https://telegram.me/TheHindu_Zone http://www.ias4india.com 8 ISSUES AND INSIGHTS | 11 MARCH 2017 1 >

BLD, the SSP and other constituents of the Janata Party, the fulcrum of power in the coali- More than just a leadership change tion kept shifting. When Charan Singh walked Transformation out of the Morarji Desai-led Janata Party with Now that Mulayam Singh Yadav has been reduced to being SP’s chief mentor, and has been the tacit support of Gandhi, Mulayam Singh Yadav walked out with him. In 1980, Charan of brand names advised to limit himself to that role by friends and family, is the era of agile politics over? Singh appointed Mulayam Singh Yadav the state unit president of the Lok Dal as the party in 1977 and Mulayam Singh Yadav became a government led by Charan Singh was in power in was then known. The Congress was in power in – Indian style minister in the UP Cabinet for the first time. UP. The Lohia Socialists were bitterly critical of UP, led by a man called VP Singh. Charan Singh pulled out of the Janata Party the SVD’s policies although they were part of the By 1982, Mulayam Singh Yadav had risen to hat a strange name,” in 1979. Charan Singh’s new party was called the government. In fact, speaking on the Budget pre- become member of the Legislative Council was our first reaction. Lok Dal (LD). After Charan Singh’s death, the sented by Charan Singh, the chief minister of where he was elected leader of the Opposition. WI was with my client, party split again into two: Charan Singh’s US- the coalition that had Mulayam Singh Yadav’s Anti-Congressism defined his politics, uniting a leading confectionery mar- educated son Ajit Singh took over his father’s party as a constituent in 1967, the young Mulayam the Opposition became his aim. The chance keter based in south and legacy but Mulayam Singh Yadav thought he Singh Yadav pronounced his verdict thus: “The came sooner than expected. When V P Singh we were discussing the launch was the true inheritor. The Ajit Singh-led faction government has failed to meet the expectations left the Congress, Mulayam Singh Yadav lost no of a new brand by the global was called LD A, the Yadav faction LD B. of the farmers... it should have waived land rev- time in forging a grand alliance of smaller groups confectionery major Perfetti. A strategic merger followed in 1989: The LD enue but it backed out from its commitment… in UP — the Janata Party, the two Left parties, AMBI PARAMESWARAN The brand: Alpenliebe. The PLAIN POLITICS B merged with the Janata Dal. This was the Our government promises it will do away with the even the Sanjay Vichar Manch. At the Centre it brand used a till then less used real movement forward for Mulayam Singh capitalism of the Congress but it has shown no was V P Singh, Devi Lal and Chandra Shekhar. technical process known as ADITI PHADNIS Yadav. He became chief minister of UP for the indication of liberating itself from the Congress But this did not mean the Congress was an “deposit candy” and tasted better than most other popular candies. first time as a result of the merger. The Janata traditions and its unsound policies”. untouchable. The SP guided by Mulayam Singh But we were wondering why the company had adopted such a s it the end of Mulayam Singh Yadav as we Dal didn’t last for long — it split into two and In 1968, he lost the election as an SSP candi- Yadav voted for the Congress-led government tongue-twister of a name. We need not have worried. knew him? And the end of an era of the Mulayam Singh Yadav elected to desert it to date and later, joined the very party against on July 23, 2008, in a confidence motion in the A few weeks later when speaking with a person, who was I lithe and the supple in politics? throw in his lot with Chandra Shekhar’s which he had expressed such strong feelings. He Lok Sabha, after going through rather hurried once a young brand manager working on the launch of the Take a look at his lineage. He was first elect- Samajwadi Janata Party (SJP). That partner- got a party nomination for his exertions and motions of consulting top Indian scientists, blockbuster brand Fair & Lovely, I discovered the art of brand ed to the Uttar Pradesh Assembly in 1967 on the ship lasted two years. In 1992, he split from the contested the 1974 elections as a BLD candidate. including former president of India A P J Abdul name transmogrification by Indian consumers. I was asking ticket of the Samyukta Socialist Party (SSP), SJP and formed his own outfit, the Samajwadi The Indira Gandhi government declared Kalam, that the Indo-US Civil Nuclear him whether the company felt the brand name was a little too led by Ram Manohar Lohia, one of India’s best Party, which endured until his son Akhilesh Emergency in 1975 and Mulayam Singh Yadav Agreement was not, after all, going to turn India complicated for the middle-class Indian woman. He explained known Socialists. In 1968, following Lohia’s Yadav revolted and kicked him upstairs in 2017. was in the Etawah jail for 19 months. Like every- into a vassal of the United States — and the how Indian consumers manage to create their own versions death, he joined the Bharatiya Kranti Dal (BKD) Not for nothing, then, is he called Netaji — one else, when he came out of jail and contested capital of India would continue to be New Delhi. of atough-to-pronounce brand name. So in many parts of the headed by Charan Singh. In 1974, the SSP and because of his agility. Assembly elections as a BLD candidate he won. Now that Mulayam Singh Yadav has been country, especially in north India where it was a large seller, the BKD merged to become the Bharatiya Lok More than a bald recollection of dates and He was appointed minister for cooperatives. reduced to being chief mentor of the SP, and has Fair and Lovely was simply known as “Lovely”. Dal (BLD) and gave him a ticket, so no prizes for factions, it is necessary to put in political per- Politics in UP was at the heart of the collapse been advised to restrain himself to that role by I had the answer to my Alpenliebe problem. Indian consumers guessing why Mulayam Singh Yadav joined it in spective, the various moves he’s made. of the Janata Party government at the Centre. friends (including Nitish Kumar) and family and kids soon figured out a suitable abbreviation and the brand the first place. The BLD joined the Janata Party In 1967, the Samyukta Vidhayak Dal (SVD) Because of the imperfect integration of the (Lalu Prasad), is the era of agile politics over? went on to become the biggest in the hard-boiled confectionery space. Really makes you wonder whether a brand name matters when the product quality is superb. That aside, Indian consumers do manage to figure out a variation of a long brand name. LUNCH WITH BS > ANSHUMAN MAGAZINE, CBRE CHAIRMAN (INDIA & SOUTH EAST ASIA) but he believes he’s overeaten. In the larger scheme of things, do brand names matter and What about his core business, real estate? Is what purpose do they serve? The valuation guru, Aswath there any sign of revival? He points out that res- Damodaran of NYU Stern School of Business, speaking at an idential sales are not as bad as the perception Innovation Forum, said: “If you as a company tell me that you is. He expects high supply of affordable hous- have a brand name, I’m going to ask you a question: Do you ing in the months ahead. The office space is have the power to charge a higher price for the same product? Building on hope doing brisk business, with IT and ITES being If your answer is ‘no’, I don’t think you have a brand. You may the key movers. The goods and services tax think you do, but I don’t think your brand has any value.” Nivedita Mookerji (GST) will have a significant play in real estate I wonder what Damodaran’s view would be on the value Magazine tells how home ownership has too, he says. “GST will be a game changer for of brands in their Indian-style, truncated avatars. positive implication for health, work, productivity of a nation the country.’’ Brands names are indeed critical. In a fascinating article It’s time for dessert. We narrow down on in The New Yorker, James Surowiecki [author of the very and overall happiness and rues that focus is missing in India “pineapple delight”, diced pineapple with readable The Wisdom of Crowds] goes behind the way brand whipped cream and vanilla ice cream. names in themselves can connote meanings. He says that the ne of the best known names in Indian business here. But significant investment will Magazine doesn’t have a sweet tooth, but we “phonemes” [sounds] in a brand name can independently real estate, Anshuman Magazine, is come, even from Asia, especially Japan and share the dessert. I ask him about his long connote a meaning. In ancient Greece, a philosopher called O clearly fond of restaurants with history. China. “Some investors complain about poli- stint at CBRE, and whether he was ever tempt- Hermogenes argued that the relationship between a word We arrive at The Spice Route in The Imperial on cies, but we are in a better place.’’ My guest ed to move to any other job. He’s been in only and its meaning is purely arbitrary; Cratylus, another philoso- the chosen date and decide to sit outside as refers to competition between states and their two jobs after completing his MBA from pher, disagreed. It was finally left to the one and only Socrates, the restaurant is freezing cold. Magazine, who ranking in ease of doing business as a positive England in the late 1980s. who concluded that there is a connection, sometimes. has stayed with CBRE for over two decades step. Ranking of the states through the 96 He joined CBRE when it was setting up Surowiecki points towards how the use of vowel sounds in and is now chairman, India and South East steps for doing business is interesting, accord- the India business and the company was the beginning of a name may give a different meaning, com- Asia, tells me that maintaining air-condition- ing to Magazine. He agrees that “India is a called Richard Ellis then. The only other com- pared to a vowel at the end of a name. Front vowels like “I” in, ing temperature is a challenge in most parts of huge ship, and it will take time to turn it pany that he has worked for is HEG, which say, “min” gives an image of lightness and smallness, while back the world including Singapore, Dubai and around”. It’s true, he says, we are still not where was a French joint venture and was into vowels like “a”, evoke heaviness and bigness. Similarly some Hong Kong. we should be and some investors want to exit. graphite electrode export. That was the time consonants can sound heavy, while some like “s” and “z”, While we order our drink — mint cooler — He’s emphatic that despite the country’s when India was not on the global map, he says. known as fricatives, can sound lighter. No wonder when Cialis Magazine explains why The Spice Route is his demographic advantage and economic “The late 80s to now — there’s been maxi- was visualised as a [long acting, romantic] competition to favourite restaurant. “It took them seven years growth, India is not the only opportunity for mum change anytime in history — no mobile Viagra, and it picked phonemes that had a softer audio feel. to do the interiors, and that’s not usual. I like investors. They have a lot to choose from, and and no internet to the 24X7 connected world.” In India, too, companies have done interesting experiments the place for the story it tells about the spice India cannot forget that it is competing with Then multinationals were beginning to set up with brand names. I remember Shingar cosmetics launching route from India to South-east Asia and also many other countries across sectors. their offices, and so did Richard Ellis, which their nail enamel and calling it Tips & Toes; the brand name about the human cycle.’’ He promises to give We are repeating appams by now and get was servicing companies across the world, immediately cued fingertips and toes to a middle-class girl, who me a tour of the place once lunch is done. into a conversation on regions in India, lan- with Magazine as its first India office employ- was probably going to use a nail enamel for the first time in her After we order our lunch — appam, guages spoken and, strangely enough, jour- ee. “I got contacted to get into real estate. I life. However, when they decided to name their lipstick brand Malabar meen curry and Sri Lankan chicken nalism. The manager comes in at this point had no clue about real estate.’’ His parents Kiss & Tell it failed to find takers. There could have been a dif- with fresh yoghurt — the most difficult part and says he loves journalists and that they do didn’t quite appreciate it as real estate didn’t ferent dynamic in operation as I will explain in a bit. about eating out, we talk about his frequent a great job, offering pens and notebooks in case look like a good fit after studying in England. When Emami launched its male fairness cream, it picked travels. I tell him how his office is always there was a need to jot down points. But Magazine was impressed when he spotted Fair & Handsome as the name, to cue a male benefit distinct telling me that he’s travelling, and we laugh We go back to what we were discussing a Richard Ellis signage at a remote place in from the feminine “lovely” epithet. about it. But he says it’s not fun to travel so earlier on travel and the places he likes to Zimbabwe while he was on an assignment. Companies when launching new brands in India have figured much, calling it a “corporate punishment’’. visit. Singapore seems to be his top choice. Again at Harare airport, he saw a Richard Ellis out how to navigate the choppy waters of the cacophonic Indian So much travel is one of the most difficult Reason: It’s very efficient. “Everything signage. That convinced him it was a good marketplace. Here are three more tests to subject brand names to: parts of the work, he says. Singapore, works there,” is how he describes the place, brand, and the compensation package was First, the brand name chosen needs to be a non-taboo Thailand, Hong Kong, Australia and the US — particularly mentioning Singapore’s hous- good, making his decision to take that job name in all the 15+ languages listed on a rupee note. If this those are his usual travel destinations on ing-for-all initiative. House ownership and stay with it that much simpler. is a problem, you need to figure out how to spell the brand work. Within India, it’s mostly Mumbai, has positive implication for health, work, The India office has 6,200 people now, in a suitable way in the “problem” language. Bengaluru, Hyderabad and Chennai. productivity of a nation and overall hap- Magazine tells me. “It’s been an exciting jour- Second, you need to know how the brand will play out in His travel brings us to post-Trump America. piness. In India, that focus is missing, he ney... I didn’t get tempted by big job offers.’’ general trade. Coming back to the failed lipstick, can you imag- He’s travelling to the US this week for the first points out. The other city which has a huge Real estate has its hook, he realises. “Which ine a young girl asking a retailer for Kiss & Tell? What will his time after Donald Trump took charge as pres- buzz is New York from the point of view of other business is there that touches response be? So a brand that may play well in modern trade, ident of the USA. He believes globalisation and work. According to Magazine, “They have the every business?’’ may be a disaster in general trade, where there is a shopkeep- protectionism are happening together around most hard-working people in New York.” Dessert is all polished off and we er coming in the middle. I wonder how the brand name Love the world, not just in the US. He says that At this point, I ask Magazine if he thinks enter the last leg of the conversation It was chosen for a chocolate, given the shopkeeper issue. Trump is doing things that are positive for Indians are hard-working. “Yes they are, but about how good a boss he is. “You Third, brands will get transmogrified in India. So, for a America, and that will benefit India. “I expect they could be more efficient.’’ Perhaps, because should ask my colleagues, I get a mixed moment visualise the ways your lovingly crafted brand name increased investment from America to India.’’ that’s the culture here, or maybe it’s a mindset reaction on that one (laughs)....” Does will be handled in the market. The tail, the middle and the head. He’s betting on increasing consumption levels issue. We get to work-life balance and how the he scream and shout when work is not I was given a rude reminder of this effect when at an airport in India to help attract investment. Just like it young generation is driving the change at work- done? “Never, I get surprised when bosses bookshop I asked the shop-in-charge how my book Nawabs Nudes helped China. places. Millennials want gyms close to their shout.’’ He tells me he’s very surprised when ILLUSTRATION: BINAY SINHA Noodles was doing. To which he called out to his assistant loudly Piping hot appams and delicious curries workplace, a study showed recently. In India, he hears the line “the boss is in a bad mood’’. “Arre Noodles ka author aya hai. Un ko book display dikhao”. are here and we are enjoying the meal. they want their workplace to be close to restau- how it has become a 12-month destination He believes no boss can bring his bad mood to Fortunately for me the book is not titled “Nawabs Between our bites, we talk about foreign rants. Who thought of those things earlier? because youngsters are flying to Goa the workplace. Anybody who raises his voice Noodles Nudes”! investor confidence in India. Are they appre- “They want to work hard through the week for weekend holidays now. According to or is disrespectful has no business to be a hensive about the unpredictability of Indian and want their weekends.’’ Magazine, a work-life balance will make leader, he concludes. The author is a brand strategist and founder, Brand-Building.com. policies, as some of them point out? According We are almost through with the main India more efficient... I try to convince my Before we leave, as promised, he takes me He can be reached at [email protected] to Magazine, it is to some extent difficult to do course, and it feels good to talk about Goa — guest that he should go for another appam, on a tour of the restaurant. Conquest of yet another male bastion Why helps are indispensable

giving up her job, I asked. She replied stantial life changes just to paint an arti- fee,” my daughter asks. “I want my pro- tell Murli to reverse his car and keep its that they had to uphold the family tra- ficial picture of their family traditions tein shake,” my son demands of Murli, airconditioning going. dition, which decreed that the daugh- to a young girl? Perhaps, I asked, she who is Cook #1, though he is younger, The day maid arrives and sits down ters-in-law didn’t go out to work. “By would miss not having an income of her and is also my wife’s assistant designer, for a cup of tea with the driver, who God’s grace, the family is well off and all own. “I will miss that,” she said thought- and a part-time driver. “Good morning likes to wear very tight clothes. Mary the men are in good jobs,” she said. “So, fully. “Earning my own money and being sa’ar,” Mary says to me, drawing the breaks up their cosy gathering, but it’s a matter of prestige for the family good at my job gave me a lot of confi- curtains, holding out a glass of warm Sonu the gardener turns up next. He back home in our village in Bihar that dence.” I wondered aloud why she want- water I am made to drink under her doesn’t like gardening much, and dis- their women don’t need to work.” ed to deny her young daughter-in-law baleful stare, before she places a pot of appears like the Cheshire cat, having All this was well, I said, except for the that same privilege of freedom. In tea and the pile of newspapers on the marked his presence with his loud, flo- little matter of her having been a nurse for response, she told me that she started table. “Where’s my warm milk,” my wife ral shirts. By now, the dog is whining to PEOPLE LIKE THEM the last decade or so. She looked uncom- working only after her youngest child PEOPLE LIKE US asks — it’s always in the same place — be taken for his walk, and with every- fortable but soldiered on with her reply: had completed school. “Till then, I “Where’s my turmeric water? Where’s one else busy, or flying off the handle, GEETANJALI KRISHNA “My in-laws still don’t know that I work… stayed at home and looked after their KISHORE SINGH my cut fruit?” that chore is left to me. “Don’t dawdle,” They won’t understand how things are in every need,” she said. “Of course, I want Over the next hour, my daughter will my wife tells me, “don’t spend your couple of days before Women’s Delhi.” Had she lived in the village, she the mother of my future grandchildren aving spent a little more time at try on a number of outfits and ask why time talking to the neighbourhood Day, I was surprised to hear that a said, she’d never have dared to venture to do the same.” home than usual, I have been something is not ironed, shampoo and chowkidars.” There’s little point Awoman I know, who works as a out. Everything would change now that When I still looked unconvinced, she H able to observe its rhythms dry her hair, swallow a hard-boiled egg reminding her I don’t know what the private nurse, had suddenly given up her her own status was changing.” All these came up with the kicker: “You see, high- closely, and our mornings begin, liter- while her mother tries to force-feed her neighbourhood chowkidars look like. job. As per the grapevine, she hadn’t giv- years, I was a daughter-in-law… now er education has given today’s girls the ally, with a bang. Mary, currently Cook fruit, match bags and shoes only to dis- My wife’s progress through the en it up for something that offered better finally, I’ll be a mother-in-law,” she said. false idea that they’re equal to men,” she #2 on account of having taken prema- card them, ask for money (“I don’t have morning can be mapped by the prospects, but because she wanted to “So, of course I’ll have to behave like one!” said. “If I allow her to work, she could ture retirement but returned after find- change”), pronounce her driving teacups she strews in her wake. She stay at home and be a “proper” wife and Consequently, when their son’s mar- become too big for her boots! That’s why ing the task of being an unpaid help for licence/metro card/office identification likes the pot to be full, but can never mother. Her efficiency and empathetic riage was fixed, she demanded that the I’m going to ‘train’ her from day one.” her grandchildren not to her liking, is card lost, and leave home in a rush, with remember where she left her tea mugs, disposition had impressed me, so I won- daughter-in-law live with them for the Not surprisingly, I spent all of averse to the residents of the home Mary stuffing a tiffin into her backpack which no one else is allowed to touch, dered why she quit her job after over a first few months, even though the son, Women’s Day thinking about her, and sleeping while she is awake, so she that apparently feeds her entire office; however, because she might have left decade of work. Coincidentally, I ran into who’s in the army, lives in Punjab. what lay in store for her future daughter- announces her arrival with a banging of my son will return from the gym and them in the bathroom, on the terrace her yesterday and asked her what had She was determined to show the young in-law. With women like her to further pots and pans. “Shut the door,” shouts demand to know how his car tyre got parapet, in her cupboard, or in the happened. Her answer was unexpected. girl, a graduate, the family’s ways and the rules of patriarchy upon the next my daughter. “Get up,” grumbles Mary punctured, who’s paying his credit card fridge, not as much through oversight “Our eldest son is getting married,” traditions, even though it meant pre- generation, I mused glumly while being to her, “or you’ll be late for breakfast bill (never him, of course), could some- as deliberately. “Who’s seen my tea,” she said. “It won’t be right for me to work tending she’d never worked outside assailed by chirpy Women’s Day mes- again.” It is her life’s mission to feed one get his office papers up from the she asks me. I count her saying this a with a daughter-in-law living in the her house. sages on social media — it seemed that everyone, including the dog, who has car, demand the loan of my cufflinks, dozen times before I leave for work. house with us.” What did the coming of I listened to her with a growing sense my gender had conquered yet another got fat because he gets no exercise and aftershave, socks, black coat, or driver, Of what happens at home afterwards, the daughter-in-law have to do with her of disbelief. Why would she make sub- male bastion. too much food. “Where’s my cold cof- plough through a huge breakfast, and I can only surmise. https://telegram.me/TheHindu_Zone http://www.ias4india.com OPINION 9 >

Volume IV Number 32 INDIA’S TEST RECORD IN MODERN ERA MUCH SUPERIOR, EVEN INDIA’S HOCKEY ) made it to the team. There was a MUMBAI | 11 MARCH 2017 real “hormone burst”, if we were to use a description THANKS TO AGGRESSIVE RECORD HAS IMPROVED IN lately made trendy by Maneka Gandhi. It wasn’t con- India’s Test match record LAST TWO DECADES fined to cricket. In the same period, Indian hockey WEEKEND RUMINATIONS India’s hockey record changed, doubling its dismal winning record against First 100 Test matches: Next 25 years: Next 25 years: against Pakistan Pakistan. Leander Paes, who may have a fraction of the T N NINAN 1932-1967 1967 to 1991 1992 to 2017 talent of Ramesh Krishnan or Vijay Amritraj, has tast- | Played 100, Won 10, Lost | Played 174, Won 34, Lost | Played 240, Won 94, Before 2000: Since ed more success in Davis Cup and on Doubles tour. This was a win-at-all-costs new generation of Indians. 40, Drew 50 56, Drew 84 Lost 65, Drew 81 | Played 93, Won 29, 2010: Keeping pace was the arrival of a succession of hard- The prospects for 2019 | Win percentage 10 | Win percentage 19.54 | Win percentage 39.17 Lost 47, Drew 17 | Played ball businessmen or politicians as leaders of the BCCI. | Loss percentage 40 | Loss percentage 32.18 | Loss percentage 27.08 27, | Win percentage 31.18 The era of Anglophile princes and tycoons was over. Won 12, n a weekend when elections rule the airwaves and fire up the synapses, | Loss percentage 50.54 and Ganguly, I S Bindra, Lalit MODERN INDIAN Strike rate of Indian spin bowlers Lost 8, Modi and N Srinivasan were a far cry from Vijay here are some speculative thoughts about the Lok Sabha elections due in SPINNERS HAVE (with a minimum of 100 ) Since 2000: Drew 7 2019. The question is whether, on the evidence at hand, and Merchant, , Madhav Rao Scindia, FAR SUPERIOR | Played 74, Won 26, the Bharatiya Janata Party (BJP) are likely to repeat their 2014 performance, | R ASHWIN: 51 | HARBHAJAN SINGH: 69 | Win % R P Mehra, Fatehsingh Rao Gaekwad and the finest RECORD THAN Lost 35, Drew 13 44.44 gentleman of all, Maharajkumar of Vizianagaram or Iand win an absolute majority in the Lok Sabha. The numbers involved in the | R JADEJA: 62 | E A S PRASANNA: 76 HISTORIC | A KUMBLE: 66 | : 80 | Win percentage 35.13 | Loss % Vizzy. For that generation, hosting a visiting English calculations become more manageable if states are grouped into three cate- team in their palaces was a highlight of their cricketing GREATS | B S CHANDRASEKHAR: 66 | S VENKATARAGHAVAN: 95 | Loss percentage 47.29 29.63 gories: 10 in which the party is dominant and won 92 per cent of the seats in 2014 dalliance. Now India was stepping into the era of (194 out of 211), six states where it is a factor and won just under half the 157 seats flaunting bare knuckles — and chests. available, and six other states where it has little presence and won only 5 per cent That’s the change the Indian cricket conservative as of 156 seats. Round off the numbers with the BJP winning the majority of the well as the old establishment (England-Australia) are not able to digest, for different reasons. Current Indian 18 seats in the states and Union Territories that have one-two seats each, and Back to a future spinners may or may not be in the Bedi/Prasanna you get the full Lok Sabha picture. class. But one thing you’d never see them do is applaud If you take the states where the BJP has a poor presence (Kerala, Tamil a batsman for hitting them for a four. It will most like- Nadu, Andhra Pradesh, Telangana, and Punjab), it will need a ly be a curse instead. Pre-Ganguly, we saw Kapil Dev as minor miracle for the party in 2019 to more than double its 2014 tally of eight we buried our first truly rustic, aggressive cricketer. He swallowed physical pain and public humiliation as Kepler seats out of 156. Similarly, in the states where it won nearly half the 157 seats in Indian cricket has risen because of small-town, aggressive players who are Wessels knocked him with his bat, leaving an awful 2014 (, Bihar, Karnataka, Assam, J&K and Odisha), the current out- far superior to past stars and hate to lose. New BCCI doesn’t get it bruise on his shin for “Mankading” Peter Kirsten at look for 2019 must be that the party will improve on its single seat in Odisha but Port Elizabeth in December 1992. Will somebody do lose some of its 22 seats in Bihar. The 2014 tally of 73 seats from these states may n the morning you wake up to the election thing to argue with the political establishments. that to Virat Kohli, Ishant Sharma, Ashwin or Jadeja? remain broadly unchanged in 2019. Assume victories in the bulk of the tiny results, I am sneaking in to make some outra- Sacrilege to challenge cricketing iconographies. How will Kohli’s India respond to a John Lever- states and Union Territories, and the party’s combined tally gets to 100 seats out O geous arguments, about cricket. Might as well ndia played its first 100 Test match- Vaseline ball-tampering scandal? A Sabina Park mas- do so when the India-Australia series is es between 1932 and 1967, won just sacre like April 1976, which Gavaskar called, in his of 331. I making the headlines for its controver- 10 and lost 40. In this hoary period we Sunny Days, “Barbarism in Kingston”. To get an absolute majority on its own in the Lok Sabha, i.e. 272 seats, the sies, and our cricket is being pushed were no better than Bangladesh, Imran Khan has a story on how he transformed his BJP will have to win 172 seats in the 10 states where it pretty much swept the back into its genteel, apologetic, offer- which has won eight of the 98 Tests it barely literate Punjabi-speaking new team into world- tables clean in 2014. As should be obvious, Uttar Pradesh holds the key. An the-other-cheek, good-loser past. has played since 2000. Never mind the beaters late 1970s on. He made them shed their fear, important determinant will be whether the party wins an absolute majority The first is that as long as our crick- romance of , Lala deference of the foreigner. Wear salwar-kameez at offi- in the Assembly or is just the largest party. A majority, with the assumption et was played by “decent, clubby, well Amarnath, Polly Umrigar, Pankaj Roy, cial events if you couldn’t handle a suit and tie, never brought up” folk, it was about as good C K Nayadu, Subhash Gupte, Nari address a rival as “sir”, never say sorry for anything, and of a bigger swing in favour of the party in a national election scenario, would as Bangladesh’s. Second, that as those Contractor, Bapu Nadkarni, Nawab of curse when you need to in Punjabi if you don’t know make it entirely possible that the party will capture most of UP in 2019. Not generations of Oxbridge/Hindu- Pataudi, Chandu Borde, Salim English. They will understand. That’s the revolution in getting a full majority in the Assembly would make the parliamentary Stephen’s “good boys” and “graceful Durrani and so on. Would’ve been Indian cricket since Ganguly. Kapil Dev, big-hearted outlook trickier. losers” yielded to small-town, and NATIONAL INTEREST worse if South Africa weren’t barred by enough to speak at Aakash Chopra’s book release That brings us to the BJP’s happy hunting grounds where it managed a HMT (Hindi Medium Type) “bad boys” SHEKHAR GUPTA apartheid then. In the following 25 although he hasn't made the cut among India’s impact clean sweep in 2014 — , Gujarat, Delhi, Himachal Pradesh, it started rising. Next, that standards years (1967-91) that winning percent- players, made a great point. In the old, “Bombay have improved so phenomenally in the last 25 years age doubled, with 34 wins out of 174. It doubled again school” of batting, he said, batsmen hit the ball but did- Uttarakhand — and the states where it did a near-sweep — , that not more than three of our pre-1992 cricket stars in the next 25 (1992-2017, to date) to 39.2 per cent. n’t look the fast-bowler in the eye for fear of angering Chhattisgarh, Jharkhand, Haryana. Electoral history and plain probability (Gavaskar, Viswanath and Kapil) will feature in an all- Another delicious twist. In November 2000, him. Now Kohli hits them, and says, “go, fetch”. lead one to assume that repeating a 92 per cent win ratio is asking for a lot. A time great Indian squad of, say, even 18 today. Please , the original “bad boy” of our cricket, This is what our genteel, well-intended new Board 70 per cent win ratio in the 10 states combined will give 148 seats, with the par- note that of these three, the oldest, Viswanath, made his took over as captain. In the subsequent 177 Tests, our is trying to reverse with its romantic notions of what ty losing 46 of the seats it currently holds in these states. However, given the debut in 1969. So those who played in any of the 115 winning record has improved further and losses fall- they erroneously believe is still the gentleman’s game. large size of most victory margins in 2014, this can happen only with a signifi- Tests between 1932 and 1969 would not make the cut. en. In fact, as Menon reminds us, since then, India’s Postscript: I am not ducking my final outrage. Who Next, and probably the most contentious, that win record of 43.5 per cent is a creditable third, behind are our greatest spinners? Ashwin, at a per 51 cant swing in votes away from the BJP. In such a negative scenario, the party while our old spin-quartet (Bishan Singh Bedi-Erapalli Australia (60.6 and South Africa 49), ahead of balls, has the world’s best strike rate for any spinner will stop slightly short of an absolute majority in the House. Prasanna-B S Chandrasekhar-S Venkataraghavan) was England, and Pakistan. since the Great War (WW-I), i.e., last 100 years! He’s Projecting election scenarios two years into the future is a hazardous busi- brilliant, it isn’t all-time great. Four other contempo- You don’t need a statistician to tell you that what also ahead of Murali (55), and Warne (57). For India, Jadeja ness. Many things can change: The Opposition could cobble together a common raries have left them way behind: Anil Kumble, increased with the Ganguly era was Indian cricket’s and Kumble come next with 62 and 66, respectively. Of platform if not an alliance; the government may gain or lose in popularity; the Harbhajan Singh, Ravichandran Ashwin and, hold share of nasty controversies. He loved fighting fire with the old quartet, Chandrasekhar stands with Kumble at redoubtable Amit Shah may demonstrate his electoral prowess in as yet uncon- your breath, “Sir” Ravindra Jadeja. fire, out-sledged the Aussies, waved his shirt and bare 66. Prasanna (76), Bedi (80) and Venkat (95) trail way I have two accomplices. The first is India’s finest chest from the balcony of Lord’s — all of the things his behind. Bhajji is above them at 69. That’s why none of quered states; and accidents could always happen. At this point of time, though, cricket statistician Mohandas Menon. The second, a predecessors would have disapproved. Must credit Sunil them features in the Impact Index/Aakash Chopra list the outlook is that the BJP will come close to a single-party majority in 2019. With new book, Numbers Do(n’t) Lie (HarperCollins), by a Gavaskar for making a beginning by dismissing County of impact players and, frankly, however sad it may a positive surprise or two, it may get a majority on its own once again. Either way, brilliant data-crunching team’s Impact Index and cricket as something no more than a few beer-drinking seem, none of the four will make it to the current the betting has to be on the party forming the government in 2019 — giving explained by former Test opener and now commenta- old men and dogs watched on afternoons, and declining Indian squad. Purely on spin-bowling talent, even if we Mr Modi the 10 years that he wanted to “bring the country into the 21st tor Aakash Chopra. Menon is responsible for my statis- an MCC invite after he had been first denied entry. discount the issue of throwing under-arm or “bowling” century” as he said in 2014. tical evidence, and Numbers Do(n’t) Lie for the logic anguly’s rise coincided with the social transforma- back to the wicket-keeper, something you haven’t seen that it takes more than just anecdotes and nostalgia to Gtion in Indian cricket as rugged, small-town, non- from Indian fielders for three decades now. make a player great. Or, I wouldn’t go this far. It is one English medium and non-collegiate players (including Twitter: @ShekharGupta

Surrogate. And Am So Grateful tionship so warm and accommo- and Proud”, .com, August 28, dating developed with the surro- No sex please, we’re surrogates 2016.) In her account she gate after her first child, that she Situations vacant debunks many myths surround- returned to the same mother for esteem. “The thought of sex could be the last of his ilk to exer- ing surrogacy, even among the her second. EYE CULTURE renowned wizards, after all. Alas, I am made me awkward; it almost rat- cise such an option. Being single educated elite, and movingly At the heart of the matter is a not among this blessed breed. tled me…For me to address it, and gay, his is the most discrimi- describes her husband and her simple question: Does the gov- KANIKA DATTA Algorithms are the lifeblood of this talk about it, discuss it was a big nated against category if a pro- deepening anguish at not being ernment have a right to impose brave new world of e-commerce and no-no.” Exhausted by his sexless posed legislation on surrogacy able to have a child. After many moral sanctions on responsible i Kanika, Looking for a Job social networking in which we live. They life he finally lost his virginity to becomes law. failures, surrogacy was their “last people — married or unmarried, Change? The pssst! nature of the create the sophisticated robots that are a male escort in London at 26 — The Surrogacy (Regulation) resort”. Their surrogate, a moth- gay or straight — in taking a H subject-line is irresistible. Who supposed to be taking our jobs anytime “a very nerve-wracking experi- Bill, 2016, tabled in the Lok Sabha er of two, was “one of the happi- deeply personal decision? among the wide variety of people regis- soon. If the doomsayers are to be ence”. If someone hits on him, last November after Cabinet clear- est, most positive personalities High-minded public leaders tered on this cool and happening social believed, they can even produce a gram- says Mr Johar, he freezes. “And if ance, places all kinds of restric- I’ve ever had the privilege of eager to thrust strictures should media network called LinkedIn was offer- matically flawless version of this “Eye I am not interested, I become like tions on who can be, or biological- meeting”. When their baby girl look around and note the number ing me the overpaid job of my dreams? Culture” column. AL FRESCO the stern principal of a school.” ly use, a surrogate mother. It bans arrived after nine anxiety-filled of political surrogates that abound. One click reveals the short answer: Yet, in the admittedly low-tech world SUNIL SETHI For a middle-aged man so rich commercial surrogacy, that is, months, “years of suffering and Like British colonials, who No one. Or, at any rate, no one who actu- that I inhabit, the evidence of algorithmic and famous, who, after a good- paid-for wombs, as exploitative. disappointments vanished in a deposed legitimate rulers and ally knows me and/or has generously brilliance by these wildly popular social or reasons right or wrong, humoured history of hints and Married couples, having proved matter of seconds”. Yes, Ms planted puppet kings, what is V K and unilaterally endorsed me for skills media sites has been poor. LinkedIn filmmaker and TV star guesses, came out as gay, his infertility for five years, can go for Tewari says, checks and bal- Sasikala but a surrogate for they think (and I hope) I possess. You remains an example week in, week out F Karan Johar tops it for get- record in the love and sex depart- “altruistic surrogacy”, without ances, and a crackdown on clin- Jayalalithaa? And does that make know, editing, reporting, writing — that with its laughably irrelevant information. ting eyeballs. There’s always kuch ment is poor: About one-and-a- pecuniary benefit, but they should ics flouting the rules, must be her successor E Palanisamy a pup- sort of thing. But consider the controversy not so long kuch hota hai in his layered life. half unsatisfactory relationships. try and persuade a close relative, a enforced. But banning the prac- pet of a puppet? In his book The I am a journalist with a bare minimum ago with Facebook and the accusations Shortly after producing his best- Sceptics may say that his unre- married woman with a child of her tice is regressive, discriminatory Accidental Prime Minister politi- university degree, all of which is record- that it had unwittingly helped the circu- selling memoir An Unsuitable Boy quited quest for love may at last own, to bear their child. and against freedom of choice. cal writer Sanjaya Baru makes a ed on this network, together with my lation of fake news during the US presi- written with journalist Poonam find emotional sustenance with Unmarried couples, single and gay It isn’t an inexpensive proce- case that even the venerable place of work and former company. None dential elections last year. Last Saxena (Penguin; ~699) he’s the acquisition of children. Several aspirants are altogether out of the dure, costing between ~15-25 lakh. Manmohan Singh, as his prime of them have the remotest connection September, it attempted to clean up the announced impending father- of his Bollywood associates have picture; and woe betide any for- In recent years several close ministership wore on, increasing- with the jobs listed out for my perusal in problem by automating the Trending fea- hood of twins, at 44, through a sur- taken the surrogacy route, among eigner who comes knocking in friends and relatives have chosen ly became a surrogate for the all- this mail. ture. Data scientists suggest that this may rogate. His book — candid, vivid, them Shah Rukh Khan and Gauri search of Indian surrogates. surrogacy over adoption, one rea- powerful Congress party president The top three vacancies are: Station be a partial solution because algorithms unusually self-analytical — is Khan, Aamir Khan and Kiran Rao, When the otherwise helpful son being long wait lists at adop- Sonia Gandhi. Manager, Mumbai, for Amazon; some- are driven by the data it is given. In the remarkable for one persisting con- and Tusshar Kapoor. If it sounds but conservative foreign minister tion agencies and cumbersome, Despite his innocently unsexy thing called a CDO — Anywhere in India ancient days of the 1980s, we called this fession. He’s not had much sex. like a film fraternity trend, each Sushma Swaraj propelled the Bill, often bureaucratic procedures. and lonesome life, Mr Johar — and for Colgate-Palmolive; and “SSIS” — two garbage in, garbage out. Born the only child of late- case is different, stemming from well-known NDTV anchor Every commissioning parent I hundreds of thousands of the to five years, Mumbai/Bengaluru, for Which makes you wonder: What kind marrying parents, his privileged either a voluntary need, or invol- Rupali Tewari penned a piece, know describes surrogacy as a ful- childless — speak in one voice Capgemini. of data is being absorbed by an e-com- Malabar Hill childhood was high untary childlessness, to fulfil an soundly and stirringly argued, filling, mutually beneficial experi- when they say: Don’t throw the Even without the knowledge of the merce site that makes them clutter my on puppy fat and low on self- elemental human desire. Mr Johar rebutting the changes. (“I Used a ence. In the case of a niece, a rela- baby out with the bathwater. functions of a CDO or SSIS, I am confident mailbox with suggestions for books by that I am spectacularly unqualified for writers and genres I never read? Or, either of these posts. Perhaps “APH indeed, products that I am unlikely to Government projects — NEW” for Akzo buy (men’s deodorant, for example)? Or, will win!” It inspires more confi- media, and potentially influenc- Some of us would contend that it Nobel would interest me? Or maybe in the case of LinkedIn again, why both- dence than this, from a story in ing the outcome of the election. is the RSS-inflected BJP govern- Maintenance Engineer with GKN er to list the bulk of employees in Business Election fever scroll.in: “Today’s Chanakya is The Wire has what could be a ment that is anti-national — Driveline? Not so much. Standard, my recorded place of employ- forecasting 285 seats for the BJP, massive story of election fraud. dividing, infantilising, policing, You see where I’m going with this. ment, as people I may know and want to when we could have used some- with a margin that could even What are the chances that it will and intimidating people into LinkedIn is supposed to be this super- connect with? one going out on a crazy limb as take it almost to 300, in the 404- be properly investigated if the obedient adherence to its chau- connected social media network for pro- Still, let it not be said that I am usual, to give us something to strong Assembly. Meanwhile, on BJP takes UP? vinistic vision of what India is, fessionals that I reluctantly joined at the ungrateful. The experience has been so hang on to, you get all responsi- the other end of the range is Election fatigue has set in. and who belongs here. persistence of a former colleague salutary that it has encouraged me to stay ble and all, “Could be a hung CVoter, which has predicted 161 Ground reports are no longer rel- These election results, espe- appalled at my lack of self-promotion. away from the rest of the virtual world of house, but who knows.” seats to the BJP.” That kind of evant, exit polls don’t help, and cially in UP, will be something of “You have to be out there, people must social media and remain grounded in the Over the last couple of data range is a very strong indi- I’m avoiding the hours of studio a referendum not just on the know you,” he insisted. The site’s claim of temporal universe of entities we used to months, I have largely stayed cator that nobody has any idea talk time which will attempt to BJP’s official policies like having 400 million plus members was call friends and contacts. Only the smart- away from reports that purport- what’s going on. break down the mind of the demonetisation, but also on its enticing. A sybaritic job in the Bahamas phone has replaced the Rolodex. ed to tell us how whole states are And that’s when an exit poll Indian voter in leaden detail. But informal policies relating to could be mine. An aside: A helpful LinkedIn article going to vote. It’s interesting to isn’t suspected of having been I can’t help but fret about it all, social structures and the inter- Well, I’m out there and I don’t know does not list journalism among the last INTER ALIA imagine that these reports serve fabricated as a campaign strate- and the suspense is horrible. The pretation of freedom. Those of who knows me but I do know that jobs robots will take. The “safe” candi- MITALI SARAN as a finger held up to the political gy. The Wire reports that an exit combined results in Punjab, Goa, us who see empowerment, free- LinkedIn’s algorithm definitely doesn’t. dates are: Elementary school teacher (no wind, but too often, especially poll illegally published in Dainik Manipur, Uttarakhand, and Uttar dom, and individual rights as Media jobs do occasionally make it to my hope for me, I’m terrible with kids); pro- in such a long drawn out poll Jagran after the first phase of Pradesh amount to taking the positives that should accrue to inbox but they have nothing to do with fessional athlete (too old, but am a world- ’m writing this on Friday schedule, they are too localised polling in UP, came to the news- political temperature of India. A every Indian, will always look my recorded skill sets, experience (not class armchair sportsperson); mental March 10, 2017, jabbing at the and transient to serve that pur- paper courtesy an executive raised temperature is, of course, for an alternative to the party of recorded so, in fairness, how would health professional (no comment), judge I keyboard with the bloody pose. This time, I told myself, there who is also a Rashtriya only one partial, inconclusive Hindutva. It’s not just a shame LinkedIn know), or location (recorded). (too much rote learning of Acts and laws) stumps of my fingers now that just wait for the results and Swayamsevak Sangh (RSS) indicator of health, but when that the alternatives are so unin- But mostly, the mails that arrive contain and politician (worth a try; if Donald I’ve chewed off the fingernails process what actually happens, activist, though he has since gone you’re worried about maybe hav- spiring—it’s dangerous. lists of jobs of the type above — testing Trump can become the US president …). and kept going all the way to the rather than get yanked around to great lengths to wipe all social ing Ebola, you don’t want any Societies are easily poisoned, engineer and field service engineer were Maybe I urgently need to update my knuckles. The results of five state by constantly evolving reports media traces of his affiliation to funny readings at all. and do not easily recover. And on the long-list — for which I am wholly profile, as LinkedIn regularly urges me elections will be out on Saturday, of a vague direction. the RSS. The story says that the I’m only saying Ebola because yet, it’s a large and diverse unfit, even assuming I were looking for a to do. Let me see, how can I bulk it up…. and, possibly chastened by get- Now that we’re at the exit poll poll was published to bolster the that, too, is a very strong force enough country that you must radical career change. Should I mention that I came fifth in a ting so many previous elections stage, I’m even more convinced BJP’s flagging campaign in UP, that destroys you from the inside. never write off anything, least Perhaps I should confess to LinkedIn’s brokers’ exam at the Calcutta Stock dead wrong, the television talk- that this is the healthier give voters the sense of a surge, Those Indians who don’t care of all a surprise. software filter that I rarely passed science Exchange? ing heads are being unusually approach. If one must pay atten- and prevent another Bihar-style for the formal and informal poli- If UP does, in fact, go to the and maths in high school. Maybe the fact circumspect about the huge elec- tion to exit polls, I’m most disaster; the poll was taken down cies of the RSS-inflected BJP gov- BJP, there is one upside: It will that I am Indian has something to do with Every week, Eye Culture features writers with toral prize of Uttar Pradesh. inclined to agree with the Faking quickly, but not before being ernment are regularly accused of swiftly be followed by Holi, and these offers: These are subjects for which an entertaining critical take on art, music, Thanks a lot, talking heads. Just News team’s analysis: “Someone widely circulated on social being anti-national. Au contraire: we can all get legally stoned. Indians are supposed to be globally dance, film and sport