Front1 September 4, 2014 34st.com 2 Page Two september 4 INTERNETFROMTHEEDITOR When I used to sit in class and In my opinion, if you’re talking about 2014 watch people open 34st.com, I would digital like it’s some hot new thing, you’re 3 HIGHBROW cringe. It was painfully slow (no, it way behind. Digital is the now and in LOL round up, overheards, wasn’t your internet connection) and many ways, I would argue, the concept meh list, social media almost immediately after I saw our logo of “digital” is already the past. Wearable word on the street appear on the screen, I knew it would technology is the future. Artificial be disappearing soon enough. I worked intelligence is the future. Maybe even 4 EGO hours and hours on this incredible microchips inside our brains. Sure, these ego of the week, top 10 product and our stupid Wordpress mess things are “digital,” but not the way that back to school emojis, was driving people to click the red X in the media industry is still thinking about first semester calendar herds (No offense to our friends who this term. built the site a few years ago; it’s not So, maybe I’m being hypocritical to 7 MUSIC your fault that we didn’t have anyone to my own point, but I’m still excited that you have to listen to this, LOL update the code). Street has finally caught up and entered back to school jams, mess with your subletter, reviews This summer, Street was reborn. We the modern media age. We hope to no have a shiny, speedy new site that we longer be just the magazine you grab hope you’ll love. There are still a few on the newsstand on Thursdays, but 10 FILM kinks to be worked out — we’re open to also the site you’re checking everyday to LOL fall films, fall tv your feedback as you find them — but know what’s up at Penn. Being in the we also hope you’ll be patient. present will be a challenge, but it’s one People in media talk too often about we can’t wait to accept. 11 FEATURE how “digital is the future.” Those people LOL fall preview are idiots and they couldn’t be more wrong. 15 FOOD & DRINK college kitchen essen- tials, housewarming steps, dining $$ dos FRESHMEAT: WELCOME TO STREET 18 ARTS LOL first friday, listings, penn architecture update If you find yourself called out in this issue, you're welcome. 21 LOWBROW If you don't, there's still plenty of time to make a fool of yourself here at LOL freshman superlatives Penn. Get started (and get drunk) tonight at our first WRITERS' MEETING. 24 BACKPAGE nso fortune teller 6:30 PM | 4015 Walnut 34TH STREET MAGAZINE Chloe Bower, Editor–in–Chief Patrick Ford-Matz, Managing Editor Katie Hartman, Film and TV Giulia Imholte, Senior Web Producer Contacting 34th Street Magazine: Abigail Koffler, Digital Director Alex Sternlicht, Features Diane Bayeux, Web Producer If you have questions, comments, complaints or letters Margot Halpern, Design Editor Julia Liebergall, Features Rachel Rubin, Web Producer to the editor, email Chloe Bower, Editor–in–Chief, at [email protected]. You can also call us at (215) 898- Sarah Tse, Photo Editor Marley Coyne, Features Cassandra Kyriazis, Web Producer 6585. To place an ad, call (215) 898-6581. Lucy Hovanisyan, Music Byrne Fahey, Assistant Design Mark Paraskevas, Music Casey Quackenbush, Social Media Editor VISIT OUR WEB SITE: www.34st.com Ling Zhou, Assistant Design Justin Sheen, Arts "Wait, people can see your snapchat stories?" —CB Conor Cook, Highbrow Molly Collett, Arts COVER DESIGN: Margot Halpern Street PSA: DUH. Stop stalking your exes. THEY KNOW. Emily Johns, Highbrow Rosa Escandon, Lowbrow BACKPAGE DESIGN: Ariela Osuna ©2014 34th Street Magazine, The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc. Ciara Stein, Ego Ariela Osuna, Backpage No part may be reproduced in whole or in part without Nicole Malick, Ego Patrick del Valle, Backpage Contributors: the express, written consent of the editors (but I bet we will Alyssa Berlin, Food and Drink , Copy Editor Prisca Alilio, Paul DiNapoli, Caroline Marques give you the a-okay.) All rights reserved. 34th Street Maga- Sara Thalheimer zine is published by The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc., 4015 Ryan Zahalka, Food and Drink Walnut St., Philadelphia, Pa., 19104, every Thursday Clare Lombardo, Film and TV 2 34TH STREET MAGAZINE SEPTEMBER 4, 2014 Highbrow 3 HIGHBROW THE MEH LIST: NSO EDITION wordonthestreet #doitfortheinsta 1. Made in America 1. 3. BY CONOR COOK & EMILY JOHNS 2. Your Long Distance NSO is a freakin’ marathon, and there was probably Relationship a moment when you and your liver realized that it was unnecessary to get down and darty for the third day 3. Shower Shoes in a row. But here’s the dilemma: all your friends are 4. Drinking in Moderation going. Will your fellow drunk Quakers think you’re 4. lame if you don’t post an insta from the Chancellor 5. “I can’t even” day party? No—but you probably feel that way. So, to avoid some serious FOMO and maintain your social 6. West Philly Drug Dealers (media) relevance, you and your iPhone rally one 7. Snapchat more time. A lot of what we do centers around social media–– 8. Virginity it allows us to create an edited version of our lives. We all do it, we all know that we all do it and yet we continue to perpetuate a filtered profile of ourselves. Sometimes, we go a little too far: At Sabrina’s, we order the tastes–like–heaven–and– THEROUNDUP over maybe–a–little–heart–disease stuffed french toast because we absolutely want it...but also because the Ladies and gentlemen...tell a neighbor and phone a friend because heardat photo’s 100+ Instagram likes will make the subsequent Highbrow is back. A week of parties may be NSOver, but this year’s hour–long elliptical workout in Pottruck worth it. gossip is just beginning. Returning readers: we missed you and your PENN At concerts, we look for the tall, sweaty bro sporting scandalous escapades. Freshmeat: watch yourselves because your highness a (cool) frat tank to lift us up for the perfect shoulder is West Philly’s most salacious source of gossip. We show no mercy. shot. If we’re lucky, maybe we’ll get a decent picture Ready to rock black and black out, Penn’s sceniest elite dressed up to Freshman Girl at of the stage, but if not, we can always steal someone get down(town). As always, NSO commenced with a smorgasbord of APES: This frat is the else’s from the concert––throw on a new filter and call events to attend. When no one showed up to the first Owls downtown, sceniest of the scene. it our own. Highbrow hears that the brothers took flight and headed over to Theos’. And at darties and downtowns, we pass our phones With an empty nest, Owls cancelled their event. Thankfully, the hooters Future SDT Sister: to anyone with a free hand to get a shot of us waving a wised up and allegedly skipped their second downtown altogether. I went to camp with handle of warm Bankers around on an elevated surface Highbrow concludes that The-hoes are loyal. every girl from Jeri- because everyone knows a good candid will get more The-Hoes may ride or die, but we hear that the APES have an admirer cho, but I don’t know likes than a posed smile. Besides, we want to look fun, of their own. After getting with with one brother, one Theta with a her. Maybe there are and Amaro really accentuates Rumor’s blue lights. penchant for monkeying around allegedly proceeded to hook up with two Jerichos. A lot of work goes into making a “cool” social another member in the house, all while her previous lover took a quick media presence. We know everything that we and bathroom break. We don’t know APES boy code, but is this kosher? Wannabe Scenester: our friends do to get the perfect insta; we know that Highbrow is surprised by the popularity of APES’ jungle juice(s). I only play cham- we have stood on tables to get the perfect food shot Some rip shots, some endure a vodka tampon, but apparently SAE has pagne pong when I and that sometimes five brains worked together to a new method to get drunk. Tired of cheap and execrable alcohol, these wear nice clothes. craft our caption. We like to joke all the time that we brothers reportedly decided to snort their liquor instead. Underwhelmed #doitfortheinsta, but let’s be honest, most of the time by the effects, these upset bros didn’t feel as quite Versace as they did TriDelt Betch: That it’s for real. during Fling. For the record, Highbrow endorses swallowing. freshman girl is kind Unfortunately, Instagram accounts don’t always We all know there’s nothing worse than being cock-blocked by your of pretty, but she’s translate into reality. Social media stalking is lame freshman roommate. Sources tell us that two horny freshman, wearing Coach... ubiquitous; we do it even before we meet people. unable to utilize their Twin XL’s, couldn’t decide if they wanted to get We judge someone else’s likes, followers and how clean or dirty. Armed with shower shoes and Ware College House keys, SAE Liar: We often they post. Our first impressions form around the young duo headed to the bathroom and had sex in the hall’s only couldn’t have sex be- profiles, not people.