed her circles echoing the music and light- solo work “Dissolve,” which she ing. She danced with complete con- created in 1998, and her newest trol of her body making every move work, “half URGE,” which involved appear effortless. Nothing was extra- five dancers. neous. The dance was a mixture of According to Durning “half intense movements followed by URGE” was a year and a half in the complete pauses. At one point making. She also said both umbc.edu/artsCutline / Retriever Weekly Staff Better Than Webster: “Massin in Continuo” delves into the world of graphic design and diction- Durning tried to say something, but “Dissolve” and “half URGE” have aires. her own hand muffled the words. similarities. With every spin, every leap, and “I think there is a commonality every muffled word Durning in my work,” Durning said. “There expressed fear, strife, and at all times are themes of isolation, momentary “When the Eye Listens”: New Exhibit exuded passion. When the lights see DANCE, page 27 Explores the Expressiveness of Image

R. ERIC THOMAS power and reach of graphic the work of the self-taught Retriever Weekly Editorial Staff design. designer Robert Massin, whose Like this fall’s exhibit, works bridge the gap between If it was possible to turn off “Typographically Speaking: The utilitarian and inventive; it is art all of one’s senses, save for Work of Matthew Carter,” that functions. sight—to momentarily interrupt “Massin in Continuo” suggests Put simply, there is more than hearing, taste, touch and smell— new, more complex ways of look- meets the eye in Massin’s work. A one would still be overwhelmed ing at graphic design. In this mod- book cover is not simply the pro- with sensation while touring the ern time when anyone who uses tection for the creation within, but latest exhibit in UMBC’s Albin O. Microsoft Word knows the names a creation in and of itself. Kuhn Gallery. “Massin in of various fonts—information Massin’s designs for Invasion 14 Continuo,” subtitled simply “A that, a generation ago, only a (1954) and Lady Sings the Blues Dictionary,” does more than graphic designer would care to (1960), for instance, present nar- showcase interesting posters and know—it is easy to forget that the ratives all their own, independent umbc.edu/arts book covers by a talented French work of design involves more of the content of the book. Unlike Poetry in Motion: Jeanine Durning ebbs and flows with the flu- designer. Rather, it creates an exu- than putting text to paper. Never idity of the music. berant visual vocabulary for the has that been more clear than in see MASSIN, page 23 Celebrating Black History Through Speech and Action

R. ERIC THOMAS the stated theme of this month is bration of black culture, was Office of Diversity and Retriever Weekly Editorial Staff “Pride in Our Past, Faith in Our meant to reinforce the idea of Social Justice Initiatives Future,” drawing a clear line diversity within the black com- (formerly the Office of UMOJA, the principle of the from what has gone before to munity and, in the words of Multicultural Affairs) and first day of the Kwanzaa celebra- what is yet to come. That which Black Student Union president, chairperson of the confer- tion means Unity, a spirit of lies in the middle, the present, is Stephanie Southerland, “To ence’s planning committee, togetherness meant to lay a foun- the focal point for much of this remind us all that we’re from the conference has three dation for future endeavors. This month’s programming. different countries and we have objectives: “To provide stu- year’s Black History Month cel- Two programs which were to remain of one accord.” dents with the opportunity to ebration at UMBC embraces the new to the celebration last year Southerland made mention enhance skills that will concept of UMOJA, each event are being brought back early in of the success of last year’s allow them to be better and seeking to bring together and to the month in expanded form. march, calling it “very inspira- more effective campus lead- build toward a greater goal. Though programming has been tional” and expressing a similar ers, as well as leaders in the Though the events planned scheduled since Feb. 3, the first ambition for this year’s event. black community once they for the month of February are weekday of the month, the offi- Another program brought leave UMBC; to facilitate being executed by a number of cial kickoff was a Unity March back for a second year is the interaction between student different offices and organiza- scheduled for Feb. 7. The march, Black Student Leadership leaders and UMBC alumni; tions, each plays a part in laying which began at the Conference, sponsored by the to foster connections www.house.gov the groundwork for advance- Administration Building and Black Faculty and Staff between student leaders and Educate and Celebrate: A lecture ments within the black commu- ended on Mainstreet in the Association. According to by Congressman Elijah Cummings nity and the human race. To wit, Commons with a vibrant cele- Danette Gerald, director of the see BHM, page 27 is a part of UMBC’s celebration. Page 22 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY FEATURES February 11, 2003 Burn Rubber with the Next Generation of Bikers

SHIRLEY LONG Driving the pickup that carries Smoke crown, the opponent’s bike goes out of into Smoke after hustling and challenges Retriever Weekly Staff Writer and his bike is Slick Willy (“ER’s” Eriq control and flies off the road into a near- him for his crown. He is told to race legit La Salle), Smoke’s longtime friend and by store window. It takes the rider and or else he can’t make such challenges. Bikers. For most people, the word Not easily deterred, Kid starts up his own conjures images of large, greasy-haired, bike club with Stuntman and Primo (Rick sweaty white men. Men covered in tat- Gonzalez, “The Rookie”), who they met toos, wearing leather and blue jeans and at the track that same evening. The Biker speeding down the road on vintage Boyz start racing and winning cash and Harley Davidson Motorcycles. Men who lids (helmets) legitimately, and soon their belong to gangs with names like “Hell’s number goes from three to almost as Angels”, “Satan’s Serpents” or “New Age many as the Black Knights. Eventually, Hellions”. Not true, at least, not accord- after some unexpected revelations, Kid ing to Dreamworks’ latest production, gets his wish—a race for Smoke’s crown. Biker Boyz (## stars). The jeans, “Biker Boyz,” while not the best leather and tattoos are still prominent, but movie I’ve ever seen, wasn’t nearly as the bikers are mostly young, well built bad as most of the critics said. The acting African- American men (and some was great, the stuntwork was awesome, women) who work normal jobs during and the plot was compelling enough to the day and race at night. Here, the hold my interest. Whether real or imag- Harleys have been replaced by Japanese ined, I found the world of underground imports and the clubs have names like bike racing to be fascinating. Kid Rock’s “Strays”, “Soul Brothers,” and “Black Courtesy of dreamworks.com appearance as Dogg, Smoke’s rival, was Knights.” Black Knights: The King of Cali is the leader of the pack. one of the film’s highlights, as was the Of all the biker clubs, the most all-too-brief, yet poignant one by Eriq La important is the “Black Knights.” They mechanic. Just in front of the truck is Slick Willy, who couldn’t get out of the Salle. His memorable quote “Burn rub- are led by Smoke (Laurence Fishbourne, club prospect Jamal, aka Kid (Derek way in time, with it. The rider is left par- ber, not your soul”, which means do what “The Matrix”), who’s known as the Luke, “Antwone Fisher”), who’s Slick alyzed and without one of his eyes, while you got to do but never forget where you “King of Cali,” As, as befitting such a Willy’s son. As a prospect, he is at the Will, is killed instantly. Kid leaves the came from, sums up much of what this champion, he always enters at the rear of bottom of the barrel and isn’t happy Black Knights and goes out on his own. movie’s about. I don’t know if I’d see this a large entourage. At the head is Soul about it. He longs to race the way Smoke Six months later, he is hustling the one in theaters again, but I certainly Train (Orlando Jones, “The Time does. On one fateful day, his whole life races with best friend Stuntman (Brendan wouldn’t pass it up as a rental or even a Machine”), the club’s mouthpiece. changes. During a challenge to Smoke Fehr of “Roswell”). One night he runs purchase. Not Politics As Usual A Car Lover’s Dream HEATHER OSTROVE formance, it does resemble the one he gave in Other concept cars included the Dodge Retriever Weekly Staff Writer “The Devil’s Advocate.” This is not meant to RICHARD MCNEY Powerbox, an environmentally friendly mean that he is the bad guy, just that he plays Retriever Weekly Staff Writer hybrid that runs on natural gas, and the retro “The Recruit” is a well thought out, well a character who is a mentor, speaks in riddles convertible Chevrolet Bel Air. acted movie. The plot is a familiar one; it’s a and never seems to be telling the truth. Are you tired of driving your beat up Besides the concepts, exotics, and spe- story that attempts to play mind games on its Farrell is the main character of the clunker around town? Are you embarrassed cial exhibit cars attendees were able to sit in, audience. However, because the (familiar) movie, and as such, his character is the one of that strange smell emanating from the fool with the controls, and pop the hood on movie is acted and directed so well, one is going through the trials, tribulations, and back seat? Maybe it is time to buy a new car. the vehicles at the show. More than 35 car able to forget about the other movies it resem- mind games. Farrell has not made many One problem, you are a college student with makes were represented including Nissan, bles and take it for the suspenseful, mystery movies, however the movies he has made little or no money. Well at least you can look Chevrolet and Porsche, Volkswagen, to name like movie that it is. have shown a wide range in his abilities as an and dream. a few. Car models exhibited included the The movie’s big star is Al Pacino, but he actor, and this movie is no exception. His Dreamers, automobile lovers, and future Nissan 350Z, Mini Cooper, Porsche 911 is not the movie’s main character. He plays character needs to be mentored and suspi- purchasers had the chance to view an array of Turbo, Volkswagen New Beetle Cabrio, and Walter Burke, a CIA instructor who recruits cious of Pacino’s and Farrell carries this off concept cars, exotics, and the current lineup the H2 Hummer. James Clayton, played by Collin Farrell. wonderfully. of cars, trucks, and sports utility vehicles at The H2 Hummer was particularly popu- From their first encounter Clayton doesn’t The movie is directed by Roger the 2003 Motor Trend International Auto lar and was constantly surrounded by a seem as interested in being a CIA agent after Donaldson, who has directed political films Show in the Baltimore Convention Center crowd waiting to sit inside the vehicle. Some finding out about his father’s disappearance such as “Thirteen Days” and “No Way Out.” this past weekend. comments about the $48,800 SUV included, and his possible/probable connection to the Those films deal with moral issues relating to One interesting concept car had four “This thing is like a tank,” and “Now I know CIA. the US and government. wheels and a body, but it resembled an alien what LeBron James feels like.” James is the The mind games “The Recruit” does not spacecraft more than a car. General Motors high school basketball player whose games begin when Clayton, do any of that; it is meant concept car, AUTOnomy, shares few similar- have been shown on ESPN and whose moth- along with all the other to be a suspenseful, mind ities with today’s automobile. For one, the er recently bought him a H2 Hummer. recruits, is sent to The tricking movie, there is car is hydrogen powered and only emits Many drooling onlookers surrounded Farm, the CIA training no attempt to make this water vapor from the tail pipe. The the exotic cars as well. Due to the majority of camp. The audience is film any sort of political AUTOnomy has no engine either, but is driv- the exotics being priced over $100,000 the shown a series of scenes statement. en by electric motors in each of the wheels. display was strictly look but do not touch. On in which they are learning The movie can really There are no pedals. Driving the car is entire- display were several super cars from Ferrari, several ways to defend be watched in two differ- ly electronic; there are no mechanical con- Lamborghini, Maserati, Panoz, Bentley and and kill a man, training ent ways. The first, one trols. All of the essential parts of the car, the Aston Martin. with high tech devices can sit back, watch the fuel-cell stack, drive-by-wire electronics Special feature cars included several and pass a lie detector test. show and be surprised at controls, and electronic motors are inside modified sport compacts, a display of eight Again, these scenes every new revelation that the chassis, which enables the driver the Corvettes from the five generations of the resemble others but they is made. The second, and ability to swap the car’s body at will. popular sports car, and “Eleanor,” the 1967 are necessary because somewhat more fun, is to Feeling sporty? Then put on a sleek body. Shelby GT Nicolas Cage drove in “Gone in they help to further stress Courtesy of Touchstone Pictures try and anticipate who is Do you want to rough it? Then put on a 60 Seconds.” the idea that no one can be Secret Agent: Pacino and lying to whom, who is the sports utility body. Besides automobiles, there were also trusted, everyone may be Farrell live the undercover life. bad guy and what is the Another futuristic ride, the Lincoln several guest appearances. Vincent Curatola, lying, etc. truth. However, if one Continental concept, drew large crowds aka “Johnny Sack” of “The Sopranos” There is a romance in this movie; the chooses the latter, just be aware that it’ll be admiring the upscale features like the con- signed autographs. Also signing autographs love interest is Layla, played by Bridget easier to see this movie’s familiar plot. Still, venient cigar humidors in the rear door were Baltimore Ravens Gary Baxter, Moynahan. She is a fellow recruit who is first which ever way is decided it won’t affect the compartments. Finally a car that can keep Brandon Stokley, and General Manager noticed by Clayton during the entry exam. fact that “The Recruit” is a fun movie to cigars fresh. Other convenient features Ozzie Newsome. Their romance is, of course, suspect to the watch. include a drink dispenser, umbrella holder, So even if you cannot afford a new car, idea that “nothing is what is seems.” One or MY BOTTOM LINE: Would I wait in laptop tables, and a remote controlled lug- at least you have the ability to dream. Maybe both of them could be lying to each other, and line to see it? NO. Evening, Matinee, Wait gage tray that slides out of the trunk. The if you squint your eyes really hard the rusted just because there is an attraction doesn’t until video or Forget it was produced? MATI- car also has a powerful 12-cylinder engine out piece of junk you drive will resemble a mean that there is trust. NEE. How many times did I check my that can get any executive where they want Porsche 911. Maybe not, but gas prices are Although Pacino gives a wonderful per- watch? 1. Rent or buy? RENT. to go in a hurry. too high anyway. February 11, 2003 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY FEATURES Page 23 Prints Pops off the Page Scopin’ Out the Future from MASSIN, page 21 ity to everything that Massin has designed. today’s book design, which often provides The cliché has never been more apt: It by Devlyn Fennell little more than a visual abstract of the jumps off the page. book, Massin’s work distills the essence of One of the best examples of this—and what lies within and then builds upon it. the most fascinating set of pieces in the Aries (March 21 - April 20) Libra (Sept. 24 - Oct. 23) What’s more, these designs, in ways that exhibit—is the work the artist did in study State Officials will soon decide that Some of us have been considering mere text never could, tell a multimedia of Eugene Ionesco’s “La Cantatrice they should add vodka to the city’s water medicating you for your own good. story made up of three elements: words, Chauve” (The Bald Soprano). A work of to help prevent freezing. pictures and placement. These are the absurdist theater, “The Bald Soprano” uses essence of design and are used masterfully linguistic disjoint and cliché to lash out in Massin’s hands. Book covers and event against notions of structure and authoritari- programs become supra-textual adventures anism. Massin, in continuation of both the Taurus (April 21 - May 21) Scorpio (Oct. 24 - Nov. 22) in storytelling. play’s theme and his own career objective, Sarcasm is the one true weapon that You will spend the rest of your life One is reminded of the film work of takes decontextualized phrases and images is applicable everywhere. living in a small glass tank with gravel Baz Lurhman, celebrated for his integration from a French production of the play and on the bottom, being fed crickets once a of music, imagery and action. Though sets them loose on the page. At first glance, day. Lurhman’s work is often compared to that the posters are eye-catching, then distract- of music video directors, a perfunctory ing, and finally chaotic, much like the play inspection will reveal its true depth. itself. Breaking the axes of the page with Gemini (May 22 - June 21) Sagittarius (Nov. 23 - Dec. 21) Lurhman harnesses completely independ- titled photographs and slanted text, Massin You will receive a concussion when People are talking about you behind ent mediums and seamlessly merges them challenges the viewer to accept the images a granite stick-it note falls on your head. your back… to create a new medium, one in which his on their own terms. That is, to communi- message can be communicated. The same cate in and understand a vocabulary much is true of Massin. It is almost inappropriate different from traditional layout. to refer to his work as book covers or Massin’s work is overwhelming suc- Cancer (June 22 - July 23) Capricorn (Dec. 22 - Jan. 20) posters because one’s notions about the cessful in that respect. Never does he rely limits and capabilities of said mediums is on established forms or preconceived ideas You are doomed to having to deal Some would say you’re para- pre-set. Continually in the Kuhn Gallery’s to get his message across. The subtitle of with the obnoxious neighbors who live noid…actually all of us are saying it. new exhibit, Massin supercedes expecta- the exhibit, then, is quite apt, for the artist, beneath you and play baby-boomer tions, opening up new avenues of expres- a career spanning over 40 years has not musical crap constantly. sion in seemingly closed formats. only created a meticulous language for his Moreover, the artist’s conceptual prox- world founded in design, but kindly sup- Leo (July 24 - Aug. 23) Aquarius (Jan. 21 - Feb. 19) imity to the film work of Lurhman is not plies a dictionary that allows access to the Your answering machine has some- Your culinary skills will gain you all-together coincidental, either. Massin is casual viewer-participant. thing to tell you…don’t believe it much prestige, but only if you cook for quoted in the literature accompanying the Massin in Continuo: A Dictionary runs though. me. exhibit as saying, “The illustrated book is a Jan. 30 to March 9 in the Albin O. Kuhn film, the text is the dialogue or voice over.” Gallery. For more information call 410- Indeed, there is a strikingly cinematic qual- 455-2270. Virgo (Aug. 24 - Sep. 23) Pisces (Feb. 20 - Mar. 20) Auditions for political office will be You are the fish of the day. held next Thursday…you will surely be the star of the show. Indie-Folk for the Folks LISA HAMMETT comes in times of waiting. “The songs on Retriever Weekly Staff Writer this album are mainly about leaving the past,” Vero expressed. “It was an emotion- “This is all in my face, in an instant, al waiting period for me—I was in college and I’ve got to decide…this is grace under- and deciding what to do next in life.” cover and I’m trying to discover where I Supporters of Indie music can be laugh at myself, is it too late to speak, as I grateful that she chose the musical path, as swim in the streets and I sweat in my she was considering attending medical sleep?” Tina Vero expressed in her intri- school after her graduation from Rutgers cate Indie/folk set at the Commongrounds University. It was while she was at Coffeehouse. Rutgers that she began to play guitar and Vero performed after Josh & Nil, both perform music at on-campus events. “I who were part of the new set-up for this began to play at a coffeehouse in semester’s Commongrounds Coffeehouse Brunswick, New Jersey, and the music series. Acoustic sets achieved the Office of community there was very supportive,” Student Life’s goal of providing musical she said. This influenced her decision to entertainment in a study or chat-appropri- focus more on music during her time “in ate atmosphere. Some people came out for the waiting.” the folk and others for the folks. “I think Her sound and lyrics were emotional- it’s important to attend campus functions ly effective, and caused one UMBC junior so that I can be more aware of the different to reflect on his experience of music. kinds of people that are here,” said senior “Music is such an intricate part of life,” Harry Myers. said Sean Mullin. “It provides a close rela- Senior Bernie Mullin also enjoys the tionship between the artist and the listen- “folksy” feature of the Commongrounds er—a way to share an experience.” Coffeehouse and other on-campus events. Vero’s “hero” in the musical world is “Campus events are a great place to meet Indie musician Neil Finn, whom she has girls,” he remarked. appeared with on stage on two different Whether they came for the “folk” or occasions. She particularly enjoys him as a “folks,” the audience was captured by part of Crowded House, and has to some Vero’s intimate sound and confessional degree followed him stylistically. Samples lyrics. The music she is creating allows lis- of her music can be accessed through her teners to relate and reflect, just as she is website, www.tinavero.com. reflecting. The song her album is named Next week’s Commongrounds for, “In the Waiting,” is a wonderful blend Coffeehouse will feature folk musician of emotion, strength, and still, uncertainty, Leslie Helpert and rock artist Sarah which she uses to expose the pain that Pinsker. Page 24 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY FEATURES February 11, 2003 Survival of the Fittest anothertime by Ryan Bloom College Economics 101 Murmurs of an Automatic Time Karl Strauss

Who would have ever guessed “Murmur” as the best album of No, don’t worry, this is not a much money at all. At the end of the that four kids growing up in the 1983, but that award had to be for a $ column preaching to you about semester, you’ll be lucky to get a sleepy Southern college town of reason. Instrumentally, the band was Supply and Demand curves or the third of what you actually paid for Athens, GA. would one day become certainly in its infancy. Stipe’s lyrics economic history of Eastern the book. the world’s biggest rock band? Not were almost wholly unintelligible European countries. This is more of How about late night food many could or would foresee the and Buck’s guitar playing was noth- a college survival column. runs? Or, like in my apartment, the transformation of an underground ing above mediocre. Although Mills $ We all know that when we first traditional Sunday night order from post-punk scene melting into the and Berry formed a solid rhythm get to college, there are a lot of China Thai? It doesn’t seem like sweeping albatross of alternative section early, they still were not adjustments that need to be made. much at the time, but soon you find rock music; an action largely helped what you would call exceptional The biggest may be how to deal yourself overdrawn at the bank and along by the likes of Peter 12Buck, musicians. with the sudden new found freedom wishing that Chevy Chase didn’t Mike Mills, Michael Stipe and Bill What the album did have was $ from nagging parents and the com- have that stupid monthly $4 service Berry, collectively known as R.E.M. plenty of mystery. What it lacked in forting, yet mundane boundaries of charge for your student checking The foursome first gained col- talent it more than made up for with the old home town... and not go account. lege rock respect with their 1981 intrigue. The album was intelligent broke. College life, especially near a But, this isn’t all about money single “Radio Free Europe.” From and deep. It required some investi- big city like Baltimore, can get very either. Correctly managing one’s there, jangle-guitar riffs, mumbled gation to get at these details and per- $ expensive, very quickly. time is probably the biggest skill we lyrics and enough passion to talk haps that only helped push the With the multitude of clubs in as students need to learn if we want about would9 form the basis for their reward of finding3 them. The whole downtown Baltimore offering col- to graduate. Sure you always need first complete album, aptly titled thing had a very ominous feel about lege nights every Wednesday and to make time for your beloved “Murmur”. Though the band consis- it. From “Pilgrimage” to “Perfect Thursday the temptation to go out is Playstation 2 or your favorite reality $ basically irresistible. And for those TV series, but certain things should tently received critical praise, it Circle” to “9-9,” the album was would take mainstream listeners at chock full of eerie Southern com- of us who are over 21 almost every come first. least six years to catch up. It wasn’t fort. night could be spent downtown at Ok, so I have spouted out all until 1987’s “The One I Love” that Perhaps, at the end of the day, it the Power Plant or at Fells Point. these possible problems facing a R.E.M. would become widely was all of this and none of this that $ Still, it’s not just clubbing that con- college student. What next? Well 6 tinually empties the wallets of each week, Survival of the Fittest noticed. With their first internation- made “Murmur” what it is today. al tour in support of their follow-up There seems to be no one obvious UMBC students. will try to bring you some new album “Green” completed, the element that stands out more then For one, there is the decorating insights into and tips for dealing band, at the height of their success the fact that R.E.M. was different of dorm rooms and apartments. with these and other situations that so far, would decide to make an odd from everything that was happening $ Everybody wants to put a personal may arise. The advice we offer career move; they stopped touring. around them. They weren’t the B- touch on a room to make it feel might not work for you, but hope- In the world of music, often the best 52’s and they weren’t singing “Rock more like home or show off a fully it will start you on your way to way to gain new fans is on the tour Lobster.” They weren’t making unique sense of style. The way we figuring some of this out. And if you circuit, but after years of nonstop catchy dance numbers and they decorate our rooms is a reflection of don’t have any trouble managing work it seemed the band had had weren’t the cool kids on campus. $ our personality. Spending this your money or time, then more enough of the road. It would be Even though in modern rock music money is well worth it, but keep a power to you. three albums and six years before these seem to be exactly the qualities budget in mind. the band ever geared up for another that make up every other generic Then of course there are the Karl Strauss and his wallet are set of live performances. A move band on the airwaves, there was textbooks, which can set some stu- just trying to survive the college that could have killed them seemed indeed a time when these traits in $ dents back upwards of $400. Selling experience. Email him at brilliant when their Monster tour and of themselves were original. used books back won’t earn you [email protected] began to sell out all over the world. Sadly, in today’s world of Music Though it was received well Television, originality doesn’t count among critics and the local college for much anymore. Instead we are crowd, not too many people listened served an endless stream of look- to “Murmur” and thought, one day alike boys and bouncy breasted girls; these guys will be signing a contract anything to make a quick buck. for $80 million. Everyone knows Thank goodness we can always put their later works, like “Out of Time” on a pair of headphones and pop in and “Automatic for the People,” that old R.E.M. tape to take us back which brought R.E.M. to the height to that time when creativity took of stardom, but what was it about precedence over beauty. that first album that launched such a successful career? Ryan Bloom wants to hear your Certainly it didn’t hurt that murmurs. Email him at Rolling Stone magazine chose [email protected]. write for features...ext. 51260...write for features...ext. 51260...write for features...ext. 51260...write for fea- tures...ext. 51260...write for features...ext. 51260...write for features...ext. 51260. February 11, 2003 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY FEATURES Page 25

ProsoPOP!eia

F*ckin Pepsi...... by R. Eric Thomas

Russell Simmons says “Drink Pepsi has admitted as much, character- Coke.” So do Penelope Cruz and Mr. izing the Ludacris imbroglio as “a mis- and Mrs. Cox Arquette. Coke is great; take.” But Simmons isn’t satisfied. So Coke can change your life, if you let it. he’s taking his clout with the hip-hop Coke is “Real,” the new slogan goes, community, going to the biggest week- which doesn’t make a lot sense end for basketball fans in Coca-cola’s because it’s made of chemicals and is, hometown of Atlanta, Georgia (also, therefore, fake. They even go so far as coincidentally, Ludacris’ stomping to point out that little hole in the logic grounds) and saying, quite simply, in their new commercial featuring “Fuck Pepsi.” Mya. Between swigs of syrupy car- Simmons said in an interview on bonated goodness, she sings to a club the Fox News Network (also, not-so- full of fashionable Coke drinkers, coincidentally, O’Reilly’s stomping “Gotta make it real compared to grounds) “It’s cultural insensitivity on what?” Good question, Mya; good their part. And this is the most important question, Coke. brand-building community in the But of all the celebrities preaching world.” That’s scary talk for the num- the gospel of this life-changing bever- ber-two soda manufacturer in the world, age product one stands out for a simple especially when you consider that reason: he’s not getting paid. Simmons Simmons has, on numerous occasions, has, of late, become one of Coke’s come just shy of labeling Pepsi racist. strongest supporters, albeit indirectly, Does the pop giant really want the rap and he hasn’t seen a dime of compen- community, the black community, and sation. The story goes like this: the hip- all of Atlanta boycotting them? hop impresario and producer was at Definitely not. As Simmons alludes to, a home, watching the Super Bowl. The product lives or dies based on the pub- game goes to commercial and sudden- lic’s perception of it. ly Ozzy Osbourne is bumbling with a This battle, however, is not about trash bag. Enter Jack and Kelly, drink- pop soda, but rather Pop culture. The ing Pepsi Twist. Hilarity ensues. Only idea that a product or a Pop icon may Simmons wasn’t laughing. have a morality is not foreign, but as Just months earlier, Pepsi, Coca- long as product and Pop are separate, cola’s biggest rival in the multibillion their moralities are, too. But as advertis- dollar soda business, had fired coming ers realize the pulling power of Pop, the campus attraction Ludacris as their two become entangled. An oft-repeated spokesperson after conservative talk anecdote is that when Clark Gable show host Bill O’Reilly raised a ruckus removed his shirt in the film “It over the motor-mouthed rapper’s Happened One Night to reveal a bare potty-mouthed lyrics. Said the host, chest, sales in men’s undershirts plum- “Ludacris espouses violence, intoxica- meted. And a whole new, highly com- tion, and degrading conduct toward plicated market opened up. women.” He then urged viewers to Nowadays, products are placed in write or call Pepsi expressing their dis- movies, stars are hawking products, and approval of the choice. Viewers fol- somewhere people are gauging the rela- lowed his pleadings and Pepsi canned tive integrity of everything from cookies the performer. to Cadillacs. To wit, when Ellen But when the Osbournes showed famously came out of the closet, it was up hawking Pepsi Twist, O’Reilly was reported that one member of the uncharacteristically silent and American Council on Family Values Simmons, for one, cried foul. A was chosen to watch the show and take spokesperson for Simmons said the notes on which advertisers had pur- producer’s plans to announce a “pro- chased commercial time so the council posed boycott of Pepsi during the would know who to boycott. NBA All-Star Weekend in Atlanta… The question is, what does the The boycott is being called in response morality of a product’s handlers and its to Pepsi dropping Ludacris as spokespeople have to do with the prod- spokesman and subsequently picking uct? Since when are Tampax tampons a up the Osbournes, who are no less vul- lesser product because they bought air- gar. time from the first gay main character In their commercial spots neither on television? By extension, does it real- Luda nor Ozzy voiced any of the many ly say anything about the woman who unprintable words they’re better purchases those tampons? In our con- known for, yet the Mouf of the South sumer-driven culture, Pop may have was asked to leave the building, while become a god, but its bible is still being the Prince of Darkness cozied up with written. Mrs. Brady. The gospel according to Pop: It’s a blatant double standard and [email protected] Page 26 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY FEATURES February 11, 2003

by Studmuffin 2002 Jenn Gibson get lit: Enjoy V-Day, Minus the Mush by Brett McKenzie Hi, everybody. It is I, JG, your Features Classes are informal and they actually hold apartment, she decides to move on with Editor, slightly on the tired side, but once conversations and exchange ideas, some- I’ve come to the conclusion that her career, her happiness, and her love again, persevering and hyped up on the java. thing, as an English major, I am not used to. there are few films out there that truly life. Hurrah! Into the arms of one devas- It is mmm mmm good. Or goot as No offense, English Department. depict the woes and traumas that tatingly sexy Mark Darcy! Not many Chrysanthemum would say. UMBC com- Yeah, so that is one of the seven classes human beings endure in relationships. people know about the absolutely muters are in their finest form right now. I’m taking this semester. As the days go by, I Sandra Bullock/J-Lo/Julia Roberts delightful sequel, “Bridget Jones: The Example: I was driving around the Loop and become more and more concerned with the portray misunderstood, scorned Edge of Reason” (1999). Equally as there was a car leaving. Hooray! Right? amount of work and the thoughts in my head women who have fallen upon hard comical and uplifting. Wrong! The car that was in front of me sound like this: times. Matthew McConaughey/Ben Single?: Get even with “Legally slammed on their brakes and decided that “can’t do it, can’t do it, can’t do it, can’t Affleck/Brad Pitt play commitment- Blond,” or better yet, go old-school with this was an okay time to back up and take the do it, how am I going to do it, how am I phobes who overcome their insecuri- “Clueless.“ spot for themselves. Rude Driver reversed going to do it, can’t do it, can’t do it, just ties when they fall hard for these mod- Attached?: What the hell is wrong on the Loop and she effectively blocked in want to graduate, can’t do it, how am I going ern day ingénues. Eyes lock passion- with you?!? DUMP that asshole! the poor old soul who just wanted to get the to do it, can’t do it, can’t do it” ately across a crowded room, they Relationship: There is just some- hell off the campus. Following this, Rude But then turn into this: both end their tumultuous relation- thing about that girl in your PHIL 150 Driver reversed further on our fun-filled strip “am going to do it, am going to do it, am ships with other people, hook up, class that drives you crazy with absolute of the road until she was touching my going to rock my classes’ worlds, have to do something goes wrong, they fight, they rage. Every time you make any sort of bumper and Poor Soul had enough room to it, have no choice but to do it, I am going to make up, and live happily ever after in comment or even so much as raise your flee from campus. I did not get this awesome graduate now, now or never, now or never, posh Upper East Side Manhattan pent- hand, she’s ready with some bitingly spot, I got to park in the overflow lot by am going to do it, have to do it, am going to houses with matching golden retriev- cruel remark that seems to mock your Patapsco. Again. Grrrr. lay something on my classes that they have ers and Audis. very existence. But, there’s something Everywhere I get slapped in the face never seen before, am going to do it” Oh yeah, that happens to me all about her tenacity that you find intrigu- with perception and language, perception And then on May 22, 2003, my the time! (Sarcasm actually dripping ing and even a little sexy. and language. I think someone somewhere is thoughts will be this: onto my keyboard.) Book: “Pride and Prejudice,” Jane trying to tell me something. If only my poor “I did it. Bueno.” Thanks to the invention of film, Austen (1813). Lizzy and Mr. Darcy little brain could figure out what is is. For a while I was sure I’d be needing a the 20th century saw people been read- spend nearly three quarters of the book at Hang on, folks! I know that you all hav- Professional Hand Holder and almost IM’ed ing less and turning to Hollywood in each other’s throats, verbally sparring ing been waiting for the latest news about Alli, writer of “When I Grow Up,” to see if order to capture the sentiment of love. and denying that those clashes are sim- my brother, Studmuffin 2002. Well, he has she had any business cards or email However, we must not forget that ply concealing deeply rooted lust and competed in the championship of the addresses of such people. And while I don’t many of these movies pull their plots attraction. In this particular case, I also Studmuffin 2003 competition. Also compet- need one this exact second, I will probably from literary classics, which pull their recommend Shakespeare’s “Taming of ing was UMBC’s own Studly Dudley. The be needing one in about two weeks, so Alli, plots from real life (however dated the Shrew.” rivalry between the two was renewed with have the cards ready for me! they may be). Single?: “Ten Things I Hate About a vengeance. Studly sang the hit song that I love the smell of old books. There’s In honor of Valentine’s Day, I’ve You” is really quite charming and not an Rhythm Method had, but my brother show- just something about them that represent eliminated my “Read of the Week” overly romantic rendition of cased his prowess singing, as well. He sang everything writing is supposed to be. It’s and temporarily abandoned my dis- Shakespeare’s classic. There’s also a par- Celine Dion’s hit song “My Heart Will Go like the pages have absorbed the thoughts gust with Hollywood films in order to ticularly good film version of “Pride and On” to show his sensitive side and showed and reflections of each person that has read recommend V-Day books and movies Prejudice” done by the BBC, but it’s five off some of his wrestling skills to demon- them and those thoughts are now a part of to match your single, serious, or dys- videos long. Grab some girlfriends and strate his rugged masculinity. In the end, the books. functional relationship qualms. Read camp out in your pajamas for the day. my brother became Studmuffin 2003. He For a while, I thought that I hated on to keep yourself from crying into Attached?: So you managed to also became an Eagle Scout, which com- writing. Was tired of it, did not ever want your pillow this Valentine’s Day tame the shrew? With all that pent-up pletely rocks. My brother is awesome. So is to do it again after I graduate. Now I real- while your roommate gets it on across frustration, the two of you probably the Irishman. But that is a whole other ize that this thought was wrong. Writing is the room. Relationship: won’t make it to Blockbuster! story. not a decision, it’s not “I want to,” it’s “I You’ve fantasized Relationship: No matter how hard I hate my laptop. The cursor keeps have to.” I must. Writing is such a core about confessing your undying love for you try, his mother absolutely hates you. jumping so what I’ve been typing keeps end- part of who I am. There’s no way I can your best friend since the two of you You’ve sent her cards and flowers for ing up in my Rude Driver story. It is slightly escape it and I really don’t want to escape were playing naked in each other’s back- various holidays, helped her in the irritating. it anymore. There are some things you just yards (as children, not last week). You kitchen when you’ve been invited home This semester, my final semester at can’t run away from. boldly make your move, but she doesn’t for dinner, and even offered to take his UMBC, I am taking a philosophy class. It is return the sentiment. She continues to little sister prom dress shopping. There’s called Metaphysics and I feel somewhat Jenn Gibson is the Features Editor. date men who are terribly wrong for her something in the way she looks at you clueless in this class. Jim is the professor and You like to email her, you want to email her. while you sit at home watching reruns of that just screams: “I know you’ve been he talks about theories that I know nothing It’s a Jedi Mind Trick she’s using on you “The Daily Show” with a box of tissues fornicating with my son, and I don’t about like the coherence theory of truth. Yes, right now. Don’t fall for it unless you really handy for when she comes to cry on your approve!” now I know what it is, but before, I was want to. Then email her at shoulder. Book(s): Book: Trust the good ol’ bard to cre- intimidated and confused. Philosophy [email protected]. “Great Expectations,” ate the prototype for this equation. I majors are a different breed of students. Charles Dickens (1861). No happily ever after here, folks, but we all know love learned early that there’s no cure for the doesn’t always end happily. Another “his-mother-hates-me” syndrome, pick classic is Willa Cather’s “My Antonia” up “Romeo and Juliet” or “Merchant of (1918). It’ll help you appreciate your Venice” and realize that things really best friend for what you have, not what aren’t so bad. you could have. Single?: Did Mother succeed in Single?: For an un-happily-ever- coming between you and your beau? after film that’s still a good laugh, rent Cheer up with “Meet the Parents.” “My Best Friend’s Wedding” for you Attached?: Give him a subtle hint and your single friends. with “Shakespeare In Love.” Ring a bell? Attached?: Did you finally over- So quit your crying and take your come all the obstacles and hook your true melancholy butts over to Barnes and love? Try the Ethan Hawke/Gwyneth Noble or Blockbuster. Who knows, you Paltrow “Great Expectations.” Not entire- may find another member of the Lonely ly true to book form, but still colorful. Hearts Club perusing the Shakespeare Relationship: He cheated on you! aisle on Feb. 14 and live happily ever How could he? After so many years of after yourselves. telling you that he loved you and only Brett McKenzie is seeking someone you and that he wanted to spend the rest who can permanently dispel her roman- of his life with you? tic cynicism. Charming, witty, muscular Book: “Bridget Jones’s Diary,” males between the ages of 18-23 are Helen Fielding. When Bridget catches encouraged to e-mail her man with a naked woman in his [email protected]. February 11, 2003 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY FEATURES Page 27 When I Grow Up A Celebration of Unity By:Allison Houseworth

from BHM page 21 dents,” says Gerald. “Trying to… speak black faculty and staff members who with the students, get a better sense of A Tragic Love Story might be able to serve as resources for what their experience is like and then them during their time here at UMBC.” use that information to inform and Free Hour. Standing in line at Salsa Because we have certain restraints, Sessions like “Marketing Me,” enhance the policies and procedures of Rico. Hundreds of people are around you. certain boundaries that for whatever rea- meant to help students understand the the university.” You’re chatting with your best friend. son cannot be crossed, we have more free- best ways to present themselves to Other programmatic highlights You look up. You see them, that person, dom than they could ever imagine. We potential employers and graduate include Black History Month Jeopardy somehow, in a sea of faces. Your heart could have not one, but two tragic love schools, and one on personality styles on Feb. 17 at 8 p.m., continuous show- skips a beat. You quickly turn around. stories. And while they go on happily dat- and leadership lead by Nancy Young, ings of the film “And Still I Rise” in the Running down the stairs late to class. ing, holding hands and making us want to director of Residential Life, quite clear- Women’s Center on Feb. 18, 19 and 20, You push open the door. They are stand- barf, I’ll go to the store and buy myself a ly address the conference’s objectives, and a speech by Congressman Elijah ing there, waiting for the elevator. You red rose, thank you very much…and while also tying into the greater theme Cummings on Feb. 19 at 7 p.m. One of freeze. “I’m, uh, late,” you mumble and maybe not a box of chocolates, but a six of the month. By bringing together cur- the concluding events of the month is rush off to class. pack, and rent my favorite un-romantic rent alumni with future alumni, the con- the UMOJA ceremony featuring the Involvement Fest. Chaos buzzes comedy from Blockbuster. And while they ference makes literal the slogan, “Faith Jubilee Singers and Dr. Jaimie around every table. Something touches traipse back to whoever’s room to do in Our Past, Pride in Our Future,” build- Washington. The event, which is sched- your arm. You look up. They smile. They whatever thing, I’ll kick back with my ing upon a framework of leadership uled to take place on Feb. 26 at 1 p.m., get pushed away by a mob of people. Yuengling and write my own ending, to toward a goal of ever more transforming will surely provide a fitting close to a Your eyes are still locked. my own tragic love story. achievements in years to come. month dedicated to using the past to Monday night. You notice them at a #1. They realize they’re a dumbass for Gerald, speaking about the change shape the future. table in the Commons. They get up. You not letting things go further. Sitting on my in the name of the Office of Speaking of the Unity March that get a drink. So do they. “Where are you bed watching a movie, I get a call. “Can I Multicultural Affairs highlighted anoth- began the month, Southerland remarked sitting?” they ask. “I have somewhere to come over?” they say. I agree. They pick er way that the university is helping to that she had received a lot of feedback be,” you reply. You go to your room. me up by the hand and dance with me foster achievement through unity, an ini- about the previous year’s march and the Alone. around my room making me laugh and tiative being echoed in the theme of one planned for this year. She expressed 3 a.m. You can’t sleep. You pace leave hours later with one, very soft, very Black History Month. The repurposed a sentiment that signifies that the goals around your room. You see them on IM. gentle kiss on the lips. 10 points for me. office will be “looking more at under- of this month’s events are already being You sit down. You write. It’s so easy. You #2. Sitting in my room, drinking a cup standing the experiences of our students, realized. Said she, “You can tell it’s run down the hall to meet them. You walk of coffee. Phone rings. The Ex. “What are particularly our underrepresented stu- leaving an impact.” arm in arm to your room. You shut your you doing tonight?” they ask. “Not too door. You smile. You wrap your arms much.” “Can you pick me up from the air- around each other. Your 10 a.m. class port? I’m coming in, I have to see you.” doesn’t matter, because in your 7*10 You hang up and fall back onto your bed. half URGE All Hot room it’s all okay. For shame that you be so wonderful that “You’re so perfect.” “You’re so gor- one must immediately fly half-way across from DANCE, page 21 things made out of wood and metal while geous.” “I just wanna kiss you all night.” the country to see you. Go you! 100 loss, loss of control, and abandonment.” watching recordings of the improvisational “It feels so good to hold you again.” “You points. Durning began dancing as a teenager and sessions in which Durning was choreograph- have such soft lips.” “You’re so soft.” #3. Crowd of people at lunch. has been choreographing and performing ing the final dance. The result is indeed a “Why can’t…” “I wish…” “Dammit.” Running late to class. Involvement Fest. since the early 1990s. Her formal training sound that can be felt which adds to the emo- 10:30 a.m. You trace the blue lines in Soda Machine. Walking back to your began at The Boston Conservatory of Music, tion of the dance. Alongside the music, Jay your notebook across the page. Your pro- room. You can’t even picture what they Dance and Theater where she studied for two Ryan’s lighting of both “half URGE” and fessor drones on in the background. You look like, just the way your eyes met and years. She received her BFA from New York “Dissolve” contributes to the emotional hold your head in your hands. You prom- held as everything else buzzed around University’s Tisch School of the Arts. impact of the pieces. ise yourself you’re going to forget. You you. 2 a.m. On bed, watching movie. Your Last semester Durning participated in Steffany George, Andrea Johnston, become oddly interested in the chemical IM blings. You slink out of bed to answer UMBC’s Artist-in-Residence program, a pro- Molly Poerstel, and Jean Vitrano are the four properties of lava rock. it. “How fast can you be at your door?” it gram that brings nationally and internationally additional dancers who perform alongside Valentine’s Day. Pretty much every- says. “7 seconds,” you type back. And recognized choreographers and teachers to Durning in “half URGE.” All of the dancers one who is not desperately in love is there you are, back in 7*10, your eyes UMBC for a full semester. According to the wore black costumes with slits in different pissed off. We become bitter, angry, or locked and no one around. The possibili- department of dance’s chairwoman Carol places revealing flesh colored material pretend that we just don’t give a damn ties are endless. Points? To be determined. Hess, Durning taught advanced modern dance underneath. Like “Dissolve,” “half URGE” because we’re the ones that want to be When I grow up I will still love my courses, choreographed a piece with the also involves the minor use of voice. At one getting flowers or cards or a rose of some movies, my six packs and roses I buy for department of dance’s students, and created a point the dancers blurt out “yes, no, yes, sort. At least a kiss. But there is some- myself. My eyes will still skim over V-day new solo for UMBC faculty member Sandra no...” in a frantic manner. Durning explained thing we have that they don’t. cards and lock with pairs of eyes in the Lacy, which will be performed at the depart- that the uncertainty of the “yes, no” speech We have the passion, no matter what. Commons. I will continue acting out my ment’s Phoenix Dance concert Feb. 12 reflects the uncertainty we often have in life We know a secret they would kill to hear. tragic love story, and later, when I grow through 15. when faced with a choice. We’re the one’s that let our eyes slide up I will write its ending. “The dance department invited Ms. The dance itself contains a lot of inter- over Valentine’s Day cards trying to resist Durning and her dancers to perform at action between the dancers. They lifted each the temptation to buy one and deliver it to Got an idea for the ending? Email UMBC because we wanted to provide an other, pushed each other down, climbed over the other’s door, naked, at 3 a.m. Alli: [email protected]. opportunity for the UMBC and Baltimore and under each other, and embraced. community to see her work,” Hess said. “One According to Durning, to get to the point of of the purposes of the Progressions Series is intimacy required in the dance a lot of to present work that is new and cutting-edge, improvisational time together was needed. and to introduce artists that are not often seen “To get to the point where you are stick- Women Earn in the Baltimore area.” ing your fingers in someone’s mouth or your In the second dance of the night, “half head in someone’s armpit you need a lot of $3,500-$4,500 URGE,” five women, including Durning, trust,” Durning said. moved chaotically about the stage embracing After the final dance concluded, the Be an Egg Donor and interacting set to Douglas Henderson’s audience passionately applauded once For an Infertile Couple strange wooden and metallic percussion filled again. Following the performance, Durning score. Durning has said “half URGE” was and the other dancers changed and then •Healthy — Mature — Non-smokers inspired by a dream she had in which she was came back out and answered questions from • Age 20-29 — Average Weight abandoned in a desolate, crumbling city. The the audience. From the audience member’s •2 week Part-Time Commitment movement of the dancers reflects the themes questions it was clear that the majority •Confidentiality at All Times of isolation, abandonment, rejection, and enjoyed the performance and at least indecision Durning says she was aiming for. respected Durning’s talent. According to Durning, she found it necessary The Department of Dance’s next event to work on the piece’s sound from the begin- occurs Feb. 12 through 15 when they present ning with someone. the professional dance company in residence, “I really wanted music that you could the Phoenix Dance Company. For more feel,” Durning said. “Not only hear it tonally, information call 410-455-MUSC or visit 410-296-5126 Towson, Maryland but it rumbled through you.” http://www.umbc.edu/newsevents/arts/calen- www.familybuild.com Henderson obtained the sound by dar/. recording himself building and collapsing Page 28 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY FEATURES February 11, 2003

Beginning [Feb. 13] Events Happening Throughout Incidentally... the Greater Baltimore-Washington Area TOWN Events Happening On and Around the UMBC Campus Beginning [Feb. 13] Thursday, February 13 a fight, but in any event, tears are Immortal Legend of Hip-Hop bound to be shed. TM* Wednesday, February 12 and probably make you squirm. But just One of the defining rap artists of all Work It! a little. No actual vaginas were harmed time, KRS-One, will be paying the Sunday, February 16 It’s that time again! The credit card in the making of this play. Fri. and Sat, D.C. area a visit tonight, so you better String ‘em Up! companies are calling more often than Feb. 14 and 15. 8 p.m. The Cabaret. represent UMBC, and make your way The Yonder Mountain String Band is your parents; your cell phone has been down to the 9:30 Club in Washington a special kind of group; they appeal cut off for weeks; you’re surviving on Wednesday, February 13 to see a riveting performance. By all to lovers of traditional bluegrass Ramen and free soda refills from the Java Jamz means necessary, make sure get your music, as well as rock-’n-rollers Commons. You need a job. Well, you’re Take a break from the rush rush of your tickets early, from Tickets.com weaned on Dave Matthews. With in luck, Bob Crachit. Employers who everyday life life and mosey on down to mandolin, bass, banjo, and guitar in are hiring for summer, part-time spring the Commongrounds Coffeehouse to Anything But Average hand, the four-piece “jamgrass” semester and temporary positions will take in the soothing siren song of Leslie Come one, come all; The Average band strums their way to the Recher swarm the campus looking to employ Helpert. Wed., Feb. 12. 1 p.m. – 2 p.m. White Band takes to the stage to show Theatre in Towson. you and only you. See if you can drag you what they’re all about. Since the TM* your butt out of bed, dig up a resume 70s, the funk-soul band has been wow- that doesn’t have pizza grease on it and Opa! ing audiences worldwide. Tonight, you Tuesday, February 18 try to look presentable. Verizon thanks Grab your bottle of Windex and head on can see them at the Recher Theatre in Tons o’ Rock! you in advance. Job Fair. Feb. 12, 12 over to Lecture Hall 3 for the highest- Towson, starting at 7:00 p.m. TM* In case you missed them last semes- p.m. – 3:30 p.m., University Center grossing romantic comedy of all time. ter, or if you’re hankerin’ for some Ballroom. Sure it came out on video and DVD a Saturday, February 15 more, TRUSTcompany is back in week ago. And sure a sitcom based on Bring Some Tissues! town to rock your boxers, with a lit- Friday, February 14 the movie premieres next week, but if We all know how you yearn for tle help from Blindside, Depswa and If Your Vagina Could Talk… you haven’t seen the original in all its those angst-filled days when you Pacifier. It’s an “Early Show” (7 Eve Ensler’s award-winning play, “The big screen glory, now is the time. Even did nothing but read Anne Rice p.m. doors) at the 9:30 Club in D.C., Vagina Monologues”, comes to campus if you have, see it, take it in again. You novels and listen to dark, moody so come early and stay late. $15 in celebration of V-Day. Featuring can never have too much Greek. My Big pop music- now’s your chance to tickets come from Tickets.com seven talented ladies from the UMBC Fat Greek Wedding. Wed and Thurs., relive the extended melancholy of Theater Department, this show promis- Feb. 12 and 13, 7:30 and 10:30, Lecture your youth. It’s Cry - the Cure vs. *TM = Ticketmaster: (410) 481- es to make you laugh, make you think, Hall 3. Smiths Dance Party at the Black SEAT; www.ticketmaster.com - R. Eric Thomas, part-time superhero Cat in Washington, DC! I don’t know whether Cure frontman Got an upcoming area event? Robert Smith or Smiths lead vocal- Email [email protected] (min. 2 ist Stephen Morrissey would win in weeks notice). Student Rock Band’s Baltimore Debut

MALCOLM FURGOL duty. “Zebra “was fast and furious, perfectly Retriever Weekly Senior Writer setting up the crowd for the songs that were to come. Groups of young musicians pass through Five of the songs they later played were the doors of The Vault all the time, each one from their CD “Quiet.’ Then “Loud”, which trying to produce that perfect combination of they had compiled before Jeff left the band, all sound in order to captivate and bring in new of which produced the same, appropriate head fans. Unfortunately, for most of these groups bobbing response that were solicited by the and the club-goers who hear them, this seldom original recordings. The rest of the new songs happens. Far too often something small or big also provoked pleasant reactions, enjoyed by doesn’t gel and the stage greets a deaf crowd all those gathered around the stage. who within a week won’t even remember the Several of those in attendance heralded name of the band they just saw. However, this from UMBC, and for them this was their first was not to be the fate of Susan, three members time seeing Susan live. Mary Fisher, a French of which hail from our very own UMBC. major and sophomore, found the music enjoy- Susan began six years ago as a three piece able and “quite different” from what she usual- made up of senior history David Dunn on bass, ly hears, “It was nice that you couldn’t pigeon- David Bricken on vocals and guitar and Jeff hole them into any genre.” Miklaszewski on drums. Despite doing well Freshman biochemistry major Sarah the band went on hiatus for two years after Becker agreed that their sound was unique and Miklaszewski moved to New England for col- commented that their stage presence was lege. That couldn’t keep the creative force of involving. Fisher added that she is interested to Susan shutdown forever though and when see how the band’s sound develops as it seems Dunn met Nick Burris, a freshman chemistry they are, “on the edge of something.” Both major at UMBC, musical interests began to Fisher and Becker noted they are going to try meld and talk of reviving the band stirred. to see Susan again if they get another chance, Burris then proceeded to take over the drum- and in the meantime will be recommending the sticks of Susan while introducing sophomore band to friends. IMDA major James Klink as a second guitarist In words Susan’s music could be to the band. Bricken then returned as vocalist described as melodic beat-ridden rock filled and Susan was all set for their return to the with intelligent empathy that refreshingly stage. soaks you through just as it consistently picks And return they did, with a performance you up. But then again those are just words, at The Vault that solidified their support from and a description of a feeling is just as lacklus- former fans as well as adding new admirers to ter as a summary of a great novel that you the fold. The band started off running with a should be reading anyway. And that’s what new song that made it clear their sound had not Susan is, a band that deserves to be seen and atrophied during their absence from active heard instead of read or written about. February 11, 2003 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY FEATURES Page 29 Clues

Weekly Crossword Across 4 “___ dreaming?” 1 Like sashimi 5 Signs of injury 4 First murder victim, some say 6 Little lead 8 Tres y tres 7 Canadian flag feature 12 Pollution-measuring abbr. 8 Sign that there’s water nearby 13 Constructed 9 Legolas, in “The Lord of the 14 “Anyone ___?” Rings” 15 Sly 10 Looking for, in personal ads 18 Part of a “Seinfeld” line 11 Driver’s license info 19 Clear up the windshield 16 Catch criminals 20 Pasture comment 17 Heir, frequently 22 Much sculpture 21 ___ Time Warner 26 Word in a Shakespeare title 23 Use a rotary phone 29 Stare bug-eyed 24 TV honor 32 Star wheels 25 Florida funspot, for short 33 Kind 26 A long, long time 36 A pop 27 It may be closed by a business- 37 Hit hard woman 38 It goes in soap 28 Uniquely 39 “The arms of Morpheus” 30 National language of southeast 41 Kind of baseball Asia 43 Accumulate, as a tab 31 Amazing adventure 46 Austrian city where Arnold 34 What’s remaining Schwarzenegger’s from 35 Crook’s alter ego 50 Still 40 Write down 54 Strike callers 42 In history 55 Give it another go 44 Undercover agent 56 Bust on 45 Computer owner 57 Right on the map? 47 Totally obnoxious 58 Gang 48 Home to most humans 59 Absorb, as financial loss 49 Lust for life Down 50 Neighbor of Ont. 1 Not fit for prime time 51 Thurman of “Gattaca” 2 Water, in ancient Rome 52 Source of Web addresses: abbr. 3 The Beaufort Scale measures it 53 Do grass February 11, 2003 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY Page 30 Sports Seven Former Retrievers Inducted Into UMBC Hall of Fame Warriors of the Past Remembered in Men’s Basketball Halftime Ceremony at the RAC Arena

NICK CHREST last three years for UMBC. and played on the 1991 squad not currently have a golf pro- mentioned Bobb. Retriever Weekly Editorial Staff During his career, Berman that gave UMBC its first winning gram, from 1992-1994 Michael As a defender, Darius Taylor played in all of the 173 games season in ten years. The long- Meyer played on a golf team that was the ECAC MVP in 1991, his The UMBC Athletic Hall of scheduled during his stay, a stick defensive midfielder was performed extremely well. senior year. That year he led a Fame strengthened its ranks by UMBC record. From the plate he named as an All-American twice Meyer is the first golfer to be Retriever soccer team that netted adding seven former players and hit a career .345 and still holds for his dominant defense against inducted. In the 1992-1993 sea- 15 wins en route to placement on one former coach Saturday, Feb. the UMBC records for most at top scorers. Cain holds the son he won four tournaments. a Third-Team All-Big South 1. The ceremony took place dur- bats and most base hits. UMBC Division I record for One of the four wins came in the Team. Over his years as a UMBC ing the halftime of the men’s bas- David Bobb is currently the ground balls. 1992 ECAC Championship. defender, he scored an impres- ketball team’s win against UMBC track and field head- Chad Craddock led the Meyer, originally from South sive 11 goals complimented with Fairleigh Dickinson and intro- coach. He has five All-American Retriever women’s swim team to Africa, holds a scoring average nine assists. duced Jeff Berman, David Bobb, citations, he owns more than any a record setting 11-3 mark this of 75.8, the team record. Finally, the only female rep- Chris Cain, Chad Craddock, other UMBC athlete. In 1997, year in his second year as head Coach Jim Pfrogner led the resentative of this year’s class is Michael Meyer, Jim Pfrogner, Bobb’s senior year, he placed coach. As a swimmer, he set Retriever track and cross country softball player Amy Wolff, an Darius Taylor and Amy Wolff to third in the NCAA Indoor UMBC records himself. teams for 30 years up until his All-Big South First Team per- the fans in attendance. Championships in two events, Craddock swam from 1993-1997 retirement in 2001. His final five former for three years. As an out- Former baseball player Jeff the 55-m and 200-m. Later that and in 1997 earned the title of teams each won Baltimore Metro fielder, she hit .363 for her career Berman played at UMBC from year he was second in the 100m ECAC Swimmer of the Year. titles. Of all the athletes coached and added 142 runs and 79 stolen 1994 to 1997 and was a second event at the NCAA Outdoor Craddock set records in three by Pfrogner, three notables are bases. As the softball program basemen before switching to Championships. freestyle events, the 200, 500 and former Olympian Jean Yves was just growing into its own, shortstop for his senior year. He Lacrosse player Chris Cain 1650. The last two still remain. Mallat, Michael Sterling (former Wolff led the team to a 142-63 won All-Big South honors his was at UMBC from 1988-1991 Even though UMBC does All-American) and the above record over her four years. Women’s Tennis Beaten by This Week in Sports Columbia, Destroys Bloomsbury Men’s Basketball Feb. 13 St. Francis (PA) at the RAC 7p.m. St. Francis is 6-5 in the NEC and is looking to build some late and Edges out Colgate season momentum. The Retrievers are just barely hanging on to eighth pace at 4-7. Feb. 15 Robert Morris at the RAC 7p.m. AMIT CHAND Robert Morris has struggled all year and comes to UMBC with Retriever Weekly Staff Writer a 3-8 conference record. Only the top eight qualify for the tour- nament, so UMBC will do well to win this game, as they are at The UMBC women’s tennis that number eight spot. team opened up the spring sea- son with a disappointing loss at Columbia. The Lions handily Women’s Basketball won six of seven single matches Feb. 15 Robert Morris at the RAC 4p.m. and two of three in doubles A diverse week for the Retrievers begins with Robert Morris com- competition. Both teams were ing to town. UMBC stands at 5-6 and is tied for seventh while playing their first meet of the Robert Morris is 1-10, and has lost eight straight NEC games. 2003 calendar year. Feb. 17 St. Francis (PA) at the RAC 7p.m. Junior Jana Karaskova, who After hosting a team that has lost several straight the Dawgs now go provided the lone victory of the up against a St. Francis team that has not lost all year in conference day, defeated Lions freshman play. St. Francis is 11-0 and holds a firm grip on first in the NEC. Molly Condit at the one spot. The Retrievers failed to win Men’s Tennis another match, losing spots two Feb. 15 at West Virginia U. TBA through six. Karaskova had The men enter their third week of spring competition by heading been penciled in to be playing a bit west to face the Mountaineers. WVU is 1-2 on the year, los- for the Lady Retrievers at the ing to Virginia Tech and Ohio St. before beating De Paul. second spot, but 2002 NEC coach of the year Keith Puryear Women’s Tennis had her start at the one spot Feb. 16 at George Washington U. 12p.m. against the Lions. The junior The women come off of a New York road trip and head south to D.C. did not disappoint, winning her File Photo / Retriever Weekly Staff On a roll: Women’s tennis makes a comeback. for this Sunday match up. The Colonials have not won a match in match with Condit 7-6, 5-7, 1-0. 2003 so far, and have lost to Richmond and Maryland-College Park. Anita Pushpanathan, the lone Leena Krishnaswamy and the match 7-6 but lost the next two senior on the squad, was easily disparity in experience was evi- 3-6, 2-6. Finishing up the sin- Men’s and Women’s Swimming and Diving defeated in the next match 6-4, dent in the score of 6-2, 6-4. gles competition was sopho- 6-0 by junior Melissa Nguyen. This is no doubt going to be a more Lana Khvalina versus Feb. 14-16 at the RAC TBA At the all important three spot running theme through the sea- Lions junior Lucia Aniello. As The teams host the Northeast Conference Championships this junior Tia Kaasalainen, called son with the team having to her teammate Lim did, Khvalina year and will look to cap a solid season with strong perform- the “difference maker” last year count on freshman to step up won her first match 6-4 only to ances. The women’s team has won a school record 11 meets and by coach Puryear, went up and produce. The next score be defeated in the next two 3-6, the men’s squad has also been solid all year, noting a 9-3 mark. against the Lions senior Shelly was closer, with sophomore 1-6. All swimmers will also be looking to qualify for the ECAC meet Mittal, losing 6-3, 6-1. Aimee Lim putting up more of a In the doubles matches the two weeks later. Freshman Ale Pedergnana was fight against freshman Jana matched up against a senior in Dimkova. Lim won the first see EDGES, page 33 Page 31 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY SPORTS February 11, 2003

Spring Season Preview: Women’s Softball by Andrew Chaney Retriever Weekly Editorial Staff as a sophmore. She is expected to hit for a When mentioning the softball team could see some time at the catcher posi- high average this season. Rynning is a this year, the name Kristie Pickeral can tion and Sousley should be able to help The UMBC women’s softball team great base runner and continues to not be left out. The sophomore will pro- the outfield players. will be a threat on the diamond this year improve her all around game. Christy will vide the team with homerun power and Head coach Joe French will lead this as they combine speed with power. The also provide some speed on the bases extra base hit potential. She possesses the team into conference play after making it forecast is clear for the Lady Retrievers as along with her high octane bat. most power on the team and can end a to the NCAA tournament just one year they hope to get back to the NCAA soft- The team has some big name juniors game with one whip of the bat. Pickeral, ago. “He is the kind of coach that a soft- ball tournament. Senior Lisa Boone will who will provide some punch to the like Boone, was named to the Softball All- ball player wants in the dugout,” stated be leading the team from the shortstop offense and they are Crystal Beveridge Region first team. Other contributors to junior Kristin Dulay. The Lady Retrievers position as she looks to finish up a and Sarah Crowell. Beveridge is a key this young squad include sophomores will head into play this season as the top remarkable collegiate career. This team player who could see some time at second Amanda Bile, Christina French, Lara Dawg in the conference with All-Stars also has a strong pitching rotation to help base or in the outfield. She has worked on Seamon and Alexis Viera. Bile does a ter- Lisa Boone and Kristie Pickeral. “Don’t head coach Joe French push his team to an her game this winter and should be pro- rific job catching fly balls and has the count out our freshmen because they could NEC title. ductive for the Lady Retrievers. Crowell is uncanny ability of knowing where the run- have the biggest impact when it is all said In order for the softball team to have also a multi-talented player who can play ners are. French transferred to UMBC and done,” stated senior Lisa Boone. a successful season they must have a star the infield as well as the outfield. “She is from Clarion University and should con- athlete and Boone is that athlete. Last sea- one of the hardest working and unselfish tribute as a lethal catcher. Seamon is a two son she was named to the ECAC Division players on the team,” stated French. The sport athlete at UMBC. When she is not I All-Star squad after a remarkable 2002 pitching staff will be a plus this season and shooting jump shots in the RAC she can campaign. She was also named to the anchoring the staff will be junior Kristin usually be found hitting softballs out on Softball All-Region team and should Dulay. Early in her collegiate career she the softball diamond. Meanwhile, Viera bring home some more hardware when started 11 games and won seven, while will provide a good glove and a strong 2003 comes to a close. Boone is an athlet- striking out 46 in 83 innings. She will throwing arm. ic shortstop who possesses the skill to have to step up and be the leader of the A freshman class is always thought of help out on defense and the bat to produce pitching staff this year. Juniors Lauren as inexperienced, but not this UMBC on offense. “Our team wants to make it Hebb and Jen SanFilippo could also see bunch. Freshmen Jessica Keenan, Jessica back to the tournament so bad,” com- some action on the diamond as they Mathews, Lauren Nicholson, Amy mented Boone. Watch out for Boone to improve on the defensive aspects of the Sadowl, Donnel Sousley, and Kristin put up some huge numbers in the middle game. Hebb is a skilled athlete who will Wheeler will all be expected to produce. of the lineup this year. Filling out the sen- play first base and some outfield if she Besides Keenan and Sousley, all of these ior class are Abbie Kahn, Kristen continues her offensive prowess. ladies can help as pitchers. The Lady Rynning, and Christy Sheppard. Kahn is a SanFilippo continues to impress as a Retrievers will need some strong innings very good contact hitter, who, had four catcher who will only need game experi- and the freshman class will be able to help doubles and drove in five runs on 21 hits ence to excel. out during the 2003 campaign. Keenan File Photos / Retriever Weekly Staff Athleteof theWeek: Shalayna Johnson by Kathleen Jackson “Scoring at the buzzer” should be led the team in scor- she once again Mount St. Mary’s and 17 points against senior guard Shalayna Johnson’s middle ing with around lead the team in FDU. Johnson has led the team in scoring name. This season the Lady Retrievers 12.3 points per points against for 12 games this season. have had more close games then they game. Her career FDU. “I’m a In UMBC’s triple overtime loss to probably would have liked, but fighting high as of last year shooter,” she conference rival Robert Morris for that last basket at the end of the half or was also an aston- states. Her trade- University, Johnson had a 36-point game. of the game, Johnson consistently helps ishing 27 points in mark style is mod- This not only trampled her previous her team end up on top. Typically, one game; that par- eled after Michael career high, but also tied the UMBC team Johnson is the game’s and team’s highest ticular performance Jordan’s she says, record for most points in a single game. scorer, and those baskets tend to come at earned her NEC but “It kind of “Mainly it’s like an honor actually, to be pivotal moments. player of the week grew into my own able to achieve or be blessed to get to that The way Johnson battles for every status as well. natural, unique level where I can tie a school record,” point is also representative of how this It has been vir- way of playing.” Johnson remarked. senior’s basketball career here at UMBC tually impossible to This year a Tying the school record is sure to be has been. Since her sophomore year, open up The healthier Johnson a highlight of Johnson’s career as a Johnson has had injuries that have limited Retriever Weekly has done nothing Retriever, but she would like to add a trip her playing time. While her time on the sports section but improve on her to the conference tournament this year to court may have been less than some other recently without Christie Richards / Retriever Weekly Staff already amazing that list. Johnson and the Lady Retrievers players, she has always made an impact seeing something like, “Shalayna Johnson statistics. In the last three Lady Retriever will continue their quest for the NECs at while in the game. Last year she only landed the lay up in the final ten seconds to competitions alone, Johnson has posted 14 home on Feb. 15, at the RAC against averaged 22 minutes of play a game, but tie the game 58-58,” as it did on Feb. 3, as points against Quinnipiac, 28 points against Robert Morris University. February 11, 2003 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY SPORTS Page 32

Mens’ Basketball Drops Three Straight Weekly Poll:

Q: What should UMBC Northeast Conference Games change its mascot to?

ANDREW CHANEY 1. Lion Retriever Weekly Editorial Staff 2. Elk 3. Wolf The men’s basketball team is finding 4. Butterfly the road to March Madness a little tougher these days against bigger conference oppo- nents. The Retrievers lost 87-66 to league rival Quinnipiac and suffered a letdown Email answer to: against Central Connecticut State, 63-49. [email protected] The conference contest versus Quinnipiac was one the Retrievers would Who’s Hot want to soon forget. UMBC guard Justin Wilson played only two minutes because of Christine Catalonotto of a knee injury he had suffered at the game’s women’s basketball for a sea- start. At the halftime buzzer, sophomore Rob Gogerty would need medical attention for son high 17 points against Mt. his ankle injury. The Retrievers led 7-5 early St.Mary’s. in the game, but squandered the lead when the Bobcats went on a 17-2 run just five Who’s Not minutes into the game. For the game, Quinnipiac shot 59.3 percent from the floor, Men’s tennis for dropping first while UMBC shot 40.7 percent overall. three meets of the spring sea- Sophomore Andrew Feeley made his pres- son. ence felt with 19 points and ten rebounds. Junior Kareem Washington was also in dou- ble figures with 11 points. Central Connecticut State, last year’s Alex Czisny / Retriever Weekly Staff Last Weeks conference champion, turned out to be a Hoop it up: Men’s basketball will be jostling for position in the competitive road block for the Dawgs on Thursday night. Northeast Conference Weekly Poll: The Blue Devils led from start to finish in a Q: Have you ever been to a 63-49 victory. Eugene Young paced the traded baskets for most of the first half as the Retriever defensive unit as he pushed his UMBC attack with ten points and a team- Hawks held on for a 37-28 halftime lead. team toward victory. “We didn’t have an Retriever sporting event in high eight rebounds. Kareem Washington Freshman P.J. Hatcher and senior Justin answer for Owens,” stated head coach Tom the past month? had another solid game with 12 points. Wilson came to play in the second half as Sullivan. Central held the Retrievers to 40 percent they lit the net up for 25 combined points. “I With two minutes to go in the game the Yes 40% shooting from the floor, the second time in am just so pleased to see our team playing Retrievers were forced to foul Monmouth. No 60% as many contests that an opponent has shot well together,” commented Wilson. Team Monmouth visited the free throw line to seal below 40 percent against the Devils. chemistry shined near the end of the game as the deal. The trio of Kareem Washington, The Monmouth Hawks came to the eight different Retrievers got looks at the Justin Wilson, and Andrew Feeley continue RAC looking to forge a battle against opposing basket. “We have to look past this to bring hope to a bleak and disappointing UMBC and held on for a 80-74 victory on loss because our schedule won’t get any eas- season. Monday night. Feeley was the one bright ier from here on out,” replied Wilson. With the three losses, the Dawgs now spot in the Retriever lineup as he netted five Monmouth’s Kevin Owens was a monster stand at 6-14 overall and 4-7 in the Northeast first half baskets to go along with some on the interior as he totaled 23 points. Conference. The team will now travel to rough minutes in the paint. The two teams Owens was the only problem for the play Mt. St. Mary’s on Tuesday at 7:30 p.m.

Current Women’s Basketball Standings as of 2/08/03: Conference Wrap Up: Conference Non-conference wins losses draws wins losses draws streak St. Francis (PA) remains unbeaten in the NEC. The defending cham- 0 1. St.Francis (PA) 11 0 15 5 0 W10 pions have a month of play left 0 2. Quinnipac 10 1 14 6 0 W7 though, so can they maintain 0 3. Monmouth 8 3 13 7 0 W4 their stellar record? 4. Long Island 6 4 0 8 12 0 W2 5. Sacred Heart 5 5 0 11 8 0 W1 Central Conn 5 5 0 6 14 0 L2 6. Wagner 5 6 0 10 10 0 L1 UMBC 5 6 0 8 12 0 L1

Current Men’s Basketball Standings as of 2/08/03: Conference Wrap Up: Conference Non-conference wins losses draws wins losses draws streak Wagner, Monmouth, and Central Conn are locked in a battle for the 0 1. Wagner 9 2 13 8 0 W1 first seed position. With the one 0 Central Conn 9 2 12 8 0 W4 month until the NEC tournament, 0 Monmouth 9 2 11 9 0 L1 it’s anyone’s game. 4. Fairleigh Dickinson 6 4 0 11 9 0 W2 St.Francis (PA) 6 5 0 10 10 0 W1 Long Island 6 5 0 8 12 0 W2 7. Quinnipac 5 6 0 11 9 0 W3 8. UMBC 4 7 0 6 14 0 L3 Page 33 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY SPORTS February 11, 2003 Men’s Tennis Struggles to Track Prepares for NECs from TRACK, page 36 iors Driscoll, Saylor, sophomore Hurley Get Their Groove Back major points in both the 3K and 5K. and freshmen Cartwright have prepared On the sprinter side, freshman Adam themselves economically over the past Grossman continues to remain in the top few weeks. tier of both the 60 and 55-meter dashes, Freshman Izudin Mehmedovic, and has qualified for IC4As in the 60-m. finally recovered from a January illness, His personal best time of 6.86 seconds will look to take on Day of Mount St. was run this weekend at West Virginia, Mary’s in the mile. The men of UMBC’s and sits him just .05 seconds behind IC4A-qualifying 4 x 800 team are LIU’s Cameron Horton, who holds the expected to collect major points for the current fastest 60-m time in the confer- Retrievers in the distance medley and ence. the open 800. Mount St. Mary’s talented Shawn Hurdlers Josh Dixon for the men Day will give UMBC’s Adam Driscoll, and Alesia Hovatter and Patrice Malloy Greg Saylor, Kevin Hurley and Ryan for the women are likely to earn point in Cartwright some tough competition in the hurdle events. Freshman pole vaulter the 3K, along with distance runners Nathan Dixon, who cleared a height of from Quinnipiac, FDU and St. Francis 14’9” this season, could take first in the (PA). The distance runners will double men’s pole vault. up on events, running the 3K on This year, the Retrievers men’s and Saturday and the 5K on Sunday. The women’s teams are strong, talented and amount of energy needed to place in dedicated. This weekend, they will see both races is taxing on runner, but jun- how much that paid off.

File Photo / Retriever Weekly Staff Short end of the stick: Men’s tennis continues to hunt for a win. Building Momentum

BRETT MCKENZIE of Puryear’s squad are younger players, still from EDGES, page 30 of 8-2. Pushpanathan and Lim came out Retriever Weekly Editorial Staff getting a feel for the college game. “The Lady Retrievers did not fare any better. with a winning score of 8-5 and remaining three spots in the line-up, we’ve Khvalina and Kaasalainen were paired Kaasalainen and Rao completed the The three-time Northeast Conference got players that are young and they are try- together against the Lions Aniello and Retrievers’ sweep with an 8-0 win. champion men’s tennis team is taking a lit- ing to make adjustments to the level of com- Mittal. They were outscored 8-5 by the The same momentum the Dawgs tle longer than usual to smooth out some petition they’re going to face in collegiate Lions duo. The pairing of Karaskova built up carried over into their encounter early season wrinkles. In a dual-match in tennis,” said Puryear. “Quite a few guys are and Pedergnana produced the only win with Colgate University. Colgate fell Hamilton, NY, the Retrievers faced fighting for those final spots, but we’re sort against the Krishnaswamy and Nguyen, with a 4-3 score line. Bloomsburg and Colgate universities this of waiting for these guys to start to kick and 8-6. Teammates Pushpanathan and Lim Karaskova was victorious with weekend and were defeated, 2-5, in both realize what it’s going to take to be success- failed to capitalize on the win and came scores of 6-3 and 6-0. Pushpanathan con- contests. ful at this level.” up short versus Condit and Chao, 8-2. tinued the Retriever domination with Against both schools, junior Josef This Saturday, the team will look for The Lady Retrievers regrouped to, scores of 6-2 and 6-1. Pedergnana won Novotny and senior Misha Kouznetsov their first win in a trip to West Virginia take on the Bloomsburg University her set with scores of 6-4 and 6-2. In defeated their opponents to score UMBC’s University on Saturday. “WVU is another Huskies and put them away with a 7-0 doubles, the team of Khvalina and only wins. Kouznetsov and Tom Joyce went tough match,” Puryear commented. “We blowout in Syracuse, NY. In singles Kaasalainen defeated their counterparts on to win in doubles competition against tend to play the toughest part of our season action, Karaskova won with scores of 6- with a score of 8-1. Karaskova and Colgate. in the beginning. Every team we’ve played 3 and 6-2. Pushpanathan won with scores Pedorgnana won with a score of 8-6. Despite their current record of 0-3 for so far has been a regional or nationally- of 6-0 and 6-3. Kaasalainen came out on The UMBC women’s tennis team the spring season, the Retrievers are not dis- ranked team.” top with scores of 6-1 and 6-0. plays next at George Washington couraged; they simply realize there is much The Retrievers will play their first Pedergnana dominated with scores of 6- University on Feb. 16, at noon. While the work to be done. Head coach Keith Puryear home match of the spring season on March 1 and 6-2. Lin cleaned the court with Colonials will no doubt be a tough team, said, “The top of our line-up, one, two and 5 against Howard University. In the weeks scores of 6-0 and 6-1. Freshman Veena they did not garner four first place and three [Novotny, Kouznetsov, and Luis to come, they will face Army, UConn, Rao lost her second set 4-6, but won the three second place finishes at the Cornell Baraldi] have been performing pretty well. Northeast Conference rival St. Francis (PA), first and third with scores of 6-1 and 6-4. Winter Invitational like the Lions did. Luis has had some tough matches, but he’s and George Washington as they seek to In doubles, the team of Karaskova and This meet should see two more evenly come in to play every time.” The majority establish a winning record. Pedergnana cleaned house with a score matched teams play. Page 34 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY SPORTS February 11, 2003 Page 35 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY February 11, 2003 Classifieds

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Softball prepares for 2003 action. 31 UMBC Athletic Hall of Fame gains new members. 30 Sports Shalayna Johnson is AOTW. 31 Women’s Basketball Evens the Score Against the Mount Sophomore Christine Catalanotto Nets a Season High of 17 Points at the Knott Arena

JOHN FRANCE this time,” Stern commented. Retriever Weekly Editorial Staff “We again doubled [Beth] Foster every time she touched Senior Shalayna Johnson the ball. We felt that we could created havoc among the Lady come here and win. I know that Mountaineers in the opening we haven’t won here in a long minutes of play by netting three time and we really needed a win consecutive lay ups. Mt. St. to get back to 5-5.” Mary’s was unable to stop the Johnson was the high scorer hemorrhaging and fell 69-55 to of the contest with 28 total the Retrievers in Emmitsburg, points. “We’re really starting to MD. “We definitely expected a gel as a team, and since I’ve challenge after last time,” stated come back we’ve really molded Mountaineer head coach to the new system,” commented Vanessa Blair. “UMBC is under Johnson. a new coach and under a new Catalanotto seconded system, so it definitely looks Johnson in scoring with a sea- like they’re more comfortable son high 17 total points, and led with it now than they were a the game in three point field month ago.” goals with five. “I knew when “We don’t really look to run Jessie [Brown] went down that I and we’re going to control the had to step it up,” stated tempo so when we have a lead Catalanotto. it’s much easier for us to play,” The Lady Retrievers’ luck Retriever head coach Phil Stern Lakin Jones / Retriever Weekly Staff changed against the Quinnipac commented. Stepping up big: Christine Catalanotto and women’s basketball the team continues to soar. Bobcats as they walked off the Johnson’s continuous court with a 67-48 defeat. offensive fury forced the Mount played six minutes in the first first half, so essentially we more Seamon nailed a lay up Johnson was the high scorer for to call two time outs in the half. half, but Christine [Catalanotto] played without two senior within the first 30 seconds. the Dawgs on that exchange, Sophomore Christine really stepped up and made starters for 14 minutes and built Eight seconds later the netting 14 total points. The Catalanotto struck hard and some huge shots for us and up a 17 point lead, so I was real Mountaineers found the net, but Retrievers return home to face fast, planting four out of six Shalayna [Johnson] kept doing proud of the effort. Chris Johnson stayed hot with a three- the Robert Morris Colonials on three-pointer attempts and earn- what she’s been doing since stepped up, Mariana [Santos] pointer to put the Lady Thursday, Feb. 15 at 4 p.m. and ing 14 points in the half. coming back from her injury,” stepped up and Lara [Seamon] Retrievers up by 20. “We played the defending NEC champion Johnson led the half with 16 added Stern. “Millette [Green] did a great job on the court.” 40 minutes of zone last time and St. Francis (PA) Red Flash on points. “JB [Jessie Brown] only only played six minutes in the In the second half, sopho- we played 40 minutes of man Monday, Feb. 17 at 7 p.m. Track and Field Ready to Win at Conference Championship

BRETT MCKENZIE joins veteran fielders and run- x 800 early on this season and Retriever Weekly Editorial Staff ners to make UMBC one of the ran a season best time of 9:07.78 conference’s most threatening at the Penn State invitational on The big Dawgs of UMBC contenders. Senior Huguens February 1, and will compete in track and field are ready to roll Jean and junior Ed Warner have the Distance Medley at NEC’s in the Northeast Conference had a monopoly on the high (their season best time of 12:32 Indoor Championships this jump since last spring. was run at Bucknell). weekend. The Retrievers will be Currently, both men are looking The Lady Retrievers may hosting the event this year at the to clear the height of seven feet have lost a national champion Prince George’s County Sports and are falling only an inch short with the graduation of thrower Complex in Landover where the of the mark. The closest confer- Cleopatra Borel last year, but 12 NEC member schools will ence rival in the high jump is another star is on the rise in compete over two days to estab- Robert Morris’ Victor freshman distance runner lish the champion. Akintimehin, who cleared a Stefanie Thomas. Thomas leads Last season, the men of St. height of 6’10.25” on January the NEC in women’s 5K (run- Francis (PA) claimed their sec- 19. However, Jean and Warner, ning a school record 17:35.04 at ond straight indoor title while both having already qualified for Penn State last week in her first Long Island University’s women IC4As, are poised to take first ever 5K on a track) and is only a took the championship for the and second at NECs, which will second behind the best time in first time in school history. The tally valuable points for the the 3K, held Fairleigh UMBC women came in second Retriever men. Dickinson’s Everlyne Cheptoo to the Blackbirds while the men Another Retriever squad (who ran a 10:18.17 in Boston). were forced to settle for sixth ready to grab the win is the St. Francis’ number-one distance place overall. lethal women’s middle distance woman senior Kristin Cerasi has This season, the team is con- relay team of Cara Wettlaufer, been touch-and-go with illness fident that history will not repeat Sherita Baker, Ohita Asein, and lately, so Thomas may score itself. Yasmin Fields. The four girls David Landgren / Retriever Weekly Staff A talented freshmen class qualified for the ECACs in the 4 see TRACK, page 33 Raising the bar: Track and field soars into upcoming NECs..