— Middletown, Connecticut, since 1868 —

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 19, 2014 VOLUME CLV, ISSUE 7 WESLEYANARGUS.COM 184 High Street Officially Closed By Sofi Goode “Wesleyan students are pro- News Editor hibited from using houses or prop- erty owned, leased, or operated by The Beta Theta Pi house is now Greek organizations that are not officially off-limits to students. recognized by the University,” the Assistant Vice President for policy states. “This prohibition in- Student Affairs Rick Culliton an- cludes using such houses or property nounced via email on Monday, Sept. as residences, taking meals at such 15 that any University student found houses or property, and participat- in 184 High Street (Beta Theta Pi’s ing in social activities at such houses former house) without permission or property.” from the University and the organi- This policy was put in place zation that owns the house will be to prevent students from living in found in violation of the Code of and entering the Beta house while Non-Academic Conduct. the fraternity was not recognized by This violation is in accordance the University. In May 2011, Beta with the preexisting Residency gained University recognition and Policy of the Code of Non-Academic became a program house. The house Conduct, which was updated by was closed and again declared off- University President Michael Roth SEAMUS EDSON/CONTRIBUTING PHOTOGRAPHER in August 2011. BETA, page 3 An exhibit of Professor of Art Tula Telfair’s landscape paintings premiered at the Zilkha Gallery on Tuesday, Sept. 16. This exhibit has been two years in the making. Coffee with a Side of Diving Into Telfair’s “World Of Community By Jenny Davis and Haenah Kwon plaques, trinkets, and tchotchkes galore. Dreams” At Zilkha Gallery Opinion Editor and Staff Writer Flamingo lights are draped among the shelves. We searched in vain for a price tag By Sharifa Lookman the most heavily and diversely attended As an artist, Telfair has ex- There’s a yellow and pink flag flying on these lights; alas, they were just there Staff Writer exhibitions that I have seen on campus. perimented with a variety of styles outside 143 William Street, a white cube for decoration. Perhaps most interesting was just how and subject matters, but of late she of a building with a crisp red awning. Tencza and Dunkley have known I was immediately struck by just many professors were in the room, par- has been renowned for her modern Racks of clothes are arranged on the side- each other for 36 years; Ceder and Tencza how many windows there seemed to be ticularly those not associated with the landscape paintings, as highlighted walk, calling out to people on their way have known each other 25. in the Zilkha Gallery. Landscape, green- Art and Art History Departments, repre- in this exhibition. Her landscapes to the barber shop next door or heading “[Tencza’s] son was in my Sunday ery, and sky met me from all angles, and senting instead the Biology, Astronomy, are monumental in scale and vibrant down to Main Street. school class,” Dunkley said. “We all went it took me a moment to recognize that, and Classical Studies Departments, to in color. Some aspects of her land- The shop, 3 Unique Ladie’s (sic), to church together.” while the facing wall was actually lined name a few. It became very clear to me scapes call to mind the grandeur of opened this past April. Owned by Tencza, who runs a day care when with windows, the other supposed “win- that this exhibition went beyond one historic landscapes while others can Linda Tencza and run by Tencza, Laura she’s not working at 3 Unique Ladie’s, dows” were in fact paintings. Paintings medium and subject to become a truly be likened to photographs. Dunkley, and Diane Ceder, the store is used to care for Ceder’s two children as windows, windows as landscape, and multidisciplinary installation. Telfair describes these places part coffee shop, part gift shop, and part on the days Ceder worked. Tencza grew landscape as a looking glass: welcome to Though the idea for the exhibition as being fictive and an expression living room. up in Durham, Conn., and moved to Tula Telfair’s world of dreams. was conceived over a year ago, Telfair of her imagination. She emphasizes When we walked into the shop on Middletown when she got married at On Tuesday, Sept. 16 the Center has physically worked on these pieces the role of creativity in her artistic a quiet Saturday morning, Tencza and 18; Dunkley was born in Boston and has for the Arts (CFA) unveiled an exhibi- since January, when they quickly be- process. Dunkley were seated at a table, sipping lived in Middletown for 36 years. tion two years in the making: Professor came her babies. “I enjoy the possibility of creat- coffee in front of a shiny black computer. Dunkley and Tencza, who met of Art Tula Telfair’s premiere of “A World “I haven’t done a lot in this time ing something from nothing, which Ceder, they explained, works on different through the First Baptist Church in of Dreams: New Landscape Paintings” in apart from paint, perhaps write a few days. Middletown, worked together at that the Zilkha Gallery. This was likely one of letters, and teach,” Telfair said. TELFAIR, page 6 “Have a look around,” they urged us. church many years ago. The store is crowded; no space is “What we used to do at the church wasted. There are clothes, jewelry, bags, University Warns of Health cards, knitted baby booties, candles, UNIQUE, page 4 Risks Related to MDMA Use

By Courtney Laermer op positive feelings. The immediate ef- for the brain to recover from the Assistant News Editor fects of serotonin are elevated moods, effects of MDMA, particularly heightened sensations, and increased because the brain must replace the Several students have been hospi- sexual arousal, and these effects occur neurotransmitters that were previ- talized in the recent weeks after taking usually within 15-30 minutes of inges- ously released. He also added that, MDMA, a drug known as “Molly,” tion. He also explained that the drug in some cases, it can take the brain according to an email sent by Health is sometimes accompanied by negative months, or even years, to recover, Services to all University students on side-effects. as the drug can result in cravings Tuesday, Sept. 16. “Sometimes a person may expe- for more. Medical Director of the Health rience unwanted effects such as anxi- Other side effects of this drug Services Department Dr. Thomas ety, agitation and dizziness as well as include feeling hot, dizziness, chest McLarney described the negative im- elevated heart rate and blood pressure pain, severe anxiety, and shortness plications of taking this drug. (due to the dopamine and norepineph- of breath (especially in a warm en- “It is a stimulant and psyche- rine),” McLarney wrote. “This could vironment). McLarney emphasized delic substance,” McLarney wrote in be as a result of the MDMA alone, that if an individual is feeling those an email to The Argus. “It works by taking another similar but more po- symptoms, ze should be evaluated increasing the release of certain neu- tent designer drug (there are a number as soon as possible. In addition, rotransmitters from the brain specifi- of them out there) or the capsule taken if someone has a preexisting heart cally dopamine, norepinephrine and was altered with a number of other condition, MDMA can lead to HAENAH KWON/STAFF PHOTOGRAPHER serotonin.” substances such as PCP.” heart failure, heart attack, and even He explained that serotonin is a Furthermore, McLarney ex- Linda Tencza, Laura Kunkley, and Diane Ceder run a new gift shop on William Street that draws upon the love of many community members. chemical that causes a person to devel- plained that it can take days to weeks MOLLY, page 3

Get Lucky On Top of Mt. Smokey Getting Defensive Amy Bloom’s new novel 4 Mount Eerie talks new album, Sauna 7 Cimino ’15 discusses secondary strategy 10 2 THE WESLEYAN ARGUS FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 19, 2014

The Wesleyan Argus WESPEAKS established in 1868 The Reason Why Consent is Not “So Frat” Editors-in-Chief Gwendolyn Rosen Rebecca Seidel By Kirby Sokolow part of what it means to be a fraterni- paigns aim to use trends and brands en and a change in how college-age ty brother.” The group sounds prom- to equate consent with something men view drunk girls (i.e. not as an Production Manager Whenever I read or hear about ising; an organization that specifical- that is popular and cool, and I ac- “opportunity”). Eliza Loomis a new student group or project that ly targets fraternities in its efforts to knowledge that this group succeeds “Consent is So Frat” operates promotes the discussion of sexual as- bring consent culture and education in making consent a topic actively under the notion that consent cul- Executive Editors sault and harassment, consent, and ture is something that is active in Lily Baggott to college campuses – what could be present in the minds of fraternity male privilege, I feel proud of my better than that? Based on its mis- brothers. But I do find something fraternities in the present and, in Claire Bradach generation, my alma mater, and my my opinion, this is one of the larg- Miranda Katz sion, “Consent is So Frat” appears to very concerning and problematic fellow human beings; I become ex- help fraternities question their own in even the very title of this group; est problems with this organization. News Editors Millie Dent cited about the new and innovative opinions, perceptions, actions, and “Consent is So Frat” neither means How many other non-profit organi- Sofi Goode ways students are looking to change conversations about sex and women “I Believe in Consent,” nor “I be- zations function in the present? Most Asst. News Editors Courtney Laermer society and change our world’s per- and then begin to work towards those lieve in consent and therefore I organizations work towards change Sophie Zinser ceptions of gender, the deservedness that better promote gender equality, try to think about consent in all of and therefore operate in the future. Features Editors Rebecca Brill of sex, and the value of women and respect, communication, and con- my actions, thoughts, and words.” Whether they concern themselves Jess Zalph their bodies; I become eager to learn sent. Instead, “Consent is So Frat” means, with cancer, HIV, domestic violence, Food Editors Emma Davis about what I can do to not only dis- A quick scroll through the “Consent is, in the present, part of hunger, or animal abuse, they ex- Erica DeMichiel perse these positive messages in the Facebook wall, however, tells me this fraternity life and all of the men who plain, “These conditions we have in Opinion Editors Jenn Cummings modern world, but also to look back is not the case. Tank tops that read, belong to it.” And that is simply not the present are detrimental to our so- Jenny Davis upon myself and question my own “Are you DTF? Consent is So Frat” the case. ciety and harmful to individuals who Arts Editors Dan Fuchs conditioning and socialization. and photo campaigns that showcase I believe that every man who live in it; we must therefore find ways Gabe Rosenberg Projects that make individuals different groups of fraternity brothers holds one of these signs believes in to change them and to work towards Asst. Arts Editor William Donnelly dedicate even one extra second to a better future.” Sports Editors Brett Keating holding signs broadcasting “Consent consent. However I also know -- by thinking about consent and issues is So Frat,” tell me that rather than interacting with them in relaxed en- If an organization does not op- Asst. Sports Editors Felipe DaCosta of gender and power in modern day erate in the future, it cannot chal- Gili Lipman working towards radically changing vironments and hearing what they Photo Editor Noah Mertz society are projects that indeed do the attitudes of fraternity brothers say when they think they are behind lenge its own values and ideas and Asst. Photo Editor Lex Spirtes some good for our world. However, I towards consent and sex, “Consent is closed doors -- that what they be- learn to improve them. If an organi- Head Layout Courtney Laermer have recently come across one group So Frat” merely aims to equate frater- lieve and how they act are not always zation does not operate in the future, Irma Mazariego that, while well intentioned, appears nities with consent in the eyes of its in line with one another. I applaud how is it anything more than a mere Layout Allison Conley to have a rather distorted under- peers. Hold a sign that says “Consent these men and am proud to see so PR campaign, simply self-promoting Jiana Xiong standing of the reality of consent and is So Frat” and you become part of many of them acknowledge the im- its own brand? If consent is already Redwan Bhuyan male privilege. the solution, not the problem. Hold portance of consent in relationships, “so frat” and already a part of frater- Sofi Goode The nonprofit organization a sign that says “Consent is So Frat” but acknowledgement is not enough. nity life, what work do we have left Business Manager Andrew Hove “Consent is So Frat” was founded and you tell the world you believe in In order to see a decline in the num- to do? How can we end the trend Advertising Manager Katya Sapozhnina only one short month ago. For its consent and a world free from sexual ber of sexual assaults on campus we of sexual assaults taking place in Web Editor Cumhur Korkut mission, the group boasts, “Making assault. need to see action: a change in the fraternity houses or at the hands of Social Media Editor Heather Whittemore consent and healthy relationships I understand that these cam- language men use to talk about wom- fraternity brothers? Promoting the Distribution Managers Gabriela Arias value of fraternity life as opposed to Sydney Lolli acknowledging its grave faults and Ampersand Editor Sarah Esocoff working from the ground up to solve Head Copy Editor Elana Rosenthal them, one by one, exhibits the reality Copy Editors William Donnelly that members of this group may be- Michelle Farias lieve in the value of consent, but they Isak McCune are not willing to put forth the hard Noam Radcliffe work necessary to constantly educate Ali Rosenberg themselves and actively make consent a value of fraternity life in the future. At their core, fraternities are spaces of gender-based segregation. The Wesleyan Argus is published by the under- At their core, fraternities are exclu- graduates of Wesleyan Uni- sive groups united around brother- versity. The University does hood and maleness, and in this so- not publish The Argus or ciety, being a male holds power and influence its content, nor is privilege. Consent is not power and it responsible for any of the privilege; consent is individual and opinions expressed in The personal. Consent is not exclusive Argus. and segregated; consent is a basic, The Argus is published universal human right. Consent is twice weekly during the school year except in exam not “so frat”-- it does not depend periods or recesses. The Ar- on the existence of fraternities--but gus welcomes Wespeaks that should fraternities continue to exist, pertain to campus issues, it is vital that they begin to partici- news stories, and editorial pate in consent culture. policy. The deadline for sub- Participation however, requires mission is 4 p.m. (Monday, breaking down societal norms, expec- for Tuesday publication, and tations of sex, and notions of gender Thursday, for Friday publi- and power. It requires reflection on cation). All Wespeaks should and self-awareness about one’s own be submitted through the Argus website and should in- position in society and one’s social- clude the author’s name and ization and participation in a world telephone number. rooted in patriarchy and sexism. It The Argus reserves the requires not defense, but acceptance right to edit all submissions of failure, and the willingness to learn for length as well as withhold how to make consent not the focus of Wespeaks that are excessively a tank top or a photo campaign, but vulgar or nonsensical. The every word one chooses to utter, ev- Argus will not edit Wespeaks ery site one decides to visit, and every for spelling or grammar. Due to the volume of mail encounter one chooses to engage in. received, neither publication Changing a mindset is exhausting. nor return of submissions are Changing the mindset of hundreds of guaranteed. men across the country and the world Editorial offices are is even more so. But looking towards located at 45 Broad Street, change is active and it is powerful Middletown. Email: argus@ and it is the only way to truly make wesleyan.edu consent a part of what it means to be a fraternity brother in the future.

Kirby Sokolow is a member of the class of 2014.

Find an Error? visit us online at Contact us at wesleyanargus.com [email protected] FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 19, 2014 THE WESLEYAN ARGUS 3 news Molly: Multiple Beta: Those Who Enter Students Hospitalized Property Will Face Charges Continued from front page dents requiring medical assistance as a Continued from front page dency policy (regulation 15) as well the space has been active in cam- result of alcohol or drug use will typi- as failure to comply (regulation pus life since becoming a program death. cally not face a formal judicial hear- limits on Wednesday, Sept. 10. 14),” Whaley wrote in an email to house, he does not anticipate any “If someone is stable (and I’ll re- ing if they agree to meet with Health Vice President for Student The Argus. “Other charges may ap- problems with enforcing its closure. peat, if there is any concern, call for Services staff following their hospi- Affairs Michael Whaley outlined ply as well given the circumstances. “In my conversations with stu- help ASAP) and experiencing some talization and participate in any rec- the charges that students found Sanctions will vary, up to and in- dents, most understand why the anxiety, being a good friend is the best ommended follow up,” Whaley said. in Beta without permission will cluding suspension. Since the prop- university has taken this action and, treatment,” McLarney said. “Be there “Cases involving use of Molly (short of face. Students entering without erty is privately-owned, the owners given the consequences for doing so, for him or her. Talk to them. Don’t hospitalization) would be adjudicated permission may face criminal may charge students there without I don’t anticipate that students will leave them alone.” by the SJB as with other infractions. charges through the Middletown permission with trespassing as well.” choose to go there,” Culliton wrote Vice President for Student Affairs Students who sell or distribute illegal Police Department. The Beta house is owned by in an email to The Argus. “In ad- Michael Whaley stressed the impor- drugs are typically suspended or dis- “University charges for the Raimond Duy Baird Memorial dition, the national office of Beta tance of seeking medical attention, missed.” violating this policy may vary Association. Representatives of Theta Pi has also suspended the stating that students hospitalized for The Davison Health Center post- depending on the incident, at the association were unable to be chapter and all activities so I think drug usage will not face judicial con- ed additional information regarding a minimum students would be reached for comment. that both Wesleyan and Beta Theta sequences. MDMA on its website for all students charged with violating the resi- Culliton stated that although Pi have taken a similar stance.” “As is the case with alcohol, stu- to view. Panel Discusses Vote Constitution Day Lecturer on Scottish Secession Addresses First Amendment By Millie Dent dence raises a series of questions that will News Editor only be answered after the referendum: Rights at Universities Will Scotland...continue to have access Scottish voters were faced with the to the pound sterling? Will Scotland be- By Sophie Zinser Rabban began his talk with a stag- should apply only to professional and pivotal decision yesterday of whether come a member of the [European Union] Assistant News Editor gering list of cases in which the First educational speech. He cited as grounds to break up the United Kingdom after in its own right? Will Scotland control oil Amendment rights of a student, professor, for this argument the 1950 Declaration of 307 years. On Tuesday, Sept. 16, the in the North Sea within Scottish waters? In honor of Constitution Day or university were the subjects of major le- Principles by the American Association of University History Department hosted If Scotland becomes independent, can on Wednesday, Sept. 17, University gal contention. In this historical dialogue, University Professors, which, in his opin- a multiple-department panel on Scottish Scottish voters enact a more social agenda of Texas at Austin School of Law he alluded to specific legal cases, including ion, remains the most influential discus- independence and what this historical than it can currently?” Tucker wrote. Distinguished Teaching Professor state legislatures compelling universities to sion of academic freedom in the United vote could mean for the U.K. Kelly also spoke about the signifi- David Rabban ’71 gave a lecture at include discussions of creation science in States. “Today is the day where we choose cance of an independent Scotland to the Olin Library titled “Free Speech, classroom settings, whether or not univer- Hadley noted that she was pleased whether to break off or stay together, and rest of the world. She said it is unclear Academic Freedom, and the American sities can refuse to reappoint a professor with the turnout to the lecture and fol- that’s the next chapter in the U.K. or [in] what kind of global impact a secession University.” The Friends of the fired on the grounds that he was a com- lowing Q&A session. the history in England and Scotland,” said would have. Wesleyan Library sponsored the lec- munist, and a university’s right to fire a “Our hope is to open up a dialogue Visiting Assistant Professor of History “We’re not yet sure whether they’re ture, with Library Assistant Jennifer professor on the grounds of specific works on constitutional issues, and in this case, and panelist Alice Kelly. “However we going to be huge ripples or...just small Hadley spearheading the event’s orga- that ze published. academic freedom is very pertinent to want to say it.” ripples in the pond,” Kelly said. nization. Rabban emphasized that the First things that have been going on not just at Chair of the History Department The panelists spoke about the differ- The talk centered on the First Amendment to the Constitution applies Wesleyan but in the larger world,” Hadley and organizer of the event Magda Teter ent tactics used by advocates on each side Amendment rights of students, pro- only to state action. said. “So we like to have that mix of people explained how the vote shows the im- to sway undecided voters. They described fessors, and universities as institutions. “I think that many Americans be- in the audience, and help raise Wesleyan’s portance of history in today’s world. pro-secessionist methods as taking advan- Rabban led the audience through the lieve that the First Amendment protects profile in the community as well.” She stressed that current events cannot tage of the role of history, as well as po- history of legal cases on free speech and citizens against private action as well as Aobo Dong ’15 added that the lec- be fully understood without a historical tential benefits such as free health care, to academic freedom from the 1950s. state action,” Rabban said. “But this com- ture inspired him to expand Rabban’s context. persuade voters. Pro-Unionists have been Rabban addressed the hot- mon belief is incorrect. Private violations discussion of the First Amendment to “Scotland’s vote may be about oil using a scare tactic, telling voters that the bed issues surrounding the First on speech do not violate constitutional the recent controversy regarding former and current economy, but it is also about future of an independent Scotland would Amendment today. He allotted a rights. Translated into the university con- University Librarian Pat Tully’s dismissal history and identity,” Teter wrote in an be uncertain, especially since it is un- significant amount of time to the re- text, private universities, including their from the University. email to The Argus. clear whether the European Union (EU) cent case of Professor Steven Salaita’s faculty and students, as well as public “The legal protection of adminis- Associate Professor of History would allow Scotland to join. lack of consideration for a job at the universities, are protected against the trators and professors is very interesting Jennifer Tucker, another one of the pan- Rutland spoke further about the EU University of Illinois following sev- government. Wesleyan, as well as the because it made me think about how the elists, said she believes that University and its importance, but noted that as the eral anti-Israel posts on his Twitter University of Connecticut, can obtain re- professor can become an administrator students are generally interested in inter- EU loses its significance in current events, account. lief from legislation that violates the First and take on other protections with his national current affairs and that the talk it becomes less important in the debate. Furthermore, Rabban covered Amendment.” or her speech or rights,” Dong said. “It’s gave students the opportunity to learn “The carrot is looking less juicy, but the constitutional validity of univer- Rabban explained that when uni- very interesting to discover this from a le- more about the vote beyond what the can still be used as a stick,” Rutland said. sity-implemented “speech codes,” versity trustees or administrators take ac- gal perspective. I wonder if the point of media offers. Kelly felt that the tactics the pro- student and professorial expressions of tion against faculty or students, the First contention was about legal issues at all, or “The referendum raises broader Union supporters were using, such as political affiliations, and the extent to Amendment applies only at state universi- whether they have the right to fire some- questions about resource allocation and videos with celebrities holding up signs which the university as an institution ties. Therefore, Rabban pointed out that one who expressed an educational com- political representation in democra- reading, “We love you, Scotland,” were may control when First Amendment faculty and students at the University ment or had held some different working cies that are of interest to many here at only giving the pro-separatists more mo- rights apply to its students. cannot make First Amendment claims style or different personality.” Wesleyan,” Tucker wrote in an email to mentum. In an interview with The Argus, against the University and the Board of Christian Hosam ’15 expressed fur- The Argus. “That incensed Scottish nationalists Rabban explained why he chose this Trustees. Rabban further acknowledged ther interest in the topic, stating that he In addition to educating students, more, because it’s further compounded particular subject for a Constitution that this formal constitutional distinction would have enjoyed a discussion of on- the panel aimed to help professors ques- the idea of them not being taken seriously Day lecture. does not always apply in practice because campus issues in the Q&A session. tion and analyze their own beliefs. One in their wish for independence,” Kelly “I thought that Wesleyan stu- private universities can voluntarily accept “I wish someone would have asked of the panelists, Professor of Government said. “It’s only now they’re being taken dents would have interest in free the limitations that the First Amendment about chalking, because there’s an inter- Peter Rutland, said that one question more seriously. “ speech topics,” Rabban said. “I want- imposes on public universities. esting aspect of student academic free- asked during the panel challenged him Chloe Jeng ’15 said she felt that the ed to recognize how many important “Judges themselves have frequently dom not being protected,” Hosam said. to further question the true benefits of discussion of the propaganda brought up cases dealing with First Amendment acknowledged that decisions surround- “Students do not have a specific distinc- secession. points that she had not previously consid- issues have arisen in American uni- ing First Amendment rights at universities tion in academic freedom. I was also in- “The problem is really the proce- ered. versities. The university has been an have not effectively addressed the mean- terested in his comments on the Steven dure, not the actual content of the deci- “I was most interested in Professor important place for Constitutional ing of First Amendment academic free- Salaita case. I think it’s a fascinating and sion,” Rutland said. “What a haphazard Rutland’s explanation of the clever brand- debate and litigation. I also thought dom, or differentiated it well from general complex case, looking at what academic way [to decide] without any clear pro- ing of the ‘Yes’ campaign for secession, that the notion of First Amendment First Amendment rights and free speech,” freedom is going to look like versus what gram to vote on. Just an up in the air, yes which repaints the independence move- freedom as differentiated from the Rabban said. it looks like now. As someone who is fol- or no, independence or not, without hav- ment as not just an issue of romantic or First Amendment in general might be Following this comment, Rabban lowing it closely, I hoped he would have ing a document that really spells out what ethnic nationalism but as a civic rights an interesting topic for the audience to proposed that a distinctive First been given insight into how it would have is agreed and what’s not agreed.” and social welfare cause,” Jeng wrote in think about.” Amendment right of academic freedom been handled.” Tucker spoke further about the an email to The Argus. questions that will be raised if Scotland Whatever the outcome, the three does vote for independence. As there is panelists stated that they believe that his- The Adelphic Education Fund is accepting applications from Wesleyan students for a no established constitution for Scotland tory is in the making and that students limited number of scholarships for the 2014/2015 academic year. Application forms are should it vote for independence, these should understand the significance of available online at http://middletown.adps.org/aef/index.html questions will not be able to be answered such an event. unless the referendum passes, further aug- “It might not feel so here, but it’s menting the significance of the results. enormous,” Kelly said. “It’s a history- Application deadline is October 17 at 4:00 p.m. Please submit completed applications “The debate of Scottish indepen- making day.” in duplicate to Erhard Konerding, Reference Department, Room 107F, Olin Library. 4 THE WESLEYAN ARGUS FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 19, 2014 features BOOK REVIEW: LUCKY US

By Sofi Goode at the center of the story. The pair characters, they are neither entirely professionals. sexuality, religion, or social status— News Editor starts off in small-town Ohio, mov- lovable nor easy to hate. It is their While her characters compel to the desire for psychic knowledge ing from Hollywood to New York tendencies for both right and wrong, through biting humor, relatable of the future and the ease of faking A rising Hollywood starlet is City and beyond. The novel also good and bad, that allow them to awkwardness, and horrific heart- important documents. shamed by tabloids and forced to picks up the stories of their friends, carry their complex, emotionally de- break, it is the realism of Bloom’s Bloom expertly portrays the in- live out the rest of her life as an im- rich and poor, successful and anony- manding stories. novel that keeps the pages turning. tersectionality of the oppression Iris poverished wannabe. This sounds mous, as the girls navigate a world of The narrative perspective Even the minute details of the era and Eva face, with Iris’ relationships like a story we’ve all heard before. Yet discrimination, heartbreak, danger, changes throughout the novel, fea- feel grounded in truth. leading to explosive events while “Lucky Us,” a new novel by Shapiro and war. turing Iris’s descriptive letters, Eva’s In fact, Bloom’s world is so their ongoing poverty is normal- Creative Writing Center Director Bloom’s characters are compel- sharp-tongued inner monologue, well-researched that readers may ized in the background. Her diverse and Kim-Frank Family University ling from the first page, where Eva and the unfortunate life of Gus, find themselves facing history that characters provide a refreshingly Writer in Residence Amy Bloom is introduced as a plain, awkward, a German mechanic that the girls America rarely acknowledges, such realistic portrayal of race relations ’75, takes this frequently told tale and unfailingly brilliant daughter of meet upon their arrival in New York. the internment of over 11,000 and the barriers that remained up in and breathes life into every aspect a professor’s mistress. Iris, the legiti- Bloom juggles the constant changes German Americans. Gus is among a time when the normal structures of it. Published in July by Random mate daughter of the same man, is in narration with complete ease, giv- this number, giving emotion and of society were breaking down. House Press, the novel is a fascinat- charismatic and beautiful, but short- ing her characters incredibly distinct face to the struggle of internment At her talk on Wednesday, ing journey through the lives of vari- sighted and naïve. They run away to voices and storytelling methods. and, for some, repatriation of Bloom stated that she cannot write ous overlapping, oppressed groups in Hollywood so Iris can try her hand Sharp changes in tone also guide American citizens, many of whom until she can “hear the characters” the World War II-era United States. at acting, but they find themselves the reader through these transitions, had never been to Germany in their in her head for more than just a Bloom was trained in psy- out of luck when The Los Angeles which span years and thousands of lives. moment. Her connection with her chotherapy at Smith College and Times runs pictures of Iris that re- miles in the turn of a page. Though most of the charac- characters is obvious, as “Lucky Us” has published three novels, as veal that she is a lesbian. In despera- Switching among perspectives ters are not forced to directly con- takes a cast that is excluded, impov- well as multiple short stories. On tion, they leave for New York City also gives Bloom a chance to fully front the war as Gus is, the war’s erished, and uncertain—undoubt- Wednesday, Sept. 17, Bloom read with their father, who reappeared in explore all of her characters, rather influence subtly pervades all of their edly down on their luck—and por- from “Lucky Us” at the Russell the hopes of taking a share of Iris’ than singling out a main character story lines. While Gus’ depiction of trays these characters as much more House and answered questions acting money, and Francisco, Iris’s for development. As a result, each the allies bombing a German town than downtrodden. Though they about her book and her writing pro- makeup artist. character takes on a remarkably is heart-wrenchingly blunt, perhaps are less than heroes, they manage cess. Bloom’s characters defy easy complex personality. Francisco in more startling is Bloom’s under- to handle it all. Bloom shows that “Lucky Us” has a constantly description, beginning with depth particular shines as a sassy, protec- standing of how the war permeated if we focus on the human connec- shifting cast, with hopeful star Iris and evolving further over the course tive father figure with a wealth of all aspects of life, from the fear of any tions that we have, we can all see and her dedicated sidekick sister Eva of the story. Like all good literary knowledge about various upper-class kind of difference—whether in race, ourselves as the lucky ones. Unique: Ladies Open Door Frame of Reference: for Trinkets, Companionship A Bespectacled View Continued from front page Middletown residents by recycling “We have fun doing stuff,” By Sadie Renjilian long. Yet what struck me most was that and reusing. Tencza said. “We’ve worked well to- Contributing Writer their glasses were totally hip and current. was outreach,” Dunkley said. “We “People need stuff, and I don’t gether for 36 years, as business part- I suspect good glasses may be timeless, es- used to have the gift shop and a like people wasting,” Tencza said. ners and friends.” If eyes are the windows to the pecially since they are often inspired by café. We served dinner for $3.50— “People will throw things out in- Dunkley agreed that their soul, then glasses are the window fix- vintage styles. The Usdan participant sub- mashed potatoes, meatloaf, veg- stead of taking them to Goodwill, friendship is what makes them, as ings. There is a major difference be- stantiated this theory when he revealed etables, rolls, corn muffin, dessert Salvation Army, or Red Cross. They their shop proclaims, “unique.” tween Venetian blinds and paisley that his pair was from Warby Parker, the and drink. But if you couldn’t afford just put all this stuff on the street.” “You ain’t never going to meet curtains. So too, glasses can drasti- online glasses company inspired by vin- it, you got it for free. That was our Dunkley agreed. anybody like us,” Dunkley said. “It’s cally change how you are perceived. tage styles that donates a pair of glasses to outreach. People would come and sit “We don’t turn anything down,” our friendship [that makes us spe- Are you a classic Tudor? A 1970s-style someone in need for every pair they sell. and just need to talk—fellowship, she said. “You know, you never know cial]. We support each other.” ranch? A McMansion in the suburbs? In the interest of journalistic integ- you know?” what somebody’s looking for.” That support comes in Let’s examine the options. rity, I should mention my bias toward When the space for 3 Unique Moreover, Dunkley’s own cre- many forms, from Tencza spoil- A recent look around Usdan re- Warby Parker, which is the company that Ladie’s opened up this past April, ativity is showcased in the shop. ing Dunkley’s granddaughter with vealed many a bespectacled face. I ap- makes my own frames. A friend recently Tencza and Dunkley jumped at the “I design clothing,” she said. stuffed animals from Goodwill to proached a nearby participant in the inquired as to why I don’t wear them out- chance to continue their collabora- “My outfits are out there on the man- Dunkley supporting Tencza’s son glasses craze to learn more. My first side of my bedroom and then answered tion, this time as business partners. nequin. I do it for my grandchildren, when he needed it as a teenager. question, “Are those prescription?” the question for me: the shape looked bad “We put everything on hold,” and now I’m doing it for adults, full- “We’ve been through a lot to- received an appropriately indignant on my face. The frames were cool, but ap- Tencza said of their choice to open figured women. I let the material talk gether,” Tencza said. “We help each response. Wearing fake glasses is a parently they didn’t quite work with my the shop. to me. I don’t use a pad, and I sew other out. Somebody needs some- poser move, the equivalent of wear- bone structure. The connections that the two by hand. It’s just soothing…I go with thing, we do it. You’re short on food, ing a concert shirt from Hot Topic. This unfortunate realization made women maintain with Middletown the flow.” we do it. I think it’s just the way we In high school, this question used to me think about the purpose of glasses. community members have been to At that moment, Dunkley be- were brought up.” offend me to the extent that I would They are, at their core, about function, crucial to the success of 3 Unique came animated, jumping up and Eventually, Tencza, Dunkley, insist people put on my stylish frames though this obviously does not always Ladie’s. down and pointing at something and Ceder hope to open a bona fide to prove that they had a prescrip- mean that function should outweigh “We made a lot of friends, and outside the window. café, but as of now there isn’t room tion. Our participant did not have form. Given the necessity and pervasive- they follow us!” Tencza said. “They “There’s Bev!” she screamed. for a big enough kitchen in the this response, but he definitely wasn’t ness of glasses, there is great diversity in follow us wherever we’ve gone.” “She’s got a tree! A pink one! She’s back. Still, though, they feel that thrilled by the implications. styles. Sometimes glasses can be a means Dunkley adopted a high- got a tree!” they are filling a niche left empty in The student in question was of self-expression and a way to make a pitched falsetto: “‘Oh, you’re here?’” Tencza laughed at the image of Middletown in recent years. wearing a delightful pair of round statement, even if that statement is “No, she cried out, mimicking friends their friend lugging a pink tree up “There’s no coffee shop in this glasses in a dark brown. Studious yet I don’t see that well.” Maybe, even, the who have stopped by and seen the William Street. “What’s she going to section of town, and no gift shops at stylish, quirky yet dignified, his frames small wire pairs without apparent atten- store. “‘Oh, good, we’ll come back!’” do with that?” she asked. all anymore,” Tencza said. were absolutely enchanting. I was even tion to style are some sort of normcore They had a good chuckle over “It’s fake, so…” Dunkley leaned The ladies agree that more im- more impressed when he revealed statement that I’m missing (but frankly, that one. back in her seat, still shaking her portant than the coffee or the gifts, that they were almost three years old, they appear purely pragmatic and not The inspiration to open a cof- head. or even the trinkets is the community purchased before his freshman year at more). fee and gift shop was largely due “We all support each other,” that 3 Unique Ladie’s provides. Wesleyan. A close friend of the crunchy-gra- to the women’s mutual love for Dunkley said, growing serious “People just come in to have cof- However, it soon became clear nola variety rocks a pair of green glasses. Middletown and for each other. again. “That’s one thing about the fee and talk,” Dunkley said. “That’s that not even the effusive compliments While not overly trendy or hip, they are “This is our thing,” Tencza Middlesex Country Chamber of the whole thing.” of a total stranger could convince him fun and unusual, showing her character said. “We love to shop…Some of Commerce. It’s one of the biggest Tencza agreed. that they were great and that he should to the world. I love these as a compro- our old friends that we grew up with ones and best in the state, actually. “It’s for everybody, even if you not switch to contacts. His reasoning mise: she’s not choosing to be trendy, but at First Baptist, they found out we You meet people. You make connec- don’t have a lot of money because a behind wanting to switch was per- she’s also not wearing a pair that is exclu- were here, and they brought in their tions, and it’s because we all work lot of people don’t,” she said. “We fectly reasonable—he is sick of them sively functional. crafts to sell. We have everything.” together.” do this out of fun, we do this for sliding around, especially when play- Please, everyone, let’s work on mak- Dunkley and Tencza make Working together comes natu- the community, and we do it out of ing ultimate Frisbee—but nevertheless ing glasses our own. Don’t buy a chic pair an effort to meet the demands of rally to Tencza, Dunkley, and Ceder. love.” heartbreaking. He envisions a 60:40 that makes you look terrible, as I did, but contacts-to-glasses ratio. don’t feel like any sort of attention drawn Another hesitant participant in to your glasses is negative. If you’re into my research—this time, a fellow stu- trends, clear-rimmed glasses are super dent in a history seminar—mentioned dope right now. I think we’ll see a move- RECYCLE the sports concern as well. He rejected ment back toward early-aughts styles, my suggestion of sport goggles, favor- with smaller, more angled frames instead ing instead a limited use of contacts. of the bulkier ones we’ve been seeing for THIS ARGUS! Interestingly, he also had his glasses for the past couple of years. But beyond all several years. Call me fickle, but I can’t this, just choose a pair that matches your imagine having the same look for so personality. FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 19, 2014 THE WESLEYAN ARGUS features • 5 ROVING REPORTER What separates humans from animals and nature, if anything?

“Opposable thumbs.” “Animals do not fuck up the environment “Not much other than logical processes.” Masha Sardari ’18 because they don’t smoke.” Maimouna Siby ’16 Hazem Fahmy ’17

“The ability to communicate reason.” “Humans are animals.” “Humans are animals, so there’s not necessarily a JT Falcone ’15 Molly Cohn ’18 separation. We just operate differently.” Derrick Holman ’16 6 THE WESLEYAN ARGUS FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 19, 2014 arts Tennis Covers Up Tweedy’s New Album Sukierae Intricacies With is Real, Bold Rock n’ Roll By Dan Bachman strangeness or density but because while the great lead guitar work on Contributing Writer of the way it decompresses the Wilco wasn’t necessarily played by Muddled Production sound, each piece fleshed out and him, Jeff Tweedy is still truly the Jeff Tweedy is a Rock n’ Roll comprehensible in a way that gui- mastermind behind his own music. By Matthew Weinstein much of the rest of the album. artist. He makes Rock n’ Roll music. tar-focused music sometimes lacks. With 20 tracks of music, this Staff Writer Out of any track on their He sings Rock n’ Roll songs about Spencer Tweedy is a good, album is a bit overwhelming. It is third album, “Never Work For Rock n’ Roll subjects, plays Rock n’ interesting drummer. At 18 years not particularly cohesive, nor does Imagine enjoying a nice, sunny Free,” the record’s first single Roll guitar, and sings with a husky, old, he already seems to have cul- it have any melodic or thematic day and listening to equally cheery (originally released in June), is smoky, scratchy, Rock n’ Roll voice. tivated a Modest Mouse-type feel: through-line like some of Tweedy’s music: that’s the feeling Tennis the most reminiscent of Young He is known primarily for the great slightly out of rhythm, deeply finest work. But there is a bit of has exuded since 2012. The light and Old. The fuzziness of the Rock n’ Roll music made with his rooted in jazz, and always in con- everything here: punk, ambient, and airy pop music in their sec- synth that opens the track har- Rock n’ Roll band, Wilco. His son, trol. This album is full of raw, hiss- ballad, folk, groove-heavy, bass- ond studio album, Young and Old, kens back to “Origins,” while Spencer Tweedy, is an 18-year old ing snares, slick, serpentine drum heavy, down-tempo, and up-tem- enhanced with just a hint of jazz, the light electric guitar brings Rock n’ Roll drummer. Together, patterns, and some great, pound- po. Sukierae is more of a collage proved to be hard to hate. From back memories of “It All Feels the this father and son duo are here ing straight ahead beats. Songs like than anything else: tiny bits and the fuzzy riffs of “Origins” and the Same.” The song makes you bop to bring you a Rock n’ Roll record “Diamond Light Pt. 1” would not pieces of really good songs thrown jazz-infused “Petition” to the sheer up and down, bringing a smile to called Sukierae under their collective work without Spencer’s stuttering, together with no true organization happiness that leaps out of “High your face as Moore’s disjointed Rock n’ Roll last name, Tweedy. patient drum patterns. It’s the best or connection. This is one of the Road,” that album tweaked the ge- “ah” and “way” sounds serve as I like Jeff Tweedy. I like the way track Tweedy has to offer: jagged album’s great strengths and great neric indie-pop sound. an interesting complement to the his voice sounds the way bourbon and experimental but still melodic weaknesses. The lack of organiza- Working closely with produc- vocals in the chorus. tastes. I like his skill with a melody, and playful, all rooted in the per- tion means that it can be enjoyed ers like Black Keys drummer Patrick Unfortunately, after the first and I like his ability to fearlessly tra- sistence of the drumming. more casually than, say, Yankee Carney, the husband-wife duo of two tracks, Ritual in Repeat be- verse the forbidden hipster territory Jeff Tweedy, too, flexes a lot Hotel Foxtrot or Summerteeth Alaina Moore and Patrick Riley at- comes monotonous. A couple of of country music. That being said, of muscles that he doesn’t get to (which, if you haven’t heard, are tempted to mature on their third songs are capable of grabbing the when I heard that he was making use often. As he is usually rel- absolutely worth your time), but and latest studio album, Ritual in listener’s attention for a few mo- Sukierae, a 70+ minute, 20-track egated to rhythm guitar, we usu- it also means that listening to the Repeat. While the instrumentals ments. Certainly, the little hook collaborative album with his son, I ally don’t get to hear him play with album all the way through doesn’t on their past albums offered a clean in “I’m Callin’” is interesting, was skeptical. It felt like a father/son the dexterity that he wields on the yield many more benefits to the sound that complemented Moore’s but since that sound disappears gimmick; giving a musician a fair beguiling “Honeycomb” or the listener. high and vibrant vocals, Tennis’s quickly, the rest of the song dis- chance simply because he’s the prog- jagged “World Away.” His guitar Sukierae is too long-winded new sound adds layers and layers of appoints. eny of someone fairly successful in is nimble, weaving itself around and overstuffed to be something noise, at times creating a muddled “This Isn’t My Song” does the music business. My skepticism corners through interesting finger- truly great. But it is far, far better effect. the best job at retaining the lis- was quickly dispatched. picking, strumming patterns, and than it needs to be. It’s a good Rock Moore and Riley have gone tener’s focus: An interesting key- Sukierae is grittier, bolder, chord progressions. It’s clear that n’ Roll record. too far to beat critics who have board melody kicks in during more fun, and more interesting than claimed that their sound is too sim- the chorus, and the last minute it has any right to be. The opening ple. If they took a couple of layers of twangy guitar is pure gold. track, “Please Don’t Let Me Be So of sound off each song, they might “Wounded Heart” is as close to Misunderstood,” is explosive and find themselves with a much crisper pure folk as Tennis has ever got- brief, a blast of discord over rolling and better product. ten, but at less than two minutes drums that breezes by. It is a lean Ritual in Repeat still contains long, it is simply dull. and muscular song, left in a per- some highlights and songs that de- This is the problem with petual state of unease with Jeff’s re- serve to be heard. The album open- the majority of Ritual in Repeat: peated refrain of “I don’t want to be er, “Night Vision,” is a stunner; I While part of the lyrics or instru- so fucking boring.” From the get-go, admit that it left me with chills the mentals might catch your atten- this album proves itself to be more first time I heard it. tion for a minute, most songs lack than just “Jamming with my dad!” It sets a surprisingly dark and the ability to keep the listener’s The production on this record, brooding tone for a band that is attention. Whereas Moore and too, is truly excellent. It is thought- known to be light and cheerful. Riley’s past endeavors exhibited fully put together, with warm, full- The track, defined by its sultry and some quirkiness, the duo has lost bodied instrumentation mixed for seductive chorus, instantly grabs much of their flair on Ritual in maximum impact. There’s a lot of the attention of the listener. The Repeat. In the past, the slight ambient noise and sound experi- heavy bass contrasts beautifully peculiarities of their otherwise mentation, like the blasts of guitar with Moore’s soaring vocals, and the simple instrumentals could be on the track “I’ll Sing It,” the weird- breakdown in the last third of the heard and appreciated, but now ly hissing yet compelling piano c/o spin.com song introduces a dynamic guitar their new production just covers tone on “Pigeons.” However, the The debut album of father-son duo Jeff and Spencer Tweedy, that is unfortunately missing from that up. production shines not for of its performing as Tweedy, is now streaming on NPR. Telfair: Landscape Collection Builds “Worlds” At Zilkha Continued from front page pairing. their own field of study. “I wanted to highlight what There is a preconceived, ut- is something that you don’t get to do I appreciate so much about this terly ridiculous notion that art all of the time,” Telfair said. “These space,” Telfair said. “And look at the exhibitions are about looking at paintings are made up places; they way [CFA architect] Kevin Roche something directly in front of one- are collages of ideas and experienc- framed nature through these beau- self, heaving a “hmm” or “ha” in es. Some I’ve only imagined.” tiful limestone walls, and the glass appreciation, and then moving on An integral part of the exhibi- veils that separate us from nature, to whichever piece is adjacent. tion, apart form the works them- but allow us to access it.” But here the viewer is con- selves, was the Zilkha Gallery space The orientation of the room in nected with the artwork. This ex- and the manner in which it inter- combination with the largely pro- hibition forced participation by acted with the works. CFA Director portioned paintings created a sense being a multi-sensory installation Pamela Tatge described this compo- of inclusion in which the landscapes that questioned not only “art,” but nent, underlying its unique addition envelop the viewer. also biology, language, and astron- to the final show. Emery Frick ’18 observed this omy. It transported us as the audi- “What excites me most about drama and sense of mystical trans- ence into different worlds within this show is that it is a site-specific portation. our imaginations, thus pushing installation,” Tatge said. “The paint- “It made you feel like you were the confines of art and beauty and ings were scaled to the size of the actually there,” Frick said. “It was exhibiting an increasingly more bays and walls. Tula [Telfair] had really breathtaking. I just kind of pertinent interplay between disci- the idea of painting the white bays stopped and didn’t know what to plines. gray to work against the notion of do.” Tula Telfair’s “A World of verticality and to feel the idea of The interdepartmental dia- Dreams” will be on display until horizontal.” logue emphasized by the diverse Dec. 7, and I encourage all to stop In the Zilkha Gallery, these visitor demographic was strength- by. Telfair will also be giving an paintings were quite idyllic, boasting ened through the support of a artist talk on Sept. 27 at 2 p.m. in views larger than life. This property, varied group of University faculty. the CFA Hall. juxtaposed with the gallery’s huge Professors from many departments “They will draw you in,” Tatge windows revealing the New England wrote essays to complement the said. “They are beautiful, they are C/O SEAMUS EDSON/CONTRIBUTING PHOTOGRAPHER greenery, created a heightened sense exhibition catalogue in which they evocative, and they are disturbing, Amy Mattox ’17 observes a meld of fantasy and reality at “A World of drama. reflected on Telfair’s body of work and they invite you into a world that of Dreams.” The collection will be on display through December 7. Telfair also noted this intended and related it to themes within you have never been before.” FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 19, 2014 THE WESLEYAN ARGUS arts • 7 Mount Eerie Talks Sauna, . . The Idiot Box Songwriting, Social Media “Boardwalk Empire”

By Aaron Stagoff-Belfort Contributing Writer

Tony Soprano sat down in the booth of an ice cream shop in Montclair, NJ, his massive physique and formidable stare filling the frame. Then there was darkness. Even though I became a follower of “The Sopranos” after its 2007 conclusion, I imagine fans must have been left in shock, paralyzed by the show’s uncertain end. In ad- dition, a more deep- seated fear must have emerged soon after the final credits rolled: What’s next? It’s no secret that c/o digitalspy.com “The Sopranos” revolu- HBO’s “Boardwalk Empire” filled the tionized television and void left by the network’s previous set a new standard for crime series, “The Sopranos.” c/o pwelverumandsun.com quality drama on TV. A Mount Eerie, the stage name of musician Phil Elverum, will play Memorial Chapel on Sunday night. wave of networks such as AMC and Showtime joined HBO to com- Elverum began his songwriting career in 2003 and has since released 12 EPs and albums. pete in the quest for prime-time dominance, ushering in a Golden Age of Television. Despite the success of these networks in capitaliz- By Dan Fuchs A: Have you been playing with new new things and experiment. ing on the trend started by “The Sopranos,” many critics and viewers Arts Editor imagery here? A lot of your stuff alike felt empty as they waited for the next “big thing.” “Breaking in the past has dealt with natural A: Have you utilized any new re- Bad” certainly attracted praise during its run and the anticipation of Mount Eerie, the stage name imagery. cording technology since you start- its finale mirrored what unfolded during the culmination of “The of Washington-based songwriter P: Yeah, probably, although I al- ed? Sopranos.” Other shows, such as “Mad Men,” continued to push Phil Elverum—formerly known as ways try not to. I always try to push PE: No, not really technology, re- creative boundaries. However, the chasm left by “The Sopranos” The Microphones—has been qui- myself to use different vocabulary. ally, since I use computers, I re- never seemed to be fully sealed. Eventually, HBO attempted to rec- etly putting out some of the most That stuff inevitably makes it in. cord on tape. I still use basic in- reate the magic of its finest creation by enlisting those who knew it fascinating music around in the I’m aiming for something new, struments. I don’t use MIDI that best. They handed “Sopranos” writer Terence Winter a copy of the two-plus decades he’s been working. something beyond the picturesque. much. I use a keyboard some, but book, “Boardwalk Empire: The Birth, High Times, and Corruption Fluttering between the experimen- I mean more in terms of composi- of Atlantic City,” and told him to get to work. tal, tranquil, and dissonant, he cre- A: In the years you’ve been mak- tional techniques, I’m always try- Winter emerged with “Boardwalk Empire.” The expensive pe- ates music entirely out of categori- ing music, has the way you’ve made ing to experiment more than that. riod piece stars Steve Buscemi as Nucky Thompson, the treasurer of zation, and it shows; works like The Atlantic City and mastermind of its criminal underworld during the Glow Pt. 2 and Clear Moon have A: What do you think makes tape Prohibition Era. With Prohibition, Nucky sees a distinct opportu- songs that range from lo-fi folk to “I know that an invaluable resource for song- nity to create an illicit liquor trade by opening Atlantic City’s ports post-rock. writers? Or is that just your prefer- to an unadulterated flow of alcohol. Nucky enlists his brother Eli Elverum, currently touring the world has ence? (an underrated Shea Whigham) and together, they pump liquor into in support of his upcoming record changed in a PE: It’s just what I like. I don’t a growing city that has never been thirstier. As one might expect, Sauna, will be stopping by the think it’s better or worse, it’s just conflict ensues over who will control the city, and by extension, the Memorial Chapel this Sunday, Sept. crazy way, but in what I grew up using. When I have lucrative liquor trade. 21. The Argus talked with Elverum dabbled in recording on a com- Over the past four seasons, “Boardwalk” has expanded its scope to chat about his new record and a lot of ways I feel puter, the limitless of it is not ap- beyond Atlantic City to other gangster havens of the 1920s such as about the ever-changing music in- pealing to me. It’s a problem. And Chicago and New York. There is Al Capone, played by a ferocious dustry. like at least from also the physical act of looking at Stephen Graham, who has yet to create his own criminal empire the screen is bad for me, at least. and instead associates with Chicago mob boss Johnny Torrio (Greg The Argus: So you’re on tour sup- the economic side So I don’t like to spend more time Antonacci). Meyer Lansky and Mickey Doyle (Anatol Yusef and Paul porting your upcoming album, in front of a screen than necessary. Sparks), members of the Jewish Mafia, are recurring figures, as is Sauna. How has that tour been go- of it I’m still do- New York boss Arnold Rothstein (Michael Stuhlbarg) and a young ing? A: Now that social media is so Charlie “Lucky” Luciano (Vincent Piazza). Phil Elverum: The tour is good! ing it the way I prevalent, do you interact with Indeed, the show’s commitment to a generally accurate portrayal We’re seven days in, and it’s a short your audience differently than you of the history of East Coast organized crime is one of its most thrill- tour, but yeah. Hasn’t been going on was in the 90s, did when you first started out? ing aspects, as well as its greatest crutch. Any 20th century American for that long. PE: Not really; you mean when I’m history or mob buff will love watching the rise of famed mobsters when I was a performing? like Luciano and Capone, as well as the way the police, government, A: On the tour, you’ve been debut- and institutions such as the newly formed FBI respond, or fail to ing songs from Sauna, which comes teenager making A: Yeah. Well, both onstage and respond, to the threat against Prohibition posed by organized crime out next year. Have you been going off. in America. However, critics of the show complain about the multi- for different sound or using differ- tapes.” PE: Well, that feels pretty much tude of story lines that develop at a glacial pace. Even fans of “Game ent influences for this record than the same. I think like, yesterday or of Thrones” or “Mad Men” will have trouble keeping track of a cast you have in the past? - Phil Elverum maybe the day before, I was look- that is as extensive as the show’s budget. In addition, because the PE: Yeah. I know that the album will ing at my Twitter, and realized that show must adhere to history, it is somewhat limited in what it can do come out on the Internet and stuff, probably a really high percentage with characters such as Capone, Luciano, and Lansky, who we know and in some ways I regret announc- music changed? How has music of the people that were at the show will arise in a new age of gangsters. ing it so early because it’s so far away changed for you? that I just played follow my Twitter When HBO announced that Season 5 of “Boardwalk Empire,” from coming out. And also, I don’t P: Well, maybe I haven’t changed account. And that was just so which premiered Sept. 7, would be the show’s last, it was clear the know how to talk about it yet; I’ve that much. I know that the world weird, because that is a thing that stakes had to be heightened for a show that had been received warm- been working on it for a couple of has changed in a crazy way, but is this weird joke project, kind of, ly by critics but had failed to capture the level of mass adoration of years but I don’t have enough dis- in a lot of ways I feel like at least and it exists in a bubble where nor- other HBO hits. Winter responded by accelerating the show’s time- tance to really be able to answer from the economic side of it, I’m mally I’m just in my house think- line to the year 1931. This seven-year jump will allow the show to questions specifically. But I’ll try. still doing it the way I was in the ing of a dumb joke and sending it conclude as Prohibition is dying out, a smart way to wrap a bow So yeah, it’s still pretty fresh in my 90s, when I was a teenager mak- out. But realizing that I’m standing around a story only made possible by the 18th Amendment. Like all mind. I’m very happy with how it ing tapes. Basically I had a thing in a room full of people who are of the show’s previous season premieres, the first episode of Season turned out. And it’s definitely dif- I wanted to make and distributed actually consuming that joke and 5 does little to explain how much the landscape has changed. Nucky ferent than everything else that I’ve it directly. I’m not that adept at nobody’s talking about it in real has traveled to Havana, where he is meeting with the head of Bacardi done. I guess I struggle to describe maximizing my Spotify royalties life. I guess that’s what the Internet and an influential U.S. Senator, evidently trying to get out ahead of how it’s different. or whatever; I don’t know how to is; I guess that’s what social media rumors that Prohibition will be repealed. Nucky’s apparent wish to work modern systems that well. So is. It’s just super weird. But I don’t “go clean” once Prohibition is terminated is an unsurprising develop- A: Has the recording process been I’m still sort of stubbornly trying think it’s changed the actual experi- ment for a man who has always put his business first. Unfortunately, different? to pretend that DIY, pre-Internet ence of being in a room with people. like “The Godfather” has taught us, just when you think you’re PE: Yeah, it was very experimental style can work. And actually it is Fortunately. I like being able to be in out, they pull you right back in. These past four seasons have seen and free-form, more so than usual. I working, at least on my scale. But a room with people and be a regular Nucky battle death threats and traitors in his ranks. It’s clear that he gave myself lots of time, I took some that’s just the economics of it. In human in the world, and secretly have will not emerge from Prohibition unscathed, or without some more breaks between recording days. I just terms of actually writing music and this other reality that happens when blood shed first. thought about things more than usual. recording, I’m always trying to try we’re in our dark computer rooms. 8 THE WESLEYAN ARGUS FRIDAY, SEPEMBER 19, 2014 OPINION FEMME FATTAL Laugh If You Want To IN DEFENSE OF By Jenny Davis, Opinion Editor In hindsight, I’m sure that and sending a tidal wave of sticky red Shahjahan* was part unicorn. liquid all over the only pair of clothes EXTRACURRICULARS Or maybe he was just really he’d have for three days in the bug- “My God, don’t say you wantwhen to I can give my all to a few pri- ricular life and academic life as cool; that’s also a possibility, but infested wild. He cackled while driv- be a teacher on your college applicaorities- instead of taking on too much. two exclusive spheres. In reality, what else could explain his bound- ing a golf cart maniacally from one tion. You won’t get in anywhere.” But my hesitation was also guided by they are constantly intertwined less energy, his ability to scale cliffs end of camp to another, careening My high school college couna certain- view of what my priorities as in a process of give-and-take that in seconds flat, the groove in his recklessly over the hills, shooting down selor responded to my teaching aspiraa student- at a rigorous academic insti- makes for a multifaceted and back that was deep as a creek? narrow paths and flying at top speed. tions as though I had written ontution my should be, a view that I realize meaningful college experience. The first time I saw Shahjahan He howled with laughter while dump- Common App that I planned tonow de- is not entirely correct. Truly taking advantage of the was in the dining hall of the farm ing flour, sugar, eggs, and milk on his vote my life to licking gum off New I had long dreamed of the aca- rigorous studies available to us at camp at which I worked this sum- farmer fiancée’s head to fulfill her wish York City sidewalks (at the amountdemic opportunities that would be a school like Wesleyan involves mer and last. The tattered linen tu- of “having a cake made on her head.” teachers are paid, maybe she expectedavailable to me at Wesleyan; I spent taking the curriculum outside of nic he wore, the baggy cloth pants, He danced around wildly with flour in that I would have to do that for nourmy -time in high school English try- the classroom and testing it in the and the food-covered hands (he his ears, coating his hair and eyebrows. ishment). It seems as though thereing is to imagine what college literature context of real life. As a student of didn’t believe in utensils) looked Shahjahan laughed in the face of a generalized lack of respect in societycourses might be like, and WesMaps the humanities and social scienc- like the trappings of most of the danger. He also laughed in the face for most educating professionals. More By Isabel Fattal was my preferred beachside reading es, I’ve come to understand that camp’s employees, but there was of hardship, in the face of love, in the than onceStaff I haveWriter felt my expressionduring of the summer before my first learning about abstract concepts something different, something face of pretty much everything, includ- a desire to teach suck all the air outyear of at Wesleyan. A place where I of the human condition, justice, otherworldly, about these things ing child labor (he coached women theWe’re room all familiar and be replacedwith the withtyp- a sensecould study what I was interested in and diversity at a desk is just the on Shahjahan. He looked like a through labor using laughter as pain ical dayof disappointment. in the life of the Wesleyan and work closely with brilliant profes- first step; it’s only when we apply traveler who had just returned relief). student. ItNow, starts if offyou relatively ask people low- how sorsthey seemed like a rare and precious this knowledge in our everyday from an 18-year voyage fighting The second thing to go wrong on key: wakefeel about up, go teachers, to class, they brave will the regale gift, you and I got to campus determined lives that we can solidify our un- seven-headed snakes and strap- the camping trip was that one of our crazywith lines specificat Usdan storiesat 12:30 from p.m. theirto make own the most of it. At the time, I derstanding of these ideas. By col- ping himself to the underbellies of campers pooped in her sleeping bag be- But forlives, most, many the of endwhich of are class inspiring. is thought It that meant skimping on my laborating with a diverse student sheep. cause she was terrified of bugs, so after hardlyseems, the end however, of the that day. when It’s only we addressexperiences outside of the classroom. community and pursuing our pas- In fact, he just might have a failed counseling session I walked her the beginningthe subject of a of whirlwind nonspecific of ac “teachers,”- But as I spent more time at Wesleyan, sions, whatever they may be, we been Odysseus. back to camp, 20 minutes or so away. tivitieswe and shift meetings: focus from students personal rush experiI began- to realize that this was not the put all that we have learned into Shahjahan and I worked to- On my way back, it was pitch-black; I fromence class toto collectivesports practice, apathy grab or disdain.case. real practice, and this personalizes gether for part of the summer, aimed my weak flashlight at the ground dinner“Those as quickly who can, as do. possible Those bewho- can’t, I didn’t realize just how drasti- our connection to our studies in a leading a group of 30 teenagers and struggled to stay on the correct fore teach”; heading this to philosophy an environmental seems to havecally my opinion of extracurriculars way that nothing else can. Success in a three-week quest to change path. Suddenly I lifted my flashlight di- activism/debate/literaryembedded itself firmly magazine in our analysis.had changed until I read psycholo- in a challenging academic curricu- the world. The first week, we em- rectly upwards, and there, standing in meeting, followedUnfortunately, by rehearsal there arefor undergist - and Harvard Professor Steven lum requires dedication and pas- barked on a wilderness retreat, a front of me with wide, crazed eyes, was dance/astandable play/a reasons cappella/a for musical this judgment Pinker’s criticism of extracurricular sion, and this is best achieved by vision quest of sorts. Shahjahan, Shahjahan. He was on the midnight groupfounded into the in wee professional hours of the hierarchy. activities in a recent piece in The New the students’ personal understand- a wilderness expert who could set check for campers who had decided to night,Teachers with schoolwork are paid less somehow on average thanRepublic. In Pinker’s rebuttal of an ing of why what they are learning up a tent in three minutes and spend the night alone in the woods (the interspersedother “professionals,” in between and and sleep it is oftenarticle by William Deresiewicz, which is relevant. who had the upper-body strength wilderness-savvy among them had set takingmuch a definite easier tobackseat become to acoffee. teacher thancriticizes the admission process of the While the unique perspec- required to lug three tons of water up impressive shelters and even built toWhen enter other other fields.students This used lowers Ivy League,the he expresses doubt about tives that we each develop through four miles into the forest, would fires), and I followed him. to tell“status” me about of teachers, what seemed which inlike turn the dis - place of extracurricular activities our extracurriculars might seem lead the trip; my co-counselors and Shahjahan moved like a herculean the courages thousands many of extracurricular of the most qualified in the college admissions process and unrelated to the academic sphere, I were there for support. beast through the night, shimmering activitiespotential that candidates. they were involved Also contribut in the- lifestyle of students at selective, these skills often end up most en- Things began to go wrong through brush and swerving to miss in, I wasing impressed to the negative with their attitude work towardacademically rigorous colleges. hancing our ability to succeed in from the moment we departed for hitting trees. I tried to keep up with ethicteaching and passion, is the but relative I also lack shud of -training “Some of these activities, like our academics. The visual artist the forest. him but failed miserably, inevitably deredteachers at the thought receive before of being being in hired.writing for the campus newspaper, are brings his or her attention to detail The first thing to go wrong slamming into trees and getting stuck their Inshoes. an uglyWhen cycle, I got theto campus “incompetent” clearly educational, but most would to the science lab and the literature was that the food disappeared. in thorny bushes. I imagined Shahjahan last year,reputation I knew furtherthat I was alienates enter- peoplebe classified in any other setting as rec- class; the activist brings his or her Shahjahan, a nutritionist, had been as that beast in “Harry Potter” that sud- ing a world of vibrant student life reation: sports, dance, improv com- passion and real-world experi- up all night making 50 gallons denly morphs into a half-horse/half- with a multitude of opportunities edy, and music, music, music (many ence to the government or social of watermelon-cucumber juice, human and sprints across the forest. to get involved in, and I was ex- students perform in more than one science class. These parts of the a sloshy mixture stored in huge When we got back to camp, hot, cited to do so. But I also didn’t see ensemble),” he writes of the various student’s life do not detract from white tubs. The juice was supposed sweaty, and exhausted, and learned myself becoming active to quite the extracurriculars that he sees playing a the ability to make the most of a to nourish us for the entire trip, that the sweat lodge planned for that same extent as many of my singing, key role in the lives of Harvard stu- rigorous academic curriculum; but we each downed a few cupfuls evening had fallen through, Shahjahan dancing, sports-playing, science-re- dents. “Many students have told me instead, they provide the student before leaving camp. As soon as we kept laughing. He laughed when our searching, filmmaking friends (and that the camaraderie, teamwork, and with the abilities and the passion arrived at our campsite, the camp- campers’ plans to change the world often that’s the description of just sense of accomplishment made these to approach hir curriculum in cre- ers were ready to break their “fast,” failed again and again. He laughed one Wesleyan student). activities their most important expe- ative ways. which had actually begun that even when my co-counselors and I de- Much of my hesitation to take riences at Harvard. But it’s not clear At the student activities fair morning after breakfast. The food spaired, sure that the campers would on an abundance of extracurricular why they could not have had the same last week, I decided to put my own we had packed, which was meant leave and tell their parents that they commitments was due to my own experiences at Tailgate State, or, for abstract ideas about the impor- to last for all three days of the trip, had achieved nothing. We watched ev- personal disposition. After attend- that matter, the local YMCA, opening tance of extracurriculars into prac- began to disappear as kids smug- erything fall apart to the soundtrack of ing a Jewish day school with a dual up places for less ‘well-rounded’ stu- tice, and I saw many of my peers gled apples, oranges, and gluten- Shahjahan’s laughter: one camper de- curriculum and juggling about 12 dents who could take better advantage doing the same. I’m confident that free crackers from the bear box. cided to protest the idea on which the classes a day with several extracur- of the libraries, labs, and lectures.” through these new undertakings Shahjahan watched the food group had decided; the organizations riculars, I learned that the whirl- Reading this, I surprised myself we will not only find lack of sleep disappear with mild amusement. we had contacted suddenly canceled on wind lifestyle wasn’t ideal for me. I with a strong desire to argue against and a strengthened addiction to Then he laughed. us; the bus fee ate up 90 percent of our don’t thrive on the constant hustle Pinker’s point. The more time I spend coffee, but we’ll also find new per- “At least there’s some hemp budget; and still Shahjahan laughed. and business like many students at Wesleyan, the more I realize how spective that will enrich both our milk and hibiscus for tea tomor- At the end of the summer, for our my age do, and I perform better mistaken I was to once view extracur- studies and our lives. row morning,” he said. And then, final world-changing project, we spent after a pause: “It’s the only thing a day on the High Line in Manhattan, I’m looking forward to.” first delivering fresh produce to the only My co-counselors, Shahjahan, organization that would have us and and I laughed for a solid 10 min- then singing songs of peace and love. utes. It was hilarious. Everything We didn’t accomplish the grand plan Follow us on Twitter: was hilarious when Shahjahan was of our dreams, but we did something. around. We spread peace. We spread love. And @wesleyanargus Maybe everything was hilari- then, standing on a balcony overlook- ous because Shahjahan was always ing West 17th Street, Shahjahan led us laughing. His motto was “I sur- all in laughter. Our peals of laughter, render,” and he was also fond of which soon became full-fledged hys- the saying, “Step into the flow and teria, spread through the gritty streets, And like us on then let it go.” He wasn’t fazed by causing pedestrians to look up in sur- much of anything. Instead of wast- prise. Some began to laugh as well, and Facebook! ing the energy, he laughed. for a minute it felt as though the entire He laughed as the two of us city had joined in on a raucous laugh- and my co-counselor stood for ing session. hours in the hundred-degree kitch- You can plan; you can hope; and en, slapping sandwiches together. you can work. He became hysterical as he poured But it’s good to laugh. watermelon juice into his mouth, largely missing the gaping target *Name has been changed. FRIDAY, SEPEMBER 19, 2014 THE WESLEYAN ARGUS opinion • 9 The New Era Taking Responsibility in of Cable News Light of Beta’s Closing By Jake Lahut, Contributing Writer By Bryan Stascavage, Contributing Writer

Cable news is changing for the land to communicate with her view- The deadline for students to a risk and risks always involve a degree of unintended consequences; the second, to better. With all of the melancholy ers during commercial breaks of evacuate the Beta house has passed irresponsibility, then what the University accept that experimentation is risky and current events happening in the broadcasts, while Hayes used #up- this Monday, and with it the fate of was telling me to do was to practice re- tragedies will happen; the third, to at- world, one’s understanding of them pers for his first show, “Up with the Greek organization and perhaps sponsible irresponsibility. tempt to alter fundamentally the alterna- depends upon one’s news outlet of Chris Hayes,” and now uses #inners all Greek organizations on campus is The University—both the students tive culture at Wesleyan. None of the three choice. Fox News, CNN, and our for his new weeknight show, “All In in limbo for the foreseeable future. and the administration—should realize options seems particularly palatable, but at beloved MSNBC are in a constant with Chris Hayes.” I experienced the Accusations of perpetuating rape cul- that if it is to pride itself on being an ex- least with the acceptance that tragedies will struggle to beat out the competition vibrancy of this community when ture, harassment, alcohol and drug perimental campus, it must take the good happen when the student body is so apt in ratings, especially during prime I was retweeted and replied to by abuse, excessive partying, and more are with the bad. One cannot expect that all to try everything and anything, the college time. Condensing complex politi- Chris Hayes and Bill McKibben af- at the crux of the discussion. But is clos- experimentation will end up as a positive can take measured steps to improve safety. cal problems and debates into sound ter I tweeted them a question about ing Beta a case of treating a symptom experience. It is a bitter pill to swallow, but Awareness about the dangers of alco- bites, the machine of cable news climate change. Engaging with the instead of the underlying problem? sometimes the culture that the University hol and drugs without being judgmental slowly churns away at our collective viewers rather than simply opining To dissect that, one must think about prides itself on has disastrous results. is an excellent step, but it is a bit naive. political consciousness. and pontificating to them is a big Wesleyan’s culture. This is not to say the decision to At the end of the day, a majority of stu- Cable news is not bad in and of step in the evolution of cable news. It doesn’t take one long to un- close Beta, at least temporarily, was nec- dents will party and consume substances itself. In fact, it’s quite entertaining. If one thing is for sure in this derstand some of the major tenets of essarily a bad one. I can only imagine the in excess. Accepting this fact opens up new The problem with cable news is that world, it’s that cable news pundits Wesleyan culture, namely the idea that amount of pressure the administration possibilities to keep students safe. How it contributes to political polariza- love to talk ad nauseam. Whether it’s students are actively encouraged to ex- was feeling when, within the first month about creating a policy that all parties are tion, giving different demographics Chris Matthews’ “Let Me Finish,” periment and go outside of their com- of classes, the University was dominating required to have sober students trained in completely different understandings Bill O’Reilly’s “Talking Points,” or fort zone as a theoretical fifth class each the headlines with a student tragically fall- spotting alcohol poisoning and potentially of what is going on in the world. Lawrence O’Donnell’s “The Last semester. Experiment with art, experi- ing out of a window and sustaining serious dangerous sexual situations? The students Unfortunately, these outlets Word,” a cable news broadcast is not ment with activism, experiment with injuries. Because of the litany of front- could be paid, giving them a bit of incen- tend to sensationalize the news, complete without a rant. The new expression, experiment with identity, page stories Beta has had over the past few tive, and their jobs would be to ensure that sometimes for weeks at a time. Fox kids on the block, Hayes and Harris- experiment with sexuality, and experi- years, the college administration had to every party has at least a couple of level News had Benghazi. CNN had the Perry, have become the exception to ment with substances. do something to transform the headlines heads bound by confidentiality to make Malaysian airline. MSNBC had that rule. Hayes even acknowledges It is those last two that seem to with a timely act of damage control. The decisions should a dangerous event arise. Chris Christie’s “Bridgegate.” These the shallowness of cable news, saying cause the problems on campus, namely University and Beta alike have a reasonable It would also form a contract between the stories were perpetually sensation- on Wednesday night’s show, “Cable because they carry a certain element of responsibility to provide for the safety of party-throwers and the college; the college alized for a good reason from the news is a thin substitute for senate risk. That is the idea behind experimen- their members and guests. would get an assurance that the party- perspective of the cable news outlet: debate” to a senator who appeared tation, after all: to take a risk and venture But don’t kid yourself. The closing throwers are attempting to be safe, and the ratings. Each of these stations saw on his show to discuss ISIS. I would into the unknown. Experimentation of Beta is unlikely to make the University party-throwers would gain assurance that bumps in their critical prime time argue, however, that the political can have positive outcomes, such as a safer. The experimentation will continue, they can handle problems without fear of ratings when these stories broke and roundtables that Hayes and Harris- better awareness of oneself and one’s just at a different site. Perhaps at a location getting into trouble with the college. festered for weeks on end, increas- Perry put together are far more in- community, or negative ones, which we that is out of sight of the administration, Whether or not that idea is support- ing advertising revenue that fuels the formative than our polarized politi- all have seen. more underground and possibly more ed is not the main concern. The first step machine. cal discourse. Going through orientation this dangerous. in modifying the University’s experimen- Thankfully, some new pundits The use of the roundtable ap- year, I felt as though I was being sent And so the University—both the tal culture is to acknowledge that it exists have come onto the scene, slowly peals to highly educated adults more two messages at once. The first was to students who are speaking out about and can have tragic negative repercussions. but surely changing the landscape of so than the loud pontification of po- experiment, but the second was to be Greek organizations and the members of With an honest conversation, we can stop cable news. Chris Hayes and Melissa litical analysts shown in split screen responsible. The University wants us to the administration who closed Beta—have blaming and instead develop proactive, Harris-Perry have added a new in- shouting each other down. A prime try new things and to do it sensibly, but a decision to make. There are three choic- practical countermeasures to reduce the tellectual dimension to cable news. example of what Hayes and Harris- these two ideas are not always compat- es: the first, to continue to enact a policy risk and make the Wesleyan experience Both began their MSNBC careers Perry aren’t is CNN’s “Crossfire” ible. If experimentation means taking of treating symptoms which can have safer for all. on two hour-long weekend morning with S. E. Cupp and former Speaker shows. Although these shows typi- of the House and presidential can- cally have minuscule ratings, their didate Newt Gingrich. These two ethos marked a departure from typi- conservative commentators bring on cal cable news. guests and often shout them down Depression Is Consisting mainly of round- when their viewpoints do not agree. table discussions with academics, An even bigger example of shouting political insiders, journalists, and down occurs on Fox News, especially Invisible, Yet Deadly politicians, Hayes and Harris-Perry with Sean Hannity. Hannity’s attack- broke from the time-honored cable dog demeanor attracts impressive By Gili Lipman, Assistant Sports Editor news model of teleprompter-induced ratings, but it further contributes to opining. Rather, these new pundits political polarization as it seeks only shaped their shows with an under- to stoke the fire of the far right. In the past 18 months, I was between the ages of 45 and 64, people worst thing in life is to end up all alone. standing that politics is something Examples of this exist on the left forced to visit the cemetery twice, as with less than a high school education, It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end that we do, and they do it on their as well. Chris Matthews occasionally I buried my grandparents. Everyone and those previously married tend to up with people who make you feel all shows. Arguing in a Socratic fashion, lets his temper get the best of him, who was present stood graveside and succumb most frequently to the evils alone.” these hosts are not afraid to play dev- despite his decades of experience on shared innumerable tears. Although of depression. These data, though, are The possibility of saving individu- il’s advocate toward the end of reach- the Hill, and he too shouts down it was agonizing, I was relieved that derived only from the individuals who als in danger of losing their lives is ex- ing some kind of consensus on their opposing viewpoints. The same death would not be part of my life, at chose to report their illness. My friend actly why I urge someone with signs of respective programs. goes for Ed Schultz and Reverend least for a while. fell into none of these groups, and if just depression or anyone who knows of a Perhaps this is due to their Al Sharpton. Airing at 5 p.m. and Unfortunately, my sobs returned one person had noticed a symptom, he friend with suicidal tendencies to speak backgrounds in journalism and aca- 6 p.m., respectively, these two pun- much sooner than I had wanted, might still be here with us today. out, because you could just save a life. demia. Instead of studying commu- dits attract a much older audience, much less expected. While on a trip Friends and family are fooled by Two Wednesdays ago was World nications in college, Hayes studied whereas Hayes and Harris-Perry at- to Peru this August, I received a text the signs, as they covertly hide in the Suicide Prevention Day, and I was en- philosophy and Harris-Perry stud- tract a younger, hopefully less pessi- informing me that one of my closest victims’ exuberant and seemingly nor- couraged by the multitude of families ied political science. After college, mistic audience. friends had decided to take his own mal personalities. Think of depression with a history of suicide who shared Hayes became editor-at-large at The There is a stark contrast be- life. like carbon monoxide, a chemical com- their stories with the rest of the world. Nation magazine and Harris-Perry tween the Socratic argument seen My skin chilled with confusion pound that’s not visible to the naked It takes a lot of courage to recount the became a political scientist at Tulane. on Hayes’ and Harris-Perry’s shows and heartbreak. I kept asking myself, eye, but is still deadly. discomfort and grief, but sharing these Both pundits have a fast-talking stac- and the shouting matches seen on “Why would someone who had plans When my grandfather finally lost stories is also key in raising awareness for cato style in their broadcast delivery Fox News, CNN, and the rest of for that evening, someone who was his long battle with Parkinson’s disease, this fatal illness. rather than the inflected teleprompt- MSNBC, all of which further po- about to start his sophomore year of I was prepared to handle his fate. But as My hope is that this article er tone of many communications larize our collective political con- college, someone who was so full of I wept in South America for my friend achieves the aforementioned goal be- majors that are lucky and talented sciousness. The most coveted de- life, do something like this?” 3,500 miles away, I felt completely back- cause, although it can’t save my child- enough to make it to a major cable mographic for advertisers consists of I used to believe that suicide was stabbed by the morals that I trusted. hood friend, it can help the millions of news outlet. 18- to 49-year-olds. This is the de- the coward’s way out of life. But now Depression is very serious and life– people presently battling depression and Although the demographics for mographic for which the major cable with more knowledge, I can no longer threatening, but unlike amyotrophic lat- thoughts of suicide. If feeling dejected, Hayes and Harris-Perry are small, news networks compete night after refute the fact that depression is a seri- eral sclerosis (more commonly known as pick up the phone and call a friend or a they are perhaps the most engaged night. Hopefully, with time, we will ous illness. The disease must be con- ALS or Lou Gehrig’s disease), or other loved one, because I’m sure that person demographics in all of cable news. see more newscasters modeling the fronted by the medical community, as diseases that don’t currently have a cure, would be happy to make you feel better. Harris-Perry uses the hash tag #nerd- Hayes and Harris-Perry model. well as the general public. the pains that come with the former can In the song “How to Save a Life,” Almost 15 million Americans be assuaged. Just talking to someone can Isaac Slade, lead singer for The Fray, are affected by clinical depression make a person feel leaps and bounds sings, “I would have stayed up with you “She’s basically the Kardashian of Wes 2015.” every day. That number is minuscule better than they did prior. all night, had I known how to save a compared to the 350 million people Unfortunately, however, 80 per- life.” who suffer from the disorder world- cent of depressed people choose not to Please don’t wait until it’s too late, wide. Although it is disturbing to seek any treatment. This is why finding or else you’ll be stuck wondering what NOMINATE associate depression with suicide, it someone who you can speak to about could have been. must be done, because this ailment your problems is so crucial for recovery I still remember our last time A WESCELEB is the cause of more than two-thirds and future happiness. hanging out, our last meal, and our of the 30,000 reported suicides in the Before famous actor and comedian last conversation like it was yesterday. [email protected] // [email protected] United States each year. Robin Williams lost his fight with de- Now, there are no tomorrows. Rest easy, Women, minorities, people pression, he said, “I used to think the buddy. 10 THE WESLEYAN ARGUS FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 19, 2014 sports Ball Hawk Safety Donnie Cimino ’15 Discusses Defensive Strategy for 2014 Football Season By Gili Lipman ready know beforehand the bulk of posed to them running their of- together every day. It’s funny seeing you want to see where everyone’s at Assistant Sports Editor the formations that you will be run- fense. I think that if we stay physi- it as a senior now, because I can re- and if you’re going to fair catch it or ning against the Panthers? cal with them and prevent them member my first year, and how the not. I’m thinking house in the back Head Football Coach Mike Donnie Cimino: I feel confident in from going early, it could be good seniors took me in, so I have to re- of my mind after I catch it. Whalen has a lot to be optimistic what we’re doing. I think [Defensive things for the rest of the game. turn the favor this season. about for the 2014 season. His Coordinator Dan] DiCenzo does a A: Eating a good meal the night defense, which led the conference good job preparing us in the pre- A: Has being a captain on the team A: Middlebury turned the ball before or on the morning of [the] in yards allowed per game a year season for everyone that we’re going the past two years changed your over only eight times all of last sea- game is crucial. Is there any food in ago, only lost one starter from last to face, and really in these past few awareness of how you practice and son. How do you force turnovers particular that you like to eat prior fall. The core returns to the field weeks for Middlebury. We’re watch- plan for games? and change the field position in to a game? with enhanced chemistry and three ing film and seeing what they did DC: I think that being a captain, Wesleyan’s favor? DC: I always like to eat pasta the first-team all-NESCAC players: last year. They will have a new quar- you have to set the example because DC: I think it’s about everyone do- night before. I’ve always done that defensive backs and captains Jake terback after they lost a three-year guys are going to follow what you ing their job. One guy isn’t going since I’ve been in fifth grade. I also Bussani G’14 and Donnie Cimino starter. They’ll definitely come out do. You can’t expect to lead others to make an interception by himself; drink coconut water the night be- ’15, as well as lineman Nik Powers with some things that they weren’t when you aren’t doing what you’re it’s going to have to be a combined fore every game. ’15. Letter winners Vincent Davis showing in the past few years, but preaching. I definitely try and take group effort. If you do your job, ’15 and Justin Sanchez ’17 will we have a general idea of what the attitude where I’m going to stick to what we’re doing, and [don’t A: Last year, the team had a great augment the experience in the sec- they’ll be doing. As the game goes practice hard every single day and go] out of position trying to make season that led to many honors for ondary. on, our senior leadership can help I’m going to leave the field like no a play when you should be doing several players, but that being said, Cimino merits a lot of the to make adjustments. A good thing one else outworked me every day. something else, that’s how you get there was that one blemish on the praise for a unit that allowed fewer about our defense is that we’re flex- the interceptions. They’ll throw it to record. Before the ball is kicked off than two touchdowns per contest ible, which will make it easier than A: Communication is the key to you; you just have to be there. on Saturday, are there any goals that last season. He led the Cardinals’ in the past. success, especially for defensive the team or Whalen has set for this last line of defense with 35 total backs running all over the field. Do A: In addition to your contribu- year? tackles, one forced fumble, and A: You’ll be facing an inexperienced you have any team bonding activi- tion on defense, you also help out DC: Our goal is just to take things four batted passes. The captain sat quarterback. I would be licking my ties exclusive to the secondary? the special teams unit by returning day by day and look at everything down with The Argus to talk about chops if I were in the defensive hud- DC: When we have our team din- punts. What’s the first thing that with a one-step-at-a-time approach. improving an already staunch de- dle. What’s the key to disrupting the ners the night before and we have comes to mind when watching the I think the reason that last year fense and eating a specific meal the Middlebury offensive attack? breakfasts before the game, we ball fly toward you on a return? against Trinity happened was be- night before a game. DC: It all starts up front and doing have our little defensive back table. DC: I try to focus on the ball. I just cause we got ahead of ourselves, a good job early in downs, so that Other positions don’t always do want to catch it, because catching and we lost sight of what got us to The Argus: The season begins this we can put them in situations where that. We’ll have nights during the it’s everything. Once you catch it, that point. We have a lot of return- Saturday, Sept. 20 at Middlebury. they have to make a play, whether year where we all go out together. the return part is easy. Catching the ers and hopefully we can learn from How are you feeling about the de- it’s second in long or third in long. We’re a close group. We watch film punt is nerve-wracking, especially that. The only thing on our mind fensive game plan, and do you al- We want to run our defense as op- together, lift together, and practice [when you’re] looking down and right now is Middlebury. XC Teams Have High Golf Team Looks to Improve Hopes for Little Three in Williams Invitational By Tobias Thor Lichtenstein I’m very much more emotionally mature Staff Writer than I was last year.” The brunt of the leadership will After Promising Start One of the unique aspects of any come from Evan Bieder ’15, (4:19.47 college sport is the turnaround from one in the mile, 8:51.80 in the 3000m and By Andrew Jacobs “We had a good showing there,” tough,” he said. “[We] don’t can- year to the next as senior-heavy teams face 15:10.89 in the 5000m), and Taylor Contributing Writer O’Keeffe said. “We had some low cel unless there’s lightning, so we the imminent truth of graduation while Titcomb ’16 (15:00.25 in the 5000m), scores. Our two new [first-years,] played in downpour. That was pret- others struggle with transfers, injuries, who look to be the top runners for The men’s golf team be- [Daly] and Rachlin, put up low 80s ty tough for a lot of the players. The and the like. However, these factors aren’t Wesleyan this fall. But while the outlook gan the season by taking 12th on the first day, so we were happy greens were very wet, and it’s tough an excuse when you didn’t have any se- for cross-country looks positive, that’s place out of 13 teams at the to bring in some new talent. [They] to hold onto the club sometimes. niors to begin with, as is the case with the only half the equation. Trinity Invitational tournament, both played in high school, so they We fought through it.” men’s cross-country team. “We’re much closer with the which took place Saturday and have some experience. We are proud O’Keeffe spoke about how the “We’re losing no one going into this girls’ team this year,” Hawkins added. Sunday, Sept. 8 and 9. This was of how they’ve done the past two team might be able to improve in year,” said Keith Conway ’16. “So natu- “Hopefully, we can work together to the eighth consecutive year that tournaments, and they are showing the coming weeks, through the end rally, expectations are a little higher.” reach our goals and develop as better run- the Cardinals opened the sea- a lot of potential. I think with more of the season. The 2014 squad enters the year ners.” son at Trinity’s home course, consistency they can definitely be “We have a pretty young keeping the entire roster from a 2013 The women weren’t as fortunate Indian Hill Country Club in contributing factors for the team.” team,” he said. “We have some team that placed 13th in New England. this year in terms of returning members, Newington, Connecticut. Trinity took the tournament, more experienced players in [Sinha] As an upperclassman, Conway will be as Libby Lazare ’14 and Karley Dutra ’14 Atreya Sinha ’17 led the with its “A” team pacing the field and [Andrick,] who have both been charged with handling some leadership have graduated. Lazare was the top point- charge for the Cardinals by shoot- with 590 total shots. Its “B” team on the team for a couple years. I duties, as well as capitalizing on the train- scorer for the Cardinals throughout the ing a squad-best 16-over-par, 160 finished second, with a combined think mostly just getting the nerves ing he’s done since the conclusion of 2013 season. for the weekend. Sinha started off score of 616. Wesleyan’s golfers down with some of the newer play- last fall. Conway’s indoor track times of However, there is a great deal of red-hot, finishing Saturday with combined to shoot 673 on the day, ers, and just relaxing. We play 8:55.60 in the 3000m and 15:22.98 in promise to be found on the ladies’ team. a 6-over 78, and closing out the 20 strokes better than next-best from the championship tees, the the 5000m bode well for the upcoming Caroline Elmendorf ’17 impressed during tournament with a solid 10-over Springfield College. The individual tips, which is a little unsettling for season, and his teammates show great the track season, running 18:24.51 in the 82 on Sunday. His combined tournament winner was William people who have never played from promise as well. 5000m and 4:57.79 in the 1500m, while score was good enough to rank Burchill of Trinity, finishing the them before. Overall, just relaxing “We’ve got a top group of guys Molly Schassberger ’17 ran 18:43.29 in him 32nd among 77 participants tournament at an even par. and going out there and trying to who could contend and make nationals,” the 5k and 38:35.12 in the 10k; both in the tournament. After an encouraging opening have fun.” Conway noted. “We’ve got our eyes on Schassberger and Elmendorf were part of Also contributing for the weekend, the team headed up to While the team certainly that final meet in Mason, Ohio.” the scoring five in each meet from 2013. RedBirds was first-year student Middlebury to partake in the annu- showed promising signs over Despite an unchanged roster, the Adding to the depth is Christine Emmet Daly. Daly’s opening al Duke Nelson Invitational. Sinha the weekend, the Cardinals fin- boys are confident that they have im- Hebner ’17 (4:58.59 in the 1500m) and round consisted of a 10-over led the way again for the Cardinals, ished 25th out of 25 teams at the proved going into their first meet, the Eliana Zimmerman ’17 (19:10.72 in the 82 on Saturday, followed by an shooting a combined 176 over the Invitational. The course for the Wesleyan Invitational on Friday. 5000m) who will also vie for success and 18-over-par, 90-shot perfor- two-day tournament. Opening the tournament, the Ralph Mhyre Golf Keeping in line with last year, the growth during the year, as the women’s mance on Sunday. Nikhil Lai ’15 tournament with a 90, and finish- Course in Middlebury, is a tough youth of the Cardinal runners will be team looks forward to a solid year of run- also pitched in on the course; he ing Sunday with an 86, Sinha will par 70. Rensselaer Polytechnic an ongoing trend throughout the sea- ning. shot an 84 on Saturday in ad- surely look to continue his hot start Institute (RPI) took the top spot in son. Will Dudek ’17 (1:59.23 in the First-year runners Sylwia Lipior, dition to a 90 on Sunday, for a to the season in the coming weeks. the tournament, shooting a com- 800m; 4:06.52 in the1500m) and Eric Christina Vyzas, and Morgan Findley will combined score of 174, good Also scoring for the Cardinals were bined 605, followed by Trinity and Arsenault ’17 will likely be asked to also try to move up into point-scoring enough for third-best on the Lai, who totaled 180 strokes over Rochester. Wesleyan finished with fill top spots in the lineup, and Reid contention this season. team. Andrew Rachlin ’18 and the two days, and Rachlin, who fin- 723 total strokes, 34 shots back of Hawkins ’17 will be tasked with com- After a successful alumni scrim- Paul Andrick ’16 also chipped ished with 183 shots. Daly finished Springfield College, the 24th-place peting while coming off a double stress mage race last weekend, the Cards will in for Wesleyan, shooting a com- a close fourth at 184. team. James Jackson of RPI won the fracture in his left femur that he suffered kick their season off at home with the bined 178 and 185 respectively. O’Keeffe provided some in- individual crown, finishing at 6-over over the off-season. Wesleyan Invitational on Friday, Sept. 19. Colin O’Keeffe ’17 posted sight as to why the team struggled for the tournament, including a “I’ve learned a lot about myself Come by the track to watch the runners the Cardinals’ best individual to get going this past weekend. 2-over-par performance on Sunday. [while I’ve been injured],” Hawkins said. make some noise as they work toward the round on Sunday. He finished “This past weekend, at The team competes again “It’s given me plenty of time to think upcoming Little Three, NESCAC and the day with a 17-over 89-shot Middlebury, we had some pretty this weekend at the Williams about how I define myself as a person. New England meets. display. bad weather, so that made it pretty Invitational. FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 19, 2014 THE WESLEYAN ARGUS sports • 11 Volleyball Beats ECSU, Jumbos’ Stampede Improves to 5-1 for First Downs Field Hockey By Grant Lounsbury very well for us [because] we can easily Time in Seven Years Staff Writer support each other and weave the ball down the field,” Howard said. “We need to keep playing like we played against By Illan Ireland victory. Down 12-8 in a dramatic Western Connecticut for decades, The field hockey team suffered its Tufts, and we need to keep getting one Contributing Writer fourth set, the Cardinals’ serves came so it was nice to be part of some fourth straight loss on Tuesday night, percent better each day.” alive, leading to nine straight points of that history.” falling to seventh-ranked Tufts by a Despite the loss, the Cardinals Following an exciting three- and a 25-19 win and a fifth, decisive Larson led the Wesleyan score of 4-0. The Jumbos improve to were pleased with the way they played, win home stand this past weekend, set. The final set was no less dramatic charge with 50 assists and 12 3-0 in the NESCAC and 4-0 overall, and know what they need to improve the volleyball team looked to im- as ESCU jumped to a quick 4-0 lead digs, while Savage added 18 digs. while the Cardinals are zero for two in on to take that next step. By playing prove upon an impressive 5-1 record behind powerful serves from its back- Taylor also compiled 18 digs. NESCAC games. and keeping up with a team like Tufts, with their match against Eastern court. A well-placed timeout from Sarah Swenson ’18 was first in “Throughout the entire 70 min- Wesleyan shows that it can hang with Connecticut State University last Head Coach Gale Lackey allowed the the kills department with 17, and utes, we played a very good hockey the best in the country. evening. Down two sets to none, the team to regain its composure, and Naja Lewis ’17 and outside hitter game against them,” said Captain Anna “We did a great job on Tuesday,” Cardinals refused to give up, shock- the Cardinals took the next seven Abby Southam ’16 combined for Howard ’15. “I am very proud of how said Captain Hannah Plappert ’16. “We ing the Warriors with a ferocious points to lead 7-4 just before the two 11 blocks. we played against a very strong team.” did a good job of dropping back and come-from-behind victory that puts teams switched sides. The Warriors Southam addressed the win Although Wesleyan was outshot tracking their transfer balls, and we had the current team on pace with the managed to tie the game at 12 before over rival ECSU and her hopes 12-2 and only had one penalty corner great passing and communication. We 2007 squad for the best start to a sea- Sarah Small ’18 gave the Cardinals for the upcoming weekend in the compared to the Jumbos’ eight, the are going to continue to improve on our son in school history. the lead for good with a decisive following manner. game was not as lopsided as the stats and one-on-one skills as well as our circle “We are really excited we were kill to make it 13-12. Following an “Last night was a big win for score would indicate. defense.” able to pull through and get the win ECSU error, Larson finished the us as ECSU has been a longtime “[Tufts] definitely did not domi- The Cards finish their four-game after the two-set deficit,” said setter match with a spectacular block, tal- in-state rival,” Southam said. “We nate the game, and the biggest thing road trip this Saturday, Sept. 20 at Bates. and captain Claire Larson ’15. “This lying the final score at 15-12. started off a little slow but gained was that they capitalized on their cor- The Birds look to get back on track with is the first time I have ever won after “It was a great victory,” said li- a lot of momentum in the third ners,” Howard said. “Most of the game a victory against a team they have had being down the first two sets. I am bero Rachel Savage ’17. “The fact set by putting balls away and was played in the middle of the field, success against in the past. In 14 games very proud of how we pulled together that we came back to win the match keeping our block strong. The and our attack had the ball for a good against the Bobcats, the Cardinals as a team and stayed mentally tough in five after losing the first two sets whole team played so hard and amount of time throughout the game.” have won 12, including the last eight to come out victorious.” really speaks to the mental toughness with so much heart. This is ex- After giving up three goals in a encounters. Bates is last in the confer- Jen Farris ’16 shares her team- of the team, and our relentlessness. actly how we want to go into the 15-minute period during the first half, ence, standing at 0-3 in-league, while mate’s enthusiasm. It puts us in a great position going Little Three weekend.” the Cards really picked up their play. In Wes is 0-2. They are two of four teams “The game against Eastern into this big weekend with matches Wesleyan will face their first the second half, the Jumbos only had that stand winless in the league, so this showed our team’s mental toughness against NESCAC rivals.” NESCAC opponents this coming four shots and one penalty corner. match-up will have important playoff and will to win,” Farris said. “It was Savage also revealed that the his- weekend, with matches against “I think that our team played very implications in the tightly packed con- a really great win and a great way to toric rivalry between the volleyball Little Three foes Williams and well throughout the entire game, espe- ference. start out our first NESCAC week- programs of Wesleyan and ECSU Amherst on Friday and Saturday, cially in the second half when we only “We’re excited for Saturday, [and end.” made this victory all the sweeter. respectively. The team will look gave up one defensive corner that they we know] Bates is going to be a great After losing the first two sets “Eastern Connecticut is where to avenge losses to both teams were unable to score on,” Howard said. game just like any NESCAC game; ev- 25-18, the Cardinals faced a critical our assistant coach [Nicki Gasch] is from the previous season in order The Redbirds continued to imple- ery team in our conference is challeng- point tied at 15 in the third set. Two from, so it was nice to win on their to stay on track for a NESCAC ment the new system Head Coach Patti ing,” Plappert said. “We are going to consecutive kills from Tyla Taylor home court,” Savage said. “Wesleyan tournament appearance this com- Klecha-Porter started using last week, start the game with confidence and play ’18 propelled the team to a 25-18 has had a big rivalry with Eastern and ing November. and it seems to be paying off. “I think the new formation works with intensity for the full 70 minutes.” Women’s Soccer Gets First Point with 1-1 Draw at Tufts By Taylor Chin Contributing Writer

Tuesday’s matchup between the Wesleyan women’s soccer team and the Tufts Jumbos looked all too fa- miliar. Just as it did the year before, Wesleyan stepped onto the pitch as the underdog. Identical to the match- up last season, the game dragged on into double overtime. But this time, Wesleyan did not allow Tufts a last- minute goal, and the game ended in a draw. The undefeated Tufts team en- tered the match with three wins un- der its belt. Wesleyan is the only team this season to not give up three points to Tufts, and the draw marked the Cards’ inaugural point of the season. Tufts opened up the game in dy- namic fashion, firing off three shots in the first three minutes of the game. The Jumbos would go on to record 19 shots on the day, only 6 of which were on goal. Wesleyan goalkeeper Jessica Tollman ’15 kept the Cards in the game with six clutch saves. Madeline Keane ’16 looked ex- tremely threatening in the first half. With her eye on the goal, she posted three shots in the first 45 minutes but was unable to find the back of the net. After a scoreless half with little maintained possession for either team, the second half took an excit- ing turn as Meghan Cunningham ’17 played the ball back to Hannah Stone C/O DIANE STONE ’15 just outside the 18-yard box in Wesleyan keeper Jessica Tollman ’15 grabs a low strike in last Tuesday’s game at Tufts. the 47th minute. Stone didn’t hesi- tate and unleashed a firecracker of a shot that the Tufts goalkeeper could After both teams put on com- Wesleyan’s record now stands at games. Bates also recently lost to the the Bobcats knotted up in a four-way not handle. Stone’s first goal of the mendable defensive efforts for the re- 0-4-1, and 0-1-1 in the NESCAC. Jumbos 6-0. tie for fourth with Conn College, year put the Cards up 1-0. mainder of the second half, Wesleyan The Cards still have eight NESCAC Bates’ home-field advantage Amherst, and Hamilton, this meet- Before Wesleyan could settle entered the first half of overtime with games to play, one of which is on could play a massive role in Saturday’s ing between the two teams could down and even think about manag- vigor, with Kaylie Williams ’16 get- the road against Bates this Saturday. game, as the Bobcats have not lost a shake up the table quite a bit. Last ing the game, Tufts forward Jessica ting a shot on goal in the first five The Bobcats stand at 3-1, 1-1 in single game in Lewiston, Maine this season, Wesleyan and Bates went to Capone served a ball into the box that minutes. The Redbirds could not find the NESCAC, and have scored season. double overtime before ending in a led to a miss-hit clearance landing in that final piece of the puzzle, though, eight goals in their four games while Currently, Wesleyan stands at 1-1 draw, so Saturday’s matchup will the back of Wesleyan’s own goal. and neither could Tufts. Wesleyan has tallied only three in five eighth place in the NESCAC. With be no cakewalk. INSIDE THIS AMPERSAND Apple Watch-ing Movies SCOTUS Ruling Deems Apple Watch a “Really Confusing An editorial by Steve Habner, 37, from Milwaukee Little Gizgam” As a product of the Digital Age, I literally cannot sit through anything 10 Ways to Tell Someone You Actually Want to Buy an Apple longer than 30 minutes without surfing the Net. Spending two hours Watch in a movie theater used to be a nightmare because the jizzfaces behind me would hiss at me to put away my 24” Dell laptop. But Man Hospitalized for Rolling Eyes Too Hard at Apple Watch now with Apple Watch I can check all of the social medias anytime Commercial I want (and light up the whole aisle, too!). And when some dickhole tries to tell me to put my phone away, I will turn and shout “Haha Things to “Watch” Out For, and Other Puns to Make While you COCKLAUNDERER—it’s a watch...that does everything but Talking About the New Apple Watch tell time.” On behalf of movie-goers everywhere: Thanks, Apple.

Public Concerned that Apple Watch is Making the World More like “Her” POINTS OF VIEW:

“I can’t wait to download the waterproof app so I can use it to time my laps in the pool!” Ryan Lochte, Olympic Gold Medalist

In order to compete with the new Apple Watch, rival tech com- “Since the FDA put that ban on silicon-based pany Samsung has also branched out. Its Sampon, or Sam- sung Tampon, will be available in stores October 10th. microchips, I guess I’ll have to settle for my kids being micro-chipped by corporate America instead of their own mother — and that’s a damn shame.” Carol Steves, Local Mother

“Apple Watch 2015 is a huge deal. Thanks to cli- mate change, we just don’t know if our orchards are going to make it through the season.” Tim Leeman, Orchard Manager at Five Ponds Orchard Nokia, not wanting to being left behind, has also released a brand-new product, Nokia Watch, which is a Nokia phone that also tells time!

Apple Watch is the Doughnut Hole of Modern Technology Apple Announces “Apple Earring” A recent discussion with Depression to thank for dough- of post-production leftovers Following the success Need to text? Just look Apple CEO Tim Cook revealed nut holes,” said Cook. “Bakers from iPhones. Cook went on to of Apple Watch, the tech gi- in the mirror! (Otherwise you a striking similarity between wanted to get as much money say, “It really didn’t take much ant has announced its next can’t see the screen lol.) Apple Watch and America’s out of their products as pos- energy or thought on our part, big project: Apple Earring, a The Apple Earring is a favorite deep-fried confection: sible, so they started frying but thanks to the trendy ‘sus- phone that hangs from your fashion necessity if you al- the doughnut hole. Cook stat- up the dough balls and before tainable’ attitude of our con- ear piercing. It’s sleek. It’s in- ready have an Apple Watch— ed that Apple’s latest product you know it, they were the hot- sumers, we’re confident Apple novative. It’s making one lobe what else will match with that was inspired by the plight of test trend of the Dust Bowl.” Watch will have the same much longer than the other. bullshit? penniless bakers. Apple has taken a similar ‘sweet’ success as the dough- Since it dangles conve- Convinced? Stop by your “A lot of people don’t real- approach with their new Apple nut hole.” niently from your ear, you can local Apple Store or Claire’s ize this, but we have the Great Watch, which is made entirely simply raise one shoulder to today and buy yourself the push the phone against your hottest new tech-cessory. Apple Watch Accompanied by Launch of Revolutionary New App: Time ear like your mom does when she’s on the phone while fold- The Apple Earring will be re- Toss out your sundials, folks, right now, and what will come af- in ways we never have before. ing laundry or washing dishes. leased December 2015. because the innovators at Apple ter. Physicists are calling Apple’s The new device will allow you to have done it again. The company Time “the Fourth dimension” and use other aspects of technology The Ampersand is a humor page. Sarah Esocoff, Sam Raby,Katie Darr,Ian that shaped modern life through are describing it as a force that with greater efficiency—you will McCarthy, and Emilie Pass, Editors; Emma Singer, Queen of Layout. the inventions of the iPhone and will “keep everything from hap- not only be able to connect with Inside this Ampersand, Sam Raby; POVs, Katie Dar; Apple Watch-ing, iPad created a new application for pening all at once.” someone on Tinder, but you can Rachel Earnhardt; Apple Earring, Melissa Mischel; Time, Emilie Pass; the Apple Watch to be known as Leave your hourglass at also arrange to meet him or her at Doughnut Hole, Katie Darr; Sampon, Emma Singer. “Time.” home and stop fretting about the a specific moment in both of your Time divides the passing of movements of the stars—the Ap- futures. Write for the Ampersand! E-mail [email protected]. the day into set quantities to be ple Watch and Time have got you There you have it: first we called “hours,” “minutes,” and covered. You will never be late had iPods, then we had iPods “seconds.” These divisions will for dentist appointments, job in- with touchscreens, then we had The Ampersand meets at 4:30 on allow humans to distinguish pre- terviews, or ritual sacrifices again. that subpar U2 album, and now Thursdays in Albritton 004. Join us for viously vague notions of what Thanks to Apple, we will be able we have Time. came before, what is happening to both look back and plan ahead food, fun, and friendship. <3