Missional Community Leader Handbook

CONTENTS

36 What if someone is struggling with fear of others/codependence? 3 INTRODUCTION 37 What if someone is inconsistent with 4 ELEMENTS OF A DISCIPLESHIP CULTURE attendance?

5 THE ECOSYSTEM 38 What if someone doesn’t seem to care?

6 MISSIONAL COMMUNITIES OVERVIEW 39 What if someone says something wrong or AND TRAINING heretical?

7 Responsibilities of an MC Leader 40 What if someone talks too much?

12 MC Leader/Coach Expectations/Development 41 What if someone drains the group?

13 Short Term Missional Communities MODEL

14 FAQS 42 How do I reach out to my community?

CARE AND COUNSEL 43 How do I encourage accountability?

16 How do I give godly counsel? 44 How do I welcome new people into the group?

18 How do I interpret Scripture correctly? 45 How do I practice Biblical rest?

20 How do I care for widowed members? 46 How do I deal with discouragement?

21 How do I visit someone in the hospital? 47 How do I interact effectively?

22 What is Spiritual Warfare? 48 How do I decide whether to call, text, or meet?

23 What is formal Church Discipline? 49 How do I follow up with someone?

24 How can I shepherd my group members? 50 How do I handle breaks between MC terms?

25 How can I help someone struggling with 51 How do I handle children in group? temptation? MOBILIZE 26 How can I help someone in crisis? 52 How do I decide on group size? 27 What if someone is struggling with guilt or accusations? 53 How do I encourage others to make disciples? 28 What if someone is struggling with ﬁnances? 54 How do I share the ministry? 29 What if someone is considering suicide? 55 How do I set a culture of multiplication? 30 How do I minister to someone struggling with anxiety?

31 How do I minister to someone struggling with an eating disorder?

33 How do I minister to someone struggling with anxiety?

34 What if someone is struggling with pornography?

35 What if someone is struggling with adultery?

MISSIONAL COMMUNITY HANDBOOK Introduction

Knowing how to shepherd, direct, and Most of the content in the FAQs comes from respond to someone takes training, practice, The Village Church in Texas. We have made and the work of the Holy Spirit. This resource some alterations to better suit our context, serves as a reference when you need but we are indebted to them for the majority direction or have questions about leading a of the work in creating this resource. Missional Community. You may read it in its entirety or as needed when situations arise.

In a desire to keep things succinct, the majority of the FAQs are dealt with through a one-page outline. We have aimed at the heart of the matter, providing action steps and other resources on the topics.

Our hope is to be as practical as possible. You are likely to deal with many of the situations described in the FAQs throughout your time as an MC Leader.

MISSIONAL COMMUNITY HANDBOOK 3 Elements of a Discipleship Culture

deﬁne Who is a disciple? 1 De 6.941 define develop How are disciples formed? 2 Dv 15.999 develop diagnose How are disciples measured? 3 Di 83.80 diagnose demonstrate Are you a disciple? 4 Dm 180.95

demonstrate MISSIONAL COMMUNITY HANDBOOK 4 THE ECOSYSTEM

REPRODUCER WORSHIPER

Intentionally pours into others what God has poured Sees God as greater than anyone or anything else and into them. A disciple of Jesus who makes disciples lives in joyful, grateful obedience. Pursues communion who make disciples, to see the movement of the with and obedience to Jesus in all of life, relentlessly Gospel continue from generation to generation. eliminating idols. Might look like… Might look like… • Prays for others’ growth. • Surrenders heart and life to Christ. • Intentionally invests in and teaches others. • Private devotional life; prayer, Scripture, meditation, etc. • Helps/encourages/challenges others to take • Pursues obedience in all things. next steps. • Participates in corporate worship. • Lives life alongside others with intent to disciple.

MISSIONARY FAMILY MEMBER

Lives as though God has sent them to Lives as a committed member of an proclaim the gospel in word and deed authentic, transparent, truthful wherever they are. Burdened for those community built on the foundation of the who don’t know Jesus, therefore gospel and living out its implications. intentionally uses resources and makes Obeys the “one anothers” of Scripture, decisions to fulﬁll God’s mission, not loving others and sharing life with them their own dreams. in a gospel-shaped way.

Might look like… Might look like… Prays for others to know Jesus. • • Committed part of Missional Community. Intentionally reaches out to demonstrate • • Growing in availability to others. and communicate the gospel. • Confession, transparency. Implements BLESS practices intentionally. • • Neither avoids nor enjoys confrontation. Shares what God has done and is doing in them. • • Bears the burdens of others, fosters their spiritual growth.

SERVANT LEARNER

Joyfully and sacriﬁcially serves in response to the way Humbly seeks to learn from the Spirit and others through they’ve been served by Jesus. Looks not to their own diligently studying Scripture and seeking wisdom. Wants needs but considers how to use all they have for the to grow in knowledge and effectiveness in Christ. sake of others and God’s glory. Might look like… Might look like… • Studies Scripture consistently and diligently seeks to • Disadvantages self for the sake of others. apply what they learn. • Serves on a ministry team. • Accepts rebuke, seeks correction. • Thinks of others, has empathy. • Teachable heart, seeks the wisdom of others. • Takes action outside of their comfort zone. • Engages with and applies Scripture. • Looks for needs around them. • Growing in Gospel fluency and application. • Generous with time, energy, and resources. • Takes advantage of opportunities to learn and grow.

MISSIONAL COMMUNITY HANDBOOK 5 And Jesus came and said to them, “All WHAT a MISSIONAL COMMUNITY IS NOT… authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make When we describe Missional Communities as “small groups,” people interpret this word in disciples of all nations, baptizing them in different ways. The tendency is to assume, the name of the Father and of the Son even for those that are bought-in to the vision and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to and DNA of Resonate, that MCs are “small observe all that I have commanded you. groups” or “Bible studies” by a different And behold, I am with you always, to the name. It is helpful to clarify what a MC is not: end of the age.” - Matthew 28.16-20 (ESV) A Missional Community is not primarily a Small Group. Many churches start Small Groups as a way to "close the back door” of discipleship at resonate the church; to help people who come to Resonate exists to fulﬁll Jesus’ Great Sunday services get connected and stay Commission to go and make disciples. connected to the church. While MCs help Everything we do is meant to point people to people connect to the church family, this is Jesus and lead them into a growing not the reason we have them. relationship with Him. Discipleship is growing as a follower of Jesus and it is the call of A Missional Community is not primarily a every Christian and every local church. Bible Study. Bible Studies often involve studying and discussing Scripture as a While the Bible provides clear guidance on substitute for living on mission and engaging what it means to follow Jesus, each church in the ministry God made us for. While MCs has its own process and vocabulary will study Scripture, the emphasis will be on surrounding discipleship. At Resonate, we the way God equips us through Scripture, use the Ecosystem, which is detailed on the and being faithful to obey what we learn. previous pages. This paradigm provides both practical, speciﬁc next steps related to each A Missional Community is not primarily a of the six marks of a disciple as well as a support group. While members of groups clear picture that we are constantly growing will experience love and support, the purpose and never “arrive” as disciples. Growth is a of the group is to grow people so they are lifelong, ongoing process. And at the center able to take care of their own families, and of it all is the Gospel. one another.

A Missional Community is not primarily a WHERE MISSIONAL COMMUNITIES FIT IN social activist group. We want each group to be “For the City" and live on mission to our Gospel-centered communities are the context city. Causes are good, but if we miss the for discipleship; the people you experience mission of the Gospel - the call to make Christ with. We live out and pursue every disciples - we have missed our true calling. element of discipleship through Missional Communities. Made up of men and women from all generations, Missional Communities A Missional Community is not primarily a meet throughout the week for prayer, weekly meeting. While a Missional fellowship, challenge, encouragement, and Community will get together once a week, it growth. They are not simply places to build is not a weekly meeting. An MC is a group of community, but community will be built. They people seeking to live life together in pursuit are groups of people in pursuit of Jesus. of Jesus. You don’t deﬁne your family as a weekly meeting; the church is your family.

MISSIONAL COMMUNITY HANDBOOK 6 WHAT a MISSIONAL COMMUNITY IS… CARE AND COUNSEL In Missional Communities we are seeking to Caring and counseling are everyday activities live life a different way. To radically reorient within the Christian life. Loving others as you our lives around the Gospel, together. A love yourself and calling each other to Missional Community Leader brings people faithfulness are ways we follow Christ’s together and calls them to this kind of life. commands. Caring is the practice of Biblical hospitality and oversight. It is both Every Missional Community will look a bit thoughtfulness in relationships and speaking different based on the leaders and members, truth in love when sin takes hold. Counseling but they share these common traits at is the practice of listening and speaking godly Resonate: truth into a situation, bearing with one another. • An MC is a gospel community living on mission together. Giving Godly Counsel • Have a Leader and Apprentice who are the M u c h o f g i v i n g g o d l y c o u n s e l i s shepherds of the group, guiding group encompassed in our daily response to the members to grow in their understanding of cares and worries of group members. As we the Gospel and taking next steps as respond to these cares, we must bear in followers of Jesus (using the Ecosystem mind that the counsel we give must be: and Weekly Guides as an aid). • Rooted in God. Scripture is authoritative • A group of 4-10 people who meet at least and the source of wisdom. once a week. • Exalting to Jesus Christ. Counsel that • MCs are commissioned as missionaries to does not exalt Jesus Christ becomes t h e i r c o m m u n i t i e s . L e a d e r s a n d behavior modiﬁcation. Apprentices will lead group members to live • Dependent upon the Holy Spirit for out their individual missions, and the group change. This does not undermine the will serve together at least once each MC need for human effort, though. Session. • Loving. Speak the hard truths in love. Be winsome and be sober in calling to life. the role of an mc leader When listening to others, group leaders must Because our Missional Communities are the be sure to talk through emotional and primary context of gospel-centered behavioral (circumstantial) struggles, community and life on mission, MC Leaders addressing what is under them. They cannot have an immensely important role. They are let the deeper issue go untouched. the primary shepherds and disciple-makers of Resonate church. They are the carriers of Accountability and Conﬂict Resolution the DNA and the catalysts for a true Accountability is your responsibility as a movement. If Resonate is to become a Christian brother or sister, leader and missional movement, it will be because God shepherd. Issues you address can be a sin has used MC Leaders to make disciples who directly against you or an observed sinful make disciples. Because this role is so habit or action (Matt. 18:15, Gal 6:1). important, we have a high bar for MC Leaders. An MC Leader is to: • Care for and counsel group members. • Model the life of a devoted follower of Christ. • Mobilize group members toward next steps in Christ.

MISSIONAL COMMUNITY HANDBOOK 7 How to care for someone through in every aspect of their lives, on display for accountability: their groups. Because the gospel is true, they can openly share failures without shame and Go to the individual privately and address • triumphs without pride. the situation (in person). Make the issue clear and explain the biblical concerns Disciples Making Disciples toward the attitudes or actions in question. MC Leaders are required to spend intentional If their heart is unrepentant, pray for and • time and energy with their Apprentice, and plead with the individual. possibly one or two others from their group. If unrepentance continues, take 2-3 others • They are to spend intentional time discipling with you who can listen and counsel in the them, modeling what it looks like to pursue conversation (Matt. 18:16). Jesus and live as His disciple. As much as If the counsel of these others, in addition to • possible the Leader must involve his or her your own, is disregarded and their heart apprentice in daily life; they must have much remains unrepentant, then update your more than a weekly-meeting type of Coach or a pastor. The next step is the relationship if they are to truly disciple. This beginning of formal church discipline. relationship is key, and is to be modeled after Jesus’ relationship with His disciples. Church Discipline Formal church discipline takes place when Displaying Community everyday accountability fails, and there is no In modeling what it looks like to be a healthy a c k n o w l e d g e m e n t , c o n f e s s i o n , o r disciple, MC Leaders help others see what it repentance. In the formal church discipline looks like to live out gospel-centered process, individuals are cared for by community since MC Leaders are the main ministers, pastors and elders. area in which we pursue and live out our identity as family members. The Christian life For more on caring and counseling, see the is far more about interdependence than Care and Counsel section of the FAQs. individualism, which means leaders must ﬁght for groups to be more than just Bible model studies or hangouts. Modeling the life of a devoted follower of 1 Corinthians 12, Ephesians 4, and Acts 2 Christ is intentionally showing and inviting describe the body of Christ as many parts others to see Jesus as beautiful and worthy. with different gifts that come together to form It is to work and live in a way that depends a whole. They describe the body of Christ as upon the power of the Holy Spirit in you, and serving and sacriﬁcing for the good of each to do so in hopes that others might see and other. All parts are subject to Christ, and all join you. This happens in the daily routines of belong to one another. This means group life, when we show faithfulness and true joy members must seek to be this biblical body in suffering, success and the in-between. of Christ, tending to one another, building up one another, and growing together in their Living our Mission service and identity as people of God. In this Healthy disciples are growing, because of the way, we want our groups to “do life together,” gospel, in all six markers of a disciple: as but we must also realize that groups will worshipers, family members, learners, never be perfect and the expectation and servants, missionaries, and reproducers. desire for belonging will differ from group to They are pursuing a life worthy of imitation group. because they are following Christ. MC Leaders are these maturing disciples who For more on modeling, see the Model model Christ and what it means to follow Him section of the FAQs.

MISSIONAL COMMUNITY HANDBOOK 8 mobilize marks of discipleship, but MC Leaders are responsible to fight that. They are to faithfully To mobilize others to take their next steps as and boldly lead their groups in pursuit of disciples of Christ is to celebrate what we every element of discipleship, including want to cultivate in our communities. It is to reproduction. engage in the overflow of the Christian life, serving others and being part of healthy MC Leaders (and all disciples, really) are growth in maturity and the reproduction of called to pursue gospel-centered believers, communities, and churches. multiplication, reproducing themselves to make more disciples. MC Leaders do this by Serving In and Outside the Church identifying, apprenticing, raising up and MCs are encouraged to serve together. This sending out new leaders. could mean as part of a ministry team at Resonate (Setup, Teardown, Kids’ Ministry, Sharing Stories Student Ministry, Tech, First Seven, Stories testify to what God is doing in and Connections, etc.), as part of a For the City through our people; they are integral to MC team or event (Street Ministry Team, life. They allow us to celebrate what we want Christmas Project, Turn It Up, etc.), or as part to cultivate, encouraging and pushing group of a group member’s mission to their members to take their next steps. Stories community, workplace, family, or friends matter because they are one of the main (cleaning up a yard together, for example). ways we preach the gospel to ourselves and one another, which in turn motivates us to There are countless ways for MCs to engage share the gospel with others, in word and their community the love of Christ. MC deed. Leaders do not need to find and plan every service opportunity, but they should help find For more on mobilizing, see the Mobilize opportunities and delegate group members to section of the FAQs. lead out in this area as appropriate. If group members are taking steps as disciples, opportunities to serve are going to come up and the group members can rally around an individual and take part in their mission. This is the church!

Though there is value in groups serving together, many group members will serve in different areas in and outside the church that allow them to function in and practice their speciﬁc gifts. This is good and right. MC Leaders should look for ways to encourage group members as they pursue gospel- centered service.

Reproducing Missional Communities We see disciples formed through the pursuit of the gospel and embracing our identity as worshipers, family members, learners, servants, missionaries, and reproducers. Missional Communities will have a natural bent toward focusing on one or two of these

MISSIONAL COMMUNITY HANDBOOK 9 responsibilities of an mc leader people are able to be a part of a gospel- centered community where they experience love and challenge and grow as disciples like • Cultivates a personal relationship with never before. Jesus. • Shepherds an MC of 4-10 people. Leaders and Apprentices should specifically • Leads their group on mission. recruit people to join their groups rather than • Identifies and develops future leaders. rely on an MC Expo to drive people to sign • Encourages non-members to pursue up. The greatest participation will happen Covenant Membership and encourages with people who have been personally Covenant Members to faithfulness. invited, and with whom there is already some • Reproduces self through an Apprentice. kind of relationship or connection. • Leads group to meet effectively, in alignment with Resonate plan. Leads their group on mission. • Attends and participates in MC Leader Mission is a critical component of a Missional Trainings; committed to growth. Community. If an MC is simply a discussion group, or focused inward, it is not an MC. MC Cultivates a personal relationship with Leaders are responsible to engage their Jesus. group on mission. It could be participation in An MC Leader must pursue Jesus above all a ministry inside the church or outside. It else. Mission must never substitute for Jesus. could be a part of a group member’s mission, It is easy to let your relationship with Jesus serving in their community, or something fall by the wayside as you get into the busy- similar. Jesus did not just gather with His ness of leading, but this is a critical error. We disciples to discuss Scripture; He led them on are not leading people to have discussions or God’s mission to seek and save the lost. This gain knowledge; we are leading them to is an indispensable part of what it means to follow Christ. If we ourselves are not be a disciple. If we are not leading our people following Christ, we are leading them astray. on mission, we are not discipling them in the An MC Leader takes responsibility for their way of Jesus. own relationship with Jesus and pursues next steps, accountability, and growth. Identifies and develops future leaders. Current leaders are to actively entrust their Shepherds an MC of 4-10 people. Apprentices (and others they see with 4-10 people is the recommended size of a leadership potential) with responsibility and Missional Community. As the group gets give them appropriate opportunities to lead. larger, it is more difficult to develop the kinds Groups multiply from within. This allows new of relationships and have the kinds of leaders to learn at the side of their current conversations that drive discipleship. We leader and be sent out to reproduce what want to celebrate smaller groups and go they have been a part of. deeper with fewer, as God gives us the grace to. We celebrate discipleship and next steps, Encourages non-members to pursue not just group size. The cultivation of deep, Covenant Membership and encourages authentic relationships is better facilitated in a Covenant Members to faithfulness. smaller group. Attendees and non-members who are faithfully participating in the body should Groups will sometimes exceed these become members of the local body. Current numbers due to scheduling and pressures, Covenant Members are encouraged to fulfill and as God graces us with more people. This their covenant and pursue faithfulness to should increase our desire to grow and God. Leaders can encourage both by reproduce groups, so that more and more

MISSIONAL COMMUNITY HANDBOOK 10 advocating for Membership Classes and Attends MC Leader Trainings, Leader helping people see the value of membership. Huddles, and is committed to growth. Leaders should, for their own sake and MC Leaders attend trainings and Huddles vision, attend a Membership class once a throughout the year meant to provide them year or more as a Table Host, to help with specific training and content to welcome others into the family. encourage them as leaders, disciplers, and disciples. Leaders make it a priority to attend Connects regularly with Coach. these trainings, as they are committed to MC Leaders keep in regular contact with their growth and understand the great importance Coach, utilizing their Coach as the first line of of their role. Pursuing growth through other communication. Coaches are committed to means is also greatly encouraged, whether helping MC leaders develop in competence through a “Night with the Prof,” a conference, and Christ-likeness. MC Leaders are an online resource, a book, or some other committed to working with their Coach to program. encourage and grow them. missional community characteristics Reproduces self through an Apprentice. An MC Leader without an Apprentice should • R e g u l a r m e e t i n g f o r c o n n e c t i o n , be a rare or non-existent thing. Leaders discussion, prayer, etc. Should be weekly. should identify and recruit Apprentices, and • Leader invests in Apprentice through pour into them intentionally to reproduce relationship and content. Possible addition themselves. This is the call of discipleship. of discipleship triads if a second potential Leaders should have a clear plan and be leader surfaces. passing off meaningful responsibility to • 10 Week average sessions (September- Apprentices as they’re ready. Ideally, an Christmas, January-Easter, March-June). Apprentice will be doing most of the “work” of Leaders recruit and encourage members to leading a group, and will “own” the group the commit for one year, but regular offramps/ way the Leader does, by mid-way through onramps exist. their second session together. That will allow • Group sizes: 10 max for singles, 14 max for the Leader to give their Apprentice feedback couples (ideal size is 4-8 persons). and guidance while seeing first-hand how • Regular Service - MC Leader leads the that Apprentice leads and cares for a group. group on mission. At least one per session. • Discipleship focused, next-step oriented. A Leads group to meet effectively, in culture of invitation and challenge. alignment with Resonate’s plan. • Ecosystem is lived out. Missional Communities are to meet once a • Sermon-based or approved curriculum. week, four or five times a month. If an MC is Leaders and Apprentices work to adjust not following a set curriculum (such as MC content to best serve their group within Connection Groups or MC New Christian provided parameters. Weekly Guides Groups), the MC Leader is to use the Weekly provide foundation for most groups. Guide to plan for the group meetings. By • No limit to how long a group stays together, using the Sunday sermon as a focal point, we but reproduction should be the norm. build on the energy and teaching from God’s • Every week, Leaders/Apprentices can Word to facilitate next steps, discipleship, provide feedback through the online form: and greater alignment. Leaders should also www.resonatemovement.org/wcfeedback record attendance in Church Community Builder so we can better track group participation and make improvements.

MISSIONAL COMMUNITY HANDBOOK 11 • Committed to reproduction: to identify, mc leader/coach expectations and develop, and encourage leaders. • Committed to growth. Will do whatever it development takes to grow as a disciple, leader, and shepherd. If the MC Leaders are the primary disciple- • Eligible to become a Coach after they train makers of Resonate, it is absolutely essential and send out two MC Leaders. that we have a high bar, clear expectations, and a solid development plan. If we truly How are MC Leaders developed? expect MC Leaders to take a group of people • Missional Communities. and shepherd them toward greater devotion • MC Leader Trainings. to Jesus and the elimination of idols, shaping • Leadership Huddles. them in the Gospel all the way, we must have • “Night with the Prof” events (5-6 per year) a system to develop leaders like that. We are for Seminary-level teaching on topics of all on a journey with Christ, and these interest. expectations are our goal. They are what we • Sunday Sermons and Weekly Guides. will strive and toward with grace-driven effort. • Ministry Grid online tool.

MC Leader Qualifications/Aspirations: MC Coach Role: • A Covenant Member of Resonate in good An MC Coach is an MC Leader who takes standing, or in the process of becoming a initiative to encourage and lead a group of Covenant Member. MC Leaders (a Leadership Huddle). Coaches • A desire to be challenged and held serve a vital role in connecting leaders to one accountable as a leader and shepherd. another and creating an environment where • Strive for the qualifications of Biblical they can learn from and encourage one Eldership (whether male or female) as another. This typically happens through: found in 1 Timothy 3:1-13 and Titus 1:5-9. • Live on mission; identify and pursue a • Regularly contacting the leaders in their specific mission field in their personal life. Huddle to encourage them and get them to Lives out BLESS and can explain it to MC Leader Trainings. others. • Facilitating discussions at MC Trainings, • Leadership competence: relational where the Huddle sits together. awareness, emotional maturity, • Being a point of contact and lifeline for communication skills, conflict resolution. leaders in their Huddle who need some • Can articulate the Gospel (Gospel on the extra support; facilitating communication Ground and Gospel in the Air concepts) among all the Leaders in a Huddle so they and apply it to themselves and others. can mutually support and encourage each Constantly growing in their understanding other. of the Gospel. • Biblical literacy and the ability to identify sound/unsound doctrine. Humble enough to admit when they’re out of their depth and seek help. Protect the sheep. • Knows the Ecosystem and can clearly explain it, including how the Gospel leads to each of the six marks of discipleship. Can identify next steps for themselves and others.

MISSIONAL COMMUNITY HANDBOOK 12 short-term missional communities In order to best facilitate discipleship and connection, we have three types of Missional Communities. Standard MCs fall in line with the description of groups above. There are two additional kinds of groups meant to serve speciﬁc populations:

Missional Community Connection Groups Missional Community Foundations (MCCGs) Groups (MCFGs) For people new to Resonate, MCCGs For those new to Christianity or still exploring provide a lower-commitment experience very it, the MCFG will provide an introduction to similar to that of a normal MC. These groups the foundations of the faith. Through this will be intentionally short-term (4 weeks) and group, members will have an MC-like publicized as groups for those who have experience with a set commitment time (6 never been part of a Resonate Missional weeks) where they will learn what it is to be a Community before and want to check out Christian. They will work on developing what one is like. Leaders will use a provided essential habits for the Christian life, a basic curriculum along with the Weekly Guides to understanding of the Ecosystem (and prepare for their groups, which will be therefore what it means to be a disciple), and sermon-based discussion groups. the ability to share their story. Leaders will Participants will be introduced to the use a provided curriculum that involves Bible Ecosystem and its elements, and learn about Study and discussion, and not much Resonate’s overall discipleship process. At engagement with the weekend’s sermon. At the end of the four weeks, participants will be the end of the six weeks, group members will invited to continue as the group transitions be invited to continue as the group transitions into a standard MC for the remainder of the into a standard MC for the remainder of the MC session. MC session.

MISSIONAL COMMUNITY HANDBOOK 13 mc leader/apprentice yearly rhythm people to join their MC. The Expo should not be seen as the primary recruiting tool for an MC. MC Leaders who personally The MC Year goes from September-June. invite people into their groups generally There are three MC Sessions, to create more experience greater success and connection onramps for people to join the discipleship within their groups. process. Our hope is that MC Leaders will approach the Year not with the intention of Fall, Winter, and Spring Sessions leading three separate MCs, but leading one During the MC Year (September-June), MC MC through the entire year. This level of time Leaders will carry out their plans, lead their and commitment will better foster the growth groups, and attend trainings (2 per session), and culture of discipleship and gospel where they will contact with their Coach and community that MCs are meant to have. Huddle. At the end of each session (December, March, and June), Leaders and Within each year, there is a general rhythm Apprentices must: for MC Leaders: Communicate their MC details for the Before MC Year (June-August) • upcoming session to the Spiritual With the help of a Coach or the Spiritual Formation Pastor for the MC Expo Formation Pastor, the MC Leader will decide Brochure. (End of Fall and Winter sessions on the details of their group for the upcoming only.) year (and if they will in fact lead a group). Complete a “MC Session Evaluation” form, Details to be decided include: • where they will evaluate themselves, their group, and the other leaders they’re • Type of Group (Men’s, Women’s, Mixed; connected to. Standard MC, Foundations, Connections). • Find out if existing group members will • Apprentice (must complete application continue in their group. If not, the MC process). Leader/Apprentice should help them get • Day/Time/Location of meetings. connected to another MC. This information, once decided upon by the End of MC Year (June/July) Leader, Apprentice, and Coach/Pastor, will be At the end of an MC Year, Leaders and communicated to the Spiritual Formation Apprentices will: Pastor using an online form at least three weeks before the Fall MC Expo. • Complete an “End of Year Evaluation.” This will be a self-assessment and a way for Before Fall Session (August/Early Sep.) every Leader/Apprentice to provide During August and early September (before feedback for their Leader, Apprentice, and/ the Fall MC Session begins), MC Leaders: or Coach. It will also allow the Leader to provide feedback to the Spiritual Formation • Recruit an Apprentice (if they haven’t Pastor and MC Leadership. already). Have the Apprentice complete a Review their Yearly Plans to see how they “Yearly Plan” form and meet together to • grew. Leaders and Apprentices will discuss discuss personal and leadership goals for what is appropriate for next year (multiply a the upcoming year. group of their own, keep apprenticing, step • Complete a “Yearly Plan” form and be out, etc.) prepared to share it with their Huddle at the Receive resources to help them shepherd MC Kickoff. • their group throughout the summer. • Recruit group members. The MC Leader and Apprentice should be prayerfully asking

MISSIONAL COMMUNITY HANDBOOK 14 A typical group meeting may be structured structuring mc group meeting time something like this:

MC Foundation and Connection Groups have • 5-10 Minutes: Group members arrive, catch set curriculum, but standard MCs are more up, socialize. ﬂexible. The primary role of an MC Leader is • Open with a Prayer to shepherd and disciple his or her group • Lead through Weekly Guide discussion/ members. This is going to look different activities based on group members, season of life, • Share Prayer Requests events of the week (or even the day), and • Pray together more. We strive to create a healthy • Share announcements environment for discipleship where we • Dismiss/Socialize as people leave balance the organic and the systematic. Perhaps one of the most challenging jobs of This should be seen as more descriptive than MC Leaders and Apprentices is structuring prescriptive. If this is all your MC does, you their weekly group meetings effectively. are going to have a hard time seeing true discipleship and life change happen. A group While all of our MCs are focused on with this structure every week will end up discussing and applying the Sunday looking much like a traditional “Bible Study” Sermons, there is some leeway in how that or “Support Group,” which an MC is not. That happens within each group. Groups are also doesn’t mean your group should never follow not limited to only discussing the Sermon - the above outline, but you as the leader but they should at least discuss it in a should thoughtfully, prayerfully, and meaningful way that allows group members intentionally structure the time. to reﬂect on its application to their hearts and lives. Plan ahead Each MC Leader should consider - how can I With all that in mind, it will be up to each MC help the people in my group take their next Leader to decide exactly how to structure steps toward Jesus? Where do they need to their group meeting time. Remember what an be encouraged? Challenged? Confronted? MC is - it is not simply a discussion group! It What elements of the sermon do they most is not just a time to meet and go through the need to hear and digest? How can we move questions in the Weekly Guide. It is a time for from discussion to application? you to shepherd and lead your group close to Jesus. While it’s easy to fall into the “rut” of As you prayerfully answer these questions just going through the questions in the and consider how you can best shepherd Weekly Guide, don’t do it! Prayerfully engage your group, you should put together a plan with an intentional plan each week to for each week’s meeting. To help you, here encounter Jesus and Gospel community. are some elements for you to consider making a part of your group meeting time. What does a typical meeting look like? Some should happen every week, and others Typically, MCs are scheduled to meet for 90 should be mixed in from time to time. minutes per week. Some groups schedule a longer time, but this is about the investment we ask people to make when we discuss Missional Communities. Of course it is not possible to live on mission together in 90 minutes a week, but this time is essential.

MISSIONAL COMMUNITY HANDBOOK 15 Every Week: during group time is recommended regularly, Every week, your group should at least depending on the focus/needs of your group. engage in the following things: • Check In on “Next Steps.” Hopefully you • Discussion/activity related to the week’s are encouraging and challenging your sermon, using the Weekly Guide as a group members to take next steps. These resource. The meat of your discussion may be the ones indicated in the Weekly time should be about learning and growing Guide, or ones you come up with from the sermon. While you may also be yourselves. Either way, it is good to spend doing other sorts of reading or listening in time in the group checking in. If someone your group, the bulk of your discussion time said they were going to try or do something, should center around the sermon. You must ask them how it’s going. Create an give adequate time for the truths of environment of loving encouragement and Scripture from the preaching of God’s Word challenge to gospel people through their to sink in and for your group members to successes and failures. see themselves in light of it. You should also regularly (if not weekly) do some of the • BLESS Mission Check-In. Ask your group “Next Step” activities together! members how they are doing in living on mission personally. Remind them of each of • Prayer. Every week your group should pray the BLESS habits, and share successes, together. Some weeks it may be one failures, and challenges. Pray for one person praying, other weeks everyone will another and invite one another on mission. participate. But you must absolutely pray This is key to develop your group’s together. Don't make the mistake of letting personal missions and collective mission. prayer time get crowded out. Consider ending your discussion 15-20 minutes • Ecosystem Check-In/Discussion. Pick before your scheduled “end time” to provide one element of the Ecosystem. Remind enough time for everyone to share their your group of what it means (or ask one of prayer requests without feeling rushed. them to tell you about it). Then ask Some groups even share prayer requests everyone to share how they are doing in at the start to make sure it happens. If you that area. Pray for and encourage one do this, make sure to give people a chance another. You can also use the handouts to add to their requests after the group’s available at www.resonatemovement.org/ discussion time, because more things may mcleaderstuff to help you direct the have come up for them. discussion and do a more in-depth self- assessment for everyone in your group. • Share critical announcements. In the This is especially great to do at the Weekly Guide and/or MC Leader e-mail, beginning and end of MC Sessions, as you there will be some information/ can set goals/focuses for the session. announcements for you to share with your group. Please be sure to pass this • Facebook Page. Create a Private information along. You are a critical link in Facebook group for your MC. Throughout the chain of communication. the week, interact through Facebook. You could all agree to read part of Scripture and Other Elements: share what you get out of it or what While these are not things that you questions you have each day, or something necessarily need to do weekly (though you else. This can be a great way to build could), they are important. Engaging in community. discussion and activity around these things

MISSIONAL COMMUNITY HANDBOOK 16 • Bible Reading/Discussion. It may be event, or somewhere else - your group helpful for your group to commit to read should be serving together. To get buy-in Scripture together during the week. You can and use it as an actual discipleship spend a bit of time in your meeting each opportunity it is important for you to use week discussing the Scripture reading. Two some group time to talk about and pray for great questions to ask about what you read your serving opportunities. are (1) What does this tell me about God? and (2) What does this tell me about what it • Musical Worship. If someone in your means to follow Jesus? It’s important for group has the gifting (this is important), you the Bible discussion not to be divorced from can incorporate some musical worship into personal action and change. It’s not just your group time! about information. • Discuss a book or article. You may want • Share a Story. Have someone in the group to read through a book with the people in share their story of their relationship/ your group. This can be a great way to journey with Jesus. Give them a time limit supplement your sermon-based discussion. (like 5 minutes) and at least a week to It is okay to spend some time talking about prepare. This will build community and what you learned from what you read, and foster growth. how you can apply it. Your group should not become a book study or discussion group, • Confession and Prayer Time. It is but many leaders and groups ﬁnd it helpful important to occasionally set aside time to to read through a book together and spend invite people to confess. This will some of their time discussing it. If you do sometimes happen in the regular course of this you should talk to your Coach for some discussion and activity in your group, but it guidance on how to make it fruitful. would also be helpful to spend some time inviting confession and applying the Gospel • Something else. Discipleship is an to one another. 1 John 1:5-7 is a great adventure! There are so many things you passage to lay the foundation for this time. could do to switch things up in your group and help your group grow. If you have • Teach or review something If you think it another idea, talk with your Coach to see would be beneﬁcial for your group, spend a how they can help you leverage it into a few minutes teaching out a basic concept. discipleship opportunity for your group. This could include BLESS, the Ecosystem, the Four G’s, something you found helpful at the most recent MC Leader training, etc. This is a good way to reinforce these concepts that we hope everybody will internalize, because they will help them grow as disciples. Don’t turn your group time into a lecture, but it is good to exercise a bit of teaching sometimes. You could also ask someone else in your group to do it and give them a chance to exercise some ministry and their gifts.

• Plan a serving opportunity. Whether it originates in the personal mission of someone in your group, a For the City

MISSIONAL COMMUNITY HANDBOOK 17 FAQs

MISSIONAL COMMUNITY HANDBOOK 18

Care and Counsel Listen It’s important to hear how a person defines their situations and struggles.. It is tempting how do i give godly counsel? to jump in and either define the problem yourself or correct the definition of the When listening to someone in order to problem without fully hearing the story. Does respond with gospel-centered and Bible- this situation sound familiar? based counsel, there is a progression of logic and action that is important to follow. “I have this issue with my neck, it These steps will help you care and counsel hurts when I…” well when you are faced with a hard conversation or the call to bear patiently with “Oh, I know exactly what you’re someone in need. talking about! I have a pain in my neck too! Here’s what you need to Love do…” God is love, so we are to love others. To disciple with a Christ-centered love, consider these points: A tendency to be aware of is that we often quit listening to discern the moment we see a • There must be a desire to help. Our point to relate to. The mind works to remove desire reveals whether we have a dissonance, and in trying to understand kingdom mindset or worldly one. We can someone else’s struggle, we try to compare help others for our own benefit, even if our own experience and then liken all our what we are doing is good. It reveals our thoughts and experiences with that issue to self-centeredness. We can help others for theirs. their benefit, and it starves our self- centeredness. One is an incorrect gospel Over time, carefully and graciously help application, the other is a biblical individuals look at their hurts and struggles in command to love God with all you are light of Scripture. This approach will help and love others as you love yourself. bring fertile ground and a willing spirit to how they are thinking, feeling, and behaving in • Offer your full attention. How will we know response to their struggle or suffering. what to say if we have not heard their story? Be fully present and listen. Hearing As this approach progresses, the person will allow you to know what biblical being discipled will begin to view and discuss counsel to give, which direction to take their troubles through the lenses of God’s moving forward and how to intercede for Word. With this, the individual’s thinking, others. feeling and behaving are, in turn, filtered • You must show compassion. In Hebrews, through truth rather than circumstances, the author portrays Jesus as One who sufferings or problems. This progression sympathizes with our weaknesses and is frees the disciples to see his problem in able to help because He suffered and relation to the affections of his heart, which is was tempted in every way. No human can where Jesus says the things that defile us ever fully understand another, but we do come from. strive to emulate the example of Christ in our laboring to understand the struggles In and among suffering, affections will be and suffering of others. exposed either as affections for self or affections for Christ. Misplaced affections will constantly point to deeper heart issues.

MISSIONAL COMMUNITY HANDBOOK 20 Identify Biblical Solutions • Seek power and comfort from the Holy Through hearing and discerning, we look to Spirit. The individual embraces a proper Scripture that speaks adequately to the heart view of the Holy Spirit as part of the and circumstance. Godhead. This means there is a persistent desire to grow in the knowledge of the If discernment toward the heart is skipped Spirit, walk in the power of the Spirit, and and you jump straight into biblical solutions, seek the Spirit in all things. there becomes a danger of behavior being • Engage fully in the body of Christ. A addressed without true heart change that great failure of many believers has been comes through the Holy Spirit, as God’s looking outside the body of Christ for care Word impacts the heart. and help. This exposes a great failure of the Church to not be a place and people This may seem like a small thing, but biblical who pursue authentic, biblical Christianity. solutions apart from understanding where As the Church strives to be an instrument affections of the heart have gone wrong lead of God to His people, the individual should to legalism. The Pharisees and the be encouraged to engage in the body of Sadducees displaced these affections as Christ. This does not mean they never seek they consistently approached problems counseling or help outside the body, but through the law with hearts that were far from that the body is the ﬁrst place they go. the Lord. • Wait patiently upon the Lord and His Exhort Biblical Action timing. God is in control, so we don’t have Once biblical solutions are identiﬁed and to be. A failure to trust God is a failure to studied, the discipler exhorts biblical pursuit. trust in His Sovereignty. This includes but is not limited to exhorting the individual to:

• Forsake allegiance to the flesh. The individual grows in an understanding of how the flesh has traditionally played out but stays keenly aware of the heart issues beneath. • Trust in the power of God. The individual grows in trust toward God’s sovereignty while acknowledging and embracing the deep need to walk in His ways and actively trust in His goodness. • Dwell upon the gospel of Jesus Christ. The individual develops a great understanding of what has been secured in and through the gospel of Jesus Christ. Justification, sanctification, and glorification are all realized in Christ and empowered through the Holy Spirit. • Meditate upon, memorize, and apply the Word of God. The individual displays an increased hunger for God and desire to know His Word.

MISSIONAL COMMUNITY HANDBOOK 21 Care and Counsel storybook, you don’t read Matthew the same way you read Revelation. how do i interpret scripture Example: Proverbs 22:6 promises my child correctly? will be saved. (Proverbs are principles, not promises.) It can be challenging to interpret Scripture, 4. Interpret a passage in a new way, not and it is absolutely essential for Missional held by anyone in church history. Community Leaders to be diligent and handle the Word of God with care. Group members While it’s possible Christians in the past may will look to MC Leaders as authorities, and have missed something of major importance, they are in a position of spiritual leadership. it’s more likely if you have a “new” In order for members to grow as followers of interpretation of a passage (or one that Christ, they must learn how to properly wasn’t held until the 1800’s), you’re in error. interpret Scripture. There are some common mistakes many of us make: here are some of Example: If you don’t speak in tongues, you them so you can avoid them: aren’t saved. 1. Interpret one passage of Scripture in a 5. Interpret a passage without paying way that contradicts another Scripture. attention to its context. If your interpretation of a passage contradicts Every word in the Bible exists in the context another part of Scripture, you have probably of a sentence, a paragraph, a section, a misinterpreted one or both of the texts. chapter, a book, etc. There is also cultural and historical context to consider. The Example: Paul says we’re saved by grace but theological topic of the book of the Bible James says we’re saved by works, so they provides more context. In order to contradict each other. understand what a passage is saying, you must consider its context. 2. Interpret a passage in a way that would not have made sense to the original Example: The Old Testament forbids eating audience. pork, so Christians shouldn’t eat pork. To understand what a passage means, we 6. Never ask other Christians about your must ﬁrst determine what it meant to the interpretation. original audience. If your interpretation would only make sense to a modern-day audience Scripture is meant to be interpreted in the you are probably mistaken. context of community; if you interpret a passage in opposition to all other commonly Example: The locusts in Revelation are held interpretations, you may have wandered actually Apache attack helicopters. into error. It takes humility and a respect for God’s Word to acknowledge that you could 3. Interpret a passage without considering be wrong. its genre. Example: God showed me a new The Bible is full of many genres of literature: interpretation of this passage; it doesn’t history, poetry, wisdom literature, prophecy, matter what you say it means. letters, and more. Just as you read the sports section of the newspaper different than a

MISSIONAL COMMUNITY HANDBOOK 22 7. Interpret a passage in a way that changes its meaning because you don’t resources like what it appears to say. How to Read the Bible for All Its Worth by We must submit to God’s Word; it does not Fee & Stuart submit to us. If you ﬁnd yourself ignoring or changing the straightforward meaning of a 40 Questions About Interpreting the Bible by text, you may be trying to make Scripture Robert Plummer and Benjamin Merkle submit to you. “Night With a Prof: Biblical Interpretation”: Example: I know the Bible says there are Video of Dr. Ben Shin teaching some speciﬁc situations where divorce is permitted, fantastic Biblical Interpretation skills. Watch it but I’m just unhappy in this marriage and I on our “Night With a Prof” Vimeo channel: know Jesus wants me to be happy. www.vimeo.com/channels/nightwithaprof 8. Build and emphasize major doctrines from obscure passages.

If 75 passages address the same topic and one seems to say something different on the topic, reinterpret the one passage in light of the other 74, not the other way around.

Example: There’s an obscure reference to baptizing people for the dead in 1 Corinthians, so we should start baptizing people for the dead.

9. Read your own presuppositions into the text.

Do your best not to come to Scripture with assumptions or presuppositions about what God is like. You can’t eliminate them but being aware of them and trying to cut down on them can help. You also want to read the Bible for its deﬁnitions of words and not put your own connotation/deﬁnition into Biblical passages.

Example: The idea that men and women are designed for different roles in the church and life is outdated, patriarchal, and leads to abuse. Therefore the Bible must not be teaching that to modern Christians.

MISSIONAL COMMUNITY HANDBOOK 23 Care and Counsel someone to ﬁx it, it can be a huge help. • Remember them around holidays and how do i care for widowed anniversaries. Contact and/or invite members? them if they don’t have family to celebrate with, or if they would appreciate you thinking of them. It can be difﬁcult to care for those around us • Be thoughtful and intentionally bless who experience grief in big and small ways them with acts of kindness to show that we haven’t experienced ourselves. How you are thinking of them. can we care for someone who has lost their spouse? The ministry of presence (just being there) can be most appropriate at the resources beginning, but we must not forget that a How to Care for Your Grieving Friend blog widow or widowers life does not get back to series by Molly Piper. normal after such a loss. The Undistracted Widow: Living for God after Here are some guidelines to help you Losing Your Husband by Carol W. Cornish minister to someone who has lost their spouse:

• Widows and widowers can be any age or life season. If someone your age or younger has lost their spouse, don’t be shocked or feel awkward. • Pray regularly for widows/widowers. • In everyday interactions, aim for showing empathy, not sympathy. You can learn more about the difference by watching “RSA Shorts - The Power of Empathy” on YouTube. • Be considerate and discerning when it comes to learning about their history. Don’t push too hard because you want to try to care for them well. Let them tell you when they are ready and able. • C o n s i d e r h o w y o u r M i s s i o n a l Community can act as community to the family and consider their needs. For example, if the family has children, provide child care for her if your group is having a ladies’ night out. • Ask about recurring needs your MC can help with, such as meals and babysitting. • Ask if there are any needs around the home: repair, maintenance, etc. If you or someone in your group can take care of the need by ﬁxing it or paying

MISSIONAL COMMUNITY HANDBOOK 24 Care and Counsel 5. Be yourself. If you’re usually a pretty serious person, don’t try to be a comedian and bring laughter to the room. how do i visit someone in the If you’re usually joking around, don’t be hospital? afraid to do that in the room either. Unless the situation is very dire (which it may be), just be yourself and give the patient We’ve all experienced it: someone we love, the best of you. or loved by someone we love, ends up in the 6. Keep it short. Unless the patient asks hospital and we want (or are asked) to visit you to stay longer, plan to stay for 15-20 them. It can be difficult to know what to say minutes. or do in those moments. How can we 7. Ask questions. It’s okay to talk about the communicate love, encouragement, and fact that the patient is in the hospital. Ask blessing through a visit? about how they’re doing and their condition, but don’t offer your own Here are some guidelines to help you bring diagnosis or critique what the doctors are love, encouragement, and the gospel to doing. Unless you’re a medical those you visit: professional, they need you to listen - not question the work being done by the 1. Communicate before coming. Some nurses and doctors. times are better than others when it 8. Encourage them with the gospel. After comes to visiting the hospital. Patients listening, encourage them with the are often put on schedules or have gospel. If the patient or their family aren’t testing at different times. You will serve Christian, this is a great chance to deliver the family well by making sure you come a ministry of presence (being there) and at a time that works for them. declare the hope found in Jesus. If they 2. Come in small groups. Hospital rooms are Christian, remind them that God is aren’t very big, and they’re often shared. always faithful. You may want to remind Many can only fit 3-4 people at a time them of the Four G’s, or the Gospel Story (and often less than that are actually and how it applies to them. Some good allowed in by the hospital staff). It’s also Scriptures may be Psalm 27, Psalm 42, more encouraging for a patient to receive and 2 Corinthians 4:16-18. Be sure not to a few visitors multiple times than 12 minimize their suffering but discuss it in people all at once. light of the gospel. 3. Offer to bring something. The hospital 9. Pray with them. Before you leave, ask can feel so isolating. If you can, offer to them if you can pray with them. Put your pick up a meal, coffee, snack, flowers, a hand on them and pray in faith for God to magazine, or something that would bless heal them. the patient or their family that are there 10. Send a message. After your visit follow with them. A gift from the outside world up with a quick text message or email, can be a great blessing to people in the reminding them of your ongoing desire to hospital. serve them. Set a reminder on your 4. Prepare your heart before walking in. phone for the next several days to pray Hospital rooms can be unsettling, chaotic, for them; when you pray, message them and even scary places. You may need to to let them know you’re doing so. take a minute before entering the room to prepare your heart by praying for the Visiting someone in the hospital is a very patient and asking God for compassion special privilege. Ask God to provide you the and wisdom on how best to care for them. words and heart to care for them.

MISSIONAL COMMUNITY HANDBOOK 25 Care and Counsel resources what is spiritual warfare? The Covering by Hank Hanegraaff. Demons, Discipleship, and Deliverance C.S. Lewis once said that people usually article by The Village Church (in Texas). make one of two errors when thinking about demons: Some completely dismiss the idea of the demonic, while others see demons behind every bush and get almost obsessed with them. A Biblical understanding of spiritual warfare and demons avoids both extremes.

Demons exist, but they are not all-powerful. God is all-powerful and pre-eminent, and any study of demons must not distract us from our primary privilege and responsibility of knowing, loving, trusting, and obeying God. We can therefore learn about demons without fear or ﬁxation. We learn through the lens of Jesus, who died for us and rose again, defeating Satan and sin utterly and completely.

As a MC Leader and shepherd of others, know that the chief strategy for protecting against and engaging the enemy is proclamation and prayer informed by Scripture. The prominence of the Word of God and prayer are the primary weapons we have against the enemy.

Some practical steps include:

• Pursue faithfulness in Biblical disciplines of the Christian life like reading Scripture, prayer, fasting, solitude, and more. • Pursue gospel-centered community in your Missional Community. Do conversations about problems or challenges come back to the gospel? • Confess and repent of sins. • Remember your greatest good and hope is in the gospel of Jesus.

MISSIONAL COMMUNITY HANDBOOK 26 Care and Counsel • If all of this counsel is ignored and their heart remains unrepentant, communicate this to your Coach or a w h at i s f o r m a l c h u r c h pastor. From there, the Elders will discipline? follow up with the individual (and ask you for more information). As we disciple people, we are constantly You aren’t in this battle against sin alone! confronted by sin. The life of a Christian has Your church family is with you to ﬁght for the been described as one of constant ultimate joy of those who are deceived and confession and repentance. Everyday blinded by sin. In the formal church discipline discipleship and accountability is the norm as process, people are cared for by ministers, we encourage and challenge one another to pastors, and elders who prayerfully handle greater devotion to Christ. Sometimes, these situations. however, someone will not acknowledge, confess, or repent from sin. When this happens, it is the responsibility of church leaders to do the gospel work of church resources discipline in order to restore the person. The Meaning of Membership and Church Accountability by Desiring God (website) In general you will be able to tell the difference between the need for everyday Church Discipline book by Jonathan Leeman accountability or church discipline by whether or not there is a heart of repentance. As a Church Membership book by Jonathan spiritual shepherd you are to lead, care for, Leeman protect, and discipline those in your care. Protecting your people from sin and exercising wise and loving discipline ﬁrst happens in the context of everyday accountability. This is your responsibility as a Christian brother or sister and a leader and shepherd. You may address a sin directly against you or an observed sinful habit or action (Matthew 18:15, Gal. 6:1).

• Go to the person privately and discuss the situation. Clearly describe the issue from a posture of humility and care. Explain the Biblical concerns toward the actions or attitudes you see.

• If they’re repentant - great! If not, pray for and plead with the individual.

• If they continue in unrepentance, take 2-3 others along who can listen and help counsel well in the conversation (Matthew 18:16).

MISSIONAL COMMUNITY HANDBOOK 27 Care and Counsel resources Picture of a Shepherd blog by the Village how can i shepherd my group Church (in Texas) members? 13 Ways to Grow Relational Capital blog by Brandon Andersen Missional Communities leaders are shepherds in the church; they play an How Can I Help My Friends Stay Satisﬁed in essential role in caring for Christ’s bride, the God? audio clip by John Piper church. Shepherds feed, protect, lead, and discipline the ﬂock they’re trusted with.

MC Leaders are still human, however. We are inclined to sin, defensiveness, ignoring God, and minimizing our own ﬂaws just like those in our group are. We must see our people through these lenses - as fellow followers of Jesus on a journey together - not just through the lens of authority and responsibility. We are shepherds of the souls of immeasurably valuable children of God.

If you lead others with love, you will be doing well. If you don’t listen to people, show them you care about them and your time together, or invest in them, you won’t have much relational inﬂuence as a leader. If you show them love and concern and help them to get more of Jesus (what they need most), you will be shepherding them toward maturity in Christ and not dependence on you. The ultimate goal is a mature bride, not invaluable MC Leaders.

You are working to see Christ formed inside your group members through the Holy Spirit’s power. This is hard work and it takes more time than we wish it could. Remember that discipleship is a long journey. People are messy and inefﬁcient, especially when it comes to life change and the soul.

If you feel overwhelmed and inadequate in handling a situation, giving counsel, or shepherding your group, contact your Coach or pastor. We are here to help!

MISSIONAL COMMUNITY HANDBOOK 28 Care and Counsel will encourage and challenge them to obedience. • In the future, ask them speciﬁcally how how can i help someone they’re doing with these temptations. struggling with temptation?

Temptation is a struggle everyone faces. Whether it comes from the outside (Satan or resources the world) or inside (our own sinful hearts), Enduring Common-to-Man Temptations blog temptation is a very real battle. It can grow by Jon Bloom from the love of money, success, work, respect, emotional dependence, or anxiety, X-Ray Questions article by David Powlinson and can lead to sins like bitterness, lust, envy, and more. Tempted and Tried book by Russell Moore

We must remember that it is not a sin to be Colossians 2:15, 3:1-4; Romans 3:21-31, 8; tempted. Acting on that temptation is a sin; Ephesians 2:1-10; Hebrews 2:14-18, 12:1-2; we act on temptation and indulge in sin when 1 Peter 1:3-9; James 1:13-15. the sin becomes exciting and enticing rather than revolting and ugly.

Here are some ways you can shepherd your group members struggling with temptation:

• Listen well! Don’t be too quick to try to diagnose their temptation’s root or sins…listen to them to hear their heart and what they’re looking to for fulﬁllment. • Ask questions to ﬁgure out why they’re being tempted and what lies they’re believing. “What are you hoping to gain by giving in?” and “What are you afraid you’ll lose if you don’t get what you want?” are good questions. Try to discover how what they’re believing is or is not in line with the Gospel. • Use Scripture to reveal the lies they’re believing. Point out where they’re tempted to make good things ultimate things (Luke 4:1-13; Matt. 4:1-11). Remind them of the end goal of sin (Genesis 4:7; James 1:15). • Remind them of God’s grace, and what Jesus purchased on the cross and through His resurrection (1 Peter 1:3-6). • Pray with them, and make sure they are communicating with someone who

MISSIONAL COMMUNITY HANDBOOK 29 Care and Counsel how can i help someone in crisis?

As a Missional Community leader you are • Listen. Awkward silences and tears sure to encounter someone in the midst of a are okay. Don’t feel the pressure to crisis. These are special times for you to talk and fill them. bring the comfort and peace of Christ to others, but it can be difficult to know what to • Speak rightly. When you do speak, do. Here are some ways for you to help take care to make sure your words are someone struggling through a crisis: rooted in Scripture, focused on God, and drenched in the gospel. Do not give them advice or say anything that • Be OK with the mess. A crisis can be could minimize their suffering. Avoid a very difficult time. While it may be s t a t e m e n t s l i k e “ I c o m p l e t e l y uncomfortable and people may show understand what you’re going through” theologically incorrect thoughts or or “everything happens for a reason.” feelings, the midst of the crisis is not usually the best time to correct their If the crisis involves abuse or a life is in theology. It’s also important to realize it danger, you are required to report the is not your job to make them feel situation to the legal authorities. You should better so you can eliminate your also contact a Coach, pastor, or elder to let discomfort. They must be safe to them know what’s happening, and they can process through their emotions help you walk through the process. honestly and openly, and not feel like they need to make you feel better, or Abuse hotline: 1-800-252-5400 that they have to present a front of Immediate danger: 911 being okay when they’re not.

• Be present. You may feel the pressure to take action and ﬁx things resources right away. But even if you don’t know Counsel from the Cross: Connecting Broken what to do, just being there can make People to the Love of Christ book by Elyse a big difference. Don’t underestimate Fitzpatrick the ministry of presence. How can I have faith in times of crisis? audio clip by John Piper

MISSIONAL COMMUNITY HANDBOOK 30 Care and Counsel accusations from Satan. Pray for God’s help and discernment. what if someone is struggling • Point them to Scripture by identifying with guilt or accusations? Biblical solutions; speciﬁcally discuss the accusations they are facing, and answer them with truths from the Guilt and accusation from within can be Bible. Point them back to the gospel - incredibly discouraging and interfere with our their identity in Christ, the fact that relationship with God. Sometimes we can get they are not loved because of their sent into a downward spiral and turn our eyes performance, but because of Jesus’ toward ourselves and our old habits, and take work, etc. them off Christ. • Encourage them to engage in spiritual Our conscience is always speaking, whether disciplines, active Missional we respond or not. When unguided by the Community and church family truth of Scripture and the gospel, our involvement, and professional Biblical conscience is a perfect vehicle for the counseling (if appropriate) to help enemy’s lies. Our sinful self-focus can be them focus on the truth. twisted to make us heap more guilt and condemnation on ourselves and make us doubt God’s love and grace for us.

We can have thoughts like “I’m too sinful for resources God to love,” “I should be better than this by Counsel from the Cross: Connecting Broken now, I’ll never change,” or “God is surely People to the Love of Christ book by Elyse done with me by now.” Fitzpatrick

When someone feels guilt-ridden or Redemption book by Mike Wilkerson condemned and they are doubting God’s (Especially Chapters 1-3) grace through Jesus, it’s important to try to understand what’s going on in their heart. The Grace of Conviction blog by The Village They may be experience the conviction of the Church Holy Spirit rather than the accusations of Satan. They may have a sin they need to You Can Change book by Tim Chester confess that is causing their soul distress. Godly guilt and ungodly accusation are Romans 3:21-26, 8:1; Philippians 1:6, 3:9; 2 different things. Corinthians 5:21.

As you seek to shepherd others struggling with accusations, here are some guidelines:

• Listen well and ask questions. You can demonstrate love for them by hearing them out and understanding them.

• Ask probing questions to get to their heart, so you can better discern whether they are under the Holy Spirit’s conviction or experiencing false

MISSIONAL COMMUNITY HANDBOOK 31 Care and Counsel • Create a budget. Crown.org has a Percentage Guide that lines up with different life stages, you can download what if someone is struggling the right one for you and categorize with finances? your expenses, then adjust your spending accordingly. • Pay off your debts. List how much you Whatever we say we believe, our bank will put monthly toward debt reduction. accounts are a great revealer or what we Organize your debts from smallest to actually believe. Money and possessions largest; pay the smallest debts off first. have a particular hold on our hearts. Most After each debt is paid off, apply what people don’t know much about God’s you were spending on that monthly perspective on money or financial payment to the next largest debt. stewardship. Our perspective is shaped by our upbringing and culture more than Because financial problems often go hand in Scripture. Most people also don’t like talking hand with other relational and sin problems, about their finances. you should walk in accountability and discipleship with the individual outside of For many people it is easier to talk about taking these steps. As you discuss the sexual temptation than about greed and love meaning money has for them and where they of money. In our culture it is considered very get their identity, you will be able to help them personal to talk to someone about their see the connection between their money and money, and in the church we can often be their hearts. This is an important and reluctant to include money as part of the sensitive issue that we, as shepherds, cannot discipleship process because so many have afford to ignore. had bad experiences with churches and money.

Finances matter because it is so close to our resources heart. Jesus wants our complete devotion, Crown Financial website. and if we are shepherding people into next steps with Christ, we must discuss ﬁnances “Mint” Website - to help you track expenses. at times. “You Need a Budget” website and application If someone in your Missional Community to help you budget and track expenses. shares that they are struggling with ﬁnances, you can try taking these steps with them to Money, Possessions, and Eternity book by help them: Randy Alcorn.

• List everything you own. Magnifying God with Money sermon by John • Recognize and acknowledge that it all Piper. belongs to God (1 Chron. 29:11-12). • Thank God for everything He has Radical Generosity sermon by Tim Keller. given you, and ask Him to show you how to be a good steward of the Financial Peace University - multi-week class resources He has gifted you with. offered periodically at Resonate. • List all your debts. • List and track your income and expenses.

MISSIONAL COMMUNITY HANDBOOK 32 Care and Counsel elder for this list) and schedule another meeting with him/her in the next 72 hours. what if someone is considering Step 3: Ask the group member to give you suicide? his/her word that they will stay alive and call 911 if there is a real threat they will harm themselves. Suicide is a very real danger and threat. Many people never think they’ll know Moderate Threat someone that commits suicide, but it Steps 1 and 2: Same as above. deﬁnitely happens and we must take it seriously. There are three levels of suicide Step 3: Create a Suicide Prevention Plan threat: together and have him/her sign it. Make a copy for yourself and give them the original. • Low: Thoughts of death but no plan, intent, or behavior. High Threat • Moderate: Suicidal thoughts with a plan Steps 1, 2, and 3: Same as “Moderate.” but no intent or behavior. • High: Previous potentially lethal suicide Step 4: Go with your group member to the attempts or persistent intentions or hospital and ask him/her for phone numbers rehearsal. of family members to call. Have a family member meet you at the hospital. To determine the level of intent, ask a person the following questions: Step 5: Tell your Coach and a pastor. • Do you have a plan? What is your plan? • How often do you think about ending important information your life? • Have you ever attempted suicide Gospel community is a great obstacle to before? Explain that. suicide. When the group member struggling • Have you injured yourself intentionally with suicidal thoughts is ready and willing, (such as cutting)? invite the entire group to support them.

If the individual is a minor, talk to the parents A person struggling with suicide may not be immediately about their child’s suicidal able to listen to the truth in crisis moments. thoughts and/or plans. The ministry of presence is essential. Once you begin to see signs that they are thinking For each level of suicide intent, follow these rationally, begin to offer them truth through procedures: Scripture. Until then, you can pray Scripture out loud over the person. Low Threat Step 1: Discuss symptoms with your group Those who struggle with suicide often member. Ask him/her to talk about their struggle for a long time. Continue to ask feelings of hopelessness or depression. questions an check in with him/her even Listen and respond with empathy and pray when they seem to be doing ﬁne. with them.

Step 2: Give your group member a list of Biblical counselors (you can ask a pastor or

MISSIONAL COMMUNITY HANDBOOK 33 Care and Counsel praiseworthy; the attributes of God (v. 8). how do i minister to someone The discipline of fighting anxiety can be struggling with anxiety? frustrating because it is one we have to fight over and over again. Encourage the person to keep on laying their burdens down before Anxiety is a symptom, not a root problem. It God. Over time their heart will be able to trust is the result of idolatry and a lack of trust in God’s goodness and greatness as they God. People struggle with anxiety because experience His power (Romans 12:1-3). they want control and try to be their own personal saviors, which leads to a sense of The Gospel is the solution. Anxiety is a result fear and anxiety. of forgetting the truth of the Gospel. As you talk to the person, try to consider the things While medicine can help in some you’ve learned about the Gospel and ask circumstances, it’s important to start with the yourself what they aren’t believing to be true. heart. Some individuals may need medication “The Four G’s” are likely to connect with one to allow them to get to the point of actually or more of the lies they’re believing. Also, try dealing with their heart, however. to find out what “story” they are telling themselves. How does it line up with the As you shepherd someone dealing with Gospel story of Creation-Fall-Redemption- anxiety, here are some good questions to Restoration? ask:

• What would you have to do to ﬁx this problem? resources • To what extent have you been able to manage the problems you’re facing? “Gospel Fluency” and “The Four G’s” • When you’ve been anxious, have you ever trainings at Resonate. Visit been able to trust God with your anxiety? www.resonatemovement.org/mcleaderstuff If yes, how were you able to do that? for video and written resources. • What would it take for you to lay your anxieties at His feet (1 Peter 5:7)? The Secret to Dealing with Fear and Anxiety blog by Ed Welch. Remind the person that God is trustworthy. Philippians 4:4-8 lists some steps they can Anxiety: Anatomy and Cure (Gospel for Real take: Life) book by Robert W. Kellemen • Rejoice in difﬁcult times (v. 4). Write down and talk about God’s goodness. • Think and speak reasonably (v. 5). Don’t fall victim to extreme thinking or behavior. • Remember God is near (v. 5). • Don’t be anxious; ask God for what you need with a grateful heart (v. 6). • Set your mind on whatever is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent, and

MISSIONAL COMMUNITY HANDBOOK 34 Care and Counsel Those struggling with bulimia seek pleasure, comfort, escape, and relief. Bulimic how do i minister to someone experience guilt and shame over feeling out struggling with an eating of control. They often struggle with other behaviors such as alcohol/drug use, disorder? shoplifting, and promiscuity.

Eating disorders are complex; if you Bulimics believe the lie that they are able to encounter someone dealing with one, you atone for and remove the consequences of should point them to a pastor and their sin by their own actions of purging, apart professional counselor, while you and your from the atoning work of Christ. They need to Missional Community walk alongside them remember God’s graciousness, as well as with additional care and support. the fact that the greatest pleasure, comfort, and relief come from God. Because He is Still, as the group leader, you must be able to good, we do not have to look elsewhere identify and understand eating disorders (such as to food) for fulﬁllment. enough to shepherd the struggling person well. The following are common eating Binge Eating disorders: Binge eating, like bulimia, is a behavioral pattern of impulsively overeating, feeling out Anorexia of control, and being unable to stop eating or Anorexia is an all-consuming fear of gaining control what or how much one eats. weight or getting fat. Because of this fear, people with anorexia avoid eating and often Binge eaters also seek instant gratiﬁcation, over-exercise, vomit, and take laxatives to comfort, escape, and relief. This behavior lose weight. naturally results in weight gain and often depression, disgust, and guilt. They often feel Those struggling with anorexia strive for hopeless and overwhelmed with the behavior “perfection” marked by control. They are and aren’t able to exercise self-control. often obsessive about their appearance, have a strong need to control and Those struggling with eating disorders are manipulate, and are discontent with life. placing themselves, rather than God, at the center of their world. They worship creation Anorexics believe the lie that they can attain (thinness, appearance, and weight) rather perfection apart from Christ. This legalistic than the Creator. This worship is a result of attempt to achieve perfection by rule idolatry; it is the fruit of a sick heart in need of following, rather than submitting to God and God’s healing. They are enslaved to the lie trusting in Christ, leads to death (spiritual and that their binge eating will bring them the often physical) and needs to be addressed. peace they hope for, and the cycle repeats. They forget that God is Gracious, so they don’t have to prove themselves. A Note on Fasting If someone has experienced an eating Bulimia disorder in the past, it is unwise for them to Bulimia is an all-consuming behavioral fast without the supervision and approval of a pattern of impulsively overeating, then trying doctor, nutritionist, and/or professional to regain control by inducing vomiting, counselor. misusing laxatives, diuretics, enemas, fasting, or exercising to prevent weight gain.

MISSIONAL COMMUNITY HANDBOOK 35 resources

Idols of the Heart and “Vanity Fair” article by David Powlison

Eating Disorders: The Quest for Thinness article by Ed Welch

Made to Crave: Satisfying Your Deepest Desire With God, Not Food book by Lisa TerKeurst

Love to Eat, Hate to Eat: Overcoming the Bondage of Destructive Eating Habits book by Elyse Fitzpatrick

You Can Change by Tim Chester

Thin Within Bible study/workbook by Judy Halliday

MISSIONAL COMMUNITY HANDBOOK 36 Care and Counsel In ministering to someone struggling with pornography, it’s important to understand their level of involvement or addiction to porn. what if someone is struggling Use discerning and talk to your Coach about with pornography? how to help someone and address their heart issues, not just their use of porn. Research suggests that quitting porn cold-turkey is an Pornography is a problem many people effective and important strategy to use in struggle with. While it is more accepted in breaking the cycle of addiction. Study the American culture than ever before, it is resources below for guidance and ask for important to understand it from a Biblical help as needed. perspective.

Pornography objectiﬁes men and women, reducing them to products to be consumed resources for self-focused pleasure. God’s intended design for sex is for it to be a way for a man Covenant Eyes: Internet Accountability and and women to connect within the context of a Filtering Software committed, monogamous, covenant marriage. Finally Free: Fighting for Purity with the Power of Grace book by Heath Lambert Continued exposure to and use of pornography effects physical changes in the Breaking Pornography Addiction article series chemical wiring of our brains. It also retrains by David Powlison our heart’s affections toward perceptions of beauty and attractiveness. The common When the Problem is Sexual Sin: A purpose for using pornography is self- Counseling Model article by John Bettler stimulation and masturbation; choosing fantasy over reality. ANTHEM - Strategies for Fighting Lust article by John Piper. God calls men and women to holiness, both in sexuality and and in dealing with the reality Solo Sex: What’s So Bad About Masturbation of daily life rather than escaping into fantasy. and Sexual Fantasies podcast by Winston Pornography taints current and future Smith relationships with unrealistic expectations and frameworks because the work of intimacy in marriage requires and provides more than porn can ever offer. Porn also perverts sexuality from a means of connection to a means of self-focus.

In confronting the use of pornography, the temptation is to focus just on the external behavior. The truth is, pornography is about the heart. Unless we address the underlying sinful desires of the heart, we won’t be able to deal with it. The heart must see greater pleasure and satisfaction in Christ and God’s way of life than in what porn offers, or the momentary pleasure will win over eternal joy.

MISSIONAL COMMUNITY HANDBOOK 37 Care and Counsel • Encourage the couple to speak to a pastor and/or a Biblical counselor to work through what led to the affair. what if someone is struggling Contact your Coach or a pastor for with adultery? counseling references. • Support the couple or individual as a Missional Community. An affair is great The sin of adultery is when one or both betrayal. The road to recovery and spouses break the covenant promise of restoration is a long, difficult one that marriage between them to forsake all others requires a lot of love, grace, truth, and and love the person they made their vows to. community. Affairs don’t have to involve physical contact. It can be emotionally involving yourself with resources and delighting in someone other than your spouse in a way that is different from normal Healing After Adultery podcast by Winston friendships. Many affairs do cross over into Smith and Julie Lowe sexual interaction outside the marriage covenant where one partner finds someone Restoring Your Broken Marriage: Healing they think will fulfill their needs, desires, or After Adultery article by Robert Jones tastes more than their spouse. Help! My Spouse Committed Adultery book Affairs of all kinds are spurred by the lie that by Winston Smith what God offers is not enough, and we need to look somewhere other than to His plan for fulfillment and joy. It is through Christ and pursuing His will for our lives that we experience the greatest joy, and engaging in an affair of any kind is exchanging that truth for a lie.

The fallout from an affair can be devastating. As you minister to someone struggling with this, be sure to:

• Tell your Coach/pastor as soon as possible. If those involved are Covenant Members of Resonate, make that clear too. • Spend some time in personal study and prayer over Exodus 20:14, Matthew 5:31-32, Mark 10:11, and Hebrews 13:4. • Whether you speak with one or both of the partners involved, take the time to listen carefully to their heart. Listen for what they’re believing (lies or truths). There is likely to be justiﬁcation, anger, blame, and other difﬁcult emotions.

MISSIONAL COMMUNITY HANDBOOK 38 Care and Counsel • How can you help them understand that God is for all those who fear Him? (Psalm 118:6) what if someone is struggling • How can you help them see how their fear of man and codependence is w i t h f e a r o f o t h e r s / connected to pride, and forgetful of God (Isaiah 51:12)? codependence? • How can you help them develop and cultivate satisfaction and enjoyment in “Fear of man” is an issue everyone struggles God? (Such as confessing in with to some extent. We care what others community, engaging in spiritual think of us so much that it affects how we disciplines, serving, etc.) feel, what we think, and what we do. According to Scripture this is rooted in pride, Dealing with the fear of others is a lifelong and puts too much focus on humans, who process for all of us. Ongoing conversation, are ﬁnite, sinful beings. When we focus on prayer, confession, and meditation on humans this way, it displays our unbelief in Scripture are the fuel for this journey. Our the realities of who God is and who we are. insecurities and mixed motives have roots that run deep, and we must lovingly and gently shepherd others through it. As they Jesus taught that no one can serve two (and we) are able to expose their insecurities masters (Matthew 6:24) and for most to the light of day and the truth of the Gospel, Christians it is a great struggle between the Holy Spirit will work in their hearts. serving the opinions of people or serving God. Ultimately the fear of others and codependence (the need to be needed) come down to forgetting this gospel truth: resources

God is glorious, so I don’t have to fear When People are Big and God is Small: others. God is the most glorious Being in Overcoming Peer Pressure, Codependency, existence. He is the Creator of all things, and the Fear of Man book by Ed Welch supremely just, majestic, righteous, and holy. He knows all things about all people. And Running Scared book by Ed Welch because of Christ, we have His approval! Not just His approval, but in fact His love; He The Offense of Fearing Man article by John adopts us into His family as beloved sons Piper and daughters. “The Four G’s” training, available at When we focus on this truth, it frees us from www.resonatemovement.org/mcleaderstuff the fear of others. We are able to see that when we put the person we fear next to God You Can Change book by Tim Chester - their opinion of us is dwarfed by the reality of the Gospel. If we want to help people with the fear of man, we must point them to God.

As you shepherd someone through this, here are some questions to consider:

MISSIONAL COMMUNITY HANDBOOK 39 Care and Counsel • How can I pray for and encourage you during this time? • What’s going on in your life right what if someone is inconsistent now? with attendance? • W h a t a r e y o u r h o p e s a n d expectations for our Missional One of the most frustrating things about Community? leading a Missional Community can be when your group members do not show up to • Why do you think you have been meetings or events. We can take this so busy? personally, be quick to assign blame to the other person and a lack of dedication or • What do you consider your seriousness about Jesus, or get discouraged. priorities? When we’re faced with this issue, however, it is important to ask questions rather than • Encourage the person with truths assume motives. from Scripture about the importance of community and There are all kinds of reasons a person can commitment (Matthew 22:37-38; be inconsistent in attendance. The journey of Heb. 3:12-13, Heb. 10:23-25). discipleship is also a lifelong one. By speaking graciously and in a gospel- If the person isn’t willing to change or drenched way with people struggling with commit, give them the freedom to leave your inconsistency, we can both encourage and group and recommunicate your expectations challenge them to grow. Here are some that group members are committed to one guidelines you can use when having a another (and to meeting together). If the discussion about this (and you should): person is a Covenant Member, let your Coach or Pastor know about the situation. If • Confess and repent of any wrong the individual isn’t a Christian yet, consider attitudes or thoughts you have related letting them stay even if they’re inconsistent. to attendance or a speciﬁc person in your group. It is probably best to share this with a trusted friend, such as your Apprentice, Leader, or Coach. resources (Matthew 7:1-5) Abide by Your Word blog by the Village • Everyone has a reason for their Church inconsistency. That doesn’t mean they’re justiﬁed or should not be Spiritual Friendships sermon by Ryan Kwon, lovingly challenged toward available as part of “The Beautiful Church” consistence, but it does mean we must series at www.resonatemovement.org approach them with a heart to hear and understand; we should show Gospel Centered Community sermon by compassion and patient love (1 Ryan Kwon, available as part of the Corinthians 8:4-8). “Hardcore” series at www.resonatemovement.org • Some questions that may help you d i s c o v e r w h y t h e p e r s o n i s inconsistent are:

MISSIONAL COMMUNITY HANDBOOK 40 Care and Counsel what if someone doesn’t seem to resources care? What to Do When You Can’t See Straight blog by Gloria Furman Sometimes you will deal with group members who don’t seem to care. Here are some ways The Sufﬁciency of Christ and the Gospel in a to encourage the apathetic: Post-Modern World sermon by Tim Keller

• Learn their story. Encourage your When I Don’t Desire God book by John Piper group to pursue them and build relationships with them. Try to ﬁgure out why they’re appearing indifferent. Are they down about something? Are they a new Christian? Are they hurt? Are they afraid of opening up? Ask God to give you wisdom and compassion.

• Encourage them to serve the group in small ways such as bringing snacks or sending out prayer requests. This can help them feel like part of the group and encourage them.

• Invite them to participate in serving and other activities the group does, even if they don’t respond or seem to be excited.

• Be patient with them as they adjust to the culture of your group. • Arrange a time to talk 1-on-1 with them, especially if they are a Covenant Member. Explain your concern for them and try to draw them out, explaining the beneﬁts of contributing and being involved in the group. (1 Cor. 12; Rom. 12).

Above all, keep pointing them to Jesus. You cannot control someone’s heart or make them care. Pray for them and shepherd your group so that they experience the love of Jesus (John 17). Comfort them with the comfort Jesus has given you (2 Cor. 1). Worship, talk about, pray to, and trust Jesus as you try to shepherd them toward Him.

MISSIONAL COMMUNITY HANDBOOK 41 Care and Counsel this dialogue as an opportunity to lovingly point them to Biblical truth. what if someone says something If you aren’t sure about whether a statement is correct, it’s okay to say “I don’t know.” You wrong or heretical? should also take note of it and research the statement so you can circle back around later You are almost certain to have a group to bring clarity to your group. member who responds to a question or offers a statement that is either Biblically inaccurate or even heretical (clearly against the teaching of Scripture and orthodox Christianity). As the resources shepherd of your group it is important for you to take appropriate action when this happens. Creeds of the Churches book edited by John Here are some practical things you can do: H. Leith

• Avoid immediate correction; don’t feel Preventing Heresy in Small Groups blog by the need to immediately set someone Sam O’Neal straight. Your group should be a safe place for people to share, and a quick correction could make people afraid to speak up and share.

• Ask the others in the group if they have any thoughts on that topic. Usually someone else will be able to offer some insight and correction in a natural, gentle way. The person who originally said the incorrect thing may see that they were out of alignment with Scripture and correct their understanding.

• If someone makes an incorrect or heretical statement that isn’t dealt with in the natural course of the discussion, it is your responsibility to address it with grace, gentleness, and clear Biblical truth. You can respond with a statement that afﬁrms them and Biblical truth, such as: “Thank you for sharing your thoughts, but I think what the Scripture is saying is…”

• If someone shares something that is clearly heretical and without Scriptural support, your response can be more direct. Ask them how they came to that conclusion and to point you to the Scripture they get it from. You can use

MISSIONAL COMMUNITY HANDBOOK 42 Care and Counsel • Get personal with them; encourage them to share in depth in more intimate relationships (rather than what if someone talks too much? group time). Make sure they have the chance to respond to what Every group leader will, at some point, have you’ve said, and pray with them. a person in their group that talks too much Don’t just “drop a bomb” and walk and tends to dominate the conversation. away. They may often say good things, but they talk • Pay extra attention to them over so much they don’t leave room for others to the next few weeks of group time. participate. Here are some ideas to help you Remember to be patient with them deal with this common issue: and make sure they’re still participating in the group. They • Remember how patient God is with may react to your conversation by you. He has listened to every word shutting down and not you’ve ever said to Him, and He never participating. Encourage them with tires of you (in fact He wants to hear the Gospel. The Body of Christ from you more). He hears our long- needs each part working properly, winded prayers and responds with speaking the truth in love grace, every time, even when we are (Ephesians 4). being selﬁsh, unfaithful, or ignorant.

• Ask people specifically, by name, to respond to questions and get involved resources in the discussion. If you do this regularly, it will encourage everyone to Give Others the Gift of Being Slow to Speak participate and reduce the blog by Jon Bloom opportunities for one person to dominate. The Weight of Words blog by The Village Church • Some people are naturally more shy or quiet, and those who like to talk or can dominate the conversation and crowd them out. If someone continues to talk excessively and dominate, have a conversation with them outside of group time. In that conversation: • Remember to encourage and bless the person. They are on a journey with Christ, and many times people talk too much out of ignorance or insecurity. Be gentle with their soul. Thank them for their contributions to the group and give at least one specific example of what you’re thankful for. Affirm their desire to speak as valuable, but reinforce that you want everybody to be able to share.

MISSIONAL COMMUNITY HANDBOOK 43 Care and Counsel control. Once you and your group realize this and are able to rest in God’s sovereignty, the draining person will become less of a drain. what if someone drains the Some people need specialized or professional care, so you may suggest group? Biblical counseling in addition to your group.

A draining person is self-focused, and your job is to point them back to Christ, encouraging them to look to Him instead of resources themselves. As the shepherd of your group, you must protect your flock and engage Peer Pressure: Fear of Man - Codependency anyone you see “fishing” for people’s Video by Rick Thomas attention and affirmation, possibly playing the victim. Such behavior can “leech” the energy When People are Big and God is Small book and vitality out of a group. by Edward Welch

These people need to be taught what love is and what it looks like within a healthy, gospel- centered community. Jesus has called us to love this person in the same one-sided way He loves us.

Natural reactions to needy people include both a desire to save them or to ship them out. Paul David Tripp offers these questions to help you assess your heart as you try to minister to them (and your group):

• Are you tempted to feel angry with this person when they don’t change?

• Do you get critical when you think about them? Do you self-righteously compare them to yourself?

• Do you gossip about them?

• Do you get cynical and lose faith in God that they will ever change?

• Are you impatient with them?

• Do you feel sadness rather than joy when you think about them?

If you answered “yes” to any of these, reassess your motive in ministering to them. Remember, you cannot be anyone’s savior. God is great, so you don’t have to be in

MISSIONAL COMMUNITY HANDBOOK 44 Model • The church is not a place but a people; remind your group members that we how do i reach out to my are called to be salt and light where community? we live. • What keeps you from investing in your Many people drive long distances (30 neighborhood? Is it fear of leaving minutes or more) to be a part of Resonate or your comfort zone? A selﬁsh and a Missional Community. Once a week they hurried schedule? Are your social will leave their neighborhood to commute and priorities hijacking your opportunities ﬁnd community, but all around where they to become a real resident of your live are people who could be their community? community. • We have endless options. We can The truth is, God has sent you to reach the drive to eat wherever we want, visit people around you. You are not a part of your who we want, and spend our time how community by accident; God’s intention is for we want. Our freedom gives us so you to be the light of Christ to your many options, but pursuing depth and community. As a Missional Community reaching out means limiting freedom. Leader and a disciple of Christ (a How might you limit your options and Missionary), your privilege and charge is to freedom to pursue mission in your live and model a life on mission. community? How might this apply to the geographic areas you spend your Our “BLESS” MC Leader training provides time in? very practical information and teaching on how to live a missional life. As a leader, you • How are you modeling life on mission should be very familiar with BLESS, modeling for your group? They will follow your it, teaching your group about it, challenging example. them to live it, and reminding them of it. It is a very simple way to live on mission and a great way for someone to take very practical resources missional steps. Show Hospitality and Share the Gospel Here are some points and questions to help article by Tim Chester you think through how you might model life on mission in your community: Mission is Where You Live article by Jeremy Writebol • Within every city there are distinct areas with their own identities. If you “BLESS” and “Missionary” MC Leader think of Fremont, there are several Training neighborhoods with their own identities, cultures, and demographics, “Everyday Mission Training” at Resonate all with people looking for community.

• What is the character of your neighborhood? What are the cultural values of the people who live there? How is the Gospel good news to them?

MISSIONAL COMMUNITY HANDBOOK 45 Model • Have you knowingly sinned in your thoughts or actions? • Have you viewed sexually explicit h o w d o i e n c o u r a g e material? accountability? • Cultivate honesty and transparency through your example. If you are Part of what it means to live as gospel family vague and gloss over your own is Christian brothers and sisters talking to failures, you can expect others in your each other when they see drift from the group to do the same. Some leaders gospel. Such conversations must be feel they must pretend to be better drenched with the gospel and motivated by than they are…but the Gospel reminds the love of Jesus. The proper response to you that you do not lead because you godly confrontation of sin should be are perfect. Only Christ was. It is only acknowledgement, confession, and by modeling confession and repentance. This kind of mutual transparence that you can build an accountability is part of the everyday life of a environment of humility, confession, disciple of Jesus. repentance, and gospel accountability.

Having a conversation that ﬂows naturally is very difﬁcult, mostly because it involves sinful people. To pursue accountability between resources believers in your group, you must give guidelines, model, and create space for it to Reminders Are More Effective Than Rebukes happen. blog by Tullian Tchividjian

Here are some ways to encourage and Accountability Questions article by Ed Stetzer practice accountability:

• Confess sin in light of Christ the Savior, not the weakness. The tendency to center discussion around continued failure distracts the struggling Christian (and others) from the point of confession and community: pointing one another to Jesus. There should be honest confession but not focusing on guilt or condemnation.

• Work accountability into the rhythm of our group time. If you lead a mixed gender group, take time to split into gender-speciﬁc groups once or twice a month to share prayer requests and questions such as: • Have you given appropriate time and energy to your family this week?

MISSIONAL COMMUNITY HANDBOOK 46 Model The gospel leads us to consider the new person as a member (or potential member) of our family. God has brought them into our how do i welcome new people lives for a purpose. Just as Jesus sought us out and invited us into His family, we can into the group? invite new people into our lives with a generosity of spirit unknown in any other Over the course of a given session or year, environment. new people will hopefully come to your group. It may be from an MC Expo, an invitation from a friend, or by being connected to your group after inquiring about MCs. The gospel leads us to embrace newcomers with hospitality; for that to happen, you must set the tone and address the value of hospitality before anyone new comes. If we understand the gospel connection to hospitality it will help us actually be hospitable, rather than forcing the behavior when we must.

When people join from an MC Expo: Once you are aware of a new person/couple coming to your group, try to pair them up with someone else in your group. Find another person/couple and ask them to intentionally pursue and connect with the new person. If a newcomer is engaged not just by the leader and/or apprentice of a group, but by the members, it helps them feel much more welcome and increases the chances they will come back and truly connect with the group.

When someone new shows up: Coach your group members to introduce themselves and remember the new person’s name. Ask questions to get to know the person and offer them ways to connect to others in the Missional Community. This should be a part of your group’s culture, but will need to be repeatedly taught and modeled for that to happen.

When new people come to a group, it can be a scary experience. They’re entering an existing web of relationships and an established culture and even if you don’t realize it and you feel like you’re welcoming, it can be very difﬁcult for someone to engage in an existing community

MISSIONAL COMMUNITY HANDBOOK 47 Model • When you’re tired, what do you go to first? • After “resting,” are your affections how do i practice biblical resT? stirred more for the Lord or for other things? Are you more compelled Few of us have a solid theology of rest and toward action or inclined toward recreation. We move along with the way of complacency? What changes may you our surrounding culture and often live beyond need to make? our limits, pushing to fit more and more • If you work more with your mind than activities into less and less time. The Biblical body, how might you engage in gift of a Sabbath - a day of rest - is perhaps Sabbath with your hands? What one of the most misunderstood, neglected, creative projects might bring you and vital commands in Scripture. renewal? • If you work with your hands, how might A Sabbath is more than a day of “not you engage in Sabbath with your working.” It is a day of focus on trusting God, mind? Consider reading some good the fruit of a heart attitude that reflects the books. truths of the gospel. You can rest because • How might you plan to create a rhythm you’re secure and accepted in Christ. Your of rest that includes prayer and worth isn’t determined by your performance. Scripture reading. The world can function quite well without you, and you can trust God to take care of the things you think you must control. You’re not justified based on your merit; you’re not resources dependent on yourself. You’re dependent on God, and your soul can find rest in Him The Power of Deep Rest article by Tim Keller. alone. Remember the Sabbath article by Trevin True, restorative rest takes practice and Wax. effort. You must plan if you want to rest well. Failing to take a Sabbath can be about poor Every Good Endeavor book by Tim Keller. planning, but it may also reveal deeper heart issues.

Things to consider:

• If you have a weekly Sabbath, how do you spend it? Is worship your motivation? Why or why not?

• If you don’t have a weekly Sabbath, why not? What areas of unbelief related to your complete dependence and God’s complete trustworthiness may you need to address? How have you justiﬁed your actions? What idols may be fueling your disobedience?

MISSIONAL COMMUNITY HANDBOOK 48 Model resources h o w d o i d e a l w i t h Reminders are More Effective Than Rebukes discouragement? article by Tullian Tchvidjian. Gospel-Centered Discipleship book by Discouragement is very common, especially Jonathon Dodson. for leaders. Some group members don’t show up, others don’t participate, still more A Minister’s Prayer blog by the Village don’t do the work you all agreed on. If these Church. things discourage you, we encourage you to work through this:

Ask yourself i you are diligently fulﬁlling your role as a Missional Community Leader. Are you loving and reaching out to people? Are you meeting them outside the group time? Are you in regular contact with your Coach or pastor? Are you handing off responsibilities? Why or why not? Is there a deeper issue? If you are not fulﬁlling your role, we would love to help equip you where you feel weak. Please let your Coach or a pastor know.

Check your expectations. There is no microwave for disciples or leaders; they take time to develop. There is a tendency to care more about the overall group than about the people you see in the group. Don’t be surprised if it takes people years to grow in some area of sin, or if they get and remain apathetic for extended periods of time.

What lies are you believing? Discouragement can often be tied to believing something that isn’t true about God or ourselves. Bringing your thoughts back to the truths of the Gospel, and compare what you’re thinking to those truths. What beliefs/ lies are the source of your negative emotions?

MISSIONAL COMMUNITY HANDBOOK 49 Model our minds off ourselves, and this can be a great struggle. how do i interact effectively? • Ask big and small questions. • Wait to hear the answer. It is so easy to focus on ourselves, our • Consider the social dynamics in your schedules, and our desires that we forget group and minister by helping about giving others proper time and attention. introduce or engage them. With technology at our fingertips, it can be • Treat each other as close family, more difficult than ever to really engage with looking to one another’s needs. others and interact with them effectively. Showing genuine care for others takes time In and out of our Missional Communities, the and intentionality. You set the tone in your Gospel calls us to love others enough to group; your group members will take their focus on them, hear them, and engage with cues from you about interacting and them. Leading others toward Jesus requires engaging with one another. Be honest, be us to develop new habits, such as active genuine, and be prayerful. Ask God to give listening and focusing on others. you a shepherd’s heart for your group members. Active Listening • Put down your phone. • Focus on what the person is saying, resources not what you’re going to say next. How Can I Be a Good Listener? podcast by • Make eye contact. David Powlison and Julie Lowe • Ask clarifying questions to make sure you understand them, and to draw Be a Steward of Stories blog by The Village them out more. Church • Affirm what the person is saying when appropriate. Priestly Leadership training, available at www.resonatemovement.org/mcleaderstuff Half-hearted listening is so common. People are used to being “multi-tasked.” Having someone actually take the time to slow down and focus on you, listen to you and not think about beating you to the punch - that is noticeable. That communicates gospel value to someone else. This is a way you can serve others. Don’t be in a hurry. Resist the urge to make assumptions about their thoughts and motives. Talk to them, listen to them, draw them out. Love them by listening.

Be Other-Focused The New Testament is full of “one another” commands that call for Christians to live out the Gospel in active ways with one another. This is what it means to be a “Family Member;” to live out the “one anothers” of Scripture. To focus on others means we take

MISSIONAL COMMUNITY HANDBOOK 50 Model prayerfully communicate with others. They are incredibly valuable and loved. God is glorious so you don’t have to fear others.How how do i decide whether to call, can you communicate that to them? text, or meet in person?

With so many options for communicating, it resources can sometimes be difﬁcult to know which Tweet or Meet: How to Choose Your Medium medium is appropriate for which situation. Wisely blog by Stew Friedman You don’t tell your mom you’re getting engaged through Facebook. You don’t Nine Ways Technology Will Impact Your confront a friend’s addiction over email. Future Ministry video by John Dyer There are so many factors that affect how a message is received and understood, and the medium you choose will make or break how the other party hears what you say.

Here are some things to consider when choosing a method to communicate your message:

• What are you trying to communicate, and what is the nature of your relationship with the other person? • Consider the person you are dealing with. What type of communication would best display love and respect for that individual? • Consider your own motives for choosing one medium over another. Why are you typing instead of speaking?

When the goal of communication is restoration - “winning your brother over” (Matt. 18) - make sure the medium you choose for your message takes that into consideration.

It is almost never a good idea to discuss sensitive topics electronically. Because there is no real tone of voice or nonverbal communication, it is very easy to interpret things in a way they aren’t intended. You’ve probably already experienced this. Usually the reason we want to communicate over e- mail or text rather than in person about sensitive topics has to do with our own fears. Remember the truths of the Gospel as you

MISSIONAL COMMUNITY HANDBOOK 51 Model person works best, since you can communicate and hear not only tone, but see how do i follow up with body language. If you forget to reach out to someone after someone? you realize there’s a need to do so, and time passes, you may be afraid to contact them Taking the time to reach out shows someone because of the awkwardness. As a leader, they are valued and not just another face in disciple of Jesus, and Family Member, you’ve the crowd. Since we value community as got to push through that for the sake of loving consider it part of the normal, healthy them well. Any awkwardness will be more Christian life, and know sin causes than compensated for by the fact that you separation from God and others, we love and cared enough to contact them. ﬁght for others by refusing to allow them to disappear. We don’t want anybody to be When following up, remember to: anonymous at Resonate; we want everyone to feel loved, because the Gospel is true. As • Be quick. Don’t wait too long to reach a Missional Community Leader and out. Covenant Member, this will only happen if you live it yourself and lead others to do the • Be consistent and have a loving tone. same. Following up is an essential part of How you say something will almost that process. always outweigh the actual words.

When it comes to your Missional Community • Be personal. Don’t forget they are members, you’re likely to know when eternal souls entrusted to our care. something is off. Missing one week may be nothing, butt three weeks and no • Be intentional. Don’t badger or pester communication would deﬁnitely mean you them. Listen to them and give room for need to reach out. An inappropriate or them to be heard if there is an issue. irregular comment may pique your interest and require a follow-up question or • Know when to stop. Do your part to conversation. The disclosure of a need may communicate and trust God if you are require action. The reasons for follow-up ignored or stonewalled. vary, but they require listening ears and eyes to notice and act on them.

How quickly, how often, and in what medium should you follow up with someone? There are a few major ways you can keep a relationship going: in person, over the phone, or some type of electronic or handwritten communication.

Unfortunately, we usually do these things in reverse order of effectiveness. We tend to default to e-mail or electronic communication because they are simplest, but this approach doesn’t really build relationship. Phone calls work better because you can actually hear the person’s tone of voice. A conversation in

MISSIONAL COMMUNITY HANDBOOK 52 Model how do i handle breaks between mc sessions?

At Resonate we organize our Missional • Ask group members to plan events. Communities around three “sessions,” with Whether it’s a bbq, potluck, pool party, breaks of different lengths between them. game night, or something else, this will This allows us to provide more onramps to help your group grow closer together Resonate’s discipleship process for new and stay in touch over breaks. (You people, or those looking to take next steps. should also do stuff like this mid- The longer break in the Summer also allows session.) leaders and others to take a bit of a breath, and it recognizes the fact that many people • Plan time for personal meetings and travel during the Summer. accountability (men with men, women with women). This allows relationships It’s important, however, to realize that to grow and depend, and reminds Missional Communities aren’t just groups that everyone to keep pursuing Christ. Our meet once a week. The goal is that these need for brothers and sisters knows no would be the brothers and sisters you do life season. with. That you are invested in one another and love one another. If that is the case, you • Identify potential leaders. Breaks can don’t need an ofﬁcial scheduled time to meet be a great chance to assess and and interact. interview potential Missional Community Leaders, and they have a We encourage Missional Community Leaders chance to step into an Apprentice Role to still care for and reach out to their group with the start of a new session. Speak members during breaks. That is the pastoral, with your Coach or pastor about shepherding heart of Jesus. Here are a few p o t e n t i a l l e a d e r s a n d h o w t o ways you can do that: encourage them to take the next step.

MISSIONAL COMMUNITY HANDBOOK 53 Model Caring for children: When planning for child care, be intentional and careful. Child care workers, whether you how do i handle children in pay them or not, should be well vetted. This includes but is not limited to obtaining group? references, performing background checks, setting up clear accountability, and making Caring for children properly can be a big sure the workers are competent. Here are challenge in Missional Communities. It’s some ideas/options for child care: important that the MC make a joint decision on how to care for and redeem group time for • Have the group all pitch in to provide the children. Everyone in the group, whether payment for vetted child care. Pay they have children or not, should be involved; attention to caregiver/child care ratios. this is part of what it means to be family. Don’t overwhelm the caregiver with too many children; you may need to hire MC life can connect children to healthy more than one caregiver. relationships with adults outside their families. It is essential for children to be a • Have two people rotate on a schedule part of the family of Christ; other adults can you decide to teach and care for the have incredibly positive and inﬂuential roles children while the group meets. Don’t in their life. Family discipleship can be allow a child care worker to be alone modeled in the context of Missional with a child who is not their own. This Community life as well, for parents who feel is for the worker’s safety as much as poorly equipped to disciple their own the child’s. children. • Host child care at one location and When it comes to children’s involvement with your MC at another. If the two are the MC, here are some important points to close, allow trusted caregivers to consider: provide care at one location while the group meets at the other. Redeeming the Time: • Periodically bring children into group time. As a group, decide on when it might be appropriate to include the resources children in discussions and activities. Take home activities from Epicenter and The degree of child involvement will Vibe. vary based on age and maturity.

• Consider regularly involving children brieﬂy in the beginning of group time, and then dismissing them to be cared for separately. Kids could participate in opening prayer, Scripture reading, basic questions, etc.

• Find a way to develop and disciple the children, not just have them babysat. Utilize at-home resources for teaching children provided by Resonate, or found elsewhere.

MISSIONAL COMMUNITY HANDBOOK 54 Mobilize how do i decide on group size?

There are often more people trying to get into This is a conversation and decision you a Missional Community than we have should reach with your Coach and/or pastor, available spaces. The larger a group is, the not just on your own. We want to maintain a more difﬁcult it can be to build real missional, outward-oriented culture. That is relationships and have effective group time. Gospel culture.

A good group size is 4-8 (or 6-12 for It’s also important to remember that your couples). When you begin to reach the upper group should always be open to non- limits, pray about sending your Apprentice Christians invited by friends or in need of out to lead a new group made up of some of special consideration by group members. your current members. You should also pray about who will start as their Apprentice. Talk with your Coach and pastor about this process.

“Closed” or “Full” Groups While we have three MC Expos per year, your group does not have to accept new members every time. Your group may be at the upper number limit, or you may feel that it’s a season where an inﬂux of new people would hurt the group dynamic. These may be appropriate times to consider your group “closed” or “full” and tell the pastors that you do not wish to accept new members from the MC Expo.

MISSIONAL COMMUNITY HANDBOOK 55 Mobilize 5. I have to get all my discipleship from one source. Having a mentor is great. You should also be learning from books, sermons, how do i encourage others to podcasts, worship services, serving at Resonate, taking classes, etc. Growing as a make disciples? disciple involves all of your heart and life.

Here are nine common myths about 6. I can’t disciple others while I’m being discipleship and responses to help you discipled. The life of a follower of Jesus is encourage others to transform their intentions one of constant learning and reproduction. into actions and begin discipling others: We are never ﬁnished growing to be more like Christ, and at the same time Jesus has 1. I can’t disciple someone because I’m given us the command to “go and make not godly enough, I don’t know enough, disciples.” etc. You don’t have to have a seminary degree to encourage others to pursue Jesus. 7. I can’t disciple others because I still Wherever you are on your journey with struggle with sin. You will always struggle Christ, there is someone you can help along with sin. There are some sins that disqualify in theirs. Even talking with someone about someone from discipling for a time, but as “simple” things like prayer, confessing sin, long as you’re on Earth you are going to have worshipping God, reading Scripture, serving to ﬁght sin. The temptation to appear to have others…the marks of a disciple. it all together is great for those in a leadership position, but its source is pride, 2. I can’t be discipled by someone unless not the Gospel. they are much godlier than I am. Nobody is perfect. Don’t ask someone who is less 8. I have to spend an equal amount of time spiritually mature than you to disciple you, with everyone I disciple. Jesus had many but don’t think you can only be discipled by a followers, but a closer group of 12 disciples. “super Christian.” Seek out someone to Even within that group, he had an inner circle disciple you now. of Peter, James, and John. You can lead and care for many, but you will only have the 3. A discipler must be older than the bandwidth to go deep with a few. person they are discipling. Many older people struggle with learning from someone 9. I have to spend all my time on the younger, and many younger people think person I don’t want to disciple. Some they can’t possibly teach someone older than Christians have a sense that if they want to them. These are both evidences of a worldly do something they shouldn’t, and if they perspective, not a Gospel one. Spiritual don’t, that means they should. This isn’t maturity and Gospel formation know no age, always the case. Sometimes we need to, by and we can always learn from one another. the grace and power of God, “force” ourselves to love and reach out to someone 4. I can’t have a “co-discipling” we don’t click with. Jesus loved the outcast relationship. There doesn’t always have to and the unlovable (including us). We are be a clear “discipler” and “disciplee.” Both of called to love friends, and love the unlovable. you can encourage and disciple one another. You should never think you have nothing to learn from another person. This is what Scripture means by “iron sharpening iron.”

MISSIONAL COMMUNITY HANDBOOK 56 Mobilize • If someone is a great encourager and “priestly,” ask them to call or meet up with people who want to talk through how do i share the ministry? problems. • If someone is a great servant, ask Leadership can be tiring. Properly them to look for opportunities for the shepherding and caring for a Missional group to serve, and to plan and Community involves so much. Counseling, execute one. teaching, comforting, praying, planning, • If a couple has a strong marriage, ask serving, discipling, equipping, and training them to pour into a counsel younger can be overwhelming. In fact, God never couples, perhaps as premarital intended for one person to do all those counseling mentors. Encourage them things. to contact Pastor Jackson to talk about this possibility. The Holy Spirit gives gifts to His people. • If someone has the gift of hospitality, Each person has a unique mix of spiritual ask them to host the group or a gifts, passions, abilities, personality, and Matthew Party (a party meant for you experiences. God uses all of those to shape to invite non-Christians and Christians us into who we are and uses us to carry out to hang out together). His work. Part of your role as an MC Leader is to help your members take steps into the If you share the ministry of your group, not ministry God made them for. only will you be less tired, but you will be helping the members of your group grow and We encourage you to share the ministry of take steps of discipleship. God did not make your group. Many leaders think that because us to be consumers, but to do good works they’re the leaders they have to do through us. Every part of the Body has an everything. Leading isn’t doing everything, important role to play, and one of the greatest however. Leadership is inﬂuencing others to joys of leadership is seeing someone spread grow and take their next steps. As each part their wings and ﬂy. of the Body of Christ works, we build each other up and grow up into Christ (Num. 11:16-25, Eph. 4:11-16). resources Here are some ways you might share the What the Bible Says About Leadership and ministry: Delegation blog by Michael Hyatt

• Ask people to help you with the 6 Tips for Delegating Success blog by the logistical or administrative tasks of the Daily Muse group, such as bringing snacks, scheduling people to bring snacks, e- mail communication, leading prayer time, sending out prayer requests, etc. • If someone is a good teacher or discussion facilitator, let them lead the group time sometimes. You can still help shape the content and watch the doctrine, but allow others to take next steps in this area.

MISSIONAL COMMUNITY HANDBOOK 57 Mobilize ourselves. We will not just be thinking of what we will lose when our group multiplies. how do i set a culture of “Gospel goodbyes” are a healthy part of the discipleship journey, and if we’re never multiplication? saying them we have to consider whether we At Resonate one of our core values is are actually growing disciples or not. To leave multiplication, because the Gospel is about one group to be sent out to create another multiplication. Discipleship, if it is happening mirrors the mission of Jesus. He did not seek Jesus’ way, naturally leads to multiplication. His own comfort, but went out to seek and Missional Communities are meant to grow save the lost. The sweet community and disciples, and an inevitable part of that blessing you sense in your MC must be process, if it is healthy, means Missional opened up and made available to more. Communities will multiply. There are so many people who need to be Your MC may multiply for different reasons. introduced to the love of Jesus. So many Sometimes a group is so large there’s people in the church and outside of it that pressure to multiply because there are too have never experienced Gospel Community. many people. Other times a group will It is only through multiplication that we can multiply because someone is ready to be bring them into it. sent out as a leader of a new MC. In both cases it is likely that some members of the As a leader, you must set the culture of original group will stay, and others will be multiplication in your group. You can do this a sent to be a part of the new group. It is number of ways: important to remember to use the word • Intentionally invest in your Apprentice. multiply rather than split or divide. Multiply Talk about that investment in front of best communicates what’s happening; “split” your entire MC. This can encourage a n d “ d i v i d e ” a r e b o t h w o r d s t h a t your Apprentice and help others communicate conﬂict or problems, but consider if Apprenticing might be a multiplication is a Gospel consequence and next step for them. something to celebrate. • Cultivate a missional heart in your group. The pull of mission is to Many people shy away from the idea of multiplication. multiplication. It’s natural to be afraid of • Talk about multiplication in your group. losing relationships, of change in general, Use words like “when” not “if” as you and of not being able to “recapture the discuss the group multiplying. Clearly magic” of a particularly great group. When we communicate that your hope is for struggle with the idea of multiplication, your group members to grow in Christ though, it can reveal more areas where our and be sent on mission to others. hearts need to be shaped by the Gospel. • Pray for Apprentices to be raised up When we are part of an exceptionally great from your group. When you think group and have incredible fellowship, that someone may have the potential to be can make us forget the mission of Jesus. We an Apprentice, talk to them to feel are so focused on the blessing God has things out. Don’t make any promises, given us we can forget why He gave it to us as the process to becoming an MC in the ﬁrst place. Missional Communities, and Leader/Apprentice isn’t within your following Christ, are about discipleship, not control, but you can help them dream our comfort. If we are truly growing as and give them something to pray disciples, our hearts will not simply be for about.

MISSIONAL COMMUNITY HANDBOOK 58