Poker Player Foils Robberies. Page 4 New Year's Eve Guide. Page 19 Swank Southern Kitchen. Page 20

DECEMBER 19-25, 2013 I VOLUME 17 I NUMBER 8 BROWARDPALMBEACH.COM I FREE POKER PLAYER FOILS ROBBERIES. PAGE 4 NEW YEAR’S EVE GUIDE. PAGE 19 SWANK SOUTHERN KITCHEN. PAGE 20 2 browardpalmbeach.com NBROWARD PALM BEACH ® browardpalmbeach.com BROWARDPALMBEACH.COM ▼ Contents 2450 HOLLYWOOD BLVD., STE. 301A HOLLYWOOD, FL 33020 [email protected] 954-342-7700 VOL. 17 | NO. 8 | DECEMBER 19-25, 2013 EDITORIAL EDITOR Chuck Strouse MANAGING EDITOR Deirdra Funcheon EDITORIAL OPERATIONS MANAGER Keith Hollar STAFF WRITERS Laine Doss, Chris Joseph, Terrence McCoy, Michael E. Miller, Kyle Swenson MUSIC EDITOR Liz Tracy WEB EDITOR Jose D. Duran | Contents | pulp news | n ight+Day | s

ASSISTANT WEB EDITOR Ryan Pfeffer | MUSIC | DISH | FILM | NIGHT+DAYSTAGEART | | | NEWS | PULP | CONTENTS | ARTS AND CULTURE EDITOR Rebecca Dittmar CLUBS EDITOR Laurie Charles PROOFREADER Mary Louise English EDITORIAL ADMINISTRATOR Holly Castillo CONTRIBUTORS David Bader, Marisa Cutaia, Nicole Danna, Emily Codik, Steve Ellman, Zachary Fagenson, Doug Fairall, Chrissie Ferguson, Jose Flores, Abel Folgar, Falyn Freyman, Victor Gonzalez, Dana Krangel, Erica K. Landau, Jason McCobb, Matt Preira, Alex Rendon, Andrea Richard, Grace Stainback, John Thomason, Tana Velen, Sara Ventiera, Lee Zimmerman ART ART DIRECTOR Miche Ratto ASSISTANT ART DIRECTOR Kristin Bjornsen PRODUCTION PRODUCTION MANAGER Mike Lugo PRODUCTION ASSISTANT MANAGER Jorge Sesin ADVERTISING ART DIRECTOR Andrea Cruz

PRODUCTION ARTISTS Oscar Galvis, Fabian Lengua Department Police Miami-Dade ADVERTISING ADVERTISING DIRECTOR Don Farrell SALES DIRECTOR Alexis Guillen Featured Stories ▼ DIRECTOR OF MARKETING Jennifer Nealon SENIOR ACCOUNT EXECUTIVES Sarah Abrahams, Peter Heumann, Andrea Stern ACCOUNT EXECUTIVES The Steroid State Isabelle Arboleda, Michelle Beckman, Diana Hawes, Kelsey Koebel, Tony Lopez Blame Florida’s broken OPERATIONS MANAGER Ash Cyress Department of Health for the SOCIAL MEDIA MANAGER Chesi Madej MARKETING COORDINATOR Nathalie Batista Biogenesis scandal. tage | a rt | Film D ish | m usic CLASSIFIED BY TIM ELFRINK | PAGE 7 SENIOR ACCOUNT EXECUTIVES Patrick Butters, Ladyane Lopez, Joel Valez-Stokes ACCOUNT EXECUTIVES Olivia Gentilini, Jay Lara, Amarilys Sanchez Antebellum Cuisine CIRCULATION CIRCULATION DIRECTOR Richard Lynch A team of top Miami chefs takes CIRCULATION ASSISTANT Jose Morales on Southern cooking in Davie. BUSINESS GENERAL MANAGER Russell A. Breiter BY SARA VENTIERA | PAGE 20 BUSINESS MANAGER Brian Grynbaum CREDIT MANAGER Moses Betancourt BUSINESS COORDINATOR James Marquez The Five Best SYSTEMS MANAGER John M. Rogers

PUBLISHER Adam Simon Holiday Parties Voice Media Group LLC From the Matzoball to the EXECUTIVE EDITOR Christine Brennan swingers’ club. EXECUTIVE ASSOCIATE EDITOR Andy Van De Voorde BY LIZ TRACY | PAGE 25 DIRECTOR OF WEB CONTENT AND TRAFFIC Keith Plocek DIGITAL DESIGN DIRECTOR Darrick Rainey EDITORIAL DESIGN DIRECTOR Tom Carlson NATIONAL CIRCULATION DIRECTOR Curt Sanders

CORPORATE CONTROLLER Beth Cook NEW TIMES BROWARD-PALM BEACH New Times Broward-palm B each LEGAL COUNSEL Steve Suskin 4 News CHIEF FINANCIAL OFFICER Jeff Mars A poker player foils two robberies CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICER Scott Tobias within minutes. INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY CHIEF INFORMATION OFFICER Gerard Goroski 13 Night & Day DIRECTOR OF BUSINESS SYSTEMS Brian King DIRECTOR OF DIGITAL PRODUCT MANAGEMENT James Hamilton Ugly-sweater parties take over Fort INFRASTRUCTURE DIRECTOR Dave Marcon Lauderdale. OPERATIONS MANAGER Brian Heimert NETWORK SUPPORT MANAGER David Fearn 18 Film NEW MEDIA Joaquin Phoenix talks about his DIRECTOR OF COMMUNITY & SOCIAL ENGAGEMENT Kevin Spidel DIRECTOR OF DIGITAL OPERATIONS Stacy Volhein comeback performance in Her. DIRECTOR OF SALES AND MARKETING Stuart Folb WEB SUPPORT MANAGER Michael Uchtman 22 Small Plates NATIONAL DIGITAL MARKETING STRATEGIST Jenna Corday Funky Buddha’s Maple Bacon Coffee VMG National Porter bottle release is so big, it gets NATIONAL ADVERTISING its own festival. 1-888-278-9866, www.voicemediagroup.com SENIOR VICE PRESIDENT Sue Belair 26 Concerts SENIOR VICE PRESIDENT OF SALES OPERATIONS Joe Larkin Losin’ It, Exhumed. 31 Classified D M ecember ONTH FOR DISPLAY ADVERTISING, CALL: 954-342-7769 FOR CLASSIFIED ADVERTISING, CALL: 954-342-7676

FOR MIAMI NEW TIMES, CALL: 305-576-8000 XX–M FOR NATIONAL ADVERTISING, CALL: 602-238-4800 19-D DISTRIBUTION New Times is available free of charge, limited to one copy per ONTH reader. Additional copies of the current issue of New Times may be ecember New Times Broward-Palm Beach is published 52 times a year by New purchased for $1.00, payable at the New Times office in advance. Times BPB, LLC, P.O. Box 011591, Miami, FL 33101-1591. All rights reserved.

New Times may be distributed only by New Times’ authorized distributors. First copy of this publication is free. Each additional copy costs $2. New XX, 2008 No person may, without prior written permission of New Times, Times assumes no responsibility for the care and return of unsolicited materials. Return postage must accompany any material to be returned.

take more than one copy of each New Times weekly issue. 25, 2013 In no event shall unsolicited material subject this publication to any claim SUBSCRIPTIONS for holding fees or similar charges. Domestic subscriptions may be purchased for $50 yearly. New Times: (ISSN 10723331) (USPS 010669) is published weekly by New Delivery may take one week. Postmaster: Send address changes to Times BPB, LLC., 2450 Hollywood Blvd., Ste. 301A, Hollywood, FL 33020. New Times BPB LLC, P. O. Box 011591, Miami, FL 33101-1591. Periodical postage paid at Miami, FL 33152. NEW TIMES MAILING ADDRESS: P.O. Box 011591, Miami, FL 33101-1591 Please call the New Times office for back-issue information. Postmaster: Send STREET ADDRESS: 2450 Hollywood Blvd., Ste. 301A, Hollywood, FL 33020 address changes to New Times BPB LLC, P.O. Box 011591, Miami, FL 33101-1591. FOR GENERAL INFORMATION: 954-342-7700 3 3 | NEWS | GAMBLER’S GETAWAY Poker player with $100,000 in cash foiled two robberies in one day. BY KYLE SWENSON browardpalmbeach.com browardpalmbeach.com

he poker player’s white racked up $282,203 in winnings. Bluff. Nikes had just hit the com ranks him 538th worldwide. The wins attracted attention. In every concrete outside New casino, clinging to the fringes of the action, York’s John F. Kennedy is a shady subset of regulars. Whenever a ts | o N te ts TAirport the night before Thanks- player cooks up a hot streak, they home in, giving. The sky was bruising over cheering, fetching drinks, boosting egos. In return, they expect a couple hundred with twilight. Terminal 5 was a dollars for their own games, PokerNews’ hectic holiday beehive of pas- Peters explains. “Mostly, they’ll ask, sengers hustling for last-minute ‘Oh, hey, you just won $100,000. Can JetBlue hops. And there was Eric you stake me $1,000 for this game?’ ” Riley, Jamaican-born, 32 years In Riley’s case, he was often flanked

| news | pulp c y | news by fellow Jamaicans. One in particular, a old, and a skinny six-foot-three, in baby-faced 40-something with a two-inch jeans and a brown Polo sweater. Mohawk who went by the name “Junior,” One moment he was popping out the stuck to his side. passenger door of his friend Junior’s blue Riley would let him Camry and walking to get his backpack from “THERE’S hang around and the open trunk. The next he was watching NOTHING even stake Junior in ge | Night+ dA

A the car speed off. His backpack was still in small poker games.

t GOOD THAT the car. The backpack held $100,000 in cash In November, the — his winnings from two weeks in Atlantic COMES FROM poker pro decided City. The backpack, the Deerfield Beach LEAVING to take a road trip, resident realized, had just been boosted. WITH A GUY working casinos from Nearby, a cab’s door was open. Riley WITH A GUN.” Florida up the East tossed everything in his wallet — four Coast to a tourna- crumpled hundred-dollar bills, credit ment starting November 24 at Borgata Hotel card, license — at the driver as he Casino in Atlantic City. Rather than wire climbed in. “That guy stole my money!” buy-in money ahead of time, which could Riley bellowed. “Follow that car!” result in delays, bank fees, and needing to Riley’s bizarre day was far find a bank branch in an unfamiliar city, Riley from over. Soon he’d be feeling the opted to travel with cash so he’d be flexible bad end of a 9mm handgun. to enter any promising game he stumbled | MUSIC | DISH | FILM | ART | | | NEWS NIGHT+DAY STAGE | PULP | CONTENTS | | music | dish | film | Art | s | music dish film Art The incident would serve as a cau- across. He stuffed a backpack with $70,000. tionary tale in the world of big-money “Whenever there’s a big tournament no-limit poker, where the payouts are in town, the cash games get larger,” Pe- fat and the casinos from South Florida ters explains. “Big-name pros come into to Atlantic City are haunted by shady town to play the tournament, bust out, hangers-on with hidden agendas. but then play in the cash games.” Poker cash games — the regular rounds Marta Xochilt Perez At the Maryland Live! Casino out- of casino play, as opposed to organized Eric Riley says he’ll never again travel with so much cash. side Baltimore, Riley came out $10,000 tournaments — regularly see big pots. In ahead. In his first week in Atlantic City, he May 2012, pro player Tom Dwan scooped player in his driveway before making off Riley began entering serious tourna- brought his $80,000 up by about $25,000. up a record $3.8 million from a Chinese bil- with $4,000 in winnings. The 74-year-old ments in 2011 but didn’t do well at first. Junior, who had moved to Brooklyn, ar- lionaire in Macau. A month before at the gave chase before losing the robbers. Fellow grinders said he needed a big score. rived to cheer him on. When Riley and same casino, Sam Trickett won $2 million. Riley’s interest in poker grew out of a His mother consoled him by saying his other card players went out to dinner or “You regularly hear about pots in casinos competitive edge whetted early. At age time would come. “It doesn’t matter how grabbed drinks on the boardwalk, Junior that are hundreds of thousands,” says Donnie 11, he immigrated with his mother to Mi- good a player you are — if you’re not show- was there. “He was annoying, bothering

NEW TIMES BROWARD-PALM BEACH BROWARD-PALM TIMES NEW Peters, a writer for PokerNews.com. “Fifty ami Lakes. He picked up soccer and was ing the results, it’s meaningless,” he says. me every day while I was there playing,” New Times Broward-palm B each New Times Broward-palm thousand to 200,000 isn’t out of the norm.” first on the practice field and last to leave. The hands started going his way this Riley says. “He would not go away.” Although most casinos can wire funds “I always tried to be the best player on year. In July, Riley entered a $2,300 buy- In the second week, Riley busted out of to a winner’s bank account or allow play- the team,” he says. “I would be stressed in no-limit hold-’em tournament at Isle the tournament. Bummed, he decided to ers to keep winnings in lockers onsite, out about losing. I take it really hard.” Casino Pompano Park. He finished sec- leave. A friend had taken his car to Mary- some players opt to take their winnings The same no-lose mentality reawak- ond, walking away with $95,255. Next land, so Riley planned to head to JFK and 25, 2013 25,

XX, 2012 XX, in cash. So heists sometimes happen. ened when Florida passed no-limit poker. was a $5,300 buy-in tournament at the buy a JetBlue ticket at the counter. His In 2006, famous card stud Thomas By then, Riley owned his own business, Seminole Hard Rock — his largest event phone then buzzed with a call from Junior,

ONTH “Amarillo Slim” Preston was chased by First Choice Linen Service, and made oc- yet. He won $14,544, 109th place out of who happened to be in Atlantic City. He of- ecember a gunman outside a casino in Texas. The casional trips to casinos. But in 2010, the 2,384 contestants. In October, again at fered to give Riley a ride to the airport. ’72 World Poker Champion threw his car state allowed games with no cap on bets. Pompano Park in a $2,300 no-limit con- Instead of heading straight for JFK in 19-D XX–M into reverse and peeled off while the as- Suddenly, there was serious money to test, he came in fourth with $82,038. Queens, the men, along with Junior’s girl- sailant fired three shots into the then-70- be made. Riley watched national names “That showed I could do it on a con- friend, went to Brooklyn for the day, running ONTH

M like Chris Moneymaker and Doyle Brunson sistent basis,” he explains. “Just to make errands, Riley says. He remembers Junior

ecember year-old’s car. In 2010, Thomas Gigliotti

D was trailed from the Seminole Hard Rock pile up millions. He wanted in, decid- it to the final table with a lot of good spotting a Lexus GS in traffic. “That’s a nice Hotel & Casino to his home in Planta- ing he’d become a “grinder,” a card room players, that says a lot. But to do it back- car,” Junior told his girl. “One day I’m go- tion. Two masked men attacked the poker regular who plays poker for a living. to-back says even more.” So far, he’s ing to buy you one of those.” >> p6 44 264927_9.6_x_10.75 12/12/13 10:06 AM Page 1 browardpalmbeach.com No Clipping Required.

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The Hartford pays royalty fees to AARP for the use of its intellectual property. These fees are used for the general purposes of AARP. AARP membership is required for Program eligibility in most states. Applicants 25, 2013 are individually underwritten and some may not qualify. Specific features, credits, and discounts may vary and may not be available in all states in accordance with state filings and applicable law. † If you are age 50 or older, once you’re insured through this Program for at least 60 days, you cannot be refused renewal as long as applicable premiums are paid when due. Also, you and other customary drivers of your vehicles must retain valid licenses, remain physically and mentally capable of operating an automobile, have no convictions for driving while intoxicated and must not have obtained your policy through material misrepresentation. Benefit currently not available in Hawaii, Michigan, New Hampshire and North Carolina. NCR-AO-10/13 5 Gambler’s Getaway from p4

That afternoon, Junior and Riley headed for JFK. At the airport, Riley pointed out open parking spaces near the beginning of the terminal. Instead, Junior parked the car at the very end of the departure area. Riley told Junior to open the trunk and then got out to fetch his bag. That’s when Junior sped browardpalmbeach.com browardpalmbeach.com off and Riley jumped into the cab in pursuit. The chase didn’t go far. Ahead, Riley saw the Camry sandwiched in by rows of cars snagged at a red light. The trunk was still open. He jumped out of the cab, sprinted to the Camry, and grabbed his black nylon backpack. The light changed ts | o N te ts and the traffic lurched. Riley ducked to his left and landed on the concrete shoulder. Then things got weird. Another Camry, this one piloted by two guys in dark jackets with fur-lined hoodies, arrived. “We’re undercover cops,” the driver told Riley. “What happened?” “I can’t believe this fucking ass-

| news | pulp c y | news hole,” Riley said. “He’s a friend of mine, but he took my fucking shit.” “Get in the car,” the driver THIS HOLIDAY SEASON... said. “We’ve got to get him.” GIVE A SMOKER THE SPECIAL Riley climbed into the back seat. GIFT OF AN ELECTRONIC CIGARETTE... The black Camry plowed into traffic. “Dispatch, shut down the airport,” ge | Night+ dA

A one of the guys seemed to say into a t cell phone. Riley leaned forward as the car picked up speed to about 40 mph. Then the guy in the passenger seat slid the hoodie of his jacket over his head. Metal clanked. Riley felt his brown Polo sweater bunch up in a fist and a hard edge press into his chest. “Don’t move.” GIFT CARDS Riley regularly watches AMC’s The First 48, a reality cop drama that gives AVAILABLE the play-by-play of homicide investigations. “I know by watching that show that there’s nothing good that comes from leaving with a guy with a gun,” he explains. | MUSIC | DISH | FILM | ART | | | NEWS NIGHT+DAY STAGE | PULP | CONTENTS | | music | dish | film | Art | s | music dish film Art He opened the door. The gunman held onto his shirt. The sweater and ELECTRONIC CIGARETTE EMPORIUM & jacket lifted up and off Riley as he scooted PREMIUM USA E-LIQUID TASTING BAR backward out of the car. He somehow 614 Atlantic Shores Blvd. • Ste 103 • Hallandale Bch, FL 33009 tumbled out with the backpack. 954•454•9002 Wearing only a T-shirt and para- noid the second car might return, Ri- ley frantically tried to flag down help. After about ten minutes, a cab slowed and took Riley to police. He didn’t have his ID, credit cards, or phone — just his improbable story and $100,000. The Port Authority Police Depart- ment is investigating the attempted robbery and declined to comment. NEW TIMES BROWARD-PALM BEACH BROWARD-PALM TIMES NEW

New Times Broward-palm B each New Times Broward-palm On poker message boards, Riley has been blasted for being naive. “It was more of a story that should remind players that they don’t need to be carrying this kind of money around in public,” PokerNews’ Peters says. “It seems like Eric just didn’t 25, 2013 25,

XX, 2012 XX, take the necessary precautions.” Riley says he’ll never again travel with

ONTH that amount of cash. He’s not sure whether ecember Junior and the men in the second car were

19-D working together, but he thinks back to XX–M the day in Brooklyn when Junior boasted to his girlfriend about buying her a car. ONTH ecember M “All along, this guy is planning to

D rob me and buy his girl a Lexus.”

utside a $600,000 Coconut Grove condo, the pool glittered blue in the afternoon sunlight and tennis balls popped off a green asphalt court. Inside, a tornado hit. Sharon Cohen watched her heavily tattooed Spanish husband, Alvaro, Oslam his head over and over against a TV set. New Times Broward-palm B each She’d recently filed for divorce, and when she refused Alvaro’s demands to sign paperwork to help him stay in the country, he’d flipped, yelling and attacking the TV. Then, suddenly, he grabbed a kitchen knife from the counter. He rounded on Sharon, who screamed and sprinted into the MIAMI NEW TIMES laundry room. Alvaro followed, bellowing. As he backed her into a corner, he held the knife to her throat and punched her again and again in the stomach. “I’m going to kill you if you don’t do what I say!” he hollered. Sharon Cohen, a short, beautiful 44-year-old, couldn’t believe it had come to this. But she knew exactly where it had started: three years earlier, with the couple’s visit to a charismatic anti-aging doctor in South Miami. Alvaro had D M

bought steroids, abused them, and become impotent. Now ecember ONTH she barely recognized him.

“My husband became isolated, hostile, and violent,” Sharon XX–M told state investigators two years later. “He lost his sex drive 19-D ONTH

and blamed me for it.” >> p8 ecember XX, 2008 25, 2013

77 The Steroid State from p7

Today, the doctor Sharon blames is in- ternationally famous. Sham physician Tony Bosch’s face has been plastered across newspapers and ESPN updates ever since a Janu- ary Miami New Times investigation revealed that his Coral Gables clinic, Biogenesis, was

miaminewtimes.com selling performance-enhancing drugs to

browardpalmbeach.com professional athletes, including superstar Yankee third baseman Alex Rodriguez. This summer, Major League Baseball suspended 14 players — including A-Rod for a record 211 games — over their ties to Bosch. It was the single biggest round of drug suspen-

ts | o N te ts sions in American professional sports. Sharon Cohen’s story of love turned violent shows that millionaire ballplayers weren’t the only ones whose lives Bosch destroyed. Hundreds of ordi- nary clients were also his victims. Her tale also illustrates the dangers of lax regulation in Florida, where the underfunded, dysfunctional state Department of Health has

ews | pulp c y | N ews for years allowed clinics such as Biogenesis to sell restricted, potentially dangerous drugs to just about anyone willing to pay cash. Though the DOH investigated Bosch’s clinic in 2009 and again in 2011, the agency took no action. And that’s par for the course.

ge | Night+ dA A three-month New Times investigation

A has found the department’s enforcement t Miami-Dade Police Department bureau — the only state agency chartered to go after both charlatans like Bosch and Former clients say Tony Bosch (above) real doctors and pharmacies who abuse posed as a doctor while selling HGH, their power — is systemically flawed and steroids, and testosterone at his Coral has been castrated under Gov. Rick Scott. Gables clinic, Biogenesis. Among the specific findings: • In the past four years, the DOH prove. “Not only did I file a complaint with has referred 206 cases of unlicensed the DOH; I also filed one with the Palm practitioners like Bosch to law en- Beach Sheriff’s Office,” Woliner says. forcement agencies. Those cases have “Neither aggressively pursued this.” resulted in only four convictions. Woliner is an unlikely champion for • Less than half of the $610,175 reform. An excitable, fast-talking doc who in penalties levied by the bureau earned his medical degree at Tampa’s Uni- | music | dish | film | Art | s | music dish film Art in that time has been paid. versity of South Florida before moving back • In just the past three months, more to his hometown, he’d never been a snitch. than a half-dozen experienced agents But then, in 2006, the DOH cited him for and supervisors in the Bureau of En- misdiagnosing a patient’s thyroid condition, forcement’s unlicensed activity program fined him $5,000, and required him to take

| MUSIC | CAFE | FILM | | ART | METRO | NIGHT+DAY | STAGE RIPTIDE | LETTERS | CONTENTS | have quit or transferred out. At one point, hen Alisa Jaffe first met Brian named Dr. Kenneth Woliner, who quickly a course on medical regulations. Instead of there were five investigators for the en- Yusem, he told her everything she learned the misdiagnosis was only the be- viewing the class as an annoyance, Woliner tire state, including one for Miami-Dade, W wanted to hear. Jaffe had recently ginning. In fact, Yusem, who advertised jumped into the state’s rules like a biblical Broward, and Palm Beach counties. turned 45, worked a high-stress job as a fi- himself as a “naturopathic doctor,” wasn’t convert consuming the New Testament. • Budget cuts and mismanagement nancial adviser, and was feeling worn down. a physician at all. He was actually a self- He learned the DOH was the brainchild have left agents without readily avail- Yusem, a buff man in his late 50s with described former escort service owner who of Dr. William G. “Doc” Myers, a wheelchair- able unmarked cars and access to vital dark, wavy hair, promised to fix all of that had stumbled into the anti-aging game while bound Republican state representative from prescription databases, poisoning a work with science. His Boca Raton clinic, Maxim running a business called Sneaker Madness. Hobe Sound and a medical doctor. In 1996, environment in which supervisors dis- Life, claimed to work miracles. “We don’t He was also an admitted steroid dealer the Legislature named a bill after Myers that courage pursuit of criminal charges. treat symptoms,” Yusem wrote on his web- who was outed in 2007 by Yahoo! News split the behemoth Department of Health and MIAMI NEW TIMES NEW MIAMI

New Times Broward-palm B each New Times Broward-palm • Multiple clinics and pharmacies are site. “We go to the underlying problem that is as the source for former NFL quarterback Rehabilitative Services into two pieces that owned by or closely tied to felons arrested the cause of the symptoms and eliminate it.” Tim Couch. (Couch later admitted to buy- handled public health and social services. for everything from burglaries to DUIs After a round of blood tests, Yusem con- ing HGH from Yusem but denied taking For years, the DOH seemed to be im- to the illegal sales of anabolic steroids. cluded Jaffe’s hormones and nutrition were steroids; he was suspended six games by proving a reputation sullied by years of • Perhaps most significantly, clinics out of whack. She needed a two-year program the NFL in 2007 for violating league drug news reports about missing children and busted in the past for selling drugs to ath- of body cleanses and drugs, including thyroid policy.) “I think we can create a race of super- forgotten elderly. A new enforcement wing 25, 2013 25,

XX, 2008 XX, letes have quickly and quietly reopened. medication. “It sounded like an interest- athletes,” Yusem had told Yahoo!, bragging recruited ex-cops and state investigators to As a result, Florida now has 549 anti- ing program,” she later told Health News that an unnamed NBA veteran, a retired MLB craft criminal charges against unlicensed

ONTH aging clinics, the most in the nation. “We Florida. “It certainly was a good sales job.” player, and a top golf pro were working with practitioners, while regulators ensured bad ecember need to apply the same kind of rules and As weeks went by, Jaffe felt worse than him to develop drugs for young athletes. doctors faced discipline from state boards. regulations that we’re currently applying Then, in 2011, Rick Scott ran for governor, 19-D ever and eventually visited another doc- Woliner was shocked to find that despite XX–M to pain clinics to these operations,” says tor. He gave her a thorough exam and such obvious public admissions, neither Yusem making no secret of his disdain for health- Sen. Eleanor Sobel, a Hollywood Democrat. quickly discovered the truth: She had a nor his drug supplier — a hair-replacement spe- care regulators. Before turning his sights to ONTH M

ecember “Felons should not be allowed to oper- large and dangerous tumor on her thyroid. cialist with a blinding smile named Dr. Glenn politics, Scott had founded Columbia Hospital

D ate these clinics and they should be open Surgery, not body cleanses, was required. Charles — had ever been touched by authorities. Corp. — a firm that later ended up paying a to inspection by the state... This needs Jaffe had surgery and then sought help Woliner vowed to see justice done. But record $600 million fine after pleading guilty to become a priority in Tallahassee.” from a holistic physician in Boca Raton even he didn’t know how hard that would to 14 felony counts of defrauding Medicare. 88 browardpalmbeach.com

In his first budget, Scott helped the Leg- “We only do hormone therapy,” a miaminewtimes.com islature strip $55.6 million from the DOH, a woman at the clinic tells a reporter and move that led to 229 layoffs, mostly in county directs calls to a “counselor” who can do health departments. The governor also be- blood tests. Stephanos did not respond gan appointing apparatchiks who favored to a message left with his assistant. small government and less regulation. Stephanos isn’t the only criminal tied to a “The people coming in were all politi- Florida anti-aging facility. In 2001, Javier Fer- cal folks, and their direction was all coming nando Murcia founded a Hollywood clinic straight from the governor’s office,” says called Modern Therapy. Six years earlier, Daniel Parker, who spent 14 years work- the Colombian-born businessman had been

ing in the DOH before quitting over his caught at 1:30 a.m. in the parking lot of a Fort | MUSIC | CAFE | FILM NIGHT+DAY| STAGE| ART | METRO | | RIPTIDE | LETTERS | CONTENTS | concerns with Scott’s management. “What Lauderdale business that had been repeat- | Contents | pulp news | n ight+Day | s was driving all this was an ideology that edly robbed; an officer found a flashlight, a wants to get rid of government altogether.” crowbar, and a hammer in Murcia’s car. He In the seven months before Parker was arrested and charged with felony prowl- departed in June 2012, nearly a dozen ing and possession of burglary tools (adjudi- other top-level administrators had quit or cation on both charges was later withheld by transferred. Among them was Scott’s first a judge). In 1997, he and an accomplice were choice to run the DOH, Frank Farmer, who arrested for trying to steal nitrous oxide from resigned after less than a year on the job. Columbia Medical Center (those charges That turmoil has had wide-ranging were dropped.) In 2000, he was sentenced ramifications, from the closure in July 2012 to a year in jail for a series of DUIs and was of A.G. Holley Hospital — the only tuber- even arrested while in custody at a work- culosis facility in a state that has seen the release house for stealing juice from a fridge. disease spike — to rock-bottom morale. Six years after Murcia opened Modern But no problem concerns Parker as much Therapy, Sports Illustrated reported the clinic as the ongoing effects of the cutbacks on the had sold performance-enhancing drugs to Ori- DOH’s Bureau of Enforcement. “I understand oles outfielder Jay Gibbons. Modern Therapy when people say they want less government,” closed in 2011 but reopened last year regis- he says. “But... do you really believe your doc- tered to Maria Murcia. State business records tor will do a good job with no oversight at all?” show it’s currently based in a Hollywood home tage | a rt | Film D ish | m usi C owned by “Fernando Murcia.” Reached by n 2007, federal agents with battering rams phone, Maria Murcia confirmed the business beat down the door of a third-floor office had once been owned by Javier but declined to Iin a quiet corner of Palm Beach Gardens. put a reporter in touch with him. Asked about Inside a clinic called the Palm Beach Rejuve- his relationship to the current clinic, she said, nation Center, they found packages stuffed full “That’s private information” and hung up. of stanozolol, an anabolic steroid; and dozens Others nabbed in Operation Which Doctor of cartridges of Genotropin, the most popular were allowed to keep their Florida licenses human growth hormone on the market. despite felony pleas in New York. Take Signa- The raid was the culmination of the larg- ture Pharmacy’s owners, Naomi and Robert est sting organized on Florida’s booming “Stan” Loomis. This past February, their busi- anti-aging industry. A three-year investiga- ness pleaded guilty to a felony count of crimi- tion, cheekily titled “Operation Which Doc- nal sale of a controlled substance and agreed tor,” had involved federal and state agents to pay $100,000 in fines; adjudication was as well as prosecutors from New York state withheld on the couple’s own felony charges.

who sparked the probe by looking into in- Florida allowed the Loomises to keep New Times Broward-palm B each ternet pharmacies selling steroids online. practicing, and Signature Pharmacy is again The trail had led to the small clinic and to an registered as an active business in Winter Orlando-area compounding lab called Signa- Park. Naomi Loomis is now a pharmacist for ture Pharmacy that provided most of the meds. Olympia Pharmacy, a compounding facility Among the clients were a host of professional based in Orlando with a website that adver- ballplayers, including Cardinals outfielder tises “hormone consultations” and sells HCG MIAMI NEW TIMES Rick Ankiel, Orioles outfielder Jay Gibbons, and “testosterone therapy.” Stan Loomis and all-pro NFL safety Rodney Harrison. did not respond to multiple messages left A year later in an Albany courtroom, the at Olympia. In 2008, the couple sued David clinic’s owners — a former nightclub impresa- Soares, Albany’s district attorney, alleging he rio named George Stephanos and his brother violated their civil rights with his mass pros- Glenn — pleaded guilty to, respectively, a misde- ecution; they dropped that case in February. meanor and a felony count of attempted sale of a Palm Beach Rejuvenation’s Dr. Robert controlled substance. Their ex-partners, includ- Carlson is also back in business. The Sarasota- ing noted Palm Beach youth sports supporter based heart surgeon who signed off on pre- Joseph Raich and a physician, Dr. Robert Carl- scriptions for $5,000 per week was charged D M son, had already pleaded to their own felonies. with seven felonies. He pleaded guilty to one ecember ONTH The Albany prosecutors were elated. count of insurance fraud and agreed to pay

“This should put them out of business,” a $300,000 fine. He later appealed that plea XX–M

Assistant District Attorney Christo- deal, and his case remains open in New York. 19-D pher Baynes gloated to the media. Florida’s Board of Medicine fined Carl- ONTH But five years later, many principals in the son $10,000 and ordered him to take a rules ecember case are right back in the Florida anti-aging course and perform 50 hours of community game. Despite his felony conviction in New service but allowed him to keep his license. XX, 2008

York, Glenn Stephanos has a new clinic three He recently opened a new clinic, the Ändlös 25, 2013 miles south of the former offices of the Palm Institute, which offers hormone replacement Beach Rejuvenation Center, according to state therapy and HCG weight loss. He did not records. His business is called Palm Beach Pre- respond to an email or a message at his office. ventative. Its website offers “testosterone ther- Other clinics are run by physicians with apy” and “bio-identical hormone replacement.” questionable records. Take Broward >> p10 9 9 The Steroid State from p9 owner — like Yusem or Bosch — isn’t a doctor, he or she doesn’t even have to list the physi- County’s Royal Men’s Medical Center, which cian who’s providing controlled substances. offers testosterone and hormone therapy. Most trace the beginning of the indus- The head of the Deerfield Beach business, Dr. try’s growth to 1992, when the American Dagoberto Rodriguez, pleaded guilty to battery Academy of Anti-Aging Medicine (A4M) in Hillsborough County back in 1986. When he was founded by Dr. Ronald Klatz, a Belize- applied for his medical license in 1990, he lied educated osteopath who claims he coined the

miaminewtimes.com about the case, answering “no” to a question term “anti-aging,” and Dr. Robert Goldman,

browardpalmbeach.com about whether he’d ever pleaded guilty to a a former anti-steroid advocate who became crime. He did the same in 1999 when renewing a vocal force for chemical enhancement. his license. Two years later, the DOH charged According to his website, Goldman is a him with falsifying his application, eventually “black belt in karate, Chinese weapons expert only fining him $1,000 and requiring him to and world champion athlete with over 20 world take an education course. (Monica Rodriguez, strength records.” The site includes an ani- an attorney representing the doctor, says that mated GIF of him doing one-handed pushups. ts | o N te ts the Hillsborough County charge was related to A4M stages annual conventions in Orlando and a fight that happened at a college rugby game elsewhere that draw tens of thousands. Under and that the problems with his license applica- their stewardship, clinics like Tony Bosch’s tions were a misunderstanding. “This is not, Biogenesis have exploded. There are more than in the scheme of things, a big deal,” she says.) 26,000 worldwide, and the lobby’s headquar- ters are located in a plush Boca Raton office. n Florida, those caught selling anti-aging The industry has found a legal gray area drugs without proper documentation in which to thrive. Many anti-aging doc- ews | pulp c y | N ews I rarely face charges. Take the case of tors simply check patients’ testosterone or Pharmacy RX Solutions, a Tampa facil- growth-hormone levels, pronounce them ity with a website that notes it specializes “deficient,” and then prescribe the drugs as in “hormone replacement therapy” and a remedy. They point out that HGH is ap- custom mixes of testosterone and HCG. proved for “Adult Hormone Growth Defi- In June, a DOH inspector found the facility ciency” and say that’s what they’re treating. was open with no licensed pharmacist on hand, “Poor presentations of the science... ge | Night+ dA

A a violation of state rules. Then he discovered [have] erroneously suggested that the re- t shipments without proper paperwork. Drugs placement of HGH in aging adults is illegal, were being compounded without steriliza- and has led to sensationalized headlines,” tion and testing for dangerous impurities. The A4M says in a statement. “Patients are not department issued an emergency order last given HGH for a diagnosis or treatment of month shuttering the business, but the order ‘anti-aging’ ... The A4M does not endorse was lifted after 20 days and pharmacist Adria or condone the use of any illicit substances Jackson has kept her license. A DOH complaint for sports cheating. However, the A4M against the pharmacy is pending. (Ed Bayó, an does support the continued availability of attorney for the pharmacy, says DOH’s emer- such substances to adult patients with ob- gency order was inappropriate. Jackson was jectively assessed hormone deficiencies.” attending to a “family emergency” the morn- But many mainstream doctors say lower ing she wasn’t in the pharmacy and the other hormone levels are just a natural part of ag- issues were quickly dealt with, he says. “I’m ing and question the benefit of HGH and | music | dish | film | Art | s | music dish film Art reasonably confident the pending cases against synthetic testosterone. A 2010 New England the pharmacy will be dismissed,” he says.) Journal of Medicine study estimates that With steady profits, rare enforcement, only 2 percent of men aged 40 to 80 actu- and a large population of retirees, it’s no ally suffer from real hormone deficiencies. surprise that anti-aging has exploded here. Other studies have suggested HGH can

| MUSIC | CAFE | FILM | | ART | METRO | NIGHT+DAY | STAGE RIPTIDE | LETTERS | CONTENTS | Across the state, clinics openly advertise increase cancer risk and cause other adverse on I-95 billboards and in newspapers. health effects (a claim A4M disputes). “The But federal law seems clear about testos- marketing and sale of growth hormone for… terone and steroids. The Anabolic Steroids anti-aging or age management is a pure scam,” Control Act of 1990 classifies them as Sched- says Dr. Thomas Perls, an age researcher at ule III drugs that are legal only if a patient Boston University. “The anti-aging industry has a diagnosed medical condition. Human markets and sells this drug because it has a great growth hormone, meanwhile, is one of a name and they can make huge profits with it handful of drugs the FDA has allowed for a [by] charging clients about $12,000 a year.” small set of diseases mostly related to growth Indeed, the clinics aren’t the only ones MIAMI NEW TIMES NEW MIAMI

New Times Broward-palm B each New Times Broward-palm deficiencies. In all, fewer than 45,000 people making beaucoup profit. Drug makers pulled nationwide have such conditions, according in $1.4 billion selling HGH in 2011, according to a 2012 Associated Press investigation. to the Associated Press. The top profiteer, Florida has its own specific prohibitions AP found, was Roche subsidiary Genentech, on all three drugs. State Statute 458.331 which banked almost $400 million in HGH outlaws “prescribing, ordering, dispensing, sales in the United States in 2011, a two- 25, 2013 25,

XX, 2008 XX, administering, supplying, selling, or giving thirds increase from 2005; Pfizer and Eli growth hormones, testosterone or its analogs, Lilly sold $300 million and $220 million, and

ONTH human chorionic gonadotropin (HCG), or Pfizer’s HGH medicine, Genotropin, actually ecember other hormones for the purpose of muscle outsold its famous antidepressant Zoloft.

19-D building or to enhance athletic performance.” In all, the industry’s HGH sales were up XX–M Yet unlike the offices of dentists, chi- 69 percent between 2005 and 2011, while the ropractors, nutritionists, or even massage average drug saw only a 12 percent increase, ONTH ecember M parlors, anti-aging clinics aren’t required the AP found. A separate study by research

D to register with a state medical board or to firm IMS Health determined that sales of list a licensed medical director. That means hormone and androgen drugs nearly doubled anyone can open and own one, and if the between 2007 and 2011, from 2.9 million 10 10 browardpalmbeach.com

to 5.3 million, according to figures shared cut off by board members. “You can only ad- miaminewtimes.com earlier this year with the New York Times. dress what’s in the administrative complaint,” South Florida clinics are packed into strip board chair Ronald Burns scolded Woliner. malls, tucked into tanning salons, and operating In the end, the board forced Charles to pay out of gyms. Side businesses have even popped an additional $11,800. But he’ll keep his license. up to connect unlicensed clinics looking for drugs with licensed physicians. Consider AA n a state where felons can own clinics Life, a Northlake, Illinois-based company with that are rarely if ever inspected, patients a satellite office in Fort Lauderdale. The firm I go to anti-aging clinics at their own faxes ads to doctors’ offices: “We are in need of risk. And sometimes they get burned.

a physician with a valid M.D. or D.O. license,” A sampling of complaints against clinics | MUSIC | CAFE | FILM NIGHT+DAY| STAGE| ART | METRO | | RIPTIDE | LETTERS | CONTENTS | they write. “Doctor can work at own location.” like Biogenesis finds a heart patient alleg- | Contents | pulp news | n ight+Day | s After receiving this note, Boca anti-steroid edly killed by an experimental procedure, a activist Dr. Woliner sent an email to AA Life fraudulent doc who injured a minor by taking asking for more details. A woman named him off his medication, a steroid user whose Olga replied that AA Life would provide failed suicide attempt cost him internal patients’ bloodwork and exams plus a recom- organs, and an international criminal enter- mendation for how much testosterone and prise that crumbled over a ’roid rage incident. HGH was needed. All Woliner had to do was Among the most interesting cases is sign for the drugs. His compensation: “$100 that of Bishop Peter Bukawyn, a longtime for each prescription.” If he got up to ten immigration advocate and pastor at the per week, he’d get $1,000 extra. “We have a Apostolic Mission of Christ in downtown database with the patients who need Hor- Miami. He died in 2010 after a treatment at mone Replacement Therapy!” Olga wrote. Lauderhill’s Institute of Advanced Medicine. Critics like Woliner say such offers Its proprietor, the Mexico-educated Dr. amount to “renting” doctor’s licenses, an il- Herbert Slavin, boasts of nabbing a men- legal but common practice in Florida. “That’s C. Stiles tion in Suzanne Somer’s latest health book aiding an unlicensed practice of medicine,” A 2007 raid on the Palm Beach Rejuvenation Center was the result of the biggest anti-aging and offers bio-identical hormone replace- he says. “But this is widespread. This hap- sting in Florida history. But many charged in that case are now back in business. ment and HGH therapy on his website. pens with a lot of these cash clinics.” According to a pending appeal with ers and then was ordered by his superiors not ing medicine without a license — a felony that the DOH, Bukawyn went in for “chelation tage | a rt | Film D ish | m usi C lorida in particular has had trouble en- to take that evidence to the DOH’s prosecutors. carries a minimum one-year prison term in therapy,” a chemical IV drip that Slavin forcing drug laws thanks to the DOH’s “They actually ordered me not to assist Florida. Hill interviewed three patients, in- claims can reverse heart disease without F decimation under Rick Scott. Four cur- the police in going after someone who was cluding Sharon Cohen, the domestic violence invasive surgery. The pastor went through rent and former investigators interviewed breaking the law,” says Knox, who was fired victim. All signed sworn affidavits that Bosch the therapy for a month in June 2010. Then, by New Times, three of whom declined to be this past March and has filed a whistleblower had presented himself as a licensed doctor. on July 4, he was rushed to the hospital with named for fear of reprisal, detailed the break- complaint. “That’s when I realized that I Two weeks after interviewing Cohen, a Stage 4 heart attack and died. In the com- down in the bureau over the past two years. couldn’t work in this organization any longer.” though, Hill got a call from Tallahassee: Tony plaint, Slavin is accused of breaking state First, in early 2012, an edict came down In a statement sent to New Times, DOH Bosch would be sent a cease-and-desist letter regulations by refusing to refer the pastor to from Tallahassee: Investigators, who on aver- defended its policies and says it’s serious about and fined $5,000 (which was later reduced to a cardiologist, failing to get his consent for age had more than 60 pending complaints on going after unlicensed doctors. Investigators $3,000). The case would be closed. Hill was an experimental procedure, and dispens- their desks, were ordered to “purge” cases. can still get unlicensed cars when they need flabbergasted. In an email sent to his boss, he ing heart medication without a license. Those more than a year old were automatically them, DOH says, and protecting their safety warned that without more investigation, “the It’s not the first charge leveled against closed; most newer cases were sent to Tallahas- while working cases is “of utmost importance.” report will be sent up without the quality it Slavin. He was reprimanded by the state in see, where DOH lawyers gave them a cursory “The Department has dedicated more re- requires.” Even worse, DOH administrators 1993, according to the Sun Sentinel, for overlook and declared them “legally insufficient.” sources to combating the unlicensed practice then gave Miami-Dade prosecutors just a prescribing dilaudid, a powerful and addictive

The next blow came in June 2012. That’s of a health care profession and, for the first one-page letter with only a copy of Bosch’s narcotic, to six patients. He was eventually New Times Broward-palm B each when investigators learned they’d no longer time, has established a statewide coordina- citation rather than Hill’s full report. put on probation and fined $3,000. In 2008, be able to pick up unmarked cars at will, tor in Tallahassee,” the statement reads. Miami-Dade State Attorney Kather- state records show a patient complained which had been the previous policy. They’d That attitude certainly aided Tony Bosch ine Fernandez Rundle replied that there she’d been injured when Slavin prescribed have to fill out onerous paperwork and red and his father, Dr. Pedro Bosch. They were wasn’t enough evidence to press charges. meds for hyperthyroidism even though her tape to schedule the cars ahead of time. first investigated by the department in 2009, When WSVN-TV’s Carmel Cafiero later thyroid was fine; the state pressed charges,

“The problem is this isn’t an 8-to-5 desk when ESPN reported they were suspected showed Rundle’s spokesman, Ed Griffith, and despite testimony from an expert witness, MIAMI NEW TIMES job where you can plan everything out,” one as the source of PEDs that led Dodgers slug- Hill’s full report, Griffith admitted he an administrative judge sided with Slavin last current investigator says. “You never know ger Manny Ramirez to fail a test, says a DOH found it “very surprising” that the DOH January. The case was dismissed. Slavin didn’t when a tip comes in and you need to run source with intimate knowledge of the case. had never provided it to prosecutors. respond to four messages left at his clinic. out to stake out an illegal pharmacy or doc- But no action was taken. Asked about that case, Yusem and Charles, the pair who missed Just north in Stuart, the Back to Eden tor’s office. The result was, it became much, Ashley Carr, a department spokeswoman, says Alisa Jaffe’s thyroid tumor at Boca Raton’s Wellness Center had a less dramatic but much harder to mount investigations.” that “due to confidentiality constraints… we Maxim Life, also benefited from the DOH’s much stranger case. The place was run by In March, the DOH closed its Hollywood can neither confirm nor deny the existence of a lax enforcement. After Palm Beach Sheriff’s Lynette Blake, who called herself a “naturo- office, where all the unlicensed activity complaint.” (Complaints against actual doctors deputies raided the office and confiscated pathic doctor” despite having no state license. investigators for the area had been based. like Pedro Bosch are public only if sustained.) vials of steroids and HGH, Yusem was Blake convinced one underaged patient’s par- They were scattered to auxiliary offices. In 2011, the DOH opened a probe into Tony charged with two felony counts of practicing ents to take him off his meds and, when his D M

Finally, in June, the investigators were told Bosch based on an anonymous complaint that medicine without a license. Charles was hit condition quickly worsened, told them “with ecember ONTH they’d no longer have access to the state- he was practicing medicine without a license at with two misdemeanors for enabling him. 100 percent certainty their son was possessed

wide database that tracks prescriptions. his Gables clinic, then called BioKem. An inves- But in January, Yusem pleaded guilty by an evil spirit,” according to a police report. XX–M

Supervisors in Tallahassee cited unspecified tigator staked out the place and briefly inter- in exchange for his felony adjudication’s Blake drew ten vials of blood from an- 19-D “misuse” by an investigator, sources say. viewed Bosch’s partner, Carlos Acevedo, who being withheld; he’ll serve two years’ other patient and then refused that per- ONTH “That was a key tool for us because we could assured them Bosch was a “marketing” expert probation, sell his stake in Maxim Life, son’s demand to be taken to the hospital ecember see immediately if someone was prescribing working on “referrals,” according to state re- and promise to stop playing doctor. In when the patient became dizzy. Blake 10,000 oxy pills in one month,” one current cords. The investigator closed the case without exchange, his record will be clean. was arrested in August and charged with XX, 2008 investigator says. “Suddenly, we’re frozen out.” interviewing Bosch or talking to any clients. Dr. Charles got off even easier. His adjudica- practicing medicine without a license. She 25, 2013 Even worse was the active interference. Worst of all, though, is what happened tion was also withheld, and he kept his license. is out on bond and awaiting a hearing. Christopher Knox, a retired cop who joined after New Times’ January investigation into Last month, Woliner traveled to Tampa to plead Others are indirect victims of easy access the department as an investigator in 2010, ran Bosch’s clinic, “The Steroid Source,” was pub- with the Osteopathic Board of Medicine to strip to steroids in Florida. Stephen Bailey, who into similar resistance. He found evidence a lished. DOH investigator Jerome Hill took up Charles of his license. But each time Woliner was 25, got a job in early 2010 as a trainer at Miami pharmacy was illegally selling painkill- the case, hoping to charge Bosch with practic- tried to explain the DOH’s failings, he was the Sebring YMCA. Thrown into a >> p12 1111 The Steroid State from p11 Nationwide, nearly 90 percent of all oxyco- done sales were rung up in Florida. One chain macho weight-room culture, he soon started was owned by the Bonanno Mob. Another buying Winstrol, an anabolic steroid, from a handed out gas coupons so drug dealers from fellow trainer. “I’m not going to say Stephen across the Northeast could drive down to never struggled with depression before,” stock up. And then there was the “Oxy Ex- says his mother, Tina Haley. “But everything press,” the weekly Fort Lauderdale charter changed once he started taking steroids.” that jetted down from West Virginia’s rural

miaminewtimes.com One night a few months after starting Tri-State Airport just so pill pushers could

browardpalmbeach.com Winstrol, Bailey choked down more than buy up meds that cost $4.50 in Florida and 200 Tylenol PM pills. He was rushed to the resold for $80 to addicts in the hill counties. hospital, and doctors kept him in a medical Fast-forward four years and pill mills are coma at 92 degrees for two weeks. Amazingly, on the decline across Florida. The biggest he regained consciousness, but doctors had reason? Embarrassed by repeated reports of to remove portions of his liver, intestines, rampant abuse, the state Legislature finally and lungs. “I don’t know where the steroids closed loopholes and tightened regulations. ts | o N te ts first came from, but somewhere out there, a Would that same approach work with doctor was willing to sign his name to a pre- anti-aging clinics? “If we were allowed to scription he knew was bogus,” Haley says. inspect anti-aging clinics, you’d see an im- Last, there is the case of Sharon Cohen, mediate reduction in illegal business,” says whose impotent husband threatened her with Knox, the former DOH investigator. “Own- a knife and pounded his head on a TV set. Her ers who shouldn’t be in the health-care testimony actually helped bring down a vio- business wouldn’t be around for long.” lent criminal gang. In April, Cohen told Hill, Florida’s pill-mill fix has been far from

ews | pulp c y | N ews the DOH inspector, in harrowing detail how perfect, but it did make it harder for the most Bosch’s medications led her husband to become obvious crooks to stay in the game. A 2009 bill increasingly violent until the terrifying attack. signed by then-Gov. Charlie Crist banned felons “He held me against my will in the from owning clinics and barred clinics from laundry room and beat me with his selling pills onsite. Legislators also changed closed fist on my stomach,” she said. She the rules so that even pain businesses that took survived only because she “called 911 cash only could still be inspected by the DOH. ge | Night+ dA

A through a panic button that I installed.” As a result, drug deaths from oxy and t Alvaro Lopez Tardon was arrested other narcotics have been falling since on domestic violence charges March 1, 2010, and many of the shadiest clinics have 2011, but much worse would soon follow. left for more permissive states. The same On July 14, federal agents swarmed an- might happen if rules were changed on other apartment he owned in the luxury anti-aging clinics. “You can do a few things Continuum building in South Beach. right away that would help,” says Mike Four thousand miles away across the Fasano, a former Florida state senator and Atlantic, Spanish police burst into a Madrid representative who championed the pill- mansion and hauled out Alvaro’s brother, Ar- mill legislation until he left Tallahassee temio. Inside, they found 19 million euros hid- in 2012. “You can bar felons from owning den beneath the floorboards near a hot tub. clinics. You can inspect them and license Alvaro Lopez Tardon had been run- them, and you can stop cash payments. ning one of Europe’s largest, bloodiest drug You do those four things, and you’ll close a | music | dish | film | Art | s | music dish film Art rings, police say, and was tied to at least five lot of the unethical facilities right away.” murders back in Spain. His brother had But Fasano admits that it took years of moved millions in drugs before sending at fighting to get even modest reform on pill least $26 million back to Miami for Alvaro to mills. And Scott and his allies have since launder by snapping up condos and luxury retreated on those reforms by cutting fund-

| MUSIC | CAFE | FILM | | ART | METRO | NIGHT+DAY | STAGE RIPTIDE | LETTERS | CONTENTS | cars, they allege. He was charged in July ing for the prescription drug database and 2011 with five felony counts of conspiracy rolling back regulations. “Money talks in to commit money laundering. (He has Tallahassee, just as it does in Washington pleaded not guilty, and his attorney claims and any other state capital,” Fasano says. he was in fact in the luxury car business.) New laws governing the anti-aging in- What Sharon wanted, though, was simple: dustry also wouldn’t fix the Department To see Tony Bosch punished for the role he of Health’s internal problems. Current and played in sparking her near-death experi- former investigators say that as long as ence. Like so many other clients burned by Scott’s appointees actively discourage crimi- clinics like Biogenesis, the deception that nal charges against bad doctors and fakes

MIAMI NEW TIMES NEW MIAMI threw her life into disarray was simple. “I like Bosch, not much is likely to change. New Times Broward-palm B each New Times Broward-palm thought Tony Bosch was a medical doctor,” As long as Florida clinics continue she told Hill. “[I] believed that he was.” pumping millions into local economies and physicians’ and drug companies’ ow to clean up the mess of Florida’s pockets, there may be little taste in Tally anti-aging industry? One answer for upending the status quo — even in 25, 2013 25, XX, 2008 XX, H might come from a look at Florida’s the face of scandals like Biogenesis. once-booming pill-mill industry. For “There are huge profits being made off

ONTH nearly a decade, unregulated “pain clinics” these drugs by the pharmaceutical compa- ecember boomed in the Sunshine State, thanks to nies,” Dr. Perls says. “And the guys making regulations that let them operate freely so money hand over fist on these products 19-D XX–M long as they didn’t take insurance money. are turning a blind eye to the abuse.” The results would have been hilari- ONTH M

ecember ous if they weren’t so deadly. In Broward Writers Gus Garcia-Roberts, Steve Miller,

® NIGHTWEEKOF DECEMBER 19 - DECEMBER 25, 2013 WWW.BROWARDPALMBEACH.COM/CALENDARDAY The Art of Wine and Food Series presents “Holiday Spar- THU 12/19 klers” this Thursday from 6 to 8 p.m. at the Museum of Art|Fort ▼ BENEFIT Lauderdale, located at 1 East Las

Olas Blvd. The cost is $40 per Night+Day | s FEELGOOD INK person. Reservations are required. It’s the last week to donate to Hy- Email [email protected], or perink Studios’ Toys for Tats holiday call 954-262-0249. DANA KRANGEL drive. Until December 23, the artists at Hyperink will collect art ▼ HOLIDAY supplies, instruments, dolls, action figures, and other toys for disad- IN TYPICAL tage | a rt | Film dish m usi C | vantaged youth in South Florida. Anyone who drops off a toy CHRISTMAS FASHION worth $20 or more gets 50 percent Even if South Florida weather off any tattoo that costs $200 or doesn’t permit sweater-wearing more. All donors also earn a spot this winter, that doesn’t mean in a $500 tattoo raffle taking place you can’t enjoy an ugly sweater at the end of the month. Plus, any- party or pub crawl! In case your one who donates five or more toys friends disappoint you by not gets a free $100 tattoo. Just think, throwing their own Christmas- you can make a kid smile with a sweater shindig, downtown Fort new toy and make this season’s Lauderdale has you covered with girlfriend smile with her name per- not one but two hideously knit- manently etched on your skin. All ted events. Whether you want to donations will be hand-delivered enjoy a Christmas themed “Thirsty to more than five local orphanages Thursday” or a pub crawl rock- NEW TIMES BROWARD-PALM BEACH in time for Christmas (or Festi- TATTOOS FOR ing your favorite Christmas attire, New Times Broward-palm B each vus, if that’s what you’re into). you won’t want to miss out on Donations can be delivered to CHILDREN! these perfect excuses to party. Hyperink Studios, located at 3556 SORT OF. On Thursday, join American W. Broward Blvd. in Fort Lauder- Toys for Tats, Social, located at 712 E. Las Olas dale. The studio opens at 11 a.m. Thursday Blvd. in Fort Lauderdale, for its Tuesday through Saturday, noon second-annual Ugly Sweater Party.

on Sunday, and is closed Monday. vectorbomb / Shutterstock.com Beginning at 9 p.m. and lasting until Call 954-587-7557, or visit hyper- close, guests can participate in con- inkstudios.com. KRISTIN BJORNSEN but for the holidays. Don’t your worry your ies, have you ever questioned your drinking tests for a chance to win Dolphins little red reindeer nose about it; there will be choices? Maybe it’s time to class it up. tickets, gift certificates, and a special auto- ▼ HOLIDAY photo opportunities galore so you can hold When we say sparkly, we’re not talking graph while enjoying the jams of Jeff D. Visit onto this memory for more than just a day. hand-held sparklers and fireworks — that’s americansocialbar.com, or call 954-764-7005. THE SANTA-HAN HOUSE The Stranahan House holiday river the wrong holiday. We mean the good bub- Then on Saturday, party for a good cause There are more Christmas destinations tours are daily until Sunday at the Historic bly. You’ve heard the old tale that it can be by joining the South Florida Club Sport for than the mall and Walmart. During the Stranahan House Museum, located at 335 called “Champagne” only if it came from its Ugly Sweater Pub Crawl, which will hop time of year when everyone has a case of SE Sixth Ave. in Fort Lauderdale. Tours be- the Champagne region of France. While around the liveliest bars Fort Lauderdale D M

the gimme-gimmes, wouldn’t it be nice to ing at 7:30 p.m. and cost $30 per person. that word puzzle is a has to offer in an ef- ecember ONTH bring your kids back down to Earth with There is a limited number of tickets avail- cham-pain in our ass, at GET OUR FREE APP fort to save the Red SCAN THIS CODE WITH YOUR

a little culture? The Historic Stranahan able each night. Reservations are required least we still get a buzz. Hot Chili Puppies of XX–M iPHONE OR ANDROID House Museum is all about the holidays and can be made by calling 954-524-4736. The upcoming install- the Humane Society of 19-D FOR MORE EVENTS but in a way you have never seen. Visit stranahanhouse.org. DANA KRANGEL ment of the Art of Wine OR VISIT: browardpalmbeach.com Broward County. Tak- ONTH The staff turns this majestic home into a and Food Series will ing place from 8 p.m. to ecember beautiful Victorian Christmas mecca Decem- ▼ HOLIDAY be about all things sparkling wine. Taste 1 a.m., the pub crawl will begin at America’s ber 15-23, and you have the chance to see it an elite sampling from around the globe Backyard, located at 100 SW Third Ave. XX, 2008

up-close. No big-screen TVs or classic movies FEELING BUBBLY with the help of host Stephanie Miskew, in Fort Lauderdale, and will continue at 25, 2013 to distract you from an entirely different holi- ’Tis the season of eating and drinking. But who carries the audacious title of som- Lucky’s Tavern, Public House, and Off the day experience. But it’s not just the house that mostly drinking (no offense, eating). Beers, melier. Not in the mood for another liquid Hookah. Check in between 7 and 8 p.m. Re- gets dressed up. There will be live Christmas eggnog, the weird moonshine your uncle lunch? The guest chef of the month will serve your spot in advance for $20, or pay music and an inside look at pioneer Christ- made; it all comes out to play during the be preparing the perfect foods to comple- $25 at the door. Visit southfloridaclubsport. mas traditions. It’s like a Renaissance fair holidays. But after a morning of the fuzz- ment your palette. How’s that for sparkly? com, or call 800-497-1852. GILLIAN SPEISER 1313 Watch the Polar 12/20 Express in the great FRI outdoors.

▼ FOOD + DRINK FEED YOUR CREATIVITY Every Friday around lunchtime, Helium Creative opens its studio for an eat-and- browardpalmbeach.com

browardpalmbeach.com greet with local creative professionals. It’s called Inspirational Friday, and guest speak- ers are invited to share what inspires them (and hopefully inspire the audience). Think of it as a TED Talk for your lunch break. Previous guests have included struc- tural engineers, visual artists, and media ontents | ontents buyers. This Friday, local artist Todd Traxler will chat with guests from noon to 1 p.m. Ten to 20 people show up every Friday. For those who forget to brown-bag it, One Sun Emporium will be on-site sell- Warner Bros. Pictures ing Brazilian food, and there are typically ▼ CRAFT Visit getupandcraft.com/Indie_Craft_Ba- a few slices of pizza courtesy of the host. 12/21 zaar, or call 954-785-7475. TANA VELEN Helium Creative is a Fort Lauderdale- SAT LAST-MINUTE HOLIDAY based, full-service design agency that ▼ BENEFIT will celebrate its ten-year anniversary in ▼ THEATER BAZAAR January. Guests must RSVP by emailing There’s nothing better than getting the per- 5K XMAS [email protected]. The studio A HOLIDAY CLASSIC fect gift for someone. Actually, there’s noth- Yo, don’t tell too many people, but it’s cold is located at 500 NW First Ave. in Fort Whether it’s the Care Bears or some made- ing better than getting the perfect gift for everywhere else. We don’t want to jinx it. Lauderdale. Call 954-333-8900, or visit for-TV version, chances are you’re quite fa- someone without spending tons of money. But since our South Florida Christmas won’t heliumcreative.com. KRISTIN BJORNSEN miliar with The Nutcracker and its classic score, Especially if you scoffed at those people who be so white, why not take advantage of it? news | pulp c | news ge | Night+Day

A even if you don’t realize it. The Nutcracker is did Black Friday shopping only to wind up The fact that we are still outside in tanks and t ▼ HOLIDAY about a young girl named Clara who embarks with four days left before Christmas and not shorts at the end of December makes Florida on a multitude of adventures with her beloved a present to your name. Good thing there’s the envy of pretty much every other state A LOT LIKE CHRISTMAS Christmas present, a nutcracker. Their jour- the Indie Craft Bazaar: Holiday Hooray! South and is the royal icing on the cake that is our It’s easy to overlook the magic of the ney is filled with lots of obstacles and rewards Florida’s indie craft fairs “season.” So let’s make holidays in South Florida’s 80-degree as they battle the Mouse King, and follow the have blossomed over the GET OUR FREE APP the most of it and hang heat and humidity. But the fake snow fall- Queen of Snow through the Land of Sweets to past few years into huge SCAN THIS CODE WITH YOUR out in the great outdoors. iPHONE OR ANDROID ing from above and wafts of hot cocoa experience the magic of the Sugarplum Fairy. events filled with food, FOR MORE EVENTS One way to get your at Mizner Park Amphitheater will con- Vladimir Issaev, artistic director of the music, and cash bars. The OR VISIT: browardpalmbeach.com Xmas on is at Santa’s 5k vince even the wariest of believers. Arts Ballet Theatre of Florida, is hosting Holiday Hooray Bazaar Fun Run/Walk & Sleigh Watch children brave their way to the a deviation for those who are used to Bal- will have even more amazing things to do, Race in Wilton Manors. That’s right; they North Pole in a harrowing adventure on anchine’s version. Issaev’s approach pre- such as fortune telling, a do-it-yourself orna- give you options. We recommend the sleigh. The Polar Express. Children attending are serves the Russian tradition by featuring the ment booth, $5 spiked eggnog, and $3 mimo- It’s all about repurposing a mattress into a encouraged to dress in pajamas, just like music of P.I. Tchaikovsky. Furthermore, he sas. It’s a great time to gather your friends moving vessel, and we have a feeling this | MUSIC | DISH | FILM | ART | | | NEWS NIGHT+DAY STAGE | PULP | CONTENTS |

| music | dish | film | Art | s | music dish film Art the children in the film. There will even strives to not only re-create but also amplify for a groovy shopping experience. It’s like if trend is going to catch on. And don’t worry be a small section blocked off for children the experience of The Nutcracker by incor- Etsy were a mall with more than 110 vendors, about making the elves jealous; while you’re to ride a holiday-themed train. Fake snow porating a host of special effects, such as all selling unique jewelry, vintage clothes, having a blast, you will be doing good too. will be falling from above, and there will falling snow and a growing Christmas tree. hard-to-find items, and handmade goods. The extraspecial twist on this superfun be plenty of hot cocoa and popcorn. Catch The Nutcracker in Broward Plus, the first 100 guests get free goody bags. holiday-themed workout is that all pro- This year marks the third anniversary of County at the Parker Playhouse, located at Indie Craft Bazaar: Holiday Hooray! ceeds go to the Broward House to improve The Polar Express showing. More than 1,500 707 NE Eighth St. in Fort Lauderdale, on is taking place Saturday from noon to 5 the lives of individuals living with HIV. people are expected to attend. The Mizner Saturday at 7 p.m.. Tickets range from $15 p.m. at Revolution Live/America’s Back- Santa’s 5k Fun Run/Walk & Sleigh Amphitheater is located at 590 Plaza Real to 35, depending on the seating section; yard, located at 100 SW Third Ave. in Fort Race is Saturday from 7 a.m. to 3 p.m. at in Boca Raton. Activities start at 5:30 p.m. call 954-462-0222, or visit parkerplay- Lauderdale. Although they are separated the Shoppes of Wilton Manors, located at Friday, and the movie will start at 6:30. Bring house.com. For more information about by a hallway, both Revolution Live and 2226 Wilton Drive. Registration is $25 per blankets, chairs, and holiday cheer. Free the performance, call 305-948-4777, or America’s Backyard will be filled to the person. To register, visit browardhouse. admission. Visit myboca.us. JESS SWANSON visit artsballettheatre.org. GILLIAN SPEISER brim with vendors. There is a $5 cover. org/5k, or call 954-522-4749. DANA KRANGEL NEW TIMES BROWARD-PALM BEACH BROWARD-PALM TIMES NEW New Times Broward-palm B each New Times Broward-palm WEIGHTphy sician super LOSSvised WANTED We Pay TOP Dollar! APPETITE XX, 2012 XX, 25, 2013 25, SUPPRESSANTS ONTH

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ecember •••(954) 527-4500••• On Site Lessons, Repairs & Restoration D 400 SE 12th St. (Davie Blvd.) Ste. A, Fort Lauderdale 954-772-6900 Mon–Sat 14 5068 N. Dixie Hwy. Ft. Lauderdale 33334 www.DixieGuitarTraders.com pm 14 www.ableweightloss.com [email protected] 10 - 7 browardpalmbeach.com “Best Dinner theatre” —Gold Coast magazine & New Times

With A VengeAnce Laffing Matterz returns With A Vengeance! This winning combination of dinner theater and side-splitting musical comedy makes for an evening | CONTENTS | PULP NEWS | of unique entertainment. Perfect for couples, office tickets On sAle nOW parties or a group of friends.

nOVeMBeR 14–MARch 22 Thursdays through Saturdays and select Sundays

For tickets and group discounts, call Broward Center’s AutoNation Box Office at 954.462.0222 or visit BrowardCenter.org Follow us: Browardcenter NIGHT+DAY | STAGE | ART | FILM DISH MUSIC

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▼ HOLIDAY ELF FIELD DAY Mrs. Claus needs help deciding which animals were naughty or nice this year at Santa’s browardpalmbeach.com

browardpalmbeach.com Little Helpers interactive tour at Flamingo Gardens in Davie this month. Then after- ward, help Santa and his elves pass out gifts. While you’re there, check out the beautiful flocks of pink flamingos and exotic tortoises. Kids can join in the fun starting at 2 p.m. Sunday with Santa’s Snow Mound and holiday crafts-making projects. Later, help Mrs. Claus determine which animals were good this year and which were naughty. Stick around till 4 p.m. to help Santa pass out presents to the good animals. The Garden of Lights Show will finish off the evening from 5 to 7. Admission to Santa’s Little Helpers and Garden of Lights is $18 for those 12 and up, $10 for those age 4 to 11, and free for age 3 and under. Free for members, of course. A ride on a fully narrated tram tour is available for an extra $4 for adults, $3 for kids 4 to 11. Members of Flamingo Gar- dens and kids 3 and under ride for free. For the lights show after 5 p.m., the cost is only $5 per person. Flamingo Gardens is located at 3750 S. Flamingo Road in Davie. Email events@flamingo gardens.org, visit flamingo- gardens.org, or call 954-473-2955. DAVE MINSKY TUE 12/24

▼ NIGHTLIFE PARTY LIKE A MENSCH Your essential There is perhaps no more exclusive guest list than that of the chosen people — luckily, local everything | MUSIC | DISH | FILM | ART | | | NEWS NIGHT+DAY STAGE | PULP | CONTENTS | NEWS | PULP | CONTENTS | | PULP CONTENTS | NEWS | NIGHT+DAY | STAGE | MUSIC DISH FILM ART they’re a bunch of menschen at the27th Annual Matzoball, so the goyim are welcome. Yes, for guide. nearly three decades, the sons and daughters of Abraham have rolled their eyes at their gentile brethren cooped up at home with their families and home-cooked meals — lame! Hosted by the Society of Young Jewish Professionals and JDate, this isn’t just a ball but an opportunity for networking and the great Jewish tradition of matchmaking. Bubbe will be so happy! For the young, hip, and Jewish of South Florida, Christmas Eve is the biggest party night of the year. South Florida isn’t the only place, of course; 11 cities across the country (and Montreal!) roll out the red carpet for

NEW TIMES BROWARD-PALM BEACH BROWARD-PALM TIMES NEW the Matzoball, but not every city gets mul- NEW TIMES BROWARD-PALM BEACH NEW TIMES BROWARD-PALM tiple, simultaneous soirees to call its own. The Matzoball takes place at Il Bacio (29 SE Second Ave., Delray Beach) and at Pangaea The Broward-Palm Beach New Times App Lounge (5711 Seminole Way) and Gryphon keeps you connected with things to do, Nightclub (5707 Seminole Way) in the Seminole places to go, and up-to-the-minute news. 25, 2013 25,

XX, 2012 XX, Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in Hollywood. Doors open at 9 p.m. Admission is $30 and can be paid It’s free. ONTH in advance online or (for cash only) at the door. ECEMBER Visit matzoball.org. L’chaim! REBECCA DITTMAR Download it today. 19-D XX–M

ONTH Email upcoming events to Arts and Culture Editor Rebecca M ECEMBER Dittmar at [email protected]. Include D the location, date, time, price, and a contact phone Search for “Broward-Palm Beach number. It’s best to submit items three weeks in advance. New Times” in the app stores. 16 16 browardpalmbeach.com browardpalmbeach.com

▼ Art Explore great The Snowflake Effect food spots Coral Springs Museum of Art responds to Sandy Hook. BY ANDREA RICHARD on | Contents | pulp | news | hen a gunman ripped just like artists and individuals, are all dif- of the painted paper are frayed, suggesting | MUSIC | DISH | FILM | NIGHT+DAYSTAGEART | | | NEWS | PULP | CONTENTS | through the class- ferent,” says Julia Andrews, the museum’s conflict, yet specks of glitter appear across rooms of Sandy Hook curator. “Like people, no two snowflakes the canvas, giving it a shimmer of hope. Elementary School, are alike.” While the show is on display, In the museum’s main gallery, a solo horrendously killing visitors are invited to make their own exhibition featuring Quebec artist Andre W20 children and six adults in Newtown, snowflakes to keep or leave behind. Desjardins is on display. This collection in- Connecticut, the world mourned. It was a “The snowflakes are a symbol of sup- cludes bronze sculptures and mixed-media cold day on December 14, 2012, when this port that lets the Newtown families know portraits that appear as androgynous be- senseless act of violence broke hearts. that people care about what happened,” ings transfixed in various emotive states As America expressed outrage and gun- says Andrews. “This show takes a look at of inner turmoil and bliss. Desjardins’ control debates raged, Newtown school of- art and symbolism and how communities solo show runs through March 15, 2014. ficials had to find the

surviving elementary n ight+Day | students a new school to attend. Before the doors were to open, administrators sought to erect a “Winter Won- derland” memorial in s the new school, hon- tage oring those precious lost lives. In January | Art | Film | 2013, the Connecticut Parent Teachers As- sociation requested that the community send in hand-cut snow-

flakes made of paper to D ish | decorate the school. The call for “Snow-

flakes for Sandy Hook” m usi C | garnered a bigger response than they could have imagined. Firs t, an envelope of New Times Broward-palm B each lovely paper snowflakes NEW TIMES BROWARD-PALM BEACH arrived along with handwritten sympathy cards and piggy-bank money. Then a box. Then a truckload. Within two days, offi- cials who thought they Laurianne Macdonald would receive just a few boxes had deliver- come together to offer support and com- Snow Street , by Laurianne Macdonald. ies from a semitruck dropping off loads of fort through art. Art has healing powers.” snowflakes mailed in from around the world. “The Snowflake Effect” show also fea- To further the theme of healing arts, the Like Broward-Palm To some, this avalanche of love tures 16 winter scenes, including paintings museum has displayed a panel from the AIDS proved the power of art. and photographs by local artists — from Memorial Quilt, a massive quilt that honors Beach New Times to Staffers at the Coral Springs Museum abstract painted snowballs to a photograph nearly 18 percent of all United States’ AIDS get expert tips. of Art saw a CBS report about the snow- of horses galloping in the snow. Gloria Eck- deaths, or 91,000 names. The panel shown flake phenomenon as they were planning art’s Arise at Dawn piece has a serious tone, at the gallery is just one piece of the quilt foursquare.com/ their next year’s shows. Now, at the mas- consisting of an array of text, some in large that weighs more than 54 tons and spans D

newtimesbroward M sacre’s one-year anniversary, the mu- cursive letters and some small — hard-to- 1.3 million square feet. The quilt consists of ecember ONTH seum presents “The Snowflake Effect.” read statements that appear on paste, paper, blocks each roughly three feet by six feet.

This fall, the museum asked local children and gouache. The piece seemingly ques- Some panels include images of the dead; XX–M and families to make snowflakes out of pa- tions the existence of God where it reads some, thoughtful messages like “She touched 19-D per to contribute to the forthcoming show. “the immortal in Heaven must be crazy with the stars” and “Always in our hearts.” ecember About 80 of them are hung from the ceiling wine to cause such disorder.” Perhaps the Download the ONTH with fishing line throughout the museum’s most moving piece of the show is Laurianna [email protected] Kuhn Gallery space. Some are treated with MacDonald’s painting of a sad and desolate free app at XX, 2008 markers, and lines of glittered puff paint add snowstorm. A black silhouette, back turned “The Snowflake Effect” 25, 2013 touches of color. Some are simple — small to the viewer and holding an umbrella, Through March 15 at the Coral Springs Museum foursquare.com/get and all white — while other snowflakes walks over a snow-covered bridge as street of Art, 2855 Coral Springs Drive, Coral Springs. are large, with intricate designs. Seeing it lamps gently illuminate the path, but it’s Museum hours: 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. Monday through Saturday (closed Sunday and major holidays). Visit in person feels magical and sentimental. not clear what’s ahead — perhaps chaos, coralspringsmuseum.org, or call 954-340-5000. “We taught the kids how all snowflakes, perhaps nothing but a warm bed. The edges Admission is $6 adults, $5 seniors, and $3 students. 1717 nects to their next-generation smartphone, an all-in-one device with an upgraded Siri ▼ Film programmed with intuition, empathy, curios- ity, and the ability to learn and evolve. Theo- dore’s operating system, Samantha, voiced by Scarlett Johansson, quickly becomes his best friend and, eventually, his girlfriend. He’s (Still) Theodore and Samantha live a full relationship arc that couldn’t exist with- browardpalmbeach.com

browardpalmbeach.com out Johansson’s brisk and pitch-perfect Still Here voice performance. But technically, Her is still a one-person love story (or re- Joaquin Phoenix ally, one-human) about a man who’s also gives one of his best relearning to love himself. And the only performances in Her. face of their romance is Phoenix’s.

ts | o N te ts “He represents both characters onscreen,” BY AMY NICHOLSON Jonze explains. “His reaction is what helps give her credibility.” When Samantha talks, n Spike Jonze’s new sci-fi romance, Phoenix in his most Phoenix reacts, his keen green eyes absorb- Her, Joaquin Phoenix plays a divorcée normal role... ever. ing her words while his expressive eyebrows who rebounds by falling in love with his furrow down in frustration or lift up in won- smartphone. On a recent Wednesday, Warner Bros. Pictures derment. In some single-take stretches, all however, he’s a delinquent boyfriend, ily had followed the controversial Children that Phoenix actually went crazy — and that, he does is react, quietly going from cranky to leaving his iPad abandoned on a chair in a of God cult, which discouraged TV and if he didn’t, his duped fans deserve to be mad. enchanted to cracking up as she convinces ews | pulp c y | N ews I Lebanese restaurant as he bounces off to the newspapers and promoted all-ages sex. “We never approached it like a hoax — in him to stop sulking and get out of bed. parking lot for a smoke. After a few puffs, The family fled the cult when Joaquin fact, it became the burden of it,” Phoenix The week Jonze finished his final draft of he reconsiders and darts back inside, lest was 3, and they ended up in L.A. two years sighs. “Hoax, to me, implies that the purpose Her, he showed Phoenix the script. He didn’t the well-dressed ladies at the next table later. There, he and his siblings lived a dual of it is just to fool people.” But the prank know what to expect but was quickly charmed.

Night+ dA snatch it to pay for a month of hummus. life: half-hippie, half-Hollywood. There was had become the story. Everyone was ask- “That openness and that playfulness and “They said they were going to steal it!” no formal school- ing if Joaquin Phoenix had gone crazy. No realness and honestness, it’s exactly who

ge | Phoenix yelps. “I thought they looked nice!” ing: The kids sang one was talking about the entertainment- he is,” Jonze says. “There’s nothing preten- A

t Back in his seat, he spins around and IT’S NO for money in the news nightmare he’d wanted to expose. tious about him. I realized, ‘Oh, this is a guy points, “What is that, by the way?” When the WONDER A streets and car- By the time his next film, Paul Thomas who takes his work seriously but doesn’t two women duly pivot, he steals the blond’s VAGUE SENSE pooled to auditions. Anderson’s The Master, was finally released take himself seriously.’ Within the first ten purse. “Classic move! Classic move!” he teases But where his in September 2012, four years had passed minutes [of meeting him], I knew he was them. “C’mon, guys, we’re all playing here.” LINGERS THAT elder brother, River, since Phoenix’s last real film, James Gray’s the guy that I wanted to be in this movie.” It’s unclear if his victims even know PHOENIX looked like an in- Two Lovers — a gap even he barely believes. He adds, “Everybody respected and they’re tangling with the three-time Oscar- ACTUALLY nocent heartthrob, Though The Master won Phoenix his was affected by what Joaquin was do- nominated star of Gladiator, Walk the Line, WENT CRAZY the darker, stockier third Oscar nomination, it’s his following. When we’d cut, the set would and The Master as well as the upcoming Her, — AND THAT, IF Joaquin was ste- up film — Spike Jonze’s Her — that feels stay quiet. That’s really special.” which has been racking up critics awards. HE DIDN’T, HIS reotyped into more like his official comeback. His Theodore As for Phoenix, he again feels like an ac- Although the 39-year-old actor is famous for somber, sidekick Twombly — lonely ex-husband, former tor who’s confident about his options. playing hotheads, in person he’s a goof. In DUPED FANS roles. The very first L.A. Weekly writer, and man who spends “I’m sure there were times when I went, his black jeans and gray-streaked, shoulder- DESERVE TO line Steve Martin says too much time talking to screens — is his ‘Oh, fuck, it’s going to be hard to do the movies

Art | s | Art film | music dish length hair, he looks more like a struggling BE MAD. about the character most normal character, well, ever. Para- that I want to do after this. Am I going to be | MUSIC | DISH | FILM | ART | | | NEWS NIGHT+DAY STAGE | PULP | CONTENTS | grunge guitarist than a reluctant red-carpet played by 15-year-old doxically, audiences weaned on Joaquin the battling this shit?’ ” Phoenix admits of his I’m walker who’s all too familiar with tuxedos. Joaquin (then going by Leaf ) in the movie Weirdo can finally trust that he’s acting. Still Here experiment. He shrugs. “But you’re The ladies giggle nervously, not sure if Parenthood is, “There’s a kid with problems.” Her — which opens in theaters across always battling some shit that you fucking they’ve been punked. But they have defi- After Parenthood, Joaquin took a six-year, the country on January 10— is set in a Los said, so it doesn’t really make a difference.” nitely been Phoenixed — flummoxed and self-imposed break, then returned to acting Angeles that feels about two eye blinks in the fascinated by this charismatic joker. at 21 for Gus Van Sant’sTo Die For, play- future. Most people wear an earpiece that con- [email protected] We’ve all been Phoenixed. Five years ago, ing a dumb high school punk seduced into with still-fresh accolades from Walk the Line, murdering Nicole Kidman’s husband. Phoenix famously swore he had given up act- The roles kept getting gloomier: a hippie ing for a rap career. He grew a beard and spent awaiting execution in Return to Paradise, ▼ NEW IN FILM predecessor, which means, thankfully, fewer an- the next 12 months convincing the world it a snuff-film peddler in 8MM, and, finally, noying guys will be inspired to quote it. This time, was true: brawling at Miami nightclubs; per- his first prestige blockbuster, Gladiator, Ron Burgundy is offered a gig at a new station. He forming a disastrous set in Vegas; talking only as the bloodthirsty Emperor Commodus. Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues about hip-hop during the press tour for Two His portrayal’s unexpected depth won STARRING WILL FERRELL, CHRISTINA APPLEGATE, scoffs at the concept: a 24-hour news network? It’ll Lovers, his “final” film; and, of course, rattling Phoenix his first Oscar nomination. PAUL RUDD, STEVE CARELL, DAVID KOECHNER, FRED never fly! But he comes around and decides to re- WILLARD, HARRISON FORD, AND KRISTEN WIIG. assemble his old San Diego news team: Paul NEW TIMES BROWARD-PALM BEACH BROWARD-PALM TIMES NEW New Times Broward-palm B each New Times Broward-palm David Letterman by refusing to play along But as his films got harder, with the grin-and-charm publicity circuit. so did the press tours. DIRECTED BY ADAM MCKAY. WRITTEN BY WILL FERRELL Rudd’s man-on-the-scene correspondent and sex More than 5 million viewers saw Phoenix’s After capturing the drunk and unhinged AND ADAM MCKAY. 119 MINUTES. RATED PG-13. god Brian Fantana; David Koechner’s sportscaster, mumbling stunt live on Late Night. Only a frac- Johnny Cash in Walk the Line, Phoenix vol- ith those eyes that are a little too Champ Kind; and Steve Carell’s Dada-dense tion saw the reason behind it: the Casey Affleck untarily checked himself into rehab to clear close together and that confident weathercaster, Brick Tamland. They make their

25, 2013 25, mockumentary I’m Still Here, a tricky and his head and, he quipped, rally support for swagger that looks as if it could dis- mark by reporting only upbeat news that makes

XX, 2012 XX, disconcertingly deadpan dissection of the me- his second Oscar nod. After checking himself Wintegrate into a pratfall at any time, Will Ferrell people feel good about America. Most of this is ut- dia machine, which had devoured Phoenix’s out, he was barraged by journalists prodding makes a grand ringleader for the nonsense ofAn- terly, indefensibly ridiculous, and like all reasonably ONTH ecember music-career mistakes like junk food. (Typical him to say he drew on his brother River’s fatal chorman 2. A few years ago, when he was making ambitious comedies, it at times pushes the bound- overdose to reflect Cash’s pain at losing his talking-head snark: “Is it a hoax? Do we care?”) film after film, he became dangerously overex- aries of good taste. When Burgundy first meets his

19-D The root of I’m Still Here is Phoenix’s older brother. He shut them down, storm- XX–M posed: A little of his pompous-ass demeanor goes new boss, Linda Jackson (Meagan Good), a take- frustration with fame. That feels true. His ing out of an interview with Rolling Stone. a long way. But he’s an inherently generous per- charge type and woman of color, his jaw hangs parents, who met while hitchhiking in Three years later, Phoenix was on Let- ONTH former, which is rare for big comic actors. Ferrell open like that of a hooked tuna. “Oh. Black!” he ecember M California in 1969, raised him to see through terman acting like he’d lost his mind. D the bullshit, even as they raised him to be a Given the ratio of people who watch enter- opens the space around him for his fellow per- blurts out, a marvelous take on the universal hu- star. The third of five siblings, Joaquin was tainment TV to people who watch art-house formers, allowing all sorts of weirdness to sneak man fear of saying absolutely, positively the wrong through. This sequel is more hit-or-miss than its thing. STEPHANIE ZACHAREK 1818 born in 1974 in Puerto Rico, where the fam- flicks, it’s no wonder a vague sense lingers | FILM CAPSULES | as well as a breath of movie-star vitality from Brad Pitt in a very browardpalmbeach.com browardpalmbeach.com small role — it’s a picture that stays more than a few safe steps away from anything so dangerous as raw feeling. Even when it ▼ Film depicts inhuman cruelty, it comes off as weirdly antiseptic, history made safe through art. (SZ) The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug — Elves snore, it turns out. The following capsule reviews were written by and Their maidens make teensy-peen jokes and pine for the hottest of bear the initials ofAmy Nicholson, Alan Scherstuhl, and dwarves. And Bilbo Baggins now punches his sword right through Stephanie Zacharek. For showtimes and locations, visit the trachea of a goblin — and then looks rather proud of himself. browardpalmbeach.com/movies. Now more than ever, the Middle Earth films of Peter Jackson are less adaptations of the novels of J.R.R. Tolkien than they are the fullest realization of the fantasy-entertainment complex the Oxford don’s pastorals have inspired. Here are the proper nouns | CONTENTS | PULP NEWS | NIGHT+DAY | STAGE | ART | FILM DISH MUSIC

OPENING and broad outlines of Tolkien’s gentle stories, but play-acted | MUSIC | DISH | FILM | NIGHT+DAYSTAGEART | | | NEWS | PULP | CONTENTS | with the thunderous swords-and-sorcery heroics of the pulps, Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues —Reviewed in this issue. the creature-building zeal of Ray Harryhausen and young George Inside Llewyn Davis — Folk music is supposed to be the music of the Lucas, the wouldn’t-it-be-cool riffing of cosplay and fanfic, and a people. Yet at the heart of Joel and Ethan Coen’sInside Llewyn Davis, belief in self-improvement through joyous, comic violence. There’s set in New York in the winter of 1961, is a folksinger with no feeling much to adore in Jackson’s latest Christmas pudding, despite its for people. The Llewyn Davis of the title, played by Oscar Isaac, is garish extravagance, its moral cluelessness, its disorganized bulk, a broke, rumpled moocher who drifts from couch to couch until and its discomfiting belief that battle is a kind of weaponized freeze there are no couches left — either by drinking too much and getting tag, where any touch of the good guy’s axe or sword means the rude or simply by opening his mouth to let his hostile thoughts bad guy immediately collapses. It’s as packed with highlights flow out, he has a talent for alienating every friend he’s got. He’s as its predecessor was stripped of them: better-than-usual orc also a gifted singer, but the material he chooses leans toward raids, a horrific spider attack, much more dragon than you’d traditional weepers about mourning dead lovers. If Llewyn had a expect, an exuberant river escape that somehow turns into the bell, he most definitely would not ring it in the morning; he’d be old Super Nintendo game Donkey Kong Country, a too-quick visit too hungover, or at least just too pissed off at the world. Llewyn is in with a were-bear. (A.S.) many ways a dreadful human being, but you can’t turn away from The Inevitable Defeat of Mister & Pete — Many terrible things happen him — he’s devastatingly handsome in a Sephardic way, the kind of to the kids in The Inevitable Defeat of Mister & Pete: Most notably, damaged goods some women can’t the Mister of the title, played by Skylan help falling for. The Coens seem to GET OUR FREE APP Brooks, sees his heroin-addicted prosti- love him, too: Inside Llewyn Davis is SCAN THIS CODE WITH YOUR tute mother (a potentially overwrought the warmest picture they’ve ever iPHONE OR ANDROID role played by a blessedly low-key Jen- made, and it’s possibly their best. FOR MORE FILMS nifer Hudson) picked up by the police, Taking place over just a few days, OR VISIT: browardpalmbeach.com leaving Mister and his younger neighbor, it evokes a fleeting time, place, and a sweet-faced and guileless Korean kid vibe: The Village folk scene of the early 1960s. That pre-Dylan world, named Pete (Ethan Dizon), to fend for themselves for what turns the setting for Inside Llewyn Davis, may be very small, but Llewyn out to be the whole summer. But director George Tillman Jr. is is lost in it. Although the Coens are consummate craftsmen, they more interested in these kids’ resourcefulness and resilience than don’t always show the lightness of touch, or the depth of feeling, in turning their suffering into liberal-guilt porn. Tillman, working they do here. It’s cockeyed humanism at its best. (SZ) from a screenplay by Michael Starrbury, doesn’t diminish the Mother of George — The inability to have a child is often treated as a horrors these kids face: Both have mothers who work the streets, “white people problem,” the province of middle- and upper-class barely providing for them. And both boys know instinctively that couples who end up resorting to expensive fertility treatments. the system is more likely to harm than help them. They utter the But Andrew Dosunmu’s supple, observant drama Mother of George name “Riverview,” the children’s home run by Child Protective puts a different spin on this anguishing issue: What happens Services, as if it were Rikers Island for tots, desperately dodging when a woman’ fertility—or lack thereof—becomes everybody’s the cops who might drag them there. Yet there’s joy in sudden business but her own? That’s the predicament faced by Adenike independence too, and Tillman keys in to that as young Skylan (Danai Gurira), a newly married woman living in a West African Brooks, in particular, keeps the movie spinning. (SZ) enclave of Brooklyn. Her husband, Ayodele (Isaach De Bankolé), Out of the Furnace — If the plot of Out of the Furnace were fueling a runs his own restaurant, working hard to provide for her. But drive-in movie of the ’70s, you might actually want to see it — it’s after a year or so of marriage, Adenike hasn’t conceived a child. a basic but sturdy idea that could have some juice. Russell Baze Ayodele isn’t too bothered — he’s happy with the couple’s life (Christian Bale), a hardened steelworker outside of Pittsburgh, as it is. But he’s also insulated from the pressure that his mother goes to prison on a drunk-driving charge. By the time he’s released, (Bukky Ajayi) has been putting on his wife: she sees Adenike’s he’s lost his girlfriend, and his brother has burrowed into a life of NEW TIMES BROWARD-PALM BEACH failure to produce a child as a breach of family pride. In her trouble. As always, Russell acts responsibly — until he’s pushed NEW TIMES BROWARD-PALM BEACH eyes, Adenike’s infertility is an inherent flaw that needs to be to the limit. Scott Cooper’s somber drama squeezes precious few fixed, and Adenike finds herself buckling under that pressure. droplets of energy out of this. The picture is earnest to a fault, As Adenike, Gurira is wonderful: Her face is radiant whether coming off like an exploration of how “the little people” live. You she’s channeling anguish or joy, and she captures the ways in can almost hear the gears humming: Out of the Furnace is calibrated which this woman, so old-country dutiful, also longs to join the to move us, which isn’t the same as drawing us invisibly and quietly modern world. The plot hinges on a simple question: How far will into its world. The paradox of overwritten movies like this one is Adenike go to bear a child? The answer isn’t all that important. that they often provide good showcases for actors. Cooper previ- The film is more notable for the way Dosunmu layers details and ously made Crazy Heart, casting Jeff Bridges as a faded country textures, capturing the nuances of everyday life among one of star — his performance was a thing of grizzled beauty. Again, New York’s many ethnic microcosms. Even more remarkable is Cooper chosen his actors with obvious care: Casey Affleck is the just how complicated, and how public, a woman’s childbearing wayward Rodney. Willem Dafoe shows up as a small-town crime challenges can be. (SZ) kingpin. Woody Harrelson is a tattooed goon from the remote Ramapo Mountains, in the movie’s terms a “don’t go thar” place if ever there was one. (SZ) ONGOING Thor: The Dark World — Among the Avengers, Thor should reign supreme. Sure, Captain America is the leader, but even he’s just 12 Years a Slave — Steve McQueen’s 12 Years a Slave is the movie for a jacked-up human. Thor is a god, a flying titan with a 5,000- people who think they’re too smart for The Butler. The true story year lifespan. Which explains why he’s befuddled when Earth it tells is horrifying: In 1841, Solomon Northup, a free, educated girl Jane (Natalie Portman) slaps him for ditching her in New D M

black man from Saratoga, New York, was kidnaped, sold into Mexico. To her, the blond lug (Chris Hemsworth) has been MIA ECEMBER slavery, and transported to Louisiana. His captivity lasted 12 years. for two years. To him, it’s just been a pop-off while he fought the ONTH Northup recounted his story in 12 Years a Slave, a piercing memoir rest of space into submission. Though Portman and Hemsworth

published in 1853. The title alone is austere and direct, almost are two perfect physical specimens, they give off less heat than XX–M

painfully elegant, and that must have been the effect McQueen a dime-store lighter. No matter. Their miscast romance is just 19-D was going for, too. His 12 Years a Slave is beautifully shot (by Sean one cog in Thor: The Dark World, itself just one motor in the ONTH Bobbitt), contrasting the all-too-visible evil of mankind with the billion-dollar Marvel machine that will run as long as each film ECEMBER occasional ribbon of pretty sky peeking through the Louisiana is competent. The Dark World has the essentials: four fights, six

trees. The story is told with calm clarity, its pace stately and quips, one city reduced to rubble. Instead of Kenneth Branagh’s XX, 2008 respectful in accordance with its subject matter. John Ridley’s delightfully silly Shakespeare, this Thor is helmed by Alan Taylor script hews closely to the language and details of Northup’s book. of Game of Thrones. Thor’s astral home is twinklier, the Rainbow 25, 2013 Michael Fassbender, Paul Dano, and Paul Giamatti all render their Bridge is rainbowier, and the villains, well, are still grim-faced services in villainous roles. It’s all so perfect, so right. As Northup, aliens — haven’t we killed six kinds of them already? — equipped Chiwetel Ejiofor brings all his gifts to bear here. His subtlety is the with yet another raw element of destruction. Hemsworth’s Thor earth-moving kind: He could probably shift a mountain just by gets one half-decent nude scene, though nothing so lusty as in arching an eyebrow. But aside from the nuanced lead performance the first film, when he silenced Portman just by passing shirtless — plus an oak-tree-tall supporting one by Benedict Cumberbatch, through her apartment. (AN) 19 19 ▼ Dish Antebellum browardpalmbeach.com browardpalmbeach.com Cuisine A team of top Miami chefs takes on Southern

ts | o N te ts cooking in Davie.

BY SARA VENTIERA ith a rodeo, a downtown “Western district,” an equestrian-themed McDonald’s, and a

ews | pulp | c | pulp N ews horse hitching post at Chicken and waffles the Walmart Supercenter, Davie is known ($16) is sweet, savory, y |

A W and slightly earthy. as a country-Western sort of town. With mile upon mile of chain restaurants and sports bars, Davie is not really known as CandaceWest.com a place one would travel to — by horse or original four — Matt Hockin and Isra- rectangular cast-iron skillet, are creamy and area and what doesn’t. They plan on starting

Night+D motor vehicle — to find a creative meal. mil Almonte have left since the open- briny with a hint of smoke from a combina- a brunch program sometime in the new year. A group of Miami chefs, who have spent ing of the restaurant in September. tion of pan-seared shrimp, smoked tomato Cocktails follow the trendy bent of the

ge | time working in some of the hottest kitchens Both are classically trained — Vergara at Anson Mill grits, house-made bread-and- menu, with a large selection of small-batch A

t in the city — Tuyo, Swine Southern Table & the prestigious Culinary Institute of America butter-style green beans, and red pepper bourbons, craft beers, and a select number Bar, Nemesis, Pubbelly, and more — is attempt- and Galadza at the Miami Culinary Institute vinaigrette. Fresh fried barbecue chips of infusions. Again, it’s all about the flavors ing to turn that around with Swank Southern — and both have spent time working under add a nice crunch to the velvety grits. of the South, with cocktails like the caramel Kitchen on University Boulevard. A modern one of Florida’s most respected chefs — and The 18 Hour pulled pork sliders ($10) apple ($8), composed of apple pie moon- Southern eatery, it is bringing dining trends member of the James Beard Foundation’s Na- are marinated in blood orange mojo for shine, caramel moonshine, and caramel from Miami and other major cities to Davie. tional Advisory Board — Norman Van Aken. 36 hours and smoked for 18 — hence the cider, a sweet introduction for anyone inter- It all started with Oscar Ferreira, the For Vergara and Galadza, the goal at name — before being shredded and served ested in Prohibition spirits; or the Swank’s main investor of Swank and Soi Chi- Swank is to create traditional Southern dishes between pillowy buns with buttermilk slaw honey tea ($8), with Jim Beam honey, nese Kitchen in Miami’s Design District, with a modern twist using high-quality in- and pickled jalapeños and cucumbers. fresh iced tea, and a splash of lemonade. who wanted to take over the space for- gredients and everything made from scratch The smoker is a big part of the draw here. It has taken a bit of getting used to for the merly occupied by a friend’s business. in-house. With backgrounds in fine dining, Galadza, who recently moved up to the area, locals — for instance, many have expected “When Oscar decided to take over the lo- presentation is a big part of the experience. would spend his days off from Tuyo experi- larger, homestyle portions — but the group is cation, he drove around the area to see what Chicken and waffles ($16) is one of the menting with his personal smoker on his back set on elevating the dining scene of the suburb.

film | Art | s | Art | music dish film would fit,” said Swank chef Angel Vergara. most popular dishes. Instead of the conven- patio, trying out different woods and methods “Growing up in Miami, I never thought I’d | MUSIC | DISH | FILM | ART | | | NEWS NIGHT+DAY STAGE | PULP | CONTENTS | “There was nothing around the area that tional fried whole chicken smothered in for slowly cooking meats. The men plan to leave,” said Galadza. “I drove through Davie was pushing the limits, and it seemed like syrup, Vergara and Galadza use juicy boneless purchase another smoker and increase the and fell in love with it. Here, the locals dictate Davie would be welcoming to Southern-style chicken thighs and a homemade marshmal- wood-fired offerings in the near future. what we do. I’m glad to be a part of bringing a food. We took the idea and took off with it.” low sage sauce for a dish that’s sweet, savory, In addition to more smoked items, cool concept to the area; Davie deserves it.” Chefs Angel Vergara of Soi Chi- and slightly earthy. It’s served on a wooden Galadza and Vergara are working on incor- Swank Southern Kitchen is located at nese Kitchen and Michael Galadza are board with a side of house-made hot sauce. porating more specials and dishes into the 4196 S. University Drive in Davie. Call 954- the two who have stayed on from the Shrimp and grits ($14), served in a small, regular menu based on what works for the 423-2220, or visit swanksouthern.com.

On November 26, the spot opened its doors butter, cream, deep-frying, or microwaving is bundt cake or wood-fired apple crisp. Field to Plate for breakfast, lunch, and dinner on a piece of used in any dish — as a first measure, Giannuzzi Although the fare is focused on health, the The Farmer’s Table offers land adjacent to the Wyndham Hotel — the patio had the deep fryer removed from the kitchen. bar also features a fresh cocktail — and mock- actually overlooks the newly landscaped pool. Seafood and meats are sustainable, tail — program with drinks created with limited ethical, organic eats for Both passionate about health and wellness, and the entire restaurant focuses on try- sugar content. Developed by general manager New Times Broward-palm B each New Times Broward-palm NEW TIMES BROWARD-PALM BEACH BROWARD-PALM TIMES NEW every type of foodie, from Robbins’ and Giannuzzi’s goal is to create a health ing to lessen its environmental impact. Jason Forestall, drinks include creative options vegetarian to paleo. and wellness community through their food. While everything on the menu — minus like the Farmer’s Sage, with High West double BY SARA VENTIERA “When we were first talking about the dishes with cheese — is dairy-free, the res- rye, black tea, Royal Rose lavender-lemon, Bit- concept, Mitchell wanted to create a positive taurant also accommodates gluten-free, termen’s celery bitters, and sage; Blueberry

25, 2013 25, ver the past few years, consum- impact in the community,” said Giannuzzi. “I got paleo, vegetarian, and low glycemic diets. Lavender Mojito, with Dancing Pines white

XX, 2012 XX, ers have started to seek out ethi- goose bumps as we were talking, because that’s Specialties include dishes like the 19th Street rum, mint, blueberry, Royal Rose lavender- cally conscious options at grocery also my goal. It really came together for us.” Short Rib Tacos, with grass-fed beef and pico lemon, lime, and Cardamaro Vino Amaro; ONTH ecember Ostores — just think about all the ruckus over The fare is composed of fresh ingredients de gallo on sprouted corn tortillas; shrimp and and Crimson Crush, with Boyd & Blair vodka, Trader Joe’s locations coming to town. and whole foods — much of which is sourced roasted corn flatbread with chili-lime, sharp ched- Swami Sweet Treat, pomegranate, Shrub &

19-D Though it really is simple enough to prepare from local farmers, including former New Times dar, red peppers, and organic spinach; and jumbo Co. grapefruit shrub, and elderflower liqueur. XX–M healthy, organic, sustainable fare at home, that’s contributor Jason “Farmer Jay” McCobb — and chicken chop “tagine” — turmeric couscous, Farmer’s Table is located at 1901 N.

ONTH certainly not the case when you’re eating out. “the dirty dozen” fruits and vegetables, which golden raisins, preserved lemon, and baby carrots. Military Trail in Boca Raton. Call 561-417- ecember M

D Owned by hotelier Mitchell Robbins and chef hold the most toxins from conventional grow- No butter, cream, gluten, or refined 5836, or visit farmerstableboca.com. Joey Giannuzzi, the Farmer’s Table has brought ing processes, are always organic. Excess salt, sugar or flour are used to produce any of conscious, affordable fare to Boca Raton. fats, antibiotics, and hormones are avoided; no the desserts, such as the brownie-fudge [email protected] 2020 browardpalmbeach.com | Contents | pulp news | n ight+Day | s tage | a rt | Film | dish m usi C

NYE PARTY IN THE RA TUESDAY • DECEMBER 31 • 7PM–CLOSE

Start 2014 off right and FOOD SPECIALS: DRINK SPECIALS: New Times Broward-palm B each

“RA”ck out in the RA $8 Bonﬁ re Shrimp $18 Lunetta Prosecco Bottle this New Year’s Eve for a $6 Crunchy Shrimp $6 Kirin/Kirin Light & Sake night to remember—or one you just might forget. Tempura Roll $6 Frozen Cocktails

$5 Tootsy Maki $5 Lunetta Prosecco Glass Enjoy festive food & drink specials while a guest DJ $4 Edamame Dip $5 Blushing Geisha

spins hot beats throughout $1 Hot Sake the night.

New Year’s Eve is more D

“RA”ckin’ NYE ecember fun in the RA. SPECIAL HOLIDAY HOURS December 24 • 11AM–7PM

FIND US. FOLLOW US. HAPPY HOUR • OPEN–CLOSE December 25 • 4PM–11PM 19-D

Bar open until midnight or later ecember 25, 2013

SOUTH MIAMI PEMBROKE PINES PALM BEACH GARDENS U.S. 1 & 73RD STREET THE SHOPS AT PEMBROKE GARDENS DOWNTOWN AT THE GARDENS 305.341.0092 954.342.5454 561.340.2112 21 | SMALL PLATES | anyway. But with the release of the bottles — and the opportunity to run home and sit ▼ Dish in your own living room sipping a 22-ounce bottle of the magic stuff — Funky Buddha is pulling out all the stops to keep you hang- ▼ BEER BEER BEER ing around. In addition to the live music and other special brews, five food trucks, FUNKY BUDDHA MAPLE including the Rolling Stove and Pescados Unidos, will help you soak up the alcohol. browardpalmbeach.com

browardpalmbeach.com BACON COFFEE PORTER Bottle sales will begin at 11 a.m. and run until 7 p.m. January 11 and will be limited to BOTTLE RELEASE two per customer; first-come, first-served. It’s one of the most popular and sought-after The original Funky Buddha Lounge is craft beers produced in Florida. It has a 99 out located at 2621 N. Federal Highway in Boca of 100 rating on beeradvocate.com and a per- Raton; call 561-368-4643. The newer Funky

ts | o N te ts fect 100 out of 100 on ratebeer.com. It com- Buddha Brewery is located at 1201 NE 38th bines the umami-like heaven that is maple St. in Oakland Park; call 954-440-0046. syrup and bacon. It’s Funky Buddha Brewery’s Visit thefunkybuddha.com. REBECCA DITTMAR Maple Bacon Coffee Porter, and it is being released in bottles for the first time this January. ▼ FLORIDA BEER The flavor profile is described by the guys at Funky Buddha as “a complex beer with LOST IN TIME AMBER ALE

ews | pulp | c | pulp N ews a multitude of flavors at work. It pours an opaque, ebony brew with a frothy tan head. FROM SWAMP HEAD y |

A Aromas of sticky maple syrup and fresh- brewed coffee creep forth from the glass. BREWERY The mouthfeel is luxuriously creamy, with Lost in Time is an easy-drinking amber layers of sweet malt and roast giving way ale from Gainesville’s Swamp Head Brew-

Night+D to waves of smoke, coffee, and dark salted ery — a ten-barrel brewhouse located near chocolate. The finish is sticky, rich, and I-75 just west of the University of Florida

ge | sweet, with flavors of maple syrup linger- campus. Though generally not distributed A

t ing pleasantly on the tongue.” Thirsty? this far south, some places manage to get a The limited run of 22-ounce bottles will keg or two, and with a new 13,300-square- be sold exclusively at Funky Buddha Brewery foot building on a five-acre site, including during an apropos festival January 11 featur- a full canning line set to be operational ing live music, food trucks, and a host of (less) next year, it won’t be long until this brew special (by comparison) release beers on tap. is available throughout South Florida. “Maple Bacon Coffee Porter was the It arrives a deep copper and red- first beer that really earned us attention dish color, with a good layer of off-white outside of our taproom,” says Funky Bud- foam that stays throughout the entire dha’s founder and head brewer, Ryan session. The beer is quite the looker. Sentz. “I remember thinking how crazy it Faint aromas of toasted bread and sweet was that this little brew pub in Boca Raton wet grain are evident, but not too much so. was being noticed nationally, and our suc- The flavor is strong with the caramel malts cess is definitely owed in part to that.” up-front; there’s a moderate mouthfeel that | MUSIC | DISH | FILM | ART | | | NEWS NIGHT+DAY STAGE | PULP | CONTENTS | film | Art | s | Art | music dish film Each time this insanely popular brew is then gives way to a more biscuity bitter- brought to the taps, it’s practically a festival ness at the end. It’s a ride that, after each drink, makes you want to go back and relive those first All the moments of beervana. makings of a It’s not overly complex, great party! nor does every interesting beer need to be, and it turns out to be an easy drinker, even as it warms a bit. This is a 5.8 percent alcohol-by-volume beer that could be an all-day drinker in the slightly cooler South Florida winters. Yes, on these

NEW TIMES BROWARD-PALM BEACH BROWARD-PALM TIMES NEW 80-degree December days. New Times Broward-palm B each New Times Broward-palm It’s not too exciting, though it begs you to keep drinking it. As a small batch, it seems mediocre, but then, Swamp Head puts out some 25, 2013 25,

XX, 2012 XX, solid core beers like Midnight Oil oatmeal coffee stout and

ONTH Big Nose IPA that can make it ecember seem underwhelming when a straightforward, but on 19-D XX–M style, amber ale comes along. Perhaps when you ONTH

M see it in the wild, you can ecember

D make your own decisions on it, before it becomes Courtesy of Funky Buddha Brewery lost in time. DOUG FAIRALL 22 22 browardpalmbeach.com | Contents | pulp news | n ight+Day | s

5 lb maine lobster twin 1 1/2 lb. $ * maine lobsters 39.95 $ * Each Sharing Charge $3.95 19.95 twin 1 1/4 lb. From 2:00 - 5:30PM maine lobsters 10 lb $ * maine lobster 14.95 * From 2:00 - 5:30PM $ After 5:30PM $18.95 79.95 birthday Valid with ad only. 1 1/2 lb lobster ny sirloin steak Free $ 95* With valid drivers license & purchase of two or more entrees from menu. 12. tage | a rt | Film | dish m usi C Not vaild with ad specials Until 5:30PM ENTREES SERVED WITH SALADS, LOBSTERS ARE PREPARED STEAMED *Must present ad when ordering for all specials. Expires 12/26/13 unless otherwise indicated.

3527 N. PINE ISLAND RD - SUNRISE - PINE ISLAND PLAZA 954-748-6080 New Times Broward-palm B each D ecember 19-D ecember 25, 2013

23 ▼ FIRST LOOK MALAKOR THAI OWNERS OPEN BANGKOK JAM Trying to find authentic Thai food in South Florida is like searching for good Chinese, Vietnamese, or Korean food. This isn’t Los Angeles; we just don’t have the people here browardpalmbeach.com

browardpalmbeach.com to make it. Your best chance of finding truly authentic fare is to make nice with a foreign family and invite yourself over for dinner. Thanks to Malakor Thai, family recipes are all you’ll get from co-owners “Noopy” Areerak and Suchart Tiachaoen. Thailand

ts | o N te ts natives, both wanted to bring the true taste of homestyle Thai cuisine to their small café that opened in Northwood Village in early 2011. Now, the two chefs have created a second location, Bangkok Jam. Open for lunch and dinner, the menu consists of recipes straight from the family cook-

ews | pulp | c | pulp N ews book, dishes one would make at home. Priced lower than Malakor, small and large plates 1515 SE 17th St. Ft. Lauderdale • 954.523.9441 y | range from $4 to A $13 and are half- EACH DISH IS priced at lunch at LOVINGLY MADE $6.95 to $8.95. Night+D FROM SCRATCH “We have a BY AREERAK’S lot of people that

ge | come here and

A SISTER, WHO

t take advantage of PREPARES our lunch prices, FRESH SAUCES ordering to-go AND STAPLES and taking it home USED DAILY. with them for dinner,” a server told New Times. “The portions are only slightly smaller, so you get a lot for what you pay.” Each dish is lovingly made from scratch thanks to Areerak’s sister, Suriya Sarjai, who prepares fresh sauces and staples used daily at Malakor — and now for Bangkok Jam. A variety of comfort foods and standard Thai specialties has been put together for film | Art | s | Art | music dish film | MUSIC | DISH | FILM | ART | | | NEWS NIGHT+DAY STAGE | PULP | CONTENTS | a menu offering everything from appetizers, soups, and salad to dinner entrées, rice and noodles, curry, and stir-fried plates. Sushi will come next, they promise, but not until the business begins to pick up. There are golden bags, a mix of chicken, shrimp, corn, and sweet potato wrapped in a spring roll rice paper skin and fried until golden brown. Plump and fragrant, they make a perfect starter. Of course, the free plate of fresh rolls is the way to go; for a limited time, dine-in patrons can get a plate while they wait, two large wraps stuffed with shrimp, fresh vegetables, and bean sprouts. It’s served with two house-made sauces: NEW TIMES BROWARD-PALM BEACH BROWARD-PALM TIMES NEW New Times Broward-palm B each New Times Broward-palm a tangy-sweet sauce with a touch of heat and crunchy peanuts, or sweet and sour. Starters abound, with five soups: a coconut with cilantro, galanga (a ginger-like plant), scallions, mushrooms, and lime juice. If you’re a lover of noodles, ask for the pad 25, 2013 25,

XX, 2012 XX, kee mao. A Chinese-influenced stir-fried noo- dle dish, it’s made with broad rice noodles,

ONTH soy sauce, fish sauce, garlic, and vegetables. ecember Malakor Thai and Sushi is located at 1232

19-D Royal Palm Beach Blvd. in Royal Palm Beach. It XX–M is open for lunch from 11:30 a.m. to 3 p.m. Mon- day to Friday and noon to 3 p.m. Saturday and ONTH M ecember Sunday and for dinner from 5 to 10 p.m. Mon-

D day to Sunday. Call 561-371-6001. NICOLE DANNA

24 24 [email protected] browardpalmbeach.com Twerk! It’s a Miley browardpalmbeach.com Cyrus XXXmas. ▼ Music We Saw Miley

ave you been naughty or nice trending on Twitter by having dry sex at the this year? MTV Video Music Awards? Well, we’re ex- And no, Miley, no one is ask- pecting to relive that lovely memory when the ing you. Because it doesn’t take pair shares the Jingle Ball stage on the blessed Santa’s omniscience to know evening of December 20. Maybe they’ll get Hyou’ve been a very bad girl. This year, we’ve toasty on jacked-up eggnog. And maybe seen your flat booty more times than we’ve they’ll let the crowd in on a little mistletoe seen our mother’s face. So you’re getting a sexy moment. Nah, who are we kidding? It’ll be stocking full of black coal. Of course, you must more about the camel have some kind of machine that turns coal toe than anything else. into diamonds. That’s what the whole bad- WE’LL ALL Miley might smoke bitch shtick is about, right? Getting money? BE JINGLE- Xmas trees. Yes, Courtesy of RCA Records Now, just in time for the holidays, Ms. BALLIN’ WHEN Hannah Montana Cyrus is comin’ to dance for that cash as head- MILEY CYRUS was a girl of many ridiculousness isn’t just some flight of playing with it for a special Love Magazine hol- liner of this year’s Jingle Ball pop spectacular. secrets. But Miley Yuletide fancy. It actually happened. For iday promo. We’re not really sure what this has tage | a rt | Film D ish | Music And judging from the tour’s kickoff in New BACKS IT UP Cyrus doesn’t keep the Jingle Ball tour, Miley is employing at to do with the story of Jesus’ birth or awesome York, we think this will be one unholy night. INTO JOLLY anything from the least one small person to prance onstage in holiday fun times, but it is kind of rad to watch Miley might twerk on Santa. That’s exactly SAINT NICK! public. Did you an elf costume, complete with Madonna- her stick her tongue out and wave her Sharpie- what she did in New York, anyway. To open hear about how she esque cone boobs, which we’re sure is a scrawled peen at an arena full of impression- her set, America’s favorite Disney girl gone stormed the stage to accept an MTV Eu- hella fulfilling acting job. If the elf is sweet able tweens. Oh, Miley, what will you do next? bad “shocked” the crowd by taking the stage ropean Music Award? She just lit up a fat enough, Miley might give those tatas a with her butt cheeks flyin’ free in a devilish joint in front of everyone. That’s dank. And squeeze like she did during the New York [email protected] Santa-inspired string bikini. And she didn’t she’s always burning through the green show. But we have to wonder: Do you think waste no time neither, and got backin’ that with her new rapper buddies Wiz Khalifa, Miley pays the elves extra for letting her Jingle Ball 2013 With Miley Cyrus, Robin Thicke, Austin ass up all over the jolly ol’ soul. Childhood Juicy J, and Mike Will Made It. We’re hop- touch their naughty bits? Let’s hope so. Mahone, Ariana Grande, Demi Lovato, Armin memories were tainted forever when Saint ing she sparks up a few tannenbaums, Miley might whip out her penis. Look, noth- van Buuren, Enrique Iglesias, Fall Out Boy, Flo Nick’s round belly shook like a bowlful of and we definitely hope she’s thoughtful ing is too crazy for this ratchet-ass trick. Rida, Avril Lavigne, Jason Derulo, and Fifth Harmony. 7:30 p.m. Friday, December 20, at jelly. Shame is for the weak. Ho, ho, ho. enough to share. Gotta make it through Clearly, Miley has a big pair of balls, but did BB&T Center, 1 Panther Parkway, Sunrise; 954- Miley might hump Robin Thicke. Remember this not-so-silent night somehow, right? you know she’s got a drawn-on schlong to go 835-7000; thebbtcenter.com. Tickets cost $56 to when Miley and Mr. Thicke got themselves Miley might grope an elf. Again, this with ’em? Seriously, she took it out and started $292 plus fees via ticketmaster.com. All ages. New Times Broward-palm B each NEW TIMES BROWARD-PALM BEACH

mas lovers. Girls who want to be objectified in lengthy lineup of acts. Bring a gift worth less than burning, achy breaky heart), Cowboys is holding Hot Holidays their most lewd, bell-adorned ensembles get in $10, and wear your grandmama’s clothes, ’cause a Christmas afterparty of sorts. After you’ve Five best holiday parties of free, and the first 30 of them get a toy from there’s going to be cookies around midnight. pounded the crap out of Jack Daniel’s at home, Santa at midnight. Maybe a Rudolph the Red- 3. The 27th Annual Matzoball you can stumble over to do a not-so-straight-line 2013. BY LIZ TRACY Nosed Vibrator? Not funny, we know. 9 p.m. Tuesday, December 24, at Pangaea-Gry- dance at this Davie hot spot. Who knows, maybe t’s December, and we’re still shvitzing in Gals have to do their darnedest to look hot as phon Nightclub, 1 Seminole Way, Hollywood. Tick- Ke$ha and Pitbull’ll be back revisiting the site of South Florida. Though winter seems to have an elf or snow bunny or just in holiday lingerie ets cost $30. Call 954-581-5454, or visit matzoball. their “Timber” video? gotten lost on its way to this peninsula, the (guess there’s a market for that?). How about a org. Also 9 p.m., Tuesday, December 24, at Il Bacio, 5. Trapeze Iholidays have booked their flights, packed their sensual Abominable Snowman for those who 29 SE Second Ave., Delray Beach. Tickets cost $30. 8 p.m. to 3 a.m., parties from December 19 to bathing suits, and are coming to stress you the like a challenge? The lineup is stacked, like the Call 561-865-7785, or visit matzoball.org. 25 at Trapeze, 5213 N State Road 7, Fort Lauder- hell out. Everyone needs a break from his or her guests, and happy hour from 8 to 10 will get you Finally found someone on JDate who’s dale. Prices vary, but couples are $40 to $70, sin- kinfolk during these mostly hateful, sort-of-lov- very toasty without a fire. agreed to chill with ya? Don’t know how to actu- gle women are $15, and single men are $45 to ing, lots-of-drinking times. 2. Secret Santa Show and Ugly Holiday ally get them to meet up? Skip the corny Chi- $75. Call 954-730-8121, or visit trapezeclub.com.

It’s a good thing, then, that this year, there are Sweater Contest nese-food-on-Christmas-Eve bit and go dance. Trapeze proves there is no better way to al- D M plenty of rocking and sexy ways to celebrate With Atlantic, Minowi, Jeremy Hass, Lautlos, and This year’s 27th-annual Matzoball is taking place leviate your holiday grief than by boning. Al- ecember ONTH Christmas and just plain old horniness. What fol- many more. 5:30 p.m. Sunday, December 22, at the at two local spots, Pangaea-Gryphon in Holly- most all week, this swingers spot is hosting

lows are the five finest holiday blowouts Broward Talent Farm, 20911 Johnson St., Suite 111, Pembroke wood and Il Bacio in Delray. Even if your new in- nights with awesome names. Feel Us Navidad XX–M and Palm Beach counties have to offer in 2013. Pines. Tickets cost $5 if you bring a gift, $10 other- ternet pal is a snooze, chances are you’ll snag Latin Night on December 19 promises some 19-D 1. XXXmas Lingerie Party wise. Call 954-438-3488, or visit thetalentfarm.com. another hot young thang at this dance party of caliente moves to the salsa and stuff of DJ Al. ecember ONTH With Hard Richards, Speaking Volumes, Scar There is no modern Christmas without an ugly- whom Bubbe will approve. On Friday the 20th, there’s Yahoo’s Naughty

of the Tropics, and Makeway. 8 p.m. Saturday, De- sweater party, people. This is the enduring holiday 4. Cowboys’ Christmas Night Party List; Kasidie’s Sexy Snowbunnies party is on XX, 2008

cember 21, at Propaganda, 6 S. J St., Lake Worth. tradition of our age. Instead of sending your 6 p.m. Wednesday, December 25, at Cowboys, Saturday, Swingle All the Way is on Sunday, 25, 2013 Entrance is $7. Show is for those 18 and older. Call teacher-mom’s apple-shaped Christmas-tree 1805 S. University Drive, Davie. No cover before 11 and finally, Kinky Khristmas goes down on the 561-547-7273, or visit facebook.com/Propagan- jumper to Kenya, you can just wear it ironically and p.m., $20 premium open bar from 8 to 11 p.m. Call day itself. With Trapeze, you will be granted a daLakeWorth. possibly win a contest by looking less than cute. 954-476-0063, or visit cowboys-saloon.com. horny holiday. For eight long years, Eurotique has presented This weekend, the Talent Farm is hosting both a For those a little more country than kibbutz this annual holiday party for the horniest Christ- Secret Santa and Ugly Sweater Contest with a (or those who went on kibbutz but also have a [email protected] 2525 | MUSIC PREVIEWS | Pines bastion of hardcore, the Talent Farm. Exhumed and are so mentally taxed by the end of each Included on the bill are Super Mutant, our WITH CYST, THE GLORIOUS DEATH, AND BLOWTORCH day that you’re now drinking away any trace favorite young grind-core manglers, and ▼ Music SODOMY. 6:30 P.M. SUNDAY, DECEMBER 22, AT of feelings. No matter what, it’s safe to say Losin’ It’s brother band, Featherweight, CULTURE ROOM, 3045 N. FEDERAL HIGHWAY, FORT you’ve been busy. So we can totally under- which shares members and has a sound LAUDERDALE. TICKETS COST $10 PLUS FEES. CALL stand if you might have missed any of the re- reminiscent of Jawbreaker. We expect the Losin’ It 954-564-1074, OR VISIT CULTUREROOM.NET. cent topnotch death metal gigs that have hit “THE FINAL MOSH,” WITH COLD HEARTED, INCREASE, mosh to be hectic and the fashions of the he holiday season gets a little hectic Broward in the past few weeks. There was SUPER MUTANT, FEATHERWEIGHT, AND OTHERS. 6 P.M. early ’90s to run rampant, so it would be for everyone. Maybe you’ve got peo- Morbid Angel and Cannibal Corpse — SATURDAY, DECEMBER 21, AT THE TALENT FARM, 20911 best to start shopping now for that perfectly ple visiting or you’re traveling to see which’ll definitely be back around in no time distressed flannel shirt. We look forward browardpalmbeach.com

browardpalmbeach.com JOHNSON ST., PEMBROKE PINES. ENTRANCE IS $10. Tfamily and friends. Perhaps you’re utterly (we think Corpse Grinder has a summer CALL 954-438-3488, OR VISIT THETALENTFARM.COM. to seeing all of these bands again in two alone in this world and have to spend time home in the Keys or something). But you’re Every graduating class of South Florida’s years at the first of what we assume will be lamenting your absolute and unending lone- still in luck, because Exhumed is coming to hardcore-punk community has provided many Losin’ It reunion gigs. DAVID VON BADER someness. Or it’s possible you work in retail town. The timing couldn’t be better. You’ve at least a band or two that all got plenty of holiday rage to manages to break into the exorcise in the churning maw It’s time for your body to consciousness of the national that is an Exhumed show. For be Exhumed. hardcore scene. Broward- those of you who might have based hardcore group Losin’ lost track of the band, the gore- It was one such act. It has obsessed death-mongers re- flown South Florida’s flag on a cently released what many are national scale in recent years, calling their strongest record touring and finding a home since the early days in Necro- in the hearts of hardcore kids cracy. It’s even garnered com- with a taste for the cyclically parisons to Carcass’ seminal returning youth-crew sound Heartwork. For those of you that refuses to go away for who have yet to take in an Ex- too long. However, longevity humed show, expect chainsaws, in the turbulent world of blistering riffs, and projectile punk rock and hardcore is vomit courtesy of reinstated NIGHT+DAY | NEWS | PULP | CONTENTS | | PULP CONTENTS | NEWS NIGHT+DAY a fleeting thing, and Losin’ member Bud Burke’s ability to It has decided to call it quits puke on command. The show is with what has been billed as rounded out entirely by locals, “The Final Mosh.” The show including the neck-wrecking is stacked with (count ’em) thrash of Cyst, the Glorious nine bands that will come Death, and Blowtorch Sodomy. together to see Losin’ It off DAVID VON BADER in style at the band’s home base, the secluded Pembroke Valerie Littlejohn [email protected] | MUSIC | DISH | FILM | ART | | | NEWS NIGHT+DAY STAGE | PULP | CONTENTS | DISH | FILM | ART | STAGE | | STAGE | MUSIC DISH FILM ART

12.18 Sumilan 12.20 moSka Project 12.21 crazy FingerS

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27 | CONCERTS & CLUBS | Your Live Music FREE BUFFET WEDNESDAY, DEC. 25 OPEN ON FRIDAYS!! Graham Wood Drout: 7 p.m., Free. The Big Easy, 1925 Hollywood DAILY Destination During Happy Hour 4-8pm ▼ Music Blvd., Hollywood, 954-924-3006, thebigeasybarandgrille.com. $2.50 Wells & Doms TIL 4AM for 28 Years! $3 Appetizers Club and concert listings are free and rotate in print. Find EARLY WARNINGS more at BrowardPalmBeach.com/music. To list your act, MONDAYS 9pm-1am TUESDAYS 9pm-4am WEDNESDAYS 9pm-2am email [email protected]. Call club listings Eric Biddines: Fri., Dec. 27, 9 p.m., $10. Arts Garage, 180 NE 1st St., SUNDAYS 10pm-2am editor Laurie Charles at 305-571-7549. Delray Beach, 561-450-6357, artsgarage.org. ACOUSTIC OPEN PRO JAM JP Soars & the Red Hots: Fri., Dec. 27, 9 p.m., $10. Bamboo Room, browardpalmbeach.com COLLEGE NIGHT ANDY MENDEZ & Friends •

browardpalmbeach.com • w/ 25 S. J St., Lake Worth, 561-585-2583, bambooroomblues.com. ALDO & MARC OPEN MIC NIGHT DJ SCOOBZ • $2 SHOTS Bands Welcome to schedule showcases in advance! CONCERTS FOR THE WEEK Life In Color: With Calvin Harris, 2 Chainz, Chuckie, Head Hunterz, Unplugged Jam with Friends DEC. 23RD HOSTS LADIES Drink FREE 8-12am LADIES Drink FREE 8-12am Excision, R3hab, Steve Aoki, Major Lazer, Dirthy Phonics, David Buckets 5-4-$12 Dom, 5-4-$15 Imp THURSDAY, DEC. 19 Solano, Brass Knuckles, Etc!Etc!, Heroes & Villains, and Xkore, Fri., $4 Jäger • $10 PBR Buckets SAMI & CLIFF Buckets 5-4-$12 Dom, 5-4-$15 Imp Dec. 27, 2 p.m., $54.99-$199. Sun Life Stadium, 2269 NW 199th St., Ben Prestage: 9 p.m., $7-$10. Bamboo Room, 25 S. J St., Lake Worth, Miami Gardens, 305-623-6100, sunlifestadium.com. THURSDAYS 9pm -1:30am 561-585-2583, bambooroomblues.com. The Supervillains: Fri., Dec. 27, 8 p.m., $12. Culture Room, 3045 N. SAT DEC 21ST• 10pm-4am Curren$y: With DJs Smokey Bear, Willie Bigz, and DK, 8 p.m., $30- Federal Highway, Fort Lauderdale, 954-564-1074, cultureroom.net. FRI DEC 20TH• 10pm-4am $100. Grand Central, 697 N. Miami Ave., Miami, 305-377-2277, UZ: With Figure, Mike Deuce, $uper Geniu$, Disidente, and Miami Beat KARAOKE grandcentralmiami.com. Wave, Fri., Dec. 27, 11 p.m., $20-$25. Grand Central, 697 N. Miami WITH RUFUS Ave., Miami, 305-377-2277, grandcentralmiami.com. LADIES Drink FREE 8-12am FRIDAY, DEC. 20 David Guetta: With Mednas, Sat., Dec. 28, 11 p.m., $90-$175. LIV, RAINE ZERO TO SIXTY 4441 Collins Ave., Miami Beach, 305-674-4680, livnightclub.com. Buckets 5-4-$12 Dom, 5-4-$15 Imp Albert Castiglia: With the Rockin’ Jake Band, 9:30 p.m., $15-$25. The Long Run: Tribute to the Eagles, Sat., Dec. 28, 9 p.m., $12/$15. Cypress Creek Rd. to Pinecrest Sq. Ctr. @ Dixie Hwy., Fort Lauderdale The Funky Biscuit, 303 SE Mizner Blvd., Boca Raton, 561-395-2929, Bamboo Room, 25 S. J St., Lake Worth, 561-585-2583, bam- funkybiscuit.com. booroomblues.com. 941 E. Cypress Creek Rd. • 954.771.6337 Benny Benassi: 11 p.m., $40-$75. LIV, 4441 Collins Ave., Miami Beach, Miami Saxophone Quartet: Sat., Dec. 28, 8 p.m., $25-$35/$30- 305-674-4680, livnightclub.com. $40. Arts Garage, 180 NE 1st St., Delray Beach, 561-450-6357,

ts | N te ts | pulp Co y | N ews www.CheersRockBar.com • www.Facebook.com/CheersRestaurantAndBar Dr. Lonnie Smith: 8 p.m., $25-$35. Arts artsgarage.org. Garage, 180 NE 1st St., Delray Beach, GET OUR FREE APP Victor Calderone: Sat., Dec. 28, 11 p.m., 561-450-6357, artsgarage.org. SCAN THIS CODE WITH YOUR $20. Gryphon, 5707 Seminole Way, Heaven and Nature Sing: Holiday iPHONE OR ANDROID Hollywood, 954-581-5454, gryphon- concert with the Gay Men’s Chorus of FOR MORE CONCERTS club.com.

Night+ dA South Florida, 8 p.m., $35. Sunshine OR VISIT: browardpalmbeach.com ZZ Top: Sat., Dec. 28, 8 p.m., $45-$80. Cathedral, 1840 SW 9th St., Fort Hard Rock Live, 1 Seminole Way, Hol- Lauderdale, 954-462-2004. lywood, 954-797-5531, hardrocklivehollywoodfl.com. ge |

A Hed PE: 8 p.m., $15. Culture Room, 3045 N. Federal Highway, Fort Alex Metric: With Destructo, Sun., Dec. 29, 11 p.m., $15-$20. Grand

t Lauderdale, 954-564-1074, cultureroom.net. Central, 697 N. Miami Ave., Miami, 305-377-2277, grandcentral- Holiday Cheers: Jazz on the Palm: With Jeff Taylor and friends and miami.com. Vincent Mutarelli, 7:30 p.m., Free. Centennial Square, 340 Clematis The Bluefire Band: Sun., Dec. 29, 9:30 p.m., $15-$25. The Funky Biscuit, St., West Palm Beach, 561-659-8007. 303 SE Mizner Blvd., Boca Raton, 561-395-2929, funkybiscuit.com. Jazz on the Palm: 8 p.m., Free. Waterfront Pavilion, Flagler Boulevard Zach Deputy: Sun., Dec. 29, 8 p.m., $12. Culture Room, 3045 N. and Clematis Street, West Palm Beach. Federal Highway, Fort Lauderdale, 954-564-1074, cultureroom.net. Y100 Jingle Ball: With Miley Cyrus, Robin Thicke, Austin Mahone, Pitbull: Tue., Dec. 31, 9 p.m., $40-$175. American Airlines Arena, 601 Ariana Grande, Demi Lovato, Armin Van Buuren, Enrique Iglesias, Biscayne Blvd., Miami, 305-960-8500, aaarena.com. Fall Out Boy, Flo Rida, Avril Lavigne, Jason Derulo, and Fifth Sister Hermana: With Jacques Henry Morice, Wilkenson Theodor, Ma- Harmony, 7 p.m., $56-$266. BB&T Center, 1 Panther Parkway, riachi Voices of America, Stephen Reeves, Jayden Bramelus, Uslande Sunrise, 954-835-8000, thebbtcenter.com. Auguste, Micherna Emile, Jessica Emile, Manoura Emile, Troupe Eclaire, and others., Wed., Jan. 1, 7 p.m., $30. Parker Playhouse, 707 SATURDAY, DEC. 21 NE Eighth St., Fort Lauderdale, 954-761-5374, parkerplayhouse.com. Jay Z: Magna Carter World Tour, Thu., Jan. 2, 8 p.m., $28.75 -$146.25. Asylum: With Deco, Revenant, and Firstaidkit, 10 p.m., $15/$25. Unity BB&T Center, 1 Panther Parkway, Sunrise, 954-835-8000, the- 88, 4028 NE 6th Ave., Oakland Park, 561-203-0886. bbtcenter.com. dish | film | Art | s | music dish film Art | MUSIC | DISH | FILM | ART | | | NEWS NIGHT+DAY STAGE | PULP | CONTENTS | Dawn Patrol: Christmas party, 9 p.m., Free. Bamboo Room, 25 S. J St., Pre-Jam Cruise Show: With the Jam Cruise All Stars featuring George Lake Worth, 561-585-2583, bambooroomblues.com. Porter Jr, Eric Krazno, Nigel Hall, Adam Deitch, Bill Evans, Billy Iuso, and Dr. Lonnie Smith: 8 p.m., $25-$35. Arts Garage, 180 NE 1st St., Delray the Bonerama Horns, Thu., Jan. 2, 9 p.m., $25-$40. The Funky Biscuit, Beach, 561-450-6357, artsgarage.org. 303 SE Mizner Blvd., Boca Raton, 561-395-2929, funkybiscuit.com. Heaven and Nature Sing: Holiday concert with the Gay Men’s Chorus Joel DaSilva & the Midnight Howl: Fri., Jan. 3, 9:30 p.m., $10-$20. of South Florida, 8 p.m., $35. Sunshine Cathedral, 1840 SW 9th The Funky Biscuit, 303 SE Mizner Blvd., Boca Raton, 561-395-2929, St., Fort Lauderdale, 954-462-2004. funkybiscuit.com. The Heavy Pets: With the Funky Nuggets and DJ Scotty, 8 p.m., Nearly Nicks: Stevie Nicks tribute band, Fri., Jan. 3, 8 p.m., $28.50- $12. Culture Room, 3045 N. Federal Highway, Fort Lauderdale, $38.50. The Fillmore Miami Beach, 1700 Washington Ave., Miami 954-564-1074, cultureroom.net. Beach, 305-673-7300, fillmoremb.com. XXXMas Lingerie Party: With the Hard Richards, Speaking Volumes, The Darling Sweets: With Gravel Kings, Killbillies, and the Muggles, Scar of the Tropics, and Makeway. Ladies who dress up in their Sat., Jan. 4, 8 p.m., $5. Propaganda, 6 S. J St., Lake Worth, 561- sexiest Santa, naughty elves, snow bunny or holiday lingerie 547-7273, propagandalw.com. get in free and get a naughty new toy from Santa’s sack at Rose Max: With Ramatis, Sat., Jan. 4, 8 p.m., $25-$35. Arts Garage, midnight. Yes Santa will be making an appearance. Guys, don’t 180 NE 1st St., Delray Beach, 561-450-6357, artsgarage.org. be lame, help the girls get in the holiday spirit and dress up too, Victor Wainwright & the Wild Roots: With Wayne Sharp & the Sharp 8 p.m., $7. Propaganda, 6 S. J St., Lake Worth, 561-547-7273, Shooter Band, Sat., Jan. 4, 9:30 p.m., $20-$30. The Funky Biscuit, propagandalw.com. 303 SE Mizner Blvd., Boca Raton, 561-395-2929, funkybiscuit.com. Duo Amal: With Bishara Haroni and Yaron Kohlberg on the piano, Sun., NEW TIMES BROWARD-PALM BEACH BROWARD-PALM TIMES NEW New Times Broward-palm B each New Times Broward-palm SUNDAY, DEC. 22 Jan. 5, 2 p.m., $25-$60. Kravis Center for the Performing Arts, 701 Okeechobee Blvd., West Palm Beach, 561-832-7469, kravis.org. Christmas Concert and Carol Sing: The Pink Church Choir and soloists Billy Joel: Tue., Jan. 7, 8 p.m., $39.50-$119.50. BB&T Center, 1 Panther perform Bach’s Christmas Cantata #142 “Unto Us a Son Is Given” Parkway, Sunrise, 954-835-8000, thebbtcenter.com. with organist Mark Jones and the Lynn Conservatory Chamber Tony DeSare Quartet: Wed., Jan. 8, 7:45 p.m., $40. Broward Center Orchestra with guest conductor Dr. Jon Robertson, 4 p.m., $5- for the Performing Arts, 201 SW 5th Ave., Fort Lauderdale, 954-

25, 2013 25, $10. First Presbyterian Church, 2331 NE 46th Ave., Coconut Creek, 462-0222, browardcenter.org.

XX, 2012 XX, 954-941-2308, pinkpres.org. Les Claypool: Jam Cruise 12 Official Post Show Party, Thu., Jan. 9, Exhumed: 6:30 p.m., $10. Culture Room, 3045 N. Federal Highway, 7:30 p.m., $22. Revolution Live, 100 SW 3rd Ave., Fort Lauderdale,

ONTH Fort Lauderdale, 954-564-1074, cultureroom.net. 954-449-1025, jointherevolution.net. ecember Blackberry Smoke: Fri., Jan. 10, 7 p.m., $17.50. Revolution Live, 100 MONDAY, DEC. 23 SW 3rd Ave., Fort Lauderdale, 954-449-1025, jointherevolution.net. 19-D

XX–M Havana Vibes 2014: With Alexis Bosch, the Cuban Jazz Project, Panic Disorder: 8 p.m., Free. Murphy’s Law Irish Pub, 1 Seminole Way, Orlando Sanchez, Roberto Garcia, Yissy Garcia, Nestor del Prado, Fort Lauderdale, 954-791-4782, themurphyslaw.com. and Alfredo Chacon, Fri., Jan. 10, 8 p.m., $25-$35. Palm Beach ONTH Community College Eissey Campus, 3160 PGA Blvd., Palm Beach M ecember

D TUESDAY, DEC. 24 Gardens, 561-207-5015, palmbeachstate.edu. Post Jam Cruise Show: With the Revivalists, Monophonics, and oth- George Caldwell: 7 p.m., Free. The Big Easy, 1925 Hollywood Blvd., ers, Fri., Jan. 10, 9 p.m., $25-$40. The Funky Biscuit, 303 SE Mizner 28 28 Hollywood, 954-924-3006, thebigeasybarandgrille.com. Blvd., Boca Raton, 561-395-2929, funkybiscuit.com. BTBro NTimes 12-18-13:Layout 1 12/10/13 10:04 PM Page 1

| CONCERTS & CLUBS | browardpalmbeach.com

▼ Music

CLUB PICKS

HOLIDAY Dada Restaurant & Lounge: 52 N. Swinton Ave., Delray Beach, 561-330-3232, dada.closermagazine.com/index.html. Glamour Goddesses ‘Tis the Season to be Naughty, with burlesque dancers, | Contents | pulp news | n ight+Day | s vaudeville acts, comedy styling, and more, Fri., Dec. 20, 10 p.m. The Dive Bar: 3233 N. Ocean Blvd., Fort Lauderdale, 954-565-9264. Grinchmas Party, with music by Teri Catlin, the Goodnicks, Grinch cocktail specials, an authentic Whoville menu, prizes, an ugly sweater/shirt Christmas party, and free jello shots, Sat., Dec. 21. The Dubliner: 210 SW 2nd St., Fort Lauderdale, 954-523-1213, dublinerfortlauderdale.com. X-Mas Eve Party, Best Santa and elf costume contest, mistletoe contest, music by DJs Tonx and Kaos, and free drinks for the ladies from 10 p.m.-midnight, Tue., Dec. 24, 10 p.m., Free. Fat Village Arts District: NW 5th St., Fort Lauderdale. Christmas Eve in the City: A Service of Lessons & Carols, Tue., Dec. 24, 5:30 p.m., free. Gryphon: 5707 Seminole Way, Hollywood, 954-581-5454, gryphon- club.com. MatzoBall, Annual Jewish singles event, Tue., Dec. 24, 9 p.m., $30, matzoball.org/. Il Bacio: 29 SE Second Ave., Delray Beach, 561-865-7785, ilbacioofdel- ray.com/index.html. MatzoBall, Annual Jewish singles event, Tue., Dec. 24, 9 p.m., $30, matzoball.org/. Pangaea: 5711 Seminole Way, Hollywood, 954-581-5454, pangaea- lounge.com. MatzoBall, Annual Jewish singles event, Tue., Dec. 24, 9 p.m., $30, matzoball.org/. tage | a rt | Film D ish | Music JAZZ 33rd Street Wine Bar: 3337 NE 33rd St., Fort Lauderdale, 954-566- 2111, 33rdstreetwinebar.com. All That Jazz, Fridays, 9 p.m., free. American Rock Bar & Grill: 1600 E. Hillsboro Blvd., Deerfield Beach, 954-428-4539, americanrockbar.com. Top Hat Tuesdays, Tuesdays, 8-11 p.m., Free. 2840 Hammondville Road • www.MyBoobyTrap.com The Historic Downtowner: 10 S. New River Drive E., Fort Lauder- dale, 954-463-9800, downtownersaloon.com. Wesley Phillips, Pompano • 954-973-6888 Fridays, 5 p.m., Free. Funky Buddha Lounge: 2621 N. Federal Highway, Boca Raton, 561- 368-4643, thefunkybuddha.com. Homemade Jam, Mondays, 9 p.m., Free. dvd’s • love toys • lingerie • shoes Megabite Cybercafe: 1910 Hollywood Blvd., Hollywood, 954-237- 2888. Jazz Fusion, Saturdays, 9:30 p.m., Free. vapors • enhancement pills Sangrias: 221 S. Fort Lauderdale Beach Blvd. *address is wrong for GPS users*, Fort Lauderdale, 954-728-9804, itsbetteronthebeach. com/sangrias/. Live Latin Jazz music, with Danny Garcia and Carlos Javier, Daily, 6:30 p.m., Free. Spazio Fine Italian Cuisine: 239 S. Fort Lauderdale Beach Blvd., Fort Lauderdale, 954-764-8191, itsbetteronthebeach.com/spazio/. New Times Broward-palm B each Flamenco Jazz with Rapael & Ligia, Mondays, Wednesdays-Fridays, Sundays, 7-11 p.m., Free. Jazz Guitar & Saxophone, with Michael Sorry! Kennedy, Tuesdays, Sundays, 7-10 p.m., Free.

KARAOKE We Apologize for our Biergarten Boca Raton: 309 Via De Palmas #90, Boca Raton, 561- 395-7462, biergartenboca.com. Live Band Karaoke, Wednesdays, continuing contribution 9 p.m., Free. Bill’s Filling Station: 2209 Wilton Drive, Fort Lauderdale, 954-567- 5978, billsfillingstation.com. Karaoke, Thursdays, 9 p.m., Free. to the Global Warming Buzz’s Bar: 8931 W. Oakland Park Blvd., Sunrise, 954-749-1337. Karaoke & DJ Dance Party, Saturdays, 10 p.m., Free. Da Big Kahuna Restaurant & Tiki Lounge: 17 S. Fort Lauderdale Beach Problem Blvd., Fort Lauderdale, 954-530-4867, dabigkahuna.net. Karaoke, Wednesdays, 9 p.m.; Sundays, 9 p.m.; Mondays, 9 p.m., Free. Diamond Strike Lanes: 2200 N. Federal Highway, Pompano Beach, 954-941-0968, diamondstrikelanes.com. Karaoke Night, Wednesdays, 8 p.m., Free. D

The Dive Bar: 3233 N. Ocean Blvd., Fort Lauderdale, 954-565-9264. ecember Karaoke, with drink specials and free jello shots, Sundays, 9 p.m., Free. Karaoke, with drink specials and free jello shots, Mondays, 9 p.m., Free. The Dubliner: 210 SW 2nd St., Fort Lauderdale, 954-523-1213, 19-D dublinerfortlauderdale.com. Karaoke Night, Mondays, 8 p.m., Free.

E.R. Bradley’s Saloon: 104 Clematis St., West Palm Beach, 561-833- ecember 3520, erbradleys.com. Karoke/American Idol Night, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, 8 p.m., Free. Fishtales Bar & Grill: 3355 NE 33rd St., Fort Lauderdale, 954-689- 2 locations • open 7 days a Week • 9am-2am 2344, fishtaleson33rd.com. Karaoke Night, Mondays, Free. 25, 2013 Jacaranda Italian Family Restaurant & Pizzeria: 8283 W. Broward Pompano Beach • 4500 Powerline Rd. • 954.969.9616 (Just north of Sample Rd.) Blvd., Plantation, 954-472-4163. Karaoke, Wednesdays, 4-7 & 11 North Palm Beach • 501 Northlake Blvd. • 561.863.9997 (One block west of US1) p.m.-1 a.m., Free. Jade Masters Gallery: 3519 NW 10th Ave., Oakland Park, 954-505- 0785, artistjademasters.com. Tranzjam: Open Mic & Live Karaoke, with the Backstring Boiz, Fridays, 6 p.m., Free. everything your mother warned you about all at one place. 29 WARNING HOT GUYS! Ft. Lauderdale 954.761.7070

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