SecondFirst Quarter Quarter 2011 2011

HopeFrequent Springs readers Eternal, of Golden especially Rules will with quickly our favoriterecognize sporting that this teams. edition isBaseball a break seasonfrom our isnorm. upon us; the Final Four just ended in without the presence of a team. In football, the Rather than highlight a particular theme – often, a theme that is current or seasonal – we offer this Cowboys and the Texans are ‘locked out’. edition with its more random light-heartedness. By whatever standard you measure life, we hope you But,will agree to many, that whimsicalSpring means humor golfprovides and awe positive enjoy break watching from thethe common-place guys who attempt burdens to ofdo our what day -we onlyto-day dream routines. about -- sinking that 20 foot putt on the 18th green to win the Green Jacket, the Claret Jug, the Wanamaker Trophy, or the U.S. Open Golf Championship! Here’s to teeing it up• I askedand Measuring God for a bike, your but score I know by Goda Different doesn’t workStandard that way.. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness. • Golf is a game in which you yell “fore”, shoot six and write down five. - Paul Harvey • I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me. • It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on • Lightthe golf travels course faster. - thanHank sound. Aaron This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

• • KnowledgeI have a tip is thatknowing can atake tomato five is astrokes fruit; wisdom off anyone’s is not putti golfng itgame. in a fruit It’s salad. called an eraser. - • This on last night’s Evening News: A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are • lookingThe reason into it. the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing. - Phyllis Diller • To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research. • Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun. - Jim Bishop • Why does someone believe me when I say there are four billion stars, but then check me out when • IThe say thewoods paint are is wet? full of long drivers. - Harvey Penick

• • WhenThat puttI was had a child, more I thought breaks the than sole a purposegovernment of my job. middle - Brian name Weis was so I could tell when I was really in trouble. • If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age. - Thomas • TheMulligan voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good questions like this one -- If a dog gives birth to puppies near the road, would that be littering? • The older I get, the better I used to be. - • Never get into fights with ugly people – they have nothing to lose. • One thing about golf is you don’t know why you play bad and why you play good. - George • AArcher diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip. • Missing a short putt does not mean you have to hit your next drive out of bounds. - Henry Cotton • Hospitality: Making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were. • The proper score for a businessman golfer is 90. If he is better than that he is neglecting his • Whenbusiness. tempted If he’s to fight worse, fire withhe’s fire, neglecting remember his that golf. the –Fire Anonymous Department usually uses water.

• • AI’m TV working can insult as your hard intelligence, as I can tobut get nothing my life rubs and it in my like cash a computer. to run out at the same time. If I can just die after lunch Tuesday, everything would be perfect. - Doug Sanders

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