Wo r k & Fa m i l y Li f e Balancing job and personal responsibilities

JULY-AUGUST 2013 Vol. 27, No. 7-8 Practical solutions for , workplace and health issues what’s insidE Elder Issues Helping older travelers stay healthy 4

Building rapport with teenage stepchildren 5

on the job How to give (and respond) to feedback 6

a healthy you The latest on eggs, the gluten free-for-all,

A newly blended family enjoys a day at the beach. new insights on drinking 7

interchange Keys to creating a successful Should I correct my By Susan Ginsberg, Ed.D. Whether you set up this expectation for yourself, or toddler’s language errors? your partner expects it of you, it is a burden that can be e start off as stepparents full of hope and confi- 3 destructive to a new stepfamily. dence that we can create a harmonious, blended Like all things of value, healthy stepfamily relation- Research review family, even though we recognize that ships don’t happen overnight. It takes time to trust out- Leafy settings have can be complex and challenging. After all, they in- siders, Shimberg says, even those who claim they don’t calming effect Wvolve our own and our partner’s children, sets of in-laws, want to replace “real” moms or dads—and especially 3 former in-laws and ex-spouses. In fact, most stepparents say when kids have been hurt by a divorce or the death of that the process of creating a new family turned out to be a . It also takes time for a stepparent to learn a We recommend harder than they had expected. “family’s code,” their inside jokes and references. Getting along after a At this point, there are 20 million stepfamilies in the divorce or separation United States, with 2,100 new ones being formed every day. Move slowly with stepchildren 8 “Each is unique, with its own composition, personalities and possibilities,” says Elaine Shimberg, author of Blended Approach the formation of a new stepfamily as you . But there are similarities as well, and many helpful would the first stage of any important new relationship. Thoughtfully. “Often divorced are so happy Work & Family Life is suggestions can be learned from the experience of others. distributed by companies and to have found again that they dive right into the other organizations to their Have realistic expectations relationship, and when the fog lifts they’re living with employees and clients. To see kids they barely know and may not even like,” says Jann It’s important to recognize unrealistic expectations and to the online version, go to Blackstone-Ford, founder of www.bonusfamilies.com replace them with realistic ones that can support your fam- workandfamilylife.com. ( ). And research has shown that stepparents ily, rather than sabotage it. For example, one of the great- see page 8 who have no children are the most likely to jump in too E-mail: [email protected] est stumbling blocks for stepparents is the myth of “instant fast and try to make their partner’s kids their own. Phone: (561) 818-3670 love”—that you can immediately love and be loved by your stepchildren. Continued on page 2... Successful stepfamily... Interestingly, however, most chil- Continued from page 1 dren find it easier to come up with a name for a stepgrandparent. When a parent remarries, it can If stepkids are having trouble be hardest on the children because deciding on a name for you, sug- it finalizes the fact that mom and gest they call you whatever makes dad are not getting back together. them feel comfortable or continue Stepkids also worry that a parent to call you by your first name, as will love a new wife or husband they more than likely have been more than he or she them, doing. Don’t be surprised if the says Blackstone-Ford. “They may name changes as your relationship also empathize with the person develops. who is not remarrying.” That’s why it’s so important to In a blended family spend one-on-one time letting fu- n ture stepchildren get to know you Ba l a n c e “togetherness ” with

while you get to know them. Just time spent alone with each . Grandparents add to the fun when this family gets together. don’t try to change your personal- n Ap p l y p r i v i l e g e s , r u l e s a n d relationship. You might say, “I n An e f f e c t i v e s t e p p a r e n t i s ity into someone you think they restrictions across the board, re- don’t expect you to agree with the want you to be. Be yourself. Lis- o p e n t o c h a n g e . In a new step- gardless of family origin, what may way I do everything, but I ask that ten more than talk. Be available as family, beliefs and behaviors are have happened before or what goes you respect my point of view and much as possible. scrutinized, values examined and on in another household. feelings—and I’ll respect yours.” skills tested. When you meet To be effective change with enthusiasm and ex- n Le t t h e b i o l o g i c a l p a r e n t take n An e f f e c t i v e s t e p p a r e n t a v o i d s pectancy, it can be enriching. the lead in disciplining a child. But Like all successful parents, ef- b e i n g j u d g m e n t a l and realizes that fective stepparents possess some make it clear that when that parent judging often can be subtle. For n An e f f e c t i v e s t e p p a r e n t h a s a specific characteristics. In their is not around, the stepparent is in example, if you tell your spouse, s t r o n g s e n s e o f i d e n t i t y . Have book Strengthening Your Stepfam- charge. It may take a while to agree “My kids never do that,” you’re the courage to be imperfect. As ily, authors Elizabeth Einstein and on your approach to discipline, implying that your partner’s kids you carve out a role with stepkids, but it’s important, says Shimberg, Linda Albert suggest some of what you’ll make mistakes. Having are doing something wrong. Resist “for children to look at the parent- it takes for stepparents to build a strong personal values and a posi- evaluating a stepchild negatively. ing team as just that, a team, with positive relationship with their tive self-image will help you bear stepchildren. both adult members fully vested n An e f f e c t i v e s t e p p a r e n t s h o w s the pressures brought on by these with authority.” n An e f f e c t i v e s t e p p a r e n t c a n a c c e p t a n c e . Respect the history of setbacks. n Re a l i z e t h a t y o u r r e l a t i o n - e m p a t h i z e . Can you feel the tug former families and children’s need What to call a stepparent s h i p with your spouse is critical to of a stepchild’s loyalty? Can you and right to continue an ongoing Names are significant and in new- the harmony of your stepfamily. honestly say, “If I were in your relationship with their biologi- shoes, I’d feel the same way?” ly formed stepfamilies they can It’s not selfish to want and need cal parents. Respect the ability of take on a lot of emotion. Some time for yourselves. Create op- n An e f f e c t i v e s t e p p a r e n t i s n ’t older stepchildren to conduct their children manage not to use any portunities to reconnect with your d e f e n s i v e . Kids will likely test the own lives, make decisions and take name for a long time and refer to partner and enjoy each other. u limits and boundaries of your new responsibility for themselves. their stepparents as “he” or “she.” (More on teenage stepchildren, page 5)

Friend, mentor, confidant? A variety of roles stepparents can

uthors Elizabeth Einstein and Linda Albert describe St e p p a r e n t a s c o n f i d a n t . A stepparent can provide yet and wisdom. That person might be a teacher, Scout Athe many positive, nurturing roles a stepparent can another adult sounding board. This is important for teens, leader or neighbor. Many stepchildren say their play with his or her stepchildren as a newly blended who may feel alienated from their parents. (See Parenting stepparent played an important role as their teacher family develops its own history. on page 5.) But be careful not to develop an alliance with a or mentor. But before you step in, be sure your child against the other parent. stepchildren want your help. St e p p a r e n t a s f r i e n d . People who approach their stepparent role as that of a friend tend to be the most St e p p a r e n t a s a n o t h e r p a r e n t -f i g u r e . If kids are young St e p p a r e n t a s a r o l e m o d e l . If you teach by setting a satisfied and successful. Remember, your stepchildren or have little contact with their non-custodial parent, you good example, children will learn unconsciously and already have a father and a mother. This is true even might be considered as a primary parent, but that still copy your behavior. An additional adult in the family if one of the parents died or is an absent figure in the means “in addition to” rather than “replacement for.” can provide another close-up model for stepchildren, child’s life. Just be aware that being a friend doesn’t Always be clear about your role. giving them a new way of trying on life and viewing mean you’re a “buddy” or that you have to get along the world. Thus, what can start out as a challenge in St e p p a r e n t a s m e n t o r . Beyond their parents, children need with each other all of the time. But you can support special people in their lives to pass on skills, knowledge a stepfamily—adjusting to people’s differences—can and empathize with a child. become an opportunity. u

2 WFL July-August 2013 w www.workandfamilylife.com Interchange Should I correct my toddler’s language errors? My two-year-old is putting Or if your child points to a tween “I” and “you,” so it helps to Qwords together and starting to peach and says “apple,” say, “Oh, refer to yourself as “I” rather than you want to eat a peach.” make sentences. It’s just precious. “Mommy” or “Daddy.” Instead of Ellen Galinsky, M.S., Susan Ginsberg Ed.D., But I’m wondering if I should cor- Here are some other ways to saying “Mommy doesn’t want you Executive Editor of Work Editor & Publisher of Work support young children’s language & Family Life, is President & Family Life, was Associate rect him when he mispronounces to do that,” say “I can’t let you do of the Families and Work Dean at Bank Street College. a word or says things the wrong development: that.” Institute, a researcher on She is the author of “Family national and international Wisdom: The 2000 Most way. If so, when and how? studies, and author of more Re s p o n d t o t h e i n t e n d e d m e a n - Av o i d q u i z z i n g a y o u n g c h i l d and Important Things Ever Said —C.H., Houston than 40 books and reports about Parenting, Children i n g rather than the child’s actual continually asking, “What’s this?” including “Mind in the and Family Life” (Columbia It’s exciting when young chil- words. For example, if he says, “I And don’t push children to pro- Making“ (HarperCollins). University Press). Adren begin to express them- want to carry you,” you could just nounce words exactly as you pro- selves with words. At this age, say, “You want me to carry you.” nounce them. This is your column. We invite you to all you need to do is to correct By correctly stating what the child Ke e p i n m i n d t h a t k i d s l e a r n l a n - send questions about work and fam- garbled words and sentences in a is trying to say, you’re letting him g u a g e most easily through every- ily life or tell us how you solved a gentle, indirect way. know that you understood him day interactions in an unpressured problem that you think a lot of people For example, toddlers often re- and, at the same time, have rein- atmosphere. Talk about the things face. Write: Dr. Susan Ginsberg, Work fer to themselves as “me” instead forced the proper word order. you’re doing as you do them. This & Family Life, 305 Madison Avenue, of “I.” When they do, just keep Re m e m b e r , t o d d l e r s a r e s t i l l is a great way to help children learn Suite 1143, New York, NY 10165. E- the train of thought going. “Yes, s o r t i n g o u t the difference be- new words and their meaning. u mail: [email protected]. you and I are going to the park.”

research review Language and Leafy settings have calming effect on brain music skills are iving in a noisy, hectic world is distracting. It found that time spent in green spaces does indeed closely related can make us forgetful and mentally jumpy. Sci- lessen brain fatigue. Walking through urban areas, eople who speak languages entists refer to this condition as “brain fatigue.” especially the congested district, showed brain pat- P that use different tones (for Now researchers in Scotland have confirmed terns that were more aroused and frustrated than example, Chinese, Thai or many Lthe restorative effect of a leafy environment. when the volunteers walked through parkland. African languages such as Bantu The stress relief that comes from spending time In a leafy setting, brain wave readings became and Zulu) seem to have a keener in nature is not a new idea. But it’s been a difficult more meditative. The walkers were mentally quieter. ear for learning music, according one to test scientifically—until a group of researchers But that doesn’t suggest they were not paying atten- to research published in the journal at the University of Edinburgh and the Heriot-Watt tion. “Natural environments still engage the brain,” “PLoS One.” University in Edinburgh conducted a study using a says Jenny Roe, Ph.D. of the Hariot-Watt School of Researchers at Baycrest Health recently developed portable version of an electroen- the Built Environment, who oversaw the study. But Sciences’ Rotman Institute in cephalogram (EEG), a technology that studies brain the attention they demand is “effortless.” Toronto recruited for their study a wave patterns. In psychology, this experience is described as group of musicians and two groups For their study, which was published in The “involuntary attention.” In other words, Dr. Roe of non-musicians who spoke either British Journal of Sports Medicine, the researchers explains, “It holds our attention while at the same English or Cantonese. The three attached a portable EEG to the time allowing scope for reflec- groups were given complex tests of scalps of 12 healthy young adults. tion.” This sensory state can re- pitch and melody recognition, and The electrodes (hidden under a lieve the “nonstop attentional the Cantonese subjects performed cap) sent brain-wave readings to a demands” of busy city streets or about as well as the musicians. wireless laptop the volunteers car- other hectic environments. ried in a backpack. Granted, this was a small This confirms earlier studies involv- Each volunteer took a continu- study using new technology. But ing speakers of Mandarin, Thai and ous mile and a half walk through the findings—from all of the Zulu, languages that have what three sections of Edinburgh: a volunteers—were consistent and researchers describe as a “flat, historic neighborhood with fine strong. They suggest that tak- stair-stepped” pattern of pitches buildings and light traffic, a leafy, ing a break from work, strolling closely resembling music. park-like setting and, finally, a through a park, or simply looking Understanding the Cantonese busy commercial strip with con- at green space through an office language requires mastering six crete buildings and heavy traffic. window can relieve attention fa- different tones that can change the After the walk, the research- tigue and have a calming, restor- meaning of a single word. u ers compared EEG readouts and ative effect. u

WFL July-August 2013 w www.workandfamilylife.com 3 ELDER ISSUES Who pays for Helping an older traveler stay healthy out-of-country ne of the rewards of retire- medical care? ment for many people is t’s important for older travelers having the time and the Ito know that Medicare will not means to travel around the pay for doctors and other medical Ocountry and abroad. Although air costs incurred abroad. travel can be a trying experience Private insurance policies may not these days, if you’re 75, at least cover overseas expenses either, you no longer have to take off and even those that do often put your shoes to go through Security. strict limits on benefits. Read And most airlines are good about your policies carefully before you providing wheelchair service, travel and weigh the advisability a definite plus for older people of buying supplemental health who could use some help walking coverage for your time abroad. through a sprawling airport. But each year more than a For more information, call the third of U.S. visitors to other parts “Let’s drink to a happy, healthy trip.” International Association for of the world become ill, and a dis- Medical Assistance to Travelers n proportionate number of the sick Avoid unpasteurized dairy outcome for older travelers can be (IAMAT) at (716) 754-4883. And travelers are older people. foods, raw vegetables (including more serious. check out the organization’s There’s a lot we can do to im- salads) and meat or fish that has The Traveler’s Health Service website at www.iamat.org. IAMAT prove our odds for staying healthy not been cooked thoroughly. also encourages international trav- has a network of participating elers to: doctors around the world. on the road, especially in a less de- n Peel fruit before you eat it. For country-specific information, veloped part of the world. So, un- Wash it with clean water before n Replace lost fluids. Drink fruit such as travel warnings or any less you or an older relative plan to peeling—and wash your hands juices from a bottle or carton di- restrictions on opiate-based drugs dine exclusively in five-star hotels, after peeling to avoid transferring luted with bottled water and eat or stimulants, visit the Centers for here are some basic precautions bacteria from your hands to the some salty crackers or pretzels. Disease Control and Prevention suggested by the Traveler’s Health inside of the fruit. Fruit juice contains important Service at the Tufts Medical Cen- electrolytes like potassium, but it website at www.cdc.gov/travel. n ter in Boston. Resist the urge to buy food needs to be diluted to cut down on The CDC has a wealth of tips and from street vendors, even if it the high sugar content, which can information for travel to 200 Ensure the safety smells good and is served piping aggravate diarrhea. destinations around the world. of food and drink hot. Spices can disguise the off- Another helpful resource is the n n Use bottled, boiled or disin- flavor of rancid oils. Pack something that works for U.S. State Department. Call (202) to stop diarrhea. For some, fected water, including for brush- you 647-5225 and you’ll hear a num- If you do get sick… loperamide (Imodium A-D) is ing your teeth. Avoid ice chips ber of options. Or visit the website too strong. Whatever you use, if and cubes unless you know for Younger people can usually shake travel.state.gov/olderamericans. it does work after eight hours, sure they were made from bottled, off a “bug” from bad water or not This site also has information you should see a doctor. A sick boiled or disinfected water. food in a couple of days, but the for people with disabilities who traveler may need an antibiotic are traveling and for help in an and possibly an oral solution to re- emergency abroad. Crossing borders with medications? plenish the nutrients lost through dehydration. t’s important to remember that every country has its own laws and rules regarding If you are taking a medications and drugs. Here are some tips: n Try to stay away from dairy I new medication, plan products for at least a month after Pack meds in carry-on luggage, in case your checked luggage is lost or to start it several days before suffering an intestinal illness. This delayed. Protect drugs from extreme temperatures and high humidity. you leave on a trip to make sure has to do with the body’s produc- Don’t consolidate meds. Keep them in their original containers for your safety you do not experience any side tion of lactase, an enzyme that and to avoid arousing the suspicions of airport and border-crossing personnel. Any effects. No one likes a medical allows for the digestion of milk syringes must have the manufacturer’s or pharmacist’s label attached. Even better, surprise far away from home. products. Since most older people carry a doctor’s letter explaining the need for a syringe or any unusual medications. do not produce a lot of lactase to If you are traveling to a warm cli- Take more than enough of any prescription or necessary over-the-counter drugs begin with, eating dairy foods af- mate or plan to go to the beach, for the entire trip. But in case you do run out before you get home, it’s good to know ter suffering a gastric illness can be sure to ask your doctor if any the generic name(s) of your med(s). aggravate stomach symptoms. u of your medications will make of your physician(s) and you more sensitive to sunlight. u Keep on hand the names and phone numbers —Adapted from the Tufts Univer- emergency contacts. u sity Health & Nutrition Letter

4 WFL July-August 2013 w www.workandfamilylife.com parenting Building rapport with new teenage stepchildren arriages often break up ing to hurt your feelings. Be aware when kids are either very that most teens will not ask you young or when they are personal questions directly, but teenagers, and most re- they are listening and watching happen within a few M everything you do. years of a breakup. That means r about 35 percent of U.S. teens are Be a nice person. Don’t waste now part of a stepfamily. your time lecturing, scolding and Because teenagers are at a stage voicing disapproval. You’ll most when they’re trying to assert inde- likely be “tuned out” anyway. Try pendence, it’s not easy for them to become a trusted adviser and to integrate into a stepfamily. ally. “From the adolescent’s per- r Communicate with humor and spective, it’s like discovering that affection. Pass along information another layer of management (the in many forms: handwritten notes stepparent) is being thrust be- tacked on the fridge, email, text tween you and the boss (parent) It’s a lot easier to stay in touch with Dad while he’s away. messages. Make reminders about you’ve reported to for 12, 14, or chores brief. For example: “Troy. even 16 years,” says author and experiencing. The bonus for show- Decide on the rules ing respect is winning respect. Tuesday. Trash.” psychologist Laurence Steinberg, When a stepfamily involving Ph.D. “Or worse, that the busi- r Balance family activities with Teens’ needs are different teenagers is formed, the new part- ness (the home) has been bought ners need to agree on basic rules a teen’s need to be with friends. Teenage stepchildren need posi- Encourage teenagers to bring their out from under you. From the that cover areas such as chores, tive, caring discipline, but it’s hard friends home, so you can get to teenager’s perspective, remarriage homework, participation in fam- for them to accept yet another au- know them. You can learn a lot can feel like a hostile takeover.” ily activities, food and mealtime thority figure in their lives. So, typ- when you see kids interacting with The key is to go slow and to behaviors, pet care responsibili- ically, it is the new stepparent who their peers. be aware that teen stepkids can ties, religious practices, money, bears the brunt of a teen’s anger be moody and feign indifference, privacy, dating, the car and any r and rebellion. If he or she is afraid Watch out for flirty behavior. but down deep they need to feel limits on the use of a TV, phone, of losing a biological parent, lash- Sexual energy between teens and they belong to their new family. computer and social media. ing out at a stepparent becomes a stepparents is common but dan- Family rules should apply to Good communication helps way of coping. Teenagers are also gerous. If your child or stepchild visiting stepchildren as well, but old enough to sense any insecurity starts parading around scantily Stepfamilies grow and develop be willing to do some negotiating. that you may have—and are likely clothed, for example, discuss this through shared experiences and Just make sure all kids are follow- to use it to their advantage. with your partner. Keep the lines good verbal communication, and ing the same family rules. If you are the biological parent, of communications open. this also takes time. But how step- Here are some other ideas for reassure your child that you are r parents communicate is as impor- ways to create smooth relation- Don’t try to buy a teenager’s not abandoning him or her and tant as what they communicate. ships with teenage stepchildren. love and acceptance. It won’t Teens want to be taken seri- that no one will come between work in the long run. Resist the r ously. Show respect for their ideas, you. Put your words into action Learn more about teen devel- temptation to overindulge and temperament, desire for privacy by continuing to do the things opment. When teenagers push overschedule, especially with visit-

you enjoy doing together. you away, they’re not really try- ing stepchildren. u and the physical changes they’re

What to expect from younger children in a blended family ids react very differently to becoming Children from 4 to 7 worry may try to force choices between them- with their mothers when they divorce, K part of a new stepfamily. about physical disruption. So try to keep selves and their parent’s new mate. And but they also tend to be more receptive their living arrangements as consistent because they find it hard to divide their to a new stepfather. On the other hand, Toddlers and preschoolers as you can. Kids at this age need to feel loyalties, it’s important for their biologi- girls who were supportive of their may regress to babyish ways. It’s okay as much control as possible over what’s cal parents to give them “permission” to mother during a divorce tend to view a to give in. This will soon pass. Just make happening to them. Give them choices relate to a new stepfamily. stepfather as intrusive. A new stepmother your explanations simple—young children that are real and acceptable to you. needs to move slowly in establishing a can’t take in too much information at one Gender differences count relationship, and a new stepdad should time. Keep your family routines as stable For kids from 8 to 10 “fairness” too. Psychologist Maris Hetherington talk more and hug less. u as possible during the transition time. becomes a major issue. Children this age has found that boys often become angry

WFL July-August 2013 w www.workandfamilylife.com 5 on the job How to give (and respond to) workplace feedback t’s easy to give lip service to well-being and advancement how much we want and need on the job? feedback from our coworkers, —What were the circum- supervisors and mentors. But stances under which I received Iwhen it comes and it’s critical, the criticism? Was my boss in many of us are more sensitive than a bad mood? Was something we would like to admit. critical said to him that he The most dominant approach passed along to me? to giving feedback is “flaw-find- ing,” says author Robert K. Cooper —Is there a pattern to the in his book The Other 90%. This feedback? Have I heard these may explain why so many people points made before? experience criticism as a disturbing Giving good feedback encounter. uSet the context. Feedback Learning from feedback can be given in person, by phone, email, memo or in Receiving critical feedback can be “I think I found the answer to the problem we talked about.” uncomfortable indeed. But our meetings. But don’t assume ability to deal with it productively learn from feedback. Try not to jump right in with an explanation employees automatically know affects the way we are perceived take criticism personally, even or rationale, you can sound defen- when, where or how to check by our coworkers and, ultimately, when it feels that way. If you sive without meaning to. Take a few in with their bosses. And em- how well we do our jobs. don’t think of what was said as deep breaths and get your thoughts ployees shouldn’t assume that When we resist learning from an “attack,” it’s easier to resist the together. If it’s appropriate, ask for the way they’ve always done others, they may assume we don’t urge to “strike back.” some time to think about it. Say things is going to work for a boss from another generation. really care or we think we know Granted, this is easier said than you’ll get back to the person, and done, particularly if the critique everything already. Or perhaps make sure that you do. uBe clear, specific and car- felt heavy-handed. Some feedback our self-esteem is so shaky we get ing. Emphasize the person’s is given so insensitively or seems so uAssses what was said. All feed- “blown away” when someone sug- strengths and the “degree of unfair, it’s hard to react calmly. back is not equally valuable. To get gests doing something differently. fit” between his or her talents the greatest benefit, try asking your- In any case, we can be seen as a and roles. Identify weaknesses How to respond self these questions: Where did the person who doesn’t want to grow. and work together to over- u criticism come from? Was it based The tendency to get defensive Slow down. When someone come them. Set next steps for on concern and support for my is a huge barrier to being able to says something critical and you follow-through. u

Generational styles may differ, but we all need strokes

ome people are diplomatic while oth- On the other hand, younger workers are Whatever our age or generation, however, Gen Xers need to know when they’re on Sers are “in your face.” One’s frankness so used to getting and sending informa- we all need some positive strokes. For the right track. Telling them what they’re or formality has to do with personality, tion electronically, they can be insensitive example: doing right reinforces proper behavior and family background and our workplace about other people’s feelings when they Traditionals (older workers) have been eliminates guesswork for a generation culture. For example, in Great Britain, the are critical. around so long we may forget they need that’s struggling to fit in. Just be aware feedback style is more “brutally honest” Younger generations especially feel that to hear an occasional word of praise. They that many Gen Xers have a sensitive “BS- than it is in the U.S. feedback needs to travel up the ladder perform hard tasks as a matter of course, ometer,” so if you praise them, you should Age makes a difference too. In their book as well as down. So where politically but they still appreciate hearing that their really mean it. “When Generations Collide,” Lynne C. conscious Boomers might think twice efforts were noticed and that they made Millennials (in their 20s) have been Lancaster and David Stillman say that a before telling the boss what they thought a difference. raised by Boomer parents to expect lots of one-size-fits-all approach usually doesn’t was wrong with the way something was Boomers may be giving feedback to praise. They are likely to mistake silence work in a diverse workplace. done, younger workers have no problem dozens of employees without receiving for disapproval. Make a special effort to being upfront with their supervisors. In terms of giving feedback, older work- any themselves. As they try to connect talk to them about what they’re doing ers, for example, can be so careful in the All generations should be trained in how with an ever-younger workforce, they right. This rewards good behavior and way they phrase things that the other to ask for feedback, how to give it, how can be particularly touched by a positive strengthens rapport. Lots of feedback, person may not even understand the to receive it, and what’s appropriate comment from a Gen Xer telling them they both positive and negative, is the way to intent of the message. behavior in feedback situations. did something helpful. go with Gen Y. u

6 WFL July-August 2013 w www.workandfamilylife.com What’s up with A HEALTHY YOU the gluten free-for-all? The latest advice on eggs...unscrambled t’s all the rage: gluten-free dvice on eating eggs seems to other important nutrients (choline Cracking the egg code everything, as a way to eat change so often, it’s hard to for brain health and lutein for the I Here’s what those terms you see on healthy and lose weight. You know for sure what a health- eyes). egg cartons mean: can find about 8,000 gluten- conscious person, especially n Di e t a r y cholesterol and blood free foods on Amazon.com, Asomeone with a heart or cholester- n Or g a n i c : Hens were minimally and sales of these products ol problem, should be doing. cholesterol are not the same thing. exposed to antibiotics, commercial reached $28 billion in 2012. A recent Consumer Reports on The main factor in blood LDL fertilizers, fungicides, growth hor- cholesterol is saturated fat. And But despite the books and Health unscrambles the latest in- mones, herbicides and pesticides. while it is relatively low (2 grams celebrity hype, there’s no formation on the eggs issue. We’re The USDA Organic seal means the per large egg), many of the foods solid evidence that going told that federal dietary guide- eggs were produced according to that often accompany eggs, like ba- gluten-free is beneficial lines now say that healthy people National Organic Program guide- con, butter, cheese and sausage, are for the great majority of can safely eat one egg a day. The lines. Organic eggs tend to be more high in saturated fat. Americans, according to an Mayo Clinic and the American expensive than other eggs because Arizona State University study Heart Association agree, but they they cost more to produce. published in the “Journal of suggest limiting cholesterol from n Om e g a 3: Hens the Academy of Nutrition and other sources to compensate for were fed flax, ma- Dietetics.” the cholesterol in the egg. rine algae, fish oils Here’s some information to Gluten is the main ingredient or other items to be aware of: in wheat, rye and barley, boost the levels of and there’s one important n Eg g s a r e f o u n d i n m a n y omega-3 fatty acid in reason to avoid it: if you have f o o d s —bread, cakes, ice their eggs. a gluten-related disorder cream, muffins and entrees n Fr e e -r a n g e o r c a g e -f r e e : Free- such as celiac disease or you like breaded fish, meat dishes range hens have daily access to the have gluten sensitivity. Celiac and meatloaf. And while each of outdoors or are raised outdoors. disease affects about 1% of these might add just a fraction of an Cage-free hens are allowed to roam the U.S. population. Gluten egg serving, together they increase free in large barns or yards. sensitivity may affect as much a person’s cholesterol intake, espe- as 6%, but the term is not cially because some of those foods n Pa s t e u r i z e d : Eggs were heated n Th e b o t t o m l i n e : If you are also contain other ingredients that to destroy bacteria. After pasteur- uniformly defined and the healthy, you can eat eggs in mod- are high in cholesterol and fat. izing, the eggs were covered in a percentage is debatable. eration. But keep your total diet food-grade wax to prevent the ab- For most people, a healthy in mind. For example, you might n Eg g s a r e a g o o d s o u r c e of high- sorption of contaminants. diet is rich in whole grains quality protein with relatively few swap the bacon, ham or sausage that contain gluten. And calories (6.3 grams of protein, 72 in your omelet for spinach or pep- n Ve g e t a r i a n : Hens were given because many gluten-free calories in a large egg). Eggs also pers. Or hold the cheese on your all-grain feed only, with no animal products are made from contain vitamins D and B12 and next egg sandwich. by-products or food scraps. u refined flour, they lack fiber. They also tend to be higher in calories. Scientists offer new insights on drinking A new study in the “Journal s drinking alcohol bad for you? Good for you? Somewhere in 3 Drinking increases the risk of cancer of the esopha- of Agricultural and Food Ibetween? Here are fivethings we all need to know, based on the gus, larynx, pharynx, liver and breast, according to the National Chemistry” disputes claims latest research findings: Cancer Institute. The good news is that recent Canadian studies that today’s wheat varieties Men have shown that quitting alcohol can bring those risks right back contain more protein (thus, 1 Men and women process alcohol differently. have more body water (even than larger women), and that results down. more gluten) that those from in a slightly lower blood alcohol concentration. It’s why “moder- the early 20th century. 4 Some drinks are better for you than others. For ate” consumption is defined as no more than one drink a day for example, a study in Spain found that moderate consumption of If you have gone gluten-free women and two for men. red wine showed reduced blood pressure while similar consump- and feel better, experts say tion of gin did not. it’s more likely because you 2 Overdoing sometimes is as bad as overdoing it all A weekly binge is as harmful as drinking heavily on also cut out a lot of refined the time. 5 Many medications do not mix well with alcohol. a daily basis, according to a study by Dr. Sharon Wilsnack of the carbs and junk foods, not It’s not just prescription drugs. It’s over-the-counter cough and University of North Dakota School of Medicine and Health Sciences. because you have eliminated cold medications and pain relievers too. And if you have a Five or more drinks in two hours for a man and four or more for a gluten. u personal or family history of alcoholism, it’s best to avoid drink- woman will reverse the heart benefits of moderate drinking, and ing altogether, says Dr. Samir Azkhari of the National Institute of —Adapted from the University of California, Berkeley, Wellness Letter the risk of coronary disease actually increases. Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism. u

WFL July-August 2013 w www.workandfamilylife.com 7 We recommend Getting along after a divorce or separation t may seem almost impossible badmouthing,” “don’t be spite- of competition, dealing with jeal- sports, music and drama. for parents who couldn’t get ful or hold grudges,” “be honest ousy and communicating clearly For many blended families, along when they were married and straightforward” and ”com- with extended-family members. old-school etiquette doesn’t ap- to do so after a divorce. But promise whenever possible”), the There’s down-to-earth and ply these days. The authors offer Iit’s important for them to try. authors address specific problems helpful advice on interacting with new guidelines for interacting “Research tells us that our chil- and concerns often encountered children: who disciplines and how, with an ex or ex-relatives during dren’s emotional health depends by divorced or sepa- handling attraction major life events. They have a on their parents’ relationship,” rated parents. among stepsiblings wonderful chapter on new rules say the authors of Ex-Etiquette for In a realistic but and family problem- of behavior when there’s a wed- Parents. “For that reason alone, sympathetic way, solving. ding, shower, new baby, holiday divorced parents must look for they describe the In this context, or other special occasion. There positive ways to talk to each other steps to building a the authors say the are even samples of wedding in- and resolve conflicts.” working relation- issues on which exes vitations for “adult children with The essence of “ex-etiquette,” ship after a divorce, should agree have divorced parents.” as Jan Blackstone-Ford and Sharyl including how to to do with religious Ex-Etiquette for Parents: Good Jupe describe it, is simply “good get along with your training, public or Behavior After a Divorce or Sepa- behavior after a bad divorce.” spouse’s ex (or your private education ration (Chicago Review Press, Using some basic rules (such as ex’s new partner), and extra-curricular paperback, $14.95) is available “putting the children first,” “no addressing feelings activities such as in bookstores and online. u

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