HONI SOIT

SUSF President pays how much in rent!? 4 Julie Janson’s Writing and Aboriginality 10 First Gen University Students Speak 14-15 Honi reviews the 2004 Mazda 2 16 Acknowledgement

The editors ofHoni Soit and the SRC acknowledge the traditional owners of this land, the Gadigal people of the Eora nation. Honi Soit is written, printed, and distributed on Aboriginal land. If you are reading this, you are standing on Aboriginal land. Please recognise and respect this.

We acknowledge both our privilege and our obligation to redress the situation as best we can: to remember the mistakes of the past, act on the problems of today, and build a future for everyone who calls this place home, striving always for practical and meaningful reconciliation.

Contents Editorial

4-5: News & Analysis 12-13: Culture hy bother to say we believe paper escape hatch. You can join us Alexi Polden on SUSF’s cosy Mary Ward reviews Kim in the fair go? What kind in our escapist cult of apathy—from cottage deal K’s Selfish ofW country finds itself largely agreed a review of the 2004 Mazda 2, to a Bianca Famarkis on Botox in Anna Edgerton on Cinema that it’s fine to lock up people fleeing spray on why Coles is different when Sydney Politica persecution because it’s too hard to you’re rich. Benjamin Clarke reviews think of what else to do with them— 6: In Too Deep: Blast Off comedy and when that doesn’t work decides If you’d rather flagellate with a little Cassandra Chakouch and Sameen Andy Zephr reviews SUDS’ to bring out the guns and turn the outrage we’ve got that too. We have a Zoha Alam on empowerment in Midsummer boats around. I’m sympathetic to the feature on the difficulty of being the India argument that we don’t want scores first person in your family to go to uni, Andrew Bell takes issue with 14-15: Feature of people dying at sea, but is forcing and a story on how SUSF President competitive culture Alex Downie and Rebecca people into sub-human conditions gets away with living on campus for a Wong on the difficulties of being really the best we can do? few hundred bucks a week. 7: Flotsam a first generation USyd student Charlie O’Grady looks at And every time we hear that Obviously we have more stories in trans experience and theatre 16-18: Flotsam something else has gone wrong, from here too, have a look to your left and Alexandros Tsathas reviews the sexual assault in our little gulags to challenge youself a little. 8-9: Perspecrtive 2004 Mazda ships full of desperate people circling Melissa Chow on Indigenous Sam Langford and Max Hall and turned away from states as Oh, and fuck the ALP (and the health and Adam Goodes on the USyd website redesign unfriendly as our own, we talk about it Liberal party, and the Nationals, and Andy Mason shines a light Naaman Zhou doesn’t like a little, but the story never lasts. Reclaim Australia, and the Troika, and on Indigenous success American bank notes Bush I, II, & III, etc.). Xioran Shi won’t vocal fry April Holcombe and Kim For the times that Masterchef or Alexi Polden Max Hall compares Coles Murphy take on USyd’s Supercars or Bronwyn Bishop (R.I.P.) Strategic Plan aren’t enough of a distraction for the 10-11: Profile morbidly mundane, Honi can be your Phoebe Moloney profiles 25-27: The Garter Indigenous writer Julie Janson

Credits

Editor-in-Chief: Alexi Polden

Editors: Tim Asimakis, Joanna Connolly, Alex Downie, Dominic Ellis, Sophie Gallagher, Samantha Jonscher, Patrick Morrow, Peter Walsh, Rebecca Wong.

Contributors: Sameen Zoha Alam, Andrew Bell, Cassandra Chakouch, Melissa Chow, Benjamin Clarke, Anna Edgerton, Bianca Famarkis, Max Hall, April Holcombe, Sam Langford, Phoebe Moloney, Andy Mason, Kim Murphy, Charlie O’Grady, Alexandros Tsathas, Xioran Shi, Mary Ward, Andy Zephr, Naaman Zhou.

Artists/Illustrators: Maria Gabi, Aimy Nguyen, Harry Welsh.

Cover art: Vice Chancellor Michael Spencer makes a newspaper appraisal

Puzzles: Zplig Proofreader: Lachlan Deacon

Disclaimer: Honi Soit is published by the Students’ Representative Council, University of Sydney, Level 1 Wentworth Building, City Road, University of Sydney NSW 2006. The SRC’s operation costs, space and administrative support are financed by the University of Sydney. Honi Soit is printed under the auspices of the SRC’s directors of student publications: Christopher Warren, Serena May, James Rusiti, Ilya Klauzner, Charlie O’Grady, and Alison Xiao. All expressions are published on the basis that they are not to be regarded as the opinions of the SRC unless specifically stated. The Council accepts no responsibility for the accuracy of any of the opinions or information contained within this newspaper, nor does it endorse any of the advertisements and insertions. letters Thoughts, Feelings and Notices

including limiting apathy from voters Black Out Poetry I Love the Sound and for campaigner welfare as well. No other campus in Australia has such a long Black out poetry is made by selectively articles re-imagined by Lauren Pearce. of Breaking Glass and arduous campaign period, and the erasing words in articles to make new If you have more, send to the us at (relatively) small number of votes simply articles. Here is one of last week’s Honi [email protected] Dear Honi, do not justify the current regulations.

Despite the new semester bringing a My problem isn’t so much with Walsh, campus basked aglow in bright orange— however. He, and many others concerned from sydney.edu.au to the posters on by the electoral process, would have been the back of toilet cubicles asking if my able to listen to these arguments and mid-morning shit has brought any new contribute to the changes if they were insights to the concept of a four-year actually discussed at an SRC Meeting. Liberal Studies degree—something is Of course, meetings in June and July rotten in the state of Sydney Uni. This were called inquorate because most August marks six months since the iron councillors—particularly from the various barricades were set up below the gem in Labor factions—simply didn’t want to Sydney’s architectural crown—the New discuss them and didn’t want to show Law School. With no explanation given up. We’ve had months to discuss ways to (a source close to my friend who asked make these elections better for everyone. her torts lecturer said it was a liability I’ve been a part of a team that has put We Want to Hear From You issue after one of the glass panels fell off ), in hundreds of hours to reforming the students are being forced to stand below regulations, including electoral reforms, to If you have thoughts, feelings, or opinions other Sydney buildings for inspiration— make the SRC better. Unfortunately these such as Carslaw Level 1—unable to no-show councillors do every student a please email: [email protected]. ponder their HECs debts while looking disservice by not even coming to meetings directly up at the literal glass ceiling paid to discuss which reforms they like or For up to date news and additional coverage follow us at: for by generous donors from Sydney’s which need tweaking or scrapping. With facebook.com/honisoitsydney & twitter.com/honi_soit biggest law firms. Until the University nominations opening soon, the Returning can satisfy the birthright of law students Officer isn’t even bound to any changes to walk uninterrupted immediately below passed next at next week’s meeting. Also, their dean’s office, I will be withholding if the rest of that Gronkwatch is accurate, my opinions on the four-year Liberal it seems as though these same people that Studies degree. refuse to show up to SRC Meetings could potentially control the SRC next year. Regards, Ryan Hunter. And people wonder why I gave up on this JD I. stuff.

Cameron Caccamo No Progress Arts for the Inquorate Oops Dear Honi, Corrections from last issue It was somewhat refreshing to see Honi talk about the business of the SRC in Chloe Smith misidentified as a last week’s Gronkwatch, particularly the current General Executive, she important electoral regulation change actually served in 2014. suggestions. However, it was disappointing to see Peter Walsh slam the proposals Imogen Gardam is not actually without asking any of the authors of those a Garden. motions (of which I was one) what their intended effects would be. For example, Oliver Plunkett should have been limiting the number of campaigners that identified as a Welfare Officer. are allowed to speak to a single voter was a measure to ensure voters were not Johanna Roberts was not credited treated like herded cattle; a practice that for artwork on page 6. endangers voters, campaigners, and other students alike (ever tried to take the stairs, Puzzle answers are now (finally) or walk on a small footpath, surrounded by online! 5 people trying to talk to you?). Limiting the campaign period is something suggested every year for multiple reasons,

Still from [i]I’m Too Sad To Tell You[/i], (1971), Bas Jan Ader, video news & analysis SUSF President Pays Pittance for House on Campus

Alexi Polden reports on the perk kept quiet.

oni Soit can reveal a cosy and about Ross’s occupancy, Honi is confident why it does not qualify as remuneration, the house is necessary for Ross to perform secretive arrangement for the the figure is accurate. and breach the SUSF Constitution, his functions as president. On the other Hpresident of Sydney University Sport remains unclear. Honi spoke to several hand, as revealed by Honi in April, Ross and Fitness (SUSF)—a house on The rental arrangement is not only hard to people involved with SUSF and other does make ample use of the house to run campus for well below market rates. The find in the organisation’s income statement. student organisations, and very few knew several businesses. house, modestly described as the “Union SUSF’s audited financial report has of the existence of the house. Ross’s Cottage”, sits conveniently between Ovals space for the declaration of “related party response to Honi’s questions was a firm A spokesperson for the University said 1 and 2 on Western Avenue and has long transactions”, and boasts that “Transactions “Back off, Mr Polden.” they were aware of the occupancy, but that gone unnoticed by many on campus. between related parties are on normal the rental arrangement was a matter for commercial terms and conditions no more Ross’ reluctance to discuss his presidential SUSF. The spokesperson was unable to For the past 18 years Bruce Ross favourable than those available to other entitlements may come as a surprise to comment on whether the University was (President of SUSF for 24 years) has been persons unless otherwise stated.” anyone who has seen his presence on providing telecommunications or utilities the beneficiary of the cosy arrangement. Twitter. Ross uses the platform regularly to the house. Repeated attempts by Honi to confirm There is no entry for Ross’ dwelling, despite to decry, among other things, the use and with Ross, or with SUSF’s Executive the fact that you’d be hard pressed to find a transparency of political entitlements, and The full text of Mr Ross’ response to this Director, Robert Smithies, the details of house in Sydney, let alone a leafy address in the crisis of housing affordability in Sydney. article is below. Honi notes that some of or justification for the arrangement have the inner west within walking distance of a In a tweet from April this year, Ross suggests the claims Mr Ross makes are inaccurate. gone largely unanswered. Sorts Union café, pool and gym, for under an end to Sydney’s housing crisis: “Still Mr Smithies did not respond to repeated $400 a week on the open market. plenty of vacant rooms at Kirribilli House.” requests for comment. While we don’t know what Ross paid for 16 of those years, financial reports Further complicating matters for Ross That Ross is sitting pretty in a house owned Mr Polden submitted to the charity regulator suggest is the fact that SUSF’s constitution by an ostensibly student run organisation, that for at least the past two years Mr Ross explicitly prohibits the payment of “any which is substantially funded by the SSAF Here is a statement for you to publish: has paid a relative pittance in rent for the remuneration” to the office bearers, paid each semester is concerning. That property—about $16,461, or $316 a week. including the president for their work. If the arrangement appears to have gone Mr Polden hounded me incessantly at the Rents for comparable free standing houses it amounts to Ross receiving a financial undeclared makes matters worse. No time of the SUSF Presidential Election, of similar size in the area run to about benefit by way of below market rent, then explanation has ever been given as why including about the issue he is now $560. A room with a shared bathroom in canvassing. a college near the house sets students back over $520 a week (though admittedly that Honi Soit boasted that it had conducted a includes meals). four-month investigation into SUSF and me. In stark contrast to the other facilities owned and leased by SUSF, the cottage Honi Soit published an article written by is not mentioned directly in its financial Mr Polden in which I was referred to by report. The rent paid for it appears to name nineteen times. be listed as “property” income of around $16,461 in 2014, under the entry: Back off, Mr Polden. “grounds”. Honi Soit has put the figure to Ross and Smithies on multiple occasions, I will have no further communication with and neither has taken the opportunity to you. deny it, or explain why it is not clearly identified, like SUSF’s other rental Regards arrangements. While Ross and Smithies Bruce Ross were unwilling to respond to questions Plan of the house from a 1976 rennovation. It has since been further remodelled. [emphasis in original] 4 news & analysis

The Dangerous Rise of DIY Botox Bianca Farmakis spoke to a doctor at the coalface.

ydney is facing a staggering “They smuggle in Botox rise in botched Botox surgeries. injections from Hong Kong. SAs the attraction to home-based I don’t know if what they procedures grows, patients face bring in is even used in actual escalating medical complications, cosmetic surgery clinics or if concerning doctors. it’s legal for use at all,” he says. “The results that I deal with are Dr. Ken Teung, a GP in telling me it certainly isn’t, or at Haymarket, has dealt with several least shouldn’t be.” patients who have faced problems with Botox in the past six months. With the cosmetic industry Teung says that the majority have endorsing everything from been Asian women aged roughly searing hot facial waxes to between 35-45 who have had bear semen facials (no, not the injections in the face, neck and type available for adult viewing eye socket. on PornHub), the ends men and women will go to in the “Patients come in with mouths pursuit of beauty continue to that don’t move and lumps in be defined by new parameters, their foreheads and eye sockets. indicated by these recent trends They don’t understand there are in GP patients. specific places injections must hit to avoid a Frankenstein Art by April Kang. When it comes to risking a appearance” , he told me. his patients to somewhere between the Teung also tells me that getting to the youthful, taut face for a Frankenstein late Joan Rivers and pre-Scientology John bottom of who’s supplying the illegal forehead, leave any home based Botox Teung has seen thirteen patients this year, Travolta. injections has come to nothing. action for the DVD box set of Nip/Tuck and likened the comedic appearance of from now on.

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Pathways to Empowerment Cassandra Chakouch and Sameen Zoha Alam talk to Indian women searching for solace.

e goes to work in the morning and “Sambhali is very important to me, I get family’s hometown in Jodhpur, Rajasthan we come here and learn” Aarti tells us. in the evening he drinks alcohol. an education, I get clothes to stitch, I even and move to her husband’s home state— “HHe doesn’t want to eat food, only drink got a sewing machine from Sambhali… I what town or city within the 308,252 km² “What happens when you turn 20 and you until he is not in his right state of mind. stitch my children’s suits and uniforms. If state of Madhya Pradesh is never specified. go to your husband’s house?” Mona and Aarti I have a lot of tension. I worry about my I get anything sewn from outside it is very never really give us a straight forward answer children. I am here today so I am able to expensive… but now I do it myself in the Mona’s future is similar to Aarti’s, and to this question and it’s met instead with look after my children, if I am no more, evenings when I get some time.” when she is of 20 years of age she too will awkward laughter followed by a brief silence who will look after my children? No one leave her parents’ house to live with her as the girls look at each other. Relocating will.” Sambhali’s breadth of impact transcends husband. A third of the world’s child brides to another state will make it impossible for age. While Kiran Ji has found a new sense are Indian and the trailing rate of women’s the girls to continue their education, and as It’s 10am in Jodhpur, India and the mercury of self-efficacy at the age of 40, younger literacy compared to men’s is evidence of we leave Mona and Aarti, there’s a sense of has already passed 30°C. Despite the heat, uncertainty of what will happen several years over 20 women and girls have gathered at from now when they leave home. Sambhali’s Women Empowerment centre for the opportunity to learn English, Hindi, It’s this uncertainty of what the future holds maths and practical income-generating that seems to resonate with all the girls skills such as sewing and embroidery. here. Kripa, a student at the Empowerment Centre tells us of her dreams to one day be It’s here where we meet Kiran Ji, garbed in a either a model or an English teacher. She bright yellow sari. Married since the age of tells us she doesn’t know if these dreams 18, Kiran Ji’s estranged husband’s addiction will come true, but prays to God that one to alcohol left her as the primary provider day they might. Nurturing individuality for her three sons aged 17, 13 and 10. and personality is one of the main goals of Sambhali and no one epitomises this more Up until now, her life has been defined than Kripa. Charming, zealous and at times by the patriarchy of Indian society and its unapologetic, she has a sense of self that is adherence to the ancient caste system. This both a pleasure to witness and incredibly has denied her the right to a full education captivating. When asked why she continues and has meant that she’s had to rely on her to go to Sambhali she responds with “to husband for income and support. Kiran make something out of my life”. In the Ji’s husband spends most of the family’s students also cling to the Sambhali to have the negative impact child marriage has face of uncertainty there’s a sense of hope, income on alcohol and as a result she now opportunities they wouldn’t otherwise had on an individual’s schooling and job that through what they’ve learned and the works in order tofeed her children and have access to. prospects. This difference in gender literacy skills they have gained, maybe the girls can continue to send them to school. is even more prominent in the conservative become masters of their own destiny. Mona and Aarti are 15 and 17 years old state of Rajasthan where Sambhali is based. “I myself am also working. I work as a respectively. As well as being cousins, they Every morning at Sambhali, before cleaner at people’s houses,” she says. “I have both been married since they were 6 When we asked Aarti what Sambhali lessons commence, the centre echoes with wake up at 4am, drink tea or water, cook years old. When we asked them what their meant to her she simply responds with harmonious voices of the girls in prayer: something for the children. I go back home husbands did for a living neither of the girls “everything”. Neither she nor Mona have “We shall live in peace, we shall live in then and get the children ready for school knew, because in spite of being married for had the opportunity to continue their peace someday, deep in my heart I do and by 8:30-9am I leave for Sambhali. the past decade they have never met their schooling, so with the exception of Sundays believe so that we shall overcome some Sometimes I don’t get time to eat food.” husbands. they’ve been attending Sambhali every day day.” Simply, this is a daily sentiment that for the past two years. When speaking one day, education equality and peace will By coming to Sambhali, Kiran Ji is hoping We inquire further, asking Aarti where her to the other girls at the Empowerment be a reality for all women. to take advantage of the opportunities that husband lives. Our question is met with a Centre, it becomes clear that the skills they were denied to her in her younger years. She brief moment of confusion. Her face goes learn at Sambhali have filled them with a Sambhali is always looking for donations proudly states that through her training blank as she turns to her cousin Mona for new sense of self. and volunteers, especially those who have at Sambhali she can now stitch blouses, the answer and a few words are mumbled a background in sewing or teaching. More Kurtis, Marwari suits and Salwar suits. in Hindi. “Madhya Pradesh”, she tells “When I come I know what I want... we don’t information can be found at www.sambhali- us. Once Aarti turns 20, she’ll leave her go to school, we don’t know how to write and trust.org. Great (Self) Expectations Andrew Bell wants to re-think ‘success’ at university.

group of psychology students confident. Perfect, right up until the And while those numbers sometimes To some degree, the competitive premise was once given a generic list of point they killed themselves. It cited the catalogue success, for so many they create of university life is valuable, pushes us all personalityA traits after a week of ‘testing’. colloquial ‘Duck Syndrome’ where ‘A duck anxiety about their place in the chain. to work harder and promote success. But They were told that they were personalised appears to glide calmly across the water, People who may otherwise be happy with as a result, it will also always be conducive descriptions of themselves and asked while beneath the surface it frantically, their performance are often demoralised to student anxiety. We need to reset our to rate the accuracy of the assessment. relentlessly paddles.’ by a public reminder of exactly how many expectations for success, or at the very Almost every student claimed that theirs people are performing better. least remember that many of the parts of was extremely accurate, despite every At university we are often surrounded University that attract students equally student receiving an identical list. by people who at least have that outward The university is currently crafting its terrify them. perfection. It’s hard to ignore their success, 2016-2020 strategic plan. The website The case was about confirmation bias in when so much of our university lives are placeholder has a graphic detailing the If the average Sydney University self-diagnosis, but it goes a long way in quantified and (often publicly) ranked. To key themes of the anticipated report. student received a character assessment proving that many of us think similarly reference a few examples: every debating ‘Education’ and ‘Research’ are the most that claimed they were ‘particularly yet expect our frame of mind to be unique. tournament will publish an online ‘tab’ prominent items, enclosed by a ring disappointed with their marks’, I would Two of the traits were: ‘Many of your which details individual and aggregate labelled ‘culture’. The brief blurb declares: imagine that too many of us would agree. aspirations are unrealistic’ and ‘You have a speaker scores, finals progression and ‘How we enable excellence in research And too many of us would think we were great need for others to admire you’. individual victories and losses. The and education is at the core of this year’s unique in that agreement. competitions portfolio is a huge part of conversation. We are also talking to The New York Times recently published the Law School’s extracurricular package. the University community about how a piece which described students who Every semester students receive a detailed we develop an enabling culture and seemed perfect—well adjusted, smart, transcript of their academic performance. organisational design.’

6 art thinkpiece Something About Gender, I Guess? Charlie O’Grady on communicating identity and theatre.

t 7:30pm on the 24th of July, I am the SUDS major production for 2015, Slam—Sydney’s biggest poetry night and people. And, whilst I never really want it to looking down upon what ought to be a reimagining of A Midsummer Night’s self-congratulatory circle jerk. I perform be me, it’s better than it being someone else. myA finest moment as an artist. Dream in which the four lovers are queer, a poem about changing my name and gently, gingerly, perhaps naively, presents being misgendered. Having followed an I am far from suggesting that one may We lugged several bags of props and a a world where love will trump hate with endless procession of ‘cis white male rants catch more bees with honey. Sometimes deconstructed clothes rack from campus little struggle, the homophobe-turned- about racism’, I score all 9s and 10s, and it is simply more conducive to turn rage to a Circular Quay ferry, catching eyes good will be forgiven, and internalised numerous proclamations of “actual tears, about oppression into something new when a metal rod occasionally falls to homophobia can be wiped from your brow oh my god”. The third judge, when giving or beautiful, something productive, the concrete with a clang. We arrive at a by the touch of a beautiful boy. her feedback, says “I just think she was so something which can be learned from. pleasant little bookstore in Manly, that brave to get up and perform that poem”. Too often in an attempt to combat hosts an open mic night once a month With so many different ways to engage marginalisation we light an angry flame and proudly proclaim to serve “very illegal politically in theatre, all of which are sworn This cognitive dissonance is characteristic which only ever burns itself out. drinks” for $5 each, into a cosy bedroom to be “the right way”, it’s no wonder I felt of responses to queer art and performance. strewn with clothes. We have, together, intimidated putting this play on stage. Everyone’s always keen to jump on the I more than welcome critique for this assembled a show about trans experience progressive bandwagon, but very rarely ethos. I recognise that no one is ever we’re incredibly proud of. *** does this in turn foster an improvement obliged to put aside their rage to educate in the everyday treatment of real life queer those who should know better, and I The problem is, there’s almost no one here. Kaleidoscope, the aforementioned show in people. Caring about queer art carries would never suggest that everyone should. the bookstore, is a show about everyday social currency; it’s what’s in. It’s just that, for me, the moments where Harry’s backstage, silently freaking out. experiences of gender dysphoria, I have changed someone’s mind make it Finn’s getting to know a couple of people constructed as a conversation between The fact that Kaleidoscope is written by almost worth the effort. outside. Julia’s sitting at the ticket desk, Gabriel, the protagonist, and his a trans person and performed by a trans distressingly unoccupied by ticketholders. reflection. I started writing it in October person should not be special, but it is. I’m When I apologise that the first show I’m stood in the middle of the room, last year when director Finn Davis asked never sure if that fascination is the reason his bookstore put on was so dark, the failing to make small talk. Approximately (demanded) that I write him a one-man people compliment my writing or not. I owner says, surpassing any expectations five people who bought tickets have not show. When I tentatively slid “something have come to doubt people who say they I had for the reactions to this show: shown up, and approximately 85% of the about gender, I guess?” across the table like my writing—I’m never sure if it’s my “I didn’t find it dark at all. It was just a friends who promised to come are absent. to him, I never expected the ensuing work, or that I did it whilst being trans. normal experience—not my normal, but project to go this far, or to receive as much someone’s normal.” In my head, I have already quit theatre and attention as it thus far has. *** moved country. *** The play is a hodge-podge, a shambling Speaking to the owner of the bookstore “Let’s just get started,” Finn says at 7:45. patchwork haphazardly stitched together, after the show, a middle-aged vaguely There are things about identity that “This is a good sized audience.” falling somewhere between “angry trans- dandy-ish British man, he tells me that, cannot be articulated in the usual ways. gay manifesto”, “sad romantic comedy”, despite being very unqueer, the show Identifying as trans has taught me a new *** and “vanity project”. It is, although was very relatable. “I mean we’ve all been language to talk about my body. When undoubtedly political, an intensely there,” he says, “we’ve all stood in front of there are no words to adequately describe When asked to write a piece on queer personal undertaking. After a brief the mirror and spoken to ourselves, and your experience, you can make up new identity in Sydney theatre, I was wrestle with trying to write The Ultimate found something lacking.” ones, or you can use the old ones in new overwhelmed by how much, and how Transgender Play, my goal became one ways, build up new stories. very little, there is to say that is cogent. of honesty. I wanted to show people the There is a compulsion with theatre that Identity-based theatre is somewhat of a nuances of one specific trans life, without explores a specific lived experience to talk It’s impossible to create queer theatre blank slate, not only in the fact that there pulling punches or bending to naff or about how it can “appeal to all audiences”, which can come remotely close to is so little of it that receives the attention it harmful pop cultural stereotypes about to advertise the fact that “anyone can relate” typifying “the Trans Experience”—and it deserves, but there is no roadmap for what those whose “outsides don’t match their to the story you’re telling. It’s hedging one’s should be, as there’s as much that makes it should look like. insides”. Sick of the plethora of trans bets; it’s an apology before you’ve even every trans individual different as does the characters who never looked like me, I begun. It’s saying “I’m weird, I’m different, same. The best thing we can do is to use Belvoir Street Theatre’s Mardi Gras slot wanted to create one who did. I know, but I can be just like you.” our art to say, “here I am, I am real, I’m not this year saw a restaging of Nick Coyle’s going away”. We can use what platform we vapid and offensive Blue Wizard, a one-man The struggle came from an inability to In truth, there is no reason that everyone have to build ourselves up, we can create mess of stereotypes about gay men which reconcile individual experience with else should need to relate to depictions of great things which allow someone—even featured choice quotes such as: “I need to political impact. I would chastise myself marginalised experience. There’s no reason one person—to see themselves presented eat three things to live: cocaine, diamonds, for a particular line, because “people artists should have to reshape or water back to them, maybe for the first time. and jizz.” Despite its misrepresentation expect all trans people to be like that”, all down or simplify their experiences to It astounds me. It astounds me that that of a community, the show’s ambition was the while thinking “but, I’m like that”. I make them palatable. achievement is ever seen as “not enough”. clear: to be a celebration, not a fight. considered cutting or softening moments to avoid people seeing the show as a I spent a long time worrying that There’s a reason Kaleidoscope is structured On slightly smaller stages, the upcoming “tragedy”, I fretted over whether I was Kaleidoscope would turn into a teaching around a mirror. It’s about self-recognition, Verge Festival season includes a piece fetishising gender binaries or perpetuating tool. I have on too many occasions seen about seeing yourself and accepting that being developed by Maddy Ward and Kate a “lone wolf ” trans stereotype. There was beautiful works from queer artists be who you are is okay to be. Melville, Death, Be Not Proud, which aims no way I could make everyone happy. dubbed blanket representations of an to demonstrate the impact of oppressive There was no way I could tell the Perfect entire community, or be used to assuage Someone I have never met comes up to me microaggressions on individuals by Transgender History. cishet guilt. But sometimes it is not an after the show and thanks me. They say, “I escalating those moments to acts of option to refuse to be a teacher. There are was joking before that I came to this play extreme violence. Their writer callout *** countless conversations I have had with looking for affirmation, but I didn’t expect provides the example of a woman being people where, had I not swallowed my to actually get it”. There could have been “boiled in tar because she wore blackface My favourite anecdote to describe the fury and explained to them how not to be 2 people or 200 people there, but that was to a party.” Far from forgiving or teaching, treatment of oppressed identity in the a transphobic shit, they would have simply the only response I ever needed to hear. this is a declaration of war. Meanwhile, Sydney art scene is from a Caravan made the same mistakes with other trans 7 opinion

The Indigenous Australia We Don’t Talk About Andy Mason visited an Indigenous community.

t’s not very often that most of us and environmental and cultural heritage Winda-Mara owns and manages a confirm a strikingly different reality—one hear success stories from Aboriginal management. number of properties around Budj Bim, in which Aboriginal communities owned Icommunities. The overwhelming majority an extinct volcano known to whitefellas and managed their lands, modifying the of the mainstream media treatment of We were shown around by Debbie, the as Mt Eccles. These properties have landscape to ensure that food sources Indigenous issues focuses on the (very first woman in Victoria to become a extraordinary environmental and cultural were reliable and abundant. The fact that real) problems which affect Aboriginal senior Aboriginal ranger, who is employed significance—they contain a number of they were able to achieve this without people, problems which can seem so by Winda-Mara in its land management ancient dams, eel traps and houses built the widespread ecological destruction complex and entrenched that imagining team. She told us about the difficulties from the volcanic rock, which have been which has characterised the management solutions usually seems impossible. In of the continent by Europeans belies a society still dominated by a collective colonial conceits of racially-determined denial of our violent past and oppressive Stories like Winda-Mara’s need to be told—they show how intellectual superiority. Sites like Budj present, a society which hides behind Aboriginal communities are more than capable of creating their Bim are a powerful counterargument to empty sloganeering about ‘progress’ as it the concept of terra nullius—Aboriginal continues to punish Aboriginal people own forms of livelihood, if given space to do so. people did indeed own and manage land whenever they articulate their desire for before whitefellas turned up. control over their own lives, any coverage which the organisation faced in its early dated to be at least 8,000 years old. Many at all can seem like a blessing. But I wonder days. “Rednecks would come rip the gates archaeologists consider these structures to Stories like Winda-Mara’s need to if only ever hearing the negative stories off the properties we bought... they wanted be the oldest evidence of aquaculture in the be told—they show how Aboriginal helps to reinforce an understanding of the to go shooting and fishing on them. They world, and the sites have been recognised communities are more than capable of situation as intractable and hopeless—if it just felt like they owned it, they weren’t as significant on both a national and creating their own forms of livelihood, perhaps leads us away from imagining and gonna let Aboriginal people tell them they international scale. Before colonisation, if given space to do so. Winda-Mara’s articulating alternatives. couldn’t do what they wanted.” they were part of a network of villages diversity has been key to its success— which were home to an eel industry whose rather than being just a “health” or A couple of weeks ago, my partner and I However, times have changed—Winda- products were traded over the whole of “employment” program, it approaches were privileged to be able to visit Winda- Mara now employs over 50 people, and south-eastern Australia. issues holistically, asserting that cultural Mara, an Aboriginal co-operative run by according to Debbie their business is heritage protection and community local Gunditjmara people in Heywood, “what’s keeping the town going.” She The Budj Bim cultural landscape health are fundamentally linked. Now south-western Victoria. Winda- stressed that Winda-Mara’s employees fundamentally challenges one of the that my eyes are open to it, I’ve realised Mara was established in 1991 as an are encouraged to shop local wherever central assumptions of settler society that other Aboriginal communities across Aboriginal health organisation with the possible, whether it be pies from the about Aboriginal people—the idea that the country have similar stories. Let’s find aim of providing culturally appropriate bakery or replacement parts for chainsaws. pre-1788, Aboriginal societies were and share these stories, and support these healthcare to the community. Since then, “We look after the town, and the town will shiftless hunter-gatherers who roamed communities in articulating their own the organisation has expanded to also look after us.” the landscape in their hand-to-mouth visions for their futures. include housing, education, employment, struggle to find food. Sites like Budj Bim Adam Goodes and the Health of a Nation Melissa Chow on the wounds we won’t let heal.

dam Goodes is vilified because he same way “the Jews or the Negros etc” holds, they lived in a food-rich environment they are are only small annoyances) are reminds Australia of how far we’ve were, perhaps even worse when they were that was key to their traditional medicines common place in Indigenous communities come—thatA being, nowhere fast if we considered as simply part of the fauna of and nutrition. Without us, they would and become fatal because of poor public look at the health of the Indigenous. Yes, Australia in the law and not even human. not have lost many of their traditions and health. yes I’m sure we’ve heard enough about cultural secrets. Without us, their local Goodsies and his alleged faux pas of late The early days saw Europeans bringing waterholes would not have been poisoned We would do well to recognise people like but let us revisit last week’s prime example with them smallpox, scarlet fever, the by sewage. Without us, they would not Adam Goodes have every right to raise of humanity on the internet. common cold, tuberculosis and much have been starved of their staples. their voice, to feel disrespected and to drag more that would essentially decimate their concerns from out of the shadows “I am not racist but i doubt there is a more tribes and clans in addition to violent And we see the effect today with because nothing has changed much. sooking, whinging race in the world than massacres. Here was a paradise, literally Indigenous Australians 70% more likely Whether it is or isn’t about Adam Goodes’ the aboriginals. If anyone has a right to untouched by any old world disease, than other Australians to be hospitalised actions, or if this is racist or not, what he sook its the Jews, the Negros etc but why nothing people couldn’t handle on their for cardiovascular diseases, with metabolic has done is unveil Australia’s dismissal of should white ppl continue to be labelled as own before settlers and their cattle came and nutritional disorders 6 to 7 times more the history it stands on and their complicit racist because our country was settled by and defecated on everything and anything. likely to be a cause of death compared to role in Indigenous health. Soil bloodied by our 240yr old ancestors” These would set in place the great chasm of their non-Indigenous counterparts. the lives of an ancient culture and actions health disparities between the Indigenous though done in the past have made gaping Sure, ‘Whinging Police’, that is very true. and the non-Indigenous that have lasted The Australian Indigenous are viewed wounds in the health of Indigenous However I fail to see how some white till now the UN rates the quality of life for internationally as an anomaly because Australians we struggle to sew together. people have changed from the 240 year our Indigenous population as the second despite living in a developed country, Now excuse me while I purge myself of old ancestors. In fact I am sorry to say you worst in the world. Yeah, the world. their health and welfare resembles a third the intolerant fools on the internet after very much represent the typical ignorant world nation. Diseases such as simple ear trawling through endless not racist-racist individual that has no idea how the early Before early settlers began to colonise land infections or scabies that are rarely seen comments. settlers treated the Indigenous in the very and push the Indigenous off their native in the Australian population (and when

8 opinion

In Defence Class(ist)y Coles and Critique of A tale of two supermarkets by Max Hall. here are two Coles stores in Bondi though this Coles doesn’t present their Junction. four varieties of fetta in large ceramic University Literary Journals T bowls next to the “Serve Yourself Olive One store shares the Westfield building Bar”. For some reason the $2.70 schnitzel Lauren Pearce really wants to you read her with Tiffany’s and Louis Vuitton. It I occasionally buy is only ever on special at story. Please read her story. features wide aisles and high ceilings, the second store. where a fulltime barista and custom pizzas he inter-semester break provides a lot exercise. Writers and editors take a cook while you wait. One Coles has an embedded Vintage of things to a lot of different people. keepsake and a credit for their résumés. The Cellars; the other directs you to the nearby AT select few use this time to prepare core issue is readership and engagement, Enormous curled lettering on a brick Liquorland. One has dedicated cabinets the three University of Sydney literary and there’s no easy solution to this. There backdrop, between shelves of artfully for prawns and salmon; the other a slightly journals that launch in October. These are are only so many things editors can do to arranged bread, lets you know that superior range of two minute noodles. (from oldest to newest): Hermes, ARNA: promote their launches, and there’s only the bakery (“Stone Baked Turkish One has tables and free papers for coffee- The Journal of the Sydney University Arts so much impact one single issue can have Bread”, “Multigrain Sourdough Cobb”, related relaxation; the other provides a Students Society (SASS), and Carillon: on the academe. It’s a brute fact that those “Sunflower Seed Triangles”) is separate higher chance of trolley collision. The Journal of the Sydney University hundreds of hours might, if the planets from “THE KITCHEN” (“Cookies and Literary Society (LitSoc). align, give just one or two writers the edge Cream Cake” for $55, “Indian Cuisine”, A casual observer in Westfield might they need to get themselves published in “NEW Winter Range of Salads”). wonder if Lorna Jane, Nike and a small By the time this article is published, the Overland or Southerly and actually be conglomerate of business attire brands hard-submission date for all three will have read by people who give half a dam. The butcher, fishmonger and deli are have started sponsoring grocery shoppers passed. Editors will retire to sort through separate too—each has its own wide, en masse. Customers down the street pieces and pick the best for publication, These are the people at the receiving end tiled alcove like a chapel in a cathedral of lean towards t-shirts and seem a little less consulting with authors through a string of the widespread apathy. Being a writer consumables. Chalkboards remind you to aggressive. of emails to bring the stories, poems and is hard, and mostly pointless. Publication “HAVE YOUR CAKE AND EAT IT essays to a fine polish. The pages will be is an incredible rush, mostly owing to the TOO”. Large wooden letters herald the I tend to shop in the first Coles, despite laid up, sent for printing, and then brought recognition that someone somewhere wholefoods aisle (“simply HEALTHY having no money or need for its particular to a booze-soaked launch party during the thinks you’ve produced something that LIVING”). Aisle one is completely kosher. extravagances. At some level I probably Verge Festival, attended by the authors all- other people might enjoy looking at. In the One hundred metres down the road (past wish I were as beautiful, healthy and but exclusively. process of editing Carillon I came across two discount chemists, beneath Aldi, affluent as the people that rush through any number of works that reached for a opposite Kmart) is the second Coles. the self-serve checkout with fresh trail Before I go further, it’s probably important goal other than a formulaic appropriation Disabled access is better down here, mix and a flash of platinum. Somewhere, to disclose that I was part of this process of what the author felt would be published though the aisles are narrower and the I imagine, a marketing executive is for the first issue of Carillon, which in a literary journal. We can sit back signage not quite so large. The bakery, deli lazily stirring their quinoa with a fork, launched in 2014, then in my capacity as and complain about the lack of brave and butcher share a long counter. contemplating the eating habits of the LitSoc President. It’s a metric fuckload experimentation in the USyd writing various tax brackets. of work to put these damn things out community, but no one will want to be The basic stock is pretty much identical, there, and any person who wades into the brave if we continue to ignore the bleeding anxiety whirlpool that is student journals edge, even if it is still just learning how deserves an Order of Australia. After you to bleed. Journals will produce more and beg, borrow and steal your way towards a more uninspired, forgettable work for a decent submissions pool, you then have to limited audience unless we do something. correspond with authors who treat their work like their newborn children, and you When the Verge Festival rolls around this as if you were threatening to smash said year, whether you are published or not, or child’s face into asphalt. And then there’s know someone who is published, go to at the launch, and people actually hold least one of the launches. There’s always the thing you spent hundreds of hours free booze, good literature, and excellent working on and flick through it. company.

Then they go home. You go home. The Or just go to pick up an editor, no world moves on. judgment here.

It goes without saying that no one really reads these things. I was published in ARNA last year and I read my story (to check for typesetting errors; there were a few), my friend’s pieces, and put the book on my shelf to sit for time in memoriam. All journals are only really available for purchase (or free pickup in the case of Hermes and Carillon) at their launch. We moved about 80 at Carillon last year, and I have a feeling that was because we tucked drink vouchers behind the front covers. On reflection, it can seem like a futile Art by Maria Gabi.

9 profile

Going Down

The River

As a child, Sydney playwright and novelist, Julie Janson always knew she was Aboriginal. She quickly learnt not to talk about it.

Phoebe Moloney spoke to Janson about her life and work.

y aunty and her best friend Julie At 17, Julie’s life took a grievous turn. On a baby at 21. Her mother pushed her she hadn’t felt before, something that she were wild in the old days. They the way home from dropping the girls off towards teaching so she would have couldn’t get away from. She calls it, “waking Mwent to rallies and smoked cigarettes. On at a party, Julie’s dad, Neville Janson, was money to survive. As a young single up and realising you’re complicit.” As she the weekends they hitchhiked through killed in a car accident. parent, she struggled. travelled between remote communities country towns and accepted lifts from around Katherine and Arnhem Land, white boys in white utes. Julie recalls her father as “a very gentle, “At 21,” Julie says, “I already knew I was Julie became increasingly aware that a loving man who was always cracking an extremely strong person.” history of hatred had prevailed. One day, on the edge of the Belangalo some joke”. She credits him as the source State Forest, two brothers drove by with of her need to narrate the everyday, “he Desperate, Julie accepted a job working One night, Julie’s truck broke down while two shotguns, so the story goes. They gave was a great storyteller”. as head teacher on a cattle station in she was with her class. They walked for Julie and Chrissy a lift, and an eyeballing. the Northern Territory, one year out of hours without food or water across the The brothers said they were on their way Julie remembers going down to Lane university. It was a remote Aboriginal station to the nearest house. A woman to hunt rabbits in the forest. Julie gave Cove River with her father. At low tide school, four hundred kilometres from answered the door; she refused to let them a smacking of her animal activist they would collect oysters off the mud Katherine. Julie arrived with her son and them in.“You can go drink at the cattle agenda––my aunt, so the story goes, just flats and look for crabs. “We kind of a husband: a new boyfriend she signed tank,” she said. She gave Julie one tin said, “Shut up and run!” lived off the river, which sounds quite the marriage register with so he could mug. Julie and her class sat in the mud of ridiculous. It’s a wonder we didn’t die, join her. the cattle enclosure and passed the mug Julie and Chrissy met the Milats and I’m sure it was polluted even then,” Julie between themselves. The children were lived to tell the tale. laughs. “I had 52 students between the ages of driven home in the back of a cattle truck. four and eighteen, none of them could I start with this story because Julie Janson She grew up there. Neville was a returned read or write. There was no telephone, no Around this time Julie became friends hasn’t written it down herself (though my serviceman, the Jansons lived in a soldiers’ radio and no television. I had a cassette with a young historian from Canberra aunt recites it every Christmas). Janson’s housing commission block backing onto player with about five cassettes,” Julie who was travelling through the NT is a story-filled life; a Sydney-based artist, what is now Lane Cove National Park. says. recording the oral histories of tribal teacher and writer, she has penned ten elders. Professor Peter Read, now a plays (Black Mary, Eyes of Marege). This Openly identifying as an Aboriginal So begins the story that is recalled in The world-renowned historian, describes the year she published her first novel,The would have cost Neville his job as a Crocodile Hotel. Julie’s novel is fictional, atmosphere of the Northern Territory in Crocodile Hotel. fireman. He only ever hinted at the but the horror at the heart of the tale is the ’70s as ‘hostile’. history of the Janson family. His mates at painfully true. It captures the fear inherent Janson is a Dharug woman, whose work called him ‘Jedda’ and “gifted” him to the segregated wire fences of cattle “Because Land Rights were in the air, relatives were some of the first to cardboard boomerangs and didgeridoos. stations, the vicious dogs, white men and pastoralists were not at all keen at having encounter the violence of colonisation. In front of his kids he blew the names off. new utes. Aboriginal communities lived people like Julie and myself around. To For Julie, the knowledge of her ancestry on single acres of their traditional lands. them we were young radical-looking has been many stories and lifetimes in Julie never told her friends about the Station managers lived off the welfare white people spreading ideas about Land the making. The Janson family left their family secret, which, even among the cheques of their Aboriginal ‘wards’, Rights and encouraging people to put in Aboriginal identity unuttered. Jansons, was rarely articulated. “I knew, whose lands they were also being paid to applications for land,” he says. but I was taught not to talk about it,” Julie ‘manage’. Growing up on the ‘wrong side’ of says. “The stigma for being Aboriginal After three years of moving between Hunters Hill in the ’60s, Julie found was so great you were despised. Really The community elders would not speak schools and cattle stations, Julie fell herself surrounded by Anglo-Australian despised. You were worse than an to her. “They looked at me and saw a pregnant and gave birth to a sickly and new immigrant families. “Ordinary animal … If you were dark looking you white teacher, a white person. The people daughter.“There was no flying doctor white English-Australian people I would tell everyone you’re Spanish or a who had killed their grandparents.” for those remote communities. Babies just kind of didn’t get”, Julie says. “I Maori, anything other than that you’re just die. Half of them die,” she says.Julie was attracted to the girls who were a Aboriginal.” Julie was living on the site of an returned to Sydney so her daughter could bit culturally different.” The rebellious unavowed massacre. “In 1929 the clan’s be hospitalised. She was half the weight daughter of two Italian immigrants, my Julie’s father found Hunters Hill strange. men were shot and the women chased of an average baby her age. The doctors Aunty Chrissy fit the bill exactly. She remembers him saying he felt like, ‘a down on horseback. White men came on said that if she returned to the station in square peg in a round hole’. “He would horseback from the East African Storage NT, the baby would die. Chrissy remembers teenage Julie as a say, ‘why aren’t people like me? Why don’t Company. They would bash the heads of complete cracker and an artist of near they go fishing with me and the kids? women in with sticks and the butt of their “I just told my husband, I am not going virtuosity. She recalls the one time they Why don’t they go prawning?’” guns, and beat the babies on stones, so back.” ever saw their disillusioned art teacher they would not waste their bullets.” She smile. During class, Julie plunked a After Neville died, her brother developed pauses. “Australia is one huge slaughter, a Back in Sydney her relationship broke sculptured bust of their teacher’s exact a serious mental illness. Julie escaped her real slaughter.” down. A single parent again, Julie began likeness on his desk. She might have been domestic situation by throwing herself working at the Koori Centre at Sydney the next Rodin. into theatre studies at UNSW. She had This knowledge made her feel something University. She trained Aboriginal 10 profile

Students’ Representative Council, The University of Sydney SRC Elections 2015 Postal Voting Application Form

POSTAL VOTING If you wish to vote in the 2015 SRC elections but are unable to vote EITHER on polling days Wednesday 23rd or Thursday 24th September at any of the advertised locations, OR on pre-polling day (on main campus) Tuesday 22nd September, then you may From left: Janson, Chrissy and friends from Hunters Hill High School; Janson with apply for a postal vote. her father, Neville Janson; Janson, her son and her friend Dakamalu, with his family, in Arnhemland. Fill in this form and send it to: Electoral Officer women from all over New South Wales generation before that. Just on a different Sydney University Students’ Representative Council as part of the Aboriginal Teaching river, on the Lane Cove River, not the PO Box 794, Broadway NSW 2007. Assistants program. Hawkesbury,” she says. PLEASE NOTE: postal vote applications MUST BE RECEIVED AND Julie used improvisation and plays Throughout the project Julie learnt three IN OUR PO BOX by Friday 21st of August at 4.30pm or they will to build up the women’s reading and of her great grandmother’s siblings were not be considered. No exceptions. writing. “Some younger women I taught members of the Stolen Generation. They were applying to go to NIDA,” she says. were never reunited with the Janson “But they would say, ‘Julie, there are no family. “I realised my father’s reluctance You may use a photocopy of this form. speeches for Aboriginal women.’ And I to talk about his Aboriginality was said, ‘that’s ok, let’s write some’.” because his family had been punished for Name of applicant: being Aboriginal,” Julie says. “When you In 1996, Julie’s epic Black Mary opened understand your own history, you know Student card number: at Carriageworks on a three hundred your own psychology. Not only did they thousand dollar budget. The play retold lose all their lands, but they had children Faculty/year: the legend of Wanaruah bushranger, taken away.” Mary Ann Bugg. “We had horses, we had Phone number: ( ) rain, we had a whole choir. It was a huge Read says due to the early colonisation production,” Julie says. But on the run’s of Sydney, information is so much more tenth night, the seating fell down. The scarce than in other regions of Australia, Email: season was cancelled. such as the NT. That people had to hide their Aboriginal identity has only Mobile: She kept writing and her plays continued eroded local knowledge further. “The to be staged. Most recently Eyes of Marege most common question we have on the I hereby apply for a postal vote for the 2015 SRC elections. I declare opened at the Sydney Opera House in [History of Aboriginal Sydney] website that I am unable to attend a polling booth on any of the polling 2007. The Crocodile Hotel, the play her new is, ‘Who am I?’,” Read says. “There are days, OR on the pre-polling day, for the following reason: novel is adapted from, was shortlisted for many Aboriginal people in Sydney who (please be specific. Vague or facetious reasons will not be accepted. The Electoral the Patrick White Playwright Award in would like to know more about their Officer must under section 20(a) of the Election Regulation consider that the stated 2002. family, but can’t.” reason justifies the issuing of a postal vote.)

Julie is now 64. She only started openly Since Julie started identifying as a Dharug identifying as an Aboriginal writer a few woman, she has felt embraced. Julie years ago. “I felt like I hadn’t suffered,” spends most of her weekends working Julie says. She also didn’t know who her with Aboriginal visual arts and activist family group was, or where their ancestral communities. “I just wished that Dad had lands might lie. lived,” Julie says. “I think if he lived to see the pride that people now have, rather By chance, Julie began researching the than shame, it would have been really history of Sydney’s northwestern suburbs good for him. People saying, ‘Not only for Read’s History of Aboriginal Sydney am I Aboriginal, but I am descended from Signature: Project. the Dharug people of the Hawkesbury River and we were the second people in Please send voting papers to the following address: While talking to elders on Dharug Australia to be invaded.’ And guess what? country near Windsdor, she made a major We are here today. We survived.” breakthrough. The nearby Blacktown Road, which historians assumed was When the tide of history rushes out, State: Postcode: named after the suburb (Blacktown was memories buried beneath are allowed a so-called “Black’s camp” in the 1800s), to resurface. Julie’s family outings to the was actually a second congregating area Hawkesbury have new meaning. “Dad I require a copy of the election edition of Honi Soit: YES / NO for Aboriginal people indigenous to would point up to the caves on the river. the Hawkesbury region. Julie’s great And he would say, ‘The Aboriginal people grandmother had been born there. hid out in those caves for 20 or 30 years For more information contact after the white man came. They were brave Paulene Graham, Electoral Officer “My family were Hawkeskbury River and they fought him off ’. He wasn’t saying 02 9660 5222 oyster people. They were repeating the this is me, or these are my people. He was lifestyle of the generation before and the proud, it was a story of pride.” Authorised by P. Graham, SRC Electoral Officer 2015. Students’ Representative Council, University of Sydney 11 p: 02 9660 5222 | w: src.usyd.edu.au arts & culture

A Letter From Cinema Politica

he act of creating art is inherently radical, activist documentaries to the public genre convention between factual recount and powerful documentaries from around political. Those who put paint to for free. From a small student organisation and creative introspection has enabled the world. canvasT are disseminating images that are at Concordia University it has blossomed people to use documentary as a potent loaded with associative potency. Some into the largest volunteer-run, community medium for empowering voices to tell their Sydney is home to a wonderful array of artists do their best to conceal this political and campus-based documentary screening own stories in manners freed of established activists and grassroots organisations commitment by emphasising they are program in the world, with almost 100 and colonial rules. By reclaiming the working towards social change. We want solely concerned with aesthetic splendour active branches (‘locals’) around the world. capacity to speak on their own terms, the to create a space to facilitate discussions (see: Vivid Festival). Others choose to be While there are branches in Perth and stories told are truer to experience than is and strengthen connections between these more upfront—to critique, reconcile and Auckland, there are none in Sydney: enter possible in any investigative journalistic activists, organisations and the broader express their nascent political intentions by our new collective, Cinema Politica Sydney. piece. community. We believe it is especially starting dialogues through confrontational important to link the documentaries we art. Two of our collective members, Anna and Documentary is increasingly becoming a watch and the discussions we have to Andrew, discovered CP while on exchange democratic and widely accessible medium concrete actions—for example, using the In this way, art has a role at the heart of in Montreal. Every Monday night, a for those interested in producing it. Cinema Politica community to help raise communal empowerment, resistance screening is held in a lecture theatre at The advent of smartphones with high funding for the Redfern Aboriginal Tent and healing. However, when art becomes Concordia University, attended by many quality video recording, and low-cost Embassy, and for communities facing mostly consumed through individual hundreds of people. The diverse program hand held cameras, has accelerated this closure in Western Australia. practices (see: on the laptop, in bed), its of films covers topics from decolonisation democratisation. Works such as Simon liberatory potential comes under threat. to the police state, food distribution and Baker’s Tangerine (2015), shot entirely on If our program appeals to you, please reproductive justice. The documentary acts iPhone 5, which follows two transgender help us make it happen and come to our Seeking to counter this trend, our diverse as a springboard for talks and discussion sex workers over the course of a night in Los fundraiser party! We will be hosting a night group of students and activists is curating after the screenings, which are often Angeles, and director/cinematographer/ of film screenings, talks and live music at a program of documentary screenings attended by the film’s director. CP is a cameraman Hajooj Kuka’s essential South the Monster Mouse warehouse space in that we hope may help to underscore the rich site within the Montreal community, Sudanese documentary Beats of the Antanov Marrickville on the 21st of August. Come potential of liberatory art, and to help drawing diverse crowds of people and (2015), attest to this. with an open mind, your dancing shoes, create networks of solidarity and political engaging them in political discussion and a willingness to extend your social & engagement. around shared interests. Our first program will focus on efforts to political network! decolonise and counter patriarchal violence Cinema Politica (CP) is an organisation Documentary filmmaking sits uniquely in Australia and around the globe. We will In solidarity, founded in Montreal in 2004, and is at the intersection of art and narrative screen recent works by local Indigenous dedicated to screening independent, journalism. The continued loosening of folk, as well as some of the most innovative The Cinema Politica Sydney Collective

Ben Clarke reviews the first show of a new monthly Hermann’s comedy series.

ast Wednesday, on the distant planet with the deafening of the unwarned by the Rihanna-rivalling tones of Sarah stairs). This was followed by a retelling of of Hermann’s Bar, an intergalactic- audience by a charming rendition of Gaul and her desire to have her ex “make Blade Runner which saw Roy Batty (Alex Lthemed comedy show had a full house in Thus Spoke Zarathustra. The intro set like a shooting star”. The audience was Richmond) fling a vibrating dildo into stitches, absorbing us into a wormhole of the tone for the night, which would gasping for oxygen by the end of Cyrus the sky, rather than a dove—just as Ridley funny, random and at times ear-splittingly continue to provide slightly perturbing Bezyan’s “not funny, but special” stand up Scott wanted it. After time traveller Julia horrifying content. Blast Off! marks the hilarity that rang true to the alienish routine (which his neighbours and boss Robertson tried to explain the iPhone first of this semester’s monthly comedy theme. Despite first stand-up, Aaron hopefully will never hear), in which he to medieval peasants, Lazer Spacegood’s shows hosted by the Idiot Box team, joined “I’ve Been To Primary School” Chen, took the “space” theme as far, as literally, indoctrination of the audience into his by an assortment of guest comedians, and nothaving been informed of the theme, and as awkwardly as he could. hive-mind cult brought the show its I feel the need to draw USyd’s attention he managed to capture the audience’s dystopian conclusion. to a corner of campus life that might be attention immediately, and take them on And who could forget the sketches? Idiot due more attention and funding than it’s an out-of-this-world adventure through Box gave us a number of wondrously Confused? So was I. But last week, Blast getting. The makeshift cardboard cut- his encounters with a George Street thug, disgusting ensemble numbers, beginning Off! provided an eager audience with even outs of planets that “pass” for decoration a hyper-intelligent cockroach and every with the definitely not spacist Patrick more humour than they’d bargained for. simply will not do. Thankfully the acts variety of rice the audience could name. Morrow’s successful opening of a riveting You won’t miss me at next month’s show, themselves and the fine hosting skills of Intergalactic Council session. We came and I hope to see even more comedy-loving Lazer Spacegood (definitely not Ciaran Julia Robertson and Hugh Guest provided face-to-face with former astronaut Eliza students in attendance … that is, if we Magee) were enough to carry us through. the “awww”s of the night with their own Owen, whose nostalgia for her space aren’t subsumed by the superconsciousness interplanetary songs of love, loss and glory days saw her jettisoning excrement Greebox first. The evening began mundanely enough, parricide, which would be matched later into “the airlock” (the cupboard under the 12 arts & culture

Worth a Thousand Words Mary Ward reviews Kim K’s Selfish.

im Kardashian’s Selfish is a hard read. SNL cast members will charge you $30+ to Kanye’s newly wedding-banded hands— photo session in Selfish, you have to read each of their not-particularly-unique was also not photographed by Kim (unless wonder if it was even edited. (Note: KNot in that it is particularly dense or accounts of a sketch you’ve never seen. she used her feet, which, to be honest, is someone called Ian Luna did allegedly intellectually stimulating, but in that its a level of skill in this area I wouldn’t put edit the book. I reckon he probably went proportions (a small 13.5 x 18.5 cm with But, let’s be real: $22.95 is a lot of money past her). on holiday to Barbados for three months.) a whopping 4cm spine) and hardcover to pay for the privilege of scrolling through exterior make it quite difficult to someone’s Instagram feed. Because that’s So, if Selfish isn’t a book of selfies, what is it? Maybe that’s the lesson here. Celebrities physically read. It’s like someone printed really what this book is: a printout of Krap? Not quite. But it’s definitely not great. are boring. the Macquarie Schools Dictionary on photo someone’s selfies, like the one your mate paper instead of that delightfully thin stuff got made after she went on exchange. The unique thing about Kim Kardashian’s we’ve all come to associate with religious celebrity is that it is deliberate and texts and phone books. To be honest, it isn’t even that. intimate. She isn’t famous for acting or singing; she’s famous for being Kim By its physicality alone, Selfish is literally This reader noticed MULTIPLE non- Kardashian, both on reality television and the opposite of a page-turner. Battling to selfies in the text. Kim’s hands are both on social media. As a result, this is perhaps hold the book’s centre pages open could visible in the picture on page 352, taken one of the most genuine celebrity memoirs be marketed as some sort of Kardashian- during her 2014 Thailand vacation, in a ever created. It’s also one of the dullest. branded workout routine; ‘Kim K’s Book photo that is essentially a meta-selfie—a Biceps’ or ‘Read Your Way to Ripped Arms’. picture of Kim taking a selfie. The book’s With photo captions like “Miami nights” And at $22.95 Selfish is pretty cheap for final page (page 445, because this is the and “I’m obsessed with contour”, you a fitness plan. It’s also pretty cheap in the War and Peace of iPhone photography know there’s no ghostwriter. In fact, with celebrity memoir game, where former anthologies)—a picture of Kim and so many selfies from the same humdrum Sweet Dream Andy Zephyr reviews SUDS’ 2015 major production A Midsummer Night’s Dream.

he Sydney University Dramatic and the faerie monarchs dressed dark as this often destructive, taught behaviour. We for their powerful presence and emotional Society (SUDS) production of A night all help establish and reconfigure the continue to deny our wrongs, or confusion acuity. Cameron particularly strikes at MidsummerT Night’s Dream was enjoyable boundaries and culture of actor/character and, with this particular “queering” of the heartstrings during early scenes, ostensibly and evocative theatre. The cast and crew relations. Even in the tragicomedy of play, our own identities. fighting for Hermia’s love whilst implying should be congratulated for their jovial Pyramus and Thisbe, when the lovers desire and longing for Helios. performance, professional demeanour as audience have found peace between Midsummer does not entirely give itself and clever staging, and the rough grit themselves, they show complete inability over “queering”. There are fantastic I sometimes wished for more clarity that can only come from a student-run to extend support to the mechanical’s differences between same-sex couples who in staging but, given the importance performance. Personally, I thoroughly theatrics. Their bitchy and oftenare men and women, and this is the biggest of performance in the round to the enjoyed SUDS’ honesty and forthrightness condescending remarks give way to the hole in this translation; all couplings piece, faults are excusable. Not only with respect to gender, sex, sexuality and audience’s awkward laughter, unaware seem to follow the same assembly did this help construct symmetrical and romantic interactions, and acknowledging that we too will forget moral lessons instructions for homosexual romance. patterned interactions, but also created the disadvantages and personal struggle learnt from the play in mere hours. We Whilst obviously Midsummer is built on $6 tickets for those who wish to engage from those same-sex attracted. are implicated in the moment to highlight assumed monogamy, I had assumed that with theatre without having to make a the metanarrative, leaving us to question this cultural phenomenon was on the table significant material commitment. Perhaps Whilst it could’ve been easy to feel lost our doubts, doubt our memories, and to be mocked, poked fun at, or cheated. I the ephemeral, winding nature of this between the dual-characters if you were a eventually allowing us to find comfort in found nothing of the sort. I didn’t expect production has brought in those who newcomer to Midsummer, the alternating harsh realities becoming a dream. a Judith Butler level of awareness but I aren’t otherwise attending theatre shows or passion and bitterness between Tess certainly wanted more, and will continue who’ve fallen out of the habit, but economic Green (as Titania and Hypolyta) and Dreamscapes help the lovers, the cast, to want more, of the complexities of queer flexibility and a chance to be among the Dominic Scarf (as Oberon and Theseus) and their audience ignore what we so politics in SUDS. fun is the direction we must follow. made for particularly picturesque often wish to be ignorant of. Jane Hughes moments; stubborn and powerful figures (Lysander), Jessica Orchard (Hermia), Tom Nadia Bracegirdle (Midsummer’s That is the grit of student theatre. It is on stage, painted bodies in red, quarrelling Mendes (Helios) and Michael Cameron dramaturge) notes specifically “ifa path that allows theatre to continue juxtaposed to embracing, moments before. (Demetrius) as the four lovers give us Shakespeare is so universal, it should make adapting to its environment, making Director Bennett Sheldon remarks on beautiful romance on stage. Pickled by no unconscionable difference if Helena Shakespeare relevant, paving lifelong ego and selfishness and how they are internalised homophobia and examples becomes Helius and Lysander a woman,” involvement in creative industries, and “preventing action to save nature and the of LGBTQIA+ partner abuse—all of adding, “With an entire cast and crew influencing practise to keep the form alive, living environment” and fit perfectly in which society gleefully overlooks when full of sensitivity and depth, all aspects of thriving and accessible in 2015. the Millennial’s constant anxiety over the presented with it in real life—are shown the play have gained nuance I had never stagnate work around climate justice. in Midsummer. The show highlights before imagined of a Shakespearean I didn’t just enjoy myself, I was as captivated the creation of cycles that legitimise comedy” and nothing higher could be as those struck by love-in-idleness. The stark black and white uniforms of homophobia and bigotry; continual said of the persons involved. Mendes, and the lovers, the patchwork mechanicals, dismissal of behaviour as dreams imitates particularly Orchard must be commended 13 feature Things My Mother Couldn’t Tell Me ‘First in family’ students are those who are the first in their immediate family to attend university. Rebecca Wong and Alex Downie looked into the numerous challenges these students face.

n my first semester of uni, I was this one’s definitely going.” from high school, which she admits in amongst a group of people who “wasn’t much of a support base”. “The rest “Iwere talking about school excursions. To Jena’s parents, university was an took on apprenticeships in beauty and They’d been to Nice and they’d been to opportunity to better her circumstances. hair and stuff, which is quite a common Paris. I told them that the excursions I “My parents … envision that if you have trend for [my school].” remembered going on were to Cronulla a university degree, then you’ll definitely beach and … a sewerage factory.” succeed.” Max, a recent Bachelor of Arts graduate from Sydney’s North-West, told us that Jena Ye, a Bachelor of Arts student, went Indeed, Jena had initially been planning “I remember first semester of first year, to a low socioeconomic status (SES) to move to the UK on a working visa just me chilling on the lawns with my free public high school in Sydney’s South- as early as possible after finishing her SMH, purely because I just didn’t know West. Her mother is a labourer who degree at the end of this year. However, anyone. It was daunting, definitely.” works at a packaging firm, and her dad her parents “really wanted to see me go owns a small business selling clothes. through that whole graduation ceremony The predominance of rich, private Jena, like all students we interviewed for process, and that’s not until April. They school students within USU clubs and this article, is the first member of her want to know that I’ve gone through the societies such as debating and Model immediate family to attend university. Australian education system and see that UN is particularly discouraging for some. I’ve made it through. It’s really important “I think the private school networks, Statistics on the participation of ‘first for them, and I knew that, so I decided everyone knows everyone, they have a very in family’ students at Sydney University ‘alright, I’ll save until I’m ready’. I mean, different approach to friendships,” says are not publicly available; we contacted it’s the least I can do.” Max. “They’re much more mature than I the University of Sydney administration was at 18 or 19, because I was just a kid but they were unable to provide us with Multiple students we spoke to stressed from, you know, Dural.” any figures. However, the University is the cultural emphasis that their parents extremely unrepresentative: in 2012, only placed on education. As one student eight per cent of its domestic students explained, “it’s that classic, I guess, As one student who grew came from a low SES background, a ethnic mentality, where you’re only really up in regional Queensland figure barely half the national average. successful if you become a doctor or told us, “I knew that my whatever.” way to get out of there was The first-generation students we to go to uni.” spoke to characterised themselves as For many parents, however, university was incredibly lucky. Some were extroverted not only invaluable but also inscrutable. enough to overcome the barriers to As another student commented: “people social participation at uni, exacerbated whose parents have already gone to Unfortunately, this class-based exclusion by the existence of elite private school uni have a pre-established idea of what sometimes extends into the classroom. networks. Some compensated for their uni actually is. Whereas I think ethnic As one student explained, “I think there’s lack of institutional knowledge and minorities often feel that uni is so much also a presumption of the kinds of class familial connections through hard work, bigger than it is. And often it’s quite a backgrounds in the classroom as well. So motivated by financial pressures and the hard vision to fill for them.” in Law it’s really common for lecturers or aspirations of migrant parents. other students to be like ‘people like us *** are very privileged’, and universalising an All came up against a system in which experience of how we all wound up in that the odds were stacked against them. But The University of Sydney’s student classroom, when I don’t necessarily think that system was also a means of escape. population is notoriously homogenous. there’s that much overlap in terms of our As one student who grew up in regional The affluent North Shore and Eastern privileges.” Queensland told us, “I knew that my Suburbs hold less than 15 per cent way to get out of there was to go to uni.” of Sydney’s population, but in 2010 *** they were home to 65 per cent of the *** university’s student population. The rituals of networking and CV- stacking, and the necessary accumulation Jena was self-motivated from an early It is sadly unsurprising that many first- of social capital, seemed particularly age: “there was no expectation for me generation students struggle to socially daunting to most students we interviewed. to go [to uni], but I showed a particular integrate. A student told us that when interest in education and in studying, she first arrived at USyd, her network Gaming the system is foreign to Edward, and so my parents were like …. well, consisted of three vague acquaintances who studies Arts/Law. He reflected

14 feature

that highly competitive avenues such as Even those from wealthier backgrounds handling students dealing with mental family to attend university, explained to corporate law were probably closed to him felt that a lack of family know-how had health and family issues. “I find that at Honi that the network is trying to recruit because of his “inability to play the game”. affected their employability. Max, whose certain times it’s kind of like ‘well bad students from the Arts faculty, with a view parents work in software infrastructure luck’. I’ve never really understood why the to eventually branching out to the broader Circumstances prevented Nabila’s parents and university administration, told us how Law faculty is so bad at student support. university. from fulfilling their aspirations to attend he “had no expectation, no idea even what I’ve been at UNSW for a couple of subjects university; her mother was unable to *** complete the law degree she’d started in Lebanon. The North Shore and Eastern Suburbs hold less Michael chose to study General Maths for than 15 per cent of Sydney’s population, but in his HSC. The teachers at his small Catholic “In terms of, for instance, internships and 2010 they were home to 65 per cent of the high school in Sydney’s north-west told graduate opportunities... they can’t really University’s student population. him that “we weren’t good enough, and that guide me and tell me, ‘it’s that time in we’d struggle if we did 2-unit.” It wasn’t your degree where you should seriously be until Orientation Day that Michael realised considering A B C’, simply because they to do at uni. I wish that I’d known that before, and I found their Law faculty to he hadn’t studied sufficient mathematics don’t know about those things.” For first Sociology 1001 was really important, that be amazing. They bend over backwards to for his Economics degree. in family students, it isn’t just a matter of I shouldn’t have gotten just a pass because try and ensure that you can complete your economic mobility; they are entering a it would hurt my WAM. I didn’t know degree, or to get you through a semester.” Michael spent the rest of his holiday world with codes they have not learned what those things meant, and how they teaching himself the entire 2-unit to read and rules they have not inherited. translated to post-uni life.” Nabila, mentioned above, studied Science preliminary and HSC syllabus. “I borrowed for two years before transferring to Arts. all the prelim & HSC textbooks from a Many students believed that their *** She found that the Science faculty were mate that did 4-unit and got to work. I background had been a very significant “not very supportive whatsoever”. “I went taught myself everything … from trig, to disadvantage in one important respect; The University of Sydney does not offer to see a careers advisor from the Science geometry to calculus. Before this, I didn’t getting a job. As Michael, an Economics/ specialised support to first-generation faculty and she looked at me, looked down even know what a derivative or integral was. Law student, explained: “There is no one students. at me, and was like, ‘are you sure you To this day, I don’t understand logarithms I, or my family, can ask for employment wouldn’t just be better suited to something because I didn’t understand the textbooks.” advice. I have no connections I can exploit The University has made an increasing like an Arts degree?’ as if it was something with any professional in any industry effort to recruit and support students even remotely associated with my degree. from low-SES backgrounds, expanding I know lots of truck drivers, though.” programs such as the Early Offer Year “I have no connections I can exploit with any professional 12 (e12) scheme, which offers ATAR in any industry even remotely associated with my degree. Michael watched nervously as his peers discounts and scholarships to low-SES I know lots of truck drivers though”. leveraged the parental connections he students. didn’t have into internships and jobs. “Sometimes their parents just straight-up But once at university, students often lesser.” By contrast, “the Arts faculty Last year, Michael graduated from his get them a job at the company at which struggle to access the support services that people have been very supportive …. you Economics degree with First Class they work, sometimes their parents know are available. For instance, the University can sit down and have a conversation with Honours, and he recently landed his someone who is willing to hire them and offers bursaries to students in urgent need them [the academics]”. first professional job. “I would love to other times their parents know people in of financial support. However, as Edward see networking events where employers a company that is hiring who can give observed, “to qualify for a bursary, you The Department of History is in the specifically look to recruit students like them advice as to exactly how to write the have to have passed all your subjects the process of launching ‘First in Family’, a me,” he told Honi. He wants them to know kind of resume that HR wants to read. previous semester or year. I’ve been in support network that aims to connect that “our lack of experience is the result of This is without even mentioning all the a position where I failed subjects due to students whose parents did not attend institutional factors beyond our control, jobs well-connected kids get that aren’t health issues, and it was difficult to be told university so that they can meet, socialise, and not a blight on us as people”. advertised that I don’t even know about.” that [I wasn’t] able to be given financial support each other and perhaps find assistance in the form of a bursary because cooperative ways of addressing common Opportunity breeds opportunity, and John of those marks. I find that quite bizarre, challenges. worries that this initial disadvantage will because I think the people who most need Interested in joining the First in Family affect his prospects after graduation: “the financial assistance are probably those The network, which emerged out of informal Network? more internships I apply for and fail to get, who are struggling academically.” discussions between academics, is currently I feel like I’m falling further and further being championed by Undergraduate Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ behind other students who, one day, will Student experiences also varied widely History student representative Ashleigh groups/firstinfamily become my competitors for grad jobs”. between faculties. Edward found the Law Taylor, the first student to undertake faculty to be “pretty bad” and inflexible at this role. Ashleigh, who is the first in her Contact: [email protected]

15 misc How I Roll Alexandros Tsathas takes you on an odyssey of student automobiles.

(Left-to-right: Highway to Hamburgers, Pup on Science Road, Repairs on a budget.)

Cabin Pup’s suspension. We traverse two or three of other road users. Pup is fitted with Ben’s 2004 Mazda 2 humps when I begin to hear a suspect optional side and curtain airbags. She 5 seat, 5-door hatchback. Ben calls his Mazda “Pup” or “milk rattle from the rear axle. I question Ben. has ABS, but not traction control. Radio carton”. I cannot make sense of the “Na, that was the crane”, is his response. volume adjustment buttons have taken Engine: 1.5L 4-cylinder. latter at first, but then Ben explains that I am not entirely convinced—“Are there the place of cruise control toggles on the his automobile’s boxy form resembles a always cranes about when you drive over steering wheel. Transmission: 4 speed automatic. 250mL Moove carton rather than the 3L speed humps?”. Ben dismisses my test of bottle I had envisaged. his faculties and assures me that vehicle One of Pup’s features unsettles your ANCAP safety rating: 4 stars. maintenance is performed thoroughly and correspondent. It does not sit well with A physiotherapy student, Ben’s beamy regularly. Ben either. The penultimate radio volume Mileage: 153, 000km. countenance and penchant for all things level is 33. Then it clocks over to MAX, athletic are well-reflected in Pup’s interior. implying 34 is the maximum volume level. Whereas other cars might have leather or Service history Why such an arbitrary number to max-out t is one of life’s unspoken truisms that faux-walnut inlays, Pup’s trim is cut from on? Multiples of 5 or 10 are the industry every house has a signature scent, a Asics trainer mesh. Ben is the youngest of four and every one standard. Ibespoke homage to the people inside. The of his siblings learned to drive in Pup. same is true of people’s cars. Let’s call it Rather surprisingly, Ben’s haunches are Drivetrain “abode-scent”. the fifth pair to warm the driver’s seat. According to Ben, most people Ben’s parents purchased Pup off an elderly We arrive at Main Campus. Ben lets rip The house of a primary school acquaintance lady who clocked up a mere 10,000km. up the Science Road incline. Pup strains of mine had a fish sauce abode-scent. The think that his car smells like a Ben doesn’t say it, nor does he indicate it audibly. Ben deserves more grunt from car of a kid on my soccer team had a public toilet. in any meaningful way, but there is a silent the 1.5L 4-cylinder engine, which other sweaty abode-scent, somehow intensifying understanding between us that his family competitors in the 2’s price bracket offer. when the air-conditioning was turned on. took full advantage of the elderly seller’s Everybody aims for a neutral abode-scent, Plasticity is the best word for “the cockpit”, difficulty appropriating car sale prices to The plan was a photoshoot out the front of but very few achieve it. what Ben calls the driver’s seat (he also the post-war era. the Quadrangle Building. We forget that speaks of Pup having done 153,000 bollards prevent access from Science Road Ben is no exception. His 2004 Mazda 2 has “clicks”). Plasticity, not only because grey Being the “training wheels” for Ben’s family, and must turn back the way we came. a soapy abode-scent. Nothing too foreign plastic dominates the centre console, but Pup has a colourful history, of which any Classes have just finished, pedestrians are or floral—think Sunlight or Palmolive because Ben has been plastic in fashioning prospective buyer should be aware: two swarming our vehicle and traffic is banking Gold. There is a very straightforward adaptations to overcome the 2’s design rear-enders, a front “smooch”, a dent over up behind us. I grow stressed, fearing a explanation: Ben’s hot hatch houses three flaws. No money tray? No worries. Ben the left rear door, gaffer tape holding on 75-point turn imminent. Thankfully, Pup’s air-fresheners. has placed a cylindrical money box in the front bumper and an electric side super-tight turning circle makes light the cupholder. No sunglasses holder? mirror that needs to be adjusted by hand. work of the U-turn. We skedaddle off on Straddling the dash air vent is a purple Ben cleverly uses the recess under the our merry way. Airwick. Dangling from Ben’s rear-view handbrake to stow his shades. is an oval-shaped freshener, courtesy of No money tray? No worries. the good people at Hornsby Auto Service. Economy The third culprit casts a misleading pine Handling Ben has placed a cylindrical tree-shaped silhouette as it swings from money box in the cupholder. Exiting via Western Ave, I quiz Ben on the grab handle atop the rear passenger- The first few kilometres of our test the 2’s economy. By his account, Pup is side door. It is supposed to emit “New Car drive take us through the testing esses quite efficient: he fills up once a week for Scent”. of Rookwood Cemetery. Shady pines Accessories $35-50, which lasts him around 400km. line the road and the morning sunshine According to Ben, most people think that dapples the dashboard. Quite a pleasant Perhaps the most telling feature of any his car smells like a public toilet. And it drive, were it not for the stark reminder automobile is its horn. Pup’s horn is bright Overall is this self-deprecating sense of humour of human mortality at every turn and the and buzzy; nonchalant. It’s not a horn of that I quickly warm to when Honi road incessant hammering of the undertaker’s frustration, but of invitation. A nifty little buzzbox that reliably takes Ben tests Ben’s 2004 Mazda 2. Our journey Bobcat. from point A to B, and occasionally point C. will take us from Cumberland Campus to The 2’s horn is harmless, a mantra that Optional safety extras, an excellent service Main Campus via Rookwood Cemetery The car’s steering is very responsive, typical history and Ben’s conscientious driving style and the Hume. of Japanese hatches. The ride is firm, if a extends to occupant safety. The’ 04 Mazda all make this vehicle an attractive package tad too much so at times. Speed humps 2 has an ANCAP safety rating of 4 stars for the bargain-hunter. What is lacks in litter the cemetery, opportune for testing and an “Excellent” score for the protection grunt it makes up for in character.

16 misc

Sam Langford and Max Hall introduce you to the University of Sydney’s new wordpress template. the good_ “western suburbs”) are “more bohemian than the CBD”. world rankings” above the “Faculties and schools” in the It has some genuinely great content on Sydney living “About Us” section; “Fees and finance” above “Education The new USyd website opens with a gif containing a costs and SRC services, as well as the curious claim that facilities” on the “Study” menu. It’s the slow, soul- lingering booty shot, complete with a lens flare and food and coffee are available “every thirty metres on crushing digestion of fifty thousand diverse students by the pasty glint of athletic tan lines. “See what you can campus.” The “reasons to live in Sydney” link, somewhat a hyperdontic corporate orifice that dictates two official achieve,” the site invites us, then delivers an answer in confusingly, redirects to UAC. shades of grey. oversaturated slow-mo: raw sex appeal. It’s a stunning rebuke to whoever suggested that the Snapback Lad can’t the bad_ the ugly_ be the face (or arse) of an entire student body. One thing that hasn’t changed is the Acknowledgement of Despite sorta working on mobile, slick fonts to the tune At pains to get on the students’ level, the University offers Country, which is still rendered in a tiny font and shunted of $2000, and a sparse design that endlessly repeats the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to “see our campus to the very bottom of the page. It’s unclear whether it meaningless section titles, the University was careful to through a student’s eyes”. This turns out to be a hazy remains vaguely worded to include all satellite campuses, preserve a little of the old site’s character: Barry Spurr timelapse from the perspective of everyone’s favourite or if it’s just that—despite using the word “research” 33 remains listed as a staff member, content is studiously Eastern Ave stoner. The blurry, wildly-lurching interactive times on a single page—the University didn’t bother to difficult to find, and if you manage to navigate to the perfectly evokes the time-honoured tradition of turning Google. FAQ, the old website design itself is resurrected. Arbitrary up to ECOP1001 high after a big night out. content is underscored by literal underscores. Other pages leave you wondering whether the University There is, of course, a little propaganda, but on the whole bothered to proof-read. The proud admission that “With The university has retained its ill-advised black-on-red the website provides a number of different angles, 134 countries represented in our student body, we’re colour scheme. Echoes of the blood of angry men and including 90 degree rotated text, perfect for those of us proud to play host to many of them” leaves one wondering the dark of ages past abound in the hard to read type. It’s inclined towards the right. uncomfortably which countries the University isn’t proud about as accessible as that Les Mis reference. to host. The University also seems to have belatedly embraced Yet no more do they ask “What is leadership?”. Nay, they transparency. “The Sydney student experience is a bit like There is one thing the site embraces unequivocally, have learned what it is, and they know exactly where it is. Costco,” it proclaims, finally acknowledging its global though: hierarchy. Hierarchy is good, we learn: it’s good “Leadership for good starts here” the site informs us in position as a vendor of mass-produced shit. management; it’s good design. It’s dropdown menus that white text at the bottom of the page. A few lines later, a look like flowcharts, trapping prospective donors in an lone scrap of monospace font begs the viewer to “follow Thankfully, the site covers all bases, telling us that ouroboric cycle of giving (why give? -> where give -> us_”. The following underscore trails off into the abyss. Newtown and Glebe (referred to, incredibly, as the ways to give, and so on ad infinitum). It’s promoting “Our You’re stuck down here. “For good.” It Doesn’t Grow on Trees Naaman Zhou on the revolution of the American banknote.

The American banknote has been the 75% cotton/25% linen, is as technically unrecognisable ideas, it’s become the only Native American lives (‘The Trail of same kind of dying green its whole life, advanced as a t-shirt.1 national currency its own public hates. Tears’) and tried to destroy the National like the oxidisation on scrap copper. It Bank. The threads of his history don’t has been the same size since 1929, like a Even worse, all the American Thus the need for female and black lead to anything, his place on the bill is child that refuses to grow. The American denominations are the same size and representation should be self-evident— an accident that wasn’t corrected, old age banknote is stuck in time. Culturally and colour. This makes it impossible for the people need a banknote they can recognise and high office mistaken for lasting worth. technologically, it is one of the world’s visually impaired to tell a $5 from a $50. themselves in. In fact, the current problem most commonly-handled relics. The banknote’s problem, distilled, is one of isn’t solely that bills only feature dead Common citizens deserve the platform, accessibility. The national currency should white guys, it’s that they aren’t even the and relevance should be the watchword. In 2020, a small change is scheduled be accessible to the nation’s people— most relevant dead white guys for the job. Again, Australia is something of a gold to come. It’s been announced that a relevant, modern, reflective of natural These are the dead white guys that the standard—we’ve got Banjo Patterson prominent, historically significant woman diversity. Instead they have that bizarre average punter wouldn’t know. and Dame Nellie Melba (famous cultural (as yet unspecified) will grace the $10 Freemason, ‘Illuminati’ eye. A noteface icons!); David Unaipon and Edith bill (exact placement unknown). It’s long crammed with gothic imagery and loops Andrew Jackson, seventh president and Cowan (trailblazers with modern social overdue and welcome, but it’s not nearly of vaguely-threatening Latin nobody can face of the $20, once savagely beat a man legacies!).4 Pre-Eurozone, the French enough. The American bill is a complete explain. The conspiracy crackpots prove with a cane2 and is technically a murderer.3 had Marie Curie, and in 2017, the British failure of design, inside and out, in need a point: the note is so devoted to old, He’s responsible for the loss of 4,000 will have Jane Austen. These are faces of revolution. people actually recognise, faces that mean something. Australians, for one, are used to a finer kind of fabric. The Reserve Bank’s polymer Against this, the US banknote is a banknote, in circulation since 1988, is maddening, beautifully mundane icon of a flexible, multi-panelled marvel. Made American intransigence—with its second- of plastic and layered ink, it combines rate fabric, third-rate faces, unblinking eye durability with cellophane/cathedral- from 1782. Probably, it’s some psychic by- window vividity. In comparison, the product of exceptionalism—why change paper-based greenback feels like moth when you’ve been muttering for years that wings and particleboard. The Aussie note nobody does it better? Except of course, is waterproof and harder to counterfeit we do. than its US sibling, which, being made of Just cut and colour and spend away!

1. Except you can wash a t-shirt. 4. Fun and wonderful fact—every Australian note has equal representation (woman 2. Ok yes, the man was trying to assassinate him but, trust me, he was an angry old on one side, man on the other), except the $5, where the Queen’s face flips over to re- fuck with a penchant for cane-related assault. veal a sketch of Parliament House. Ergo, more women than men. Our currency rules. 3. Killed a man in a duel. 17 10 Reasons to Fight the USyd ‘Restructure’

April Holcombe and Kim Murphy from the Education Action Group, with their view on the Strategic Plan.

The Education Action Group will be gather- for students who wish to further their 5. Hundreds of staff could lose their jobs undergrad and one postgrad. This limits ing on the Law Lawns, 1:00pm on Wednes- undergraduate studies. Another manda- Cutting around one hundred degrees may students’ access to government HECS- day, 19 August for a National Day of Action. tory year at university will disadvantage mean massive cuts to general and admin- HELP, massively driving up the price. They want you to come along. and discourage poor and international istrative staff. These are the folks who help Many units of study currently in under- students who are already forced to work you with every bit of paperwork and make graduate programs will only be available in Vice-Chancellor Michael Spence has re- whilst studying. Spence’s offensive sugges- sure everything runs smoothly across the the Master’s component, thereby ‘locking’ leased two reports with management’s tion for such students is to study through uni. students into researching at Sydney Uni- plan to “restructure” undergraduate de- winter and summer schools to speed up versity. grees over the next five-year period. The their degree. These are expensive and take The general staff of the pharmacy de- 2016-20 Strategic Plan contains a lot of place in holidays when students are usual- partment has already been given notice 9. A playground for the wealthy buzzwords about “exciting opportunities” ly working to pay the rent. of their redundancy. Hundreds more will The Vice-Chancellor’s solution to longer for “world-class education”. But Spence is follow. With a cruel method called “spill- degrees is that “intakes would be reduced looking for more profits, and his plan will 3. Spence tried to make you pay $100,000 and-fill”, management will force these re- to maintain overall load”. So Sydney Uni- drastically worsen university life for both Spence lobbied hard for the Liberal gov- dundant workers to compete for their old versity will become an even more exclusive students and staff. ernment’s plans to deregulate university jobs. Workers are being pushed through institution, a haven for the rich with a to- fees. This would remove any limit to what this humiliating process in order to accept ken poorer student or two. Obsessed with The National Union of Students has a university can charge you for a degree, worse pay and conditions, even those with world rankings, administration see too organised national demonstrations on and predictions are that fees would double decades of experience. many students as undermining its prestige. August 19th against the Liberal govern- or triple to over $100,000. ment’s $100,000 degrees. Here at Sydney 6. Slower, busier, overflowing 10. Standing up for ourselves Uni, we’re combining this fight with op- Now that deregulation has been voted Less staff means those who remain are Students, like workers, pensioners, and the position to Spence’s restructure. down twice in parliament, the adminis- overworked and under-resourced. Stu- poor, are up against a vicious Liberal gov- tration are looking elsewhere to engorge dents will be waiting longer in line, there ernment. These Liberals know no compas- Here are ten reasons to come along: their profits. The restructure is Spence’s will be more problems with IT and appli- sion, only profits. Two thirds of students plan B and feels like deregulation by other cations, lecture theatres and tutorials will are already living beneath the poverty 1. Taking the decisions out of your hands means. We can’t trust someone who pub- overflow. There’s plenty of money there to line, but Abbott wants young people to Sydney University’s 120 undergraduate licly campaigned to screw students over. give workers good pay and conditions that wait four weeks before accessing welfare, degree options and its flexible curriculum then flow on to students’ learning condi- to slash penalty rates, and to make us pay are welcomed by the majority of students. 4. Protests killed plan A—they can kill tions. But management run USyd like a for healthcare. Taking more income away The Vice-Chancellor argues students are plan B business. from students is kicking those who are al- overwhelmed by all this choice, and would To stop fee deregulation, our National Un- ready down. prefer around 20 degrees with rigid course ion of Students has organised an ongoing 7. Staff and students are stronger together content, with many saying the exact op- protest campaign for students’ rights. Last The Student Representative Council has Student protests have and will continue to posite. year, we disrupted live television on Q&A, successfully fought alongside staff against empower young people to demand their chased Liberal MPs off campus, and held job cuts in 2012, in the strike campaign to rights. Consistent protests by Chiléan stu- Spence’s proposal would make the entire the biggest student street demonstrations protect working conditions in 2013, and dents over the past 5 years have won them first year of study a generic “skill-build- in a decade. For the broader public, ‘de- against the current restructure. The Nation- free higher education. Right here our ed- ing” course unrelated to students’ interests. regulation’ could just have been one attack al Tertiary Education Union (NTEU) has ucation campaign has shown the Liberals Units outside one’s faculty would become among many in the 2014 Budget; with organised a rally for Wednesday, 5 August we mean business, and has helped us win mandatory rather than optional. a vibrant protest campaign, it became against job cuts with the intent of helping mass support from a broader public sim- a deeply hated measure associated with to build momentum for 19 August. ilarly under attack. It’s now arguably the Such a drastic downsizing could involve Christopher Pyne. most unpopular government in Australian course cuts: gender studies, cultural stud- Staff working conditions are student history. ies, architecture and music are the most The next National Day of Action (NDA) learning conditions. We should stand with likely victims. on 19 August will keep attention on the our staff who make the university run. If we can do to Michael Spence what most vicious attack on students in a gen- we’ve done to Christopher Pyne, we can 2. Four more years? eration. When deregulation goes for a 8. You’re locked in at USyd assure our rights are defended on all The most serious restructure is the pro- third vote later this year, we need to make University management is also hoping to fronts. Spence has made a profession out posed extension of all undergraduate de- sure we have kept up public pressure on turn many double-degrees into vertical of ignoring students, but let’s make that grees from three years to four. A fourth cross-benchers and not let it slip through. degrees. In other words, two undergradu- impossible from this semester on. year, called honours, is already an option ate degrees (like BArts/Law) become one

18 src caseworker help

Libraries, Libraries all around Ask Abe

SRC Caseworker HELP Q&A

contraceptives available. Talk to your GP Hello Abe, about your options. My girlfriend is pregnant and I just Now that your girlfriend is pregnant it don’t know what to do. If she wants to would be a good idea for her to talk to a keep the baby I guess I’ll support her counsellor. The university has a free coun- but I’ve only got 2 years to go in my selling service that keeps your issues con- course and I’d rather finish my studies fidential. You can talk to a doctor who is then think about starting a family. I also bound to keep your situation confi- don’t even know if I love her or not. dential. Beware of counselors and doctors What would you suggest my options who give advice based on their personal are? beliefs rather than your welfare. Not Ready to Be a Daddy If you do decide to keep the baby then both you and her will need to negotiate your situation. You need to work out what Don’t rely solely on Wikipedia to research some computers and photocopy machines. Dear NRBD, you’re willing to commit to, and what else your assignments. (Or possibly at all.) They also tend to have some of the love- I’m sorry to hear that you’re in this you will need. If you decide to terminate Every Faculty has a library that specialis- liest sun shiny spots. If you manage to situation. I would encourage anyone the pregnancy then you can talk about es in information relevant to your course. avoid snoring, you should be able to have who is having sex to use a condom, as your choices with the doctor. If you find These libraries vary in size and are gener- a little kip there to rejuvenate yourself in that is the only way to stop the spread that you are too stressed to focus on your study apply for Special Consideration. ally located near your lectures. There is a time for your next set of study tasks. of sexually transmitted infections as Check your faculty for details. Faculty Liaison Librarian who is able to well as stopping pregnancy. If you are Please BE AWARE: thieves also find li- in a monogamous relationship then help you navigate the resources available Abe braries great places to hang out and pick you could consider some of the other to you. You can ask questions at the help up your stuff. Make sure you are careful desk or you can email them. Abe is the SRC’s welfare dog. This column offers students the opportunity to ask questions with phones, computers, wallets, etc. on anything. This can be as personal as a question on a Centrelink payment or as general The libraries are also where you’ll find as the state of the world. Send your questions to [email protected]

Students’ Representative Council, University of Sydney Notice of 2015 Students’ Representative Council Annual Election

Nominations for the Students’ Representative Council Annual Nomination forms can be downloaded from the SRC website: Elections for the year 2015 close at 4pm on Wednesday the www.src.usyd.edu.au, or picked up from SRC front office 19th of August 2015. Polling will be held on the 23rd and 24th (Level 1, Wentworth Building) from 4pm July 29th 2015. of September 2015. Pre-polling will also take place outside the Nominations must also be lodged online along with your policy SRC offices (Level 1, Wentworth Building) on Tuesday the 22nd statement and Curriculum Vitae (optional), by close of nominations of September 2015 from 10am–3pm. All students who are duly at: www.src.usyd.edu.au. For more information call 9660 5222. enrolled for attendance at lectures are eligible to vote. Members of the student body who have paid their nomination fee to Council are Signed nomination forms and a printed copy of your online eligible to nominate and be nominated, except National Union of nomination must be received no later than 4pm on Wednesday Students national office bearers. Full-time officebearers of the SRC 19th August, either at the SRC front office (Level 1, Wentworth may also nominate as NUS delegates. Building), OR at the following postal address: PO Box 794, Broadway NSW 2007. Nominations are called for the following elections/positions and open on the 29th July 2015 at 4pm: Nominations which have not been delivered (printed, signed, hardcopy) either to the Electoral Officer at the SRC front office or to (a) The election of the Representatives to the 88th SRC the post office box shown above and submitted online by the close (33 positions) of nominations will not be accepted regardless of when they were (b) The election of the President of the 88th SRC posted or received. (c) The election of the Editor(s) of Honi Soit for the 88th SRC The regulations of the SRC relating to elections are available online at www.src.usyd.edu.au or from the SRC front office, (d) The election of National Union of Students delegates for (Level 1, Wentworth Building). the 88th SRC (7 positions)

Authorised by P. Graham, SRC Electoral Officer 2015. Students’ Representative Council, The University of Sydney Phone: 02 9660 5222 | www.src.usyd.edu.au

19 src officebearer reports

These pages belong to the officebearers of the SRC.

They are not altered, edited, or changed in any way by the Honi editors. President’s Report

Kyol Blakeney

By the time this report is released a staff new Strategic Plan 2016-2020. But wait, On another note, I am disappointed to in our policy documents to write to me rally at our University will be in its final there’s more. Not only will these staff be report to you that there are proposed directly before the meeting on August stages of planning for Wednesday 5th cut, but also over 100 degree opportunities changes to the Universities Assessment 19th so I can voice your concerns to the August. This rally is lead by the NTEU for students to be replaced with 4 year Procedures that add more bureaucracy board. and the SRC stands in solidarity with vertical degrees—forcing you to pay even between the relationship of students and it. This is because the SRC will always more for your education with a further staff. The changes, which are set to go to [email protected] stand for workers’ rights and values the incentive to take up a Postgraduate degree Academic Board on the 19th August, contribution to our society at the hands of which (as said in my previous report) does remove the clause for Simple Exensions the worker. not have a cap on how much you can be entirely. I will be opposing the proposal charged. I encourage everyone to rally on when it’s brought to the Academic Board As some of you may be aware of, many staff Eastern Ave on the 5th August at 1pm to for approval but my vote will not be members of this University have received stand up for staff and your education. enough. I ask that those who see the value their redundancy letters as a result of the in having the Simple Extension included General Secretaries’ Report

Chiara Angeloni

elcome back to class! coming soon to a protest near you. We’re papers prepared by the university on its Day of Action for August 19. Mark this also proposing new policy for the loaning strategic plan. Please take time to read date in your diary and join the SRC at the SinceW our last report, we’ve been instituting of items from the shared resources pool through and consider these papers, as Law Lawns on Eastern Avenue at 1pm as some of the changes set out in the 2015 at the SRC’s August Council meeting. they have important implications for we continue our fight for a more fair and SRC budget. The meeting will be held on Wednesday the future of undergraduate study at The equitable education system. August 5 at 6pm at the Professorial Board University of Sydney. We are particularly This includes extending the hours of the Room (in the Quadrangle). As always, all concerned about the equity implications Finally—a reminder that if you’re looking Legal Service, increasing the pay of the undergraduate students are welcome to of this paper, lack of adequate detail in to sell last semester’s textbooks or buy Honi Soit editors, and obtaining approval attend. plans for improving cultural competence textbooks for this semester at a discounted of the SRC’s affiliation fee to the National at the university, and the repercussions of rate, check out SRC Books at srcusyd. Union of Students from their Fee Review Over the break we were also involved in the proposals for staff. net.au/src-books/. SRC Books is located Committee. discussions with the University regarding on Level 4 of the Wentworth Building its strategic plan for 2016-2020. You may Beyond campus, with fee deregulation still (opposite the International Student Further, we’ve purchased two megaphones have recently received emails from Vice- on the Liberal party’s agenda, the National Lounge). for the SRC’s new shared resources pool - Chancellor Dr Spence about discussion Union of Students has called a National Indigenous Student Officers’ Report

Nathan Sheldon-Anderson

owdy y’all. Firstly, before we go into Communities’. This collective consists more details regarding the rally, check the Parker, Tony McAvoy, Larissa Brendt and what happened over the break and of non-Indigenous and Indigenous Facebook event page of the same name. Aunty Joan Tranter. It was an incredibly Hwhat we have coming up this semester students who wish to support Indigenous enlightening experience to hear them all. we need to say goodbye to one of our communities, whether that is locally like Towards the end of the break, I attended Indigenous Officers, Jethro Braico. We the Redfern Tent Embassy or communities the Aboriginal & Torres Strait Islander Now, for this semester we have some thank Jethro for all he has contributed such as those in Western Australia. Student Conference (ATSIC), which awesome things planned such as to the collective in the past semester, for This support is through actions such as was organised by the NUS ATSI Officer Indigenous film screenings. Once the dates his spirit at every rally, his participation fundraising, donating time and attending Bridget Cama. The conference was a have been organised for our events we in the Indigenous Student Games, rallies. If you would like to get involved, great chance to meet other Indigenous shall let you all know. Now before I leave his Indigenous Honi article and his you should attend the upcoming rally, officers from all over the country, learn y’all let us make a clarification. Imaginary camaraderie. We wish Jethro the best for ‘Build Aboriginal Housing on the Block of their own difficulties and strengths at spears do not hurt. A man being proud of all his future endeavours. May the Hairy Now!’ on the 11th at the state parliament their universities. This will allow us to his culture does not hurt. Targeted booing Man never catch him! house. The purpose of the rally will be to organise on a national scale in regards to and vilification of a man for being proud demand that the NSW State Government Indigenous issues. The conference also had of his culture, for highlighting the racist Over the break, a couple of great things support the funding of low cost housing some amazing guest speakers such as Dr history and present of our nation, is racist happened. For starters a new collective for Aboriginal people in The Block and Lilon Bandler, Professor The Honourable and disgusting. was formed, ‘Students Support Aboriginal review the commercial development. For Dame Marie Bashir AD CVO, Jamie 20 src officebearer reports

Wom*n’s Officers’ Report

Subeta Vimalarajah & Xiaoran Shi

Hey, feminists! Welcome back to another Subeta also organised our firstWom*n’s Library. So far, we’ve received where the issue is to be discussed, things semester of intersectional activism and intersectionality workshop with high donations and offers of support from are looking optimistic. To get those creativity. We hope you’ve had a restful school students (“fEMPOWER”) Spinifex Press, The Women’s Library in dithering states (including NSW) on side, break and are ready to get back into some across NSW. Thanks to Anna, Julia, Newtown and Jura Books. We are relying there are rallies on the 14th of August that feminist shenanigans. Margery, Lane, Brigitte, Freya, Kitty heavily on the generous donations of you can find on Facebook. and Arabella, who volunteered and have likeminded organisations and individuals, Over the past month or so, a few collective been consistently committed to this so donations are welcome. We’ll also be Last but certainly not least, our weekly members have been busy wheatpasting project. From our feedback we scored holding a Wom*n’s Library launch and collective meetings will be held at the same Camperdown/Darlington campus and a mighty 4.94/5 as an average for being book drive soon. time of Thursdays at 1pm in the Manning Newtown with anti-street harassment “friendly and informative volunteers” and Wom*n’s Room. We also have a secret posters, to protest the 87% of Australian literally all 34 of the students wanted the Finally, the Stop Taxing My Period Facebook group where we do a lot of the women who have experienced verbal or workshop to be run again in their school, campaign is not over yet! After a busy planning for our projects, so if you’d like to physical abuse whilst walking down the as well as extension workshops—both of break Subeta spent talking to the Senior join, don’t hesitate to add us on Facebook street. Xiaoran is planning to do regular which we’re planning at the moment. Advisors to the State/Territory Treasurers and we’ll add you to the group quick smart. wheatpasting nights featuring original leading up to the CFFR (Council of feminist artwork by collective members. Xiaoran is also firing up to launch the new Federal Financial Relations) meeting [email protected].

IN A PICKLE?

Criminal Charges

Motor Vehicle Accidents Fines When does your Insurance student visa run out? Debts It is your responsibility to ensure that you comply with all your student visa conditions, especially the length of stay allowed under your visa entitlement. Immigration ...and more You can find out about all the applicable visa conditions and your visa expiry date using the online service (Visa Entitlement Verification Online – “VEVO”) on the Department of Immigration and Border Protection website. Use this URL: https://online.immi.gov.au/evo/firstParty When accessing this online service, you will need your passport number and other If You Have a Legal Problem, identification details which can be found on the visa grant email sent by the Department. If you are not sure how to use VEVO or have trouble with this online service, you We Can Help for FREE! can get FREE help from the SRC registered migration agent by contacting 9660 5222. Make sure you put the visa expiry date in your calendar and remember to NOT overstay your visa! Overstaying leads to serious legal consequences which in some situations may require you to We have a solicitor 法律諮詢 who speaks Cantonese, leave Australia immediately and you will not be able to come back again for 3 years. 法律アドバイス Mandarin & Japanese Level 1, Wentworth Bldg, University of Sydney p: 02 9660 5222 | w: src.usyd.edu.au Liability limited by This service is provided Level 1, Wentworth Bldg, University of Sydney a scheme approved to you by the Students’ e: solicitor @ src.usyd.edu.au under Professional Representative Council, p: 02 9660 5222 | w: src.usyd.edu.au Standards Legislation. University of Sydney ACN 146 653 143 | MARN 1276171 e: [email protected] ACN 146 653 143 | MARN 1276171 supra

This page belongs to the officebearers of SUPRA.

It is not altered, edited, or changed in any way by the Honi editors.

What’s Business School Happening Fails 49% of with SUPRA Students

Christian Jones Adrian Cardinali

I hope everyone has settled in now after In a typical year SUPRA’s Student Advice serious failures to provide genuine for last semester’s fails. SUPRA has been a long first week. Re-ODay was fantastic and Advocacy service opens between 700 formative assessment including practice calling for four eminently reasonable with a large number of people joining and 900 cases. So to have more than 350 for their exams and warning that they things, none of which have been provided. up to SUPRA at our stall to receive our new cases from the Business School over were at risk of failing, and general We called for a proper and full statistical services. Warning: Shameless plug about the last three weeks has been bracing. disorganisation. The massive fail rate breakdown of marks. We called for a SUPRA—We offer advocacy and advice Students are complaining about their does, to us at SUPRA, suggest something review of the appropriateness of applying for all of your university/life related marks and the conduct of certain units of systemic is wrong. Similar complaints some of the assessment requirements to needs along with a free legal service and study. It has caught our attention and is have been made about another subject, the cohort given serious questions about a number of publications to help get you such an unusually large concentration of Succeeding in Business (BUSS6000), their conduct and problems with unit through the semester and your thesis! We complaints from one Faculty that want to though the number of students involved outlines and the like. We called for a will be hosting our first wine and cheese report on what is going on. is lower. genuinely independent re-mark of all fail for the semester on Thursday 6th August grade students. And for those still failing at 6pm in the Footbridge Theatre Foyer All students so far have come from the My team and SUPRA elected officer we have called for, and will continue to call and I encourage you all to come along and Masters of Commerce degree. The Masters bearers have been working tirelessly to for, a fair reassessment opportunity. meet other postgrads and have some free of Commerce is a very large program. As I advocate with and for affected students. food and drinks. write this article I have not been provided We have raised complaints with the Predictably the Business School has exact statistics though we understand, Business School itself and senior suggested SUPRA is trying to compromise On top of R-ODay this week, SUPRA has for example, that somewhere between management of the University. Amongst academic integrity and standards. Nothing been working tirelessly to help students 1200 and 1500 students are enrolled in other things a petition has gone to the Vice could be further from the truth. Instead from subjects BUSS5000 and BUSS6000. the mandatory first year subject, Critical Chancellor with hundreds of students’ what we actually want is high standard If these subjects have affected you, I Thinking (BUSS5000). BUSS5000 is one names on it, calling for improvements for programs delivered in a way that gives implore you to get in touch with us, to join of two subjects that is the source of the ire future students and a range of reasonable students a fair chance to pass. If we had our growing list of dissatisfied students. of this group of students. requests for current students. So far the to mark the Business School on how well Our Student Advice and Advocacy Co- Business School has indicated they will they did last semester, sadly we would ordinator, Adrian Cardinali has written We do not have the precise statistics we make a raft of changes for the future. Such mark them 49% Fail. an article regarding this mess on our Honi would like because the Business School changes include a review of assessment pages. We have been in contact with the has not responded to calls for them. But regimes, conducting assessments of their Dean and Deputy Dean of the Business from even the rough information we have, in-class teaching with a view to making School with limited success, which has we understand around 40% of Semester improvements, increasing the number of led to the students of the courses putting 1 BUSS5000 students failed. A figure students taking language support classes, in a petition to the Vice Chancellor, Dr. of around 500 students failing has been and similar commendable things.

on Michael Spence. quoted to us. If that is correct to put all this into perspective from a raw financial However commendable the commitment The Federal Opposition held its national point of view, a rough estimate puts the to improve in future, our immediate conference on the weekend of week 1, tuition fees generated from those failed concern is about what the University is Social Media with highs and lows recorded a potential students at about $2.4 million. going to do to support the students who government. In terms of higher education, have been experimented on during this the opposition has declared its strong We suspect the fail rate is an enormous past semester. Though the University is not opposition to fee deregulation, reaffirmed increase on previous fail rates. Students admitting this, a massive increase in fails its support of SSAF and student have complained of poor and inconsistent from one year to another, and recognition organisations and greater support for teaching, problems with irregularities that changes need to be made, suggests the ATSI student participation in examination questions and marking, University bears considerable culpability 22 supra

Report on the 2015 National Union of Students ATSI Conference

Joshua Preece

rom the 22nd-25th of July, the NUS Islander Officer, Bridget Cama, should be working and organising. And advocating of indigenous success in higher education. held its 2015 ATSI Student Confer- congratulated for organising a safe, auton- for our collective interests is much easier I know that the delegates to ATSICon Fence in Sydney. Representing SUPRA, omous, space for Indigenous students to if we’re aware of how other indigenous 2015 are the activists who will continue to was Mike Butler (SUPRA’s Aboriginal come together to learn, teach each other, collectives and Indigenous support centres argue the case for university structures and and Torres Strait Islander Officer) and develop our activist and leadership skills, operate. How else can we promote our policies that genuinely fulfil the promise myself (SUPRA’s Treasurer). and to hear from a large variety of high common interests? of indigenous access. profile speakers. Given that the position The Conference featured a ‘Who’s Who’ of NUS ATSI Officer is a voluntary -po And there are plenty of common issues we I’d like to extend personal thanks to the of Indigenous and Indigenous-allied ac- sition, I appreciated the dozens of hours face. The status of the Indigenous Tuto- University of Sydney Indigenous Collec- tivists. This included (amongst many oth- of preparation that Ms Cama dedicated to rial Assistance Scheme remains perilous. tive for giving me the opportunity me to ers) Dame Marie Bashir, former Governor providing a much-needed student-driven There continues to be a wide gulf between attend the 2015 NUS ATSI Conference. I of New South Wales; Larissa Behrendt, leadership forum. best and worst practice in indigenous stu- also commend the UTS Students’ Associ- the first Indigenous Australian to gradu- dent support centres across our country. ation for its sponsorship. ate from Harvard Law School; Dr Lilon One of the advantages of the conference Endemic and institutional racism seems Bandler, senior lecturer in Indigenous was the opportunity for face-to-face net- unlikely to subside. Joshua Preece is the 2015/16 SUPRA Treas- health and daughter of civil rights activist working between Indigenous student ac- urer, 2014 NUS ATSI Officer, and proud Faith Bandler; and Tony McAvoy, one of tivists and leaders. Through networking But it’s hard not to feel optimistic for the Wiradjuri and Torres Strait Islander man Australia’s handful of Indigenous barris- sessions we discussed the common chal- future when I met so many strong and ters. lenges that our student organisations, and passionate advocates for the interests of indigenous collectives, face on campus. indigenous students. Amongst the chal- The National Aboriginal and Torres Strait Effective advocacy requires effective net- lenges, there were plenty of great stories Marriage equality now! No more delays! Put a bill, pass a bill.

Rachel Evans

e thought marriage equality was in of an actual principle. However, we have to be very clear. Any or changing a facebook status. We also the bag after PM Abbott hinted call for a free vote gives the bigots a win. need a united people’s movement—AME he’dW support a cross party bill and con- So it was anger, not celebration, when Pen- Would we accept our representatives vot- and GetUp need to endorse, support and science vote in the Liberal Party room in ny Wong, an out-lesbian ALP MP moti- ing according to their ‘conscience’ against give a platform to and converse with grass June. We thought we were closer when vated delegates vote for the motion with Aboriginal people’s right to vote? No we roots organizations. ALP opposition leader Bill Shorten put ‘but like Tanya Plibersek, I would rather would not. Would we accept MPs voting forward his marriage equality bill. Vic- win it sooner. I want to win it in this term against no fault divorce rights for women? Warren Entsch has committed to put- tories overseas in May and June—Ireland, of government.’ As LGBTI commen- Or against rape being recognised as such ting another marriage bill with cross party US, Pitcairn Island propelled momentum tator Doug Pollard said ‘Labor just took within the family unit? No we wouldn’t. support in the first week of Parliament in here. But both Abbott and Shorten are LGBTI people from the back of the bus So we shouldn’t campaign for a free vote early August. Rallies are taking place all backtracking. and threw us under it.’ Regrettably Wong for bigots in any party. over the country in August, demanding threw her lot in with the gang of bigots the government passes the bill. We need The ALP National Conference decision to who just ran the rainbow community over. The equality campaign will fail if it ties the these to be massive, diverse, and resolute. continue to allow homophobes in the Par- And for the 100 days carrot—there are al- movement to electoral strategies of politi- In Sydney we rally on Sunday August 9, at ty to vote according to their bigoted ideas ready two marriage bills in Parliament al- cal parties who’ve shown consistent hatred 1pm at Sydney Town Hall. Get involved til 2019 is betrayal. It’s another affront in ready that Shorten has ignored—one from for struggling minorities. Instead we need in organising for it, bring your union, your the long list of crimes from a Party that Greens MP Sarah Hanson Young in front to motivate people to protest again, under friends, family. claims progress, but enacts prejudice, rac- of the Senate, and one from Liberal Dem- the clear demand of put the bill, pass the bill. ism and rank electoral opportunism. ocrat David Leyonhjelm. So the fanfare We have 85% support among young peo- When we win marriage equality, we about the ALP putting bills to Parliament ple and 75% in the adult population. Perth show people’s power can win against in- The lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, in- is a stunt. just experienced the largest queer rights surmountable odds. This will be a blow tersex (LGBTI) community are not stu- rally in the history of the city. Gosford against the agenda of the Abbott govern- pid. We called treachery in 2011, when the But ordinary people are showing resilience City Council just passed a unanimous ment—and their policies of demonizing ALP voted for marriage equality in their and our movement is reinvigorating. The motion of support for same-sex marriage, Muslims, throwing Aboriginal people off party platform and destroyed any chance Australian Marriage Equality and Get- Newcastle Council just passed a motion their land, torturing refugees, attacking of a bill being passed by allowing a free Up mobilised people over the last month supporting marriage equality and are workers, unions and students. vote. The Shorten 2019 wait for a binding in massive rallies in Perth, Sydney, Mel- painting a rainbow pedestrian crossing in vote, with the ‘bill in first 100 days sweet- bourne, Adelaide. a busy city street. Rachel Evans is the queer Sydney Univer- ener if you elect me’ thrown in for good sity Postgraduate Association office bearer measure, is more hypocrisy. But these rallies only called for a free vote We have the support-the momentum. But for 2015-2016, long term marriage equal- for the Liberal Party. They didn’t call for we need an upsurge in the movement to ity campaigner with Community Action With a binding vote the ALP could sim- a binding vote for the ALP. This let the win against this backtracking. Ordinary Against Homophobia, the Socialist Alliance ply vote for the marriage bill Shorten has ALP off the hook, giving space for the people make change, not MPs of bank- LGBTIQ+ national spokesperson, and can be already put in Parliament, show some poisonous ‘wait till 2019 after you’ve kept rupt political parties who waiver and ob- contacted on 0403 517 266 backbone and forced the Liberals to rise us in power for two terms’ motion to get fuscate. We need to put our efforts into to the challenge and respond to a display up. galvanizing them, not simply tweeting, 23 Cryptic Quick

Zplig Zplig

Across 15. Influential work, pre ‘81... (7) Across Down 7. Troubled old flame moved without a 17. ...is hard to get in person after the East 7. Profit (5) 1. Into the water (9) second lost (5) took control of America (7) 8. Ethical (often used to describe coffee) 2. Malian city (8) 8. Recovering drunk angering me on the 20. Greek character uncovers bronze tablets (4,5) inside (9) (4) 3. Sing-along done in bars (7) 10. Fit for farming (6) 10. Tex-Mex meat is essentially multifaceted 22. Died around castle guard perhaps? (8) 4. Where reporters hang out during a sports warmer I’ve heard (6) 25. Dining room spread starters presented 11. Hired killer (8) match (5,3) 11. Buck made by Joyce given for a second failure following lost sprinkles (8) 12. Page marker (8) 5. Extremely dangerous situation (6) chance (8) 26. Anaesthetic is heard, in litres, to be 13. One in charge (4) 6. Fess up (5) 12. Biker crashed outside - it’s heard to be deadly (6) 15. Drink from a keg (7) 9. Greek letter (4) from a meddler giving unwanted advice (8) 27. Reed organ is musically pleasing without 17. Fail to include (7) 14. A picture of a person constructed using 13. IV is because of Uranium consumption holes on centre chimney? (9) witness descriptions (9) (4) 28. Boredom results from ‘genuine’ dancing - 20. Egg (4) 16. Longing to go where you live (8) abstracted namely? (5) 22. Broken off piece (8) 18. Humourous and rhyming five-line poem 25. Strong coffee (8) Target Down (8) 26. One under par (6) Not Grouse: 18 Grouse: 30 Grouser: 40 Grousest: 53 1. Unit of quality, Pale gem, moved around 19. Attempts (7) 27. Suspend from university, in England (9) 9? (9) 21. Truth (6) 2. Bringing back ‘I’m stuck’ - exciting! (8) 28. Heavy-duty curtain fabric (5) 23. Paramedic (slang) (4) 3. Country men lost during nightfall (7) 24. Important topic (5) P R N 4. Led a wild and top life - not quite full but more than spoonful worth (8) G E R 5. Revolutionary Inuits remain unmoved Join the Crossword Society from 1-3 outside Hermann’s Bar to solve the SMH and (2,4) the Australian crosswords together (or just to berate Zplig). 6. Done in reverse with a second to start? I V O You tell tales! (5) 9. Put vigour into when with UP’s music (4) 14. Brown perhaps, i.e. vaguely murky? (3,6) 16. Extreme trains come from a new German country (8) 18. Gets nicer clothes and then behaves better? (8) 19. Proust’s Lost Time starts in Tottenham maybe? (7) 21. Frenzy measure is providing pepsin, e.g. (6) 23. Small and elderly are convinced... (4) 24. ...to die for Ark company at sea? (5)

Answers available online (really, we mean it) 24

TEST Cold enough to get DIRECTION away with leaving your child in the car The Garter Press Issue XL LO, THE YAWING EYE OF A FILTHY, TOILETOUS WHIRLYGIG DOLLAR DOLLAR BILLZ

We road-test the The Ghost of Colonel Sanders has items on the secret Red Rooster’s Regular Menu stern words for those who seek the McDonald’s menu Might as Well be a Secret Menu KFC secret menu! that won’t kill you

Am I Obliged to FRIEND’S FUNERAL Holidayer Still at Weigh in on Bishop APARENTLY NOT A Kuta Beach Even Here? I Mean, I Though Airports Will, if I Have to— FUN, COLOURFUL Have Reopened Wait, We’re Calling CELEBRATION Sand between my toes, voms in my hair it “Choppergate” Local sources are reporting that Australian Now? OF LIFE holidayer Dirk Kensington is still at Kuta beach for some reason, even though *House of the Rising Sun Begins to Play* For Fuck’s Sake. airports have reopened and the ash that Then we must. previously prohibited flying has subsided. Editorial Despite The Garter’s assurances that it was definitely 100% safe to get on a plane and I am the slave to a suffix. leave Kuta, Kensington was unperturbed.

As soon as a jumpstart intern with too “Nah mate, I’m down for another week of little time and imagination jumps on the sweet Bali goodness.” political bandwagon and calls something a fucking “gate” scandal, I have to come run- The reaction has puzzled volcanologists ning, like a bloodhound addicted to drivel internationally. A paper co-authored by and shit, because it’s what you morons ap- ten experts in the field has authoritatively parently demand. declared the airspace no longer hazardous.

At this point in the editorial, I’ll recount “I don’t understand,” says Professor the facts that you’ll ignore in favour of an Amelia Shelton from the Global Geology impression that you’ve already had con- Conference. “It’s unequivocal. Anyone can solidated in your mind for some time. leave. Whenever. You just have to get a Parliamentarian spends thousands and plane. I will help him?” thousands of the taxpayers’ moneys to do something that anyone with half a wit Professor Shelton says that, given its could do for a dime. recent activity, Mount Raung was unlikely to threaten flights in the short-term future. Of course they walk all over you. You have never displayed anything close to the Her- Arrangements made to commemorate Cordela’s family suggested that the “Kuta is disgusting.” culean power that the universe has imbued the passing of Andrew Cordela were swiftness of their brother, son and friend’s in you. Like a mouse, you live in a nook interrupted this morning by the arrival passing had precluded him from making and beg for the owners not to stomp on of a guest wearing a colourful shorts and the ceremony the “sweet sendoff ” that you of a night because you have twelve shirt combination, sources have reported. Hastings maintains he would’ve wanted. IN THIS ISSUE: kids and a mortgage. You also beg for your choppergate stories, like demented “I’m pretty sure he asked for that “A lot of people here don’t know Andy Modern Day Robin Hood mouths that feed on tepid takes and shit ‘celebration of life stuff ’,” said Clifford like I do. He woulda thought this was images with shit captions. Hastings, who had known Cordela for a cracker,” Hastings said to Cordela’s Pisses Skidmarks off six months at the time of his fatal skiing grandmother. Pub Toilet I am so very, deeply ashamed of how much accident. page 4 coverage this debacle receives within all Sources report she tried to smile. newspapers, not least... indeed, perhaps “Nah, it’s definitely one of those colour especially... my own. things,” Hastings was overheard saying as Cordela’s actual best friend made three Street Harasser he stepped out of the car upon arrival at tasteful jokes in a eulogy attendees have Legitimately Unsure of That such coverage will inevitably prove Beechton Graveyard and Crematorium, described as “moving”, while Hastings Length of Woman’s Legs impotent is sadder still. Demand more, populated entirely by friends and family of loudly borrowed a jacket to cover his you spineless cowards. the deceased in conventional funeral black, Hawaiian shirt. page 16 despite Hastings adamantly reiterating Amanda Huntingslow, that Cordela was the sort of “fun guy who “Haha, classic,” Hastings muttered at We Speak to a Helicopter Executive Editor would totally do this sort of thing”. press time. Joke Expert page 22 25 The Garter Press HARD HITTING NEWS Local Hero Cool Dad Just Emotionally Defeats Local Red M&M at the Stunted Lich King Center of Sydney Still invites undead to barbies Regular Dad

You can pick what we watch tonight, mate Drug Bust Mudgee locksmith Trent Riggins has been SUGAR HIGHS ARE FICTION described as a local hero this week, when he stopped on his way back from a job and Students of Mrs. Appleby’s fifth period A shocked and weeping Yellow M&M has “I don’t expect your sympathy. I know saved the town from the thrall of a twisted English class were shocked to learn fronted a press conference this morning to I’ve done the wrong thing. But this is the local necromancer. Monday that Harold Dobkin, 44, father answer questions on behalf of his friend, price of fame in a society that only wants of Michael, 16, was not the life of the The Red M&M, who was discovered at to suck the coating off you and spit you Locals were alarmed by the twisted party who understood what it meant the top of an inner-city meth network. under the lounge.” shrieks of the living and dead emanating to be young, but simply an emotionally from a property just north of Mudgee, but retrograde version of their own parents Once the apple of the nation’s eye, Red “I’m going away for a long time. Aren’t Mr Riggins was first on the scene to see if who remains incapable of engaging with M&M was seen being bustled into the I?” A pleading The Red M&M asked The he could help out. his children on any level but their own. back of a corrections vehicle on Monday Yellow M&M. morning, to face district court later this “Yeah, it just looked like a bad situation, so “I remember when I first went over month. The Red M&M was implicated by doc- I reckoned, ‘Might as well see if I can lend for dinner in Year 8 and Michael’s dad uments obtained in a raid of a property a hand’,” the local chosen one said. offered me a VB with our pizza, it was the “I just can’t get the numbers to add up any owned by The Green M&M’s conducted best,”said classmate Julian who had long more,” said a remorseful Red M&M, cit- in July. Neighbours contacted the police, but since wished Dobkin could have replaced ing waning royalties, increasing rent and before they could attend the property, Mr his own father, a stern man of 55 who gambling debt as pressures which made The Green M&M was found in a Riggins made his way into the quarter- insisted his son do his own laundry and large-scale production of illicit substances drug-induced state of unconscious at the acre death maze, and was confronted by a continue with a part time job. “Michael’s an attractive alternative. residence and has been charged with ac- terrifying parallel hell-township. He then dad just gives him money whenever he cessory offences. battled the local wizard-king, confounding wants, and didn’t even get mad when he his dark plan and saving Shirley from the came home drunk that time.” pie shop into the bargain. At time of publication, Michael was seen Mr Riggins is modest about his asking his father for advice about whether achievement. “Everyone around here or not he should dob in older kids who looks out for each other, plenty of people were stealing lunches at school. would have done it. [I was] just lucky to be in the right place at the right time, and Sources close to the situation say the older to be destined to wield [the local magical Dobkin told him “snitches get stitches” scythe] Windcarver.” and “how about you get your old man a drink?” He’s looking forward to getting back to work, and playing inside-centre for the Mudgee Wombats on Saturday.

Queer Activist Caught On Sordid Bold New Production of Heterosexual Marriage Bender Lady Windermere’s Fan Cummy public toilets are no more Prominent queer activist, Carl Templeton, monogamously that distinguishes us Shifts Action to Late 1890s has been asked to explain himself after from the rest of the animal kingdom, the This is the norm now. Love it. being caught out in the middle of a late- pursuit is central to the soul.” While many think of Oscar Wilde’s classic up to date.” night heterosexual marriage binge. society comedy Lady Windermere’s Fan as The Internet was quick to jump on the being wedded (pun not intended) to the Costume and design supervisor Reneé Templeton, who has had a hand in more scandal, with many claiming they could social structures and mores of its 1892 setting, Hedley says it required a rethink of the whole than seven rallies for same sex marriage “tell” that Templeton was the sort to swear one local theatre group and its iconoclastic aesthetic. equality, queer youth homelessness, and and swear solely to commit to a sacrosanct director are turning that on its head, by setting the recognition of gender neutrality, was union under the eyes of the state and God, it in the late 1890s. “We didn’t want to trot out the same bustles found to have sworn to love and to cherish, but only under cover of darkness. and frock coats you’d expect in any old for better or worse, til death did he part, at Dwight Hedley of Cremorne has spent production of [Lady Windermere’s] Fan. It has least one woman in a modest service in a “It’s cowardice and hypocrisy,” one years doing the classics with the Mosman to really look fresh and modern, and true to small Edgecliff chapel, raided at midnight commentator declared. Repertory Theatre, but he says he’s moved the era.” on Saturday. beyond strict recreations of the original The chapel is a hotspot for private, lifelong setting. Budget pressures closer to the show’s opening Witnesses claim that Templeton appeared commitments being made between mean the society was forced to reuse a number to be in an altered state, with a neighbour husband and wife, with as many as ten “Issues of love, betrayal, and idiosyncratic of outfits from last summer’s production of reporting “He was slowly walking down such services being performed on any lace accessories are truly timeless, and we’ve The Importance of Being Earnest, set in 1895. the aisle, looking longing into her eyes, given weekend. decided to show that by bringing it a bit more saying shit like ‘it’s the ability to commit 26 The Garter Press VERY VALUABLE OPINIONS Surprise, Surprise: Another Bronwyn Bishop: The (Wo) Greens Rep Who Isn’t Even Man of La Manchelicopta! Solar- Powered The Other Root Vegetables The Only True Wisdom With Andy Slacks

With Dylon Stubbs Someone turn down the speakers! Guess TAXPAYER FUNDED VACations! who’s getting the chop(pers?). That’s right, They’ve done it again. While my dear environment who also happens to run on Bronnie “I Fly in a Helicopter Regularly at But then, that might be a slight against readers transfix themselves upon Bronwyn solar panels? Is this party so devoid of the Taxpayer’s Expense” Bishop has gotten Cruella D’Ville! [Check with legal to see Bishop’s helicopter powered antics, the imagination that they can’t even develop the sack! (or should I say, the helicopters!). if this is defo. I think we can get away with Australian Greens have preselected yet the microcircuitry required to repurpose it because she’s fictional?] another left-of-centre socialist… and she the ultraviolet radiation from our universe’s It got me thinking. How else might isn’t even solar powered. centre for the sake of maintaining the Bronwyn Bishop get around? Then it hit Everybody knows that the richest fictional welfare state? If I was Richard di Natale— me: the most EXPENSIVE way! Imagine characters are Scrooge McDuck, Smaug I mean, honestly. This time last year, the and apparent doctor, I scoff—I would if Bronwyn Bishop decided to pop down and Elon Musk, but if we aren’t careful, Queensland Nationals elected a coal be spending a little less time trashing to her friend’s house on the Central Coast we might find that—off the taxpayer’s powered thresher to the backbench; while the former speaker of the house and a via Hovercraft?! They’d call her Bronwyn back (and it’d have to be a real high back the Liberals have thrice held the seat little more time with the soldering iron Hovercraft! Or maybe she would prefer to if you want to launch a bloody helicopter of Staines represented by the abstract developing a super parliamentarian get to the shops in a gilded carriage drawn off it!)—the tremendous spectacle of personification of a flat tax rate. And yet capable of putting my party’s money by forty white horses? We could call her Bronny’s free rides canonises her in the here we are: 2015, and not a single elected where its mouth is. A mouth that would old Horsey Carty Bronwyn Horseshop! Bible of bloody richos! parliamentarian from their side runs on the be wholly cosmetic, if only they could Perhaps HER MAJESTY would find a beneficent rays of the sun. The Greens— forgo their need for material sustenance rocket propelled by DIAMONDS more Tune in next week for more or less the for all their talk of photosynthesis—are and run on sunlight. sympathetic to her needs? Probably, same piece if we’re still talking about it. positively Vitamin D deficient. It’s a dark day for the Australian Greens. If I knew how to use photoshop I would Andy Slacks tweets from @andy_slacks, Is it really so hard? Is it so difficult to find And it doesn’t even matter because they put her face on Cruella D’Ville’s body opinions are his own (but, let’s face it, you an automaton interested in defending the can’t photosynthesise. with a lot of helicopters in the background probably agree with him!) and call the film (it’s a fake poster) 101

Where Are All the Plus-Sized Giraffes? Guest column from a Giraffe

I don’t think I watch too much television. to her original size a month after giving birth to beautiful twins Ivy and Bamboo But then again, maybe I do? It’s not that is accurate to the experience of all those I’m worried about the quality, necessarily, other giraffes not of the writing at least, but it’s hard to to feel an enormous lump in my enormous For every carrot Peppermill lackadaisically throat as I am, time and time again, swallows, he spends countless unseen presented with increasingly unrealistic hours on enormous treadmills, or in standards of beauty for giraffes. enormous saunas. When will Taronga Zoo have the sense to re-introduce Old I don’t have an exceptional body. Polkadot, in all his paunchiness?

My neck is pretty long, but not slender Worse than that, I worry that we might be uniformly. I have long eyelashes, but robbing ourselves of an entire generation there are certainly longer out there. I have of giraffe astronauts, or giraffe novelists, exactly as many spots as my mother did, or giraffe engineers. The emphasis that we god rest her soul. My legs aren’t quite how place on shape and size and length, and I like them, but that’s normal. It’s really purpleness of tongue is dangerous, if only normal. Maybe that’s enough to make me because we are selling our entire species exceptional. short (not that there’s anything wrong with being short). But we are creating a gulf, and it’s not one that we are going to be able to fill with a Sometimes, I wake up in the morning resourceful stretching of necks. If we keep and look at myself in the reflection of still on telling our stupidly clumsy giraffe- pools on the savannah and think, “is this children that what is on the screen is what okay?”, but I shake myself out of it. they should aspire to, we are going to create a generation that hates itself. But I didn’t go through nine terrible hours of giraffe labour to give birth to a daughter You can’t tell me those slender young who will have to worry the same thing. things ambling about the replica savannah represent the giraffes with knock-knees I see how she looks at still pools on the and heavy paunches. Try to look me in the savannah, and it breaks my heart. eye and tell me that Sugarloaf returning 27