page 2 the paper april 18, 2018

David Cohen, pg. 3 Isle of the Dogs, pg. 6 Wax, pg. 10 F & L, pg. 11-12 Deadits, pg. 14

the paper “What T-Pain song are you?” c/o Office of Student Involvement Editors-in-Chief Fordham University Colleen “I am in France” Burns Bronx, NY 10458 Claire “I’m On A Boat” Nunez [email protected] Executive Editor http://fupaper.blog/ Michael Jack “I am Still Sid From Ice Age” O’Brien News Editors the paper is Fordham’s journal of news, analysis, comment and review. Students from all Christian “Madonna” Decker years and disciplines get together biweekly to produce a printed version of the paper using Andrew “Dolly Parton” Millman Adobe InDesign and publish an online version using Wordpress. Photos are “borrowed” from Opinions Editors Internet sites and edited in Photoshop. Open meetings are held Tuesdays at 9:00 PM in McGin- Jack “Reverse Cowgirl” Archambault ley 2nd. Articles can be submitted via e-mail to [email protected]. Submissions from Hillary “Best Love Song” Bosch students are always considered and usually published. Our staff is more than willing to help new writers develop their own unique voices and figure out how to most effectively convey their Arts Editors thoughts and ideas. We do not assign topics to our writers either. The process is as follows: Meredith “I’m Sprung” McLaughlin have an idea for an article, send us an e-mail or come to our meetings to pitch your idea, write Annie “Up Down” Muscat the article, work on edits with us, and then get published! We are happy to work with anyone Earwax Editor who is interested, so if you have any questions, comments or concerns please shoot us an e- Marty “[Unknown]” Gatto mail or come to our next meeting. So, why come write for us? We are a constantly evolving publication, and have been since Features and List Editors 1972. We provide an outlet of expression otherwise unavailable to Fordham students. Writers Katelynn “Bartender” Browne are free to say whatever they want, whenever they want. We are also pretty cool people, to be Olivia “Booty Wurk (One Cheek at a Time)” Langenberg completely honest. So please come hang out with us. You’ll have a good time, we promise. Copy Editor Robin “Finish Line” Happel our aim David “FBGM“ Kennedy the paper is Fordham University’s fully student-run, free speech publication. Our aim is to Gabby “Buy You a Drank“ Curran challenge our writers and our readers: we want to make you think. We provide an outlet for all students to express themselves, whatever their passion may be. Whether it’s commenting on a Contributors social issue, writing a factual news article, making people laugh with a humor piece, composing Rachel Poe, Reyna Wang, Declan Murphy, Luis Gomez, Looby’s Loob, Nick a personal narrative, giving advice or ranting about something that makes you feel a certain Peters, Scott Saffran, Michael Sheridan, Matt Whitaker, Anna Passero-Koennecke, strong way -- we have a place for you. Because of our platform as a free speech newspaper, we TPain, CAB, Cleo Filis, Jack McClatchy, Dunkin’, Dean Rodgers, TPain again, Birds, tend to push the boundaries of university journalism by talking about important social issues, Brendan Batcheller, Word 1997, Adobe Photoshop, A Phantom Air Conditioner, expressing otherwise silenced voices and opinions, addressing Fordham policy and administra- A Stinky Hotdog, Fake Ads, Suits, Drake Bell, A Rogue Pair of Scissors, Sid from tion, and starting serious conversations about what is important to our student body. Here at Ice Age the paper, we encourage creativity and uniqueness, spark dialogue and discussion, and foster a community where students are free to fully express themselves. april 18, 2018 the paper page 3

Blood in The Water: Sharks Close in on Trump and Friends by MJJM Who knew the 2016 Election would result in a reenactment of Jaws Executive Editor any sexual relations with Ms. Daniels, also seized recordings between Cohen them, it could be a conspiracy of liars, It’s that time of the month again or even knowing who Daniels is, it is and the former lawyer of Stormy but the tapes undermine that.” With folks! In the endless cesspool of apparent that the FBI and The DOJ Daniels. While these recordings do these recordings in hand, the Stormy controversy and scandals surrounding think differently, as just this week, the not confirm that Trump had an affair Daniels story shifts from an alleged the administration of President Donald tacit verbal agreement into a concrete Trump it can be hard to recognize the example of Trump and his associates fact that in any other presidency, these using intimidation tactics to suppress scandals would be career ending. information about the President. Personally, I completely understand So, what can we as casual observers if one chooses to tune out all of the take away from this story? And how controversy, and “check out” from does it fit into the larger narrative of the news cycle, so to speak; there’s the Trump Administration? For starters, only so many times you can say “this it shows that law enforcement smells will be the end of Trump’s career” blood in the water, not only regarding before you yourself start to question Trump himself, but also his close- if the President will ever truly suffer knit band of associates. Documents the consequences of his action. In such as these confirm a narrative addition, there are very little historical that many analysts and pundits have examples as to Trumps behavior; this picked up on since day one of Trumps is completely uncharted territory, and presidential journey, the narrative that it is easy to become fatigued. Despite in almost all cases, Trump chooses his this, I feel as if it is our duty to follow associates not on skill, competency, these stories with diligence, as if we or even political views. Instead, Trump forget about the controversy, that is values loyalty to him above all else, inadvertently letting Trump off the hook and installs associates based on for behavior that in any other situation whether they are willing to protect him would be considered despicable. from the prying eyes of the media and With all that being said, the the law. Cronyism? Yes of course, but controversy surrounding the adult video office and home of Trumps longtime with Daniels, or that Cohen brokered surprising? Not at all. This obsession star Stormy Daniels could very well be lawyer and confidant Michael Cohen a hush deal with the porn actress, it with loyalty sheds light onto why so Trumps Monika Lewinsky scandal, and was raided. In the process, thousands does confirm that Trump had some many of his associates are willing while we could argue until we’re blue of documents and recordings were interaction with the woman in question. to take the brunt of media and legal in the face as to whether or not having seized by law enforcement which could In the legal world, audio recordings can criticism, or even become criminals former sexual relations with Daniels shed light onto just how much Trump be a touchy subject, especially if one themselves. All of these behaviors go impedes President Trumps ability to truly knows about the situation. While of the two parties had not consented towards protecting Trump, either from lead this country; much like the Clinton the Justice department has been to being recorded. Nevertheless, if the outside world, or perhaps even Administration, the sex scandal is sparse with details as to what exactly recordings exist between Cohen and Trump himself. The question then is more indicative of President Trumps the raids were for, the US Attorney Daniels former lawyer, a man named why? What do these associates have to moral fiber (or lack thereof), and his for New York has announced that Mr. Keith Davidson which could shed light gain from constantly being embroiled willingness to lie about anything and Cohen was currently under criminal onto their relationship, said recordings in controversy? As more and more everything. In the words of It’s Always investigation for a litany of charges could be a goldmine for prosecutors. associates jump ship from the Trump Sunny in Philadelphia, at times it including but not limited to: bank While discussing the recordings, a CNN administration, it appears that some appears that Trump is “in complete fraud, wire fraud, and unreported legal analyst stated “If all that stuff are asking that question themselves, denial about every aspect of his life.” finances tied to Trump’s presidential gets recorded, then they are in deep and only time will tell if this house of While Trump vehemently denies having campaign. In addition, the Feds have hurt because if it was just oral between cards begins to collapse. page 4 the paper april 18, 2018 Faker than The Ax Arrives: Political Strategist Speaks at FU by Andrew Millman News Editor David Axelrod is cool beans. Truth suffered from serious and to the hype. Another question that By Christian Decker This past Monday, Obama’s recurrent seizures that at one was asked was something along the campaign manager and chief point went up to about 10 per lines of how the Democrats should Paul Ryan Takes Job at Fitness strategist during his first term in the day. The doctors were unable be dealing with the President in the Modeling Center White House, David “The Axman” to tell Mr. and Mrs. Axelrod coming election years. Mr. Axelrod Axelrod, came to speak to students what was wrong, and as the stressed that the Democrats should Paul Ryan has recently at Fordham’s campus. Located in the bills piled up, his insurance not be running on impeaching the announced his unwillingess to Keating 3rd Auditorium, the seats would not cover all of the cost. President. He said rather, that the seek re-election in this upcoming were filled up with some even having He recounts that he had to pay Democrats should focus on running election cycle. Sources report to stand. Invited by the Fordham that this is due to the fake that he about $1,000 every month for candidates that have progressive cna’t win reelection because of his College Democrats, Mr. Axelrod these hospital expenses. platforms, and really focusing on “unwillingness to grow a spine and spoke about his role in politics and the issues rather than actaully stand up for something how he got involved in the first place. just pointing out how in his miserable existence.” Many At a young age, he witnessed a Trump is bad and that will remeber the viral pictures speech that then- candidate John F. you should vote for them. of Speaker Ryan pumping iron Kennedy gave to the people of New In fact, he used the word at your local run-of-the-mill gym York. Mr. Axelrod contends it was trying to get some sick gains. As “idiotic” when it came to a result of this photo, supposedly, after this speech that he decided to describing candidates conservative modeling agencies get involved with politics. who are going to run on have been clamouring to use him At the ripe old age of 9, he worked that. He says it’s better foir thier propganda pictures. in the office of a local Democratic that we work on the Most notably, Speaker Ryan senator, and later changed to problems that people are has chosen to work for a modeling Republican some years later, facing and not just trying agency owned by Sinclair Media,a saying that he hoped to support conservative broadcasting group He remembers talking to to impeach the President. responsably for hundreds of your the best candidates for the job. To President Obama about the risk As the last question, Mr. Axelrod favorite local news networks. This Mr. Axelrod, party did not matter so of passing the Affordable Care was asked what he felt about drug modeling company is famous for much as the character and quality Act. Facing obstinance from the policy. Mr. Axelrod believes that Tomi Lahren’s “I’m gonna shoot of the person running. He stated entirety of the Republican party progressing towards the legalization my vagina off with this gun” picture that this was one of the biggest at the time and an approval of marijuana is on the right track, so that circulated on Twitter. draws to former President Barack rating threatening to drop by a to speak. Mr. Axelrod spoke about Ryan will be be shooting “Commander-In-Chief” Obama. He many different kinds of shoots ton, Mr. Axelrod informed the some of the potential advantages for this company, doing manly told us that he thought of Obama President that it might be a bad of legalization, including tackling things because anything besides as a very charismatic and genuine idea to pursue his healthcare the disproportionate amount of “hunting, eating raw steak, and person who wanted to bring agenda. President Obama people of color in jail for weed- overcompensating for your penis are people together. He mentioned, assured him that the Presidency related crimes, and the increased not manly enough for this country”, however, his disappointment that was not about approval ratings tax revenue legalization could give according to representatives at the gap between Democrats and but about doing the right thing. back. He noted however, that we Sinclair. Speaker Ryan has told Republicans was ever widened by us that he’s exicted to be entering After Mr. Axelrod did his should definitely be careful to help into this new chapter of his life by the Obama presidency. Axelrod own speech, we moved on to people with drug-related problems going into professional modeling. contends that he was hopeful that a short question and answer and not necessarily encourage “This is a big step for me, since my Obama’s previous ability to cross session. The first question Mr. smoking, because he wants to look wife left and took the kids and I fail the aisle and negotiate, but was Axelrod was asked is about out for the kids. at everything else, this is the only disappointed. what his biggest regrets or Mr. Axelrod ended the night by recourse that I have. Stay tuned for Mr. Axelrod’s biggest win at the disappointments were during his telling the audience that we, the more information regarding Paul White House was the day that the Ryans latest exploits. long career. He responded that students, are the future. We have Affordable Care Act passed. He his biggest disappointments the power to impact legislation and remembered crying in his office were people he’d helped get to make change for the better no because of all the people that would into office, whether Democrat or matter which side of the political be helped by it. He recounted a Republican, that turned out to spectrum we are on. These are personal story about his daughter not be who he thought they were. idealistic words that will hopefully who, when she was very young, In other words, they didn’t live up ring true in the upcoming years. april 18, 2018 the paper page 5 The United Nations Steps Up Youth Outreach by Robin Happel Realer Copy Chief Youth voices matter to the U.N. As millennials, it is both our (DPI), Malor believes that the humanity.” Hawa Diallo, another Than duty and our privilege to help U.N. should do more to actively DPI officer who formerly served older generations understand reach out to millennials and Gen as a peacekeeper and currently social media. And, out of the many Z, rather than simply hoping helps manage special events, Fact By Claire Nunez exhortations to this end I have we stumble upon U.N. news similarly stressed the importance channels. This means more of our generation as “information received in my life, by far my favorite NASA sends Sperm to Space youth-led chat series, more multipliers” countering the spread has been the U.N.’s youth outreach efforts. public forums, and – of course – of false stories and propaganda. A lot of things have been sent Since Fordham is registered as more social media campaigns. In addition to DPI officers, into space— dogs, pizza, Legos, an NGO with the U.N., it’s relatively Although many people follow almost every panel discussion also humans, sperm. Wait what, U.N. politics, especially the included youth reps themselves, sperm? Like, was an astronaut easy for us as students to schlep just hanging out with Jill up there? ourselves to briefings should we recent clamor in the Security representing organizations as Council over Syria, relatively wide-ranging as the Women’s Nope, NASA has begun sending choose to, which you should – and frozen human samples of sperm few Americans, especially our National Book Association to Baha’i I’m not just saying that because I got into space. Yes, we obviously need a free sticker for promising to recruit age, get this news from the International Community. While to just send a ton of sperm into more of us. U.N. NGO briefings are U.N. directly. This is a source seemingly slightly more than most space, NASA. This is what my tax genuinely a really cool and unique of some frustration within briefings, it’s worth noting that every dollars are for, to fulfill your kink of DPI, especially in an era when DPI NGO briefing I’ve attended has sending sperm into space. opportunity, with topics ranging from Okay maybe I am poverty to AIDS Awareness Month to propaganda predominates. had at least one youth rep as either Recently, however, the U.N. a moderator or panelist. Putting overreacting, I think NASA is sustainable fashion. (They also gave sending sperm into space to News Reader app and SDGs in young people in such leadership me a free pin.) see how the lil dudes respond This particular workshop was Action app have been becoming roles shows the U.N.’s genuine to microgravity. Apparently, it is geared towards NYC college more popular, making DPI commitment to inclusion, beyond mad hard to reproduce in space. students and youth reps from U.N.- hopeful that an increased simply symbolism. Many mammals that we have mobile presence may help raise In short, although many of us have launched up there have been affiliated charities. We opened unable to successfully impregnate with a pop quiz on the U.N.’s awareness of both the SDGs been subjected to varying levels and ongoing U.N. policy. DPI’s of “how do you do, fellow kids?” each other. With the prospect of Sustainable Development Goals possibly having human colonies pivot to video – many with star- by either prospective employers or (SDGs). Supplanting the Millennium on the moon or whatever, we need Development Goals, the SDGs set studded casts, perhaps most professors struggling to seem like to obviously figure out how to get ambitious targets for clean energy, fabulously Beyoncé for World they understand Snapchat, the U.N. sperm to do its job correctly. social equality, and ending hunger by Humanitarian Day in 2012 and genuinely does take young voices I rarely think about anyone again recently for International seriously. Both its Youth Reps having the sexual relations in 2030. As part of the 2030 Agenda space, but apparently those for Sustainable Development, the Day of the Girl – has also program within DPI and its broader sparked increased interest in Youth Delegate program, as well as conditions are not optimal for SDGs are sweeping in scope, with biological reproduction. Sperm the SDGs. its Major Group for Children and well over 150 target thresholds, and acts weird because of the lack are arguably the most ambitious Throughout several panel Youth, make it much easier for our of gravity in space. I guess if you plan for global progress in human discussions, DPI reps stressed generation to get involved in global are a sperm and your only power history. the importance of finding politics than arguably any time source is your tail, I don’t think you unbiased sources of information. in the past. Especially under the will fare well against no gravity. Similar to the old climate activist To be honest, this seems like too mantra “to change everything, we In the words of Jeff Brez, Chief current Secretariat, our voices carry of NGO Relations, each of us more sway than ever before. much of a futuristic problem to be need everyone,” Secretary-General facing right now. I would rather should strive to be “opinion As millennials, we have been Guterres stresses that youth Katy Perry’s “E.T.” not be a reality involvement is critical to achieving makers, not opinion takers.” In blamed for killing so many industries yet. the SDGs. (The Secretariat sees our era of fake news, the U.N. – everything from diamonds to our generation “not as leaders of News offices are a bastion of disposable cutlery. If we’re powerful tomorrow, but as leaders of today.” unbiased, up-to-date reporting. enough to take out fabric softener, Ben Dotsei Malor, Chief of UN Felipe Queipo, an outreach is it really so much to ask that we Radio in New York, adores this officer with DPI, perhaps put at least make an attempt to take on aphorism. Like many within the U.N.’s it best in saying that the U.N. global poverty? Department of Public Information “has no bias – our bias is for april 18, 2018 the paper page 6

Isle Of Dogs Is A Spectacular Commentary on Mass-Hysteria By Katelynn Browne 100% would recommend Features and Lists Editor has the citizens, without seeming to He plays strongly on the anti-dog stance citizens to lose something that they ul- From the stunning stop-animation to think too much about it, quickly turn when running for re-election, and ul- timately love and cherish dearly. If we his dynamic characters, Wes Anderson vehemently against their once beloved timately wins. Anderson critiques the allow ourselves to become entrapped has truly outdone himself yet again, in household pets. The only people who use of strong, hysteria-causing political in the pitfalls of political-induced hyste- his latest film, Isle of Dogs. As a huge really oppose the anti-dog movement language in this side plot of the film, ria, we may fail to realize we are losing fan of Wes Anderson’s work, as well are students, and the scientist party, which is especially fitting during the something that we value. as a huge lover of dogs, I was su- Another interesting commentary per excited when I saw the preview Wes Anderson makes is one that for this filmwhen I went to see Black regards the double-edgedsword of Panther (which, of course, was also advanced science. On the one hand, brilliant.) And, I’m happy to say, my scientists and the science party cre- expectations were certainly met and ated a serum tocure dogs of the dog perhaps were even exceeded. flu epidemic, and allow dogs -to re Isle of Dogs takes place in the fic- enter Megasaki. On the other hand, tional Japanese city of Megasaki, Mayor Kobayashi endorses the cre- where MayorKobayashi orders a de- ation of military-grade robot dogs to cree in which all the dogs be deport- replace his citizens’ now gone pets. ed from the city to be quarantined Here, Anderson carefully displays the on Trash Island, due to an unprec- dichotomy between science used to edented outbreak of dog flu. Atari, help and advance society in a posi- the mayor’s nephew, hijacks asmall tive manner, and science used to re- plane, and flies to Trash Island in place real pets with the cold metal order to rescue his pet dog, Spots. shells of robots. In the end, medi- While there, he meets a group of oth- cal science used to cure the dogs is er dogs who help him find his dog. what wins out in the end. One of the dogs in the group called Of course, despite all these per- Chief,slowly and begrudgingly begins haps darker themes, Wes Anderson to assist Atari in his quest, despite maintains his iconic whimsical and his being a stray dog who threats upbeat tone throughout the entire that he bites, and eventually the two film. There is light humor sprinkled become close. In an epicly whole- throughout the film, the voice actors some moment, Chief allows Atari to are phenomenal - their comedic tim- bathe him, and feed him half of the ing is always on point. The color pal- treat that he saved for his lost dog, ette is, as usual, gorgeous. The dogs Spots. It was a really adorable scene. were great. 10/10. I loved them so The film makes a clear commen- much. tary on the importance of language, who created a serum that would cure Trump era. The film illustrates what can All in all, Isle of Dogs was a fantastic especially in political settings. It is dog flu. However, Mayor Kobayashi re- happen when we allow a politician to little film. If you love dogs, Wes Ander- clear in the film that Mayor Kobayashi jects the cure, and fixes the election create mass-hysteria over non-issues. son, stop animation, and trash island, has managed to cause mass-hysteria against the science party, by staging In this case, Mayor Kobayashi creates you will love this movie. Please go see regarding the spread of dog flu. He the science party candidate’s suicide. an anti-dog hysteria which causes the it. page 7 the paper april 18 2018 Jesus Christ Superstar Resurrects NBC’s Live Theater Events by Jack McClatchy Did NBC make a deal with the Devil? What: Earth Week: Staff Musical Evangelist adaptation of Jesus Christ Superstar spot on. I know it’s hard to sympathize Gardening Day Ever since NBC has started airing on Easter Sunday. I watched with a with the man who sold out the Son of Where: St. Rose’s Garden live musicals on national television, critical eye, but could find few things God, but dammit Dixon made me feel I’ve either not watched the show or that were glaringly wrong with anyone’s for him. (441 E Fordham Rd) been massively disappointed. It nearly performance. Sara Bareilles as Mary Magdalene When: Friday, April 20 ruined Grease, The Sound of Music, NBC casted R&B star John Legend was also a very good casting choice. from 3-6pm Rocky Horror, and other shows so I to be Jesus, and I was skeptical. Ian She sang with such precision and was prepared to write off Jesus Christ Gillian, who at the time was the lead power that I would put her in dead How Much: FREE Superstar when I saw the commercials. singer for the hard rock band Deep heat with Yvonne Elliman, who all Why: Fordham I admit I’m a fanboy of Jesus Christ Purple, was known for his screeching Mary Magdaelenes are compared to. Sustainability Committee Superstar. I have the original recording high notes in a way few other people Magdalene’s songs serve a respite on vinyl and listen to it occasionally, can do (listen to Highway Star and from the drama of Jesus’ final days, needs your help saving almost always blown away by what I you’ll see what I mean a minute in). and Bareilles did a fantastic job. our dying planet! hear. It’s Andrew Lloyd Weber’s best I haven’t seen Legend be able do Another aspect that came out of left musical, and yes, that includes Cats that, and he didn’t when I saw the field was casting Alice Cooper as King (even though I don’t quite Herod. This role is usually What: Second Annual like it). played in the campiest of Bronx Celebration Day Weber wrote the musical ways (usually Herod joins a Where: Walsh Lot (in as a rock opera, or basically kick line of Go-Go girls) and a rock musical without any is unequivocally gay. Cooper between Walsh Hall and spoken dialogue. Think played an almost distant but Finlay Hall) Tommy and Quadrophenia curious straight man which When: Saturday, April 21 by the Who, or The Wall by was a breath of fresh air for Pink Floyd. Basically, it’s like me. Believe me, I love some form 12-4pm traditional opera but with campy humor, but to see a How Much: FREE instruments used for rock gay stereotype flipped on its Why: Support local and roll. head almost effortlessly was The musical is set during amazing to see. performing artists the last week of Jesus’ life Granted, Cooper did forget playing great music, eat seen through the eyes of a line, but his performance delicious food, and bond Judas Iscariot who ultimately was so good I can overlook it. betrayed him to the One problem I did have with members of the authorities. It is a notable was the sound mixing. In community! exception to the notion that the original recording, the Christian rock is terrible instrumentation is almost (which I won’t be getting into competing with the vocalist What: Culture Shock: A here). as if a traveling band is Free High Line Festival In the original concept following Jesus and the 12 Where: The High Line album released in 1970, Ian Apostles. In the NBC showing, Gillian played Jesus, Murray I had to listen hard to find (Meatpacking District, Head was Judas Iscariot, the instrumentation which West Chelsea & Hell’s and Yvonne Elliman was is a shame because I love it Kitchen) Mary Magdalene. All three as much as I love the vocal of them gave stellar performances. It show, but I was still impressed by his performances. When: Saturday, April 21 was quintessential early 1970’s rock, vocal abilities. His acting left a bit to be I know sound mixing is hard to do, but from 1-7pm rich in perfectly imperfect voices, funky desired (the New York Times described I wish NBC did a better job in bringing How Much: FREE; register basslines, and musical ornamentation. it as “John Legend is worried”), the instruments to the forefront So, how did a modern adaptation of however his singing was unique in that because it almost sounded barebones online a musical giant go? Surprisingly well, he didn’t try to be Ian Gillian. He was without it. Why: Full day of music, considering NBC’s history of airing John Legend signing like John Legend, I think it’s safe to say that Jesus art, performance, and musicals live. I shudder whenever I and I can always respect a singer not Christ Superstar saved live musicals think of Grease, The Sound of Music, trying to imitate someone else. for NBC, considering all of the other horticulture! Wow! or A Christmas Story (who the hell The real star of the show was Judas, ones have been sh*tting on the legacy made that into a musical?), and I thank played by Brandon Victor Dixon who of earlier performances. After watching God they haven’t tried Rent or Les was really known for replacing Leslie Jesus Christ Superstar, I will still watch Misérables yet. Odom, Jr. as Aaron Burr in Hamilton. He these live musicals on NBC, but not as Given my past experience with NBC gave power and weakness when the skeptical as I was before watching this musicals, I was prepared to hate this music required it, and his acting was one. april 18, 2018 the paper page 8 Solo Trailer Proves Star Wars Franchise Will Never Die Shows by Katelyn Cody Brb, naming my firstborn child Scissorpunch What: Women in Jazz Staff Galactic Reporter this movie. He has such an immense, I just do not know how to reconcile Disclaimer: Everyone is entitled to remarkable talent for practically every- with this information. I mean there Celebration their own opinions. I genuinely en- thing that he does so it would be dif- have been plenty of ridiculous names Where: McGinley joy the new movies being released by ficult for him to disappoint in this film. featured throughout the Star Wars uni- Ballroom Lucasfilm and I love seeing this new, Emilia Clarke joins the film as Qi’Ra, a verse, Salacious B. Crumb in Return younger generation of Star Wars fans new character that not much is known of the Jedi for example, but I think Mr. When: Saturday, April 21 get excited the same way I did when about yet. Same is the case for Woody Scissorpunch takes the cake. He also from 7-10pm The Clone Wars came out. I am not Harrelson’s character, Tobias Beckett. happens to be a giant lobster and I’m How Much: FREE forcing you to like the new movies, but These are two well-known faces from kind of hoping that this is just Lucas- please do not come at me saying I am other mega entertainment franchises film trolling us and he will not actually Why: Features renowned not a “true fan” just because I actually (Clarke from Game of Thrones and Har- be in the movie. pianists, educators, liked The Force Awakens. The new mov- relson from The Hunger Games) that The trailer depicted just composers, and ies do not make me love the original I am excited to see in a galaxy far far enough action and adventure to get ev- trilogy any less. eryone hyped to see vocalists. That being said, the film. I was very there is a new Star excited to see shots What: Fordham Flava Wars movie coming of the Millenium Fal- out on May 25th and con, leaving me with Presents: Watch Me I for one am pretty questions of where Cook excited. A new trailer this iconic spaceship Where: Rose Hill for Solo: A Star Wars will take the main Story was released characters. I wonder Gymnaisum on April 8th. This film if there will be a lot of When: Sunday April 22 will be the second in- new planets and loca- at 4pm dependent film in the tions or if the filmmak- Star Wars saga re- ers will revisit some of How Much: $3 tickets leased, after Rogue the places we know can be bought in One: A Star Wars and love. Personally, McGinley Story in December I would like to see 2016. This new mov- some of the story Why: Watching other ie will tell the back- take place in Cloud people do cool things is story of Han Solo, City, since that loca- fun the lovable “scruffy tion was so central to looking, nerf herder”, Han and Lando’s stor- from the original Star yline in Empire Strikes What: The Hot Notes Wars trilogy, played Back (my favorite in- Present: Jazzercise by Harrison Ford. I do stallment in the Star have to admit it was Wars saga). Where: Collins a little unnerving to But this re- Auditorium watch the trailer and view can’t be all posi- When: Sunday, April 29 see someone else tivity. I am a little con- play such an iconic cerned that Clarke’s at 3pm character, but from character, Qi’Ra, is How Much: FREE what the roughly two and a half minute away. It was a little perturbing to watch going to serve as a love interest for Why: What else are you trailer gave me, I think Alden Ehren- the trailer and see Clarke without her Han Solo, and I just really do not want reich will do a good job filling in Ford’s signature white blonde Khaleesi hair. that to happen. I am hoping that she gonna use those leg boots. He has the good looks and ar- On a serious note, I am very excited to will get to be her independent, badass warmers for? rogant charm that made us all fall in see what is in store for Clarke’s char- self. I also know that there would be a love with Han in A New Hope. Suffice it acter. I am loving the inclusion of new lot of backlash against seeing Han with to say, I am ready for some smirks and strong female characters in the Star someone who is not Princess Leia, but witty comebacks. Wars universe; we know they have al- people are allowed to have more than Besides Ehrenreich there are ways been there, but it is nice to finally one love interest throughout their lives. three more newcomers to the Star Wars see them on the screen. Also, these are fictional characters. I family that make up the main cast. Speaking of new characters, it just do not feel the need for their to be Donald Glover plays a young Lando was brought to my attention that one a romantic subplot in this film. Calrissian, played by Billy Dee Williams of the new aliens in the film is named But when it’s all said and done, I can- in the original trilogy. Glover is probably “Therm Scissorpunch”. You read that not wait to find out how our favorite ga- one of the most hyped about aspects of right, that is its actual, real name and lactic smuggler came to be. page 9 the paper april 18, 2018 This Article is a Simulation: A Review of Ready Player One by Christian Decker Spoiler alert: this movie was aight News Editor the would-be winner complete control I think we can all relate to trying to fight him “thanks for playing my game” I’m I wasn’t very interested in seeing over the game. Our main protagonist, against evil corporations who seek to willing to admit that I teared up a little, Ready Player One, considering I Parcival (that’s his take over everything please don’t judge me. hadn’t read the book nor was I very in-game name), is we love and turn it into Despite the fact that I enjoyed interested in the concept at all. I what’s called a profits (hahaha too the movie, there were some glaring had also heard the book had some gunter, someone real…). Although the issues I had with it. For one the romance problematic elements when it comes who tries to figure plot was very generic was incredibly one-dimensional, and to representation. Nevertheless, right out the Easter with the good guys I honestly wanted to throw up during before spring break ended my friend Eggs. Of course, winning, I did enjoy any of the romance scenes. You don’t asked me to go see this with him, since there’s an evil that something had a meet someone like twice and fall in he had read the book and thoroughly corporation happy ending for once. love, especially over a virtual game. It enjoyed it. I decided to go and see it. and the heroes As you get older, you felt very forced and there was honestly The movie tells the story of a pseudo- eventually win tend to read a lot of no good reason for it to be included in dystopian America, where everything and romance and books and see a lot the movie or even in the book. Another kind of sucks and people decided to blah blah blah. of movies that either issue was that it changed up significant stop fixing things in the real world. Despite have very ambiguous parts of the book according to my The escape for everyone is in a how cliché this endings, or just plain friend. Now I know to each his own but virtual reality video game called “The movie was, I depressing ones. that bothers me. The last and worst Oasis”, in which you can do whatever enjoyed it. It Having been watching issue, is the tokenization of the minority you want and be whatever you want essentially referenced a decent a lot of horror movies with my dad and characters. Having the Chinese and (if you’ve seen the anime Sword Art portion of my childhood with various brother, it was nice to see a nice cute Japanese characters playing as a ninja Online it’s similar to that). The main nods to Star Wars, and other Spielberg ending. It’s worth noting that I have an and samurai, is questionable at best. plot surrounds a contest in which the movies (yes, he directed this movie), extreme love for all things video games. If you can look past these game creator left behind a series of and even more recent video games Near the end of the movie Parcival issues, it’s a very good nostalgic movie, Easter eggs, after his untimely death, like Overwatch and Halo. I’m also a meets the avatar of the game’s creator, and I’d give it around a 7 out of 10. which, when completed, would give big fan of underdog storylines. I mean and as the creator leaves, he tells The Louvre is Human Culture by Hillary Bosch This 8 mile museum has some of the world’s best works Opinions Editor and gaping, maximum knowledge. determination, and yet somehow Not only is it the oldest text from Old Going through art museums The first statue you need to see relaxation. If she is reflective of her Babylon and one of the first inscribed is like taking naps: if it’s too short is the Winged Victory of Samothrace, time period, now I understand how the social policies, it’s ALSO CARVED INTO you’re grumpy, if it’s too long you’re circa approximately 150 B.C. Meant ancients accomplished so much! What ROCK. Again, I couldn’t even carve a groggy and more tired. You gotta find to be viewed from a certain angle, a determined woman. nose into soap much less carve one that sweet spot of just how long you the winged statue of Nike perches Now it’s time to go back a of the most important socio-economic can wander through a gallery in order on a ship’s bow with wind whipping little further to Egypt and ancient documents of the ancient world into a to maximize energy and ultimate art at her garments. Mesopotamia. BOULDER. appreciation. The statue is right The Louvre has a The Louvre helped me to remember When my friend and I went to at the crux of a sphinx. Not a little how talented and truly impressive the Louvre we knew we had to plan stairwell and is one, it’s real big, humans can be. As an Environmental accordingly. It’s the largest art museum absolutely massive, one of the biggest Studies major, I often settle into in the world, with 38,000 pieces of art impossible to miss. outside of Egypt. a comfortable state of despising spread across over 700,000 square After you Dated 2600 B.C., anything related to the human race feet, not to mention that the Louvre are WOWED by again it’s proof and their destruction of everything Palace was established as a museum the fact people the ancients were around them. So though it looks like over 200 years ago. Before that it was could even make far more hardcore a dumb statement, it actually is true. a royal fortress then palace! Much something that than we are. I The Louvre is overflowing with the best to my friend’s dismay I was just as beautiful 2000 tried to carve soap humanity has to offer, it’s easy to leave interested in the building as I was in years ago, head on once and failed. in high spirits. However, it would take the art objects, oops. over to the Venus What the hell, I at least three days to appropriately So we had to make sure we picked de Milo, circa 100 never would have appreciate everything it has to offer, exactly what rooms and pieces we B.C., to get WOWED survived before so if you intend to visit map out your wanted to see. If you put each wing again. The armless beauty is truly 1950. journey for this trip… and your next next to each other the museum would something to behold in person. When And then if you walk a little one! You’ll want to go back as soon as stretch for 8 miles! (Sorry I just can’t you look up to see her face, you see further you can find the Law Code of you leave. get over how l a r g e it is) So we had a face of absolute confidence, clarity, Hammurabi from 1792–1750 B.C. to make an itinerary: minimum walking april 18, 2018 the paper page 10 despair and hope of human nature in Tennessee at least twice a year, I’m a world where the human kind is dying always looking for more Musgraves on out, where the choices are death or my airwaves. giving up one’s body, and possibly Kacey’s newest album is something identity, to have their mind preserves of a mellowing of her twangy, country- in a supposed digital paradise. On the with-a-twist style. In songs like “Space flip side, there are songs such as “The Cowboy,” she showcases the clever Phantom Divine” taking place from wordplay that first made her famous, the perspective of the ones who have while creating a sort of spacey, created this reality, showing both its transcendent vibe similar to Kesha’s genuine desire to save the human race “Rainbow”. Musgraves’ brand is the and make life better, while also the high Southern mythos of songs like “Dime of power that comes with such control. Store Cowgirl” and, while this album In addition to these, songs such as strays somewhat from her more “RavenLight” depicts the feelings of traditional odes to small towns and uncertainty and vulnerability felt by summer beauty pageants, Golden Hour many people in more everyday life. The still remains firmly rooted in Graceland album is bookended by instrumental with tracks like “Velvet Elvis.” Songs pieces and songs proclaiming “I am like “Butterflies” and “Rainbow” further the Empire,” to bring the album full echo the effervescence of “Silver Wanted On Voyage, leaves little in its Lining” and other past hits, perhaps George Ezra circle. The album is wonderfully made, wake to contemplate when the last most famously “Follow Your Arrow” Staying at Tamara’s. instruments and vocals all combining song ends. from the 2014 Grammy Awards. Gabby Curran perfectly except where dissonance was intentionally added to jar the Although little on Golden Hour is Favorite Track: “Saviour” On March 23rd, George Ezra released listener. Tommy’s vocals hold both the really a surprise, in short, Musgraves his second studio album, Staying at power and the vulnerability necessary has proven herself to be much more Tamara’s. As someone who loved his to convey the full emotional range of than a one hit wonder. To dedicated previous work, I was really excited to this album. The album’s intensity is bluegrass fans, her range and see what Ezra had been working on maintained in both their heavier and originality is reminiscent almost of Dolly since 2014. The end result was…pretty softer songs, and each song maintains Parton, and Musgraves herself cites okay. Many of the songs sounded very its own clear identity. It is a wonderful Queen Dolly as a primary inspiration. similar to one another, featuring friendly listen for any who enjoy the power Like Parton, Musgraves is also often a acoustic guitar strumming, steady metal genre. voice of tolerance in an industry prone basslines and upbeat percussion. at times to right-wing polemics. Taking That’s not to say that the songs are Favorite track: “Static” up the mantle of the Dixie Chicks, she bad, but there were more than a few doesn’t shy away from the South’s instances where I had to check when social struggles, and pushes back one song ended and another started. against the demure, good girl persona The songs’ lyrics and melodies also that is so often expected of female didn’t draw me in as much as they country artists. did in his previous album, Wanted on Voyage. The lyrics were cute and carried Favorite track: “Rainbow” with them some nice messages, but didn’t necessarily invite any deeper Kamelot questioning into their meaning. They The Shadow Theory were pretty straightforward: “Only a Anna PK Human” is about, well, how making The Shadow Theory is symphonic mistakes is a part of only being human. power metal band Kamelot’s twelfth “Paradise” is more or less about how album, a third with newest vocalist the singer feels euphoric when they’re Tommy Karevik. This album follows with one particular person. This isn’t the previous one in turning from the an issue, but compared with some dark operatic tones the band used to of his previous lyrical work, it’s a bit be known for to a more power prog disappointing. My favorite song off the metal tone better suiting Tommy’s album is probably “Saviour”, which I lighter vocals, though it still maintains Kacey Musgraves felt sounded different from the rest its symphonic roots. This album takes Golden Hour of the album in that it featured more a faster pace, with lyrics that are Robin Happel interesting harmonies and lyrics and catchier, if perhaps a little simpler, than First of all, I’m not ashamed to reminded me of his previous work. usual for the band. While the album admit that I stayed up for the midnight The other songs aren’t bad, but tend is not technically a concept album, it release of this. Kacey Musgraves is a to blend together into an amalgam of has a strong futuristic cyber dystopia top-tier road trip soundtrack, second bland, monotonous acoustic paste theme throughout. Songs such as only to John Denver, and since I drive that’s enjoyable to listen to, but unlike “Burns to Embrace” examine both the from Fordham to my hometown in east page 11 the paper april 18, 2018 Who’s excited for Spring Weekend? I sure am.

i aint calling u timeflies? I dont a truther know her

make dat booty megan work tpain

he can buy me a t-pain save drank anytime us from the pain of finals april 18, 2018 the paper page 12

Hey little paper queens! I’ve school, and probably way too slowly succumbing to millions of anyone who watched the show been watching a lot of reality emotionally invested tbh. This bug bites might be as close as would agree that we hated her for tv lately which often keeps remains the only reality show we’re ever going to get to watch- a long time. I mean, then again, I’ve watched where there was a ing the actual hunger games. It is me from actually doing my she did have issues with alcohol non-zero chance of one of the a spectacle like no other. or drugs or something like that. To homework, so I wanted to protagonists being eaten by a be honest, I think I know way more know what my fellow editors hawk #drama. Keeping Up With the about this show than I should have also been wasting their Kardashians know. time watching. So..tell me, Mark Zuckerberg’s Senate I love the Kardashians so much what’s your favorite reality Hearing so that I want to call myself Klaire. Jersey Shore show and why? Face it, this is the right answer. There is just something about We’re going to Jersey Shore, I’ll admit, I’m not 100% sure what their extreme boringness that I BITCH! I used to secretly watch Facebook is in so much trouble love. Also, like, the Kardashians Jersey Shore in my bedroom Dance Moms for, I always kind of assumed they taught me what highlighter is. I and change the channel when I had no idea that my then-9-year- know every minute detail about never knew that cheekbones my parents came in to check on old neighbor would get me hooked me anyways, right down to the existed before I started watching me. There’s nothing quite like onto a reality TV show, yet here we number of hairs on my chinny- America’s first family in Calabasas. watching a bunch of incredbly are. Watching the show grow from chin-chin. (Zero. The answer is Do I want to be a Kardashian? Yes. Italian people from New Jersey a potato-cam documentary about zero. Sad.) But I’ll be damned if it Am I going to marry Rob to do so? getting drunk and screaming at the stressful lives of competition wasn’t fun to see Zark Dinkenberg Heck no. Some dreams are never each other. I’ve been watching the dancers to an over-the-top petty squirm like a weasel for ten hours, meant to come true. reunion, and.. it doesn’t quite live and so-obviously-fake-but-still- sitting on a booster seat (really) up to the good ol’ days, but they’re good reality TV show has been while getting grilled by the big still up to the same antics- getting one of the greatest thrills I’ve The Shas of Sunset boys. Lark Fuckernerd is gonna Honestly, I think that the Shas trashed in the middle of the day ever experienced. Not only is the be sorry that he ever sold my of Sunset is objectively the best and falling in the street. drama between the moms and personal information to Stalin reality show on TV. I mean, it’s Abby Lee Miller enthralling, but when I get my hands on him. I got everything: drama, real world Catfish the dances are also pretty fun to know I just said I didn’t really issues, people cheating on each I watched Catfish for the longest watch. Who knew that something care, but now I’m getting FIRED other...It’s great! I used to watch it time, even though almost every as simple as studding costumes UP!! (Please copy and paste this with my family a lot too because episode is the same. I’m in love could cause so much heartbreak message to your Facebook page, it’s really funny to watch all the with both Nev and Max, so that and commotion? we shenanigans that go on, but made me stick around for a little Also, Brooke was the best dancer need to spread the word somehow you also get invested too long. Almost every episode on the team, hands down, and I about Tark Scrotusberg’s in the lives of the people on the resulted in the person who wrote miss her and am bitter that she EVIL CORRUPTION!) show. I don’t know, they can be into the show being catfished. didn’t decide to go to Fordham for cool people sometimes. Reza is I expected it, but I think I got college. Naked....AND Afraid the best though. He’s the funniest excited to see who was going to be I don’t really watch reality shows, person and he looks like someone the person that opened the door Meerkat Manor and I have no idea if it’s still you would genuinely want to be to reveal themselves. Plus, I LIVE One of my favorite TV shows running but Naked and Afraid friends with and hang out with. for the showdown they’d have growing up was Meerkat Manor. was a landmark. Watching two Also, when Gigi told peple that when the victim would realize they I was ~obsessed~ with Animal underprepared naked people he had a sex tape and it almost weren’t talking to the person they Planet all through elementary learn to hate each other while ruined his relationship, I think thought they were... april 18, 2018 the paper page 13

the paper’s view Ask Bob and Judy

The End is Nigh Giving advice to a lost generation The end of the semester is coming in hot. I am shocked that the semester went by so quickly. As editors and critics of what is going on Q: Going to a good Catholic school keeps me on the around us, we have seen a lot goin’ on. There has been a lot with Trump, a right path. How can I stay godly over summer break? lot with campus administration, some arts stuff, and just the regular junk Bob: Lock yourself in a room for the entire summer that usually goes down normally. At the paper, we had a new squad of editors and it was-- I am not with nothing ungodly to tempt you. Allow yourself going to lie-- difficult at first. Everyone had to learn how to use InDesign nothing that could possibly give you any pleasure. You and Photoshop, what to look for when editing, and how to generally run a know what they say, next to godliness, loneliness. section. I can proudly say that all of my editors have grown tremendously since January. They have become stronger writers, powerful artists, and Judy: Religion is the opiate of the people. Do drugs, comedic heroes. Our publication has begun to evolve. It is beautiful to skinny dip, blow a stranger, read books about witch- watch and see the creativity in the hands of this new group flourish. craft, then come back well rested and ready for Jesus. I started at the paper my freshman year and it is something very cool to watch. I never really thought that I would be the bo$$ a$$ b*tch I am currently. I love the paper and I am so glad that I joined it. It is just such Q: Hi old people. Why are you so lame??? a beautiful group that continues to love and support each other without Bob: Well, I would hardly consider Judy and I lame. judgement or question. I am so thankful for the people I have had the opportunity to create with. I am part of a whittling club and I spend many long As I think about our next semester of issues, I am excited. Our editors hours on the pond, fishing to my heart’s content. Judy and writers are excited to meet new faces and hear new opinions from the belongs to a quilting club, and she’s out of town every Class of 2022. We will surely miss those editors of papers’ past, but we really look forward to our publication’s future. weekend at quilting shows. I usually sit and whittle until she comes back. And so I ask you, sir, who’s lame xoxo, now? Claire Editor-in-Glee Judy: Yeah, quilting shows. *wink-wink*

Do you have a question for Bob and Judy? The face you make when you forget to write your paper view..... Email us at [email protected]

love, MJJM page 14 the paper april 18, 2018

K. Bye. By Luis Gomez Deaditor in Chief Sometimes less is more for a title ok? It’s also a reference ok? Get out. and America or whatever. But that’s It took me a while to get comfortable basement that you also love. I honestly don’t know what to say. not what journalism is, really. What at the paper. I think I showed up Becoming co-editor in chief was a Like, I’ve had this word document, the this whole industry is essentially to meetings for the first three bit of a shock. I hope I did okay. It was one I’m typing into right now, open for trying to do is tell stories and advocate months of freshman year before weird being handed the keys (and about a week. I knew what I wanted for the voiceless. I think that last bit I felt comfortable actually writing by keys I mean two pieces of paper) the title of my deadit to be before I feels more and more important to me something. Sometimes I reread the to this little institution. the paper knew what I wanted my deadit to say. kinda went from being a major part Part of me doesn’t want to of my life to being my life, and that’s summarize my time at the paper, probably sad but it’s true. I love this because summarizing it means it’s thing, and I love everyone who I ever really over for good. It’s like signing got to work with on it. a yearbook eight hundred times, Really, what I’m trying to say is thank every word a reminder of the time you. Thank you to Ali & Zoe for giving you spent with people you genuinely me my first job on the paper, and admire and love making something teaching me all the weird little quirks you deeply cared about, even if (or that InDesign uses to wreck your especially because) nobody else did. evening. Thank you Kelly & Siobhan I guess that’s someplace to start. for giving me my first promotion, and The fact that nobody except the showing me what running the paper people on the paper really give a shit could mean. Thank you to every what the paper means is honestly single editor I got to work with this the most incredibly liberating aspect last year – Declan, Rachel, Michael, of the entire publication. That fact Matthew, Hillary, Reyna, Emma, Anna, alone means that we were ultimately Scott, and Meredith; every single one allowed to do things like have fun of you deserve more thanks than I and make a mistake and photoshop can ever give. Thank you to Michael some Mad Max stuff onto our cover. Jack for doing basically whatever we Y’know, all the stuff The Ram can’t asked. Thank you to Claire & Colleen do because it has to be the campus’ – y’all got this. Thank you to John Proper Journal Of Record. But the as time goes on. Journalism has to be earlier stuff I wrote in these pages and and Nick, who somehow put up with paper? We got to do fun stuff! advocacy, by its very nature, or else think to myself, “Wow. You were awful all my news editor bullshit and all my I think being part of a publication it risks being the caricature that we at this!” Because I was! the paper co-EIC bullshit plus all my roommate that didn’t take itself too seriously so often see: reporters and editors made me better, at writing and at bullshit at the same time. Thank you helped open my eyes about what schmoozing with the powerful to gain understanding how a story gets told. to anyone who’s ever written for us. journalism and media could be. I had, access at the expense of, y’know, It made me think more about how I Thank you to everyone I ever got the like many people, this assumption literally everyone else. The fact that wanted to communicate the thing I chance to talk to because of this that the news was made by people the paper didn’t hold itself to that was talking about. As I got better at weird little publication. Thank you to who lived in some gilded tower full of lofty ideal of What Journalism Should writing, I picked up other marginally anyone who’s ever picked up an issue Oxford-comma wielding cappuccino- Be and instead focused on what we useful skills, like navigating the weird of the paper or checked us out online. sipping editors who probably could do in our time together to make intricacies of Photoshop, or finding Thank you. I love you. smoked too much and made vague Fordham a more open, informed, and the best spots on campus to cry after Now let’s go make some weird shit. pronouncements about free speech meaningful place. spending eighteen hours in a horrible april 18, 2018 the paper page 15 Looby Loob Doo And The Mystery of The Free Speech Publication By John Looby This is not a real mystery book, but you can donate to our GoFund Me Deaditor in Chief but I’ve never felt as so in touch with shark could become a new messiah in experienced at Fordham to everyone I’ve been thinking about how to a group of people. The paper has what was clearly a way too elaborate involved. I want to list some highlights start this article for years. I don’t become my family here at Fordham. I way of getting to the fact that I think of and confessions about the people mean that as hyperbole. The first time have never met a group of friend with most sports entertainment is just I’ve worked with here. Anyone left I read a deadit I was a freshmen and such an incredible breadth of deep so overly important to this country. off it’s a word count issue, you know the editor for the News section. I’d cuts. Every obscure reference feels WHO NEEDS MILLIONS OF DOLLARS how it is. (I will deny anything in spent months reading articles about like an act of love. To know someone TO THROW A FUCKING BALL. (Says this paragraph.) Declan Murphy is depressing news all over the world so well enough that you’re willing to something about this problem that a saint and I wanted to be his friend and nothing hit my heart quite as describe the flash in Justice League as there is no way of determining what since the first time he contributed to hard as raw emotion poured into sport I’m referring the paper (mission accomplished?). these articles. I was nervous that I to). What I’m getting Michael Sheridan makes me feel would never be quite as devoted as is that the paper uncultured and I respect it to be the staff writing these articles. Then gave me a voice. Was honest. Michael Jack Jack Michael the months went by and I fell in I at times perhaps doesn’t get the credit he deserves love with the paper and eventually screaming nonsense and I’m not just saying that because the day came where I had to give in the void? Yes, we look alike. Nick Peters has single up being a co-editor chief (shout absolutely, but at handedly reignited (with assistance out to all my incredible co-editors a school so tightly from the Scott Saffran) my passion for through the years, but especially restrictive as Fordham comics and can mostly spell the word actual real life talented journalist, Luis it’s nice to be able definitely. Matt Whitaker memes motherfucking Gomez), leaving the to rant about all are art. Colleen Burns, ghosts might paper felt like tearing a piece out of the stresses we’re exist and I think you might be able my heart. I haven’t come back to the forced to endure like to end the weird nihilist thing the print shop since I turned the lights off whatever the hell paper “accidentally” starting doing. on my last day. I don’t know if I could reason I had to hide Claire, you’re rocking the game right ever take another last time in that my mini fridge for in now. Anna, how about those commas place. Walsh. The paper is though? Rachel Poe, thanks for young I just can’t move on. (Did the paper the single greatest justice and coming into the paper break up with me?) The hours in that outlet for expression running. Luis motherfucking Gomez, place have launched some of my I have encountered at first and foremost we are the peak closest friendships in all of my time Fordham. The paper game of cover designs. This is the hill here at Fordham. We developed into has earned itself a I will die on. In all sincerity thank you the most tightly bound and largest Ezra Miller playing Andrew Garfield’s reputation on campus that when a for the assistance over the years. You’d group of friends I’ve had in my life. amazing spider man without fear member of the admin signs his email think I would stop pitching cover I have two group chats just for this of judgment is to truly trust and be vaguely man shaped bag of pigeons designs I couldn’t make at some point. group of friends. We have such a trusted. no part of it is considered strange. This You made this paper a collection of large group of devoted friends that a the paper for me is and always will is a freedom I never knew I needed in journalists instead of “journalists”. splinter cell for those who care about be remembered as a place where life. superheroes had to be created to I could truly express myself in any I love the paper. I’m not sure I’ve I guess this is how it ends. My final avoid bothering the others. I’m sure comma free manner I chose. I once made that clear. From the bottom of paper article. Goodbye. My heart that to a lot of people that seems like a argued for an entire article that left my heart I owe so much of the joy I’ve aches. fucking weird thing for weird people, page 16 the paper april 18, 2018 Can We Start The Meeting Now? No, Michael We Can’t By Michael Sheridan We will never start on time and that is because of your pestering Arts Deaditor gone abroad in the fall/ side note, us events, I really started to become great in my college career. The Solomon R. Guggenheim study abroad kids never shut up about friends with my fellow editors during To be fair, I did love my final semester Museum, almonds, and having studying abroad). It was during this this semester. Some of my fondest this fall as well. Even though I was meltdowns when meetings didn’t start semester that I was finally promoted memories stem from this semester, perhaps “a bit dick-ish” at times, to exactly at 9:00. This will be my legacy to arts editor, which had been my from roasting the editors (I had to beg quote a fellow editor who shall remain at the paper which I got to be a part of goal since I started at the paper. But them to roast me), to forming a club anonymous, I really loved getting to for a combined 5 semesters during my spend time with my friends Fordham career (yes I’m counting the every Tuesday night and semester I was in Rome). As a young during occasional production timid sophomore, I was desperate weekends (also shout out to to join a club – any club – in order to Matt for really carrying the avoid my near friendless freshman Arts section last semester). year. Relying on the advice given to me Although at times I was by Orientation leader a year before, exasperated by the long super I decided to see what the paper was hero discussions, the Trump all about. I started out being far too rants, and the existence of Luis, nervous to say anything at all during overall, I loved every minute of the meetings, but the third issue, I it. the paper will always remain found the courage to actually pitch an one of my best memories of article about a Picasso exhibition being Fordham and I will never be able held at MoMA (of course I wrote for the to eat almonds or attend an art section). In only a few months, I had exhibition at the Guggenheim been asked to become the editor for without thinking of it. Thanks for the features and lists section, which all the memories fellow editors. according to my resume meant that I Keep reading the paper and conceived ideas and created images definitely make sure not the for two sections Fordham University’s miss Giacometti retrospective bi-monthly, free speech publication opening on at the Guggenheim while managing a team of contributors, on June 8. ensuring that all submissions were appropriate and handed in on time. It was during this time that I felt that I really became part of the paper staff. I certainly must have made an impression with my sometimes aggressive and always whiney pleas for the other editors to submit their list entries. more importantly, it was this semester within the club (with current EIC Claire Yet, in my mind perhaps my favorite that I felt like I was part of the paper Nunez), and trying to make sense of semester of the paper wouldn’t be until family. Despite my constant jabs and the world in the wake of Trump’s 100 the spring of junior year (after having rarely showing up to paper parties or days, it was a crazy and amazing time april 18, 2018 the paper page 17 Farewell to The Paper Pals By Matthew Whitaker Thanks for the wonderful memories-- and yes they were great Arts Deaditor snacks. Whether we were watching giving back for all the great times I the couch, I remember copy-editors Four years have passed Scooby-Doo, playing board games, had with you all. straining their eyes to catch mistakes already? Wow, time flies when you’re or listening to music, we all became Sometimes between classes, in printouts of each section. Walking making memes. Though, the best closer friends and learned so much I walk into the print shop to read some out the door, I remember us heading of that time was spent working on about each other. This made our time issues we made together. Every time, to the Metro North station to travel to the paper and having fun with The in the print shop so much more fun I notice that no matter where I am White Plains and see Thor: Ragnarok Paper Pals. To be honest, when I first and helped add pages to everyone’s standing or looking, I have a memory after production on a Friday. The joined the paper I didn’t know what print shop will always be my favorite to expect. I remember going to the place at Fordham, and I enjoyed every first meeting in the second semester minute I spent in it. of my freshman year and finding out Now I couldn’t go through that I could write about anything I my entire deadit without mentioning wanted. I was so excited, since I had Meme Monday, could I? Doing Meme a lot of ideas that normally wouldn’t Monday was always a ton of fun, and make it out of a conversation in the I was so happy to have the chance cafeteria. On my first production to share memes with the Fordham weekend, I got to hop right in the community. Meme Monday was trenches, editing articles and originally supposed to be a one-time learning Photoshop. It was a blast, event, so I can’t believe I was able to and I decided to stick with it. In fact, keep it going for two years! I’m glad I never missed a meeting after that. I was able to pass it on after my time Spending time at the paper exposed with the paper, and I know it’s in good me to so many new ideas, viewpoints, hands. Aside from Meme Monday, and backgrounds. I really wanted I always loved making memes for to become an editor, and in the first The Paper Pals, from the many war semester of my sophomore year, I memes to making fun of Multi-Factor joined the features and lists squad. Authentication. Soon after, I became an arts editor, Anyway, being part of the and managed my beloved section paper has always been the best for two years. Every minute in the part about Fordham for me, and it’s print shop was a wonderful memory, thanks to all of you. Thank you all mainly because of The Paper Pals. for making my time at Fordham so Initially, I didn’t think I’d special. I have so many memories make some of my closest friends at of all the great times with The Paper Fordham through the paper. While Pals to hold on to after graduation. I would enjoy my time working on it, I’ll always remember the fun we had after production weekend wrapped up together. I wouldn’t really give it much thought. roasts. (I never got roasted…) Even about that spot. Standing in the center That changed in my junior year, when beyond the Paper Parties, our other of the print shop, I remember all the we started having Paper Parties during adventures, like our Logan trip and conversations and discussions we’d each production weekend, full of silly PaperFest, are memories I will never get into when we turned our chairs shenanigans and the all-important forget. PaperFest was my way of away from our computers. Looking at page 18 the paper april 18, 2018 Declan is About to Get Mo’ Bounce’d in Real Life By Declan Murphy That’s what happens when you graduate. You turn into Iggy. News Deaditor that week, because I was laughing me nostalgic. You’ll notice that none conversations in the caf at 1:00 in the How did I get started with the my way through it with my best of these are breaking hard-hitting afternoon; paper? The same way I did everything friends. I didn’t mind spending 12- stories, but alas, I was never much of • A party where we inexplicably at Fordham: chaotically, and with 15 hours a weekend in the print a reporter. decided the theme was flannels, and little planning involved. Like many of shop because it felt like we were just • A full-page back cover during then took a bunch of punk-looking you, I scrambled to sign up for and hanging out. (This was especially the halcyon days of the Unicorn photos against a brick wall; try every club I could as a freshman. I true in the fall, where waiting our frappuccino, proudly proclaiming • “Maybe the true [blank] was remember being enticed by the weird turn to use Photoshop made for “Smash the Statebucks”; [blank] all along”; but welcoming energy of the paper, long unproductive stretches.) In one • Matt’s house in White Plains, • Nick, Rachel, Luis, and I like some avant-garde collective of our sillier moments of useless and Hillary’s first ever snowman just deciding that the only way to properly pulled from the pages of a Jack procrastination, we literally stopped moments before Secret Santa; talk about our current crises was Kerouac novel. My interest was always production to record a single episode • The knowing glances shared to turn off the lights and take turns casual – I was far too inexperienced of a podcast, discussing what fictional among cunning liars in a game of holding a candle to speak; at Photoshop to help on any design • “Mo Bounce”; issues, so I slowly worked my way • The 5th, 8th, 10th, and 12th in through Earwax reviews and the time we watched the Infinity War occasional op-ed. trailer; By my junior year, though, I was • During finals, me managing to a ‘regular’. In what I would learn write 1000 words on Dante while Nick was a time-honored tradition, I was and Rachel watched Civil War in the essentially drafted into always writing background; for news, as they were frequently • St. Patrick’s Day 2018 (RIP scant on contributors. After writing me); for nearly every issue in the fall, I • Giant-sized Jenga at Clinton was asked to join as a copy editor the Hall, which I managed to make following semester. A few weeks later, collapse every time; with some slight staff changes, I was • “Our icebreaker today is: are bumped up to Features and Lists. By you ice or breaker?”; the end of the semester, I was the • Pages and pages of News co-editor with Nick. incomprehensible roasts; I’ve joked this before, but my • Michael Jack leaving a fan at time on the paper has been a my apartment that literally saved my series of unexpected and entirely no-AC-having ass all summer; unplanned promotions. As a copy • The war with my archnemesis editor, I imagined it to be a light time Br**** Ly***; commitment, more of an excuse to Last but not least, signing our joke around in the print shop. That’s final issues like yearbooks, trying why I didn’t mind too much switching to act like we weren’t sad. Let’s be up to F&L, in which my literal job was real: we were. The point is, it’s hard to make jokes and inane Photoshops. to say goodbye. It’s hard to imagine When I was bumped up to News, I was that someone who was always there genuinely shocked. They wanted me – a quick text or a five-minute walk to take this seriously? away – will be out of arm’s reach. To be fair, we never took it all that That’s hard to come to terms with. seriously. That isn’t to say we didn’t That said, I will never be anything but work to put together an excellent issue grateful for the memories I’ve made every time – I’m very proud of many of drugs would be the best. Needless to Secret Hitler; over the past few years. I’d like to the pieces the News team published, say, there were not more episodes. • Getting lost in Harlem after thank my fellow seniors – Luis, Looby, and our continued willingness to be I can’t put into words how much BOTH the D and 4 trains were shut Nick, Rachel, Michael Sheridan – for a voice of dissent and discussion. my friends at the paper have meant down; my phone dying literally as soon suffering through the madness with But it was never a slog. This was no to me, even though that is what I’m as I called the Uber; and all this just me (and, in some cases, contributing Spotlight, even at our news-iest; it supposed to be doing. Instead I’d so we could see Logan in theaters? to my madness). You all are amazing, was, at our most productive, Parks like to present a weird collage of • Staring at the clock on talented people, and I sincerely hope and Rec. memories, a scrapbook of silliness Martyr’s lawn until I felt I could move we never lose touch. That’s, of course, what really and randomness. These are the again, totally unaware that Timeflies No matter what, though, as they mattered. I stayed with the paper things that make me smile, things was already starting, after an eventful famously said in Casablanca: “we’ll for as long as I did, and through that make me laugh, some that pre-show brunch; always have the print shop.” whatever weirdness was going on make me cry, and some that make • Loud and obscene april 18, 2018 the paper page 19 The Self-Roast of Nick Peters: A Story of Nick and the paper By Nick Peters Nick definetly cried-- that’s why it took him so long to send this in News Deaditor pages for arts and the fakers for news, which was a lot more stress than you’d really didn’t. I loved how we would Well this is it I guess. all of this accompanied by our random imagine, but I’m still proud of what I go to see movies together. There’s During sophomore year I decided bored hijinks in the shop. I’ve done a had created for the time it ran. the fact that I live with both former to join the paper on a whim. One of lot that I’m proud of here. Making the However, the best parts of the paper Editor-in-Chiefs, Luis and Looby. And my friends, Luis, had been trying and paper was hard. It was stressful. But I wasn’t any of this. It’s every single then there’s all the little things. Things failing all year to get a bunch of our loved it because I had freedom and person in the club. These are some such as just texting in our group chat, friend group to join this wonderful fun in making it. At the time, I would of my closest friends, as we slowly or the spinoff group chat that some of newspaper club. Eventually I caved in sometimes really hate going to the morphed from editors into a family. us were exiled to because we talked and decided to take the bullet. print shop. It would get in the way of And a damn awesome one. a little too much about movies and I did have some interactions with my life. Now I miss it. There are just too many fantastic superheroes. When I would be alone this newspaper before then. In the I have had many memorable memories with everyone. All the over break, our dumb conversations early weeks of my first semester experiences creating articles as well. paper parties every production would keep me sane. Freshman year, I picked up an issue. I went slowly insane watching and weekend, (which eventually became Let’s also not forget about our roasts After laughing at some of what I was of each other. Me roasting another reading, and not being able to nail editor (I’m sorry Papel Roe) led to the down whether or not it was satire, I creation of a roast of me. These jerks thought about joining. I didn’t. I also eventually put over thirty different accompanied a friend to a meeting points on it, although a few were just that second semester, but never went acknowledging how long the list was. back. I keep it in my room now. Finally I joined, almost two One day really jumps into my mind years into my Fordham career. I went when I think about this group. During to a meeting and signed up for a our last Christmas Paperfest, we had bunch of articles. I was terrified the a secret Santa. I remember receiving first time I ever went to the print shop, a bowl sized mug with tequila shots imagining an actual professional and a bunch of other goodies in print shop with a giant printing press it. And then we signed everyone’s ripped straight out of the 1700s. I’m a paper covers, writing personal notes little dumb sometimes. I still went in to each other on them. I was happy- despite my stupid fear. sad looking at what my friends wrote It was the best choice of my college for me. These were people who get career. me. I didn’t have a lot of close friends Since then, I have been a copy editor growing up, and the ones that I did I and a staff writer, a Copy Chief for never felt knew me. These guys did. I a week until I became an Arts Editor haven’t really told anyone but I cried with Matt, and then a News Editor when I got home. first with Rachel (TEAM DEFINETLY) This deadit hurts to write, because and then with Declan (TEAMNEWZ). this means its over. It would be And now I’m a deaditor. I also picked stereotypical to say this not the end, up a Treasurer position for the club because it is. But hey, sometimes along the way, which Siobhan and things need to end. But you know Kelly thought would be funny to give what, I’d rather have had an amazing to me. I’m totally not bitter that this experience end, than to have never deadit is the first time the fact I held gone on it. And the best part is, the this position for more than a year has friends I’ve made will always be there. ever been referenced in anything then writing about every Superbowl every weekend, and then every I mean, I’m writing this deadit while paper related. Not bitter. At all. ad from two Superbowls ago. I wrote a week). Going to Rachel’s old and some of them are in my apartment I loved every second of working at very long interview with Scott, where new apartments, going to Michael right now watching a movie. the print shop, every aspect about we discussed my newly found love Jack’s apartment, having people at I guess this is goodbye. The last working on producing the best of the strange world of professional my apartment. Hanging out, playing sentence I ever want to write for the possible section, and all my failures wrestling which he helped me get board games, having movie nights, paper is this. I love you guys. in doing so. From photoshopping into. I revisited my childhood when getting ready to go out. Traveling up and Microsoft painting some I watched and reviewed a horde of to White Plains to Matt’s house for lovingly crafted fake ads to typing in Godzilla movies. Heck, I wrote a Mac Paperfests, (side note: Thank you Mrs. interesting and hilarious captions and and Cheese recipe this summer that’s Whittaker for your delicious cooking. headlines, to even just banging my delicious and everyone reading this Your brownies and other deserts head against a wall trying to figure deadit should try making it. I also kept us alive during production). I out InDesign, to writing the events started and ended a bi-weekly news loved when we would get Sangria at column called the Damage Report Estrallitas, although my bank account page 20 the paper april 18, 2018 Rachel Has A LOT of Feelings So Here They Are By Rachel Poe Did she cry writing this? Maybe. Okay, yes. Opinions Deaditor but like the good kind of assholes, there for me, even when I’m being an Meme Lord. Matt, thank you for all If you know me, then you know that you know? Y’all drove me and the asshole (a.k.a. 90% of the time), and I of your kindness, your light-hearted- I transferred to Fordham after an ex- rest of the paper to be better writers promise to always be there for you. ness, and your mom’s fantastic snacks. tremely rough freshmen year at a little and journalists. Somehow, the admin To Michael Jack Jack Michael- Hon- Whether it was during production or a college in the middle of corn fields thinks we’re credible now and I think estly, I don’t think I can describe how paper party or even just a well-timed and a retirement community. Com- we all owe that to you guys. proud of you I am. You’ve grown up so meme in the group chat, you always ing in for my sophomore year, I knew To Colleen- COLL, my rock, my love, much in these past couple years and make me laugh. You’re a great editor I would have to make changes if I was one of my oldest friends at Fordham. I’m, like, not afraid of giving you re- and an even better friend. going to enjoy my time here. I signed I miss you so much! Come back from sponsibilities anymore! Yay! Improve- To Michael- The only reason why up for maybe twenty different clubs France now pls, they’ve had you long ments! You’re a pain in the ass but I make to it our class on Friday is be- but only one stuck. The paper was cause of you. I don’t think I could filled with the same kind of opinion- handle a two-hour seminar on Friday ated, dorky-ass people that I had been afternoons without your snark. Even missing from my life. I started writing though you’ve never came to one of for them, started crashing production my paper parties (which, like, rude), it weekends, forcing them to like me wouldn’t have been the paper with- and be my friends. out you and your endless articles Then junior year rolled around. I was about art. I’ve learned more from you officially an editor and I was living by than Fordham at this point. myself off-campus. I literally have no To Anna- I feel like I have to once idea how this happened, but I started again thank you for the Philosophy to invite people over to mine after Club party incident and for that time production and thus paper parties I locked myself out of my apartment were born. We would gather in my liv- and you broke your ID trying to wiggle ing room, around my coffee table that the door open, so I could get inside we painted one weekend, and drink and stop my insanely overwhelming and laugh and make memories. It the panic attack. Yeah, you’ve been there midst of everything else going wrong for me at some of my worst moments in my life, there was always this light and we’re still friends. Seriously, who’s coming our times together. paying you? Is it my mom? It’s totally And like that I had a family at Ford- my mom… ham. A small group of assholes who To Scott- There are few people I get like to play board games and watch as excited to see out as you. You al- movies about re-animated T-Rex’s ways make me laugh and put up with with Paul Walker’s brain. We fought, my weirdness, especially when I’m be- sure, pissed each other off. A lot. ing drunk and stupid. I’m still mad that But isn’t that what a family is for? At you never come to paper parties any- the end of the day, I love you all and more but it’s fine. (No, it’s not. Be in my wouldn’t know what to do with myself life. K thanks.) without you guys in my life. To Claire- Girl, you’ve been killing So, now I’m going to take a moment enough. You’ve put up with me as you’re my little brother so I can say it from day one at the paper. One of to say something nice about every- your co-editor twice now and hon- that with love. these days you’re going to take over one else because who cares about estly, shit would not have gotten done To Hillary- LITTLE! I love you and the world. Never forget that. me? (You know there’s too many of without you. Not only are you a great you’re one of the best things this To all the new editors- you guys are us when I have to check the fucking friend but positivity radiates off you weird-ass publication has brought the future of this little shitty publica- GroupMe to make sure I have every- and I hope that never changes. into my life. I still think of that night tion we care so much about. Treat it one, god damn.) ((I’m making jokes so To Declan- Holy fuck, you amaze me. we played pizza box and we both re- well, keep its integrity, and put your- I don’t get too emotional #holla)) You’re driven and so intelligent and vealed that we had friend-crushes on self into it. I can’t promise it will always To Kelly and Siobhan, Mom and Dad, just an all around awesome person each other, it literally made my year. be rainbows and sunshine, but you lights in my life- I don’t think I can and friend. There’s no one else I’d want You’re amazing and paint my world have a family here. Cherish it. thank you two enough. You made me to host a shitty little podcast with. I with glitter and dope ass poetry. And with that, I say peace out, Ford- feel special and important and nev- would say I’m sorry for roping you into To Meredith- Mere-Bear! I feel like ham! George Washington, get ready. er failed to bring a smile to my face. the mess that is the paper and my life, I’ve watched you blossom at the pa- Thanks for your guidance and your but I would be lying. per. You shine rainbows and memes encouragement and your shenani- To Nick- Oh, Nick Peters, somehow, and I love it. There’s no one else I gans. I miss you guys!!! we went from trying to kill each oth- would trust with the future of the pa- To Luis and Looby, our (mostly) fear- er in News to being best friends and per, I know you’re only going to keep less leaders, thanks for being assholes I honestly wouldn’t have changed making it better and better. any of it. Thank you for always being To Matthew- Bow down to the april 18, 2018 the paper page 21 Anna Found Her Place at the paper-- Even If It Took A Minute or Two By Anna PK Moral of the story: listen to Luis, ALWAYS Copy Deaditor able to write about a multitude of friends and memories, and being bugging them to join, listen to them). I joined the paper late in my college my seemingly unrelated interests, without it this semester has left me I have been trained in the art of career. After being prodded since my from makeup, metal, social issues, directionless, wondering what to do several different board games since Freshman year by various friends, and, possibly my favorite, why my with all my sudden free time (apply for joining, and have spent seemingly I finally started writing for the paper roommate should really, really let jobs, the answer is apply for jobs). If I never ending nights engaged that in my first semester of Junior year. By me have a giant omnivorous lizard. It had known all the great relationships managed to less than seamlessly second semester I found myself Copy is hard to imagine getting the same I would form and fun I would have I combine politics, the arts, and ever Chief and with a great new group of present memes, and am quite sad to friends. Even better, I was able to see these times coming to an end. indulge my desire to work with others As I have told the lovely people now on their writing, and through that in charge, who have ever so patiently improving my own. A little over once waited for this to come in, I am not a month I would cram myself into a the best with my words when I get all small McGinley and edit the writings sentimental and feel myself chocking of our many great contributors. I up a little. It seems that feeling which got to learn the many voices of our makes it hard to vocalize words also writers, and did my best to maintain makes it difficult to write them. For these lovely voices while shaping some reason. Even though the throat them into the articles that hopefully has almost nothing to do with my hands’ ability to type. Emotions are As I have told the nonsensical like that. Luckily, I have been have assured that my lack of lovely people now in words can be made up for with a charge, who have ever large picture, which is worth about a thousand or so (hardy har, I know the so patiently waited for joke is just cheesy at this point). While I may not be able to convince my this to come in, I am professors this technically puts me not the best with my over my word count, I hope you all will accept the excuse. I will miss my time words when I get all here greatly, but always remember it sentimental fondly. I am forever grateful to have had this opportunity, and will you all a fond farewell and great (except many of you readers have enjoyed. you, who knows who they are). Please Working for the paper has cemented enjoy the photo selected to make up my desire to continue helping others for my lack of proper words. with their writing, and for that I will be eternally grateful. level of freedom and encouragement would have joined when Luis first In addition to working with the to talk about all these different topics started asking me to come way voices of others, the paper truly anywhere else. back in Freshman (to any Freshman let me explore my own. I have been the paper gave me many great or Sophomores who have a friend page 22 the paper april 18, 2018 Sporps with Scott Will Live On Forever and Ever By Nick Peters Our only sports column ever was done by Scott and Scott only News Deaditor I remember our incredible paper that featured a pretty intense snowball green and blue. I remember Declan I think the strangest part about Brunch during the Spring Weekend fight. I remember sitting on the stools wearing an awesome vintage Star writing this is that I still can’t believe last year, especially the dumb amount outside of Blue Goose with Rachel Wars shirt and instantly wanting to be I actually even started writing for a of mimosas I imbibed. I remember my Poe. I remember finding out John his friend because of it. I remember Fordham campus newspaper. I waited being terrified of Meredith and until the beginning of my junior year her Moth Man Memes. I remember to even try. I have some pretty vivid being shocked and thrilled when memories of my first paper meeting: Luis read my first Sporps column and one, I was terrified and two, I had way laughed out loud. I remember Hillary too many ideas. I actually managed to enthusiastically telling me her dad get two articles in my very first issue. loves Stone Cold Steve Austin. I don’t The first was a very pretentious pre- remember much about Michael Jack review of a month’s worth of films and Jack Michael. I’m still trying to wrap the second was a really embarrassing my head around him. opinion piece about how much I loved I’m not really reaching all that far wrestling. It’s okay, I had thought, I back for these memories; they’re still just wanted to get it out of my system. pretty fresh. But that’s not the reason No more wrestling from there on out. I’m writing them down. I don’t want If you know me at all or have followed to ever forget these people and these my work for any period of time, memories. So I guess this “deadit” is you’re probably laughing right now. more so a record than anything. It’s okay; I am too. I have continued I’ll close with a final thank-you to to write a LOT about wrestling since everyone for your friendship, your that pitiful article and I am very happy time, your interest, your support, and to report that it was not all garbage. – most importantly – your being part I remember meeting our incredible of the paper. This was one of the best editors from last year, Siobhan and decisions I’ve ever made, and not just Kelly, but I actually don’t remember at Fordham. meeting what would become my real paper fam for about a year. I’m not exactly sure how best to go over my time with the paper and the wonderful people that make it up. I guess I’ll just run through some fond memories. I remember the first time I got to hold one of my printed articles in my hands, enchanted by first attempt at a Photoshop ad – for Looby had a real-life tattoo (and it and an incredible John Cena Photoshop. some senior night basketball game his new one are fantastic). I remember I remember where I was when I got (the joke is truly not worth repeating). the day Nick Peters told me he realized the email asking me to be a copy I remember each time our incredible he liked wrestling. I remember editor – standing in the living room Matt Whitaker invited us over to his Colleen telling us that every time she of the yellow house near Pugsley’s. home, specifically our most recent trip eats M&M’s the last two need to be april 18, 2018 the paper page 23 A Soft Spot for the paper : Melody and the paper By Melody Knight-Brown She learned a lot Opinions Deaditor the paper you were in many ways you entirely or not at all, and I having events. Because they weren’t paper When I first joined the paper it not part of the “group.” If you did not always been busy with other things people. Whatever the hell that meant. was an eclectic group of individuals have the same beliefs about things felt myself slowly pushed out. The It was a different group that the one I who although different in many ways joined and I wanted nothing to do with (race, political orientation, gender, this new creation. So I left. But sexual orientation, etc.) were alike I still have a soft spot for the paper insofar as they were incredibly kind, I remember and the one I know it thoughtful, and generous to each can be. The one of free speech on other, to those of aspirate opinions, a highly censored campus. The one and especially to those seeking some that despite being of free speech took sort of family here on campus. Like a a stand against certain viewpoints family we supported each other in our that were intolerant or hurtful and individual lives and endeavors as we worked with those writers to try to branched out to explore other parts of find less offensive ways to express our college careers and then twice a themselves. We need that more than month, we’d come “home” to the print ever in this social political climate and shop to spend an, at times miserable I’m sure the paper has always been but for the most part enjoyable, 72 the only space I’ve seen on campus hours locked together in the McGinley where that is even a possibility. basement. When we graduated Mom (Zoe) and Dad (Ali) and the rest of who I still think of as my seniors, I thought this community who continue in the same vein only with new people, and it did to a degree. The paper still provided a home for those searching for one but and people, if you did not subscribe final straw was when I started hearing it also became cliqueish and insular. to the new paper clique, you were people were being explicitly excluded If you did not give your life wholly to judged and rejected. It swallowed from so-called paper parties or paper-

Shoutout to Our Deaditors

Dear Deaditors,

Hey there. How is goin’, bein’ a senior and stuff? Is it weird? It is totally weird for us. We don’t really know where or how to start. Well, I guess we’ll miss you. Your ultimate creativity, generosity, humor, and intellect have made the paper what it is currently. Let’s not act for a hot second that creating this publication has not been completely controlled chaos. Those late Sunday nights in the dismal McGinley basement, those unnecessarily late 250 word articles, the completely irresponsible Saturday nights on the town, the late start to all of our meetings, the “polite” conversations with our best pal, Dean Rodgers. These are all a part of our “creative process.” At the end of the weekend, we could always have a tangible paper product that we could be proud of or use for warmth in our fireplaces-- that we very obviously do not have. You guys are not just friends; you are also mentors to us creatively. We have had so many memories with each other that really don’t need to be spilled out here. We are eternally grateful for your friendship, time, and your writing. We are inspired by your individuality and courage to work on this publication. It is not easy to work together sometimes, but hey, we did it-- rather successfully. Thank you for giving us such a great publication to work with and for big shoes to fill. We are excited to carry on the paper’s legacy. We promise, you will not be disappointed.

xoxo, Claire, Colleen, MJJM and the rest of the paper page 24 the paper april 18, 2018