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LNWW Alum - Franqi French LNWW Alum - Franqi French NG Management Rep: Tanya Rau Email: [email protected] Phone: 818-415-1124 Sketch #1 "THE WALKING KARENS" 2. CAST MICHONNE: EGO NWODIM RICK: ALEX MOFFAT GLENN: BOWAN YANG KAREN 1: AIDY BRYANT KAREN 2: KATE MCKINNON ALPHA KAREN: CHARLIZE THERON (EPISODE HOST) BETA KEN: KENAN THOMPSON NEGAN: JEFFREY DEAN MORGAN (SURPRISE CAMEO) INT. GROCERY STORE POST APOCALYPSE DAY MICHONE, RICK, & GLENN ARE INSIDE OF A BURNED OUT AND LOOTED GROCERY STORE FORAGING FOR ANY REMAINING SUPPLIES & CHATTING WHILE THEY SCAVENGE. THEY'RE ALL WEARING MASKS. RACISM IS AIRBORNE NOW AND ANYONE INFECTED TURNS INTO A KAREN OR A KEN. GLENN (whispering) Guys. EVERYONE (whispering) Yeah? GLENN (whispering) I really love Maggie. EVERYONE (full volume) WE KNOW GLENN! MICHONE Rick, look! Raisins, now I can make that canned potato salad just the way you like it. Maybe I'll find some black mayo! RICK You know I prefer craisins. For the antioxidants. 3. MICHONE We're in a post apocalyptic Karen hellscape Rick. Your fist world problems ended when the world melted into chaos and your wife left you for dead then started raising your son with your best friend. RICK (Under his breath) At least I didn't drag my dead boyfriend and best friend around on a leash like pets. MICHONE What?! RICK Nothing, nothing. Uh, raisins are gods hard candy. Thanks Michone. GLENN Oh my God! You guys! Come here quick! MICHONE AND RICK RUN TO GLENN. RICK What happened?! MICHONE What is it?! GLENN Have you guys seen this pic I took of Maggie in the watch tower? Hashtag sleeping beauty. 4. EVERYONE Shut up Glenn! THEY HEAR THE FRONT DOOR OF THE STORE OPEN AND THE RUSTY CHIME OF THE DOOR BELL THEN A WOMANS VOICE. THEY KNOW IT'S NO ORDINARY WOMAN. ITS A SMALL HERD OF KARENS. THEY'RE ALL DRESSED IN KHAKIS AND TWIN SETS BUT THEIR CLOTHES ARE TATTERED AND DIRTY AND THEY'RE DECAYING LIKE ZOMBIES. ALPHA KAREN IS WITH THEM AND SHE'S BAREFOOT, WEARING BLACK PANTS AND A BLACK & WHITE STRIPPED T-SHIRT. SHE'S WEARING A KAREN MASK OVER HER HEAD AND CARRYING A SMALL .22 CALIBER HAND GUN. ONE OF THE KARENS HAS DINGED THE SERVICE BELL ON THE COUNTER. KAREN 1 I do not need a mask to be in this store and I want a manager now!! MICHONE, GLENN & RICK MAKE THEIR WAY CLOSER TO ADDRESS THE KARENS. RICK Ma'am, this may come as a shock but you've already died from racism. You're-- you're a Karen now. KAREN 2 Don't mansplain to us! We're white women in the greatest country in this state and our parents paid off our teachers to send us to the best schools! KAREN 1 That's right! We didn't go to class and we both have a double masters from whatever ivy league college would impress you! 5. GLENN I don't think they understand Rick. KAREN 1 Speak English! This is America! GLENN Uh, I am speaking English. (Then to Rick & Michone) I think the white privilege has spread to their brain. They can't understand us at all now. KAREN 2 Are you even legal?! GLENN What the fu-- KAREN 1 (Cutting Glenn off) What about her? She's clearly illegal too! Now get a manager before I call Isis! MICHONE You mean I.C.E. And that doesn't exist anymore. Even if it did, he's from Michigan and I'm from Georgia. ALPHA KAREN Silence! ALL THE KARENS GO SILENT AND COWER BEHIND ALPHA KAREN. ALPHA KAREN PULLS HER KAREN MASK OFF TO REVEAL THAT SHE'S STILL HUMAN BUT WEARS THE KAREN MASK TO SURVIVE IN THIS NEW WORLD. 6. ALPHA KAREN (CONT’D) I own this store and all the land that surrounds it. You people have broken my law and shall be puni-- MICHONE No one owns anything anymore. There's only survivors, the walking Karens and-- I-- I guess, you? GLENN We're all just trying to make it. Like Maggie and me. I lo-- EVERYONE WE KNOW GLENN! ALPHA KAREN Your people wear masks, there was no conflict. Your people kept a 6 foot social distance, there was no conflict. Now bring me your manager or THERE WILL BE CONFLICT! IN WALKS BETA KEN BUT HE LOOKS LIKE CLARENCE THOMAS. HE'S WEARING STANDARD ISSUE KHAKIS, BROWN BELT, PINK POLO, HORN RIMMED GLASSES AND BRANDISHING AN ASSAULT RIFFLE. MICHONE, RICK & GLENN CLARENCE THOMAS?! BETA KEN well yes, I-- I was Clarence Thomas BEFORE. (MORE) 7. BETA KEN (CONT’D) The racism took me right after my wife tried to get that (whispers) black lives matter (returns to full volume) sign removed from our town welcome sign. Now I'm (loud and verbose) THE HONORABLE BETA KEN!! ALPHA KAREN It's just Beta, Ken, no honorable! We've discussed this 100 times Clarence! Now, as I was saying: ALL LIVES, EXCEPT FOR THE ONES THAT OPOSE ANYTHING I'M SAYING, BUT INCLUDING, ANY POLICE THAT SURVIVED, AND I GUESS THESE WALKING DEAD KARENS, MATTER! Now get me a manager before there is CONFLICT! IN WALKS NEGAN COMPLETE WITH WRY SMILE, LEATHER JACKET AND LUCILLE AT HIS SIDE. NEGAN Did someone ask for a manager? THE END 8. SKETCH #2 "LOVE IN THE TIME OF CORONA" 9. CAST BOB HONIT: ALEX MOFFAT BIG MIKE: POST MALONE (EPISODE HOST) SAMANTHA: HEIDI GARDNER ANDREA: EGO NWODIM TODD: MICKEY DAY INT. GENERIC WHITE ROOM OPEN ON THE CEO OF BOOM, BOB HONIT IN A ROOM WITH AN ALL WHITE BACKGROUND TALKING DIRECTLY TO THE CAMERA ABOUT HIS VIRTUAL CORPORATE MEETING PLATFORM AND INTRODUCING A NEW DATING PRODUCT. E-HARMONY-ESQUE MUSIC PLAYS IN THE BACKGROUND BOB Hi, I'm Bob Honit, CEO of Boom. Over the past 10 years Boom has become number one in the virtual corporate meeting space, providing innovative cutting edge technology that keeps businesses together... as long as you can afford it. Now, with most of the world in quarantine, Boom has become an integral part of more than 80% of the business landscape today, effectively holding the global economy by the short and curlies. (used car salesman slick) Stay home, stay safe. (then) That's why there's never been a better time to introduce our customers to our new quarantine dating product: "Boom (beat) Boom". Boom Boom is exactly like Boom but now you can ask co-workers to have sex with you. (MORE) 10. BOB (CONT’D) Don't take it from me, ask one of our sexually satisfied customers. CUT TO AN ALMOST IDENTICAL ROOM WITH A SINGLE GUY GIVING OFF SUPER CREEPY VIBES. E-HARMONY-ESQUE MUSIC STILL PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND. BIG MIKE Hey everybody, I'm Mike. Ladies call me Big Mike (stupid laugh) and I loooooove Boom Boom. I can't get enough of it. 8am, I log in for my work conference call on Boom and then... Boom! Boom instantly becomes Boom-- Boom, all I have to do is just send a few strategically placed private messages to all of my mildly attractive ladylike coworkers.. ya know the ol': "Good morning beautiful" then I sit back and wait for the responses to pour in. Sure it's a slow, non existent dribble right now but I really believe in this product and once I PM these ladies my erotic fan fiction, I know that dribble will turn into a waterfall. CUT BACK TO BOB 11. BOB See! With Boom Boom it's as simple as that and now you can enjoy Boom dating features like: Boom Boom, Boom Bombing. Boom Bombing is when you log into a corporate meeting that you're in no way connected to then you do something crazy like: play random Tik Tok dance clips on everyones screens or just start singing Mary had a little lamb over the CFO's financial presentation or my personal favorite, activating your camera only to show everyone a close up of your junk. Lets see where our newest client, Samantha lands. CUT TO SAMANTHA ALONE IN A ROOM LIKE THE ONE MIKE & BOB WERE IN. SAME MUSIC PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND. SAMANTHA I can't work, I've been alone in quarantine for 114 days now and I'm definitely giving off strong cat lady vibes (beat) but it's okay because I don't have cats (emphasis on the S) I have cat (emphasizes the T). Well not a pet cat, but it is a cat that I pet... excessively... (then under her breath) I'm so alone. (MORE) 12. SAMANTHA (CONT’D) Anyway, I've been doing a lot of self care, getting in tune with my (does a wink, click sound, whistle then finger guns pointing at her groin area) and now I can make it meow (muffled meow sound) but that's not weird. That just makes ME interesting. I may be a non- essential worker but feeding my cat has never been more essential. Thanks to Boom Boom, I can log into a random Boom link and Boom Bomb until I meet the man (winks) or woman of my dreams. I just search the internet for a corporate Boom link that's been accidentally made public and Boom! Their Boom call becomes a Boom... Boom for my poom poom.(muffled meow and simultaneous catlike batting motion with hand). CUTS BACK TO BOB STILL IN THE SAME ROOM BOB It's that easy to find love on Boom Boom. We've literally taken our original product and changed nothing.
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