ISSUE 02 06 MAR 2017

Saintly Body Parts

Ditching Monogamy

Hyde St Violence ON SALE NOW

BULLDOGS VS WARRIORS

*Service fees apply. Issue 02 | Mar 2017 Contents 07 47 OUSA 47 40 Letters 40 Letters 44 Vitalogy Culture 45 The Hell Hole 44 Ethel and Hyde 41 Science, Bitches 41 Science, 46 Cookin’ Up Love 46 Cookin’ 43 Critic Booze Reviews 43 43 Economics Everywhere Economics 43 42 Voices from Beyond the Grad Beyond from 42 Voices Polyamory: Why Not Why Polyamory: Both? hasn’t turned out Monogamy as fulfilling as society said it p28 be. By Isaac Yu would Their Sea or Ours? or Ours? Their Sea in Shark Management Exploring all for Unfortunately Australia. blind shark nets are marine life, and indiscriminate. p20 By Sam Fraser-Baxter Seven the Dating of Jesus Foreskins not or may may relics Religious divine, of the the secrets reveal begun to but scientists have of their the secrets unravel p24 By Lucy Hunter history. 24 28 36 Art 34 Film 39 Food 32 Music 37 Books 37 38 Games Columns 20

7 News 18 Sports 16 Politics 5 Editorial 5 Editorial 15 David Clark 15 David 12 News in Briefs the World is Upside Down is Upside the World 14 How to Keep talking when talking when Keep to 14 How News & Opinion

Features Couple/wyatt fisher/Modified CC-2.0/flickr fisher/Modified Couple/wyatt ON SALENOW BULLDOGS VS WARRIORS VS BULLDOGS *Service fees apply. fees *Service GET SWEET LOOT WITH A 2017 ONECARD ACTIVATE YOURS ONLINE AT R1.CO.NZ/ONECARD

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AMAZON THE CAPTAIN COOK HOTEL PARDAL HAIR STUDIO 10% off full-priced items, not in $10 for coffee and a Bacon Buttie, anytime Student women’s haircut $40, re-style $50, conjunction with any other offer, only before 5pm available in store. men’s haircut $25. Foils or balayage/ombre, toner, hot towel treatment, eyelash tint, CORNERSTONE INK haircut, blowave for $199* BURGER KING 10% off per hour 2 Cheeseburgers for $3* PHONE SURGEONS FORTUNE THEATRE 10% off all phone, tablet & computer repairs CAPERS CAFE 2-for-1 tickets on Wednesday night 2 for 1 gourmet pancakes* performances* PITA PIT Buy any petita size pita and get upgraded to CELLO HELL PIZZA a regular* 5% off Logitech, 10% off Labour, 10% off Spend $20 or more and receive either free network & data cables. Plus iPad/iMac/ MacBook educational pricing. wedges, garlic bread, or a 1.5L drink* POPPA’S PIZZA Free garlic bread with any regular or large HOT YOGA pizza* COSMIC 5 classes for $50* 10% student discount PURE BEAUTY INCH BAR 20% off eyelash extensions, $25 spray tans, LUMINO THE DENTISTS $1 off Emerson’s draught pints $69 new patient exams and x-rays, plus Student Brazilian with free eyebrow shape 10% off further treatments* $35 LEGIT LTD 50% off stickers MEGAZONE ROB ROY DAIRY Buy two games of mini golf or laser tag Free upgrade to a waffle cone ever Monday and get a third free LIQUID ASSETS JUICE BAR & Tuesday* 12.5% off all juices SUBWAY RAPUNZEL’S LONE STAR Monday to Friday, 1/2 head of foils Buy any six-inch meal deal and upgrade to a Up to 25% off selected beverages when you including toner for $99, women’s cut footlong meal deal for free* from $39, men’s cut from $29* book a function with us. $20 selected Beer Pitchers. $15 Margarita Jugs* SUPER SHUTTLES STIRLING SPORTS $20 to/from the airport 12.5% off all non-sale items MOBIL ANZAC AVE 2 x 500mL Lift Plus for $4 T.M. AUTOMOTIVE THE POOLHOUSE $50 Warrant of Fitness fee CAFE & BAR NANDO’S $9 for 1-hour pool table hire* Free regular peri-peri chips with every flame- VAPOURIUM grilled chicken, wrap, pita or burger. Free Get 20ml free with any starter kit VOID CLOTHING chips upgrade with combo meals* 10% off all non-sale items

*terms and conditions apply, see r1.co.nz/onecard for details Editorial 5 GET SWEET LOOT WITH A No One But Us Can Ensure THE CRITIC TEAM 2017 ONECARD Our Voices Are Heard EDITOR LUCY HUNTER EXECUTIVE EDITOR JOE HIGHAM ACTIVATE YOURS ONLINE ILLUSTRATOR & DESIGNER CERI GIDDENS AT R1.CO.NZ/ONECARD DESIGNER NATASHA MURACHVER CHIEF REPORTER JOEL MACMANUS NEWS INTERN ANNA LINTON SUB EDITOR CHARLIE O’MANNIN ALTO CAFE NOOK FLASH YOUR 2017 Bacon & Egg Sandwich or BLT + Regular Treatment, cut & blow wave for $69. Cut, ONECARD AT ANY Coffee for $10, Mon - Fri 7am - 11.30am blow wave, colour & treatment for $150. 1/2 SECTION EDITORS head foils, cut, blow wave, toner & treatment OF THESE FINE BIGGIES PIZZA for $164 ART EDITOR MONIQUE HODGKINSON $8 off any pizza purchase.* FILM EDITOR LAURA STARLING BUSINESSES AND OUTSIDE SPORTS MUSIC EDITOR BIANCA PRUJEAN & REG NORRIS BOOKS EDITOR JESSICA THOMPSON CARR BOWL LINE 15% off rental, 15% off workshop, and 10% off n Wednesday last week, a small group of That’s not to say there aren’t examples of students GAMES EDITOR CAMPBELL CALVERLEY SAVE CA$H MONEY! 2 games of bowling for $15* retail (full price items only)* protesters gathered to oppose the presence protesting, the Goldman Sachs protest is one example SPORT EDITOR CHARLIE HANTLER POLITICS EDITOR GEORGE ELLIOTT AMAZON THE CAPTAIN COOK HOTEL PARDAL HAIR STUDIO of global finance company Goldman Sachs of this. Another came last year when the Students for Oon campus because of their investment in the Dakota Environmental Action (SEA) protested outside the Uni- 10% off full-priced items, not in $10 for coffee and a Bacon Buttie, anytime Student women’s haircut $40, re-style $50, conjunction with any other offer, only before 5pm Access Pipeline (see page seven for more information). versity Clocktower and helped to force Otago University CONTRIBUTORS available in store. men’s haircut $25. Foils or balayage/ombre, toner, hot towel treatment, eyelash tint, The group was no larger than fifteen at any given time, to commit to divesting from fossil fuels. Unfortunately, ISAAC YU, SAM FRASER, POPPY HENDERSON, CORNERSTONE INK haircut, blowave for $199* and at several points throughout the protest shrunk to this course of action is a rarity. BEN CRAVENS, DANNI PINTACASI, JAXON LANGLEY, SASKIA BUNCE-RATH, FLORENCE BURGER KING 10% off per hour fewer than five. Even student politics is barely political anymore. 2 Cheeseburgers for $3* DEAN, TYLER WEST, ERIN BROUGHTON, JAMES PHONE SURGEONS This is yet another example of how 18-30 year olds It’s now so far removed from political ideology that FORTUNE THEATRE MACLAURIN, JUSTENE ALLEN, DAVID CLARK, 10% off all phone, tablet & computer repairs have become, on the whole, largely apathetic to politics it’s simply become a contest of ‘popularity’ and ‘com- LUCY NORTHWOOD, ANNA LINTON, JACK CAPERS CAFE 2-for-1 tickets on Wednesday night and as a result are being ignored by the political estab- petency’ as opposed to a disagreement between the TREVELLA 2 for 1 gourmet pancakes* performances* PITA PIT lishment. In the last general election, for example, the ideological left or right. The OUSA Executive constantly Buy any petita size pita and get upgraded to DISTRIBUTION SAM LLOYD seven electorates with the lowest enrollment rates were make decisions on your behalf, many of which reflect CELLO HELL PIZZA a regular* ONLINE CONTENT MANAGER AMAN JAMWAL 5% off Logitech, 10% off Labour, 10% off Spend $20 or more and receive either free also those with the highest student populations (North the underlying ideological leanings of its members as network & data cables. Plus iPad/iMac/ Dunedin was the 6th lowest nationally). The 18-24 age a whole, but they certainly don’t flaunt their political MacBook educational pricing. wedges, garlic bread, or a 1.5L drink* POPPA’S PIZZA Free garlic bread with any regular or large range also had the second highest total enrollments affiliations. If they can become elected without ideo- ADVERTISING SALES TIM COUCH, PETER RAMSAY, HOT YOGA pizza* (behind only the ever increasing 70+ bracket), but logical affiliation, they can work on your behalf on the COSMIC 5 classes for $50* JESS DRYSDALE 10% student discount have the equal lowest voter turnout (as a percentage same basis. When you next see your student executive, PURE BEAUTY of total enrolled), with the second lowest being the ask them where they stand on the the political spec- INCH BAR 20% off eyelash extensions, $25 spray tans, 25-29 age range. trum; their reply will inevitably be “we’re not actually LUMINO THE DENTISTS $1 off Emerson’s draught pints $69 new patient exams and x-rays, plus Student Brazilian with free eyebrow shape We’ve gone from being politically disillusioned to affiliated to a political ideology.” Press them and then 10% off further treatments* $35 LEGIT LTD politically disinterested, and our voices aren’t being press them again. 50% off stickers heard simply because we’re not making them be heard, Of the two arguably most famous protests at Otago

ROB ROY DAIRY Issue 02 | Mar 2017 MEGAZONE either at election time or, when in between elections, University, the first came in the late ‘60s when students READ ONLINE Buy two games of mini golf or laser tag Free upgrade to a waffle cone ever Monday LIQUID ASSETS JUICE BAR in protest at decisions that affect us. Local and National took to the streets to protest the university’s prohibition CRITIC.CO.NZ and get a third free & Tuesday* ISSUU.COM/CRITIC_TE_AROHI 12.5% off all juices Government are ignoring our needs in preference of on mixed flatting. The second came a little more recently, SUBWAY other demographics because of this disinterest, and in the early ‘90s, when students of the day rioted before GET IN TOUCH RAPUNZEL’S LONE STAR [email protected] Monday to Friday, 1/2 head of foils Buy any six-inch meal deal and upgrade to a will continue to exploit this until we provide them with famously occupying the clocktower in opposition to the Up to 25% off selected beverages when you FACEBOOK.COM/CRITICTEAROHI including toner for $99, women’s cut footlong meal deal for free* the need to listen to us. university imposing fee increases. This put at bay the TWEET: @CRITICTEAROHI from $39, men’s cut from $29* book a function with us. $20 selected Beer Students of old would not have sat apathetically in increases until 1994 when the freeze on tuition fees was (03) 479 5335 Pitchers. $15 Margarita Jugs* SUPER SHUTTLES the face of constantly increasing tuition fees, cuts to nationally lifted, and ever since then universities across P.O. BOX 1436, DUNEDIN STIRLING SPORTS $20 to/from the airport university departments, the growing influence multi- New Zealand have leapt at the opportunity to cash in, 12.5% off all non-sale items MOBIL ANZAC AVE national corporations wield in our political sphere, our adding four percent to student tuition fees year on year. 2 x 500mL Lift Plus for $4 T.M. AUTOMOTIVE own government’s spying programme against us, TPPA, It’s not as though we have to sit back and think up novel Critic is a member of the Aotearoa Student THE POOLHOUSE $50 Warrant of Fitness fee Press Association (ASPA). NANDO’S etc. There are an enormous amount of issues that affect ways of opposing these increases; our parents have Disclaimer: the views presented within this CAFE & BAR publication do not necessarily represent the $9 for 1-hour pool table hire* Free regular peri-peri chips with every flame- VAPOURIUM our interests, as students and as citizens or residents. already provided those for us. views of the Editor, PMDL, or OUSA. grilled chicken, wrap, pita or burger. Free Get 20ml free with any starter kit When was the last time a large student group stood up Press Council: people with a complaint against chips upgrade with combo meals* a magazine should first complain in writing to VOID CLOTHING as a collective and forced change? Joe Higham the Editor and then, if not satisfied with the response, complain to the Press Council. Com- 10% off all non-sale items Critic Co-editor plaints should be addressed to the Secretary, PO Box 10-879 The Terrace, Wellington. *terms and conditions apply, see r1.co.nz/onecard for details

News 7

UNI NEWS Protestors Oppose Goldman Sachs Recruitment Drive

By Joe Higham

A group of protesters gathered at the entrance to the Hunter Centre on Wednesday 1 March in opposition to a Goldman Sachs information session as a result of their sizeable investments in the fossil fuel industry. Goldman Sachs, a global finance company, was hold- ing the information session to advertise employment opportunities for students wishing to pursue internships at their Auckland office. The company is heavily invested in the fossil fuel industry, specifically in Energy Transfer Partners (ETP), trying to ensure a better future for my children and the oil conglomerate that is overseeing the construction grandchildren”, but upon being told that she would be of the Dakota Access Pipeline (DAPL), an underground oil forcibly removed from the building if she continued to pipeline that will stretch 1,825km across the USA from resist, agreed to peacefully leave of her own accord. North Dakota to Illinois. Speaking to Critic, Stovall reiterated that their

Though blocked in one of Barack Obama’s final moves “commitment throughout the demonstration was to Issue 02 | Mar 2017 as president, the DAPL has been given a new lease of respectfully encourage Goldman Sachs to divest from life by the Trump Administration. Once completed, the the Dakota Access Pipeline,” before also “acknowl- pipeline will carry as many as 470,000 barrels of crude edging that the Proctor and Campus Watch went out of oil every day. their way to ensure the well-being and safety of both Will Stovall, the organiser of the protest, was called parties involved.” by the Proctor Dace Scott, to ensure that the protest A University Spokesperson said, “The Career Devel- would be civil and not impede Goldman Sachs’s ability opment Centre supports the rights of all students on to conduct their session. campus to protest in support of issues about which One member of the protest, Donna (pictured), entered they are passionate. They also have a duty to ensure the Hunter Centre to get closer to the session, something that relevant graduate and career opportunities are the protesters were specifically told not to do. She was available to students who wish to avail themselves of quickly approached by Campus Watch and asked to these. Ultimately it’s up to everyone to make their own leave. She initially stood her ground, saying: “I am just mind up in accordance with their values.” 8 News

UNI NEWS For many drinkers it is the energy content that is The beer industry’s move to encourage label- the most relevant consideration. Alcohol is very ling may begin a movement to change the code to high in empty calories (about 90cal per standard include wine and RTD products. There was previ- Last Night’s Bad drink for straight spirits), and that this fact is not ously a consideration in 2006 to further adapt the prominently featured leads to uninformed con- code to require nutritional information for RTDs, Choices Now sumers who underestimate their caloric intake. but the proposal was eventually dropped. While The absurdity of this is that while soft drinks both the Australian Consumers’ Association and Have a Calorie are required to comply by the standard the exact New Zealand Food Safety were supportive of the same product with a shot of vodka in it receives initiative, it was opposed by several large producers. Counts an exemption. The Distilled Spirits Association of New Zealand, Elaine Rush, Professor of Nutrition at AUT com- an alcoholic lobbying group, claimed that they were By Joel McManus mended the beer industry’s move, calling it “Good “not aware of any instances where the public has news,” and saying, “Consumers should be informed. been disadvantaged, misled or deceived from not A number of major players in the New Zealand Alcohol can contribute a considerable proportion reading nutritional information on product labels”. beer industry have made the voluntary step to of energy to the daily diet­—up to 20 percent—and­ A number of industry players raised concerns start featuring nutritional information labels on more with binge drinking. Often these ‘calories’ regarding costs to re-label products, and in 2009 their beverages. Both Lion Nathan and DB Brew- are ignored or under reported in surveys. Alcoholic the decision was put on hold, and eventually super- eries, the two largest producers in the country, drinks are part of our food patterns and should be seded, when a Ministerial Council ran a review of have got on board, and from this week onwards labelled the same way to inform consumers.” food labelling law and policy. the labels will be featured on Speight’s, Tui, Mac’s, Students often bemoan the restrictive regula- The Alcohol Policy Council, the NZ Nutrition Heineken, DB Draught, Monteiths, Steinlager and tions placed on their drinking habits, but increasing Foundation and several other consumer advocacy Waikato Draught. consumer information would be one way to help organisations made submissions on the matter of Unlike almost all other food products, alcohol is people make better choices and reduce binge nutritional information labelling. However, the not required to print nutritional information under drinking in a positive and non-restrictive manner. amount of these were eventually watered down the Australia New Zealand Food Standards code. When a box of Cruisers is forced to reveal it contains by submissions from industry lobbyists. The According to a spokesperson for FSANZ, alcohol is more than an entire day’s recommended intake of code was changed to require alcoholic products to exempt because most alcoholic beverages have calories, many may choose to think twice about include nutritional labelling—but only if the product minor nutritional significance­—except for their their drinking habits. made a specific nutritional claim, like low-carb energy and alcohol content. or gluten free. Issue 02 | Mar 2017 9 News - One Hyde Street resident, who did did who resident, Street Hyde One Quince said Ursula resident St Hyde enquir their continuing are Police encourages office Proctor’s The not wish to be named, said that “After be named, “After to notthat wish said definitely was there [the assaults] of ‘it element that could happen’. I’ve there if and now years two here been would I St Hyde on party big a was a feel nervous bit more probably I would than myself by home walking year.” last have come to expect not I did horrible, “It’s Describing in”. I moved when this into was “It said, she response police the there on Friday Especially massive. a was There police. many so were quite actually and it was band playing of heaps were tame, there but then street.” off the blocked and they cops and request assaults other the into ies contact information with anyone that (03)471 4800 or, on Police Dunedin anonymously report alternatively, 0800 555 111. on Crimestoppers to suspicious any witness who students or Police contact either to activity staff Watch Campus Watch. Campus and from hear to happy always are concerns any with students assist might have. they - On 25 February, the final day of of day final the 25 February, On A total of four assaults allegedly allegedly of assaults four A total confirmed spokesperson A police UNI NEWS UNI By Joel McManus dents. One has been remanded in in dents. has One been remanded is and other out the on strict custody bail conditions. arrested was a 17-year-old O-Week, two on a knife pulling allegedly for and of Hyde on corner the students confirm police While Streets. Albany two the used, not was knife the that of a result as injuries minor suffer did allegedthe attack. Residents on Hyde St have described described have St on Hyde Residents - fol “unsafe” and “shocked” feeling on the of assaults a spate lowing in three culminating in O-Week, street being made. arrests area student the around occurred of morning the hours in early the prior Sunday the 19 February, of assaults these of Two O-Week. to which of one St, Hyde on occurred left a a with broken male student being struck allegedly after nose suffered another awith bottle, while receiving allegedly after jaw a broken head). the to punch (sucker hit’ a ‘king 19 and both men, local two that at arrested were non-students, and charged end week the of last inci Street Hyde the to in relation Hyde St Residents Residents St Hyde “shocked” After Assaults After “shocked”

- couldn’t get hold of Bill English for an explanation, explanation, an for English Bill of hold get couldn’t

“New Zealanders might get the impression that Bill Eng that might get impression the Zealanders “New - Rob MP Grant Central Wellington from release A press “Employers tell us that there are a number of barriers to to barriers of a number are there that us tell “Employers Michael Woodhouse agreed with English, telling Critic telling English, with agreed Woodhouse Michael The Council of Trade Unions (CTU) described English’s English’s described (CTU) Unions Trade of Council The Critic The ‘record level’ of net migration for 2016, which stood at at stood 2016, which for migration net of level’ ‘record The English explained that high unemployment figures do not figures high unemployment explained that English

TOLD HIM ABOUT SOME KID WHO WHO KID SOME ABOUT HIM TOLD BILL ENGLISH’S MATE’S MATE MATE MATE’S ENGLISH’S BILL NATIONAL NEWS NATIONAL the last eight years.” eight last the how National has let down workers and young people over over people and young workers has let National down how Government’s failure in relation to housing. to in relation failure Government’s about facts the given drugs, altering mind on one the is lish comments were a diversionary tactic to hide the National hide National the to tactic a diversionary were comments ertson, entitled ‘What’s Bill been smoking?’, said that the the that said smoking?’, been Bill ‘What’s entitled ertson, mismatch, literacy, attitude, and recreational drug use.” drug attitude, and recreational mismatch, literacy, mismatch between where the jobs and jobseekers are, skills skills are, jobseekers and jobs the where between mismatch employment for some young Kiwi jobseekers, including a jobseekers, Kiwi young some for employment drug use being a barrier to employment.” employment.” to a barrier being use drug “I also hear of numerous anecdotes from employers about employers from anecdotes of“I numerous also hear widening of immigration policies.” widening of immigration by people looking for work, the Prime Minister justifies the the justifies Minister Prime the work, for looking people by than this. By completely overstating the issue of drug use use drug of issue the overstating completely By this. than Richard Wagstaff going on to say: “We as a society are better better are a society as “We say: to on going Wagstaff Richard comments as a use of “alternative facts”, with CTU President President CTU with facts”, “alternative of a use as comments before they employ migrants.” employ they before meaning employers have to first see if they can hire locals, locals, hire can they if see first to have employers meaning Woodhouse told Critic that we “have a Kiwis first policy, policy, first a Kiwis “have we that Critic told Woodhouse but Minister for Workplace Relations and Safety, Michael Michael and Safety, Relations Workplace for but Minister 71,000, was up from approximately 66,000 in 2015. in 66,000 approximately from up 71,000, was workplace drug tests. drug workplace they reflect the amount of young people who are failing failing are amount the people who of young reflect they into New Zealand, as he has been called on to do, but rather rather but do, to on called been has he as Zealand, New into reflect a need to limit the amount of unskilled immigrants limit a to amount need the immigrants of unskilled reflect anecdotal evidence. anecdotal admitting the comments he made were based entirely on on entirely based he made were admittingcomments the rates on young people failing workplace drug tests; despite despite tests; drug failing people on workplace young rates Prime Minister Bill English has blamed unemployment has unemployment blamed Bill English Minister Prime By Joe Higham Anecdotes? When You Can Use Can Use You When Why Use Facts Facts Use Why “TOOK SOME DRUGS ONCE” DRUGS SOME “TOOK 10 News

UNI NEWS area and the ways they could help OUSA president Hugh Baird said encourage a reduction in glass sales. “We appreciate the work that the An analysis of sales data from council has done so far to encourage Anti-Glass the stores found that only three out those alcohol stores to sell less glass, of the top 20 products sold by liquor but I also think we should create a Alliance stores in North Dunedin were glass, culture of drinking more tins than and none featured in the top 10. The glass around the campus area. Glass Assemble liquor stores also noted that they is a pain in the ass for everyone, had little room to move in terms of whether it’s not having bins big sales and promotion, as they were enough to get rid of the bottle, or By Joel McManus franchisees and, as such, national spending three days with tweezers chains determined their marketing trying to flick that tiny shard from The Dunedin City Council (DCC) schemes. While no concrete terms your foot. So if we can create a culture has engaged with local liquor store were reached, the licensees agreed where everyone moves to tins, I think owners in a coordinated effort to to try to push plastic and aluminium we’d all be better off.” reduce the number of glass products products over glass. Pickford also asked all students sold in North Dunedin, although they According to the DCC General to be aware that anyone who litters failed to nail down any specific plans. Manager Simon Pickford the coun- glass is liable for a fine of up to The policy was a key election cil investigated other options to $7,500, but said that “rather than promise made by Dunedin Mayor reduce or prohibit glass sales, such issue infringements we would rather Dave Cull during the 2016 local elec- as imposing conditions or fines on students took pride in their city, kept tions, and he made it a prominent licensees, but they received legal it safe and looking great.” point during the OUSA student forum. advice that local councils did not Kevin Mechen, DCC Liquor Licens- have the authority to stipulate ing Coordinator met with the owners/ packaging requirements on alcohol. operators of Super Liquor, Leith Only the Governor General has that Liquorland, and Henry’s to discuss power through an Act of Parliament the challenges of glass litter in the or regulation. Issue 02 | Mar 2017 11 - - - News

that because of the of the because that

EXCLUSIVE OFFER STUDENT A DEPARTMENT OF THE DUNEDIN CITYA DEPARTMENT COUNCIL Little stated that Ardern “represents a generation ageneration “represents Ardern that stated Little Ardern has been a forerunner of the New Zealand Zealand New the of a forerunner been has Ardern Critic tell to on went Little and likely the King’s resignation Following who are missing out because of the government’s of government’s the out missing because are who and housing, educa like health, on issues neglect tion, and she’ll bring that appeal [to younger voters] voters] younger [to appeal that bring she’ll and tion, position.” the to Parlia into since her entrance ever Labour Party - young Zealand’s New was she 2008, when in ment sitting MP. left-wingest demographic A youthful will cer which Ardern, with has aligned themselves damaged reputation. Labour’s help tainly recently and candidates MPs bunch of young “dynamic [he] the for confident is feeling board the across Election.” upcoming General whether on be will eyes all Ardern, of appointment a result. as rises polls the in place Labour’s - DUNEDIN | erms and conditions apply.

Student memberships can be purchased from reception Moana Pool Otago Student ID from Wednesday upon presentation of 2017 and Gym Usual Moana Pool March1 March 2017. to Friday 31 t NINE MONTH GYM/SWIM STUDENTNINE MONTH GYM/SWIM MEMBERSHIP $340, SWIM NINE MONTH STUDENT MEMBERSHIP $202 60 LITTLEBOURNE ROAD ROAD 60 LITTLEBOURNE 4000 PH 03 477 WWW.DUNEDIN.GOVT.NZ/MOANAGYM J02841 , “but ultimately she stuck to her her to stuck she , “but ultimately

“I did ask her [King] to stay on the front bench bench front the on stay to [King] her ask “I did King’s move comes amid media speculation that amid that comes media speculation King’s move By Anna Linton NATIONAL NEWS NATIONAL Annette King’s Departure Departure King’s Annette Ardern Jacinda Leaves Labour’s Become to Poised Deputy Leader Party’s Labour the as down stood has King Annette Andrew and leader both herself with Leader, Deputy as her successor. Ardern Jacinda endorsing Little and it,” did she consider Portfolio, Health the with Critic told Little decision to step out of parliament in September and in September out of parliament step to decision decision.” that respect I totally Septem the looming before was a Labour reshuffle or pushed King was Whether Election. ber General political jumped, she is she a seasoned whether that has left a vacuum and her departure veteran, be filling. likely will Ardern Jacinda it seems www.op.ac.nz/sport Performance and Movement Analysis Massage Therapy

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Here are some alternative facts for you to wow your friends & family with: Tsuruta City, Japan Cheap duvets are often filled with Around 30 bald Japanese men met dryer lint. at a hot spring facility last week to celebrate their hairless heads. The men competed in a tug- of- war 43% of people become pilots Nijmegen-Zuid, Netherlands style game in which suction cups, because they can’t bear to stand A 99-year-old woman was arrested after attached to a single rope, were on the same earth as their enemies. deciding she did not want to die without attached to their heads. The aim 12% just want to die. spending time in the cells. ‘Annie’ told her niece of the game was to pull the cup off getting arrested was something she had always the other bald man’s head. wanted to do, but hadn’t. Her obliging niece If humans don’t wear clothes then called up the local police, explained the for a long time, the skin on their situation and Annie was picked up from her shoulders and stomachs grows house and taken into custody for a few minutes. out in giant flaps, which fall to naturally cover the indecent parts of the body. How do you know HUGH—Schnitzelogy 1 when your night in 1 When the conversation gets boring town is over? 2 ? Paraguay and Uruguay are actually 3 Batman the same country. They pretend to What is your 4 Keep them as they are be two countries in order to get two 2 favourite food 5 Headbutt him seats at the UN. place on campus?

When you were five, GEMMA—Law All hooved animals share a common 3 what did you want 1 I don’t go to town ancestor with the clothes peg. to be when you 2 Flying Squid grew up? 3 Librarian 4 Ten If left to grow, a zucchini will turn If you could 5 File a harassment claim into a marrow, then a Swiss ball, 4 redesign a shark, then a chaise lounge, then a fire how many teeth engine, and finally a cloud. would you give it? MICHAELA—Law & Theology 1 I just watch Netflix and go to bed What would you do 2 Sushi Station A newborn baby can carry 500x its 5 if John Key pulled 3 Doctor own body weight on its back. your pony tail? 4 Same number of teeth but blunt 5 Laugh

A4 photocopy paper is white because each piece has been MELISHA & SHIVANI—Health Sci brushed with the feather of a snow- 1 When we puke or it gets too quiet white dove. 2 Union grill 3 Jeweller or dance teacher 4 Four—two on top and two on bottom Penises are baby snakes. This has BUNCH FIVES OF 5 Slap him got to stop. As moral creatures we have to be satisfied with one type of genitalia and stop abducting DUCK—Bread Science snake babies. 1 When drunk people stop feeding me chips 2 The concrete outside the food court 3 A lovely swan Help is just a phone-call away. 4 No teeth, just a nice healthy bill Unless you’re a snake (no hands). 5 File a lawsuit for sexual harassment. Issue 02 | Mar 2017 13

bed diary Trevors Trevors IKEA Christian Christian 13 fart McDonald’s kept a kept Clives & Clives FACTS & FIGURES 4 Clive-Trevors were born) were Clive-Trevors NEWS IN BRIEFS MADE NEWS IN BRIEFS MADE MUCH POSSIBLE BY OF: COFFEE COURTESY 0 By Jack Trevella cross One in ten European babies babies European One in ten in an conceived are sentence The most common books is in the Harry Potter ‘Nothing happened’ A ‘quarter pounder’ than a fifth of less weighs a pound when cooked Mozart Only Picasso Research The UK Dyslexia is in Reading. Centre George W Bush & Saddam Hussein had their shoes the same by hand-made Italian cobbler fought The shortest war ever Britain and was between 1896. 27, August on Zanzibar after surrendered Zanzibar More people in the world in the world people More the recognise When the Mona Lisa was Lisa was When the Mona in Louvre the from stolen was 1911, one of the suspects were born in the UK in 2011 the UK in 2011 born in were ( symbol than the than symbol

By Charlie O’Mannin

past decade. ODT and awkward grammar. and awkward fashioned ODT ineptitude. fashioned ODT WATCH column and its demure author. and its demure column We will not be lured outside by by outside will not be lured We Nothing makes us at ODT Watch Watch us at ODT Nothing makes in the past, ODT Watch would like like would Watch in the past, ODT pergola and an ornamental pond. pergola professionally with the ODT for the the for with the ODT professionally anything less than a gazebo, a rose a rose than a gazebo, less anything president). Dan Hendra has worked has worked Hendra Dan president). to take this opportunity to formally formally this opportunity take to to more aroused than a nice bit of old bit of old than a nice aroused more president, he is also not the man in he is also not the man in president, hyperbole, tedious subject material subject material tedious hyperbole, the photo (who is also not the OUSA is also not the OUSA (who the photo While we may have insulted the ODT the ODT insulted have may we While Not only is Dan Hendra not the OUSA not the OUSA Hendra Not only is Dan And finally, the ODT’s patented mix of mix of patented ODT’s the And finally, order to make a pop culture reference. a pop culture make to order acknowledge the excellence that is this that is this the excellence acknowledge This week, the ODT proved yet again that again that yet proved the ODT This week, they will brave nonsensical surrealism in in surrealism nonsensical will brave they

watched was still playing. was still playing. watched the morning, the DVD the burglar the burglar the morning, the DVD the owner of the shop returned in in returned of the shop the owner the same hole in the roof. When When in the roof. the same hole damage before he escaped through he escaped through before damage The Adult Shop, causing £1,500 of causing £1,500 of Shop, The Adult smashed a hole through the roof of of the roof through smashed a hole inflatable doll in hand. The burglar doll in hand. The burglar inflatable before escaping with only a life-size a life-size escaping with only before sex shop and watched an erotic film film an erotic shop and watched sex An amorous burglar broke into a a into broke burglar An amorous Bury, England England Bury, By Jack Trevella —Health Sci —Law & Theology —Law —Law —Schnitzelogy —Bread Science —Bread MELISHA & SHIVANI & MELISHA DUCK MICHAELA GEMMA HUGH I just watch Netflix and go to bed go Netflix and I just watch Sushi Station Doctor but blunt Same number of teeth Laugh quiet too or it gets puke When we Union grill teacher or dance Jeweller on bottom and two on top Four—two Slap him me chips feeding stop When drunk people court the food outside The concrete swan A lovely bill healthy just a nice No teeth, harassment. sexual File for a lawsuit I don’t go to town to go I don’t Flying Squid Librarian Ten File claim a harassment When the conversation gets boring gets When the conversation ? Batman are them as they Keep Headbutt him 14 News

OPINION Keep a cool head. Even if you are passionate about what How to keep 1you are arguing for, nothing will be served if the other person thinks you talking when the are trying to intimidate them. world is upside Make the debate rational. down… Even if you are not sure whether the other person is being honest and serious, take them seriously. Reason the way you think we should, The world has been turned on its head. Tradi- 2when arguing about important issues. (Hint: tionally stable democracies are wobbling left ?! when you argue with someone, you should be and mostly right. Voters are supporting poli- trying to learn from them, not prove that they cies and politicians that would have seemed or their friends or their compatriots are less bizarre five years ago and seem frightening smart than you). now. Perhaps it will happen in New Zealand. We don’t know. The details differ from the USA to the UK to France to Holland, but everywhere, ?!! communication is breaking down. Truth itself Work out what you disagree about. is under attack. Is it the facts or is it the values you hold? State your Political polarisation on a grand scale is reasoning. Ask for theirs. Tell them why you think getting Humanities scholars out of bed very your argument is convincing. Ask them why3 they early in the morning. But as a long time teacher think theirs is. Keep going until you both understand of Critical Thinking (PHIL105), I can’t help but how each other’s arguments work and what assump- see this as a very personal everyday problem. tions they rest on. How can we live together in an environment in which disagreement is filtered out of our Facebook feeds, and where politicians and If you disagree on the facts, visit factcheck.org. activists feel entitled to make up facts and I recommend their article on “How to Spot Fake News”. Talk about abandon rational debate? evidence. Tell them what sort of evidence would make you change your What we desperately need is effective, mind. Ask them what would change theirs. If you can’t agree on the facts honest, productive argument with people and it really matters to both of you, consider taking a course.4 Physics, whose passionately held beliefs are diamet- History, Chemistry, Criminology, Genetics, you’ve come to the right place. rically opposed to our own. Be it immigration, jobs, climate change, abortion, taxes—all manner of political, cultural and scientific ideas—we­ have to be able to talk about that which divides us. But how do you do that? If you disagree about values, work out what values are doing ?!! Here are some handy tips for having successful the work. arguments with someone you just don’t get 5I value my sleep because I value my health, because I value and who doesn’t get you. happiness. So happiness is the fundamental value here. The others are just instrumental. Fundamental disagreements about values are common and they can be managed. Politics, Philosophy, Sociology, Anthropology, History and many other By Associate Professor James Maclaurin departments are full of expertise about making diversity a fuel for success, not a recipe for disaster.

James Maclaurin is a philosopher of science at the University of Otago. 6 He has a particular interest in the life sciences and computing and See the other person’s point of view. information science (particularly If you find this hard, try writing down your artificial intelligence and it’s impact arguments and then reading out each oth- on humanity). We asked him to talk er’s. Tell them what you think they think. about how to argue constructively. Ask them what they think you think. Issue 02 | Mar 2017 15 News

otago

Promo Code: - sup extremely were with I spoke Students recent over Critic in column this written I’ve chance the take do please met, yet haven’t we If Dunedin of people the represent to proud I am the Monday of O-Week were roughly double the the double roughly were O-Week of Monday the year. election last O-week entire the for number out find to keen were City Tent at met I Those later and help us change government to the more, year. this years three introduce to plan Labour’s of portive agreed Many education. post-secondary of free make can we investment important most the that me that as is a in country our people. showed It is society fairer a creating of a part be to drive the body. student Otago the amongst well-represented this have to I continue that I’m thankful and years, the MP, I value electorate local the As opportunity. - con ongoing an have to has column this ability I students. to matter that about issues versation they people the as good as only MP is an believe I get feedback the that you assure I can and to, talk better you this column from helps me represent to in Parliament. campus, on me see you when views your share to regular my of one at or Link, the in lunch having needs that an issue campus clinics. have If you StudyLink, with a problem like attention, urgent short the make please or a landlord, Immigration at office 32 Albany my to road the across trip the and tavern Cook Captain the (between Street help. can we how see will we and dairy) Roy Rob doesn’t does office often my stuff useful most The headlines! make to best absolute my I try Parliament. in North don’t but please in Parliament, well you represent I’m easily think. you what wondering die me let (fb.com/DavidClarkMP) Facebook on contactable [email protected]. email by or bargainbox.co.nz. Tasty recipes and fresh ingredients delivered ingredients and fresh recipes Tasty place. Ready in around 30 minutes. your to Check out Suss your your Suss under for flat per week! $30 each I hope you have created plenty of good memories of good plenty memories created have I hope you in spike a real witness to I got O-Week This DAVID CLARK DAVID There’s a real buzz in Dunedin during Orientation in buzz Orientation Dunedin during a real There’s fill streets the alive, come bars and Cafés Week. home and new empty their people exploring with hubs into and flats colleges transform University of activity. will that friends made new and have thisO-Week, of Otago experience a lifetime.last shared The unique and that’s is really something students Dunedin. to special on sign-ups Labour campus. on interest political Introducing Introducing O-Week the MP / - Acknowledge bias. bias. Acknowledge built-in beings have Human other biases. Amongst cognitive to likely much more are things, we and arguments by be persuaded that support the beliefs evidence Check out the hold. currently we and blue Journal’s red Street Wall (graphics.wsj. experiment feed see to com/blue-feed-red-feed/) polarised social media is just how So ask your making public debate. self “how might people disagree disagree might people self “how argument out your with me?” Try so well know don’t you on people different think of as holding or you yours. opinions to …and once you’ve done all this work, work, this all done you’ve once …and talking Keep something. for count it make filter-bubble. New your outside people to So, this year. has later an election Zealand get home, call you land the in or here it be out and vote!

Be practical. Be practical. the differences Acknowledging think we you do how you, between What together? best live should to make we should concessions one another?

8 7 ?!! 16 Politics

INTERNATIONAL UNIVERSITY OF PORT MORESBY OAXACA TEACHERS’ STRIKE, PAPUA NEW GUINEA MEXICO Closest to us geographically, 17 Over a dozen people were killed in Struggle, students at the University of Port widespread fighting between education Moresby in Papua New Guinea were workers and police in Oaxaca, Mexico What Struggle? injured when police opened fire on during a four month long national an anti-government demonstration teachers strike. The strike, which largely By Tyler West calling for PM Peter O’Neill to step ended in September, pitched teachers and down over corruption allegations. their students against the government The shooting sparked riots and unrest over the arrest of union leaders and the The entirety of ‘things wot gon dun happened throughout June in the capital and introduction of education reforms that to students last year’ can’t in all honesty be other parts of the country. Buildings proposed instituting bulk-testing for contained in a listicle. Much as in years before, and cars were torched on the campus, teachers across the education system. Student-protests/Manfred-Werner-Tsui/CC-BY-2.0/flickr and likely years to come, 2016 was an often as well as claims of police stations bloody year for anything that might resemble being stormed by locals in the High- a real ‘student movement’ worldwide. lands Region. O’Neill has been ducking In everything that made last year a horrible and weaving attempts to bring him one, a lot of what made it horrible for students to court since serious investigations vanished into the miasma of 24/7 crisis news. began three years ago. Between natural disaster and political disin- tegration, an often fierce struggle for a better world played out in disparate movements across the globe. A national student strike ground the education system to a halt in Spain. Students David-Holt/CC-BY-2.0/flickr joined thousands of militant workers fighting OROMIA PROTESTS, labour law reform in France. Youth riots carried ETHIOPIA the ragged flag of the Arab Spring into its fifth Since August, over 500 people have been year in Bahrain. 18-year-old Danish Mazoor was killed and thousands detained in Ethiopia shot dead at independence clashes in Kash- during anti-government protests to end mir. Sudanese student Abubakar Hassan was political repression, human rights abuses,

killed by security forces at Kordofan University, Nicolás15/CC-BY-SA-3.0/wikimedia and land seizures. Students have been as was Peter Ofurum at the University of Port NEW EDUCATION REFORM particularly mobilised alongside work- Harcourt in Nigeria. Occupations gripped over CHILE ers, Oromo farmers and human rights Joxemai/CC-BY-SA-4.0/wikimedia 200 schools in São Paulo, Brazil to stop their Repeated clashes between students organisations. Ongoing since late 2015, closure. 70,000 marched against education cuts (with help from sympathetic work- the protests are over a plan by the Ethi- in Buenos Ares, Argentina. ers) and riot police (with help from opian government to integrate the cap- Perhaps it is all too much to comprehend the military) broke out at several ital, Addis Ababa, with the surrounding and maybe even not particularly connected to major demonstrations in Chile over towns, which would have required the us here in the depths of the Australasian world. demands that the government cease dislocation of local Oromo farmers from But for whatever glimmer of internationalist stalling plans to introduce free tertiary their land. Around 10 students were idealism it’s worth, here are some of the most education. Numbering up to 100,000 killed in a massacre on 10 December dramatic, destructive, and occasionally inspir- in Santiago on several occasions, 2015, immediately preceding the wave ing things to happen to students in 2016. efforts to quell the protests, which of repression last year. have been ongoing for a decade, went as far as the deployment of police to particularly restive campuses ahead of demonstrations to ‘dissuade’ stu- dents from skipping class to attend. Protest-in-Whitehall/David-Holt/CC-BY-2.0/flickr

with New Zealand’s #DreamExploreConnect Ultimat Yout Trave Car www.yha.co.nz Politics 17

EDUCATION SECTOR PURGE, NATIONAL TURKEY In the aftermath of Turkey’s failed 15 July coup d’état attempt, some 44,000 Jacinda Ardern Ministry of Education workers and over 7,000 academics have been sacked or a smart pick for arrested by the government as part of a massive ongoing state purge. A Labour deputy determined push has hit the education system to remove accused sympathisers of the exiled preacher Fethullah Gülen, a By George Elliott former ally of President Erdoğan and now the favoured bogeyman of the ruling gov- Labour’s caucus will elect a new deputy leader this week and ernment (alongside Kurdish separatism). they’d be stupid to not be on board with Jacinda Ardern. The wave of sackings has also seen over Annette King’s most recent tenure as deputy was always 1,000 private schools and 15 universities meant to be a temporary arrangement, but she did leave closed by the state, alongside hundreds with one last battle cry last week, sternly telling off the news of other institutions from trade unions to media for floating the idea she was stepping aside for Ardern. media outlets and medical clinics.

Auckland has fallen in love with her. Her coffee-‘n’-muffin balances Little’s union toast.

Regardless, Ardern magically appeared on que when King announced her resignation. Labour shouldn’t be afraid to own this decision—it’s a cool move. Jacinda (first name basis a bonus) has become a well-known

Discott/CC-BY-SA-4.0/wikimedia campaigner for the Labour Party. She’s a brand in her own right. FEES MUST FALL CAMPAIGN, Young Labour see her as a hip role model. Auckland has fallen in SOUTH AFRICA love with her. Her coffee-‘n’-muffin balances Little’s union toast. Reignition of the Fees Must Fall campaign Ardern’s recent victory in the Mt. Albert by-election was in South Africa saw occupations sweep an effective springboard, but it wasn’t her first. In 2014, she university campuses across the country energised both the party’s senior members and student groups in August, demanding that no increases when she ran as Grant Robertson’s deputy in Labour’s leadership be made to tuition fees in 2017. The same election, winning with caucus and party membership, despite demand had been achieved in the initial losing to Andrew Little and his union backers. 2015 occupation wave, with many angling Ardern is perceived as authentic and confident on campus and for the eventual rollout of free tertiary main street alike. She’s become a recognisable voice on national Issue 02 | Mar 2017 education across South Africa. The Uni- television and radio, pushing hard on the government’s sore versity of Witwatersrand Vice-Chancellor issues: the Auckland housing crisis and child poverty. Better Adam Habib estimated, during initial yet, she’s not associated with the last Labour-led government. discussions with students early last She could even become more popular than Andrew Little, and year, that a R8 billion (about $850 million that’s a realistic risk. God forbid, imagine if there was another NZD) increase in government funding of jading, “soul-searching” leadership competition before Sep- tertiary education would suffice to cover tember, poisoning Labour’s chances and giving Patrick Gower all tuition fees. As percentage of GDP another thing to smirk at. South Africa spends considerably less Ardern represents a refreshing generational shift in New on tertiary education (0.7%) than both Zealand politics, which could be what’s needed in a party that the OECD average (1.3%) and many of its still looks unable to shake off its bumbling image, communicate continental neighbours (Ghana spends its relevance and challenge a stale third-term National-led twice as much at 1.4%). government. 18 Sports

SUPER RUGBY mattered—the score. Another positive about the game was the atmosphere. CHIEFS 24 You have never really been to a game Tries: James Lowe Highlanders until you have been to one in the Zoo. The 2, Hika Elliot Aaron heaving mass of sweat and foundation Cruden 3 cons, pen Sunk by Chiefs was in fine voice on Friday. The Zoo is the one place where freshers and 3rd years HIGHLANDERS 15 are on equal footing, making for a night Lima Sopoaga 5 pens of education for one and a sleep-over By Jamie Green in their old hall and a walk of shame in HALFTIME: 14-9 the morning for the other. Highlanders If there’s one problem with sports, it’s that Hermitude had dropped bass the night games are one of the true highlights of you have to pick sides, one side wins and before. On more than one occasion, the any degree at Otago and, unlike 9am Great atmosphere, too one side loses. No other entertainment Highlanders were poised to attack, only to lectures, they are not to be missed. many mistakes from the product has this problem. Unfortunately, spill the pill trying to force an extra pass ‘Landers I was on the losing side on Friday night that wasn’t needed. as the Chiefs made the trip to the lunch For their part, the Chiefs had a rock box to take on our beloved Highlanders. solid defensive wall that would have It was lucky game number seven for the made Trump envious, but other than a Chiefs, who had lost their previous six on moment of set piece brilliance that saw the trot to the mighty south, but it was Hika Elliot sneak down the blindside for a really a game that the Highlanders lost try from a lineout, the Chiefs could just sit more than the visitors won. back and wait for gifts. Two early intercept Bad decision making and poor basic tries killed the home side’s confidence skills let the home side down. The High- and with that the game was lost. landers gifted tries like they were Indome On a positive note, new signing Tevita Noodles at orientation and dropped more Li looked dangerous, and the Highlanders balls inside the Chiefs twenty-two than lead on every stat other than the one that

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near the Hot Salt Water Pool. All studies are approved by a Health and Disability Ethics Committee administered by the Ministry of Health More bus info: www.orc.govt.nz/buses FRIENDLY STAFF GREAT FOOD FREE INTERNET Issue 02 | Mar 2017 19 Sports

What this One Day International series has done, has done, series International What this Day One matched evenly how just highlight is however, and build squadsimmense are, some two these This series series. upcoming the test for anticipation and Wednesday, on Dunedin in our beloved begins old and students of body local the that expected is it scenic will pack out beautifully the train-watchers few a are here mind, in that With Oval. University expect: to what on tips Likely XIs: Likely Latham, Kane Tom Jeet Raval, New Zealand: Henry Nicholls, BJ Taylor, Williamson (C), Ross Santner, Mitchell De Grandhomme, Colin Watling, Boult. Trent Tim Southee, Neil Wagner, Hashim Dean Elgar, Cook, Stephen South Africa: Bavuma, Temba JP Duminy, Du Plessis, Amla, Faf Keshav Philander, Vernon De Kock, Quinton Morkel. Morne Rabada, Kagiso Maharaj,

Mitchell Santner to Continue his Development Continue his to Santner Mitchell begun slowly has crowds, the by known fondly is he as “Slinky” With Vettori. Daniel greats, all-time our of one resemble to is he ability, batting more-than-handy and off-spin wily his between becoming a vital cog in outfit. NZ partnerships the The capability his for well-renowned is who Watling, BJ and him suffer Caps Black the if crucial be will wag, tail the make to innings, to test starts his slower With collapse. a traditional Also him look for Wagner and platform. is Neil ideal the cricket wickets. key earn and spells grueling long, bowl to McGrath the Glen Philander to Warrant Comparisons pace, he has just extreme doesn’t Philander have While Vernon and speed sharp accuracy, unerring tool: other about every reflected is skill This ways. both ball the move to ability the when 21.40, and, of average bowling test outrageous his in to comparisons the that see to easy is it play, him watching like Just well-warranted. are McGrath Glenn great Australian will thrive who of type bowler the is Philander exactly Wagner, mantle the takes he out, Steyn with and pitch; Dunedin the on in a 5 wicket-bag for in him Book attack. the of leader the as one innings. at least The Black Caps to Come Close to a Result a to Close Come Caps to Black The be side must dominance African the of this South Although are Caps it Black also be the that has to mentioned stressed, they a record is That Oval. University the at undefeated still statistic This soon. anytime relinquish to eager too be won’t game be should a thriller. excitement—this adds the to simply 4 5 6 At the time the ofMartin writing, has Guptill At just put the an with sword, the to attack bowling African South a 7 to wicket Caps Black 180 the leading undefeated game final the 2-2 with at series the levels This win. the by thus Saturday; on Auckland in played be to this, champagne the will either reading time you’re Villiers De AB to over handed or popped been have Africans. and South the Hashim Amla to Make a Mockery of the the of Mockery a Make to Hashim Amla Attack Bowling the on batsmen test best the of one as viewed Perennially the anchor to continues 49.99, Amla of average an with scene lineup. batting African Although South powerful immensely plenty batsmen also gives pitch Oval the movement, it offers what I’m unsure set. get and this endure can they if reward of worth well 31 50s, it’s and 26 centuries with but are, odds the a 100. for Amla on money some putting

Southee is another man who has some serious questions to to questions serious hasis mansome another who Southee no by is place test his and doubt, in is place ODI His answer. offer however, does, Oval University The either. certain means Southee is when this and bowlers, swing to assistance fair test last the in 8 wickets taking After element. his into comes up him look cover for to in Christchurch, Bangladesh against money good The here. wickets crucial a few with woes ODI his innings. first the in a five-fer on is Southee to do Likewise do to Southee

Tom Latham to Silence the Critics the Silence to Latham Tom team, ODI the for gloves wicket-keeping the taking Since in nine his just scoring form, in woeful been has Latham in form longer the innings. prospect is He a different five last Mark since batsman opening best NZ’s be to looks and though, strongly, co. and Rabada combat to him Expect Richardson. on him a century. for money putting some consider and even RUGBY

MORE the troops superbly. Watch this space. Watch superbly. troops the will be a huge test, as they look much improved and Tana Umaga is marshaling is marshaling Umaga and Tana lookwill much improved be as they a huge test, Buckman back, I know where my money is. The game against the Aucklanders is. Aucklanders the game against money The my where back, IBuckman know the Crusaders, or 0-2 after a sad loss to our Southern rivals. With Barracuda Barracuda With rivals. Southern our to loss a sad 0-2 after or Crusaders, the VS Blues in Auckland, 7:35 PM 7:35 Blues in Auckland, VS will be either 1-1 dismantling Highlanders the after time the of reading, At Saturday March 11th 11th March Saturday Watch Highlanders Highlanders CRICKET By Charlie Hantler

& Tricks Dunedin—Tips Dunedin—Tips Black Caps in Caps in Black

3

2 1 Sam Fraser-Baxter THEIR SEA OR OURS?

ottlenose dolphins, grey nurse Bsharks and green turtles were among the dead hauled out of shark nets around Sydney in 2015. he New South Wales government’s Tmost recent performance report details If a shark was the marine life captured by the Shark Meshing programme. 2015 recorded 748 “marine life interactions” with the nets, up from 189 in 2014. Of the hooked, alive animals caught by the nets, 86% were threatened, protected, or non-target species, while the other 14% of animals caught were and over three target shark species. To many, the results of the report are horrific. Environmentalists who excoriate the state’s meshing program will likely describe the metres in length, results as an abysmal, archaic, atrocious failure. Unfortunately for all marine life, shark nets are blind and indiscriminate. The mesh size is designed to entangle sharks, which is also well it would be shot suited to catching dolphins, rays and turtles. Since 1937, shark nets have been deployed seasonally at 51 beaches around Sydney. In in the head theory, shark nets reduce the risk of humans and sharks encountering one another, by lowering the number of sharks in close vicinity to popular beaches. However, 2015 saw a huge an unprecedented string of seven fatalities surge in marine life being entangled in the nets. between 2010 and 2013 in WA waters, Premier The report describes two performance Colin Barnett announced the state’s Imminent indicators; the first being to reduce the risk Threat Policy. The policy saw the deployment of of shark attacks in the meshing programme 72 baited drum lines near popular WA beaches. region. Just one water-user was bitten at The programme was simple - if a shark was a beach while nets were set in the Sydney hooked, alive and over three metres in length, meshing region. The second performance it would be shot in the head. The premise of the indicator is to “minimise the impact on non- policy was that, by lowering the population target and threatened species”. of large sharks, the likelihood of humans and The report doesn’t explicitly state whether dangerous sharks encountering one another the performance indicators were achieved. would be reduced. While the NSW Department of Primary The announcement of the policy saw Industries might argue that the programme instantaneous public outcry. Scientists was a success in protecting the beaches around excoriated the programme as an immoral, Sydney, their aim of minimising ecological unscientific witch-hunt. Protests saw harm seems to be a hopeless failure. The vast thousands turning out to condemn the cull at majority of marine life caught was non-target. localities like Cottesloe Beach in Perth (which Given the spike in marine life caught by the experienced a fatality in 2011), Manly NSW programme, it seems surprising that the report (where, perhaps ironically, a shark net was hasn’t initiated meaningful discussion about set a few hundred metres off shore behind the how the risk of shark attacks can be better protestors) and even internationally in New managed in Sydney. Zealand and South Africa. In contrast, West Australia’s 2014 Imminent The shark cull was depicted worldwide as an Threat Policy, dubbed the ‘shark cull’ by environmental catastrophe, an unjust calamity media, was hugely controversial. Following driven by irrational, emotional fear. Over 100 shark experts signed an open letter decrying statistician would be hesitant to attribute the cull. It even saw the vandalisation of WA success to the policy. Correlation does not mean Premier Collin Barnett’s office by a protester, causation. Shark attack statistics are patchy who took to his office windows with a hammer, and variable, meaning that making sense of before spraying the words ‘EGO MANIAC’ in a miniscule sample size over such a small fluorescent, splattered all caps. amount of time is inadvertently flawed and On 26 January, the programme’s first wildly inaccurate. victim, a tiger shark, was hauled up, shot in the When drum lining had kicked off in head four times with a 22. calibre rifle, dragged February, WA fisheries minister Ken Baston out to sea and dumped. Media documented was asked by the media for a response to the the execution-style death and pandemonium protest in Manly against the shark cull. Baston ensued. Social media erupted into a furore of rightly pointed out that shark nets had been frenzied protest. used around Sydney for years. Images of the tiger shark being shot in the Baston’s answer insinuated hypocrisy - head offered a potent narrative for those who how could the NSW public protest the shark cull, opposed the cull. It flipped the criminalised when sharks were also being killed in NSW for media portrayal of sharks as worthy of the same purpose of protecting water-users? prosecution. It depicted sharks as vulnerable Of all marine life caught by the WA drum and man as dangerous. line programme, only 4.6 percent was non- Barnett’s catch-and-kill dictatorship in target. The statistic provides a stark contrast the waters around WA was in full swing. As with the NSW Shark Meshing programme, sharks continued to be hauled up, shot and whose non-target marine life comprised 86 dumped, the torrents of criticism directed percent of 2015’s total catch. at the WA government only intensified. The So why, then, does a programme that did popular media, who have for so long offered seem to manage to successfully “minimise the sensationalised and damaging reports of impact on non-target and threatened species” sharks as man-eaters, had a field day tearing come under intense public scrutiny, while a into the government’s drum lining policy. programme that kills a huge amount of non- The drum lining trial ended in April, and target and endangered marine life is largely in September Colin Barnett announced the ignored? The answer may lie in the historical discontinuation of the programme. During the longevity of the meshing programme. ten-week drum lining trial, 172 sharks were The Shark Meshing programme dates back caught. Fifty of the sharks caught were tiger to the mid 1930s. Between 1927 and 1930, NSW sharks measuring over 3 meters, which were recorded nine fatal shark attacks. The string subsequently shot and dumped. No great of fatalities installed a new breed of post-war whites were caught. paranoia in the NSW public. While no shark attacks were recorded The harbinger for NSW’s war on sharks in WA waters during the drum line trial, any was Victor Coppleson, a doctor and advisor to Their aim of minimising ecological harm seems to be a hopeless failure

the Surf Lifesaving Association of Australia. After the WA shark cull in January 2015, the then of the nets has been controversial for many Coppleson believed the public were being NSW Premier Mike Baird announced, “One thing environmentalists living in the area, the Baird misled by research stating that sharks do not we will not be doing in NSW is culling sharks”. government has managed to avoid significant intentionally bite people. Coppleson believed Baird continued to offer this sentiment of not criticism by the NSW public and media. sharks were responsible for attacking humans “culling sharks” throughout 2015. The narrative surrounding this deployment and set out to change the rhetoric that explained His tactful choice of the word “cull” of nets on the North Coast was significantly shark attacks. instead of “kill” suggested to the public that different from the narrative in WA: sharks bit In 1933, Coppleson published “Shark Attacks his government would never do 0a thing as people on the North Coast and Mike Baird, the in Australian Waters” in the Australian Medical barbaric as the WA government, while ignoring good-guy surfing premier, who didn’t want to Journal. “The evidence that sharks will attack the fact that his government does indeed kill “cull” sharks, employed scientists to research man,” he argued, “is complete”. many sharks, as well as dolphins, turtles and and study them, so water-users could better Sharks were no longer benign and rays, each year. learn to co-exist with them. But, when tensions mysterious creatures of the deep, but prowling Considering the vast array of non-target heightened, he had to protect the people, so monsters waiting for man to enter the ocean. marine life caught by the Shark Meshing he deployed shark nets fitted with whale and Coppleson ignited an all out war on sharks, programme it seems bizarre that the issue dolphin pingers, to be rigorously checked by a battle of man against beast. In 1937 the is swept under the rug in NSW. Why are we fisheries staff. NSW government introduced the Shark so critical of new policies that involve killing The six-month trial of the shark nets on Meshing programme. sharks, but comparatively complacent when it the North Coast ends in May this year. At that Ever since, shark nets have been deployed comes to criticising old ones? point, the NSW government will decide whether every summer in Sydney. They’re out of sight An image of a shark entangled in net doesn’t the seasonal deployments of nets on the North and out of mind. Their success in reducing fatal seem to elicit the same panicked emotional Coast will carry on in unison with the Shark shark attacks has been trumpeted by the NSW response that an image of a shark with a Meshing programme. The decision is likely to government and the public rarely questions hook in its mouth and a gun to its head does. be marred in controversy. their deployment each summer. They were Hooking and shooting a shark seems barbaric. Removing shark nets from any beach would installed at a time when sharks were believed Entangling and drowning a shark doesn’t. be a high-risk political move. If someone were to intentionally hunt man. Reporting of the WA shark executions to be attacked at that beach, the government Nowadays the prevailing scientific rhetoric created a simple narrative for the public: sharks would be in the firing line and, in the public eye, is that shark attacks are commonly a case of bit people in WA, so the government, led by a responsible for the attack. mistaken identity. If sharks did want to hunt myopic tyrant on a violent vendetta, tasked If the nets are discontinued, North Coast humans, many more would die by shark attack his fisheries goons with the simple mission surfers will undoubtedly ask why beaches every year. Science has taught us that the of hunting and executing all large sharks, are protected around Sydney, but not around ocean’s eco-systems badly need sharks. guilt or innocence irrelevant. The policy was Ballina. If someone is attacked there next Our modern understanding of sharks understandably controversial. summer, the NSW government will be in the means that the implementation of any new In December last year, the NSW government firing line. It’s a risk the NSW Government may policy that involves killing sharks is often met announced the forthcoming trial of five shark not want to take. with fierce opposition. But at the same time, we nets on the North Coast. The announcement So, for now, it’s likely that shark nets are rarely question the continuation of old policies came in the wake of an unprecedented spate of here to stay. that have killed sharks for decades. attacks around Ballina. While the deployment Lucy Hunter Dating the seven foreskins of Christ

Can a spatter of ancient blood heal the sick? Is a piece of cloth useful in praying for the poor? Can desiccated eyeball help you get into heaven? I don’t know the answers to these questions, but I did talk to a man who leads a team investigating religious relics - the pieces of long-dead humans that many Christian churches have been built around. religious relic usually consists of either the physical remains of a saint or the per- Asonal effects of the saint or a venerated person, preserved as a memento and point of contact with the person. Some Christians believe that relics are imbued with miraculous powers, granting benefits both in this world and the next. In the past, this resulted in widespread demand for and circulation of relics, particularly in the Middle Ages. Trade in relics became profitable; thousands of fake relics appeared and were sold. What were said to be the body parts of saints, popes or Jesus Christ himself were more likely to be pieces of unknown people or animals. Tom Higham is a Professor of Archaeological Science at Oxford University. He leads a team of scientists and academics who study religious relics. In the past, people in this field have worked alone, and didn’t get as much interdisciplin- ary insight into the relics as they could have. Higham’s team includes archaeologists like himself, historians, osteologers, 3D modellers, people who work in CT scanning, theologians, geologists, and social anthropologists all working together to gain as much knowledge about the remains dated to the first the relics as possible. The team are particularly interested in relics from the Byzantine era, before century, and all of the bones the period when there was a large market in fake relics. Helena, the mother of the Greek Emperor were from the same body Constantine, was obsessed with relics and went to Jerusalem to collect them in the second and third century. for their relics to be tested, and even seek out some believers are distrustful of scientists mess- To give you some idea of how cool Higham is, the relics team. In the parts of the world that are ing with sacred relics. The Shroud is supposedly he was part of the team who carbon-dated the becoming increasingly secular, such as Britain the cloth Jesus’ body was wrapped in when he skull used in Damien Hirst’s For the Love of God; and Europe, fewer people are going to church, was taken from the cross, and what he emerged the artwork with the highest asking price of any the buildings are falling into disrepair, and often from when he was resurrected. It is a massive living artist. His lab worked on the world’s most nobody is paying attention to the relics. Higham piece of linen imprinted with what appears to famous relic, The Shroud of Turin, and he has says people “often don’t even know what they’ve be the face and body of a naked man, with dark appeared on a David Attenborough documentary, got when we arrive.” A lot of the time there will brown stains made by human blood. Higham’s analysing the remains of an elephant bird egg be relics in some back cupboard. Higham visited team, along with two other laboratories, were Attenborough found in pieces on a beach. He is a church in Chicago where there are over 1400 sent a tiny fragment of the shroud, along with a also Critic Executive Editor Joe Higham’s dad, relics, most of which have been collected by piece of cloth from Queen Nefertiti’s tomb, and which is pretty freakin’ rad. one man through online purchasing on eBay. two pieces from the medieval period, to be part It may seem strange that churches would “There are millions of others that just sit and of a blind test. “In fact,” says Higham, “as soon allow a team of scientists and academics into do nothing.” as the samples were open the lab could tell their holy spaces to mess around with something However, Higham says, there are some relics which one was the shroud because it has a very as sacred as bits of saints. While there are some that are “unbelievably important”, like the distinctive weave. Perhaps they should have dis- relics the team haven’t been able to access - the Shroud of Turin or the head of John the Baptist. entangled it for us”. All three labs gave the same head of John the Baptist at Amiens Cathedral in “People come and they believe in them, they results for each of the samples, suggesting that France, for example - most churches are happy want to be near them.” It is unsurprising that the Shroud dated back to 1300-1400 CE. Far from dissuading some people, Higham says Another idea was that there had been a fire in the lab results fuelled a lot of discussion and the cathedral, and the smoke had tainted the ra- we’ve found debate, “which is fine”, but a splinter group sug- diocarbon concentrations of the shroud material, gested the labs had swapped the samples round, which Highams says is “completely wrong, com- and the piece of Shroud had been swapped for pletely without any scientific basis.” Nowadays tongues of the Egyptian sample, making the date wrong. his team don’t like to talk about the Shroud much because “We’re kind of sick of it.” What’s inter- esting is that before the Shroud was dated it had loads of about a million visitors a year, and after it was dated it started getting about four million visitors people a year. “So there are more people interested in the Shroud now that it’s shown to be likely medieval work than it is to be a real artefact.” The Shroud is still mysterious - we still don’t know how it was made. “There are theories that Leonardo Da Vinci team’s excitement has since been dulled by the painted it - crazy stuff.” possibility that the DNA could be contaminated. Speaking of Leonardo, a Google search of “We can’t be sure, so we’re not going to publish it Higham’s team pulls up the name “The Da Vinci like that now. We can say the date, but we can’t Code Unit.” The name was coined by a writer at say that the bones were all from one individual.” the Daily Telegraph, to the bemusement of the “As a scientist I have to say we can never iden- team. However, it was this name that caught the tify positively that something actually belongs attention of The Times and The Mirror, and they to somebody unless there is an incredible trail of have since been working with TV companies, in- evidence involved.” Higham uses the example of cluding CNN and National Geographic, to produce Richard the Third’s remains, which were discov- documentaries on their work. ered in Leicester in 2012. The age and appearance Some relics are quite convincing. One of of the skeleton matched the time of Richard’s Higham’s team, Dr Georges Kazan, who did his death, his recorded physical abnormalities, and PhD on the evidence for the remains of John the humiliation wounds he likely received in the Baptist, called Higham four years ago to tell battle and execution. Scientists were then able him about archaeologists in Bulgaria who had to link the DNA from the remains to Richard made a discovery under a Byzantine church in the Third’s living relatives. “Try identifying the an island off the Black Sea coast. Underneath the remains of John the Baptist and it’s difficult.” altar they found a small basket box containing However, the team can say that the remains bits of animal and human bones, and, close to aren’t somebody. “You find a radiocarbon date it, another box with an inscription in Greek. It that’s different, or the DNA shows it’s the remains translates as: “Lord help your servant Thomas of a woman, or you find bits and pieces dupli- … of St John” then gives the feast day of John the cated elsewhere making it highly unlikely to be Baptist, and more words they can’t decipher. that person.” Higham says his team were impressed: “Because Radiocarbon dating is a process so remark- the island is called Sveti Ivan St John and because able it sounds made-up. It involves molecules, the church was identified in the Byzantine period sunspots, and the rings of trees. All organic as being named after John the Baptist, these guys material contains radiocarbon, the molecules of suggested the bones were related to the saint, which have a “half-life” of 5,500 years, meaning and could in fact be the saint.” The team then dat- after that length of time, half of the radiocarbon ed the remains to the first century, found that all will have decayed. Radiocarbon is created in the of the bones were from the same body, and were upper atmosphere of the Earth in quantities that from a male human with DNA highly consistent fluctuate year-to-year depending on the amount with people living today in the near east. The of solar magnetic radiation from the sun. Less ra- what were said to be the body parts of saints were more likely to be pieces of unknown people or animals

diocarbon is created when the sun is very active, coated in something. When I saw it I was quite analyse tiny pieces of matter, some the size of a and more is created when it is less active. This grossed out cos you don’t expect to see tongues.” grain of rice. Higham’s own DNA has “been found means in order to get dates that are meaningful Also, eyeballs, which are “little and dried.” I’m all over some of this stuff.” Non-animal relics in calendar time, we need to know how much ra- squeamish, but Higham says it is unlikely that are less likely to be contaminated, as they test diocarbon there was at a certain point in history. you could catch a disease from an old human the cellulose products from trees and plants. The For that we use tree rings, which grow wider in a body part as bacterial diseases usually disappear linen from the Shroud of Turin has “a very high warm environment, and narrower in a cold one. with time. If it was something airborne or viral it consistency of being just the cellulose of original These rings can be matched against other trees in may still be dangerous but it “would have to be plant.” The contamination needed to mess up the different places and used to build up a chronology an exceptional case.” “You can excavate things radiocarbon date is tens of percent. “You’d be able in time by overlapping them with trees that are from the Black Death, and no one worries too to see the contaminant. That’s why we are very dead. The longest tree-ring chronology goes back much about that.” confident that the shroud is not dated at the time 12,000 years. Higham and his team use these The presentation of the relics can be im- of Christ.” chronologies to date their archaeological finds. pressive. Some are put into a monstrance - an The Catholic Church today sends out the “Sometimes the amount of radiocarbon has fluc- ornate, golden container - or a reliquary, which remains of modern relics; pieces of hair or bone tuated very sharply, so we can get a very precise is often in the shape of the bone or the bit of from modern popes and saints such as Mother calendar date. Other times it’s more subtle, so the person. A reliquary may be in the shape of Theresa in order to consecrate new churches. then we get very imprecise dates. Usually it’s a head or an arm, with a little window you can While there is a horrendous and illegal trade within about 100 years.” open to look at the bone, or tooth, or skull. A lot in modern human body parts, relics are usually “You wouldn’t believe the things we find” said of them have been covered in glue or preserva- old enough to be fair game for trading. The reason Higham. “We’ve seen about seven foreskins tion material, which has to be removed from the Damien Hirst radiocarbon dated the skull used of Jesus.” What does a foreskin look like after analysed piece. in his artwork For the Love of God was to make several centuries? “Shrivelly. Either the guy The treatment of relics can also contaminate sure it was more than 100 years old, and so legal had a massive foreskin, or . . .” Higham has also them with human DNA. “A lot of these relics have to use. “It turned out to be about 190 or 200 years seen lots of blood, the blood of the Virgin Mary, been touched, kissed, or licked, or sometimes old. For old relics I don’t think anyone really the swaddling clothes (nappies) of Jesus, many put into liquid.” Higham’s lab has a mummified cares.” Higham told me you could buy relics on thorns from the Crown of Thorns, and pieces of hand that’s supposed to be from St James. “We the internet. I looked on eBay and there it was - a the True Cross. “We’ve found tongues of loads know that the hand was put into liquid and that brown smear in a glass pendant: a little some- of people. I don’t think I’ve seen the tongue of the liquid was then used to treat people and to thing-or-other from Saint Pope Pius X for about Jesus but I’ve seen the tongue of a saint. It’s been be drunk.” This is challenging when the team $164NZ. Could it be him?. Polyamory: Why Not Both? Isaac Yu ur world is different to that of our parents. to question it. We all want different things and in While they were the first generation different ways. So why don’t we communicate in Oto pioneer the internet and begin the a more open and honest way? If we’ve started to information era, we were born citizens. While they slowly change our view of what constitutes love, were the generation that maintained tradition, we marriage, and ownership, then what is left but to ask are increasingly challenging old ideas. Ideas about ourselves about alternatives to monogamy? what constitutes love, what constitutes marriage, For Josh this alternative was polyamory. and even ideas about what constitutes ownership. Polyamory, a fusion of the Greek word ‘poly’ for many Take a look at our entertainment options: we and the Latin word ‘amore’ for love, is the idea that stream our favourite shows on Netflix, we listen people can love and date multiple people at the same to our favourite artists on Spotify, and we play our time. Coming from the tail end of a bad breakup, favourite games on Steam. We share our cars with where he had discovered his ex’s infidelity, Josh Uber and our homes on AirB&B. We are starting to found himself questioning the idea of monogamy. realise that we have more to gain by sharing and “Because even while in a monogamous relationship collaborating in an interconnected world, yet we I found myself interested in other girls.” For Josh this seem to still be possessive when it comes to love. had been a point of guilt. “You’re told by the church After all, it is significant other, not others, it is to love and be faithful only toward your partner, boyfriend, not boyfriends, and it is partner, but otherwise that is cheating.” The more committed never partners. We are fixated on the idea of ‘the Josh found himself in his prior relationship, the one’. But, for a lot of us, we’ve been around the block. more he felt himself being controlled by what was Monogamy hasn’t turned out as fulfilling as society expected of him, and the more he felt fear that his said it would be. partner would leave him for someone else. “What if And maybe that’s okay. she met someone who she loved more than me?” When we start to let go of the monolithic expectations Josh would ask himself. “I started to realise that I was of finding our soul-mate, or ‘the one’, we can start letting fear control my life instead of love.”

“Monogamy hasn’t turned out as fulfilling as society said it would be.” While initially angry at his ex’s behaviour, as each of them having secondary partners, akin to Josh came to understand his own polyamorous attaching rooms to a pre-existing house. “It sounds tendencies, he came to forgive her. “Not everyone kind of mean to call it secondary,” Ellen admits, “but is meant to be monogamous and I think that’s it’s more to set where the boundaries are. Not that okay.” Once Josh accepted this idea he began to I ever would do this, but if I was feeling lonely and look into polyamory. Describing it as ‘open source Peter was out with one of his lovers, I could ask him relationships’, Josh views polyamory as a network to come home and be with me instead and he would, of interconnected people who are able to trust and and his lover would understand.” The ‘primary’ support each other. Instead of only having just one status signifies priority and emotional commitment. partner to fulfil every need, you have multiple, so long as all parties consent and are informed. “If you view monogamy as a single line, then polyamory is a network of lines that go wherever you want.” Polyamory provided a definition for something that Josh had always felt, but had been afraid to say out loud. “Everyone craves While the prospect of managing multiple relationships at the same time seemed daunting, Josh views it as a way to grow and overcome past intimacy and trauma. “Everyone craves intimacy and love, but we’ve commodified it. You’re only allowed to share love, but we’ve it with your partner.” Polyamory through Josh’s eyes exists as a way of bringing people up, instead of putting them down. “It’s about being able to trust commodified it.” your partner to the extent that they can be there for other people.” Josh views relationships not in a zero-sum sense of one person winning at another person’s expense, but as a way for both people to win – if your partner is happy, doesn’t that make For Ellen, the primary/secondary label also served as you happy as well? a way to openly communicate to her lovers what the Of course, understanding something on an expectations were of the relationship. “I think a big intellectual level is one thing, but being able to put part of polyamory, and non-monogamy in general, it into practice emotionally is a whole other story. is responsibility. You have a responsibility toward When we grow up chasing the idea that there is a your lovers not to abuse their trust or to give them ‘one’ it is hard to undo some old habits. Sometimes, false expectations.” This sense of responsibility was sex is like a Pixar movie: you wind up with feels reinforced by Ellen’s horror stories of dating multiple when you least expect them. Instead of ignoring people. “One of my lovers was a friend of my primary these feelings and hoping they go away, in order partner, so I discussed the idea with him [Peter] first to change, you have to be willing to confront them. to make sure he was on board. Peter was all for it, That is why the polyamorous community stresses so I discussed boundaries with his friend. I told him open communication. Different people have different that I didn’t want anything serious, that Peter was levels of behaviour that they will be comfortable my primary partner and that wouldn’t change.” with. Ellen and Peter, having been together for three Like many in the polyamorous community, Ellen is years and polyamorous for one of them, refer to their remarkably open and forthcoming about her private relationship as ‘hierarchical poly’. Ellen and Peter life. “So we started sleeping together, and there was are the primary partners in this relationship with a big honeymoon phase for a few weeks, but then “If your he started getting possessive.” Ellen ticked off a her polyamory serves as an important part of her laundry list of problems that began to emerge, “he self-identity. In a way, polyamory can be seen as partner would tell me to break up with Peter and commit to an extension of how interconnected we’d become. In is happy, a relationship with just him, he would get controlling our digital age the internet has bridged the limits of about what I could and couldn’t do and if I refused physical distance. “Historically people were likely to doesn’t to do what he wanted he would get angry.” Ellen have not moved far from the village where they were felt as if she had done something wrong, “I thought born, and therefore their world-view, their beliefs, that make I had clearly explained to him from the beginning their career path and their options for partnership that this wasn’t a serious relationship, but I think were limited.” you happy he only heard what he wanted to hear.” Around this Having grown up in Dunedin, Fea went traveling point, communication between Ellen and her lover after graduating. “Now we live in a world where we as well?” broke down, “I would try to talk to him about it, but have so many options in life. We can keep in touch he would brush me off, saying that I was a bitch for with people on the other side of the world with ease. toying with his heart.” There are seven billion people in this world, that’s In trying to gain a new lover, Ellen had gotta make for a lot of compatible partners out there.” permanently burned a bridge and it served as a In talking with Fea, I realised that we exist not as valuable lesson. The experience made Ellen realise solitary islands, but as interconnected ecosystems. the responsibility needed for polyamory. “You have We all have different needs, which are met by to be careful with how you treat your lovers because different people. “I am usually seeing a few people at you can bring up those feelings of insecurity and a time, and each of those partners and relationships jealousy and fear of abandonment that we all have.” will be hugely different,” Fea explained, “So I might Talking with Ellen shed a lot of light on the ethics have a lover who I have a very intense emotional of polyamory. “People think that polyamory is relationship with. That person I write letters to and just something for hedonists who want to bang stay up all night talking to. At the same time, I may be everything, but I think that [idea] is doing more harm dating someone with whom the connection is really than good.” Ellen views polyamory as a lifestyle and physical.” Instead of having to choose one person philosophical choice. “I love my mum to the ends of at the expense of another Fea decided “Por que no the earth and that doesn’t take away from the love I los dos?” Why not both? Polyamory enabled Fea to have for Peter. Love is a choice, it is something that accept that with open and honest communication you can choose to give and keep giving and its only and informed consent she could have multiple limit is what you place.” After all, we don’t enter life significant others. with a finite quantity of love that we must carefully We live in uncertain times. Tomorrow is promised ration across our lives. The love we feel for one close to no one. Many of us are beginning to question the friend does not subtract from the love we can feel way that we approach love, marriage and ownership. for another. How each friendship functions differs We are starting to realise that relationships don’t from person to person; we have different boundaries have to end with marriage and kids and a house in and expectations depending on the closeness of the the ‘burbs, that loving someone is not owning them, friendship. If we can accept that idea in our platonic that nobody is perfect and that that is okay, and that relationships then why, asks Ellen, can we not accept it is okay to let a relationship run its course. After that idea with our lovers? all, open communication, honesty and addressing Rather than being some kind of all you can bang jealousy aren’t exclusive to certain relationships. buffet, polyamory seems to be more about people Polyamory and monogamy exist as two sides of talking earnestly about their relationships. Instead the same coin because we are all capable of giving of an Eyes Wide Shut-esque mask party, I found and receiving love. So why don’t we start by being myself in a bagel shop talking to a woman called honest with each other? Instead of having to choose Fea. Fea has never identified with monogamy, so for between one person and another, why not both? 32 Culture

MUSIC INTERVIEW

Still // Alone: Q & A with: The Golden Filter

Penelope Trappes and Stephen Hind- man are The Golden Filter, a UK-based electronic duo who hail from Australia (Trappes) and the US (Hindman). Their latest sonic offering is STILL // ALONE, an album that is divided into two distinct parts, and was recorded in old studio spaces across the UK. The promo notes for the album tell us that this is “music for dancing alone”; a perfect soundtrack for the O-week wind-down. STILL // ALONE is out now on Glasgow-based label, Optimo Music. Big thanks to The Golden Filter for answering every space-related ques- tion we could think of.

What was your first ever experience inside a recording studio as a duo? In New York City, we had a pretty large studio space at Stephen’s place. It was where we did everything, and we generally the new energy. At the time we thought In terms of musical equipment, were disliked working from anywhere else. It was the music was weird and we weren’t in the you mostly using your own instruments only since moving to London that we have headspace but those sessions turned out to (synths, machines, etc.) or were you had to get out of our comfort zone and find be the basis of 3 of the songs on the album. also experimenting with equipment other spaces that we could get loud in. That studio was a place in Hackney called you were unfamiliar with while creating Twentyseven, where we’ve worked on a lot STILL // ALONE? How did you create the concept for the of music­—not just our own—since then. But We brought over our own synths and album STILL // ALONE? they are moving this month, which will be everything when we moved, but we tried We’ve always had two different sides to sad. It’s a special place. Other studios kind to use what was in the studios. There were our music—a dance-heavy sound and an of found us in one way or another. definitely times, programming beats on odd cinematic sound. The studios gave old Linn drum machines that we had never this album a bit more cohesiveness, since Do you have any stories you love from the done before. And trying to get midi out of the cinematic tracks were also done on studio spaces you recorded in? Historical old drum machines to sync with old synths dance music tools - drum machines and old anecdotes? Ghost stories? that we never have used before is pretty synths. It all sort of just happened this way. No ghosts, but there were some very weird hit or miss. But we wanted it to be about Separating out the album into two sides spaces in some old houses that didn’t the process. was mainly to draw a bit more attention to make any sense at all. One was a house our two different sides. owned by a famous 80s producer in LA, but There is a beautiful sense of space on the it seemed to be his London ‘junk’ house. album. It is an aural journey that feels at How did you decide which studio spaces Nothing worked at all, and we were told to the same time quite visual. What was the to record in? piece together studio bits from three rooms mixing process like? We rented a studio within a week of moving to make things work. Strange day. Can’t say We mix as we write. So it generally just to London just to try to capture some of much music came of it though. happens at the same time. We’re big fans of Culture 33

TRACK OF THE WEEK LETTER FROM THE MUSIC EDITOR This week we’re If you happened to be milling around the Union Lawn early last week between 12-2pm, you no pleased to present doubt caught a whiff (mixed in with sausage our first Track of sizzle) of some fine DJ beats emanating from the OUSA balcony as part of the Radio One Open the Week for 2017, Air Sessions. This week, it’s all about the cult of the DJ. carefully selected by What are they up to? It’s a mystery to me… All Erin Broughton, MD. I know is the DJ carries the deal coz the DJ is always one step ahead. So this week, I caught up with The Golden Filter, a UK-based electronic duo whose music would sound phat on the decks at any dark club, checked in with Radio One’s Music Director and DJ, Erin Broughton, for some listening advice, and then did what any hard-working Music Editor would do, went and watched YouTube.

—Bianca

TOP 5 DJ MIXES ON YOUTUBE YouTube is horrible. It has shitty bit-rates and ads for KFC. But we love it. Next time you throw a house party and the iPod runs outta shuffle, throw on these mixes from the world of DJs.

space, and try to keep one microphone on while recording a piano or other things to Erin knows her stuff. As the Music Director record the air in the studio. Not really sure at Radio One, she trawls through hundreds if that works or not but we do it anyway. of rough tracks every week to bring you the diamonds. We’re super stoked she agreed to Optimo seems like a label that embraces share with us this one. creativity and difference. Have you seen a change in the way you work since joining the label? Has the aesthetic or philosophy B O K E H is the alter-ego of Chloë Lewer, a Issue 02 | Mar 2017 of Optimo, other artists on the label, or New Zealand-raised, Berlin-based actress/ label affiliates (like Green Door Studios) musician. Her first single ‘I Know You Know’ informed your work in any way? is an intimate track that reads as a sincere Optimo Music probably has influenced diary entry, accompanied by rich electro-pop us in that we don’t feel like we need to production. change anything about our music. Musically, B O K E H’s upcoming six-track EP ‘Don’t 1 Sofie—Boiler Room London DJ Set It’s just probably more that we grew up Leave The Fire’ explores a dreamy and colour- 2 Ellen Allien—Essential Mix @ BBC Radio 1 listening to a lot of the same music as JD ful realm of happiness and hurt. It’s the kind of (10 December 2016) Twitch­—the owner. music you listen to in your bedroom on repeat 3 Nina Kravitz @ Music Is Revolution 2016: after seeing your #crush at uni (I promise it’s Week 13, Discoteca, Space Ibiza And finally, do you have any advice for really cool). 4 Charlotte de Witte @ La Rotonde Stalingrad young electronic artists who are preparing for Cercle to record in a studio for the first time? ­—Erin Broughton. 5 Paula Temple @ Klubnacht, Berghain, Berlin Be free. Let things happen. 34 Culture

FILM as her father, as Toni, begins appearing ode to embarrassing dads everywhere. Toni Erdmann at important work functions, meetings It reminds us that, as much as we try to and other social situations involving disassociate ourselves from the fact, we’ll her colleagues. He seeks to distract her always be a product of them. Director: “It isn’t a comedy - I’m not sure why with his absurd alter ego, as he believes Maren Ade people think it is” speaks the confused that focusing on being successful in Maren Ade of her acclaimed film. It is a corporate world is the reason she’s Reviewer: at times uproariously funny, but also deeply unhappy. To her face, he even Jaxon Langley achingly sad. Toni Erdmann is an unex- questions her humanity after observing pected deadpan delight that’s worthy of her blatantly lie that she had a “nice time” your time. shopping with an important client’s wife. After the death of his beloved dog, Maren Ade invites us to consider the Winfried (Peter Simonischek), a divorced effects globalisation has on our relation- music teacher with a love for playing ships, through the eyes of the estranged practical jokes, flees for Romania to father and daughter, creating a unique reconnect with Ines (Sandra Hüller), his story that’s equally personal and political. distant career-driven daughter. When Toni Erdmann is easily the most bizarre he realises his attempt is futile, as Ines and bittersweet film about father-daugh- is far too consumed by excelling as the ter bonding I’ve ever seen and there’s managing consultant for an oil company, very little I’d change about it. With its he pretends to leave Bucharest, but later complimenting performances, socioec- returns wearing a long brown wig and onomic commentary, not-to-mention filthy fake teeth and adopts the persona an amazing cover of Whitney Houston’s of the titular Toni Erdmann. ‘Greatest Of Them All’ sung by Hüller, From this point on, the narrative the film gives much to digest in its near becomes a surreal nightmare for Ines three hour runtime. Above all, it is an

FILM violently around them for nearly three So, if you want to be bummed out hours, then this is the movie for you. I watching iffy themes of faith for three Silence can’t technically fault this film, as the hours, you should watch Silence. cinematography and acting were both spot on, but it still just dragged and Director: Silence is Martin Scorsese’s latest offer- dragged, and like most moral religious Martin Scorsese ing, it’s about two priests (portrayed debates reached no ‘point’, but rather by Andrew Garfield and Adam Driver) brought up various facets of faith in a Reviewer: who travel to 17th century Japan to find circular manner until the movie ended. Saskia Bunce-Rath out what happened to their mentor Maybe this was the point? In the absence (Liam Neeson) and help spread the of God’s voice we are just left to mean- Catholic faith. der through faith and ethics until either I could tell from the very beginning we die or the overly long movie ends. I that this was going to be a serious film; don’t know, and quite frankly I was so there was no music in the opening studio unengaged that, if that was the cinematic credits, only really serious films do that. intention, it failed miserably. Also, the entire movie is tinted blue and I also thought that, for a historical grey, making you feel like the colour drama, the film lacked depiction of Jap- yellow never existed and that the 17th anese culture and historical perspective. century was made up entirely of cold They could have easily taken away 25 looking rocks. percent of the shots of Andrew Garfield I wasn’t really a fan of Martin Scors- looking like someone kicked his puppy ese to begin with (please put down your into the sun and given us more context pitchforks), but wow this film was really of the country, in order to feel more long and really boring. If you want a connection to the plight of the Japanese movie about priests having their faith Christians. repeatedly tested, while people die Culture 35

FILM from her young son. Juan teaches Chiron for coming-of-age glory and will be a Moonlight to sink or swim, literally, in a tense but relevant hallmark of queer cinema for beautiful scene where he lets young many years to come. Chiron go in the ocean and he instantly Director: This film was originally based on a play learns to fend for himself in the violent Jaxon Langley called In Moonlight Black Boys Look waves. Chiron grows older, but Juan’s Blue, written by Tarell Alvin McCraney teachings don’t escape him even in the Reviewer: to cope with his mother’s death by AIDS. ‘Chiron’ and ‘Black’ chapters that follow. Barry Jenkins Indie filmmaker Barry Jenkins stumbled He develops a thick skin and learns to upon this hidden piece of greatness and survive on his own as his mother’s drug adapted the long-shelved play into use consumes her. one of the most powerful films to grace “Who is you?” asks his mother after screens in 2016. Juan drops him home to her. Moonlight Moonlight separates its story into three is a poetic story about identity. The film’s arcs, each titled by the different names neo-realistic colour scheme and James the protagonist is given or assumes Laxton’s intimate cinematography throughout his life. The film begins with provides both beauty and real darkness. ‘Little’, set in the War on Drugs era. We For Chiron there isn’t often a shred of meet preadolescent Chiron, a lonely light at the end of the tunnel, just the boy who is discovered in an abandoned deceptive moonlight, which in the end apartment by Juan (Mahershala Ali) also betrays him. fleeing from bullies, after this Juan and Filled with impeccable performances his girlfriend become parental figures from House of Cards star Mahershala Ali, to Chiron as his mother (Naomie Harris) Naomie Harris as the harrowing moth- is hardly around, either working at the er-from-hell, and singer-songwriter hospital or hiding her substance abuse Janelle Monáe, Moonlight is destined

FILM loves working, so there’s that tension to again—remember ‘Girl Put Your Records deal with. Christian buys the company On’? I feel bad not mentioning all the Fifty Shades Darker Ana works for, which makes her realise other equally groovin’ artists; please just that maybe he is still just as possessive as look up the soundtrack if you’re into sexy he always was. The ghosts of submissives jams. In sum, I wasn’t as disappointed as Director: This saucy flick follows the ridiculous past pop up to stalk Ana, and we meet I thought I would be. See it if you want, James Foley relationship of Anastasia Steel/Ana Elena Lincoln – Christian’s dominant I guess. (Dakota Johnson) and Christian Grey who welcomed him to the world of BDSM Reviewer: (Jamie Dornan). James Foley deserves (not that ‘Fifty Shades’ is necessarily an Florence Dean half a clap on the back for accomplishing accurate representation of BDSM). This the, not very hard, task of making this orgy of issues makes for plentiful drama. film slightly better than the last. I couldn’t Ana must decide whether sexy sadist

watch until the end of the first movie, but Christian Grey is worth the work, and Issue 02 | Mar 2017 apparently it ends with Christian whip- Christian has to figure out how to tame ping Ana and Ana being like wtf, Imma his demons and open up emotionally. gtfo of here. This movie was nothing special. Fifty Shades Darker begins with Chris- There was lots of beautifully filmed glitz tian realising that he needs Ana more and glamour if lavish masquerades and than he needs to torture women, so he sparkly jewellery tickle your fancy. Alas, says he’ll engage in a “vanilla” relation- both Ana and Christian are hugely lack- ship if that’s what it takes. She’s intrigued ing in personality, which makes it hard and says she’ll give it a whirl, this time to root for either of them. That being said, sans rules or punishments. Dating the soundtrack was luuush. Big names ensues, along with many sexy times. like Nick Jonas, Tove Lo, Zayn Malik and It gets pretty steamy, pretty frequently. Tay Swee created yummy ambience It’s not just sex, sorry. Ana has an awful for those raunchy scenes. It was awe- pervy boss, but won’t quit because she some to hear from Corinne Bailey Rae 36 Culture

ART Dunedin Murals: A Snapshot

By Poppy Henderson

During recent years, the urban art scene has taken Dunedin by storm. Our build- ings are becoming a canvas for inter- nationally renowned street artists, who have been flocking from all over the world to make their multicoloured mark. These unusual artworks are a far cry from the graffiti-style tags or spray-can stencils to look out for around the city. There’s that are often associated with street art. the three-storey high painting of his These urban murals have forged their signature fantastical characters riding a own artistic niche - and they’re redefining Moa, which can be found on Moray Place. what urban culture means in Dunedin. There’s the bird perched on a stormwater One particular artist has already made outlet, poised to eat its lunch, down by a lasting impression. UK based cartoon- Second Beach at St Clair. And then there’s ist and illustrator Phlegm has created a the giant fish on Vogel Street - its mouth number of pieces around the city. His open wide and rows of teeth sharp, as work is often inspired by graffiti and ships sail peacefully and unknowingly can be found inside derelict buildings, into the darkness. where he transforms run down urban Another piece that has drawn con- spaces into brilliant artworks. There are siderable attention is the majestic, scaly a number of Phlegm’s quirky murals creature on Bath Street. The piece was Issue 02 | Mar 2017 37 Culture So, if you want a book that you have to read in in read to have you that a book want you if So, if you want to a book that you have have a book that you to want if you this one. If read day, in a read to will remind a book that want you read here, doing are what you you a questioning are this one. If you funding of the importance and arts take to students encouraging this book read degrees, didn’t have into some lemony tears is the grace with with grace the is tears lemony some into have didn’t I have like feel may You live. to continues Paul which If I haven’t. now, just you for everything spoiled first the are details these cover, to cover read you is discover to you for left is What disclosed. be to be to impossible is it that say They was. Paul who preserved, perfectly be to forever, live to immortal; it. achieved have may but Paul will that a book want you If one. this read a day, this read doing here, are you what you remind of importance the questioning are one. If you read degrees, arts take to students encouraging book. this read lonely, feeling are you If book. this book. this read found, been have you think you If book. this Read - - -

In the saddest and loveliest way, it is Paul’s Paul’s is it way, loveliest and saddest the In rec with: all struggle we what highlights Paul heart your in jar to begins really wrench The BOOKS When Breath Breath When Air Becomes Kalanithi Paul by Reviewer: Taptiklis Zoe When reviewing to it comes I when might be biased Becomes Air:Breath in degrees my Neuroscience his Kalanithi’s, Paul as same the are English and his fasci books, favourite my are books favourite nation with identity matches mine, matches identity andnation with his notions very still are informed, more far while mortality, of us is between difference first mine. The to similar Neurosurgeon trained a Stanford is both Paul that I am author, while neither. successful and a hugely Becomes Breath When book, one wrote only Paul I am still difference: Air, up largest the brings which / what note / side a disclaimer add to I need alive. not out of crass I that his mention death you, have and empathy. respect deepest but the with ness, this book brilliant. makes that When Breath death - strug he as written memoir, Paul’s is Air Becomes lung Paul cancer. IV metastasised stage with gles and mortality, own our face we how about writes be. to Paul try we who this affects how ultimately useful most the provide may that: “Science reflects data, but reproducible empirical, organise to way to inability its on predicated is so do to power its of human life: aspects hope, central most the grasp weakness, honour, envy, beauty, hate, love, fear, virtue.” suffering, striving, simple art the with fact of death onciling ugly the such in coming that realize to “I began dying. of had changed mortality own my with contact close was cancer my Before nothingboth and everything. die, I would but I someday that I knew diagnosed, that diagnosis, the Ididn’t After knew when. know But when. know I didn’t but die, I would someday really wasn’t problem The acutely. it I knew now is Yet unsettling. a one. fact scientific of The death live.” to way other no is there - diag Paul’s despite Lucy, wife his and Paul when born, is Cady kid Their a child. have to decide nosis, and the then worsen, to continues condition Paul’s the in kidney the you What smacks stops. story voice, kind Paul’s of absence sudden the not is most time, any at you take could death that reality the or you thought humanity the you crushes really what - There are guided tours of Dunedin’s Dunedin’s of tours guided are There Street art can be practical too. Two Two too. practical be can art Street Natalia Rak’s mural ‘Love is in the the in is ‘Love mural Rak’s Natalia street art available, but if you’d like to to like you’d if but available, art street pace, no doubt stop own go at your ping off of at our some city’s delicious check out along way, the shops coffee page Dunedin Art Facebook Street the start. to where of idea some for 3D crossings are currently being being currently are 3D crossings works These Street. Clyde on installed zebra under walking feet show will aim the with of catching stripes, they before attention pedestrians’ just is crossings the of One cross. and design its River Leith of the north The theme. river a watery, have will began artworks of these installation and February, of beginning at the of end the by completed be they’ll month. the Air’ is a personal favourite of mine. mine. of favourite a personal is Air’ a about spent Natalia born Polish four-storey the on working week young two shows which high piece, sitting on a bench, boy children the gives a girl the lollipop while eating artwork The cheek. the on kiss a him - innocence and love of a symbol is on immortalised message a positive Bond Street. done by ROA, a world-famous street street a world-famous ROA, by done beautiful Belgium. The from artist a features mural monochromatic tail laid its with on back its tuatara - bril playful, It’s teeth. its between other any unlike and crafted liantly to not is piece city—this the in mural be missed. 38 Culture

GAMES The Last Guardian

Review by: Campbell Calverley

PS4 I think The Last Guardian was inevi- of the green and vertically scaled world The game demands that you play slowly Developed by SIE tably going to be a bit disappointing. you travel through is lush beyond words, and patiently, and give its deuterogamist Japan Studio & Its director, Fumito Ueda, has such and the climax of the game feels almost the benefit of the doubt, so that the later genDESIGN previous games under his belt as ICO, a transcendent. It is truly uplifting to finally parts of the game feel more rewarding. puzzle platformer with a dedicated cult play a game that gives the player room It is clear that the creators of The Last Published by following, and Shadow of the Colossus, to breathe, to take in the gorgeous world Guardian wanted the game to be a cine- Sony Interactive an abstract adventure game that is con- around them, and to develop a bond with matic, pulse-pounding experience. This Entertainment sidered to be one of the best games of all another animal. is awesome in both concept and execu- time. After a development time of about Having said that, The Last Guardian tion, and the groundwork is clearly laid ten years, including numerous delays, has plenty of faults. For instance, I was for it. But there are a couple of moments it is clear that the creators of The Last initially frustrated by the decision to give where I had to look up a walkthrough to Guardian wanted it to be perfect. I don’t the game a narrator – the main character figure out if I was doing something wrong. think they succeeded, but that doesn’t as an old man. It is implicit that you sur- There is more than one sequence in the stop it from being one of the most quaint vive the events of the game. So, given the game where you are clearly required to and heartfelt games that I’ve played in heart-breaking nature of Fumito Ueda’s jump off a collapsing platform into thin recent months. games, that means Trico must die, right? air, whereupon a terrified Trico will des- The plot of The Last Guardian is about I will leave you to find out whether that perately swing their tail for you to grab as sparse as you can find in a video game. happens or not – it is likely that you will onto – but that only works if, three times You play as a young boy waking up in be surprised. out of four, you don’t arbitrarily miss a derelict ruin with mysterious tattoos The game’s narrative tends to grind to their tail and plummet to your death. all over your body. Next to you, asleep a halt in a couple of places. The first is Fortunately these mistakes are few and in its chains, is a giant… thing. It appears with Trico himself. Part of why The Last far between (patches have recently been to be part cat, dog, eagle and bull, and is Guardian took so long to make is because released to fix them), and there are plenty called Trico. Though Trico is aggressive the developers wanted Trico to feel as of other adrenaline-filled sequences to at first, it becomes tentatively friendly much like a real animal as possible, so make up for it. after you throw a couple of barrels of food that you could develop a relationship with The Last Guardian is a unique expe- into its mouth. It soon allows you to climb it. In this, they have definitely succeeded: rience. I found myself getting genuinely over its body while it jumps and runs Trico sneezes, scratches, yawns, rubs its attached to Trico in the final third of the around. So begins a fantastical journey head against you affectionately, and rolls game, and was sad to reach the end. It to escape the valley in which the two of around in water if left to its own devices. If feels like a Studio Ghibli movie, in adven- you are trapped. it is too panicky, you have to pet it to calm ture form. The Last Guardian feels magical. The them down. However, frustratingly, Trico sweeping score and art direction have a will sometimes ignore your commands gentle curiosity to them, the atmosphere —just like a pet would. This is deliberate. Culture 39

FOOD Vietnamese “Summer” Rolls

by Kirstin Garcia

You’ve heard of Spring Rolls, but have you tried Summer rolls? If you visited the Dunedin Noodle Market last week, you might have seen these at one of the stalls.

Makes 24 rolls

Ingredients 24 Rice Paper Wrappers 200g Frozen Shrimp Lettuce leaves (butter variety) 1 Carrot, julienne/grated 100g Rice vermicelli noodles Handful of Fresh herbs (I recommend spring onion and coriander, but you can also use mint or Thai basil)

Method 1 Boil shrimp until cooked, and then drain. If your shrimp are quite big, cut them in half lengthways.

2 Cook the noodles by placing them in boiling water for about 4 minutes, until noodles are no longer crunchy and have become transparent, and then drain.

3 Have all ingredients prepped and in front of you, ready to be rolled into rice paper.

4 One piece at a time, place rice paper flat in a shallow bowl of hot water (comfortable enough to touch) for about 20 seconds until paper is soft, but not squishy,

and no longer brittle. Issue 02 | Mar 2017

5 Place cooked rice wrapper on a slightly wet surface, like a chopping board (be careful to keep the circle flat, so it will be easier to roll without breaking). First, lie out the shrimp on the top middle section, then in the bottom middle. Add a few pieces of lettuce, herbs, shredded carrot, and a small amount of noodles (as pictured).

6 Fold it like a burrito: fold in the sides of the circle first, then fold the bottom of the circle to the top and roll it to close. Repeat to make as many pieces as you can. This meal is a refreshing combination of herbs, veggies and rice noodles rolled in rice paper, and then you have to have a dipping sauce! I opt for a peanut flavor, but sweet chilli also works. 40 Letters

PERVY OLD BAIRD SOMEONE CALL THE POLICE I’m a little concerned that Our Dear (OUSA) Leader, Hugh Baird, would want the superpower of ‘Invisi- Dear Critic, bility’. Bit creepy if you ask me. Does he see himself The article titled ‘Human Rights Tribunal involved as a real-life Randall Boggs, of Monsters Inc. fame? in $18k payout to student association president’ in Kind of looks like him I guess. your latest issue is about events thawt occurred in Anyway, I think he’s been doing a fine job so far. 2013 at Massey University. A quick Google search LETTER OF THE WEEK Keep up the great work, Randall Hugh! will lead you to a Stuff article about it. In future, you ­—Anonymous should research stories yourself instead of copying A NOTE FOR ABSENT FRIENDS: news articles from the NZ Herald (who also dropped the ball on this one). Ever since the undercover agent deserted a Kind regards, common law wife and two offspring after an Someone that recognises the irony in referencing eight year project to disperse an alternative ATLAS SHRUGGED AND SO DID WE a Stuff article in their letter. community, by humping his partners friends, intimate relations between detectives and their Can the ‘International Socialists’ club please piss subjects is a no no and a remote, impersonal, off with your stupid posters? The university gives immersive, invasive method took hold, called you plenty of space to post flyers in sanctioned NOTICES: Mr Big, mentioned on student radio, using places on campus, but instead you feel the need fake friends, fake gangs, fake shaming, fake to post them every 3 feet along our fences. I know MEET THE GREENS sexing, from predictive, selective sources and you dont care much for the concept of ‘private wonder how many, if any subjects of this type property’, but you’re destroying mine. I still have Otago Campus Greens would like to welcome of policing are in the record high suicide lists, one of your stupid posters from last year stuck to everyone to join in our Green (board) Games Day and and if they are, should the value of this kind of my fence, now I have another which wont bloody Potluck Picnic 12:30pm on Saturday 11th of March in nudging be questioned, especially when used come off. You cunts are honestly more entitled than the Union Hall. Meet the greens, play some games in the pointless police agenda of marijuana the Young Nats and generally just take a break from study to chill eradication, its infinite cast a sop to unem- ­—Ayn Rand a little. ployment and an outlet for other discontents. Has defamation replaced unfaithfulness as a favoured tool? Yours faithfully, ?? Susan Heap Can anybody The letter of the week wins a update us on the ?? $30 BOOK VOUCHER From the University Book Shop status of these three be-toga’d freshers who got

TELL US ABOUT YOUR SWEET COTTON: absolutely rekd by a mal-functioning Kia ora! We’re looking for participants for a study foam machine? about e-cigarettes/ vaping. We’re looking for people who’ve never smoked tobacco regularly, but We’re worried who are vaping at least a couple of times a month. If about them you fit this description and are interested in taking ?? part, please let me know. The study will involve an interview about your experiences with vaping, which should take around one hour. Participants receive a $40 gift voucher to recognise the costs of participating in the research. This study has been reviewed and approved by the University of Otago Human Ethics Committee (16/132). Please contact: [email protected] or 0272 123 224 for more info. Thank you! Thanks to Trevor Cokley for the photos! https://www.instagram.com/trevor_cokley/ www.TGNCphotography.org Issue 02 | Mar 2017 41 EVENTS COSPLAY e n t r y o n l y $ 1 0 e n t r y o n l y $ 1 0 COMICS - civi alien an of ruins the find we if but depressing, complex more The becatastrophic. it would lization is it likely more the are, find we remnants alien the Earth. on life for ahead lies terrible something that LIVE - - WRESTLING PROUDLY PRESENTS PROUDLY O F T H E Y E A R ! T H E D U N E D I N & TOYS If we are past the great filters then the universe universe the then filters great the past are we If ours like life future, our in filters great are there If COLLECTIBLES to be events along the journey from pre-life to to pre-life from journey the along events be to develop the stop encountered, that, when maturity be can biological filters Great ment of civilizations. primordial from jump the Maybe technological. or molecules self-replicating the to soup chemical is also It difficult. is incredibly life for necessary civ every destroy weapons nuclear that possible main The them. criterion develops that ilization them passed have can’t we that is filters great for has evolved sight example, once. than For more disqualifying times on Earth, several independently it instantly. along a step taking because empty probably is life is difficult. so intelligent A evolving to road the an published to article according candidate, leading (small, prokaryotes that unlikelihood the is MIT, by (complex, eukaryotes into evolve will cells) simple bound nucleus). a membrane This with cells larger on occur to years 1.8 billion roughly took evolution chance. it Maybe happened by suggesting Earth, prokaryotic with is teeming of cosmos the rest the further. developed never life that When destruction. for bebut common fated may finding to it aliens, comes Nick as philosopher we If news”. good is news “No it, puts Bostrom be it of simple would alien life forms traces found G E E K E V E N T - ANIME STARS A R M A G E D D O N E X P O . C O MA R M A G E D D O N E X P O . C O M TV & MOVIE TV

If aliens don’t exist, it’s probably because of the the of because probably it’s exist, don’t aliens If Two main schools of thought provide answers answers provide main of thought schools Two

SCIENCE, BITCHES SCIENCE, ‘Great Filters’ theory. Great filters are hypothesised hypothesised are filters Great theory. Filters’ ‘Great telescopes for a short time. a short for telescopes 13.8 billion years old, and we have only had radio radio had only have we and old, years 13.8 billion are listening at the wrong time. The universe is is universe The time. wrong the at listening are haven’t been listening long enough, or that we we that or enough, long listening been haven’t reach each other. Another possibility is that we is we that possibility other. Another each reach develop, but they exist too far apart in space to to space in apart far too exist they but develop, Maybe, since the universe is so huge, civilizations is huge, so civilizations universe since the Maybe, to the paradox. Either aliens exist, or they don’t. don’t. they or exist, aliens Either paradox. the to planets, scientific estimates, like the Drake Equa Drake the like estimates, planets, scientific paradox. Fermi’s is This they? are where exist in our galaxy. Given this abundance of fertile fertile of abundance this Given galaxy. our in exist So now. by our universe throughout and spread indicates that up to 40 billion habitable planets may 40 up that to billion may habitable planets indicates developed life have should intelligent tion, predict Recent data, gathered by NASA’s Kepler spacecraft, spacecraft, Kepler NASA’s by gathered data, Recent By Ben Cravens

the Aliens? Where are all all are Where 42 Columns

POSTGRAD What is the purpose of a scholarship? To us, it is tolerate shitty, mouldy, damp and under-insulated meant to allow someone to complete their studies, houses and a diet of 2-minute noodles. We don’t while not allowing financial hardship to hinder have time to be sick when we’re pulling 70+ hour their ability to succeed. Without this kind of sup- weeks in the office or lab. Adequate housing is hard port, many students would likely forgo undertaking enough to find without being charged through the postgraduate study, particularly as it takes us teeth for it. Some of us have dependants. We’re not all past Studylink’s - brilliant - 7-year cap. a well-off population with $700+ lying around to It seems ludicrous that a full scholarship cover a fee that should be covered. wouldn’t cover all necessary fees. Yet, every year It seems like the University forgets that we are postgrads are faced with the Student Services Fee. real people, who pay real bills, and live real lives. Paying this fee is compulsory, so one would reason Many scholarship students have exceeded their that a fee-covering scholarship would cover this 7-year cap for loans, assuming they can convince too. Students who have taken this concern to the Studylink to pay this fee at all. Many are interna- Graduate Research School in the past have been tional students with no access to Studylink. told that this fee is “optional” and therefore not So, Uni, want to trade places with us for a few covered. However, if a student wishes to graduate, months? Try living on our measly stipends then this “optional” fee suddenly becomes a barrier to tell us how easy it is to pay fees while trying to Post-Grad & completing a qualification. avoid a noodle diet. Don’t get us wrong; we value many of the Broke services that this fee covers. Our issue is with our scholarships covering (some) fees. $739 is a huge by Philosophy of Zane sum to produce annually, and it’s a kick in the teeth to be paid by the uni, just to pay the uni straight back. It’s even worse for international students, Hey Otago Ew-ni, as they have to have private medical insurance We have a bone to pick with you. We need to talk as well. about how “full” scholarships do not, in fact, cover At this point in our lives we don’t want to live the costs required to be a student. “like students”. We value our health enough to not

A response to this Both Student Services and the Gradu- Your correspondent has correctly Liaison Committee, or through a con- article by Student ate Research School acknowledge the pointed out that postgraduate schol- versation with myself or Peter Boston, Services and the financial challenges faced by many arships do not cover the student Manager Postgraduate Scholarships, Graduate Research (and particularly by international) services fee, only tuition fees. This Prizes and Awards. School postgraduate students. While the is specified in current regulations. It Further information about the $739 student services fee offers value could be looked at in the future, but student services fee can be found at: for money, a wide range of services, given the number of postgraduate and is set at a similar level to other scholarships offered by this univer- www.otago.ac.nz/studentservices/ NZ universities, we agree it can be a sity, there would be significant impact otago626140.html, and postgrad- significant and difficult cost to meet. on the scholarships budget. I would uate scholarship regulations at It is also compulsory (GRS apologises welcome further discussion about www.otago.ac.nz/graduate-re- for any incorrect advice on this in this, either through your representa- search/scholarships/master/ the past). tive on the Graduate Research Student otago013798.pdf

Nāku noa, nā

Andrew Lonie Manager Graduate Research School Issue 02 | Mar 2017 43 - - - Columns Nonetheless, the number of free riders is increas riders number the of free Nonetheless, use claim growing the that supporters Adblock prob out underlying the solve to need Publishers Best Column Tasting notes: notes: Tasting positivity. friendship, Happiness, joy, with: well Pairs and Fire), Ice a Song of (for Icebreaker bomb) a homemade Diesel (for 5.2% Level: Taste Level: Froth beams melt steel Hot enough to $1.12 per standard: Dollars $22) for standards (19.5 ing at a phenomenal rate. Sooner or later, online online later, or Sooner rate. a phenomenal at ing themselves sustain to be able not will publishers This even operations. down shut to andwill have butchoices, also limits ourtuality notcontent only Less our for attention. competition the reduces that publishers the that could mean competition much about too the worry not even may survive coming out instead produce, they oftype content will know click-baity they the that with list articles cool the with guy little the be will Gone views. get Buzzfeed. of likes the by squashed idea, and onlineof to adblock publishers is a message ads bad and your masses the advertisers—make retaliate. will model if there advertising current their lems with adblock the epidemic down hopeis of slowing any mass. hits a critical riders amount the of free before Ale (even though both are amber lagers and anyone and amber anyone lagers both are though Ale (even isn’t Tui that you tell will IPA an had ever has that that with around doesn’t Flamé close). mess even The Beer. Flame reads simply label the bullshit; underneath. displayed boldly (5.2%) is percentage to need don’t they are, they good how know They it. drink and up Shut beer. It’s off. show *2016 ASPA Award Winning Winning Award ASPA *2016 Adblock relies on the idea that not everyone not that everyone idea on the relies Adblock that estimated PageFair by A 2015 report The subtle nuances of this beer’s magnificence of thisnuances beer’s subtle magnificence The batch from varies Flamé call way the would Some - exam for style, their per branded are beers Most lunches, provided you can put up with the ads. Enter put can ads. the up with Enter you lunches, provided user ultimate the creates left.adblock Adblock stage intrusive the all and free is everything experience; stealing this all eventually, But gone. are pop-ups us. with up catch to going is called formally is concept This it. use actually will good a from benefit users problem’; rider ‘free the of contributions on the it, for relying paying without - ser or good the to lead riders free many Too others. Unfortunately, provided. be to able being not vice numberthe has been growing of adblock users years. in few last the dramatically of course the over 41 percent by grew adblocking of users in active 198 million resulting year, the 22 billion nearly publishers costing and adblock 2016 PageFair’s from Figures revenue. in dollars trend, same the follow mobile adblocking report of percent 22 or people, 419 million that stating using are users, smartphone billion 1.9 world’s the adblock on go. these the that be should It noted PageFair as biassed; been criticised have reports - pro adblock, against war the in stake a large has their reclaim looking to websites to viding services ad revenue. monastery near the peak of the Pyrenees alps, alps, Pyrenees the of peak the near monastery true the that it has Legend 1300s. early the since it is instead down, been written has never recipe apprentice. to master from tradition oral by passed monks the recipe, the with being entrusted Before and mental physical, of years through go must deserving are they that prove to training spiritual custodians. an of tongue the by appreciated be truly only can on dance delicately hops The taster. experienced with drinker the teasing buds, playfully taste the malts play The of sensations. array an incredible as smooth be described only can that an undertone evening. a summer on jazz very not trying or “brewers “inconsistency” batch to - Some bottle. every in adventure an it I call hard”. of the a lager, sometimes times, it has crispness the of citrus a pilsner, even and sometimes pleasant many In ale. amber an of strength full-bodied the were we beer the drink, perfect the is Flamé ways, create. to earth this on put Pale India East Tui or Ale Medal Gold Speights ple *

by Danni Pintacasi Danni by by Swilliam Shakesbeer Swilliam by ECONOMICS EVERYWHERE ECONOMICS CRITIC BOOZE REVIEWS BOOZE CRITIC the internet is an all you can eat buffet of free free of buffet eat can you all an is internet the There’s no such thing as a free lunch. However, However, lunch. a free as thing such no There’s Adblock Adblock beer, brewed by Trappist monks at a hidden hidden a at monks Trappist by brewed beer, Flame (pronounced Flamé) is an imported French French Flamé) is an imported (pronounced Flame Flame 44 Columns

ETHEL & HYDE

Ethel says Hyde says Oh dear, that sounds uncomfortable. There are a Boom, you are not alone in your pain friend! Time few things to consider in your situation, but I will to get inventive with attracting the attention you just mention a couple which are important. Firstly, need, but first implement some features to ensure the University has an Ethical Behaviour Policy, bulging is concealed. Wikihow has a great page on Help me, which includes some guidelines on intimate per- how to hide an erection. Onto the plan to capture I have a mad boner for my lecturer. sonal relationships between university staff and the attention of the sexy beassssst lecturer. You Should I make a move on that? Is this students. The policy says “The University strongly need a fancy certificate proving that you are The legal? Help. discourages, and staff should avoid entering into, Man for The Job, www.certificatemagic.com is an intimate personal relationship with any student where you can award yourself one. Print several Frustrated of the University”(Appendix 1 (f)). Secondly, the copies in colour, preferably on handmade paper. same policy also outlines what constitutes sexual Next, bribe a friend, or a stranger if you have no harassment. Should you feel so overwhelmed you friends, to deliver you a certificate at the end of a suddenly express your desires verbally or in a lecture, just as the lecturer is leaving. Make sure written form, or even a visual form your behav- they give a small speech about your prowess as a iour, it could be construed as harassment and lead lover. Having caught the lecturer’s attention, act all you to a disciplinary proceeding. So in answer to humble and make an exit, dropping a personalized Disclaimer: Student Support advises your original question, it is not illegal, but it is business card with your details. Race home and you to take Ethel’s advice. really not a good idea and could lead to all sorts of spank that monkey! trouble, which would be best avoided. Good luck Send your questions to: with finding safer and more ethical ways to relieve [email protected] your frustration.

VITALOGY Snake Bites*

Deadly snakes are generally distinguishable by the them. Pound and apply them raw; followed by fresh thinness of the neck, immediately behind the head, applications as soon as a disagreeable odour occurs. and by their having only two teeth in the upper jaw. In dangerous and critical cases the whole person should be enveloped in this preparation of onions, Kerosene oil is a never failing remedy for the cure of then bathed with tepid water and renewed as often the bite of snakes and all other poisonous reptiles. as the unpleasant odour is produced. Bind cloth wet with kerosene on the wound and keep it wet. If wound is not fresh and open make Lard is also a superior remedy. Bind it on the wound; a small incision across the wound before applying take a tablespoon every half hour, in a liquid state, the kerosene, also take internally a tablespoon of until six or eight doses have been taken. kerosene. Repeat the dose every hour till three or four doses have been taken. Soft clay mud, applied to the wound, is another good remedy, and has been known to cure. This is Alcohol, in any of its forms, should be drunk largely considered a most potent remedy by the Indians. by the patient. Let him drink it freely, a gill or more *This information was taken at a time, often once in fifteen to twenty minutes (or Snake-bitten cattle or horses are usually bitten in from Vitalogy, a real medical small doses oftener), until symptoms of intoxication the feet. When this is the case, all that is necessary book published in 1923. This are experienced by the patient. to do is to drive them into a mud-hole and keep column is for entertainment them there for a few hours. If upon the nose, bind only and should not be taken Onions are a speedy and effective dure. Patients the mud upon the place in such a manner as not as advice by anyone, ever. in the very agonies of death have been cured with to interfere with their breathing. ColumnsCulture 45

By Fanny Clive-Trevor

arah had spent years trying to remove the hair on one perfect and one corrupted leg. Finally, she got a pair of her legs, but the hairs fought back. If she shaved, scissors and began hacking away at the hairs, aggravating she’d only graze herself and wreck the blades. If she the skin around them. waxed, the hair would rip out in agonising patches, then her The next morning she woke in even more pain. The leg Sskin would become puckered and pimpled. Lasers glanced she had hacked at with scissors was patchy and inflamed, off them; depilatory creams melted her skin, but not the hair. but her previously smooth leg was now covered in even One day, Sarah was in a pharmacy and found, pushed thicker hairs. They had the girth and texture of udon noodles back on the bottom shelf, a purple glass bottle labelled and were slimy to the touch. Horrified, she ran to the kitchen “Hinkle’s Patent Compound for the Removal of Hair”. There and grabbed a knife. She sliced at the wormy hairs on her was no further information. The bottle looked very old. She legs. They carved off easily and dropped to the floor, but showed it to the shop assistant. “That’s not ours,” she said. Sarah wailed as more pain shot through her legs and blood “Someone must have left it behind. Could you take it to the oozed from the cuts she’d made. In a fever, she hacked at cashier to put behind the counter?” her legs, blood pouring from dozens of wounds, until she “Sure,” said Sarah, but instead she slipped the bottle passed out from the pain. into her handbag. Sarah woke hyperventilating in her own blood. She had That night, she opened the bottle. It was filled with a to look for her phone and call an ambulance. She forced blue-grey jelly that smelled polluted and shameful. She herself to sit up, but found she couldn’t move further. She smeared it over her legs and went to sleep. was anchored to the kitchen floor. In the pool of blood were She woke to the alien sensation of her calves rubbing hundreds of black, snake-like coils, as thick as hosepipe, together, the skin of one gliding smoothly over the other. wrapped around and around her and sucking onto the floor She looked down to see nothing but pale white skin, flawless, like leeches. Sarah started ripping and pulling to try and get

with no hair in sight. Delighted, she put on a mini skirt and them off her body, but it was no use—they were coming Issue 02 | Mar 2017 spent the day parading her bare legs in public. out of her legs. The next morning, Sarah woke in pain. She looked down As she attacked them, the ropes began to move, just a and gasped. Ripping through the surface of her skin, like little bit at first, escalating to a writhing frenzy. A leech-head a pencil through paper, were thousands of black hairs, as detached itself from the floor and lifted to face her. Its wide- pointed and as thick as dry pasta. Sarah scrambled for the toothed mouth opened and shrieked. The noise awakened bottle of Hinkle’s and emptied the rest of it onto the hairs. the rest of the nest. Her vision filled with her hairs, eyeless, There was only enough to cover one leg, where the hairs round-mouthed heads that opened and shrieked before immediately started falling out. The skin of that leg repaired biting and ripping at her face and body. itself before her eyes. As the life drained out of her, she saw herself in a short She went to get more Hinkle’s from the Pharmacy, but dress; her legs covered in silky dark hair, soft and luxuriant, there was none there. When she asked, nobody knew what flowing in a pattern like water in a river. she was talking about. She went home and stared at her President’s Column Each week, we lure two singletons to The Captain Hey guys, Cook Hotel, give them food and drink, then wait for I hope your first week of lectures has gone well and you’ve When that sunshine does subside and the Antarctic moves their reports to arrive in our inbox. If this sounds like Cookin’ Up been able to settle back into class with ease. To all first years, north you may find yourself missing home a little. However, you, email [email protected]. But be warned--if you whilst the last week has been nothing but beer and skittles in terms of wellbeing, be assured that the team here at OUSA dine on the free food and dash without sending us a in terms of the weather, be assured this is not the norm. and at the University have you sorted. Don’t be afraid to look writeup, a Critic writer will write one under your name. Dunedin is in fact colder than a polar bears toenails, so be around for a bit of help. Head over and check out the friendly And that won’t end well for you. Love sure to make the most of the sun and surf whilst it lasts. team at the Student Support Centre or even check out some Be sure not to burn the candle at both ends too early in the of the resources around wellbeing on campus at: semester. Get to class, get your work done, but also be sure otago.ac.nz/healthy-campus/index.html. to get out there and enjoy the last of the summer sun. Head down to UniPol, grab yourself a couple of surfboards, (or I wish you all the best with the upcoming week! Be sure boogie boards for those of us who look like new born Bambi to soak up the sun, and to all of those looking more like an Short Sweet trying to stand up) and catch a couple party waves with overcooked tomato than a sun kissed god, remember that your mates. There will always be plenty of time later in the winter is just around the corner. semester to spend all day in the library. I came with low hopes and I thought wow he’s actually alg looking, but On the day my flat mate shit his bed and Dunedin provided its then at the end of the day we were better suited as friends. His flat were hottest day of the not so summery summer I marched into the Captain Hugo Baird - [email protected] sitting there, which I found weird, but each to their own. Good conversa- Cook Tavern bang on 7oclock, hoping to be graced by an absolute Fiona, tion, but no further I don’t think! Ah well. waiting for her Shrek. 27 minutes late she was, but Christ did she come in luke-warm, and by luke-warm, I mean hot. With my flat mates siting in the corner watching my every move, I felt the evening had already reached its climax. When ordering the prime rib eye, my date’s vegan eyes lit up. A good conversation starter yes, but a deal breaker, I think so. The chat flowed seemingly well, and to be completely f#@king hon- Capping Show Auditions est with you, I had a pretty good night. However, the whole night I had this sense of awkwardness, due to the fact that a past dust of mine was Wanna be part of Campus History ? waitressing at the Cook, and eye balling me every chance she got. When asked to join my date for a beer tower at Starters Bar following Come and audition for the 123rd OUSA Capping Show! Auditions are THIS week... our meal, I think I panicked more than anything and stated I was prob- Monday 6th, Tuesday 7th and Wednesday 8th March at 7 PM in the Union Hall. ably going to go home and drink with my flat mates, knowing full well they would be going home to play Xbox, talk about cross-fit, and lick Just bring yourself and a whole lot of enthusiasm...See you there! each others faces. In hindsight, I wish I had dogged the boys and gone for a marginal starters draught. So R*****, if you do read this, and can see past my meat eating lifestyle, how about we get that tower?

p.s. Don’t dog the boys. Ori After Session 2 Marshmello will be blowing the roof off of the Union Hall this Thursday! Grab your tickets at: cosmicticketing.co.nz/event/show/5073 or from the OUSA Main office tickets are running low so lock them down!” President’s Column Hey guys, I hope your first week of lectures has gone well and you’ve When that sunshine does subside and the Antarctic moves been able to settle back into class with ease. To all first years, north you may find yourself missing home a little. However, whilst the last week has been nothing but beer and skittles in terms of wellbeing, be assured that the team here at OUSA in terms of the weather, be assured this is not the norm. and at the University have you sorted. Don’t be afraid to look Dunedin is in fact colder than a polar bears toenails, so be around for a bit of help. Head over and check out the friendly sure to make the most of the sun and surf whilst it lasts. team at the Student Support Centre or even check out some Be sure not to burn the candle at both ends too early in the of the resources around wellbeing on campus at: semester. Get to class, get your work done, but also be sure otago.ac.nz/healthy-campus/index.html. to get out there and enjoy the last of the summer sun. Head down to UniPol, grab yourself a couple of surfboards, (or I wish you all the best with the upcoming week! Be sure boogie boards for those of us who look like new born Bambi to soak up the sun, and to all of those looking more like an trying to stand up) and catch a couple party waves with overcooked tomato than a sun kissed god, remember that your mates. There will always be plenty of time later in the winter is just around the corner. semester to spend all day in the library.

Hugo Baird - [email protected] Capping Show Auditions Wanna be part of Campus History ? Come and audition for the 123rd OUSA Capping Show! Auditions are THIS week... Monday 6th, Tuesday 7th and Wednesday 8th March at 7 PM in the Union Hall. Just bring yourself and a whole lot of enthusiasm...See you there!

Ori After Session 2 Marshmello will be blowing the roof off of the Union Hall this Thursday! Grab your tickets at: cosmicticketing.co.nz/event/show/5073 or from the OUSA Main office tickets are running low so lock them down!” March 6 - 10 MASSIVE poster & print SALE

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