THE EXPEDITIONER BOOKS
THE EXPEDITIONER’S GUIDE TO THE WORLD Intrepid Tales of Awesomeness from the Open Road
EDITORS ______
Matt Stabile
Luke Maguire Armstrong
Jon Wick
THE EXPEDITIONER BOOKS
A DIVISION OF THE EXPEDITIONER, LLC BROOKLYN ● 2010 THE EXPEDITIONER BOOKS
All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form.
All stories in this books are used with the permission of the authors and/or their rights holders who retain all copyrights.
Copyright © 2010 The Expeditioner LLC
Cover photographs clockwise from top left: Antichita by Erin Goldberger ([email protected]); Buenos Aires by Matt Stabile; Mystic Morning by Marian van der Ree ([email protected]; www.columbusmagazine.nl.reisreporter/vlinder/home.html); Streetside Geisha by Jon Wick.
Back cover photograph: Somewhere Under Heaven by Craig Kassover ([email protected])
Spine Photograph: On Top of the World by Luke Maguire Armstrong
Chapter silhouette graphics by Jon Wick
For information about special discounts for bulk purchases, please contact the publisher at the email address listed above.
ISBN 978-1456389529 Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow- mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one's lifetime. – Mark Twain
CONTENTS
Introduction by the Editors iii
I. GETTING STARTED
STEVE BRAMUCCI, Lessons from Middle Earth: How to Use a Guidebook Without Letting it Ruin Your Trip 3
DAVID FARLEY, How to Write a Bad Travel Story !! 8
LUKE MAGUIRE ARMSTRONG, London: Your Guide to Leaving the City $150 Richer Than When You Came! 12
RYAN ANDREWS, Down and Out in Delhi 16
J. D. SMITH, Andante 25
II. LIFE ON THE ROAD
CARRIE THOMPSON, Thirteen Ways to Get Kicked Out Of A Hostel 31
AMANDA PRESSNER, The Garden of Eatin’ 36
JOHN M. EDWARDS, Java Journey 42
ANDREW POST, Korean Barber 50
CAMILLE VEGA, Forget Spring Break in Cancun, We're Heading to Copenhagen 54 III. LOVE ON THE ROAD
CARRIE THOMPSON, The Eight Types of Travel Romances 61
CANDICE WALSH, My Fake France Romance 66
KAREN DION, Travels in the Water Trade 70
IV. ROADBLOCKS
KATHERINE LONSDORF, An Unexpected Trip 77
MATT STABILE, That Time I Caught Malaria in Africa 83
SUZANNA MOGER, Roman Misadventure 108
V. THE UNBEATEN PATH
STEPHEN BUGNO, My First Nights in Nablus 111
CAMDEN LUXFORD, Remembering Kosovo 114
JON WICK, The DMZ: Travel to the Most Dangerous Place on Earth 117
MATT STABILE, Colombia Calling 122
HIMALI SOIN, An Imbalance 138
ERIN GOLDBERGER, Babcia 143 VI. THE PROBLEM WITH BORDERS
JETT THOMASON, Working Notes from Rwanda 147
LUKE MAGUIRE ARMSTRONG, To Cuba, With Love 153
KESSE-SKY BUCHANAN, Kenyan Politics 164
REBECCA MUELLER, The Storming of Tskhinvali in Three Acts 169
OLIVIA ARIETI,A Farewell to Africa 177
VII. NEVER-ENDING TRIPS
JON WICK, Seven Truths You Won’t Hear About Teaching English Abroad 181
STEPHANIE RUSSELL-KRAFT, Paris Undresses 187
PATRICIA ARMSTRONG, Disco Dancing to Devil Music in the Marshall Islands 192
MARK ARMSTRONG, If You´re Alive, How Could I Have Poisoned You? 200
VIII. THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED
HEATHER CARREIRO, Traveling Pakistan’s Karakoram Highway 223
BRIT WEAVER, Itchy Feet Syndrome 227 JONATHAN CAMPION, Strangers on the Night Train to Kyiv 233
J.D. SMITH, Travelogue 243
IX. ZEN AND THE ART OF OBTAINING THE ELUSIVE TRAVEL EPIPHANY
LUCY CORNE, Nine Weird Things You Miss When You’re Not on the Road 249
BRIT WEAVER, A Shift in Patagonia 255
DAVID FARLEY, The Luxury of Solitude 270
JEFFREY TANENHAUS, Farewell, Passport 276 THE INTREPID EDITORS
Matt Stabile is the founder, editor-in-chief, and principal benefactor of the online travel magazine, TheExpeditioner.com. Hailing from Colorado, Matt attended school in Connecticut and graduate school in Pennsylvania. He now calls Brooklyn, New York, home. Beside running TheExpeditioner.com and traveling as often as possible, Matt spends his time putting together books like this one, watching nature documentaries and foreign films on Netflix, and sleeping. Usually in that order.
Luke Maguire Armstrong set off hitchhiking after college from Chile to Alaska. He made it as far as Guatemala where he directs the educational development organization Nuestros Ahijados in a mission to “break the chains of poverty through education and formation.” His is the author of iPoems for the Dolphins to Click Home About and is in the process of finding a publisher for his first novel, How One Guitar Will Save the World.
Jon Wick was pulled by the education universe from his home in Wisconsin to Iowa, Alaska, and finally into an elementary position in Montana. He entered the realm of travel writing while on sabbatical teaching English in Korea. You can find Jon at TheExpeditioner.com as the Managing Editor and in-house bike mechanic, authoring the series of QWick Guides for Montana trails, and pursuing his Master’s Degree in Technical Communication at Montana Tech.
i ii DISCOVER THE WORLD
This book begins with general information about getting started on your trip, then launches into strategically ordered chapters divided by groups of pieces that have a common theme. This was the result of the Editors (Matt Stabile, Luke Maguire Armstrong, and Jon Wick) realizing, late one night, that doing so would probably be a good idea. The tabs on the side of the book should help you navigate, or completely confuse you.
COVERAGE LAYOUT We begin with pieces that may be helpful to you before your trip, like how not to get kicked out of a hostel, the benefits of smuggling contraband into foreign countries, and why you should always listen to your taxi driver in Delhi for advice on accommodations. We then head out into the world, making our way through the happier parts of travel, like finding love (even if it’s fake) on the road, and getting the best haircut on the Korean Peninsula this side of the DMZ. From there we head off the beaten path and explore the lesser discussed parts of travel, like getting assaulted by taxi drivers and catching near fatal diseases in sub- tropical countries. We end our coverage by looking back at all we learned during our trip, like why glaciers are great places to make friends, and how disco music is universally accepted as the music of the devil.
TRANSPORTATION INFO Transportation can be a little tricky in the world. Be prepared for massive landslides, highly turbulent airplanes, and introspective train rides through former Soviet states. Also, always remember to
iii bring loose change.
WHEN TO GO Anytime, really, is a good time to travel. However, certain times are optimal. For example, try visiting politically unstable nations during their election season, countries in need of ESL teachers when you don’t want to get a real job at home, and frigid Nordic countries during Spring Break. Not doing so will result in you having very uninteresting stories when you return.
WHAT TO EAT The world has a rich culinary history, and there is no shortage of options of foods to try, but we recommend the following: poison fish on remote islands that will assuredly find you everlasting love, and fresh pineapple in Kenya that will help you make friends. And if you travel to Indonesia, you must try at least eight varieties of coffee, or you may as well not even bother visiting.
WHAT TO DO The world offers activities for travelers with all types of interests, including those looking to improve their fashion sense in France, to those looking to say goodbye to their grandmother in Cuba. However, whatever you do, don’t miss out on hiking questionably safe trails in Colombia, visiting what is widely regarded as the most dangerous place on Earth, or exploring one of the world’s most crowded cities in an effort to find some peace. There are also some quaint villages with breathtaking views to explore that will make for some great subjects to write about upon your return.
INTERNET RESOURCES There are many travel web sites we recommend, many of which we’ve plundered (mostly with permission) for both articles and
iv authors to fill this offline collection of travel pieces printed on dead trees called a “book.” Some of our favorites include World Hum (WorldHum.com), BootsnAll (BootsnAll.com), Matador Network (MatadorNetwork.com), and, of course, our own The Expeditioner (TheExpeditioner.com), without whose moral support, staff, resources, and questionable legitimacy, this book would not have been possible.
v THE EXPEDITIONER’S GUIDE TO THE WORLD STORY
Since its founding in 2008 by Matt Stabile, The Expeditioner has grown to become one of the leading online travel magazines for the independent, active traveler. Featuring original content from the best up-and-coming and established travel writers in the field, The Expeditioner is also home to the writings of contributing editors Jon Wick, Luke Maguire Armstrong, Brit Weaver, and Maria Russo.
After some serious head scratching, doomed Skype conferences, and late-night emails, early in 2010, we here at The Expeditioner decided to do what any good online publication does after a period of time: revert to print and publish our very own book.
Our goal was simple and purposely broad: to produce a creative, offbeat, edgy group of travel pieces that stands out from the run-of-the-mill travel anthology (no offense to run-of- the-mill travel anthology publishers).
If you would like to be considered for publication in next year’s edition, we will be accepting submissions in all formats (long articles, short articles, poems, haikus). Deadline for submissions will be June 15, 2011, and can be emailed to: [email protected]. Submissions including monetary bribes and coconuts will be given special consideration.
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Your Intrepid Guide To
I. Getting Started Book Ahead, Keep a Journal, And if You Run Low on Cash, Try Selling Contraband
Tourists donÕt know where theyÕve been, travelers donÕt know where theyÕre going. ~ Paul Theroux
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BY STEVEN BRAMUCCI
Lessons from Middle Earth: How to Use a Guidebook Without Letting it Ruin Your Trip
e travelers are blessed with endless sources of literary Winspiration for our myriad wanderings. Certain characters jump off the page and seem to almost lead us along by hand, pausing now and again to whisper sage advice in our ears. There’s much to be gleaned from Dean and Sal in On the Road, Richard in The Beach, Huck and Jim in The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. But perhaps no character from literature provides such a perfect metaphor for the postmodern traveler as Frodo Baggins in the The Lord of the Rings. Through his journey Frodo carries a golden ring that, though invaluable at times, threatens to become his undoing. It calls out to be worn, tempting the hobbit at every turn. Here in our world, travelers often pack a comparable burden, one that’s similarly glossy and seemingly just as useful but soon casts a spell over its owner. It is the guidebook. Believe it or not, this idea isn’t the major leap that it first appears to be. Both Frodo’s ring and the traveler’s handy guidebook are entrancing, bestowing upon their owners a false
3 GUIDE TO THE WORLD sense of control and security. Both have alluring qualities and can be useful in certain situations, but are crippling when relied upon too heavily. The temptation in the case of the traveler is simple: many guidebooks are loaded with useful information. Travelers reading sample itineraries are quickly tricked into thinking that their guidebook can save them from missing something spectacular. Soon they’re pulling it out at every opportunity and burying their noses in it as they walk through crowds. Meanwhile, they fail to notice that at that very moment they might be missing genuine, unique, spontaneous experiences. If someone could only shake them out of this trance to say: “This is the trip! This is it! Over here are fresh lychees for sale! Look! There are children playing soccer in circles at your feet!” But alas, once a guidebook has someone in its grip it seldom lets go until the exit visas are stamped. When the fog finally lifts, many travelers are left with the sinking sensation of having shadowed someone else’s path. As you may have guessed, I am generally anti-guidebook and have made sparing use of them. But recently, on my way to Ecuador, I felt compelled to pick up a guidebook a few weeks before departure. My reason was simple and consistent with the rationale of many a guidebook user: the trip was too short to go in completely blind. Like Frodo, keeping the power of the ring at bay by passing it off to his friend Sam, I devised a plan to ensure that the guidebook’s presence wouldn’t overpower my experience. The five points that follow outline my strategy for those who may want to give it a try.
Don’t Bring It This is the most crucial step: you must leave the guidebook at home. That doesn’t mean you’re not using it at all, you certainly
4 GUIDE TO THE WORLD are: as a research tool before departure. Read it, study up, look at routes, gather information, then set it back on the shelf. Why bother with a paperback facsimile of a country when you are right there in the thick of things? It’s a little like the SCUBA diver who brings his fish chart with him underwater. Sure, study up on land, compare notes, discuss the fish you saw and see if you can figure out what each one was, but why waste precious oxygen while you’re underwater looking away from the actual fish to a pasteboard drawing of them? You’re better off focusing on the experience at hand.
Make Notes Instead of bringing your guidebook along, jot down a few thoughts in a small notebook. Write down the names of interesting-sounding sights, a waterfall, a town. If you feel you must, take notes on hotels or guesthouses that seem particularly interesting, but put a question mark next to the names and check them out in person. The point is not to practice your transcription skills, the point is that you’ll be much more approachable glancing at a handheld notebook than a three-hundred-page doorstop with a highly recognizable cover. Even the best guidebooks contain tons of material that you only need to see once. Read it at home; after that it’s dead weight.
Read The “Dangers” Chapter The chapters devoted to dangers are usually the most valuable pages of any guidebook. Read about when and where the muggings happen (guidebooks generally get this right), what illnesses are prevalent and where it’s unsafe to swim. Read the list of common scams as if it were a pulp crime novel. This, if anything, is where a guidebook’s favorable attributes are reminiscent of Frodo’s ring: helping to make its owner invisible to
5 GUIDE TO THE WORLD potential safety threats.
Don’t Trust Them Not all the way, at least. Keep in mind that guidebooks have authors, and these authors are reflecting their own personal impressions, which, while certainly of interest, may not reflect your own. The guidebook becomes a liability when the opinions of the writer (who gets tired, hungry and cranky at times, just like the rest of us) are overvalued. Remember, there are lots of ways to gather information— local recommendations and advice are particularly crucial (yet underused) assets to any traveler. There’s a lot of lag time between when the author was doing research and when the guide hits the bookstores, whereas simply talking to locals guarantees up-to-the- minute information. Chat, ask questions, get strangers to share their favorite cheap restaurant, food kiosk or four-star dining experience. Scribble names in your notebook. Collect as many opinions as you can. When the same places start coming up over and over, you’ve found a good launching point.
Accept The Fact That You Are Going To Miss Some Things The guidebook gives us the illusion that we can see, taste, touch and try everything all during one trip. But most trips aren’t long enough to make that a real possibility. In fact, most lives aren’t long enough to make that a real possibility. Trying to do it all often leaves people feeling as if they’re running a race they can’t win: constantly wanting to see more, but inevitably experiencing less. At a breakneck pace you don’t have the luxury of meeting people, getting lost in winding cobblestones streets (and who could with their guidebook map in hand?) or experiencing the hospitality of strangers—all of the things that people want to do when they travel.
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My advice: slow down, pick a smaller amount of space to cover, focus on a region rather than a country. Slowing down helps to stretch your time out and leaves you open to the spur-of- the-moment experience—like joining the soccer game with those kids—and that’s where real, lasting travel memories come from. This method may seem like extra work, but remember that, like Frodo’s ring, the guidebook’s sway is seductive, and its overuse could derail any journey. In the spirit of the brave hobbit, the intrepid traveler is challenged to overcome this hypnotic power by following the steps above and devising their own plan. If all else fails, give the book a quick glance, make a few notes, then make sure to throw it into the fires of Mordor.
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BY DAVID FARLEY
How to Write a Bad Travel Story
espite popular belief, becoming a travel writer doesn’t Dalways require moving to a village in Provence or restoring a villa in Italy. In fact, it doesn’t even mean you have to write good travel tales with a deep sense of place and an intriguing angle or storyline. See, you can simply write bad travel stories. Here are a few tips on how to do just that.
Let’s start with the intro, or, as it’s called in the biz, the lede. The lede in a bad travel article should usually open up with you, in general, and you and your husband Larry, in particular. Example: “My husband Larry and I marveled at the lush landscape surrounding the cottages at our overnight lodge, even though it was winter in the Southern Hemisphere and dry season in East Africa.” Your goal here is not to write an intriguing, attention-getting lede, but to mention Larry as soon as possible. Goal achieved!
Try not to have much of a point. In some travel magazines and newspaper travel sections, editors like articles to have something called an angle—a perspective—and normally it should be as fresh and unique as possible. The “nut graph,” an oddly named
8 GUIDE TO THE WORLD anatomical literary part, comes toward the end of an article’s intro and states the focus of the article. It tells the reader where this article is going and it helps you, the writer, craft a piece that stays focused. But in this case, you don’t need a nut graph. Instead, craft a narrative that involves a play-by-play of everything that happened on your trip.
Use as many clichés as possible. Are you writing about Mumbai or another city that has a large gap between the wealthy and the poor? Then you’re obligated to refer to it as a “city of contrasts.” In fact, this useful cliché could apply to all cities. And be sure to pepper your articles with: “quaint,” “charming,” “rustic,” and “cute” to describe villages. And don’t forget “unspoiled gem” and “breathtaking view.” Also, comparing one country to another—as in “Croatia is the next Italy,” “Montenegro is the next Croatia,” or “Albania is the next Montenegro”—is always a good idea.
Tell, don’t show. Sure, you could write something like, “We traipsed across the chunky cobblestones of the village’s only lane, flanked by half-timbered, thatched-roof houses, and we could smell the morning’s first offerings from the village bakery.” But why, when you could just as easily write, “The village was quaint and charming?”
Don’t concern yourself with what is called “exposition.” As Thomas Swick wrote in his essay Roads not Taken, “It is not enough simply to describe a landscape, you must now interpret it.” And by that, he means you put the place into a historical context to corroborate the point of your piece (which, as mentioned above, is unnecessary). This is what exposition does and it’s usually interwoven between scenes and dialogue (all of which you
9 GUIDE TO THE WORLD shouldn’t have, either). You need not listen to Swick. Making sure the reader is both entertained and educated is not your problem. Travel writing is all about you (and your husband, Larry).
Speaking of solipsism, it’s important when you’re on the road and gathering information and experiences to write about, that you talk to as few people as possible. Remember: we only want to hear about you (and Larry)—not the locals. Quoting people is for real journalists, not travel writers. Which brings up another characteristic you should not fall trap to: curiosity. It killed the cat. Don’t let it kill you.
In your conclusion, don’t worry about ending your piece with an effective jab or about making sure the ending captures the point of the story. Travel articles should end with a nice cliché: a vow to return, for example, never fails. Here’s an example from my own private cellar of bad travel writing, originally published in the travel section of a large daily newspaper: “. . . despite mixed results about the new Berlin, it seems that locals have created an infectious buzz about the city. I know I caught it, because as soon as I got to the airport, I started making plans to come back.”
Don’t read good travel writing. It’s true that reading good writing can make you a better writer, but it will only serve to make you frustrated. Don’t read The New Yorker or Granta. Likewise, don’t read any “how to” books on travel writing, especially the best one, Travel Writing, by Don George. Neither should you consider joining a writing group or taking a writing class.
See, it’s easy to be a bad travel writer. And if all else fails, there are still several villas in Italy in need of restoration.
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BY LUKE MAGUIRE ARMSTRONG
London: Your Guide to Leaving the City $150 Richer Than When You Came!
* Disclaimer: The publisher of this book hereby takes no responsibility for your imprisonment or any diplomatic incidents you cause as a result of mimicking any of the actions described in this article.
s a writer, I think I’ve acquired some questionable thought Apatterns. Where a healthy mind says, “That’s illegal son, so don’t do it,” mine says, “Do it. If you get arrested in a foreign country, it’ll be a great story and you’ll have something to write about other than the picturesque, aquamarine atolls.” (Every time I write things like that I feel like an aquamarine asshole). Being mostly ignorant of England’s laws, I’m not exactly sure as to the legality or illegality of what I did. I started to lean towards illegal when the first Brit I approached told me, “You can’t do that! It’s a criminal offense to do that! Especially don’t do it in front of the coppers.” But I think this guy was being a bit of a worry-wort or, as the British say, an old fuddy duddy. I think what I was doing fell more into a moral or legal gray area than an actual criminal offense. Everyone else I approached was either apathetically uninterested in what I was offering or enthusiastically hailed me as a hero. In
12 GUIDE TO THE WORLD any case, what I did earned me some serious poundage. Let’s be clear. I was not “______” (insert whatever illegal, lewd act you have been thinking I was doing here). Here’s what actually happened.
I always arrive at airports hours too early. I am paranoid that some unforeseen, tragic event (like the second coming of Christ or people mistaking me for Osama bin Laden) will delay me. So, before flying to London, I had plenty of time to browse the duty- free store in the Guatemala City airport. Though I myself am a non-smoker, I was surprised to see cartons of cigarettes being sold for only USD$10. I vaguely remembered a British guy complaining once about how outrageously expensive cigarettes are in the U.K. Faster than the London Bridge came falling down, my mind arrived at an idea: purchase five ridiculously cheap cartons of cigarettes and then sell them on the streets of London for a huge markup. My mind’s makeup is flawed in that I get the same feeling when I have a really good idea as when I have a really bad one. Never wanting to miss out on a really good idea, I usually just go for stuff, trusting myself to be able to deal with any resulting consequences. So I sold cigarettes. When I arrived in London, I came not as a tourist, but as a cigarette peddler. As I walked the famous streets, checking out the sites, I kept my eye out for smokers. Like a drug dealer looking for clients, I sized up everyone I walked past, wondering, Is he a smoker? Is she a smoker? Are they smokers? Oh that guy is totally a smoker! Should I offer them cartons of cigarettes? As everyone knows: when in Rome, do as the Romans; when in Mexico, do not buy the shower dance; and when in London, sell cigarettes and make a bundle of cash.
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Selling cigarettes soon became more than just a way to offset costs. It was a reason to start up conversations with strangers. A way to socialize. I became “The Cigarette Guy,” offloading cigarettes that cost USD$8 in London for USD$4 a pack. Enthusiastic addicts everywhere wanted in on it. Since I forgot to water the money tree every American citizen is issued at birth, I am usually on a budget, but it was not just about the money. Having a mission gives you a purpose, which is always more enjoyable than snapping photos of famous sites and contemplating what you’ll put as a Facebook caption. The only rule to traveling is motion. I know people who complain they can’t travel because they can’t afford it, but I also know people broker than I am who somehow make it work. Creative resourcefulness is something that should be on everyone’s packing list. From dealing with corrupt officials, to convincing muggers to let you buy them a beer instead of them robbing you, you never know what you are going to find and what you’ll need to face it. And you won’t until you get there. But counting on yourself to come up with a solution to whatever cards the road deals you is a confidence that builds with every rabbit you pull out of your traveling hat. By the end of the evening of my first and only night in London, I had sold all of my cigarettes. As I handed over my last eight packs in exchange for thirty pounds, I felt a bit sad. I was no longer L’homme Avec Les Cigarettes, but just another tourist in London. I craved more cigarettes. Not to smoke. I craved the sense of purpose they had given me. Also, my fat wad of pounds was now getting thinner, not thicker. In London. Shit. Is. Expensive. I wrote this article in my hostel the morning after a forty-hour stint in London. Next to me a Serbian guy, obviously still wasted from the previous night, was trying to get me to drink a beer with him. He set an open can next to me and began to tell me what sounded an awful lot like his life story. But I was not really
14 GUIDE TO THE WORLD listening. In a half-hour I needed to figure out how to get to the airport, where I would fly to Prague. I Googled the price of cigarettes in Prague and, unfortunately for me (but fortunate for the country’s thrifty addicts), they go for far less than in London. I would not be selling cigarettes at the next stop, but the uncertainty as to what lay ahead made it easy to leave London behind for whatever lay in front of me.
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BY JEFFREY TANENHAUS
Farewell, Passport
Used as a means to an end, the uncelebrated passport escapes eulogy until now.
fter ten years, the time has come to apply for a new Apassport, and I’ve suddenly turned sentimental. When the expired document is returned, its substitute arrives with big pages to fill; a decade’s worth of records wiped clean. I’m no stamp junkie, but I can’t deny the satisfaction of having requested supplementary pages and almost using them up, too. More importantly, this passport is an abridged catalogue of my roaring twenties—the only object that links backpacking through Europe during college with two years of working in Asia and a seven- month stint in South America. This poetic farewell sends my little blue book into retirement.
Dear trusty passport, your expiration is true, the State Department says it’s time for something new. You’ve lost function, but I’m eternally grateful for the open doors the bald eagle enabled. Around the world we traveled both near and far, in Sardinia we crashed the rental car.
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Stranded in Abu Dhabi was also no joke, when denied re-entry after the plane broke. Prague pickpockets tried grabbing you while on the trolley, a visa on arrival got us into Bali. Of trips to Guam and Ireland there is no trace, in Israel I made sure that was the case. In Myanmar together we overstayed, the recorded fine takes up one whole page. Japanese immigration always stamped you well, getting those work permits was bureaucratic hell. When Argentine authorities gave us ninety days, we reset the clock by boating over to Uruguay. And from Tallinn to Helsinki we went by sea, then flying on to Denmark to see Tivoli. Technology has evolved since issue in ’99, a biometric chip in your replacement I’ll soon find. The last of a dying breed, pre-9/11 you were conceived. Out of pages and past your prime, to Los Cabos was our last time. So goodbye old 152027909, our parting is hard to face, newly printed 450282594 is ready to take your place.
*Passport numbers have been changed.
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THE INTREPID AUTHORS
STEPHEN BRAMUCCI is a travel writer based in Laguna Beach, California. He writes for COAST, Trazzler, The Weather Channel, 944 and a variety of other magazines and websites. In 2009, he won Trazzler's national Oasis Travel Writing Contest. His work has been collected in travel humor anthologies and recently received awards from the Orange County Press Club and In Travel Magazine. This piece originally appeared on BootsnAll.com. On Twitter he's @stevebram, where he's often known to share tips for ditching the tourist circuit.
DAVID FARLEY is the author of An Irreverent Curiosity: In Search of the Church's Strangest Relic in Italy's Oddest Town and co-editor of Travelers' Tales Prague and the Czech Republic: True Stories. His writing also appears in The New York Times, The Washington Post, Conde Nast Traveler, Afar, Slate.com, and WorldHum.com, among other publications. He teaches writing at New York University.
RYAN ANDREWS lived in New York City before moving to Hong Kong in 2007. He was born and raised in Michigan and earned an undergraduate degree in journalism at Michigan State University. He has worked in advertising and finance. In Hong Kong he worked for Time Out magazine while completing his master’s degree at the Journalism and Media Studies Centre at Hong Kong University.
J.D. SMITH has published two collections of poetry, The Hypothetical Landscape and Settling for Beauty. In 2007 he was awarded a Fellowship in Poetry from the National Endowment for the Arts. His first children's book, The Best Mariachi in the World, was published in bilingual Spanish and English editions in
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2008. His first essay collection, Dowsing and Science, is forthcoming from Texas Review Press. Smith's work in various genres has appeared in Alimentum, The Bark, Boulevard and the Los Angeles Times. His one-act play, Dig, produced by London's Old Red Lion Theatre in June of 2010, has been optioned for film adaptation by Meydenbauer Entertainment. He lives near Washington, D.C.'s Southwest Waterfront with his wife Paula Van Lare and their rescue dog, Roo.
CARRIE THOMPSON, a native of Little Rock, Arkansas, has suffered from "itchy feet" for her entire adult life, and blames her nomadic tendencies on her Viking ancestry. She began her freelance career writing for BusinessTravelLogue.com and the CarribbeanLogue.com. While writing for BusinessTravelLogue she was interviewed for articles that appeared on Forbes.com and Incentive Magazine. Her work may also be found on BootsnAll.com and TheExpeditioner.com. After achieving her goal of visiting every continent before her thirtieth birthday, she is now pursuing new projects such as traveling to every sub-continent, visiting outer space and learning to breathe fire. Between globetrotting adventures, Carrie resides in the humble city of Little Rock, Arkansas.
AMANDA PRESSNER is a travel and lifestyle journalist and has served as Senior Nutrition Editor at Shape magazine and assistant editor at Self magazine. She currently contributes to such publications as USA Today, Travel + Leisure, Budget Travel, Food & Wine, Marie Claire and Cosmopolitan. Amanda is the co-author of The Lost Girls: Three Friends. Four Continents. One Unconventional Detour Around the World (HarperCollins) and is a founder and editor of LostGirlsWorld.com. She is a native of Tampa, Florida.
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JOHN M. EDWARDS has traveled around the world (five continents plus), with stunts ranging from surviving a ferry sinking in Thailand to being caught in a military coup in Fiji. His work has appeared in such magazines as CNN Traveller, Missouri Review, Salon.com, Grand Tour, Islands, Escape, Endless Vacation, Literal Latté, Coffee Journal, Lilliput Review, Artdirect, Verge, Slab, Richmond Review, Borderlines, North Dakota Quarterly, Michigan Quarterly Review, and North American Review. He recently won a NATJA (North American Travel Journalists Association) Award and a Solas Award. He lives in a loft in New York City, nicknamed the “time capsule.” His future bestsellers, Move and Fluid Borders, have not yet been released. His new work-in-progress, Dubya Dubya Deux, is about a time traveler.
ANDREW POST is a journalist, bartender and pilot who has been writing travel articles ever since he took a three-day train ride from North Dakota to Los Angeles. He is pushing his first novel, a work of science fiction, slowly toward publication, and steadily working toward a commercial pilot's license. When not roaming to far-flung bits of the planet, he lives (reluctantly) in California.
CAMILA VEGA was born in Elizabeth, New Jersey, and still knows no better feeling than landing in Newark Airport. She is currently a junior at Princeton University, majoring in comparative literature and working on a minor in global health. In her spare time, she teaches English as a Second Language classes and is the current Business Manager for Theatre Intime. Traveling, writing, and multi-tasking are her passions, and she welcomes any opportunity to do all three at once.
CANDICE WALSH used to be a technical writer, but now she's an armchair traveler trying to navigate the freelance jungle. She's an associate editor at MatadorNetwork.com, frequent contributor to
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Westjet's up! magazine, and has been published in a handful of other online magazines. Her site is CandiceDoestheWorld.com, where she frequently blogs about her three greatest loves: beer, and Newfoundland and Labrador.
KAREN DION grew up in Scotland and has variously called Tokyo, London, Sydney, Reykjavik, Valparaiso and Prague home before settling (for now) in Hawaii. She has written for Honolulu Weekly and TheRumpus.net.
KATHERINE LONSDORF is a graduate of Occidental College in Los Angeles with a focus in world affairs and journalism. She lived in Jordan between 2007-2008, where she studied at the University of Jordan and regularly contributed to Café Abroad magazine and the Jordanian magazine Pulp. A native of Verona, Wisconsin, Katherine also lived in Okinawa, Japan, during high school and has always made traveling a priority. After a brief stint in Eugene, Oregon, she now lives in Los Angeles, California and, like many young people, is searching for a job that will pay her to see the world.
SUZANNA MOGER lives in Dorset in the U.K. with her partner and daughter. She is currently writing articles for travel web sites. She also writes short stories and other creative squiggles and hopes they will someday be published.
STEPHEN BUGNO made his way from Istanbul to Cairo during a six-month overland trip in 2007, stopping for a month to volunteer in the West Bank. Since surviving these nights in Nablus, he has been living the life of a nomad: teaching abroad, traveling, and writing. Stephen edits GoMadNomad.com online travel magazine and blogs at BohemianTraveler.com. His articles and essays have appeared in the San Francisco Chronicle, the
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Philadelphia Inquirer, and Transitions Abroad.
CAMDEN LUXFORD lives for long, uncomfortable journeys and dreams of the Trans-Siberian Railway. From hitchhiking in Europe and traveling through Asia by bus and boat, she has found herself in the Peruvian Andes, where she relishes the colors of the festivals, the warmth of the people and the hearty flavors of the soups. When she's not exploring her new home, she's studying politics by distance or writing for her blog, BrinkOfSomethingElse.com, or as a regular contributor to MatadorAbroad.com.
HIMALI SINGH (Himali meaning “princess of the snow”) spent four years frolicking in Robert Frost country at Middlebury College, where she graduated with a degree in English and theatre. Though a permanent nomad, she is currently based in Delhi, writing poetry, fiction, art and culture. She likes photographing pipelines and learning about butterflies. Other activities include traveling (to the source), connecting dots, plotting revolutions and imagining alternative realities full of the color orange and spiral staircases and purple love.
ERIN GOLDBERGER is a freelance writer and photographer in New York City. She is originally from New Jersey, and graduated from Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh in 2008. She currently writes for several blogs including TheFunctionKey.com and ArchibaldKobayashi.com. She has also written for such publications as the KeystoneEdge.com, Shady Ave Magazine and has had a letter published in The Wall Street Journal. Her photographs have been shown at Apexart and Pelham Art Center and will be sold with Duckrabbit Digital and WERK soon. She is never fully unpacked, does yoga infrequently and loves cheese and people watching. Her greatest influences are Lawrence
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Ferlinghetti, Mary Ellen Mark, the beaches of Sicilia and the city of Krakow.
JETT THOMASON works for the U.S. government managing small agricultural development projects in Burundi, Rwanda, and Uganda. A former Peace Corps volunteer in Uzbekistan, he has worked in Afghanistan and Iraq and traveled extensively in Asia and the former Soviet Union. In his current job, Jett copes with responsibility and limited time for indulging wanderlust through writing the occasional blog entry and travel story.
KESSE-SKY BUCHANAN bought a one-way ticket to Africa to work as a freelance journalist after graduating from college. After a year in Africa she went on to report from Bosnia, Kosovo, Albania, India, Nepal and Turkey. She then spent another year in South America reporting from Colombia, Venezuela and Bolivia, among other countries. Her adventures are in her travel blog at KesseSky.blogspot.com She is a contributor to Suite101.com, The Common Language Project, The Daily Camera, and other travel websites. With a degree in broadcast journalism, she was co- director for a documentary in Zimbabwe sponsored by The National Geographic Society. She has since become addicted to dodging bullets, staying with locals and narrowly escaping sketchy situations. She is currently working on a book about her travels alone as a woman off the tourist trail.
REBECCA MUELLER traveled to Nicaragua and India as a college student, and most recently, a stint with the Peace Corps landed her in Georgia, Armenia, and Albania, in that order. Her creative influences include the great short story writers of our time—Deborah Eisenberg, Aleksander Hemon, Jonathan Lethem —and her long-term exposure to the restless fatalism of Eastern Europe. Rebecca grew up in central Wisconsin.
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OLIVIA ARIETI is a U.S. citizen who teaches high school English and lives in Italy. Her plays have been published by Brooklyn Publishers, Lazy Bee Scripts and Desert Road Publishing. Her poems appeared in Women In Judaism, The Wanderlust Review, Poetica Magazine, Eye On Life, and VWA: Poems For Haiti.
STEPHANIE RUSSELL-KRAFT is originally from San Diego, California, but has recently called the Lower East Side of Manhattan home, although she periodically confronts the urge to pack up all her clothes and move back to Europe, where her family and a considerable part of her still remain. She has published a number of pieces, including many food and travel articles on the growing New York-based Web site WomanAroundTown.com.
PATRICIA MAGUIRE ARMSTRONG is married to Mark Armstrong who was a fellow Peace Corps volunteer in the Marshall Islands and was her star umpire for the women's softball league there. They are the parents of ten children, including two Kenyan AIDS orphans. Patti is a speaker and the author of Catholic Truths for Our Children: A Parent's Guide (Scepter) and the children's books, Stories for the Homeschool Heart and Dear God, I Don't Get It! (Bezalel). She was also the managing editor and co- author of the best-selling Amazing Grace book series for Ascension Press.
MARK ARMSTRONG survived this and many other near-death experiences and married Patti Armstrong. The happy couple have produced eight children and adopted two AIDS orphans from Kenya. Mark is an award-winning broadcast journalist and co- authored a book with his wife, Amazing Grace for Fathers. After traveling all over the world, remnants of the family still live together in Bismarck, North Dakota, while his older sons live in
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Portland, St. Paul, Antigua, and the Lesser Antilles. Mark is employed by the State of North Dakota in communications and is also an elected County Commissioner. The couple's website is RaisingCatholicKids.com. He still likes to eat fish.
HEATHER CARRIERO is a secondary English and ESL teacher who has lived in Morocco and Pakistan. Her work has appeared in MatadorAbroad.com, TheTravelersNotebook.com, GoNomad.com, ExpatWomen.com, and elsewhere. Currently she's a graduate student attempting to wrap her tongue around Middle English, analyze South Asian American literature as a critique of post-9/11 America, and eat enough to make her Portuguese mother-in-law happy.
JONATHAN CAMPION has worked as a translator for a Ukrainian oligarch, spent a night drinking with an Uzbek rapper, driven through central Russia with a Tatar witchdoctor and slept on the floor of an internet café in Moscow. He writes about his travels at JonathanCampion.wordpress.com. He now lives in London, but still has plenty of exploring left in him. He plans to return to Turkey to make a collection of travel stories and photographs—and find a publisher for them.
LUCY CORNE is a freelance writer with incurable wanderlust and a passion for the offbeat. Her itchy feet have taken her to over forty countries across every continent bar Antarctica, but however much she travels, she just can’t seem to get it right and regularly falls off horses, leaves pricey cameras on public buses and jumps on trains heading in the wrong direction. As well as writing guidebooks for Lonely Planet, Dorling Kindersley and Bradt, her travel features have been published in the Toronto Star, Wanderlust, The Australian, Guardian, TNT and TheExpeditioner.com. She also writes regularly for in-flight magazines. This piece originally
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JEFFREY TANENHAUS is a writer and photographer with a passion for passport stamps. His articles—normally in prose— have appeared in publications at home in New York City and abroad. His personal website is Tanenhaus.com.
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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
The Expeditioner would like to thank the world for letting us travel all over it. Thanks to Guttenberg for developing the printing press, without which we would have been required to handwrite every copy of this book. Thanks to everyone who contributed submissions that made this book possible and to the loyal readers of the The Expeditioner. Special thanks to Andrea Carol Johnson for design work, Megan Kadrmas and Patricia Armstrong for their copy-editing assistance. And a very special thanks to you reader for picking this book up and making it this far.
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BACKPACKER BINGO B I N G O
British Guy Taxi Driver A Non- Canadian with An American with Lonely Flag Patch on Extremely (Not in “Broken” Planet Guide Backpack Young Asian America) Meter Book Girl
The Gilbert Unclaimed Gringo (Over-40 German Guy Grandpa Pair of Shouting Woman on in Ninth (Over-30 Underwear Broken Yoga- Month of Backpacker) in Hostel Spanish Themed Trip Bathroom Trip)
The Colonel Westerner Australian Kurtz Aggressively Wearing Thai on Surfing (Hasn’t Been Loud Snorer Fisherman Vacation Home Since in Hostel Pants Free the ‘90s) Three or Israeli More A Collection Senior Backpacker Recently Swedish of Bootleg Citizen Just Released Mugged Girls DVDs in a (Over-40 from Israeli Backpacker Traveling Hostel Backpacker) Army Together South Traveler on Barely Korean Pair of Hostel Mexican Baja Functioning Traveler in Havaianas Computer for Sweater Hostel Possession of Flip-Flops Three Hours Shower Netbook
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COUNTRY DAYS OF TRAVEL WITH $1,000 Argentina 38 Australia 24 Brazil 19 Britain 21 Cambodia 48 Chile 40 China 48 Costa Rica 28 Denmark 16 Egypt 41 Euro Area 22 Guatemala 41 Hong Kong 25 India 40 Indonesia 45 Japan 25 Kenya 33 Laos 49 Mexico 35 Norway 13 Philippines 43 Russia 31 South Africa 38 South Korea 29 Sweden 14 Thailand 43 Turkey 24 United States 25 Vietnam 40
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-Notes-
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-Notes-
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-Random Travelers’ Email Addresses-
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-Random Travelers’ Email Addresses-
You don’t even remember who these people are, do you?
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