verse. After the World has been up and running for a while, games such as chess, checkers, and baseball will be added, and will be more events, such as last year's "How Down Is Your Sound?" music competi• tion, judged by Atlanta hip-hop impresarios Ludacris and Dallas Austin. But now is not the time to get carried away with shirtless man writhes in the mall's fountain while others dreams of shortstop stardom or rap VIP status. First I rub their asses and swivel their hips. Like many who need to figure out what some of these buttons do. After just arrived, I stand near the mall's help desk in a white a few minutes of experimentation and random click• tee and blue jeans, detached look on my face, spinning ing—^tutorials are for wusses—1 can walk forward (W in circles. Four hallways, each lined with storefronts, key!) and backward (S!), jump (spacebar! spacebar!), jut from the central atrium. Shoppers sprint frantically and wave, smile, and nod (clicking the buttons on my through the hub, hurtUng over the benches surroimding "emote" toolbar). the fountain, dodging potted palm trees, and pushing I type in my little chat window, confidently strik• through the throng of dancers near the logo bill• ing up conversations with attractive passersby, until a board, in a frenzy of retail therapy. sharply dressed blonde mocks my "noob clothes" (short There'll be no sprinting, hurtling, or dodging in my for "newbie," "noob" is a derogatory term implying near future. I haven't even figured out how to walk or that you're a loser who spends too much time in the real stop this dizzying spin. Then again, I am less than an world). I try to hang my head in shame but don't know hour old. I've just created myself from scratch. Everyone how. It's time to stop gawking at the spectacle in the does. That's why there are no ugly people in the online mall fountain and start shopping. World of Kaneva. The "virtual" me watching the fella Chuck Norris lurks behind the counter of the shoe in the fountain with a mixture of bewilderment and store—a Chuck Norris rug, that is. Kaneva users can disgust is called an , and it's pretty good-looking apply nearly any "texture" to couches, rugs, dance if you don't mind my saying so. Lips? Full. Skin? Not floors, landscapes, walls, anything they own. Chuck too pasty. Height and weight? Tall and slim, of course. just happens to be the texture chosen for this unfor• Eyes? Green, my favorite color. Hair? Maroon pig• tunate rug. I'm trekking back and forth over Chuck's tails—why not? grimacing face, deciding between sneakers and boots, Kaneva, Latin for "blank canvas," is a 3-D online when I spot the "employees only" door. What's where users socialize, share music and videos, life without a little rebellion? I aim my pixilated feet, decorate their homes, and visit community hangouts. now clad in non-newbie sneakers, toward the door and I'm here testing the first incarnation of this digital uni• make a run for it. Slam! Into the wall. My newbie brain

84 ATLANTA AUGUST 2007 has yet to figure out that many things in the Virtual of 18 best buds, voyeuristically scoping the profiles of World of Kaneva—even seemingly useful things such as each. The connection between the real world and the doors and windows—are often nothing but images on a electronic is what separates Kaneva from every other wall, the equivalent to a mouse hole drawn by a cartoon virtual environment. Simply clicking on someone's in- cat to lure his prey. I find myself wishing for a "sheepish world persona summons his or her online profile, which grin" button for the second time in five minutes. hsts favorite films, books, and music; hobbies; sexual Hitting the tab key near any shopkeeper brings up a orientation; religion; relationship status; level of educa• menu of wares that I can buy with the virtual dollars tion; height; even family photos. A real-world version I was given when I came into this world. If I spend my could save a lot of small talk at cocktail parties. initial free Kaneva bucks, I'll need to buy more in order Of course, users are free to share as much or as little to keep shopping. Right now, the exchange rate is about as they want. One click on an avatar wearing a modest 10 U.S. dollars to 1,500 Kaneva credits, making the button-up shirt and long pants reveals a 52-year-ol shoes I just bought worth about 26 cents. Down the man who, in embarrassing detail, divulges that he neve: hall from the shoe store, I select a stylish blue-striped truly knew the depth of his love for his wife until they top and a pair of sporty black shorts from the women's had divorced. Though they are trapped in the same wear menu ($73 Kaneva) then, head held high, charge house for financial reasons, they live separate lives—his, back into the mall atrium. very lonely. Other clicks disclose nothing more than an affinity for Johimy Cash or a love of CSI: Miami. [continued on page 123 "Raved u! Rave me back!!!" Kaneva, like many online communities, has a lan• guage all its own. One woman told me, "my ffxi wuz down so i came here, the other mmorpg's fixed but i'm still here lol." I still have no clue what she was going on about. Users don't have to know all the lingo, but "raves" are omnipresent, and you're not getting far without them. It goes something like this: Having fun where you are? Rave the place! Enjoying the ubiquitous Will Smith videos? Rave them! Like the person you're chatting with? Rave her! Want a total stranger to give you a rave? Rave him! Kaneva's website posts rave lead- erboards, and getting on them is like being prom queen for a day. After returning all the raves bestowed upon me (basic Kaneva etiquette), I turn my attention to friend requests. Right-clicking a clean-cut, athletic-looking blond avatar called Teddybear reveals his decidedly uncuddly real-life mullet and fondness for MTV's Headbangers Ball. Still, he's requested to be my friend, and the cruel-looking "deny" button stirs memories of junior high rejection. Approved it is. Mulletman and I are officially friends. I accept friend after friend until I've amassed a tribe

ATLANTA AUGUST 2007 MY AVATAR IS HOTTER . . . quizes about his background, he depicts ups" along the lines of Galaga), playing

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 85 a Disney-esque series of near-effortless Dungeons &C Dragons ("It was casual. I successes and happy coincidences. Kane- | wasn't the guy in the sewer, all dressed But believing everything you read va's PR manager nods enthusiastically, up"), and chatting with people via early [ would be a mistake. "I'm 25 but i don't throwing in phrases like "Well, Chris is Internet bulletin board systems ("Holy want people to know that so i say i'm being humble" at regular intervals. cow, it was amazing! I'm talking to these 17," one avatar inadvertently announces Klaus was at Georgia Tech, trying to i guys in New Zealand or Australia, and j to the entire mall. She's just committed "figure out how to scrounge 20 bucks to | it seems I should get a big bill, but that I the Kaneva equivalent of hitting "reply buy beer and ramen noodles," when his ' doesn't happen on the Internet"). So all" on an inappropriate e-mail. "Why'd Internet security business took off—not ' building a 3-D online world just made you tell me then?" asks her conversation like a bird, not even like a plane, but sense. "Chris has a talent and a gift for partner, also unknowingly speaking to the like a rocketship with a full fuel tank. being visionary," Ms. PR assures me. j entire group. "Because u look trustwor- He dropped out of Georgia Tech and Kaneva may be a social experiment, j thy," says the girl. "Hope we ALL look set up shop in the spare bedroom of his but don't think Klaus is without a busi• trustworthy!" someone finally chimes in. grandma's Roswell home. So new to ness plan. Virtual clothes, hairstyles, The girl teleports to her home. the world of big business and strings of , home furnishings, and body parts are big The profiles of many of my fellow zeroes was he that when Novell (owner business. Cyworld, a virtual world based mall patrons reveal that their real-life of WordPerfect) inquired about using in South Korea, sells nearly $300,000 counterparts are middle-aged moms and worth of virtual items every day—$100 , dads. So why does it feel so much like million per year. Habbo Hotel, a teen j high school, where wearing the wrong The hottie Tve world based in the UK, moved $77 mil• j outfit earns a sneer from the cool girl, lion worth of virtual gear last year. And and public humiliation in the food court been follow• the 3.8 million "residents" of Second sends you fleeing in shame? Life, the world's most popular virtual ing around is o world, have, as of this writing, dropped pasty, slightly $1,598,616 in the last 24 hours alone. Ask founder Chris Klaus what Selling virtual items will be Kaneva's Kaneva is and you'll hear phrases like pudgy Midwest• main source of income. After all, keep• "social entertainment experience" and ing up with the virtual Joneses is vital "next big thing." Techies refer to it as a ern housewife to your avatar's self-esteem. In time, hybrid of MySpace, YouTube, and Sec• most of the shops will be branded with ond Life. If none of that means anything wearing an familiar company names and logos. j to you, don't worry. You're exactly the embroidered It's another way Kaneva will gener• kind of user Kaneva wants. ate revenue. Klaus insists that product Most people I encounter during my sweater, eight• placement will only enhance the virtual "in-world" experience are middle-aged world, maintaining that, for the sake of women and older men. Kaneva's almost ies bangs, and realism, users would much rather sip a 300,000 members are housewives, com• Diet Coke than a Brand X Cola. puter execs, students, divorcees. Hells heavy eyeliner. So maybe the shrewd business plan, Angels, suburbanites—many of whom, not the high school flashbacks, is why according to Klaus, have never touched his scanning software, he quoted them the mall is Kaneva's main gathering a video game in their lives. Everything a price of $20,000 rather than the $20 place. After all, it features cell phone about Kaneva is about ease of use. It million he had calculated the project I shops, tanning beds, clothing boutiques, attracts those who lack the patience, was worth. "I didn't feel comfortable furniture outlets, a fast-food joint called or desire, to sift through the 300-page saying $20 million over the phone, so McWilly's where a cashier named Ron• guidebook for , the Internet's 1 I removed a few zeroes," he explains. ald serves up pretend burgers, and even most popular virtual world. ' "I was hke 'Woohoo!' For $20,000 it a real estate office where Harry Norman Kaneva's Sandy Springs headquarters was the happiest moment of my life." peddles deeds for apartments, night• are still what you'd call start-up digs. Klaus, 33, recounts the $19 million loss clubs, and office space. Each time the cell phone sitting in front with the cheerful demeanor of someone Klaus predicts there will come a day of Chris Klaus rings, a rockin' guitar riff recaUing the time his house was TP'd by when you will be able to walk your echoes off the scuffed walls of the bar• those meddlesome neighbor kids. virtual self into the virtual help center ren conference room. Klaus, known to After IBM purchased ISS for $1.3 bil- of a real-life company. "If you could some as the founder of Internet Security I lion last summer, Klaus had an urge to have this avatar come out and say, 'Oh, Systems and to others as that guy the "get back into something small, start-up what's the problem? Let me work with Georgia Tech building is named after, size." He'd grown up creating rudi• you,' you might feel a little less angry grins a lot. And he should. As he solilo• mentary computer games ("shoot-em- versus having some guy on the phone

ATLANTA AUGUST 2007 123 who can't understand what you're say• ledges into dark crevices, flinging myself something about seeing the place where ing," Klaus says. Noticing my skeptical off the stairs, spastically spinning in cir• a person sleeps that's exceedingly per• expression, he adds, "Maybe you could cles. "Woo, this is embarrassing," I say, sonal—even if it is just a square of pixels allow people to kick and punch them, to still using silly things like commas and on a screen. Accidentally waltzing across let them vent a little." appropriate spelling to chat with others. a person's pillows, as my klutzy avatar "I'm new. I'm sure I'll get the hang of did, seems worse yet. this whole walking thing soon." At the pinnacle of the climb, on her I might not know how to smack "No u won't," assures Jonathansgirl. rooftop, I am rewarded with a cityscape the virtual salesclerks around, but I "I still fall all the time." and giant screens playing Justin Timber- have mastered many niceties of Kaneva "Come here," she says. I run off the lake's "Sexyback." When she starts to culture. I've discovered that all that ass- edge of the world. She waits patiently. I dance, the chubby housewife fades from rubbing and hip-swiveling is Kaneva's drop out of the sky into her living room my mind and I see, once again, the gor• version of "sexy dancing" and that I can once again and carefully sidestep to where geous, styhsh girl I met at the mall. banish my avatar's blank stare by click• she's standing. "This is what I look Uke in No one seleas pudgy, short, or balding ing "Surprise," "Smile," or "Laugh" real life," she says, gesturing to a framed avatar options. Just as there are no ugly on my gestures menu. With experience photo on her wall. Kaneva doesn't have people in Kaneva, there are no homeless on my side, the scene in the fountain is a "let your mouth hang open in shock" people. Along with your newbie uniform more predictable than bewildering. button, but if it did, I'd push it. The hot- of white tee and jeans, your apartment is An athletic, miniskirt-clad character tie I've been following around is a pasty, your first possession. Decorate it, furnish called Jonathansgirl takes a break from slightly pudgy Midwestern housewife it, display photos and videos, or do what "sexy dancing" to saunter over and invite wearing an embroidered sweater, eight• I did: Wait until you have company com• me to her house. And while a real-world ies bangs, and heavy eyeliner. Things in ing in half an hour, then rush to the mall, version of the tall, flowy-haired beauty in Kaneva are rarely what they seem. grab the first couch you find, a pillow front of me would be intimidating as hell, Oddly, walking through Jonathans- or two, and a floor lamp. Haphazardly I agree to check out her place. girl's virtual bedroom seems even more throw it all into place, then add, for a Like a toddler on an obstacle course, intrusive than viewing her family photos touch of class, a floating pink bunny that I stumble around her home—falling off or reading her real-world profile. There's was a virtual gift.

124 ATLANTA AUGUST 2007 My avatar is in the apartment *^Som€times a cigar is just a cigar, awaiting a visit from Lulu, a 40-year- -Sipmund Freud old married woman with five cats and two dogs, who is one of Kaneva's most HiGHi^ND CIGAR CO popular residents. She runs the most raved nightclub in the World—though she never visits actual clubs or bars—and boasts more than 1,100 virtual friends, many of whom she's "gotten really close An Uncompromising Environment to"—though she has met none of them for Acquiring and Enjoying in the real world. When she arrives at my Premium Cigars and Spirits stark apartment, she's gracious enough to comment on what I have done, rather than what I haven't. After a random Waik-in Humidor Filled with Premium Cigars • State of the Art Ventilation visitor shows up uninvited and com• Full Bar with Excellent Scotch and Wine Selection • High Definition Televisions ments, "Ooooh I smell fresh paint!" Lulu Golf Accessories and Unique Gifts • Free Wi-Fi Internet Access shows me how to prevent such intrusions Private Humidor Rentals Available by changing my privacy settings in the onscreen menus. She's likeable on one Please Visit our Website level, unnerving on another.

www.HighlandCigar.com Anyone who's ever tried to have a con• For Information on Special Events versation with someone wearing dark sunglasses can attest that the lack of eye contact lends an awkward disconnect 404-477-2415 to an otherwise mundane situation. Not 245 N. Highland Avenue in Inman Park Village only is Lulu's avatar wearing sunglasses, she is also facing slightly away from me, Contact: [email protected] at an angle that wouldn't be acceptable in an interaction with your least favorite coworker, much less someone attempting to make pleasant conversation with you. When she LOLs, her electronic represen• tation just stands there, hands at its sides, with the same blank look on its face. It's enough to make me doubt Chris Klaus' assertion that avatars add "a whole new human element to interacting in a way that's more spatially connected to how we interact in the real world." He says that using 2-D communication methods like e-mail are not only less likely to yield good conversation, they're also less enjoyable. "I've never felt, on a Friday night, I'm gonna jump on e-mail with my buddies and consider that a fun night," he says. True. But I don't have to clean my apartment—virtual or oth• erwise—before sending an e-mail either. He calls "raves" a sign of "collective wisdom," but they feel more like votes for student council. Lulu, still angled away from me, CASUAL & DAY WEAR • (OC KTAIL • BALL GOWNS claims she spends 20 hours a day in the MOTHER OF THE_BR1DE • Sizes 2 to 24 Virtual World of Kaneva. It's hard to tell Over 150 Designers whether she's joking. Most users are in 56 E. Andrews Dr. i\W • Btickhead • (404) 365-0693 1 the virtual world for an average of about ! four hours a week, but some have spent

126 ATLANTA AUGUST 2007 400 to 500 hours in-world during a j you actually feel emotion from engaging the bright lights of the mall or in the pri• single month. It's no wonder companies with others," says Klaus. "If everybody's vacy of friends' homes, but I'm going such as Coca-Cola and The Weather hke, 'Hey Chris, welcome back!' it's like out for heaven's sake. Hitting the town. Channel have recently developed virtual Cheers. You feel good. Everybody knows Since the Virtual World of Kaneva world presences (at mycoke.com and in you. You now have an online family of just opened to the public on March 21, Second Life, respectively). friends. That's powerful." new spots sprout up every day. Today, Can spending that much time in- My "online family of friends"—all it's a shop labeled "Goth Clothing." world really be healthy? Dr. Kimberly 33 of 'em—are mostly strangers who The clerk is wearing more buckles than S. Young, director of the Center for have added me to make themselves Thriller-era Michael Jackson, and the Online Addiction Recovery and one of appear more well-liked and established. clientele looks appropriately surly in the world's foremost experts on online Lulu, on the other hand, talks fondly head-to-toe black. I amble in, bouncing addiction, explains, "It isn't about about virtual pals who have so much pigtails, bright sneakers—and a jaunty counting the number of hours spent in loyalty—or so much desire for popu• wave just to twist the knife. They stare. the virtual world—that would be like larity through proximity—that they've At least I think they're staring. It's diagnosing alcoholism based solely on changed the slogan beneath their screen hard to say. For all I know, the humans the number of drinks someone has. The name to read "Lulu's slave" or "Lulu's behind these avatars could be in the issue is really how much it's impacting i body guard" or "Lulu's secret agent." kitchen, making mac and cheese for your Ufe. If you're not sleeping, not eat• When she leaves my apartment to meet their 5-year-olds. ing, and your hygiene is suffering, it's a her buddies in the mall, I stand alone Inspired by my newly purchased goth problem. I've talked with people who near my new sofa, gazing out over the corset and boots, I take a detour from my keep a bottle next to their computers virtual skyline and wondering whether trip to Lulu's, clicking my "Go Places" so they don't have to get up to use the I'll ever make it to 50 friends. menu to teleport to a club called Metal- bathroom." Mania. Seconds later, I'm in an entryway But that's the rare, dark, extreme side plastered with Anthrax and Pantera of virtual worlds. Most users are well- I promised that I'd visit Lulu's posters, being accosted by the sound of groomed, well-rested, well-fed people like nightclub, but I certainly can't go dressed screams. I run toward a giant skull and you and me. "It's a human experience, and like this. Sure, my outfit is just fine under down a hall wallpapered with photos of

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128 ATLANTA AUGUST 2007 big-haired eighties rockers. On the dance frogs, puppies, and kittens stare from all then doing a primitive gorilla imperson• floor, a group of headbangers welcomes sides as Bette croons on. This is Lulu's ation—hardly threatening. "Cool . . . me. The conversation, set to the tune much-raved club. A hallway leads to howd u do that?!" asks one hellspawn. of songs like "Death Trap" and "When an enormous dance floor and walls of Teleport. Demons Awake," goes something like television screens, all playing the same Another "friend," Kylie, sends me this: music video. As "Heaven Isn't Too Far a message asking me to visit her hang• Away" begins playing, I notice that, out. She proudly shows me around her "Bang them heads!!" aside from me and 27 alarmingly large dolphin-themed room interspersed with "Yeah!" images of the Warrant lead singer's Tweety Bird "art" while we make polite "I'm ready 2 party hard!" head of feathered blond hair, the club conversation about movies and music. "This shit rocks." is empty. I decide to do some exploring Her television is showing—what else?— and try Lulu's hyped club again later. a damned Will Smith video. I vow then I don't have much along those lines to I teleport. and there to buy a Kaneva TV, if for no contribute, so I start clicking on my fel• The Kaneva Cemetery is divided into other reason than to show something low headbangers' avatars and discover, Heaven and Hell. Heaven, as you'd other than eighties and nineties hair to my surprise, that most are, in real life, expect, is decorated with cloud pat• bands. Kid Rock, and Will Smith videos. long-haired, tattooed, pale, and draped ; terns, stained-glass images of Jesus, and Teleport. in dark clothing. They are the first peo• benches for sitting and reflecting, which I visit the movie theater, the beach, ple I've met in Kaneva who are satisfied would be fine if Kaneva avatars could a pizza place. Each looks like the real enough with their real lives to replicate sit. Not a soul is present. Next door. thing—at least in the way a Smurf house them online. As the screaming reaches a Hell, as you might also expect, features looks like a real mushroom. Unlike crescendo and images of demons fill the demonic wallpaper, pentagrams, freaks, online worlds like Second Life, Kaneva video screens, I teleport. . . and Lynyrd Skynyrd videos. It seems as doesn't have castles, giant robots, or "You are the wiiiiiiinnnd beneath my good a place as any to try out the new• flying avatars with cat heads. No fairies. wings," sings Bette Midler. I am sur• est option on rr/ "emote" panel: "rude No elves. If you can't find it in the real rounded by stuffed animals, each with gesture." It amounts to pointing angrily, world, you won't find it in Kaneva. its own little chair. The lifeless elephants. kissing your hand, slapping your ass. "If I build a casde, you build a space-

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ATLANTA AUGUST 2007 129 ship, and she builds a Dr. Seuss park, and next thing you know, we're all on the same island together, there's no con• RECOGNIZED AS ONE OF THE TOP 50 RETAIL sistency to the reality," says Klaus, who STORES IN AMERICA & BEST OF ATLANTA 2006 obviously has an interesting interpreta• tion of the word "reality." "If I was play• ing in a fantasy world, fighting a dragon, and spaceships came down and shot me with alien lasers, that would ruin my experience. You're not gonna see a dragon in our mall." One of Kaneva's biggest draws, I'm the Scarlet Ta88e told, is finding like-minded people who are into similar art, music, movies, and UNCOMMON GIFTS AND HOME ACCENTS hobbies. Online communities break down the geographical boundaries of the physical world, letting users in Georgia "hang out" with users in France, Japan, or Ecuador Which sounds good, if you can find it. 404 843 0387 I scan the list of hangouts. Oh, Club Quill! At last, a place where I might find www.thescarlettassel.com some like-minded writerly types. I tele• 6235-A Roswell Road - Sandy Springs Plaza port ... into a room plastered with pho• tos of scandalously clad women with Monday-Saturday 10-7 and Sunday 12-5 ample booty. Hip-hop music pumps through the virtual speakers. Rather than the literary oasis I'd hoped for, I have stumbled into the lair of King Quill of Atlanta's Big Oomp Records. 15 Years in Buckhead The local connection is comforting but Buckhead's Upscale Resale I'm less enthused about the decor, so I try Club ATL. On the dance floor, the avatars at Club ATL are dancing not to Dirty South Rap, Elton John, or Cartel but to the Bee Gees' "Stayin' Alive." Still, what better place to bust out my fallow dance moves? Hitting the "sexy dance" button would prompt that rubbing- my-own-ass move, so I try "country dance." It causes me to fall to my knees and remain motionless; clearly, one of the Kaneva developers has a less than positive opinion of country music. The "breakdance" button whips my legs into the air a la helicopter blades and spins me around on my head. They must be some pretty hot moves because I'm approached by a tall, handsome guy in a button-up shirt. He's doing 404-262-7783 the men's version of the "sexy dance," Feo/ur/ng which looks less like an itchy rear end CHANEL • ARMANI • ST. JOHN • JIMMY CHOC • MANOLO BLAHNIK. . .AND MORE! and more like disco dancing with the Featuring Designei-Only Inventory • Hundreds of Chanel • Hundreds of St John occasional thrust thrown in for good Previously-Owned Iten-iS, Some f^ever Vtorn, Many Priced at 90% off Retail measure. My spinning foot sails through East Shodowiown Avenue • Atlanta, GA 30305 his neck. He's unconcerned. "Your a

130 ATLANTA AUGUST 2007 great dancer," he says. "Want 2 come 2 my place?" Now, I'm not here to hook up, but some are. And it does happen. The Regain Your World, technically R-rated at worst, is described as "tightly controlled." Por• nography is forbidden, as is the deviant, kinky stuff that's prevalent in many other virtual worlds. This level of censorship is Youthful Figure part of what makes Kaneva appealing to mild-mannered housewives, older users, and, yes, advertisers who are consider• ing product placement. But controlling content is a far easier task than control• ling what people talk about or what they do when they visit each other's virtual homes. And what some Kaneva residents talk about is sex. Search the hangouts list for the word, and you'll get 45 hits, places like Let's Have Sex, Come Get UR Dermatology Specialists Sex On, Sexville, Sexland, and Sextown. Only one of the 45 is occupied. Against of North Atlanta, PC my better judgment and in the name of 678.417.6900 research, I teleport in for a peek at The 3655 HOWEli FERRY ROAD, Suite 400, OULUTH. GA 30096 Sex Club. "How do i take my clothes www.COLECOSMETICSKINCARE.com off?" a newbie is asking a blonde who's already standing in her bra and pant• ies—the most you can show in Kaneva. Call notv to schedule your FREE coiisnlMtion I'm just standing there, within earshot, trying hard to look nonchalant (there is no button for that). I can't repeat what she said to him next, but I teleported the hell out of there.

Not all single (or attached) folks in Aesthetic Specialists Kaneva's World are after meaningless ATLANTA trysts. "I've had people e-mailing me and asking, 'Can we get married in your The beauty of advanced credentials" virtual world? If so, can we share an apartment?'" says Klaus. "I haven't quite figured out the answer to that. I don't Amy M. Simon MD know if that's legally binding or not, but I Board Certified by the American Board ol Plastic Surgery think we'll see more of that in the future." But Klaus' confusion over the issue HERE'S WHAT PATIENTS SAY ABOUT THEIR REAL LIFE hasn't stopped Natasha_Blue and Steam- PLASTIC SURGERY EXPERIENCES WITH DR. SIMON

Train, who got "married" online in a "Dr Simon mode me feel so comfortable witn her coring manner. chapel they built themselves. "While She took time ossessing my situation, explaining the procedures, and looking around for chapels," Natasha_ -voking sure I had o great outcome. I interviewed 5 plastic surgeons before I chose Or. Simon, and she was deflnttely the best choice.' Atlanta't ontrfeOowithip Blue writes, "we found a few very nice tminMSPAlH ft'. ' ones, but none that really fit our style. "I approached Dr. Simon about a tueast lift mainly becouse of her background ond experience using the SPAIR method. After having Ae$thetic & Recotuiiuctur In keeping with our obsession for build• two children. I wanted to get my body back. My breast surgery wos ing, we set out to start our own." The very pleasont and an easy process and I am thrilled with my reSLiltsr Breast Surgar Farial Cocnetic SuqitT}- happy couple posted wedding "photos" on Kaneva's website and notes thank• FIND OUT MORE AT: Mcn,bc UltroMPnic Lipoxudion www.ASAbeautiful.com ing the photographer, wedding official, r~\ Skin Care and Lcuer Hair Renun-al and Lulu, who donated her club for the 404.751.2500 Onttaffat reception. Which reminds me, I've got 3390 Peachfree Rd. NE | Suite 425 | Atlanta, GA Norttuide ItotpUal somewhere to be.

ATLANTA .\ G U S 1 2007 When I arrive at Lulus club the second time, there are so many people dancing and chatting that it's hard to tell who's talking to whom (a common problem in public chats). Timing can be the difference between making small talk and coming across as a callous jerk. An actual conversation to illustrate:

T: I was @ the hospital all day. Some• one on my baseball team got hit by a semi. C: Cool TV wall. S: that's so sad J: I'm so very very sorry how is he T: oh hes fine C: i imagine that was expensive J: it was GHWGIA SHAKESPEARE PRESBITS T: other then the fractured knee &C broken leg

You can see how this could cause problems. P o show is On the light-up dance floor, a strang• er strips to his tighty whities and is scolded. Several women stop their itchy- bum dancing and recoil in disgust. Still REC0IVIMBIDB)F0RAGES13ANDUR sporting nothing but his briefs, the man wanders toward the most offended of LC3T the group and apologizes. She continues to freak out, screeching electronically BY JOE ORTDN and generally acting as if she's never DIRECTH)BYSABINB>STBN seen a cartoon man in his drawn-on underpants before. "Whoa!" says Mr. Underwear. "I'm new. I was only trying AUGUST 2-19 to apologize." 404.264.0020 "Well apologize without getting in mm ORDBIONUNE AT: GASHAKESPEAREORG my space!!" she snarls, and I realize she Discounts available for grotqjs of 10 or more. Call 404.504.3422 is honestly, sincerely upset that virtual (MMJPH .S/kliafriin frT/urmt til l/u (jjarmt hr/ormin^ Am ('.mini 44.14 firrhmr Rd. .\E iOiMmht I mrmlt) Underpants Dude invaded the virtual personal bubble of her virtual self. She • Delta [DOCAUTO 1^* goad goes ircunil continues ranting about her feelings of . ALUtaiK. FINE A CAUJtER • • CicOKVilA " ' • " ™.' 1.'. Bank of America - violation. No one but me seems to find , SHAKESPEARE that excessive. Lulu boots Tighty Whities McGee from the club. Somewhere along the line, this BATHTUBS [S CERAMIC TILE woman, like so many online world Repair • Remodel • Reglaze residents, has blurred the line between Don't Let Amateurs and "Fly-By-Nights" Ruin Your Bathroom! virtual and real until it is nothing more With the Nation's oldest and largest reglazing company you can than a faded gray smudge. Here, she is be assured of the highest quality workmanship and materials. beautiful and slender. Here, she is fash• VISIT our showroom or call for free brochure ionable and popular. Here, she dances ^UNIQUE REFINISHERS.COM the night away at a nightclub full of friends—all while sitting in faded paja• ^ (770)945-0072 1-800-332-0048 mas with her children asleep in the next FAX: (770) 271-1514 room. Is it any wonder she'll be back We also specialize in pulling moldy/smelly bathtub linersT tomorrow night? O

132 ATLANTA AUGUST 2007